The Little Santa Alter - Christmas 2018
1st Night: What Ever Happened to Jeanne?
Narration: The waves crashed and roared. The violent winds howled.
Narration: It may not have been alive, but for all its ferocity, it may as well have been.
Narration: Somehow, it was as frightening as the beginning of the world, but as beautiful as the end of all things.
Narration: A gift that, supposedly, was never meant to be, was being opened before my eyes.
Narration: ...In the end, I was probably a failure as Santa.
Narration: That's why I'm sure these tears are tears of frustration.
Narration: There was a hole in my heart. And what filled it was—
Mash: Senpai, are you ready to go? That reindeer outfit really suits you!
Fujimaru 1: Thanks.
Mash: Oh, you forgot something important. Here, your red nose.
Fujimaru 2: Is that a compliment?
Mash: Yes! Of course!
Mash: I have sort of a care package for you from all the Servants.
Mash: We expect you to be out for a while, so please take it with you.
Mash: First... This is a portable heater.
Mash: You'll be flying at over 7,500 meters, so this will make sure you don't get cold.
Mash: It's made with Medea's magecraft, so it will definitely keep you warm!
Fujimaru 1: How helpful!
Mash: And this is a lunch from Emiya.
Mash: If you pull this string, it will automatically warm up.
Mash: He developed it together with Edison, or so he said...
Mash: Oh, the one flaw is that it emits a strong smell of dumplings, so be careful when you eat it.
Fujimaru 1: Rocket dumplings...
Mash: And this is from Marie.
Mash: “It's a little early for Christmas, but this is warm spiced wine,” she says.
Mash: “I'll put it in an insulated case, so drink it when you find yourself getting cold.”
Fujimaru 1: This is all so thoughtful...
Mash: And lastly, Senpai, this is from Santa Alter and me.
Mash: It's a talisman we made together. It's meant to give many effects, such as safe travelling...
Mash: At least, I hope it does.
Mash: Oh, and I have a message from Santa Alter. “You'd better not make her cry,” she says.
Mash: Hehehe, I guess Santa Alter is kind of worried.
Mash: This year's Christmas is going to be a little bit... crazy...
Mash: But I'm sure you'll make it work.
Mash: I need to undergo emergency maintenance, so I'm staying here with the doctor...
Mash: But I'll be monitoring you carefully!
Mash: So um... If you would contact me too, that would make me happy.
Fujimaru 1: Roger!
Mash: Right! Goodbye, Master! Be careful!
???: All right, it's time for Reindeer Master to head out! Let's go!
???: It is pretty cold outside, but we'll be fine!
???: Because I, Jeanne d'Arc Alter, am Santa!
???: It's extremely logistical! I mean, logical!
Fujimaru 1: Okay...what the actual hell?
Mash: Um, let me start from the beginning—
Jeanne Alter: Time for you to learn a lesson...
Gilles: Oh, Jeanne! Why are you summoning me at this late hour?
Gilles: If you wish to do a ritual of dark magecraft, can't it wait till morning?
Jeanne Alter: No, no, no. Definitely not.
Jeanne Alter: I don't care about those weird rituals. I don't even think they work.
Jeanne Alter: You know... It's almost time, right?
Gilles: Time for what?
Jeanne Alter: All the younger Servants are starting to get excited. I mean, so are the adults.
Jeanne Alter: Why are they getting all excited for? Can you even call that candy-loving book a legendary hero who left a mark on history?
Jeanne Alter: Ugh... Those so-called “real Servants” are satisfied with merely existing, and not at all interested in bettering themselves.
Jeanne Alter: According to Master, someone once said that anyone without a desire to improve is an idiot.
Jeanne Alter: I don't know who it was, but it's a great saying worthy of a Jeanne Alter gold star.
Gilles: Haha, you're getting off track, Jeanne. So, will you tell me what it's time for?
Jeanne Alter: ...Ahem.
Jeanne Alter: Basically, it's almost Christmas. Doesn't it piss you off to see them in high spirits?
Gilles: No, not at all.
Gilles: On the contrary, when I see the children get excited, it makes me want to smile.
Gilles: Though for reasons I can't quite understand, my smile seems to frighten children!
Jeanne Alter: ...I see now what a stupid question that was. Also, those kids are right to run away.
Jeanne Alter: Anyways, listen.
Jeanne Alter: When Christmas comes, she starts getting excited.
Gilles: Who is “she”?
Jeanne Alter: Don't you know?
Jeanne Alter: That awful, dark Santa with the skin the color of a corpse!
Jeanne Alter: Last time I was just walking through the halls when I almost got blown away!
Jeanne Alter: “You aren't looking where you're going, fallen saint. Can't you tell I'm in the middle of tuning my Llamrei Mark II?”
Jeanne Alter: “Of course you can! It's almost Christmas! It's almost time for Christmas fun. My sword shall save the world once more!”
Jeanne Alter: She said it twice! She just wouldn't shut up!
Jeanne Alter: And then she went into the combat simulator and started humming “Jingle Bells” while blasting off her Noble Phantasm for hours before finally going home.
Gilles: (Is my Jeanne stalking Santa...?)
Jeanne Alter: Can't you see? She's much too merry to be a proper Santa.
Jeanne Alter: So I'm going to steal–ahem, borrow–Santa Alter's sack.
Gilles: What? The sack she uses to carry presents!?
Jeanne Alter: That's right. And then I'm going to hand them out before she can.
Jeanne Alter: The children will cry. Santa Alter will cry. It will be my best Christmas ever!
Jeanne Alter: Do you see now, the genius of my plan?
Gilles: But, my Jeanne...
Gilles: If I may point out, even if it is the middle of the night, she is still a Servant.
Gilles: And we do not even have Presence Concealment. Won't it be quite difficult to steal from her?
Jeanne Alter: Hmph. You underestimate me, Gilles!
Jeanne Alter: Don't worry! The cute little kiddie King of Heroes gave me a potion that makes you invisible!
Gilles: Ooh! So that the pitch-black potion you've been holding...!?
Jeanne Alter: Yep. I'll turn invisible, steal her sack, and then spend the whole night delivering presents! It's foolproof.
Jeanne Alter: And tomorrow, when the children are happily opening their presents, I will feast on the sweet salt of Santa Alter's tears—
Jeanne Alter: SERVES YOU RIGHT!
Gilles: What a beautiful, perfect plan! So all you have to do is drink that potion, my Jeanne!
Jeanne Alter: Yep! All that's left is to drink this potion, Gilles! That's...all...
Jeanne Alter: ...
Jeanne Alter: How strange. I'm suddenly a little...nervous for some reason...
Jeanne Alter: It should be safe, right? I was careful not to ask the scary evil Gilgamesh and chose the dumb kid, as a precaution.
Gilles: Yes! I have no reason to be confident about that, but I am willing to bet your life on it!
Jeanne Alter: Gilles, feel free not to say everything that comes to mind.
Jeanne Alter: But that's fine. If I stopped to worry about consequences, I wouldn't be a Servant.
Jeanne Alter: I am the witch of vengeance. Even if I've been tricked into taking poison, I'll still laugh and gulp it down. All the potion. All of it.
Jeanne Alter: Well, bottoms up! (Swallow)
Jeanne Alter: ...Ugh! This tastes awful!
Gilles: They say good medicine is bitter, Jeanne.
Jeanne Alter: Right, right. So? Am I turning invisible?
Gilles: No, not really.
Jeanne Alter: Grr. I knew he tricked me. Well, then I'll just go STEAL the real thing from— Ack, gah!?
Gilles: What's wrong, Jeanne?
Jeanne Alter: M-my body is on fire...Gyaaaahh!
Gilles: Oh no, not again! Jeanne! Jeanne!
Gilles: JEEEAAANNE!!!
???: Hey, you're being real loud, Mr. Gilles de Rais!
Gilles: Huh?
B：???: Hmph. Trying to turn invisible to stir up trouble. The grown-up me is awful, huh?
Gilles: Eh? Eh? Eh?
B：???: But I respect her desire to want to be Santa! I shall carry on her will!
Gilles: Wait... Wait... Are you...!
???: I am Jeanne Alter Lily. I was born to become the next Santa!
Gilles: Oh, Jeanne... Jeanne...! You have turned into a child too adorable by far...!
Gilles: Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my! I'm so excited I seem to have ascended! Prelati would be delighted!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyway, the grown-up me is a dummy to think I could steal by turning invisible.
Gilles: Oh? So you have a plan, sweet young Jeanne?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A plan? Mr. Gilles, are you stupid? I don't need a plan!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm just gonna convince Miss Altria Santa that I'm the better Santa!
Gilles: Ooh! Even in youth my Jeanne was so very reckless!
Gilles: Nothing good will come of this, but she may at least learn a life lesson...!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...? Off I go!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, you stay here, Mr. Gilles de Rais. You sneaking into a woman's room at night is bad, bad, bad!
Gilles: ...
Santa Alter: What'd'yuh mean you wannnabe Santa? ChristmasSwordOfPromised-calibur!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaah!?
Santa Alter: Huh? Did that voice sound younger or something—
Santa Alter: Meh, whatever. Bedtime... Zzz... Get lots of sleep f' Christmas...
Gilles: Ooh, Jeanne!
Gilles: She's the sort who may bite if you get too close! Well, she may bite whether you're close or not!
Gilles: Perhaps the reason you failed was that you approached unguarded. Oh, how sad...!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Why didn't you tell me before!? She was scary! She was really, really scary!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Nuh-uh, I'm not crying!
Jeanne: Bulging-eyed Gilles... What is the meaning of your intrusion at this hour?
Jeanne: The Servants are one thing, but Master and the staff are sleeping.
Jeanne: If you want to make noise, do it when everyone is awake—
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The properly grown-up me! It's Regular Adult Me!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see. That explains why Adult-Me is all panicking and stuff.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But this year, Santa's job will be miiiiiine!
Jeanne: ...
Jeanne: ...Gilles?
Gilles: Wh-what is it, Jeanne?
Gilles: Is it just my imagination, or is your smile a little more strained than usual?
Jeanne: How could it not be strained? Now, tell me what's going on!
Jeanne: If you don't tell me everything, I will poke those googly eyes right out!
Jeanne: ...And that's what happened.
