Mysterious Country of ONILAND - The Demon King and Kamui's Gold
EP 1: An Oni Amusement Park! Oniland!
Narration:
It's so cold...
Narration:
So cold. So cold. So cold.
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So cold. Freezing.
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Cold. Freezing.
Cold. Freezing.
Narration:
...
...
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Cold... Freezing...
Col...
Narration:
Freezing cold freezing cold freezing cold freezing cold freezing cold freezing cold freezing cold freezing cold.
Narration:
...How long have I been walking?
Narration:
I can't walk anymore.
I don't want to walk anymore.
Narration:
It's so cold it hurts.
Narration:
It hurts that there's no one to talk to. It hurts that I'm alone. It hurts knowing that everyone is afraid of me.
Narration:
It hurts that one moment, I was at a mountain looking at the beautiful autumn leaves, and the very next,
I'm wandering in ice and snow.
Narration:
And the thing that hurts most of all...is being mistaken for something I'm not.
Narration:
Know what, forget it.
I'm sick of walking.
Narration:
...
...
???:
...Don't give up yet.
???:
Go on. Just a little further.
???:
You can't go back the way you came.
Keep moving forward.
???:
You've walked alone all this time.
That gives you the right.
Narration:
Who is that?
And...what right?
???:
Keep going.
Just a little further.
???:
Do that, and you'll acquire something precious.
Something all desire deep in their very souls.
???:
I will bestow upon you, and only you, a brilliance that has dazzled people for all time. Now, go on.
???:
I see that you too have desire in your heart. You will not be able to resist my gift's allure. Go on, walk.
???:
Please, keep going...
Narration:
...
...
???:
...That's it. Thank you, thank you.
???:
Yes, that's it. You have been walking in solitude all this time, so this gift will be yours, and yours alone.
???:
Go on, make your way through the cave.
No amount of snow could ever stop your journey.
???:
That's it.
Just a little further.
???:
There you go. Now, look up...
???:
...Welcome, lost soul. Welcome, O greedy one.
???:
All of this gold belongs to you now.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...(Munch, munch)
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehe, this caramel isn't half bad.
It melts on my tongue. Mmm...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Nothing beats sinking your teeth into a still-beating heart dripping with blood, but sweets come awfully close. Especially cotton candy.
Ibaraki-Douji:
It does get kind of boring when all you eat is meat and all you drink is blood.
Ibaraki-Douji:
And since oni don't usually get sugar at all,
it's just good sense to stock up while we can!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Now, c'mon. You have more than that! Gimme.
You don't really think that was enough, do you?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Go on, Red One! Keep the offerings coming!
Emiya:
Hmm...
Emiya:
How many times have I made this for you this week?
Emiya:
I only started doing it to keep you away from the cafeteria, mind you. I mean, you just kept staring at me.
Emiya:
Cotton candy is usually reserved for festivals and food stands, you know.
Emiya:
I get why you'd be interested in it.
Luluhawa had some stands selling it too.
Emiya:
Plus, you're an oni. I doubt you really got to partake in any human festivals while you lived.
Emiya:
So I understand why you'd be so fixated on cotton candy after you finally got to try it...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Hm?
Emiya:
...but enough is enough.
This is setting a bad example for all the others.
Emiya:
I can't go turning Chaldea's cafeteria into a candy shop.
Emiya:
...Oh, and by “all the others”...
Emiya:
...I mean the kid Servants.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Hmm?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Let me make sure I've got this straight, Red One.
Are you treating me...like a child?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Tell you what. If you prostrate yourself and take it all back, I'll forget this ever happened. I don't wanna eat a Heroic Spirit's heart if I don't have to.
Robin Hood:
He's saying you're pigging out too much,
and it's bad for the other kids!
Ibaraki-Douji:
It's the nice green guy!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Back off. Sweets are my thing right now. Besides, eating nothing but freshly torn out Heroic Spirit hearts would give me indigestion.
Ibaraki-Douji:
This is your last chance. If you bow down before me and beg me to forgive you, I'll–
Boudica:
Now, now, Ibaraki.
Boudica:
Nobody's trying to upset you.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Robin Hood:
Hm?
Boudica:
Listen, Ibaraki.
Boudica:
If you're really hungry, we'd be happy to feed you until you couldn't eat another bite. We'll even make sweets for you if that's what you want.
Boudica:
But cotton candy is something you eat at festivals and carnivals and such. You know that, right?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes, that's what I've been told.
Boudica:
That makes it a special food for special days! I mean, we didn't have it back when I was alive, but I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm, good point.
