Chocolate Lady's Commotion
Prologue: Chocolate Flavored Great Escape
–Sweet, melting, and bitter. –I guess chocolate is the flavor of love.
Kiyohime: Today is Valentine's Day, Master. Kiyohime, unworthy me, has made chocolate.
Kiyohime: To be precise, I “became” chocolate rather than made it.
Kiyohime: If I can become a dragon by holding on to my feelings for a thousand years, becoming a chocolate is rather simple.
Kiyohime: Come! I will be the personification of that cheesy tagline!
Kiyohime: I will melt in your mouth– but definitely not...in...your...hand☆
Kiyohime: By the way, if I transform my entire body in chocolate, I would be roughly 240,000 calories♪
Kiyohime: You can cut me into pieces and eat me up later if you want to.
Fujimaru 1: That would be a crime!
Fujimaru 2: What is this, a dream?
???: Well, well, I wonder what kind of nightmare you witnessed?
???: Perhaps something like “The tiger now hath seized the gentle hind?”
Fujimaru 1: Well, Ms. K...
???: Oh, I see. It is almost Valentine's Day.
Fujimaru 2: I can't remember...
???: A nightmare so terrible you couldn't even remember, I see.
???: But, if it's a nightmare that can even torture our Master, I have no doubt its content is related to Ms. K.
Shakespeare: ...That aside... Hello, my Master!
Shakespeare: I, Shakespeare, the most renowned literary writer in the world, have come to destroy your golden slumber!
Shakespeare: Why? You may ask. No reason, I am simply here to wake you up.
Fujimaru 1: From you? That's rare.
Shakespeare: I am sure you'd think that way. After all, Lady Mash is the usually the one to wake you up.
Shakespeare: Unfortunately, as you may be aware, she's battling with chocolate at the moment.
Fujimaru 2: Where's Mash?
Shakespeare: Well, well, have you forgotten, Master?
Shakespeare: All of the female Servants, including her, are spending all their time on chocolate.
Shakespeare: Some of them... Like Lady Artemis, for example, is making the chocolate for their true love.
Shakespeare: Lady Mata Hari, Lady Antoinette, and Lady Boudica seem to be making chocolate for everybody.
Shakespeare: I guess you could call those types of chocolate, friendship chocolate.
Shakespeare: Also, although it's only my own speculation, I have an eerie feeling about what they might get in return on White Day, except Lady Boudica.
Shakespeare: I mean, the majority of male Servants probably never received a chocolate in their life, and glare at the world with eyes that look like the Tibetan Fox.
Shakespeare: Well, there are also Servants who don't care much about this kind of occasion, but that's that.
Shakespeare: “It (Jealousy) is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”
Shakespeare: ...That's the saying, no?
Fujimaru 1: Would they be happy to get one from me?
Shakespeare: Ohhh, Master's handmade chocolate! That would make any Servant happy!
Shakespeare: Servants are emotional entities. If they get chocolate from you, you can expect them to work extra hard.
Shakespeare: In that case, let's go join the ladies and make some chocolate with them!
Shakespeare: Hmm, someone appears to be running around the halls. I urge you to exercise care, Master.
Fujimaru 1: Wh-What's going on?
Shakespeare: Wh-What's happening? An attack on Chaldea?
Shakespeare: They seem to have run into the simulator room. Shall we pursue them?
Fujimaru 1: Yes!
Shakespeare: Well, well, Master! I shall be rooting for you, so please go finish this quickly!
Shakespeare: Hmm, that was some good exercise, wasn't it Master? However, what is this Servant?
Shakespeare: It looks like a Shadow Servant, but with a much paler color...
Shakespeare: More than anything–
Fujimaru 1: This...smells like chocolate...
Fujimaru 2: This... sweet fragrance...
Shakespeare: Yes, that's it! I know what they are now–
C：???: Where? Where is it?
Shakespeare: ...Oh? The adorable, flustered thing over there is...
Mata Hari: Oh my, Master. Say, did you happen to see a chocolate sprinting around here?
Fujimaru 1: ...What did you say?
Mata Hari: A chocolate I said. I am not sure what happened but...
Mata Hari: ...the chocolate I melted in a bain-marie started to fuse together, took human form, and all of a sudden ran away.
Mata Hari: It sure is mysterious, isn't it? What should we do, Master?
Shakespeare: Oh... Chocolate... ran...away...you say!?
Shakespeare: In other words, let's call the entities we've just met “Choco-Servants!”
Mata Hari: Now what do I do... I put some a secret spell on it that allows it to turn into a jewel.
Fujimaru 1: That's way too magical...
Fujimaru 2: What kind of alchemist are you?
Mata Hari: Hehehe, if you pour enough love into your chocolate, it's only natural for it to do that.
Mata Hari: Please be sure to remember that because it's very important, Master♪
Shakespeare: This has turned into an extremely fascinating event, Master!
Shakespeare: But please rest assured, Master. I thought something like this might happen!
Shakespeare: Prepare for the impossible!
Shakespeare: I have called upon some Servants with unusual senses of smell to track down those chocolates.
Shakespeare: Let's use their scarily keen senses of smell derived from their unpopulari... I mean jealousy, and take back those chocolates!
Fujimaru 1: You're behind this aren't you!?
Fujimaru 2: I know what your final Ascension looks like...