Fujimaru 1: What? Just... What?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You don't seem very calm, my Master.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If you're my Master, you need to be composted and remain calm at all times!
Fujimaru 2: I see... So they multiplied again...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, Master. What's that attitude for!?
Jeanne: That's right, Master. Multiplying like bunnies is Altria's thing.
Jeanne: Me multiplying is an exception to all exceptions!
Mash: I'm sorry. May I ask your name and class once more?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Of course. I am...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily Lancer!”
Fujimaru 1: One more time, faster.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: F-faster? All right.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “Jeanned'ArcSantaAlterLilySanta”! Huh? Waaait a minute... Um...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “SantaJeanneAlterd'ArcLily”! No... Um...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “ShantaJantaLilyncer”! Huh Um... Hmm... Um... Well...
Jeanne: Master, please don't tease her too much.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Tease me...? M-Master, what are you? A kid!?
Mash: I think I see what's going on.
Mash: Jeanne Alter has become Lily. And the cause is the young Gilgamesh's potion. Am I correct?
Gilgamesh (Child): I'm really sorry!
Fujimaru 1: You're not even kind of sorry, are you?
Gilgamesh (Child): Nope. She woke me up in the middle of the night. Not my fault I grabbed the wrong potion!
Gilgamesh (Child): It wasn't deliberate. It was an innocent mistake.
Fujimaru 2: Forgiven.
Gilgamesh (Child): Thanks!
Gilgamesh (Child): ...Well, if I were to make an excuse, it was because I was woken up at night and I grabbed the wrong thing.
Gilgamesh (Child): Maybe I shouldn't have opened the door to my treasure vault while I was still lying on the floor.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That was very careless of you, Gil!
Gilgamesh (Child): Hahaha. I never thought I'd see the day Jeanne Alter had a good reason to yell at me.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Adult-Me is a good-for-nothing!
Jeanne: I–she is not that bad...
Jeanne: Deep down, she has the potential to become a proud Servant...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The way the other me spoils me is the reason why I think of things like trying to steal sacks!
Santa Alter: ...I see. So this is what that weirdo looked like before she grew up.
Santa Alter: ...
Santa Alter: Miss Calls-Herself-a-Holy-Maiden, Master, come with me. I need to talk to you.
Jeanne: I've never called myself anything like that!
Santa Alter: Mash, you play with her for a while.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm too old to play.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: More importantly, Miss Altria Santa, give me Santa's sack—
Santa Alter: Just play. Or you get the naughtygirl-calibur.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Whaaaaaa!?
Santa Alter: ...Heh.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I-I don't think Santa should be threatening people! (Shaking)
Mash: Should I call you Jeanne Alter Santa Lily?
Mash: Or maybe something shorter? A nickname...?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jeanne Alter is fine. Or Santa Jeanne.
Mash: Then for now, I'll call you Jeanne Alter. Why do you want to be Santa Claus?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Because I'd be the best Santa ever, duh!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I can do a much better job of delivering the proper, ideal presents for everyone.
Mash: The proper presents...?
Mash: I do remember Emiya's unreadable expression upon receiving Black Keys last year...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What's an Archer gonna do with Black Keys, anyway? That's why she's bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Mash: ...Good point.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I know most of what happened last Christmas from grown-up me's memories.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I know I can give better presents, and that everyone will love them!
Santa Alter: Heh. Listen to you.
Mash: Welcome back, Master. Is something wrong?
Fujimaru 1: Nothing.
Fujimaru 2: I'm back.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-what is it, Miss Altria Santa? Is it another-calibur? Whatcha-calibur again?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: D-do it, if you dare!
Santa Alter: You are not fooling anyone, talking tough while hiding behind Master.
Santa Alter: ...But we talked, and I've decided that you can be Santa this year.
Santa Alter: Take this. This is Santa's secret sack.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Huh?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-it's okay? Really?
Santa Alter: Well, if you don't want to, I'll just be Santa again.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: N-no! I'll do it! I'll do it!
Santa Alter: Reindeer, this year will be different than last. You take the lead.
Santa Alter: What you do is no different from last year. Gather the stockings that are the crystallizations of children's hearts.
Santa Alter: Babysitting will be an extra task, but you can do it.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-that sounds like I'm just some useless kid!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Take that back! I demand a reduction!
Fujimaru 1: I'm counting on you.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I guess I have to babysit Master, then.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Fine. I'm gonna lead the Reindeer to the best Christmas ever!
Fujimaru 2: Let's do our best, Santa Claus.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Do our best? There's no need to work that hard.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hehehe. Why, you ask? Because my plan is perfect!
Santa Alter: (I have a bad feeling about this, but hang in there, Reindeer. Fujimaru is the only one who can control her.)
Jeanne: Consider this a request from me as well, Master. Please, make Lily into a great Santa...!
Fujimaru 1: I'm on it.
Jeanne: Thank you...!
Jeanne: I know this should be obvious, but Alter Lily is also a different being than myself.
Jeanne: Please treat her as a full-fledged Servant.
Fujimaru 2: I'll try.
Santa Alter: Heh. That's the answer of one who knows what [♂ he /♀ she]'s doing.
Santa Alter: All right, I'll start by testing your power.
Santa Alter: Santa, Jr., Fujimaru. We'll start with Santa warm-ups.
Santa Alter: Santa needs an iron will, an icy heart, and the fury of a demon! Fight without fear!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: To the combat simulator, right?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Don't worry. I'll show you my powers as a Santa Servant.
Santa Alter: Very well. I will be your opponent, Santa, Jr.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A-already!? Uuhhh... Wait! I'm not ready—
Santa Alter: There's no use arguing! I shall test you to see if you're a Santa worthy of my Reindeer!
--BATTLE--
Santa Alter: You passed. Barely. But, I suppose I must give you my secret sack.
Santa Alter: Now, Reindeer. Work hard so you don't tarnish the Santa name.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-that was scary... That was real scary...
Mash: Are you okay? It looked like you were maybe crying a little, Jeanne Alter...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No, I wasn't crying! There's no crying in Santa Claus! It's a Class that delivers smiles!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyways, old Santa gave me her blessing. Now let's go deliver preseeents!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? It's still early? What are you saying, Reindeer?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You know how the song goes! “Santa baby, hurry down...”
Mash: V-very well, but we have to prepare, so hold on a little bit!
Mash: It may not be winter yet, but it is late fall. There might already be snow falling in some places.
Mash: We should at least get some winter equipment ready!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyway, that's enough reminiscing. Time to get going, Reindeer!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: There are Servants waiting for us to give them their presents!
2nd Night: The Gift of the Fool
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Have you heard of the story called “The Gift of the Magi,” Reindeer?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Personally, the truly moving moment kinda falls flat!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hair can grow out, but the special family watch is gone forever!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: From the way the story goes, the husband prolly won't be getting a new watch.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: And every time the wife uses the combs, she'd feel real bad, and every time the husband see the combs, he'd feel kinda dumb.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: And that's bad. 'Course they wanted to be nice, but their gifts didn't make them magi, they made them dummies!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Yes, that's why this is the perfect present for her.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hum, hum, hum. Hum, hum, huuuum. Hum, hum, hum... Hum, hummmm♪
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Slashing through the night, and tearing through the sky♪ This is how Santa should be!
Fujimaru 1: You look like you're having fun.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Fun... N-no. This is work! It's real work!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Singing is part of Santa's job!
Fujimaru 2: What a pretty voice.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Pretty... Rei... Reindeer, you've sure got an eye for talent!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: In any event, the first request will be... from Jea... Jean...
Fujimaru 1: Jing Ke.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I know that!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Last year's request was for a dagger with a sharp blade, but she instead got an “elegant older gentleman”...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What's an “elegant older gentleman”?
Fujimaru 1: A classy old guy who got murderified.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't really get it, but that's not a good present for Jean Kay!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I have the bestest present for her, so let's head towards the caves!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So, how do you get down there, anyways...?
Martha: Again. We're doing this. Again. This year!?
Ushiwakamaru: It's fine. It's fine. How about a drink, Martha?
Martha: And this year Ushiwakamaru is drunk, too...
Ushiwakamaru: No, no, no, no. I am not all at drunk.
Ushiwakamaru: Yooou...shall not pass. (Talking to a Jizo statue)
Martha: Stop talking nonsense. We only need one person who talks like that.
Jing Ke: Maaarrrthaaa! Make me your Steel Fist Yukhoe, Yukhoe—!
Jing Ke: Use your fists! Smash the meat! You know, the thing that magically tastes better that way!
Martha: Okay. Fine. You two are a pain this year, too!
Mata Hari: But Christmas is so much fun. Why didn't you tell me last year?
Mata Hari: Hey, Martha. Hey. Hey. Hey.
Martha: It's just pains in the butt all over the place! I thought this might happen!
Mata Hari: Booooooo...
Martha: Jing Ke! Do you have any other requests?
Jing Ke: Hmm?
Jing Ke: I have plenty of alcohol, so just Yukhoe will be fine! (Belch)
Ushiwakamaru: Oh, oh! Over here! Over here! I have a request.
Martha: Sure, what is it?
Ushiwakamaru: I'd like a crockpot. Would that be okay?
Martha: A crockpot?
Mata Hari: What is a crockpot? Is it for crocodiles?
Ushiwakamaru: No, I was hoping to make some soft-shell turtle soup.
Martha: Oh, turtle soup...
Jing Ke: Turtle soup, huh!? That sounds good! That will invigorate you!
Jing Ke: We can always make our Master eat it! It'll be one wild night!
Martha: Well unfortunately, I didn't procure any soft-shell turtles.
Martha: Why would you need to be invigorated on such a holy day?
Martha: Sure, I can see you celebrating a bit, but more than anything it is a time for reverence and—
Ushiwakamaru: Hahahahaha, what are you saying, Martha? There's a huge turtle right here.
Martha:
That's Tarasque! Tarasque!!
G：Tarasque: (You need to... pick better friends...) ↑Said while trembling like a soaked, frightened puppy
Mata Hari: Hey, Ushiwakamaru. Don't you feel bad for Tarasque?
Mata Hari: Besides, no way a turtle this big would taste good!
Jing Ke: Hmm... Then how about giving it a try?!