I guess you may not be completely wrong.
Ibaraki-Douji:
In Japan, my home country, I hear that cotton candy is only served from food carts at festivals.
Ibaraki-Douji:
And festivals are only held on special days, not ordinary ones.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Not that Shuten and I ever got to see any. At most, we could only just hear some music and laughing and all that from up on Mt. Ooe.
Boudica:
Hm, hm, I see.
You sure are a clever one, aren't you, Ibaraki.
Boudica:
So cotton candy's a treat just for special days then?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Indeed.
Boudica:
You can't eat it on regular days?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm, good question. The way I see it...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...the reason cotton candy is so special to children is because they can only eat it on special days.
Boudica:
I see. That makes sense. But then, in that case...
Boudica:
...wouldn't having it every day make it less special?
Ibaraki-Douji:
A-aah!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I-I hadn't thought about that. No matter how delicious something is, I guess eating it every day would kind of wear it out...
Ibaraki-Douji:
If I had yummy cotton candy all the time, I would have nothing to look forward to at the next festival...
Robin Hood:
(Way to go, Big Sis. You really know your stuff.)
Boudica:
(Ahaha, well, you know how it is with these things.
A little experience goes a long way.)
Emiya:
(Well, whatever you did, it worked.
Thanks for the help.)
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm... I guess I forgot what it means to be an oni.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Maybe it's time I put my Spirit Origin back to normal. Hmm... But then again...
Robin Hood:
You still want to play more?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes! Exact–
Ibaraki-Douji:
No, it's not that!
I mean, it IS that, but it's not only that!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I mean, there are some people who would enjoy being torn apart and devoured by this Spirit Origin more than my old one, right?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Of course, I prefer my usual appearance, but I thought I may as well ask Master what thinks too. Just, you know, for a second opinion.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...In any case, I'm still me. I'm still an oni!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Just because someone asks me to do something doesn't mean I gotta listen!
Robin Hood:
And right now, you're in the mood to listen to Master?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes. Just for now.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Farewell then, kitchen staff and nice green guy!
I'm gonna go see Master's stupid face.
Boudica:
Okay, see you later.
Come back when you get hungry again!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehe. Make sure you have some fried foods ready for me next time!
Robin Hood:
Kids these days, huh?
Emiya:
She's not really a kid. Just a Heroic Spirit that looks like one. But I know what you mean.
Boudica:
Oh, don't discount looks. The way you present yourself can say a lot about who you are.
Boudica:
Anyway, the dinner shift ought to be here.
Tamamo Cat:
Cat's up, everyone!?
Your shift, that's what!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...I'm coming in.
Ibaraki-Douji:
(Looking around)
Ibaraki-Douji:
Aha, there You're in luck, Master. Quick, weep tears of joy!
Fujimaru 1:
Hey there, Ibaraki-Douji.
Fujimaru 2:
Don't usually see you in the Command Room.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehehe, indeed!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I went to the trouble of coming all the way here!
Ibaraki-Douji:
See, I wanted to ask you about my Spirit Ori–
Ibaraki-Douji:
B...wa!?
Mash:
Sorry, that's the emergency alarm!
Mash:
Okay, it's stopped now...but I'm afraid it wasn't malfunctioning. We have a real emergency on our hands!
Mash:
Sheba has detected a minute Singularity!
Da Vinci:
Yup, I was just taking a peek at that myself.
Da Vinci:
Pinpointing the minute Singularity's origin now...
There it is! Hold on while I cross-reference the location data.
Da Vinci:
Looks like it's coming from the area around the old abandoned Chitose gold mine in Hokkaido.
Da Vinci:
Yeah, it's definitely a tiny one in terms of magical energy, but it's still a Singularity. If Sheba can observe it, we can Rayshift to it.
Mash:
Japan... That's one of your favorite countries,
isn't it, Master!
Fujimaru 1:
Yup, it is.
Fujimaru 2:
The old Chitose Mine in Hokkaido...
Mash:
According to our records, the Chitose Mine was a massive mine that contained around thirty thousand tons of ore.
Mash:
It was shut down in 1986,
and should still be closed today.
Da Vinci:
These days, I'm pretty sure Chitose is best known for its airport. I think there's an amusement park in the area as well.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oho. An amusement park, huh...
Da Vinci:
Anyway, you all know what the next step is: investigating!
Da Vinci:
We're still not sure if a Holy Grail spawned this minute Singularity or not, but if it did, make sure you bring it back with you. Got that, Fujimaru?
Fujimaru 1:
Got it.
Fujimaru 2:
Ready to Rayshift anytime!
