Chocolate Lady's Commotion

Prologue: Chocolate Flavored Great Escape

–Sweet, melting, and bitter. –I guess chocolate is the flavor of love.

Kiyohime: Mas–

Kiyohime: –ter

Kiyohime: Today is Valentine's Day, Master. Kiyohime, unworthy me, has made chocolate.

Kiyohime: To be precise, I “became” chocolate rather than made it.

Kiyohime: If I can become a dragon by holding on to my feelings for a thousand years, becoming a chocolate is rather simple.

Kiyohime: Come! I will be the personification of that cheesy tagline!

Kiyohime: I will melt in your mouth– but definitely☆

Kiyohime: By the way, if I transform my entire body in chocolate, I would be roughly 240,000 calories♪

Kiyohime: You can cut me into pieces and eat me up later if you want to.

Fujimaru 1: That would be a crime!

Fujimaru 2: What is this, a dream?

???: Well, well, I wonder what kind of nightmare you witnessed?

???: Perhaps something like “The tiger now hath seized the gentle hind?”

Fujimaru 1: Well, Ms. K...

???: Oh, I see. It is almost Valentine's Day.

Fujimaru 2: I can't remember...

???: A nightmare so terrible you couldn't even remember, I see.

???: But, if it's a nightmare that can even torture our Master, I have no doubt its content is related to Ms. K.

Shakespeare: ...That aside... Hello, my Master!

Shakespeare: I, Shakespeare, the most renowned literary writer in the world, have come to destroy your golden slumber!

Shakespeare: Why? You may ask. No reason, I am simply here to wake you up.

Fujimaru 1: From you? That's rare.

Shakespeare: I am sure you'd think that way. After all, Lady Mash is the usually the one to wake you up.

Shakespeare: Unfortunately, as you may be aware, she's battling with chocolate at the moment.

Fujimaru 2: Where's Mash?

Shakespeare: Well, well, have you forgotten, Master?

Shakespeare: All of the female Servants, including her, are spending all their time on chocolate.

Shakespeare: Some of them... Like Lady Artemis, for example, is making the chocolate for their true love.

Shakespeare: Lady Mata Hari, Lady Antoinette, and Lady Boudica seem to be making chocolate for everybody.

Shakespeare: I guess you could call those types of chocolate, friendship chocolate.

Shakespeare: Also, although it's only my own speculation, I have an eerie feeling about what they might get in return on White Day, except Lady Boudica.

Shakespeare: I mean, the majority of male Servants probably never received a chocolate in their life, and glare at the world with eyes that look like the Tibetan Fox.

Shakespeare: Well, there are also Servants who don't care much about this kind of occasion, but that's that.

Shakespeare: “It (Jealousy) is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”

Shakespeare: ...That's the saying, no?

Fujimaru 1: Would they be happy to get one from me?

Shakespeare: Ohhh, Master's handmade chocolate! That would make any Servant happy!

Shakespeare: Servants are emotional entities. If they get chocolate from you, you can expect them to work extra hard.

Shakespeare: In that case, let's go join the ladies and make some chocolate with them!

Shakespeare: Hmm, someone appears to be running around the halls. I urge you to exercise care, Master.

Fujimaru 1: Wh-What's going on?

Shakespeare: Wh-What's happening? An attack on Chaldea?

Shakespeare: They seem to have run into the simulator room. Shall we pursue them?

Fujimaru 1: Yes!

Shakespeare: Understood!

Shakespeare: Well, well, Master! I shall be rooting for you, so please go finish this quickly!


Shakespeare: Hmm, that was some good exercise, wasn't it Master? However, what is this Servant?

Shakespeare: It looks like a Shadow Servant, but with a much paler color...

Shakespeare: More than anything–

Fujimaru 1: This...smells like chocolate...

Fujimaru 2: This... sweet fragrance...

Shakespeare: Yes, that's it! I know what they are now–

C:???: Where? Where is it?

Shakespeare: ...Oh? The adorable, flustered thing over there is...

Mata Hari: Oh my, Master. Say, did you happen to see a chocolate sprinting around here?

Fujimaru 1: ...What did you say?

Mata Hari: A chocolate I said. I am not sure what happened but...

Mata Hari: ...the chocolate I melted in a bain-marie​ started to fuse together, took human form, and all of a sudden ran away.

Mata Hari: It sure is mysterious, isn't it? What should we do, Master?

Shakespeare: Oh... Chocolate... say!?

Shakespeare: In other words, let's call the entities we've just met “Choco-Servants!”

Mata Hari: Now what do I do... I put some a secret spell on it that allows it to turn into a jewel.

Fujimaru 1: That's way too magical...

Fujimaru 2: What kind of alchemist are you?

Mata Hari: Hehehe, if you pour enough love into your chocolate, it's only natural for it to do that.

Mata Hari: Please be sure to remember that because it's very important, Master♪

Shakespeare: This has turned into an extremely fascinating event, Master!

Shakespeare: But please rest assured, Master. I thought something like this might happen!

Shakespeare: Prepare for the impossible!

Shakespeare: I have called upon some Servants with unusual senses of smell to track down those chocolates.

Shakespeare: Let's use their scarily keen senses of smell derived from their unpopulari... I mean jealousy, and take back those chocolates!

