The Little Santa Alter - Christmas 2018

1st Night: What Ever Happened to Jeanne?

Narration: The waves crashed and roared. The violent winds howled.

Narration: It may not have been alive, but for all its ferocity, it may as well have been.

Narration: Somehow, it was as frightening as the beginning of the world, but as beautiful as the end of all things.

Narration: A gift that, supposedly, was never meant to be, was being opened before my eyes.

Narration: ...In the end, I was probably a failure as Santa.

Narration: That's why I'm sure these tears are tears of frustration.

Narration: There was a hole in my heart. And what filled it was—

Mash: Senpai, are you ready to go? That reindeer outfit really suits you!

Fujimaru 1: Thanks.

Mash: Oh, you forgot something important. Here, your red nose.

Fujimaru 2: Is that a compliment?

Mash: Yes! Of course!

Mash: I have sort of a care package for you from all the Servants.

Mash: We expect you to be out for a while, so please take it with you.

Mash: First... This is a portable heater.

Mash: You'll be flying at over 7,500 meters, so this will make sure you don't get cold.

Mash: It's made with Medea's magecraft, so it will definitely keep you warm!

Fujimaru 1: How helpful!

Mash: And this is a lunch from Emiya.

Mash: If you pull this string, it will automatically warm up.

Mash: He developed it together with Edison, or so he said...

Mash: Oh, the one flaw is that it emits a strong smell of dumplings, so be careful when you eat it.

Fujimaru 1: Rocket dumplings...

Mash: And this is from Marie.

Mash: “It's a little early for Christmas, but this is warm spiced wine,” she says.

Mash: “I'll put it in an insulated case, so drink it when you find yourself getting cold.”

Fujimaru 1: This is all so thoughtful...

Mash: And lastly, Senpai, this is from Santa Alter and me.

Mash: It's a talisman we made together. It's meant to give many effects, such as safe travelling...

Mash: At least, I hope it does.

Mash: Oh, and I have a message from Santa Alter. “You'd better not make her cry,” she says.

Mash: Hehehe, I guess Santa Alter is kind of worried.

Mash: This year's Christmas is going to be a little bit... crazy...

Mash: But I'm sure you'll make it work.

Mash: I need to undergo emergency maintenance, so I'm staying here with the doctor...

Mash: But I'll be monitoring you carefully!

Mash: So um... If you would contact me too, that would make me happy.

Fujimaru 1: Roger!

Mash: Right! Goodbye, Master! Be careful!

???: All right, it's time for Reindeer Master to head out! Let's go!

???: It is pretty cold outside, but we'll be fine!

???: Because I, Jeanne d'Arc Alter, am Santa!

???: It's extremely logistical! I mean, logical!

Fujimaru 1: Okay...what the actual hell?

Mash: Um, let me start from the beginning—

Jeanne Alter: Time for you to learn a lesson...

Gilles: Oh, Jeanne! Why are you summoning me at this late hour?

Gilles: If you wish to do a ritual of dark magecraft, can't it wait till morning?

Jeanne Alter: No, no, no. Definitely not.

Jeanne Alter: I don't care about those weird rituals. I don't even think they work.

Jeanne Alter: You know... It's almost time, right?

Gilles: Time for what?

Jeanne Alter: All the younger Servants are starting to get excited. I mean, so are the adults.

Jeanne Alter: Why are they getting all excited for? Can you even call that candy-loving book a legendary hero who left a mark on history?

Jeanne Alter: Ugh... Those so-called “real Servants” are satisfied with merely existing, and not at all interested in bettering themselves.

Jeanne Alter: According to Master, someone once said that anyone without a desire to improve is an idiot.

Jeanne Alter: I don't know who it was, but it's a great saying worthy of a Jeanne Alter gold star.

Gilles: Haha, you're getting off track, Jeanne. So, will you tell me what it's time for?

Jeanne Alter: ...Ahem.

Jeanne Alter: Basically, it's almost Christmas. Doesn't it piss you off to see them in high spirits?

Gilles: No, not at all.

Gilles: On the contrary, when I see the children get excited, it makes me want to smile.

Gilles: Though for reasons I can't quite understand, my smile seems to frighten children!

Jeanne Alter: ...I see now what a stupid question that was. Also, those kids are right to run away.

Jeanne Alter: Anyways, listen.

Jeanne Alter: When Christmas comes, she starts getting excited.

Gilles: Who is “she”?

Jeanne Alter: Don't you know?

Jeanne Alter: That awful, dark Santa with the skin the color of a corpse!

Jeanne Alter: Last time I was just walking through the halls when I almost got blown away!

Jeanne Alter: “You aren't looking where you're going, fallen saint. Can't you tell I'm in the middle of tuning my Llamrei Mark II?”

Jeanne Alter: “Of course you can! It's almost Christmas! It's almost time for Christmas fun. My sword shall save the world once more!”

Jeanne Alter: She said it twice! She just wouldn't shut up!

Jeanne Alter: And then she went into the combat simulator and started humming “Jingle Bells” while blasting off her Noble Phantasm for hours before finally going home.

Gilles: (Is my Jeanne stalking Santa...?)

Jeanne Alter: Can't you see? She's much too merry to be a proper Santa.

Jeanne Alter: So I'm going to steal–ahem, borrow–Santa Alter's sack.

Gilles: What? The sack she uses to carry presents!?

Jeanne Alter: That's right. And then I'm going to hand them out before she can.

Jeanne Alter: The children will cry. Santa Alter will cry. It will be my best Christmas ever!

Jeanne Alter: Do you see now, the genius of my plan?

Gilles: But, my Jeanne...

Gilles: If I may point out, even if it is the middle of the night, she is still a Servant.

Gilles: And we do not even have Presence Concealment. Won't it be quite difficult to steal from her?

Jeanne Alter: Hmph. You underestimate me, Gilles!

Jeanne Alter: Don't worry! The cute little kiddie King of Heroes gave me a potion that makes you invisible!

Gilles: Ooh! So that the pitch-black potion you've been holding...!?

Jeanne Alter: Yep. I'll turn invisible, steal her sack, and then spend the whole night delivering presents! It's foolproof.

Jeanne Alter: And tomorrow, when the children are happily opening their presents, I will feast on the sweet salt of Santa Alter's tears—


Gilles: What a beautiful, perfect plan! So all you have to do is drink that potion, my Jeanne!

Jeanne Alter: Yep! All that's left is to drink this potion, Gilles! That's...all...

Jeanne Alter: ...

Jeanne Alter: How strange. I'm suddenly a little...nervous for some reason...

Jeanne Alter: It should be safe, right? I was careful not to ask the scary evil Gilgamesh and chose the dumb kid, as a precaution.

Gilles: Yes! I have no reason to be confident about that, but I am willing to bet your life on it!

Jeanne Alter: Gilles, feel free not to say everything that comes to mind.

Jeanne Alter: But that's fine. If I stopped to worry about consequences, I wouldn't be a Servant.

Jeanne Alter: I am the witch of vengeance. Even if I've been tricked into taking poison, I'll still laugh and gulp it down. All the potion. All of it.

Jeanne Alter: Well, bottoms up! (Swallow)

Jeanne Alter: ...Ugh! This tastes awful!

Gilles: They say good medicine is bitter, Jeanne.

Jeanne Alter: Right, right. So? Am I turning invisible?

Gilles: No, not really.

Jeanne Alter: Grr. I knew he tricked me. Well, then I'll just go STEAL the real thing from— Ack, gah!?

Gilles: What's wrong, Jeanne?

Jeanne Alter: M-my body is on fire...Gyaaaahh!

Gilles: Oh no, not again! Jeanne! Jeanne!


???: Hey, you're being real loud, Mr. Gilles de Rais!

Gilles: Huh?

B:???: Hmph. Trying to turn invisible to stir up trouble. The grown-up me is awful, huh?

Gilles: Eh? Eh? Eh?

B:???: But I respect her desire to want to be Santa! I shall carry on her will!

Gilles: Wait... Wait... Are you...!

???: I am Jeanne Alter Lily. I was born to become the next Santa!

Gilles: Oh, Jeanne... Jeanne...! You have turned into a child too adorable by far...!

Gilles: Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my! I'm so excited I seem to have ascended! Prelati would be delighted!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyway, the grown-up me is a dummy to think I could steal by turning invisible.

Gilles: Oh? So you have a plan, sweet young Jeanne?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A plan? Mr. Gilles, are you stupid? I don't need a plan!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm just gonna convince Miss Altria Santa that I'm the better Santa!

Gilles: Ooh! Even in youth my Jeanne was so very reckless!

Gilles: Nothing good will come of this, but she may at least learn a life lesson...!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...? Off I go!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, you stay here, Mr. Gilles de Rais. You sneaking into a woman's room at night is bad, bad, bad!

Gilles: ...

Santa Alter: What'd'yuh mean you wannnabe Santa? ChristmasSwordOfPromised-calibur!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:


Santa Alter: Huh? Did that voice sound younger or something—

Santa Alter: Meh, whatever. Bedtime... Zzz... Get lots of sleep f' Christmas...

Gilles: Ooh, Jeanne!

Gilles: She's the sort who may bite if you get too close! Well, she may bite whether you're close or not!

Gilles: Perhaps the reason you failed was that you approached unguarded. Oh, how sad...!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Why didn't you tell me before!? She was scary! She was really, really scary!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Nuh-uh, I'm not crying!

Jeanne: Bulging-eyed Gilles... What is the meaning of your intrusion at this hour?

Jeanne: The Servants are one thing, but Master and the staff are sleeping.

Jeanne: If you want to make noise, do it when everyone is awake—

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The properly grown-up me! It's Regular Adult Me!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see. That explains why Adult-Me is all panicking and stuff.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But this year, Santa's job will be miiiiiine!

Jeanne: ...

Jeanne: ...Gilles?

Gilles: Wh-what is it, Jeanne?

Gilles: Is it just my imagination, or is your smile a little more strained than usual?

Jeanne: How could it not be strained? Now, tell me what's going on!

Jeanne: If you don't tell me everything, I will poke those googly eyes right out!

