???: So you finally made it this far…

Shirou: Yeah, this place clearly isn’t normal. Oh, it’s Rin.

Rin: Shirou? Why are you here?

???: Yeah yeah, anyway, please notice me.

Shirou: Hmm, do you hear a voice?

Rin: What is Capsule Servant anyway! All these weirdos keep coming out one after another!

???: I said listen to me… This is the problem with Tohsakas…

???: Very well. I did not expect you to make it this far.

???: I shall send you into meaningless confusion myself.

The Edge of Fate ~Fatewell, Beloved Caren-chan~

???: If you stand before me, human children, then wepent your sins.

Shirou: What? That baby is talking!

Rin W-what’s going on?!

???: Yes, thank you for the the cliche surpwised reaction.

???: I am the one chosen by the gwail…

???: “Baby Caren”

Caren-chan: Caren-chan for showt.

Caren-chan: With the grail’s power, I created a world in which every character’s worth decreases.

Shirou: I see, that’s why all the boss characters were so disappointing!

Rin: No no no, they were beyond disappointing!

Caren-chan: Well, they’re supposed to be cursed to have their worth decreased…

Caren-chan: But they were a pretty disappointing bunch to begin with, so they didn’t change much, you shee…

Caren-chan: Especially TO-SAKA, what even was that.

Rin: …Ah, yeah, sorry.

Caren-chan: Well, it was entertaining to watch you fighting amongst yourselves with the Capsule Servants I prepared, goo goo.

Rin: …Then you’re the one behind everything!

Caren-chan: If this wasn’t leading up to me being behind everything, it wouldn’t make any sense.

Caren-chan: Fear not, there won’t be any weird person in an apron or the inevitable return of the dark Blossom after this.

Shirou: I see. But why are you doing this, Caren-chan?

Caren-chan: Just to mess with you.

Rin: Rude?!

Caren-chan: Only joking. This is my benevolence towards you.

Caren-chan: I am approving of your struggles in the face of your ordeals.

Caren-chan: Yesh, I am the world-observing baby chosen by the Great Grail to gaze down on the world in amusement!!!

Rin: Super Rude!!

Shirou: I see, I don’t really get it, but let’s stop her, Rin!

Rin: Wait wait, you’re not hesitating at all?! Well, I’d like to say that, but your nonchalant attitude is very reassuring now!

Caren-chan: Foolish human children, learn the meaning of true benevolence.

Caren-chan: Now, t r e m b l e i n f e a r goo goo.

Caren-chan: Ga ga…

Caren-chan: H-how… couwd I be defeated…

Shirou: Yeah, beating up a baby feels pretty awkward!

Rin: What are you saying? Listen, you have to beat your enemies black and blue!

Caren-chan: This world is so cruel to children, it should just be destroyed… I cannot resist that cliche style of ending.

Caren-chan: Goo goo. (switch on)

Shirou: What?! This space is collapsing!

Rin: Ah geez, I knew something like this would happen. Anyway, let’s get out of here, Shirou!

Shirou: I see, got it!

Caren-chan: Heh… The grail is nothing more than the negative thoughts of people.

Caren-chan: Very well, if I fall here, your world shall return to its original shtate. Go now, human children…


Rin: What are you doing, Shirou?! If you don’t hurry, the exit’s gonna close!

Shirou: Rin, go on ahead!

Rin: Huh? W-what are you saying! If you don’t hurry, it’s gonna close! That exit that looks like a wormhole, see?!

Shirou: Yeah, I’m gonna go after. Bye!

Rin: Wait, what are you doing, heyyyy! Shiroooooooooou!!!…

Shirou: Okay, then we’re getting out of here too, Caren-chan!

Caren-chan: …What are you trying to do?

Caren-chan: If you stay here, you will be caught in my destruction and be dragged into the spiral of worthlessness along with me.

Shirou: I see. Just come with me!

Caren-chan: B-but, with the grail destroyed, I am just a cute baby!

Caren-chan: There’s nothing an orphaned elementary school child like yourself can do, particularly in the social sense.

Shirou: That’s okay, in the worst case I’ll just have Fuji-nee adopt you!

Caren-chan: Ehh, is that possible? E-Emiya Shirou, why are you going so far…

Shirou: Let’s see———— Yeah!

Shirou: “—–Because I’m a hero of justice!”

Rin: Geez, who told Shirou he could do thaaat!

Shirou: …Cough cough. We made it!

Rin: Shirou, you’re all right! I-I wasn’t worried about you, I wasn’t!

Shirou: Yeah, sorry that I made you worried. Caren-chan is safe too!

Rin: W-what a relief… Wait, what?! Caren… chan?!

Caren-chan: Pleased to meet you, I am Emiya Caren. (peace)

Rin: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh?!!!

Rin: What is this?! Shirou! Why’d you bring her along?!

Shirou: Well, it’d be pitiful if she disappeared like that, right?

Rin: That’s not the problem! I mean, what’s this “Emiya Caren” about?!

Caren-chan: I intend to be raised as the Emiya family’s baby from now on, so please give me your regards, goo goo.

Rin: Don’t you goo goo me!

Narration: Emiya Shirou, fourth-grader, is a father of one!

Narration: Surrounded by society’s cruel eyes, his friends, and some bothersome girls…

Narration: …between childcare and school, his days are busy but fun!

Narration: Don’t lose, Shirou! Do your best, Caren!

Narration: Apparently she’s listed on the family register as Fujimura’s daughter, so there is no need to fear the government!

Rin: Wait wait wait, this is weird! This whole thing is weird!

Shirou: Okay, drink up and get big and strong!

Fujimura: Wait a minute, what do you mean she’s my daughter?! And is this the only place Fujimura gets to appear?!

Rin: Aaaah geez! What kind of ending is this?!!

Caren-chan: Goo goo. (peace)

The End

Caren: So how is that for my origin story?

Shirou & Rin: You wrote that whole thing?!