Fujimaru 1: You're behind this aren't you!?

Fujimaru 2: I know what your final Ascension looks like...

Shakespeare: Hahahaha, you sure like to jest, Master!

Shakespeare: ...If I were behind this commotion, I would surely make the chocolate escape with more drama, more tragedy!

Shakespeare: Therefore, I promise I am only acting out of the kindness in my heart.

Shakespeare: Ah, I can see distrust in my Master's eyes. Heh heh, I guess my legacy can be both good and evil at times!

Dr. Roman: Ahhh, heaters and blankets are the best on a cold day like this... Good, it feels so good...

Dr. Roman: I know I have a lot to do, but snuggling in this blanket next to a heater somehow makes me feel like everything will be all right.

Dr. Roman: Truly, this just feels too good... No wonder humanity has fallen...

Shakespeare: Pardon me for interrupting your self-degenerating fantasy, but you really have to stop being useless when we need you.

Dr. Roman: Ouch, that hurts! That brought me back to reality! Can you stop with the kind of insults that cuts you to the core?

Dr. Roman: Wait, what? Shakespeare?

Dr. Roman: Rayshift preparation? Chocolate? Escape? Oh, hold on a moment.

Dr. Roman: No, wait a minute. What's going on? Eh, eh, eh–!?

Dr. Roman: At least let me fulfill my role as the exposition guy–!

Section 1: Chocolate Domination


Blackbeard: ARGH!?

Fujimaru 1: What was that?

Shakespeare: An extraordinary comedian. No wonder he rampaged across Okeanos.

Fujimaru 2: B-Blackbeard?

Shakespeare: Hahaha, don't worry, Master.

Shakespeare: There's an example of someone who you think might be powerful, but he's actually just another sandbag for you to practice your new moves on.

Shakespeare: Either way, he's no threat to us.

Blackbeard: What? I am! I am a serious threat! By the way, what was that just now, Master?

Blackbeard: I almost became some shining particles and disappeared along with some touching BGM!


Shakespeare: Rest assured, Lord Blackbeard.

Shakespeare: You are like a minor character who randomly dies off in the background during a touching scene in some war flick.

Shakespeare: You are but a candle that will go out at any moment, so there's no time for BGM.

Blackbeard: That's mean!

Blackbeard: But, blowing someone up without warning! I see you are fit to be a pirate!

Blackbeard: Yes, it's only natural for a pirate to ambush someone! But it pisses me off when it's done to me!

Blackbeard: IT PISSES

Blackbeard: ME OFF

Blackbeard: !

Blackbeard: Now that you have intentionally pissed me off, you'll learn the extent of my wrath!

Shakespeare: What are you saying, Lord Blackbeard? That explosion was not by me or Master.

Blackbeard: So then, who on Earth would dare to blow up Blackbeard?!

Blackbeard: Don't tell me one of ya good-for-nothings is trying to kill me and take my spot!

Underling: It's not us, Captain! Also, no one could replace ya.

Mephistopheles: That is correct, Lord Blackbeard! How can you suspect us without proof?!

Blackbeard: Y-You...are absolutely right. I am sorry... Well, Mista Mephisto...

Blackbeard: ...Wait, hold on a minute. Why are you riding on my boat?

Mephistopheles: Huh? Well you said “explode” out loud like that, so it's only fair for a explosive Servant like me blow you up, right?

Mephistopheles: I mean, even if you'd told me not to do it, it's a clown's job to go ahead and do it anyway, no?

Blackbeard: AARRGH! So you were the one!

Shakespeare: By the way, Lord Blackbeard. Are you hiding any chocolate?

Shakespeare: You seem to give off a cacao-like smell.

Blackbeard: say? N-No way, I have no idea what are you talking about!

Blackbeard: I insist that I am innocent!

Fujimaru 1: Okay, guilty. You have no right to remain silent.

Fujimaru 2: Okay, arrest him. No need for a lawyer.

Blackbeard: Shit! I have no rights, you say! But, I haven't done anything–!

Blackbeard: In that case, I can only prove my innocence through sheer strength! Brute force = Freedom! That's the way of the Voyager of the Storm!

Mephistopheles: Oh, did someone mention a fight? Then please allow me to participate, too.

Mephistopheles: What? “Don't come?” “Don't do it?” The more you say that to me the more I want to join!

Mephistopheles: Hee hee hee hee hee! But, having Master as my opponent is so very painful!

Mephistopheles: In any case, Valentine's Day is a day no normies should have! Especially in a Far East city called Harajuku!

Mephistopheles: I, Mephistopheles, shall partake in this annual event of getting rid of normies! Oh this is so much fun!


Blackbeard: UGH!


Blackbeard: Somehow, I am not feeling the motivation in that call, Master! D-Damn... I-I can't be defeated here, not yet...

Blackbeard: M-Mista! Now is the time for us to rely on you!

Blackbeard: Please rain down punishment on this normie of a Master!

Shakespeare: Huh, so you are calling Hektor to help you like you did in the Main Chapter? But if anything, that guy is actually pretty popular...

Spartacus: Chocolate is tyranny.


Fujimaru 2: Okay, this is no joke right now!

Blackbeard: WAH HAH HAH! YES! Valentine's Day is the ultimate tyranny!

