Valentine's 2022: A Not-So-Ordinary Valentine's - Murasaki Shikibu and the Five Slaying Queens

Section One: Heartthrobbing Things

???: ...ter...Master...

Fujimaru 1: (Yawwwn)...

???: Please wake up, Master. I'm afraid we have a problem... Master?

Fujimaru 1: Just five more minutes, Mash...

???: Huh? Lady Mash!? I-I'm afraid you're mistaken, Master. I'm not Lady Mash.

???: Does this mean you two are, um, “involved” after all? I don't suppose you could tell me any more about–

???: Oh, what am I saying!? This isn't the time for that! Please wake up, Master! I need your help!

Fujimaru 1: Where...are we?

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm afraid I don't know any more than you!

Murasaki Shikibu: Still, I'm relieved to see you finally up and about.

Murasaki Shikibu: As far as I can tell, we're somewhere outside Chaldea, and it seems you and I are the only ones here.

Murasaki Shikibu: Did we Rayshift at some point and I simply wasn't aware?

Fujimaru 1: I think I know what's going on.

Fujimaru 2: Looks like it's happening yet again.

Murasaki Shikibu: S-so you know what's going on here? I'm glad you seem so accustomed to this sort of thing.

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Aha, I see. So we're inside a dream you're having.

Murasaki Shikibu: And for some reason as yet unclear to both of us...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...I ended up coming along with you.

Fujimaru 1: What about before I woke up? Do you remember anything?

Fujimaru 2: Do you remember anything from before you woke me?

Murasaki Shikibu: Before you woke up? Let me see...

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: The last thing I remember was after dinner last night.

Murasaki Shikibu: Lord Paracelsus, Lady Circe, Lady Semiramis, and Lord Asclepius were all walking together.

Murasaki Shikibu: They were talking about some sort of newly developed ultimate chocolate that they planned to use as their main Valentine's Day product this year.

Murasaki Shikibu: They asked me to bring a sample to your room, so you could try it for yourself.

Murasaki Shikibu: I was planning to leave shortly after giving you the chocolate...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...but instead, I ended up sharing half of it at your request.

Fujimaru 1: Well, that solves that mystery.

Fujimaru 2: Seems pretty clear how we got here now!

Murasaki Shikibu: What? That is all you needed to figure out what has happened!?

Murasaki Shikibu: I see... So it was the chocolate. You think it must have contained elixirs from all four's respective places and eras of origin?

Murasaki Shikibu: And this is why you've been so concerned by the four of them spending time together lately? I see...

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Aah, I'm so sorry! I had no idea that chocolate was so dangerous!

Fujimaru 1: It's not your fault, Murasaki. You couldn't have known.

Murasaki Shikibu: Master... Thank you so much.

Murasaki Shikibu: I promise I'll make it up to you after we have resolved our present predicament.

Murasaki Shikibu: In the meantime, regardless of how we ended up here, we should try to look for a way to get back home as soon as possible.

Murasaki Shikibu: To begin...

Murasaki Shikibu: Why don't we head towards that town over there? Maybe we can learn something of value about where we are...

???: Whoa now, hold it right there, you two. You were just talking about chocolate, weren't you?

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh!? Who are you!?

???: Me and my boys here got a real sweet tooth, you see, so it was a stroke of luck running into you two like this.

???: Now why don't you just hand over the goods and we'll be on our way, yeah?

Head Bandit: And by goods, I mean chocolate, of course!

Fujimaru 1: Oh, great. This again.

Murasaki Shikibu: You mean this sort of thing happens regularly in your dreams, Master!?

Head Bandit: Huh? What do you mean, “This again”? Ain't never seen either of you before.

Head Bandit: Look, save the small talk for the small-timers. We know what we're doing here. Just give us what we want, and we won't kill you.

Head Bandit: We heard you talking about chocolate, so just put it down nice and slow and we won't have any trouble.

Bandit A: Hehehe... It's chocolate time!

Bandit B: I can't remember the last time we 'ad fresh chocolate!

Murasaki Shikibu: Master...!

Fujimaru 1: Sorry, we don't have any chocolate.

Fujimaru 2: I hate to tell you this, but...we don't have any...

Head Bandit: Huh? You don't have any chocolate!?

Head Bandit: Tch. So you're just a couple of outsiders then. Could've led with that instead of getting our hopes up.

Head Bandit: All right, never mind then. Go on, get out of here.

Head Bandit: And be careful! It's dangerous around here!

Bandit A: Watch out for monsters!

Bandit B: Just follow that road there, and it'll take ye straight ta town!

Murasaki Shikibu: I-it looks like...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...they're putting their guns away.

Murasaki Shikibu: And that leader of theirs is obviously Lord Teach. Perhaps we could find out more about this place from him?

Head Bandit: Hm? What's up? There something you two need help with?

Head Bandit: Wanna ask me for advice? I'm a better listener than I look.

Head Bandit: Don't worry, I'd be happy to assist. In particular, milady, I couldn't help but notice your most impressive chest–

Head Bandit: Oops, pardon me. Let me rephrase that.

Head Bandit: I'm speaking, of course, of your dress, and its incredibly intricate embroidery.

Head Bandit: As a man of culture, I find it both intriguing and magnificently easy on the eyes... Huhuhu.

Fujimaru 1: Okay, I guess we can talk for a little...

???: Hwachaaaaaa!!!

Head Bandit: Mwachaaaaaa!?

Bandits: Chaaa!? I mean, Chieeef!?

???: Hiya! Next, I use my rebound from the flying kick to do a triple midair backflip...

???: ...with a perfect, ten out of ten landing! That. Was. Awesome!

???: Man oh man, that was a close call for you two, wasn't it!? Good thing for you I showed up to help!

???: Wait. IS it a good thing?

???: Meh, who cares? Wahahaha!

Fujimaru 1: Talk about making an entrance...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...!!!

Murasaki Shikibu: Is that...? Could it be...?

Head Bandit: H-hey, I don't know who you are, but were you really paying attention?

Head Bandit: 'Cause if you had been, you'd know we were all getting on pretty well.

Head Bandit: Hell, my gentlemanly social skills were about to land me a new girlfriend in just a few seconds before you showed up.

???: Back it up with the moral hazards!

Head Bandit: Bwuh!?

???: Hwacha! Whacha! Come on, bring it on!

Bandits: Guh-whaaa!?

Fujimaru 1: We should probably get them to stop.

Fujimaru 2: You good to go, Murasaki?

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Y-yes, I'm fine!

Murasaki Shikibu: Don't worry, Master. I promise I'll put a stop to this squabble!


Head Bandit: This overwhelming abundance of cheerfulness! This rejuvenating party girl power!

Head Bandit: And above all, these weird movements that are making my head hurt in more ways than one!

Head Bandit: I can't believe it. I've always prided myself on being a gentleman, and so able to endure common attacks...

Head Bandit: But there's something about those sparkly attacks that makes me feel like it would be wrong to dodge them... Gurk.

???: Woohoo, I won! I think I'll snap a quick pic to remember this by.

???: Hm?

Fujimaru 1: Um...who are you?

Fujimaru 2: May I ask who you are?

???: Heh. Me? I'm nobody important. But, if you insist on calling me something...

???: How about...Mysterious Pretty Sailor Girl? No, wait, calling myself “pretty” is kind extra, isn't it?

Fujimaru 1: (She's obviously trying to come up with something on the spot...)

Fujimaru 2: Don't interrupt her, Murasaki.

???: ... ...

???: There, I've got it! I am none other than the shining–

Murasaki Shikibu: Sei Shounagon!

Murasaki Shikibu: You're obviously Sei Shounagon, daughter of Kiyohara-no-Motosuke, one of the Nashitsubo, the Five Men of the Pear Chamber! Right!?

Sei Shounagon?: ... ...

Sei Shounagon?: Uh... Who, me?

Murasaki Shikibu: I saw you avert your gaze! Don't think I didn't!

Fujimaru 1: Sei Shounagon?

Fujimaru 2: As in THE Sei Shounagon?

Sei Shounagon?: No, really, I have no idea who you're talking about. Nope. No clue at all.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Master...

Murasaki Shikibu: Do you know who Sei Shounagon is?

Fujimaru 1: Not very well.

Murasaki Shikibu: Sei Shounagon is an author from Japan's Heian period, much like myself.

Murasaki Shikibu: Of course, we had quite different taste in genres. My focus was on narrative, while she preferred essays...

Murasaki Shikibu: But, she was still the only other woman besides me who managed to hold her own in the harsh world of the old imperial court...

Murasaki Shikibu: A world quite thoroughly dominated by men.

Murasaki Shikibu: What's more, she trounced every single opponent who challenged her to a lyrical Heian MC battle...

Murasaki Shikibu: I know she was very...skilled.

Sei Shounagon?: Hmm...

Sei Shounagon?: Kinda getting the vibe that I'm getting a backhanded compliment.

Murasaki Shikibu: Of course, Sei Shounagon is best known for “The Pillow Book”! Have you ever read it, Master!?

Murasaki Shikibu: It's said to be the first collection of essays ever written in Japan...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...and it details her singular thoughts and feelings on daily life in the palace court using a wide variety of colorful prose.

Murasaki Shikibu: At the time, the first passage from her essay “In Spring the Dawn” was so shocking that–

Fujimaru 1: Okay, that's enough for now, please!

Murasaki Shikibu: Ah...

Murasaki Shikibu: I-I'm so sorry. There I go getting carried away again...

Fujimaru 1: I take it you're a huge fan of hers?

Murasaki Shikibu: No, I'm not!

Murasaki Shikibu: I-I-I do think her work has historical value, but that doesn't mean I care for it!

Murasaki Shikibu: Not to mention that there are many passages where her attempts to show off her knowledge only demonstrate how little she truly understands!

Murasaki Shikibu: I can't tell you how many headaches I got from trying to make sense of all of her anecdotes where she was clearly just bragging about how great her life was!

Murasaki Shikibu: In modern parlance, the phrase that best describes my true opinion of her work would be, “Oh NO she didn't!”

Sei Shounagon?: You don't say...

Fujimaru 1: Aah!

Fujimaru 2: She's usually much more reserved than this, I promise!

Sei Shounagon?: Wahaha!

Sei Shounagon?: Hey, I don't got a problem with it.

Sei Shounagon?: Hell, I appreciate that kind of candor!

Sei Shounagon?: I'll take that over talking about me behind my back any day of the week!

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh? U-um...

Murasaki Shikibu: You're not upset?

Murasaki Shikibu: I thought for sure you were going to say something like, “Where the hell do you get off talking about me like that, bookworm nerd I've never met before?”

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...You ARE Sei Shounagon, right?

Sei Shounagon?: Well, you know...

Sei Shounagon?: I may or may not have been called that at one point or another...

Sei Shounagon?: Yeah.

Sei Shounagon?: See, I'm retired now. I decided I wasn't gonna be Sei Shounagon anymore.

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Huh?

Sei Shounagon?: So I don't have any plans to write anything new anytime soon! If ever!

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Say what?

Sei Shounagon?: I'm a new party girl now, full of possibilities! And I'm looking for some new hobby to catch my eye!

Sei Shounagon?: So just call me “Nagiko” and don't sweat the rest.

Nagiko: Something tells me it's not a coincidence that we ran into each other out here like this...

Nagiko: now that we have, we may as well make the most of it!

Murasaki Shikibu: Wha...?

Murasaki Shikibu: Wha... Wha...

Murasaki Shikibu: What in the world are you talking about!?

Head Bandit: Um... Sorry to interrupt your little chat...

Head Bandit: ...but would you mind hearing me out?

Section Two: Wretched Things

Nagiko: A Servant? As in with a capital “S”? What's that?

Murasaki Shikibu: Uh...

Nagiko: I know my memories are all kind of fuzzy...

Nagiko: And I have no idea why I'm here in this foreign country I've never seen before...

Nagiko: But it's not like any of that's slowing me down, so who cares!? Wahaha!

Fujimaru 1: She's certainly, um, free-spirited, isn't she...?

Murasaki Shikibu: It's not that, Master. She just isn't thinking. About anything.

Fujimaru 1: What about your Taizan Commentary Fest?

Fujimaru 2: Maybe your Taizan Commentary Fest could help us out?

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm afraid not, Master.

Murasaki Shikibu: I've tried to use it numerous times, but it seems like it just doesn't work in this world.

Murasaki Shikibu: Maybe the fact that it's a dreamworld has something to do with it...

Fujimaru 1: I see...

Fujimaru 1: Oh well, if you can't use it, you can't use it.

Murasaki Shikibu: I swear, all those times it showed up just when I didn't want it to, and now that we could use it, it's nowhere to be seen...

Murasaki Shikibu: (Sigh) I really do need to train more...

Nagiko: Hey, hey!

Nagiko: So what should I call you two?

Nagiko: You know a lot about me from when I was still writing as Sei Shounagon. Have we met before or something?

Fujimaru 1: This is Mura–

Murasaki Shikibu: My name is Kaoruko! I'm just an ordinary college student who loves to read!

Murasaki Shikibu: I only knew about you because I happened to have read “The Pillow Book” once! I-I-I've never actually met you before!

Murasaki Shikibu: I-i-isn't that right, Master!?

Fujimaru 1: Uh, yeah, right.

Nagiko: Is that so...?

Murasaki Shikibu: U-ulp...

Nagiko: Kaoruko... Kaoruko... I've got it. I'm gonna call you Kaorucchi.

Murasaki Shikibu: Kaoru...cchi?

Nagiko: And you, Master, are gonna be Chan-mas!

Fujimaru 1: ...Chan-mas.

Murasaki Shikibu: Kaorucchi... Kaorucchi... So I'm Kaorucchi, huh...

Head Bandit: Okay, you two, we're here! Welcome to our hideout.

Head Bandit: Oh, I guess you can come along too if you want, high school girl. Just make sure you stand in the corner quietly and don't try any funny business, all right?

Nagiko: Why're you being so mean to me? What'd I ever do to you?

Head Bandit: You mean besides the jump kick to the face!? Just be glad we're not tying you up and throwing you in the back with the rest of the dangerous animals!

Fujimaru 1: What is this place?

Head Bandit: Just a little bar we started hanging out in after the owner ran away and abandoned it.

Head Bandit: I can't serve alcohol to minors, of course, but otherwise, feel free to make yourselves at home.

Nagiko: Ooh, dibs on the sofa!

Nagiko: Hey Beardie, can I get a nice cold soda over here?

Head Bandit: For one thing, you're getting WAY too comfortable. For another, don't call me “Beardie.”

Head Bandit: Oh, come to think of it, I never did introduce myself, did I?

Head Bandit: Right... Ahem. Nice to meet you, you two. You can call me Higekuro.

Fujimaru 1: in “Beardblack”?

Murasaki Shikibu: Higekuro...?

Higekuro: Some people around here think I'm some kind of delinquent middle-aged man, but we've agreed to disagree about that.

Higekuro: Me and my colleagues here have taken it upon ourselves to do battle with real bad guys. We're basically the chosen warriors–the last guardians, if you will.

Fujimaru 1:'re not pirates?

Higekuro: Huh? Pirates? What are you on about? Who's heard of pirates lubbing it up on land? Nobody, that's who!

Murasaki Shikibu: I guess this Lord Teach really is a different person from the Lord Teach at Chaldea.