Mash:
I'll provide support from here in the Command Room!
Please be careful, Senpai.
Mash:
To be honest...I wish I could go along and help you out directly, but...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm, hm. I might be an oni, but I can still see how much you care for Master, and I do owe you...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes! Don't worry, Mash.
I'll protect Master in your stead.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Besides, I was just thinking I still wanted to do something fun while I have this Spirit Origin.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Muahaha! This is your lucky day, Master!
Anyway, Chitose, was it? When do we leave?
Fujimaru 1:
(She wants to go in a swimsuit...!?)
Fujimaru 2:
You want to come along too, Ibaraki-Douji?
Ibaraki-Douji:
That's right! I'm gonna give you the amazing blessing that is my presence! I'll understand if you are so beside yourself with gratitude that you can't speak.
Da Vinci:
Looks like your natural charm saves the day again, Fujimaru.
Da Vinci:
I'd still like to send at least one other Servant with you, though. Hmm, I guess I can put out a call and–
D：:
No need for that, Lady Da Vinci.
I am never far from Master's side.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Aah!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...I mean, I knew you were there. Yep.
I smelled you. I just yelped for the fun of it.
Ibaraki-Douji:
There's no hiding from an oni. Nope.
D：:
...I see.
D：:
I am ashamed of my ignorance.
I was unaware oni had such keen noses...
Fujimaru 1:
A ninja bodyguard! Sweet!
Fujimaru 2:
Now we've got combat and recon covered!
D：:
Yes, my lord. Rest assured, I will see my ninja duties through to the end, be it at Ezo–er, Hokkaido, Okinawa, or anywhere in between.
Da Vinci:
Great, looks like we've got our lineup then.
All that's left to do now is Rayshift!
Da Vinci:
I've set the coordinates to an area near the Chitose Mine in the year 201X!
Mash:
...Senpai, wait! I want you to take these pocket warmers, scarf, and winter jacket with you!
Mash:
This is all the additional equipment you'll be able to bring with you on your Rayshift, but it should help you deal with Hokkaido's cold!
Fujimaru 1:
Thanks, Mash!
Fujimaru 2:
I'll bring you back some Hokkaido souvenirs!
Mash:
Th-thank you, Senpai! I'm not sure if you'll be able to do that without magical energy conversion first...
Mash:
...but I'd love an authentic wooden bear statue or something like that! Anyway, please be careful!
Oni Employee:
Hey, hey! Welcome to Oniland!
Oni Employee:
Welcome, all you fine Chitose folks! Ladies and gents, boys and girls... There's something for everyone here!
Oni Employee:
The Pumpkin Merry-Go-Round is a family favorite,
and right now, the wait is only fifteen minutes!
Oni Employee:
For lovebirds here on a date, we recommend the Pumpkin Teacups! Nothing like a whirl in the cup to bring you closer together!
Oni Employee:
And who doesn't love the Pumpkin Ferris Wheel!? Nobody, that's who! There's currently a thirty-minute wait, but the view from the top is breathtaking!
Oni Employee:
Welcome one and all to paradise here on Earth: Oniland!
Chitose Father:
Wow, those costumes almost look real... Are they supposed to be old movie monsters or something?
Chitose Girl:
Daddy, Daddy! I wanna ride the merry-go-round!
Chitose Boy:
I wanna go in the teacups! I saw a blond guy with sunglasses whirling around, and it looked awesome!
Chitose Mother:
Everywhere you look, it's nothing but pumpkins and oni, pumpkins and oni... I honestly don't remember when they even built this place.
Chitose Father:
I guess today's construction workers really get the job done fast. And what a deal, giving every household in Chitose a week's worth of free passes! Talk about generous!
Chitose Father:
Now let's go! We can start with whatever's got the shortest lines and go from there!
Oni Employee:
Welcome, welcome! Free pass holders get to skip ahead to the front of the lines!
Chitose Father:
Wow, really!? That's great!
Oni Employee:
None of us could be here without all of you enjoying yourselves, after all! Did I mention that everything in the food court is free of charge too? 'Cause it is!
P.A. System:
Oniland: a paradise on Earth!
An amusement park where the fun never ends!
P.A. System:
Please relax and enjoy your visit!
We oni welcome any and all forms of intelligent life!
P.A. System:
Our motto is just three little words♪
Love and Peace♪
P.A. System:
Now that you're here♪
Let's all have fun together♪
P.A. System:
What fun♪ What joy♪
Oniland, the perfect paradise♪
Oni Employees:
Welcome to Oooniiilaaaaaand♪
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Huh?