Blackbeard: Mista Spartacus is most motivated on this day!

Blackbeard: Pour our love into chocolate? The most important day for any girl?


Fujimaru 1: You've totally made it worse.

Fujimaru 2: You already turn people off, and now...

Shakespeare: These kinds of people are the ones that break down on Valentine's Day. This is truly entertaining!

Shakespeare: It goes something like this, “I will be brief: your noble son is mad.”

Blackbeard: You know, just the thought of putting love or hate into desserts is wrong! Don't you think so, Master?!

Fujimaru 1: It's not a bad way to show people your affection.

Fujimaru 2: There's no right or wrong in expressing your emotions.


Blackbeard: Ugh... As expected of my Master, I can't even think of a comeback...

Blackbeard: While I, Blackbeard, am lucky to be summoned by Master, this is where our opinions differ.

Blackbeard: And so, Mista Spartacus! This Master here is a tyrant! An oppressor!

Spartacus: Then I shall rebel against such tyranny. Master, I will be the one to protect those chocolates!

Shakespeare: Let me help too! Other Servants, besides me, are strong, you know!


Spartacus: I've failed... (ka-thud) Master, please keep the tyranny moderate...

Blackbeard: MISTA NO-TYRANNY—! My ambition has been crushed...

Blackbeard: I was about to mold the Choco-Servants into Mash-chan, Euryale-chan, Atalante-chan, Artemis-chan...

Blackbeard: Mata Hari-chan, Boudica-chan, Kiyohi... maybe not her, that idea scares me.

Blackbeard: I was going to have all kinds of fun with them...

Fujimaru 1: Th-That's... Terrible!

Fujimaru 2: Drake, get this guy!

Shakespeare: Hmmm... Master, Master!

Shakespeare: I counted the Choco-Servants here, it seems we're still missing a few.

Shakespeare: It seems there are others who took chocolates during this whole commotion!

Shakespeare: Now this is getting even more interesting!

Fujimaru 1: You are having too much fun with this!

Shakespeare: Of course I am! I am good with writing tragedies, but comedies like this that can help the audience relax are the best.

Fujimaru 2: Are you really NOT the mastermind?

Shakespeare: ...Of course not!

Shakespeare: I have nothing to hide, Master.

Shakespeare: So please stop questioning me like that just because I put a “...” in front of my answer.

Shakespeare: For I am super innocent.

Blackbeard: Hehehehehe. Don't think you've won here. Soon you will realize I, Blackbeard, am the most powerful of the Four Kings...

Blackbeard: For I will come back and annoy you till you choke!

Fujimaru 1: Thanks for that discouraging remark!

Blackbeard: Now I will take my leave!

Blackbeard: In the future, I will show up like a ghost in the sky and give you encouraging words!

Mephistopheles: Well in that case, here, take this bomb. Hehe.

Blackbeard: Oh Mista Mephisto. Thank you for the gif...

Blackbeard: ... ...I don't need this!

Blackbeard: Yooooooooo!

Blackbeard: Chocolate is...tyranny...

Shakespeare: Master, it seems with the blue sky in the background, anybody can look encouraging.

Fujimaru 1: I wonder...

Section 2: Mother, Drama, and Chocolate

Emiya: ... ...

Fujimaru 1: ...

Fujimaru 2: Anything you want to say?

Emiya: Wait, hold on, Master. I know how you feel, but please listen to me.

Emiya: Due to my special nature, I am familiar with modern events such as Valentine's Day.

Emiya: Therefore, shouldn't you view my actions as a way to remove any elements that might cause you trouble?

Shakespeare: That's why they call you the most overprotective Servant in Chaldea. We understand your motives now, but can you share the details with us?

Emiya: I object to that overprotective statement... But fine, I'll ignore that for now.

Emiya: Master. The people trying to send you chocolates are not normal humans.

Emiya: That's right– They are Servants, heroes of the past! They are a group of people abnormal in all kinds of ways.

Emiya: Capability, mentality, skill, and berserk level, they are the best in almost everything.

Emiya: There's no way they would simply make some chocolate, send it to you, and just end it there.

Emiya: I am certain. Something bad will happen to you. Without a doubt, it'll be GG for you!

Emiya: To stop my Master from walking into a minefield, it's obviously my duty as a Servant—

Emiya: No, my duty as a friend who has a heart. I understand the consequences greatly. I had lady issues, too!

Shakespeare: As I thought, you're an overprotective Servant.

Emiya: Hmm. My words alone are not enough to convince you? I thought as much, so I brought over a special guest.

Shakespeare: Hmm, a guest, you say? A guest who has gone through multiple lady troubles... That can only be...

Diarmuid: Chocolate is dangerous, Master!

Fujimaru 1: You're... T-Too convincing!

Fujimaru 2: Ahh yes, I believe you...

Shakespeare: I know right?

Diarmuid: That's very good!

Diarmuid: I didn't think too much and accepted some chocolate during a certain Holy Grail War! Then an intense confrontation unfolded right in front of me!

Diarmuid: I could have stopped it if it was just a fistfight.

Diarmuid: But there's no way I could stop two people from stabbing each other with words while smiling.

Diarmuid: What awaited me was endless stomach ulcers...

Diarmuid: Chocolate is dangerous, Master. It will mislead people!