Higekuro: So what about you two? What's your story? Thanks to our scuffle, I can tell you know your way around a fight.

Fujimaru 1: Well...

Higekuro: Huh... So you came here from another world, did you?

Higekuro: We talking getting spirited away? Isekai'd? Using your modern-day knowledge to give your ordinary ass all sorts of advantages in this new world?

Higekuro: That sort of thing popular in your world lately or something?

Fujimaru 1: Not just lately. It's been around since ancient Rome.

Fujimaru 2: Only since the time of ancient Rome.

Higekuro: Really? Humanity's something else, eh? Can't believe we've been fighting culture wars for that long...

Higekuro: Anyway, don't worry, I'm familiar with these kind of stories. It's just like a summer fling, only with adventure instead of romance, right?

Higekuro: So, if we take you at your word...

Higekuro: ...then I guess that means you aren't working with them.

Nagiko: Hey, Beardie. Beardie. Beardie!

Higekuro: Huh? Weren't you listening to me? Didn't you hear me introducing myself?

Nagiko: Who is this “them” you last guardians (lol) are fighting?

Nagiko: Do they have anything to do with why you brought us here?

Higekuro: ... ...

Higekuro: That's right. Now that I've seen how strong you guys are, I want to ask for your help.

Fujimaru 1: Tell us more.

Higekuro: First off, this city's divided into five districts.

Higekuro: Each district is run by an administrator, and let me tell you, these admins are all real pieces of work.

Higekuro: They all run around doing whatever the hell they please like they own the place, not just run it.

Higekuro: The worst part is...they don't even see us as human.

Higekuro: If they did, they'd never be capable of such cruelty!

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh my, that sounds terrible. What did they do, Lord Higekuro?

Higekuro: (Ahh, Kaorucchi... You're like an angel come down from the heavens...)

Higekuro: They came up with a seriously messed up custom, is what.

Higekuro: And we can't get rid of it on our own, which is why we need your help.

Higekuro: Our goal is to rid the world of the most twisted holiday ever...

Higekuro: Valentine's Day!!!

Fujimaru 1: ...

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Nagiko: Oh, yeah, I know what that is. I don't know WHY I know, but I know I know, you know?

Nagiko: Valentine's Day is a holiday where girls take chocolate and...

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Uh...throw it in the face of the guy they like to challenge them to a duel. Yeah.

Nagiko: And since it's all dishonorable to refuse one of these duels, the guys gotta choose to either kill their opponent or love them forev–

Murasaki Shikibu: Stop. Just...stop.

Fujimaru 1: Really reaching for a laugh there.

Murasaki Shikibu: Besides, we already know what Valentine's Day is! That has nothing to do with why we were speechless!

Higekuro: Yeah, I only wish things were that easy. No, Valentine's Day here involves–

???: —, —!!!

Nagiko: Huh... Anyone else hearing that commotion outside?

Murasaki Shikibu: It sounds like some sort of argument... What would you like to do, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Let's go check it out.

Higekuro: ... ...

Citizen A: Wait! Valentine's is still a ways away, right!?

Citizen A: I promise I'll find some chocolate before the fourteenth! Please, I just need a little more time!

???: Hahahaha! Do you really expect us to believe that!?

???: You had a whole year to prepare for this day! If you couldn't attract anyone by now, you never will!

???: Exactly, losers!

???: The only thing guys like you are good for is doing whatever guys like us tell them to!

Nagiko: What's with those guys? They're being real jerkfaces.

Higekuro: Those guys...are the Lonelyheart Police.

Fujimaru 1: The lonely what now?

Higekuro: They track down poor saps who don't get any chocolate and punish them.

Higekuro: As far as guys like us are concerned, they're basically grim reapers.

Murasaki Shikibu: I, um... Oh goodness, I don't even know what to ask about first, but for the moment...

Murasaki Shikibu: What does this punishment involve?

Higekuro: In this city, it's a crime to be unpopular and single. If you can't attract a girl, no chocolate for you.

Higekuro: And any guy who fails to get himself some chocolate by February 14 is sentenced to being a Lonelyheart:

Higekuro: A third-class citizen who has to pay heavy taxes, undertake forced back-breaking labor, and is subject to all kinds of restrictions on their livelihoods!

Higekuro: And they have to live through that hell for at least a year!

Fujimaru 1: Is there no love in this world anymore?

Fujimaru 2: This is awful even for a dystopia.

Higekuro: Oof... That got me right in the feels. I'm so glad you understand. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you and I've known each other for years.

Higekuro: Uh, but I digress.

Higekuro: Rumor even has it that every year, some poor saps are taken to the central district, where they're never seen again.

Higekuro: That's just what life is like here in this city... And now, you know the truth about Valentine's Day.

Nagiko: Gotcha.

Nagiko: Well then, I'm gonna go greet them with a dynamic entry: flying kick to the face.

Murasaki Shikibu: W-wait!

Murasaki Shikibu: Just because we now know what's going on in this city doesn't mean we should just rush in! It could be dangerous.

Fujimaru 1: No, we should go. In fact, we have to go.

Fujimaru 2: I can't allow oppression like this.

Murasaki Shikibu: !

Nagiko: Heh. Now that's what I'm talking about. I knew you and I were birds of a feather.

Nagiko: There's just something about arrogant holier-than-thou types that really makes you wanna throw hands!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: All right, I understand. We certainly can't stand back and do nothing when we see someone in trouble!

Murasaki Shikibu: If this is what you've decided, Master, then I'll be with you every step of the way!


Citizen A: Higekuro! You didn't have to stick your neck out just for me!

Higekuro: Don't worry about it. We're comrades in arms, right?

Higekuro: There's not much time left till Valentine's Day, so we've all gotta stay on the chocolate prowl.

Citizen A: Higekuro!

Higekuro: If there's a girl you've got your eye on, just keep lavishing her with attention until you creep her the hell out. Do that, and you can't fail!

Citizen A: Yeah... You're right! Okay, I'll give it a shot!

Fujimaru 1: Well, you tried to give good advice.

Fujimaru 2: I think I figured out why these guys don't have any luck.

Nagiko: Also, what's a chocolate prowl, anyway?

Murasaki Shikibu: Phew... Thank goodness we managed to save that poor man.

Murasaki Shikibu: Though if what you've said is true, Lord Higekuro, it would seem that is a common occurrence here.

Higekuro: Yeah, it is... All I want to do is help those poor lonelyhearts out.

Higekuro: That's why me and my boys have been going around stealing chocolate from normies with plenty to spare...

Higekuro: ...and sneaking it over to the lonelyhearts.

Higekuro: But that's just putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound, so to speak.

Higekuro: We need to take down Valentine's Day for good, or late-blooming gents like us'll never have a shot at a happy ending.

Higekuro: So while I doubt you can turn back at this point, let me ask you again anyway:

Higekuro: Will you help us?

Murasaki Shikibu: Master, I don't have any evidence I can point to in order to support this hypothesis...

Murasaki Shikibu: But my intuition is telling me that for this city to have reached this point...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...there must be something here that's responsible for twisting the world in this way.

Fujimaru 1: You mean, like...a Holy Grail?

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes, I think so.

Murasaki Shikibu: So if we can find the Holy Grail's owner...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...and take the Grail into our own custody...

Fujimaru 1: We should be able to escape from this dreamworld?

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Lord Higekuro.

Murasaki Shikibu: We would be glad to help you free this city from the clutches of this Valentine tyranny!

Higekuro: Yeah? I'm thrilled to hear that.

Higekuro: 'Course, I knew that anyone with eyes as clear and pure as you two would have to be good people.

Higekuro: Not to mention you actually bothered to hear what we had to say even when we'd only just met... (Sniff)

Higekuro: Whoops, sorry 'bout that! No tears of joy for me until we've won this battle for good.

Higekuro: All right then, from now on, we'll all work together to kick those smarmy jerks out of our city!

Nagiko: Heh... Not so fast.

Nagiko: I just came up with a brilliant idea that'll solve aaall our problems! Wanna hear?

Higekuro: Nope. Not interested.

Nagiko: Why not?

Higekuro: 'Cause whatever it is, I can already tell it's gonna be anything but brilliant.

Fujimaru 1: Now, now, let's give her a chance.

Fujimaru 2: It can't hurt to hear what her idea is.

Nagiko: Heh... Hehe...

Nagiko: Glad to see someone here gets it, Chan-mas. I give you extra affinity points for that☆

Higekuro: Gag!

Nagiko: All right, Beardie, hear me out.

Higekuro: Stop calling me “Beardie” already!

Nagiko: I'll admit, this city's way of celebrating Valentine's Day is seriously jacked...

Nagiko: ...but what if WE were able to take advantage of that?

Murasaki Shikibu: I see. And how would we go about this?

Nagiko: According to this city's rules, it doesn't matter who you get chocolate from as long as you get it from someone.

Nagiko: Which means...

Nagiko: ...all we have to do is make a bunch of chocolate and hand it out to all the lonelyhearts ourselves!

Higekuro: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Fujimaru 1: ...

Nagiko: What? You all so blown away by my genius idea that you're at a loss for words or something?

Nagiko: That's right. Once everyone's got chocolate of their own, they'll all get to live ultra happily ever after.

Nagiko: And that's before you get into the bonus happiness of getting it from a beautiful babe like myself.

Nagiko: It's perfect! Completely foolproof! This way, anyone and everyone can be happy!

Nagiko: Anyway, that being said...

Nagiko: How come you're all facepalming like there's no tomorrow?

Higekuro: I knew you weren't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I didn't think you couldn't even do basic math...

Nagiko: You calling me stupid or something?

Murasaki Shikibu: Handing out chocolate of our own is all well and good in theory...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...but where are we supposed to get that much chocolate in the first place?

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: ...Oh, yeah.

Murasaki Shikibu: That is not a helpful answer.

Fujimaru 1: Is there any way we can get some?

Higekuro: Frankly, no. Chocolate is an extremely precious resource for guys like us.

Higekuro: The only ones in this entire city who can get their hands on it are the women who live here.

Murasaki Shikibu: Ugh, what a waste of time that idea turned out to be! I knew we should never have listened to her! Hmph!

Fujimaru 1: I've never seen you like this before, Kaoruko!

Murasaki Shikibu: Putting aside how happy it may or may not make everyone, that idea is useless without actual chocolate.

Murasaki Shikibu: And seeing how chocolate neither grows on trees nor rains down from the sky, where are we supposed to get that much–

Underling A: Boss! Sorry to interrupt you, Boss, but–

Underling B: It's an emergency!


We've got a golem!!!



Higekuro: Keep your voices down, dammit! What's the big idea!?

Higekuro: You've all seen golems before, right? Just gang up on it and it shouldn't be a problem.

Underling A: Y-ye don't understand, Boss... This ain't a normal golem.

Underling B: It's way bigger, an' stronger, an' it's got a color I ain't never seen before.

Underling B: So we thought maybe, jus' maybe, it's the legendary–

Higekuro: !!!

Higekuro: Chocolate...Golem...!

Fujimaru 1: Chocolate?

Fujimaru 2: Golem?

Murasaki Shikibu: Um, I suppose I should ask what sort of creature it is we're talking about?

Higekuro: The Chocolate Golem's a legendary golem that's said to only appear once every few hundred years. I never thought I'd get the chance to see one for myself...

Higekuro: True, if we can find a way to defeat it, that oughta give us plenty of chocolate to work with.

Higekuro: But if the rest of the legend is also true... that would mean it's a powerful Demonic chocolate!

Higekuro: Dammit! If only we had a way to combat it!

Nagiko: All right, I see how it is.

Nagiko: Looks like this is my time to shine then.

Fujimaru 1: Not you, Nagiko.

Fujimaru 2: Nope. It's Kaoruko's.

Murasaki Shikibu: I, um... I suppose I'd better get going then...


Fujimaru 1: It's like a literal mountain of chocolate.

Nagiko: Whoooa. I didn't even know you could have this much chocolate in one place!

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes, well, with a name like “Chocolate Golem”...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...I would honestly have been more shocked if it dropped anything that wasn't chocolate...

Higekuro: Hot damn, Kaorucchi, I can't believe how easily you took down a Demonic creature. Thank goodness I'm not Demonic myself.

Higekuro: Then again, seeing how opposites attract and all, maybe we'd end up happily ever after if I WAS Demonic...?

Fujimaru 1: You'd probably end up as ash, assuming there was anything left at all.

Fujimaru 2: I doubt it. Kaoruko's not the type to hold back.

Higekuro: Whoops. I was so overcome by her beauty that I almost forgot myself.

Higekuro: Anyway, now that we've got all this chocolate, we should be able to hand it out to every guy in town!

Higekuro: And when Valentine's Day comes and goes without any third-class citizens, it oughta bring down the admins' reign once and for all!

Nagiko: Heh... Does that mean we're doing this?

Higekuro: Yeah, it does.

Higekuro: We're going along with your stupid plan after all!

Nagiko: All right! Now that that's settled, let's all pitch in to make enough chocolate for everyone!

Nagiko: We're all in on the hijinks now! Yeaaah!

Underlings: Aw yeaaah!

Fujimaru 1: I'm surprised they're hitting it off so well...

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm sorry, um... I don't really feel comfortable in that sort of atmosphere.

Fujimaru 1: Does it have something to do with her?

Fujimaru 2: Do you not get along with her?

Murasaki Shikibu: In her case...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...I think she was probably meant to be summoned as a Caster.

Murasaki Shikibu: But since she was summoned as a class that doesn't suit her, that might be why she's so, um, free-spirited.

Fujimaru 1: So she was supposed to be a summer Heroic Spirit (read: party girl)?

Murasaki Shikibu: N-not necessarily! That's only a guess on my part! Nothing certain!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Fujimaru 1: Murasaki?

Murasaki Shikibu: Master, I...

Murasaki Shikibu: Before I served Lady Shoushi, the Empress, I used to serve Lady Rinshi.

Murasaki Shikibu: It was during that time that I first saw Sei Shounagon back in the palace.

Murasaki Shikibu: But she, well...

Murasaki Shikibu: I don't think she so much as looked my way.

Murasaki Shikibu: Not that I can blame her, for I had yet to write anything of note at the time...

Fujimaru 1: ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Her world was so entirely different from mine. She was so strong and seemed to sparkle with energy...

Murasaki Shikibu: She was also proud to a fault, immodest, and so spiteful it almost seemed to seep out of her pores...

Fujimaru 1: Um... Murasaki?

Murasaki Shikibu: But...

Murasaki Shikibu: This Sei Shounagon doesn't quite fit the image I always had of her.

Murasaki Shikibu: I can't say why that is, though perhaps it's due to her class. At any rate...

Murasaki Shikibu: Master.

Murasaki Shikibu: Writers like Lord Andersen, Lord Shakespeare, and even myself...

Murasaki Shikibu: We write because it's the only way we know how to live.

Murasaki Shikibu: I especially don't see how anyone who owes their becoming a Heroic Spirit to their accomplishments as a writer could put down their pen so easily.

Murasaki Shikibu: So I can't help but wonder what could have caused her to–

Nagiko: Hey hey.

Murasaki Shikibu: Eeeeeek!

Fujimaru 1: Hi, Nagiko.

Fujimaru 2: I thought you were yeah-ing it up over there.