Shakespeare: Hahahaha, you sure like to jest, Master!
Shakespeare: ...If I were behind this commotion, I would surely make the chocolate escape with more drama, more tragedy!
Shakespeare: Therefore, I promise I am only acting out of the kindness in my heart.
Shakespeare: Ah, I can see distrust in my Master's eyes. Heh heh, I guess my legacy can be both good and evil at times!
Dr. Roman: Ahhh, heaters and blankets are the best on a cold day like this... Good, it feels so good...
Dr. Roman: I know I have a lot to do, but snuggling in this blanket next to a heater somehow makes me feel like everything will be all right.
Dr. Roman: Truly, this just feels too good... No wonder humanity has fallen...
Shakespeare: Pardon me for interrupting your self-degenerating fantasy, but you really have to stop being useless when we need you.
Dr. Roman: Ouch, that hurts! That brought me back to reality! Can you stop with the kind of insults that cuts you to the core?
Dr. Roman: Wait, what? Shakespeare?
Dr. Roman: Rayshift preparation? Chocolate? Escape? Oh, hold on a moment.
Dr. Roman: No, wait a minute. What's going on? Eh, eh, eh–!?
Dr. Roman: At least let me fulfill my role as the exposition guy–!
Section 1: Chocolate Domination
Blackbeard: NORMIES EXPLODE!
Fujimaru 1: What was that?
Shakespeare: An extraordinary comedian. No wonder he rampaged across Okeanos.
Fujimaru 2: B-Blackbeard?
Shakespeare: Hahaha, don't worry, Master.
Shakespeare: There's an example of someone who you think might be powerful, but he's actually just another sandbag for you to practice your new moves on.
Shakespeare: Either way, he's no threat to us.
Blackbeard: What? I am! I am a serious threat! By the way, what was that just now, Master?
Blackbeard: I almost became some shining particles and disappeared along with some touching BGM!
Blackbeard: ALL OF AMERICA WAS SHOOK!
Shakespeare: Rest assured, Lord Blackbeard.
Shakespeare: You are like a minor character who randomly dies off in the background during a touching scene in some war flick.
Shakespeare: You are but a candle that will go out at any moment, so there's no time for BGM.
Blackbeard: That's mean!
Blackbeard: But, blowing someone up without warning! I see you are fit to be a pirate!
Blackbeard: Yes, it's only natural for a pirate to ambush someone! But it pisses me off when it's done to me!
Blackbeard: IT PISSES
Blackbeard: ME OFF
Blackbeard: Now that you have intentionally pissed me off, you'll learn the extent of my wrath!
Shakespeare: What are you saying, Lord Blackbeard? That explosion was not by me or Master.
Blackbeard: So then, who on Earth would dare to blow up Blackbeard?!
Blackbeard: Don't tell me one of ya good-for-nothings is trying to kill me and take my spot!
Underling: It's not us, Captain! Also, no one could replace ya.
Mephistopheles: That is correct, Lord Blackbeard! How can you suspect us without proof?!
Blackbeard: Y-You...are absolutely right. I am sorry... Well, Mista Mephisto...
Blackbeard: ...Wait, hold on a minute. Why are you riding on my boat?
Mephistopheles: Huh? Well you said “explode” out loud like that, so it's only fair for a explosive Servant like me blow you up, right?
Mephistopheles: I mean, even if you'd told me not to do it, it's a clown's job to go ahead and do it anyway, no?
Blackbeard: AARRGH! So you were the one!
Shakespeare: By the way, Lord Blackbeard. Are you hiding any chocolate?
Shakespeare: You seem to give off a cacao-like smell.
Blackbeard: Chocolate...you say? N-No way, I have no idea what are you talking about!
Blackbeard: I insist that I am innocent!
Fujimaru 1: Okay, guilty. You have no right to remain silent.
Fujimaru 2: Okay, arrest him. No need for a lawyer.
Blackbeard: Shit! I have no rights, you say! But, I haven't done anything–!
Blackbeard: In that case, I can only prove my innocence through sheer strength! Brute force = Freedom! That's the way of the Voyager of the Storm!
Mephistopheles: Oh, did someone mention a fight? Then please allow me to participate, too.
Mephistopheles: What? “Don't come?” “Don't do it?” The more you say that to me the more I want to join!
Mephistopheles: Hee hee hee hee hee! But, having Master as my opponent is so very painful!
Mephistopheles: In any case, Valentine's Day is a day no normies should have! Especially in a Far East city called Harajuku!
Mephistopheles: I, Mephistopheles, shall partake in this annual event of getting rid of normies! Oh this is so much fun!
Fujimaru 1: BLACKBEEEARD!
Blackbeard: Somehow, I am not feeling the motivation in that call, Master! D-Damn... I-I can't be defeated here, not yet...
Blackbeard: M-Mista! Now is the time for us to rely on you!
Blackbeard: Please rain down punishment on this normie of a Master!
Shakespeare: Huh, so you are calling Hektor to help you like you did in the Main Chapter? But if anything, that guy is actually pretty popular...
Spartacus: Chocolate is tyranny.
Fujimaru 1: WHO THE HECK DID YOU CALL?
Fujimaru 2: Okay, this is no joke right now!
