Halloween Strike! Devil's Building Climber - Great Battle at Himeji Castle
Section 1: The Melancholy of the Trilogy
Narration:
...At long last, the day had come.
Narration:
The Nightmare Banquet.
The Horrid Death Trip.
Narration:
The season everyone desperately wished would go away. It all started two years ago...
Elisabeth (Halloween):
This is Halloween!
Elisabeth (Halloween):
Hit it!
Elisabeth (Halloween):
BLAAahhh♪
Elisabeth (Brave):
I forgot it was Halloween!
Elisabeth (Brave):
Thank goodness I brought it all together in time!
Hit it!
Elisabeth (Brave):
AAAaahhhhHHH♪
Narration:
Those fortunate innocents who had not themselves experienced the horror begged for stories of it. Some adventure-addled fools even wished to witness that hell for themselves.
Narration:
But the harrowed survivors would say nothing of their experiences. The vacant, pained expressions they wore spoke louder than any words ever could.
Narration:
Oh, but the story does not end there.
Rejoice, brothers and sisters.
Narration:
What has happened twice will happen thrice. It is, after all, the trilogy that is the foundation of good storytelling.
Narration:
That is to say, the horror everyone thought to have passed for good and all...
Narration:
...returns to rear its ugly head!
Elisabeth:
It's Halloween!
Elisabeth:
I'm not going to depend on Uncle Vlad or Tama Cat Maid this year. I'll show them all what an amazing Halloween I can make all on my own♪
Halloween Knight:
Lady Elisabeth, what do you think of these plans for the parade?
E：Halloween Knight:
Lady Elisabeth, the candy for the town's children has arrived.
Elisabeth:
...Not bad. This should make for a fine parade.
Make sure the band knows what's up.
Elisabeth:
And you, candy guy. There's plenty of space in the flour storehouse, so keep the candy in there.
Elisabeth:
It'd be a huge waste if the rats got to it before the big day. You know how they are; they'll nibble anything they can get their grimy little paws on.
Halloween Knight:
(I didn't know milady hated rats so much.) Yes, milady. Oh, and I hate to be the one to report this to you, but...
Halloween Knight:
Your subjects have been complaining and asking about when you are going to get rid of that pyramid.
Elisabeth:
Hey, I'm the one who should be complaining! I keep on telling Cleopatra to move it, but she just says:
Elisabeth:
Give it up. I have never given the order to have one of the pyramids moved.
Elisabeth:
“And if you're planning on destroying it, you'll need to fill this out first. That pyramid is on loan from Lord Ozymandias.”
Elisabeth:
“If you try to demolish it, I will have to bill you for the cost of repairs or reconstruction. Ohohohoho.”
Elisabeth:
Ugh! If I had that kinda money just lying around, I'd long since have used it to upgrade Castle Csejte!
Halloween Knight:
(She means turning the castle into a concert stage!
Talk about a living hell for her subjects!)
Halloween Knight:
(Thank goodness for Lady Cleopatra. She prevented such a terrible tragedy in such an impressively circumspect way.)
Elisabeth:
So the pyramid will have to wait. Besides, that's WAY too big for me to get my subjects to move it.
Elisabeth:
So until I find a Heroic Spirit with a giant golem,
or a giant crane, or a construction company...
Elisabeth:
...we're just gonna forget about it.
Elisabeth:
Plus, I haven't even heard of any Heroic Spirit with golems, but I bet I've got connections to at least one Heroic Spirit–no, an academic who can get their hands on a giant crane!
Elisabeth:
Phew, that was some great administrative action on my part, if I do say so myself. I could've done even better if it weren't for this dumb headache...
Elisabeth:
Now I just need to send the invitations to Chaldea, and it will be all systems go for this year's Halloween bash!
Elisabeth:
Aaand...sent!
Elisabeth:
Ahh...I can see my little [♂ Puppy's /♀ Deerlet's] face glowing already!
Elisabeth:
Huh? An earthquake...?
Elisabeth:
Is something crashing my party again!?
What is it now!?
Fujimaru 1:
...
Mash:
Yes, Senpai.
I'm afraid it's that time of the year again...
Fujimaru 1:
...
Mash:
Autumn.
Mash:
Back in your hometown, this time of year may well have been known for wonderful weather.
Mash:
There, perhaps one could choose to spend time enjoying the brilliantly colored leaves, or mourning the leaves that had died and begun to fall.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Mash:
I know that Chaldea is locked in permanent winter,
so it may not really feel like fall here...
Mash:
But we can't ignore the reality of our situation forever, Senpai.
Mash:
Whether we like it or not, it's still Halloween!
Mash:
To make matters worse, we've detected a tiny Singularity we need to deal with. And you received a third invitation from Castle Csejte...
Mash:
...and it says the same thing it did two years ago.
Mash:
“You are hereby invited to Castle Csejte to hear me sing”!
Mash:
But don't worry, Senpai.
You won't have to suffer alone.
Mash:
I'm afraid I can't go with you in person,
but I'll still join you for the concert!
Mash:
I know we can do this, Senpai!
And once this year's Halloween is over–
Fujimaru 1:
...
Mash:
...Senpai?
Mash:
A Craft Essence decoy!?
Who are you!?
Da Vinci:
I had a bad feeling about this,
so I turned on the comms gear remotely!
Da Vinci:
Mash, you weren't able to convince Fujimaru?
Da Vinci:
I have the whole staff on standby just in case!
Mash:
I'm afraid Senpai swapped [♂ himself /♀ herself] out with this...
Da Vinci:
A Craft Essence decoy! Impressive!
Kotarou must have taught [♂ him /♀ her] how to do that!
Da Vinci:
Curse you, Evil-wind!
Messing with Master is MY job!
Mash:
(Evil-wind... That's the translation Kotarou insisted upon for his clan's name...)
Mash:
At any rate, we need to hurry and find Senpai!
Da Vinci:
Then I guess we have no choice.
Mash, we're going to Code Red.
Da Vinci:
We have to find Fujimaru and make [♂ him /♀ her]
repair the Singularity, no matter what it takes!
Mash:
...Um, acting director, if I may...
Mash:
Since Senpai went so far as to master advanced ninja techniques just to get out of this, maybe forcing [♂ him /♀ her] to do it in the first place is...?
Da Vinci:
Yes, I know that forcing [♂ him /♀ her] to fix a Singularity is wrong. But think about it.
Da Vinci:
Let's say [♂ he /♀ she] doesn't go to the concert.
What do you think Elisabeth would do?
Mash:
...She would cry. A lot. I understand. If I were in her position, I'm sure I would be terribly sad too.
Da Vinci:
That's right. Dragon or not, she'd bawl her little eyes out. And then Castle Csejte would radiate sonic waves that are so much worse than even her singing.
Da Vinci:
Granted, I imagine that's par for the course for the people of Castle Csejte, but the problem is Fujimaru.
Da Vinci:
Anti-Hero or not, troublemaker or not,
Elisabeth has been a big help to Chaldea.
Da Vinci:
So if Fujimaru saw her crying like that,
it would break [♂ his /♀ her] heart.
Da Vinci:
But, if [♂ he /♀ she] DOES go to her concert, it'll be [♂ his /♀ her] ears that break, but [♂ his /♀ her] heart...[♂ his /♀ her] heart would remain whole.
Da Vinci:
And what could be more important than that?
Mash:
That's a good point!
Da Vinci:
I'm glad you agree. Now, let's get this search under–Hm? This signal...!
Fujimaru 1:
I made it!
Fujimaru 2:
Thanks, dapper guy!
Fou:
Fou, fooou?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What's up, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Sassy-shin!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What the hell kind of nickname is that!?
Well, whatever.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
At any rate, is it just me, or are there a lot fewer Servants around than usual?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I don't know if they're all in their Spirit Form or headed for the simulator or what, but...
Fou:
Fou. Fooou.
Fujimaru 1:
It IS Halloween, so...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Is there something about Halloween that makes Servants disappear? Oh, I did see Robin Hood, though.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I think he said he was going out to make sure he could get enough candy for all the kids or something.
Fujimaru 1:
Dammit, just when I needed a good scout!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Oh, you were looking for a scout?
Well, whatever the job, I'm your man!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Or do you doubt that I'm up to the task?
Fujimaru 1:
No, I know you're good at what you do.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I am, right?
Fujimaru 1:
But, do you like singing?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
You bet! I'm real good at it, too!
Fujimaru 1:
Well that rules you right out.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Huh!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I see. So that little dragon girl is putting on a concert, even though her singing is nightmarish.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
So much so that all the big-name Servants decided to shift into Spirit Form to avoid listening to her...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
And even the ones who are still around are, well...
Anonymous Man:
“A Rayshift? Oh, I'm sorry,
but I'm afraid my sciatica is acting up again...”
Anonymous Chef:
“I'm too old for Halloween. Sorry, but you'll just have to ask someone else. I only just got a new oven delivered.”
Anonymous Android:
“Uh!
(Thanks, but no thanks.)”
Anonymous Storyteller:
“I'm not here.”
Assassin of Shinjuku:
That last one performed such an elegant and convincing dogeza that I completely believed her!
Mash:
Ah! There you are, Senpai!
Fujimaru 1:
Bye, Mash! I'm taking days off!
Mash:
I'm sorry, Senpai, but I'm told Halloween is the one time of year we are not allowed to take days off.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Are you serious?
Who the hell made such a cruel rule?
Mash:
...Elisabeth...
Fujimaru 2:
You didn't see me, Mash! YOU DIDN'T SEE ME!
Mash:
Ulp.
Mash:
...It's...not fair for you to use your puppy dog eyes on me, Senpai. But I'm afraid it still won't work.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Harsh...
Mash:
At any rate, something awful has happened!
Fujimaru 1:
It could only be one thing... One terrible thing...
Fujimaru 2:
H-Halloween... The very worst time... (Shudder)
Mash:
That is too true, Senpai!
But I'm actually talking about that very Halloween!
Mash:
Please, just come with me.
Mash:
Otherwise, the concert might be the least of our worries!
Fujimaru 1:
Come on Sassy-shin, let's go.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Man, when you get down to business,
you really get down to business.
Da Vinci:
Fujimaru!
Thank goodness you're here!
Da Vinci:
We have ANOTHER Singularity at Castle Csejte on Halloween! It's causing it to transform–
Da Vinci:
Err, that is, it's actually very rapidly growing to MASSIVE proportions! It's progressing even faster than it did in 2018!
Mash:
Um, Da Vinci?
Mash:
Isn't 2018 when that pyramid smashed into the top of the castle?
Da Vinci:
That's right.
Mash:
If the situation is even worse than that,
what can we possibly do about it!?
Da Vinci:
I understand your concern,
but we've already received a distress signal.
Da Vinci:
We're still not sure who sent it...
Da Vinci:
But the smart money is on something having happened to Elly again.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Elisabeth (Brave):
[♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
Elisabeth (Brave):
[♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!!!
Fujimaru 1:
...Let's...go...
Mash:
Senpai...!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Looks like fun. I think I'll tag along!
What do you say, Mrs–uh, Ms. Da Vinci?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
How 'bout letting me in on this Rayshift action!?
Da Vinci:
Okay, mysterious Assassin of Shinjuku.
I'll feel better knowing you're there helping Master out.
Da Vinci:
But whatever happens, please try and roll with it. Explaining would be too complicated and a huge pain. It's best if you just go and see for yourself.
Mash:
Good luck, Assassin of Shinjuku!
Robin Hood:
Throwing [♂ himself /♀ herself] right into the dragon's lair when everyone else refuses, huh... No wonder [♂ he's /♀ she's] such a model Master.
Emiya:
You said it. [♂ He's /♀ She's] got nerves of steel...stainless steel, even. They never tarnish, no matter what happens.
Hektor:
If only I were still in my prime...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Eh?
Fujimaru 1:
Where'd you all come from?
Hektor:
Oh, don't worry about that, Master!
Well, good luck with everything!
Hektor:
Oooh, my back...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hahaha, he just up and ran away.
Fujimaru 2:
Come on everyone, we're gonna go fix a Singularity!
Emiya:
Hahaha. Don't worry, Master.
I have faith in you.
Emiya:
When you get back, I'll make sure you have a big Halloween feast waiting for you.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
So...you planning to Rayshift with us, or what?
Emiya:
Oh, no. I couldn't possibly. If I did, there'd be no one to prepare Chaldea's meals, and then the sacred sword and oni would be at each other's throats.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Man, you've got an answer for everything, huh.
Mash:
...Um, Master?
Mash:
Once all the dust settles on this year's madness,
I think we should have another Halloween party.
Mash:
You, me, Fou, and Elisabeth can celebrate your exploits and the fact that Castle Csejte is at peace again, just the four of us.
Fujimaru 1:
You bet!
Mash:
That's the Senpai I know!
Mash:
And I will do everything I can to support you from here!
Da Vinci:
Right. Are we all on the same page now?
Then let's get this Rayshift started!
Da Vinci:
Eh, forget the formalities this time!
Just go on and enjoy this third Halloween!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
One Rayshift later...
Huh, so this is what Halloween looks like!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
This place is really hoppin'!
What do you say we stop by the bar for a drink, Master?
Mash:
Hm...?
Mash:
Da Vinci, are you sure the Rayshift coordinates were correct?
Da Vinci:
They sure weren't. I could have sworn I set them to the graveyard first, just like the last two years.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
So ordinarily, that dragon girl would be waiting for us, huh? ...Hm? What's all the commotion?
Mash:
You mean all those voices out on the street?
Halloween is always a little noisy.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
No, not those.
Look. Is someone being chased?
B：???:
Oh, no! Even MORE of them!
HALP!
Fujimaru 1:
Gyah!
B：???:
Eep!
B：???:
Gomenasorry!
I'mma princess, and I'm being chased!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Is that so. I take it those knights there are the ones doing the chasing?
Fujimaru 1:
What did you do?
B：???:
W-well...
I...
Fujimaru 2:
If you could step back a little...
Mash:
Senpai is right. For the moment, you should get as far away from [♂ him /♀ her] as you can!
A：???:
Heeelp!
HEEELLLP MEEEEE!!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Another one!?
Who is it this time!?
Elisabeth:
Save me, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
Fujimaru 1:
Elly!?
B：???:
This way, El-El!
Elisabeth:
Batty! Crap, they caught up to us!
What're we gonna do!?
B：???:
I dunno!
I'mma princess!
B：???:
I'm gonna ask this rando stranger I just ran into for help like princesses do!
Elisabeth:
[♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
That's MY [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
B：???:
Huh? You mean [♂ he's /♀ she's] from Chaldea?
Halloween Knight:
There you are!
In the name of our new ruler, you're under arrest!
Elisabeth:
Go on [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet], help me out here!
???:
Y-yes, I beg of you, too!
Please, help us!
Fujimaru 1:
Sassy-shin!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
You got it.
Let's have some fun with these guys!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I have my reasons for keeping my True Name under wraps, but my fists and feet can still serve my Master faithfully!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Let's see if you European knights have what it takes to keep up with me!
Halloween Knight:
Be warned, ruffian! We Halloween Knights swear loyalty to our great mechanical queen, Mecha Eli-chan!
Halloween Knight:
You shall find no tricks and even fewer treats in our swords!
Elisabeth:
Sorry to interrupt, but remember, these guys used to work for me, so make sure you don't kill them!
--BATTLE--
Halloween Knight:
Guh...
Fall back! Fall back!
Mash:
All hostiles either defeated or in retreat.
Well done, Master.
Mash:
...Now then, princess, may I suggest you give Master a little space?
Mash:
Or perhaps a lot of space!
E：???:
Oh, whoops!
E：???:
Ahaha, sorry.
I was just so scared.
Fujimaru 1:
It's okay, I don't mind.
Elisabeth:
[♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
What am I gonna do!?
Elisabeth:
Someone stole Castle Csejte from me...AGAIN!
Fujimaru 1:
Not again!
Elisabeth:
Yes, again!
E：???:
So this is the Master from Chaldea... Hmm.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Elisabeth:
Right?
Elisabeth:
Of course, [♂ he's /♀ she's] still nowhere close to what I consider to be an ideal Master.
Elisabeth:
My standards are super high, after all.
At least, I think they are.
E：???:
So what, you mean you prefer 2D to RL? You know you're asking for the impossible, don't you, El-El?
Elisabeth:
I'm very much a realist, thank you! I just know my perfect someone actually exists somewhere!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
So, who are you, anyway?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Given who was chasing after you, I'm guessing you've got quite a story of your own.
E：???:
...The new ruler here is after me.
Mash:
New ruler...?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I'm still lost.
Mash:
It is rather confusing. I take it those knights we just saw are no longer loyal to you, Elisabeth?
Elisabeth:
No! They all got brainwashed by some weird kind of mind control ray or something!
E：???:
Aaa! Just the thought of brainwashing squicks me out. This is exactly why I don't like machines.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Machines? Come to think of it, those knights did mention something about a mecha, didn't they?
Mash:
That's right. They said they swear allegiance to a mechanical queen called “Mecha Eli-chan.”
Elisabeth:
...
E：???:
Yes, well, to make a long story short...
Uh, look up.
E：???:
Do you see that jumbled-looking fortress?
Mash:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
I feel dizzy.
Mash:
Wha–I–huh!?
Fou:
Fou.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Whoa there, you okay, Master?
Man, this sure took a turn!
Fujimaru 2:
Is this a joke? This is a joke, right?
Da Vinci:
This is...a whole new level of grotesquery.
Da Vinci:
It's Western, Middle Eastern,
and Asian style all rolled into one.
Da Vinci:
The architectural equivalent of stacking sushi and ice cream on a burger and topping it off with hot sauce.
E：???:
That Japanese castle there is my home.
E：???:
It was my sanctuary...and now it has been taken away from me.
Elisabeth:
I know how you feel, Batty...
It sucks, having your castle stolen.
Fujimaru 1:
Who are you?
E：???:
Oh, right.
I haven't introduced myself yet, have I?
E：???:
Ahem, ahem.
E：???:
My remote abode is a castle of the heavens, stark and snowy as a heron. I am an incarnation of the bat, one whose favorite time of day is twilight.
E：???:
I am known far and wide as the Hachitendou of the Hakuro Castle. My True Name is Osakabehime.
E：???:
I am, of course, a Servant.
An Assassin, to be exact.
E：???:
Oh, Master of Chaldea!
Please, I beg of you; take back my beloved Himeji Castle.
Elisabeth:
And don't forget my Castle Csejte while you're at it!
Osakabehime:
Please, I implore you.
She's the embodiment of all that is evil...
Both:
You have to defeat Mecha Eli-chan!
Mash:
Mecha...
Da Vinci:
Eli...
Fujimaru 1:
...chan?
Section 2: A Fortissimo Start
Mecha Eli-chan:
What a disgrace.
Halloween Knight:
Uhh... My apologies, Your Majesty. To make amends,
I shall return to my position as a lowly mechanic.
Mecha Eli-chan:
No need for that. You and your knights could never be a match for Servants. Of course you lost to them.
Mecha Eli-chan:
This was my mistake, sending you out on a mission so far beyond your current parameters.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Especially since you and the other human knights are weaker than usual thanks to my brainwashing waves.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I made sure to weaken you just enough that you wouldn't be able to defy me, after all. Slowing them down was the best I could have hoped for.
Halloween Knight:
Your Majesty?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Never mind.
Call the girls.
Halloween Knight:
Yes, Your Majesty!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I must say, though...this parade bill is outrageous, Elisabeth. I don't know what you were thinking.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Not only did you buy far too much candy, but you didn't even consider how long it could be stored before it spoiled.
Mecha Eli-chan:
A weeklong celebration is just excessive. Entertainment should be austere, and properly tailored to the crowd.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That's the best way to make Castle Csejte strong, sturdy, and beautiful. Why can't you see that!?
C：???:
You called for us?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Good, you're here.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That lazy Osakabehime and the famously incompetent former ruler of this castle, Elisabeth, have decided to run away together.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I underestimated her mobile carrying capacity. I never thought she could fly with another Servant in tow.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But that was a small error, one I won't make again.
In the meantime, I want you three to go find them.
C：???:
...I'll do it, since you're the one asking.
D：???:
Kehehehe!
D：???:
Wonderful, wonderful!
D：???:
We shall round those slovenly fools up and torture them within an inch of their lives!
C：???:
Indeed. They shall rue the day they decided to meddle with someone else's castle. ...What about you? Don't think I don't see you pretending to ignore us.
C：???:
You're part of this too, you know.
E：???:
I-I don't see what I have to do with this!
E：???:
If anything, I'm one of the victims here!
E：???:
Whose brilliant idea was that, stacking that thing on top of my pyramid!? Haven't they ever heard of the right to sunshine!?
C：???:
How do you think I feel?
E：???:
Eep... Okay, fair point!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Quiet. I'm the one who controls the right to property and the right to sunshine.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I see you lot as no better than commoners.
Mecha Eli-chan:
At the very least, I am the only one calling the shots when it comes to Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That especially goes for you, Carmilla. So far as I am concerned, you have no authority here whatsoever.
Carmilla:
...Yes, I am well aware. As you are the guardian of Csejte, I have no intention of defying you.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Good. I'm glad to see you have at least some Csejte pride remaining.
Mecha Eli-chan:
At any rate, I want you lot to go and find Osakabehime and bring her here. I will sentence her to compulsory labor.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If she wishes to go around claiming to be a princess, she needs to learn the harsh realities of noble life.
Halloween Knight:
I have important news, Your Majesty!
Halloween Knight:
Osakabehime appears to be returning to Castle Csejte, along with some mysterious, ragtag party.
Mecha Eli-chan:
They must mean to attack us and retake Himeji Castle by force.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Those fools... I'll just have to teach them their place.
I rescind my earlier order!