Nagiko: Beardie and his gang said they wanted to bring the chocolate mountain back to their hideout, so I came to get you two.

Nagiko: What's up, Kaorucchi? Something on your mind?

Murasaki Shikibu: N-no, it's nothing. Come, Master, let's go help them.

Nagiko: You heard the lady, Chan-mas!

Fujimaru 1: Did you just link arms with me!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Wha... What are you doing!? You're standing much too close to [♂ him /♀️ her]!

Nagiko: Aww, what's the matter, Kaorucchi? You jelly?

Nagiko: All right, don't worry. I won't leave you hanging.

Murasaki Shikibu: Why are you linking arms with me now!?

Nagiko: There! Now we can all go back together like the besties we are!

Murasaki Shikibu: Th-that's what you meant by “jelly”!? Because I can assure you, that's not it at all!

Murasaki Shikibu: Hey! Are you listening to me!? Please, stop pulling me!

Section Three: Seductive Things

Murasaki Shikibu: All right, now that we've melted the chocolate down, shaped it, and given it some simple wrapping...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...we should be ready to hand it out to all the single men.

Murasaki Shikibu: Although, when you stop to think about it, should we really be feeding them chocolate from a golem?

Fujimaru 1: Trust me, you're better off just not thinking about it at all.

Nagiko: Don't worry, it'll be fine. Besides, this stuff's really good. (Nom nom nom)

Murasaki Shikibu: What are you doing!? That isn't for you!

Nagiko: Aww, what's the harm? Look at how much there is. Nobody's gonna mind if we take a little ourselves.

Nagiko: Here, Chan-mas, this one's for you.

Fujimaru 1: Friendship chocolate, huh?

Nagiko: Friendship chocolate?

Nagiko: As in, chocolate you give to a friend? Does that mean WE'RE friends?

Fujimaru 1: That was my impression.

Fujimaru 2: Friends? Try BFFs.

Nagiko: Hmm... So you're one of those social butterfly types that can make friends with anyone, huh?

Nagiko: ... ...Heh. Hehe.

Nagiko: Hehehe. All right, you win!

Nagiko: So we're friends now, huh! Haha, it's kind of embarrassing, saying that out loud!

Nagiko: Okay, friend, from now on, if you ever need to talk, I'll be there to listen!

Nagiko: After all, that's what being BFFs is, right?

Nagiko: And on that note: here, Kaorucchi! Won't you take my friendship chocolate too?☆

Murasaki Shikibu: No, thank you. You and I are not friends, after all.

Nagiko: Ouch. Talk about a withering glare...

Nagiko: Well, that's okay. You and I can just enjoy our chocolate together like the good pals we are, Chan-mas.

Nagiko: Just don't let Old Beardie find out. You know he'd never let us hear the end of it.

Higekuro: I can hear you, you know!

Higekuro: Still, with all this chocolate to go around, I can't see much point in getting too worked up about it...

Fujimaru 1: How're things going on your end?

Higekuro: We're all set! Don't worry, we'll make sure all this handmade chocolate finds a good home!

Higekuro: We all went around spreading the word, so it shouldn't be long before guys start showing up.

Higekuro: Now we just–

Nagiko: Aw yeah, this is getting exciting! Come on guys, let's get this party starteeed!

Underlings: Aw yeaaah!!!

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh no. Not this again...

Citizen A: I can't believe it! It's chocolaaate!

Citizen B: Gimme some chocolate too! I mean, please! If you'd kindly!

Citizen C: Oh thank you! Thank you!

Nagiko: Wahahaha, who else wants some chocolate!? No cutsies! There's plenty for everyone!

Citizen D: Not you! I want chocolate from the lady with the huge rack!

Citizen E: Me too!

Citizen F: Me three!

Nagiko: Hahahaha, watch yourselves, or I will kick a whole MESS of lonely ass!

Murasaki Shikibu: Ohh, I can't wait to go back to Chaldea!!!

Female Citizen: ... ...

Nagiko: Huh?

Nagiko: What's a girl like you doing at a sausage fest like this?

Female Citizen: Um... Would it be all right if I had some chocolate too?

Nagiko: Huh? What for?

Nagiko: I thought it was only guys who get in trouble if they don't have chocolate.

Female Citizen: Well, I did use to have some...

Female Citizen: ...but then the admin confiscated it as collateral for my debts...

Nagiko: Gotcha... Man, this city really does suck ass, doesn't it?

Female Citizen: But I still have someone I want to give chocolate to, and today's my only chance to show him how I feel...

Female Citizen: So please, could I ask you to let me have some chocolate as well!?

Nagiko: Okay, sure.

Female Citizen: Huh? I-I, um... Thank you, but I can't possibly accept this much!

Nagiko: It's okay, don't worry about it. Go ahead and take as much as you want.

Nagiko: If there's any left over, just have it yourself. It's a lot yummier than it looks.

Female Citizen: Th...

Female Citizen: Thank you!

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Hmm.

Fujimaru 1: Looks like it's a huge hit.

Higekuro: Yeah...

Fujimaru 1: Something wrong, Higekuro?

Higekuro: Just...don't let your guard down. Once they find out about this, it won't be long before–

Higekuro: There, I knew it. Speak of the devil...

Fujimaru 1: It's the Lonelyheart Police!

Higekuro: And that's not all. It looks like Her Highness herself is here, too.

???: Somebody's handing out chocolate? In MY district?

???: I don't know who you think you are, but you've got a lot of nerve.

???: Chocolate's too good for weaklings like you.

???: The only ones worthy of it are those who've shed blood, sweat, and tears for the right to be loved...

???: ...and for the pigs I, the great Aoi, took pity on after they swore to serve me body and soul forever!

Lonelyheart Police: You rock, Aoi! You rock, Aoi!

Murasaki Shikibu: Aoi? But, that's–

Fujimaru 1: Yup. That's Medb, all right.

Higekuro: Hey there, Aoi! Sorry we didn't wait for you before getting started!

Aoi: Higekuro! ...I see. So this was all your doing, wasn't it?

Higekuro: That's right. Now every single sad sack in town's got chocolate of their own!

Higekuro: Which means there'll be zero third-class citizens this year!

Higekuro: And that, in turn, means there won't be anyone left who has to suck up to you just to make ends meet anymore!

Aoi: Hmph, that's what you think. I don't know how you got your hands on that stuff...

Aoi: ...but if you think that weird chocolate can fool my subjects, you've got another thing coming!

Nagiko: No, seriously. (Nom, nom, nom) This stuff's way better than it looks.

Fujimaru 1: You're having even more!?

Aoi: Wha...!? What's with this chick? Why is she eating the chocolate instead of handing it over?

Higekuro: Don't ask me! I don't know what her deal is, either!

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady Medb–I mean, Aoi.

Murasaki Shikibu: We didn't come here looking for a fight. Is there any chance we could simply discuss this rationally?

Aoi: Oh good, so at least one of you's not a total screwup. What, did you want advice on your love life or something?

Aoi: Well, too bad. I'm already booked solid for the next six months.

Aoi: And even if I did have the time, I wouldn't waste it talking about anything with losers like you!

Aoi: All right, my Lonelyheart Police, it's time to clean up this city. Go confiscate all of their chocolate.

Aoi: The only place for worthless pigs who can't find love or produce anything of value is at the bottom of my society's totem pole.

Aoi: If you don't like that idea...

Aoi: ...then your only choice is to get down on all fours and beg me for chocolate!

Slaves: You rock, Aoi! You rock, Aoi!

Fujimaru 1: Yup, that's definitely Medb.

Fujimaru 2: That's obviously Medb, but...

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes. I'm guessing she's also just an illusion given form and a purpose by the Holy Grail...

Murasaki Shikibu: A kind of Shadow Servant, most likely.

Nagiko: All right then.

Nagiko: I don't really have a reason to go wild right now...but I'm also at that age where people like to go wild even if they don't have a reason.

Nagiko: It's okay if I don't hold back, right, Chan-mas?

Fujimaru 1: By all means!

Fujimaru 2: Go for it, Nagiko!

Nagiko: You got it!

Nagiko: All right, you bastards, let's see what you've got! 'Cause now, you're going up against...

Nagiko: Higekuro!

Higekuro: Say what!?


Aoi: Ugh. This wasn't supposed to happen...

Slave A: I don't believe it... Lady Aoi lost!?

Slave B: Then there's no one ruling this district anymore! We're free!

Slave C: Three cheers for the lonelyhearts! The lonelyhearts shall inherit the world!

Fujimaru 1: Uh, I'm not sure that's the best long-term plan...

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady Aoi's Spirit Origin is on the verge of disappearing.

Murasaki Shikibu: I suppose this means the fabric of her being was too unstable to withstand the damage we inflicted.

Higekuro: You guys know each other or something? ...No, doesn't look like that's the case.

Higekuro: Anyway, I don't know why you feel bad for her, but don't bother. This is just what happens when a bad guy kicks it.

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes... I suppose you're right, but...

Nagiko: Hwachaaaaaa!!!

Aoi: Gaaaaaah!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Wh-wh-wh-what do you think you're doing!?

Nagiko: Well, she didn't look like she was doing so hot, so I thought I'd cheer her up with something sweet.

Aoi: ...! ...!!!

Aoi: What...did you do? You... You... Idiot!!!

Aoi: Can't you tell that calorie control is crucial to keeping this bod so perfectly proportioned!?

Murasaki Shikibu: U-um, excuse me, but...

Murasaki Shikibu: I think your Spirit Origin has stabilized...

Fujimaru 1: Well, I'll be damned.

Aoi: Grr...

Aoi: Besides, you and I are enemies, right?

Aoi: What were you even trying to do by saving me?

Aoi: And please say it's not 'cause you'd have trouble sleeping if you let me die, or something cheesy like that.

Nagiko: Uh, no.

Nagiko: I just remember Kaorucchi said she wanted to ask you something, so I thought it'd be better if you stuck around.

Aoi: THAT'S the only reason you saved me!? Seriously!?

Aoi: Couldn't you come up with anything better than that!? Anything at all!?

Nagiko: I mean, that's all I've got, so...

Nagiko: Well... I guess if I had to choose something else...

Nagiko: It's your hair, Aocchi.

Aoi: “Aocchi”? Huh? You don't mean me, do you?

Aoi: A-and what about my hair?

Nagiko: I've been wondering how you got it so silky smooth ever since you showed up.

Nagiko: What kinda product do you use?

Aoi: ...Huh?

Aoi: Are you kidding me? You want me to tell you my hair care regimen?

Nagiko: And how you keep your skin so smooth, and how you do your nails hidden inside those gloves...

Nagiko: There's so much about your beauty routine I'm dying to know about!

Aoi: Q-quit staring at me, will you?

Aoi: Th-those are trade secrets, all right? Why would I tell you about them? We're not even friends.

Nagiko: Aww, come on.

Nagiko: Okay then, let's say that chocolate I gave you was friendship chocolate and that we're friends now. Sound good, pal?

Aoi: Huh...?

Aoi: ... ...

Higekuro: Hey, don't look at me. I can't help you out of this.

Aoi: Let me get this straight. This girl I was fighting to the death just a few minutes ago is now saying she wants to be friends because she loves my hair, right?

Aoi: Is this normal now? Am I the weirdo for not getting it?

Higekuro: Well, look.

Higekuro: You can't go back to the way things were here anymore anyway, so you might as well enjoy yourself, right?

Aoi: ... ...

Aoi: Yeah... Good point. This all seems real silly when you stop to think about it.

Aoi: Besides, there's no point to me running this district without any third-class citizens to subjugate.

Fujimaru 1: Aocchi...

Aoi: Don't call me that.

Aoi: So, uh... You there, with the beard. Take me somewhere I can blow off some steam.

Aoi: We can have tea or something while I manicure the hell out of this nutjob's nails.

Nagiko: Really!?

Nagiko: You really really mean it, for real!? Yeaaah! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!

Underlings: Aw yeaaah!!!

Aoi: ...I almost feel bad for you guys.

Aoi: You must have your hands full with her, don't you?

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh my! I didn't know Medb–Er, Aoi was even capable of looking at anyone with such overwhelming pity!

Aoi: And you know, while we're at it...

Aoi: I honestly thought this city's rules were kind of messed up, too.

Aoi: I mean, where's the fun in breaking a hot guy's body and spirit when all it takes is a piece of chocolate to make him do whatever you say?

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady Aoi...?

Aoi: So if you guys reaaally want my help... I guess I could think about offering it.

Murasaki Shikibu: I... Yes! Absolutely! That would be wonderful!

Fujimaru 1: You sure this is a good idea?

Higekuro: Didn't I already tell you not to ask me!?

Section Four: Thankful Things

Nagiko: Heehee. Teeheehee.

Murasaki Shikibu: Please stop that, Shounagon–

Murasaki Shikibu: I mean, N-Nagiko. It's starting to creep me out.

Nagiko: Check it, Kaorucchi! My nails are sooo shiny!

Murasaki Shikibu: I know because you showed them to me yesterday! And please call me by my proper name already!

Aoi: Just to be clear, you need to take care of your nails every day if you want them to stay in good shape. You can't go slacking off just because it's a hassle.

Nagiko: Don't worry, I got it. Thanks a bunch, Aocchi!

Aoi: Would you stop calling me that!? We only just met, you know!

Fujimaru 1: When did this turn into a slumber party?

Higekuro: Well, as long as she doesn't turn on us, I don't have a problem with it. That's not to say all of our bad blood's water under the bridge now...

Higekuro: ...but personally, I'm always ready to welcome another girl to the team.

Aoi: Hey, you with the beard. Stop ogling me this instant.

Aoi: Just because I've got time on my hands now doesn't mean you get to take my helping you out for granted.

Aoi: Really, you should be bowing and scraping and throwing yourself on the ground to thank me!

Fujimaru 1: You rock, Aoi!

Aoi: Exactly. That's more like it.

Aoi: ...Do I know you from somewhere?

Nagiko: You know, you do make a good point, Aocchi.

Nagiko: We wouldn't have known much about this district's admin if you hadn't told us.

Murasaki Shikibu: You said most of this district is made up of a black market run by the admin herself, yes?

Murasaki Shikibu: So if their primary product is chocolate, does that mean their main customer base is–

Higekuro: Yup. Lonelyhearts who'll pay whatever it takes to avoid getting demoted to third-class citizen status.

Higekuro: I can see you're wondering what could possibly be so fulfilling about chocolate like that, Kaorucchi.

Higekuro: True, there might not be much to gain from the chocolate itself, but that doesn't mean it's meaningless.

Higekuro: Suffice to say, there are some gents out there for who that fact alone has to be enough to get by.

Nagiko: Hmm, I gotcha. Well, don't you worry about a thing, Beardie.

Nagiko: I'll make sure to save every single purehearted guy here with my special handmade chocolate!

Higekuro: Uh, first off, you didn't make it; Kaorucchi did. Second, there were way more guys who wanted to get chocolate from her than you.

Nagiko: Wahahaha hwacha.

Higekuro: Yeow!

Aoi: Well, before we start handing out chocolate, we'll need to do something about this district's admin.

Aoi: After all, she wouldn't be selling her chocolate for such exorbitant prices if she wasn't also spending lots of money to buy out the supply.