Emiya: Thanks, beautiful, young warrior. I really appreciate your life lesson.

Emiya: Well, meditate on the wisdom of pioneers like this and be patient.

Emiya: Master. Don't forget that the future of mankind depends on you.

Fujimaru 1: But, everyone gets sulky without chocolate, right?

Fujimaru 2: I feel like it's better to receive some.

Emiya: ...Oh boy. It seems we can't convince you. In that case, we will stop you with brute force.

Emiya: Kill one to save a hundred— I hate that idea, but I will believe it to be the absolute justice in this case!

Diarmuid: That's right, unknown Archer! For an Archer Class we sure do think alike!

Diarmuid: Master! Even if I, Diarmuid, must point my blade at the one I serve–

Diarmuid: I will spill blood for the sake of my Master! That is the sure way to reduce casualties!

Shakespeare: Hahahahaha! I guess that's what happens! All right, let's do it Master!


Emiya: Ugh, I guess this is the end...

Shakespeare: Your idea is noble but tainted by evil thoughts. I believe that's why you lost.

Emiya: I don't remember having those evil thoughts–

Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?

Shakespeare: If Lord Emiya feels like it, he can effortlessly make a chocolate.

Shakespeare: In the event that Master does not receive chocolate from anyone... Since Master would look bad if that happened...

Shakespeare: He was going to say “You might not want one from your guardian, but here” and then give you a chocolate.

Shakespeare: That was the kind of beautiful ending he was going for.

Emiya: The feeling of not receiving anything, I... I understand that feeling all too well...

Emiya: I made this chocolate using leftover ingredients, but I thought it would be better than nothing...

Fujimaru 1: Mom's chocolate...

Shakespeare: It's the last insurance on Valentine's Day. Well, in Master's case, there is Ms. K.

Fujimaru 2: Yay! Chocolate!

Emiya: I see, it makes me happy that you like it... But I guess that's just me being nosy...

Shakespeare: ...By the way, Lord Emiya. Do you know that Red Saber over there?

Emiya: Red Saber? I don't remember calling her here–

???: IT'S ME!


Caesar: IT'S ME!

Emiya: ...I think you have transcended the joke and became the stereotype. ...Red Saber?

Emiya: As usual, is this part of your scheme? Just how convenient can you get?

Caesar: I had no choice, nom nom.

Caesar: Chocolate is the treasure of calories, nom. When you say calories, it can only be me, nom.

Caesar: Well, there is a possibility that Altera will show up, but right now she's busy making chocolate...

Caesar: ...while mumbling “Chocolate is civilization... Wait... Is it?” So I left her alone.

Caesar: If I try to deceiv... I mean persuade her, she'll fire beams at me! No questions asked!

Fujimaru 1: I guess power is justice...

Caesar: NO MORE VIOLENCE! Shouldn't we make that into a slogan and post it everywhere in Chaldea?

Fujimaru 2: That's the best approach...

Shakespeare: The pen is mightier than the sword but the sword is quicker than the pen.

Shakespeare: Unless you can see that... Remember, beams, no questions asked.

Caesar: Well, although it feels like I am just a pawn in the hands of the mastermind, it doesn't matter since chocolate is delicious. It's fine!

Fujimaru 1: The mastermind!?

Caesar: That's right, the mastermind!

Caesar: You see, even without relying on someone great like me, I'm sure you can tell there's a Servant that appeared recently...

Caesar: ...that will make you think “Can't we just blame everything on this guy?”

Shakespeare: ...Ah yes. That guy.

Shakespeare: The kind that would make you say “It's for the best...” with a sorrowful expression.

Shakespeare: That one that feels like “That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.”

Caesar: Now go, go chase that person down! I am going to stay here and enjoy more cocoa.

Caesar: Hmm, sweet. This is good poison.

Fujimaru 1: No more chocolate!

Fujimaru 2: Any more calories will be dangerous for you!

Caesar: Nom nom nom nom nom...

Caesar: I know, I know, but– Can't stop, won't stop!

Caesar: Well, Emiya! Diarmuid! Let's show them the power of the Three Knights Class!

Emiya: Hold on. Are you dragging me in?

Diarmuid: As I've said, chocolate is dangerous, Master!


Caesar: All right, all right! I've lost!

Caesar: ...But, I've burnt up all of the calories in those chocolates with this fight, right?

Emiya: A Servant's physique doesn't change, you know...

Emiya: Even if by some skill you may change your physique, this amount of exercise won't do a thing.

Emiya: A healthy diet can be adopted only after leading a regimented life, getting proper exercise, and appropriate food.

Emiya: ...Hmm, now that we're at it. Let me fix that unhealthy body of yours.

Caesar: Er, hold on. Why are you grabbing my hand?

Emiya: Fuyuki Citizens' Marathon Flame Course, I will have you join me as well! Ready... BOOM!

Caesar: Boom! Did you just say “Boom?” Just how forceful can you be? I don't even have time to comment!

Caesar: But, please wait! Physical labor does not fit my image... Oh, I can feel the burn! My fat is burning!

Caesar: Ow, this hurts! Help me, Diarmuid! At least ready the chariot!

Diarmuid: Friendship between two men... How wonderful! Please let me join you as well!

Caesar: You too, Diarmuid!