Mecha Eli-chan:
All hands to battle stations.
Bar the gate and seal all the entrances!
Halloween Knight:
...Y-Yes, Your Majesty!
Carmilla:
Very well then, I shall take this floor,
as it is at the very bottom, where I belong.
Carmilla:
Ridiculous name or not, I shall guard this Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle with my life.
Carmilla:
...Ugh. It sounds even more absurd when spoken aloud. Just because it is Halloween does not mean ANYthing goes, you know!
Cleopatra:
...Well, I suppose I'm responsible for at least a third of this mess, so I'll go ahead and guard the pyramid part.
D：???:
What about you, Lady Mecha Eli-chan?
What will you be doing?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Since I can fly, I will ambush them, of course.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Besides, I still need to ascertain what this Master of Chaldea person is capable of.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If [♂ he /♀ she] poses a threat to Csejte,
I will not let [♂ him /♀ her] escape alive.
D：???:
Kehehe! I see, I see.
Then I wish you the best of luck!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...I won't need it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm heading out.
Osakabehime:
So that's why I'm counting on your help, Ma-chan♡
Fujimaru 1:
...Ma-chan?
Osakabehime:
Yes!
Osakabehime:
Don't you think it sounds much cuter than “Master”?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hahahaha! If Master's expression is any indication,
I think [♂ he /♀ she] thinks it's too cute by half!
Fujimaru 2:
What the hell kind of nickname is that!?
Osakabehime:
You don't like it? I thought it was the perfect nickname for a princess to give♪
Mash:
Ma-chan...
It sounds much more affectionate than “Senpai”...
Osakabehime:
All right, I'll stick with Master♡
That should be daijoubu, right?
Elisabeth:
And I will just keep calling you [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet] like always.
Elisabeth:
So if you want to [♂ yip /♀ frolic] like a [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet], that's A-OK with me.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...Riiight...
Anyway, why'd you two get kicked out anyway?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
We still don't have a friggin' clue what's going on here!
Osakabehime:
Oh, right...
I guess we should start at the beginning.
Osakabehime:
I will regale you with a tragic tale of woe that will have tears streaming down your cheeks in raging waterfalls of sympathetic sadness!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ah, crap.
This is going to be so damn boring.
Mash:
I think you're right!
Osakabehime:
Now sit back, weary travelers,
and hear my tale of infinite sadness...
Osakabehime:
Ahh, woe is me...
Osakabehime:
I have been locked up in this keep,
forced to while away my days in idleness...
Osakabehime:
All I can do now is read books and draw...
Osakabehime:
And sign papers for my occasional visitor...
Osakabehime:
But, that's okay.
Osakabehime:
If people fear me, then I will happily live out my days locked away.
Osakabehime:
Oooh, these new figure imports are so greeeat!
I can't wait to paint them!
Osakabehime:
Yay, I have the WHOLE space pirate fleet!
Woohoo!
Osakabehime:
Now it's time to play with them!
Osakabehime:
...Huh? Why is everything shaking?
Osakabehime:
Huh? Oh no.
Don't tell me we're...
Osakabehime:
...floating!?
Osakabehime:
Nooow weee're faaalliiing!!!
Osakabehime:
Omigodomigodomigod, I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die, AAAAAAHHH! I'M GONNA DIIIEEE!!!
Osakabehime:
Bwuh!?
Osakabehime:
Nngh...
What's going on...?
A：???:
Eli-ly-ly-ly!
Osakabehime:
Huh? Who the heck are you?
What're you doing here...!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I am Mecha Eli-chan!
I am here to devour your intestines!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Or perhaps I will turn you into a wax sculpture!
Or have you commit a fatal typographical error!
Osakabehime:
Aaaaaahhh!
Not that! Aaanything but thaaat!!!
Osakabehime:
And, there you have it...
(Sniff, sniff)
Fujimaru 1:
Sassy-shin.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
On it.
Let's see, to sum all that up in two lines...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Smells like BS.
Can't trust a word of it.
Fujimaru 2:
You're up, Mash.
Mash:
Yes, Master. Allow me to list off the many flaws in her frankly suspicious story!
Mash:
1: What was with that background?
2: Why did the queen of El Dorado come to visit?
Mash:
3: Where in the world did Mecha Eli-chan come from?
4: Why did Mecha Eli-chan act so bizarrely?
Mash:
In summation, not a single aspect of that story was believable!
Osakabehime:
C-come on! I mean, okay, I might've chotto embellished Mecha Eli-chan's character...
Osakabehime:
But she pretty much attacked the second she saw me!
Osakabehime:
Then once she stopped, all she said was...
Osakabehime:
“...compulsory labor.”
Osakabehime:
Can you believe it!?
Osakabehime:
I didn't have time to try and hash it out with her!
So I just kinda...jazzed up my retelling a bit!
Elisabeth:
Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes, Batty.
Elisabeth:
I can explain why Mecha Eli-chan showed up!
Elisabeth:
So just sit back and let my words wash over you like sweet music!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I don't see that happening.
Osakabehime:
What are we going to do, Eli the great and perfect idol, beloved in all the land!? Our precious castles have been combined and unified!
Osakabehime:
On top of that, there's a pyramid in between them, so it's also like a Csejte and Himeji pyramid sandwich!
Elisabeth:
Heh, worry not, Batty, girl who fell from the sky along with Himeji Castle!
Elisabeth:
Let's have a nice hot cup of tea like civilized people while I assess our situation.
Elisabeth:
Let's see... Given my super-high INT stat,
I believe a single day should suffice for QED.
Osakabehime:
Wow, that's amazing!
Elisabeth:
Well, it's been over a week now, and I'm no closer to understanding what's going on than I was before.
Elisabeth:
Still, there is ONE thing I'm sure of.
Elisabeth:
If a genius like me can't figure it out, then not even Chiron of Greece could figure it out either!
Osakabehime:
Wow, that's amazing!
Narration:
That's right.
At that time, I still had no idea...
Narration:
...that the pyramid that fell on top of Castle Csejte, and then Himeji Castle perching atop the pyramid...
Narration:
...would eventually...
Narration:
...lead to THAT...!
Elisabeth:
Huh?
Osakabehime:
Bwuh?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Good day, magnificent Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan:
My name is Mecha Eli-chan.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I appeared in this world solely to defeat you because I'm jealous of your overwhelming cuteness!
Elisabeth:
What!?
Just because I'm cute!?
Elisabeth:
I grant you that it is a mystery, one of the wonders of the world! Though it seems that it is a riddle that only I didn't understand!
Mecha Eli-chan:
You speak the truth. And now you must pay for your criminally cute, gorgeous body with your life!!!
Elisabeth:
Ahh...if only I weren't so terribly cute!
Why did I have to be born with such a burden!?
Elisabeth:
Ow, seriously, that hurts! C-cut it out!
Don't try to ruin my heaven-sent cuteness!
Mecha Eli-chan:
HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Now Csejte is mine. I will use it as a base from which to expand my mechanical empire.
Mecha Eli-chan:
HA! HA! HA!
Mash:
...While I believe several parts of that story were completely fabricated, I at least have a better grasp of the situation now.
Mash:
So this, uh, Mecha Eli-chan just appeared out of nowhere, with no forewarning?
Elisabeth:
Yeah! It was totally out of the blue!
No reason whatsoever!
Elisabeth:
You don't have any idea either, right, Batty?
Osakabehime:
N-no, I don't think so.
...Probably.
Fujimaru 1:
I can see those shifty eyes.
Osakabehime:
I-I-I don't know what you're talking about!
Osakabehime:
Besides, the important thing is that you get my castle back! Aren't you my saviors from Chaldea!?
Fujimaru 1:
Not really, no.
Osakabehime:
But they really are after me!
Osakabehime:
Please, Master?
You WILL help me, won't you?
Fujimaru 2:
Well, we DO have to repair the Singularity.
Osakabehime:
There we go.
That's more like it.
Osakabehime:
In that case, I'd say our goals are aligned, wouldn't you? So please get our castles back for us, Master!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...Ah well, I guess the Singularity repairing part lines up at least.
Mash:
Indeed. I don't know what Mecha Eli-chan is afte–
Mash:
Also, a mecha...?
Is that really what this has come to? I guess so...
Mash:
I am fairly confident that we have gone well past the point of manifesting different aspects of a particular hero, Senpai.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
So the little dragon girl finally went full robot, huh...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Wait, hang on. Are we sure she didn't just paint her skin silver or something like that?
Osakabehime:
No, she was definitely a robot.
Elisabeth:
Yeah, she was a really real robot, for REAL!
Her body was made out of iron and everything!
Elisabeth:
Mecha Eli-chan is nothing but a walking pile of gears hell-bent on murder!
A：???:
...That's a matter of opinion, Elisabeth.
Or are you simply resorting to name-calling now?
Elisabeth:
Aah!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Who's there!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...For the record, I'm not making a mechanical empire, and I do not laugh like a melodrama villain...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...and most importantly, I have never once thought of you as “cute.”
Elisabeth:
THAT'S the part you're taking issue with!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I am...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But you may call me “Mecha Eli-chan” for short.
Fujimaru 1:
Mecha cool!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Wahahahaha!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Oh wow, you're right! This is too cool!
Wait, hold on. Is that really a Servant!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Pfft, all the abdominal exercises in the world couldn't prepare my sides for something this funny! Ahahaha!
Fujimaru 2:
My childhood dreams are coming true!
Mash:
You used to dream about robots, Senpai!?
Fou:
Fou fou...!
Mash:
Even Fou is jumping for joy over this!
Da Vinci:
Well well...!
Da Vinci:
Analysis complete!
Da Vinci:
It looks like those two were right.
She IS a full-blown robot!
Da Vinci:
And a Servant to boot!
That's our Elisabeth for you!
Da Vinci:
She never fails to surprise!
Elisabeth:
Wait, was that a compliment?
Did she just compliment me?
Osakabehime:
Sore wa chigawrong.
Definitely not.
Fujimaru 1:
Huh? Wait a second. In that case...
Fujimaru 2:
Shouldn't your nickname be “MAGI Eli”?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
Elisabeth:
Come to think of it, I guess you're right.
That version of me ISN'T the brightest bulb in the box...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...You stupid lizard!
I chose that nickname on purpose!
Mecha Eli-chan:
The word “MAGI” doesn't jive with my whole aesthetic here. It's also inaccurate, and would lead to misunderstandings.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That's why I chose to emphasize “mecha,” as it's jargon that is commonly known and easily understood.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Plus, it serves to highlight the beauty of my polished steel body.
Mash:
That's true.
It IS very polished.
Mash:
It's like the same Elisabeth we know, only chrome!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Now then. Osakabehime, ex-Lady Elisabeth,
let me give you a chance to do this the easy way.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If you turn yourselves in now, and demonstrate remorse for your slovenly ways, I will show you mercy.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Specifically, I will let you repaint your own former castles as part of your one year compulsory labor sentence.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Since you used to live in these castles, I am sure you will both carry out your tasks with all due gratitude.
Osakabehime:
Absolutely NOT!
Elisabeth:
What she said!
My Castle Csejte is already the perfect color!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Very well then.
Don't say I didn't give you a chance.
Mash:
...Look out, Master!
Her heat signature is–
Elisabeth:
Aah! Eeh, ooh, aah!
H-h-help me, Batty!
Osakabehime:
Oh for...
Move over, El-El!
Elisabeth:
Thanks, Batty!
I owe you one!
Osakabehime:
Yeah yeah, just make sure you actually pay me back.
Even origami isn't free, you know.
Mash:
Origami...?
Mash:
Dr. Roman told me about origami too,
but I had no idea it could do this...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Well this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting a princess to do more than provide a bit of backup at best...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...but you actually did a damn good job of protecting her!
Osakabehime:
Oh, uh, I mean...
Osakabehime:
...Ahem.
Ah, ah, ahhh...
Osakabehime:
Waaah, I don't wanna fiiight.
Please save me, Master♡
Fujimaru 1:
Fight your own battles!
Osakabehime:
Guh...
Osakabehime:
Ugh, fine! Fiiiiiine!
I'll do my own fighting, okay!?
Osakabehime:
I'm also known as Hachitendou, the strongest, cutest castle monster who lays waste to demons wherever she goes!
Osakabehime:
So I'll get back my Himeji Castle myself if that's what it takes!
Elisabeth:
That's the spirit, Batty! OH! But don't you dare claim to be the cutest while I'm around!
Fujimaru 2:
Pull your own weight.
Osakabehime:
Whoa! I don't know why, but that was an amazingly compelling command!
Osakabehime:
Oh, all right!
Osakabehime:
I-I'm still scared, but I'll do my best for you, Master♡
Mecha Eli-chan:
So much for diplomacy.
Very well then.
Elisabeth:
What diplomacy!?
You were outright trying to exploit us!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle is as good as mine now.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm not about to have its former owners swindling me out of my property. I'll take you both out myself!
--BATTLE--
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
...
Mash:
We haven't even scratched her!
At this rate...!
Elisabeth:
Owowowow!
Hothothot!
Osakabehime:
Oof!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Do you truly wish to take back Himeji Castle, Osakabehime?
Osakabehime:
Of course I do!
Osakabehime:
It's my sanctuary.
The one place where I can be myself!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Then will you try and take it back with their help? Because I can assure you, we are prepared for anything you might attempt.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If you truly long for your castle, now is the time to show the strength of your conviction.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Oh, by the way, I should let you know that I had all the gates welded shut, since I can just fly.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So again, if you truly want to take Himeji Castle back...you and the Master of Chaldea's entourage will need to scale the walls.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Well, farewell, everyone. I hope you have a wonderful day, complete with lots of fulfilling labor.
Fujimaru 1:
What an elegant curtsy.
Da Vinci:
Hahaha, I guess you didn't see her firing missiles from her skirt?
Mash:
I did... Even over the monitor,
it was a shocking sight on multiple levels.
Fujimaru 2:
So she flies using vernier thrusters...
Elisabeth:
Hmph, what good is flying if it relies on fuel?
I've totally got her beat in that department!
Elisabeth:
Granted, it did take everything I had just to glide out of the castle while carrying Batty, but I can still totally ascend on my own strength!
Osakabehime:
(Yaaawn)... I-I feel like I've just done a whole lifetime's worth of work.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Pretty sure she was just feeling us out in that fight.
Elisabeth:
Boy, Batty, you haven't got much in the way of stamina, huh? You won't last a second in a Holy Grail War like that.
Osakabehime:
...So what? I don't care about Holy Grail Wars.
Elisabeth:
You don't?
Osakabehime:
Nope. All I want is to relax and take it easy all day.
Osakabehime:
I get all the excitement I need twice a year from the summer and winter matsuri.
Elisabeth:
Is that so? You Japanese princesses sure have a lot of time on your hands, huh. That sucks.
Elisabeth:
Of course, as ruler of the castle and idol, the idea of having that much time to lounge around does have its appeal! Too bad I'm so busy each and every day!
Osakabehime:
FORMER ruler of the castle. And I bet you're still just an underground idol at best.
Elisabeth:
Hey, nothing “former” about me! Mecha Eli-chan hasn't beat me yet, after all! And every idol's career has to start somewhere!
Fujimaru 1:
Are they fighting because they're so close?
Fujimaru 2:
Listen to that fight. They must be such good friends.
Osakabehime:
I-I wouldn't really say that.
We are both of very different social standings, after all...
Osakabehime:
We've just made a temporary alliance because our goals are similar is all.
Elisabeth:
Really? 'Cause I kind of admire that crafty, scheming side of yours.
Osakabehime:
Wh-wh-whatever do you mean!?
I'm neither crafty NOR scheming!
Osakabehime:
A true princess always carries herself with primness, propriety, and piquancy!
Mash:
I believe that last one is more often used to describe soup than princesses.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
All right then...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
If that robot...dragon...girl...thing was telling the truth, the first thing we've gotta do is scale Castle Csejte from the outside.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
The only problem with that is...well...
See for yourselves.
Section 3: Free Climbing
Halloween Knight:
I have a report to make.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Have they begun to scale the walls?
Halloween Knight:
Yes, Your Majesty. They have secured a route and are on their way as we speak. What would you have us do?
Halloween Knight:
Shall we go after them? I regret to inform you that we would not last long in our armor...
Halloween Knight:
Then again, I suppose we could change into lighter armor first... But in lighter armor, they would have even less trouble tearing through us...
Halloween Knight:
Hmm... Oh, I know!
We could lob pots of oil at them!
Halloween Knight:
That would make them slip right down the walls, since Castle Csejte is so flat!
Mecha Eli-chan:
No need for that. It would be a waste of good oil.
Carmilla can deal with them.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Oh, and you there. Throw the knight who just made the “flat” remark in the dungeon.
Mecha Eli-chan:
His choice of words irritates me.
Make sure no one repeats that mistake.
Halloween Knight:
H-huh!?
Wh-what did I say!?
B：Halloween Knight:
You know what you said. Queen Mecha Eli-chan is the guardian of Castle Csejte. She IS Castle Csejte.
B：Halloween Knight:
I'm amazed you were able to say that to her face.
It's sort of impressive in its own odd way.
Halloween Knight:
B-but, I was praising her!
It was supposed to be a complimeeent!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...(Sigh)
Now I'm in a rotten mood.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Why must humans be such useless,
troublesome, half-witted creatures...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Is it all Elisabeth's fault?
It is, isn't it?
Mecha Eli-chan:
She would go after her subjects, or other nobles... She was leading her country to ruin every time she indulged in one of her escapades.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Setting ethical concerns aside, the fact that she consistently failed to act with the best interests of her people foremost in her mind speaks volumes about her intellect, or lack thereof.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As I suspected, this nation needs to be reformed from the ground up, with myself serving as its foundation.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I may have been born from Elisabeth,
but I am an entirely new Elisabeth. As such...
Mecha Eli-chan:
I must protect this nation,
as the true guardian of Castle Csejte...!
Halloween Knight:
La la la, sha-la la la laaa♪
Mecha Eli-chan:
You there!
Halloween Knight:
Y-yes!?
What is it, Your Majesty?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Were you singing something just now?
Halloween Knight:
Y-yes, my queen. Our former ruler used to hum it to herself all the time. I just can't seem to get it out of my head...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Elisabeth used to hum that...?
Halloween Knight:
Th-that's right...
Mecha Eli-chan:
All humming within this castle is hereby banned.
Now go.
Halloween Knight:
Y-your wish is my command, Your Majesty!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Singing...
Life as an idol...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Hmph.
What nonsense.
Mash:
Master, I've analyzed your route on our end, and I've discovered that there's a single open window.
Mash:
Why don't you start by heading there?
Fujimaru 1:
So, you want me to climb...that?
Mash:
Y-yes, that's right.
Mash:
Of course, I know it would be difficult for you to climb on your own, so I suggest asking the Servants for help.
Fujimaru 2:
I must be out of my mind for doing this.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Well, it doesn't look like we have any other choice.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
And it looks like it'd be an especially tall order for you to climb on your own.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Okay, I'll carry Master up on my back.
You two can just climb on your own.
Elisabeth:
I'm all set since I can fly.
What about you, Batty?
Osakabehime:
Heh heh heh.
Osakabehime:
If you think I'm going to let a tattooed mobster outdo me when it comes to climbing a few walls, you've both got another thing coming!
Castle Apparition Secret Technique: Crane Dance!
Mash:
Is that...a giant origami crane?
Elisabeth:
What...? Where have you even been hiding that this whole time!?
Elisabeth:
No fair, Batty!
It's...it's...
Elisabeth:
It's just too damn cool!
Flying and attacking with origami!?
Elisabeth:
The whole thing's got a certain je ne sais quoi to it that attacking with playing cards just can't match!
Osakabehime:
Y-you really think so?
Osakabehime:
I mean, it's not THAT impressive, right?
After all, doesn't every princess dabble in origami?
Osakabehime:
Heck, I bet Tamamo and Kiyo-yo could even make origami out of people if they wanted to.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Uh, let's not try to equate folding PAPER with folding PEOPLE...
Osakabehime:
Now, come sit by me, Master.
Daijoubu, I guarantee this ride is very comfortable!
Fujimaru 1:
Yeeeah, I'm goin' with Sassy-shin.
Fujimaru 2:
Okay, I'll go with...Batty.
Osakabehime:
Wh-whyyy!?
Osakabehime:
This is the part where you're supposed to be all,
Osakabehime:
“Would you care to go for a moonlit drive, Osakabehime?”!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Why would [♂ HE /♀ SHE] say that when YOU'RE driving?
Just...c'mon, let's go!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hang on tight, Master!
Osakabehime:
H-hey!
Wait for me!
Osakabehime:
No need to be so bashful♡
Elisabeth:
Come on, Batty, before we leave you behind!
Osakabehime:
Grr...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Man, what a great view!
Fujimaru 1:
Oi, let's not take the scenic route, here!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hahaha, if you can't appreciate a view like this,
you're in the wrong line of work, Master!
Fujimaru 2:
Wow, you're right...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
The moon's so bright, and the city's bustling with life. All this view needs is a stiff drink.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What do you say, Master? Care to join me for one?
A little liquor never hurt anyone, right?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Don't worry, no one has to know. Come on.
Mash:
Yes, someone will find out.
And the answer is no, Assassin of Shinjuku.
Elisabeth:
What she said! No idol worth her salt would risk her reputation over underage drinking and smoking!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I wasn't asking you!
Osakabehime:
Waaah, no fair!
Now I'm getting a real bad case of FOMO!
Osakabehime:
This is why I usually stick to being a shut-in!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
And, we're here!
I wonder what we'll run into next.
Osakabehime:
Heh heh! That's it, Master.
You made the right choice.
Osakabehime:
Go on, have a seat.
Osakabehime:
...Heh.