Aoi: So if we don't disrupt her hold on the market before handing the chocolate out, it'll all just end up being sold back to her.

Nagiko: Damn, Aocchi, I didn't know you were so smart! We didn't even think of that!

Higekuro: Speak for yourself. I already knew that was going to be a problem.

Aoi: Say, what was this admin called again?

Aoi: Whenever I meet someone who's not worth my time, I forget their name instantly.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: (Higekuro, and Aoi...)

Murasaki Shikibu: (...I'm probably just overthinking it...)

Higekuro: Oh hey, this looks like a different part of town. We must be at the black market by now.

Higekuro: Make sure you all watch out for pushy salespeople.

Higekuro: If one thinks you're a sucker, they won't ever leave you alone–not for a second!

Street Merchant A: You there, the man with the lovely beard! We've got some great chocolate here I'm sure you'll love!

Street Merchant B: My, my, what a wonderfully dapper beard! How about some chocolate? I'll give you a beautiful beard discount!

Street Merchant C: Well hello, President Beard! Care for some cheap chocolate? It's a year old, but it's still chocolate!

Higekuro: Hey, is it just me, or were all those merchants only going after me?

Higekuro: Do I really look like that much of a sad sack?

Fujimaru 1: You're a handsome guy, Higekuro.

Fujimaru 2: It's what's on the inside that counts, Higekuro.

Aoi: No comment.

Murasaki Shikibu: (Perhaps his name isn't doing him any favors...?)

Nagiko: I don't think you're that bad at all.

Higekuro: Wat.

Higekuro: ...Nope, nope, I'm not falling for it.

Higekuro: Just knock it off, all right? Seriously, my poor glass heart can't take jokes like that.

Nagiko: No, really, Beardie, are you sure you're not popular with the ladies?

Nagiko: 'Cause it seems to me like you're just pretending to be a hopeless old man.

Higekuro: La la la, I can't heaaar yooou! You can't put one over on me, wily high school girl!

Higekuro: Huh?

Higekuro: Aw crap, it's the Lonelyheart Police.

Nagiko: Then, does that mean–

???: Teehee, it's quite all right, I promise. They all work for me at my shop.

Fujimaru 1: That voice...

???: Oh my, you're a much more austere older gentleman than you seemed from a distance, aren't you?

???: Might you be here looking for chocolate, by any chance?

???: Then you'll definitely want to stop by my shop. Our chocolate is the genuine article, unlike some other stores here I could name.

???: And needless to say, it'll pass the Lonelyheart Police's inspection just like that!

???: So, what do you say? Care to sample one?

???: Every Oboro brand chocolate is guaranteed to melt both your heart and your body, you know.

Fujimaru 1: It's Moolah!

Murasaki Shikibu: Oboro...?

Aoi: Oh, yeah, that sounds right.

Oboro: Oh? What's this now?

Oboro: Let's see... You run the neighboring district, right? Now what was your name again...?

Oboro: Hehe, sorry, I forgot. When I meet someone who's not worth my time, I always forget their name instantly.

Aoi: The hell!? How rude can you get!?

Aoi: I can't believe you made it this far treating other people like garbage!

Higekuro: Pot, meet kettle.

Oboro: My, my, it's not every day we see an admin here doing her own shopping.

Oboro: What happened? Did you get carried away and hand out so much chocolate you don't have enough to go around anymore?

Oboro: Well, don't worry. You're not the first woman to ruin herself by giving too much away to men.

Aoi: Yeah, okay. Kill her.

Fujimaru 1: I know you're upset, but please try not to let her get to you!

Nagiko: Bahahaha! It's true! She really was ruined!

Aoi: Hey! Whose side are you on, anyway!?

Nagiko: Aaanywho...

Nagiko: 'Sup, Obochin! I'm Nagiko!

Nagiko: Are those fake ears? They're so cute!

Oboro: Obo...what?

Oboro: Um, excuse me, but can you tell me what her deal is?

Fujimaru 1: Are you angry? Did she cross a line?

Oboro: It's more like, her acting so chummy kind of makes me suspicious...

Oboro: I mean, you've heard of those phone scams where people pretend to be your relatives to ask you for money, right? Don't you think they're terrifying?

Oboro: Is that what's going on here? Are you after my money?

Nagiko: Nope, no going-after-money-ing here.

Nagiko: Those ears of yours just reminded me of an old colleague of mine, that's all.

Oboro: Oh... That's a new one.

Oboro: So you once knew someone else with ears like mine? Is that it?

Nagiko: Yup! ...In fact, they looked exactly like the picture you've got on those chocolates there.

Oboro: ... ...

Oboro: That is a cat.

Nagiko: Yeah, a cat.

Oboro: Wait. Just a moment. Are you saying your old colleague is a cat!?

Nagiko: Oh man, this Myoubu chocolate looks reaaal good. How much do these go for?

Oboro: Wha–That has nothing to do with what we were just talking about! Seriously, what is her problem!?

Fujimaru 1: She's that. You get used to it.

Oboro: W-well... All right.

Oboro: I very much doubt you can afford it, but just for your reference...

Oboro: ...this kitty-cat chocolate typically costs as much as an average citizen makes in a year.

Higekuro: A year!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Um... Hang on. Since Valentine's Day happens every year...

Oboro: That's right. If you work hard for the whole year, you'll be able to afford one next year, too.

Aoi: Well, what do you know. That's actually pretty considerate.

Fujimaru 1: So that's what an actual demon looks like...

Fujimaru 2: So that's what actual demons look like...

Oboro: Of course, we have very reasonable payment plan options as well. How about it, Bearded Sir?

Oboro: You seem like you have no family to support, so you can spend your money as you like.

Oboro: Really, it's not expensive at all if you consider it money spent on a hobby. Just sign this purchase form here, and you'll be on your way!

Higekuro: No... I've heard enough.

Higekuro: I see now that you're the cold, heartless personification of Valentine's Day itself.

Oboro: H-huh!?

Higekuro: People like you have been oppressing and exploiting me for my whole life...and I've never had so much as a single date to show for it!

Higekuro: Well, no more! I've had it up to here with that depressing reality!

Higekuro: Now get ready to feel the pain of every single sad sack you Valentine bastards have ever messed with!

Aoi: So what you're saying is, there are good Valentines and bad Valentines...

Aoi: ...and Oboro's here is the bad kind, right? Then I'm waaay down to help you destroy it. Also her. Mostly her.

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh? W-we're going to fight now!? I was hoping to avoid combat if we could, but I suppose that's no longer an option.

Murasaki Shikibu: After all, if we don't do something about her now, we'll never be able to hand out our own chocolate!

Oboro: H-h-h-hand out!? As in, for free!? That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard!

Oboro: Employeeeeees!

Oboro: Get rid of these malicious customers before they ruin my business model!


Oboro: Awawawah! My shop! My shop is on fireee!

Oboro: Nooo! My poor, precious money!!!

Higekuro: Damn, I never expected our Noble Phantasms to hit the shop directly.

Murasaki Shikibu: Um... I think we may have gone a little too far...

Aoi: Oopsies.

Fujimaru 1: She's so darn cute!

Oboro: Never mind that!!!

Oboro: What am I supposed to do now that I'm flat broke!?

Aoi: You really are a dummy, aren't you? This is what you get for caring so much about money of all things.

Aoi: All you had to do was bring a man or three under your heel, and they would've gotten money for you.

Murasaki Shikibu: That doesn't strike me as a very, um, nice way to live, either...

Nagiko: Heh. Don't feel too bad, Obocchi. You still have your... Um...

Nagiko: You still have those soft, fluffy ears going for you!

Nagiko: As long as you've got fur like that, you can always start your life over, no problem.

Nagiko: Probably.

Oboro: How is that possibly supposed to cheer me up!? You just made me sound like some kind of hairy animal!

Nagiko: I mean, it is what it is, you know?

Nagiko: Besides, losing everything you've got means there's nothing to do but try something new, right?

Nagiko: It's a lot more fun than you might think.

Nagiko: You can trust me on that.

Oboro: Huh?

Nagiko: Yeah!

Nagiko: We've got an old bar just laying around. We could rebuild it into a café!

Nagiko: A café where the staff wears fluffy ears. What do you think? I bet it'd be a hit.

Higekuro: That's OUR old bar you're talking about! You can't turn it into a café!

Higekuro: It's our holy land! Our safe space! A world of men, by men, and for men!

Oboro: A fluffy ear café... I think I really like the sound of that...

Higekuro: Now look what you did! You woke the beast in a very literal sense just to get her hopes up for nothing!

Murasaki Shikibu: Um, Nagiko, maybe you should be a little more considerate towards Lord Higekuro...

Nagiko: Aw, c'mon. Why would he have a problem with a café full of pretty girls wearing fluffy ears?

Higekuro: ... ...

Higekuro: Okay, so this is not about me having any interest in beast girls. Not one damn bit. Uh-uh. No, sir...

Higekuro: But if you want to use that old bar to make a café that just HAPPENS to be packed to the rafters with them at all hours...I, uh, guess I can't stop you.

Murasaki Shikibu: Wha...?

Oboro: Hehe, hehehe... You've got yourself a deal, Bearded Sir.

Oboro: Yeah, I feel good about this! No more sneaking around scalping chocolate on the black market for me!

Oboro: From this day forth, it's all about fluffy ears!

Fujimaru 1: I'm not so sure that's a great idea, either.

Nagiko: Yay, another case in the bag! We're doing great!

Murasaki Shikibu: Are we sure this is a good idea!? I mean really, truly sure!?

Section Five: Lazy Things

Oboro: You know, I've been giving it some thought...

Oboro: ...and I realized running a business that preys on people in trouble really isn't ethical.

Oboro: So I've turned over a new leaf. From now on, I'll be working with you, not against you.

Oboro: Together, I know we can kick all these bad guys out of our town.

Oboro: And once we do, we can expand the fluffy ear café, “Mama's Ears,” into a full-blown franchise!

Higekuro: Hey. Are we sure letting her join the team is a good idea?

Aoi: Yeah, I think we'd all be a lot better off if we just sold her to the nearest circus.

Oboro: Oh gosh, how could you say that!? That's fluffy earist, I'll have you know!

Oboro: Hearing that sort of hate speech is as bad as punching a delicate flower like me in the face! I won't stand for it!

Nagiko: Yeah, you two, be nice. Obochin's one of us now.

Nagiko: She's a valuable member of the team, and she deserves to be treated as such.

Oboro: Huh? Where's all that praise coming from? I don't disagree, of course, but even I'm kind of shocked.

Nagiko: Well, you know...

Nagiko: There's just something really nice about having you around.

Nagiko: Just stroking your ears like this makes all the stresses of the workday seem to melt away...

Oboro: That sounds exactly like something an office worker would say to their pet after getting home for the day!

Oboro: Khh... Although, I must admit... you're surprisingly good at this...

Nagiko: Hehehe. I didn't spend all that time taking care of Lady Myoubu for nothing.

Nagiko: So you like that, huh? I bet you do! I bet you do!

Oboro: Th-that's not the point!

Oboro: Be warned that I'm keeping close track of every last stroke, and I'll be billing you accordingly!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Master...could I speak to you for a moment?

Fujimaru 1: What's up, Kaorucchi?

Murasaki Shikibu: Please don't call me that.

Murasaki Shikibu: At any rate, there's something I've been thinking about in regards to this world.

Murasaki Shikibu: As I recall, Master, you said there have been times when you visited other worlds in your dreams.

Murasaki Shikibu: Do you still think that is what is happening here?

Fujimaru 1: Honestly, I'm not sure.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: And then there's Sei Shounagon, who just showed up so suddenly.

Murasaki Shikibu: What do you think could have summoned her here?

Murasaki Shikibu: If this world really is some sort of dream... then whose dream could it be?

Fujimaru 1: Maybe yours?

Fujimaru 2: Could it be...yours?

Murasaki Shikibu: ...No, Master.

Murasaki Shikibu: Even if I did manage to obtain a Holy Grail, I would never wish for a world like this.

Murasaki Shikibu: Besides, I've heard that Servants don't have dreams...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...and my own experiences would seem to bear that out, as I have not dreamed once since I materialized.

Fujimaru 1: ...

Nagiko: Ooh, what's going on here? Whatcha guys talking about?

Nagiko: Think little old me can get in on this action!? Wooo! It's talking time!

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh my. Teehee, you're so silly, Nagiko.

Murasaki Shikibu: But we're having a VERY important discussion here, so would you mind leaving us alone?

Nagiko: Hey, Chan-mas?

Nagiko: Why's Kaorucchi always giving me the cold shoulder?

Fujimaru 1: Good question.

Higekuro: I can tell you that. It's 'cause people like us are fundamentally different from people like you.

Murasaki Shikibu: (Does that mean he thinks he and I are cut from the same cloth!?)

Aoi: Okay, okay, that's enough pointless chitchat.

Aoi: We're almost at the next district now.

Fujimaru 1: Well, it certainly looks peaceful here.

Higekuro: Mmm, the scent of flowers is in the air. And there's no sign of violence or bloodshed anywhere.

Higekuro: Still, something about this place feels off to me.

Murasaki Shikibu: There don't seem to be any men around...

Murasaki Shikibu: Which is odd, as I'm quite certain we've seen men as part of couples and families in the other districts.

Nagiko: Maybe...the happily fulfilled guys all spontaneously combusted or something?

Higekuro: Oh man, that would be amazing.

Citizen A: ...I take it this is your first time in this district?

Nagiko: Oh, there's a guy!

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes, it is. May I ask who you are?

Higekuro: Just a moment there, Kaorucchi. Let me do the talking.

Murasaki Shikibu: Please don't call me that.

Higekuro: Hey there, bro. From the looks of you, I'm guessing you're one of the lonelyhearts.

Citizen A: Every man here is. Not a single one of us has been able to get any chocolate.

Citizen A: And it's all thanks to those new things that are all the rage...

Oboro: Ooh, opportunity alert! Those new things that are all the rage wouldn't happen to be...



Oboro: ...would they?

Nagiko: You know about them, Obochin!?

Fujimaru 1: I'm already getting a really bad feeling about this...

Oboro: Yes, I've heard rumors about them. In fact...

Oboro: I thought they were going to sell so well that I once came here to propose a collaboration with this district's admin.

Oboro: But she turned me down flat, without so much as giving me the time of day.

Oboro: Oh, look, over there. All those women have them.

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh, yes. I've seen those before in someone's room back at Chaldea.

Murasaki Shikibu: I believe they're called, um...body pillows?

Nagiko: What!? Those are pillows!? Well now you got my attention. I'm pretty picky about pillows since I literally wrote the book on them.

Nagiko: All right, let's see what these so-called body pillows are like...

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Hmm... It looks like they're just large pillows with illustrations of half naked men on them.

Murasaki Shikibu: Er, yes, that's basically what they are.

Fujimaru 1: Not exactly, but I think I'll just let it slide...

Oboro: That's right. Pictures of those hot guys are all the rage in this district right now!

Oboro: Here, revived handsome heroes and historical figures from all ages gather as a story of the springtime of life unfolds at the local high school!

Oboro: ...At least, that's the plot of the weekly comic featuring them. It's got a bunch of merchandise perfectly tuned to its audience's desires that's given away for free to promote it.