Jing Ke: Hahahahaha! Tarasque soup! Tarasque soup!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Do you see this, Reindeer? Look at these weirdos...
Fujimaru 1: This is a terrifying scene...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: All the adults are ganging up on that poor turtle.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's like a scene from hell. This is bad... This is real, real bad.
Fujimaru 2: This is so terrible in so many ways...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yeah, I feel bad for Tarasque, but seeing grown-ups acting like this...!
Mash: Santa Alter told me what happened last year, but... This is far worse than I heard...
Martha: Oh, Santa and Reindeer. You came again? So soon?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! We're here! And just like last year you're all sooo baaad!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You're all getting ingrate... inebred... Drunk! Drunk in a cave! And you call yourselves adults!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Come onnn! Are you dummies!?
Martha: ...Weren't you taller last year?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: H-hey! Don't pick on me! I'm going to grow! I'm GONNA get taller!
Jing Ke: Whaat? Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Eek!
Jing Ke: Oh, Santa's here again! Come, come. Have a drink.
Ushiwakamaru: Jing Ke, Santa's scared and hiding. That's no good.
Ushiwakamaru: We need to smoke her out. Like a mole.
Ushiwakamaru: If you want to chop off the head of every soldier in a fortress, it's best to just burn it down.
Ushiwakamaru: So, let's burn everything!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: R-Reindeer! Reindeer!? Ushiwakamaru is scaring me!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This is why I hate drunk people! This isn't Christmas at all!
Fujimaru 1: Let's punish them.
Ushiwakamaru: Punishment... What a spirited idea... I mean, splendid idea.
Ushiwakamaru: Brother would just put his trembling fingers up his brow in frustration...
Ushiwakamaru: But my sister-in-law, Masako. Wow, was she strict.
Ushiwakamaru: If one didn't continuously demonstrate great martial might and feats of strength, she might take their head at any moment.
Ushiwakamaru: Punishment. That is good.
Ushiwakamaru: But if you don't give me a good punishment, I, Ushiwakamaru, shall bite back without hesitation!
Fujimaru 2: Let's punch 'em till they straighten out.
Martha: Let your fists do the talking... That sounds nice. But we are an all-girls club.
Martha: Out of respect for our friendship, I shall be on their side! Also, I'll make sure you forget everything while I'm at it, Master.
Martha: It would be awkward next time we saw each other. Right?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Ha. A fight? Yeah! I can do that!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Come on, Reindeer, give me your orders!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: When I win, make sure you praise me a lot!
Mash: The sad drunk girls' party is coming this way!
--BATTLE--
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: (Panting) W-we won!
Fujimaru 1: You were great, Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, I am the bestest Santa!
Fujimaru 2: You're cute.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Cu...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: N-N-NO! I'm not! I'm not!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You can praise me as much as you want, but for being the best Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No calling me cute! No, no, no! Boo...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you...
Jing Ke: Oh man, we lost! It's lose even if you drunk while you're fun!
Martha: (Sigh) That didn't sober them up at all...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Anyways, here's your presents, weird ladies!
Jing Ke: Ahahahaha. What's this? (Gulp, gulp)
Ushiwakamaru: Some sort of new alcohol? (Gulp, gulp)
Mata Hari: This tastes funny... (Gulp, gulp)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's a detoxifier.
All Three: What.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Servants shouldn't be getting drunk! That's bad, that's real bad.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This medicine...is so you always keep your sense of duty as a Servant.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, please do be careful. It also means if you drink any alcohol you'll take damage.
Jing Ke: Th-that can't be!
Jing Ke: I can't drink? Wh-what's the point in living now...?
Martha: Darn it... I see. So that's where this was going...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Whew. Did you see how great the presents I gave them this year were?
Ushiwakamaru: Things were finally about to get really wild and fun... It's going to be tough being sober on Christmas.
Mata Hari: Oh my. I can't use alcohol as an excuse to do things anymore...
Mata Hari: (Glance)
Fujimaru 1: ...!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What's wrong, Reindeer? Your face is all red...
Mash: What's wrong, Master? Did something happen, Master?
Mash: Is there a reason to lock eyes with Mata Hari, Master!?
Mata Hari: Hehehehe.
Martha: Umm, Santa. You didn't make this medicine... Did you?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No, I didn't know how, so I had a Caster make it. I don't know who he was but he wore white clothes—
Jing Ke: Did he have long hair? It was long hair, wasn't it? Hahahahaha, let's go stab him. Stabbity stab stab!
Ushiwakamaru: I shall accompany you to the very gates of hell! Haha, hahaha, hahahahaha...!
Mata Hari: I think I'll come along, too. Martha, you handle the rest.
Martha: What do you mean, handle the rest—
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's head to the next one, Reindeer! It smells like alcohol here, and it's making me dizzy...
Martha: Okay, you. Wait juuust one second. (Grab)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Gah.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Wh-what is it?! I'm Santa! I'm busy!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You already got your present! Lemme go!
Martha: I need to talk to you.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Call me Santa!
Martha: Okay, okay. Santa, Santa.
Martha: ...Now. What were you thinking when you chose those presents?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What I was thinking... I wanted to pick something that would be good for them.
Martha: Hmm... I think Christmas presents are more about making people happy than being practical.
Martha: The celebration of Christmas began as an opportunity to celebrate His birth.
Martha: It's not about having a good gift, but rather about making someone happy... Don't you think?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Nope!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If Christmas is a day of blessing, then giving a useful gift is important.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...It's true everyone might not be happy with my gift, but...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If it ends up being useful, then their happiness really isn't that important. That's what I think.
Martha: ...Hmm, I see. I suppose that way of thinking is—
Martha: It makes sense, but...
Martha: ...Reindeer, can I leave the rest to you?
Fujimaru 1: Oh, I got this.
Martha: ...Understood. That's all from me. I thank you for your present.
Martha: Good luck, Santa.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Haha, yesss!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's go deliver our next present, Reindeer!
3rd Night: We are Middle Schoolers
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's get going, Reindeer!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Time to deliver some good, practical presents for the good Servants of Japan!
Fuuma Kotarou: ...Is it time yet?
Tawara Touta: Hmph, Lord Amakusa. What is Fuuma waiting for?
Amakusa Shirou: Ah... He requested a present from Santa Claus.
Tawara Touta: Hahaha! I see! I see! Even the leader of the Fuuma Clan is still human, eh?
Tawara Touta: I thought ninja were just puppets on strings without human emotions. Man, that's so cute!
Amakusa Shirou: We Servants find our psychological ages strongly affected by our physical bodies.
Amakusa Shirou: A 15 year-old body means his mind has regressed to that of a 15-year-old.
Tawara Touta: Indeed. Memories of our older selves often feel like it's somebody else's business.
Tawara Touta: Servants are such strange beings.
Tawara Touta: But Lord Amakusa, is this “Santa Claus” really real? Handing out presents sounds like the work of a celestial maiden.
Amakusa Shirou: Yes, that's exactly right. But word from [♂ him /♀ her] is that there's a bit of a problem this year...
Tawara Touta: Oh? A problem? That sounds interesting. What is it—
Fuuma Kotarou: They're here!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thanks for waiting! You must be Fuuma Kotarou!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily has arrived!
Mash: I see all the Servants of the Far East are gathered here... Are you having a banquet or something?
Fuuma Kotarou: ...A child?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm not a child! I'm Santa! Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily! Aww, how come everyone calls me a child?
Tawara Touta: Mostly because you are, I guess? Come now, want some candy?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No. Thank. You.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Besides, everyone knows you're not supposed to take things from strangers.
Fujimaru 1: Do you want one?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer, where did you get that candy?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A ramune flavored candy? My faaavorite! Its fizziness is so grown-up!
Tawara Touta: What do you mean, grown-up...?
Fujimaru 2: Want some candy?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What? Really!? Thank yo— N-no, I'm fine.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't um... I really don't like mint... It's a little too grown-up for me...
Mash: I see. Mint flavor is for grown-ups, huh? I'll ask the doctor for some next time.
Fuuma Kotarou: So, Santa. About my present... (Fidget, fidget)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, I know. What you truly need is—
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This Japanese-English dictionary!
Fuuma Kotarou: ...A dictionary...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! Your Noble Phantasm name has, um... A lot of grammatical issues and things.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Fix it to proper English for a proper NP name!
Amakusa Shirou: ...
Tawara Touta: Hmm, even I can tell that this is no fun at all. A Japanese-English dictionary for Christmas?
Tawara Touta: That's as disappointing as getting a biography of Schweitzer. No, I mean Schweitzer was a great man, but...
Tawara Touta: Anyway, that's a terrible present.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What? Even Mr. Tawara is complaining! This gift is for Mr. Fuuma's own good!
Tawara Touta: But I've heard Christmas is a time for celebrations, like New Year's.
Tawara Touta: Everyone celebrates and everyone is happy. You want a gift like a festival prize, or something cheerful!
Tawara Touta: Which means it should be something they'll enjoy, not something that makes their life better, right?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...If it's not useful, then it's not a very good present.
Fuuma Kotarou: Hmph.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Otherwise, giving a present is just about making yourself feel good. The giver just wants to take joy in giving something.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That's no good! It doesn't make the world any better.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So that means no matter what the person says, the giver has to get them a useful gift to help them improve!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That's what it means to be Santa.
Fuuma Kotarou: ...No, it isn't.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, it is.
Fuuma Kotarou:
IT IS NOT!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
IS TOO!
Both:
Grrrr!
Tawara Touta: Hmph. Nothing for it, then.
Tawara Touta: We are Servants. We shall settle this as Servants do, with a Christmas battle!
Tawara Touta: By the way, I'm joining Fuuma's side. It's childish to give someone a present they don't want.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Fine, then, be that way! Santa will kick your butts!
Fuuma Kotarou: I see. ...Then I shall resist with all I've got. I am Fuuma Kotarou, fifth leader of the Fuuma Clan.
Fuuma Kotarou: I shall destroy this most pointless of presents!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My name is Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily! You're gonna take my gift and like it, whether you like it or not!
--BATTLE--
Amakusa Shirou: ...Understood. Leave it to me.
Tawara Touta: I lost to a kid like her!? When did I get so rusty!?