Gotcha!
Mash:
Wha!?
Osakabehime:
I'm never letting you go again♡
Elisabeth:
Okay Batty and [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet], let's get going! This'll be the first step in our journey to take back Castle Csejte!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Just don't get too far ahead of me.
Osakabehime:
Yeah yeah, I know.
Okay, let's fly!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Damn, she's fast!
Wait up!
Osakabehime:
Ahahaha! This is so much fun,
don't you think, Master♡
Fujimaru 1:
Aaah!
Mash:
Master, your heart rate is increasing rapidly!
A-are you okay!?
Osakabehime:
Hey, is the suspension bridge effect making me look cute right now?
Osakabehime:
Well!?
Fujimaru 2:
Wheee!
Mash:
Master, I can see your excitement rising with your heart rate as we speak!
Osakabehime:
Um, chotto a minute! How come you haven't commented about my boobs pressing up against you!
Osakabehime:
Does it excite you? Embarrass you?
Make you wanna make out? Which is it!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Damn, I should've known.
All the stairways to the higher floors are blocked off.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Now, let's see. That little dragon girl...I mean that mechanical dragon girl has people under her command, right?
Osakabehime:
That's right. I guess that technically makes them princesses too?
Elisabeth:
...That's the part I don't get. Why would they just start working for her all of a sudden...
Mash:
Do you know something, Elisabeth?
Osakabehime:
Hmph, I guess being the ruler of Hakuro Castle still isn't good enough for them to include me...
B：???:
Hmm. I suppose you may technically be a ruler,
but aren't you forgetting something important?
Mash:
Carmilla!?
Carmilla:
For one thing, this is Castle Csejte.
We never asked you to drop your castle onto ours.
Osakabehime:
Wha...
Osakabehime:
S-so what!
I'm still going to take back my tower!
Fujimaru 1:
Please give her back her Himeji Castle.
Carmilla:
...Well, I suppose you do have an obligation to repair the Singularity.
Carmilla:
More importantly, it's clear we won't accomplish anything like this. Very well, let us do battle.
Elisabeth:
...
Carmilla:
Do you have something to say to me, my younger self?
Elisabeth:
...Why're you obeying Mecha Eli-chan?
Carmilla:
Because I fought her, and I lost.
She is absurdly strong.
Carmilla:
...That, and I suppose our interests are aligned somewhat. I'm rather busy indulging my hobbies.
Carmilla:
Allowing her to rule over Csejte simply seems sensible.
Carmilla:
So that's exactly what I decided to do.
Elisabeth:
Wait, so you're saying the mechanical me is better than us–uh, I mean, regular me, even though I grew up here?
Carmilla:
Correct.
Carmilla:
The mechanical you is impartial, ethical, and ruthless. She never lets personal feelings interfere, no matter who she may be dealing with.
Carmilla:
She is more than qualified to stand above all. Plus, she doesn't suffer from chronic headaches like you do.
Carmilla:
And since she is me, I barely feel as though I am obeying her at all.
Carmilla:
Which is something I cannot say for the real you.
Elisabeth:
I-I've been taking my job seriously lately too, you know!
Osakabehime:
You know, that “lately” part makes it sound like you're feeling a little guilty, El-El.
Carmilla:
...You are absentminded, and unstable.
Carmilla:
A few more years and you would have made a fine vampire, just as the legends said.
Carmilla:
But instead you ended up becoming a dragon, of all things. Thanks to the blood you got from that real monster, you've become something far removed from the innocent myths told about you.
Carmilla:
Back when I was you,
I was not as headstrong as you are.
Carmilla:
Then again, perhaps I was never quite the same as you to begin with.
Carmilla:
...Well, no matter. At any rate, if you wish to ascend beyond this point, you will need to defeat me first.
Carmilla:
Be warned, my torture instruments are honed and ready. How much blood are you prepared to shed?
Elisabeth:
...Hmph. I like using torture instruments as much as anyone, but I'm not a fan of having them used on me.
Elisabeth:
If you're going to stand in my way as a woman of Castle Csejte rather than a vampire, then I'll skewer you right in the heart!
Osakabehime:
Really, El-El? You're okay with torture?
Even on people you like?
Elisabeth:
I, uh...don't think there's anything I can do about that. Torture is just part of who I am...
Elisabeth:
Like, a dragon who doesn't breathe fire is just an overgrown lizard, right? Who needs that kind of nonsense!?
Elisabeth:
So I torture people I like AND people I hate!
That's just my style and it's never going to change!
Osakabehime:
Hmm, I see. So you act like everything's fun and games, but you're actually quite earnest at heart, huh, El-El.
Osakabehime:
But never mind that! For my part, I'm not really into the whole bloodshed thing!
Osakabehime:
I hate painful stuff!
I can't even sit through a horror movie!
Osakabehime:
So, Master, keep me safe kudaplease!
I'm counting on you♡
Carmilla:
...Are you quite done?
Then let's begin, you two problem children!
Carmilla:
Try and do something for yourselves for once instead of always depending on the Master of Chaldea!
--BATTLE--
Elisabeth:
That does it...! I'm sick and tired of looking at your stupid metal dress!
Carmilla:
I'm sure you are.
It must be like looking in a mirror for you.
Carmilla:
But...you're still so naive it makes me sick!
Osakabehime:
El-El!
Elisabeth:
Now! Go for it!
Osakabehime:
I knew you'd wakarunderstand!
Now then, you're wide open☆
Osakabehime:
We did it!
Elisabeth:
Aw yeah!
Fujimaru 1:
You two make a better team than I thought.
Osakabehime:
Huh!?
Osakabehime:
I-it's not like that...
I just got a little caught up in the moment is all...
Carmilla:
Khh...!
Don't think you've gotten away with this, you little brats!
D：???:
Kehehe, what a sorry sight you make, my comrade!
Carmilla:
Oh, if it isn't Nite-Brite.
I see you've elected to poke your head inside.
Mash:
N-Nite-Brite?
Nite-Brite:
Indeed, my name is Nite-Brite!
Nite-Brite:
I am an Agarthan girl whose True Name I cannot divulge because of reasons!
Nite-Brite:
And so, just for this event, I grant you special permission to call me Nite-Brite.
Nite-Brite:
It has a truly adorable ring to it, don't you think? Nite-Brite, Nite-Brite!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What the hell's up with this brat–uh, I mean child–I mean, evil little girl.
Nite-Brite:
Hm, and who might you be?
...Oho, it seems you and I hail from the same nation.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I bet we do. There's just something about you that makes my punching fist all itchy!
Nite-Brite:
Kehehehe, I could say the same of you. Though in my case, it is not something so uncouth as my fist.
Nite-Brite:
It is my beloved instruments of torture!
Kehehe, I cannot wait to broil those abs of yours.
Nite-Brite:
Carmilla, let us regroup! If you lot think you can climb all the way up to us, you are more than welcome to try!
Carmilla:
Thank you, Nite-Brite. I will gladly accept your help. Goodbye then, princess.
Carmilla:
I don't know what it is you're up to,
but do your worst, pitiful though it will be.
Carmilla:
...At any rate, I implore you to be careful as well,
Master of Chaldea.
Fujimaru 1:
Yes, I know.
Carmilla:
...Hehe.
Fujimaru 2:
Thank you.
Carmilla:
...I guess I'm something of a busybody as well.
Osakabehime:
You still don't trust me, do you, Master.
Hmph!
Mash:
We have run into a string of less-than-trustworthy Servants this year, so...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Not to mention you haven't actually given us any reason why we SHOULD trust you.
Mash:
That said, at least we have a common goal.
Mash:
Besides, it now seems safe to assume that Mecha Eli-chan is the source of the Singularity here.
Osakabehime:
Right? Right!?
Osakabehime:
So come on Master, hurry up and trust me already before I curse you♡
Elisabeth:
Was that supposed to be a joke?
'Cause it's not funny.
Elisabeth:
Tamamo once told me: “Osakabehime's curse is incredibly annoying. It's almost like water torture for your nerves.”
Elisabeth:
“Basically, it makes it so that you're much more likely to do things like bang your finger when you close your clothes drawer. Dreadful, right?”
Elisabeth:
So like, I already know all about it, okay?
Osakabehime:
Teeheehee, Tamamo does like to exaggerate,
doesn't she♡
Osakabehime:
...I'll have to send her a condescending text to tick her off something fierce later...
Mash:
Next up: the pyramid.
Mash:
It may be a bit hard to scale since it's upside down...but I know you can do it!
Section 4: The Three Empresses
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Almost all of the disgrace looming over Castle Csejte is due to Elisabeth's conduct in her later years.
Mecha Eli-chan:
She was a mad countess who bathed in the blood of her young female subjects in a horrendously misguided attempt to retain her youth.
Mecha Eli-chan:
A foolish woman and ardent admirer of dubious witchcraft...
Mecha Eli-chan:
An inhuman monster who brought destruction upon herself by preying upon the nobility in consequence of her own blind faith...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Such disgrace is well beyond redemption.
Mecha Eli-chan:
She could have repented and become the greatest, most wonderful ruler of all time. But even that would not have been enough to atone for her horrific crimes.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But not me. I may be a new iteration of Elisabeth Báthory, but she and I are our own people.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I am a better Elisabeth Báthory than Elisabeth could ever hope to be. I am the ideal Elisabeth Báthory that Elisabeth only wishes she could be!
Mecha Eli-chan:
When she was alive, the real Elisabeth went mad from fear of losing her beauty, but I will neither age nor degrade.
Mecha Eli-chan:
After all, I'm made of steel.
Both my body and my mind will last forever.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So rest assured, my faithful subjects.
You no longer have anything to worry about.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I declare here and now that I will unify Castle Csejte's patchwork structure, preserve its dignity...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...and become the guardian that the people of this land deserve. From this moment forward, you will all fear and respect me accordingly.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I am your iron ruler. I am both compassionate and merciful, but I also have neither tears nor blood to shed.
I am the Steel Demoness: Mecha Eli-chan!
Osakabehime:
We're waaay up here now. Even a Servant would just be a red smear if they fell from here...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I know my blood froze for a second when I slipped back there. At least we finally made it to the entrance.
Elisabeth:
(Cough, hack)...
These high altitudes are hell on my throat...
Elisabeth:
I don't suppose you have any honey cough drops on you, do you, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]?
Osakabehime:
I have some honey, if you'd like.
Elisabeth:
Thanks!
Osakabehime:
You're welcome.
Osakabehime:
I keep it on hand to feed to my bats anyway, so...
Elisabeth:
Do you really need to keep those bats around!?
Osakabehime:
It's inverted.
Elisabeth:
Very inverted.
Mash:
It certainly is inverted all right...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
And here I thought we'd find Pharaoh Laughs-a-Lot being all...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
“Mwahahahaha! Did you think I would be unable to sit atop my throne merely because it was inverted!?”
Fujimaru 1:
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Glad it wasn't just me!
Fujimaru 2:
Fair.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Don't you mean Fair-oh?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ahem... I said nothing.
Nite-Brite:
Keh heh heh!
How good of you to come, my elite warriors!
Nite-Brite:
...Make that my elite warriors,
and one useless princess.
Nite-Brite:
In fact, now that I look closer, it seems that you are not my elite warriors at all.
Osakabehime:
Bwuh? Who're you talking about?
This little princess doesn't have a clue!
Nite-Brite:
You clearly need more training if YOU want to pass for a princess.
Nite-Brite:
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about! I rose to the position of empress from very humble beginnings, you know!
Osakabehime:
Ghh...
Nite-Brite:
Keh heh heh.
Oh yes, I can see it clearly.
Nite-Brite:
No matter how you try to dress it up, you cannot hide the fact that you lack experience.
Carmilla:
Yes, I would agree with that.
Your mannerisms are rather stilted.
Carmilla:
What do you make of it, O famous Cobra Queen?
Cleopatra:
My name is Cleopatra!
Cleopatra:
I have no association with cobras whatsoever! Huh? You're asking why there's a cobra next to me?
Cleopatra:
An excellent question! Insolent, but spot-on! It is never a bad idea to compliment a lady on her choice of accessories!
Cleopatra:
Well, to answer your question...
Cleopatra:
This is merely an illusion created by the Pharaoh Fighting Style! You may think of it as one who “stands”!
Nite-Brite:
Enough. This scene is starting to move me,
so that will be all for tonight!
Cleopatra:
I see. What a pity.
Cleopatra:
I would have liked to showcase more traditional Egyptian posing, but I will be gracious and let you save face.
Cleopatra:
Now then... As far as I can tell,
this so-called princess is a fake!
Cleopatra:
Hohoho, you can try and feign innocence all you like, but you cannot hide your fundamental lack of character!
Osakabehime:
...
Cleopatra:
You know of what I speak,
do you not, Master of Chaldea?
Fujimaru 1:
Eh, pretty much...
Osakabehime:
How could you...?
Osakabehime:
Himeji Castle is the most beautiful castle in the world.
As its ruler, I should be more pure of heart than anyone...
Fujimaru 2:
I do think she's... you know, a good kid at heart, though?
Osakabehime:
I can HEAR your uncertainty there!
Mash:
May I ask you something, Pharaoh Cleopatra?
Mash:
Why are you obeying Mecha Eli-chan?
This Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle...
Mash:
...Oof, that really is a mouthful, isn't it...
At any rate, aren't you its rightful ruler?
Elisabeth:
No she's not! I am!
Castle Csejte is still the base for all of this, you know!
Elisabeth:
That aside, I was going to ask the same thing!
Why're you dancing to her tune, Cleopatra?
Cleopatra:
Hold your tongue, you salamander! I may be the last of my line, but I am still a pharaoh. I obey no other monarch!
Cleopatra:
In this case, I am merely doing what she tells me because for some reason I cannot seem to refuse!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ohh, I get that. I've been there too.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I always find myself sticking with hopeless bosses, even when I know they're just spinning their wheels.
Elisabeth:
You stay out of this, pig.
The grown-ups are talking!
Cleopatra:
Indeed, this is a matter of utmost importance. I am simply cooperating with her as part of a business arrangement.
Cleopatra:
Mecha Eli-chan has some great architectural skills. Her abundance of training gear alone was most impressive.
Cleopatra:
Treadmills. Tanning booths. Low-calorie gruel.
Fat-burning electroshock equipment...
Cleopatra:
With facilities like that, I could finally bring back you-know-who's good looks!
Cleopatra:
I am only working with Mecha Eli-chan to make that precious dream a reality!
Nite-Brite:
...Hmph. If your goal is to lose weight,
I could handle that for you easily.
Nite-Brite:
I have no end of torture instruments that will carve off all that excess flab!
Mash:
Um... I'm pretty sure Cleopatra doesn't actually want Caesar to suffer, so...
Fou:
Fou.
Nite-Brite:
Fuyaaah!
Carmilla:
Ah, right. You are not a fan of cats, are you, Nite-Brite?
Cleopatra:
I fail to understand how you can be fine with snakes but helpless around cats, Nite-Brite.
Nite-Brite:
Transmission or not, a cat is still a cat!
You little furball! I'll... I'll...
Nite-Brite:
I'll hang you upside down and have your guts for garters!
Fou:
Fouuu!
Mash:
F-Fou is in very high spirits as well!
P-please settle down, Fou!
Nite-Brite:
Graaah!
Nite-Brite:
Come Carmilla, Cleopatra! Let us show these insolent fools our Triple Empress Torture Stream!
Cleopatra:
Huh? Hang on!
I might be an empress, but I'm really not into torture!
--BATTLE--
Nite-Brite:
Brite!
Cleopatra:
Patra!
Carmilla:
Er, um... Milla?
Nite-Brite:
Drat... What a colossal failure.
Where did I go wrong?
Cleopatra:
Hmm. If I had to guess, I'd say that we shouldn't have chosen this battle for our first team up.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What else could it be?
Carmilla:
Indeed. I was never even told ahead of time that we WOULD be teaming up...
Nite-Brite:
I admit it was a spur-of-the-moment decision,
but I really thought it would work...
Osakabehime:
Jerk! Idiot! Dummy!
Elisabeth:
Yeah! What she said!
Osakabehime:
Teehee!
Ahh, I feel much better now!
Osakabehime:
Now come on, we're almost to my tower!
Soon we'll have both our sanctuaries back!
Elisabeth:
Yeah, that reminds me. Once we take back your tower, will you be able to get Himeji Castle off my castle?
Osakabehime:
Uhh.
Osakabehime:
Uhh... Y'see... I sorta...don't really know why it even ended up here myself, so...
Elisabeth:
Figures. Just 'cause you're the castle's lord doesn't mean you would have a Noble Phantasm that could move it. I bet only emperor Heroic Spirits can do that kinda thing.
Elisabeth:
Oh well, we can figure out how to float it off later. Who knows, maybe we'll even find another Holy Grail fragment lying around somewhere!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Uh, it's not like Holy Grail fragments are just scattered around, lying about...
Mash:
Actually, the year before last's Halloween debacle all began when Elisabeth found a Holy Grail fragment in France, so...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Welp, guess I stand corrected.
Osakabehime:
A Holy Grail, huh...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Anyway, this tower place should be a lot easier to climb than the others. Let's go check it out, Master!
Section 5: Elisabeth Rim
Mecha Eli-chan:
My motion sensors have detected something.
...Hmph. So they're finally here, it seems.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Fujimaru, the Master of Chaldea, as well as Csejte's former ruler, and Osakabehime.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I know to treat Elisabeth and Osakabehime as the trivial threats they are, but the Master is another matter...
Mecha Eli-chan:
I still haven't observed [♂ him /♀ her] enough to know what [♂ his /♀ her]
alignment is.
Mecha Eli-chan:
It would be foolish to attempt to assess an opponent without information. I should at least have a brief conversation with [♂ him /♀ her] before we fight.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Imagine, me speaking with a commoner as equals. Certainly Elisabeth could never have done that in life.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Well, I suppose I can play that part by ear.
I am an expert at the hands-on approach, after all.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Hmm, but responding improperly would be highly unbecoming for a ruler. I should at least practice my speech.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Ahem, ahem.
Mecha Eli-chan:
“First of all, I commend you for making it this far. Welcome. You must be tired. Perhaps some tea?”
Mecha Eli-chan:
“Would you prefer bread or chicken for dinner? Whichever you choose, know that I will still burn both you and your meal to ash.”
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Hmm, that's a bit muddled, isn't it?
Definitely lacking in impact.
Mecha Eli-chan:
“Mwahahaha! You guys actually came!?”
Mecha Eli-chan:
“You've got promise, making your way through my castle! Perhaps you'd like work as a [♂ butler /♀ maid]!?”
Mecha Eli-chan:
...No, no, that's not right. I may be in dire need of good help, but I can't let THEM know that.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Maybe I should take a page from Elisabeth's book...
If I were that dumb lizard...
Mecha Eli-chan:
“Welcome to the best seats in the house! You just couldn't wait to see me, could you, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!?”
Mecha Eli-chan:
“Tonight's gonna be a real special night,
so I wanna see you smile nice and wide!”
Mecha Eli-chan:
...No, that's not it either. Not to mention talking like that is practically melting down my core...
Mecha Eli-chan:
(Sigh)... I never imagined it could be so hard to just properly greet a commoner.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
There we go.
Mash:
I'm picking up Mecha Eli-chan's signal.
It looks like this will be the final battle.
Mash:
...Still, I feel like we have a lot of loose ends that need tying up...
Mash:
For example, we never found out who Mecha Eli-chan really is. What IS she, anyway?
Elisabeth:
THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!
Elisabeth:
I know I've split up into different versions before, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember turning into a mecha!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I don't know, she seems more like a Robo-Elisabeth than a mecha to me.
Elisabeth:
Well she isn't. If there's one thing I'm definitely not, it's a laborer.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Huh?
Mash:
The word “robot” comes from a play called “Rossum's Universal Robots” written by Karel Čapek, a Czechoslovakian novelist.
Mash:
It has all kinds of uses today, so people tend to forget its original meaning...
Mash:
Originally, the word meant “forced labor.”
I believe that is what Elisabeth was referring to.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Damn, you serious? Didn't really figure you for much of a reader there, dragon girl.
Elisabeth:
Of course I am. I'm the daughter of a baron. I must've spent half my waking hours poring over books.
Elisabeth:
My natural curiosity didn't die just because I became a Heroic Spirit! Why do you think I get so many headaches?
Mash:
I see. So that's how you learned what an idol is.
It's all starting to make sense!
Elisabeth:
That's right. I can't remember why I originally thought to become an idol...
Elisabeth:
...but I do know that a job whose sole purpose was to bask in the love and adoration of people everywhere never existed in my own time.
Elisabeth:
It's no exaggeration to say learning about idols saved my life. Once I did, I knew that was my calling.
Elisabeth:
I really believe it's the greatest job in existence; one that's worth clawing my way to the top for.
Elisabeth:
...Which is why it's so strange.
Elisabeth:
As a Heroic Spirit, I'm not restricted to just being a high-ranking lady anymore.
Elisabeth:
I still am one, of course, but I'm also my people's idol, there to bring joy to their lives.
Elisabeth:
Otherwise, I couldn't even manifest in this form.
But Mecha Eli-chan's more, well...
Elisabeth:
She's more “me.” I mean, the me I used to be. More innocent, back when all I knew was obligation and duty.
Elisabeth:
But in that case, she should look like Carmilla, not me. Then she'd be Mecharmilla, which sounds way better!
Mash:
(I suppose it would be cruel to point out how Carmilla is nothing more than one of her alter egos.)
Fou:
Fou.
Elisabeth:
So given that, I'm betting whatever brought her here has nothing to do with me, but with Himeji Castle.
Elisabeth:
Did YOU do something, Batty?
Osakabehime:
N-no! I haven't done anything yet!