Jeanne: ...And that's what happened.

Fujimaru 1: What? Just... What?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You don't seem very calm, my Master.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If you're my Master, you need to be composted and remain calm at all times!

Fujimaru 2: I see... So they multiplied again...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, Master. What's that attitude for!?

Jeanne: That's right, Master. Multiplying like bunnies is Altria's thing.

Jeanne: Me multiplying is an exception to all exceptions!

Mash: I'm sorry. May I ask your name and class once more?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Of course. I am...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily Lancer!”

Fujimaru 1: One more time, faster.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: F-faster? All right.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “Jeanned'ArcSantaAlterLilySanta”! Huh? Waaait a minute... Um...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “SantaJeanneAlterd'ArcLily”! No... Um...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “ShantaJantaLilyncer”! Huh Um... Hmm... Um... Well...

Jeanne: Master, please don't tease her too much.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Tease me...? M-Master, what are you? A kid!?

Mash: I think I see what's going on.

Mash: Jeanne Alter has become Lily. And the cause is the young Gilgamesh's potion. Am I correct?

Gilgamesh (Child): I'm really sorry!

Fujimaru 1: You're not even kind of sorry, are you?

Gilgamesh (Child): Nope. She woke me up in the middle of the night. Not my fault I grabbed the wrong potion!

Gilgamesh (Child): It wasn't deliberate. It was an innocent mistake.

Fujimaru 2: Forgiven.

Gilgamesh (Child): Thanks!

Gilgamesh (Child): ...Well, if I were to make an excuse, it was because I was woken up at night and I grabbed the wrong thing.

Gilgamesh (Child): Maybe I shouldn't have opened the door to my treasure vault while I was still lying on the floor.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That was very careless of you, Gil!

Gilgamesh (Child): Hahaha. I never thought I'd see the day Jeanne Alter had a good reason to yell at me.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Adult-Me is a good-for-nothing!

Jeanne: I–she is not that bad...

Jeanne: Deep down, she has the potential to become a proud Servant...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The way the other me spoils me is the reason why I think of things like trying to steal sacks!

Santa Alter: ...I see. So this is what that weirdo looked like before she grew up.

Santa Alter: ...

Santa Alter: Miss Calls-Herself-a-Holy-Maiden, Master, come with me. I need to talk to you.

Jeanne: I've never called myself anything like that!

Santa Alter: Mash, you play with her for a while.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm too old to play.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: More importantly, Miss Altria Santa, give me Santa's sack—

Santa Alter: Just play. Or you get the naughtygirl-calibur.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Whaaaaaa!?

Santa Alter: ...Heh.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I-I don't think Santa should be threatening people! (Shaking)

Mash: Should I call you Jeanne Alter Santa Lily?

Mash: Or maybe something shorter? A nickname...?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jeanne Alter is fine. Or Santa Jeanne.

Mash: Then for now, I'll call you Jeanne Alter. Why do you want to be Santa Claus?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Because I'd be the best Santa ever, duh!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I can do a much better job of delivering the proper, ideal presents for everyone.

Mash: The proper presents...?

Mash: I do remember Emiya's unreadable expression upon receiving Black Keys last year...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What's an Archer gonna do with Black Keys, anyway? That's why she's bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!

Mash: ...Good point.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I know most of what happened last Christmas from grown-up me's memories.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I know I can give better presents, and that everyone will love them!

Santa Alter: Heh. Listen to you.

Mash: Welcome back, Master. Is something wrong?

Fujimaru 1: Nothing.

Fujimaru 2: I'm back.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-what is it, Miss Altria Santa? Is it another-calibur? Whatcha-calibur again?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: D-do it, if you dare!

Santa Alter: You are not fooling anyone, talking tough while hiding behind Master.

Santa Alter: ...But we talked, and I've decided that you can be Santa this year.

Santa Alter: Take this. This is Santa's secret sack.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Huh?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-it's okay? Really?

Santa Alter: Well, if you don't want to, I'll just be Santa again.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: N-no! I'll do it! I'll do it!

Santa Alter: Reindeer, this year will be different than last. You take the lead.

Santa Alter: What you do is no different from last year. Gather the stockings that are the crystallizations of children's hearts.

Santa Alter: Babysitting will be an extra task, but you can do it.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-that sounds like I'm just some useless kid!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Take that back! I demand a reduction!

Fujimaru 1: I'm counting on you.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I guess I have to babysit Master, then.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Fine. I'm gonna lead the Reindeer to the best Christmas ever!

Fujimaru 2: Let's do our best, Santa Claus.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Do our best? There's no need to work that hard.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hehehe. Why, you ask? Because my plan is perfect!

Santa Alter: (I have a bad feeling about this, but hang in there, Reindeer. Fujimaru is the only one who can control her.)

Jeanne: Consider this a request from me as well, Master. Please, make Lily into a great Santa...!

Fujimaru 1: I'm on it.

Jeanne: Thank you...!

Jeanne: I know this should be obvious, but Alter Lily is also a different being than myself.

Jeanne: Please treat her as a full-fledged Servant.

Fujimaru 2: I'll try.

Santa Alter: Heh. That's the answer of one who knows what [♂ he /♀ she]'s doing.

Santa Alter: All right, I'll start by testing your power.

Santa Alter: Santa, Jr., Fujimaru. We'll start with Santa warm-ups.

Santa Alter: Santa needs an iron will, an icy heart, and the fury of a demon! Fight without fear!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: To the combat simulator, right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Don't worry. I'll show you my powers as a Santa Servant.

Santa Alter: Very well. I will be your opponent, Santa, Jr.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A-already!? Uuhhh... Wait! I'm not ready—

Santa Alter: There's no use arguing! I shall test you to see if you're a Santa worthy of my Reindeer!


Santa Alter: You passed. Barely. But, I suppose I must give you my secret sack.

Santa Alter: Now, Reindeer. Work hard so you don't tarnish the Santa name.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-that was scary... That was real scary...

Mash: Are you okay? It looked like you were maybe crying a little, Jeanne Alter...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No, I wasn't crying! There's no crying in Santa Claus! It's a Class that delivers smiles!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyways, old Santa gave me her blessing. Now let's go deliver preseeents!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? It's still early? What are you saying, Reindeer?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You know how the song goes! “Santa baby, hurry down...”

Mash: V-very well, but we have to prepare, so hold on a little bit!

Mash: It may not be winter yet, but it is late fall. There might already be snow falling in some places.

Mash: We should at least get some winter equipment ready!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyway, that's enough reminiscing. Time to get going, Reindeer!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: There are Servants waiting for us to give them their presents!

2nd Night: The Gift of the Fool

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Have you heard of the story called “The Gift of the Magi,” Reindeer?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Personally, the truly moving moment kinda falls flat!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hair can grow out, but the special family watch is gone forever!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: From the way the story goes, the husband prolly won't be getting a new watch.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: And every time the wife uses the combs, she'd feel real bad, and every time the husband see the combs, he'd feel kinda dumb.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: And that's bad. 'Course they wanted to be nice, but their gifts didn't make them magi, they made them dummies!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Yes, that's why this is the perfect present for her.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hum, hum, hum. Hum, hum, huuuum. Hum, hum, hum... Hum, hummmm♪

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Slashing through the night, and tearing through the sky♪ This is how Santa should be!

Fujimaru 1: You look like you're having fun.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Fun... N-no. This is work! It's real work!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Singing is part of Santa's job!

Fujimaru 2: What a pretty voice.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Pretty... Rei... Reindeer, you've sure got an eye for talent!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: In any event, the first request will be... from Jea... Jean...

Fujimaru 1: Jing Ke.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I know that!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Last year's request was for a dagger with a sharp blade, but she instead got an “elegant older gentleman”...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What's an “elegant older gentleman”?

Fujimaru 1: A classy old guy who got murderified.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't really get it, but that's not a good present for Jean Kay!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I have the bestest present for her, so let's head towards the caves!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So, how do you get down there, anyways...?

Martha: Again. We're doing this. Again. This year!?

Ushiwakamaru: It's fine. It's fine. How about a drink, Martha?

Martha: And this year Ushiwakamaru is drunk, too...

Ushiwakamaru: No, no, no, no. I am not all at drunk.

Ushiwakamaru: Yooou...shall not pass. (Talking to a Jizo statue)

Martha: Stop talking nonsense. We only need one person who talks like that.

Jing Ke: Maaarrrthaaa! Make me your Steel Fist Yukhoe, Yukhoe—!

Jing Ke: Use your fists! Smash the meat! You know, the thing that magically tastes better that way!

Martha: Okay. Fine. You two are a pain this year, too!

Mata Hari: But Christmas is so much fun. Why didn't you tell me last year?

Mata Hari: Hey, Martha. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Martha: It's just pains in the butt all over the place! I thought this might happen!

Mata Hari: Booooooo...

Martha: Jing Ke! Do you have any other requests?

Jing Ke: Hmm?

Jing Ke: I have plenty of alcohol, so just Yukhoe will be fine! (Belch)

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, oh! Over here! Over here! I have a request.

Martha: Sure, what is it?

Ushiwakamaru: I'd like a crockpot. Would that be okay?

Martha: A crockpot?

Mata Hari: What is a crockpot? Is it for crocodiles?

Ushiwakamaru: No, I was hoping to make some soft-shell turtle soup.

Martha: Oh, turtle soup...

Jing Ke: Turtle soup, huh!? That sounds good! That will invigorate you!

Jing Ke: We can always make our Master eat it! It'll be one wild night!

Martha: Well unfortunately, I didn't procure any soft-shell turtles.

Martha: Why would you need to be invigorated on such a holy day?

Martha: Sure, I can see you celebrating a bit, but more than anything it is a time for reverence and—

Ushiwakamaru: Hahahahaha, what are you saying, Martha? There's a huge turtle right here.


That's Tarasque! Tarasque!!

G:Tarasque: (You need to... pick better friends...) ↑Said while trembling like a soaked, frightened puppy

Mata Hari: Hey, Ushiwakamaru. Don't you feel bad for Tarasque?

Mata Hari: Besides, no way a turtle this big would taste good!