Tawara Touta: I guess I can't be touting “Playing is Justice” anymore... Maybe I should take it easy with the eating, too...
Fuuma Kotarou: I've failed...!
Fuuma Kotarou: But a defeat is a defeat. I suppose I must now accept your Japanese-English dictionary.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Now you can fix your Noble Phantasm's name!
Fuuma Kotarou: Hmm? I've no intention of changing its name.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What...?
Fuuma Kotarou: ...The founders of the Fuuma clan were “ijin.” Which is to say, they were not from Japan.
Fuuma Kotarou: I'm told my father was a large, red-haired, blue-eyed Westerner.
Fuuma Kotarou: For the founders, the fading memories of their homeland must have been hard to endure.
Fuuma Kotarou: It is the same with the children born here. We can no longer speak the language of our forefathers.
Fuuma Kotarou: So the least we can do is to use a few (cool-sounding) words of that language to bring them peace...
Fuuma Kotarou: Such sentiment is embedded in my Noble Phantasm... So I can't change it.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I didn't know that... And to think I tried to give you a dictionary...
Fuuma Kotarou: No, no. I will take it, and thank you for it.
Fuuma Kotarou: In the future, maybe I'll add something to my Noble Phantasm name. So, thank you...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Okay. Let's go, Reindeer.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's time to move on.
Tawara Touta: Huh, she left in the middle of our bit of reflection.
Fuuma Kotarou: That girl—
Tawara Touta: Hmm?
Fuuma Kotarou: That girl doesn't feel any joy in giving presents, does she?
Tawara Touta: No, she doesn't seem to. She's trying to do it right, but...it is sad, too.
Tawara Touta: She focuses on usefulness because she doesn't know what kind of gifts bring joy.
Tawara Touta: But then... Why did she become Santa in the first place?
Fuuma Kotarou: ...Oh?
Tawara Touta: What's wrong?
Fuuma Kotarou: No, I was just wondering...
Fuuma Kotarou: Where did Lord Amakusa go?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Reindeer.
Fujimaru 1: What is it?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Umm... Am I doing this all wrong?
Fujimaru 2: You look down.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Maybe my present for Fuuma Kotarou wasn't so useful after all...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's hard being Santa. I thought it would be real easy when I started...
???: Oh? Don't tell me you're giving up on being Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Who's there!?
Mash: Huh? What? I'm detecting a Servant!
???: Heheh. Only a fool would reveal his identity when asked.
???: But I suppose there's no harm in it...
Santa Island Mask: I am Santa Island Mask, the mysterious Servant who lives on Santa Island!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Santa Island Mask...! He's boarding Llamrei Mark II...!
Mash: Um, excuse me. But are you Amaku—
Santa Island Mask:
I am Santa Island Mask!
Santa Island Mask: By the way, just because I'm wearing red doesn't mean I am in any way related to any “Emiya” or “Shirou”.
Fujimaru 1: Oh, really?
Santa Island Mask: Nope. Not at all. I'm just red and tanned.
Fujimaru 2: Of course not. Truly, your identity is shrouded in mystery.
Santa Island Mask: Yes. Yes, it is.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay! Now I know who you are! But how come you're bothering me?
Santa Island Mask: Ahem. Jeanne... Oh Jeanne...
Santa Island Mask: You mustn't let Fuuma not liking your present get you down.
Santa Island Mask: It is Santa's job to always get back up and always deliver smiles.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Always... smiles...
Santa Island Mask: Stand and present. You must stand up... and give presents.
Santa Island Mask: Even Scrooge made it in time. There's no way YOU can fail, right?
Santa Island Mask: Whenever you're lost, or in trouble, I shall appear.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Santa Island Mask...! Does this make you my mentor?
Santa Island Mask: Um... Sure... I guess...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay!
Santa Island Mask: Heheh. Then I shall guide you on the path to becoming a true Santa.
4th Night: Merry Christmas in the Labyrinth
Jack: Here are the plates!
Nursery Rhyme: Mister, is there anything else I can help with? Oh, noisemakers! Those are important, right?
Emiya: Mister... Well, I guess that's right. If I tell her not to call me Mister then I'll sound even older.
Emiya: Oh hey you two, wait. Be careful with the noisemakers.
Emiya: The sound will echo in a labyrinth. You need to be mindful of your neighbors, especially at festival time.
Both: Okay!
Emiya: Sheesh... I had hoped to avoid a repeat of last year by spending this year alone in a quiet labyrinth.
Asterios: Um... Sorry.
Emiya: Don't worry. You got roped into this, too. Don't be so timid.
Emiya: I know this is foreign to you, but it's a celebration, so try to embrace it wholeheartedly.
Emiya: Master and I are almost from the same era. Our generation has always gotten really excited about holidays and events.
Emiya: Don't worry about me. Make noise, and have a good time.
Asterios: Okay. Chriss...mas. Is...name?
Jack: Guess what, guess what! This year we asked Santa for a doll!
Emiya: That's very unlike you... Ahem, erm, sorry, I mean, such innocence is just like you!
Jack: They say the dolls of us are super popular! So we want one as a present!
Emiya: Oh? Wait a minute. That's no doll, it's an action figure—
Nursery Rhyme: Me too! Me too!! I asked for a book! But a new tea set would be nice too!
Nursery Rhyme: What did you ask for, Asterios?
Asterios: Huh? Nothing...really—
Both: Huh!? What a waaaaaaste!
Jack: Ask for something! Or we'll dismember you!
Emiya: ...Dismember? Oh, she means this'll be something to remember!
Nursery Rhyme: We'll help you! Asterios, what do you want?
Asterios: Hmm... It's...secret...
Jack: We hope your wish comes true!
Nursery Rhyme: We'll pray that your wish comes true!
Asterios: Thanks. Hope...you...get...wish too...
Emiya: Okay, food's ready. All that's left is—
Both: To wait for Santa!
Asterios: ...Oh. Someone...is here...
Jack: It must be Santa!
Nursery Rhyme: Let's go meet them!
Emiya: So much energy.
Emiya: Asterios, while they're going to see Santa, let's get ready.
Asterios: Plates on...table... Okay...got it.
Emiya: ...Humph. A confidential message from Chaldea...? I didn't know they had my private contact info... Hello?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...We're lost, aren't we?
Fujimaru 1: Absatively.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yeaaah... Maybe I was wrong to think I could just figure out the labyrinth...
Fujimaru 2: Well, you've been blindly wandering around...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I had a revelation that this was the right way! But...maaaybe it was just my imagination!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, someone's here! Good, it must be the people who asked Santa for presents!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hello! I'm Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily! Now, your present is—
Monster: I'MMA GONNA EAT YOU UP!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Gyah—!
Fujimaru 1: So I'm the present?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't have any er...ro...arrow presents like that! That kind of stuff is, um, will have to wait until you grow up!
Fujimaru 2: We're labyrinth lunch.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer, i-it's gonna eat us!
--BATTLE--
???: Santa! Santa!
???: Wheeere aaare yooou!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Those voices! The sweet voices of innocent children calling for Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Come on, let's shout back, Reindeer!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: We're heeere! Where are yooou?
Nursery Rhyme: Oh good. We finally found you!
Jack: Are you okay? We heard a big scream.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: W-we're fine. Everything's fine. Anyway, were you the one who asked Santa for presents?
Jack: Yep! ...Wait. Are you Santa?
Nursery Rhyme: Where's last year's Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Oh!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This year, I am the one true Santa: Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!
Jack: Too looong!
Nursery Rhyme: It's a fun name, like spam!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Spam!?
Nursery Rhyme: But that's too bad! I wanted to thank last year's Santa.
Jack: Yeah. She gave us lots of presents.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Altria Santa gave you lots of presents?
Nursery Rhyme: Yup, it was me and Jack's first Christmas, so she gave us lots of presents!
Jack: We got to be friends with Reindeer, too!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The last Santa did that...
Nursery Rhyme: Now, are you ready?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? Ready? Ready for what?
Jack: Aww, don't try and fool us! We know!
Jack: You only get presents after you beat Santa in a fight!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: F-fight...?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Well, I guess being Santa this year has been looots of fighting...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Butbutbut! Santa spreads love, not battles!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's what the Adult-Me stopped spreading. ...Stupid Adult-Me!!!
Fujimaru 1: So. Now, this is happening... (sigh)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I'm sorry. When I think about my future, I just can't help it...
Fujimaru 2: Calm down, Little Alter.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey! Don't call me “Little”!
Nursery Rhyme: She's flirting with Master. Bad Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I am not flirting!
Nursery Rhyme: Christmas is a time for children like us! I won't let couples steal it!
Jack: Let's get lots of presents, Nursery!
Nursery Rhyme: Let's do it, Jack!
Nursery Rhyme: Now, let's all gather round for story time! If you're naughty on Christmas, Krampus will come for you!
Nursery Rhyme: Let's treat our weird Santa Claus guest to our best hospitality!
--BATTLE--
Nursery Rhyme: We lost...
Jack:
Waaaahh!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? Wh-what happens if you lose!?
Nursery Rhyme: If you lose, you don't get presents! Christmas rules!
Jack: The rules...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But I do have presents for you...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...This is... A rose Black Key!
Fujimaru 1: A rose Black Key!?
Fujimaru 2: A what, now?
Santa Island Mask: When he hears both the sobbing and cheering of little girls, he comes running...
Santa Island Mask: I am... Santa Island Mask!
Fujimaru 1: And then Christmas was saved...
Santa Island Mask: I'm here!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My mentooor...!
Santa Island Mask: Humph... It would be rude to tell them they're wrong about Christmas.
Santa Island Mask: Don't worry. Here's what you do. (Whisper whisper)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Um... But isn't lying bad...?
Santa Island Mask: Christmas is a day where lies are okay! April Fools? What's that?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I understand!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: G-gwah! I. Have. Been. Defeated!
Nursery Rhyme: Hwah?
Jack: Huh?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes, um... It seems like...um... You used... Damage over time! Yes...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I'm so weak... I can't move another step...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I have no choice but to give you these presents, I guess...
Fujimaru 1: You won!
Both: Yaaay!
Nursery Rhyme: We won! We won! I'm so happy! I'm so super-duper happy!
Jack: Okay! Now it's time to dismember you!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Please don't.
