Chocolate Lady's Commotion
Prologue: Chocolate Flavored Great Escape
–Sweet, melting, and bitter.
–I guess chocolate is the flavor of love.
Kiyohime:
Mas–
Kiyohime:
–ter
Kiyohime:
Today is Valentine's Day, Master.
Kiyohime, unworthy me, has made chocolate.
Kiyohime:
To be precise, I “became” chocolate rather than made it.
Kiyohime:
If I can become a dragon by holding on to my feelings for a thousand years, becoming a chocolate is rather simple.
Kiyohime:
Come!
I will be the personification of that cheesy tagline!
Kiyohime:
I will melt in your mouth–
but definitely not...in...your...hand☆
Kiyohime:
By the way, if I transform my entire body in chocolate,
I would be roughly 240,000 calories♪
Kiyohime:
You can cut me into pieces and eat me up later if you want to.
Fujimaru 1:
That would be a crime!
Fujimaru 2:
What is this, a dream?
???:
Well, well, I wonder what kind of nightmare you witnessed?
???:
Perhaps something like “The tiger now hath seized the gentle hind?”
Fujimaru 1:
Well, Ms. K...
???:
Oh, I see.
It is almost Valentine's Day.
Fujimaru 2:
I can't remember...
???:
A nightmare so terrible you couldn't even remember, I see.
???:
But, if it's a nightmare that can even torture our Master,
I have no doubt its content is related to Ms. K.
Shakespeare:
...That aside... Hello, my Master!
Shakespeare:
I, Shakespeare, the most renowned literary writer in the world, have come to destroy your golden slumber!
Shakespeare:
Why? You may ask.
No reason, I am simply here to wake you up.
Fujimaru 1:
From you? That's rare.
Shakespeare:
I am sure you'd think that way. After all, Lady Mash is the usually the one to wake you up.
Shakespeare:
Unfortunately, as you may be aware, she's battling with chocolate at the moment.
Fujimaru 2:
Where's Mash?
Shakespeare:
Well, well, have you forgotten, Master?
Shakespeare:
All of the female Servants, including her, are spending all their time on chocolate.
Shakespeare:
Some of them... Like Lady Artemis, for example, is making the chocolate for their true love.
Shakespeare:
Lady Mata Hari, Lady Antoinette, and Lady Boudica seem to be making chocolate for everybody.
Shakespeare:
I guess you could call those types of chocolate, friendship chocolate.
Shakespeare:
Also, although it's only my own speculation, I have an eerie feeling about what they might get in return on White Day, except Lady Boudica.
Shakespeare:
I mean, the majority of male Servants probably never received a chocolate in their life, and glare at the world with eyes that look like the Tibetan Fox.
Shakespeare:
Well, there are also Servants who don't care much about this kind of occasion, but that's that.
Shakespeare:
“It (Jealousy) is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”
Shakespeare:
...That's the saying, no?
Fujimaru 1:
Would they be happy to get one from me?
Shakespeare:
Ohhh, Master's handmade chocolate!
That would make any Servant happy!
Shakespeare:
Servants are emotional entities. If they get chocolate from you, you can expect them to work extra hard.
Shakespeare:
In that case, let's go join the ladies and make some chocolate with them!
Shakespeare:
Hmm, someone appears to be running around the halls.
I urge you to exercise care, Master.
Fujimaru 1:
Wh-What's going on?
Shakespeare:
Wh-What's happening?
An attack on Chaldea?
Shakespeare:
They seem to have run into the simulator room.
Shall we pursue them?
Fujimaru 1:
Yes!
Shakespeare:
Understood!
Shakespeare:
Well, well, Master! I shall be rooting for you, so please go finish this quickly!
--BATTLE--
Shakespeare:
Hmm, that was some good exercise, wasn't it Master?
However, what is this Servant?
Shakespeare:
It looks like a Shadow Servant, but with a much paler color...
Shakespeare:
More than anything–
Fujimaru 1:
This...smells like chocolate...
Fujimaru 2:
This... sweet fragrance...
Shakespeare:
Yes, that's it!
I know what they are now–
C：???:
Where? Where is it?
Shakespeare:
...Oh? The adorable, flustered thing over there is...
Mata Hari:
Oh my, Master. Say, did you happen to see a chocolate sprinting around here?
Fujimaru 1:
...What did you say?
Mata Hari:
A chocolate I said. I am not sure what happened but...
Mata Hari:
...the chocolate I melted in a bain-marie started to fuse together, took human form, and all of a sudden ran away.
Mata Hari:
It sure is mysterious, isn't it?
What should we do, Master?
Shakespeare:
Oh... Chocolate...
ran...away...you say!?
Shakespeare:
In other words, let's call the entities we've just met “Choco-Servants!”
Mata Hari:
Now what do I do... I put some a secret spell on it that allows it to turn into a jewel.
Fujimaru 1:
That's way too magical...
Fujimaru 2:
What kind of alchemist are you?
Mata Hari:
Hehehe, if you pour enough love into your chocolate,
it's only natural for it to do that.
Mata Hari:
Please be sure to remember that because it's very important, Master♪
Shakespeare:
This has turned into an extremely fascinating event, Master!
Shakespeare:
But please rest assured, Master.
I thought something like this might happen!
Shakespeare:
Prepare for the impossible!
Shakespeare:
I have called upon some Servants with unusual senses of smell to track down those chocolates.
Shakespeare:
Let's use their scarily keen senses of smell derived from their unpopulari... I mean jealousy, and take back those chocolates!
Fujimaru 1:
You're behind this aren't you!?