Blackbeard: WAH HAH HAH! YES! Valentine's Day is the ultimate tyranny!
Blackbeard: Mista Spartacus is most motivated on this day!
Blackbeard: Pour our love into chocolate? The most important day for any girl?
Blackbeard: WHAT A LOAD OF HORSE SHIT! A BIG STEAMING PILE OF SHIT! IT'S TYRANNY! TYRANNY I SAY!
Fujimaru 1: You've totally made it worse.
Fujimaru 2: You already turn people off, and now...
Shakespeare: These kinds of people are the ones that break down on Valentine's Day. This is truly entertaining!
Shakespeare: It goes something like this, “I will be brief: your noble son is mad.”
Blackbeard: You know, just the thought of putting love or hate into desserts is wrong! Don't you think so, Master?!
Fujimaru 1: It's not a bad way to show people your affection.
Fujimaru 2: There's no right or wrong in expressing your emotions.
Blackbeard: RIGHTEOUSNESS BEAAAAAAAM!?
Blackbeard: Ugh... As expected of my Master, I can't even think of a comeback...
Blackbeard: While I, Blackbeard, am lucky to be summoned by Master, this is where our opinions differ.
Blackbeard: And so, Mista Spartacus! This Master here is a tyrant! An oppressor!
Spartacus: Then I shall rebel against such tyranny. Master, I will be the one to protect those chocolates!
Shakespeare: Let me help too! Other Servants, besides me, are strong, you know!
Spartacus: I've failed... (ka-thud) Master, please keep the tyranny moderate...
Blackbeard: MISTA NO-TYRANNY—! My ambition has been crushed...
Blackbeard: I was about to mold the Choco-Servants into Mash-chan, Euryale-chan, Atalante-chan, Artemis-chan...
Blackbeard: Mata Hari-chan, Boudica-chan, Kiyohi... maybe not her, that idea scares me.
Blackbeard: I was going to have all kinds of fun with them...
Fujimaru 1: Th-That's... Terrible!
Fujimaru 2: Drake, get this guy!
Shakespeare: Hmmm... Master, Master!
Shakespeare: I counted the Choco-Servants here, it seems we're still missing a few.
Shakespeare: It seems there are others who took chocolates during this whole commotion!
Shakespeare: Now this is getting even more interesting!
Fujimaru 1: You are having too much fun with this!
Shakespeare: Of course I am! I am good with writing tragedies, but comedies like this that can help the audience relax are the best.
Fujimaru 2: Are you really NOT the mastermind?
Shakespeare: ...Of course not!
Shakespeare: I have nothing to hide, Master.
Shakespeare: So please stop questioning me like that just because I put a “...” in front of my answer.
Shakespeare: For I am super innocent.
Blackbeard: Hehehehehe. Don't think you've won here. Soon you will realize I, Blackbeard, am the most powerful of the Four Kings...
Blackbeard: For I will come back and annoy you till you choke!
Fujimaru 1: Thanks for that discouraging remark!
Blackbeard: Now I will take my leave!
Blackbeard: In the future, I will show up like a ghost in the sky and give you encouraging words!
Mephistopheles: Well in that case, here, take this bomb. Hehe.
Blackbeard: Oh Mista Mephisto. Thank you for the gif...
Blackbeard: ... ...I don't need this!
Blackbeard: Chocolate is...tyranny...
Shakespeare: Master, it seems with the blue sky in the background, anybody can look encouraging.
Fujimaru 1: I wonder...
Section 2: Mother, Drama, and Chocolate
Emiya: ... ...
Fujimaru 1: ...
Fujimaru 2: Anything you want to say?
Emiya: Wait, hold on, Master. I know how you feel, but please listen to me.
Emiya: Due to my special nature, I am familiar with modern events such as Valentine's Day.
Emiya: Therefore, shouldn't you view my actions as a way to remove any elements that might cause you trouble?
Shakespeare: That's why they call you the most overprotective Servant in Chaldea. We understand your motives now, but can you share the details with us?
Emiya: I object to that overprotective statement... But fine, I'll ignore that for now.
Emiya: Master. The people trying to send you chocolates are not normal humans.
Emiya: That's right– They are Servants, heroes of the past! They are a group of people abnormal in all kinds of ways.
Emiya: Capability, mentality, skill, and berserk level, they are the best in almost everything.
Emiya: There's no way they would simply make some chocolate, send it to you, and just end it there.
Emiya: I am certain. Something bad will happen to you. Without a doubt, it'll be GG for you!
Emiya: To stop my Master from walking into a minefield, it's obviously my duty as a Servant—
Emiya: No, my duty as a friend who has a heart. I understand the consequences greatly. I had lady issues, too!
Shakespeare: As I thought, you're an overprotective Servant.
Emiya: Hmm. My words alone are not enough to convince you? I thought as much, so I brought over a special guest.
Shakespeare: Hmm, a guest, you say? A guest who has gone through multiple lady troubles... That can only be...
Diarmuid: Chocolate is dangerous, Master!
Fujimaru 1: You're... T-Too convincing!
Fujimaru 2: Ahh yes, I believe you...
Shakespeare: I know right?
Diarmuid: That's very good!
Diarmuid: I didn't think too much and accepted some chocolate during a certain Holy Grail War! Then an intense confrontation unfolded right in front of me!