Jack: Oh, you're alive!
Santa Island Mask: See? It worked, right?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: R-right!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But somehow, it just doesn't feel right...
Jack: Is that masked person Mommy?
Santa Island Mask: No, unfortunately, I am not your mother.
Santa Island Mask: But in a way, Christmas is a day when everyone is your mother. Isn't that wonderful?
Jack: Lots of mommies on Christmas? Really?
Fujimaru 1: Santa Mask...what have you done...
Fujimaru 2: No! That will only end badly!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, don't shout, Reindeer Master!
Santa Island Mask: Heheh, now that I've ticked Master off, I shall bid you adieu!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My mentooor...!
Nursery Rhyme: Okay, new Santa! It's time...
Jack: ...to invite you to our tea party!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-thank you very much. I'll give you your presents there!
Emiya: It took you a while. I assume you had to fight some weird Christmas battles.
Emiya: Oh, Master... And you're the new Santa?
Nursery Rhyme: That's right. This is the new Santa! She's going to give us presents!
Nursery Rhyme: Her name's um... Um...
Jack: Jeanne Spam d'Arc Spam Alter Spam Santa Spam Lily Spam, right?
Emiya: What... That's... What?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Take the spam part out, please!
Emiya: Oh, so it's like a code name. But it's still long...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Emiya... You didn't request a Christmas present, did you?
Emiya: Unfortunately, I'm too old for that.
Emiya: And in my homeland, the parents and guardians are the ones to give the presents.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Asterios didn't make any requests, either. Don't you have anything you want?
Asterios: I do... But it's...okay...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hmph. You might think I'm not a really real Santa 'cause I'm young.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I may not look it, but I'm a full-fledged Santa Claus! Now tell me what you want!
Asterios: ...I want...days like this...to last. As long...as...possible...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh...?
Asterios: Getting...summoned...like this... Going...lots of places... Fighting—
Asterios: Someday...will...end... Sometimes...hard, but...
Asterios: ...It's fun...right now... Even...labyrinth...is fun.
Asterios: Like...a dream...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Um, that wish... I'm sorry... I can't grant it.
Asterios: Yeah... So, it's okay...
Asterios: Want...some food?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...No. I'm Santa. No food for me.
Asterios: Too bad... It's good...
Emiya: How long have you been Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-this is my first year.
Emiya: Hmm. So your Spirit Origin base was Jeanne d'Arc?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: E-enough talking about me. Now, let's give these two their presents!
Nursery Rhyme: What kind of present is it? I can't wait! I just can't wait!
Jack: A dolly! A dolly!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
...It'll be fine. I'm sure this will be useful... For you two...
Emiya: That's...
Asterios: Huh?
Jack: ...What's this?
Nursery Rhyme: What is it?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
A Hermitage is a quiet place where monks do special spiritual training...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
...It's so you can go someplace quiet... and study instead of just playing all the time...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I just thought studying... Would help Jack and Nursery Rhyme...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Um... Well...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It would be good for you... No, it wouldn't. I-I'm sorry!
Fujimaru 1: Santa!?
Jack: Sh-she ran away...
Nursery Rhyme: What do we do? Santa got sad! On Christmas!
Jack: Is it our fault?
Emiya: No, it's not your fault. Have some food before it gets cold.
Both: Okay...
Asterios: What...do we do...? Th-this...is a problem...
Emiya: Right, then... You, shady-looking guy in the mask who's been creeping in the corner this whole time.
Emiya: You got a solution?
Santa Island Mask: Let's see...
Santa Island Mask: Before we start thinking about a solution, shouldn't we begin by identifying the problem?
Emiya: That's fair enough.
Emiya: Jeanne d'Arc is one thing, but... Jeanne Alter... Especially in Lily form...
Santa Island Mask: No, I think I know the cause. There's something she's missing.
Emiya: Missing, huh...? Hmm. What is it?
Narration: ...No matter what they say, I just don't have it.
Narration: Practicality is all I am. Every part of my being is about what's useful...
Narration: I have no wish. I could die at any time. I have no hope. I could vanish at any moment.
Narration: E-even my existence was impossible from the moment it began...
Narration: Something like me...an impossible being, an impossible concept...could have no wish.
Narration: ...But there was one thing I thought I could do...
Narration: I could be someone who grants other people's wishes, instead of my own... I could be Santa Claus.
Narration: I thought I could be Santa. But...I was wrong.
Narration: I borrowed the sack, and got Reindeer Master to come with me...
Narration: But I don't know what makes people happy. I don't know, so I keep failing and failing—
Narration: And finally, I just ran away. I couldn't do anything right as Santa...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ... (Sigh)
F：???: Saaantaaa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Who-wha!?
Jack: Oh, there you are!
Nursery Rhyme: Wow, you're so fast! Were you going to leave your Reindeer!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I was not!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I don't have anything else to say to you once I've given you your present. I have to go give the rest out...
Jack:
We don't need that present!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Uguh!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Y-you're right... You don't need it, do you?
Nursery Rhyme: Yeah. Studying in a quiet place wouldn't be enough for us.
Jack: So we're giving it baaack!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hic... Ohh...
Nursery Rhyme: Instead! Instead, we want you to grant our wish!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You had a wish...? Um, wasn't it a doll, and—
Nursery Rhyme: Nope! We don't need that!
Nursery Rhyme: We don't need a doll, or a stuffed animal, or cake, or a tree, or a star, or a party, or anything!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh? Th-then what do you want!? There's nothing else I can give you—
Jack: There is! There is something, Santa! We want—
Nursery Rhyme: We want to see the sea!
Jack: We wanna go see the beach!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Th-the sea? When you say the sea... You mean the ocean?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Um... I've only heard of it... But is it the place where it blows and roars, and is totally different than the land...
Jack: We don't know the complicated stuff! We don't know, but Asterios brags about it!
Nursery Rhyme: He says it's big! Suuuper-big! Ultra-big! He says we're like pebbles next to it!
Nursery Rhyme: If we're pebbles, is Asterios a big rock?
Jack: We've never left London, and never seen the sea!
Jack: We died before we could.
Nursery Rhyme: Me too! I've never seen the sea!
Nursery Rhyme: Asterios went with Reindeer, and I hear they all rode on a boat and had a big adventure on the sea a while back!
Nursery Rhyme: I'm jealous! I'm so really really jealous!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Sea... Boat... Big adventure... That's...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wait a minute. Are you saying that going to see the sea—
Jack: Yup! That's our request!
Nursery Rhyme: You took back our present, so Santa will have to grant us our wish!
Jack: Of course she will! She's Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: B-but— But that's...
Nursery Rhyme: Oh, a rose Black Key.
Santa Island Mask: Santa Island Mask, at your service!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: My mentor! Please, tell me!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What should I do!?
Santa Island Mask: Well, you should grant their request. You've taken back their gift.
Santa Island Mask: Which means you have to grant them another wish.
Santa Island Mask: But children are selfish.
Santa Island Mask: So, if you don't grant their request, they'll keep throwing anything you give them right back in your face! They're such returnaholics!
Santa Island Mask: ...That's how it goes with kids. So, that's why you should at least start by granting their wish.
Santa Island Mask: I promise you that if you do, you can be a real Santa Claus.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I-I understand!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jack, Nursery Rhyme. I'll use the Llamrei Mark II to carry you to the sea!
Both: Yay!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Okay, let's go!
Fujimaru 1: Don't forget me!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Uh... It's not like I forgot about you.
Fujimaru 2: You know I'm still here, right?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...It's okay. I didn't forget you. I would never leave you, Reindeer Master...
Nursery Rhyme: I think she totally forgot.
Jack: It completely slipped her mind!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
B-be quiet! Okay everyone, hop on the sleigh!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The Llamrei Mark II is taking off! Oh, my mentor!
Santa Island Mask: Yes?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you! I'll do my best!
Santa Island Mask: Thank you, huh? Oh, I wouldn't thank me... Heh, heh...
Emiya: Why are you acting like a bad guy? Don't you have to go ahead of them? Let's get a move on.
Santa Island Mask: ...I just wanted to end on a bad guy note, that's all.
5th Night: When You Wish Upon a Star, Again
Jack: We're flying!
Nursery Rhyme: It's like the Wizard of Oz!
Fujimaru 1: Are there three Ozes?
Jack: ...? We're Jack!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!
Nursery Rhyme: I don't think that's what we're talking about.
Fujimaru 2: So who's Oz?
Nursery Rhyme: It's me! Me!
Jack: We're Jack!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wah!? Llamrei Mark II, what's wrong!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: S-something's pulling us down!
Mash: There's a Servant below us! Some sort of power is pulling us down!
Jack: Um, this is what's called... Oh, right! A “crash!”
Nursery Rhyme: Don't look so excited about it, Jack!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Everyone, grab on to something! W-we're falling!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer, are you okay?
Fujimaru 1: I think I'm gonna throw up...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Please don't throw up! Definitely do not throw up! I'm right underneath you!
Fujimaru 2: Urmpf...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Are you throwing up!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: P-please don't throw up!
Jack: Wow, that was a surprise.
Nursery Rhyme: You don't look surprised, Jack.
???: Fwahahaha! I won't let you take another step! You shall not pass!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-who's there?
Mash: I-it can't be...! Y-you're...!
Leonidas:
I am Leonidas! Santa, I cannot let you grant their wish of seeing the ocean!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: H-huh!? Why? Why?
Leonidas: That's uhhh... Well... You see...
Fujimaru 1: Some evil mastermind must be commanding him!
Fujimaru 2: It's a conspiracy!
Leonidas: Yes, exactly! We have been ordered not to let you show them the sea!
Leonidas: By a mastermind. Yes, something like that!
Leonidas: So...yes! You shall not pass! Not another step! Definitely not!
Jack: You're so mean! We don't like you, mister!
Nursery Rhyme: That's right! Only meanies, devils, and the Queen of Hearts bully children!
Leonidas: HEY! I don't like it either!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Why would you be upset about this!?
Leonidas: Ah...Ahem! Yes, I am the meanest burly muscle-enemy! What of it?
Jack: Way too muscly! He's not mommy!