Ibaraki-Douji:
What the what?
D：:
Oni...!
Oni as far as the eye can see, Master!
Mash:
W-we see it from here too, Senpai!
Is that really–
Fujimaru 1:
It's an amusement park.
Ibaraki-Douji:
An amusement park! So this is what they're like!
Fujimaru 2:
Oooniiilaaaaaand♪
D：:
Please, Master! Get a hold of yourself!
Fujimaru 1:
(Gasp)... I forgot why we're here for a moment.
Fujimaru 2:
Thanks, .
D：:
N-not at all. I cannot blame you for being swept up in this atmosphere. A sight like this is enough to make anyone lose their mind.
Mash:
It does look like some sort of amusement park,
and the employees all appear to be...well...
Mash:
...oni!
Mash:
And I don't mean they're in oni costumes or anything.
I mean they are actual oni, with the magical energy readings and everything!
Mash:
I'm picking up ten... Twenty... Too many to count!
D：:
Then, it truly is a land of oni.
Mash:
They don't seem to be the same type of oni as Shuten-Douji and Ibaraki-Douji, or the kind that are outside the human domain.
Mash:
I think they're the type of oni that come from stories! But how did they get here? Were they created in this minute Singularity?
Chitose Boy:
Hey, Mr. Oni!
Oni Employee:
Yes, little man?
How can I help you?
Chitose Boy:
Don't you have any roller coasters here?
You know, those scary rides that are all ZOOM and make you go AAAH?
Oni Employee:
Eee, of course not!
You won't find anything scary here, little man!
Oni Employee:
Everything here is designed to be enjoyed safely and securely, by decree of the Great Oni!
Mash:
Huh...?
Mash:
For an oni-themed amusement park,
being so focused on safety seems strangely...um...
Mash:
...gentle?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Great Oni?
D：:
These oni may not be like any other kind we have seen to date, but they are still oni. They are supposed to be frightening creatures that attack villages and feast on humans.
D：:
And yet here they are, touting the virtues of...safety and security?
Da Vinci:
Damn, this is amazing. Am I seeing this right? It looks like the oni that work there are waiting on the people that came from Chitose hand and foot.
Da Vinci:
Also, is there something wrong with our visual feed,
or is this Oniland place as pumpkiny as it looks?
Fujimaru 1:
Nooo, you've got it right. It's pumpkiny as heck.
Fujimaru 2:
I can't believe it's already October again!
Mash:
Halloween...
Mash:
You're right, Senpai!
It is pretty much Halloween time, isn't it!?
Mash:
Then, does that mean this Oniland place is this year's Halloween-themed Holy Grail adventure!?
Da Vinci:
I'm not sure. Sure, it's very pumpkiny around there, but it's also very oniy...
Da Vinci:
We may not have enough information to make a definitive call just yet, but it sure as hell looks like there're Halloween shenanigans afoot.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...The hell is this!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Safety? Security!? How do these things fit in a place calling itself Oniland!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
No oni with their head screwed on straight would ever give a crap about any of these things!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Being an oni is supposed to mean something, dammit! It's not just about having a horn!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
You're all frauds!
D：:
Lady Ibaraki, please keep your voice down,
or you will draw their atten–
Oni Employees:
...?
Oni Employees:
Uh-oh. We have a situation, people! I'm picking up a guest with dangerously high levels of A.S.S.!
(Annoyance and StresS)
Oni Employees:
This is terrible... We can't have anyone be annoyed or stressed in Oniland!
Oni Employees:
That's right. The Great Oni said so.
Annoyance and stress bother the other guests...
Oni Employees:
They bother the other guests...!
They bother the other guests...!
D：:
Look out! The oni are making a move!
Mash:
A huge number of magical energy signals is headed your way! ...And they pretty clearly have hostile intent based on these readings!
Oni Employees:
Anything that bothers other guests...
Oni Employees:
...must be destroyed!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehehehe. That's more like it, you buncha wimpy oni! But it's still not enough. You're worried about us bothering other guests? What a joke!
Ibaraki-Douji:
If you've forgotten what it means to be oni,
I'll just have to beat it back into your skulls!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehe...
Mwahahahahaha!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Come on, Master! I'm gonna show these pathetic imitations how a real oni fights!
--BATTLE--
B：:
...We have defeated the large oni, Master.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hah! Too easy! Did you really think that would be enough to topple me, the oni general of Mt. Ooe!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
It'll take a lot more than a big oni or two to beat me!
No lame oni wannabe is ever gonna–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm? Those footsteps sounded kind of loud...