Diarmuid: I could have stopped it if it was just a fistfight.
Diarmuid: But there's no way I could stop two people from stabbing each other with words while smiling.
Diarmuid: What awaited me was endless stomach ulcers...
Diarmuid: Chocolate is dangerous, Master. It will mislead people!
Emiya: Thanks, beautiful, young warrior. I really appreciate your life lesson.
Emiya: Well, meditate on the wisdom of pioneers like this and be patient.
Emiya: Master. Don't forget that the future of mankind depends on you.
Fujimaru 1: But, everyone gets sulky without chocolate, right?
Fujimaru 2: I feel like it's better to receive some.
Emiya: ...Oh boy. It seems we can't convince you. In that case, we will stop you with brute force.
Emiya: Kill one to save a hundred— I hate that idea, but I will believe it to be the absolute justice in this case!
Diarmuid: That's right, unknown Archer! For an Archer Class we sure do think alike!
Diarmuid: Master! Even if I, Diarmuid, must point my blade at the one I serve–
Diarmuid: I will spill blood for the sake of my Master! That is the sure way to reduce casualties!
Shakespeare: Hahahahaha! I guess that's what happens! All right, let's do it Master!
Emiya: Ugh, I guess this is the end...
Shakespeare: Your idea is noble but tainted by evil thoughts. I believe that's why you lost.
Emiya: I don't remember having those evil thoughts–
Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?
Shakespeare: If Lord Emiya feels like it, he can effortlessly make a chocolate.
Shakespeare: In the event that Master does not receive chocolate from anyone... Since Master would look bad if that happened...
Shakespeare: He was going to say “You might not want one from your guardian, but here” and then give you a chocolate.
Shakespeare: That was the kind of beautiful ending he was going for.
Emiya: The feeling of not receiving anything, I... I understand that feeling all too well...
Emiya: I made this chocolate using leftover ingredients, but I thought it would be better than nothing...
Fujimaru 1: Mom's chocolate...
Shakespeare: It's the last insurance on Valentine's Day. Well, in Master's case, there is Ms. K.
Fujimaru 2: Yay! Chocolate!
Emiya: I see, it makes me happy that you like it... But I guess that's just me being nosy...
Shakespeare: ...By the way, Lord Emiya. Do you know that Red Saber over there?
Emiya: Red Saber? I don't remember calling her here–
???: IT'S ME!
Caesar: IT'S ME!
Emiya: ...I think you have transcended the joke and became the stereotype. ...Red Saber?
Emiya: As usual, is this part of your scheme? Just how convenient can you get?
Caesar: I had no choice, nom nom.
Caesar: Chocolate is the treasure of calories, nom. When you say calories, it can only be me, nom.
Caesar: Well, there is a possibility that Altera will show up, but right now she's busy making chocolate...
Caesar: ...while mumbling “Chocolate is civilization... Wait... Is it?” So I left her alone.
Caesar: If I try to deceiv... I mean persuade her, she'll fire beams at me! No questions asked!
Fujimaru 1: I guess power is justice...
Caesar: NO MORE VIOLENCE! Shouldn't we make that into a slogan and post it everywhere in Chaldea?
Fujimaru 2: That's the best approach...
Shakespeare: The pen is mightier than the sword but the sword is quicker than the pen.
Shakespeare: Unless you can see that... Remember, beams, no questions asked.
Caesar: Well, although it feels like I am just a pawn in the hands of the mastermind, it doesn't matter since chocolate is delicious. It's fine!
Fujimaru 1: The mastermind!?
Caesar: That's right, the mastermind!
Caesar: You see, even without relying on someone great like me, I'm sure you can tell there's a Servant that appeared recently...
Caesar: ...that will make you think “Can't we just blame everything on this guy?”
Shakespeare: ...Ah yes. That guy.
Shakespeare: The kind that would make you say “It's for the best...” with a sorrowful expression.
Shakespeare: That one that feels like “That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.”
Caesar: Now go, go chase that person down! I am going to stay here and enjoy more cocoa.
Caesar: Hmm, sweet. This is good poison.
Fujimaru 1: No more chocolate!
Fujimaru 2: Any more calories will be dangerous for you!
Caesar: Nom nom nom nom nom...
Caesar: I know, I know, but– Can't stop, won't stop!
Caesar: Well, Emiya! Diarmuid! Let's show them the power of the Three Knights Class!
Emiya: Hold on. Are you dragging me in?
Diarmuid: As I've said, chocolate is dangerous, Master!
Caesar: All right, all right! I've lost!
Caesar: ...But, I've burnt up all of the calories in those chocolates with this fight, right?
Emiya: A Servant's physique doesn't change, you know...
Emiya: Even if by some skill you may change your physique, this amount of exercise won't do a thing.
Emiya: A healthy diet can be adopted only after leading a regimented life, getting proper exercise, and appropriate food.
Emiya: ...Hmm, now that we're at it. Let me fix that unhealthy body of yours.
Caesar: Er, hold on. Why are you grabbing my hand?
Emiya: Fuyuki Citizens' Marathon Flame Course, I will have you join me as well! Ready... BOOM!
Caesar: Boom! Did you just say “Boom?” Just how forceful can you be? I don't even have time to comment!
Caesar: But, please wait! Physical labor does not fit my image... Oh, I can feel the burn! My fat is burning!