Jing Ke: Hmm... Then how about giving it a try?!

Jing Ke: Hahahahaha! Tarasque soup! Tarasque soup!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Do you see this, Reindeer? Look at these weirdos...

Fujimaru 1: This is a terrifying scene...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: All the adults are ganging up on that poor turtle.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's like a scene from hell. This is bad... This is real, real bad.

Fujimaru 2: This is so terrible in so many ways...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yeah, I feel bad for Tarasque, but seeing grown-ups acting like this...!

Mash: Santa Alter told me what happened last year, but... This is far worse than I heard...

Martha: Oh, Santa and Reindeer. You came again? So soon?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! We're here! And just like last year you're all sooo baaad!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You're all getting ingrate... inebred... Drunk! Drunk in a cave! And you call yourselves adults!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Come onnn! Are you dummies!?

Martha: ...Weren't you taller last year?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: H-hey! Don't pick on me! I'm going to grow! I'm GONNA get taller!

Jing Ke: Whaat? Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Eek!

Jing Ke: Oh, Santa's here again! Come, come. Have a drink.

Ushiwakamaru: Jing Ke, Santa's scared and hiding. That's no good.

Ushiwakamaru: We need to smoke her out. Like a mole.

Ushiwakamaru: If you want to chop off the head of every soldier in a fortress, it's best to just burn it down.

Ushiwakamaru: So, let's burn everything!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: R-Reindeer! Reindeer!? Ushiwakamaru is scaring me!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This is why I hate drunk people! This isn't Christmas at all!

Fujimaru 1: Let's punish them.

Ushiwakamaru: Punishment... What a spirited idea... I mean, splendid idea.

Ushiwakamaru: Brother would just put his trembling fingers up his brow in frustration...

Ushiwakamaru: But my sister-in-law, Masako. Wow, was she strict.

Ushiwakamaru: If one didn't continuously demonstrate great martial might and feats of strength, she might take their head at any moment.

Ushiwakamaru: Punishment. That is good.

Ushiwakamaru: But if you don't give me a good punishment, I, Ushiwakamaru, shall bite back without hesitation!

Fujimaru 2: Let's punch 'em till they straighten out.

Martha: Let your fists do the talking... That sounds nice. But we are an all-girls club.

Martha: Out of respect for our friendship, I shall be on their side! Also, I'll make sure you forget everything while I'm at it, Master.

Martha: It would be awkward next time we saw each other. Right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Ha. A fight? Yeah! I can do that!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Come on, Reindeer, give me your orders!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: When I win, make sure you praise me a lot!

Mash: The sad drunk girls' party is coming this way!


Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: (Panting) W-we won!

Fujimaru 1: You were great, Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, I am the bestest Santa!

Fujimaru 2: You're cute.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Cu...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: N-N-NO! I'm not! I'm not!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You can praise me as much as you want, but for being the best Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No calling me cute! No, no, no! Boo...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you...

Jing Ke: Oh man, we lost! It's lose even if you drunk while you're fun!

Martha: (Sigh) That didn't sober them up at all...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyways, here's your presents, weird ladies!

Jing Ke: Ahahahaha. What's this? (Gulp, gulp)

Ushiwakamaru: Some sort of new alcohol? (Gulp, gulp)

Mata Hari: This tastes funny... (Gulp, gulp)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's a detoxifier.

All Three: What.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Servants shouldn't be getting drunk! That's bad, that's real bad.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This so you always keep your sense of duty as a Servant.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, please do be careful. It also means if you drink any alcohol you'll take damage.

Jing Ke: Th-that can't be!

Jing Ke: I can't drink? Wh-what's the point in living now...?

Martha: Darn it... I see. So that's where this was going...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Whew. Did you see how great the presents I gave them this year were?

Ushiwakamaru: Things were finally about to get really wild and fun... It's going to be tough being sober on Christmas.

Mata Hari: Oh my. I can't use alcohol as an excuse to do things anymore...

Mata Hari: (Glance)

Fujimaru 1: ...!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What's wrong, Reindeer? Your face is all red...

Mash: What's wrong, Master? Did something happen, Master?

Mash: Is there a reason to lock eyes with Mata Hari, Master!?

Mata Hari: Hehehehe.

Martha: Umm, Santa. You didn't make this medicine... Did you?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No, I didn't know how, so I had a Caster make it. I don't know who he was but he wore white clothes—

Jing Ke: Did he have long hair? It was long hair, wasn't it? Hahahahaha, let's go stab him. Stabbity stab stab!

Ushiwakamaru: I shall accompany you to the very gates of hell! Haha, hahaha, hahahahaha...!

Mata Hari: I think I'll come along, too. Martha, you handle the rest.

Martha: What do you mean, handle the rest—

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's head to the next one, Reindeer! It smells like alcohol here, and it's making me dizzy...

Martha: Okay, you. Wait juuust one second. (Grab)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:


Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Wh-what is it?! I'm Santa! I'm busy!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You already got your present! Lemme go!

Martha: I need to talk to you.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Call me Santa!

Martha: Okay, okay. Santa, Santa.

Martha: ...Now. What were you thinking when you chose those presents?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What I was thinking... I wanted to pick something that would be good for them.

Martha: Hmm... I think Christmas presents are more about making people happy than being practical.

Martha: The celebration of Christmas began as an opportunity to celebrate His birth.

Martha: It's not about having a good gift, but rather about making someone happy... Don't you think?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Nope!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If Christmas is a day of blessing, then giving a useful gift is important.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...It's true everyone might not be happy with my gift, but...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If it ends up being useful, then their happiness really isn't that important. That's what I think.

Martha: ...Hmm, I see. I suppose that way of thinking is—

Martha: It makes sense, but...

Martha: ...Reindeer, can I leave the rest to you?

Fujimaru 1: Oh, I got this.

Martha: ...Understood. That's all from me. I thank you for your present.

Martha: Good luck, Santa.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Haha, yesss!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's go deliver our next present, Reindeer!

3rd Night: We are Middle Schoolers

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's get going, Reindeer!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Time to deliver some good, practical presents for the good Servants of Japan!

Fuuma Kotarou: ...Is it time yet?

Tawara Touta: Hmph, Lord Amakusa. What is Fuuma waiting for?

Amakusa Shirou: Ah... He requested a present from Santa Claus.

Tawara Touta: Hahaha! I see! I see! Even the leader of the Fuuma Clan is still human, eh?

Tawara Touta: I thought ninja were just puppets on strings without human emotions. Man, that's so cute!

Amakusa Shirou: We Servants find our psychological ages strongly affected by our physical bodies.

Amakusa Shirou: A 15 year-old body means his mind has regressed to that of a 15-year-old.

Tawara Touta: Indeed. Memories of our older selves often feel like it's somebody else's business.

Tawara Touta: Servants are such strange beings.

Tawara Touta: But Lord Amakusa, is this “Santa Claus” really real? Handing out presents sounds like the work of a celestial maiden.

Amakusa Shirou: Yes, that's exactly right. But word from [♂ him /♀ her] is that there's a bit of a problem this year...

Tawara Touta: Oh? A problem? That sounds interesting. What is it—

Fuuma Kotarou: They're here!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thanks for waiting! You must be Fuuma Kotarou!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily has arrived!

Mash: I see all the Servants of the Far East are gathered here... Are you having a banquet or something?

Fuuma Kotarou: ...A child?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm not a child! I'm Santa! Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily! Aww, how come everyone calls me a child?

Tawara Touta: Mostly because you are, I guess? Come now, want some candy?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No. Thank. You.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Besides, everyone knows you're not supposed to take things from strangers.

Fujimaru 1: Do you want one?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer, where did you get that candy?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A ramune flavored candy? My faaavorite! Its fizziness is so grown-up!

Tawara Touta: What do you mean, grown-up...?

Fujimaru 2: Want some candy?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What? Really!? Thank yo— N-no, I'm fine.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't um... I really don't like mint... It's a little too grown-up for me...

Mash: I see. Mint flavor is for grown-ups, huh? I'll ask the doctor for some next time.

Fuuma Kotarou: So, Santa. About my present... (Fidget, fidget)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, I know. What you truly need is—

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This Japanese-English dictionary!

Fuuma Kotarou: ...A dictionary...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! Your Noble Phantasm name has, um... A lot of grammatical issues and things.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Fix it to proper English for a proper NP name!

Amakusa Shirou: ...

Tawara Touta: Hmm, even I can tell that this is no fun at all. A Japanese-English dictionary for Christmas?

Tawara Touta: That's as disappointing as getting a biography of Schweitzer. No, I mean Schweitzer was a great man, but...

Tawara Touta: Anyway, that's a terrible present.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What? Even Mr. Tawara is complaining! This gift is for Mr. Fuuma's own good!

Tawara Touta: But I've heard Christmas is a time for celebrations, like New Year's.

Tawara Touta: Everyone celebrates and everyone is happy. You want a gift like a festival prize, or something cheerful!

Tawara Touta: Which means it should be something they'll enjoy, not something that makes their life better, right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...If it's not useful, then it's not a very good present.

Fuuma Kotarou: Hmph.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Otherwise, giving a present is just about making yourself feel good. The giver just wants to take joy in giving something.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That's no good! It doesn't make the world any better.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So that means no matter what the person says, the giver has to get them a useful gift to help them improve!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That's what it means to be Santa.

Fuuma Kotarou: ...No, it isn't.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, it is.

Fuuma Kotarou:


Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:




Tawara Touta: Hmph. Nothing for it, then.

Tawara Touta: We are Servants. We shall settle this as Servants do, with a Christmas battle!

Tawara Touta: By the way, I'm joining Fuuma's side. It's childish to give someone a present they don't want.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Fine, then, be that way! Santa will kick your butts!

Fuuma Kotarou: I see. ...Then I shall resist with all I've got. I am Fuuma Kotarou, fifth leader of the Fuuma Clan.

Fuuma Kotarou: I shall destroy this most pointless of presents!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My name is Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily! You're gonna take my gift and like it, whether you like it or not!


Amakusa Shirou: ...Understood. Leave it to me.