Nursery Rhyme: Santa! Should we get him?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I...guess?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Outta the way, Leonidas! This Santa is taking them to see the sea!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Granting wishes is Santa's job. I'll beat up anyone who stands in the way!
Leonidas: Very well, Santa! You shall do so over my dead body!
--BATTLE--
Mash: We've defeated Leonidas...!
Leonidas: Ha! Ha! Ha! It seems I have lost, Master!
Fujimaru 1: Okay then, we shall pass after all.
Fujimaru 2: We won, so we'll be stepping over you.
Leonidas: Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.
Leonidas: Santa, there is still a group of Servants waiting ahead called the Fabulous Five, or the Magnificent Seven, or the Dirty Dozen or something like that!
Mash: Th-that many!?
Leonidas: What? There's not that many? I must have miscounted then... Pardon me. There may be a little less than that.
Leonidas: ...Anyhow, your journey to the sea will not be an easy one!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-why are you getting in the way of Santa trying to fulfill a wish!?
Jack: We just want to see the sea!
Nursery Rhyme: Meaniehead!
Leonidas: You'll have to ask our evil mastermind! I don't really, uh...know all the details either...
Leonidas: I am a man of logic, so I am not very good in psychology and things like that!
Leonidas: So please ask the next villainous Servant to come along!
Leonidas: Farewell then, everyone! Let us meet again at Chaldea!
Mash: Servant has vanished. I will go and speak with Leonidas later!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Is everyone all right?
Jack: Yep!
Nursery Rhyme: Are you all right, Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! That was a cakewalk!
Fujimaru 1: Now what do you want, Santa Island Mask?
Santa Island Mask: So how about it, Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily?
Santa Island Mask: It looks like there are a number of enemy Servants awaiting you in your journey to come.
Santa Island Mask: Neither their identities nor goals are known, but they will try and put a stop to your grand Christmas quest.
Santa Island Mask: Granting wishes is a hopelessly difficult journey. But even if you do manage that, expect no reward.
Santa Island Mask: Why? Because you are Santa Claus. There is no such thing as a reward for completing your task.
Santa Island Mask: Will you still continue?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I...
Jack: ...
Nursery Rhyme: ...
Fujimaru 1: That's something Santa must decide.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I... I want to grant their wish, instead of forcing a present they don't want on them.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I want to give them both exactly what they wished for!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: If the two of you don't mind, I would still like to grant your wish. So let's go see... the ocean!
Both: Okaaay!
Santa Island Mask: I see. Then, proceed with caution, Santa.
Santa Island Mask: Fulfilling a wish is intrinsically an unequal thing. Unequal... That is, a problem of desire.
Santa Island Mask: Be it a simple, casual wish or a desperate need with life hanging in the balance, it is Santa Claus who decides whether or not to grant it.
Santa Island Mask: The one who prays and pleads has their wish granted, while those who don't are not so fulfilled.
Santa Island Mask: ...When you think about it, Santa may not be a saint at all.
Narration: Santa may not be a saint at all— That's what Santa Island Mask said.
Narration: I wanted to argue and say it wasn't true.
Narration: I wanted to say Santa Claus is a noble saint who grants everyone's wishes, and that's why I chose to become Santa.
Narration: But I can't shake the feeling that what he said might really be true.
Narration: ...When I think about what happens after Christmas, I start trembling with fear.
Narration: Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master. Am I okay? Will I be okay?
Narration: ...Will I still be allowed to exist?
Jack: Huh? It's no use. The sleigh won't move.
Fujimaru 1: Huh, even Santa's sleigh can break down.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see... Well, we'd be in trouble if we got dragged down to the ground anyway!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Let's leave the sleigh here.
Mash: Don't worry, we'll retrieve the sleigh later.
Mash: Luckily, we aren't too far from the ocean.
Mash: It may be a little taxing for Master though...
Fujimaru 1: I'm okay, we can all walk.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I agree. Jack and Nursery Rhyme, are you two okay with that too?
Jack: Umm, then we have a favor to ask Reindeer.
Nursery Rhyme: Yes, I have something to ask of Reindeer too.
Both: Ready and... Let's all hold hands and walk!!!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Hey, no fair...!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: No, I mean, you're making it difficult for Reindeer Master to walk! Stop it!
Fujimaru 1: I don't mind.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Uh, well... P-please mind!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A Reindeer should not walk hand-in-hand with small children! Santa rules!
Fujimaru 2: Wanna join, Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...! W-well, if you insist... Hey, you're out of hands!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: What, your back? Piggyback?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: N-no, that's embarrassing. Please stop!!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Errr... Thank you...
Mash: Senpai! Um, when you return, would you please give me... No, a piggyback ride is too embarrassing!
Dr. Roman: Mash? Maaash?
Dr. Roman: It would be nice for me to get in on an event one of these days... Maaash?
6th Night: It's a Wonderful Life, Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This will be our campsite!
Jack: Wow!
Nursery Rhyme: Fun, it's fun, so fun!
Fujimaru 1: It's a slumber party...
Dr. Roman: A sleepover on Christmas. What a carefree scene we have.
Dr. Roman: That aside, Fujimaru. I transferred the goods you requested.
Fujimaru 1: Thanks.
Dr. Roman: No problem, it's part of my job.
Dr. Roman: Spend the night here, and if all goes well, you'll reach the sea tomorrow.
Dr. Roman: If all goes well, that is!
Jack: Oh? This feast...
Nursery Rhyme: It's the feast Mister Emiya made for us! We hurried out and forgot all about it!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I feel a little bad...
Dr. Roman: Rest assured and eat up. He said the key to party foods is that they taste good even when they get cold.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: D-Don't worry about me. I am not hungry.
Jack: You're not?
Nursery Rhyme: I'm sure she is. She's too proud to admit it, I bet.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I am not!
Both: You are, you are!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Am. Not!
Fujimaru 1: Jeanne Alter Santa Lily!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Mggh!? ... (munch, munch, munch) ... (gulp)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So tasty... I mean! Please don't shove food into my mouth.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Well, it was tasty, though. Um...m-more, please?
Jack: Piece of cake.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Did I just hear slander and label that I should definitely respond to!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: “Being faithful to one's principles” and “clarity of purpose” are my two mottos. Hmph!
Nursery Rhyme: Are those spells or something? I don't get it...
Nursery Rhyme: Oh, oh, oh, this roast beef is delicious! Delicious, so deliiicious!
Fujimaru 1: You should thank Emiya...
Nursery Rhyme: Of course. When we get back, I'm planning on giving him headpats!
Dr. Roman: Hahaha, I can already see his face, looking like he hates it but fooling no one.
Nursery Rhyme: And I'll scold him too. Mister Emiya, quit stealing Noble Phantasms, okay?
Fujimaru 2: Politely thank Mister Emiya.
Nursery Rhyme: Yes. I think I shall write a proper letter. Daddy Long... no wait, what should I call him?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Dear Noble-Phantasm-Stealing Mister...
G：???: Where did you hear that I stole things? I'm merely copying for eternity.
F：???: ...What are you yelling about?
G：???: I just felt like I had to clear some things up right here, right now.
G：???: ...Ahem, anyway, preparations are complete.
F：???: But... This seems kind of ridiculous. Why do we need to interfere?
G：???: ...Well, simply put, if her heart can't change, there's nothing we can do for her.
G：???: For a wish-granter to try so desperately to avoid admitting her own wish... That's something of a paradox.
G：???: She's deliberately blinding herself to what it really means to grant wishes.
G：???: To even BE Santa Claus is to have the wish granted of being able to grant others' wishes.
G：???: Unless you're pure evil, the feeling of so performing so many good deeds fills the heart.
G：???: In a way, Santa Clause epitomizes that concept.
G：???: A nice child receives a gift. A naughty child receives a scolding.
F：???: I see. But Jeanne, she—
G：???: Right. She lacks that. And that's the problem.
G：???: Left alone, she will lose sight of her reason to live, and maybe even lose her own identity.
G：???: ...It would be fine for a Heroic Spirit whose name is engraved in history.
G：???: If someone has faith, and calls your name in awe, it doesn't matter if you have a wish or not.
F：???: However... That's not the case for Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily.
F：???: Nobody believes in her. Moreover, the world doesn't know of her at all.
F：???: Even if they know of Jeanne d'Arc, nobody thinks someone like her existed behind the scenes.
G：???: After all, she is a Servant born within Orleans. A fake given temporary life by the Holy Grail.
G：???: She barely managed to materialize as a Servant after slipping past several trials and causing a nightmarish commotion.
G：???: But even materialization is uncertain in the Lily state.
F：???: I see. That's why Altria Alter passed her the role of Santa.
G：???: But, even given the role of Santa, she still carries a burden within her.
G：???: Hopefully she'll come to understand it in the short journey to the sea—
F：???: ...By the way, what is the meaning of THAT?
G：???: Heh, I have to at least hide my face.
F：???: (So he is a bowman who knows nothing of disguises, I see...)
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master, can't you sleep?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Jack and Nursery Rhymes both crawled into their sleeping bags.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Aren't those two Servants? It shouldn't be necessary to sleep when they're materialized.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: They are wasting needless magical energy. Aren't they bothering you, Master Reindeer?
Fujimaru 1: No, not at all.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: They're not...? How come?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm going to take my spirit form so I don't cause trouble. I'm a good girl, aren't I? Ahem!
Fujimaru 2: I prefer it this way.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Y-you prefer it that way? But isn't it pointless?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I feel it's more proper for a Servant to stay in spirit form at times like this... So that's what I'll be doing!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...But before that, I have a question. Have you ever seen the sea, Reindeer Master?
Fujimaru 1: I have.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see... You have.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Is it really so great for the two of them to get all worked up over it?
Fujimaru 2: Actually, I haven't.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I see...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Does that mean no one in this party has ever seen the sea?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...To be honest, I have never seen the sea. My grown self, I mean the other...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: The original Jeanne d'Arc should have seen the sea in her lifetime...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But me, I have no memory of the sea.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Besides... If what I know is right, don't people usually go to the sea in summer?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Winter seas are just for looking and not swimming. So, um, what's the point in going?
Fujimaru 1: I'm sure you'll like it.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: You really think so? I can't imagine that.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: After all, unlike those two, I am an adult! Hee hee!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Waaah! Don't pinch my cheeks! Hey, stoppit!
