Dead Heat Summer Race! Death Jail Summer Escape

Prologue - Arrest Under the Bridge

Nero: Ngh... Well, that was certainly not at all pleasant. Are you all right, Salty Maid? You've not been concussed, have you?

Altria Alter: Of course not. Any driver worth her salt knows to wear her seatbelt at all times.

Altria Alter: Still, I never expected my seatbelt to tear and then to be thrown from the vehicle. At least it seems the other teams are in a similar predicament.

Fran: Uh... I feel dizzy. But, I'm okay...

Babbage: So Victor's girl is safe. Thank goodness... I guess my decision to revert to my standard form for better shock absorption paid off.

Professor M: ...Not for me it didn't. Getting thrown into this ravine really hasn't done my back any favors, I can tell you that much for certain.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: How are Kyogoku and Bailong!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: They're a bit banged up, but they otherwise seem fine. Thank goodness...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Now I wish I'd learned that technique that Ushiwakamaru told me about.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: What did she call it...the “reverse ravine drop” I believe? A secret method of descending cliffs on horseback. I believe she used it at Ichi-no-Tani...

Sanzang: Is that the one where your horse uses falling rubble as footholds to break your own fall!? That's awesome!

Sanzang: I'm always falling off of mountains and clouds and stuff, so I'd love to learn how to do that too.

Helena: This...has to be the bowels of the earth this time...right?

Edison: I'm afraid not. It seems we've merely fallen into a ravine. Here, let me turn on a light so we can see better.

Nikola Tesla: Hold it. If we need light, a fluorescent lamp is what we will use!

Edison & Tesla: ...

Helena: Let's just use both. This really isn't the time to be arguing among ourselves.

Oda Nobunaga: Oho, that ginormous boulder there nearly crushed my head! Talk about ROCKing and rolling!

Mysterious Racer X: Rocket... Crash landing... Borked... I feel like I'm on the brink of unlocking some sealed-off memories...but, nope! Can't remember a thing!

Mysterious Racer X: I hope Lily, the only Saber I ever let get away, is doing well, wherever she is!

Nitocris: Ow ow ow... I can't believe an incarnation of Horus like me crashed like that!

Nitocris: ...No, wait. I'll just say that the god of the underworld has descended upon the earth. Yes, that sounds good.

Nitocris: So, all you spectators looking on, know that this was NOT my fault!

Caster of Storytelling: I thought I was going to die.

Caster of Storytelling: From now on, I may need to ensure I never cross another bridge without wearing a parachute...

Nero: Hmm, so everyone is all right. Good. I knew my rivals would not die so easily.

Nero: Unfortunately, our vehicle was not so lucky... I feel responsible...

Helena: What happened, anyway? Does anyone know?

Fran: Uh. No idea. (Shake)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Everyone...look out! Something is coming this way.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I believe it may be the very thing that slashed the bridge to pieces!

Oda Nobunaga: It doesn't even look human!

Nitocris: What is this beast!?

Altria Alter: ...I feel as though I have seen that wolf before. But, what is that man wearing on his head?

Altria Alter: would seem that IS his head!

H:???: ...

Oda Nobunaga: Is that a police siren!?



Nitocris: I still don't know what's going on here, but it looks like they have a bone to pick with us!

Nero: Umu. This beast has a lovely coat of fur.

Nero: However, I once strangled a lion bare-handed! I am well accustomed to dealing with beasts!

Nero: I warn you now that your magic will not work on me, no matter how fluffy it may be!

Altria Alter: ...

Altria Alter: (...This creature feels somewhat different from the one I know.)

Altria Alter: (His hatred is...lifeless. It has form, but no substance, almost as though he is nothing more than a machine that uses hatred as energy.)

Altria Alter: (...And yet, he appears to be more powerful than ever before. What is going on?)


Fran: U-uhhh...!

Nitocris: Agh...khh...!

Nero: C-curses! If only I could have gotten my arms all the way around his neck...!

E:???: Hehehe. Pretty tough, isn't he?

Helena: Huh...? You!?


Helena: You're...Queen Medb!

Medb: Hm? I don't recall meeting such a forgettable character as you before.

Medb: Oh well, the fact that I don't feel like hugging you just goes to show you're not worthy of my time.

Altria Alter: You seem like you might at least know this much. Tell me... What IS that thing?

Medb: Oh, this? This is the very embodiment of what I would consider to be the ultimate attack dog! He is utterly without mercy to anyone who invades my territory!

Medb: A perfect soldier I created with a form ideally suited to his role.

Medb: He's the perfect security system! The trump card that even I can only ever use once! I call him my Deadly On-Site Groundskeeper: Officer D.O.G. for short!

Oda Nobunaga: THAT'S his name!?

Officer D.O.G.: ... (Gnaw, gnaw)

Medb: Yeow! Ow ow ow! Stop that! Even your little nibbles hurt like hell!

Medb: Sheesh. I still don't know how something I made myself ended up being so dense about human language.

Altria Alter: Hmph. As I suspected, that creature resembles the one I know in power and form only.

Nitocris: That's a security system?

Medb: Correct. And a very capable one at that.

Medb: As you can see, he's so powerful that even I can only just barely control him.

Medb: However, the other side of that particular coin is that he up and disappears once he's sprung into action.

Medb: But that's a small price to pay in exchange for rounding up all the criminals causing trouble in my land.

Nero: What was that? Did you just call me a criminal?

Nero: I, the great Nero Claudius, am prepared to accept being called tyrant, but I will not stand for being referred to as merely a common criminal!

Nero: However, if it is a crime to be excessively beautiful, then I must admit that I am indeed guilty as charged!

Medb: What the hell are you on about!? This is MY kingdom, the nation of Connacht! You're the ones who've been putting up weird textures left and right without permission!

Helena: ...!? What do you mean by–

Medb: Get ready to receive your just deserts! Here's a rope for you, Officer D.O.G!

Medb: ...Oh, just to be clear, I don't mean the kind of rope I use to spice things up in the boudoir now and then. Sorry to get you all excited for nothing.

Fran: Uh... performance. recover...

Fran: Good night.

Nitocris: Ngh. My body still won't move right!

Medb: Okay, all done. Who's a good, hardworking boy? I'll let my Celtic warriors take it from here.

Medb: Here you go, I haven't forgotten your meaty treat reward. How do you like Connacht's finest beef?

Officer D.O.G.: (Gnaw, gnaw)

Helena: What are you going to do with us?

Medb: Teeheehee. Do you want to know?

Medb: The answer should be obvious I'm surprised you even have to ask! There's a perfect place just for criminals like you, after all.

Mash: Thank goodness Ishtar brought us to this ravine. Let's hurry, Master!

Fou: Fou fou!

Fujimaru 1: I hope they're all okay.

Mash: ...! Look, over there!

Medb: All right. I've captured all the criminals and had their weird vehicles impounded. Looks like my work here is done.

Medb: Another task completed flawlessly, as befits a queen of my caliber... Hm?

Mash: Master, there's no sign of the racers anywhere. The only one here is Medb!

Mash: And I don't think she's the same Medb we know.

Medb: Who're you two? I don't recognize either of you.

Mash: (...! Master, I just noticed something else.)

Mash: (Ishtar was here with us just a moment ago, but now she's nowhere to be found!)

Mash: (If we tried to fight Medb now, we'd be at a great disadvantage without Ishtar's help. Please do your best not to provoke her!)

Fujimaru 1: Oh, we're just passing by!

Fujimaru 2: Just, uh, trying a new hiking route today...

Medb: Hmm. Going for a hike in a ravine like this, eh. Well, it's not the weirdest hobby ever.

Medb: Eh, to each their own. Not really my thing, but I certainly approve of an active lifestyle.

Medb: You also look to be perfectly ordinary humans, so I'll be nice and spare you the usual arrest and interrogation.

Medb: Still, I should probably make sure of one thing.

Medb: You ARE one of my citizens, right? Isn't there something you're supposed to say to me?

Fujimaru 1: ...You rock, Medb!

Medb: Very good! That settles it; you are definitely my loyal citizens.

Mash: (Is that really a reliable way to test things like that?)

Fujimaru 1: By the way, did you see anyone here?

Medb: You bet I did. There was a group of hooligans running wild all over the place recently. I'm sure you heard their commotion for yourselves!

Medb: How dare they go and throw a festival without my permission, and a race at that! Don't they know that I hold the exclusive patent on war vehicles!?

Medb: Anyway, you don't have to worry about them anymore. I've apprehended them all and sent them away!

Medb: Exactly the sort of thing you'd expect from your amazing and amazingly capable queen, right? Keep that in mind when paying your taxes this year♡

Mash: Wh-where exactly did you send them?

Medb: Where else? The detention center at Connacht Castle for those who pose a threat to our great nation.

Medb: Once a criminal sets foot there, they'll never see the light of day again, not until the end of their sentence!

Medb: It's Connacht's ultimate correctional facility, and it is utterly escape-proof... Medb Penitentiary!


Nero: Wh... What is this place...?

Altria Alter: It seems we were brought somewhere.

Fran: Uh. I don't know this place...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: We are surrounded by massive walls on all sides, and an inexplicable pressure permeates our surroundings.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: What a terrible design for a courtyard. How is one supposed to relax and enjoy a cup of tea like this? It seems more like a prison than anything else.

Helena: I think that's because it IS a prison. I'd say we've been arrested.

Oda Nobunaga: Never mind that. Get a load of that giant statue! LOL! Lady's got a pretty high opinion of herself!

Nitocris: I could easily see you building a statue of yourself like that. At any rate, it does make it easy to tell who's in charge of this place.

Nitocris: Quite frankly, I approve of building statues like that.

Nitocris: We pharaohs have an obligation to preserve our noble forms for future generations to behold, after all.

Nitocris: ...Having said that, I must admit that this statue is a bit...too large, really...

Altria Alter: Hmph. Here comes the statue's model now.

Warden Medb: About time you all woke up! This is Medb's Prison, Connacht's ultimate correctional facility!

Fran: ...Uh! It's the monster queen!

Warden Medb: Just so you all understand, you criminals have been arrested for disturbing the peace of Connacht.

Warden Medb: As if running around putting weird things on my land wasn't bad enough, you even went racing about like you owned the place! Your crimes are more wicked even than the Land of Shadows!

Warden Medb: In this country, my word is law, so we'll go ahead and skip the trial. Make yourselves comfortable, because you'll be staying here for a long time so I can see that you're reformed.

Mysterious Racer X: “Correctional facility...” as in prison!?

Mysterious Racer X: Assuming we have a right to three meals a day, how long is our sentence going to be!? Two nights and three days!?

Mysterious Racer X: Are you keeping any good-for-nothing fake Sabers here?

Warden Medb: Hm? Your sentence? As long as I'd like it to be, of course!

Oda Nobunaga: Wahaha, how delightfully deluded you are. Why would we go along with that when it's all of us against one of you!?

Nero: Agreed. If you were attempting to make me laugh, you'll need a Roman joke much better than that!

Oda Nobunaga/Nero: Khh...!?

Warden Medb: Hehehe... Don't even bother!

Warden Medb: This domain was built in the very center of my country, and given shape by the power of my authority alone. My rule is absolute...

Warden Medb: And that rule has manifested in the form of the Prison Field surrounding this entire area.

Warden Medb: All of that is to say that the instant you entered my domain, you lost any hope you ever had of defeating me! The best thing you can do now is give up!

Nero: Hmph. I am not sure what the point in removing your coat was, but you do seem to be stronger than we are.

Nero: More to the point, it seems we cannot use our own powers here.

Oda Nobunaga: Oh, hey, we're also still recovering from that fight with the doggo, but there's definitely more to whatever is going on here.

Oda Nobunaga: It seems this Prison Field thingy is draining our power.

Warden Medb: Naturally, it also serves as a simple way to prevent prisoners from escaping.

Warden Medb: I sensed some strange kind of power coming from your vehicles, so I've got them locked up nice and tight somewhere outside these walls.

Warden Medb: Basically...none of you have any hope of escape, so you may as well resign yourself to doing your time.

Warden Medb: Don't worry, I'll see that you're all put through a wonderful reformation program. When you're done, come rain or shine, day or night, you'll only be able to say “You rock, Medb!”

Warden Medb: And if that ends up taking years, or decades, so be it!

Helena: (She put her coat back on!)

Nitocris: (I guess she didn't have any particular reason for taking it off...)

Warden Medb: All right, that's the end of my hospitable warden spiel.

Warden Medb: Come with me. I'll show you to your lovely new cells.

Warden Medb: You understand how well my Prison Field works now, right? So don't bother trying to resist. The sooner you resign yourself to your fate, the better off you'll be.

Warden Medb: Because I promise you, no one is coming to help you.

Mash: Master...

Fujimaru 1: ...

Fujimaru 2: Any idea where they went, Da Vinci?

Da Vinci: I'm afraid not. I sent one of the surviving drones off in Medb's direction, but its signal just disappeared.

Da Vinci: There appears to be an area there protected by a special kind of barrier, so it must have run into that.

Mash: I wonder if that's the prison Medb mentioned...

Da Vinci: Almost certainly.

Fujimaru 1: We have to make sure that everyone's okay.

Fujimaru 2: We need to find out what's going on in there.

Da Vinci: Agreed. The problem is how to go about it. I've been mulling over various possibilities, but–

C:???: No need for that. I'll take care of it.

Helena: I can't believe this. How could she possibly think this is okay?

Helena: Why is she confining everyone by team? What was she thinking, keeping men and women in the same cell!?

Helena: At least we're Servants, so we don't have to worry about food or relieving ourselves too much...

Helena: But if we weren't, this would be a huge problem!

Edison: I understand how you feel, but I'm still a bit taken aback by how indignant you are about it.

Helena: There doesn't seem to be anyone else here capable of getting indignant about this, so I felt like I should get upset on their behalf as well.

Helena: Fran is the only other girl in a coed team, and she's not yet capable of seeing why this is a problem.

Helena: At any rate, I still can't get over how thoughtlessly Medb runs this place.

Helena: “Cell assignments? They're already divided into six groups, so just stick with those.” Seriously?

Helena: I mean, it's not that it's BAD for us to be kept in the same cell with others we know, but it seems really careless on her part.

Nikola Tesla: Perhaps it simply means she believes she can manage her prisoners without issue, no matter how carelessly she treats them.

Nikola Tesla: And that she has complete confidence in this facility, and in the strength of her Prison Field.

Helena: Which is to say, she doesn't think we pose a threat to her at all...

Helena: Ugh, this is the worst possible place I could have ended up after enjoying the cool breeze on my face...

Helena: She's going to pay for this!

C:???: I'm relieved to see you're still ready to fight back. We'll be needing that if we're gonna get out of here.

Helena: ...!? That voice... Is that the Mahatma's guidance I hear? Although, if it is, I'm not feeling too good about it.

C:???: No, I'm not the Mahatma!

Fujimaru 1: Ishtar...?

Fujimaru 2: What a cute little doll! (Rub against cheek)

C:???: H-hey, s-stop that! I'm a goddess, dammit! Watch where you're... H-hey!

Mash: I...Ishtar? Is that you? Why in the world do you look like that?

Ishtar: Can't you see? I'm in disguise right now. Basically, I divided myself!

Ishtar: This area is really close to Medb's domain. If I showed up as my normal self, it wouldn't be long before she noticed me and we'd find ourselves in an all-out war.

Ishtar: So, to avoid that, I divided myself into seven simplified avatars. You two are talking to one of them right now.

Ishtar: The other six snuck into the racers' teams and infiltrated the prison that way.

Ishtar: Each and every one of my little avatars is still me, so I see, hear, and know everything they do!

Ishtar: It's nooot really ideal for a goddess like me to have to split into a buncha little avatars like this, but I don't really see any other options just now.

Ishtar: I'm still hosting this race, after all!

Ishtar: So since I wasn't able to stop the bridge from getting destroyed, the least I can do now is help all the racers!

Mash: Now I see... That's great, Ishtar! This is an excellent new way to divide and conquer!

Mash: Now we can learn what's going on inside the prison, and help everyone make their escape!

Ishtar: Hmm... I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I'm afraid it's not going to be that easy.

Mash: Huh? Is this prison really so formidable that you, a goddess, would have trouble with it?

Ishtar: ...In a word, yes. If it was just Medb we were dealing with, I could take care of everything with a well-placed An Gal Ta Ki Gal Šè...

Ishtar: ...but there's another strange signal coming from inside the prison too. If I go using something that powerful all willy-nilly, whatever's in there might somehow interfere.

Ishtar: So for now, we should focus on gathering information.

Ishtar: We need to learn more about the barrier around the prison, and about what sort of enemies lurk inside it.

Ishtar: We can't make a move until we know at least that much.


Prison Guard Carmilla: You're all very lucky that you get to keep all of your blood, prisoners.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Now come out. It's time for you to exercise in the courtyard.

Nero: ...Carmilla. I certainly would not have figured you for the sort who would work for Medb as a prison guard.

Nero: What a dull and gloomy role you have in comparison to my idol rival who tried to become a grid girl.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Oho, say what you will, but this job suits me. In fact, I find it both fulfilling and enjoyable.

Prison Guard Carmilla: I am, as you know, all about imprisoning people, and I do so loathe when someone escapes.

Prison Guard Carmilla: More immediately, seeing a pretty young thing like you grind her teeth in frustration at being unable to escape is one of the greatest joys I could ask for.

Prison Guard Carmilla: As if to prove my point, you have been trying fruitlessly to pry open your cell bars all this time, have you not?

Nero: Grr! I hate to admit it, but you've got me there! I would be remiss not to heartily agree with your assessment of me as a “a pretty young thing” though!

Altria Alter: Tch. You know damn well that we are attempting to escape. Yet you still open the cell door just like that.

Altria Alter: I do not know who you are, but you appear to be a noblewoman of some standing. Is that why you have come to submit to this maid?

Prison Guard Carmilla: Don't be ridiculous. Whoever heard of a maid having higher standing than her employer!? What sort of twisted world do you come from that you would even think such a thing!?

Altria Alter: What a fool you are... Not even a noblewoman can hope to survive without properly appreciating her maids.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Nonsense. Fear is all I need to keep the help in line. Appreciation of any kind would be a wasted gesture.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Besides, it's not as if they have rights. Household servants, prisoners like, they're no more than tools for my use.

Prison Guard Carmilla: And with the Prison Field weakening you, it's quite impossible for you to leave.

Prison Guard Carmilla: So tell me, you who are too weak to so much as dent your cell bars, whyever should I be afraid of letting you run around the courtyard?

Altria Alter: I see. In that case, I can only advise you to watch yourself when going around corners.

Prison Guard Carmilla: (...Huh? Where on earth did she get that...?)

Prison Guard Carmilla: ...Ahem.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Incidentally, you're free to dress as you like here. Swimsuits are far easier on the eyes than shabby, old prison uniforms, after all.

Prison Guard Carmilla: As for that doll... Well, I suppose you can keep it if you like. Though I am surprised to see you two still have such childish interests.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Hehe, still, there is something to be said for that. Hehehe...

Ishtar: (Better keep a low profile for now. Best to keep the enemy unaware so their guard will stay down.)

Helena: I knew it... That barrier has some sort of property that neutralizes Magecraft interference.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Indeed. We both tried sending out lightning bolts while the guard wasn't looking, but I'm afraid it had no effect whatsoever.

Fran: Uh. It didn't work. Ticked me off.

Nitocris: I wonder what's going on. At least we're able to contact the outside world now thanks to Ishtar, but...

Ishtar: I'm still trying to figure out where to go from here. Got any information? I'll take anything you can give me.

Oda Nobunaga: Wahahaha! Good day, everyone! Enjoying the highly regimented prison life?

Oda Nobunaga: Well, I'm sure you all having the time of your life now that everyone's favorite Demon King from the Warring States period is here!

Oda Nobunaga: What's more, I come with awesomely helpful information I got chatting with other prisoners while we were walking!

Mysterious Racer X: Naturally, I made sure to exercise my license to kill on every Saber-ish prisoner who refused to cooperate with us!

Oda Nobunaga: Talk about a mad dog...or maybe “mad sword” would be more appropriate? Thanks SOOO MUCH for your help...

Oda Nobunaga: Anywho, we learned there's a prisoner here who's been around a long time and nobody messes with her.

Oda Nobunaga: We were told she's a woman of few words and sharp eyes; that one super-tough nightmare prisoner that even the guards don't mess with!

Altria Alter: Is that so...? A prisoner among prisoners, eh. Sounds like someone well worth cleaning up (read: killing off).

Helena: And what would be the point of that? If anything, I bet a prisoner like that could give us all sorts of useful information about the prison.

Helena: So, where is this prisoner?

Oda Nobunaga: Usually, she's kept in a special solitary confinement cell, and is only let out during exercise times like these.

Oda Nobunaga: So she could show up here at any–say, look over there. She certainly matches the description.

Oda Nobunaga: I think that may just be her. Female Prisoner 701, aka “Scorpion”!

Nitocris: She strikes me as more of a serpent than a scorpion...

Helena: Maybe it's more of a figurative name...?

Helena: Scorpions are arachnids, not reptiles. So, yeah, she doesn't even kind of look like one.

Ishtar: Her, huh. I can't say I care much for her given our different attributes, but she's definitely a big shot. Though I could have sworn she used to be even bigger.

Ishtar: (Could she be the source of the divinity I sensed from the outside? ...No, it's not her.)

Ishtar: (She has the Earth attribute, and she's a composite entity... No, I know there's someone else with even stronger divinity around here somewhere.)

Ishtar: Okay, let's try talking to her during the next break time.

Gorgon: ...Newcomers, huh? What do you want?

Nero: Oh, we were just hoping you could tell us more about this prison.

Gorgon: No thanks. Too much trouble.

Gorgon: That you can see, everyone around here knows me, and so they all keep their distance.

Helena: ...And, your point is? I fail to see how that has anything to do with our request.

Gorgon: My point is that I've been a bit bored, as I have no one to play with during my precious exercise time. Not that that's unusual, of course.

Gorgon: But seems things are different.

Gorgon: If you want something from me, the least you could do is help me get in a little long overdue exercise.

Gorgon: If you lot can satisfy me, I may even decide to listen to what you have to say!

Nero: I understand it is natural to expect compensation for labor, but having fun with an emperor such as myself would be a luxury for the likes of you.

Nero: ...But fortunately for you, I am most generous.

Nero: My theater is always open to those who seek entertainment. Come, there is no need to be shy.

Nero: Once you hear this divine music and heavenly voice, your body will be powerless to resist. Soon, your lack of exercise will be a thing of the past!


Prison Guard Nightingale: What's going on here!?

Prison Guard Nightingale: 701, newcomers, I don't know what sort of sport you were engaging in here, but it looks to be incredibly dangerous.

Prison Guard Nightingale: I want you to stop it right now, then let me examine you.

Prison Guard Nightingale: If any of you are injured...I will have you come to the infirmary immediately.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Don't worry. My infirmary is far stricter about keeping patients in bed than solitary confinement.

Prison Guard Nightingale: It's also far more effective than the scaffold at silencing patients' screams. Now, let's take a look at you, shall we?

Gorgon: ...Tch, I hate dealing with her. I suppose we'd better call it a day.