Tawara Touta: I lost to a kid like her!? When did I get so rusty!?

Tawara Touta: I guess I can't be touting “Playing is Justice” anymore... Maybe I should take it easy with the eating, too...

Fuuma Kotarou: I've failed...!

Fuuma Kotarou: But a defeat is a defeat. I suppose I must now accept your Japanese-English dictionary.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Now you can fix your Noble Phantasm's name!

Fuuma Kotarou: Hmm? I've no intention of changing its name.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What...?

Fuuma Kotarou: ...The founders of the Fuuma clan were “ijin.” Which is to say, they were not from Japan.

Fuuma Kotarou: I'm told my father was a large, red-haired, blue-eyed Westerner.

Fuuma Kotarou: For the founders, the fading memories of their homeland must have been hard to endure.

Fuuma Kotarou: It is the same with the children born here. We can no longer speak the language of our forefathers.

Fuuma Kotarou: So the least we can do is to use a few (cool-sounding) words of that language to bring them peace...

Fuuma Kotarou: Such sentiment is embedded in my Noble Phantasm... So I can't change it.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I didn't know that... And to think I tried to give you a dictionary...

Fuuma Kotarou: No, no. I will take it, and thank you for it.

Fuuma Kotarou: In the future, maybe I'll add something to my Noble Phantasm name. So, thank you...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Okay. Let's go, Reindeer.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's time to move on.

Tawara Touta: Huh, she left in the middle of our bit of reflection.

Fuuma Kotarou: That girl—

Tawara Touta: Hmm?

Fuuma Kotarou: That girl doesn't feel any joy in giving presents, does she?

Tawara Touta: No, she doesn't seem to. She's trying to do it right, is sad, too.

Tawara Touta: She focuses on usefulness because she doesn't know what kind of gifts bring joy.

Tawara Touta: But then... Why did she become Santa in the first place?

Fuuma Kotarou: ...Oh?

Tawara Touta: What's wrong?

Fuuma Kotarou: No, I was just wondering...

Fuuma Kotarou: Where did Lord Amakusa go?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Reindeer.

Fujimaru 1: What is it?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Umm... Am I doing this all wrong?

Fujimaru 2: You look down.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Maybe my present for Fuuma Kotarou wasn't so useful after all...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's hard being Santa. I thought it would be real easy when I started...

???: Oh? Don't tell me you're giving up on being Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Who's there!?

Mash: Huh? What? I'm detecting a Servant!

???: Heheh. Only a fool would reveal his identity when asked.

???: But I suppose there's no harm in it...

Santa Island Mask: I am Santa Island Mask, the mysterious Servant who lives on Santa Island!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Santa Island Mask...! He's boarding Llamrei Mark II...!

Mash: Um, excuse me. But are you Amaku—

Santa Island Mask:

I am Santa Island Mask!

Santa Island Mask: By the way, just because I'm wearing red doesn't mean I am in any way related to any “Emiya” or “Shirou”.

Fujimaru 1: Oh, really?

Santa Island Mask: Nope. Not at all. I'm just red and tanned.

Fujimaru 2: Of course not. Truly, your identity is shrouded in mystery.

Santa Island Mask: Yes. Yes, it is.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay! Now I know who you are! But how come you're bothering me?

Santa Island Mask: Ahem. Jeanne... Oh Jeanne...

Santa Island Mask: You mustn't let Fuuma not liking your present get you down.

Santa Island Mask: It is Santa's job to always get back up and always deliver smiles.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Always... smiles...

Santa Island Mask: Stand and present. You must stand up... and give presents.

Santa Island Mask: Even Scrooge made it in time. There's no way YOU can fail, right?

Santa Island Mask: Whenever you're lost, or in trouble, I shall appear.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Santa Island Mask...! Does this make you my mentor?

Santa Island Mask: Um... Sure... I guess...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay!

Santa Island Mask: Heheh. Then I shall guide you on the path to becoming a true Santa.

4th Night: Merry Christmas in the Labyrinth

Jack: Here are the plates!

Nursery Rhyme: Mister, is there anything else I can help with? Oh, noisemakers! Those are important, right?

Emiya: Mister... Well, I guess that's right. If I tell her not to call me Mister then I'll sound even older.

Emiya: Oh hey you two, wait. Be careful with the noisemakers.

Emiya: The sound will echo in a labyrinth. You need to be mindful of your neighbors, especially at festival time.

Both: Okay!

Emiya: Sheesh... I had hoped to avoid a repeat of last year by spending this year alone in a quiet labyrinth.

Asterios: Um... Sorry.

Emiya: Don't worry. You got roped into this, too. Don't be so timid.

Emiya: I know this is foreign to you, but it's a celebration, so try to embrace it wholeheartedly.

Emiya: Master and I are almost from the same era. Our generation has always gotten really excited about holidays and events.

Emiya: Don't worry about me. Make noise, and have a good time.

Asterios: Okay. Chriss...mas.

Jack: Guess what, guess what! This year we asked Santa for a doll!

Emiya: That's very unlike you... Ahem, erm, sorry, I mean, such innocence is just like you!

Jack: They say the dolls of us are super popular! So we want one as a present!

Emiya: Oh? Wait a minute. That's no doll, it's an action figure—

Nursery Rhyme: Me too! Me too!! I asked for a book! But a new tea set would be nice too!

Nursery Rhyme: What did you ask for, Asterios?

Asterios: Huh? Nothing...really—

Both: Huh!? What a waaaaaaste!

Jack: Ask for something! Or we'll dismember you!

Emiya: ...Dismember? Oh, she means this'll be something to remember!

Nursery Rhyme: We'll help you! Asterios, what do you want?

Asterios: Hmm... It's...secret...

Jack: We hope your wish comes true!

Nursery Rhyme: We'll pray that your wish comes true!

Asterios: Thanks. too...

Emiya: Okay, food's ready. All that's left is—

Both: To wait for Santa!

Asterios: ...Oh. here...

Jack: It must be Santa!

Nursery Rhyme: Let's go meet them!

Emiya: So much energy.

Emiya: Asterios, while they're going to see Santa, let's get ready.

Asterios: Plates on...table... it.

Emiya: ...Humph. A confidential message from Chaldea...? I didn't know they had my private contact info... Hello?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...We're lost, aren't we?

Fujimaru 1: Absatively.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yeaaah... Maybe I was wrong to think I could just figure out the labyrinth...

Fujimaru 2: Well, you've been blindly wandering around...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I had a revelation that this was the right way! But...maaaybe it was just my imagination!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, someone's here! Good, it must be the people who asked Santa for presents!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hello! I'm Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily! Now, your present is—


Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Gyah—!

Fujimaru 1: So I'm the present?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't have any presents like that! That kind of stuff is, um, will have to wait until you grow up!

Fujimaru 2: We're labyrinth lunch.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer, i-it's gonna eat us!


???: Santa! Santa!

???: Wheeere aaare yooou!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Those voices! The sweet voices of innocent children calling for Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Come on, let's shout back, Reindeer!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: We're heeere! Where are yooou?

Nursery Rhyme: Oh good. We finally found you!

Jack: Are you okay? We heard a big scream.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: W-we're fine. Everything's fine. Anyway, were you the one who asked Santa for presents?

Jack: Yep! ...Wait. Are you Santa?

Nursery Rhyme: Where's last year's Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Oh!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This year, I am the one true Santa: Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!

Jack: Too looong!

Nursery Rhyme: It's a fun name, like spam!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:


Nursery Rhyme: But that's too bad! I wanted to thank last year's Santa.

Jack: Yeah. She gave us lots of presents.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Altria Santa gave you lots of presents?

Nursery Rhyme: Yup, it was me and Jack's first Christmas, so she gave us lots of presents!

Jack: We got to be friends with Reindeer, too!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The last Santa did that...

Nursery Rhyme: Now, are you ready?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? Ready? Ready for what?

Jack: Aww, don't try and fool us! We know!

Jack: You only get presents after you beat Santa in a fight!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: F-fight...?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Well, I guess being Santa this year has been looots of fighting...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Butbutbut! Santa spreads love, not battles!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's what the Adult-Me stopped spreading. ...Stupid Adult-Me!!!

Fujimaru 1: So. Now, this is happening... (sigh)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I'm sorry. When I think about my future, I just can't help it...

Fujimaru 2: Calm down, Little Alter.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey! Don't call me “Little”!

Nursery Rhyme: She's flirting with Master. Bad Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I am not flirting!

Nursery Rhyme: Christmas is a time for children like us! I won't let couples steal it!

Jack: Let's get lots of presents, Nursery!

Nursery Rhyme: Let's do it, Jack!

Nursery Rhyme: Now, let's all gather round for story time! If you're naughty on Christmas, Krampus will come for you!

Nursery Rhyme: Let's treat our weird Santa Claus guest to our best hospitality!


Nursery Rhyme: We lost...



Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? Wh-what happens if you lose!?

Nursery Rhyme: If you lose, you don't get presents! Christmas rules!

Jack: The rules...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But I do have presents for you...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...This is... A rose Black Key!

Fujimaru 1: A rose Black Key!?

Fujimaru 2: A what, now?

Santa Island Mask: When he hears both the sobbing and cheering of little girls, he comes running...

Santa Island Mask: I am... Santa Island Mask!

Fujimaru 1: And then Christmas was saved...

Santa Island Mask: I'm here!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My mentooor...!

Santa Island Mask: Humph... It would be rude to tell them they're wrong about Christmas.

Santa Island Mask: Don't worry. Here's what you do. (Whisper whisper)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Um... But isn't lying bad...?

Santa Island Mask: Christmas is a day where lies are okay! April Fools? What's that?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I understand!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: G-gwah! I. Have. Been. Defeated!

Nursery Rhyme: Hwah?

Jack: Huh?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, um... It seems You used... Damage over time! Yes...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I'm so weak... I can't move another step...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I have no choice but to give you these presents, I guess...

Fujimaru 1: You won!

Both: Yaaay!

Nursery Rhyme: We won! We won! I'm so happy! I'm so super-duper happy!

Jack: Okay! Now it's time to dismember you!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Please don't.