Caesar: Ow, this hurts! Help me, Diarmuid! At least ready the chariot!
Diarmuid: Friendship between two men... How wonderful! Please let me join you as well!
Caesar: You too, Diarmuid!
Fujimaru 1: A witty remark would do now...
Shakespeare: They will be fine. Lord Caesar's true quality comes out after he dies. At least that's the way I've written about him.
Shakespeare: ...Are we still missing some chocolates? Aren't you curious about the “mastermind” Lord Caesar mentioned?
Shakespeare: However, haste makes waste. Let's call it a day!
Section 3: That is Also Me
Paracelsus: Ah, how can this be? It's sad, but all of this is part of my plan—
Fujimaru 1: I knew that.
Paracelsus: As expected of my Master... I am impressed that you noticed.
Fujimaru 2: Ah, yes.
Paracelsus: As expected of my Master... That calmness is fit for someone who will save the world.
Shakespeare: We're here... Lord Caesar incites people with his words, Lord Hohenheim changes people with his attitude.
Shakespeare: Please be careful, Master. Mages are like an author's deadline.
Shakespeare: If you believe without thinking, you will pay for it later.
Shakespeare: A deadline of Friday EOD means it's okay by Monday morning. Depending on the situation, you can even turn it in by Monday night!
Fujimaru 1: I see, you can't trust him!
Fujimaru 2: Aren't you embarrassed for saying that?
Paracelsus: –Wait, wait a minute. Please listen to me first.
Paracelsus: What is chocolate anyway, Master? That's right, it's a snack made from cocoa beans.
Paracelsus: With its abundant sugar, chocolate is sweet and the calories and fat are also overpowering.
Paracelsus: ...Currently, there are countless female Servants in Chaldea.
Paracelsus: They give away chocolates, and if Master eats all of them, it wouldn't be good for Master's health.
Paracelsus: However, simply destroying the chocolates won't do– They will simply make more on the spot.
Paracelsus: Besides, if I do that, they'll kill me.
Fujimaru 1: I know right...
Paracelsus: However, Holy Chocolate War, where people fight over chocolates... I can't let that happen either.
Paracelsus: The world must be forever peaceful and serene. That's when I finally came up with my idea.
Paracelsus: That's right, all I need to do is to eliminate chocolate as an ingredient.
Shakespeare: Indeed! How exceedingly logical of you!
Fujimaru 1: This is a little bit extreme, right?
Fujimaru 2: Isn't this way of thinking a bit dangerous?
Paracelsus: A mage like me even agonizes over the question if I should use spells like the ones you see in fairytales.
Paracelsus: ...Well, I thought it would be good to fulfill a girl's wish in the process.
Fujimaru 1: A girl?
Paracelsus: Sorry, I talk too much.
Paracelsus: Therefore, I don't regret anything. I'll do the same thing over and over again.
Fujimaru 2: Whose wish did you grant?
Paracelsus: I cannot reveal that. Revealing a girl's secret is the act of an evil man.
Shakespeare: It's incredibly convincing when you say that, you know!
Paracelsus: –Now, I think we have reached a mutual understanding... That our opinions will reach an agreement.
Paracelsus: So there is only one thing to do. With this magical sword of Paracelsus–
Paracelsus: I will persuade (brainwash) you.
Fujimaru 1: Did you just say brainwash?
Paracelsus: That's sad... I think you might've misheard.
Fujimaru 2: What was that in the parentheses?
Paracelsus: Are you saying that's my true intention? I wonder what you mean by that?
Paracelsus: In any case, cooking is just mixing ingredients. If it's mixing stuff, nothing beats alchemy.
Paracelsus: I have my own opinion regarding chocolate making. I will prove the justice in my plan through this fight!
Paracelsus: ...I've lost... However... I'm sad...
Paracelsus: When I think about how Master would walk the path of carnage...
Fujimaru 1: I'll be all right. No problem.
Paracelsus: ...And... My heart aches just thinking about how you have to eat that idol's chocolate...
Fujimaru 1: Ah.
Shakespeare: Master... You were so preoccupied on chasing chocolates, you forgot about that, right?
Shakespeare: No matter what this idol makes, negative adjustment will happen and turn her creation into a mysterious substance...
Shakespeare: No... Before all of that.
Shakespeare: Even if the majority of the Servants possess knowledge of chocolate, for most of them this is their first time cooking.
Shakespeare: ...It would be best to ask Lady Da Vinci for some stomach medicine beforehand.
Paracelsus: In case you need this... Please drink it... It's made from ancient spirit grass. If it's your stomach, it should protect it.
Fujimaru 1: Thank you!
Paracelsus: But... You'll lose your sense of taste...
Fujimaru 2: If it's my stomach?
Paracelsus: It won't protect... Your tongue...
Paracelsus: Farewell then, Master. At the very least, please don't rob little girls of their dreams–
Shakespeare: Little girls' dreams, you say? The most fragile yet sturdy thing in this world.
Shakespeare: Yearning for eternity and peace, it is a world where violence and barbarism are alien.
Shakespeare: ...Nonetheless, I'm fully aware it's a unrefined existence. Therefore we must go destroy that dream!
Fujimaru 1: Having fun?
Shakespeare: Of course! The commotion this time is a tale fit to relax people.