Fujimaru 1: A witty remark would do now...

Shakespeare: They will be fine. Lord Caesar's true quality comes out after he dies. At least that's the way I've written about him.

Shakespeare: ...Are we still missing some chocolates? Aren't you curious about the “mastermind” Lord Caesar mentioned?

Shakespeare: However, haste makes waste. Let's call it a day!

Section 3: That is Also Me

Paracelsus: Ah, how can this be? It's sad, but all of this is part of my plan—

Fujimaru 1: I knew that.

Paracelsus: As expected of my Master... I am impressed that you noticed.

Fujimaru 2: Ah, yes.

Paracelsus: As expected of my Master... That calmness is fit for someone who will save the world.

Shakespeare: We're here... Lord Caesar incites people with his words, Lord Hohenheim changes people with his attitude.

Shakespeare: Please be careful, Master. Mages are like an author's deadline.

Shakespeare: If you believe without thinking, you will pay for it later.

Shakespeare: A deadline of Friday EOD means it's okay by Monday morning. Depending on the situation, you can even turn it in by Monday night!

Fujimaru 1: I see, you can't trust him!

Fujimaru 2: Aren't you embarrassed for saying that?

Paracelsus: –Wait, wait a minute. Please listen to me first.

Paracelsus: What is chocolate anyway, Master? That's right, it's a snack made from cocoa beans.

Paracelsus: With its abundant sugar, chocolate is sweet and the calories and fat are also overpowering.

Paracelsus: ...Currently, there are countless female Servants in Chaldea.

Paracelsus: They give away chocolates, and if Master eats all of them, it wouldn't be good for Master's health.

Paracelsus: However, simply destroying the chocolates won't do– They will simply make more on the spot.

Paracelsus: Besides, if I do that, they'll kill me.

Fujimaru 1: I know right...

Paracelsus: However, Holy Chocolate War, where people fight over chocolates... I can't let that happen either.

Paracelsus: The world must be forever peaceful and serene. That's when I finally came up with my idea.

Paracelsus: That's right, all I need to do is to eliminate chocolate as an ingredient.

Shakespeare: Indeed! How exceedingly logical of you!

Fujimaru 1: This is a little bit extreme, right?

Fujimaru 2: Isn't this way of thinking a bit dangerous?

Paracelsus: A mage like me even agonizes over the question if I should use spells like the ones you see in fairytales.

Paracelsus: ...Well, I thought it would be good to fulfill a girl's wish in the process.

Fujimaru 1: A girl?

Paracelsus: Sorry, I talk too much.

Paracelsus: Therefore, I don't regret anything. I'll do the same thing over and over again.

Fujimaru 2: Whose wish did you grant?

Paracelsus: I cannot reveal that. Revealing a girl's secret is the act of an evil man.

Shakespeare: It's incredibly convincing when you say that, you know!

Paracelsus: –Now, I think we have reached a mutual understanding... That our opinions will reach an agreement.

Paracelsus: So there is only one thing to do. With this magical sword of Paracelsus–

Paracelsus: I will persuade (brainwash) you.

Fujimaru 1: Did you just say brainwash?

Paracelsus: That's sad... I think you might've misheard.

Fujimaru 2: What was that in the parentheses?

Paracelsus: Are you saying that's my true intention? I wonder what you mean by that?

Paracelsus: In any case, cooking is just mixing ingredients. If it's mixing stuff, nothing beats alchemy.

Paracelsus: I have my own opinion regarding chocolate making. I will prove the justice in my plan through this fight!


Paracelsus: ...I've lost... However... I'm sad...

Paracelsus: When I think about how Master would walk the path of carnage...

Fujimaru 1: I'll be all right. No problem.

Paracelsus: ...And... My heart aches just thinking about how you have to eat that idol's chocolate...

Fujimaru 1: Ah.

Shakespeare: Master... You were so preoccupied on chasing chocolates, you forgot about that, right?

Shakespeare: No matter what this idol makes, negative adjustment will happen and turn her creation into a mysterious substance...

Shakespeare: No... Before all of that.

Shakespeare: Even if the majority of the Servants possess knowledge of chocolate, for most of them this is their first time cooking.

Shakespeare: ...It would be best to ask Lady Da Vinci for some stomach medicine beforehand.

Paracelsus: In case you need this... Please drink it... It's made from ancient spirit grass. If it's your stomach, it should protect it.

Fujimaru 1: Thank you!

Paracelsus: But... You'll lose your sense of taste...

Fujimaru 2: If it's my stomach?

Paracelsus: It won't protect... Your tongue...

Paracelsus: Farewell then, Master. At the very least, please don't rob little girls of their dreams–

Shakespeare: Little girls' dreams, you say? The most fragile yet sturdy thing in this world.

Shakespeare: Yearning for eternity and peace, it is a world where violence and barbarism are alien.

Shakespeare: ...Nonetheless, I'm fully aware it's a unrefined existence. Therefore we must go destroy that dream!

Fujimaru 1: Having fun?

Shakespeare: Of course! The commotion this time is a tale fit to relax people.

Shakespeare: I will do my best to fulfill my role as your buddy!

Shakespeare: However, Paracelsus disappeared without telling us anything about the girl, we could really use some hints.

Shakespeare: ...Huh? Please take a look at this, Master.