Oboro: Up against a multimedia assault like that, the people of this district probably never stood a chance.

Aoi: Is that really how it works?

Fujimaru 1: Yup. That's really how it works.

Murasaki Shikibu: Er, that's not quite my point. Matters of taste aside, it feels like this is all being taken way too far.

Citizen A: I'll say it is. Those hunky works of art have every woman here completely under their spell.

Citizen A: And there's no way we can compete with art.

Citizen A: I mean, they're art, and we're just regular guys, you know?

Citizen A: So that's why none of us have been able to get any chocolate anymore...

Citizen A: (Sigh) Looks like it's going to be another year of third-class citizen life for all of us...

Higekuro: This is horrible... Just horrible...

Higekuro: But this godlike consumer targeting didn't happen by accident. This...was the work of a pro.

Higekuro: Whoever this district's admin is, they're not gonna go down easy...

???: Haaa haaa! Hahahahaaa!

Nagiko: Wh-what was that!?

Nagiko: Don't tell me that was this district's admin laughing!?

Murasaki Shikibu: (First Aoi...then Oboro...)

Murasaki Shikibu: (I wonder who the third is going to be...)

???: That's right! That's exactly right! 3D husbandos are relics of the past!

???: The women of this district have transcended the need for exasperating real-life romance!

???: Thus begins the dawning of a new age!

???: The age of Heroic☆Boyfriends as invented by me, the great Yugao!

Fujimaru 1: Stop, Batty. Just stop.

Yugao: Uh, I'm sorry, but you got it all chigawrong. My name's Yugao.

Murasaki Shikibu: I would like an exchange, please!!! Or my money back!!!

Yugao: Huh!? An exchange!? Why!? What're you talking about!?

Murasaki Shikibu: O-oh, I'm sorry... You just, um, weren't quite who I was expecting, I mean, hoping for...

Yugao: What's going on!? Who is that incredibly beautiful lady, and why is she being so hidoi to me!?

Yugao: Oh, never mind! Lonelyheart Police!

Yugao: There you are!

Yugao: Go wipe the floor with those insolent outsiders trying to contaminate my district...

Yugao: ...then send them to the merch factory!

Yugao: Oh, and also, I'm about to start work on my next draft, so don't worry about reporting back to me.

Yugao: Seriously, I'm just gonna be SUPER isogashii, so make absolutely sure I'm not disturbed.

Yugao: I still need four rare materials for now, and I'm gonna need seven more rares after that.

Nagiko: R-rare materials!? What could she possibly want with those!?

Nagiko: Oh man... Do you think she's using them to control people's minds?

Murasaki Shikibu: P-probably not...

Oboro: Um, hard labor isn't really my forte...

Oboro: I'll just be over here with a cup of tea rooting for you all to win, 'kay♡

Higekuro: What do you think you're doing!? This isn't some school track-and-field day you can just watch from the sidelines!

Aoi: Yeah, at least try to help us out here, will you!?


Nagiko: Knock knooock.

Aoi: It's hard to believe anyone lives here. Couldn't you at least tidy the place up a bit?

Oboro: I do like how she's clearly been so lavish with her spending, though.

Yugao: What's going on!?

Yugao: What are you all doing in here!?

Nagiko: Dunno what to tell you. We just kinda ended up here after the battle.

Yugao: Oh come on! Nobody just “happens” to end up at a boss room!

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady Yugao, was it? I'm very sorry for intruding like this.

Murasaki Shikibu: I did suggest we at least ask for permission before coming inside, but to no avail...

Yugao: Oh, please, don't worry about it, hehe. I do apologize for the mess.

Yugao: ...Is that what you expected me to say!? What were my Lonelyheart Police even doing out there!?

Yugao: Wait. I recognize you two. You're admins from other districts!

Yugao: What in the world are you doing with these clowns!?

Aoi: Uh, I don't know. It just kind of...happened?

Oboro: Um, I suppose I just got...swept up in the excitement?

Yugao: So you both just go along with whatever and don't even think about it!? Ugh, people like you are the worst!

Higekuro: Hey, you.

Higekuro: You're the admin running this district, right?

Yugao: Phew! Finally, a reasonable jumping off point! Thanks, bearded guy!

Yugao: Th-that's right. I'm Yugao, the administrator in charge of this district!

Yugao: I'm the hope of this very universe, here to free women and girls everywhere from the illusion that is real-life love!

Yugao: I am the guardian of the innocent, the light that banishes the darkness, friend to women everywhere, and enemy to you lonelyhearts!

Higekuro: Oh please, you're obviously one of us. I just want to know what the hell you're doing as an admin.

Yugao: Wh-whaaaaaa!?

Yugao: Me, a lonelyheart!? I-I most certainly am not!

Higekuro: I read all of your Heroic☆Boyfriends comics on the way here.

Higekuro: About the shady elderly (student) gentleman who tried to ensnare the famous (student) detective in a cunning trap...

Higekuro: ...only to find out that the famous (student) detective had been playing him the whole time. With the tables turned, the shady (student) gentleman goes on to–

Yugao: Stop! Stooop!

Yugao: Please, no more summing up the plot out loud! Can we just do without that this time!?

Nagiko: What's she mean, “this time”?

Fujimaru 1: Beats me.

Higekuro: At any rate...

Higekuro: I don't know much about this genre, but I know quality when I see it. And this? This is quality.

Higekuro: You really need to be committed to draw a story this involved. You need the kind of tortured passion that lets you turn your back on everything else out there, so you can focus solely on your craft.

Higekuro: I see a lot of myself in you.

Yugao: Nooooooooo!!! I don't want to be like yooou!!!

Aoi: Now I get it.

Aoi: ...No, wait, I don't. Tell me what you're talking about, Beard-man.

Higekuro: Well, basically...

Higekuro: Yugao here wasn't intentionally trying to trap the men of this town in third-class citizen hell.

Higekuro: That was just a side effect of her real goal:

Higekuro: To get every woman in town into the stuff she's into and stop them from forming relationships.

Higekuro: Which means... It was the plan to eradicate all normies!

Fujimaru 1: Yup. That sounds like Batty, all right.

Fujimaru 2: Seriously, stop, Batty. Just stop already.

Yugao: (Sniff)... Waaaaaah!!! How did you figure it ouuut!?

Yugao: Lonelyheart Poliiice! Get over here, nooow!

Yugao: Now that you know my darkest secrets, I can't let you leave here alive.

Yugao: No, seriously, I'm not kidding. You need to cut that crap out.

Yugao: Now I need you to shindie kudaplease! Your bones will be the foundation on which I will build my dream world!


Yugao: (Sniff) Guess this is it for my ambitions...

Aoi: Heroic☆Boyfriends's serialization ends due to the author's sudden illness, huh? ...Guess that takes care of that.

Oboro: Things should soon go back to normal here now that the supply has been cut off.

Murasaki Shikibu: That being said...

Murasaki Shikibu: It must be hard for these women too, knowing that they're inadvertently responsible for these men winding up as third-class citizens.

Murasaki Shikibu: When you take that into consideration, providing entertainment doesn't seem like such a bad thing...

Yugao: Right!? Finally, someone who gets me!

Yugao: Of course there's nothing wrong with being creative! I'm so glad you understand!

Higekuro: I guess there is still hope for you, since when all was said and done, you were putting up an honest fight...

Higekuro: ...but I don't know how many people here are going to remember Heroic☆Boyfriends now that they have their freedom back.

Yugao: Gaaah!

Higekuro: Entertainment is meant to be enjoyed freely, not as pure escapism.

Higekuro: When you get right down to it, it's this city and its twisted rules that are the problem. I can't let things keep going on like this.

Higekuro: I'm going to do whatever it takes to get rid of Valentine's Day for good!

Fujimaru 1: That sounds cool in a vacuum, but...

Murasaki Shikibu: Be that as it may...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...I also can't help but feel a bit sad at the thought of a story being forgotten.

Yugao: ... ...

Nagiko: Come on, cheer up already!

Yugao: Bwuh!?

Nagiko: It didn't look to me like you were cutting any corners. You really put your heart and soul into that comic, right?

Nagiko: And if I could tell that much, I'm sure there are other people out there who could, too!

Yugao: D-do you...really think so?

Nagiko: Sure I do. And whoever those other people are, they're not gonna forget about it anytime soon.

Nagiko: See what I mean?

Yugao: ... ...

Yugao: W-well sure, I knew that.

Murasaki Shikibu: may be right.

Murasaki Shikibu: The whole reason certain stories are remembered by future generations is because they were beloved to begin wi–

Nagiko: Wahaha, loosen up, Kaorucchi! We don't need a research paper about it!

Nagiko: If you really, truly love something, then it doesn't matter if you let it go.

Nagiko: 'Cause it'll never be gone for good!

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko...?

Nagiko: Hm?

Fujimaru 1: ...

Fujimaru 1: Hey, Nagiko?

Fujimaru 1: Did you not enjoy writing?

Fujimaru 2: Do you not like writing anymore?

Fujimaru 1: What made you keep writing?

Fujimaru 2: Why'd you stop writing?

Nagiko: Whoa, Chan-mas, that's a lot of questions.

Nagiko: Wahaha, is this your way of saying you want to get to know me better?

Nagiko: If that's what you want, we could always start dating.

Murasaki Shikibu: P-please, be serious for once!

Murasaki Shikibu: This is more important than anything!!! Why did you–

Yugao: Um...

Yugao: Since you're all talking about something else now, I'm just gonna head back home, okay?

Nagiko: Oh, yeah. We still need to figure out what to do about you, don't we, Gatty?

Yugao: Gatty!? Where'd that come from!?

Aoi: You're not planning on taking her home with us, are you? Are you sure you can look after two pets?

Oboro: Teehee, you say that as if she's already keeping one.

Nagiko: You worry too much! Here, have a friendship chocolate!

Nagiko: Bam! Now you're my friend!

Yugao: Huh!? Why!?

Yugao: Wait, what are you doing? Don't try to force-feed me that thing!

Nagiko: Beardie! Hold Gatty down for me, will you!?

Higekuro: You got it!

Yugao: Gyaaah!

Nagiko: Come on, just look at us. We're both Japan-themed, so we're totally birds of a feather, right? We obviously have a lot in common!

Nagiko: That's why I know you and I'll be great friends, Gatty!

Yugao: Are you nuts!? We don't have ANYTHING in common! Not one solitary thing!

Yugao: Aaaaaahhh!!!

Section Six: Terrifying Things

Oboro: (Sigh)...

Oboro: Are we really, truly going to hand out this chocolate for free?

Oboro: I mean, this is chocolate we're talking about! It may be the single most valuable thing in this city!

Oboro: Surely we can get away with charging just a LITTLE for it, right...?

Higekuro: I see you still haven't completely given up your scalping ways, Oboro.

Higekuro: But forget it. This chocolate is only for handing out to struggling lonelyhearts. It's their last ray of hope!

Nagiko: Yeah, Obochin. (Nom nom nom) They're all counting on us to bring this to them. (Nom nom nom)

Higekuro: Then stop eating their last ray of hope already, will ya!?

Oboro: Ahhh... I hate this!

Oboro: All this treasure right in front of me, and I can't so much as put a price tag on it...

Aoi: Hey, don't knock handing chocolate out until you've tried it.

Aoi: In my case, the lonelyhearts always get all teary-eyed and praise me like I'm some kind of goddess.

Aoi: It really opened my eyes to the whole philanthropy thing, you know?

Higekuro: I don't think that word means what you think it means...

Nagiko: Basically, it feels good both to give and to receive, right?

Nagiko: Now that's what I call a win-win! Wahaha!

Nagiko: All right, we'd better get to work if we're not gonna be outdone.

Nagiko: Let's go do our best out there, Gatty!

Yugao: Um... I still don't understand why you brought me here...

Yugao: I mean, I know I've been getting flamed like crazy ever since my “Death to Normies” plan was leaked...

Yugao: it's not like I could stay there anymore, anyway...

Yugao: But I still had (stress-free) gaming I wanted to get to now that I don't have a weekly comic anymore!

Nagiko: Oh, I gotcha. So you're an indoor gal, huh, Gatty?

Nagiko: I used to be into that too for a while, but being all alone all the time was way depressing.

Nagiko: Sometimes you just gotta get outside, get some sunlight, and stretch your wings as far as they'll go!

Yugao: What sunlight!? I can't even see the sun through all these clouds!

Nagiko: I want to see your angel wings for myself!

Yugao: Nani the heck are you talking about!?

Yugao: Senpai! Kaoruko-senpai! Can you PLEASE do something about her before I go crazy!?

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Yugao: You mean you weren't even listeniiing!?

Nagiko: Man, Kaorucchi's sure been lost in thought. Any idea what's on her mind, Chan-mas?

Fujimaru 1: Possibly?

Fujimaru 2: I'm not sure.

Nagiko: Hmm.

Nagiko: Oh well, I guess there are some things only people from the same time and place can really understand.

Fujimaru 1: Curious?

Nagiko: Nnn, honestly, yeah, I'm dying to know what's going on with her.

Nagiko: But you can't force things like this. You've just got to wait for the other person to open up.

Nagiko: Dammit, Kaorucchi, I thought we were friends. Don't you remember our promise to never keep secrets from each other!?

Murasaki Shikibu: I made no such promise.

Nagiko: Oh, THAT got your attention, huh!?

Old Man: You there. Are you going into the district up ahead, young ones?

Old Man: I'd turn around and head back the way you came if I were you. Trust me, you're better off that way.

Fujimaru 1: May I ask who you are?

Higekuro: Well, there's no way a guy hanging out here in this filthy corner of town by himself would be living the good life.

Higekuro: You're a lonelyheart too, aren't you, old man?

Old Man: Indeed. I've been without a girlfriend for as long as I've been alive.

Nagiko: That long?

Yugao: That long?

Old Man: This here is the hidden village of lonelyhearts...

Old Man: Those of us who faced severe persecution in that district all ran away here to make a new life on our own.

Aoi: Damn, I don't even want to think about how pathetic a village like that's gotta be...

Old Man: Of course, it's only a matter of time until we'll have to leave this place behind, too...

Higekuro: What happened here, old man? What's the admin running this place like?

Old Man: I can't. She's too horrible to even describe. Leave, now. Before it's too late...

Citizen A: Eldeeerrr!

Citizen A: It's the Lonelyheart Police! They're headed straight for us!

Citizen A: This is it... They're finally gonna round us up and ship us all off to the sanatorium!

Old Man: Dammit. We were too late...

Oboro: A sanatorium? Does that mean you won't just be demoted to third-class citizens?

Yugao: O-o-oh man, that sure is a lot of police headed this way!

Higekuro: It looks like someone's riding the palanquin up in front. Is that this district's admin?

Old Man: Indeed. That is none other than the monstrous, unnamable admin who runs this district.

Old Man: We usually call her...

Old Man: ...the Gent Killer!

Fujimaru 1: As in, someone who goes around killing gentlemen?

???: There you are. So this is where you've all been hiding.

???: Please, just do what you're told. You won't get any better without proper treatment.

Citizen B: Eep! F-forget it!

Citizen C: That's right, you demon! No way are we letting you take us!

???: It's okay. What you all have is an illness, but the sanatorium will make you all better.

???: Don't worry. I'll be right there by your side. That's a Murasaki promise.