Shakespeare: I will do my best to fulfill my role as your buddy!
Shakespeare: However, Paracelsus disappeared without telling us anything about the girl, we could really use some hints.
Shakespeare: ...Huh? Please take a look at this, Master.
Shakespeare: This is...a doll, isn't it? Also a gigantic candy and a picture book.
Shakespeare: ...A picture book?
Fujimaru 1: That means–
Shakespeare: We will reveal the culprit... After this commercial break!
Fujimaru 1: Tomorrow!
Section 4: Dark, Sweet, and Evil
Fujimaru 1: Happy Halloween!?
Nursery Rhyme: Well, Hello, Master!
Nursery Rhyme: Sorry. It's a bit of a mess.
Nursery Rhyme: But this was the most wonderfully decorated room for a tea party with the Choco-Servants...
Shakespeare: Oh, you brought out some nostalgic decorations, didn't you?
Nursery Rhyme: Yes, the shining ones are always the better ones! Right, Uncle Shakespeare?
Shakespeare: The moment you hear “Uncle” from a little child, there's this sweetness and an “Oh no, I'm old!” feeling, right Master?
Shakespeare: Well, well, anyways. Would you please give those Choco-Servants back to us?
Nursery Rhyme: Why?
Shakespeare: They are lifeforms based off the Valentine chocolates made by the female Servants.
Shakespeare: If they don't go back, the ladies won't be able to finish making their chocolates.
Nursery Rhyme: No way, you can't take them! They will enjoy a tea party here with me.
Nursery Rhyme: There are many kinds of people in Chaldea but there's nobody that will enjoy a tea party with me like this!
Nursery Rhyme: Jack stumbles around and disappears during the tea parties and Andersen just writes bad endings!
Nursery Rhyme: I even asked the Red Person to secure this wonderful tea for me...
Nursery Rhyme: Yes, that's right! I've tried really hard! I won't give them to you.
Nursery Rhyme: By the way, can you reserve this room?
Nursery Rhyme: It's all right. I think that you can just sleep with Mash, Master.
Shakespeare: Oh...Master. I am at my wits' end.
Shakespeare: The love of a child is completely different than that of romance. A type of emotion that's different at its core.
Shakespeare: So what shall we do?
Fujimaru 1: I want the chocolate back.
Nursery Rhyme: Hmm... No, no way.
Nursery Rhyme: If you insist, then I will have you join me at this tea party.
Fujimaru 2: I'll join your tea party so...
Nursery Rhyme: Oh, really? If you say so Master...
Nursery Rhyme: Okay, I will think about it if you join my tea party.
Nursery Rhyme: Let's begin the tea party, then. What's important is the pastries, tea, and picture books.
Nursery Rhyme: We will eat pastries and read those books while partaking elegantly in tea–!
Shakespeare: M-Master, I do write stories with happy endings from time to time, but...
Shakespeare: A fairytale world like this sure makes me want to write a bad ending.
Fujimaru 1: Stop it.
Fujimaru 2: No way.
Shakespeare: Ah, Master, it's dangerous. I really want to write that ending now!
Shakespeare: Hey, my right hand, settle down!
Nursery Rhyme: ...Oh, being an adult sure is tough. Even so, why do we have to become adults?
Nursery Rhyme: You would be so much happier if you could just eat snacks and drink tea along with these chocolates.
Fujimaru 1: What?
Fujimaru 2: Oh no, something is...
Nursery Rhyme: Once you're at Alice's tea party, just go ahead and leave your names behind like everyone else.
Nursery Rhyme: Hmmm... Eternity might be too difficult. So at least just for the duration of Valentine's!
Fujimaru 1: The chocolate...
Nursery Rhyme: Hehehe. I have no choice.
Nursery Rhyme: If I do this, the chocolates won't get eaten, and I can enjoy the tea party.
Nursery Rhyme: It's a happy ending for everyone! This so fun! Wonderful!
Fujimaru 1: Shakespeare!
Shakespeare: ...Oooh, you can call my name even as you're starting to forget yours!
Shakespeare: Aren't you the best Master of this era!
Fujimaru 2: A bad ending...
Shakespeare: Oh, you called me! No one writes bad endings better than me!
Shakespeare: ...If I say that, a certain boy with a blue hair might get offended, but that's that.
Shakespeare: Shakespeare, here I go! Well, although I was drinking tea next to you until a moment ago...
Nursery Rhyme: Hey, don't get up all of a sudden! You'll spill the tea!
Shakespeare: Oh, my apologies.
Shakespeare: Well, not only me, but you Master Fujimaru will be in a tight spot if Valentine's is left unsettled.
Shakespeare: Listen well, Master. Let me tell you what this looks like to a bystander if you keep enjoying this tea party.
Shakespeare: “From today until the end of Valentine's Day, I will be spending all my time with Alice only!
Shakespeare: Not only that, I am not telling any of the other ladies about it!”
Mash: Senpai, you're the worst.
Fujimaru 1: They're going to kill me for sure!
Fujimaru 2: I'm playing with fire here!
Shakespeare: I see you're motivated now, Master! Yes. It always comes down to violence.
Shakespeare: It's sad but inevitable. Just like water always flows to lower ground, and birds always fly towards the sky.