Jack: Oh, you're alive!

Santa Island Mask: See? It worked, right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: R-right!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But somehow, it just doesn't feel right...

Jack: Is that masked person Mommy?

Santa Island Mask: No, unfortunately, I am not your mother.

Santa Island Mask: But in a way, Christmas is a day when everyone is your mother. Isn't that wonderful?

Jack: Lots of mommies on Christmas? Really?

Fujimaru 1: Santa Mask...what have you done...

Fujimaru 2: No! That will only end badly!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, don't shout, Reindeer Master!

Santa Island Mask: Heheh, now that I've ticked Master off, I shall bid you adieu!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My mentooor...!

Nursery Rhyme: Okay, new Santa! It's time...

Jack: invite you to our tea party!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-thank you very much. I'll give you your presents there!

Emiya: It took you a while. I assume you had to fight some weird Christmas battles.

Emiya: Oh, Master... And you're the new Santa?

Nursery Rhyme: That's right. This is the new Santa! She's going to give us presents!

Nursery Rhyme: Her name's um... Um...

Jack: Jeanne Spam d'Arc Spam Alter Spam Santa Spam Lily Spam, right?

Emiya: What... That's... What?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Take the spam part out, please!

Emiya: Oh, so it's like a code name. But it's still long...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Emiya... You didn't request a Christmas present, did you?

Emiya: Unfortunately, I'm too old for that.

Emiya: And in my homeland, the parents and guardians are the ones to give the presents.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Asterios didn't make any requests, either. Don't you have anything you want?

Asterios: I do... But it's...okay...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hmph. You might think I'm not a really real Santa 'cause I'm young.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I may not look it, but I'm a full-fledged Santa Claus! Now tell me what you want!

Asterios: ...I want...days like last. As

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh...?

Asterios: this... Going...lots of places... Fighting—

Asterios: Someday...will...end... Sometimes...hard, but...

Asterios: ...It's fun...right now... fun.

Asterios: Like...a dream...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Um, that wish... I'm sorry... I can't grant it.

Asterios: Yeah... So, it's okay...

Asterios: Want...some food?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...No. I'm Santa. No food for me.

Asterios: Too bad... It's good...

Emiya: How long have you been Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-this is my first year.

Emiya: Hmm. So your Spirit Origin base was Jeanne d'Arc?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: E-enough talking about me. Now, let's give these two their presents!

Nursery Rhyme: What kind of present is it? I can't wait! I just can't wait!

Jack: A dolly! A dolly!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

...It'll be fine. I'm sure this will be useful... For you two...

Emiya: That's...

Asterios: Huh?

Jack: ...What's this?

Nursery Rhyme: What is it?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

A Hermitage is a quiet place where monks do special spiritual training...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

...It's so you can go someplace quiet... and study instead of just playing all the time...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I just thought studying... Would help Jack and Nursery Rhyme...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Um... Well...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It would be good for you... No, it wouldn't. I-I'm sorry!

Fujimaru 1: Santa!?

Jack: Sh-she ran away...

Nursery Rhyme: What do we do? Santa got sad! On Christmas!

Jack: Is it our fault?

Emiya: No, it's not your fault. Have some food before it gets cold.

Both: Okay...

Asterios: we do...? a problem...

Emiya: Right, then... You, shady-looking guy in the mask who's been creeping in the corner this whole time.

Emiya: You got a solution?

Santa Island Mask: Let's see...

Santa Island Mask: Before we start thinking about a solution, shouldn't we begin by identifying the problem?

Emiya: That's fair enough.

Emiya: Jeanne d'Arc is one thing, but... Jeanne Alter... Especially in Lily form...

Santa Island Mask: No, I think I know the cause. There's something she's missing.

Emiya: Missing, huh...? Hmm. What is it?

Narration: ...No matter what they say, I just don't have it.

Narration: Practicality is all I am. Every part of my being is about what's useful...

Narration: I have no wish. I could die at any time. I have no hope. I could vanish at any moment.

Narration: E-even my existence was impossible from the moment it began...

Narration: Something like impossible being, an impossible concept...could have no wish.

Narration: ...But there was one thing I thought I could do...

Narration: I could be someone who grants other people's wishes, instead of my own... I could be Santa Claus.

Narration: I thought I could be Santa. But...I was wrong.

Narration: I borrowed the sack, and got Reindeer Master to come with me...

Narration: But I don't know what makes people happy. I don't know, so I keep failing and failing—

Narration: And finally, I just ran away. I couldn't do anything right as Santa...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ... (Sigh)

F:???: Saaantaaa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Who-wha!?

Jack: Oh, there you are!

Nursery Rhyme: Wow, you're so fast! Were you going to leave your Reindeer!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I was not!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I don't have anything else to say to you once I've given you your present. I have to go give the rest out...


We don't need that present!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:


Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Y-you're right... You don't need it, do you?

Nursery Rhyme: Yeah. Studying in a quiet place wouldn't be enough for us.

Jack: So we're giving it baaack!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hic... Ohh...

Nursery Rhyme: Instead! Instead, we want you to grant our wish!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You had a wish...? Um, wasn't it a doll, and—

Nursery Rhyme: Nope! We don't need that!

Nursery Rhyme: We don't need a doll, or a stuffed animal, or cake, or a tree, or a star, or a party, or anything!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? Th-then what do you want!? There's nothing else I can give you—

Jack: There is! There is something, Santa! We want—

Nursery Rhyme: We want to see the sea!

Jack: We wanna go see the beach!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-the sea? When you say the sea... You mean the ocean?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Um... I've only heard of it... But is it the place where it blows and roars, and is totally different than the land...

Jack: We don't know the complicated stuff! We don't know, but Asterios brags about it!

Nursery Rhyme: He says it's big! Suuuper-big! Ultra-big! He says we're like pebbles next to it!

Nursery Rhyme: If we're pebbles, is Asterios a big rock?

Jack: We've never left London, and never seen the sea!

Jack: We died before we could.

Nursery Rhyme: Me too! I've never seen the sea!

Nursery Rhyme: Asterios went with Reindeer, and I hear they all rode on a boat and had a big adventure on the sea a while back!

Nursery Rhyme: I'm jealous! I'm so really really jealous!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Sea... Boat... Big adventure... That's...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wait a minute. Are you saying that going to see the sea—

Jack: Yup! That's our request!

Nursery Rhyme: You took back our present, so Santa will have to grant us our wish!

Jack: Of course she will! She's Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: B-but— But that's...

Nursery Rhyme: Oh, a rose Black Key.

Santa Island Mask: Santa Island Mask, at your service!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My mentor! Please, tell me!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What should I do!?

Santa Island Mask: Well, you should grant their request. You've taken back their gift.

Santa Island Mask: Which means you have to grant them another wish.

Santa Island Mask: But children are selfish.

Santa Island Mask: So, if you don't grant their request, they'll keep throwing anything you give them right back in your face! They're such returnaholics!

Santa Island Mask: ...That's how it goes with kids. So, that's why you should at least start by granting their wish.

Santa Island Mask: I promise you that if you do, you can be a real Santa Claus.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I-I understand!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jack, Nursery Rhyme. I'll use the Llamrei Mark II to carry you to the sea!

Both: Yay!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's go!

Fujimaru 1: Don't forget me!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Uh... It's not like I forgot about you.

Fujimaru 2: You know I'm still here, right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...It's okay. I didn't forget you. I would never leave you, Reindeer Master...

Nursery Rhyme: I think she totally forgot.

Jack: It completely slipped her mind!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

B-be quiet! Okay everyone, hop on the sleigh!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The Llamrei Mark II is taking off! Oh, my mentor!

Santa Island Mask: Yes?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you! I'll do my best!

Santa Island Mask: Thank you, huh? Oh, I wouldn't thank me... Heh, heh...

Emiya: Why are you acting like a bad guy? Don't you have to go ahead of them? Let's get a move on.

Santa Island Mask: ...I just wanted to end on a bad guy note, that's all.

5th Night: When You Wish Upon a Star, Again

Jack: We're flying!

Nursery Rhyme: It's like the Wizard of Oz!

Fujimaru 1: Are there three Ozes?

Jack: ...? We're Jack!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!

Nursery Rhyme: I don't think that's what we're talking about.

Fujimaru 2: So who's Oz?

Nursery Rhyme: It's me! Me!

Jack: We're Jack!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wah!? Llamrei Mark II, what's wrong!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: S-something's pulling us down!

Mash: There's a Servant below us! Some sort of power is pulling us down!

Jack: Um, this is what's called... Oh, right! A “crash!”

Nursery Rhyme: Don't look so excited about it, Jack!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Everyone, grab on to something! W-we're falling!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer, are you okay?

Fujimaru 1: I think I'm gonna throw up...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Please don't throw up! Definitely do not throw up! I'm right underneath you!

Fujimaru 2: Urmpf...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Are you throwing up!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: P-please don't throw up!

Jack: Wow, that was a surprise.

Nursery Rhyme: You don't look surprised, Jack.

???: Fwahahaha! I won't let you take another step! You shall not pass!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-who's there?

Mash: I-it can't be...! Y-you're...!


I am Leonidas! Santa, I cannot let you grant their wish of seeing the ocean!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: H-huh!? Why? Why?

Leonidas: That's uhhh... Well... You see...

Fujimaru 1: Some evil mastermind must be commanding him!

Fujimaru 2: It's a conspiracy!

Leonidas: Yes, exactly! We have been ordered not to let you show them the sea!

Leonidas: By a mastermind. Yes, something like that!

Leonidas: So...yes! You shall not pass! Not another step! Definitely not!

Jack: You're so mean! We don't like you, mister!

Nursery Rhyme: That's right! Only meanies, devils, and the Queen of Hearts bully children!

Leonidas: HEY! I don't like it either!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Why would you be upset about this!?

Leonidas: Ah...Ahem! Yes, I am the meanest burly muscle-enemy! What of it?

Jack: Way too muscly! He's not mommy!

Nursery Rhyme: Santa! Should we get him?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I...guess?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Outta the way, Leonidas! This Santa is taking them to see the sea!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Granting wishes is Santa's job. I'll beat up anyone who stands in the way!