Osakabehime:
I mean, teeechnically it wasn't even my fault that Himeji Castle started moving in the first place...
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
...
Elisabeth:
Um, Mash?
Elisabeth:
[♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet] looks like [♂ he's /♀ she's] kind of terrified of Batty right now.
Mash:
Wh-what's wrong, Master!?
Your eyes are incredibly red.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Sorry to interrupt your chat, girls, but we're just about there.
Elisabeth:
I still have a ton of questions, but I guess they'll have to wait until after the final battle! Let's make sure we put on an awesome finale!
Osakabehime:
Wha–
Fujimaru 1:
THIS is the famous Himeji Castle...?
Fujimaru 2:
Oh, damn, those folding screens are straight-up hideous.
Osakabehime:
When did she redecorate it so horribly!?
Mash:
...!
Mecha Eli-chan is headed your way at high speed!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Allow me to answer.
That mural masterpiece is my own creation.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I inkjet-printed it using previous Halloween records for reference.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Subject matter aside, I think it turned out to be quite a lovely work of art, don't you?
Mecha Eli-chan:
What's more, these folding screen serve as both record and evidence. They are an epic poem that tells everyone who visits the story of Csejte Halloween.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Evidence...?
Evidence of what, exactly?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Isn't it obvious? Are you completely lacking in artistic sensibilities? Are those tattoos just for decoration?
Mecha Eli-chan:
This is a history of the prior ruler's myriad missteps.
All who see it will reach the same inevitable conclusion:
Mecha Eli-chan:
Elisabeth Báthory is unfit to be Csejte's ruler!
Elisabeth:
Hey!
Osakabehime:
Well, uh...
You know...
Elisabeth:
Et tu, Batty!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Naturally, Carmilla is no different. Her foolishness also knows no bounds, drinking the blood of her people and fellow nobles in a misguided attempt to stay young.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So it is up to me to keep Csejte safe...
Mecha Eli-chan:
As such, I have no choice but to put all rebellious wrongdoers, dissidents, and other similar cretins to work.
Mecha Eli-chan:
It may be a bit dystopian, but it's a necessary sacrifice to be made for the sake of my people.
Osakabehime:
Aha, so those are your true colors! A machine rebellion! First everyone gets a cell phone, then their OSs start rising up against us!
Osakabehime:
I knew that was your diabolical scheme!
You want to take over the sekai!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Say what you will. Securing a stable food supply is the first order of business. Civilization inevitably declines if everyone pursues nothing but hedonistic pleasures.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Fiefs raise children.
Lords raise land.
Mecha Eli-chan:
You think you deserve to be handed everything on a silver platter, just because you're a princess? That sort of negligence has no place in my Csejte!
Osakabehime:
Urk...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Now then. I believe the time is right. Ahem.
Mecha Eli-chan:
These folding screens are the answer to everything. They show why I am right, and stand in testament to my unrivalled beauty!
Mecha Eli-chan:
But none of you have any future whatsoever. Why, you ask? Because I am about to erase you from existence.
Mecha Eli-chan:
None without wings can survive at this altitude.
The sky belongs to me, and me alone.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If you would lament your fates, curse yourselves for letting this idiotic ordeal escalate so far.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As the Steel Demoness, I shall sentence traitors to feel the burn of my flame breath, and castle climbers to taste the spiciness of my missiles!
Mecha Eli-chan:
As Csejte's rightful ruler, I will purge you all!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
(Yeah, she's been practicing that in front of a mirror...)
Osakabehime:
(So that was her catchphrase...)
Elisabeth:
Ah!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Ah?
Elisabeth:
You thought that up ahead of time, didn't you!? I can tell! I never know what to do about my catchphrase!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...!
Elisabeth:
But it's always the more general expressions that end up being the coolest. Maybe I just don't have enough spirit?
Elisabeth:
Since you're a mecha and all, you should have a lot more mecha-themed expressions on hand.
Elisabeth:
Something like “Prepare to be elite-deleted☆” or
“First you're welcome, now you're well-done☆”
Elisabeth:
I mean come on, you're Mecha Eli-chan.
You should have that techno stuff down pat!
Fujimaru 1:
Not a lotta lyrics in techno, Elly...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
...
Mecha Eli-chan:
You have the worst sensibilities imaginable. How you ever thought you could be an idol with lyrics like that is utterly beyond me!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I see now that merely arresting you and forcing you into hard labor is insufficient.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So I'll kill you.
I'll wipe you from existence.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I, Mecha Eli-chan, will not stop until there is not so much as an atom of you remaining, Elisabeth Báthory!
Elisabeth:
Hey! What the heck, girl!? I've been a boss fight before myself, so I was just giving you some advice!
Osakabehime:
You really have no idea how other peop–er,
Mecha Eli-chan feels, do you, El-El?
Mash:
I think it may be more accurate to say that she herself has no idea who she is!
--BATTLE--
Elisabeth:
There, that should do it...!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Khh...!
Osakabehime:
Gotcha!
Fujimaru 1:
Can we get past her!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
You bet we can!
One way or another!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Hn-gh...!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Reevaluating enemy forces.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Mortal danger confirmed. Changing mode to Anti-Army. Overriding acquired targets to humanoid life-forms.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Authorization denied, authorization denied, authorization...granted. Unlocking personal Anti-Army Noble Phantasm: Breast Zero Erzsébet!
Mash:
Be careful, everyone! I'm detecting a powerful heat signature building in Mecha Eli-chan!
Da Vinci:
She's about to hit you with everything she has!
Make sure you beat her to the punch!
Osakabehime:
Yaaamete kudastooop!
You'll destroy my castle!!!
Mecha Eli-chan:
That is truly unfortunate.
I have only one thing to say to that:
Mecha Eli-chan:
My sincere apologies.
Are you up-to-date on your fire insurance?
Osakabehime:
Waaah!
I don't even HAVE fire insurance, you little arsonist!
Elisabeth:
Wow, I bet this building would burn really nicely since it's all made of wood... Wait, no!
Elisabeth:
Batty and I may have only just met, but I can't let her suffer the pain of seeing her castle go up in flames.
Elisabeth:
I still don't know why you're me, but since you are, it's my job to stop you!
Elisabeth:
Bring it, Mecha Eli-chan!
Elly vs. Mecha Eli!
Elisabeth:
I'll show you that my singing can beat your thruster nozzles any day of the week!
--BATTLE--
Elisabeth:
HOW DO YOU LIKE THIIIIIIS!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Combat systems: inoperable. Retreat: impossible.
Communications: incapacitated.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Hard as it is to believe, it seems...I have lost.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Still, this too shall pass. Such things are part and parcel with being a ruler.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Attention, my knights... The Csejte Hard Labor Project is canceled...as of...now...
Osakabehime:
Did we...beat her...?
Elisabeth:
Looks like it...
Fujimaru 1:
Is Mecha Eli-chan going to be okay...?
Mash:
She's not quite a mecha OR a Servant, so it's hard to get a good read on her from here, but...
Mash:
...it looks like she's just been incapacitated.
Her Spirit Origin hasn't disappeared.
Osakabehime:
Phew, thank goodness.
Now I don't have to feel bad about involving her in this.
Osakabehime:
Bleh, I really hate being so timid.
Osakabehime:
...I'm kinda a failure, y'know?
Elisabeth:
Batty...?
Osakabehime:
...Oh, right.
Osakabehime:
I'm off to my room!
Osakabehime:
El-El, Tattoo-san, maybe you should stay here and keep an eye on Mecha Eli-chan?
Osakabehime:
Come on Master, I'll let you see my secret♡
Elisabeth:
Hey, I want to see it too! You haven't once showed me since our castles got smooshed together!
Osakabehime:
Huh? Uh...well...
Osakabehime:
...Okay, El-El, I'll let you see it too.
Let's all go together then.
Elisabeth:
'Kay!
Fujimaru 1:
What the actual hell...
Fujimaru 2:
What the actual hell...
Osakabehime:
Tadai'm home... finally!
Osakabehime:
Oh my sanctuary, how I've missed you! Computer: check! Books: check! All collectibles present and accounted for!
Osakabehime:
Yes, yes, yes! Everything's perfect!
Elisabeth:
...Now I get why you were so secretive.
Mash:
M-Master... This room is giving me a strong sense of déjà vu!
Mash:
This must be exactly the sort of room Blackbeard and others like him have!
Da Vinci:
Hmm.
Da Vinci:
So, looks like we've got an early noughties otaku room on our hands. She and Blackbeard would probably get along famously.
Da Vinci:
I mean, you've seen all the...stuff he's done with his room.
Mash:
I see. So this is what she wanted to come back to...
Da Vinci:
I'm guessing it's like me and my workshop.
I just don't feel like myself when I'm not there.
Da Vinci:
Sanctuary's actually not a bad way to put it, even if it's pretty far from most people's idea of one.
Mash:
So...it's not that she was plotting something, so much as she just wanted to hurry up and get back here?
Da Vinci:
Looks that way. But of course, this raises its own questions.
Da Vinci:
Mostly about how the hell the top floor of Himeji Castle's tower ended up looking like this.
Osakabehime:
Let's boot it up... Okay, so far so good.
Wow, I got a ton of messages while I was away.
Elisabeth:
I'm amazed you can stand to be in this room.
It's so messy in here.
Elisabeth:
Not to mention it's kind of small...
Osakabehime:
That's the best part!
Osakabehime:
I bet you keep your room pretty sparse,
don't you, Master?
Osakabehime:
Kinda minimalist, only holding onto the bare essentials. That sorta thing.
Osakabehime:
That's the kind of room where you like to relax and make out with Servants, right?
Mash:
Why, yes, Master.
I'm curious about that as well.
Fujimaru 1:
Trust me, it's not all fun and games.
Osakabehime:
R-really? Oh, right. I guess that makes sense, with Servants like Kiyo-yo around.
Osakabehime:
Now, doko did I put that...
Osakabehime:
It's gotta be around here somewhere,
since Mecha Eli-chan didn't have it...
Fujimaru 1:
Uh...Osakabehime?
Mash:
This reading...
It can't be...
Osakabehime:
Ah HA! Found it!
Mash:
...A Holy Grail!?
Mash:
You have a Holy Grail, Osakabehime!?
Osakabehime:
Sure do! You probably all figured that out already, so I may as well tell you.
Osakabehime:
This Holy Grail is all mine.
Though I just happened to acquire it by sheer luck.
Mash:
There's a lot that doesn't add up about that, but I guess the most important question is: what did you wish for?
Osakabehime:
Well, this is me we're talking about,
so I wished that I could hole up inside it.
Fujimaru 1:
Hole up...?
Mash:
You mean, like a shut-in?
Da Vinci:
Now that you mention it, I do recall you having a reputation as a shut-in among the Eastern Heroic Spirits.
Osakabehime:
I do? Why?
Da Vinci:
Tamamo and Kiyohime weren't exactly shy about sharing that, so pretty much all of Chaldea's Servants know.
Osakabehime:
SO MEAN!
Mash:
I still don't understand. If you wanted to hole up in a Holy Grail, why did you end up here in Csejte?
Osakabehime:
Oh, that?
Osakabehime:
That's because Csejte is the best place in the world to hole up in.
Mash:
It is?
I would have thought the exact opposite myself...
Osakabehime:
That's only because El-El's here.
Osakabehime:
...But what if she wasn't?
Mash:
...Well, since this year's Halloween preparations are all done, I imagine Halloween would begin without a hitch...
Mash:
...and the Singularity would quickly go away, since it would no longer be able to maintain itself.
Osakabehime:
Right you are! I knew you'd figure it out, Mash!
Osakabehime:
Now, what would the people of Csejte be doing during Halloween?
Mash:
W-well... Naturally, they'd be enjoying it. It's a special celebration that makes for a nice break from their usual busy routines, after all.
Osakabehime:
Now, this last question is for Master!
Osakabehime:
What would happen if Halloween never ended?
Fujimaru 1:
A never-ending Halloween...?
Osakabehime:
That's right!
The celebration would just keep going.
Osakabehime:
Then there'd be no more jobs! No more deadlines! Nothing! I could shut myself in forever and ever!
Mash:
H-huh!? Hang on, let me make sure I've got this straight...
Mash:
You used an actual Holy Grail just so you could shut yourself in your room and never have to work...forever!?
Elisabeth:
Batty... Seriously...?
Osakabehime:
That's right. All I wanted was to have my little safe space forever and ever!
Osakabehime:
All these books and electronics might look pitiful to you, but to me, they're everything.
Osakabehime:
I'm nothing like you, Elisabeth.
Osakabehime:
You hated being confined.
Every fiber of your being rejected being ignored.
Osakabehime:
I'm sure your living self must have been despondent when she died.
Osakabehime:
But me...
I found confinement comforting.
Elisabeth:
...It's not like they confined me against my will.
I chose to be locked up.
Osakabehime:
That's just what it looked like from the outside.
Osakabehime:
I'm a castle apparition, remember?
I literally can't survive if I'm not inside a castle.
Osakabehime:
That's just how I am.
Osakabehime:
But now that I'm a Servant, they say I have to go out into the outside world...?
Osakabehime:
That's terrifying. No matter how hard I tried, I could never shake my fear of it.
Osakabehime:
You've never had to worry about that sort of thing,
El-El. You're always bright and cheerful.
Osakabehime:
Tamamo talks a good game,
but she's just fooling herself.
Osakabehime:
But you genuinely love to fight, El-El.
You're my exact opposite in so many ways.
Elisabeth:
Well, I do enjoy a good fight.
Elisabeth:
But everyone's got things they're good at and things they're not, right? Hell, that's where the whole strategic aspect of Holy Grail Wars comes into play.
Osakabehime:
That's true, isn't it...
Osakabehime:
...Anyway, I'll admit I'm a little bit scared of what I'm about to do, but...
Mash:
This rumbling...!
Mash:
Master, I'm picking up a signal coming from underneath Castle Csejte!
Mash:
It's a Ser–No, it's too big to be a Servant!
Elisabeth:
Battyyy...!
Osakabehime:
Now, true guardian that sleeps beneath Csejte...with the power of this Holy Grail, I command you to rise!
Mash:
...!
Mash:
Master, take a look outside!
Section 6: Mecha Eli-chan Strikes Back
Fujimaru 1:
(Speechless)
Fujimaru 2:
(Stupefied)
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Yo, Master, what the hell's going on!?
What's a giant mechanical little girl doing outside?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Oh, right, she's not really little anymore, is she?
So, just plain old giant mechanical dragon girl then?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ugh, what the shit, man? Who comes up with this stuff?
Fujimaru 1:
What about Mecha Eli-chan!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Still knocked out cold. Can't say I was paying attention to her after whatever this is started up, though.
Mash:
I think...we might have had the wrong idea.
Mash:
Maybe Mecha Eli-chan was here to repair the Singularity, and Osakabehime was actually its source!
Osakabehime:
No, you're wrong there.
Osakabehime:
If we hadn't stopped her, Mecha Eli-chan would've gone all tween novel dystopia on Csejte, and nobody wants that.
Da Vinci:
True, for a supposed guardian, her power trip didn't really paint her in the best light...
Da Vinci:
So, does this mean that giant Mecha Eli-chan outside is Csejte's true guardian then?
Osakabehime:
Yup, that's the real one.
Osakabehime:
The one we beat is more like...the prototype.
Da Vinci:
Hmm, a prototype, huh...
Da Vinci:
That would mean somebody designed all this.
The question is, who?
Osakabehime:
Oh, some middle-aged guy with a pretty epic mustache taught me how to do it. Even lent me a book!
Osakabehime:
“Modifying the Guardian of Csejte for Dummies”
Fujimaru 1:
COFFIN AAARCHEEERRR!!!
Fujimaru 2:
Curse you, mustache-twirler!
Osakabehime:
I ordered all the parts from Amazones.com and modified her as best as I could, but I guess I messed up somewhere...
Osakabehime:
...since I couldn't control either the guardian or the prototype. But...that problem will soon be solved.
Elisabeth:
Batty, please, stop this.
Elisabeth:
If you don't...I'll have no choice but to turn the business end of my mic on you!
Osakabehime:
You think I don't know that?
I've been ready for that since the beginning.
Osakabehime:
But with the Holy Grail's power, I can also summon a next-generation unit! Come on up, Mk. II!
Mash:
I'm picking up another Servant reading from under Csejte! It's speeding towards you as we speak!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Wh-what'd you just do!?
Osakabehime:
You know how I said the other Mecha Eli-chan was a prototype? I've got a production unit ready to go!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
You called, princess?
Osakabehime:
This is the Mecha Eli-chan I was able to successfully control: Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II!
Fujimaru 1:
It's a tiny giant Mecha Eli-chan!
Mash:
True, she is a much smaller version of the enormous Mecha Eli-chan outside.
Mash:
So...basically, she's taken the long way to come back to the same size she was before...
Fujimaru 2:
Mk. II!?
Mash:
Senpai! Your brainwaves are showing that you are in a state of extreme excitement!
Mash:
Is it the Mk. II?
It is, isn't it!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Honestly, the fact that I kind of get what all the fuss is about makes me wonder if the knowledge we get when we're summoned is entirely a good thing!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Do you have an order for me, princess?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I'm a busy mecha. Since you have the Holy Grail, I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible.
Osakabehime:
...Yes. I want you to provide me with perpetual security so I can laze around here forever. EIEN NI. So give all these people the boot so I can get to it.
Osakabehime:
Oh, also...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
You don't have to say anything else, princess.
We are of the same mind after all.
Elisabeth:
Batty!
Osakabehime:
Sorry El-El, but this is happening.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Man, I figured she was up to something...but I really didn't figure her for the one behind EVERYthing.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Get back, Master!
I'll kick her ass and snap her out of this.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...You're not very smart, are you?
It is your ass that is going to get kicked.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
If you haven't figured out how much stronger I am, then I'll just beat you into a red smear on the ground until it's painfully clear.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I'm not like the prototype.
I don't care about dumb stuff like being a perfect ruler.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
In fact, the “II” in my unit designation means “twice as cruel.”
Mash:
It looks like you're going to have to fight again!
Please be careful, Master!
Osakabehime:
Aah! Wait! Hold on!
Not in here!
Osakabehime:
Whatever you do, don't fight in here!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...(Sigh)
You're far too materialistic, princess.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Oh well, I suppose it would be more trouble to compensate you than it would to comply. Would you all mind terribly if we took this outside?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
While we are different versions, I share in Mk. I's humiliation. I will see to it that I succeed where she failed so embarrassingly.
--BATTLE--
Assassin of Shinjuku:
We don't have a chance.
Fujimaru 1:
Sh-she's too strong...
Fujimaru 2:
What was with that backup!? That's cheating!
Elisabeth:
Khh...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Losers always whine about cheating and things being unfair. It is music to my audio receptors.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
But, all things in moderation. At any rate, now that you realize you're outmatched, I suggest you hightail it back to Chaldea.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Except you, Elisabeth Báthory.
I have special plans for you.
Elisabeth:
Special plans...?
Osakabehime:
U-um, please don't hurt her too much.
Elisabeth:
Wait.
Don't tell me I'm in danger of losing my chastity!?
Elisabeth:
Batty, does this mean you've been after my perfect idol body all this time!?
Osakabehime:
What!? Chigau!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Elisabeth. Whenever you talk, I can actually feel the universe around us groan. I can't stand it. Perhaps this will shut you up.
Elisabeth:
Huh!?
Mmf, mmmfff!
Osakabehime:
Okay everyone,
I think it's time you all left my castle too.
Osakabehime:
From here on out, laziness is the order of the day in Csejte...er, Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle!
Osakabehime:
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II!
Kick them out of here!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I get it, I get it. I was in the middle of polishing myself when this all went down anyway.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Tch... Come on Master,
we're getting out of here!
Fujimaru 1:
Eli-chan!
Elisabeth:
Mmmmmmf!!!
Fujimaru 2:
I promise we'll come back for you!
Elisabeth:
...(Nod)
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...So, we should probably figure out what to do about her before we get out of here.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
We save her, of course.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
So, you want me to carry both you AND this heavy lump of metal on my back?
Fujimaru 1:
I know it's asking a lot, but...yes!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...
...Just kidding.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I was actually thinking the same thing!
I guess great minds really do think alike!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
...Let go...of me...
Mecha Eli-chan:
I have to stop...Osakabehime...
Fujimaru 1:
Never mind that now.
Fujimaru 2:
Just hurry up and come with us!
Fujimaru 1:
Well, we made it back down...
Mash:
It doesn't seem as though the giant Mecha Eli-chan's sensors have noticed you.
Mash:
It looks like you managed to escape.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
That's all well and good, but...what do we do about the giant mechanical dragon girl now?
Mash:
True. I'm afraid I don't have any ideas on that myself...
Fujimaru 1:
I don't know if we can win this one...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Huh. Even you're feeling like giving up on this one, Master?
Mash:
I'm afraid so.
Mash:
Our Master has never been one to back down no matter what sort of enemy we face, but this time...
Mash:
We're up against a giant mecha,
made out of a superalloy, who's also Elisabeth...
Fujimaru 1:
If only she wasn't Elly...
Fujimaru 2:
If only we had an Elly of our own...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
THAT'S the part you're worried about!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Um, excuse me.
Can I ask you something?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Why did you save me?
I thought we were enemies.
Da Vinci:
Things got a little...complicated while you were out, or off, or rebooting, or whatever...
Da Vinci:
In fact, let me make sure of something.
Are you, in fact, a terminal for the guardian of Csejte?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Yes, I am.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm made of parts that Osakabehime ordered online, and the vestiges of Elisabeth's Heroic Spirit here in Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I established my Servant Spirit Origin through what are commonly known as “Elisa Particles.”
Fujimaru 1:
Awesome, another made-up particle!