Fujimaru 2:
I know what your final Ascension looks like...
Shakespeare:
Hahahaha, you sure like to jest, Master!
Shakespeare:
...If I were behind this commotion, I would surely make the chocolate escape with more drama, more tragedy!
Shakespeare:
Therefore, I promise I am only acting out of the kindness in my heart.
Shakespeare:
Ah, I can see distrust in my Master's eyes. Heh heh, I guess my legacy can be both good and evil at times!
Dr. Roman:
Ahhh, heaters and blankets are the best on a cold day like this... Good, it feels so good...
Dr. Roman:
I know I have a lot to do, but snuggling in this blanket next to a heater somehow makes me feel like everything will be all right.
Dr. Roman:
Truly, this just feels too good...
No wonder humanity has fallen...
Shakespeare:
Pardon me for interrupting your self-degenerating fantasy, but you really have to stop being useless when we need you.
Dr. Roman:
Ouch, that hurts! That brought me back to reality! Can you stop with the kind of insults that cuts you to the core?
Dr. Roman:
Wait, what? Shakespeare?
Dr. Roman:
Rayshift preparation?
Chocolate? Escape? Oh, hold on a moment.
Dr. Roman:
No, wait a minute. What's going on?
Eh, eh, eh–!?
Dr. Roman:
At least let me fulfill my role as the exposition guy–!
Section 1: Chocolate Domination
Blackbeard:
NORMIES EXPLODE!
Blackbeard:
ARGH!?
Fujimaru 1:
What was that?
Shakespeare:
An extraordinary comedian.
No wonder he rampaged across Okeanos.
Fujimaru 2:
B-Blackbeard?
Shakespeare:
Hahaha, don't worry, Master.
Shakespeare:
There's an example of someone who you think might be powerful, but he's actually just another sandbag for you to practice your new moves on.
Shakespeare:
Either way, he's no threat to us.
Blackbeard:
What? I am! I am a serious threat!
By the way, what was that just now, Master?
Blackbeard:
I almost became some shining particles and disappeared along with some touching BGM!
Blackbeard:
ALL OF AMERICA WAS SHOOK!
Shakespeare:
Rest assured, Lord Blackbeard.
Shakespeare:
You are like a minor character who randomly dies off in the background during a touching scene in some war flick.
Shakespeare:
You are but a candle that will go out at any moment, so there's no time for BGM.
Blackbeard:
That's mean!
Blackbeard:
But, blowing someone up without warning!
I see you are fit to be a pirate!
Blackbeard:
Yes, it's only natural for a pirate to ambush someone!
But it pisses me off when it's done to me!
Blackbeard:
IT PISSES
Blackbeard:
ME OFF
Blackbeard:
!
Blackbeard:
Now that you have intentionally pissed me off,
you'll learn the extent of my wrath!
Shakespeare:
What are you saying, Lord Blackbeard?
That explosion was not by me or Master.
Blackbeard:
So then, who on Earth would dare to blow up Blackbeard?!
Blackbeard:
Don't tell me one of ya good-for-nothings is trying to kill me and take my spot!
Underling:
It's not us, Captain!
Also, no one could replace ya.
Mephistopheles:
That is correct, Lord Blackbeard!
How can you suspect us without proof?!
Blackbeard:
Y-You...are absolutely right.
I am sorry... Well, Mista Mephisto...
Blackbeard:
...Wait, hold on a minute.
Why are you riding on my boat?
Mephistopheles:
Huh? Well you said “explode” out loud like that, so it's only fair for a explosive Servant like me blow you up, right?
Mephistopheles:
I mean, even if you'd told me not to do it,
it's a clown's job to go ahead and do it anyway, no?
Blackbeard:
AARRGH! So you were the one!
Shakespeare:
By the way, Lord Blackbeard.
Are you hiding any chocolate?
Shakespeare:
You seem to give off a cacao-like smell.
Blackbeard:
Chocolate...you say?
N-No way, I have no idea what are you talking about!
Blackbeard:
I insist that I am innocent!
Fujimaru 1:
Okay, guilty. You have no right to remain silent.
Fujimaru 2:
Okay, arrest him. No need for a lawyer.
Blackbeard:
Shit! I have no rights, you say!
But, I haven't done anything–!
Blackbeard:
In that case, I can only prove my innocence through sheer strength! Brute force = Freedom! That's the way of the Voyager of the Storm!
Mephistopheles:
Oh, did someone mention a fight?
Then please allow me to participate, too.
Mephistopheles:
What? “Don't come?” “Don't do it?”
The more you say that to me the more I want to join!
Mephistopheles:
Hee hee hee hee hee!
But, having Master as my opponent is so very painful!
Mephistopheles:
In any case, Valentine's Day is a day no normies should have! Especially in a Far East city called Harajuku!
Mephistopheles:
I, Mephistopheles, shall partake in this annual event of getting rid of normies! Oh this is so much fun!
--BATTLE--
Blackbeard:
UGH!
Fujimaru 1:
BLACKBEEEARD!
Blackbeard:
Somehow, I am not feeling the motivation in that call, Master! D-Damn... I-I can't be defeated here, not yet...
Blackbeard:
M-Mista!
Now is the time for us to rely on you!
Blackbeard:
Please rain down punishment on this normie of a Master!
Shakespeare:
Huh, so you are calling Hektor to help you like you did in the Main Chapter? But if anything, that guy is actually pretty popular...
Spartacus:
Chocolate is tyranny.
Fujimaru 1:
WHO THE HECK DID YOU CALL?
Fujimaru 2:
Okay, this is no joke right now!