Leonidas: Very well, Santa! You shall do so over my dead body!


Mash: We've defeated Leonidas...!

Leonidas: Ha! Ha! Ha! It seems I have lost, Master!

Fujimaru 1: Okay then, we shall pass after all.

Fujimaru 2: We won, so we'll be stepping over you.

Leonidas: Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.

Leonidas: Santa, there is still a group of Servants waiting ahead called the Fabulous Five, or the Magnificent Seven, or the Dirty Dozen or something like that!

Mash: Th-that many!?

Leonidas: What? There's not that many? I must have miscounted then... Pardon me. There may be a little less than that.

Leonidas: ...Anyhow, your journey to the sea will not be an easy one!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-why are you getting in the way of Santa trying to fulfill a wish!?

Jack: We just want to see the sea!

Nursery Rhyme: Meaniehead!

Leonidas: You'll have to ask our evil mastermind! I don't really, uh...know all the details either...

Leonidas: I am a man of logic, so I am not very good in psychology and things like that!

Leonidas: So please ask the next villainous Servant to come along!

Leonidas: Farewell then, everyone! Let us meet again at Chaldea!

Mash: Servant has vanished. I will go and speak with Leonidas later!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Is everyone all right?

Jack: Yep!

Nursery Rhyme: Are you all right, Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! That was a cakewalk!

Fujimaru 1: Now what do you want, Santa Island Mask?

Santa Island Mask: So how about it, Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily?

Santa Island Mask: It looks like there are a number of enemy Servants awaiting you in your journey to come.

Santa Island Mask: Neither their identities nor goals are known, but they will try and put a stop to your grand Christmas quest.

Santa Island Mask: Granting wishes is a hopelessly difficult journey. But even if you do manage that, expect no reward.

Santa Island Mask: Why? Because you are Santa Claus. There is no such thing as a reward for completing your task.

Santa Island Mask: Will you still continue?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I...

Jack: ...

Nursery Rhyme: ...

Fujimaru 1: That's something Santa must decide.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I... I want to grant their wish, instead of forcing a present they don't want on them.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I want to give them both exactly what they wished for!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If the two of you don't mind, I would still like to grant your wish. So let's go see... the ocean!

Both: Okaaay!

Santa Island Mask: I see. Then, proceed with caution, Santa.

Santa Island Mask: Fulfilling a wish is intrinsically an unequal thing. Unequal... That is, a problem of desire.

Santa Island Mask: Be it a simple, casual wish or a desperate need with life hanging in the balance, it is Santa Claus who decides whether or not to grant it.

Santa Island Mask: The one who prays and pleads has their wish granted, while those who don't are not so fulfilled.

Santa Island Mask: ...When you think about it, Santa may not be a saint at all.

Narration: Santa may not be a saint at all— That's what Santa Island Mask said.

Narration: I wanted to argue and say it wasn't true.

Narration: I wanted to say Santa Claus is a noble saint who grants everyone's wishes, and that's why I chose to become Santa.

Narration: But I can't shake the feeling that what he said might really be true.

Narration: ...When I think about what happens after Christmas, I start trembling with fear.

Narration: Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master. Am I okay? Will I be okay?

Narration: ...Will I still be allowed to exist?

Jack: Huh? It's no use. The sleigh won't move.

Fujimaru 1: Huh, even Santa's sleigh can break down.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see... Well, we'd be in trouble if we got dragged down to the ground anyway!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Let's leave the sleigh here.

Mash: Don't worry, we'll retrieve the sleigh later.

Mash: Luckily, we aren't too far from the ocean.

Mash: It may be a little taxing for Master though...

Fujimaru 1: I'm okay, we can all walk.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I agree. Jack and Nursery Rhyme, are you two okay with that too?

Jack: Umm, then we have a favor to ask Reindeer.

Nursery Rhyme: Yes, I have something to ask of Reindeer too.

Both: Ready and... Let's all hold hands and walk!!!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, no fair...!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No, I mean, you're making it difficult for Reindeer Master to walk! Stop it!

Fujimaru 1: I don't mind.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Uh, well... P-please mind!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A Reindeer should not walk hand-in-hand with small children! Santa rules!

Fujimaru 2: Wanna join, Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...! W-well, if you insist... Hey, you're out of hands!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What, your back? Piggyback?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: N-no, that's embarrassing. Please stop!!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Errr... Thank you...

Mash: Senpai! Um, when you return, would you please give me... No, a piggyback ride is too embarrassing!

Dr. Roman: Mash? Maaash?

Dr. Roman: It would be nice for me to get in on an event one of these days... Maaash?

6th Night: It's a Wonderful Life, Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This will be our campsite!

Jack: Wow!

Nursery Rhyme: Fun, it's fun, so fun!

Fujimaru 1: It's a slumber party...

Dr. Roman: A sleepover on Christmas. What a carefree scene we have.

Dr. Roman: That aside, Fujimaru. I transferred the goods you requested.

Fujimaru 1: Thanks.

Dr. Roman: No problem, it's part of my job.

Dr. Roman: Spend the night here, and if all goes well, you'll reach the sea tomorrow.

Dr. Roman: If all goes well, that is!

Jack: Oh? This feast...

Nursery Rhyme: It's the feast Mister Emiya made for us! We hurried out and forgot all about it!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I feel a little bad...

Dr. Roman: Rest assured and eat up. He said the key to party foods is that they taste good even when they get cold.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: D-Don't worry about me. I am not hungry.

Jack: You're not?

Nursery Rhyme: I'm sure she is. She's too proud to admit it, I bet.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I am not!

Both: You are, you are!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Am. Not!

Fujimaru 1: Jeanne Alter Santa Lily!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Mggh!? ... (munch, munch, munch) ... (gulp)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So tasty... I mean! Please don't shove food into my mouth.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Well, it was tasty, though. Um...m-more, please?

Jack: Piece of cake.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Did I just hear slander and label that I should definitely respond to!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “Being faithful to one's principles” and “clarity of purpose” are my two mottos. Hmph!

Nursery Rhyme: Are those spells or something? I don't get it...

Nursery Rhyme: Oh, oh, oh, this roast beef is delicious! Delicious, so deliiicious!

Fujimaru 1: You should thank Emiya...

Nursery Rhyme: Of course. When we get back, I'm planning on giving him headpats!

Dr. Roman: Hahaha, I can already see his face, looking like he hates it but fooling no one.

Nursery Rhyme: And I'll scold him too. Mister Emiya, quit stealing Noble Phantasms, okay?

Fujimaru 2: Politely thank Mister Emiya.

Nursery Rhyme: Yes. I think I shall write a proper letter. Daddy Long... no wait, what should I call him?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Dear Noble-Phantasm-Stealing Mister...

G:???: Where did you hear that I stole things? I'm merely copying for eternity.

F:???: ...What are you yelling about?

G:???: I just felt like I had to clear some things up right here, right now.

G:???: ...Ahem, anyway, preparations are complete.

F:???: But... This seems kind of ridiculous. Why do we need to interfere?

G:???: ...Well, simply put, if her heart can't change, there's nothing we can do for her.

G:???: For a wish-granter to try so desperately to avoid admitting her own wish... That's something of a paradox.

G:???: She's deliberately blinding herself to what it really means to grant wishes.

G:???: To even BE Santa Claus is to have the wish granted of being able to grant others' wishes.

G:???: Unless you're pure evil, the feeling of so performing so many good deeds fills the heart.

G:???: In a way, Santa Clause epitomizes that concept.

G:???: A nice child receives a gift. A naughty child receives a scolding.

F:???: I see. But Jeanne, she—

G:???: Right. She lacks that. And that's the problem.

G:???: Left alone, she will lose sight of her reason to live, and maybe even lose her own identity.

G:???: ...It would be fine for a Heroic Spirit whose name is engraved in history.

G:???: If someone has faith, and calls your name in awe, it doesn't matter if you have a wish or not.

F:???: However... That's not the case for Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily.

F:???: Nobody believes in her. Moreover, the world doesn't know of her at all.

F:???: Even if they know of Jeanne d'Arc, nobody thinks someone like her existed behind the scenes.

G:???: After all, she is a Servant born within Orleans. A fake given temporary life by the Holy Grail.

G:???: She barely managed to materialize as a Servant after slipping past several trials and causing a nightmarish commotion.

G:???: But even materialization is uncertain in the Lily state.

F:???: I see. That's why Altria Alter passed her the role of Santa.

G:???: But, even given the role of Santa, she still carries a burden within her.

G:???: Hopefully she'll come to understand it in the short journey to the sea—

F:???: ...By the way, what is the meaning of THAT?

G:???: Heh, I have to at least hide my face.

F:???: (So he is a bowman who knows nothing of disguises, I see...)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master, can't you sleep?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jack and Nursery Rhymes both crawled into their sleeping bags.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Aren't those two Servants? It shouldn't be necessary to sleep when they're materialized.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: They are wasting needless magical energy. Aren't they bothering you, Master Reindeer?

Fujimaru 1: No, not at all.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: They're not...? How come?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm going to take my spirit form so I don't cause trouble. I'm a good girl, aren't I? Ahem!

Fujimaru 2: I prefer it this way.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Y-you prefer it that way? But isn't it pointless?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I feel it's more proper for a Servant to stay in spirit form at times like this... So that's what I'll be doing!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...But before that, I have a question. Have you ever seen the sea, Reindeer Master?

Fujimaru 1: I have.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see... You have.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Is it really so great for the two of them to get all worked up over it?

Fujimaru 2: Actually, I haven't.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Does that mean no one in this party has ever seen the sea?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...To be honest, I have never seen the sea. My grown self, I mean the other...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The original Jeanne d'Arc should have seen the sea in her lifetime...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But me, I have no memory of the sea.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Besides... If what I know is right, don't people usually go to the sea in summer?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Winter seas are just for looking and not swimming. So, um, what's the point in going?

Fujimaru 1: I'm sure you'll like it.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You really think so? I can't imagine that.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: After all, unlike those two, I am an adult! Hee hee!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Waaah! Don't pinch my cheeks! Hey, stoppit!