Gorgon: Neither I nor the newcomers have any injuries whatsoever. Stay away from us.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Is that true? I'm glad to hear it.

Gorgon: Hmph. Well, at least I was able to kill some time.

Mysterious Racer X: ...You seemed awfully fired up for someone just killing time.

Mysterious Racer X: In fact, it looked to me like you didn't even care if you died while you were fighting us.

Gorgon: My, my. Here I took you for a Berserker, but it seems you're not as dumb as you look.

Gorgon: You're right. I WAS fighting in desperation. I was determined to not let the battle end until I was dead.

Gorgon: In fact, didn't you see me disappear while we were playing?

Helena: ...Yes, we did. I even confirmed that your Spirit Origin was gone, and yet, you're still here. How is that possible?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...Because that was merely a copy. In fact, we're speaking to a copy of you even now, aren't we?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Your real body is being kept somewhere else. You yourself are nothing more than a projection of sorts, an extension of your real self.

Gorgon: Well, well. I thought you were nothing but a bunch of fools, but it seems there's at least one woman of proper lineage among you.

Gorgon: ...Though I can't say I am a fan of that lineage being tied to some god of thunder or other.

Gorgon: Well, no matter. It did keep me occupied for a while. So, what is it you want to know?

Helena: Anything you can tell us about this prison, of course. Especially the outer barrier.

Gorgon: ...Ah, so you're plotting a prison break? I like that. Not the plan itself, mind you, but what will happen afterward.

Gorgon: That should certainly keep things interesting. Very well, then, feel free to ask me whatever you like about this place. I will tell you anything you wish to know.

Nitocris: So, it's not possible to destroy the barrier either from the inside or the outside, huh?

Gorgon: It's a very powerful construct. It is as important to Medb as Connacht itself.

Altria Alter: ...In theory, the barrier would disappear if we were to kill her, but that would be quite difficult for us to do now, as this place denies us our power...

Altria Alter: Even if Master were to attack her outside of the prison, it would all be for naught if she managed to run back inside.

Fran: Uh... I'm not sure what we should do...

Nero: Ugh, I grow tired of this dull information.

Nero: Discussing negatives will get us nowhere. I wish to hear something positive! Anything will do!

Oda Nobunaga: Agreed. Let me ask you this: What could we do that'd give us the best shot of getting outta here?

Oda Nobunaga: I mean, aside from serving out sentences, however long those would be!

Gorgon: If we're speaking strictly of possibilities, then your best to break out of this prison yourselves.

Helena: In other words, we're right back where we started, huh. Well, I suppose it's sort of reassuring to know that it's the only option we have.

Helena: But how are we supposed to do that with the barrier you told us about keeping us trapped in here?

Gorgon: Well, as it happens, it is the ONLY thing keeping you trapped in here.

Gorgon: You see, Medb is so supremely confident in her Prison Field that she's failed to pay attention to anything else.

Gorgon: And that means she still has blind spots.

Gorgon: If you could find a gap in the barrier...somewhere it doesn't reach, or maybe just a route the wardens would never expect you to take, then maybe, just maybe...

Fran: Oh! We could escape?

Professor M: Hmm. Blind spots, eh...

Helena: Hmm... Now I see.

Gorgon: So you have hope now? Good.

Gorgon: I don't have any hope of breaking out of here myself, but watching you all try should be interesting.

Prison Guard Carmilla: That's enough exercise time! All of you, line up now!

Prison Guard Carmilla: Those of you who don't... Hehe, I appreciate your willingness to provide me with fresh blood.

Gorgon: I'm being kept in a special kind of solitary confinement cell. It's rare that I even get to send a copy of myself out into the courtyard like this.

Gorgon: I doubt I'll ever see you all again, but I'm sure I'll hear rumors of your exploits.

Gorgon: Good luck against Medb. I hope you cause her all sorts of trouble. All the commotion should keep me amused down in my dungeon for a bit at least.

Ishtar: ...There you have it. Now we have a clearer idea of our plan of attack.

Mash: So, instead of trying to destroy the barrier, we need to find a crack in it and break everyone out, right?

Ishtar: Right. So, now that that's settled, let's go ahead and take care of business.

Ishtar: First, I'll link up the visual feed from each of my other avatars to the racing stadium screen, so that everyone can see what's going on inside the prison.

Mash: Huh!? Why would you do that?

Ishtar: Oh, c'mon. Isn't that obvious? The Ishtar Cup isn't over! The prison break will just be the next leg of the race!

Fujimaru 1: A-are you serious!?

Ishtar: 'Course I am. Just 'cuz I didn't see this coming doesn't mean I'm gonna reimburse everyone!

Ishtar: How else am I gonna please all those fans eagerly awaiting the checkered flag in front of the monitor?

Ishtar: This may be a surprise, and not the way we wanted things to go, but c'mon, let's make some lemonade here!

Fujimaru 1: Make lemonade, huh?

Fujimaru 2: Always trying to turn a dollar...

Ishtar: You got it. When you get down to it, life's a competition. Why should a prison break be any different?

Ishtar: I'm not letting all the hard work I've put into this ritual so far go to waste. If anything, I'm more determined than ever!

Ishtar: So here's what we'll do: I'm gonna get each team try to escape before the others.

Ishtar: Once they're out, I'll have each team reacquire their vehicles from the warehouse outside the barrier, get back to the course, and burn rubber for the finish line!

Ishtar: Admittedly, I'm not quite sure where this'll go, but I'll make sure that the time it takes each team to escape is reflected in their final results.

Ishtar: Oh, and make sure you all get back to the race with your original vehicles, right? I won't accept any replacements.

Altria Alter: Hmm. So she means for us to outwit the other teams, rather than cooperate with them.

Nero: She has a point. We have poured everything we have into our respective vehicles to come this far, and our competition is already surely fit for an epic!

Nero: What a waste it would be to stop the race just because we've all been incarcerated!

Fujimaru 1: I'm all for continuing the race, but...

Fujimaru 2: I still want to help them escape...

Mash: I agree. It's hard to just stand back and not do anything to help...

Ishtar: What are you talking about? You two are going to be these teams' secret weapon.

Ishtar: The racers have just about nothing at their disposal right now, you know!

Ishtar: So I'm definitely going to require your assistance, Fujimaru. You have just as much of a role to play here as you have for the rest of the race.

Ishtar: Now, as for how exactly you'll be assisting...

Escape 1 - Hope Under the Ground

Narration: A rip-off? Don't be silly. That was 100% a Celtic design. Make no mistake about it.

Narration: Now then...the warden's day starts bright and early. I don't know exactly when she gets up, but it MUST be early because she's always yawning.

Warden Medb: (Yaaawn) ...Nnn.

Warden Medb: Ooghhh (yawn)... Okay! I guess I'd better get up now!

Narration: She's the prison warden AND the queen of Connacht, so Medb is definitely the busiest person in the country.

Narration: Her time sleeping in this very bed to rest up from her exhausting days is a critical part of her routine!

Narration: She never deviates from that routine. She even wears the same thing every day. What does she wear to bed? Why, Gabrielle No. 5, of course.

Narration: First thing every morning, she changes out of that. In other words, she takes her morning shower.

Warden Medb: Hm hm hm hmmm♪

Narration: Once she's put on fresh perfume, she dons the queen of Connacht's most formal attire: combat fatigues.

A:Medb: There we go!

Narration: What? You think I'm giving you bad intel? I am not! It IS her formal dress! It's both practical and reflects her personal tastes.

Warden Medb: Celtic warriors. Celtic warriors! Get ready! It's time to go to work!

Celtic Warriors: Understood! You rock, Medb! (The traditional Connacht affirmation)

Narration: But, since always wearing her formal attire would end up making it a bit less special, she makes sure to put on a coat over it before heading out for the day.

Narration: So, humming to herself all the while, she pulls her coat around her shoulders and orders her men to go about their preparations for the day.

Narration: Surrounded by her adoring public, she closes the door, absolutely beaming with her usual winning smile.

Warden Medb: All right... Time for another great day of ruling♪

Oda Nobunaga: I can't really HELP you since we're on different teams, but I'm sure you won't mind if I pry a bit!

Oda Nobunaga: Have any of you found a route out of here yet?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I'm afraid not...

Oda Nobunaga: So there really is nothing we can do? And here I was hoping someone would help me out Genji-style, since I carry on the Taira clan and all.

Oda Nobunaga: What's that? You don't believe I have anything to do with the Taira clan? Never mind that now.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I can't speak for Ushiwakamaru, but I have little animosity for the Taira people myself.

Nero: How can THAT be what you are worried about right now when we're faced with far stranger things at the moment? Are you trying to ignore the reality of our situation?

Nitocris: Whatever I was expecting when they let us out of our cells for an “absolutely compulsory special reformation program,” this wasn't it...

Fran: Uh...? Weird.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Okay, everybody! Now that the sun's shining nice and bright, it's time to get back to our fun training to help you all become proud, liberated warriors, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Come on now, step lively! Make sure you keep pace with the tempo, yes! Uno, dos, tres! Uno, dos, tres!

Ishtar: (So THAT'S where that other strange divinity signal was coming from!)

Altria Alter: Um... What are those things in front of all the other prisoners? And why are they climbing up and down them on her command?

Helena: Those look like corner posts from a boxing or wrestling ring... I can even see a ring like that over there.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Hola! You chicas must be the newcomers, huh? Medb's told me all about you, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I don't know what you're all in here for, but don't you worry, no, no, no!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: By the time you've finished my grueling training, you'll all be luchadores y luchadoras excepcionales, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: That's the great thing about this prison. We make sure to rehabilitate all our prisoners so that they're ready to return to society when their sentences end!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: ...That said, I don't know if it's 'cause I'm too tough on these youngsters, or if kids these days just don't have the cojones they used to...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: ...but so far, I haven't found a single person who could earn their graduation mask!

Nero: You know, there is something I have been wondering for a while now... Do goddesses perhaps have an inordinate amount of free time on their hands?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Don't be silly! Prisoners are evil, and I am a goddess of good! This is the best kind of work I could ask for, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I remember exactly what Medb told me right before she gave me full authority to conduct this rehab program as I see fit:

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: “So, basically, Connacht will get more warriors out of this, right? 'Kay, knock yourself out.”

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: How could I possibly turn down a job that would let me legally spread the glory of lucha far and wide?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Besides, geographically speaking, this place has been feeling very homey for me lately, yes!

Ishtar: (...Well this sucks. We may be from different mythologies, but Quetzalcoatl is still a goddess of Venus, so she gets her Authority from the same place I do.)

Ishtar: (Now I'm REALLY glad I didn't drop an An Gal Ta meteor on this prison now.)

Ishtar: (She'd have just caught it and tossed it right back at me.)

Ishtar: (Ugh, what do I do now... She may look like an airhead, but she IS technically a goddess of wisdom.)

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Hm? What's that little thing you've all got there?

Ishtar: (Crap!)

Ishtar: ... (←Doing her best doll impression)

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Oh well, that's okay! It must be some kind of little doll that's all the rage now since you all have one, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I just love girly things like that!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: But I have to say, if you're going to carry around a doll like that, you might as well make it a cute one, yes? That thing looks just as repulsive and evil as Tezcatlipoca!

Ishtar: (Grr...! I'll remember that, you damn meathead of a goddess!)

Nitocris: Whew...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Okay then! I think it's time for sparring sessions, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: You need to learn how to whip up the crowd from the top rope, how to achieve beautiful tope angles, and above all, how to take a fall without hurting yourself!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Once I've pounded each and every one of those things into you, you'll all be upstanding lucha warriors, yes!

Nitocris: Looks like there isn't a single decent guard in this entire prison.

Nitocris: They should be like the guardians of the underworld, whose only role is solemnly watch over their charges. How contemptible...

Oda Nobunaga: Oh, oh! A big scuffle in an ostentatious ring like this, eh? Sounds like fun! I've always been a big fan of sumo and stuff!

Oda Nobunaga: I'll make my entrance from the Eastern Rising Sun Corner! Nobunaga, the Tope of the Warring States!

Oda Nobunaga: Make sure to use my new single “Atsumori on the Rocks” for my entry song!


Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Olé! You did very well for your first time! The future of lucha is looking as bright as the sun now, yes!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Okay everyone, see you tomorrow! I'll make sure you get plenty of protein in your dinner☆

Prison Guard Nightingale: Everyone who's injured, raise your hand. Actually, never mind; I've already spotted those of you with injuries. No injury can hide from THIS nurse.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Even a fall of only ten centimeters can be lethal. Attempting to climb a corner post while you are injured is the height of folly.

Prison Guard Nightingale: If I have to, I'll knock you down with my own signature Avalanche move to prevent you from getting on top.

Prison Guard Carmilla: All right, that's enough! All of you, return to your cells!

Prison Guard Carmilla: Those of you who refuse, I shall take that to mean you have special feelings for me, and want me to do unspeakable things to you. And that would make you quite the masochist indeed!

Helena: So basically, the only ones keeping tabs on us here are those three oddballs, and Medb, the fickle warden.

Edison: And thanks to my genius-level observation skills, I have already deduced the timing and pattern to their patrols.

Nikola Tesla: There are indeed holes in their defenses. The question do we take advantage of them?

Nikola Tesla: Unfortunately, my lightning is not capable of making a hole in either the bars or the walls.

Helena: Not only does this place sap our strength, but its walls are thoroughly protected by some kind of Magecraft.

Helena: I know that prisoner said the Prison Field was the only thing keeping us here, but I guess it was too much to hope that it would otherwise be easy to get out of our cell...

Ishtar: Hey, good timing! I just got a transmission from Master on the outside.

Ishtar: [♂ He /♀ She] says this is no time to be feeling sorry for yourselves, and wants to know if there's anything [♂ he /♀ she] can do to help.

Helena: Good point... Getting an outside perspective from Master is important. [♂ He /♀ She] might even be able to come up with a fresh new angle.

Helena: Would you ask [♂ him /♀ her] if [♂ he /♀ she] has any ideas on how to escape?

Mash: That's the critical question on pretty much everyone's mind, isn't it. What do you think, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Well, they could use a pickax to chip away at a wall.

Fujimaru 2: Oh...first, they could remove the toilets and...

Mash: That's very specific. Did you see that in a movie? I'm not sure what that would accomplish, but I knew you would come up with something, Master.

Mash: Let's see what the others have to say.

Oda Nobunaga: So basically, [♂ he /♀ she] wants us to break out of here physically? I don't know if that'll work.

Oda Nobunaga: Still, if that's Master's idea, I can't just dismiss it out of hand.

Oda Nobunaga: I might as well start by seeing what's behind this plumbing with my Nobbu Toe. Boom!

Oda Nobunaga: ...Well I'll be. I should have known I could do it.

Oda Nobunaga: Now the theory for how I broke out of Honnoji while it went up in flames makes sense.

Fran: Uh, uh! I made a hole!

Professor M: Then I hereby dub this tunnel “Tom, Dick, and Harry.” I shall keep the dirt we dig out in my pockets until I can dispose of it.

Professor M: If only these weren't brand-name trousers... Alas.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...My oh my. This must be due to Master's good karma.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I shall have to give [♂ him /♀ her] a great big hug when I get back.

Nero: Umu, I knew Master would come through!

Nero: That advice was as kind and modest as the moon dew on a bay laurel, while also being exactly what we needed!

Altria Alter: I shall have to give [♂ him /♀ her] a reward for this. Fujimaru, think of something you would like to see disappear.

Altria Alter: Cleaning up is my specialty. No matter what, or who, it may be, I shall wipe it away with a single strike.

Nitocris: Just what I would expect from an ally of the pharaohs. I can't believe that a single piece of advice was enough to turn things around!

Helena: ...! I-I can't believe it... We actually made a hole!

Helena: I guess this means that in spite of all their protections against Magecraft, they've neglected more mundane, physical maintenance here?

Mash: That was incredible, Master!

Mash: It seems to have worked in different spots for each team–for some, it was under their beds, for others, behind the plumbing–but everyone still managed to make a hole they can use to escape from their cells!

Fujimaru 1: (Man, I really got lucky there.)

Fujimaru 2: (They can never know I was just grasping at straws!)

Ishtar: This still won't be enough to get everyone out of the prison at once, but it should let them all sneak under the floor.

Ishtar: I guess the next to start digging.

Helena: Indeed. It's possible that the Prison Field doesn't reach under the ground.

Helena: That would seem to be the most promising weak spot in the barrier, according to that Scorpion woman.

Helena: It might take some time, but right now, that looks like our only shot.

Fujimaru 1: I wish there was a way I could help with that too.

Ishtar: I figured you'd say that, and in fact, I've already got a lead. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

Ishtar: Look, you and Medb have already met, and she thinks you're one of Connacht's citizens, right?

Ishtar: And we know she's so confident in her Prison Field that she hasn't bothered to shore up security anywhere else.

Ishtar: On top of that, we're dealing with a prison, and thanks to our investigations, we know it has a system in place that we can use.

Ishtar: Put all that together, and the answer is obvious.

Ishtar: You're going to use that system to bring the racers what they need. Namely...

Prison Guard Carmilla: ...Well, now I've seen everything. Come on, get up.

Prison Guard Carmilla: You have a visitor.

Narration: At first, the woman the guard brought out to see me was taken aback when she saw my face.

Narration: But it wasn't long before she started to smile.

Narration: She drew closer to me. Of course, there was no way for us to touch. Instead of a glass window, there was a thick barrier right in the center of the room.

Ishtar: It looks like the Prison Field splits the visiting room right down the middle.

Ishtar: There's no possible way for the prisoners to climb over it. However...

Ishtar: There's also nothing to stop us from passing them a tool or two when a guard isn't looking, is there?

Narration: Her eyes ask me what it is. I respond by returning her gaze and nodding.

Narration: That should tell them all they need to know–that they won't have to fight this battle alone.

Ishtar: This is how Master will be helping you all to break out of here from now on.

Ishtar: ...Okay, it looks like everything's set.

Ishtar: I can point you toward where your vehicles are being kept, so don't worry about getting lost.

Ishtar: There's only one thing you all have to think about.

Ishtar: Making your way through this cold earth...

Ishtar: reclaim the freedom taken from you so you can pursue your promised glory on the outside!

Ishtar: Now get out there and dig for all you're worth! The prison break race section of the Ishtar Cup has officially begun!

Escape 1 - Results

Ishtar: Huh, this looks like...some special kind of basement. Not only that...

Nero: Well this is disappointing, seeing the rest of you here.

Helena: Huh, I guess all of our escape tunnels just happen to converge in this room.

Ishtar: Eh, it's fiiine. We'll just treat it like another of the race's checkpoints!

Ishtar: What's more, each of you got here at slightly different times.

Ishtar: I'll make sure to take that into account when tallying up the results, so you have nothing to worry about there!

Ishtar: All I want you guys to focus on is taking care of the problem in this room and getting back to the race.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Is that the Scorpion lady? Compared to what we saw of her in the courtyard, she seems rather...

Sanzang: I'll say it! She's huge! Beyond huge! She must have been chowing down on all sorts of goodies in here!

Altria Alter: ...Now I see. So that is the real body. So they're keeping her completely chained up in here.

Altria Alter: I found it strange that a Servant of her caliber would not attempt to break out of here, but now I understand.

Altria Alter: With that enormous frame she would have no hope of escaping this cell. On top of that, it seems she's bound with chains of divine steel.

Altria Alter: Even if the barrier were to disappear, she would still have no way of escaping. That is why she has no interest in our prison break.

Altria Alter: No doubt the only joy she would have in all this is watching with smug satisfaction as we fail to escape.

Prison Guard Nightingale: At last...the time has finally come.

Gorgon: ...Don't do this.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Oh, but I must. I can't tell you how long I've waited for this day.

Oda Nobunaga: What's going on here? It looks to me like those two have some sort of secret history.

Oda Nobunaga: Though I suppose that sort of thing is inevitable when it comes to wardens and prisoners.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: What a tremendously volatile situation. There is a great deal of hostility here.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Still, her chest and navel ARE flagrant violations of public decency. Perhaps the guard has finally begun to properly punish such transgressions!

Prison Guard Nightingale: Prepare yourself. I have awaited this day for many years, ever since I swore to safeguard hygiene and cleanliness.

Prison Guard Nightingale: And last!

Prison Guard Nightingale: The reptile-safe antibacterial spray I ordered has finally been delivered! It's perfect for snakes!

Nero: ...

Fran: ...Uh? (Head tilt)

Gorgon: Khh... Are you truly a Heroic Spirit? Are you even human? Not even the cruelest of the Erinyes could come up with such a horrifying torture as this!

Gorgon: I'm begging you. Don't do this. Please! I'm shaking over here! My precious scales are trembling in fright!

Prison Guard Nightingale: I will admit...I am deeply ashamed of the way I have behaved until now. I knew about those reptilian parts of yours, yet I still looked the other way.

Prison Guard Nightingale: I told myself they weren't human parts... That they were strange and mysterious... That we didn't have the necessary medical equipment for them... That there were other, more important things I needed to tend to first.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Much as I may have tried to pretend otherwise, the fact remains...

Prison Guard Nightingale: Failing to sanitize some body parts just because they happen to not be human goes against everything I stand for as a nurse!

Prison Guard Nightingale: However, that all ends today.

Prison Guard Nightingale: I may have had trouble getting enough medical supplies in Crimea, but in this wonderful modern era, one can order anything and have it delivered right to her door!

Prison Guard Nightingale: Now, I have everything I need. In addition to this spray, I also made sure to read the “Snake Care for Dummies” book I had delivered with it from cover to cover.

Prison Guard Nightingale: As long as one is knowledgeable, and prepared with appropriate medical supplies, one has nothing whatsoever to fear.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Until now, I may not have been able to do anything about your snake parts...but today, I will finally sanitize them. Thoroughly.

Prison Guard Nightingale: When I'm done, you will be the cleanest, safest, most hygienic snake in the world, free to proudly show your face wherever you please!

Gorgon: Khh...

Prison Guard Nightingale: ...Incidentally, I also believe that the spaces in between scales are prone to collecting grime or getting caught on this and that.

Prison Guard Nightingale: It may be worthwhile to shave them off for sanitization purposes as well.

Prison Guard Nightingale: And yes, I did read in “Snake Care for Dummies” where it said that unlike fish, snake scales are bonded to their skin. So what?

Prison Guard Nightingale: This cell was made especially for you, with generous amounts of divine steel provided by Fionn mac Cumhaill. There is nowhere for you to run.

Prison Guard Nightingale: It does sound like I've been hearing voices behind my back for a while now, but as they have nothing to do with hygiene, I won't pay them any mind.

Gorgon: Damn... Looks like I've got no other choice. You there! Help me stop her!

Helena: ...

Helena: (Light bulb)

Helena: I don't know... We're just passing through here. It's not like this has anything to do with us, right?

Altria Alter: Indeed. Scorpion, to the best of my recollection, we have never been friends, nor have you ever been in a position to give me cleaning orders.

Nero: Umu umu. At best, we were targets for you to vent your frustration upon in the exercise yard.

Fran: Uh. You mocked us. Said we would fail. You're mean.

Gorgon: Grr... You villains! It was clear for anyone to see what you were trying to accomplish!

Gorgon: Very well then, I'll make you a deal. Help rid me of this guard, and I will help you escape in return!