Blackbeard:
WAH HAH HAH! YES!
Valentine's Day is the ultimate tyranny!
Blackbeard:
Mista Spartacus is most motivated on this day!
Blackbeard:
Pour our love into chocolate?
The most important day for any girl?
Blackbeard:
WHAT A LOAD OF HORSE SHIT! A BIG STEAMING PILE OF SHIT! IT'S TYRANNY! TYRANNY I SAY!
Fujimaru 1:
You've totally made it worse.
Fujimaru 2:
You already turn people off, and now...
Shakespeare:
These kinds of people are the ones that break down on Valentine's Day. This is truly entertaining!
Shakespeare:
It goes something like this,
“I will be brief: your noble son is mad.”
Blackbeard:
You know, just the thought of putting love or hate into desserts is wrong! Don't you think so, Master?!
Fujimaru 1:
It's not a bad way to show people your affection.
Fujimaru 2:
There's no right or wrong in expressing your emotions.
Blackbeard:
RIGHTEOUSNESS BEAAAAAAAM!?
Blackbeard:
Ugh... As expected of my Master,
I can't even think of a comeback...
Blackbeard:
While I, Blackbeard, am lucky to be summoned by Master, this is where our opinions differ.
Blackbeard:
And so, Mista Spartacus!
This Master here is a tyrant! An oppressor!
Spartacus:
Then I shall rebel against such tyranny.
Master, I will be the one to protect those chocolates!
Shakespeare:
Let me help too!
Other Servants, besides me, are strong, you know!
--BATTLE--
Spartacus:
I've failed... (ka-thud)
Master, please keep the tyranny moderate...
Blackbeard:
MISTA NO-TYRANNY—!
My ambition has been crushed...
Blackbeard:
I was about to mold the Choco-Servants into Mash-chan,
Euryale-chan, Atalante-chan, Artemis-chan...
Blackbeard:
Mata Hari-chan, Boudica-chan, Kiyohi...
maybe not her, that idea scares me.
Blackbeard:
I was going to have all kinds of fun with them...
Fujimaru 1:
Th-That's... Terrible!
Fujimaru 2:
Drake, get this guy!
Shakespeare:
Hmmm... Master, Master!
Shakespeare:
I counted the Choco-Servants here, it seems we're still missing a few.
Shakespeare:
It seems there are others who took chocolates during this whole commotion!
Shakespeare:
Now this is getting even more interesting!
Fujimaru 1:
You are having too much fun with this!
Shakespeare:
Of course I am! I am good with writing tragedies, but comedies like this that can help the audience relax are the best.
Fujimaru 2:
Are you really NOT the mastermind?
Shakespeare:
...Of course not!
Shakespeare:
I have nothing to hide, Master.
Shakespeare:
So please stop questioning me like that just because I put a “...” in front of my answer.
Shakespeare:
For I am super innocent.
Blackbeard:
Hehehehehe. Don't think you've won here. Soon you will realize I, Blackbeard, am the most powerful of the Four Kings...
Blackbeard:
For I will come back and annoy you till you choke!
Fujimaru 1:
Thanks for that discouraging remark!
Blackbeard:
Now I will take my leave!
Blackbeard:
In the future, I will show up like a ghost in the sky and give you encouraging words!
Mephistopheles:
Well in that case, here, take this bomb. Hehe.
Blackbeard:
Oh Mista Mephisto.
Thank you for the gif...
Blackbeard:
...
...I don't need this!
Blackbeard:
Yooooooooo!
Blackbeard:
Chocolate is...tyranny...
Shakespeare:
Master, it seems with the blue sky in the background, anybody can look encouraging.
Fujimaru 1:
I wonder...
Section 2: Mother, Drama, and Chocolate
Emiya:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
Anything you want to say?
Emiya:
Wait, hold on, Master.
I know how you feel, but please listen to me.
Emiya:
Due to my special nature, I am familiar with modern events such as Valentine's Day.
Emiya:
Therefore, shouldn't you view my actions as a way to remove any elements that might cause you trouble?
Shakespeare:
That's why they call you the most overprotective Servant in Chaldea. We understand your motives now, but can you share the details with us?
Emiya:
I object to that overprotective statement...
But fine, I'll ignore that for now.
Emiya:
Master. The people trying to send you chocolates are not normal humans.
Emiya:
That's right– They are Servants, heroes of the past! They are a group of people abnormal in all kinds of ways.
Emiya:
Capability, mentality, skill, and berserk level, they are the best in almost everything.
Emiya:
There's no way they would simply make some chocolate, send it to you, and just end it there.
Emiya:
I am certain. Something bad will happen to you.
Without a doubt, it'll be GG for you!
Emiya:
To stop my Master from walking into a minefield, it's obviously my duty as a Servant—
Emiya:
No, my duty as a friend who has a heart. I understand the consequences greatly. I had lady issues, too!
Shakespeare:
As I thought, you're an overprotective Servant.
Emiya:
Hmm. My words alone are not enough to convince you?
I thought as much, so I brought over a special guest.
Shakespeare:
Hmm, a guest, you say? A guest who has gone through multiple lady troubles... That can only be...
Diarmuid:
Chocolate is dangerous, Master!
Fujimaru 1:
You're... T-Too convincing!
Fujimaru 2:
Ahh yes, I believe you...
Shakespeare:
I know right?
Diarmuid:
That's very good!
Diarmuid:
I didn't think too much and accepted some chocolate during a certain Holy Grail War! Then an intense confrontation unfolded right in front of me!
Diarmuid:
I could have stopped it if it was just a fistfight.