Murasaki Shikibu: Murasaki...!

Murasaki Shikibu: (I knew it! Then that must mean...!)

Oboro: Oh my... Oh my, my, my. What a lovely surprise!

Oboro: Why, you're just adorable! The cutest thing I've ever seen!

Nagiko: Whoa, blonde hair! I've never seen blonde hair before! Holy hell, I can't believe how cute you are!

Nagiko: Hey, what's your favorite food? Mine's shaved ice, easy!

Murasaki: ... ...

Murasaki: Um... Is this a case of “stranger danger”?

Lonelyheart Police: ... ...

Lonelyheart Police: Nope, they're safe, ma'am!

Murasaki: Whew...

Murasaki: Hello. It's nice to meet you all. My name's Murasaki, and my favorite food is pancakes.

Nagiko: Oh, yeah, I know what those are. They're like dorayaki without the sweet beans in between!

Aoi: Huh? Don't you mean hotcakes?

Oboro: No, she means griddle cakes.

Yugao: Wait. I thought they were called flapjacks.

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm sorry to interrupt, everyone, but I really don't think that's important right now!

Murasaki Shikibu: Especially not when we have more immediate concerns!

Murasaki: Um, I'm sorry. I'm not really sure what you're all talking about...

Murasaki: And anyway, I still have to take all those men to the sanatorium.

Murasaki: So please don't interrupt me anymore.

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady, um...Murasaki...

Murasaki Shikibu: Could I ask what this sanatorium you wish to take them to is called?

Murasaki: The Adult Male Reeducation Center.

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh?


The Adult Male Reeducation Center.

Murasaki Shikibu: U-um...and may I ask what sort of center that is?

Murasaki: It's a place for helping single men over thirty get their life back on track.

Murasaki: The law says that anyone who goes through his entire life without managing to get even one girlfriend has to be admitted there.

Murasaki: I mean, any man without a girlfriend has got to be a Mutant Gentleman, right?

Fujimaru 1: Hmm. So this is tyranny born of innocence.

Fujimaru 2: Mutant...Gentleman...!

Citizen C: That's right! She's off her rocker!

Citizen C: Once she gets you in her sights, she ends up certifying you as a Mutant Gentleman whether you deserve it or not!

Citizen D: There's no woman out there who'd want to give chocolate to a guy charged with being a mutant...

Citizen D: So once that happens, our only choice is to be effectively robotized in the sanatorium, or to live out our lives as third-class citizens!

Nagiko: Damn, that does sound pretty rough.

Nagiko: So what do we do now, Beardie? I mean, that admin's obviously still just a kid.

Nagiko: Beardie?

Higekuro: Blonde hair... Fair skin... A beautiful, coldhearted young maiden...

Higekuro: Easy there, Higekuro. Remember, she's just a kid... And yet, what is this song dancing in my heart...?

Higekuro (Devil): Come on, Me, what's the harm? Go for the gusto!

Higekuro: Shut up, Devil Me! Get out of my head!

Higekuro (Angel): That's right, Me. You should start by just talking to her.

Higekuro: You're no better than Devil Me!

Higekuro: Uh-oh. This isn't good... I don't think I can contain myself much longer!

Murasaki: Um... Is THIS a case of “stranger danger”?

Lonelyheart Police: ... ...

Lonelyheart Police: Heee's outta theeere!!!

Murasaki: I'm sorry! Gent Annihilation Beaaam!

Higekuro: Gaaaaaarrrghhh!

Fujimaru 1: B-Beardie!?

Murasaki: I really am sorry about that! But it would be wrong to go easy on men who have lost their way!

Murasaki: Hm? Say, you there...

Murasaki: You look like the kind of person who'd give a girl who's never stayed up past her bedtime before a midnight snack.

Fujimaru 1: Uh, no, I'm definitely not!!!

Murasaki: Please, don't make this harder than it has to be. You all have an illness...

Murasaki: Trust me, you'll feel better once you're all admitted to the sanatorium and start turning your lives around!

Higekuro: ...Begone, earthly desires!!!

Higekuro: Come on, you lot, let's do this thing!

Higekuro: We need to show this little brat that even sad sacks have their pride!

Aoi: I don't mind helping out, but the idea of fighting for male pride really isn't getting me motivated...

Oboro: Do you mind if I charge extra for this?

Yugao: Huh? How would a dainty young woman like me know how hapless single guys feel?

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh no. I just now realized that our team consists entirely of women!

Nagiko: Bahahaha! Looks like you're living the harem dream, Beardie!

Higekuro: Who asked you!?


Higekuro: We... We won! We really won!

Nagiko: Hey, Beardie? Just so you know, a grown man going all out against a kid is a really bad look.

Higekuro: Did you not see how that kid nearly killed me with that beam!?

Old Man: I... I don't believe it...

Old Man: Thank you, youngster. Thank you for saving us poor lonelyhearts.

Citizen A: Finally, I can clear up this damn misunderstanding!

Citizen B: Yeehaw! From here on, I'm getting a piece of all the action in town!

Aoi: Yeah, that's not happening.

Murasaki: Oh, this is terrible. Now all these sick people are going to go out to mix among society at large.

Murasaki: There's going to be so many cases of stranger danger...

Yugao: Is that really what this is though?

Oboro: Now, now, there's no need to be so pessimistic.

Oboro: There are still grown-ups out there who see it as their job to protect children...

Oboro: ...which is why this world still hasn't crossed a line, even if it has come awfully close.

Murasaki: So...which are you? Do you want to protect children, or...

Oboro: Oh yes, I'll gladly protect them.

Oboro: The day that I get put in charge of this city...

Oboro: ...will be the day I slap explosive collars on every dangerous stranger in town, like that bearded guy over there.

Higekuro: Um, I heard that, you know. What gives!?

Fujimaru 1: No wonder she used to be a queen...

Oboro: Oh, don't worry, teehee. It was just a random example.

Oboro: By the way, Lady Murasaki, how do you feel about fluffy ears?

Yugao: Great, she's just as bad as them!

Nagiko: Man, you're really tough for a kiddo! I couldn't believe my eyes!

Murasaki: Oh, it's you... The weird one.

Nagiko: Wahahaha! Hey, I'm not THAT weird!

Nagiko: Anywho, pancakes are great and all, but what do you think of chocolate, Sakky?

Murasaki: Sakky...?

Murasaki: Anyway, yes, I love chocolate too. And I much prefer eating it over confiscating it.

Nagiko: Is that so!?

Nagiko: Then here, have a friendship chocolate! I give one of these to all my friends.

Murasaki: Friendship...chocolate?

Murasaki: I haven't had a single friend since I came here.

Murasaki: Does this'll be my friend?

Nagiko: Wahaha, you know it!

Nagiko: Thanks to this chocolate, me, Aocchi, Obochin, and Gatty there became besties!

Aoi: I never said I was your friend.

Oboro: You and I have never been friends, and we never will be!

Yugao: You literally forced that chocolate down my throat!

Nagiko: Huh?

Murasaki: ... ...

Murasaki: You're funny.

Murasaki Shikibu: Aoi... Oboro... Yugao... Murasaki...

Murasaki Shikibu: That's four of them now. It can't possibly be a coincidence.

Murasaki Shikibu: But, I still don't understand... Why make a world like this?

Murasaki Shikibu: Seeing how every one of these districts is so horrid, I can only surmise that they were made with...

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...malice...

Nagiko: There you are, Kaorucchi! What're you doing all the way out here?

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Nagiko: Hey, come on. If something's bothering you...

Nagiko: (Gasp) No way. Don't tell me you're having... romantic troubles!?

Nagiko: Well geez, why didn't you just say so, you silly goose!?

Nagiko: You know I love talking about love and stuff! It's one of the things I'm best at!

Murasaki Shikibu: No, it's not that...

Murasaki Shikibu: But, there is something I want to talk to you about. I hope you'll hear me out...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Sei Shounagon.

Section Seven: Close, Yet Far Things

Narration: Empress Fujiwara-no-Teishi.

Narration: Though she and her husband, Emperor Ichijou, loved one another, political machinations had their way...

Narration: ...and she eventually met a tragic end.

Narration: At the time, people believed her death would lead to the ascent of her cousin and uncle, Second Empress Fujiwara-no-Shoushi and Fujiwara-no-Michinaga, respectively.

Narration: But that is not what happened.

Narration: Even after her death, Teishi's presence wasn't truly gone from the imperial court...

Narration: ...thanks to a book that kept her memory alive with depictions of her in all her noble splendor:

Narration: “The Pillow Book”.

Narration: Sei Shounagon's work omitted any description of how Teishi died during a period of pain, worry, and grief...

Narration: ...and painted a picture of her as a beautiful saint defined by her boundless love.

Narration: So it was, that the people she left behind continued to yearn desperately for the lost saint depicted in The Pillow Book.

Narration: As far as Michinaga was concerned, that must have been a curse indeed.

Narration: And in that case, I have to wonder...

Narration: What did Sei Shounagon truly hope to accomplish?

Oboro: Oh? What brings you out here, Lady Murasaki?

Murasaki: Nagiko promised she would read a book to me...

Murasaki: ...but it looks like they're talking about something important right now.

Yugao: Looks pretty obvious to me that Nagiko's getting chewed out for something...

Aoi: So? I'm sure they can work things out on their own. Now come on, let's go have some tea.

Murasaki: Hey, wait for me.

Nagiko: Gotcha... I had no idea. It must've been real hard for you, Kaorucchi.

Nagiko: But I'm glad you came to me for advice.

Nagiko: After all, what are friends for if not helping each other out at times like this?

Nagiko: Amirite?

Murasaki Shikibu: No, you are not “rite.”

Murasaki Shikibu: Also, I still haven't said anything.

Nagiko: Oh, right!

Fujimaru 1: I was wondering what the heck she was reacting to!

Murasaki Shikibu: Listen to me very closely.

Murasaki Shikibu: I am not here to ask you for advice.

Murasaki Shikibu: I am here to share my hypothesis on this recent string of events.

Nagiko: Heh... Looks like you're really serious about this, Kaorucchi.

Nagiko: So I'll try to listen as seriously as I can!

Fujimaru 1: You mean you have to make an effort just to listen?

Murasaki Shikibu: Ahem.

Murasaki Shikibu: The names Aoi, Oboro, Yugao, and Murasaki all have something in common.

Murasaki Shikibu: Perhaps you've already realized what that is, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Um...aren't they all characters in “The Tale of Genji”?

Murasaki Shikibu: That's right.

Murasaki Shikibu: Aoi-no-Ue... Oborozukiyo...

Murasaki Shikibu: Yugao... Wakamurasaki...

Murasaki Shikibu: In “The Tale of Genji,” those women endured cruel treatment at the hands of male society, but here, women with their names are oppressing men instead.

Murasaki Shikibu: Since we got here, I've wondered why this world's creator chose to make a world as twisted as this.

Murasaki Shikibu: And now, at long last, I've come to see the real reason this world exists.

Nagiko: Really? What is it?

Murasaki Shikibu: It's...

Fujimaru 1: Yeah?

Murasaki Shikibu: It's...!

Murasaki Shikibu: It's to get under the skin of Murasaki Shikibu, the author of “The Tale of Genji”!

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Chan-mas?

Fujimaru 1: Hang in there, Nagiko!

Murasaki Shikibu: That's right. I suspect whoever made this world sees “The Tale of Genji” and its creator...

Murasaki Shikibu: symbols of Lady Shoushi and Lord Michinaga's glorious reign.

Murasaki Shikibu: That's why they used the power of a Holy Grail to twist this into such a horrible farce:

Murasaki Shikibu: So that they could mock “The Tale of Genji” and its author and enjoy laughing at both from behind the scenes!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Um, are you really listening to me?

Fujimaru 1: Sure, I'm listening...

Nagiko: Man, that's pretty sharp of you, Kaorucchi. True, I could definitely see harassment as the motive for this place.

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: No, sorry, actually, I can't. That just sounds screwy to me.

Murasaki Shikibu: Don't be ridiculous. I-if this hypothesis proves correct, the most likely culprit is...

Nagiko: Yeah?

Murasaki Shikibu: ...You, Nagiko.

Nagiko: Huh?

Murasaki Shikibu: A-are you sure that, underneath that oblivious expression...

Murasaki Shikibu: aren't secretly laughing at me, even as we speak?

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Speaking as Sei Shounagon, that is.

Nagiko: Y-yikes! What's that look for, Kaorucchi!? You're freaking me out here!

Nagiko: Like I told you before, I'm done being Sei Shounagon! I hung up that hat a long time ago!

Nagiko: I don't have any problems with or resentment against Murasaki Shikibu at all!

Murasaki Shikibu: But...

Murasaki Shikibu: still have a lot of affection for Lady Teishi, do you not?

Nagiko: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Aren't you angry with Lord Michinaga for what happened to her?

Nagiko: Well, honestly...

Nagiko:, not really.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: I, um, I see... Very well then.

Murasaki Shikibu: In that case, I have to say

Murasaki Shikibu: I was, well...completely, unquestionably in the wrong.

Murasaki Shikibu: Please, just forget I ever brought this up. I'm so sorry!

Nagiko: Say whaaa!?

Murasaki Shikibu: I believe you when you say you don't bear them any ill will.

Murasaki Shikibu: B-besides...I was just bluffing to begin with!

Nagiko: You sure? 'Cause for a moment back there, you looked like the killer from one of those slasher movies.

Fujimaru 1: Gee, tell us how you really feel.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: And, also...I wanted to apologize to you for my rude behavior thus far.

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko...

Murasaki Shikibu: You're very different from the image of Sei Shounagon I've long held in my mind.

Murasaki Shikibu: So, um...I just want to say that...I'm sorry. For how I've been treating you...

Nagiko: Huh?

Nagiko: Aww, it's totally fine. Don't worry about it!

Nagiko: Sure, I was a little taken aback when I read all the shade you threw at me in your diary...

Nagiko: ...but I'm not mad about it or anything. TBH, I loved how ridiculously unapologetic it was.

Murasaki Shikibu: ...What?

Nagiko: Aw c'mon, you know! “The Diary of Lady Murasaki”!

Nagiko: I thought Izumicchi was seriously gonna bust a gut laughing when she came and showed it to me!

Nagiko: Yeah, I was kind of like “Did this bitch really just...” when I first read it, but now–

Murasaki Shikibu: No, that's not what I meant...

Murasaki Shikibu: When...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...did you realize...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...that I-I was Murasaki Shikibu?

Nagiko: Huh?

Nagiko: You mean we weren't doing the whole spill-our-guts-to-each-other thing just now?

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: I guess not, huh?

Murasaki Shikibu: When.

Murasaki Shikibu: Did you realize.

Murasaki Shikibu: Who I am?

Nagiko: W-wahahaha! Well, uh probably around...

Murasaki Shikibu: In modern parlance, the phrase that best describes my true opinion of her work would be, “Oh NO she didn't!”

Nagiko: ...then, I'd guess?

Murasaki Shikibu: Gaaah!!!

Fujimaru 1: Murasakiii!?

Murasaki Shikibu: I... What have I been doing all this time...?

Nagiko: I didn't say anything before 'cause I figured you wanted to keep it a secret...

Nagiko: But hey, at least now we've both got everything out in the open, right?