Oda Nobunaga: Now I see. We scratch your back and you'll scratch ours, eh. Shoulda just saved us all some time and led with that, dumb Orochi!

Nitocris: We have other things to worry about. We can't afford to waste our time here.

Nitocris: Our top priority is to make it outside... If you can help us do that, I am willing to assist you.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Indeed... Besides, it is summer. A season that comes but once a year.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: If I were to remain in this dim hole, my new custom-fitted swimsuit would be all for naugh–

Minamoto-no-Raikou: No, no, that's not it at all! I must get out in order to uphold my duty of maintaining decency in summer!

Ishtar: Either way, we can't turn back now.

Ishtar: We need to take out that guard and bury the evidence that we were here! If we can get a powerful prisoner in our debt on top of that, that's great too!

Mash: You know, when she puts it like that, it makes this whole business sound incredibly shady...


Narration: “Ruling and riding with a smile!” has always been Queen Medb's motto, but lately, something has been weighing on her mind.

Warden Medb: (Sigh) ...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: What's the matter, boss? Why the long face?

Narration: This is Medb's right-hand woman; a (self-proclaimed) goddess from Mexico.

Narration: As it would be unacceptable for anyone to have higher standing than the queen in this country, the self-proclaimed part is a necessary contrivance.

Warden Medb: I was just thinking about those...things that have been paved all across my kingdom.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Ah, you went on another patrol? I think it's great how you're so enthusiastic about your work, yes!

Warden Medb: Well I don't! Hmph... How dare they cover Connacht in those eyesores!

Warden Medb: This is MY land, dammit.

Warden Medb: At least they haven't made their way to this prison yet, but if they do start showing up here, then...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: (Murmur) Hmm, I don't think we have to worry about that.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: (Murmur) Those aren't being used to control this place. They're just making a track to race on.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: (Murmur) A circuit, yes!

Warden Medb: Ugh, just thinking about them pisses me the hell off. Hm? Did you say something?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Nope, no dije nada!

Warden Medb: By the's the interrogation going on those prisoners I captured the other day? They seem like they'd know something, but since I've been letting you handle the whole thing, I have no idea what you might've learned.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Bien! Of course it's going great! I've been putting them all through rigorous interrogations every day.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Unfortunately, they're so tough that I haven't learned anything yet, no! No wonder those Heroic Spirits managed to conquer your nation.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I'm sorry, Medb. I'm afraid I'm going to need more time to get something conclusive out of them.

Warden Medb: I know there's no possible way they could ever escape this prison, so technically, we can afford to take our time...

Warden Medb: But I just can't stand the thought of those things being plastered all over my kingdom.

Warden Medb: Hurry up and get them to tell you how to peel those things off as soon as you can!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Understood. Your wish is my command, boss.

Warden Medb: Grr. This whole thing has me annoyed... Actually, I'm horny. Hey, you're still training the prisoners, right?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Naturally! Pounding the art of lucha into as many people as possible is the primary reason that I'm here, yes!

Warden Medb: Then bring me your most promising trainees right now. I'll take them on myself.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Oh gosh... To be honest, I'd really rather not squander my most promising trainees' potential like that.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: If they go up against you, you'll either break them, or they'll get so caught up in your nighttime lucha that it'll throw off their training balance.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: ...Hmm, then again, if that's all it would take to stop them, they might not ever be able to become true warriors anyway. Wait right here while I go and get them!

Narration: That just shows what a wonderful queen we have. No matter how busy she may be, or how mind-numbingly difficult a problem she may be tackling, she still takes time to directly interact with her prisoners as much as possible.

Narration: What kindness, what mercy, what devotion to equality.

Narration: She is truly a warden among wardens, a queen among queens. No one is better suited to rule this kingdom than her.

Narration: Now, let's enjoy watching the queen's personal rehab program for ourselves. (Child-Safe Filter: ON)

Warden Medb: Whew.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Great job, boss. Feeling better now?

Warden Medb: Of course not. This didn't help resolve the problem outside the prison walls at all.

Warden Medb: Did make for a good workout though. And hey, look at the time. I'd better get back to my office for a shower.

Narration: Taking a shower in her office at the same time every day is another invaluable part of the queen's routine.

Narration: In the queen's own words: “There's no telling when the trap I've laid outside might catch the guy I've had my eye on, right? I've got to be ready to go at any time!”

Narration: What a brilliant example of risk management (read: the mind of a thirsty young woman).

Narration: To all you viewers, if you see the queen's prey anywhere, make sure to call in and let us know right away.

Narration: And don't bother trying to catch him for yourself. His Evade performance make him harder to catch than his 3☆ rating would imply.

Narration: Be on the lookout for blue hair, squinted eyes, a red spear, and possibly a druid staff. Keep in mind that he may appear younger than you might expect.

Narration: He is also known to occasionally become a Berserker, so use extreme caution when approaching him.

Narration: Queen Medb makes sure to shower at the exact same time every day. Given how hectic her schedule is, it is one of her precious few chances to take a well-earned break.

Narration: Now, let's just sit back and enjoy the sound of water hitting the queen's perfect body.

Warden Medb: Hm hm hm hmmm♪

Escape 2 - Cooperator in Chains

Gorgon: ...Hmph. Digging a tunnel through the ground, eh. Sounds like a real pain.

Gorgon: Here I thought you were a bunch of annoying flies, but it turns out you're actually a bunch of grubs. I'm impressed you've made it this far without getting stepped on.

Helena: You've got a lot of nerve for someone who would have gotten her ass handed to her without our help...

Oda Nobunaga: She's probably just too embarrassed to show her appreciation. She looks like a Servant whose Spirit Origin is made up of pure “tsun” to me.

Oda Nobunaga: I gotta say, throwing a bit of “dere” in the mix would do her some good.

Altria Alter: While I can appreciate your pride, I would try to keep that attitude of yours in check if I were you, Scorpion.

Altria Alter: Remember, we now possess the source of your greatest vexation. The only thing more powerful than a maid is a maid with reptile sanitization spray.

Gorgon: ...Hmph. Is that what you think? Take another look at the bottom of that canister.

Altria Alter: Hm? ...It looks like the bottom melted off...and now it's empty. When did that happen?

Gorgon: My acid can melt any living thing.

Gorgon: Ordinarily, I only use it to digest prey I have eaten...but it's easy enough to use on small objects.

Nero: Oho, acid, you say? How very fortuitous.

Nero: We still have a lot of digging left to do, after all.

Nero: We have been fortunate up to this point, but there is one thing I have been concerned about.

Nero: What if we come up against a great boulder or other obstacle we couldn't clear away with our bare hands!?

Gorgon: ...I don't like where this is going.

Gorgon: Are you telling me to cough up my acid just to help you lot dig your way out of the prison?

Oda Nobunaga: Well of course. Isn't that why you were just going on about how wonderful it is?

Oda Nobunaga: Y'know, Monkey used to do the same thing all the time. “I'll build a castle in three days, boss!” “There's no way Shibata or anyone else could pull that off, boss!”

Oda Nobunaga: So now it's time to cough up or shut up!

Fran: We made You said you' ...Were you...lying?

Gorgon: ...I did say that, didn't I. Stop looking at me like that! I wouldn't do anything so boorish as to break my word to a human, or even a mechanical doll.

Professor M: Indeed, my daughter is frightfully adorable when she looks up at you with those baby blues while she tilts her head like that. I totally get it.

Babbage: As I have told you countless times before, Fran is Victor's girl, not yours.

Helena: Well, the problem now is that there's only one of you, and six teams of us.

Helena: And we have our own reasons for why we can't all escape together.

Helena: Depending on how things could go, we could all end up fighting over who gets to use your acid.

Gorgon: ...So, you are racing as well as escaping. Hmm... I'm starting to see what's going on here.

Ishtar: (Gulp)

Gorgon: Well, no matter. It's none of my concern. All you want is my acid, correct?

Gorgon: You should be able to carry that around in any container coated with my magical energy.

Gorgon: Let's give it a try. These cups should do the trick... Now then...

Ishtar: (...? Why did she just turn around like that?)

Narration: (Inhale)... (Exhale)... ...Okay. Here goes... Hrrrk...hrrrk...

Gorgon: ...Yes, this should work. Here, you can carry it in these. Quite generous of me to throw in containers for free, if I do say so myself. (Said while wiping her mouth)

Sanzang: Hold it...! If that's what I think it is... It better not be!

Gorgon: It's not! It is pure acid!

Gorgon: At any rate...I can't move from this cell. As you can see, I'm bound by divine steel chains.

Gorgon: But you are free to take my acid with you in those containers.

Gorgon: However, let me be clear about one thing. I cannot just make more on a whim.

Gorgon: Why is that, you ask? This may be hard for you to understand, but...producing it makes me extremely hungry.

Sanzang: No, I get it. I totally get it. If anything, I'd be more surprised if that DIDN'T happen.

Fran: ...Is that...true?

Gorgon: Yes it is, my mechanical doll. No matter how badly you may want this acid, I can only produce so much.

Gorgon: So if you want it that badly, you'll need to bring me tribute every time you ask for more. Something that would fill my stomach would be best, of course.

Gorgon: In fact, I wouldn't mind if you offered up yourselves! Hahahahaha!

Oda Nobunaga: Provisions, eh. As prisoners ourselves, those aren't exactly easy to come by...

Ishtar: Good thing I know a human or two who can help. I think we can make this work!

Fujimaru 1: Now I see...

Fujimaru 2: Looks like we know what the next resource we need is!

Mash: Right you are, Master.

Mash: It seems the amount of help...erm...acid Gorgon can provide will have a significant bearing on how quickly everyone can progress.

Mash: Let's be sure to bring Gorgon things she'll like to speed along everyone's escape!

Ishtar: All right, you all know what you need to do next. The race to escape is back on track!

Escape 2 - Result?

Nero: Good, I can see light! At last, we shall be able to make it out of–Wait, what's this?

Altria Alter: Tch. What a dreadfully unpleasant turn of events...

Helena: ...We can't go through this light. Which means–

Minamoto-no-Raikou: This is the Prison Field.

Fran: Uh. Now what?

Oda Nobunaga: It seems our hands are tied.

Nitocris: Does this mean the barrier actually reaches this far into the ground...?

Ishtar: I figured there was a chance this could happen...but we're still kinda getting shafted here.

Ishtar: Let's head back to Gorgon's cell and plan our next move there.

Gorgon: Hehehe, hahahaha! Oh, this is turning into a wonderful day!

Gorgon: How does it feel, learning that all your efforts to escape were for nothing!?

Gorgon: Oh, please do tell me. I'm just a monster locked in her tiny cell, so I would love to know how it feels, even after you begged for my help.

Gorgon: What was the point of such celebrated Heroic Spirits scurrying around underground like so many filthy rats?

Nero: Grrr...! I'm SO happy that our predicament amuses you so much. You look as happy as if you'd just killed an oni!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I believe I know that delight better than anyone else. I would be glad to demonstrate my technique here.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: And of course the best demonstration...would be in a live combat demonstration.

Gorgon: Heh. Why not? I am in an excellent mood after seeing your forlorn faces. I could be persuaded to help you vent!

Helena: Hey, stop that!

Helena: We don't have time for this sort of nonsense... Ugh, I swear! You should listen to your elders, you know!

Edison: I am most impressed that you are able to say such things to both a monster from the Age of Gods and heroes from ancient times, Helena. Most audacious indeed.

Professor M: However, it is precisely those sorts of heroes who tend to die young.

Professor M: In that sense, it is entirely plausible that she is the eldest among us, at least in terms of mental age.

Professor M: ...MY mental age? Hahaha, don't be silly! My body may be fifty-something, but my heart is still in its teens!

Professor M: If anything, I would like nothing better than to continue singing the praises of youth now and forever! Feel free to encourage me in this pursuit!


Ishtar: Are you done getting that out of your systems? Now that we all understand one another, let's get back to business.

Nitocris: You mean, back to the fact that the Prison Field extends all the way down into the ground?

Nitocris: As a god of the underworld, I understand how important the subterranean domain is, but still...

Ishtar: I knew it was possible that might be the case, but still...I didn't actually think it would be.

Ishtar: I mean, it's a HUGE waste to keep such a powerful barrier on all the time AND have it extend into the ground.

Fran: Uh. Wasting (Frown)

Edison & Tesla: Very bad. (Nod)

Ishtar: It must be a spherical barrier that surrounds the entire prison, so we won't be able to get around it by just digging in another direction.

Ishtar: Which means we're right back where we started: having to do something about the Prison Field itself.

Helena: So we weren't able to avoid the core problem after all, huh. I had a feeling that might happen.

Oda Nobunaga: Then we need to come up with a way to remove that barrier! You seem like you know the most out of anyone here; what do you think?

Gorgon: Hmph. I already told you. The only way to do that is to cut it off at its source... That means killing Medb.

Ishtar: That does look like the only option. But...

Nitocris: Thanks to that barrier, we would have a very hard time fighting her on even ground in this prison.

Nitocris: After all, she possesses the power to completely dominate everything here.

Nitocris: Her very existence is on an entirely different plane, like we pharaohs and the common masses.

Nitocris: Much as it pains me to admit that!

Nero: Then we have no choice but to kill her on uneven ground. Namely...assassination.

Nero: Hehe, fortunately, I know a lot about that, since I've been on both sides of that particular coin!

Helena: I'm afraid I don't see how assassination would improve our chances.

Helena: Whether we tried to cut off her head or poison her, there's no guarantee that it would actually work on her in this place.

Helena: If Medb had some sort of weakness–something we could exploit that we could be sure would kill her–then the situation would be different, but–

Gorgon: ...She DOES have a weakness.

Oda Nobunaga: She does!? And you didn't say anything earlier? Well, come on! What is it? What is it!?

Gorgon: I've only heard her mention this once.

Gorgon: There was another prisoner here who attempted to escape by trying to kill Medb, much like you lot are doing.

Gorgon: Of course, he was quickly defeated, but as Medb made him crawl along the ground so she could step on him and make him lick her shoes...

Gorgon: ...she laughed and said “If you really wanted to kill me, you should have shot some ... at my head.”

Oda Nobunaga: ...Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What was it he should have shot at her head?

Gorgon: Cheese. Her projectile cheese.


Gorgon: Cheese. Her projectile cheese.

Fujimaru 1: ...You're kidding... Right?

Fujimaru 2: Is this supposed to be Greek humor...?

Mash: For a second, I was thinking the same thing...

Mash: But it's true. According to legend, it actually was a hunk of cheese that killed Medb.

Mash: After Medb killed her sister, her nephew took it upon himself to avenge his mother.

Mash: One day, while she bathed, he launched a hunk of cheese at her with a sling, and it went right through her head...

Mash: Some hard cheeses CAN be tough as rocks... I'm not sure even my shield would be able to deflect them...

Fujimaru 1: Cheese, huh...

Fujimaru 2: Celtic cheese is hardcore...

Altria Alter: Let us ignore this one as she rolls on the floor laughing and answer me this: Are you certain this will kill her?

Ishtar: ...Well, I definitely think it's possible.

Ishtar: If that kind of cause-and-effect fate is engraved upon her existence, it would result in a rule she cannot escape.

Ishtar: It wouldn't even matter how strong the Prison Field is, because while it may be able to neutralize attacks, it can't do anything about that sort of thing.

Ishtar: Still... Cheese, huh... I almost feel sorry for her.

Ishtar: If I'd gone out like that, I'd have to wipe out humanity to get out from under the sheer humiliation...

Nero: Hmm... I understand how important the element of surprise is in assassination, of course, but still... Cheese...?

Caster of Storytelling: I knew it. People can die in all kinds of ways, even from things that seem harmless. How dreadful...

Helena: At any rate, let's say that we can kill Medb by bonking her on the head with some cheese.

Helena: She obviously knows what her weakness is, so she'll almost certainly be guarding against it.

Helena: In all the time we've been here, Medb has rarely shown herself to prisoners like us.

Helena: And when she does, she makes sure to surround herself with so many Celtic warriors who could block any airborne cheese projectiles or the like.

Gorgon: Correct. She may be lax about the prison when it comes to anything that isn't the barrier, but she always makes sure that she herself is well protected at all times.

Ishtar: So, ideally we want to take our shot when her guard is down. Where and how does Medb usually spend her time?

Gorgon: She usually seems to stick to the warden's office. It's the room on the top floor of the building that looks like a palace; you can see it from the courtyard.

Gorgon: I don't know how she spends most of her time. All I know is that she always takes a shower in her office at the same time every day.

Gorgon: Even if she's in the middle of whipping or riding prisoners in the courtyard, she'll always drop whatever she's doing to return to her office at that time.

Helena: I see. So that means there's one time every day when we can always be certain of where she'll be.

Helena: ...

Helena: Of course, as prisoners, there's no way we could go to the warden's office ourselves. But we do have a decent number of chances to go out to the courtyard.

Helena: In which case...wouldn't it be possible to snipe her from there? Her bathroom must have at least one window, right?

Professor M: It sounds interesting in theory, but I have my doubts about its practicality. In a situation like that, the single most important thing we would need is measurements.

Professor M: The distance from the firing point to the target, the angle, the weight of the payload, and so on... Everything is ruled by numbers.

Helena: Yes, we'd certainly have to run a lot of calculations. And while Medb's nephew may have gotten away with a sling, we'd probably have to build a small-scale catapult.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: My apologies for asking the obvious, but...isn't that all something we would be able to do, one way or another?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: After all, there are a number of people here who excel at calculations and invention.

Professor M: Of course, I have already made all the necessary calculations. That is precisely why I have doubts, as there is still one thing we lack.

Edison: As shady as this gentle-criminal may be, I have a much easier time agreeing with him than I do with that half-witted alternating current eccentric.

Edison: He is right. I believe there is still one person that we lack.

Nikola Tesla: Indeed. The direct current ogre here may be a fool, numbers are numbers, no matter who comes up with them.

Nikola Tesla: At the very least, we would indeed need one more person.

Nikola Tesla: One who not only possesses the same calculative abilities as we do, but who also knows the precise dimensions and details of the prison's structure.

Nikola Tesla: We have not been imprisoned here for very long. While it may be theoretically possible for us to acquire all the data we would need for such a shot on our own, we simply don't have enough time.

Nitocris: So, basically, we need to find someone as smart as you three, who also knows the prison inside and out?

Gorgon: ...Heh. Hahahaha!

Oda Nobunaga: Oh, I know what that laugh means!

Oda Nobunaga: You're pretending to be happy about seeing us go to desperate, doomed lengths to escape...

Oda Nobunaga: ...all while secretly planning to give us 100% reliable information out of the kindness of your heart!

Oda Nobunaga: I've got to say, you're really rocking some pretty high level “moe” here!

Gorgon: ...

Mysterious Racer X: Sorry about how dense my partner is.

Mysterious Racer X: As an ace Saber with a much higher social IQ, I'll keep her in check for you, so don't let her stop you.

Mysterious Racer X: Man, now that there's no race to focus on, I really don't have much to do...

Mysterious Racer X: Guess I'll just have to bide my time and wait for a chance to catch this new Saber off guard. (Staaare)

Fran: (She's staring...really hard...)

Professor M: Hmm, this is not a good sign.

Professor M: That self-proclaimed heroine is eyeing my dear daughter much the same way a snake would a frog, or would a butcher a plump pig.

Babbage: ...If things take a turn for the worse, make sure you hide out inside my body.

Fran: Okay...

Ishtar: So, uh, Gorgon. Just pretend all that never happened and answer me this: Do you have any idea where we could find someone like that?

Gorgon: ...Very well. I have only heard rumors about them, but there are supposedly other prisoners here besides me that are kept in special solitary confinement cells.

Gorgon: One of them is a cunningly dangerous criminal who is kept deep beneath the prison and is monitored at all times.

Gorgon: Yet even in confinement, they still know all there is to know about this prison...or so the rumors say.

Nero: Is that so... I did not think such prisoners existed. Can we reach them from here?

Gorgon: Why you... How dare you ask me for directions as though I have nothing better to do than provide them to you!?

Gorgon: Still, I suppose I can't have you thinking I don't know, so I'll at least tell you the general direction.

Gorgon: Perhaps you'll find them if you keep digging that way, and perhaps you won't.

Gorgon: I look forward to seeing you return here in failure again!

Ishtar: Nicely done, nicely done♡ A heading should be enough for us to make this work. Now let's go ahead and set a new destination for our tunnel-digging race...

Ishtar: Your next checkpoint is the solitary confinement cell where this dangerous criminal is being kept!

Ishtar: Remember, this is still a race. I expect to see you all digging your fastest as you try to beat the other teams.

Ishtar: Okay, just one more leg to go. It's time for some more tunnel-digging fun!

Assassination 1 - Preparation

Ishtar: Looks like you're all here. Remember everyone: the race is still on, so I'm keeping track of how long it took each of you to get here!

Ishtar: Now, as for the prisoner in this checkpoint...

Ishtar: This time, I'm not going to say anything. I want all of you to talk this out among yourselves.

A:???: Well, hello there. It's not often I get visitors.

Nero: Hm? Is this the one that scorpion woman told us about?

Altria Alter: It seems so, yes. This is the “dangerous criminal” she mentioned. They certainly seem to be getting a different sort of treatment than the rest of the prisoners.

Nitocris: Those are some awfully secure bonds. It's almost hard to believe we're in the same prison...

Helena: Well, it's not as if they've been completely denied any freedom. Look, they're using their chains to pick up and read...clay tablets?

Helena: ...It may look like a pretty analog setup, but its inner mechanisms are amazing.

Helena: All they need do is brush their fingertips across the surface, and it changes to the next page. I wonder what time period it's from...

A:???: Books are great. You should all read the book of the gods. It will give you knowledge, and help you grow as a person.

A:???: As far as I'm concerned, there is no downside whatsoever to learning the teachings of the gods.

A:???: It's like a book of instructions, or maybe commands, or specifications...

A:???: Hmm, I can see none of that interests you. Well then, let me introduce myself.

Enkidu: I'm Enkidu, the thought criminal from the Age of Gods. I've been a prisoner here so long I've lost track of time.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: May I ask what you did to warrant such a lengthy incarceration, and in such confining restraints?

Enkidu: Well, the short version is probably that I refused to obey Medb and become one of her subjects.

Nitocris: That can't possibly be the only reason you've been kept here like this. Are you sure there isn't anything else?

Oda Nobunaga: Yeah, come on! Be honest with us. Surely you must have done something else to land you here?

Oda Nobunaga: My impression of you was that you had done something like, say...force people to play a game where they have to look for a bomb you've hidden in a teapot...

Oda Nobunaga: ...or maybe trick some weak-willed people into starting a riot with words alone. You know, some sort of devilish criminal genius plot like that.

Enkidu: Impressions, eh. That was certainly part of it. As soon as Medb saw me, she said:

Enkidu: “That face! That's the face of a dastardly mastermind! A psychopath who thinks as little of plotting to overthrow nations as he does making his morning tea!”

Enkidu: “That's the kind of criminal who would come up with the sort of calculated, coldhearted plot that could throw the entire kingdom of Connacht into pandemonium and somehow leave their hands completely clean when it was all over!”

Enkidu: “That's the kind of loathsome deviant we're dealing with here! Everyone, get them!”

Enkidu: And just like that, they brought me here, no questions asked. It was, as they say, a trumped-up charge.