Shakespeare: This is...a doll, isn't it? Also a gigantic candy and a picture book.

Shakespeare: ...A picture book?

Fujimaru 1: That means–

Shakespeare: We will reveal the culprit... After this commercial break!

Fujimaru 1: Tomorrow!

Section 4: Dark, Sweet, and Evil

Fujimaru 1: Happy Halloween!?

Nursery Rhyme: Well, Hello, Master!

Nursery Rhyme: Sorry. It's a bit of a mess.

Nursery Rhyme: But this was the most wonderfully decorated room for a tea party with the Choco-Servants...

Shakespeare: Oh, you brought out some nostalgic decorations, didn't you?

Nursery Rhyme: Yes, the shining ones are always the better ones! Right, Uncle Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: The moment you hear “Uncle” from a little child, there's this sweetness and an “Oh no, I'm old!” feeling, right Master?

Shakespeare: Well, well, anyways. Would you please give those Choco-Servants back to us?

Nursery Rhyme: Why?

Shakespeare: They are lifeforms based off the Valentine chocolates made by the female Servants.

Shakespeare: If they don't go back, the ladies won't be able to finish making their chocolates.

Nursery Rhyme: No way, you can't take them! They will enjoy a tea party here with me.

Nursery Rhyme: There are many kinds of people in Chaldea but there's nobody that will enjoy a tea party with me like this!

Nursery Rhyme: Jack stumbles around and disappears during the tea parties and Andersen just writes bad endings!

Nursery Rhyme: I even asked the Red Person to secure this wonderful tea for me...

Nursery Rhyme: Yes, that's right! I've tried really hard! I won't give them to you.

Nursery Rhyme: By the way, can you reserve this room?

Nursery Rhyme: It's all right. I think that you can just sleep with Mash, Master.

Shakespeare: Oh...Master. I am at my wits' end.

Shakespeare: The love of a child is completely different than that of romance. A type of emotion that's different at its core.

Shakespeare: So what shall we do?

Fujimaru 1: I want the chocolate back.

Nursery Rhyme: Hmm... No, no way.

Nursery Rhyme: If you insist, then I will have you join me at this tea party.

Fujimaru 2: I'll join your tea party so...

Nursery Rhyme: Oh, really? If you say so Master...

Nursery Rhyme: Okay, I will think about it if you join my tea party.

Nursery Rhyme: Let's begin the tea party, then. What's important is the pastries, tea, and picture books.

Nursery Rhyme: We will eat pastries and read those books while partaking elegantly in tea–!

Shakespeare: M-Master, I do write stories with happy endings from time to time, but...

Shakespeare: A fairytale world like this sure makes me want to write a bad ending.

Fujimaru 1: Stop it.

Fujimaru 2: No way.

Shakespeare: Ah, Master, it's dangerous. I really want to write that ending now!

Shakespeare: Hey, my right hand, settle down!

Nursery Rhyme: ...Oh, being an adult sure is tough. Even so, why do we have to become adults?

Nursery Rhyme: You would be so much happier if you could just eat snacks and drink tea along with these chocolates.

Fujimaru 1: What?

Fujimaru 2: Oh no, something is...

Nursery Rhyme: Once you're at Alice's tea party, just go ahead and leave your names behind like everyone else.

Nursery Rhyme: Hmmm... Eternity might be too difficult. So at least just for the duration of Valentine's!

Fujimaru 1: The chocolate...

Nursery Rhyme: Hehehe. I have no choice.

Nursery Rhyme: If I do this, the chocolates won't get eaten, and I can enjoy the tea party.

Nursery Rhyme: It's a happy ending for everyone! This so fun! Wonderful!

Fujimaru 1: Shakespeare!

Shakespeare: ...Oooh, you can call my name even as you're starting to forget yours!

Shakespeare: Aren't you the best Master of this era!

Fujimaru 2: A bad ending...

Shakespeare: Oh, you called me! No one writes bad endings better than me!

Shakespeare: ...If I say that, a certain boy with a blue hair might get offended, but that's that.

Shakespeare: Shakespeare, here I go! Well, although I was drinking tea next to you until a moment ago...

Nursery Rhyme: Hey, don't get up all of a sudden! You'll spill the tea!

Shakespeare: Oh, my apologies.

Shakespeare: Well, not only me, but you Master Fujimaru will be in a tight spot if Valentine's is left unsettled.

Shakespeare: Listen well, Master. Let me tell you what this looks like to a bystander if you keep enjoying this tea party.

Shakespeare: “From today until the end of Valentine's Day, I will be spending all my time with Alice only!

Shakespeare: Not only that, I am not telling any of the other ladies about it!”

Mash: Senpai, you're the worst.

Fujimaru 1: They're going to kill me for sure!

Fujimaru 2: I'm playing with fire here!

Shakespeare: I see you're motivated now, Master! Yes. It always comes down to violence.

Shakespeare: It's sad but inevitable. Just like water always flows to lower ground, and birds always fly towards the sky.

Shakespeare: Yes. Inevitability. Every part of a bad ending is created by inevitability.

Shakespeare: If things stay the same, not only will Master, but even the little girl here will face a bad ending.

Fujimaru 1: Wh-What does that mean?

Fujimaru 2: She'll have a bad ending, too?