Diarmuid:
But there's no way I could stop two people from stabbing each other with words while smiling.
Diarmuid:
What awaited me was endless stomach ulcers...
Diarmuid:
Chocolate is dangerous, Master.
It will mislead people!
Emiya:
Thanks, beautiful, young warrior.
I really appreciate your life lesson.
Emiya:
Well, meditate on the wisdom of pioneers like this and be patient.
Emiya:
Master. Don't forget that the future of mankind depends on you.
Fujimaru 1:
But, everyone gets sulky without chocolate, right?
Fujimaru 2:
I feel like it's better to receive some.
Emiya:
...Oh boy. It seems we can't convince you.
In that case, we will stop you with brute force.
Emiya:
Kill one to save a hundred— I hate that idea,
but I will believe it to be the absolute justice in this case!
Diarmuid:
That's right, unknown Archer!
For an Archer Class we sure do think alike!
Diarmuid:
Master! Even if I, Diarmuid, must point my blade at the one I serve–
Diarmuid:
I will spill blood for the sake of my Master!
That is the sure way to reduce casualties!
Shakespeare:
Hahahahaha! I guess that's what happens!
All right, let's do it Master!
--BATTLE--
Emiya:
Ugh, I guess this is the end...
Shakespeare:
Your idea is noble but tainted by evil thoughts.
I believe that's why you lost.
Emiya:
I don't remember having those evil thoughts–
Fujimaru 1:
What do you mean?
Shakespeare:
If Lord Emiya feels like it, he can effortlessly make a chocolate.
Shakespeare:
In the event that Master does not receive chocolate from anyone... Since Master would look bad if that happened...
Shakespeare:
He was going to say “You might not want one from your guardian, but here” and then give you a chocolate.
Shakespeare:
That was the kind of beautiful ending he was going for.
Emiya:
The feeling of not receiving anything,
I... I understand that feeling all too well...
Emiya:
I made this chocolate using leftover ingredients, but I thought it would be better than nothing...
Fujimaru 1:
Mom's chocolate...
Shakespeare:
It's the last insurance on Valentine's Day.
Well, in Master's case, there is Ms. K.
Fujimaru 2:
Yay! Chocolate!
Emiya:
I see, it makes me happy that you like it...
But I guess that's just me being nosy...
Shakespeare:
...By the way, Lord Emiya.
Do you know that Red Saber over there?
Emiya:
Red Saber?
I don't remember calling her here–
???:
IT'S ME!
--ARROW--
Caesar:
IT'S ME!
Emiya:
...I think you have transcended the joke and became the stereotype. ...Red Saber?
Emiya:
As usual, is this part of your scheme?
Just how convenient can you get?
Caesar:
I had no choice, nom nom.
Caesar:
Chocolate is the treasure of calories, nom.
When you say calories, it can only be me, nom.
Caesar:
Well, there is a possibility that Altera will show up, but right now she's busy making chocolate...
Caesar:
...while mumbling “Chocolate is civilization... Wait... Is it?”
So I left her alone.
Caesar:
If I try to deceiv... I mean persuade her, she'll fire beams at me! No questions asked!
Fujimaru 1:
I guess power is justice...
Caesar:
NO MORE VIOLENCE! Shouldn't we make that into a slogan and post it everywhere in Chaldea?
Fujimaru 2:
That's the best approach...
Shakespeare:
The pen is mightier than the sword but the sword is quicker than the pen.
Shakespeare:
Unless you can see that... Remember, beams, no questions asked.
Caesar:
Well, although it feels like I am just a pawn in the hands of the mastermind, it doesn't matter since chocolate is delicious. It's fine!
Fujimaru 1:
The mastermind!?
Caesar:
That's right, the mastermind!
Caesar:
You see, even without relying on someone great like me, I'm sure you can tell there's a Servant that appeared recently...
Caesar:
...that will make you think “Can't we just blame everything on this guy?”
Shakespeare:
...Ah yes. That guy.
Shakespeare:
The kind that would make you say “It's for the best...” with a sorrowful expression.
Shakespeare:
That one that feels like “That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.”
Caesar:
Now go, go chase that person down!
I am going to stay here and enjoy more cocoa.
Caesar:
Hmm, sweet. This is good poison.
Fujimaru 1:
No more chocolate!
Fujimaru 2:
Any more calories will be dangerous for you!
Caesar:
Nom nom nom nom nom...
Caesar:
I know, I know, but–
Can't stop, won't stop!
Caesar:
Well, Emiya! Diarmuid!
Let's show them the power of the Three Knights Class!
Emiya:
Hold on. Are you dragging me in?
Diarmuid:
As I've said, chocolate is dangerous, Master!
--BATTLE--
Caesar:
All right, all right! I've lost!
Caesar:
...But, I've burnt up all of the calories in those chocolates with this fight, right?
Emiya:
A Servant's physique doesn't change, you know...
Emiya:
Even if by some skill you may change your physique,
this amount of exercise won't do a thing.
Emiya:
A healthy diet can be adopted only after leading a regimented life, getting proper exercise, and appropriate food.
Emiya:
...Hmm, now that we're at it.
Let me fix that unhealthy body of yours.
Caesar:
Er, hold on.
Why are you grabbing my hand?
Emiya:
Fuyuki Citizens' Marathon Flame Course,
I will have you join me as well! Ready... BOOM!
Caesar:
Boom! Did you just say “Boom?” Just how forceful can you be? I don't even have time to comment!
Caesar:
But, please wait! Physical labor does not fit my image...
Oh, I can feel the burn! My fat is burning!
Caesar:
Ow, this hurts!