Fran: Uh. Poor thing.

Enkidu: Well, there's no telling what the future holds.

Enkidu: It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that I might come up with such a plot the next day. So Medb may not have been entirely off-base.

Nero: (He is certainly reacting to his circumstances remarkably well! Or is he actually a she?)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...Nonetheless, you did not actually commit any crimes, correct?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: And even if you had, there is no way you could hope to reform while bound as you are. As a prefect, I cannot overlook this transgression.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Stay right where you are. Do not move a muscle.

Enkidu: My, it's been so long since I've had my restraints removed for anything other than meals.

Enkidu: Thank you. Those restraints were made to be impossible for me to remove on my own, so there's no telling how long I might have had to stay here if you hadn't come along.

Enkidu: As you can see, Queen Medb's weakness is the fact that she is focused solely on restraining criminals, and is thus helpless against other forms of power.

Enkidu: Her authority must only extend to captured criminals, and doesn't have any effect on external sources of power.

Enkidu: Say, I know this is shameless of me since you've already been kind enough to help me, but since it's been so long since I've been free, I hope you don't mind if I ask you for another favor?

Altria Alter: What is it? Do you wish for me to clean this room for you?

Altria Alter: Right now, I am a summer maid devoted to serving Master. However, I would be willing to make a house call if [♂ he /♀ she] were to grant me permission.

Altria Alter: That would even give me an excuse to employ the Maid Rewards Cards I made, though I never truly believed I would have a chance to make use of them.

Altria Alter: Very well, your pleas have convinced me, I shall clean up everything in this room so fast it will make your head spin...and I shall not stop until, with tears in your eyes, you beg me to do so.

Enkidu: No, it's not that. I mean, I WOULD love for you to clean up the rust and mold that's built up here over the years, but I have something else in mind.

Enkidu: I've been bound up in here for so long that I'm a little worried I may not be fully functional.

Enkidu: It's not exactly an urgent matter right now...but as a weapon, it would be very embarrassing to find out I wasn't functioning properly in the middle of a battle.

Enkidu: Could I ask you to assist me in a combat test, so I can see how everything is working?

Nero: If you and Gorgon are anything to go by, it would seem the prisoners here are severely bereft of playmates.

Nero: Although, I suppose I cannot say I am surprised, given how you have been forced to live in a moldy, rat-infested cell like this for so long.

Nero: Fortunately for you, I am as generous as I am kind. Children often asked me to play with them when I traveled around town incognito, and I would gladly oblige them.

Nero: Of course, I am also an exemplary emperor who takes every one of her pursuits seriously, so I always ended up beating them so soundly they would go home bawling!

Helena: Ugh. That's really not something to brag about, you know.

Helena: Still, in this case, I guess it's okay, since there are so many of us here.

Helena: This could even be a more efficient way of introducing ourselves!

Caster of Storytelling: Ahh... Why is everyone here always so eager for a fight?

Caster of Storytelling: And here I was hoping that being confined in a death row prison might keep me safe from dangerous and potentially deadly situations.


Enkidu: Now I see. So you want to defeat Medb, and to do that, you were looking for someone with the knowledge you needed and the ability to perform the necessary calculations.

Fran: Uh. Exactly. (Nod) Are you math?

Oda Nobunaga: I have to say, though, if you aren't the dastardly, bizarre, intellectual prison professor we were hoping to find, I'm afraid this was all a waste.

Oda Nobunaga: Oh well, it's not as though we were exactly guaranteed to succeed here. I guess it can't be helped...

Enkidu: ...Yes, I am good at math. Okay, since you were kind enough to remove my restraints, I will help you.

Oda Nobunaga: There IS something we can do!?

Nitocris: Given how many people don't give pharaohs the respect we deserve lately, it's wonderful to meet someone who properly understands the importance of compassion.

Nitocris: That said... Can you actually do what we need?

Enkidu: Of course. While I may not be some sort of criminal mastermind, I am a weapon. Calculating the ballistic trajectory of a projectile is a core function of mine.

Enkidu: And, of course, I already know the layout of the prison.

Enkidu: The courtyard's setup, the palace with the warden's office, all the other structures... I may not have seen them directly, but I am able to perceive them clearly enough through the resonance of the earth.

Enkidu: It's not like anything besides me can turn into anything else, after all.

Enkidu: If we need more information, there are numerous ways to collect it from here.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: My, my. I can't say you were the sort of person I was expecting to find...but it does seem you have the knowledge and abilities we were seeking.

Sanzang: One good turn really does deserve another! If you do good, you'll be rewarded in kind. Just like the Buddha said!

Professor M: I prefer to think that if one takes risks and engages in foul play, one will be richly rewarded.

Professor M: Remember that we have been digging beneath this prison in an attempt to escape it AND freeing other villainous criminals as we do so.

Professor M: At least from our wardens' perspective, we must be quite the villains ourselves.

Professor M: ...Well, no matter. Thanks to our new friend here, we now have the data we lacked. All we need do now is incorporate those numbers into our equations and–

Prison Guard Carmilla: Hohohoho! It's meal time! Have you been behaving yourself in here?

Prison Guard Carmilla: Come, show me how out saddest, most wonderfully naïve prisoner is doing, just like you always do.

Prison Guard Carmilla: In return, I'll laugh at you, lecture you about life in captivity, and grind my teeth as I fight my urge to drain your blood!

Enkidu: ...

Prison Guard Carmilla: ...

Prison Guard Carmilla: You're free!

Prison Guard Carmilla: Wh-what's going on!? Why are your restraints off!?

Enkidu: Oh, it's nice, isn't it? These kind passersby helped me out of them.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Wh-what? How did you all get in here? removed their restraints!?

Nero: Let us just say one thing led to another. There is something we need this one's help with, after all.

Prison Guard Carmilla: ...You can't be serious. We keep prisoners in solitary confinement for a REASON! How can you not see that?

Prison Guard Carmilla: That applies whether you're a poor victim who's been marked by the Blood Countess, or a vampiress who has been imprisoned for her sins.

Prison Guard Carmilla: This simply will not do. It will not do!

Prison Guard Carmilla: I will never, never, never let anyone escape their incarceration before their sentence has been served!

Prison Guard Carmilla: That goes for all of you just as much as it does Enkidu.

Prison Guard Carmilla: Though I will say I'm impressed that you've managed to dig this far. As a reward, I shall fill your tunnels back in with your anguished screams!

Helena: We've already taken out Nightingale. There's no going back now... Let's do this!


Enkidu: ...That should take care of all the data we need for our calculations.

Professor M: Hmm, so it would seem. Now to hand this off to the engineering team.

Babbage & Edison & Tesla: It's done!

Enkidu: Let me see... Oh yes, these blueprints are perfect.

Enkidu: If you make it according to these specifications, the projectile should absolutely hit our target at the speed and trajectory we calculated.

Nero: Ooh! So we finally have a means of assassinating Medb!?

Helena: Looks that way. But we only have one shot. We can't let her find out what we're up to beforehand, and we can't afford to fail either.

Helena: No matter how insistent Medb may be about taking a shower at the same time each day, if she knows we're planning to assassinate her there, she won't be so predictable.

Helena: We need to consider this a onetime opportunity.

Oda Nobunaga: Of course we do!

Oda Nobunaga: No matter how low the stakes may be, one only ever gets a single chance to succeed in any battle.

Oda Nobunaga: ...Which means this is our Okehazama!

Oda Nobunaga: Oh, maybe we should pray for victory or something? I could dance an Atsumori if you like.

Enkidu: The only problem left is actually building the thing. As you can see, I only have the book of gods here.

Enkidu: So I'd like you to handle collecting the materials and assembling the catapult.

Nitocris: You put that back on...? And you're going back to reading your clay tablets!?

Altria Alter: I take it you consider your part in this to be concluded. It seems that you too have no intention of leaving yet.

Enkidu: Hmm. No, I don't plan on leaving. At least, not yet.

Enkidu: I stay here, at least in part, because I like it. I helped you with your plan because it benefited me.

Enkidu: At any rate, you all should go ahead with your plan. I'll be waiting to see how it turns out.

Enkidu: Don't worry. I'm not sure if it's just because the guards are afraid of me or not, but they've left me with plenty of books to read.

Enkidu: I imagine your plan will be finished by the time I've gotten through them all.

Professor M: True, he...or she...has already helped us more than enough.

Professor M: I also thoroughly appreciate the value of time spent reading, so I believe it is fair to say that the next part is our problem to solve.

Professor M: One task yet remains before we can put out plan into action. That said, we are still prisoners.

Professor M: As such, I believe it goes without saying that if we are to create this...cheese-apult...

Professor M: ...we will still need a certain someone's help.

Professor M: Incidentally, I am aware the picture this paints is one of a sad fiftyish gentleman talking to a doll.

Professor M: So I hope it also goes without saying that this picture is one of happenstance, not intent.

Ishtar: ...

Mash: ...Senpai.

Fujimaru 1: Of course I'll help!

Fujimaru 2: I'm on it!

Mash: Right. I'm sure the others will tell us everything you need to get.

Mash: And just like before, you can use the visiting room system to sneak them the materials.

Mash: That should let them use their blueprints to build their cat–uh, cheese-apult.

Mash: This may not be part of a race, but it will still directly affect everyone's escape plan.

Mash: I'll help you out too, so let's both do our best, Senpai!

Assassination 2 - Execution

Narration: Between the abnormalities in Connacht's land, the invisible attack dog, and prison guards who have disappeared, probably slacking off...

Narration: ...Queen Medb certainly has more than her fair share of headaches.

Narration: Nonetheless, she never forgets the importance of smiling and keeping her composure☆

Narration: After another hard day of problem-solving, it's time for the queen's regular shower. How wonderfully Celtic!

Narration: What's more, today we have a very special treat: we've been authorized to show the queen's shower on the air. Well, not exactly authorized, I'm afraid.

Narration: Here's what I mean.

Warden Medb: Hm hm hmm♪

Narration: This incredible spectacle alone should be a more than ample reward for any well-trained Connachtian. We are receiving reports of viewers fainting across the country, so please try to contain yourselves.

Narration: Nonetheless, I can hardly blame you. Just the sound of the water hitting her body is almost too much. Oh, to be one of those lucky little droplets...

Narration: How alluring, how beautiful, how utterly divine!

Narration: It's as though the steam itself, as it dances around the shower, is hesitant to touch that perfect form.

Warden Medb: Teehee☆

Narration: As the steam wafts shyly out the window, she turns toward it and smiles, as if to tell it has nothing to fear.

Narration: ...And don't worry, there are no tall buildings nearby that can see into this window, so she has nothing to fear from Peeping Toms.

Narration: The only thing that could be so lucky as to catch sight of her would be a little bird flying by.

Narration: And should that happen, the queen would surely smile and invite the tiny citizen to come and join her in song.

Narration: Blue skies, shower steam, her smiling face... As long as we have these joyous sights to feast upon, the nation of Connacht will surely endure forever.

Narration: Indeed, so long as our beloved queen lives, Connacht is assured to enjoy boundless prosperity for–

Narration: ...What's this?

Warden Medb: ...!?

Warden Medb: Hiiiyah!

Narration: Oh my, what a surprise. The queen has performed a back-facing roundhouse! Such splendor. Such beauty! One might die of shock from viewing such perfection in motion!

Warden Medb: Hah! Did you really think that would work on me!?

Warden Medb: I don't know what sort of lowlife is responsible for this...but this is as good a chance as any to set the record straight.

Warden Medb: Yes, if a piece of cheese hits me, I will die. Just like how anyone else would die from getting hit by a rock!

Warden Medb: But that's ONLY if it manages to hit me.

Warden Medb: And unfortunately for you would-be assassins, I've trained my body to automatically react whenever cheese comes flying towards it!

Warden Medb: I am the queen of Connacht. I have a duty to lead this land to prosperity for a long, long time to come.

Warden Medb: There was no way I was going to let my weakness remain a weakness forever!

All: Wha–

Fou: Fou...!?

Mash: Wha...

Fujimaru 1: Oh, COME ON!!!

Escape 3 - For Another Hope

Professor M: Our calculations were perfect.

Professor M: The cheese's shape and weight, the elevation, the initial speed, the timing, the execution...

Professor M: We tested our design extensively to eliminate all design flaws and possibility of error before arriving at our final iteration.

Professor M: It was a feat of mathematical and engineering genius, so let us hold our heads high, my fellow scientists.

Edison: It's not fair!

Nero: Umu, I know all too well how you feel, lion-headed King of Inventions.

Nero: We did our very best, made no mistakes, yet we were still ultimately defeated in a surprisingly low-tech way...

Mysterious Racer X: That was an amazing back-facing roundhouse. I could swear I even saw a shock wave on impact.

Mysterious Racer X: Since there was nothing Sabery about her kick, I have nothing but praise for it! I do have to wonder, though: Is that sorta thing trendy with queens these days?

Helena: The Medb we've seen in this Singularity does strike me as being a little different from the one we've seen before.

Helena: It's almost like she's been optimized to protect her land or something. Then again...

Helena: may just be that any Celtic woman could pull off something like that if she trained hard enough.

Altria Alter: Regardless, the fact remains that we failed to clean her up. That's our greatest problem.

Fran: Uh. We couldn't beat her... (Sad)

Nitocris: You're not going to say you're glad she didn't die, are you?

Caster of Storytelling: Yes, in some circumstances, witnessing the death of another can be unpleasant for me, as it can cause me to think of my own death...

Caster of Storytelling: ...However, such is not the case with sniping, as it does not bring my death to mind. As such, I typically would not care one way or the other.

Caster of Storytelling: However, since the survival of this queen has a direct effect on our own chances at living or dying, it would seem I do not have the luxury of indifference.

Oda Nobunaga: Now that we've failed to cheese her, she'll be much more alert than she was before. We should assume we won't get another shot at taking her out.

Oda Nobunaga: Oh, she'll also probably start trying to root out the culprits and make an example of them. You know, grisly executions and such. Pretty standard stuff with your typical tyrannical despot.

Oda Nobunaga: I've had my fair share of attempted assassinations, so believe me, I know what I'm talking about!

Oda Nobunaga: You should have seen Sugitani's shooting event. Talk about dangerous!

Oda Nobunaga: Course, it didn't change the fact I still ended up Honnoji-ed in the end!

Nero: I, too, understand how difficult it is to assassinate someone who has her guard up.

Nero: The only course of action available to us is to wait for her to lower her guard, whether it takes months or years.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: will I protect public decency this summer if I am locked away the entire time?

Helena: So, essentially...we've completely failed and lost our chance to assassinate her. Great.

Helena: ...Which means we've lost our one and only chance to get rid of the Prison Field.

Fran: Uh...

Enkidu: I was surprised too. So much so that I even looked up from the book of the gods.

Enkidu: But I'm not surprised that your assassination attempt failed. What I am surprised by is Medb's self-control in overcoming her weakness.

Enkidu: I thought she was the type to trust her natural abilities so much that she would never bother with further training, but clearly I was wrong.

Enkidu: It turns out she's the sort who is willing to do whatever she has to in order to overcome her flaws.

Nitocris: So it would seem... I had the wrong idea about her too. As the ruler of a kingdom myself, I have to give her credit where credit is due.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Yes, I suppose you're right about that. And now, unfortunately, it seems our hands are tied.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: After all, the only way to get around the Prison Field is to assassinate Medb.

Enkidu: You mean you're not all trying to take over this prison for yourselves?

Enkidu: How very pacifist of you. I didn't realize that all you wanted was a way to remove the barrier.

Enkidu: Hmm, if that's so, there is still a way to remove it. All you need to do is follow the right steps.

Fran: ...

Altria Alter: ...Hm?

Oda Nobunaga: Hold up, hold up, hold up! What did you just say?

Helena: There's another way to remove the Prison Field? One that doesn't involve killing Medb?

Enkidu: Hahaha, of course there is, guitarist and girl who's learning to swim. Like any mechanical creation, it can be turned off.

Enkidu: Of course, assassinating Medb would have just sidestepped all that entirely and gone straight to tearing down the whole prison.

Enkidu: But if all you want is to get rid of the barrier, then you simply need to make the appropriate arrangements.

Nero: How did we not see this sooner!? This calls all that we know into question! That cursed snake woman must have lied to us again!

Enkidu: So somebody else told you that killing Medb was the only way to get rid of the barrier, huh. Given the crudity of that particular method, I have an idea of who it was.

Enkidu: Still, I don’t think you could have done anything differently. I'm the only one here who knows about this.

Enkidu: As I may have mentioned before, there are some things only those of us born of the earth can grasp.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: So DO we go about disabling the Prison Field?

Enkidu: I sense the barrier's origin in a stone located somewhere high above the ground.

Enkidu: It seems to be a control device. And because of how powerful the barrier it emits is, its control spell is actually quite simple.

Enkidu: I don't see any supplementary power units anywhere, so I think that just turning this device off should let you shut down the barrier.

Sanzang: A stone located high up off the ground? I wonder if it's anything like the Five Elements Mountain on top of Wukong?

Sanzang: Or maybe it's more like a floating boulder from the Heavenly Realm? Buuut, um...I don't think I saw anything like that outside.

Enkidu: It could be something that's made out of stone.

Nero: Something made out of stone? But we did not see anything like...

Nero: ...

All: That's it!!!


Helena: That statue stood out like a sore thumb when we first got here...but at some point, we must have gotten so used to it that we stopped paying it any attention.

Professor M: Now I see. It was hiding in plain sight all along.

Professor M: Incidentally, that was one of my 48 Pushing Fifty Techniques in action: “Say something that sounds appropriately detective-ish to prevent anyone from grilling you on why you didn't notice sooner.”

Professor M: I recommend it to anyone working in middle to upper tiers of management.

Nikola Tesla: Given that even a genius of my caliber failed to notice this, any grilling of that sort would be meaningless. The real question is, what do we do now?

Caster of Storytelling: So if we can manage to do something about the control device in that statue, we may be able to get rid of the barrier... Is that right?

Enkidu: Well, yes, but Medb is very aware of how important the device is. Security is bound to be tighter than ever.

Enkidu: What's more, using my Presence Detection, I can tell there's someone else in this prison who's nearly as powerful as her.

Altria Alter: That must be Vice-Warden...Quetzalcoatl.

Altria Alter: Meanwhile, we remain weakened. If we attempt to approach the device without a plan, we will surely be cleaned up.

Caster of Storytelling: I really don't want to die... Do we have no other options?

Caster of Storytelling: Maybe we could persuade her to let us out, or win her over with a bribe.

Oda Nobunaga: If only it were that easy.

Enkidu: Actually, that sort of approach might just be your best option.

Enkidu: For addition to myself, I've heard there's another maximum security prisoner who happens to be a master of disguise.

Enkidu: I presume you can take it from there?

Babbage: Now I see. That does seem worth considering.

Helena: Aha, so that's what you mean...

Mash: It looks like all of the intellectual racers like Enkidu's idea.

Ishtar: Ahh, it's so much nicer being able to talk over here. How about you, Fujimaru? Figured it out yet?

Fujimaru 1: Yup, sure have.

Mash: I can't believe you're able to keep up with such brainy Servants! That's amazing, Senpai!

Ishtar: I don't doubt that you're telling the truth...but I can also tell from your wry smile how embarrassed you are to be praised like that.

Fujimaru 2: Nope, sure haven't.

Mash: Me neither. A master of disguise, huh... How could someone like that help to resolve this situation?

Helena: We'll get this master of disguise to trick Quetzalcoatl and have her deactivate the Prison Field for us.

Helena: There are just two things we need to confirm. First, is Quetzalcoatl authorized to do that?

Enkidu: Definitely. I've noticed that the Prison Field's range and strength are adjusted occasionally...

Enkidu: ...and it has happened at times when Medb is far away from the prison. In fact, the most recent adjustment was made right before you all arrived.

Enkidu: I'm guessing she contacted the prison to inform them she was bringing in a group of powerful prisoners so that they could strengthen the barrier a bit before they arrived.

Enkidu: And it could not possibly have been Medb who made the adjustment.

Enkidu: While Medb is surely the core of the barrier's power, the fact that the barrier is rooted here in this location tells us something important.

Enkidu: It is impossible for one person to manage alone.

Helena: Good. Now here's the second thing: if we're going to trick Quetzalcoatl into following false orders, those orders will naturally have to come from a false Medb.

Helena: Is that going to work? I mean, can this person really disguise himself as Medb well enough to fool her?

Enkidu: If this master is as good as they're rumored to be, that shouldn't be a problem.

Enkidu: I'm told that they can transform into anyone, male or female.

Enkidu: Supposedly, they can mimic their target's Spirit Origin somehow.

Professor M: This could be a problem. I know only two people with such skill in disguise, and one of them I would very much prefer to avoid.

Professor M: I will just ask directly: Is this master of disguise a detective?

Enkidu: Hm? No, I don't think so.

Enkidu: For one thing, detectives usually send people to prison, not get sent there themselves.

Enkidu: If this person is anything, then according to the rumors I have heard, I would say they are...a phantom.

Ishtar: It sounds like you should be able to dig your way to the cell of this mysterious master of disguise from here.

Ishtar: ...Okay, I've officially made their cell the next checkpoint. If you want to get rid of the Prison Field, you'll have to get this phantom person to join you.

Ishtar: Once you've done that, you'll be that much closer to your escape!

Ishtar: All right everyone, get ready! The prison break race is back on!

Escape 3 - Results

Ishtar: Looks like everyone's here. Now, what is this–

Prison Guard Carmilla: Hohohoho, how good of you to come!

Prison Guard Carmilla: Admittedly you DID surprise me by opening a hole in my wall, but fortunately I'm very experienced in crushing rats as they skulk about.

Prison Guard Carmilla: I do it reflexively, without even thinking. It's just like how one uses a spoon to stir her morning cocoa.

Prison Guard Carmilla: After all, nobody thinks anything about stirring their cocoa, do they? And there certainly isn't any reason why they might be reluctant to do so, is there?

Prison Guard Carmilla: As far as I'm concerned, the phrase “I won't let a single one of you rats get away” is no mere figure of speech.

Prison Guard Carmilla: None can escape my charge, nor would I tolerate an attempt to do so!

Prison Guard Carmilla: Indeed, now that you are here, I will not let any of you escape me!

Nero: What!? Carmilla!? I thought we had already defeated you!?

Prison Guard Carmilla: Defeated me...? Ahh, now I see...

Prison Guard Carmilla: What a strange song you sing, little rat. I hope that you'll at least have the decency to entertain me with a song that is pleasing to the ear; like a girl begging for her life before I drain her blood.

Altria Alter: I do not understand what she is doing here, but it seems we must face her again. I suppose it is true what they say; the toughest stains must be scrubbed away at least two or three times!


Prison Guard Nightingale: This lofty prison cell used to be spick-and-span. Why is it now infested with germs?

Prison Guard Nightingale: What a tragedy.

Fran: Huh...? I thought we were fighting Carmilla...?

Nero: What is this? Am I seeing things? How long have you!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: How very strange...

Prison Guard Nightingale: Hm. What a tragedy. It seems I must sanitize this cell by filling it back in with earth.

Prison Guard Nightingale: Fortunately, that is one of the most convenient aspects of underground cells. No matter what sort of evil infests them, they can always be cleaned up in an instant.