Shakespeare: Yes. Inevitability. Every part of a bad ending is created by inevitability.
Shakespeare: If things stay the same, not only will Master, but even the little girl here will face a bad ending.
Fujimaru 1: Wh-What does that mean?
Fujimaru 2: She'll have a bad ending, too?
Shakespeare: Heh heh, I will tell you everything when the battle is over. Let's save everyone, Master!
Nursery Rhyme: Ugh, so you want to fight! What a bad person... Fine! I don't care anymore.
Nursery Rhyme: Master and the uncle who only writes difficult stories, you will all be the Decapitating Bunny's prey!
Nursery Rhyme: That's mean, so mean! Flicking my forehead actually hurts!
Shakespeare: Now this is the end.
Nursery Rhyme: FINE! But I am still not giving you the Choco-Servants!
Shakespeare: Heh, heh, now I, Shakespeare shall tell you the cruel reality!
Shakespeare: You know, little girl. Tea parties are fun.
Shakespeare: If you have them together with sugar-packed tea, sugar-packed pastries, and sugar-packed chocolate...
Shakespeare: It will envelope you in a sweet sugary joyfulness.
Shakespeare: Unfortunately–we must not be allowed to enjoy this forever.
Shakespeare: Even if the most beautiful time of the year can be kept, there's a price to pay for enjoying anything for eternity.
Shakespeare: “When sorrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions.” That's just how it is.
Nursery Rhyme: Wh-What do you mean? Stop saying stuff that I can't understa... Ouch!
Shakespeare: –That's right. As the price to pay for all those sweet pastries and tea, you'll—
Shakespeare: ...get cavities.
Nursery Rhyme: Nooooo!
Shakespeare: I hear that cavities hurt like hell before dental technology was established!
Shakespeare: It's painful. It hurts!
Nursery Rhyme: H-H-Hell... No way, that's terrible. B-But you know? I am a Servant!
Shakespeare: Why yes. If you'd been eating normal candy, there's no way you'd get cavities...
Shakespeare: However, what if a Servant has been eating candy made from another Servant's power? What do you think will happen then?
Nursery Rhyme: I-It's just your imagination. My tooth doesn't hurt at all. It doesn't tingle at all, it doesn't sting at all.
Nursery Rhyme: Tea doesn't stain my teeth when I drink it!
Fujimaru 1: It's so sad... So very sad.
Fujimaru 2: I think that's enough.
Shakespeare: Time for the finishing blow! Summon Chaldea's number one dentist!
Nursery Rhyme: Eh, eh, eh!?
Nursery Rhyme: Huh!?
Fujimaru 1: That's a dentist!?
Fujimaru 2: Reasonable, I suppose?
Fergus: So, where's my patient? Ohhh, is this adorable young lady my patient?
Fergus: Come, open your mouth wide...
Fergus: Raise your hand if it hurts, OK? (Doesn't say it won't hurt.)
Nursery Rhyme: Eeeeeeeek. That smile looks so scary!
Fergus: Relax, young lady. With this Caladbog, AKA dental drill, any cavities will be...
Fergus: SMASHED IN ONE SHOT!
Nursery Rhyme: Nooo—! Help, Tooth Fairy—!
Shakespeare: Phew, it's fixed now. You can go home, Lord Fergus.
Fergus: Hmm. I feel guilty about threatening an innocent girl, but I can't let bad things go.
Fergus: I will happily take on the part of the villain if my Great Spin of Heaven and Earth can be useful, HAH, HAH, HAH!
Shakespeare: See, I prevented a bad ending, right?
Fujimaru 1: But the girl seems pretty traumatized.
Shakespeare: I was bluffing about 50% of the time, but it seemed to work out after all!
Shakespeare: After this, we will have retrieved most of the chocolates.
Shakespeare: We're still short on some, but you can recover those at your leisure.
Shakespeare: Now people can get back to making their chocolates. I am sure the ladies (and some men) among the Servants will be happy.
Shakespeare: Master can have an easy mind now and receive those chocolates.
Shakespeare: I can have an ease of mind now that I have the idea necessary for the manuscript of my Valentine Anthology.
Fujimaru 1: Manuscript?
Fujimaru 2: Anthology?
Shakespeare: Don't worry about it, Master! Servants have to enjoy themselves even during off time.
Shakespeare: Come now, you have no time to waste on someone like me.
Shakespeare: Master... Numerous chocolates are waiting for you!
Shakespeare: Hehehe. Indeed this is– “To be or not to be, that is the question.”
Before the Sun Melts Away the Chocolate
Narration: With all these feelings of gratitude, here is a special gift on this special day.
Narration: Even if it's not special for that person, even if it's only natural for that person.
Narration: I don't mind if this feeling of mine is one sided, and will never be returned.
Narration: For I will put my whole heart and soul into this brown pastry. I hope it will be accepted.
Mash: –Now that I have completed my chocolate. Without any trouble that is.
Mash: ...I am happy that Senpai is getting a lot of chocolates. I am a little worried if mine will get acknowledged.
Mash: Perhaps the wrapping was too plain?
Fou: Fou, Fou.
Mash: Thank you for the encouragement, Fou. I will go hand it to Senpai now.
Mash: I dropped a letter in the mail already, so Senpai should be there.
Mash: Senpai? Are you there, Senpai?