Mash: Good morning, Senpai! It's snowing again today. Are you all right in the cold?

Mash: Physical and mental parameters are all normal, it seems.

Jack: To the seeea!

Nursery Rhyme: We'll reach the sea for sure today! Yaay!!!

Mash: Head straight west from there— Please wait, Master!

Mash: Servants detected. There are two!

Fujimaru 1: You do a better job than the Doctor.

Dr. Roman: Wait, what, Fujimaru!?

Mash: Master, you're good at compliments. But I'm glad I can be of help with logistical support!

Fujimaru 2: You've got a cuter voice than Roman.

Dr. Roman: Hahahahaha, you're dissatisfied with an old man's voice?

Nursery Rhyme: Perhaps. Mister Roman's voice sounds somewhat silly. It warbles like a dying cat!

Nursery Rhyme: He sounds like a really sad person who gave up on everything, and can't do anything but laugh!

Dr. Roman: Really, is that what you think? I think that might be a bit much.

???: May I finally make my appearance?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-who's that!?

???: Ahem. Hem-hem!

Cursed Arm: Hehehe... I am the cruel contortionist, Hassan of the Cursed Arm. I will not allow you to reach the sea...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Why not!?

Cursed Arm: Why, you ask!?

Cursed Arm: ...

Fujimaru 1: Is there a different Santa!?

Fujimaru 2: Could there be other Santas!?

Cursed Arm: Ah ha! Yes, that! ...Hehehe, because the real Santa is right here.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Um, that sounded kinda like you just thought of it when Master Reindeer said it.

Cursed Arm: Hehehe... twist, twist. (Trying to dodge the accusation with suggestive contortions)

Cursed Arm: Time to make your appearance! The true Santa... Lord Santam!

???: Heh... I ask of you: What is Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Who's that!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: And Santa is the granter of wishes! Someone who brings happiness by bringing gifts!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:, well, I may not be the best at that yet, though...

???: Then, I shall answer you.

???: Santas are faceless watchmen who wander from shadow to shadow, hidden from the world!

???: Take a look, this is the proper form of a Santa!

Santam: My name is Santam! I! We! Are Santam!

Jack: ...Huh?

Nursery Rhyme: ...Oh?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Emiya... What are you doing there, Emiya?



Jack: What are you doing? Are you playing dress-up? Should we join?

Nursery Rhyme: Oh, Mister Emiya. Playing make-believe masked heroes is embarrassing for adults, you know?

Santam: How did they figure it out...!? They couldn't figure out Santa Island Mask...

Fujimaru 1: Ahem. Anyway, Santam.

Santam: I-I know. Hey, Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!

Santam: I, Santam, was summoned to correct your mistaken view of Santa.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Mistaken...view of Santa...

Jack: Mister has it all wrong too. (whisper)

Nursery Rhyme: I know! (whisper)

Cursed Arm: You over there, shush! Here, have some candy.

Jack: (Nom nom)

Nursery Rhyme: (Nom nom)

Santam: If you hesitate or run from this, then you are no true Santa!

Santam: Come at me, Santa! But only if you truly believe you are Santa Claus!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I am...

Fujimaru 1: It's okay. You are Santa.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Yes! I am, without a doubt, Santa Claus!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: As long as Reindeer Master doesn't abandon me, I'll always be the really real Santa Claus!

Fujimaru 2: You're not Santa?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't know.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Perhaps Emi... I mean, Santam may be a better Santa than me...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I mean, he can copy anything and everything.

Cursed Arm: The nerve! First he copies Noble Phantasms, now presents!? He's the Counterfeit King!

Santam: ...Forget about that! This way I don't need to buy anything, at least.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...But!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But, since Altria Santa has entrusted me with the bag, I am Santa!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Please step aside, Mr. Santam...!

Santam: All right. Come at me, young lady!

Santam: By the way, I am an Archer, which doesn't really go well against a Lancer, but...never mind that!


Fujimaru 1: Victory!

Santam: Heh... And defeat for me.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...It felt like you were taking it super easy on us... But we won! And that's what matters!

Santam: Then move forward. Never forget that you are a true Santa.

Santam: And no matter who the enemy is... Do not forget your duties as Santa.

Nursery Rhyme: Don't worry, Jeanne is a great Santa!

Santam: Then we shall disappear as the defeated should.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...

Fujimaru 1: What's wrong?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, nothing! We've almost reached the sea!

Fujimaru 2: You don't look too well...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's nothing! I'm fine, yes, I'll be fine...

Santa Island Mask: Let us hurry ahead to play the role of the final blockade!

Dr. Roman: You look like you're enjoying yourself, Ama... I mean, Santa Island Mask.

Santa Island Mask: Well, it's been a while since I had a chance to play the villain!

Santa Island Mask: And with this impending betrayal, I'm getting all fired up!

Dr. Roman: Hahahahaha. Are you sure you're a Ruler?

Santa Island Mask: Heheheh, whatever do you mean? Right now I am just the mysterious Santa Island Mask.

Santa Island Mask: A masked man can only be a traitor, a villain, or a hero that cannot show his face.

Dr. Roman: Oh, so you're not a hero?

Santa Island Mask: I certainly will not call a man who gets in the way of a girl's dream a hero.

Santa Island Mask: ...Now onward! Santa Island Mask is coming...

7th Night: Last Present For You

Narration: We're getting closer to the sea. Our short but difficult journey will end soon.

Narration: Will I still be able to be Santa? Will I still get to be the one who delivers gifts and hope?

Narration: Or will I disappear, like a dream in morning?

Narration: ...That would've been fine. At least, that's what I thought to start with.

Narration: But why can't I feel that way now?

Fujimaru 1: Ruuuun!!!

Nursery Rhyme: Dolls are coming after us! It's scaaary!

Jack: You should just let me dismember them!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I-I-I-I can't stand those creepy inorplantic types! If they're living creatures I'm okay, but those, no!

Mash: A-are you okay, Master!? I noticed you're carrying all three of them now!

Jack: Wheee!

Nursery Rhyme: Master's roaring along! Zooooom! Fast like a hippogriff!

Fujimaru 1: They're light!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I bet. I always pay careful attention to my weight!

Fujimaru 2: They're heavy!

Nursery Rhyme: Hey! That's a rude thing to say to a lady!

Jack: Grr.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Bring me a scale later. I'll show you I'm really light!

Mash: Oh!

Nursery Rhyme: Look down!

Jack: It's a pebble!

Fujimaru 1: Eeeeeeep!?

Mash: Senpai! Senpai! You fell flat on your face! Are you all right!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master... You made sure to protect us even when you fell...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That was such a nice thing to do, Reindeer Master! Awww! You!

Jack: You okay? It hurts? Dismember?

Fujimaru 1: No dismembering Master on Christmas, Jack!

Jack: Too baaad.

Fujimaru 2: My nose's bleeding...

Jack: Looks painful... Want me to lick it?

Jack: Liiick...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

EWW! Cut. It. Out!

Nursery Rhyme: Look, they've caught up to us while we were messing around!

Mash: They're already in battle mode. Please ready your weapons!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: O-okay... Err, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I am not afraaaid! Waaagh!


Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

It's still coming after us even after it split in two, eww!!

Nursery Rhyme: Creaky mannequin dolls chasing us is definitely not a good fairy-tale!

Jack: I'll dismember them all!

Mash: Jack's really excited about this...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A rose Black Key! That means—

Santa Island Mask: Yes, I'm sure you're getting tired of my entrance speech. I know I am...

Fujimaru 1: Yes, yes. Whatever-Mask.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you. My mentor...!

Santa Island Mask: There is no need for you to thank me, Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh?

Santa Island Mask: Why...? Because I've led you into my dastardly, evil, villainous, wicked trap! Mwa ha ha!

Santa Island Mask: The hope of every Santa, the sack that contains every gift of the universe, shall be mine!

Jack: ?

Nursery Rhyme: ?

Santa Island Mask: Get it? I'm your enemy! Mwa ha ha!

Fujimaru 1: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Mash: ...Um, where did that lightning come from?

Santa Island Mask: Try not to think about it too hard.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-it can't be...

Santa Island Mask: The first rule of Santaing is that Santas must be aloof but fair. They grant wishes and give presents fairly, without bias.

Santa Island Mask: Self-interest is unnecessary. All that is required is to embody the ideal that sustains the mechanism that is Santa Claus.

Santa Island Mask: You are lost, perplexed, and anguished... Yet you still continue.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Is it bad to be lost and perplexed?

Santa Island Mask: It is. If you're Santa, then you must be rational.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Self-interest is unnecessary? Even the desire to grant wishes?

Santa Island Mask: No. It is absolutely not needed for Santa.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Is...that true...?

Jack: Um, um, Master? What is “self-interest?”

Fujimaru 1: It's the desire to do something for yourself.

Jack: Ummm, so we want to go to the sea! ...Is that self-interest?

Santa Island Mask: That is correct.

Jack: Jeanne... Don't you want to come with us and Nursery to the sea?

Jack: We want you to come with us.

Nursery Rhyme: I agree, I want to go to the sea with Jack and Jeanne too!

Nursery Rhyme: Of course, Master's coming too! Doing it together is what makes it fun!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh...

Santa Island Mask: ...I cannot be lending my ears to every bit of nonsense children say.

Santa Island Mask: Now, kindly hand over the sack.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I will not.

Santa Island Mask: Oh-ho?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I DON'T WANT TO. I'll never give it up!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I cannot give this sack to someone who insults children!

Santa Island Mask: So what will you do now?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I will fight!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Please, Reindeer Master! Lead me to victory!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I want to win against this man! No, that's not it.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I cannot lose to this man! I just can't lose!

Fujimaru 1: Roger that, Santa Claus!

Fujimaru 2: Let's grant your wish!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: As the really real Santa Claus, I'm gonna knock Santa Island Mask out!


Santa Island Mask: Hehe... That's should be...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Now, please stand aside!

Santa Island Mask: Please.

Santa Island Mask: Now that I've seen your resolve as Santa Claus, I have no right to say anything more.

Santa Island Mask: Go ahead. Go, and see for yourself...