Nitocris: I, a god of burial and the underworld, cannot agree! Bodies should only be buried after being carefully mummified and stored in a sarcophagus!

Nitocris: And of course, doing that properly requires a great deal of preparation. Tombs and pyramids don't just build themselves, you know!

Nitocris: Granted, my own death couldn't really be called “proper” by any means...

Nitocris: B-but that's exactly why I know how important this is! You don't just go burying a room over a few germs!

Nitocris: You will cease this insolence to the pharaohs and prostate yourself at once. Otherwise I shall bury YOU in the desert where you will serve as food for evil spirits, nurse!


Helena: Grr... Cut this out already, phantom! We just came here to talk to you!

B:???: Heh, damn, I can't believe you figured me out already. Really, though. Did you not know this is my thing?

B:???: And here I thought you'd keep me entertained a little bit longer.

Helena: I told you, we came here to talk to you. Of course we know you're a master of disguise.

Oda Nobunaga: So...why do something like this? I mean, I'll grant you that it gave us a pretty clear picture of your abilities. So, in that sense, it was kinda entertaining.

Mysterious Racer X: Wait a second... (Light bulb) Can you turn yourself into any Saber that ever lived?

Mysterious Racer X: And if so, does that mean I can lower the universe's Saber counter by murderizing a few of your Saber incarnations?

Sanzang: Hmm, I don't know about that... I mean, when I defeat a copy of Wukong, it doesn't really do anything to hurt the real Wukong, right?

B:???: Ha ha ha, entertaining, eh. That was exactly the point.

B:???: It gets really boring here in prison. It's been so long since I had visitors that I couldn't help myself.

B:???: Once I started, it was so much fun that I didn't want to stop... Honestly, I was kinda lonely. Sorry 'bout that.

Nero: Hmph, I detect not a hint of remorse from you. Still, if you claim to have been lonely, we have little choice but to sheathe our swords.

Nero: After all, even the fiercest warrior cannot battle solitude. And in your case, you appear to be especially fond of company.

Ishtar: Are you satisfied now that you've fought two whole battles? Good. Then let's get down to business.

Ishtar: Um... What's your name, anyway?

B:???: Well now, a talking doll. This is a first for me. Nice to meet you and all that.

B:???: Let's see... Since you already heard I'm a phantom, I think I'd better run with that.

B:???: Since I'm a man of countless countenances, you can call me the Phantom of ∞ Faces!

Professor M: Hey, are you sure you're not overlapping with my “archenemy” schtick? Are you ABSOLUTELY certain?


Phantom of ∞ Faces: Hmm. Hm hm.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: So you want me to disguise myself as Medb, and trick that lucha lady into turning off the Prison Field, huh?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...Okay!

Fran: Wow, that was easy...

Babbage: That is what it means to be a xiake, a soldier of fortune.

Sanzang: Thanks for agreeing to help us so readily!

Sanzang: The Buddha has long taught us to help others. When you do something nice for others, something nice comes back to you. That is the whole basis of “one good turn deserves another” you know!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Oh yeah, I bet it is. That's totally why I agreed.

Sanzang: ...Huh? How come you're cracking your knuckles like that? It's almost like you're getting ready for a fight.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I never said I'd help you all out for nothing. If you want a gangster like me to take out a villain, you gotta at least buy me a drink.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: But since you're a monk, we're all in a prison, and there's no alcohol to go around...I want you guys to join me in something else I can enjoy!

Sanzang: Oh...

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I may be able to become anyone else, but that also means if I'm not careful, I might end up forgetting who I am.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: So that's why I wanna mix it up a bit with you all in this form. You don't mind, right? C'mon, let's do it!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Besides...I'm not totally satisfied with our earlier duels. I still haven't seen anything close to what you're truly capable of.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Especially you. I wanna see more of that weird spinning top move!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I bet it'd be a big hit with the kids if I learned it myself, y'know? You'd be surprised how important it is for someone like me to be popular with the kids–

Minamoto-no-Raikou: You wish to “mix it up” with us...? Let's “do it”...?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...Uh, are you listening to me?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: On top of such crude words, you do not wear a shirt, and you're covered in tattoos... Yes, I'm certain now. You are...a delinquent!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: A scantily-dressed delinquent!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Unacceptable, absolutely unacceptable! This won't do at all.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I am the prefect, and will not let this transgression stand!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: If Master or Kintoki were to go around imitating your unwholesome way of life, I don't know what I would do!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Your offense is different than those who are wearing swimsuits, but no less grave. We shall begin with a lecture! Go sit in the corner right now!


Phantom of ∞ Faces: Well, today I learned that even Servants can get pins and needles from sitting in a corner for too long. Ow ow ow...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Now that you've learned your lesson, make sure you start dressing appropriately and keep that attitude of yours in check. Remember, I am always watching.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Well, I can't exactly change how I live my life.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: But I'll at least (try to) dress as appropriately as possible in front of your kids.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Murmur)...Maybe I'll even try showing up as you next time. I bet you're not gonna start forbidding yourself from dressing like that any time soon...

Ishtar: Anyway, it looks like we're all on the same page now.

Ishtar: With all the tunnels we've been digging, it should be easy to make a route to the giant statue in the courtyard too.

Ishtar: I can show you the way there, but once we arrive, you're all on your own.

Ishtar: Make sure you're convincing when you try to trick Quetzalcoatl. She may be incredibly cheerful, but she's also incredibly shrewd.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Hey, come on now. Do you even know who I am?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: There's no one in the world I can't become. Old, young, male, female... I can even turn myself into a headless wolf knight if I want.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I might be a youxia whose nature makes it easy to confuse him with a mirage, but that's exactly why I've got to hang onto what pride I have left.

D:Phantom of ∞ Faces: My name is Phantom of ∞ Faces.

D:Phantom of ∞ Faces: As far as I'm concerned, even the queen of this whole country is just another face for me.

D:Phantom of ∞ Faces: So don't you worry. I'll use the real queen's face, voice, and charm to make sure the job gets done☆


Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Okay, I made it to the statue's feet. Now where's the entrance... Aha, got it. All right, here goes nothing...)

Mash: ...Are you sure this is going to work? His disguises are certainly amazing, but I worry he's a little too...rash.

Fujimaru 1: We'll just have to trust in him.

Fujimaru 2: He sure has a strong sense of duty.

Ishtar: He definitely sounded pretty confident in his chances, so he'd better come through for us.

Ishtar: It'd be a real pain if he let slip to the actual Medb or Quetzalcoatl what it is we're up to.

Ishtar: But, I guess there's nothing we can do now but wait to see what happens.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Okay, I'm high up enough now that I should be able to find–Aha, there it is. That must be the barrier's control device. Now then...)

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Hm? Well, this is a surprise, yes!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (And there's the goddess. Not that I was expecting otherwise.)

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Hola! Que pasa, jefe? It's so rare to see you up here.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (...Looks like she's none the wiser. Way to go, me. Course, if I couldn't pull this off, I could never show my real face again.)

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Hehehe. I just had a bit of an idea.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: A little something to ensure the future of this prison, no, this very country, will be bright for years to come.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I see... And what's that?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: In a word...

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Environmentalism!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: That's right. These days, it's all about saving the planet. We need to cut waaay back on our energy and resource usage!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I realize now that that's the key to taking Connacht to even greater heights.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: So I figured I'd start by rethinking how we use the Prison Field, seeing how it's easily the biggest energy hog in this whole prison.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: And since you're the vice-warden and all, I thought I'd save you some trouble and come here to tell you in person.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: As step number one of Connacht's brand new environmental policy...I'm ordering you to shut down this Prison Field!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I'll even give you the honor of adjusting the control device's settings yourself.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: As a goddess, you will take the first historic step into a new era of Connacht's history!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Huh? No gracias.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I mean, that'd cause a lot more problems than it'd solve, no? The prisoners would just walk right out of here.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: They still haven't learned how to be good people yet, let alone the ways of lucha.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: We have so many longtime prisoners who need reformation, to say nothing of the new arrivals.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I have every faith in your ability to capture these wayward criminals.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Which is why I don't understand: why you would want to go and free them now?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Well crap, this isn't going well. All right, let's try for the next best thing...)

Phantom of ∞ Faces: G-good point. I guess turning the whole thing off at once WOULD be going a little too far, no matter how much energy consumption it would save us.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: In that about just turning it down to half strength?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: That would lead to the same thing, no? As you know, Warden, the security of the prison depends almost completely upon the Prison Field.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: In consequence, if we lower the Prison Field's strength by half, that would double the chances of prisoners escaping. That doesn't sound like a very good idea to me.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Dammit... Why'd she have to go and get all reasonable on me? What a freakin' pain.)

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (If I mess this up, it'll all be on me. Why'd this damn queen have to have such a crappy Charisma skill!?)

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: However...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I can certainly agree with your wish to cut down on energy use. That IS very important. So instead of reducing the barrier's strength, why don't we cut its range in half?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...Its range?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Sí! I think there's a part of the barrier that is a big waste at the moment. We could shut off the entire underground section without losing anything of importance.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: After all, the prisoners are in their cells most of the time. They only really go out for exercise.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: So it's an incredible waste to keep extending the barrier all the way into the ground.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I mean, it's not as though there are any prisoners digging their way through the dirt like moles, right?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...R-right. Okay, let's do that then. Excellent work finding a compromise, Vice-Warden!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Thank you♪ Okay then, let's put our new energy saving plan into action! Oh, but first...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Would you mind if I asked you a favor too? It's not fair only taking one side after all, is it?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Oh shit... She had my number the whole time.)

Escape 4 - The Last Escape

A:Phantom of ∞ Faces: So that's what happened. ...Think we can call that a success?

Altria Alter: Stop. Before you say another word, you will return to your original form. Right now, it is taking everything I have not to scrub you away.

A:Phantom of ∞ Faces: Oops, sorry. I guess there's such a thing as getting TOO comfortable in somebody else's skin.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Anyway, what do you think?

Ishtar: ...You're right. The Prison Field's still working up above ground, but down here, it's completely gone!

Nero: Wonderful!

Nero: Then that means there is no longer anything preventing us from making our escape!

Ishtar: I daresay the path to the warehouse where your vehicles are being kept is as good as secured.

Ishtar: Of course, you still have to dig your way there, and there may well be more unexpected trouble along the way.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Looks like the lucha lady kept her end of the deal. ...In which case, I guess I have to keep mine too.)

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Great! Well, I guess that's my job done, then!

Helena: True, and I definitely appreciate what you've done for us. Still... What are you going to do now?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...Good question. It's definitely not like I chose to throw myself in here.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: So I think I'll go ahead and take advantage of those tunnels you've all been digging and make my own escape without anyone being the wiser.

Fujimaru 1: At last...they'll finally get to escape!

Mash: You did it, Senpai! All the work you did to help them has finally paid off!

Ishtar: Hey, don't get ahead of yourself. You can celebrate all you like AFTER they've made it out.

Ishtar: This is it: the last leg of the race!

Ishtar: Okay everyone, I'm sure you all know what to do by now. It's time to finally take back your vehicles.

Ishtar: Now get out there and dig your last tunnels! The next light you see at the end of them will be that of full-fledged, real-deal freedom!

Escape 4 - Results

Nero: Ahhh, the sweet taste of fresh air! Truly, there is nothing better than the sun!

Altria Alter: Agreed. Only in midsummer can I go around with a popsicle in my mouth at all times without getting strange looks.

Fran: Uhh. So wide. So cool. So happy.

Babbage: Sheesh. At last, I can finally let off all the steam I want.

Professor M: Excuse me, but I believe you have been letting off plenty of steam all this time, especially when your oversized body was pressed right up against me in the dreadfully tight confines of our tunnel!

Professor M: Indeed, my suit is looking crisper than ever thanks to your unwitting steam pressing. Thank you!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Ahh, there truly is nothing like the wide-open sky. My heart feels born anew.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: People truly are meant to live their lives pure and righteous, under the warm light of the sun.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Now, at last, I can continue my mission to protect public decency. No violation will be overlooked!

Sanzang: (Now that she's all dirty, sweaty, and wild-looking, I feel like she's committing a few violations herself!)

Sanzang: (Oh well! It's not like that's anything new!)

Sanzang: You said it. Anyway, now that we've avoided being buried alive, let's thank the Buddha for his protection! And then we need to find our ride!

Helena: We made it back to the surface! But I'm kind of disappointed that we didn't find a single subterranean world even after all that digging!

Helena: Huh... Now that I say that, it DOES feel like I went to one recently. I wonder why that is...

Edison: I can't speak to that, but perhaps it would be better if you just don't think about it too much right now. Really.

Nikola Tesla: (We don't want her to remember her introduction or early treatment and get stressed out again, after all.)

Oda Nobunaga: Ghh, rgh, hrf...

Oda Nobunaga: (Loud gasp)

Oda Nobunaga: Nothing's more rock 'n' roll than getting buried alive at the very last moment!

Oda Nobunaga: Why me? Is it 'cause I don't get to enjoy the Buddha's protection!? He shouldn't discriminate against Demon Kings like that!

Oda Nobunaga: Now let's see, my partner is...

Mysterious Racer X: ... ...

Oda Nobunaga: ...still buried.

Oda Nobunaga: I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Oda Nobunaga: I was hoping you'd at least manage to stay alive until you could whatsit-Calibur Okita for me, but I guess it wasn't meant to be!

Oda Nobunaga: ...Ah, well. We're not too far from the goal now, so I can prolly make it on my own. RIP in peace, partner!

Mysterious Racer X: ...X Caliburrr!

Mysterious Racer X: Phew, that was close! I almost ended up buried alive!

Mysterious Racer X: Hm? What is it, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven? You're shaking like you just facetanked a sacred sword beam!

Mysterious Racer X: Did you bang your pinky performing one of your un-Buddha-protected Demon King moves? How very rock 'n' roll of you!

Nitocris: I feel like I've been reborn! Once a god of the underworld, now a god of the heavens! Well, technically I guess I'm already both!

Caster of Storytelling: Ahh. The sunlight warming up my frozen body... The air filling up my lungs with much-needed oxygen...

Caster of Storytelling: Now that I've finally made it out of there, I hope the sheer relief doesn't kill me.

Mash: Senpai, look! Everyone's here!

Fujimaru 1: Are you all okay!?

Fujimaru 2: Congrats on the prison break!

Nero: Oh, if it isn't Fujimaru. Are you here to welcome me back?

Nero: Umu, I appreciate your consideration! All of us racers have successfully broken out!

Ishtar: I could tell where everyone was thanks to all the other mes, so I wasn't especially put out myself.

Ishtar: At any rate, you all made it back to the surface. Don't worry, I'm still keeping track of everyone's time.

Ishtar: Now there's nothing left to get in your way. All you have to do is retrieve your vehicles from the warehouse, and get back to the–

Warden Medb: Did you really think you would get away with this!?

Fujimaru 1: Aw crap, it's Medb!

Fou: Fooou, fooou!

Fujimaru 2: Par for the course I guess!

Mash: Always expecting the worst-case scenario, huh... I'm impressed, Master. I just wish your expectation had been proven wrong this time...

Altria Alter: ...Tch. How did you find out?

Warden Medb: Don't sell my popularity short! Queen Medb isn't only beloved by every one of Connacht's citizens, you know. Everything down to the ants and microorganisms love me!

Warden Medb: An anonymous informant told me what you were up to! Couldn't say who it was because, y'know, anonymous! But they did great nonetheless!

Warden Medb: I'll have to blow them a kiss on the next episode of “Medb Today” as a reward. It'll make Connacht's men even weaker in the knees than usual!

Ishtar: This is really bad. Not only are there lots of Celtic warriors here...but she brought HER along too.

Ishtar: (...I don't like how this is going. I'd better make sure I'm ready for anything.)

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Well this is a shame, yes. Those prisoners were my most promising trainees...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: ...I was hoping to give them a lucha libre graduation test outside the barrier, where they could really cut loose.

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: This messes up everything, yes. Who told the queen about this, anyway?

Warden Medb: What are you muttering about, Vice-Warden!? If you need to warm up, then hurry and warm up!

Warden Medb: I'm going to get my warm-up out of the way right now!

Celtic Soldier: Thank yoOOU, Your Highness, thank you! I'm prepared to lay down my life for you! You rooock, Meeedb!

Oda Nobunaga: So this way, she gets to warm up and inspire her warriors at the same time, eh. She's really thought this through.

Oda Nobunaga: Come to think of it, Monkey and the others used to love it when I threw my sandals at them...

Oda Nobunaga: Forget it. Too creepy.

Warden Medb: By the way, I almost forgot to ask you all something pretty important.

Warden Medb: I take it you're all familiar with the Dangerous Cheese incident that took place during one of my recent bits of precious shower time.

Warden Medb: It may have been a foolish, outmoded plan doomed to failure, but it still gave me goose bumps, if only for a moment. That was a whole other sort of unforgivable crime!

Warden Medb: ...Was that you!?

Fujimaru 1: I have no recollection of that whatsoever.

Oda Nobunaga: (A bald-faced lie! Just what I'd expect from my Master!)

Warden Medb: Don't you give me that! Who else could it have been!?

Fujimaru 2: What's your penalty for aiding and abetting?

Warden Medb: Ah, so you admit your crime! Unfortunately for you, here in Connacht, there's no guarantee of leniency just because you didn't do the deed yourself.

Mysterious Racer X: Heh... Looks like the jig is up...or so you think!

Mysterious Racer X: Try this single-shot cheese derringer I made with leftover materials on for size!

Mysterious Racer X: Your fate was sealed the moment I overlaid Caladbolg on top of the material! Now you'll never get a chance to turn into a Saber in the future!

Mysterious Racer X: This prison arc ends now! Eat cheese, bitch!

Mysterious Racer X: Damn, she just deflected my holdout cheese blaster... I guess I should've known that wouldn't work.

Mysterious Racer X: With such incredible strength, maybe she really will end up becoming a swimsuit Saber next year! (Fantasizing)

Warden Medb: ...I knew it.

Warden Medb: I never planned on letting you go, of course, but now I have more reason not to than ever.

Warden Medb: How dare you attempt to assassinate your queen! Only the most blackhearted of villains would try such a thing!

Warden Medb: I thought some time in prison might reform you, but I was obviously mistaken!

Warden Medb: So now I'm officially altering your sentence. No need for a trial or any sort of formalities. I'm not going to bother bringing you back to prison.

Warden Medb: Instead, I'm just going to execute you here and now, then use your bones to fertilize Connacht's land. It's a rare honor; I hope you appreciate it.

Nitocris: Don't give me that honor crap, you insolent fool. We only tried to assassinate you because we had no other choice. If you hadn't unjustly thrown us in your prison to begin with, we would have gladly left you alone.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Indeed. What did we ever do to you? All I have ever done is strive to uphold public decency this summer.

Fran: Yeah. No fair. The race was nice and cool. The prison was hot and cramped...

Warden Medb: Are you kidding me!? Talk about being audacious in your guilt!

Warden Medb: In case you've forgotten, this is MY land! I can rule it however I see fit!

Warden Medb: I was all set to turn it into the greatest conquering nation ever, and stamp out every cheeky little brat out there once and for all!

Warden Medb: And then you lot showed up and covered my Connacht in THOSE things!

Warden Medb: As if that wasn't bad enough, next you went and drove your weird vehicles all over the place! The only rides Connacht needs are my chariot and my men!

Helena: ...Exactly what things are you talking about?

Warden Medb: As if you didn't know!

Warden Medb: I'm talking about those planet textures from who-knows-where! The ones that already have their own names–

Warden Medb: Grr, you cowardly criminal cretins! That's the last straw... Vice-Warden! Celtic warriors! Get them!

Mash: I could have sworn an attack I've seen somewhere before just came flying in out of nowhere... At any rate, Queen Medb has assumed a combat stance!

Fujimaru 1: Then we'll just have to take her out!

Fujimaru 2: No one's becoming Connacht fertilizer on my watch!

Nero: Umu! We are no longer stuck behind our cramped prison bars. Now we are free to fight without restraint! Awaiting your orders, Master!

Nero: This time, my fellow queen, I shall be the one to invite you to a closed off domain.

Nero: Mine is boundless, yet completely closed off. A place where you will lose your freedom, and I maintain control. A prison far removed from the minutiae of daily life, where not a single one of its captives yearns to escape.

Nero: You shall gaze upon the vast disparity in our tastes and despair. Though they may both be enclosed spaces, my theater is a joyous place filled with color and emotion!


Warden Medb: Argh, what is your PROBLEM, anyway!? Connacht is MY land!!!

Warden Medb: I mean, okay, I know I'm being a kinda selfish ruler, but what's wrong with that? I'm a queen!

Warden Medb: This isn't right! It's not fair! When am I finally going to meet a tall, dark, and handsome herooo!?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Mucho, mucho! But I suppose now's not the time for congratulations...

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: I guess it's time to say goodbye to my merry lucha libre time, yes?

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: It wouldn't be right for a prison guard to detain ex-convicts, no! Plus, I'm supposed to disappear! That was part of the agreement!

Vice-Warden Quetzalcoatl: Okay, you pass! Your Kukulkan-style graduation exam is officially over, yes!

Ishtar: (Excellent work, Fujimaru! The toughest enemy just left all on her own!)

Ishtar: Great job, everyone! I think it's safe to say that the evil here is juuust about all but done for now!

Ishtar: Now, let's get back to the race! Soon, all your hard work will finally pay off!

Mash: That's true. It's a shame we ended up having to fight Medb, but it's wonderful everyone freed.

Mash: also seems that Medb wasn't the core of this Singularity after all.

Da Vinci: Hey everyone! Miss me?

Da Vinci: Mash is right. The Singularity signal is still there. It's probably the kind that's tied to the ground itself.

Da Vinci: With Medb gone, we shouldn't have too much trouble pinpointing the core's location if we investig–

Ishtar: That would just be a waste of time. Once we finish the Ishtar Cup, the core will just disappear!

Ishtar: Trust me, keeping the race going is the fastest way to get this over with.

Fujimaru 1: That IS why we held this race to begin with.

Fujimaru 2: We're almost at the goal, so let's finish this!

Ishtar: Exactly!

Ishtar: So come on, hurry up and go get your vehicles from the warehouse already! Those are more important than anything!

Ishtar: Don't worry, you all have time to retune them, so just take it slow and steady!

Ishtar: Oh, and at this point, there will be no making new vehicles, so make sure to stick with your original ones!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Well, of course. I would never replace Kyogoku with another steed after all his hard work.

Sanzang: Same here! Whether we win or not, gotta have a proper end to my journey with Bailong!

Sanzang: But of course, that doesn't mean I'm not still gunning for the number one spot!

Ishtar: I'll be checking these myself as well, but once you get your vehicle back, make sure it still has the ritual part I gave you before the race began.

Ishtar: If you don't, you'll be disqualified on the spot, no questions asked.

Nero: You certainly do care about those parts a lot. Oh well, I suppose they must be needed to complete the ritual to make this Singularity disappear.

Ishtar: You got it. Now hurry up and get ready already!