Help me, Diarmuid! At least ready the chariot!
Diarmuid:
Friendship between two men... How wonderful!
Please let me join you as well!
Caesar:
You too, Diarmuid!
Fujimaru 1:
A witty remark would do now...
Shakespeare:
They will be fine. Lord Caesar's true quality comes out after he dies. At least that's the way I've written about him.
Shakespeare:
...Are we still missing some chocolates? Aren't you curious about the “mastermind” Lord Caesar mentioned?
Shakespeare:
However, haste makes waste.
Let's call it a day!
Section 3: That is Also Me
Paracelsus:
Ah, how can this be? It's sad, but all of this is part of my plan—
Fujimaru 1:
I knew that.
Paracelsus:
As expected of my Master...
I am impressed that you noticed.
Fujimaru 2:
Ah, yes.
Paracelsus:
As expected of my Master... That calmness is fit for someone who will save the world.
Shakespeare:
We're here... Lord Caesar incites people with his words,
Lord Hohenheim changes people with his attitude.
Shakespeare:
Please be careful, Master.
Mages are like an author's deadline.
Shakespeare:
If you believe without thinking, you will pay for it later.
Shakespeare:
A deadline of Friday EOD means it's okay by Monday morning. Depending on the situation, you can even turn it in by Monday night!
Fujimaru 1:
I see, you can't trust him!
Fujimaru 2:
Aren't you embarrassed for saying that?
Paracelsus:
–Wait, wait a minute.
Please listen to me first.
Paracelsus:
What is chocolate anyway, Master?
That's right, it's a snack made from cocoa beans.
Paracelsus:
With its abundant sugar, chocolate is sweet and the calories and fat are also overpowering.
Paracelsus:
...Currently, there are countless female Servants in Chaldea.
Paracelsus:
They give away chocolates, and if Master eats all of them, it wouldn't be good for Master's health.
Paracelsus:
However, simply destroying the chocolates won't do–
They will simply make more on the spot.
Paracelsus:
Besides, if I do that, they'll kill me.
Fujimaru 1:
I know right...
Paracelsus:
However, Holy Chocolate War, where people fight over chocolates... I can't let that happen either.
Paracelsus:
The world must be forever peaceful and serene.
That's when I finally came up with my idea.
Paracelsus:
That's right, all I need to do is to eliminate chocolate as an ingredient.
Shakespeare:
Indeed!
How exceedingly logical of you!
Fujimaru 1:
This is a little bit extreme, right?
Fujimaru 2:
Isn't this way of thinking a bit dangerous?
Paracelsus:
A mage like me even agonizes over the question if I should use spells like the ones you see in fairytales.
Paracelsus:
...Well, I thought it would be good to fulfill a girl's wish in the process.
Fujimaru 1:
A girl?
Paracelsus:
Sorry, I talk too much.
Paracelsus:
Therefore, I don't regret anything.
I'll do the same thing over and over again.
Fujimaru 2:
Whose wish did you grant?
Paracelsus:
I cannot reveal that.
Revealing a girl's secret is the act of an evil man.
Shakespeare:
It's incredibly convincing when you say that, you know!
Paracelsus:
–Now, I think we have reached a mutual understanding... That our opinions will reach an agreement.
Paracelsus:
So there is only one thing to do.
With this magical sword of Paracelsus–
Paracelsus:
I will persuade (brainwash) you.
Fujimaru 1:
Did you just say brainwash?
Paracelsus:
That's sad... I think you might've misheard.
Fujimaru 2:
What was that in the parentheses?
Paracelsus:
Are you saying that's my true intention?
I wonder what you mean by that?
Paracelsus:
In any case, cooking is just mixing ingredients.
If it's mixing stuff, nothing beats alchemy.
Paracelsus:
I have my own opinion regarding chocolate making.
I will prove the justice in my plan through this fight!
--BATTLE--
Paracelsus:
...I've lost...
However... I'm sad...
Paracelsus:
When I think about how Master would walk the path of carnage...
Fujimaru 1:
I'll be all right. No problem.
Paracelsus:
...And... My heart aches just thinking about how you have to eat that idol's chocolate...
Fujimaru 1:
Ah.
Shakespeare:
Master... You were so preoccupied on chasing chocolates, you forgot about that, right?
Shakespeare:
No matter what this idol makes, negative adjustment will happen and turn her creation into a mysterious substance...
Shakespeare:
No... Before all of that.
Shakespeare:
Even if the majority of the Servants possess knowledge of chocolate, for most of them this is their first time cooking.
Shakespeare:
...It would be best to ask Lady Da Vinci for some stomach medicine beforehand.
Paracelsus:
In case you need this... Please drink it... It's made from ancient spirit grass. If it's your stomach, it should protect it.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you!
Paracelsus:
But... You'll lose your sense of taste...
Fujimaru 2:
If it's my stomach?
Paracelsus:
It won't protect... Your tongue...
Paracelsus:
Farewell then, Master. At the very least, please don't rob little girls of their dreams–
Shakespeare:
Little girls' dreams, you say?
The most fragile yet sturdy thing in this world.
Shakespeare:
Yearning for eternity and peace, it is a world where violence and barbarism are alien.
Shakespeare:
...Nonetheless, I'm fully aware it's a unrefined existence.
Therefore we must go destroy that dream!
Fujimaru 1:
Having fun?
Shakespeare:
Of course!
The commotion this time is a tale fit to relax people.
Shakespeare:
I will do my best to fulfill my role as your buddy!
Shakespeare:
However, Paracelsus disappeared without telling us anything about the girl, we could really use some hints.