Mash: ... ...
Mash: ...Strange. No response.
Mash: ...Let's look for the exit record first... No exit record.
Mash: In that case, could it be! This is just like Christmas—
Mash: Since this is an emergency, HAH!
Mash: I'm charging in! Back me up, Fou!
Mash: Senpai... I mean, Master! Are you okay?
Mash: ...Huh? I am sure I entered Senpai's room, but...
Stheno: Hehehe, welcome my dear. I welcome your rough arrival, Mash.
Euryale: Just as “I” planned, Demi-servant. But, it's too bad.
Euryale: We were supposed to have our “loser sister” punish you if you were even a minute late.
Medusa: ...I'm grateful from the bottom of my heart that you arrived right on time, Mash...
Mash: Wh-what's the meaning of this?
Stheno: I guess you don't know? Valentine's Day is an important event for women—
Stheno: The same goes for you. So you wouldn't appreciate it if it's too simple, right?
Stheno: A special event is necessary for a special day like this.That's why—
Euryale: Right! That's why we will hype it up for everybody!
Euryale: Only by giving the chocolate after overcoming several trials, can the bond between a Master and Servant get stronger.
Euryale: I believe the term is Misattribution of Arousal? It's very important to balance the tsun and dere.
Medusa: Ah, yes... Of course, my big sisters.
Medusa: And I am really sorry, Mash. Those two are like that... I am sorry.
Stheno/Euryale: I can hear you, you know? Medusa! I can hear you, Medusa!
Medusa: Sorry, I am sorry, my big sisters!
Medusa: Well... Again I am sorry for all the trouble but, please defeat us and move onward!
Mash: I see. That is how it is? ...Understood. I will accept this trial!
Mash: A special trial befits a special occasion like this... I accept the justification behind those words!
Mash: And— Today is the only day I can express my gratitude to Senpai!
Stheno/Euryale: Nooo waaaay!
Medusa: ...What a powerful strike! An attack from the heart, 100 times more powerful than anything from my sisters!
Medusa: We were totally defeated, Mash. You did a really great job.
Mash: Th-Thank you very much! You hang in there too, Medusa!
Mash: All right... Who's waiting for us at the next trial?
Mash: Yes. I prepared myself knowing in a situation like this, there will always be second and third trials!
Mash: You know what happens twice will surely happen a third time!
Jack: Hey, it's Mash.
Jack: It's a trial, please give me chocolate!
Mash: Well, but this is...
Jack: Please, please, please, please, please! Please, please, please, please, please!
Mash: Fou is trembling at the intense begging... Honestly, I'm scared too!
Mash: But, there's no way I'm handing over this chocolate! If you want one, go find the Doctor, Jack!
Jack: Whaaat, that's mean. In that case— Trick or Dead!
Mash: That event was three months ago! You need to understand that the year has begun already, please!
Jack: Waaahhh, that's mean, Mash! We just wanted some candy!
Mash: I'll give you something sweet later, ok? So please let me through, Jack...
Jack: Really? In that case, you passed!
Mash: ...Thank you. As for the sweet, is sesame bun okay?
Jack: Er... That's the kind of stuff you eat when you're old, Yuck...
Mash: ...I feel like the Doctor just passed out from that comment, but maybe it's just my imagination.
Fou: Fou Fou.
Kiyohime: –This is a trial!
Mash: Ugh... I knew something was coming but... of course it's Kiyohime!
Kiyohime: Yes, it is I, Kiyohime, who comically throws flame at events that deal with love.
Kiyohime: ...Although I am really not that comical! Platonic love, seriousness, and suspense are what I was known for!
Fou: Fou... Fou...rror?
Mash: Fou wanted to say “Aren't you missing horror there?” But let's leave that aside.
Mash: I will face your trial with everything I have. Let's go—
Kiyohime: Well, wait a little there, Mash. ...Mash, what do you think about our Master.
Mash: I respect Senpai more than anyone! I take pride in being their Servant!
Kiyohime: ...Not like that. I mean be more straightforward.
Kiyohime: ...Don't you want to be bonded to that person with love and romance?
Mash: ? What do you mean by that?
Kiyohime: ...I see. There are no lies in those words. But that's that and this is this.
Kiyohime: My flame will be the conclusion of this trial. Prepare to receive it!
Mash: Understood. I will protect this chocolate!
Kiyohime: –Ohh, I lost. Is the chocolate safe?
Kiyohime: Onward then. That person is waiting for you.
Mash: Thank you very much, Kiyohime!
Mash: ...Senpai, Senpai, Senpai!
Mash: (Inhale... Exhale...) ...ahem, ahem.
Mash: Good morning! It's Valentine's Day, Senpai!
Mash: Ah, well...sorry for shouting. I don't quite understand my feelings...
Mash: A-Anyway, I heard today is the day we transform our feelings of gratitude into chocolate and give them away.
Mash: That's why, here you go. It's not much, but it would make me happy if it nourishes you.
Mash: Huh? Why am I armed, you ask?
Mash: Well... Da Vinci taught me a lot of stuff beforehand, so...
Mash: So I turned into my Servant form to psyche myself up for this...
Mash: A-Anyway, thank you for the Valentine this year.
Mash: I put all my heartfelt gratitude in this... I'm looking forward to our time together in the future, Master!