Jack: Jeanne's already gone.

Santa Island Mask: Aww...

Santa Island Mask: ...Then, Jack. I'll trust you with her.

Jack: Yeah, leave it to us!

Jack: ...Should we dismember you?

Santa Island Mask: Thanks, but no thanks♪

Mash: Oh, there isn't any snow around here. You're almost to the sea.

Mash: But if you want to see the sea, please hurry. It's almost dusk. It will soon be night.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...

Nursery Rhyme: So exciting, Jack!

Jack: We wonder what it's like.

Nursery Rhyme: I wonder if you can swim. Maybe not, since it's winter.

Nursery Rhyme: Hey, Jeanne. ...Jeanne?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: S-sorry. What is it?

Jack: Ummm, you want to hold hands?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, no. I'm fine...

Nursery Rhyme: ...You're trembling. Then I'll hold your hand, too!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: G-geez. Um, Reindeer Master...

Fujimaru 1: You three go on ahead.

Fujimaru 2: I'll catch up later.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Understood. Then, we're on our way!

???: ...Right. That was my dream when I was young.

???: The vast sea spreading across the horizon was a tale I had only heard about.

???: Even if I pretended a wheat field was the sea, I could not hear the sound of the waves.

???: My dream came true after everything was over.

???: Yes, it was the winter of 1430. When I passed through Le Crotoy, I indeed saw the sea.

???: Even if everything was over. Even if I understood the destiny that awaited me.

???: That beauty. That sense of awe that made me tremble.

???: It was unforgettable. It was a scene beyond comparison to anything—

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: (Panting)

Jack: (Panting)

Nursery Rhyme: This is really hard on a book, sheesh...!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh—

Narration: The waves crashed and roared. The violent winds howled.

Narration: It may not have been alive, but for all its ferocity, it may as well have been.

Narration: Somehow, it was as frightening as the beginning of the world, but as beautiful as the end of all things.

Narration: A gift that, supposedly, was never meant to be, was being opened before my eyes.

Narration: ...In the end, I was probably a failure as Santa.

Jack: Wow, this is the sea? Amazing. It's really amazing!

Nursery Rhyme: It's amazing, it's scary, but it's so pretty! And the sunset is beautiful!

Jack: The sun is setting! It looks like it's melting into the ocean!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...

Jack: Can't we go swimming? It should be all right, we're Servants!

Nursery Rhyme: Maybe it's disgraceful. Oooh, water is bad for paper!

Jack: Awww. Then what about you, Jeanne? Jeanne, you don't mind, right?

Jack: ...Jeanne?

Nursery Rhyme: Jeanne?

Both: Eh...!?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Ah, aah... Aaah...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...This. Right, this. I was wrong from the beginning. I was wrong.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This. Is. My. Dream...!! I wanted to see the sea...!!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I wanted to see this. I wanted to see this...! For the longest, longest time, I wanted to see the sea...!!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

Waaaaaaaaaaah...!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

Jack: Jeanne...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:

I'm sorry... I'm sorry!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: We didn't come here to grant your wishes. This is—

Nursery Rhyme: ...It's fine. It's fine.

Jack: Yeah, it's fine. We don't mind.

Jack: You really did your best. You did the best any Santa could.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Okay.

Nursery Rhyme: Let's listen to the churning waves. Let's watch the waves break.

Nursery Rhyme: A primordial display, as fierce as the end of the world. And yet, it's such a beautiful scene—

Jeanne: I'm so glad she realized...

Mash: Eh? Jeanne!? What in the world is going on here...!?

Jeanne: Wanting to see the sea...was my wish, my desire.

Jeanne: It was a silly dream I had in my childhood. So much so that when I departed at age 17, I had left it behind.

Jeanne: ...That girl is not a saint. That said, she is not an Avenger, either.

Jeanne: My young self was simply a child who enjoyed everyday life.

Jeanne: So, in order to maintain her body as a Servant, there was a need to become something.

Jeanne: ...But, she had wished to become Santa. Even though no child should become Santa Claus.

Mash: Children should not become Santa Claus?

Jeanne: A proper Santa is what Amakusa—no, is exactly what Santa Island Mask said.

Jeanne: The ideal Santa must be impartial in delivering presents.

Santa Alter: ...? I didn't mind that when I delivered.

Jeanne: Oh, please. But, for children, that is impossible.

Jeanne: Because children should be the ones receiving presents. Not the ones giving them out.

Jeanne: Of course, it's different if they're giving something to someone specific. That's a gift given out of personal desire.

Jeanne: But Santa Claus isn't like that. Santa's purpose is to deliver love and presents impartially, to all.

Jeanne: But children desire presents more than anyone else. All the more so if they haven't wished for anything yet.

Jeanne: That's what I hoped her time as Santa Claus would teach her, somehow.

Jeanne: I wanted her, Jeanne, to harbor a desire.

Jeanne: ...However, the story went...a little astray.

Santa Alter: I never imagined she would be so stubborn.

Santa Alter: I thought that after passing out two or three presents, she would realize she harbored her own desires.

Santa Alter: Just how selfless are you?

Jeanne: It's just that my everyday life was fulfilling... I'm sure I wasn't that charming of a child.

Santa Alter: I managed to figure out Jeanne's wish, and asked Jack and Nursery.

Santa Alter: I asked them to grant her wish.

Mash: Eh? So this journey was...!?

Jeanne: Yes. This journey was never about her becoming Santa Claus—

Jeanne: It was a chance for Santa Claus to become Jeanne Alter Santa Lily.

Mash: Everyone who appeared along the way...

Santa Alter: If she were to give up after one or two obstacles, we would've been forced to take a different approach.

Santa Alter: But she trudged forward, so it must truly have been her dream to see the sea.

Jeanne: And, there is one more important thing. It wasn't merely going to go see the sea.

Jeanne: Even after all her struggles, she was able to go see the sea with her dear friends.

Jeanne: As long as she has this memory, she will continue to exist as a Servant.

Santa Island Mask: Oh, so the cat's out of the bag. Can I revive myself now?

Fujimaru 1: If you must.

Santa Island Mask: My gosh. Even as a child, she was a formidable opponent! I couldn't afford to go easy on her.

Santa Island Mask: I actually fought like I meant it, and she took me down.

Fujimaru 2: Nope. Stay dead.

Santa Island Mask: Ehhh? Aren't we done? All three of them reached the sea.

Mash: Wh-whaaaa!? Santa Island Mask came back to life?

Amakusa Shirou: My gosh. Well, we kind of railroaded the plot, but we managed to finish.

Jeanne: Thank you very much. I never imagined you would help me—

Amakusa Shirou: Hahaha, of course!

Amakusa Shirou: To have more Jeanne Alters you don't get along with! What could be better?

Jeanne: So that was your ulterior motive. Geez! ...But, I am happy with how this worked out.

Jeanne: She may not be me, but she has untapped potential that even I don't...

Jeanne: Honestly, I'm happy. It feels like I gained a little sister.

Santa Alter: You should say that to the original Jeanne Alter. That will really upset her.

Jeanne: I know. That's why I won't tell her.

Mash: I see... So everything was a scheme Amakusa and Jeanne cooked up.

Mash: I was completely fooled.

Amakusa Shirou: No, it wasn't me.

Jeanne: Nor was it me. I could have never gotten this far...

Santa Alter: Though I was the one who mentioned Jeanne Alter Santa Lily would disappear as she was...

Santa Alter: The plan itself wasn't actually mine.

Mash: Eh, then who was it? Santam?

Emiya: What? No! Heh... Mash, you haven't figured it out?

Mash: Eh...?

Emiya: The one who planned this is the one who understands Servants the most.

Emiya: The one who understands who is best for which role, and who should guide her along the way.

Emiya: And, it must be someone that THE Jeanne Alter trusts from the bottom of her heart, even in her Lily form.

Emiya: Really, there is only one such mastermind in all the world, isn't there?


Ah... Aah!!!

Mash: ...MASTER!?

Fujimaru 1: Busted...

Mash: M-Master, you set all of this up!?

Jeanne: Yes, the way you improvised your way through situations, and the way the Servants were appropriately placed was remarkable.

Santa Alter: It was also Fujimaru's plan to make it look like Llamrei Mark II's engine was broken after the crash.

Mash: ...H-hold on a second!

Mash: Why didn't anyone tell me?

Jeanne: Th-that's because...

Santa Alter: Master told us to stay quiet. We were told that Mash could not tell a lie, and telling her would ruin the plan.



Fujimaru 1: I-I'm sooorry!!

Mash: Oh! So when the Doctor said there was emergency maintenance...!

Santa Alter: Of course he was playing along.

Mash: I'm going to the Doctor to protest right this instant!

Fujimaru 1: Try to go easy on him.

Mash: Yes, of course. I have to save some energy for you, Master!

Fujimaru 2: Whew...

Mash: I hate to burst your bubble, but brace yourself when you return, Master!

Emiya: Heh. She's pouting.

Emiya: Girls of that type hold grudges for a long time. You should make it up to her soon.

Emiya: At a time like this, your best bet is giving her a present.

Jeanne: (He seems quite used to this...)

Santa Alter: (Indeed...)

Amakusa Shirou: (He must have had to do plenty of “making up” during his lifetime...)

Emiya: ...? (Sometimes this place is the worst...)

Leonidas: Are we done? Did it all work out?

Cursed Arm: It seems everything worked out for the best. What a relief!

Jeanne: Thank you all for your hard work. I'm sorry for roping you into this too, Asterios.

Asterios: No...worries! Wish granted...I'm...happy.

Asterios: I is...the!

Emiya: The other Servants are gathering in Chaldea. This...will be quite the party.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master!

Jeanne: ...Quick, everyone, let's hide!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master! I figured it out now that I reached the sea!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm Santa, but I'm still young. I'm immature, selfish, and helpless—

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But still, I'm here right now! I want to do my best to help you, Reindeer Master!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So, um, well, even when Christmas is over, even if spring, summer, and autumn come...!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Can I stay by your side?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you sooo much! You are the bestest... I love you, Reindeer Master!