Shakespeare:
...Huh?
Please take a look at this, Master.
Shakespeare:
This is...a doll, isn't it?
Also a gigantic candy and a picture book.
Shakespeare:
...A picture book?
Fujimaru 1:
That means–
Shakespeare:
We will reveal the culprit...
After this commercial break!
Fujimaru 1:
Tomorrow!
Section 4: Dark, Sweet, and Evil
Fujimaru 1:
Happy Halloween!?
Nursery Rhyme:
Well, Hello, Master!
Nursery Rhyme:
Sorry.
It's a bit of a mess.
Nursery Rhyme:
But this was the most wonderfully decorated room for a tea party with the Choco-Servants...
Shakespeare:
Oh, you brought out some nostalgic decorations, didn't you?
Nursery Rhyme:
Yes, the shining ones are always the better ones!
Right, Uncle Shakespeare?
Shakespeare:
The moment you hear “Uncle” from a little child, there's this sweetness and an “Oh no, I'm old!” feeling, right Master?
Shakespeare:
Well, well, anyways.
Would you please give those Choco-Servants back to us?
Nursery Rhyme:
Why?
Shakespeare:
They are lifeforms based off the Valentine chocolates made by the female Servants.
Shakespeare:
If they don't go back, the ladies won't be able to finish making their chocolates.
Nursery Rhyme:
No way, you can't take them!
They will enjoy a tea party here with me.
Nursery Rhyme:
There are many kinds of people in Chaldea but there's nobody that will enjoy a tea party with me like this!
Nursery Rhyme:
Jack stumbles around and disappears during the tea parties and Andersen just writes bad endings!
Nursery Rhyme:
I even asked the Red Person to secure this wonderful tea for me...
Nursery Rhyme:
Yes, that's right! I've tried really hard!
I won't give them to you.
Nursery Rhyme:
By the way, can you reserve this room?
Nursery Rhyme:
It's all right.
I think that you can just sleep with Mash, Master.
Shakespeare:
Oh...Master.
I am at my wits' end.
Shakespeare:
The love of a child is completely different than that of romance. A type of emotion that's different at its core.
Shakespeare:
So what shall we do?
Fujimaru 1:
I want the chocolate back.
Nursery Rhyme:
Hmm... No, no way.
Nursery Rhyme:
If you insist, then I will have you join me at this tea party.
Fujimaru 2:
I'll join your tea party so...
Nursery Rhyme:
Oh, really?
If you say so Master...
Nursery Rhyme:
Okay, I will think about it if you join my tea party.
Nursery Rhyme:
Let's begin the tea party, then.
What's important is the pastries, tea, and picture books.
Nursery Rhyme:
We will eat pastries and read those books while partaking elegantly in tea–!
Shakespeare:
M-Master, I do write stories with happy endings from time to time, but...
Shakespeare:
A fairytale world like this sure makes me want to write a bad ending.
Fujimaru 1:
Stop it.
Fujimaru 2:
No way.
Shakespeare:
Ah, Master, it's dangerous.
I really want to write that ending now!
Shakespeare:
Hey, my right hand, settle down!
Nursery Rhyme:
...Oh, being an adult sure is tough.
Even so, why do we have to become adults?
Nursery Rhyme:
You would be so much happier if you could just eat snacks and drink tea along with these chocolates.
Fujimaru 1:
What?
Fujimaru 2:
Oh no, something is...
Nursery Rhyme:
Once you're at Alice's tea party, just go ahead and leave your names behind like everyone else.
Nursery Rhyme:
Hmmm... Eternity might be too difficult.
So at least just for the duration of Valentine's!
Fujimaru 1:
The chocolate...
Nursery Rhyme:
Hehehe. I have no choice.
Nursery Rhyme:
If I do this, the chocolates won't get eaten, and I can enjoy the tea party.
Nursery Rhyme:
It's a happy ending for everyone!
This so fun! Wonderful!
Fujimaru 1:
Shakespeare!
Shakespeare:
...Oooh, you can call my name even as you're starting to forget yours!
Shakespeare:
Aren't you the best Master of this era!
Fujimaru 2:
A bad ending...
Shakespeare:
Oh, you called me!
No one writes bad endings better than me!
Shakespeare:
...If I say that, a certain boy with a blue hair might get offended, but that's that.
Shakespeare:
Shakespeare, here I go! Well, although I was drinking tea next to you until a moment ago...
Nursery Rhyme:
Hey, don't get up all of a sudden!
You'll spill the tea!
Shakespeare:
Oh, my apologies.
Shakespeare:
Well, not only me, but you Master Fujimaru will be in a tight spot if Valentine's is left unsettled.
Shakespeare:
Listen well, Master. Let me tell you what this looks like to a bystander if you keep enjoying this tea party.
Shakespeare:
“From today until the end of Valentine's Day,
I will be spending all my time with Alice only!
Shakespeare:
Not only that, I am not telling any of the other ladies about it!”
Mash:
Senpai, you're the worst.
Fujimaru 1:
They're going to kill me for sure!
Fujimaru 2:
I'm playing with fire here!
Shakespeare:
I see you're motivated now, Master!
Yes. It always comes down to violence.
Shakespeare:
It's sad but inevitable. Just like water always flows to lower ground, and birds always fly towards the sky.
Shakespeare:
Yes. Inevitability.
Every part of a bad ending is created by inevitability.
Shakespeare:
If things stay the same, not only will Master, but even the little girl here will face a bad ending.
Fujimaru 1:
Wh-What does that mean?
Fujimaru 2:
She'll have a bad ending, too?