Ishtar: Your long prison stint is finally over, and the spectators are waiting anxiously for you to start racing again!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...Phew. Looks like I managed to fool them.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: I just wish I hadn't gotten so carried away with my performance that they ended up punching through my own Spirit Core. Oh well, at least that ought to trick the spectators too.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: It may not have been a flashy role, but it was a fulfilling one. Besides, people like me aren't supposed to stand out anyway.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Welp, you're free to take it from here, lady. Next time, I hope you and I will get a chance to face off.

Gorgon: ...The prison is falling apart. I see. This was all your doing, wasn't it?

Enkidu: Hm? Oh, you mean getting rid of the prison by getting rid of Medb? Yup, that was me.

Enkidu: Those people only wanted to escape. I wanted to tear this entire prison down.

Enkidu: And since there was no one around to point out our different aims, I just kept my mouth shut and did what I had to make sure things turned out this way.

Enkidu: I don't take issue with the idea of building a powerful prison using a foreign goddess as a cornerstone...but they really should have chosen their sacrifice more carefully.

Enkidu: Don't you agree? If you want to build a prison, you need to use a goddess of justice as its central pillar. Using a goddess of revenge will just twist the whole sense of morality in the place.

Gorgon: Are you mocking me? It is not as if I had a choice in the matter. Right from the start, I was summoned here to be a sacrifi–Wait! Stop!

Gorgon: ...What are you up to?

Enkidu: I apologize for resorting to such crude methods. I didn't mean to damage your precious scales.

Enkidu: But now, the pillar supporting this prison is free. You may not exactly be able to walk out the front door...

Enkidu: ...but knowing you, I'm certain you can still find a way to escape this place. After all, you've always been good at burrowing through the ground.

Gorgon: ...Are you expecting me to thank you? I don't even know who you are. Why are you–

Enkidu: Beats me. Honestly, I'm not even sure myself why I wanted to help you.

Enkidu: But I do know that every fiber of my being is telling me this:

Enkidu: I never again want to see a goddess consumed by her need for revenge disappear without ever having known freedom. Not even a composite deity.

Gorgon: ...

Enkidu: Now, it looks like this place is collapsing as well, so I'll be taking my leave.

Enkidu: Neither of us has a Master, so we won't be able to maintain our bodies here very long.

Enkidu: So I figure, why not enjoy this world while we still can?

Gorgon: You're... So that's who you are...

Final Area: Continent I

Emiya: Dammit, they just keep coming!

Jack: One, please!

Nursery Rhyme: One, please!

Ibaraki-douji: Hehehe. I do love seeing human faces contorted in pain. Now, give me one of those, and one of thooose...oh, oh, oh! One of THOSE, too!

Ibaraki-douji: Here! You'll take your payment in small-denomination QP and like it!

Ibaraki-douji: Feel free to count it to make sure it all adds up if you like. I know your fighting spirit will never let you do otherwise. Kehehe...

Ibaraki-douji: Go ahead and count them one by one. But don't you dare stop cooking in the meantime! Now, I think I'll take a shish kebab next!

Elisabeth: Wait, hold up. They're almost at the finish line? So this event's gonna be over soon?

Elisabeth: Isn't it strange that I've really been doing nothing but standing here this entire time?

Elisabeth: I mean, I'm more than just an ungodly sexy swimsuit model, you know?

Elisabeth: The way I saw it, the higher-ups for this event were supposed to notice the pop star power I couldn't keep covered up 'cause it's just way too strong.

Elisabeth: Then they were supposed to beg me to take over the main role thanks to my incredible cuteness and popularity.

Elisabeth: Heads were supposed to roll for having overlooked such an amazing talent right under their noses all this time, and my future as a superstar should have been secured!

Georgios: Ahh... As official recordkeeper, it falls to me to preserve this summer woe. I shall call this one “The Tragic Buffoon”...

Fou: Fou fou, fooou!

Mash: Fou is excited too. He's jumping around like he wants to join the race.

Mash: This is finally it, Senpai!

Fujimaru 1: It's all been leading up to this!

Fujimaru 2: At last, we've reached the final area...

Ishtar Commentary: That's right. The only thing that stands between our racers and victory now is a single straightaway!

Ishtar Commentary: This area may have been improvised on the fly after the bridge collapsed, but hey, it works to keep things going!

Ishtar Commentary: I've tallied up the time it took each team to escape from the prison, and set up a new starting grid accordingly.

Ishtar Commentary: This time, each team will burn rubber as soon as we say go! It'll be a battle of fate, where each racer will have no choice but to trust in their luck.

Ishtar Commentary: There'll be no interference from enemies, and no tricky corners. All each team's gotta do is floor it and make for the finish line straight ahead!

Ishtar Commentary: A final leg for the ages, free of cheap tricks, where the winner will be obvious to anyone watching!

Ishtar Commentary: And we'll get to see how it all shakes out after a word from our sponsors!

Fujimaru 1: ... (Gulp) ...

Ishtar Commentary: It's been one hell of a long race, folks, but at last, it's time to separate the winners from the losers!

Ishtar Commentary: Listen up, all of you waiting on the starting grid! Look back on everything that's happened during this race.

Ishtar Commentary: The four areas you worked so hard to cross. The countless trials you overcame with your trusty vehicles.

Ishtar Commentary: You should be all fired up by those irreplaceable summer memories. But!

Ishtar Commentary: If you win here, it will all have been worth it! If you lose, then it was all for nothing!

Ishtar Commentary: ...So you can't go giving up now, can you?

Ishtar Commentary: To all you fierce competitors who've made it this far: this goddess salutes you!

Ishtar Commentary: I can't wait to see what happens, and not just for my own personal reasons!

Ishtar Commentary: I swear to you all as the goddess of beauty!

Ishtar Commentary: Whoever wins this race will be nothing less than the best summer Servant!

Mash: That's our Ishtar. She really knows how to get people fired up right to the end.

Mash: Still, it certainly looks like that worked!

Ishtar Commentary: The Ishtar Temple at the finish line will serve as the victory gate. Try to be the first one to cross it!

Ishtar Commentary: This is it! Get ready to begin the official last race of the Ishtar Cup!

Full Throttle to Victory (Team Nero)

Altria Alter: Well done, Drama Queen! We may not be FAR ahead, but we are in the lead!

Nero: Umu! The Red Venus's acceleration is one of its greatest strengths!

Nero: However, there are two other vehicles in this race who could still beat it in a pure contest of speed if we are not careful: Fran's and Nobunaga's!

Oda Nobunaga: You got that right! No more games! I'm in it to win it, pipe organ gal!

Oda Nobunaga: You know, this has been on my mind for a bit: Aren't we just a little TOO much alike?

Mysterious Racer X: I hear you, Nobbu! I totally get it! There's something infuriating about people being almost exactly like you, right? You can't help but fear and loathe them, yeah?

Mysterious Racer X: Now that you finally get the pain I feel having to deal with people copying my face AND personality, let's kick it into high gear!

Mysterious Racer X: Eat up Nobbu's Atsumori and drive as fast as you can, red rocket! This time, I'll open up the wings and leave our competition in the dust!

Nero: Oh no you don't, you fools!

Oda Nobunaga: Hey! What the hell!? Attacking us while we're transforming? RUDE! Isn't that against the rules!?

Oda Nobunaga: Oh crap, we're falling over! Stand us back up, Racer X! Throttle those controls like they're a Saber!

Mysterious Racer X: Don't worry, I've got this! I've just got to use the steering wheel to land a counterattack in the direction we're falling in!

Fran: Uhh! Now's my chance...! Your left's wide open!

Nero: ...! She got alongside me while I was distracted by Nobunaga on our right!

Professor M: Well done! Excellent strategy, Fran. You're going to make a wonderful racer someday.

Professor M: Hm, or would that be a wonderful vehicle...brain?

Professor M: Well, I suppose it doesn't matter if it's the racer or the vehicle that excels. All that matters is being top-notch.

Professor M: Still, don't you think you're being a little too courteous?

Professor M: A true race is like a joust. You're supposed to throw down a gauntlet when you pass your opponent!

Professor M: For example...raining down a hail of bullets upon a vulnerable flank!

Nero: Salty Maid!

Altria Alter: (While eating a popsicle) Mrry mot, I mall mrike mem mall mown!

Babbage: Unbelievable! She truly did manage to strike down all of M's bullets, and with nothing but a wooden mop! I suppose it goes to show one shouldn't trifle with a British maid!

Professor M: Incredible! No wonder she is Britain's legendary king! It seems my peashooter is unequal to the task!

Professor M: But what about a rocket? Take this! The Dynamics of an–

Fran: ...! We're losing our balance! No NPs! No N–!

Professor M: Oops.

Fran: Uhhh! Stupid Papa!

Babbage: Professooor!

Professor M: My apologies! I'm afraid I lost myself in the moment! There is something about HER name I simply couldn't abide!

Nero: Well done, Salty Maid! But the other teams are catching up. I am trusting you to handle our defense!

Altria Alter: Mmf mmrse. Mi mall make mem meg mor mermy.

Nero: Umu, I cannot understand a word you are saying, but I can tell what you are thinking!

Nero: We shall pass any who dare to get in front of us! If anyone gets alongside us, we shall send them flying!

Nero: And no matter how far apart from the pack we may stand, we shall not let off the accelerator until we have crossed the finish line! Is that not right!?

Altria Alter: ...Mes, mat'th might. Mut mhy mare mou miming?

Nero: Smiling? Am I?

Nero: ...I see. I had not noticed it myself, but I suppose I am having fun!

Nero: I may not care for you, but it has been quite enjoyable running this race together!

Nero: We are truly like two sisters with the same goal! I have never enjoyed myself this much in any other race to date!

Altria Alter: ...

Altria Alter: I trust this goes without saying, but do not let your guard down. This race is coming to an end. There is no telling what sort of surprises we may yet face.

Nero: Umu! Worry not, partner, I shall take care of everything! I have no fear whatsoever that we will lose to our rivals!

Nero: After all...the greatest enemy I must defeat is you, not them!

Full Throttle to Victory (Team Helena)

Helena: Hierarchy Engine, max power! You two, pour every last drop of magical energy you have into this thing!

Edison: Understood!

Nikola Tesla: Hahahahahahaha! Let me allay your concerns! We built our Thunderdome for this very purpose!

Nikola Tesla: Go ahead, Madame Blavatsky! Now is the time to use our power and exceed light speed!

Edison: That's right, go ahead and use us as stepping-stones!...Although, before you do, Helena, let me ask you: What did you just call the engine?

Helena: Hierarchy Engine!

Edison: Hierarchy Engine.

Helena: That's right. Hierarchy☆Engine!

Nikola Tesla: Would that perhaps be some sort of mystical engine bestowed on you by Mahatma or something?

Helena: Hehe, no, I just said it because it sounded cool! After all, this thing never had an engine to begin with!

Helena: Don't worry, nothing mysterious to puzzle out here! Now come on! Get that magical energy flowing!

Edison: I-I see. Very well then! Energy!

Nikola Tesla: Full charge! Indeed! Our power will redline the gauge all at once!

Edison: ...Wait! If you do that, you'll send Helena into enemy territory! What were you thinking, you half-witted eccentric!?

Nikola Tesla: And just how are we supposed to keep the other teams in check without a way to charge our Noble Phantasms all at once!?

Helena: (Ugh, just when I thought they were finally cooperating for once!)

Helena: (...Though I guess they still are, even if they are back to bickering again.)

Helena: Stop that! No more fighting now that we're almost at the end! And one more thing...

Helena: Thanks for all your help, you two! This has been a blast!

Helena: ...See you again after I cross the finish line!

Helena: Here I gooo!!!

Gentleman & Lion: See you soon!

Full Throttle to Victory (Team Fran)

Fran: Uhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa!

Professor M: Great! We're almost to the finish! Use that Berserker yell of yours to clear away everyone in front of us!

Babbage: Indeed, now that things have come to this, I believe the time has come to play my final card.

Babbage: Explosive steam turbo boost, maximum output! 120% capacity reached!

Fran: I'm definitely going to wiiiiiin! Winning would make me haaappyyy!

Professor M: Now that we've come this far, all we can do is trust in fate! (Said while tossing mayonnaise at every other car that comes close)

Babbage: You would stoop so low at this point in the race!? You really ARE a dastardly villain!

Professor M: Might makes right, as they say! But don't tell Fran that!

Babbage: ...Very well then, I suppose I have no choice but to keep it to myself!

Fran: Let's gooooooooo!

Full Throttle to Victory (Team Raikou)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: We are nearly there, Kyogoku! Do you understand, my beloved steed? You must run faster than ever before!

Kyogoku: Neiiighhh! (Translation: I'm giving it all the magical energy I have, but I won't let you down!)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Ahh, what a courageous response. Indeed, you have always been a trustworthy companion.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Even when you were facing down an army of Ushi-Oni, you never once faltered. You continued to bear me anywhere and everywhere, no matter how many wounds you suffered.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: That takes me back to the time when I ventured to Sanjou all on my own...

Kyogoku: Snort, snort! (Translation: I'll never forget what happened that day!)

Kyogoku: Snort...snort! Snooort! (Translation: Nor will I ever forget the events of this day either!)

Bailong: Neigh... (Translation: Kyogoku, is it just me...)

Bailong: Neigh, neigh...? (Translation: ...or have you been a little TOO excited since Raikou changed into a swimsuit?)

Kyogoku: Neiiigh! (Translation: I d-d-don't know what you're t-t-talking about!)

Sanzang: It looks like they are getting along well too! They must have become friends during the race!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Perhaps they have, great monk. Hehe, to tell the truth, I feel as though I have uncovered a whole new layer of myself in the course of this journey.

Sanzang: Yup, you sure have! Or, at least, you've taken off what few layers you had on to begin with!

Sanzang: (I don't think she realizes she's the most indecently dressed one here. No, I'm sure she doesn't. Just what does she think public decency is!?)

Sanzang: (For that matter, is it just me, or has she completely forgotten about it!?)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: To be a Heroic Spirit is to be a shadow. As we are not living people, we can never hope to grow...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: And yet, over the course of this journey, I feel as though I have managed to grow, and become more well-rounded!

Kyogoku: Snooort! (Translation: Oh yes! They've grown! Very round!)

Bailong: Snort... (Translation: Stop trying to look behind you while you run!)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: It is a shame that this journey must come to an end, but my bosom swells with excitement at what may come next!

Kyogoku: Snort! Neiiigh!? (Translation: Bosom? Swelling!?)

Bailong: Neighhh! (Translation: Kyogoku! ENOUGH!)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Come, great monk. Let us see what lies at the end of this road together!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Hi ho, Kyogoku!

Full Throttle to Victory (Team Nobunaga)

Oda Nobunaga: Hahahahahaha! Nobbu will have the last laugh!

Oda Nobunaga: Come, Mysterious Racer X! This will be our Okehazama! Full throttle to the ends of the galaxy!

Mysterious Racer X: You got it, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!

Mysterious Racer X: I may not have had a single chance to show off my racing skills in prison, but now is my time to shine!

Mysterious Racer X: The time has come to show everyone what the Demon King of the V6 Heaven can really do!

Mysterious Racer X: I'll inject this mysterious liquid Altrinitrium into the tank. I stayed up late to synthesize it since I was frustrated by my lack of screen time earlier!

Mysterious Racer X: There we go! Now let's shove this thing into overdrive and see what it can do! Yeeeaaah!!!

Mysterious Racer X: Now fly, Demon King of the V6 Heaven!

Oda Nobunaga: Well I'll be! I thought you were weirdly quiet back in prison. I had no idea you were working on a secret weapon!

Oda Nobunaga: You're pretty evil yourself, aren't you, Mysterious Heroi–er, Racer X!

Oda Nobunaga: But, you know...just to quell my nagging doubts...are you sure that's not just gonna blow up on us or something?

Oda Nobunaga: I mean, it'd be one hell of an anticlimax for that sort of thing to happen right now, wouldn't it?

Mysterious Racer X: ...

Mysterious Racer X: As long as we cross the finish line first, it won't be a problem!

Mysterious Racer X: And even if it does explode, we can always cover it up by rolling the credits! (Rakish smile)

Oda Nobunaga: But I don't want to be covered up!!!

Full Throttle to Victory (Team Nitocris)

Nero: You are quite tenacious, ancient pharaoh. I commend you for refusing to give up!

Nitocris: I can't...lose now! If I did...I could my Pharaoh Ozymandias...again!

Altria Alter: So you race in order to save face with someone else?

Altria Alter: Hmph. You can never hope to defeat me like that. Not when I race to obtain something I desire more than anything!

Altria Alter: ...Drama Queen, drive me closer to their vehicle! I wish to scrub them with my mop!

Nero: Understood! Make certain you finish this in one blow!

Caster of Storytelling: She's getting out of her vehicle. What is she–

Caster of Storytelling: ...!

Altria Alter: Your vehicle has a clear weakness that is just begging to be scrubbed out: that enormous exposed spherical wheel.

Altria Alter: I cannot say why, but it reminds me of a meatball! Just looking at it makes my mouth water!

Altria Alter: So to both punish you for making me hungry, and to take advantage of your weakness... Secace Morgan!

Nitocris: ...!

Altria Alter: Another mess cleaned up! Farewell, pharaoh! Your services are no longer required!

Nitocris: Aah! The Pharaoh Legend's sun wheel!

Caster of Storytelling: She damaged its joint! If we don't do something, it will fall off!

Nitocris: The sun wheel is the focal point of our vehicle's propulsion. If we lose it, I'm not sure we'll be able to race any longer.

Nitocris: It might stay on if we slow down, but then we'll have no hope of winning.

Nitocris: But, if we just leave it as it is, it's only a matter of time until it comes off...

Nitocris: ...I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anything we CAN do...

Caster of Storytelling: Nitocris. I have an idea.

Nitocris: ...Let me guess. You want us to come to a complete stop, right?

Nitocris: I understand how you feel, but we are one wrong move away from an accident. We could easily end up tipping over, or detonating the engine, or both. I can see those outcomes clearly, even without clairvoyance.

Nitocris: If we want to stay alive, we probably SHOULD stop the Legend. But if we do that, we'll lose this race for–

Caster of Storytelling: Let us speed up.

Nitocris: Huh!? What do you–

Caster of Storytelling: I don't have time to tell you the full story. Just focus on keeping the car running. I will handle the rest.

Nitocris: ... Okay, if you insist.

Nitocris: I trust you know what you're doing! Full speed ahead!

Nitocris: Oof... It's shaking like crazy! I knew it, the sun wheel could come off at any–Aah! There it goes!

Caster of Storytelling: ...Genie of the lamp!

Nitocris: The elemental you summoned is making himself into a ball, and...

Nitocris: D-did he just fit himself into the sun wheel's housing!?

Nitocris: Is he going to be okay!?

Caster of Storytelling: Yes, he'll be fine. His body is more smoke than flesh and blood. He can squeeze into any shape without issue.

Caster of Storytelling: And since he spends most of his time inside a lamp, this is certainly no trouble.

Caster of Storytelling: At any rate...we can use him to stand in for the sun wheel. That should at least let us reach the finish line.

Nitocris: It will be a dangerous trip, though. Does this mean you've gotten over your fear of death?

Caster of Storytelling: Not at all. I simply weighed the upside of obtaining the safety talisman you promised me against the downside of potentially dying here...

Caster of Storytelling: ...and the talisman came out on top.

Nitocris: What if you get killed trying to get it?

Caster of Storytelling: Well...that will most likely not be a concern here.

Caster of Storytelling: Our greatest obstacle right now is those two kings, and if nothing else, I know how to avoid being killed by kings.

Caster of Storytelling: ...Though of course, you are a king as well.

Nitocris: Me...? I see. I guess I am technically a pharaoh, but if I'm a king, I'm one who pales in spirit compared to–

Caster of Storytelling: You are a king who fights to live up to others' expectations.

Caster of Storytelling: A king who fights to grow as a person.

Caster of Storytelling: A king who fights to protect the dignity inherent in that title.

Caster of Storytelling: As I see it...that makes you a truly wonderful king indeed.

Caster of Storytelling: Am I wrong?

Nitocris: Um...

Caster of Storytelling: ...My apologies. As a mere storyteller, it is not my place to speak of such things. Please forget I said anything.

Nitocris: What a fool you are.

Caster of Storytelling: Yes, I know. That is why I'm apologi–

Nitocris: You are NO MERE storyteller!

Nitocris: You're a wonderful partner, who has stood by me this entire time. In the name of the pharaohs, I commend you.

G:Partner Caster: ...!

Nitocris: Now, it looks like the genie has gotten used to being our wheel. I think this will work.

Nitocris: He shall be our new sun, shining light on the new path of glory about to be added to the pharaohs' legend!

Nitocris: Come, partner! Let us make certain that this king's story ends in victory!

G:Partner Caster: ...Okay!

Closing Ceremony

Ishtar: Goooaaal! Congratulations! You're the winners!

Fujimaru 1: Wooo!

Fou: Fouuu!

Fujimaru 2: (Applaud until your hands go numb)

Fou: Fou fooou! (Clapping paws)

Mash: Wow... The excitement here is palpable! We're so lucky we were able to see the end of the race this close to the finish line, Senpai!

Mash: Looks like there's still some time until the victory ceremony. Everyone's still taking it all in.

Mash: Huh... Was that thunder? Odd, it was really sunny here at the racetrack just a moment ago...

Mash: What the... Are those storm clouds...?

Mash: They're coming straight toward us, almost as if they have a will of their own...

Beowulf: That's a hell of a storm...! Hey, kids! Hurry up and get back to Chaldea!

Beowulf: Those gale winds aren't just gonna blow around physical objects... That lightning can even destroy Spirit Origins!

Nursery Rhyme: It's a quaking, crackling, criminal Andersen! Why does this have to happen now, right after I got the special celebratory champagne!?

Ibaraki-Douji: Th-th-that thunder sounds like Gozu-Tenno. Don't tell me that's Raikou!? I'm getting out of here while my head's still attached to my shoulders!

Elisabeth: Ibaraki's such a fraidy-cat. Me, I'm the pinnacle of elegance...

Elisabeth: That kind of lightning is no big deal at all. I see that sort of thing on Mt. János all the ti–

Elisabeth: Awawawawawawa! What the hell was that? It zapped me all the way down to my tail!

Fujimaru 1: Why did things get so bad all of a sudden!?

Mash: Everyone's scattering now!

Mash: We need to get out of here too, Master!

Fujimaru 2: Come on Mash, we need to evacuate!

Mash: I agree, Master! There's something strange about this storm!

Announcement: Hehe... Hehehe... Heh heh heh heh!

Announcement: That. Was. PERFECT! Everything went JUST AS PLANNED! I'm so perfect I almost scare myself!

Fou: Fou, fooou!

Mash: Was that Ishtar!? Ah, Senpai! You musn't go back to the racetrack!

Ishtar: Go on, if you don't want to get caught up in this, you'd better run away! Don't worry, I'm not heartless. I'll spare your lives!

Ishtar: But please note that any refunds for bets placed will only be given to Servants still at the racetrack, and tickets for any Heroic Spirits who run away will be considered null and void♡

Ishtar: Hehehe, heh heh heh heh! If you've got a problem with that, then take it up with the most ancient of laws!

Ishtar: “No matter what the era, the house always wins.”

Ishtar: All gambling is rigged to the advantage of whoever's hosting it. If you didn't know what that meant before, hopefully it's become crystal clear by now☆

Fujimaru 1: That's just scamming people out of their money!