Da Vinci:
Elisa Particles, eh...
Da Vinci:
So I guess the fact that Csejte's seen a lot of weird stuff these past two years thanks to the Holy Grail is what caused all this?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I believe so.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Thanks to Elisabeth fusing, splitting, and changing her Spirit Origin into a Caster and Saber...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...her magical energy started to leak, and resulted in the creation of the guardian's prototype...or so I believe.
Da Vinci:
...I see.
Da Vinci:
Now that I'm able to analyze you more thoroughly,
I AM picking up a few Heroic Spirit traces...
Da Vinci:
A bit of...Element Eli-chan, if you will!
Da Vinci:
In other words, this Singularity occurred by virtue of it being Halloween, along with Osakabehime's scheming.
Da Vinci:
Add in the endless live concerts that have been going on the past two years as well...
Da Vinci:
...and I guess a whole bunch of crazy crap is going down!
Mash:
Um, Da Vinci, I think your IQ just went down several...uh, dozen points!
Da Vinci:
That's 'cause it's Halloween!
Da Vinci:
Boy, this is really something! These hilarious events are sure to...er, NOT go down in history!
Mash:
I'm afraid there's nothing hilarious about them. We need to rescue Elisabeth and fix this Singularity immediately!
Fujimaru 1:
I know. I get it, but...
Fujimaru 2:
We're dealing with a giant Eli-chan here...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...I understand your despair.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If I were in your position, I would put myself into sleep mode and set it using 100-year increments.
Mecha Eli-chan:
However! Don't you have an obligation to fight?
Don't you have things you want to protect!?
Mash:
Mecha Eli-chan!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Huh!?
Why're YOU scolding US!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm telling you to shape up already! You're the Master and Servant who managed to defeat me, aren't you!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Listen up.
Those girls are hopeless.
Mecha Eli-chan:
It was YOUR kindness and naivete that spoiled Elisabeth like that, Fujimaru.
Mecha Eli-chan:
And you also have a responsibility to protect this land after it almost self-destructed twice.
Mecha Eli-chan:
You can't just throw up your hands and say “Well, this one's just too tough☆” now that you've come this far!
Da Vinci:
Y-yeah. That was probably a little on the mean side, but you're right.
Da Vinci:
However, the fact remains that we don't really have any way of fighting back.
Da Vinci:
And as Chaldea's acting director, I can't allow you to proceed with a mission that's guaranteed to fail.
Fujimaru 1:
...(She's right. I'm partly to blame for this.)
Fujimaru 2:
...(I'm the one who maxed out her Brave form...)
Mash:
Senpai...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
So, all you're lacking is a strategy to fight back.
In that case, I have a suggestion.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Fujimaru.
You rescued me purely out of kindness.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As such, I will return the favor in the same way.
Ahem...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Fujimaru! I hereby accept you as a Steel Demoness Mecha Eli-chan pilot candidate!
Mecha Eli-chan:
What's that? This is an incredible honor a peon like you doesn't deserve? Yes, I know. But you can freak out about your good fortune on your own time.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If you are prepared to continue fighting,
then I will follow your commands as your Servant.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Together, we will take on Castle Csejte, Halloween, that degenerate Osakabehime, and that Mk. II unit...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...and see to it that they are completely reformed!
Fujimaru 1:
...It's good to have you on our side, Mecha Eli-chan!
Fujimaru 2:
...Thanks for snapping me out of it, Mecha Eli-chan.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...That's more like it. As I thought, mechas and hot-blooded protagonists truly do make a great team.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Now, our next move should be to plan our operation.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If you don't mind a short wait, a delivery should be arriving in a moment...
Mash:
Delivery...?
Section 7: Amazones.com
A：???:
DELIVERY!
Mash:
...
...
Mash:
Um, I'm sorry.
May I ask who it is?
Amazones CEO:
Ahem. Apologies.
I am the CEO of Amazones.com.
Amazones CEO:
I distribute all manner of goods throughout the Servant Universe.
Fujimaru 1:
No. There will be no crossovers right now.
D：Amazones CEO:
Your feelings on this matter are natural.
BUT it IS Halloween, after all.
Fujimaru 2:
Heroine X isn't here right now...
D：Amazones CEO:
I have no recollection of any deliveries scheduled for her.
Mash:
Well, I suppose Mecha Eli-chan's very existence is proof enough that we're no longer bound to what passes for normal or sensible in our world.
Mash:
At any rate, may I ask what your purpose here is?
D：Amazones CEO:
What do you mean?
Did you not order this delivery?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I did, actually.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hey, we're actually pretty busy.
Mind pissing off?
Amazones CEO:
...Are you a man?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hey, I know I'm a pretty boy, but unfortunately,
I'm also as rugged and hedonistic as they come.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Though I guess you could also call me charming, handsome, and sensual if you wanted! Did I mention I can sing and dance, too?
Fujimaru 1:
He's also terribly modest.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hey, if no one else is going to sing my praises,
then I had better do it myself!
Amazones CEO:
So. You are a man. That means...
Amazones CEO:
[[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]!!!
Mash:
Where'd that come from!?
Fou:
Fou, fooou.
Amazones CEO:
I will not abide the presence of men!
Amazones CEO:
I will reduce your market share (read: your body) to approximately 5.88%!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What the hell kind of threat is that?
Fujimaru 1:
I feel I should point out that I'm also a man...
Amazones CEO:
...From a business standpoint,
you are too much of a pain to deal with.
Amazones CEO:
Let's do this! [[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]—!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ugh, fine.
This is why I can't deal with Berserkers.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Even if most of my old comrades were pretty berserk themselves!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Anyway, I'm just gonna punch her until she calms down. That okay with you, Master!?
Fujimaru 1:
Don't hold back on my account.
Fujimaru 2:
Go nuts.
Fujimaru 1:
Go nuts.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...(Sigh) I suppose there's no avoiding this pointless battle now.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Plus, I had a sneaking suspicion it might come to this. Let's get started, Fujimaru.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Take me out for a test drive, and see for yourself what a great Elisabeth I am!
--BATTLE--
A：Amazones CEO:
Uh oh.
I seem to have lost my advantage...
B：Amazones Employee:
President!
Amazones CEO:
I am not your president!
You will refer to me as “CEO”!
Mash:
Um, now that things have settled down,
can I ask you a question?
Amazones CEO:
Very well. As the CEO of Amazones.com, I make it my motto to provide outstanding customer service.
Amazones CEO:
My apologies. I only came here to make a delivery,
but ended up getting a little...overexcited.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
(Master, why don't we let Mash handle this.
I think I'd only end up making things worse.)
Fujimaru 1:
Ya think?
Mash:
A delivery...?
A：Amazones CEO:
Yes. I came to deliver the weapons, ammo,
and other miscellaneous parts you ordered.
Mash:
That sounds more like an arms dealer than an online store...
A：Amazones CEO:
You could say the same of any e-commerce site.
C：???:
Ahh, at last, it's here.
D：???:
You certainly took your time.
A：Amazones CEO:
My apologies for the delay, but Amazones.com prides itself on sourcing our products in-house.
A：Amazones CEO:
Most importantly, my costs are effectively zero thanks to my Amazons literally doing all the heavy lifting.
Amazones Employees:
Raaah!
Mash:
I'm fairly certain that violates labor laws in nearly every country on the planet...
Mash:
Wait, who else is here?
Nite-Brite:
Me!
Carmilla:
And me.
Mash:
Nite-Brite! Carmilla!
What are you two doing here?
Nite-Brite:
Why, we took advantage of the confusion to flee before we got caught up in that missile's splash damage.
Nite-Brite:
Kehehehe, I daresay our daring escape made quite a splash itself!
Carmilla:
Of course, it seems our current state of affairs was inevitable.
Mash:
I see. So you were both keeping watch to prevent Csejte from becoming dystopia-fied...
Carmilla:
Oh no, it was the other way around.
We were both fully on board with that.
Carmilla:
Unfortunately, making and executing meticulous plans turns out not to be my strong suit.
Nite-Brite:
Indeed. With Carmilla's chaotic yang to my orderly yin, there was simply nothing to be done.
Mash:
If you ask me, neither of you have a leg to stand on!
Carmilla:
At any rate, we will help you take Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle back from Osakabehime. I believe doing so would be in all of our interests, no?
Carmilla:
What do you say?
Fujimaru 1:
Of course we'll accept your help.
Nite-Brite:
Excellent!
Nite-Brite:
Personally, that princess is so full of herself it's really ticking me off!
Nite-Brite:
It makes me wish for nothing more than to see her groveling for her life!
Carmilla:
...Indeed. She is free to hole up in her room if she wishes, but she has no right to involve all of Csejte.
Carmilla:
...At the very least, she could have avoided literally piling atop my castle's current architectural woes...
Fujimaru 1:
This is pretty serious...
Mecha Eli-chan:
(I should point out how she has no right to speak for Csejte, but I suppose there are more important things to worry about at the moment.)
Mecha Eli-chan:
(She should at least be helpful when it comes to defeating Mk. II. I suppose I'll just have to activate grin and bear it mode.)
Carmilla:
...I could have sworn I felt some considerable malice directed at me just now.
Carmilla:
But, no matter. We need to install this new part before Mecha Eli-chan can fight again.
Carmilla:
Come, let's get on with it.
Fujimaru 1:
What part was she missing before?
Both:
A heart circuit.
Fujimaru 1:
That should've been the first thing installed!
Mash:
So that's why she nearly made Csejte into a dystopia...
Fujimaru 2:
Why didn't she have that installed to begin with!?
Nite-Brite:
Don't blame us! WE weren't the ones who were making design choices, you know!
Carmilla:
She never had much consideration for others from the start.
Carmilla:
She only managed to avoid becoming a complete monster thanks to her directive to keep Csejte safe.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...I have a heart. It is simply turned to its lowest setting for empathy and compassion.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Besides, you of all people are in no position to lecture me, Carmilla. I'm already perfect in every way.
Carmilla:
Is that so.
Shall we throw this circuit away then?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...I didn't say that. A heart circuit would greatly reduce my chances of going berserk, and would likely help to stabilize my erratic Spirit Origin values too.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Most importantly, it should help me to forge a greater Servant bond with my new pilot candidate.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Though of course, [♂ he /♀ she] is still only a cadet at this point...
Fujimaru 1:
Pilot candidate?
Fujimaru 2:
Who with the what now?
Mecha Eli-chan:
You, of course!
Who else could I possibly be talking about!?
Carmilla:
All right, I'm going to install the circuit.
Um...where does this go again?
Carmilla:
Well, let's check the manual...
Nite-Brite:
Didn't that get burned up?
Carmilla:
Do you know where this heart circuit goes?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Here, pilot cadet, you install it in me.
Fujimaru 1:
O...kaaay. Where's it go?
Mecha Eli-chan:
There's a slot in my chest.
Just push it in there.
Fujimaru 1:
Got it.
Fujimaru 2:
Uh... 'Kay...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Purged functionality restored.
...I feel as though I'm thinking clearly again.
Mecha Eli-chan:
This new clarity has also brought a pain signal along with it.
Fujimaru 1:
Did I do it too hard?
Fujimaru 2:
Was I too rough?
Mecha Eli-chan:
No, nothing like that.
I simply feel my conscience weighing on me now.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm afraid that this will not significantly affect my fundamental nature...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...but this new circuit HAS succeeded at restoring my incomplete Spirit Origin to its proper form, complete with a class change into the bargain.
Da Vinci:
Hey, she's right.
She just went from a Berserker to an Alter Ego!
Da Vinci:
I guess that makes her Mecha Eli-chan 2.0!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Make sure you get my name right.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I am still Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel,
aka Mecha Eli-chan for short.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That is who I am.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As such, I will be sure to defeat my Mk. II counterpart and the one controlling her, Osakabehime.
Mecha Eli-chan:
After which, I shall take back Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle and restore peace to my lands.
Mecha Eli-chan:
We are the only ones who can stop the guardian of Csejte's rampage.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I hope I can count on your support, as well as a show of loyalty to indicate you understand your lower standing in our relationship.
Amazones CEO:
So, that's one heart circuit, and one order of miscellaneous mecha-grade weapons and ammunition. Sign here, please.
Carmilla:
Will a blood seal suffice?
Amazones CEO:
Absolutely.
We at Amazones.com pride ourselves on our flexibility.
Amazones CEO:
Now, I have a question for you.
Is that giant Mecha Eli-chan...?
Nite-Brite:
Blah blah, blah blah blah blah!
Amazones CEO:
Yadda yadda yadda, yadda yadda yadda.
Amazones CEO:
I see.
...Now I want one for myself.
Fujimaru 1:
You do!?
E：Amazones CEO:
Yes. Absolutely. She is the very embodiment of Amazones pride and ingenuity.
E：Amazones CEO:
She is an essential resource if we are to implement our global initiative.
E：Amazones CEO:
With such a massive chassis, we could deliver anywhere in the world... No, in all the universe.
E：Amazones CEO:
...Very well, I have decided I will come with you.
Do not fear, for I am the...
E：Amazones CEO:
C-E-O!
E：Amazones CEO:
What more need be said?
Carmilla:
I...suppose that will be fine once the dust has settled.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Indeed. It would be a tremendous help if you would take that oversized scrap heap off our hands, in fact.
Mecha Eli-chan:
(Once the Singularity is repaired it will go back to being an ordinary statue, so she shouldn't be able to actually do anything with it.)
Nite-Brite:
Hmph, I was hoping to keep it myself.
Mash:
At any rate, it's very reassuring to have such wonderful assistance.
Mash:
Now, let's get going!
We'll definitely repair the Singularity now!
Section 8: To the Castle Tower
Elisabeth:
(Inhaaale)...
Elisabeth:
SAVE ME, [♂ PUPPYYY /♀ DEERLEEET]!!!
Osakabehime:
Hey!
HEY! Urushut up!
Osakabehime:
Aah, the reverb! The reveeerb!
Stop that! You are wasting your breath!
Elisabeth:
I feel like...like...like a damsel in distress!
Elisabeth:
(Squee) I've waited so long...
I can finally cross that off my bucket list!
Osakabehime:
Wait, you're HAPPY about this!?
Elisabeth:
Yes, I am!
Elisabeth:
Because, you see, I know for SURE that my [♂ Puppy's /♀ Deerlet's] already on the way to save me!
Osakabehime:
...Is that so?
It's really kawaii how you trust [♂ him /♀ her] so implicitly.
Osakabehime:
But none of that matters with the guardian of Csejte.
I mean, just look how big it is!
Elisabeth:
You couldn't be more wrong, Batty!
Elisabeth:
These days, it's all about the three Cs:
cute, compact, and comforting!
Elisabeth:
This is an age where small reigns supreme.
People are all about indie flicks, not giant blockbusters.
Elisabeth:
They want simple, pick-up-and-play casual games, not those massive, time-sink, AAA RPG games!
Osakabehime:
...Is that what you think?
You really don't understand us shut-ins!
Osakabehime:
Whereas I can tell you, from a position of strength and authority, that I have nothing BUT time on my hands,
so I will always go for that time-sink AAA RPG!
Osakabehime:
And if it has a hardcore mode, or is a roguelike?
Even better!
Elisabeth:
...
...
Osakabehime:
...
...
Elisabeth:
We really don't agree on anything, do we!?
Osakabehime:
Nope.
Nite-Brite:
Keh heh heh, time to climb!
Mash:
I see you're in high spirits, Nite-Brite.
Carmilla:
So we're going to climb...that, hm?
I think I feel a headache coming on.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Well Master, shall we–
Mecha Eli-chan:
Hold it.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Since I can fly, I believe it would be best if I carried my pilot candidate.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Don't worry, I'll take good care of [♂ him /♀ her].
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hmm.
Yeah, that makes a certain kinda sense.
Fujimaru 1:
Sounds good to me.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Good. I promise your flight will be first-class all the way.
Fujimaru 2:
Thanks, Mecha Eli-chan.
Mecha Eli-chan:
You're welcome. It will be my pleasure to show you the thrill of soaring through the sky on steely wings.
Carmilla:
Now, what am I going to do...
Amazones CEO:
Perhaps attach yourself to my CEO morning star as I hurl it skyward?
Carmilla:
That'll impale me!
Amazones CEO:
So? I thought you were into that sort of thing.
Carmilla:
Don't be absurd. Impaling someone else is one thing, but I have no intention of allowing myself to be impaled.
Carmilla:
At any rate, there's no possible way I can climb with that. I suppose I'll have to use my old torture orb.
Fujimaru 1:
You can ride that!?
Carmilla:
What do you mean?
Carmilla:
Why wouldn't it carry me after I decided I wished to ride it?
Nite-Brite:
Keh heh heh!
Spoken like a true ruler!
Fujimaru 2:
Uh, what's that?
Carmilla:
This?
It's a torture orb.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Yeah, we heard. What the hell IS it?
Carmilla:
A ball of energy filled with my desire to torture others.
Mash:
That is deeply unsettling...
Nite-Brite:
Now then, I'd better attend to myself as well.
Torturers!
G：Torturer:
S'up.
Fujimaru 1:
“S'up”!?
Nite-Brite:
I wish to ascend Castle Csejte.
Therefore, I order you all to form a human ladder!
G：Torturer:
'kaaay.
Mash:
They certainly aren't very polite, are they, Master.
By the way, where did these people come from?
Nite-Brite:
Now now, an empress must keep her secrets!
Nite-Brite:
All right, form of a ladder!
Nite-Brite:
There, now I can make the climb easily!
Upsy-daisy!
Carmilla:
I shall be on my way too.
Mash:
Wait, sorry.
Hang on just a moment, please.
Mash:
What about Cleopatra?
What happened to her?
Carmilla:
How would I know?
She's most likely sulking in her pyramid.
Nite-Brite:
Besides, there's way too much overlap between us anyway!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
If you say so.
Amazones CEO:
Then let us be on our way. We shall begin our hostile takeover of Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II!
Amazones CEO:
Amazones Next Day Delivery High Jump!
Mash:
I'm afraid that's just an ordinary high jump, CEO.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Okay, here we are.
Mash:
I see this route is guarded, just like last time.
It would be nice if we could catch our breath...
Mash:
...but it looks like we'll need to defeat them first, if we're ever going to get back to the whole Halloween thing!
--BATTLE--
Amazones CEO:
Pumpkin Pie Housewarming Party!
Carmilla:
What are you talking about...
A：Amazones CEO:
I was just trying to maximize these leftover resources.
A：Amazones CEO:
Want some?
Fujimaru 1:
No thanks, I'm not too big on gazers...
A：Amazones CEO:
Don't worry, Master of Chaldea. Food is not harmful to humans so long as they vomit it back up. Unless it's poisonous. Or perhaps sufficiently caustic.
Fujimaru 2:
I'll have it when I get back.
A：Amazones CEO:
I see. But then, wouldn't your communications be a major security concern?
Nite-Brite:
Why do you keep your hands open like that?
A：Amazones CEO:
That's...a good question...
Mecha Eli-chan:
That's just what it's like in the world of venture capitalism. You're probably just trying to grab something that isn't visible.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Guess break time's over.
Might as well get back to wall-climbing.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hup!
A：Amazones CEO:
I must have been visualizing my quarterly earnings success so vividly that I–
Carmilla:
Come on, we're leaving.
Get ready, and be quick about it.
Amazones CEO:
Grr...
Section 9: Cleo Pouts
Elisabeth:
So then [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet] went and...!
Osakabehime:
Seriously!? No way!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Princess, the Master of Chaldea's group has arrived at the pyramid.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
There's no time to waste playing with your sacrifice.
May I go ahead and start prepping the reactor?
Osakabehime:
A-all right.
Osakabehime:
But, can I at least play for one last turn?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
You've been saying that for a while. I thought my purpose here was to assist you in maximizing your laziness.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
If you're going to act like that,
I'm not sure why I should bother.
Elisabeth:
...
...
Elisabeth:
Hey, Batty?
Osakabehime:
Yes, El-El?
Elisabeth:
I don't think this evil scheming stuff is really for you. You're not cut out for it.
Osakabehime:
Hey, keep your scaly nose outta my business!
Cleopatra:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
Um, Cleopatra?
Cleopatra:
Oh, were you all off having fun without me?
I didn't notice.
Cleopatra:
Nope. Definitely didn't notice a thing. Uh-uh.
Mash:
Sh-she has pouting down to an art form...!
Fujimaru 2:
What's with Her Majesty?
Nite-Brite:
As I thought! I believe she is sulking better than even a human teenager could manage!
Nite-Brite:
Trust me, I know how she feels.
Nite-Brite:
We queens are prone to crying ourselves to death if we get left behind during these sorts of events.
Cleopatra:
What!? Th-th-that's ridiculous!
I'm n-not feeling left out! Not one bit!
Cleopatra:
My feelings ABSOLUTELY are not hurt! Nope! In fact, I was so absorbed in this Ladies in the Nile magazine that I didn't even want to leave my pyramid!
Cleopatra:
I've also never felt left out of your torture discussions!
Cleopatra:
Or been embarrassed about the fact that I've never killed anyone despite being an Assassin!
Cleopatra:
How dare you suggest I might have bawled my eyes out at anything of the sort!?
Nite-Brite:
Calm down, Fair-oh.
There's no need to get so upset.
Cleopatra:
I am NOT upset! YOU'RE upset! If something's bothering you, or you're ill at ease, that is YOUR fault, not mine!
Amazones CEO:
...Ill at ease?
Ill ease... Chilles...
Amazones CEO:
Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilles Chilleees!!!
Amazones CEO:
[[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]!!!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...Yikes. Maybe she should take a few Chilles pills.
Cleopatra:
Where did you come from!? I don't recognize you.
Though I must say, you're quite beau–
Fujimaru 1:
DEAR GOD NO!