Shakespeare:
Heh heh, I will tell you everything when the battle is over. Let's save everyone, Master!
Nursery Rhyme:
Ugh, so you want to fight!
What a bad person... Fine! I don't care anymore.
Nursery Rhyme:
Master and the uncle who only writes difficult stories, you will all be the Decapitating Bunny's prey!
--BATTLE--
Nursery Rhyme:
That's mean, so mean!
Flicking my forehead actually hurts!
Shakespeare:
Now this is the end.
Nursery Rhyme:
FINE! But I am still not giving you the Choco-Servants!
Shakespeare:
Heh, heh, now I, Shakespeare shall tell you the cruel reality!
Shakespeare:
You know, little girl.
Tea parties are fun.
Shakespeare:
If you have them together with sugar-packed tea, sugar-packed pastries, and sugar-packed chocolate...
Shakespeare:
It will envelope you in a sweet sugary joyfulness.
Shakespeare:
Unfortunately–we must not be allowed to enjoy this forever.
Shakespeare:
Even if the most beautiful time of the year can be kept,
there's a price to pay for enjoying anything for eternity.
Shakespeare:
“When sorrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions.” That's just how it is.
Nursery Rhyme:
Wh-What do you mean?
Stop saying stuff that I can't understa... Ouch!
Shakespeare:
–That's right. As the price to pay for all those sweet pastries and tea, you'll—
Shakespeare:
...get cavities.
Nursery Rhyme:
Nooooo!
Shakespeare:
I hear that cavities hurt like hell before dental technology was established!
Shakespeare:
It's painful. It hurts!
Nursery Rhyme:
H-H-Hell... No way, that's terrible.
B-But you know? I am a Servant!
Shakespeare:
Why yes. If you'd been eating normal candy, there's no way you'd get cavities...
Shakespeare:
However, what if a Servant has been eating candy made from another Servant's power? What do you think will happen then?
Nursery Rhyme:
I-It's just your imagination. My tooth doesn't hurt at all.
It doesn't tingle at all, it doesn't sting at all.
Nursery Rhyme:
Tea doesn't stain my teeth when I drink it!
Fujimaru 1:
It's so sad... So very sad.
Fujimaru 2:
I think that's enough.
Shakespeare:
Time for the finishing blow!
Summon Chaldea's number one dentist!
Nursery Rhyme:
Eh, eh, eh!?
Fergus:
YEAH!
Nursery Rhyme:
Huh!?
Fujimaru 1:
That's a dentist!?
Fujimaru 2:
Reasonable, I suppose?
Fergus:
So, where's my patient?
Ohhh, is this adorable young lady my patient?
Fergus:
Come, open your mouth wide...
Fergus:
Raise your hand if it hurts, OK?
(Doesn't say it won't hurt.)
Nursery Rhyme:
Eeeeeeeek.
That smile looks so scary!
Fergus:
Relax, young lady. With this Caladbog, AKA dental drill, any cavities will be...
Fergus:
SMASHED IN ONE SHOT!
Nursery Rhyme:
Nooo—!
Help, Tooth Fairy—!
Shakespeare:
Phew, it's fixed now.
You can go home, Lord Fergus.
Fergus:
Hmm. I feel guilty about threatening an innocent girl, but I can't let bad things go.
Fergus:
I will happily take on the part of the villain if my Great Spin of Heaven and Earth can be useful, HAH, HAH, HAH!
Shakespeare:
See, I prevented a bad ending, right?
Fujimaru 1:
But the girl seems pretty traumatized.
Shakespeare:
I was bluffing about 50% of the time, but it seemed to work out after all!
Shakespeare:
After this, we will have retrieved most of the chocolates.
Shakespeare:
We're still short on some, but you can recover those at your leisure.
Shakespeare:
Now people can get back to making their chocolates.
I am sure the ladies (and some men) among the Servants will be happy.
Shakespeare:
Master can have an easy mind now and receive those chocolates.
Shakespeare:
I can have an ease of mind now that I have the idea necessary for the manuscript of my Valentine Anthology.
Fujimaru 1:
Manuscript?
Fujimaru 2:
Anthology?
Shakespeare:
Don't worry about it, Master!
Servants have to enjoy themselves even during off time.
Shakespeare:
Come now, you have no time to waste on someone like me.
Shakespeare:
Master... Numerous chocolates are waiting for you!
Shakespeare:
Hehehe. Indeed this is–
“To be or not to be, that is the question.”
Before the Sun Melts Away the Chocolate
Narration:
With all these feelings of gratitude, here is a special gift on this special day.
Narration:
Even if it's not special for that person, even if it's only natural for that person.
Narration:
I don't mind if this feeling of mine is one sided,
and will never be returned.
Narration:
For I will put my whole heart and soul into this brown pastry. I hope it will be accepted.
Mash:
–Now that I have completed my chocolate.
Without any trouble that is.
Mash:
...I am happy that Senpai is getting a lot of chocolates.
I am a little worried if mine will get acknowledged.
Mash:
Perhaps the wrapping was too plain?
Fou:
Fou, Fou.
Mash:
Thank you for the encouragement, Fou.
I will go hand it to Senpai now.
Mash:
I dropped a letter in the mail already, so Senpai should be there.
Mash:
Senpai?
Are you there, Senpai?
Mash:
...
...
Mash:
...Strange.
No response.
Mash:
...Let's look for the exit record first...
No exit record.
Mash:
In that case, could it be!
This is just like Christmas—
Mash:
Since this is an emergency, HAH!
Fou:
Fou!?
Mash:
I'm charging in!