Fujimaru 2: That's one of the worst things you've ever said!

Ishtar: Oh. What was that, Fujimaru? I could have sworn I just heard you asking for divine punishment OF THE WORST KIND!

Mash: Senpai! It's dangerous here. Lightning could strike at any moment!

Ishtar: Oh, don't worry about that, Mash. I won't go zapping you after you both helped me out so much.

Ishtar: ...As long as you don't get in my way anymore, that is.

Fou: Fouuu!

Fujimaru 1: Is that an earthquake!?

Mash: No... I don't think this is an ordinary earthquake.

Ishtar: You're right. This is the earth itself crying out in pain. It's being sacrificed in order to make my companion.

Ishtar: I mean come ON, did you really figure me for the kinda chump who'd use all her money on charity!? It was all a ritual leading up to this moment!

Ishtar: That's right. I couldn't care less who came in first.

Ishtar: All I wanted was to have each team drive their hearts out while they completed the race.

Ishtar: To make sure the parts I had each team install in their vehicles all ended up here...

Ishtar: ...after their tires carved a ton of magical energy into the Venus textures I placed all over this land!

Fujimaru 1: Wh-what are you talking about!?

Ishtar: There we go! That's the kind of shocked expression I wanted to see! That look right there is what makes masterminding this sort of thing worthwhile.

Fujimaru 2: I THOUGHT there was something fishy about this!

Ishtar: Did you now, Fujimaru? I knew I saw great potential and a promising future in you, Master.

Ishtar: But you still didn't know exactly what I was up to, did you?

Ishtar: I'll be nice and throw you a bone here. First off, check out the true form of my Ishtar Temple!

Fujimaru 1: What...the hell...?

Fujimaru 2: Is that...a giant ATM?

Ishtar: The Ishtar Temple was just a front! THIS is the top secret, painstakingly constructed heart of the operation: the Ishtar Quantum Power System...or Ishtar QPS!

Nero: Hold it right there!

Nero: We cannot simply stand idly by through all of this...whatever this is!

Altria Alter: We overheard what you were saying. What is all this? Is it something to do with the parts installed on our vehicles?

Ishtar: Something to do with them? They were the whole point of all this! Speaking of which, I'll be taking them back now!

Babbage: Hrm!? I didn't input any steam command like that!

Fran: Ishtar's part just came off of Babbage's body!

Professor M: (I wish MY body could combine and detach... I wonder if they'd include a diagram showing how to cast parts off like that at the end of the book...)

Helena: Those parts are coming off our vehicles all by themselves... Is that thing pulling them in...?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Kyogoku may never have needed such a harness, but I still question what all this is about.

Oda Nobunaga: Wahahaha! Our vehicle just completely fell apart after that thing we jammed in somewhere was just ripped out!

Oda Nobunaga: I don't know how it managed to stay together all this time! Oh well, it can't be helped!

Nitocris: Those parts aren't just flying away. I'm sensing tremendous magical energy from that device...!

Ishtar: There we go! It's coming together nicely! And it's all thanks to you guys driving over my Venus textures!

Ishtar: The tire marks you all carved into this land while you were desperately trying to outrun one another functioned just like kind of magical summoning circle...

Ishtar: ...and this little doohickey is designed to gather up all the magical energy expended during the race.

Ishtar: At the same time, the parts I had you install in your vehicles secretly stored the heat created by the friction of your magical-energy-propelled tires running across my textures...

Ishtar: ...which in turn completed the preparations for the excited state for each part.

Ishtar: Hehehe, ahahahaha! It's all so deliciously perfect! Soon, sooooooon Operation Rebuild Gugalanna will be complete!

Fujimaru 1: Gugalanna!?

Mash: Gugalanna...the Bull of Heaven, and the Divine Beast that once served Ishtar.

Mash: But when we were in Uruk, I thought she told us she had lost it somewhere...

Fujimaru 2: What's going on here, Ishtar!?

Ishtar: ...Hehe. Now that I look back on it, I've spent a long, looong time waiting for this day.

Ishtar: The Queen of Kur stole all the best parts for herself, even though I'm the Queen of Heaven.

Ishtar: The other goddesses all pitied me, calling me pathetic just because I lost my trump card, the Bull of Heaven...

Ishtar: Goldie would laugh at me and say things like “Well of course the Bull of Heaven left you! Who'd want a master that was built like a washboard!”...

Ishtar: It's been a long and humiliating road to get here, but at last...I've finally reached my goal!

Ishtar: You there! Don't you look at me like that! This is NOT just about taking out my frustrations on others!

Ishtar: Don't worry. Since I'm the highest class of goddess there is, I'll tell you what was really going on with this race.

Ishtar: Up till now, I would spend all my free time searching for Gugalanna, or trying to resummon him...anything I could think of to get him back, basically.

Ishtar: Considering how tight we were, it should've only been a matter of time until he came back to me.

Ishtar: ...But no matter how hard I tried, he never came home. I couldn't find him anywhere. I couldn't summon him. I couldn't even sense his breathing.

Ishtar: I realized that I hadn't just lost him. Either he was taken someplace my Authority doesn't reach, or–

Helena: ...Or disappeared after the connection between Divine Spirits and humanity was completely severed, and his role had been completed, right?

Ishtar: Exactly. Which means it wasn't my fault that I lost Gugalanna in Uruk.

Ishtar: At that point, he had already become detached from me, so it was no wonder I wasn't able to summon him again.

Ishtar: Gugalanna had returned to heaven. It was a gift from my father, but he had earned his retirement. I had no problem with that. Really.

Ishtar: So I had a change of heart, and decided to take a different tack. If the first Gugalanna was broken, I could just make another!

Mash: Wha...? Th-then, you really are trying to make another Divine Beast, like An the demiurge!?

Ishtar: Yup! If Dad could do it, no reason I can't!

Ishtar: I mean, how many times do you think I've come THIS close to destroying Mesopotamia?

Ishtar: Maybe you guys didn't take me seriously since I've really only showed you my good side, but this is who I really am.

Ishtar: A goddess among goddesses who collects Authority from every other god and uses it as ornamentation.

Ishtar: The most powerful Divine Spirit ever: Ruler Ishtar!

Da Vinci: Incredible. That Divine Beast really is starting to incarnate! Singularity or not, it's amazing that she was able to pull this off all on her own!

Da Vinci: Oh man, I definitely wasn't taking this seriously enough! Ishtar! I regret my error, and stand in awe!

Fujimaru 1: Da Vinci!?

Fujimaru 2: You sure don't sound like you regret anything!

Da Vinci: Well, this whole race ritual DID have a pretty big mystery to it right from the beginning.

Da Vinci: I told myself that Ishtar was odd, and her ways would naturally be odd too, and just let it go, but...

Da Vinci: Hahaha, I really did not see this twist coming!

Da Vinci: Basically, this whole race was nothing more than a way of creating a new Gugalanna, right?

Fujimaru 1: I fail to see how this is funny!

Da Vinci: Sorry about that. You gotta understand, we geniuses don't get many chances to have our expectations exceeded like this. It's sort of novel.

Da Vinci: I mean, it's just so much fun! I mean, how do we not get excited when we finally get to experience actually being surprised by a twist for once?

Da Vinci: That said, I know I need to keep that under control this time around. The surprise is over now, and it's time to deal with this mess.

Ishtar: Well well, that's some big talk, Da Vinci. Didn't you just say you were standing in awe of me?

Da Vinci: I did. And I still am.

Da Vinci: I'm feeling regret AND awe. But for the Bull of Heaven, not you.

Da Vinci: Unfortunately for you, Ishtar, you're still just a Pseudo-Servant using a human as a vessel.

Da Vinci: Your Spirit Origin is A-rank at best. Suffice to say that we can handle anything you can throw at us.

Da Vinci: ...That said, the severity of the beating coming your way may change depending on what you decide to do with your reconstructed bovine friend.

Ishtar: More big talk, eh. All right then, let me just go ahead and finish up building my Bull of Heaven.

Ishtar: And then I'll show you just how terrifying I can really be!

Ishtar: First, I'll use the Ishtar QPS to put together the different living body parts overflowing with magical energy, with an immature organism as the nucleus!

Ishtar: ...Here it comes! This is the birth of my new Gugalanna: Gugalanna Mark II!


Fujimaru 1: It's enormous!

Fujimaru 2: It really is the Bull of Heaven!

Fran: Uh. It's so big.

Oda Nobunaga: So you mean all that work I did was just a ploy to bring this giant cow to life? Why didn't anyone tell me!?

Oda Nobunaga: What are you, a movie villain killing off her allies now that they've outlived their usefulness!?

Mysterious Racer X: No, if anything, it's more like agreeing to give a race promoter a cut of your winnings, then having him fleece you for everything you've got!

Helena: ...Mind if I ask a question? I get what you're really trying to make now.

Helena: But is this ritual still going to serve the function you originally promised it would?

Mash: Th-that's right. This race was originally supposed to erase the Singularity here.

Mash: You CAN still do that...right?

Ishtar: ...

Fujimaru 1: What was that? I can't hear you!

Fujimaru 2: I thought goddesses never lie!

Da Vinci: That IS a good question. All of the magical energy collected in this race has been poured into Gugalanna.

Da Vinci: There are no resources left that can be allocated to erasing the Singularity. Much as I hate to say it, it would seem that Ishtar has deceived us and–

Ishtar: N-no I didn't. I totally accounted for this, okay? Getting my Gugalanna Mark II was all part of the plan!

Ishtar: I always meant to use his ultra Divine Beast power to take care of the Singularity!

Ishtar: I just have to get rid of the distortion, right? I'll just have him stomp on it like a roll of bubble wrap!

Mash: Th-that's too rough! It would be like using a bomb to get rid of a ketchup stain!

Da Vinci: What Mash said. That may get rid of the Singularity, but it would also wipe out Connacht along with it!

Da Vinci: Fortunately, there's still time. All Ishtar needs to do is give back the magical energy she diverted to Gugalanna.

Nero: Oho... So it is not too late to reverse the flow of energy, is it?

Altria Alter: The primary reason I took part in this race to begin with was to help Master resolve this Singularity.

Altria Alter: ...While I will not deny that I had reasons of my own as well, I cannot allow this most important of aspects to come unraveled at the end.

Fran: Yes. Master...not happy...bad.

Helena: Then I guess we all know what we have to do now, don't we?

Helena: I'm glad you children are so quick on the uptake. It saves me a lot time sharing my hard-won wisdom!

Oda Nobunaga: Hey, I'll never stand out on the stage with that thing in the background!

Oda Nobunaga: Of course, if we set it up so that it blows wiiide open and I come flying out of it on a wire for my grand entrance, well that's a whole different story!

Nitocris: A true god shouldn't be selfish, Ishtar.

Nitocris: They should always keep their promises, even those made to inferior humans.

Ishtar: Wait... Hang on a second. When did I get to be the bad guy here?

Ishtar: Okay, maaaybe I went a little too far with swindling everyone out of their bets...

Ishtar: But in general, my getting a new Gugalanna is a good thing, right? Just imagine all that power, fighting on yo–our side!

Ishtar: Sure, its divine radiance might be so intense that it crushes all sorts of tangible and intangible things...

Ishtar: ...but that's a small price for such a big payoff. If anything, you should be thanking me for bringing him back.

Ishtar: I-I mean come on, it's like humans always say: bigger is better!

All: ...

Ishtar: ...

Ishtar: So it's gonna be like that, huh!? Fine! I'm not backing down after coming this far. Let's do this thing!

Ishtar: Let's see how its materialization is coming along... Just one foreleg? Hmph...that's more than enough!

Ishtar: Ishtar, Mode...Change!

Ishtar: Taste this power for yourself, and bow down before me! Soon, you'll wish you'd never messed with this goddess!

Mash: She's unleashing her true strength! Come on, Master! Let's stop Ishtar's misguided plan and bring this to an end!


Gugalanna Mark II: [[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]!!!

Ishtar: Hehe, not bad! But you're still completely outclassed! Resistance is futile!

Ishtar: An incarnated Divine Beast IS law in this world! And as the Queen of Heaven, I'm the only one who can control it!

Ishtar: Gugalanna is practically invulnerable to the likes of you! You guys don't stand a chance!

Mash: ...! I'm afraid she's right, Master!

Mash: Nero, Altria Alter, and everyone else are putting up a great fight, but they just don't have anything that can bring the Bull of Heaven down!

Ishtar: There you have it! Now just sit back and wait while Gugalanna finishes assembling!

Ishtar: Once he's complete, I can go back to being my true self!

Ishtar: Instead of Ishtar, I'll be Inanna...and I'll have the Authority to control the heavens themselves!

Nero: Argh! Having an ally become stronger is normally a good thing, but I have a rather unfortunate prediction about this goddess and her plans!

Nero: I'm so confident, I am willing to wager on it! She is the type to self-destruct spectacularly by betting everything on what she mistakenly believes to be a winning hand!

A:All: (Nodding vigorously)

Ishtar: No I'm not!

Ishtar: When I win, I win big, and when I lose, I make sure to take my opponent with me!

Fujimaru 1: Isn't that literally being self-destructive?

Fujimaru 2: But you already used all your money on this race...

Ishtar: ...O-okay, I'll admit that this case bears more than a passing resemblance to that scenario...

Ishtar: ...Crud. I'm getting a bad feeling about this...

Ishtar: N-nice try, but you can't psych me out! I've already won, no matter how you slice it!

Ishtar: I'm not self-destructing, and you guys have no chance to turn this around! In another, two minutes, I'll have–

D:???: I don't think so!

D:???: While you were busy focusing on your enemies on the ground, I got to your bull's head, yes!

Ishtar: ! Th-this voice... This divine aura...

Fujimaru 1: It's the goddess of Venus, Quetzalcoatl!

Fujimaru 2: Talk about larger than life, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: Gracias, Fujimaru! That's so sweet of you to say, if a little embarrassing!

Quetzalcoatl: Now I'm all fired up for my last show! To thank you for cheering me on, I'll show you the essence of lucha...

Quetzalcoatl: A “Neck Hang” into a “Heaven Drop,” on an unprecedented gigantic scale!

Mash: ...Quetzalcoatl is bending Gugalanna's horns!

Mash: Amazing... Now she's tied them together, that a “Backbreaker” into what I think it is!?

Ishtar: Quetzalcoatl!? What are YOU doing here!?

Ishtar: I thought you got taken out along with Medb!

Quetzalcoatl: I did, yes! Or at least, someone who looked just like me did!

Quetzalcoatl: You weren't the only one who was scheming behind the scenes, Ishtar.

Quetzalcoatl: My request is very simple.

Quetzalcoatl: When they break out of prison, it will be my job as the vice-warden to go after them.

Quetzalcoatl: When that happens, I want you to disguise yourself as me and fight in my stead.

Quetzalcoatl: This is not to deceive Medb, but the goddess helping the prisoners. I want her to think I'm off the board.

Quetzalcoatl: Of course, it won't work if you just run away from them, no. Basically...

Quetzalcoatl: I want you to die for real, yes!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: What are you, a demon!? The hell kind of deal is that!?

Quetzalcoatl: You don't like it? I see. I could kill you right now if you prefer.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: (Gulp)... Right. I guess you WOULD kill me if I refused, huh? And if you did, I wouldn't be able to fulfill the first request I accepted.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: So I can either die without fulfilling any requests, or die after fulfilling two requests, huh.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: Well that's a no-brainer. Okay lady, you've got yourself a deal.

Quetzalcoatl: Muchas gracias! I'm glad you're such an understanding Heroic Spirit, yes!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: You bet. But if I'm going to accept your request, I need you to come through with a suitable reward, you know?

Phantom of ∞ Faces: That said, I'm good on money and booze now. Authority's nice too, but I think I've had my fill of that.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...When you can become anyone at all, sometimes you've got to make a conscious choice to do something for yourself.

Phantom of ∞ Faces: You follow me, lady? You know what it is I want more than anything?

Quetzalcoatl: ...Yes, I believe I do.

Quetzalcoatl: Very well then, nameless warrior. The next time we meet...

Quetzalcoatl: I swear on my godhood to face you in a no-holds-barred match of strength.

Quetzalcoatl: As you can see, I love hand-to-hand combat, so I'm sure we'll have a wonderful time, yes!

Phantom of ∞ Faces: ...Got it. Right then, you've got yourself a deal. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure your plan succeeds.

Quetzalcoatl: ...And here we are. But don't feel too bad, Ishtar.

Quetzalcoatl: It's not that my scheme was better than yours so much as his performance was just too good.

Quetzalcoatl: That said, it's time you had a stern talking-to!

Quetzalcoatl: I understand how awful it feels to be unable to fight when something really matters, or to be helpless to save those who are in need, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: But still, you went too far this time! As a fellow goddess of Venus, I can't just stand by and let you continue in this foolishness, no!

Quetzalcoatl: If it is beyond the capacity of humanity to stop this beast, then I shall destroy it myself!

Quetzalcoatl: Gugalanna, Bull of Heaven and servant to the goddess of Venus! If you feel a kinship with my power, then hear me now and obey me!

Quetzalcoatl: This drop is too much even for you! I'll drive you back into the earth and return you to your slumber!

Gugalanna Mark II: Moooooo!

Ishtar: Aaahhh! Please, noooooo!

Fujimaru 1: No way!

Fujimaru 2: That's a “Backdrop” into a “Piledriver”!

Georgios: Okay everyone, line up now. Closer together, please. Winning team in the middle! They've earned that.

Georgios: Just a moment. You there, evil aristocrat, get out of the way. You will not be waltzing into this picture!

Georgios: This commemorative photo will consist only of the racers and the race's administrative staff!

Georgios: You, goddess, stay put. Don't bother trying to get out of frame.

Georgios: Good. Now hold that up so we can see it!

Georgios: King Gilgamesh gave this to us himself. It may be recycled, but that doesn't mean we should waste it.

Ishtar: (Sniff)... No fair... I didn't do anything to deserve this kind of cruelty...

Ishtar: I lost my fleeting Authority... I lost Gugalanna... And when I get back to Chaldea, there's even a special anti-goddess punishment waiting for me.

Ishtar: Whose idea was this, anyway...? Oh, right... It was mine... Hehe, hehehe...

Ishtar: Go on, Fujimaru. It's okay to laugh...

Ishtar: It's just like Nero said. I'm a pathetic goddess who blew all her money on a single winning ticket that turned out to be anything but...

Fujimaru 1: Sorry, Ishtar...but you're not off the hook.

Fujimaru 2: Yup. Which is why you're not off the hook.

Mash: Um, Senpai? Ishtar seems to be genuinely repentant, and it looks like we should be able to do something about this Singularity now that Gugalanna is gone.

Mash: So maybe we don't need to punish her TOO severely?

Ishtar: Hehe... That's kind of you, Mash...but it's okay. Even I'm fed up with myself after this ordeal.

Ishtar: I don't even care what happens to me anymore. Go ahead; do your worst. I can't stand the thought of being broke.

Fujimaru 1: Gotcha. In that case...

Fujimaru 2: You'll just have to save up from scratch again.

Ishtar: Huh...? “Save up from scratch again”? You mean...

Fujimaru 1: Your punishment is an official contract with me.

Mash: I agree, that sounds like the best solution!

Mash: Ishtar, no matter what you might say, you're is still among the highest class of goddess around!

Mash: Just the fact that you're on Chaldea's side is something more precious than anything money can buy!

Ishtar: Y-you think...? So even though I can never call on Gugalanna still need my power?

Ishtar: You think I'm Chaldea's true goddess of victory or something?

Fujimaru 1: Of course.

Fujimaru 2: You're plenty capable even without Gugalanna.

Ishtar: I-I see. In that case, well, I really am sorry about all this.

Ishtar: And I do feel better now that I know for sure Gugalanna is never coming back, so...

Ishtar: Okay! I guess there's a first time for everything; even a goddess working for free!

Ishtar: So I swear to you once again: I, Ishtar, officially vow to be your Servant!

Fujimaru 1: Thanks, Ishtar. Glad to have you.

Georgios: ...My, my. That one came out rather well, if I do say so myself.

Georgios: Now, I think I shall take another one focused on the victory cup. Will the winning team hold it up, please?

Georgios: Yes, there we go. Those are some lovely smiles. ...All right, say cheese.

Narration: ...And so, the summer race came to an end.

Narration: We may have just run around behind the scenes, but I still feel like I'll be looking back on memories of this event for years to come.

Narration: The horizon stretching out forever. The endless sky with not a single rooftop in sight. The times when Senpai and I would just stand side by side enjoying the cool breeze.

Narration: The way my shirt clung to me after I sweated buckets in the heat, and how even though it was heavy and unpleasant, I didn't even mind.

Narration: Senpai and I running until we were out of breath to get to the finish line in time.

Narration: The way everyone's vehicles screamed by like thunder, their speed blowing our hair completely out of place.

Narration: How cool and refreshing that felt...and then how Senpai and I saw how unkempt each other's hair was, and how much that made us laugh.

Narration: Our roles may have been very mundane this time, instead of leading ones...

Narration: But even so...these are still precious summer memories that I'll never forget.

Mash: Come to think of it...

Mash: This may be the longest I've ever been outside Chaldea with Senpai since I became a navigator...

Mash: I guess it really would have been unhealthy to spend the whole summer staying inside playing board games.

Mash: I should thank Ishtar for giving us a reason to go outside.

Fujimaru 1: Heeey, Maaash!

Mash: Oh, hi Senpai. Hi Fou.

Fou: Fou fou!

Fujimaru 1: It's time to go home.

Fujimaru 2: Ishtar said she (has to) clean up here.

Mash: I-I see. I guess that makes sense, given everything that happened...

Mash: Okay, I'll let her take care of it then.

Mash: Fortunately, we were able to get rid of the Singularity with the resources we secured after Quetzalcoatl stopped Gugalanna Mark II.

Mash: So I guess this really does wrap everything up.

Fou: Fouuu!

Fujimaru 1: ...It sure was one thing after another, wasn't it.

Fujimaru 2: ...Are you glad we came here?

Mash: Yes. Of that much, I'm absolutely certain.

Mash: It may have been one thing after another...but this summer still turned out to be a lot of fun!

Mash: I'm sure everyone else feels the same way!

Aftermath: Fast & Furious & Low

Nero: This is a great honor! Everyone, thank you, thank you!

Nero: Go on, Salty Maid, wave! We have triumphed!

Altria Alter: L-like this? ...What is so funny? I can read the room too, and I am truly grateful for this applause.

Nero: I see. I am glad to hear that! Then all together now!

Altria Alter: R-right, all together.

Both: Hurray! Victory is ours!

Nero: Our supremacy is clear for all to see now! It feels good to win first place by a decisive margin! Not that I ever believed it would turn out otherwise!

Nero: Nonetheless, I could not have done this without Fujimaru's support and your capacity for violence.

Nero: Well done, Salty Maid! Our success in fending off our fearsome rivals is due entirely to our teamwork!

Altria Alter: ...Indeed. And I am grateful to you as well.

Altria Alter: I originally approached you merely so you could serve as a human shield if necessary, but your performance exceeded my expectations.

Altria Alter: The way you notice small details even as you ignore them, and consistently choose the most ostentatious and dangerous course of action...