Nagiko: So maybe now we can be besties who tell each other everything?

Nagiko: What do you say?

Murasaki Shikibu: Ab...solutely...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...n-n-no way in hell!

Nagiko: Hmm, gotcha.

Fujimaru 1: You can't rush these kinds of things.

Fujimaru 2: Looks like that part's gonna take some more time...

Murasaki Shikibu: !?

Higekuro: Hey! You the only ones here!? Where're the others!?

Aoi: What the hell, Beard!? What was that just–

Higekuro: Good, you're all here. I'll tell you what's going on later. Right now, you all need to get ready to fight. Like, now.

Nagiko: Oh? What's going on? Somebody having a fight!?

Higekuro: Yeah, you could say that...

Higekuro: It looks like the final boss came looking for us of her own accord.


Citizen A: Ah... Aaah!

Citizen B: It's the Lonelyheart Hunter! The rumors were true!

Citizen C: Please, have mercy... At least spare my son!

???: Take them away.

Lonelyheart Police: Yes, ma'am!

???: This world must be hard for you lonely men to endure. It is only right that you return to where you belong.

Higekuro: Hold it right there!

Higekuro: Well, well. Nice to see the enemy leader come to meet us of her own accord.

Higekuro: A lot of good lonelyhearts have suffered at your hands...

Higekuro: Now, I–WE, are gonna avenge them tenfold!

???: Ah, yes, it's you. The ones who have been the cause of so many disturbances in my city.

???: Unfortunately for you, I cannot allow any further disruptions to our Valentine's Day plans.

Murasaki Shikibu: No... It can't be...

Murasaki Shikibu: You're...!

???: I, Fujitsubo, will see that every one of you insolent villains meets the untimely ends you deserve!

Nagiko: Craaap! The leader of the Genji!?

Fujimaru 1: Maybe we should just run for it!

Murasaki Shikibu: N-no, it's all right. Both of you, please get ahold of yourselves!

Murasaki Shikibu: That is not the real Lady Raikou, but an imposter made by the Holy Grail!

Murasaki Shikibu: After all, the real Lady Raikou would never do anything so cruel!

Nagiko: O-oh, yeah, good point!

Nagiko: I don't really get it, but, got it!

Nagiko: Right then, Beardie, no need to hold back!

Higekuro: You know it!

Higekuro: Hey, General Fujitsubo, or whatever you said your name was!

Higekuro: Where're you taking those guys you just rounded up like they were stray dogs or something?

Higekuro: Why're you persecuting us like this!?

Fujitsubo: Pitiful lonelyheart... Single though you may be, you are still human.

Fujitsubo: Even you must have received chocolate from one person on Valentine's Day:

Fujitsubo: Your mother.

Higekuro: Why'd you go and say that!? I only just put that trauma behind me!

Fujimaru 1: Yeah, that's rough. Really rough...

Oboro: Huh? Is it that bad to get chocolate from your mother?

Higekuro: Bad? It's horrible! Picture this: a young man sets off to school full of hope for the day ahead, only to have that hope dashed when nobody gives him a single Valentine chocolate.

Higekuro: Dejected and forlorn, he makes his way back home... only to find pity chocolate from his mother!

Higekuro: All at once, he's flooded with joy and despair in equal measure!

Higekuro: Trust me, there's no experience more cruel or bittersweet for a sensitive young man coming of age!

Yugao: Yeah, I can kind of understand that...

Murasaki: Not me. I don't get it at all...

Aoi: What are you, some kind of idiot?

Higekuro: Shut up! I was still a tender young lad back then, all right!?

Fujitsubo: Exactly. That is how a son receiving Valentine's chocolate from his mother should react.

Fujitsubo: However...

Fujitsubo: Can you, in turn, picture how painful it must be for a mother giving her son chocolate out of love...

Fujitsubo: ...only to have it spurned because it “doesn't count”?

Higekuro: Oh shit!

Fujitsubo: I gave a great deal of thought as to how best to get sons to appreciate how wonderful chocolate from their mother truly is...

Fujitsubo: ...and one day, I finally arrived at an answer.

Fujitsubo: When people have hit rock bottom is when they begin to appreciate the joys they once took for granted!

Fujitsubo: I knew that once these men had fallen to the bottom rung of society and were utterly starved for chocolate, they would see chocolate from their mother as the ultimate expression of love!

Fujitsubo: From there, my many sons and I would all live together, happily ever after...

Fujitsubo: my Make All Men into My Sons Plan!

Nagiko: I, uh... I see. Well that' That's the leader of the Genji for you. Yeah...

Nagiko: Nooobody else could've come up with a next-level plan like that!

Fujimaru 1: No Genji here! Only Fujitsubo!

Murasaki Shikibu: And not the real one at that!

Fujitsubo: If you mean to interfere with my plan, then I will show you no mercy.

Fujitsubo: Not even against my fellow administrators.

All Four: !!!

Fujitsubo: That being said...

Fujitsubo: I know that none of you live here in this city. As such, there is no need to throw your lives away.

Fujitsubo: You have a chance to leave this city quietly, and I suggest you take it.

Fujitsubo: Unless, of have some reason to fight me?

Nagiko: ... ...

Fujimaru 1: A reason to fight you...?

Nagiko: ...Nope, we don't!

Murasaki Shikibu: N-Nagiko!?

Nagiko: We don't have any reason to interfere with your plan, or to save Beardie and his friends!

Fujimaru 1: Not a one!

Murasaki Shikibu: M-Master!?

Nagiko: Your face kind of scares me, and you totally outclass me sizewise...

Nagiko: But you know what?

Nagiko: These people are my friends...

Nagiko: And you don't need a reason to help your friends!!!

Murasaki Shikibu: ...!!!

Nagiko: Right, Chan-mas!?

Fujimaru 1: Exactly!

Nagiko: Right, Kaorucchi!?

Murasaki Shikibu: R-right!

Nagiko: Oh, yeah, you're here too, huh, Beardie?

Higekuro: So I'm an afterthought now!?

Higekuro: (Sigh) Man, you sure do love to talk, don't you?

Higekuro: Honestly, it's embarrassing just listening to you.

Higekuro: Still, I gotta say...thanks.

Nagiko: Huh, are you crying?


Fujitsubo: I see...

Fujitsubo: If you have decided to throw in your lot with that man, then my city has no use for you...

Fujitsubo: And so, I will show you no mercy.

Fujitsubo: Prepare to die.

Murasaki Shikibu: Here she comes!

Fujimaru 1: Hey, Nagiko?

Nagiko: Hm? What is it, Chan-mas!?

Nagiko: I'm kind of in a hurry right now, so make it two words or less, okay!?

Fujimaru 1: Good luck.

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Thanks, Chan-mas!

Higekuro: All right, you lot, this is it! The final battle! Now let's get ready to do this thing!!!

Aoi: Oh, all right. Since I've come this far, I might as well stick around to the end!

Oboro: Remember, I'm still going to charge extra for this, so don't forget to pay me, okay?

Yugao: Okay, okay, I'll pitch in already!

Murasaki: I-I'll do the best I can, too!

Murasaki Shikibu: Let's go, Master! ...You too, Nagiko!

Nagiko: Wahahaha! Bring it on! Let's see what you've got!


Fujitsubo: Hehe. So, you lonely men have found the strength to defeat even your mother. I am impressed.

Nagiko: I mean, most of us are girls, but–

Higekuro: Please, don't say any more! This is sad enough for me as it is!

Fujitsubo: But even though you've managed to defeat me, there will be another mother ready to take my place...

Fujitsubo: If you wish to avoid that fate, then make sure you don't forget your White Day return gift...

Fujitsubo: Urk.

Higekuro: We did it... We really did it! At long last, we lonelyhearts came out on top!!!

Higekuro: From this day forth, Valentine's Day is canceled foreveeerrr!!!

Underlings: YEAAAHHH!!!

Citizens: YEAAAHHH!!!

Aoi: Hang on. Slow your roll there, guys.

Aoi: You can't just cancel Valentine's Day. I mean, it's been around forever, right?

Oboro: True. Now we can just go back to buying and selling chocolate like normal.

Yugao: Well, I guess the fact that it's been so, uh, out there should make it easy to go back to normal...

Murasaki: I think it's a perfectly lovely event, myself.

Murasaki: Why do you want to cancel it forever, mister?

Higekuro: Gaaah! Those piercing, innocent eyes! My poor heart can't take it!

Higekuro: I, um... I'm sorry. I guess I kind of got carried away.

Aoi: Well anyway, now that we've dispensed with all the extra rules around it...

Aoi: ...just work on being the best version of yourself, and maybe you'll get some real romantic chocolate someday.

Aoi: Go on, Nagiko.

Aoi: You should tell these guys what's what too–

Aoi: ...Huh?

Nagiko: Hehehe! You see that, Chan-mas?

Nagiko: It looks like our work here is done! Though I gotta say, it was kind of an anticlimactic way to wrap things up.

Fujimaru 1: No...

Fujimaru 1: It's not over yet.

Nagiko: Chan-mas?

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady Fujitsubo didn't have the Holy Grail... So then, where could it be?

Nagiko: Hey, Kaorucchi, Chan-mas, hold up. Something doesn't seem right...


Murasaki Shikibu: Huh!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Master? Where are you!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Lord Higekuro!? Lady Aoi!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Lady Oboro!? Lady Yugao!? Lady Murasaki!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko...!?

Section Eight: Far, Yet Close Things

Fujimaru 1: Murasaki!

Murasaki Shikibu: Master!

Murasaki Shikibu: Ahh, thank goodness you're all right...

Murasaki Shikibu: But there's no time to lose. We need to get out of here right now!

???: Hah! You actually made it!

???: You're the Master of Chaldea, right? Feels like I've been waiting for you forever.

???: Welcome to what you might call this world's...backstage area.

???: My name's Rokujou.

Rokujou: I'm the one who assigned the five admins to their districts and imposed order on this world.

Rokujou: ...Would you believe it?

Fujimaru 1: Is that...Nagiko?

Murasaki Shikibu: Rokujou? Enough of this nonsense!

Murasaki Shikibu: No doubt you're just another fake Shadow Servant the Holy Grail cooked up, only you're based off of Sei Shounagon.

Murasaki Shikibu: And if you are, then you can't possibly be the one behind all this.

Murasaki Shikibu: Someone else must have gotten ahold of the Holy Grail first and used its power to make you!

Murasaki Shikibu: Now tell us! Who was it!?

Rokujou: ... ...

Rokujou: You.

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh?

Rokujou: (Sigh) I knew it. You really had no idea.

Rokujou: You're the one who made this world.

Rokujou: You're the one who made me.

Rokujou: This whole place, Murasaki Shikibu...

Rokujou: YOUR dreamworld.

Murasaki Shikibu: What are you...? Don't be ridiculous!

Fujimaru 1: Hang on. I thought Servants didn't dream.

Fujimaru 2: But what about the whole “Servants don't dream” thing?

Murasaki Shikibu: R-right!

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes, we Servants may see visions through our Master's eyes from time to time, but they're merely flashes of our memories from when we were alive.

Murasaki Shikibu: I can't possibly have dreamed up this world!

Rokujou: Hey, don't get me wrong. You're not telling me anything I don't know.

Rokujou: But are you sure you can't think of something unexpected that happened recently...

Rokujou: ...that could've led to a Servant dreaming an impossible dream?

Murasaki Shikibu: Something...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...unexpected?

Murasaki Shikibu: Ah.

Fujimaru 1: Ah.

Both: Ahhh!?

Rokujou: Putting aside the question of how chocolate of all things could even knock a Servant out in the first place...

Rokujou: Once you fell into a trance, your mind formed a connection to a different plane of existence...

Rokujou: ...and just happened to make contact with a Holy Grail that had formed there.

Rokujou: That, in turn, led to this world being made in the space next to your subconscious mind's deepest recesses...

Rokujou: ...all while your ether body–and even your Spirit Core–remained in Chaldea.

Rokujou: Only your disembodied mind exists here in this world.

Rokujou: So when you add all that together, don't you think “dream” is the best way to describe the result?

Murasaki Shikibu: No... No! This can't possibly be my dream!

Murasaki Shikibu: I've never so much as touched a Holy Grail, let alone possessed one...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...and above all, I would never, ever wish for a world as cruel and twisted as this one!

Rokujou: A Holy Grail, you say?

Rokujou: You mean like this one?

Fujimaru 1: That's...a Holy Grail fragment!

Murasaki Shikibu: How... Why do you have that!?

Rokujou: Hah!

Rokujou: You see, Murasaki...

Rokujou: I'm exactly like the Sei Shounagon you've looong imagined me to be.

Rokujou: I stole the Holy Grail in this world before you woke up...

Rokujou: ...and used it to turn this world into my own personal plaything.

Rokujou: What do you think?

Rokujou: I mean, that's just the kind of thing the Sei Shounagon you envisioned would do, isn't it?

Rokujou: Oh, wait, I already did it. Ahaha! Sooorryyy!

Fujimaru 1: Murasaki...

Murasaki Shikibu: Then, does this mean the malice from my own heart...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...made you....

Murasaki Shikibu: ...and twisted this world so cruelly?

Rokujou: Ahahaha!

Rokujou: Oh man, you should see your face! It's priceless!

Rokujou: You know, I just remembered something.

Rokujou: Remember when you told us your hypothesis about who was really behind all this?

Rokujou: YOU tried to bluff ME, even though you are this hilariously awful liar! Ahaha, it was the funniest thing I've seen in ages!

Rokujou: Still, you WERE on to something. I guess it's not for nothing you were known as a real clever one.

Rokujou: Ahaha, after all, I did turn out to be the one behind all this, just like you suspected.

Rokujou: I hate you for siding with Lady Shoushi and Lord Michinaga, and all I want is to make your life miserable!

Rokujou: Isn't that juuust what you wanted from me?

Rokujou: You should be happy about this!

Rokujou: Oh, why the long face! You should be happy about this! You got what you wanted!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Sei Shounagon...

Rokujou: Hm?

Murasaki Shikibu: The real Sei an even greater airhead than I had thought.

Murasaki Shikibu: She's much too chummy for her own good, and she refuses to even try and gauge others' moods...

Fujimaru 1: Is this really the time to be bad-mouthing her!?

Murasaki Shikibu: But even with all that said...she isn't you.

Murasaki Shikibu: I know that now, thanks to this dreamworld.

Rokujou: Well, what do you know.

Rokujou: You almost made me cry, bitch.

Rokujou: Huh?

Nagiko: Hwachaaaaaa!!!

Rokujou: The heeelll!?

Fujimaru 1: R-Rokujou!?

Nagiko: Down with ostracism!

Nagiko: Do you know why I'm angry!? It's not 'cause I'm sad about being left alone or anything!

Nagiko: Anyway, never mind that now.

Nagiko: I'm getting the vibe you guys were all in on seriousness, huh?

Nagiko: Okay then, I'mma start over to be safe. Take two! Action!

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Wh...wh-where did you come from?

Nagiko: Oh, you know. I just followed the pings on my friendship radar.

Murasaki Shikibu: H-how could anything I just said have possibly made you think we were friends!?

Murasaki Shikibu: I never said anything of the sort, right, Master!?

Fujimaru 1: I answers here.

Rokujou: You? What are you doing here?