Mash: Good morning, Senpai! It's snowing again today. Are you all right in the cold?
Mash: Physical and mental parameters are all normal, it seems.
Jack: To the seeea!
Nursery Rhyme: We'll reach the sea for sure today! Yaay!!!
Mash: Head straight west from there— Please wait, Master!
Mash: Servants detected. There are two!
Fujimaru 1: You do a better job than the Doctor.
Dr. Roman: Wait, what, Fujimaru!?
Mash: Master, you're good at compliments. But I'm glad I can be of help with logistical support!
Fujimaru 2: You've got a cuter voice than Roman.
Dr. Roman: Hahahahaha, you're dissatisfied with an old man's voice?
Nursery Rhyme: Perhaps. Mister Roman's voice sounds somewhat silly. It warbles like a dying cat!
Nursery Rhyme: He sounds like a really sad person who gave up on everything, and can't do anything but laugh!
Dr. Roman: Really, is that what you think? I think that might be a bit much.
???: May I finally make my appearance?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Wh-who's that!?
???: Ahem. Hem-hem!
Cursed Arm: Hehehe... I am the cruel contortionist, Hassan of the Cursed Arm. I will not allow you to reach the sea...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Why not!?
Cursed Arm: Why, you ask!?
Cursed Arm: ...
Fujimaru 1: Is there a different Santa!?
Fujimaru 2: Could there be other Santas!?
Cursed Arm: Ah ha! Yes, that! ...Hehehe, because the real Santa is right here.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Um, that sounded kinda like you just thought of it when Master Reindeer said it.
Cursed Arm: Hehehe... twist, twist. (Trying to dodge the accusation with suggestive contortions)
Cursed Arm: Time to make your appearance! The true Santa... Lord Santam!
???: Heh... I ask of you: What is Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Who's that!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: And Santa is the granter of wishes! Someone who brings happiness by bringing gifts!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I...um, well, I may not be the best at that yet, though...
???: Then, I shall answer you.
???: Santas are faceless watchmen who wander from shadow to shadow, hidden from the world!
???: Take a look, this is the proper form of a Santa!
Santam: My name is Santam! I! We! Are Santam!
Jack: ...Huh?
Nursery Rhyme: ...Oh?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Emiya... What are you doing there, Emiya?
Santam:
What!?
Jack: What are you doing? Are you playing dress-up? Should we join?
Nursery Rhyme: Oh, Mister Emiya. Playing make-believe masked heroes is embarrassing for adults, you know?
Santam: How did they figure it out...!? They couldn't figure out Santa Island Mask...
Fujimaru 1: Ahem. Anyway, Santam.
Santam: I-I know. Hey, Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!
Santam: I, Santam, was summoned to correct your mistaken view of Santa.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Mistaken...view of Santa...
Jack: Mister has it all wrong too. (whisper)
Nursery Rhyme: I know! (whisper)
Cursed Arm: You over there, shush! Here, have some candy.
Jack: (Nom nom)
Nursery Rhyme: (Nom nom)
Santam: If you hesitate or run from this, then you are no true Santa!
Santam: Come at me, Santa! But only if you truly believe you are Santa Claus!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I am...
Fujimaru 1: It's okay. You are Santa.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Yes! I am, without a doubt, Santa Claus!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: As long as Reindeer Master doesn't abandon me, I'll always be the really real Santa Claus!
Fujimaru 2: You're not Santa?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I don't know.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Perhaps Emi... I mean, Santam may be a better Santa than me...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I mean, he can copy anything and everything.
Cursed Arm: The nerve! First he copies Noble Phantasms, now presents!? He's the Counterfeit King!
Santam: ...Forget about that! This way I don't need to buy anything, at least.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...But!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But, since Altria Santa has entrusted me with the bag, I am Santa!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Please step aside, Mr. Santam...!
Santam: All right. Come at me, young lady!
Santam: By the way, I am an Archer, which doesn't really go well against a Lancer, but...never mind that!
--BATTLE--
Fujimaru 1: Victory!
Santam: Heh... And defeat for me.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...It felt like you were taking it super easy on us... But we won! And that's what matters!
Santam: Then move forward. Never forget that you are a true Santa.
Santam: And no matter who the enemy is... Do not forget your duties as Santa.
Nursery Rhyme: Don't worry, Jeanne is a great Santa!
Santam: Then we shall disappear as the defeated should.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...
Fujimaru 1: What's wrong?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, nothing! We've almost reached the sea!
Fujimaru 2: You don't look too well...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's nothing! I'm fine, yes, I'll be fine...
Santa Island Mask: Let us hurry ahead to play the role of the final blockade!
Dr. Roman: You look like you're enjoying yourself, Ama... I mean, Santa Island Mask.
Santa Island Mask: Well, it's been a while since I had a chance to play the villain!
Santa Island Mask: And with this impending betrayal, I'm getting all fired up!
Dr. Roman: Hahahahaha. Are you sure you're a Ruler?
Santa Island Mask: Heheheh, whatever do you mean? Right now I am just the mysterious Santa Island Mask.
Santa Island Mask: A masked man can only be a traitor, a villain, or a hero that cannot show his face.
Dr. Roman: Oh, so you're not a hero?
Santa Island Mask: I certainly will not call a man who gets in the way of a girl's dream a hero.
Santa Island Mask: ...Now onward! Santa Island Mask is coming...
7th Night: Last Present For You
Narration: We're getting closer to the sea. Our short but difficult journey will end soon.
Narration: Will I still be able to be Santa? Will I still get to be the one who delivers gifts and hope?
Narration: Or will I disappear, like a dream in morning?
Narration: ...That would've been fine. At least, that's what I thought to start with.
Narration: But why can't I feel that way now?
Fujimaru 1: Ruuuun!!!
Nursery Rhyme: Dolls are coming after us! It's scaaary!
Jack: You should just let me dismember them!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I-I-I-I can't stand those creepy inorplantic types! If they're living creatures I'm okay, but those, no!
Mash: A-are you okay, Master!? I noticed you're carrying all three of them now!
Jack: Wheee!
Nursery Rhyme: Master's roaring along! Zooooom! Fast like a hippogriff!
Fujimaru 1: They're light!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-I bet. I always pay careful attention to my weight!
Fujimaru 2: They're heavy!
Nursery Rhyme: Hey! That's a rude thing to say to a lady!
Jack: Grr.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Bring me a scale later. I'll show you I'm really light!
Mash: Oh!
Nursery Rhyme: Look down!
Jack: It's a pebble!
Fujimaru 1: Eeeeeeep!?
Mash: Senpai! Senpai! You fell flat on your face! Are you all right!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master... You made sure to protect us even when you fell...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: That was such a nice thing to do, Reindeer Master! Awww! You!
Jack: You okay? It hurts? Dismember?
Fujimaru 1: No dismembering Master on Christmas, Jack!
Jack: Too baaad.
Fujimaru 2: My nose's bleeding...
Jack: Looks painful... Want me to lick it?
Jack: Liiick...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
EWW! Cut. It. Out!
Nursery Rhyme: Look, they've caught up to us while we were messing around!
Mash: They're already in battle mode. Please ready your weapons!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: O-okay... Err, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I am not afraaaid! Waaagh!
--BATTLE--
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
It's still coming after us even after it split in two, eww!!
Nursery Rhyme: Creaky mannequin dolls chasing us is definitely not a good fairy-tale!
Jack: I'll dismember them all!
Mash: Jack's really excited about this...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: A rose Black Key! That means—
Santa Island Mask: Yes, I'm sure you're getting tired of my entrance speech. I know I am...
Fujimaru 1: Yes, yes. Whatever-Mask.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you. My mentor...!
Santa Island Mask: There is no need for you to thank me, Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Huh?
Santa Island Mask: Why...? Because I've led you into my dastardly, evil, villainous, wicked trap! Mwa ha ha!
Santa Island Mask: The hope of every Santa, the sack that contains every gift of the universe, shall be mine!
Jack: ?
Nursery Rhyme: ?
Santa Island Mask: Get it? I'm your enemy! Mwa ha ha!
Fujimaru 1: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Mash: ...Um, where did that lightning come from?
Santa Island Mask: Try not to think about it too hard.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I-it can't be...
Santa Island Mask: The first rule of Santaing is that Santas must be aloof but fair. They grant wishes and give presents fairly, without bias.
Santa Island Mask: Self-interest is unnecessary. All that is required is to embody the ideal that sustains the mechanism that is Santa Claus.
Santa Island Mask: You are lost, perplexed, and anguished... Yet you still continue.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Is it bad to be lost and perplexed?
Santa Island Mask: It is. If you're Santa, then you must be rational.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Self-interest is unnecessary? Even the desire to grant wishes?
Santa Island Mask: No. It is absolutely not needed for Santa.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Is...that true...?
Jack: Um, um, Master? What is “self-interest?”
Fujimaru 1: It's the desire to do something for yourself.
Jack: Ummm, so we want to go to the sea! ...Is that self-interest?
Santa Island Mask: That is correct.
Jack: Jeanne... Don't you want to come with us and Nursery to the sea?
Jack: We want you to come with us.
Nursery Rhyme: I agree, I want to go to the sea with Jack and Jeanne too!
Nursery Rhyme: Of course, Master's coming too! Doing it together is what makes it fun!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh...
Santa Island Mask: ...I cannot be lending my ears to every bit of nonsense children say.
Santa Island Mask: Now, kindly hand over the sack.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...I will not.
Santa Island Mask: Oh-ho?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I DON'T WANT TO. I'll never give it up!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I cannot give this sack to someone who insults children!
Santa Island Mask: So what will you do now?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I will fight!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Please, Reindeer Master! Lead me to victory!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I want to win against this man! No, that's not it.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I cannot lose to this man! I just can't lose!
Fujimaru 1: Roger that, Santa Claus!
Fujimaru 2: Let's grant your wish!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yes! Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: As the really real Santa Claus, I'm gonna knock Santa Island Mask out!
--BATTLE--
Santa Island Mask: Hehe... That's how...it should be...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Now, please stand aside!
Santa Island Mask: Please.
Santa Island Mask: Now that I've seen your resolve as Santa Claus, I have no right to say anything more.
Santa Island Mask: Go ahead. Go, and see for yourself...