Shakespeare: Heh heh, I will tell you everything when the battle is over. Let's save everyone, Master!

Nursery Rhyme: Ugh, so you want to fight! What a bad person... Fine! I don't care anymore.

Nursery Rhyme: Master and the uncle who only writes difficult stories, you will all be the Decapitating Bunny's prey!


Nursery Rhyme: That's mean, so mean! Flicking my forehead actually hurts!

Shakespeare: Now this is the end.

Nursery Rhyme: FINE! But I am still not giving you the Choco-Servants!

Shakespeare: Heh, heh, now I, Shakespeare shall tell you the cruel reality!

Shakespeare: You know, little girl. Tea parties are fun.

Shakespeare: If you have them together with sugar-packed tea, sugar-packed pastries, and sugar-packed chocolate...

Shakespeare: It will envelope you in a sweet sugary joyfulness.

Shakespeare: Unfortunately–we must not be allowed to enjoy this forever.

Shakespeare: Even if the most beautiful time of the year can be kept, there's a price to pay for enjoying anything for eternity.

Shakespeare: “When sorrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions.” That's just how it is.

Nursery Rhyme: Wh-What do you mean? Stop saying stuff that I can't understa... Ouch!

Shakespeare: –That's right. As the price to pay for all those sweet pastries and tea, you'll—

Shakespeare: ...get cavities.

Nursery Rhyme: Nooooo!

Shakespeare: I hear that cavities hurt like hell before dental technology was established!

Shakespeare: It's painful. It hurts!

Nursery Rhyme: H-H-Hell... No way, that's terrible. B-But you know? I am a Servant!

Shakespeare: Why yes. If you'd been eating normal candy, there's no way you'd get cavities...

Shakespeare: However, what if a Servant has been eating candy made from another Servant's power? What do you think will happen then?

Nursery Rhyme: I-It's just your imagination. My tooth doesn't hurt at all. It doesn't tingle at all, it doesn't sting at all.

Nursery Rhyme: Tea doesn't stain my teeth when I drink it!

Fujimaru 1: It's so sad... So very sad.

Fujimaru 2: I think that's enough.

Shakespeare: Time for the finishing blow! Summon Chaldea's number one dentist!

Nursery Rhyme: Eh, eh, eh!?

Fergus: YEAH!

Nursery Rhyme: Huh!?

Fujimaru 1: That's a dentist!?

Fujimaru 2: Reasonable, I suppose?

Fergus: So, where's my patient? Ohhh, is this adorable young lady my patient?

Fergus: Come, open your mouth wide...

Fergus: Raise your hand if it hurts, OK? (Doesn't say it won't hurt.)

Nursery Rhyme: Eeeeeeeek. That smile looks so scary!

Fergus: Relax, young lady. With this Caladbog, AKA dental drill, any cavities will be...


Nursery Rhyme: Nooo—! Help, Tooth Fairy—!

Shakespeare: Phew, it's fixed now. You can go home, Lord Fergus.

Fergus: Hmm. I feel guilty about threatening an innocent girl, but I can't let bad things go.

Fergus: I will happily take on the part of the villain if my Great Spin of Heaven and Earth can be useful, HAH, HAH, HAH!

Shakespeare: See, I prevented a bad ending, right?

Fujimaru 1: But the girl seems pretty traumatized.

Shakespeare: I was bluffing about 50% of the time, but it seemed to work out after all!

Shakespeare: After this, we will have retrieved most of the chocolates.

Shakespeare: We're still short on some, but you can recover those at your leisure.

Shakespeare: Now people can get back to making their chocolates. I am sure the ladies (and some men) among the Servants will be happy.

Shakespeare: Master can have an easy mind now and receive those chocolates.

Shakespeare: I can have an ease of mind now that I have the idea necessary for the manuscript of my Valentine Anthology.

Fujimaru 1: Manuscript?

Fujimaru 2: Anthology?

Shakespeare: Don't worry about it, Master! Servants have to enjoy themselves even during off time.

Shakespeare: Come now, you have no time to waste on someone like me.

Shakespeare: Master... Numerous chocolates are waiting for you!

Shakespeare: Hehehe. Indeed this is– “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

Before the Sun Melts Away the Chocolate

Narration: With all these feelings of gratitude, here is a special gift on this special day.

Narration: Even if it's not special for that person, even if it's only natural for that person.

Narration: I don't mind if this feeling of mine is one sided, and will never be returned.

Narration: For I will put my whole heart and soul into this brown pastry. I hope it will be accepted.

Mash: –Now that I have completed my chocolate. Without any trouble that is.

Mash: ...I am happy that Senpai is getting a lot of chocolates. I am a little worried if mine will get acknowledged.

Mash: Perhaps the wrapping was too plain?

Fou: Fou, Fou.

Mash: Thank you for the encouragement, Fou. I will go hand it to Senpai now.

Mash: I dropped a letter in the mail already, so Senpai should be there.

Mash: Senpai? Are you there, Senpai?

Mash: ... ...

Mash: ...Strange. No response.

Mash: ...Let's look for the exit record first... No exit record.

Mash: In that case, could it be! This is just like Christmas—

Mash: Since this is an emergency, HAH!

Fou: Fou!?