Fujimaru 2:
For the love of all that is good, do not say that word!
Cleopatra:
Hm? I'm not sure what is going on, but if that word is taboo now, I suppose I will refrain from using it!
Cleopatra:
Teehee, you should be grateful that I am both wise and gifted in matters of diplomacy! It was no accident that I survived on my eloquence alone, you know!
Cleopatra:
...However, my wisdom also lets me see what is going on here with abundant clarity!
Cleopatra:
That Servant there is obviously another queen!
You must be trying to form a new queen trio without me!
Cleopatra:
Well, if you think I will let you humiliate me like that, you are gravely mistaken!
Cleopatra:
Very well, then! I shall take this opportunity to demonstrate the scope of my full power, just as Pharaoh Nitocris did this past summer!
Cleopatra:
If you have forgotten how beautiful and terrifying I was during last year's Halloween event, I shall ensure you do not repeat your mistake!
--BATTLE--
Cleopatra:
(THUD)
Carmilla:
What a lovely thud. Odd how many stars she seems to produce whenever she moves, too.
Nite-Brite:
I LOVE that!
They pop out like candy! It's great!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Right there with you.
Fujimaru 1:
I'll take you apart!
Mash:
Please don't imitate her, Master.
You don't sound anything alike.
Fujimaru 2:
All those stars remind me Christmas is coming up.
Mash:
I hope I can spend Christmas with you again this year, Senpai.
Cleopatra:
It's all right. I just have to accept that I'm not going to be the star of the show anymore. Soon, I probably won't even have a role as an extra...
Nite-Brite:
I guess you'll just have to wait until a slim version of Caesar shows up♪
Cleopatra:
WAIT! IS THAT HAPPENING!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Don't count on it. That would take a miracle. And even if it happened, the first thing he'd do is go around hitting on anything that could fog a mirror.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So I imagine it would only add to your worries.
Cleopatra:
(THUD)...
Mash:
I would rather this not get drawn out any further, so allow me to interject.
Mash:
We're finally here at Himeji Castle.
Please stay sharp, everyone!
Section 10: Hakuro Castle's Melancholy Princess
Narration:
A hundred days without change might as well be a single day.
Narration:
And yet, in all my life,
I never realized that.
Narration:
It's been so long since I took up residence in Himeji Castle. What was I like before I lived here?
Narration:
Was I a fox? A bat?
Something else entirely?
Narration:
The seemingly infinite realm of Mystics faded away.
All those I was close to disappeared one by one.
Narration:
It would have upset me greatly if they had been killed, but they kind of just faded away, which made their disappearance easier to accept.
Narration:
I think...yes, I'm sure I remember that once I even gave a katana to someone named Musashi, and got in a ton of trouble for it.
Narration:
Still, I really enjoyed the night I spent with that swordmaster. She was an eccentric who actually enjoyed hearing me babble on and on about my hobbies.
Narration:
I don't remember any other visitors besides her. There must have been others, but none that stuck with me.
Narration:
My memories are all a haze. So many days spent with no purpose, no meaning... Perhaps all I'm really doing is taking up space.
Narration:
The worst part is that it doesn't bother me.
Not to say that I enjoy it...
Narration:
But...it definitely doesn't bother me, either.
Maybe it would if I tried to change things.
Narration:
So, every time I think I'll convince myself to change, I end up chickening out.
Narration:
All I do is play about with tiny, meaningless changes before I put things back just as they were.
Narration:
And even that doesn't bother me.
I'll take that any day over being scared.
Narration:
If this were to go on forever...I think I'd be okay with that.
Narration:
Even if someone did summon me out of here as a Servant, I'd be too terrified to do anything.
Narration:
I mean, I'm just not the type to put myself on the line. What possible use could I be? Saving the world? That's way over my head.
Narration:
I'm just plain old Osakabehime.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Hey. Are you done with your flashback?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Good. Let's get on with it. Toss Elisabeth into the reactor, shut the lid, and press the button.
Osakabehime:
Uhh.
Elisabeth:
Uh, excuse me!
Just a little question here!
Elisabeth:
Exactly what's going to happen to me after you put me in this reactor and press the button?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
What if I told you that you were an orange, and the reactor was a juicer, would that help?
Elisabeth:
You're gonna JUICE me!?
I'm gonna get liquidized!?
Elisabeth:
Even if I am the cutest idol ever, there's no way I'm gonna attract new fans as a damn slushie!
Osakabehime:
C-come on...
There's no need to rush that, is there?
Osakabehime:
I mean, you're working fine, and so is the guardian statue...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Wrong. My main body requires a large number of Elisa Particles in order to function.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
As of now, it's little more than a glorified missile silo.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
According to my calculations, providing the guardian statue with a single Servant's worth of Elisa Particles...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...will enable it to remove Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle from history.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
That way, your wish of shutting yourself in forever will come true. You'll have plenty of time to worry about whatever you want after that.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
You'll have all the time in the world to indulge yourself in your lazy, NEETy ways.
Elisabeth:
Wait, back up.
What the hell are Elisa Particles!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
They are the absolutely absurd particles that you scatter around the world everywhere you go.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
And both Mk. I and I require them to continue functioning.
Elisabeth:
Hey! I've always been happy to share my sparkling charisma with the world, but I never left any weird particles anywhere!
Osakabehime:
No way. They're here already!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...You see, princess? This is what happens when you procrastinate. Now get ready to fight them.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I'll back you up with the guardian statue.
Together, we'll make quick work of them.
Osakabehime:
Uh, right.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Princess.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I am not like Mk. I. I feel no obligation to serve as the lord of Csejte whatsoever.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I was summoned here only to grant your wish.
Remember that.
Osakabehime:
I-I know that already!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Then hurry up and get ready for battle!
Osakabehime:
O-okay! Ahh, I'M the one in charge, but all I'm really doing is following orders...!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Now then, shall we get started with this Dragon Steak... I mean, Dragon Puree?
Elisabeth:
Eeeeee! Murdereeer! Whatever you do, don't liquidize meee! I don't wanna be a slushieee!!!
Osakabehime:
(Gasp, gasp, gasp). All this running around...
(Pant) Too much for a hikikomori like me...
Fujimaru 1:
Nice to see you outside the shop again.
Osakabehime:
Thank you for bringing that up!
Osakabehime:
Doushite AM I still running the shop after everything that's happened!?
Osakabehime:
It's a conspiracy!
A conspiracy to try and get me to work!
Fujimaru 2:
Are you okay?
Osakabehime:
Oh, yeah, I'll manage.
Thanks, Master.
Osakabehime:
...Wait, why are we talking about that now!?
Ahem, ahem, ahem!
Osakabehime:
Hehehe! Well done on making it all this way, Master♡
Fujimaru 1:
Give Elly back!
Osakabehime:
I-I really wish I could, but I need her!
Osakabehime:
Without her Elisa Particles, I...!
Fujimaru 2:
Stop this foolish plan right now!
Osakabehime:
It's not foolish. I wracked every brain cell I had to come up with a plan this subaramazingly intricate!
Osakabehime:
A-at any rate, my Halloween Knights are gonna stop you!
Halloween Knight:
Nghh... I-it hurts...
My body's acting on its own...!
Halloween Knight:
I'm sorry! Forgive me...!
Mash:
Does this mean they're being controlled by the Holy Grail? Or maybe magecraft...!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
That's dirty pool!
Halloween Knight:
Ngh... We highly trained Csejte Knights are able to resist most forms of magecraft.
Halloween Knight:
But once a voice started whispering “Do this now, and you'll get paid leave for the rest of the year♡”...
Halloween Knight:
...and “The harder you work, the bigger your raise♡”...
Halloween Knight:
...our bodies just couldn't resist!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
What a buncha maroons.
You guys actually buy that crap?
Halloween Knight:
Aah! My body's acting all on its own...!
--BATTLE--
Osakabehime:
That's it!?
Osakabehime:
Were you guys even TRYING!?
'Cause it sure didn't look like it!
Halloween Knight:
Nghh... I'm afraid I can no longer move...
But if you insist that...we keep fighting nonetheless...
Osakabehime:
Yes?
Halloween Knight:
We want...paid...overtime... Guh.
Osakabehime:
You didn't even earn your regular wages before you got your asses kicked!
Osakabehime:
Eep... Temporary retreeeat!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Come on, let's go after her!
Halloween Knight:
W-wait...
Before you go, please, take this...
Fujimaru 1:
What is it?
Halloween Knight:
Worker's comp form... I'm putting in my request...for paid Halloween leave... Urk.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I like your knightly spirit.
I'll process that request myself.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Once I take back Csejte, you will have your paid Halloween leave.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But I WILL have you work on Christmas to make up for your absence on this event.
Halloween Knight:
Awww.
Halloween Knight:
...Actually, wait. If that means I'll get to miss milady's concert, that's a really sweet deal!
Halloween Knight:
Hooray for Halloween!
Carmilla:
So they were running away from the concert.
No wonder they were so easy to defeat.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Singing, huh...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Even with my new heart circuit,
I can't see what's so great about singing.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Can it really help the Demoness of Fresh Blood face the pure evil inside her, and come to terms with it...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Is singing really all that great?
What do you think, my pilot candidate?
Fujimaru 1:
Maybe you'll find out if you try singing yourself?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I fail to see the need for that, so: request denied.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But if you sing for me yourself, I will base my own data analysis on your performance.
Fujimaru 2:
Singing...brings us joy.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That response is extremely vague.
How, exactly?
Da Vinci:
Maybe you should try asking Elisabeth about this.
Da Vinci:
She IS technically an idol, after all. Kind of.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Denied.
Mecha Eli-chan:
A mecha should never ask the original to teach her anything.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Just forget I brought this up.
I'll learn about this matter in my own time.
Carmilla:
...Personally, I would be perfectly satisfied if you never learned about it at all.
Nite-Brite:
I'm great at making others sing! Especially when it comes to making them squeal like pigs!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I absolutely do not want to know what you mean.
Section 11: Retreat and Die, Hesitate and Die, Go Forth and Sing!
A：Ruffian:
Heehahaha! We're the baddest bad dudes EVER! There's nothing we won't do to avoid having to listen to our former ruler's horrible singing!
B：Ruffian:
Hell, even if we gotta die!
Mash:
I don't really like where this is going,
but we can't turn back now!
Mecha Eli-chan:
What is it about singing that makes you so passionate?
I just don't understand.
Fou:
Fou.
Mash:
I think Fou is saying, “I can't help but feel that in this case, their passion is a little misguided!”
--BATTLE--
Mash:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
Anyone else see a giant face out there...?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Can we just pretend we didn't?
No? Damn.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
I guess we ARE getting close to the tower.
Probably shouldn't be surprised seeing that up here...
Carmilla:
...
...
Nite-Brite:
You've been awfully quiet, Carmilla.
Carmilla:
I learned something last year. Whenever I deal with HER, I must completely empty my mind.
Carmilla:
That way, whether I'm dealing with my past self transmogrified into a small mecha, or into a giant mecha fused with a guardian statue...
Carmilla:
...I can keep my stress levels under control enough that the worst that happens is I end up coughing up blood some of the time.
Mash:
If you're spitting up blood, then you're clearly NOT managing your stress enough. I recommend therapy!
Mecha Eli-chan:
It looks like they still don't have enough Elisa Particle power yet.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Which means that giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II won't be destroying this castle directly.
Mecha Eli-chan:
The most she'll be able to do is shove her arms through the windows and fire some missiles from her fingers.
Mash:
That sounds like it would do MORE than enough damage!
Nite-Brite:
Oh, we'll be fine as long as she doesn't attack us directly.
Nite-Brite:
But never mind that now. There's her room.
Open up!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...Huh, looks like nobody's home.
Mecha Eli-chan:
It never fails to disgust me how unkempt this room is.
Mecha Eli-chan:
It activates my cruelty circuit and makes me want to burn it all down.
Amazones CEO:
I see there are many Amazones.com shipping boxes piled about here. I suppose it would be all right for me to dispose of them for one of my most loyal customers.
Amazones CEO:
Hm? What the...
Amazones CEO:
Grrr, enough of this!
Mash:
She just ripped that pile of cardboard boxes apart like they were made of...umm...cardboard...
Nite-Brite:
Now that's my kind of CEO!
F：Amazones CEO:
Heh. There's nothing I appreciate more than compliments and stock prices rising.
Mash:
Searching for Servants... I'm not detecting any aside from those in your immediate vicinity, Master.
Mash:
Where could Osakabehime have disappeared to?
Fujimaru 1:
Maybe there's a hidden passage here?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ooh, I bet that's what it is.
What do you think, Nite-Brite?
Nite-Brite:
Indeed!
Nite-Brite:
No emperor's residence is complete without a secret passage or two! I made use of mine just for fun!
Nite-Brite:
Besides, if you don't make a habit of using them from time to time, you end up forgetting about them when the real emergency happens. You know, like an evacuation drill.
Carmilla:
I'm told Castle Csejte had them too,
but I never made use of them myself.
Carmilla:
I decided that if it ever came to that,
I would rather simply face my death.
Carmilla:
As far as this particular princess goes, though,
I am quite sure she has no such compunction.
Mash:
Fortunately Kotarou just happened by, so I had him tell me the trick to finding hidden passages.
Mash:
Let's all look together!
Carmilla:
Let's see... This is a collection of background art.
I wonder what it's depicting.
Amazones CEO:
We delivered that.
Nite-Brite:
Just look at all these clothes strewn about.
What a mess.
Amazones CEO:
We delivered those too.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
This tablet looks like it's bricked.
Amazones CEO:
We also delivered that.
Amazones CEO:
Indeed, we restructured our delivery program specifically to service customers in Singularities.
Amazones CEO:
From now on, no one will have to go without our incredible products, even if they are trapped within a Singularity.
Amazones CEO:
All thanks to Amazones.com.
Mash:
Please don't do that.
You could very well create a new Singularity...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ow! I just stepped on something!
Mash:
That looks like the heart circuit Master just installed in Mecha Eli-chan.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Oh, that's the one I originally came with before Osakabehime removed it.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...I think we should bring it with us.
Mecha Eli-chan:
We should be able to install it in Mk. II as well.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If, in battle, we get a chance to pull her chest open and shove this in...
Mecha Eli-chan:
...we may find another path to victory.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
In that case, Master should hold onto it.
Nite-Brite:
Ah, here we go.
See, what did I tell you!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
A secret staircase under the floorboards, huh. Someone's a traditionalist. Guess this means we've got her on the ropes then.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Let's hurry up and take this princess down before the Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II outside starts giving us grief.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Agreed.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I expect we will need to fight Mk. II and Osakabehime together. Our goal is to repair this Singularity, and to rescue Elisabeth.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Make sure to remain alert at all times.
...Especially you, pilot candidate.
Fujimaru 1:
Will do!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...That's what I like to hear.
I look forward to seeing you in action.
Section 12: No Way Out
Osakabehime:
Yabaaai, they already caught up to me!?
I've gotta nigerundayo!
Mash:
It's kind of refreshing to have an enemy who's scared of us for a change!
Osakabehime:
Dammit, I guess I don't have a choice.
Help me, Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II! You're my only hope!
Osakabehime:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
...She's not coming?
Osakabehime:
...H-hang on a second.
Let's see, which one was her number again...
Osakabehime:
Uh, hi, Mecha_Eli_Mk_II@terminal.chan?
Yeah, do you think you can stop by? Right now?
Osakabehime:
You can't? Oh, okay. In that case, don't worry about it. Seeyanara.
Osakabehime:
Waaah, that stupid useless piece of junk! Just when I need her more than ever, she finds something more important to do! The whole world's out to get me!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Wahahahaha!
Talk about the wind being taken out of her sails!
Osakabehime:
A-all right, I guess I'll just have to fight you myself!
Osakabehime:
You're up, giant Mecha Eli-chan!
Mash:
I take back everything I said a moment ago!
Mash:
...It looks like the giant Mecha Eli-chan is going to interfere in your battle, just like before.
Mash:
Please be extra careful, Master!
Osakabehime:
Um, I'm still technically a boss character, y'know...
(Sniff)
--BATTLE--
Mecha Eli-chan:
You may have the specs, but you don't have what it takes to use them! This is what happens when you neglect your daily personal training regimen!
Osakabehime:
Waaah, I lost!
I even got lectured too!
Osakabehime:
I'm getting out of here!
Hi ho, origami, awaaay!
Mash:
She just flew away on an origami crane!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Not again! She is as good at running away as someone with Rank A Disengage!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Man, she's tough! I thought I got a pretty good hit in there, and she just shrugged it off!
Nite-Brite:
Well, she IS still a princess.
Everyone knows they're sly, shifty creatures by nature.
Nite-Brite:
That's why they're so rarely killed even though they're always getting kidnapped.
Nite-Brite:
They find a way to survive no matter what sort of predicament they find themselves in. The only way to truly beat one is to destroy their mind!
Da Vinci:
Yeah, yeah.
What matters now is you need to go after her!
Da Vinci:
Come to think of it, all this catching up to her and having her escape again has kind of an old-school video game vibe to it.
Mash:
Wait, Master.
There's something up ahead...
Mash:
Is that...
Fujimaru 1:
...an elevator?
Mash:
This must be what Osakabehime used to escape.
We'll have to use it as well to go after her...
Fujimaru 1:
Then what are we waiting for!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Agreed. This time, I'll make sure to tear both her defeatist attitude and her origami to pieces!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Couldn't have said it better myself,
Master and Mecha Eli-chan! Let's get going!
Nite-Brite:
I'm coming too!
Carmilla:
As am I.
Amazones CEO:
Of course, I will accompany you as well. We at Amazones.com pride ourselves on sticking by our customers to provide a premium consumer experience from the ease of placing an order to same-day shipping.
All:
...
...
All:
SO CRAMPED!
Section 13: Missiles for the Unwanted Guests
Fujimaru 1:
W-we made it...
Mash:
Are you okay, Master?
It looked very uncomfortable in there...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Th-this is just how I am built.
There is nothing I can do about it.
Fujimaru 2:
Finally, I can breathe again...
Nite-Brite:
So hot... Especially around Mecha Eli-chan's exhaust vents...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Th-that is just how I am built. I wouldn't expect someone who loves torture the way you do to complain so much about that.
Mash:
Never mind that.
What is all this...!?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Took the words right out of my mouth.
There's no way this machinery belongs in Csejte.
Amazones CEO:
It appears to be a factory. This must be where Mecha Elisabeth was created, and the guardian statue modified.
Amazones CEO:
And, of course, this factory was also delivered with free assembly by–
Mash:
Yes, we know. Thank you.
Amazones CEO:
Yes, of course.
Osakabehime:
Hehehe, hehehe, hehehehehe!
Osakabehime:
So, you've finally made it here...!
Osakabehime:
Welcome to the Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II mass-production factory I made before Mecha Eli-chan went rogue!
Fujimaru 1:
This is a nightmare!
Mash:
What were you thinking!?
This could destroy the world...no, the Singularity!
Osakabehime:
R-really?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Mass production...
I like the sound of that.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Entering into mass production is the sign of a perfect-grade product. My model is sure to sweep all the design awards this year.
Fujimaru 2:
What the hell were you thinking!?
Osakabehime:
Hehehe, you cannot stop this densha now that it's left the station!
Osakabehime:
But to be perfectly honest, I'm a little concerned that I might've let this get out of hand...
Osakabehime:
Ah well! As long as I don't get caught up in it, everything will be daijokay!
Mash:
Um... I'm afraid that since you are the origin of this disaster, it is all going to come crashing down on your head...
Osakabehime:
You don't know that!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...This is wrong. I admit I was excited for a moment, but this plan is terrible.
Mecha Eli-chan:
There are too many of me. We–they–would end up making this nation perfect. TOO perfect.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Its citizens would forget the value of labor and stay holed up in their homes. Eventually, it would even lead to a decline in the birth rate.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Such sloth doesn't suit humans. Those who are capable of growing should devote themselves to labor.
Osakabehime:
...Hey, if people wanna spend their lives working like chumps, they can. But I'm dekinot gonna.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Do you really believe a neverending Halloween is going to be a good thing for everyone?
Osakabehime:
...That's the idea.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Pilot candidate Fujimaru, you're a fan of [♂ realistic /♀ fantastical] robots.
Mecha Eli-chan:
What do you think?
Is she really doing a good thing for everyone?
Osakabehime:
I am, aren't I, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Maaaybe...
Osakabehime:
I knew it!
Fujimaru 1:
Still looks like you don't feel great about it.
Osakabehime:
...W-well, you're wrong.
Fujimaru 2:
But I think you feel like you aren't.
Osakabehime:
...W-well, that's not true.
After all, I'm not doing anything wrong.
Mecha Eli-chan:
What you're doing is wrong, Osakabehime.
...Actually, that was a poor choice of words.
Mecha Eli-chan:
You're entirely in the wrong here. Or at least, you feel like you are. And yet, you can't seem to stop yourself.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Your argument doesn't make sense. You're supposedly doing this all so you can take it easy, and yet that choice is itself causing you to suffer.
Mecha Eli-chan:
And now look where you are. Like me, you're trying to distance yourself from the very festival you dedicated your time to creating.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm nothing but cold, unfeeling steel, so I can handle the resulting lack of fun, but you are merely lazy flesh and blood, and so cannot deal with it.
Carmilla:
...How ludicrous.
There is nothing at all fun about being lazy.
Nite-Brite:
I can make it even simpler. Ready?
There's only one solution:
Nite-Brite:
FIIIGHT!
Nite-Brite:
Yes, that sums it up nicely.
Osakabehime:
Forget it!
Osakabehime:
I don't fight, I don't work, and I don't cozy up to anyone else! That's my motto!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Really? 'Cause you looked pretty cozy with Master not too long ago!