Rokujou: I thought I shut out everyone the Holy Grail summoned to make sure they couldn't interfere.

Rokujou: So how did you break in here?

Nagiko: Oh, that? Well, I don't really know much about all this Holy Grail stuff...

Nagiko: ...but is this what they look like?

Fujimaru 1: Another one!!!???

Murasaki Shikibu: That fragment...

Murasaki Shikibu: Of course. Those two fragments must have originally made up a single Holy Grail!

Murasaki Shikibu: If the shock of splitting apart caused one fragment to start acting up and making this twisted world...

Murasaki Shikibu: Then what if the other, assuming it still worked as it's supposed to...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...plumbed the depths of my consciousness for someone with whom I had a connection...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...and summoned them here as a Servant to act as a miniature Counter Force against that world?

Fujimaru 1: So, the real Sei Shounagon is, well, real?

Fujimaru 2: So another Grail fragment summoned the real Sei Shounagon!?

Rokujou: Huh.

Rokujou: So that's how it is, huh?

Murasaki Shikibu: Rokujou!

Rokujou: You guys think I'm some kind of twisted perversion...

Rokujou: ...and that obnoxious latecomer party girl is going to set me straight?

Rokujou: Are you kidding me with this crap? You're all really starting to piss me off!

Rokujou: Well, I don't care what you guys think. I'm going to decide what's right and what's wrong for myself.

Rokujou: And there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it.

Nagiko: Whoa!

Nagiko: Now that I got a better look at her... Is she me!? She is way more fire than I thought!

Rokujou: Are you freaking kidding me!?

Rokujou: How could you only just realize!? Didn't you hear her explaining it like a minute ago!?

Fujimaru 1: Please try to take this at least a little more seriously!

Murasaki Shikibu: Be careful, Nagiko!

Murasaki Shikibu: That Servant is named Rokujou, and she's the copy of you behind this whole incident!

Murasaki Shikibu: And, furthermore...

Murasaki Shikibu: I...I'm the one who made her...

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Ohhh, I get it.

Nagiko: So this is how you saw me, huh, Kaorucchi?

Nagiko: “A smug and conceited woman who considers herself the gods' gift to the world.”

Nagiko: Man, no wonder you threw all that shade at me. I look like a total bitch.

Murasaki Shikibu: Um... Weren't you just complementing her?

Nagiko: Not even close! Take a closer look!

Nagiko: We might look similar, but she's just an imitation of me in my court days! I can ratio that, no problem!

Nagiko: Back then, I had all kinds of different experiences that helped me grow and mature...

Nagiko: ...and develop such, um...grown-up sex appeal that I couldn't hide it if I tried...

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Right, Chan-mas!?

Fujimaru 1: Grown-up...

Fujimaru 2: Sex appeal...

Nagiko: What? I'm so goddamn sexy now. Hell, the sex appeal is practically coming off me in waves!

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm sure there are many interpretations of what gives someone sex appeal, but now is not the time to discuss them!

Rokujou: ... ...

Rokujou: You are just...totally clueless, aren't you?

Nagiko: Hm?

Rokujou: You, a mature adult? What a joke.

Rokujou: Let me guess: you've been telling yourself you've grown as a person since then.

Rokujou: Decided you should just let bygones be bygones and everyone can be friends now?

Rokujou: I'm guessing that's all the thought you put into your silly so-called friendship, and even that might be giving you too much credit.

Rokujou: But I know what you're really thinking, because I am you. And I know you haven't grown up at all.

Rokujou: You can laugh it up all you want, but deep down, you hate everything so much it makes you crazy, right?

Rokujou: So go on. Let it all out.

Rokujou: Michinaga... Shoushi... Murasaki...!

Rokujou: They're all responsible for taking Lady Teishi away from you, right!?

Rokujou: So what are you waiting for!?

Rokujou: You–I...have every right to curse them to hell and back!

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Yeah, maybe you're right.

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko!

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: Hey, Kaorucchi?

Murasaki Shikibu: Y-yes? What is it?

Nagiko: Sei Shounagon's role was done when she finished writing “The Pillow Book”.

Nagiko: I didn't have any other stories I wanted to tell, and I didn't feel like coming up with one, either.

Nagiko: I hoped Lady Teishi's soul would get to rest in peace, but whether it did or not, it was out of my hands.

Nagiko: So I thought, if I sacrificed “The Pillow Book” and the name Sei Shounagon...

Nagiko: ...maybe that would be enough to help her, even just a little.

Nagiko: So that's what I did.

Murasaki Shikibu: gave up everything you had as Sei Shounagon...

Murasaki Shikibu: soothe Empress Teishi's soul?

Nagiko: Once I did, that was it.

Nagiko: Who I am now is more like the dregs of tea at the bottom of an empty cup.

Nagiko: I'm no longer sad, or resentful, or anything like that.

Nagiko: I still love Lady Teishi, and that will never change...

Nagiko: ...but aside from that, I'm just fake old Nagiko.

Murasaki Shikibu: ...!

Murasaki Shikibu: No... You're wrong! You're not fake at all!

Murasaki Shikibu: Believe me, I would have been much more at ease if you had been!

Fujimaru 1: That's right.

Murasaki Shikibu: Master...?

Nagiko: ... ...

Fujimaru 1: The friendship chocolate you gave us...

Fujimaru 1: ...and the bonds it helped us form...

Fujimaru 1: ...are truly real.

Nagiko: ... ...

Nagiko: ...Tahaha.

Nagiko: So that was your game there, huh, Chan-mas? Well, you got me. You got me right in the feels.

Nagiko: So the opportunity I got from being fake was Valentine chocolate, huh?

Nagiko: I guess friendship chocolate, chocolate from your mom, and chocolate given out of obligation might not be the same as chocolate from your true love...

Nagiko: ...but maybe it's also okay for them to convey feelings that are just as genuine as true love.

Nagiko: Maybe, even though I'm fake... my feelings can still be real.

Nagiko: Hmm. You know...

Nagiko: That was pretty sentimental of me just now, wasn't it, Chan-mas?

Rokujou: Are you done?

Murasaki Shikibu: Rokujou!

Murasaki Shikibu: Are you still–

Rokujou: How touching.

Rokujou: I think I threw up a little bit, so thanks for that, but...

Rokujou: Did you really think that was going to change my mind?

Rokujou: That I'd be so convinced I was wrong I'd just hand over my Holy Grail like it was no big deal?

Rokujou: Well, if so, you were wrong. That's not happening.

Rokujou: This resentment and anger are all I've got. This grudge is who I am.

Rokujou: If all of it went away, I'd probably disappear with it.

Rokujou: So there's no way I'm going to let that happen.

Rokujou: If I can't at least curse you to death, Murasaki Shikibu...

Rokujou: ...then there's no point in my even being here!

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh no!

Murasaki Shikibu: Rokujou's feelings are resonating with the Holy Grail fragment! This is terrible!

Murasaki Shikibu: She's trying to destroy the entire dreamworld, and us along with it!

Nagiko: Well, I can understand how she feels. She is me, after all.

Nagiko: And believe me, I used to have plenty of anger myself.

Nagiko: If I'd held onto them... I could've easily ended up like her.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Nagiko: But, I'm not gonna do that now.

Nagiko: Right now, I'm more pumped up than I've ever been before.

Nagiko: And since you two are here to watch...I think I'm gonna show you just a bit of how badass I can really be!

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh...?

Murasaki Shikibu: Is this...Kyoto...?

Murasaki Shikibu: It can't be... Is this... Did you create a Reality Marble!?

Nagiko: What ultimately thawed my sad, frozen heart, were my memories of more brilliant, colorful days...

Nagiko: Don't worry, young people! Just be happy!

Nagiko: What you smiled about yesterday will ease your sadness and lead you onward to days yet to come!

Nagiko: Paint over all of them, Pillow Book!

Nagiko: Emotional Engine–Full Drive!!!

Rokujou: ... ...

Rokujou: Right.

Rokujou: That's how I made it through the days.

Rokujou: I made a beautiful field of flowers in my mind, and I'd retreat to it whenever life became unbearable.

Rokujou: I really am a pitiful, hopeless fool.

Rokujou: But for me...the version of me consumed by resentment...

Rokujou: ...this scenery and feelings...are pure poison.

Murasaki Shikibu: Rokujou...

Rokujou: So come on, other Sei Shounagon. Let's finish this properly.

Rokujou: I refuse to become a complete fool like you, so I'm going to end this here and now.

Rokujou: I'll curse you all to death...

Rokujou: And when I'm satisfied that I've had my revenge...

Rokujou: ...I'll disappear along with you.

Nagiko: Fine by me! Just don't expect me to pull my flying kicks!

Nagiko: Come on, you two, don't just stand there!

Murasaki Shikibu: Huh!?

Nagiko: This is really, truly the final battle!

Murasaki Shikibu: R-right! Understood!

Fujimaru 1: Come on, you two! Let's do this!


Rokujou: ... ...

Nagiko: ... ...

Rokujou: Does this mean I lost?

Nagiko: Yeah...I think it does.

Rokujou: I see... You know, easy as it might've been, nursing a grudge forever was a lot more boring than I thought.

Rokujou: Would you believe it?

Murasaki Shikibu: The Holy Grail fragment... Ah!

Fujimaru 1: Did they just stick themselves back together!?

Murasaki Shikibu: Does this mean that...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...the Holy Grail is back to normal now?

Nagiko: I thought I left it behind, but I guess it came back to me.

Nagiko: Oh well... Wouldn't be the first time that happened, right?

Nagiko: Okay, Chan-mas, here you go.

Fujimaru 1: Huh?

Murasaki Shikibu: Just like that!?

Nagiko: You both wanted this, right? So you can have it.

Murasaki Shikibu: But, if we take this back with us, then...

Fujimaru 1: Nagiko...

Nagiko: Aah! What's going on!? It's freaking me out!

Nagiko: Oh, wait, never mind. This just means I'm getting sent to the Throne...

Nagiko: ...and that everything that happened here is gonna be inscribed in my record...

Nagiko: Hmm... Well, that's kind of a shame. I was having so much fun.

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...Please, make sure you remember at least that much.

Murasaki Shikibu: After all, it wouldn't be fair if we were the only ones to remember, would it?

Nagiko: Bahahaha! That's a hell of a tall order there, Kaorucchi!

Nagiko: But okay. I'll do my best to somehow make myself hold onto it.

Fujimaru 1: I'm surprised that's even an option...

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko... No, Sei Shounagon...

Murasaki Shikibu: There's one thing I always wanted to ask you if I ever got the chance.

Murasaki Shikibu: Did you... D-did you, um...

Murasaki Shikibu: E-ever happen to read–

Nagiko: “The Tale of Genji”? Yup. The whole thing.

Murasaki Shikibu: !

Nagiko: As for my impressions... It shined so damn bright it almost bummed me out.

Nagiko: It grabbed my heart and wouldn't let go, but it always had a warm and familiar feeling to it, too...

Nagiko: In fact, that might've been the first time I stayed up all night to finish a book because I couldn't put it down.

Nagiko: I mean, I could never write anything like that no matter how hard I tried.

Nagiko: So getting to spend all this time with its author, well...

Nagiko: It made me really, really happy.

Murasaki Shikibu: Ah...

Murasaki Shikibu: I-I also, um...

Nagiko: Oh, wait, hang on.

Nagiko: I really hated Hikaru, though.

Murasaki Shikibu: Would you just go already!?

Nagiko: Wahahahaha!

Nagiko: And of course, I can't forget you, Chan-mas! Thanks for everything!

Fujimaru 1: No problem.

Fujimaru 1: See you again someday.

Nagiko: ... ...Hehe.

Nagiko: Don't you remember? I already promised I'd come to see you again.

Nagiko: All right, you two, take care!

Nagiko: And don't forget to say hi to all the others for me!

Nagiko: Bye-byyye!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Sei Shounagon... A smug and conceited woman who considers herself the gods' gift to the world...

Murasaki Shikibu: Even now that I've met her, I'm still at a loss as to how to describe her.

Murasaki Shikibu: She certainly was...a lot, wasn't she?

Fujimaru 1: That she was. She was a lot of fun to be around, though.

Fujimaru 2: Yeah, but I still had fun hanging out with her.

Murasaki Shikibu: Yes, I...

Murasaki Shikibu: I enjoyed myself, too.

Murasaki Shikibu: Oh.

Murasaki Shikibu: Now that we've collected the Holy Grail, it looks like my mind is losing its connection to this world.

Murasaki Shikibu: I would have liked to have said goodbye to everyone else before leaving, but I suppose I won't get the chance now...

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...

Murasaki Shikibu: Master...

Murasaki Shikibu: Now that this dreamworld has lost the Holy Grail that made it going to simply disappear?

Fujimaru 1: ...

Fujimaru 1: Just because we may not have the same dream again...

Fujimaru 1: That doesn't mean it'll disappear once we wake up.

Fujimaru 1: At least, I'd like to think so.

Murasaki Shikibu: Hehe... Yes, I suppose you're right.

Murasaki Shikibu: I'd like to think so, too...

Murasaki Shikibu: All right, we should probably be on our way.

Murasaki Shikibu: And once we get back, it's sure to be Valentine's Day at Chaldea, too!

Narration: So...

Narration: Afterwards, we woke up in Chaldea without so much as a scratch.

Narration: Apparently, we were asleep for a whole week, but the others quickly accepted it as “more of the usual dream nonsense.”

Narration: It made me realize once again how much they've all been around the block, as they say nowadays.

Narration: And now, today is Valentine's Day.

Narration: Women and men alike went in to visit Master while [♂ he /♀️ she] was still in bed, and it wasn't long at all before [♂ he /♀️ she] had a veritable mountain of chocolate piled up in [♂ his /♀️ her] room.

Narration: I suppose it just goes to show that what goes around, comes around.

Narration: Oh yes, as for the jointly developed chocolate that was in the works, I'm happy to report that the plans have since been scrapped.

Narration: Its creators were all disappointed, but I can't feel too bad for them. Something that dangerous should never have made it to market in the first place.

Narration: As for me...

Murasaki Shikibu: It should be right around... Ah.

Murasaki Shikibu: There it is. Hehe.

Murasaki Shikibu: I haven't read it in a very long time... but I think I can make a special exception today.

Murasaki Shikibu: In spring, it is the dawn that is most beautiful. As the light creeps over the hills...

Fujimaru 1: And there you go.

Fujimaru 2: So yeah, that was another thing that happened.

Mash: I see. Congratulations on another job well done, Senpai.

Mash: Still, I have to say...

Mash: It feels like it's become a sort of Valentine's Day tradition for something to go wrong, hasn't it?

Mash: I'm only sorry I wasn't able to help you out with this one. Anyway, this latest world revolved entirely around chocolate, huh?

Mash: Well, knowing you, Senpai, I'm sure you'd be able to get along just fine in a world like that, right?

Fujimaru 1: Oh, I don't know about that...

Fujimaru 2: I mean, I guess so...

Mash: I can see that you've already gotten lots and lots of chocolate from everyone else again.

Mash: Is it too late for me to give you some as well?

Mash: Or, maybe...

Mash:'re so sick of chocolate by now you don't even want to look at any more?

Fujimaru 1: Coming from you, Mash...

Fujimaru 1: I'd be more than happy to accept!