Mash: I'm charging in! Back me up, Fou!

Fou: FouFou!?

Mash: Senpai... I mean, Master! Are you okay?

Mash: ...Huh? I am sure I entered Senpai's room, but...

Stheno: Hehehe, welcome my dear. I welcome your rough arrival, Mash.

Euryale: Just as “I” planned, Demi-servant. But, it's too bad.

Euryale: We were supposed to have our “loser sister” punish you if you were even a minute late.

Medusa: ...I'm grateful from the bottom of my heart that you arrived right on time, Mash...

Mash: Wh-what's the meaning of this?

Stheno: I guess you don't know? Valentine's Day is an important event for women—

Stheno: The same goes for you. So you wouldn't appreciate it if it's too simple, right?

Stheno: A special event is necessary for a special day like this.That's why—

Euryale: Right! That's why we will hype it up for everybody!

Euryale: Only by giving the chocolate after overcoming several trials, can the bond between a Master and Servant get stronger.

Euryale: I believe the term is Misattribution of Arousal? It's very important to balance the tsun and dere.

Medusa: Ah, yes... Of course, my big sisters.

Medusa: And I am really sorry, Mash. Those two are like that... I am sorry.

Stheno/Euryale: I can hear you, you know? Medusa! I can hear you, Medusa!

Medusa: Sorry, I am sorry, my big sisters!

Medusa: Well... Again I am sorry for all the trouble but, please defeat us and move onward!

Mash: I see. That is how it is? ...Understood. I will accept this trial!

Mash: A special trial befits a special occasion like this... I accept the justification behind those words!

Mash: And— Today is the only day I can express my gratitude to Senpai!


Stheno/Euryale: Nooo waaaay!

Medusa: ...What a powerful strike! An attack from the heart, 100 times more powerful than anything from my sisters!

Medusa: We were totally defeated, Mash. You did a really great job.

Mash: Th-Thank you very much! You hang in there too, Medusa!

Fou: Fou!

Mash: All right... Who's waiting for us at the next trial?

Fou: Fou?

Mash: Yes. I prepared myself knowing in a situation like this, there will always be second and third trials!

Mash: You know what happens twice will surely happen a third time!


Jack: Hey, it's Mash.

Mash: J-Jack?

Jack: It's a trial, please give me chocolate!

Mash: Well, but this is...

Jack: Please, please, please, please, please! Please, please, please, please, please!

Fou: Fou!?

Mash: Fou is trembling at the intense begging... Honestly, I'm scared too!

Mash: But, there's no way I'm handing over this chocolate! If you want one, go find the Doctor, Jack!

Jack: Whaaat, that's mean. In that case— Trick or Dead!

Mash: That event was three months ago! You need to understand that the year has begun already, please!


Jack: Waaahhh, that's mean, Mash! We just wanted some candy!

Mash: ...

Mash: I'll give you something sweet later, ok? So please let me through, Jack...

Jack: Really? In that case, you passed!

Fou: Fou!

Mash: ...Thank you. As for the sweet, is sesame bun okay?

Jack: Er... That's the kind of stuff you eat when you're old, Yuck...

Mash: ...I feel like the Doctor just passed out from that comment, but maybe it's just my imagination.

Fou: Fou Fou.


Kiyohime: –This is a trial!

Mash: Ugh... I knew something was coming but... of course it's Kiyohime!

Kiyohime: Yes, it is I, Kiyohime, who comically throws flame at events that deal with love.

Kiyohime: ...Although I am really not that comical! Platonic love, seriousness, and suspense are what I was known for!

Fou: Fou... Fou...rror?

Mash: Fou wanted to say “Aren't you missing horror there?” But let's leave that aside.

Mash: I will face your trial with everything I have. Let's go—

Kiyohime: Well, wait a little there, Mash. ...Mash, what do you think about our Master.

Mash: I respect Senpai more than anyone! I take pride in being their Servant!

Kiyohime: ...Not like that. I mean be more straightforward.

Kiyohime: ...Don't you want to be bonded to that person with love and romance?

Mash: ? What do you mean by that?

Kiyohime: ...I see. There are no lies in those words. But that's that and this is this.

Kiyohime: My flame will be the conclusion of this trial. Prepare to receive it!

Mash: Understood. I will protect this chocolate!


Kiyohime: –Ohh, I lost. Is the chocolate safe?

Mash: Yes!

Kiyohime: Onward then. That person is waiting for you.

Mash: Thank you very much, Kiyohime!

Mash: ...Senpai, Senpai, Senpai!

Mash: –!

Mash: (Inhale... Exhale...) ...ahem, ahem.

Mash: Good morning! It's Valentine's Day, Senpai!

Mash: Ah, well...sorry for shouting. I don't quite understand my feelings...

Mash: A-Anyway, I heard today is the day we transform our feelings of gratitude into chocolate and give them away.

Mash: That's why, here you go. It's not much, but it would make me happy if it nourishes you.

Mash: Huh? Why am I armed, you ask?

Mash: Well... Da Vinci taught me a lot of stuff beforehand, so...

Mash: So I turned into my Servant form to psyche myself up for this...

Mash: A-Anyway, thank you for the Valentine this year.

Mash: I put all my heartfelt gratitude in this... I'm looking forward to our time together in the future, Master!