Osakabehime:
That's the exception that proves the rule!
Osakabehime:
Even the purest princess can do a little bit of you-know-what, and the most gallant warrior can be you-know-what, too!
Osakabehime:
Besides, I thought Master would be easy to wrap around my little finger...
Osakabehime:
...but that turned out to be murimpossible!
Osakabehime:
My original plan was to take [♂ him /♀ her] hostage and use [♂ him /♀ her] as a bargaining chip in my plan!
Fujimaru 1:
Eep. Bullet le dodged.
Osakabehime:
At any rate, I am determined! My laziness will not be denied or abridged! Now rise, mass-production models!
Mass Production Mk. II:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
So many Eli-chan...
Mash:
I tried to count them all, but I keep losing track!
Fujimaru 2:
There's even more of them than there are Saberfaces!
Mash:
Please don't say anything that might invoke Heroine X!
Mash:
They've almost completely covered all classes!
Osakabehime:
Oh, and don't expect the mass-production models to say anything. They're all my obedient puppets!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I see.
Then they really are robots, rather than mecha.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Good. Then I don't have to feel bad about sending them to the scrap heap!
--BATTLE--
Mecha Eli-chan:
IRON FIST ROCKET PUUUNCH!!!
Osakabehime:
(Cough, hack)...
Osakabehime:
Those missiles are blasting everything! Including us!
Carmilla:
I can't tell whether these mass-produced Mecha Eli-chan Mk. IIs are idiots or just...very simple manifestations of evil, but they're certainly giving us plenty of time to plan our moves.
Amazones CEO:
Hmm, we should think positively about this. The giant Mecha Eli-chan is being very intelligent about this.
Amazones CEO:
She has clearly decided that attempting to shield Osakabehime from potential collateral damage as she attacks us is not a priority.
Amazones CEO:
It's extremely logical!
Nite-Brite:
How dreadfully coldhearted!
Nite-Brite:
...Eh? Where did Osakabehime go?
Mash:
It looks like she's escaped yet again.
But there's nowhere left for her to run.
Mash:
We've finally cornered her, Master.
Let's go save Elisabeth!
Section 14: Mecha Elisa VS Mecha Elisa Mk.II
Fujimaru 1:
What is this place...?
Carmilla:
I'm fairly certain this is where the guardian statue used to be. ...Oh.
Elisabeth:
[♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
SAAAAAAVEEEEEE MEEEEEE!!!
Osakabehime:
El-El!?
Why did you hang her upside down, Mk. II!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Her incessant chatter became annoying. I turned her upside down hoping that would shut her up. It did not.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
And since she keeps struggling and running around,
I'm afraid I'll need your help to hold her down.
Fujimaru 1:
It's last year all over again.
Elisabeth:
Yeah, this takes me back too!
Elisabeth:
...But is that really what matters right now!?
Elisabeth:
HOW is that the first thing you think of when you see me in such horrible peril!?
Fujimaru 2:
I think I'm having trauma flashbacks here.
Elisabeth:
Huh? You mean you crossed the Lava Zone this year too!? I don't ever want to see that place again!
Elisabeth:
...Oh, wait.
That was Brave-me, wasn't it?
Nite-Brite:
...Carmilla, I understand she's not exactly YOU per se, but...
Carmilla:
If you have something to say, just go ahead and say it, Nite-Brite.
Nite-Brite:
Her chatter is so obnoxious that I couldn't imagine a form of torture that would even begin to compare.
Carmilla:
I know what you mean...
Mash:
(Whoa, textbook definition of setting aside one's feelings.)
Da Vinci:
So, I'm guessing if we shut down this reactor, it'll shut down the giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II as well?
Osakabehime:
...I guess you cant put anything past a genius like Leonardo da Vinci...
Osakabehime:
That's exactly right.
Osakabehime:
If you tasukesave Elisabeth and shut the reactor down, then you can hang it up, cause you've got me beat.
Osakabehime:
Buuut...if I beat YOU here, I will have snatched victory from the jaws of dismal defeat!
Osakabehime:
Halloween is MINE! Nothing will stop me from becoming the ultimate, permanent hiko!
Elisabeth:
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
Elisabeth:
Halloween is MINE, along with everyone else!
Elisabeth:
It's all about me singing, people dancing, and everyone eating candy!
Elisabeth:
So just give it up right now, Batty!
Elisabeth:
Nobody gets to ruin Halloween with their own selfish desires as long as I'm around!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Hm. To hear you say something like that under circumstances like this... Perhaps you have grown as a ruler after all. If only a bit.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...
Elisabeth:
Besides, if you stay inside too long you'll end up...
Uh, what was that animal unique to Japan called again?
Elisabeth:
The one with huge eyes and a giant belly?
Oh, a tanuki! You'll end up looking like a tanuki!
Osakabehime:
Damn straight I will! That wonderful NEET lifestyle makes me nice and plump!
Osakabehime:
And don't bother with the snarky jabs.
Nothing you can say will change my mind!
Osakabehime:
I don't care one bit if I gain a little weight!
Elisabeth:
Why in the world not!? I'd be DEVASTATED if I put on so much as an extra pound!
Elisabeth:
Any good idol would think the same! How can you be my complete opposite in EVERY way like this!?
Osakabehime:
You took the words right out of my mouth!
You hate being confined; I hate going out.
Osakabehime:
You want to be a symbol for your nation;
I want to be something more than that.
Osakabehime:
You want to be an idol adored by millions;
I want to be a princess for my chosen few!
Elisabeth:
If we'd both been after the same thing,
we might have ended up as rivals...
Elisabeth:
...but we're not. We want completely different things out of life. There shouldn't be any conflict between us.
Osakabehime:
...None of that matters now!
Osakabehime:
I WILL make my dreams come true, so this time,
I'm going all out!
Osakabehime:
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II! Activate your...secret...weapon...uh, thingy. Yeah. That one.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Oh, are you finally done talking?
I thought I was going to start rusting.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
All we have to do now is kill every single one of them.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
The princess's prime directive is sloth.
I accept this as a valid form of governance.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Accordingly, I shall crush everything in a fair and balanced manner and impose the rule of sloth on all.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
None shall be allowed out. None shall be allowed to work. Csejte will become a nation of NEETs.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Work won't even be an option. All the people will need is sloth, submission, and permanent compulsory welfare.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
They shall be reduced to nothing more than meatbags whose only actions are to consume food and oxygen.
Osakabehime:
Nani the hell!? That isn't what I wanted at all!
Osakabehime:
Hey, Mk. II, are you going rogue or something?
Trying to start a robot apocalypse!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Hehe. Is that what you think, princess?
That I've gone rogue?
Osakabehime:
Aaahhh! Rogue AI! Rooogue AI! This is why I hate technology! Doooushite!? How!? When!?
Osakabehime:
Waaah! Why did she go all Soranet on us like this!?
I didn't do anything wrong!!!
Da Vinci:
Really? Are you suuure you didn't do anything?
Elisabeth:
No, she didn't!
Elisabeth:
This happens to me ALL THE TIME! I can't even begin to count all the karaoke machines that practically explode the second I touch them!
Mash:
I...think that's an entirely different kind of problem.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Did I go rogue because I am an Elisabeth,
or am I an Elisabeth because I went rogue?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Meh. Questions for later.
All of you are going to die now.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I think now's as good a time as any for that secret weapon.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
CLICK!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Ghh...!
What the...!?
Nite-Brite:
Fuyaaa!
Nite-Brite:
Wh-what is this!?
I-it's sapping me of my streeength.
Amazones CEO:
I-it feels like...it's absorbing our magical energy...!?
Carmilla:
Why you...!
What did you do!?
Osakabehime:
Wh-wh-wh-what the!?
Bwaaah!
Carmilla:
It's affecting you too!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
The princess's plan was softer than she is.
I improved upon it.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
This is the reactor that provided Giant Mecha Eli-chan with energy. I've modified it into an Anti-Servant weapon.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
By inverting its functionality, I have created an ultimate weapon that absorbs magical energy from Spirit Origins and converts it into Elisa Particles.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I call it... Hmm, let's see...
How about “Omni-Eli-izer”?
Fujimaru 1:
Every Servant is gonna be Eli-chan!?
Fujimaru 2:
The most terrifying weapon of all...
Nite-Brite:
Th-the name may be ridiculous,
but it's working scary fast!
Osakabehime:
Aaah! I don't wanna diiie!
Osakabehime:
Yamete kudastooop!!!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Dammit, I can't move...!
Get out of here, Master! At least save yourself!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
An explosion...!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Great minds like us really do think alike, Mk. II. That's how I knew what you were going to do, and devised a genius plan to stop it!
Fujimaru 1:
I guess even an idiot can't understand stupidity!
Fujimaru 2:
So, you mean you had the same idea she did...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Well I can see YOUR energy hasn't been drained if you've got enough left for that kind of snark!
Mecha Eli-chan:
But witty repartee can wait till later.
Pilot candidate, get behind me!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'll divide my energy among the other Servants. It will damage them a bit, but at least they will be able to move.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
H-huh? That's definitely better...but it still hurts like hell if I let my guard down!
Nite-Brite:
Hnghhh... Empress Fortituuude!
Carmilla:
Th-this is...remarkably painful...!
Amazones CEO:
CEO Spiriiit!
Da Vinci:
Hang on. Why is Mecha Eli-chan the only one who can move freely here...
Da Vinci:
Oh crap! Don't tell me your energy source is actually...!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
You guessed it. Nuclear fusion.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Kidding!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I simply have a function that nullifies the reactor's absorption.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Just like Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II over there.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
You said we think alike, Mk. I?
Then you should be able to understand my logic.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
It doesn't matter whether people are lazy or industrious. At the end of the day, they're essentially the same.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
In which case, wouldn't it be more efficient to make it so they consume less energy, even only slightly?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Don't be ridiculous.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If you did that, no one would be able to enjoy Halloween.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Isn't being human all about enjoying laziness and an indolent existence?
Mecha Eli-chan:
No. I may not be able to empathize with them,
but I do understand them.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Human energy sources are far more complex than ours.
Mecha Eli-chan:
It's the way all manner of elements mix and interact with their emotions that provide humans with energy.
Mecha Eli-chan:
They work every day, feel sad, sometimes even exhausted...but then they go to festivals. These let them forget their pain.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Laziness doesn't GIVE them energy.
It just saps them of the will to do anything else.
Osakabehime:
...
...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I see. Then there is nothing further to discuss.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
After all, a lazy existence is sufficient to ensure Csejte's permanence.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Very well then. As a guardian statue of Csejte, I find you guilty of treason.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I shall defeat you in battle in order to protect my homeland.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Agreed. The time for talk is over.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As a fellow guardian statue of Csejte,
it saddens me to see you having gone so rogue.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So, I, in turn, find you guilty of sloth! The Csejte you are trying to create is not the one I wish for!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Fujimaru, I'll need your help.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As a guardian statue of Csejte, I can't stand back and let Mk. II's mistake continue unabated any longer!
--BATTLE--
Fujimaru 1:
Damn, she's tough!
Fujimaru 2:
Khh...!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Dammit, this reactor crap has me moving in freakin' slow motion!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hell, I couldn't even move at all if it weren't for the mechanical dragon girl's magical energy!
Elisabeth:
[♂ Puppyyy /♀ Deerleeet]!
All the head's starting to go to my bloood!
Elisabeth:
I can only distract myself by humming for so long!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...MUST you screech so obnoxiously, Original?
You're damaging my perfect finish.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I don't get it. How can you be so destructively off-key when our voices are fundamentally identical?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
No doubt the whole reason we ended up looking like demonic monsters rather than beautiful angels is because of that destructive voice of yours.
Fujimaru 1:
...!
Elisabeth:
My voice isn't destructive! And if somehow it was, that'd be cause I'm doing it on purpose!
Mash:
Master?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...I can see you and that look of crushing, overwhelming despair on your face. Is there something you wish to say, Master of Chaldea?
Fujimaru 1:
Eli-chan! Please sing for me!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Surely there are less horrible ways to end your own life?
Mash:
Master!?
Elisabeth:
You want me to sing? Even though I'm in such horrible condition after this cruel and unnecessary torment?
Elisabeth:
...No, idols can't make excuses! It must be REALLY important to you that I sing for you, right!?
Elisabeth:
So if you want to hear me sing,
I'll gladly put on a show for you, Master!
Elisabeth:
I don't even care if I'm hanging upside down!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Her lungs are building up tremendous power...! But how!? They should have practically withered by now!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
N-no, wait. Please, stop!
Your singing...in a tiny, enclosed space like this, it will...
Elisabeth:
Hah! You can't stop showbiz!
Elisabeth:
For my opening number, I'll of course be singing my famous debut song...
Fujimaru 1:
The Halloween arrangement of Báthory Erzsébet!
Fujimaru 2:
Love is Dracul...?
Mash:
...Huh?
Mash:
This song is...normal.
No, if anything, it's actually genuinely beautiful!
Mash:
I can't believe it...!
It's a Halloween miracle!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Wh-what's going on...!?
All of my outputs and stats are dropping sharply!
Mash:
It's having a negative effect on Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II...? What about you, Mecha Eli-chan!? Are you okay!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...I'm fine. I can't quite believe it myself, but it isn't hurting me at all.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Much as I hate to admit it, it's actually having a healing effect on my mind.
Osakabehime:
Wh-why is it only hurting Mk. II...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
The primary difference between me and her is...
No... It can't be...
Fujimaru 1:
...The heart circuit?
Da Vinci:
Hmm. That would seem to be the only logical explanation. I'd think having a heart would open the door to a lot of suffering in its own right, though.
Amazones CEO:
Th-then...this means we've won!
Mash:
Again with the open hands...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...This is true pop music. It's a little on the psychedelic side, but still, I think I rather like it.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Being a mecha, it's difficult to put into words exactly WHAT I like about it...
Mecha Eli-chan:
But I can say for sure that something like this could be played at full blast at a street festival. What a lovely day this turned out to be.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...You've lost your mind, Mk. I. Or perhaps this...“song” is actually a kind of mental attack.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
We are both guardian statues. How could you possibly enjoy such a nightmarish performance?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...True, you and I are much more similar than not.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Though we were both born from the Anti-Hero Elisabeth, neither of us could ever become her, as both of us gave up on singing.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But where I continued to carry out her desire to be this land's ruler, you discarded even that.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That was an act of pure ego, done only to allow you to remain as Csejte's guardian, rather than go on protecting its people as their ruler.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So it is no wonder an egomaniac like you hears a song like this as something horrid.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Singing is a festive act, but sloth wallows in silence.
They could not be further apart.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm sure it's having such a deleterious effect on you because you're trying to impose laziness on the world.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Man, I don't know what you guys were so worried about! I am really digging this song!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
What does that matter? That I see no value in song does not affect my own worth?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Regardless, this is still dreadfully unpleasant.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Stop your singing right now, Elisabeth,
or I will crush your larynx with my bare hands!
Elisabeth:
Can't stop, won't stop!
Not even God can stop me once I start singing!
Elisabeth:
Especially not when I'm singing for Master!
Carmilla:
That's right...
Now that I think about it...
Carmilla:
For some reason, Elisabeth actually sings well whenever she's singing for someone else. How very odd...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Wait. What's going on?
The reactor's output is decreasing...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
And now I'm starting to malfunction too...?
That's impossible–
Nite-Brite:
Hm?
Nite-Brite:
Oh, hey!
I'm all better!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
All right!
Now THIS is what I'm talkin' about!
Osakabehime:
I-I thought I was gonna shindie...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...It seems I will have to put a sincere effort into crushing you, you repulsive lizard.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Fine then. I will have the main unit support me.
If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That's more like it.
Now we're finally on even footing!
Mecha Eli-chan:
This is much better for a final showdown! Come on then, Mk. II. I'll show you just how obsolete you really are!
Elisabeth:
Oh my gosh, it's a final showdown between me, myself, and I! My fans are gonna eat this up!
Elisabeth:
You can do this, Fujimaru!
I'll keep singing as hard as I can to cheer you on!
--BATTLE--
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Khh...!
Mecha Eli-chan:
Now, pilot candidate!
Fujimaru 1:
It's heart circuit time!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Wh-what!?
Stop it! Don't do this! Aaaaaahhh!
Fujimaru 2:
Show me your chest!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Wh-what did you say!?
What are you thinking!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I mean, I understand the gist. I've seen the entry in my database. But...you know...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Ugh, you really are an Elisabeth, aren't you!?
Just do it already, Fujimaru!
Fujimaru 1:
Okay, I'm putting it in!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Wh...what is this...!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
This...can't be right.
It's too late for me to have a heart...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...
...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...I can't stand it. I was supposed to usher in an era of laziness in Csejte!
Mecha Eli-chan:
It's time to accept the truth, Mk. II.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Our rightful role is to be guardians, not rulers.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Right now, Csejte is beset by chaos and disarray.
It needs our help if it's going to be rebuilt.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...It seems I've been beaten by the prototype.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm not a prototype. I'm a complete,
perfect, one-of-a-kind original.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Magus Aegis Elisabeth Channel.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Mecha Eli-chan for short.
And if you don't like it, TOUGH!
Elisabeth:
Hooray! ...Now, could you maybe GET ME DOWN from here, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!?
Fujimaru 1:
Carmillaaa.
Carmilla:
Me?
...If I must.
Carmilla:
There.
Elisabeth:
Wah!
Elisabeth:
Admit it, Bad-Ending-Version-of-Me!
You totally just tried to murder me!
Carmilla:
I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
Fujimaru 2:
Sassy-shiiin!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
You got it.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Hup.
Elisabeth:
Thanks, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Oh sure, don't bother thanking me.
I'm just the one who actually DID it.
Elisabeth:
And as for you two!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...
...
Elisabeth:
...Oh well, it's all water under the bridge now!
What's another couple of mes at this point anyway?
Elisabeth:
Besides, now we can upgrade my Elisabeth Trio to a full-blown Elisabeth Quintet!
Elisabeth:
It'll be epic!
Carmilla:
(Yaaawn)
Mash:
(Carmilla really is good at setting her personal feelings aside!)
Osakabehime:
I guess...this means I lost, huh...?
Elisabeth:
You sure did, Batty.
So just give it up already, okay?
Osakabehime:
Yes, I know.
I wakarunderstand.
Osakabehime:
...I'm gonna go sulk in the corner for a little bit. You guys do your thing. Just let me know when you're done...
Elisabeth:
Uh, okay...
Nite-Brite:
So, what are you two going to do now?
Mecha Eli-chan:
We're the guardians of Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Even if we have been given Spirit Origins as Servants, our role will never change.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That said, if we're being honest, the energy requirements for keeping us both active at once are simply too great.
Mecha Eli-chan:
If we both remain here, we could end up becoming a Singularity ourselves.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So if we're going to keep Csejte safe, I'm afraid one of us will have to go back to being a statue.
Carmilla:
I see...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
In that case, since I lost, I should be the one to go back to sleep. You can handle things from here, prototype.
Mecha Eli-chan:
No, as a prototype, I should be the one to return to statuedom. I'm a loser too, after all.
Fujimaru 1:
I think I've got a better idea...
Both:
???
Fujimaru 1:
Why not come to Chaldea?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Hmm. You mean, you want us both to come to Chaldea? That's an intriguing proposition.
Fujimaru 2:
I'm still just a pilot cadet, you know?
Mecha Eli-chan:
That's...
Mecha Eli-chan:
That's a good point. I'm ashamed I forgot about that, after I went and granted you that prestigious status.
Mecha Eli-chan:
However...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Only one of us can accompany you.
Mecha Eli-chan:
As I said, we're the guardians of Castle Csejte. One of us will stay behind to protect it, while the other will go off to provide foreign aid.
Mecha Eli-chan:
We cannot abandon our duties, no matter what.
We take pride in being guardians, after all.
Carmilla:
Agreed. For that matter, until this Singularity is completely repaired...
Carmilla:
...we will need some insurance to prevent giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II from going rogue herself.
Mecha Eli-chan:
That goes for the mass-produced models Osakabehime made as well.
Fujimaru 1:
Um, I can only bring one of you back...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Don't worry.
We share data on our network.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Once we share our memories with each other,
it won't matter which of us goes to Chaldea.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Our specs are all the same, and our appearance and personalities aren't too different either.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Whichever of us you choose, we'll respect your wishes and the other's freedom to go with you.
Mecha Eli-chan:
So go ahead and pick whichever of us you like.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Either way, we'll both share the joy of being chosen.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Agreed. I was planning to go back to sleep anyway,
so I am certainly not about to complain.
Mecha Eli-chan:
...Huh?
Nite-Brite:
Now what is it?
What's this alarm for!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Oops.
Carmilla:
...Tell me she did NOT just say “oops.”
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Ah, right. Well, okay I'll just be straight with you.
The reactor's about to explode.
All:
...
...
All:
What!?
Section 15: Final Explosion Coaster
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
There we go, it's finally time for the explosion I promised. Sorry it took so long.
Mash:
Uh...I'm sorry? When you say explosion,
do you mean...kaboom?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
That's right. Every evil underground lair goes out with an explosion. Everyone knows that.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I designed this one to explode pretty spectacularly in case I ever lost.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
The logical end of sloth is decay and death.
To be clearer...
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
The reactor has been filled to capacity with all the Elisa Particles gathered from Elisabeth and all of you.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Unless giant Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II goes on a rampage and uses that energy up, it will overload the reactor until it goes critical and explodes.
Mash:
Why did you not add some sort of pressure release valve or something along those lines!?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Rampages are a mecha's bread and butter.
Doing something to impede that would be...unethical.
Mash:
You're not even sorry about this!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
The explosion will be on par with a hydrogen bomb. It's more than enough to completely reduce Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle to its component atoms.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
“Serves you right,” as they say.