Altria Alter: Just this once, I daresay it was responsible for our greatest achievement here.

Altria Alter: It is thanks to you that I managed to secure first place. The crowd's cheers are yours to enjoy.

Altria Alter: Now, go on and head to the winner's podium. A victory parade set to last three days and three nights awaits you.

Nero: Hahaha! Umu, it shall be a glorious celebration! A lavish victory gala singing my praises!

Nero: However, while that is most generous of you, wait just a moment.

Nero: What would be the point of my ascending the podium on my own? Did you not say this is our victory?

Nero: We still have to pour champagne on each other, give an interview where we are asked the secret of our victory, smile at each other, say something like...

Nero: “What else!? Our strong bond that let us suppress our burning desire to rub the other out at the first chance!”

Nero: ...and proceed to hit one another with bouquets of roses. Do you not wish to do that?

Altria Alter: ...

Altria Alter: No. Tempting though that sounds, I shall leave the glory to you.

Altria Alter: I will simply accept the Holy Grail and take my leave.

Altria Alter: After all, Fujimaru is waiting fervently for my report.

Altria Alter: “I will only cheer for you...” What a lovely thing to say. It makes me want to buy popsicles by the case.

Altria Alter: You wish for thunderous applause, correct? That holds no appeal to me, I am afraid.

Altria Alter: You shall have honor, and I shall have the prize. That is what we agreed upon when we formed this team.

Altria Alter: Now, I must rent a motor home and head for that river.

Altria Alter: There, a maid and her master shall relax by the water's edge, under a clear blue sky. There could be no more kingly end than that.

Altria Alter: Heh. It took all my strength of will to focus on the race and keep that image from my mind.

Nero: ...Hold it. When did I say I would let you have the Holy Grail?

Nero: I shall be handing that to Master myself.

Nero: You may have the prize money, so stay away from the rest. For that matter, stop daydreaming.

Nero: “I will only cheer for you” my foot!

Nero: Master promised to cheer only for ME, directly and in person! [♂ He /♀ She] even pounded the wall behind me when [♂ he /♀ she] did so!

Altria Alter: ...I knew you were a woman lost in her own mind, but I did not know you had gone so far as to install a VR function.

Altria Alter: Do you truly believe Master has the guts for something like that? Are you certain you were not merely daydreaming?

Nero: No, I was not! For some reason, [♂ he /♀ she] told me [♂ he /♀ she] wished for me to win this race, and I wished to grant [♂ his /♀ her] request.

Nero: It was that very passion that led to this Theatrical Essence! How else would you explain my Class changing just like that!?

Nero: Surely you must also have experienced something similar!

Altria Alter: Hm, that is true... In fact, I underwent my own class change for much the same reason...

Altria Alter: However! You and I are still nothing alike!

Altria Alter: So what if Master allegedly pounded the wall or not!?

Altria Alter: When [♂ he /♀ she] approached me, [♂ he /♀ she] took my hands in [♂ his /♀ hers] and gazed into my eyes. There were even flower petals swirling in the air!

Nero: Flower petals!? Truly!?

Altria Alter: Truly! You too would have thought it a paradise! Though looking back upon it, it seems extremely unnatural!

Nero: Ooh, I am so jealous! I too want to see Fujimaru surrounded by swirling flower petals, just once!

Nero: However! Before that happens, there are two pressing matters I must resolve!

Nero: The first one, naturally, is to unleash divine judgment upon Fujimaru for [♂ his /♀ her] two-timing!

Altria Alter: And the second, to eradicate the interloper that stands before me!

Altria Alter: I was just thinking the same thing! It seems we truly are of one mind, Drama Queen! If we calm ourselves and consider this rationally, it should be clear that all of this was Ishtar's plot the whole time.

Altria Alter: But that does not change the fact that you stand in my way!

Altria Alter: We were not able to settle our score during the race, but there is nothing preventing us from doing so now!

Nero: Umu, we are indeed of one mind on this! This shall be the ultimate end to our race!

Nero: There is but one Holy Grail, and there can only be one winner. Whoever emerges victorious from this battle shall be the true king of summer!

Aftermath: Helena's Summer Vacation <Part 2>

Helena: We won! I can't believe we actually won!

Helena: ...I was hoping this might happen, so I think it's okay to celebrate. Hurray, we did it!

Edison: Look, Tesla... I have never seen Helena happier.

Nikola Tesla: Quite. It's just what we wanted to see. What a lovely smile. It shines brighter than any alternating or direct current.

Edison: Indeed... It truly does shine brighter than any direct or alternating current. What a wonderful smile...

Helena: Master, thank you for your support. And you two, thank you so much for all your hard work. I love you both!

Helena: ...Whew! It may have been one hectic race, but it sure was fun!

Helena: I can't remember the last time I cut loose like this. It reminded me of the time before I founded the Theosophy Association, when I used to travel the world singing the praises of freedom.

Helena: I was so carefree back then. No responsibilities, just going wherever the wind took me...

Helena: ... ...

Helena: I guess I should thank you two again, huh. Thanks, Mr. Edison. Thanks, Mr. Tesla.

Edison: Not at all, my dear. All we ever wanted was for you to enjoy yourself.

Nikola Tesla: Indeed. We always end up making trouble for you, so we thought you needed some much-deserved relaxation.

Nikola Tesla: If anything, we wish you would rely on us more. That man there may only be good for mass production...

Nikola Tesla: ...but I can make any custom order your heart desires.

Nikola Tesla: So whether you need something mass-produced, or something of high quality, you need only ask.

Helena: Good point. Thanks, you two. It's good to know I can keep relying on you in the future.

Helena: ...At any rate, I still never imagined I would actually end up winning.

Helena: I guess it just goes to show what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Helena: I admit, it HAD occurred to me that I could win thanks to the Mahatma's guidance...but I still couldn't have done it without you two helping me.

Helena: Especially since I only went into it thinking it would be nice if I could relieve a bit of stress.

Helena: Now I'm not even sure what to do with all this prize money. Hmm...

Gentleman & Lion: ...I believe I may have an idea!

Helena: Oh really? Hehe. I wonder what it could be!

Holmes: Good, good.

Holmes: It would seem that Madame Blavatsky has faced her stress head-on, and succeeded brilliantly at eliminating it.

Holmes: Truly a wonderful turn of events. Wouldn't you agree, Fujimaru?

Fujimaru 1: All's well that ends well.

Holmes: Precisely.

Fujimaru 2: Was this your goal all along, Holmes?

Holmes: Well, I don't know about that.

Holmes: I merely believed that trying my hand at playing the villain for once might make for an amusing change of pace.

Holmes: Though I do believe I shouldn't go making a habit of it.

Holmes: At any rate, this case is closed. If you have a moment to spare, I would encourage you to pay her a visit as well.

Holmes: Ishtar's race may have ended, but the same cannot be said of summer. One should make the most of one's leisure time.

Holmes: ...Hm? Me?

Holmes: Oh no, I have far too many things to do. Hahaha, truly, a detective's work is never done!

Gentleman & Lion: There! It's done!

Helena: Wow, that's amazing. It has even more magical energy than it did before!

Helena: Is this...

Edison: Indeed, it's an advanced Kumara Wheel that I designed and developed myself! I call it–

Nikola Tesla: I call it the Crimson Thunderwheel! Its power and speed are indeed akin to a bolt of red lightning!

Edison: You bastard! Are you trying to take all the credit again!?

Nikola Tesla: That is rich coming from you, who just claimed to have developed it by yourself!

Nikola Tesla: We were supposed to introduce it as a collaborative project: a new futuristic motorbike, complete and perfect in every way!

Edison: ...There you have it, Helena. This is a token of our gratitude to show how much we appreciate everything you do for us. Please accept it.

Nikola Tesla: There you go again!

Helena: Thanks, you two! It's wonderful!

Helena: With this, I bet I could explore to the ends of the, the whole universe!

Helena: It's so Mahatma! I love it!

Helena: ...Okay, let's not waste any time. Why don't we take it for a test drive? Go on, you two, hurry up and get into the Thunderdome.

Edison: H-hm?

Nikola Tesla: But, we designed it perfectly, so as not to require any support...

Helena: Don't be silly. We're not racing anymore, we're just going for a drive! Now hop in and let's get going!

Aftermath: The Professor Show -Honest Work Edition-

Professor M: We won. We're victorious! We're ultra-rich! Yahooo!

Fran: I did it! Did you see me!?

Babbage: Indeed, you should be commended. What's more, this proves without a doubt that steam engines are the strongest form of power.

Fran: Hmm hmm hmm♪

Professor M: Hahaha, I'm delighted to see you in such high spirits again, Fran.

Fran: We won! I really am number one!

Babbage: Indeed. I'm most impressed with your use of our leftover QP to create a device to absorb my steam exhaust...

Babbage: ...and used that steam as fuel for cosmetic steam products.

Professor M: Any good business should benefit the buyer, seller, and manufacturer. Though it may be hard to believe, I have considerable experience with corporate management!

Fran: Papa, I still have a question.

Professor M: Of course, sweetie! Tell me, what is it?

Fran: What happened to your evil scheme?

Babbage: Hm, good question.

Babbage: I thought we would find out what it was once the race was over, but we never did.

Professor M: Hahahaha, is that all, my beloved daughter and partner? My evil scheme was completed long ago!

Professor M: But worry not. It doesn't harm either of you in the slightest!

Fran: ...Huh?

Babbage: ...Huh?

Professor M: ...Ishtar may have lied about all sorts of things, but there is one thing she said which was absolutely true.

Ishtar: All gambling is rigged to the advantage of whoever's hosting it. If you didn't know what that meant before, hopefully it's become crystal clear by now☆

Professor M: Ishtar's fatal mistake was not competing in the race herself.

Professor M: Granted, it's understandable why she didn't, since the results had nothing to do with her goal...

Professor M: But if she had, she would have given herself a strong alibi.

Professor M: “Oh wow! Gugalanna came back to life after I won the race! Since he's here, I might as well make him one of my Authorities, seeing as I won the race and all!”

Professor M: If she had merely said something like that, the other racers would have been hard-pressed to object.

Professor M: "Winner takes all" is all well and good, but the very notion of “spectator takes all” is absurd on its face.

Professor M: ...Which is why I went around taking bets on who would win the race from some of Chaldea's staff and the numerous hedonistically inclined Servants dwelling here.

Professor M: I modestly downplayed our vehicle's specs, and greatly played up the specs for our rivals' machines.

Professor M: Thanks to that, I was able to dramatically increase our winnings. Indeed, the house DOES always win!

Professor M: Of course, the ones placing the bets had no way of knowing that I was the house in this case.

Professor M: Perhaps matters would have been different if I had harmed Fujimaru in some way, but with a petty crime of this nature, even Holmes or a user of Clairvoyance would have no choice but to let me go.

Professor M: No thief can hope to escape punishment if their reach exceeds their grasp. Unfortunately for the greedy goddess, she failed to understand that.

Professor M: Now then, what to do with all this material and QP I've scraped together...?

Professor M: Under normal circumstances, I should probably present it to Fujimaru...

Professor M: But, as with all matters, timing is everything. At the moment, there is no telling what the future beyond this summer of 2019 holds...

Professor M: So I think I shall hold on to them for just a bit longer. After all, one never knows when they may be needed!

Aftermath: Raikou Shows Her True Colors [Womb Realm Edition]

Minamoto-no-Raikou: We did it! At last, we managed to take first place. This makes all the time we spent racing and digging worthwhile!

Sanzang: Hurray, we did it! ...Hm? Hang on. As shadow prefects, is it okay for us to celebrate this?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: As long as we worked hard to achieve this, I don't see the harm in being happy about it.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: There you have it. Thank you so much for cheering us on, Master.

Sanzang: Thank you!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Indeed, our task is complete.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: How wonderful. With that foreign goddess's scheme foiled, we have succeeded at keeping Chaldea decent.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I am so relieved. If her scheme had succeeded...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: There would have been a sumptuous feast that would have been sure to destroy any sense of decency in Chaldea, and this summer “event” would have devolved into something unfit for any to witness.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Fortunately, that never came to pass. What a truly wonderful turn of events.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: You have my thanks, Monk Sanzang. I could not have done this without you.

Sanzang: Huh? Is that why we were doing this?

Sanzang: I could've sworn it was because things would've been really bad if the Bull of Heaven thing had been completed.

Sanzang: Oh well. One thing's for sure: our trip together was never dull!

Sanzang: Sure, I may never have found out what the teachings of the Buddha were, nor ever saw much sign of the gods' protection outside of battle!

Sanzang: But I did get to see that thing of Indra's with your Noble Phantasm! I never would've thought it'd be like that!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Indeed, that was why I materialized as a Lancer. Hehe. Hehehe.

Sanzang: At any rate, I gotta say...

Sanzang: I haven't been on such an intense horse ride, or such a crazy prison break in a long time!

Sanzang: It really brought back memories of Tianzhu. Plus White Dragon was there too!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I am so glad to see you smiling as well, venerable monk. You have reformed admirably.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh yes, Kyogoku performed admirably as well. I must go down to the underground stable and give him a good bath.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh, but first...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: First of all...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...It is time to say goodbye to this jet-black sailor uniform!

Sanzang: You're taking off your clothes just like that!?

Sanzang: Wh-what!? Why!? Whatever happened to defending Chaldea's public decency as the shadow prefect?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Why...? Because that's done for now!

Sanzang: It is!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: As summer isn't over, our work is not complete. In time, autumn will come, and everyone will regain their senses.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: But until that happens, our battle as prefects to defend public decency will continue. However...

Sanzang: “However”?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: The fact that we have participated in the foreign goddess's competition from start to finish means that we shadow prefects have just completed a long stint of work.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: And what comes after work?

Sanzang: Umm... Let me think...

Sanzang: Oh, I've got it! A break!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Exactly. I knew you would understand, venerable monk. That is why I must now take a summer break.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Naturally, summer is very hot. In order to endure the heat, one must take care to dress lightly.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: And when it comes to dressing this day and age, we have swimsuits like this.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: This one is very functional and... Perhaps “healthy” is the best way to describe it? It's very easy to move around in, as there's nothing to get in your way.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: It is truly a wonderful thing: perfect for a break. In fact, I should show Master and Kintoki how nice it is!

Sanzang: ... ...

Sanzang: I see.

Sanzang: Wait, hang on. Are you going out in the hall dressed like that?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Why yes. Ahh, I can't wait to see how my precious children react.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Ah, they are so innocent, they even worry about the length of a skirt's hem! This is sure to make them turn positively crimson...

Sanzang: Waaait! Hold it! How does that have anything to do with what you were talking about before!?

Sanzang: That outfit would be one thing at the beach, but this is Chaldea! Wh-why would you disturb its public decency of your own accord, Head Prefect!?

Sanzang: Whatever happened to shamelessness!? Or executing those who threaten public decency!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh, that? Well, now that we're on break...what if we just agreed to look the other way?

Sanzang: Oh, okay. Well, I guess that's–

Sanzang: Hooold it! Look the other way!? Seriously!?

Sanzang: What were you so upset about in the first place!? What was this whole shadow prefect thing even about!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: What else?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...I was just swatting away the insects buzzing around my children!

Sanzang: Whoa! I figured it was something like that, but I still can't believe you just came out and said it! W-wait, get back here! Something tells me I shouldn't let you run around like that!

Sanzang: Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable! At the very least, I can't let you out into the hall dressed that way!

Sanzang: ...So much for that.

Sanzang: She just opened the sliding door and went right out into the hallway in that outfit! Are you kidding me!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Even I wish to romp and frolic at times! Please, Monk Sanzang, I hope you will understand!

Sanzang: Well, I can definitely understand how you feel, but... Hey, I can't hear her footsteps anymore! Where did she go!?

Sanzang: G-get back here! Waaait!

Aftermath: Victory! Let's Go to Owari, the Place of Hope!

Oda Nobunaga: I won! Finally I have united the nation by force! I AM the Demon Rock Star of the Sixth Heaven of the beach! Oh yeah!

Oda Nobunaga: Don't forget to pick up your commemorative CD, “Atsumori: The Summer Vacation”!

Mysterious Racer X: And I am the true summer Saber!

Mysterious Racer X: Everyone, thank you for your support! Although Sabers are sure to continue growing in number, I swear I will not rest until they have all been eradicated!

Oda Nobunaga: ...There you have it. I won the race.

Okita: Wait, hold on. How did you possibly manage that!?

Okita: I thought you two got blown up or something!

Okita: And stop putting up title cards every chance you get!

Mysterious Racer X: Heh, a true Saber is invincible in all her endeavors. Races are no exception!

Mysterious Racer X: I wish you all could have seen our final dead heat.

Mysterious Racer X: Whenever I saw a group of Sabers, I'd pick one out and Calibur them, then pick another one and Calibur THEM...

Mysterious Racer X: By the way, you're a Saber too, right? Right? Come meet me behind the school building later...

Oda Nobunaga: Well, I suppose Fujimaru helped out a lot too! Good job cheering for me! You did great! I'm touched!

Oda Nobunaga: Not to mention the sweet bonus treasure I snagged offa Ishtar in the confusion!

Chacha: That just sounds like a normal battlefront... Or like looting, if Chacha's being honest.

Chacha: Still, I suppose that's quite the accomplishment for you, Auntie! It was pretty common in the Warring States period! Now, there's something Chacha would like from you!

Chacha: Pay back all the money you took from Chacha! With interest! TENFOLD!

Chacha: Chacha is so generous, letting you off the hook for your theft with such a light punishment!

Okita: That's right! If that's how we're playing, then I'm going to invoice you for everything you took from the Shinsengumi's budget!

Okita: Believe me, it was touch and go here after Hijikata lost big while trading in chilled pickled radish futures.

Okita: Plus, the penalty for unauthorized fund raising is seppuku, so this will really put our treasurer Kawai's mind at ease!

Oda Nobunaga: ...Huh?

Oda Nobunaga: The treasure's all gone now.

Okita & Chacha: ...Wat?

Oda Nobunaga: I ended up using almost all of it to repair the Demon King of the V6 Heaven after it got wrecked.

Oda Nobunaga: The rest went into producing my CDs, and pretty much nobody bought those.

Mysterious Racer X: But thanks to all that work, my ship was restored to its true form. The former Demon King of the V6 Heaven is now the V8 Du Stallion III!

Oda Nobunaga: Wahahahaha! With this new vehicle, we can compete in the Galactica Owari Grand Prix and–

Chacha: Radiant Demon Fortress of the Sun!

Okita: Mumyou Sandanzuki!

Oda Nobunaga: Are you nuts, trying to hit me with your actual killer moves!? Overreacting, much!?

Mysterious Racer X: Oh! I may have kept quiet about it up till now, but I'm actually Mysterious Heroine X, aka Altri–waaa!

Hijikata: I am back...

Hijikata: That race was certainly fun to watch. It was certainly a good way to kill time.

Hijikata: ...

Hijikata: ...What are you all doing in here?

C:Mysterious Heroine X: Heh, hehe... Next time, I'll come back as “Mysterious Heroine RX”! Don't...miss it...!

Oda Nobunaga: Oh can't be helped!

Aftermath: The Story of a Persevering Pharaoh (Conclusion)

Nitocris: Naturally, this was the only fitting end to this pharaoh's tale...but it's still great to finally come out on top!

Partner Caster: I am so glad we made it to the final page without dying.

Nitocris: I wonder if it's okay to take this as a sign...that I've become a more proper pharaoh... Hehe.

Nitocris: ...Phew.

Nitocris: I've managed to lay claim to the victor's cup...but now comes the real problem.

Nitocris: How do I report this to Pharaoh Ozymandias without seeming either too excited or too disinterested?

Nitocris: Something tells me that it would be inappropriate for a pharaoh to be too happy about a victory that should have been a certainty anyway...

Nitocris: But at the same time, acting like it was no big deal would belie how difficult it actually was to win, and make me a small-minded liar...

Nitocris: Hmm... Mmm...

Ozymandias: So, you have returned, Nitocris.

Nitocris: Ph-Pharaoh Ozymandias!

Nitocris: (...I guess I'll just have to go with the flow!)

Nitocris: That's right. I, Nitocris, have returned as the victor!

Ozymandias: Of course you have. That is hardly surprising or interesting. But I suppose I will ask you this.

Ozymandias: What were your thoughts...your feelings upon winning?

Nitocris: W-well, uh... I suppose first and foremost...

Nitocris: I am relieved that I did not fail to live up to your expectations of me, Pharaoh Ozymandias.

Ozymandias: ...

Nitocris: (Oh no, he's displeased! I knew it! I really am a failure as a pharaoh!)

Ozymandias: ...Why do you not rejoice?

Nitocris: Huh? you said, Pharaoh Ozymandias, a pharaoh's victory should have been a certainty!

Nitocris: And yet, I had to struggle till the very end.

Ozymandias: A struggle, hmm? Indeed, as pharaohs, our victories ARE certain.

Ozymandias: But in your case...I knew all along how you would struggle to accomplish yours.

Ozymandias: However, that has nothing to do with this.

Ozymandias: If a pharaoh could truly win merely by virtue of being a pharaoh, there would have been no need for you to enter this race to begin with.

Nitocris: Th-then...why DID you allow me to enter it, Pharaoh Ozymandias?

Nitocris: If you knew what would happen all along, then...

Ozymandias: Yes, of course I knew how it would end. That is precisely why I let you enter.

Ozymandias: I wanted you to claim the glory of victory with your own hands, and see how thrilled you were upon doing so.

Nitocris: Huh...?

Ozymandias: The victory itself was not what interested me. That was indeed inevitable. Boring.

Ozymandias: Instead...I was expecting you to return with something else worth seeing.

Ozymandias: And yet you did not. This should have been quite the spectacle, interesting at the very least, but it bores me. There is only one problem here, Pharaoh Nitocris.

Ozymandias: You have disrespected me by failing to live up to my imagination. Do not make me sigh in disappointment.

Ozymandias: ...Hmph. This is what comes of thinking too shallowly.

Nitocris: ...!

Ozymandias: I shall pardon this mistake of yours only once. Try again.

Nitocris: Y-yes, sir! In that case...

Nitocris: I won, Pharaoh Ozymandias! I, a pharaoh, went out there and claimed my victory!

Ozymandias: Good. Well done, Nitocris! That is how the pharaoh of the heavens ought to look! THAT is truly an expression worthy of the sun itself!

Partner Caster: Even if this is what we agreed on, I still feel bad about keeping the reward all to myself, so I thought I would at least come and thank her once again.

Partner Caster: ...But it seems it would be best if I came back later.

Partner Caster: That man is the kind of king I dislike dealing with the most...

Partner Caster: Even if I can act to be certain of not dying at his hand, you never know what he might do next...

Partner Caster: Besides, I could never face her if I ended up losing this talisman she made for me on the very first day...

Partner Caster: At any rate, it seems that the Singularity in question has been dealt with successfully.

Partner Caster: I hope that our racing helped to make things easier for Master, if only a little...

Partner Caster: ...Though I suppose whether that was enough to atone for my sins will have to be a story for another night.

Partner Caster: For the moment, I should just make certain that this story wraps up neatly.

Partner Caster: So on that note... This concludes the summer tale of the fierce, yet kind, pharaoh.

Partner Caster: If you wish to hear the next tale, then I beg you: please don't kill me...