Jack: Jeanne's already gone.
Santa Island Mask: Aww...
Santa Island Mask: ...Then, Jack. I'll trust you with her.
Jack: Yeah, leave it to us!
Jack: ...Should we dismember you?
Santa Island Mask: Thanks, but no thanks♪
Mash: Oh, there isn't any snow around here. You're almost to the sea.
Mash: But if you want to see the sea, please hurry. It's almost dusk. It will soon be night.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...
Nursery Rhyme: So exciting, Jack!
Jack: We wonder what it's like.
Nursery Rhyme: I wonder if you can swim. Maybe not, since it's winter.
Nursery Rhyme: Hey, Jeanne. ...Jeanne?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: S-sorry. What is it?
Jack: Ummm, you want to hold hands?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh, no. I'm fine...
Nursery Rhyme: ...You're trembling. Then I'll hold your hand, too!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: G-geez. Um, Reindeer Master...
Fujimaru 1: You three go on ahead.
Fujimaru 2: I'll catch up later.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Understood. Then, we're on our way!
???: ...Right. That was my dream when I was young.
???: The vast sea spreading across the horizon was a tale I had only heard about.
???: Even if I pretended a wheat field was the sea, I could not hear the sound of the waves.
???: My dream came true after everything was over.
???: Yes, it was the winter of 1430. When I passed through Le Crotoy, I indeed saw the sea.
???: Even if everything was over. Even if I understood the destiny that awaited me.
???: That beauty. That sense of awe that made me tremble.
???: It was unforgettable. It was a scene beyond comparison to anything—
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: (Panting)
Jack: (Panting)
Nursery Rhyme: This is really hard on a book, sheesh...!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Oh—
Narration: The waves crashed and roared. The violent winds howled.
Narration: It may not have been alive, but for all its ferocity, it may as well have been.
Narration: Somehow, it was as frightening as the beginning of the world, but as beautiful as the end of all things.
Narration: A gift that, supposedly, was never meant to be, was being opened before my eyes.
Narration: ...In the end, I was probably a failure as Santa.
Jack: Wow, this is the sea? Amazing. It's really amazing!
Nursery Rhyme: It's amazing, it's scary, but it's so pretty! And the sunset is beautiful!
Jack: The sun is setting! It looks like it's melting into the ocean!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...
Jack: Can't we go swimming? It should be all right, we're Servants!
Nursery Rhyme: Maybe it's disgraceful. Oooh, water is bad for paper!
Jack: Awww. Then what about you, Jeanne? Jeanne, you don't mind, right?
Jack: ...Jeanne?
Nursery Rhyme: Jeanne?
Both: Eh...!?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Ah, aah... Aaah...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...This. Right, this. I was wrong from the beginning. I was wrong.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: This. Is. My. Dream...!! I wanted to see the sea...!!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I wanted to see this. I wanted to see this...! For the longest, longest time, I wanted to see the sea...!!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Waaaaaaaaaaah...!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
Jack: Jeanne...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I'm sorry... I'm sorry!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: We didn't come here to grant your wishes. This is—
Nursery Rhyme: ...It's fine. It's fine.
Jack: Yeah, it's fine. We don't mind.
Jack: You really did your best. You did the best any Santa could.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: ...Okay.
Nursery Rhyme: Let's listen to the churning waves. Let's watch the waves break.
Nursery Rhyme: A primordial display, as fierce as the end of the world. And yet, it's such a beautiful scene—
Jeanne: I'm so glad she realized...
Mash: Eh? Jeanne!? What in the world is going on here...!?
Jeanne: Wanting to see the sea...was my wish, my desire.
Jeanne: It was a silly dream I had in my childhood. So much so that when I departed at age 17, I had left it behind.
Jeanne: ...That girl is not a saint. That said, she is not an Avenger, either.
Jeanne: My young self was simply a child who enjoyed everyday life.
Jeanne: So, in order to maintain her body as a Servant, there was a need to become something.
Jeanne: ...But, she had wished to become Santa. Even though no child should become Santa Claus.
Mash: Children should not become Santa Claus?
Jeanne: A proper Santa is what Amakusa—no, is exactly what Santa Island Mask said.
Jeanne: The ideal Santa must be impartial in delivering presents.
Santa Alter: ...? I didn't mind that when I delivered.
Jeanne: Oh, please. But, for children, that is impossible.
Jeanne: Because children should be the ones receiving presents. Not the ones giving them out.
Jeanne: Of course, it's different if they're giving something to someone specific. That's a gift given out of personal desire.
Jeanne: But Santa Claus isn't like that. Santa's purpose is to deliver love and presents impartially, to all.
Jeanne: But children desire presents more than anyone else. All the more so if they haven't wished for anything yet.
Jeanne: That's what I hoped her time as Santa Claus would teach her, somehow.
Jeanne: I wanted her, Jeanne, to harbor a desire.
Jeanne: ...However, the story went...a little astray.
Santa Alter: I never imagined she would be so stubborn.
Santa Alter: I thought that after passing out two or three presents, she would realize she harbored her own desires.
Santa Alter: Just how selfless are you?
Jeanne: It's just that my everyday life was fulfilling... I'm sure I wasn't that charming of a child.
Santa Alter: I managed to figure out Jeanne's wish, and asked Jack and Nursery.
Santa Alter: I asked them to grant her wish.
Mash: Eh? So this journey was...!?
Jeanne: Yes. This journey was never about her becoming Santa Claus—
Jeanne: It was a chance for Santa Claus to become Jeanne Alter Santa Lily.
Mash: Everyone who appeared along the way...
Santa Alter: If she were to give up after one or two obstacles, we would've been forced to take a different approach.
Santa Alter: But she trudged forward, so it must truly have been her dream to see the sea.
Jeanne: And, there is one more important thing. It wasn't merely going to go see the sea.
Jeanne: Even after all her struggles, she was able to go see the sea with her dear friends.
Jeanne: As long as she has this memory, she will continue to exist as a Servant.
Santa Island Mask: Oh, so the cat's out of the bag. Can I revive myself now?
Fujimaru 1: If you must.
Santa Island Mask: My gosh. Even as a child, she was a formidable opponent! I couldn't afford to go easy on her.
Santa Island Mask: I actually fought like I meant it, and she took me down.
Fujimaru 2: Nope. Stay dead.
Santa Island Mask: Ehhh? Aren't we done? All three of them reached the sea.
Mash: Wh-whaaaa!? Santa Island Mask came back to life?
Amakusa Shirou: My gosh. Well, we kind of railroaded the plot, but we managed to finish.
Jeanne: Thank you very much. I never imagined you would help me—
Amakusa Shirou: Hahaha, of course!
Amakusa Shirou: To have more Jeanne Alters you don't get along with! What could be better?
Jeanne: So that was your ulterior motive. Geez! ...But, I am happy with how this worked out.
Jeanne: She may not be me, but she has untapped potential that even I don't...
Jeanne: Honestly, I'm happy. It feels like I gained a little sister.
Santa Alter: You should say that to the original Jeanne Alter. That will really upset her.
Jeanne: I know. That's why I won't tell her.
Mash: I see... So everything was a scheme Amakusa and Jeanne cooked up.
Mash: I was completely fooled.
Amakusa Shirou: No, it wasn't me.
Jeanne: Nor was it me. I could have never gotten this far...
Santa Alter: Though I was the one who mentioned Jeanne Alter Santa Lily would disappear as she was...
Santa Alter: The plan itself wasn't actually mine.
Mash: Eh, then who was it? Santam?
Emiya: What? No! Heh... Mash, you haven't figured it out?
Mash: Eh...?
Emiya: The one who planned this is the one who understands Servants the most.
Emiya: The one who understands who is best for which role, and who should guide her along the way.
Emiya: And, it must be someone that THE Jeanne Alter trusts from the bottom of her heart, even in her Lily form.
Emiya: Really, there is only one such mastermind in all the world, isn't there?
Mash:
Ah... Aah!!!
Mash: ...MASTER!?
Fujimaru 1: Busted...
Mash: M-Master, you set all of this up!?
Jeanne: Yes, the way you improvised your way through situations, and the way the Servants were appropriately placed was remarkable.
Santa Alter: It was also Fujimaru's plan to make it look like Llamrei Mark II's engine was broken after the crash.
Mash: ...H-hold on a second!
Mash: Why didn't anyone tell me?
Jeanne: Th-that's because...
Santa Alter: Master told us to stay quiet. We were told that Mash could not tell a lie, and telling her would ruin the plan.
Mash:
SEEEENNPAAAAIIIII!?
Fujimaru 1: I-I'm sooorry!!
Mash: Oh! So when the Doctor said there was emergency maintenance...!
Santa Alter: Of course he was playing along.
Mash: I'm going to the Doctor to protest right this instant!
Fujimaru 1: Try to go easy on him.
Mash: Yes, of course. I have to save some energy for you, Master!
Fujimaru 2: Whew...
Mash: I hate to burst your bubble, but brace yourself when you return, Master!
Emiya: Heh. She's pouting.
Emiya: Girls of that type hold grudges for a long time. You should make it up to her soon.
Emiya: At a time like this, your best bet is giving her a present.
Jeanne: (He seems quite used to this...)
Santa Alter: (Indeed...)
Amakusa Shirou: (He must have had to do plenty of “making up” during his lifetime...)
Emiya: ...? (Sometimes this place is the worst...)
Leonidas: Are we done? Did it all work out?
Cursed Arm: It seems everything worked out for the best. What a relief!
Jeanne: Thank you all for your hard work. I'm sorry for roping you into this too, Asterios.
Asterios: No...worries! Wish granted...I'm...happy.
Asterios: I knew...now is...the most...fun!
Emiya: The other Servants are gathering in Chaldea. This...will be quite the party.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master, Reindeer Master!
Jeanne: ...Quick, everyone, let's hide!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Reindeer Master! I figured it out now that I reached the sea!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I'm Santa, but I'm still young. I'm immature, selfish, and helpless—
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: But still, I'm here right now! I want to do my best to help you, Reindeer Master!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: So, um, well, even when Christmas is over, even if spring, summer, and autumn come...!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Can I stay by your side?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Thank you sooo much! You are the bestest... I love you, Reindeer Master!