Back me up, Fou!
Fou:
FouFou!?
Mash:
Senpai... I mean, Master!
Are you okay?
Mash:
...Huh?
I am sure I entered Senpai's room, but...
Stheno:
Hehehe, welcome my dear.
I welcome your rough arrival, Mash.
Euryale:
Just as “I” planned, Demi-servant.
But, it's too bad.
Euryale:
We were supposed to have our “loser sister” punish you if you were even a minute late.
Medusa:
...I'm grateful from the bottom of my heart that you arrived right on time, Mash...
Mash:
Wh-what's the meaning of this?
Stheno:
I guess you don't know?
Valentine's Day is an important event for women—
Stheno:
The same goes for you.
So you wouldn't appreciate it if it's too simple, right?
Stheno:
A special event is necessary for a special day like this.That's why—
Euryale:
Right! That's why we will hype it up for everybody!
Euryale:
Only by giving the chocolate after overcoming several trials, can the bond between a Master and Servant get stronger.
Euryale:
I believe the term is Misattribution of Arousal?
It's very important to balance the tsun and dere.
Medusa:
Ah, yes... Of course, my big sisters.
Medusa:
And I am really sorry, Mash.
Those two are like that... I am sorry.
Stheno/Euryale:
I can hear you, you know? Medusa!
I can hear you, Medusa!
Medusa:
Sorry, I am sorry, my big sisters!
Medusa:
Well... Again I am sorry for all the trouble but, please defeat us and move onward!
Mash:
I see. That is how it is?
...Understood. I will accept this trial!
Mash:
A special trial befits a special occasion like this...
I accept the justification behind those words!
Mash:
And— Today is the only day I can express my gratitude to Senpai!
--BATTLE--
Stheno/Euryale:
Nooo waaaay!
Medusa:
...What a powerful strike! An attack from the heart, 100 times more powerful than anything from my sisters!
Medusa:
We were totally defeated, Mash.
You did a really great job.
Mash:
Th-Thank you very much!
You hang in there too, Medusa!
Fou:
Fou!
Mash:
All right... Who's waiting for us at the next trial?
Fou:
Fou?
Mash:
Yes. I prepared myself knowing in a situation like this, there will always be second and third trials!
Mash:
You know what happens twice will surely happen a third time!
--ARROW--
Jack:
Hey, it's Mash.
Mash:
J-Jack?
Jack:
It's a trial, please give me chocolate!
Mash:
Well, but this is...
Jack:
Please, please, please, please, please!
Please, please, please, please, please!
Fou:
Fou!?
Mash:
Fou is trembling at the intense begging...
Honestly, I'm scared too!
Mash:
But, there's no way I'm handing over this chocolate!
If you want one, go find the Doctor, Jack!
Jack:
Whaaat, that's mean.
In that case— Trick or Dead!
Mash:
That event was three months ago! You need to understand that the year has begun already, please!
--BATTLE--
Jack:
Waaahhh, that's mean, Mash!
We just wanted some candy!
Mash:
...
Mash:
I'll give you something sweet later, ok?
So please let me through, Jack...
Jack:
Really? In that case, you passed!
Fou:
Fou!
Mash:
...Thank you.
As for the sweet, is sesame bun okay?
Jack:
Er... That's the kind of stuff you eat when you're old,
Yuck...
Mash:
...I feel like the Doctor just passed out from that comment, but maybe it's just my imagination.
Fou:
Fou Fou.
--ARROW--
Kiyohime:
–This is a trial!
Mash:
Ugh... I knew something was coming but... of course it's Kiyohime!
Kiyohime:
Yes, it is I, Kiyohime, who comically throws flame at events that deal with love.
Kiyohime:
...Although I am really not that comical! Platonic love, seriousness, and suspense are what I was known for!
Fou:
Fou...
Fou...rror?
Mash:
Fou wanted to say “Aren't you missing horror there?”
But let's leave that aside.
Mash:
I will face your trial with everything I have.
Let's go—
Kiyohime:
Well, wait a little there, Mash.
...Mash, what do you think about our Master.
Mash:
I respect Senpai more than anyone!
I take pride in being their Servant!
Kiyohime:
...Not like that.
I mean be more straightforward.
Kiyohime:
...Don't you want to be bonded to that person with love and romance?
Mash:
?
What do you mean by that?
Kiyohime:
...I see. There are no lies in those words.
But that's that and this is this.
Kiyohime:
My flame will be the conclusion of this trial.
Prepare to receive it!
Mash:
Understood.
I will protect this chocolate!
--BATTLE--
Kiyohime:
–Ohh, I lost.
Is the chocolate safe?
Mash:
Yes!
Kiyohime:
Onward then.
That person is waiting for you.
Mash:
Thank you very much, Kiyohime!
Mash:
...Senpai, Senpai, Senpai!
Mash:
–!
Mash:
(Inhale... Exhale...)
...ahem, ahem.
Mash:
Good morning!
It's Valentine's Day, Senpai!
Mash:
Ah, well...sorry for shouting.
I don't quite understand my feelings...
Mash:
A-Anyway, I heard today is the day we transform our feelings of gratitude into chocolate and give them away.
Mash:
That's why, here you go. It's not much, but it would make me happy if it nourishes you.
Mash:
Huh? Why am I armed, you ask?
Mash:
Well... Da Vinci taught me a lot of stuff beforehand, so...
Mash:
So I turned into my Servant form to psyche myself up for this...
Mash:
A-Anyway, thank you for the Valentine this year.
Mash:
I put all my heartfelt gratitude in this... I'm looking forward to our time together in the future, Master!