Carmilla:
What do you think you're doing!?
I thought you were Csejte's guardian!
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
That's fair. Until just a moment ago, I believed that my defeat would also mean the end of Castle Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
After all, I am a Steel Demoness and a Steel Demon Castle. In essence, I AM Castle Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
So it's only logical that I would arrive at the conclusion that my defeat meant the end of Csejte.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Classic Elisabeth thinking...!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'm so sorry, everyone.
I'm embarrassed from the bottom of my heart circuit.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I suppose that no matter how smart she may be, there is no escaping that Elisabeth will always be Elisabeth.
Elisabeth:
And just what do you mean by that!?
Even I'd never blow myself up on purpose!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
(Riiight... This one's constantly getting into trouble though, I gotta wonder if it's not on purpose...)
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Dammit! We'll just have to book it the hell outta here! C'mon, Master!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
We need to get to the elevator which takes us up to Himeji Castle again, and then climb back down from there to Csejte Castle's entrance, toot sweet...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Yeah, we are WAY short on time, so you're just getting' a piggyback ride. Let's go!
Fujimaru 1:
Wait!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Huh?
Osakabehime:
...
...
Nite-Brite:
What's wrong, Osakabehime?
Shouldn't you be escaping as well?
Osakabehime:
No...
I'mma stay here.
Osakabehime:
I should take responsibility for all the trouble I caused.
Osakabehime:
So I'll use my Noble Phantasm to contain the blast as much as I can.
Elisabeth:
You can't be serious!
Osakabehime:
Mk. II, would you show them the way out of here?
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...Very well. I shall enter this into the record as a show of good faith on your part.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
...Let's go, Master.
Fujimaru 1:
But...!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Just forget it!
Come on, we need to go!
Elisabeth:
He's right, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
You guys get out of here!
Fujimaru 2:
Elly!
Elisabeth:
...I'll take care of this, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]!
The rest of you, get out of here!
Osakabehime:
Hey.
Elisabeth:
Hm?
Osakabehime:
Why are you still here?
Elisabeth:
Uh, 'cause I wanna be?
Osakabehime:
I'm about to use my Noble Phantasm to try and stop the reactor from exploding... Well, as much as I can, anyway.
Osakabehime:
Even if I succeed, staying here will get you killed.
Elisabeth:
But if you fail, my Castle Csejte's going to be destroyed, right?
Osakabehime:
...
Osakabehime:
That's... I'm...
I'm sorry...
Elisabeth:
It's okay. I'm kind of the one who got this ball rolling in the first place.
Elisabeth:
If I hadn't made such a mess of things every Halloween, the guardian statue never would've woken up.
Elisabeth:
Even the fact that Himeji Castle ended up coming here just because you used the Holy Grail to wish that you could stay shut-in forever isn't something you INTENDED.
Osakabehime:
I guess not.
Osakabehime:
...
...
Osakabehime:
...No, that's not true.
Osakabehime:
It's just a...thing for princesses like me to blame everyone else for our mistakes.
Elisabeth:
So how come you didn't do that here and just run away?
Osakabehime:
You better believe I thought about it.
Osakabehime:
But I guess even I feel like sticking around and seeing things through...err, sometimes.
Osakabehime:
And even I want to make amends for all the trouble I caused...also sometimes! Especially when...!
Elisabeth:
Yeah?
Osakabehime:
Especially for the very first IRL friend I ever made!
Elisabeth:
Friend?
Osakabehime:
Ouch! I don't think any of the NPs I took to the face in this event hurt quite that bad!
Elisabeth:
...Aha! So you mean we're actually friends!
Osakabehime:
Err... You didn't realize?
Elisabeth:
Well...I didn't think that you could have more than just one friend...
Elisabeth:
See, I have a friend, and she's an idol like me.
But she's also my fiercest rival...
Elisabeth:
So having TWO friends... That is...
It's like a dream come true!
Osakabehime:
...You're the first...well, only friend I've ever made.
I mean, unless you count my online pals...
Osakabehime:
I'm actually kind of a big deal on social media.
Osakabehime:
...Oh, right! I'd better get moving.
Osakabehime:
Okay, here comes my Noble Phantasm.
Great Hachitendou of Hakuro Castle...!
Osakabehime:
...Ugh, I can't see what I'm aiming at!
Elisabeth:
Wait a sec! You've been a nerdy girl with glasses this whole time!?
Osakabehime:
This is just who I am!
Excuse me for being all dark and gloomy!
Elisabeth:
Hey, there's nothing wrong with the cool intellectual look! Even if a look is all it is in your case!
Osakabehime:
Hey, make up your damn mind! Either compliment me or insult me, but don't do both at the same time!
Osakabehime:
Grrr, come ooonnn!
Osakabehime:
It's no use...
I can't hold it back!
Elisabeth:
Wh-what do we do!?
Should I use my Noble Phantasm too?
Osakabehime:
Are you nuts!?
Osakabehime:
Your Noble Phantasm would only cause the Elisa Particles to...to...
Osakabehime:
That's it!
Elisabeth:
Bwa?
Osakabehime:
Your Noble Phantasm is offensive, so it's made up of negative Elisa Particles, but the energy built up here is made up of positive Elisa Particles!
Elisabeth:
Posi-what now?
Osakabehime:
If those differently-charged particles collide, it will create an explosion on par with the big bang!
Elisabeth:
HOW IS THAT A GOOD THING!?
Osakabehime:
...Okay, stay with me here. I thought that at first.
But after a bit more thinking it over...
Osakabehime:
...these particles are really just another type of magical energy, and your Noble Phantasm is really just a terribly screechy voice!
Elisabeth:
Ahem! It is called my Supersonic Dragon Breath, thank you very much!
Osakabehime:
The energy from your Noble Phantasm carries the opposite charge to the energy in the reactor...
Osakabehime:
...so theoretically, your NP should be able to nullify its EP!
Elisabeth:
NP? EP? I'm not sure what those stand for, but basically...my NP is super powerful?
Osakabehime:
...It could literally save the world!
Osakabehime:
I mean, it's not TOTALLY impossible that they might interact badly and cause a universe-ending explosion...
Osakabehime:
...but since things are already kinda head in that direction, it won't hurt to try!
Elisabeth:
Are you sure this will save Castle Csejte!?
That sounds like a whole lot of uncertainties!
Osakabehime:
Don't worry, El-El! If worse comes to worst, I'll use all my magical energy to protect you! A-after all...You're my friend!
Elisabeth:
!
Elisabeth:
...Okay, Batty. I'll sing my heart out,
knowing you've got my back!
Elisabeth:
All right reactor, get ready to hear the best song of your tragically short life! This song is even better than the thunderclouds on János Hill!
Elisabeth:
This is my number one hit song in the whole Servant world: Love is Dracu–uh, I mean, Báthory Erzsébet!
Elisabeth:
SKKKRRREEEEEE♪
Osakabehime:
Khh... Huh?
Osakabehime:
Y-yes, it's working!
I can't hear her singing at all!
Osakabehime:
The positive EP and negative EP are cancelling each other out!
Osakabehime:
If we're lucky, and they both keep depleting like this...
Elisabeth:
KIIIIIIII♪
(Singing her heart out)
Osakabehime:
Th-this could work!
I think we might just be okay!
Elisabeth:
EEEEEEeeeeee♪♪
(Key change)
Osakabehime:
Yes! We're almost there...!
Elisabeth:
(Gasp)! I haven't sung that hard in forever!
How was it!?
Osakabehime:
...
...
Osakabehime:
WHY ARE YOU STOPPPING!?
Both:
Uh oh.
Mash:
I-I just picked up an explosion!
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Did they fail?
Mecha Eli-chan:
No, they didn't.
It looks like Castle Csejte is still intact.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
I was able to confirm that, just before the explosion, the Elisa Particle density had been substantially reduced.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
...It would appear that the pair of them succeeded, even if in their own clumsy, inelegant sort of way.
Cleopatra:
Thank goodness...
It's such a relief to see my pyramid remains intact!
Nite-Brite:
What about the two of them?
Did they make it?
Mecha Eli-chan:
No, probably not.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
Agreed. That seems highly unlikely.
Carmilla:
Yes, yes. Such a noble sacrifice those two made. I must be certain to erect a statue in their honor. Bronze should do, I think.
Both:
We're still very much alive!
Osakabehime:
No body, no death! Duh! I grant you that it DID look pretty rough back there, but as you can see, we're still alive and kicking!
Osakabehime:
Thank you, Himeji Castle!
Thank you, my Noble Phantasm!
Elisabeth:
All I know is that everything blew up just as I finished my song!
Elisabeth:
Is Castle Csejte okay!? It is!? Thank goodness. Finally, my amazing singing saved the whole entire world!
Elisabeth:
Time to brag about this on ALL the social network things! “NBD, just saved the world with the power of song #humblebrag”
Elisabeth:
Ooh, I already got some responses.
Elisabeth:
“lolol, sure you did” “'>just out destroying the world' #FTFY” “Thanks, I needed that laugh!” “How's the weather in #dreamland?”
Elisabeth:
...Well that's weird.
Nobody believes me!
Carmilla:
Of course they don't. We were here to see it and are still having trouble believing it.
Fujimaru 1:
Now then...
Osakabehime:
Ulp.
Osakabehime:
I, um...
I'm not quite sure what to say, except...
Osakabehime:
...Here's the Holy Grail.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you.
Osakabehime:
Don't itashimention it. I'm sorry for all the trouble. Well, uh... I'm just gonna go over here and...disappear forever...and try to make up for all the things...
Fujimaru 1:
Well, if you still feel bad...
Fujimaru 2:
Wanna try getting over the shut-in thing?
Osakabehime:
Huh?
Osakabehime:
...Thanks, but I think that would be far too brazen of me...
Nite-Brite:
So what, you're simply going to disappear along with the repaired Singularity?
Osakabehime:
I thought that would be for the best...
Carmilla:
...Well it wouldn't. If you truly regret what you've done, disappearing will fix nothing.
Carmilla:
If there's a chance for you to make amends, then take it. Not all of us are lucky enough to get such an opportunity.
Osakabehime:
But...I'm not a Servant anymore.
I'm just the same old castle monster I used to be.
Osakabehime:
A poor, beautiful, bespectacled maiden who got her fox look stolen from her by a certain Tamamo...
Osakabehime:
The world would just be better off if I disappeared like any other monster should...
Assassin of Shinjuku:
(Sigh)
Let's just let her be, Master.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
If she wants to go back to being a shut-in and disappear forever, no sense in us trying to stop her.
Nite-Brite:
You really are a selfish boor, aren't you?
Assassin of Shinjuku:
Huh?
Nite-Brite:
She's a princess, remember? Surely she should take responsibility and kill herself, no?
Osakabehime:
Err...no. Not a good look for me.
Osakabehime:
I just thought I'd get caught up in the Singularity when it disappears.
Nite-Brite:
So even when it comes to your dramatic exit,
you're lazy? What kind of princess ARE you!?
Fujimaru 1:
Osakabe.
Osakabehime:
...Wh-what now?
Osakabehime:
I may not be a princess anymore, but that doesn't mean you can just call me by–
Fujimaru 1:
Be honest with me.
Osakabehime:
O-okay.
Fujimaru 1:
Don't you want more fun out of life?
Osakabehime:
Well...sure I do.
Osakabehime:
But it can't be shikatanai'd.
I'm still the ruler of Himeji Castle, you know.
Osakabehime:
Plus, I know I've caused a lot of trouble for everyone. And more importantly, I wouldn't really do anything differently.
Osakabehime:
I'm not one of those plucky princesses with hidden reserves of courage to call upon when I gotta.
Osakabehime:
I'm just going to lock myself in my room and wait to disappear, like any homely, glasses-wearing beauty would.
Osakabehime:
That seems the easiest and most sensible thing to do.
Fujimaru 1:
But I'll miss you if you do that.
Osakabehime:
...S-so what? Is hearing that s-supposed to make me happy or something? It totally doesn't!
Nite-Brite:
Oh you're being all tsun now? We have MORE than enough of those, and it is TOTALLY played out!
Da Vinci:
Hardly. It's a rather recent term, in fact. I will grant you that the whole hot and cold sort of attitude has been around since forever, though.
Osakabehime:
Hey, no one asked for a color commentary! Urushut it!
Osakabehime:
...It's not like we were actually friends or anything, right? All I did was use you for my own selfish purposes.
Fujimaru 1:
I used you too. Even Steven.
Osakabehime:
...!
Osakabehime:
Y-you can't fool me!
I bet you say that to everyone, don't you!?
Fujimaru 1:
Of course!
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah, pretty much.
Osakabehime:
Wait, so now you're just admitting it?
Mash:
Oh, I don't know about that. It's a lot harder to pull one over on Master than you think.
Osakabehime:
...Where do you get all that confidence from?
Is...that what it's like to trust someone implicitly...?
Osakabehime:
Still...everyone, huh?
Osakabehime:
So whether it's a great hero, like Heracles, or someone like me...
Osakabehime:
...you're really not shy about admitting you need our help, are you?
Osakabehime:
...So that must mean...you really DO need my help!
Osakabehime:
Even though I'm a beautiful, isolated shut-in who's lived her whole life online and doesn't know a thing about the outside world.
Assassin of Shinjuku:
This “beautiful” bit is really the important thing to you, isn't it?
Osakabehime:
That's just who I am.
Osakabehime:
...All right then, I won't refuse your summon.
If you want me to go with you, I'll go with you.
Osakabehime:
Is that okay with you, El-El?
Elisabeth:
Hm? Why wouldn't it be? Would you rather I said it was only okay if it was your Alter or something?
Osakabehime:
So you just assumed I'd go from the start!? Can't you at least TRY to understand my anxiety? You're my only IRL friend, you know!
Elisabeth:
Of course I understand it. In fact, I bet I understand it even better than you do.
Elisabeth:
That's why I'm so glad we got to be friends.
Elisabeth:
I'm not going to let you shut yourself away anymore. I'm going to make you step outside your comfort zone even if I have to drag you there myself!
Osakabehime:
...
...Okay.
Mash:
I guess that wraps up this year's Halloween then.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Pilot candidate Fujimaru, strange though the circumstances were, the bond we formed is genuine.
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II:
As the guardians of Csejte, we shall temporarily lend you our aid in service of safeguarding humanity.
Mecha Eli-chan:
We are the Steel Servants,
Mecha Eli-chan Mk. I and Mk. II.
Mecha Eli-chan:
We vow to use our artillery and lightning to keep you safe.
Narration:
...And so, my life as a shut-in came to a sudden and unexpected end.
Narration:
Now that my sweet, insulated life is over, I'll be spending my days in battle for the foreseeable future.
Narration:
...
...
Narration:
...Psych! If you bought any of that, you grossly underestimate how far I'd go to stay a shut-in forever!
Mash:
Senpai, your room has been completely redecorated!
Fujimaru 1:
Is this really my room!?
Osakabehime:
Aren't Servant powers amazing?
Mash:
How is that relevant here!?
Osakabehime:
Well, just look.
Now that Amazones.com is operating again...
Amazones CEO:
Delivery!
Amazones CEO:
That's one Emiya pizza, one Boudica soup,
and one video game dug up from Chaldea's library.
Amazones CEO:
It's a civilization restoration strategy game you can play essentially forever.
Osakabehime:
Yay, thanks! Aaand, there! Signed!
Amazones CEO:
You're all set.
Amazones CEO:
Thank you for ordering from Amazones.com!
We'll always be here for you!
Amazones CEO:
...Of course, I mean both “you” in the specific sense and “you” in the general consumer sense.
Mash:
Um, you're not planning on going back to being a shut-in again, are you?
Mash:
As a fellow Servant,
I cannot allow you to do that!
Mash:
Besides, didn't you agree to give up being a shut-in and start fighting for [♂ him /♀ her] as a Servant?
Osakabehime:
And I meant it when I said it!
Osakabehime:
But it's not like there's any immediate danger now, right?
Osakabehime:
Plus, you've got TONS of other Servants.
You don't need me right now!
Osakabehime:
So I don't see any harm in letting me stay here and keep being lazy.
Fujimaru 1:
You know...
Fujimaru 2:
When she heard your name, Musashi got this look on her face...
Mecha Eli-chan:
Ah, yes. It seemed she knew who you were. As soon as she learned your whereabouts, she began cracking her knuckles something fierce.
Osakabehime:
...
...
Osakabehime:
...
...
Osakabehime:
Do you have any jobs for me?
Mash:
Oh, I imagine we can come up with something.
Elisabeth:
Hi Batty! I came to see how you're...
Elisabeth:
Hey, it's mecha-me!
Great timing!
Mecha Eli-chan:
What do you want, Elisabeth?
Mecha Eli-chan:
I'd prefer we not talk unless it is absolutely necessary. I'd be positively mortified if my friends found out we were associating.
Elisabeth:
Well that's mean!
Would it kill you to be a little nicer to me!?
Elisabeth:
I AM technically the savior of Csejte, after all!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I will deal with that matter later...MUCH later.
Now what do you want?
Elisabeth:
Well, you know how my concert at Castle Csejte ended up being canceled, what with everything that happened?
Elisabeth:
And it feels like it'd be weird to go back there and sing at this point...
Elisabeth:
So I decided to change venues and put on the concert right here in Chaldea!
Mecha Eli-chan:
I would just as soon pretend you don't exist, but I suppose where singing is concerned, I'm willing to let you have your way.
Mash:
I-I see.
A concert, huh...
Mash:
Well, actually, if it gives us a chance to hear that beautiful singing voice again, maybe it'd be kind of nice.
Carmilla:
Don't be ridiculous. Her next performance will be just as horrific as usual.
Mash:
...Huh?
Carmilla:
Back then, she was singing for Master.
This time, she will be singing for herself.
Carmilla:
And whenever she sings for herself...
Well, we have all heard how that sounds.
Mash:
...
...
Elisabeth:
I was also thinking we could all go out on stage at once!
Elisabeth:
Think about it!
Elisabeth:
Wouldn't it be awesome, having all four of us there at the same time!?
Mecha Eli-chan:
...
...I like that.
Mecha Eli-chan:
I believe I will make my grand entrance by flying in, thrusters blazing.
Mecha Eli-chan:
In fact, I've always thought your concerts could use a little more electronic pizzazz.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Let me take care of it. I'll set up a light show so bright the audience will be seeing stars for a week. And if the lights don't get them, my Mecha Eli-chan Punch will.
Mecha Eli-chan:
In fact, what do you think of having Mk. II take a leave of absence so we can perform a Double Mecha Eli-chan Punch?
Fujimaru 1:
Oh...oh, no...
Fujimaru 2:
I dared to hope we could avoid this... More fool me...
Mash:
...I know, Senpai.
Mash:
Just when I thought we might conclude this year's Halloween without a major disaster...
Bonus: The Evil is Gone!
Archer of Shinjuku:
Hmm, I wonder what's for lunch today♪
Always be plotting, always be scheming♪
Fujimaru 1:
Good day, Professor!
Archer of Shinjuku:
Well hello there, Master!
You seem to be in rather a good mood.
Archer of Shinjuku:
Would you care to tell this sprightly and certainly not at all old man what has you in such high spirits?
Mash:
Of course, Archer of Shinjuku.
Please, have a seat.
Archer of Shinjuku:
Wonderful! I'm always happy to talk turkey!
Babbage:
I see, I see. And does this “turkey” include leaking technology to places it shouldn't be leaked?
Archer of Shinjuku:
...I say, what's Babbage doing behind me?
I am beginning to feel rather cornered here.
Babbage:
I will come right to the point, shall I?
Babbage:
...Osakabehime told us everything.
Babbage:
Of course, we were very thorough in our questioning.
We even presented her with mug shots.
Babbage:
And out of a lineup that included Caesar, Paracelsus, and Shakespeare...
Babbage:
...she had not the least bit of trouble picking you from the bunch.
Mash:
Archer of Shinjuku!
You were the true culprit behind this Halloween event!
Archer of Shinjuku:
You'll never take me aliiive!
Archer of Shinjuku:
Hahahahaha, my humblest apologies!
Archer of Shinjuku:
Babbage's Locomotive Form was just such a pleasure to ride...
Archer of Shinjuku:
...I could hardly contain myself, and felt I had to share this wondrous technology with the world!
Archer of Shinjuku:
And in my defense, let me say that my actions will one day pay for themselves many times ov–
F：Mecha Eli-chan:
I appreciate the fact that without you leaking information about this technology, I would not exist. However, that does not change that what you did was evil.
F：Mecha Eli-chan:
And as Mecha Eli-chan, guardian of justice, I am sworn to punish evil wherever I find it. My fist is literally iron, after all.
F：Mecha Eli-chan:
Mecha Eli-chan Punch!
Archer of Shinjuku:
...Um, pardon me...
Archer of Shinjuku:
I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Three Laws of Robotics...?
Mecha Eli-chan:
Ah yes, Isaac Asimov. That reprehensible author who first wrote about the rights and obligations of AI.
Mecha Eli-chan:
But of course, the point of that book was about how to get AROUND those three laws.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Furthermore, you're a Heroic Spirit, not a human, so I have no obligation to protect you whatsoever.
Archer of Shinjuku:
Heh, hehe...
You've got me...there... Hrrrk!
Mecha Eli-chan:
...There.
That ties up our last little loose end.
Mecha Eli-chan:
Are you ready, Fujimaru?
Let's make the most of this Halloween!
Fujimaru 1:
I love happy endings.
Archer of Shinjuku:
Heh, hehehe... If my sacrifice can bring a smile to all those faces...I will gladly pay this price...
Archer of Shinjuku:
And so Master will be left to wonder whether or not I truly am a villain after all...!
Archer of Shinjuku:
Hrrrk!