Mash:
Multiple large hostiles are headed your way!
Mash:
They look to be more of those warrior oni things you just fought!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Well they don't seem shy about pouring on the reinforcements! Interesting! Too bad for them it takes more than just being big and strong to be a real oni!
Fujimaru 1:
Will you stop taunting them!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
What? It's true.
Fujimaru 2:
Let's just get out of here for now!
B：:
Understood!
Lady Ibaraki!
Ibaraki-Douji:
You could throw all the oni wannabes in this park at me and it wouldn't make a difference. Hah...muahahaha!
You posers wanna go again? Fine, we'll go again!
--BATTLE--
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ahahahahahaha!
Is that the best you can do!? Pathetic!
Ibaraki-Douji:
A real oni would pick up the limbs they lost and slap them right back on! They'd eat their own allies to recover! They'd breathe fire and become storms!
Ibaraki-Douji:
How do I know? 'Cause that's what I would do!
B：:
Yes, this is exactly what I would expect from an oni of Mt. Ooe. However...
Mash:
I'm picking up even more hostiles headed your way! Please try to escape before they completely surround you, Senpai!
Fujimaru 1:
I'd like to, but there's already a ton of them!
Fujimaru 2:
Easier said than done!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Then I'll just tear them all to pieces and devour them myself!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mom always said that if you're an oni,
you'd better act like one!
B：:
That may be, Lady Ibaraki, but there is also something to be said for knowing when the odds are against us!
B：:
We are no longer human and oni, but Servants. I imagine some things must be different for you now, just as they are for me.
B：:
We can only fight as long as Master's magical energy lasts, and reserves are not inexhaustible!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Hm. Yeah, guess you got a point there.
Fujimaru 1:
Glad we've got that sorted out.
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah, I can't do this forever.
Ibaraki-Douji:
(Sigh) I'm embarrassed for you.
Shouldn't a Master be better with their magical energy?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Then again, I guess there's no point whining about something that wasn't there to begin with.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Okay then! The smart thing to do now is to break through this group of oni and escape...but they do have numbers going for them, if nothing else.
Ibaraki-Douji:
See what I mean!? The only thing there should ever be so much of in one place is confetti!
B：:
...If all else fails, Master,
I will guard your life with my own.
Mash:
!
Da Vinci:
...Wait! I'm picking up a new magical energy reading!
B：:
!
B：:
That is...a Servant aura!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Nobody to the right, nobody to the left...
Then, that just leaves...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...above!
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...There's a sort of format for this sort of thing, right?
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
I know I'm just kind of standing on this pole thingy right now, but you're supposed to make a dramatic entrance for this sort of stuff, right?
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Not that it really matters to me either way.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Spot here gets really grumpy if I don't play along,
so I figured I'd put in the effort this once.
Mysterious Animal:
My name's not Spot, it's Haku.
Not that it matters.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
I'm with you there.
It doesn't.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...But, for now...
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...Hup!
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...Tup.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
You all seem like you're in trouble.
I mean, I honestly don't care much...
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...but now that I've tweaked my Spirit Origin and all,
I suppose it wouldn't hurt to make a dramatic gesture.
Fujimaru 1:
Did she just come from the sky?
Fujimaru 2:
A mysterious but familiar-looking oni!
B：:
Who are you!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Wha–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Wha-wha-what a beautiful oni...
The only oni who even comes close is Shuten!
Ibaraki-Douji:
She's like...a flower from heaven,
or a star twinkling in the Milky Way...
Mash:
Huh? Um, are you two seeing what I'm seeing?
Mash:
Because I'm looking at her Spirit Origin right here, and she's very clearly Shuten–
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Fufu... I'm sorry, what was that?
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Don't be a spoilsport, Mashmallow. I'm a magical defender girl–a magifender if you will–who happened to be passing by.
Mysterious Animal:
And I'm Haku.
Not that my name matters.
Mash:
...Magifender girl...? Um, and Haku, was it?
It's, um, nice to meet you...
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Well, well, listen to you, big guy.
You certainly have a lot of energy to spare.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
So, how 'bout I just give you a liiittle love tap, mm?
Mash:
...Sh-she just took out that huge oni with a single strike!
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Now, let's try this again♡
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...It's all fine and good if the heavens forgive you, I guess.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
If Earth wants to forgive you, that's its business.
And I reeeally don't care if humans forgive you.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
But an oni? If you're looking for forgiveness from an oni, that'll depend on which oni you ask!
D：Mysterious Animal:
You handle this however you want.
I'll just be riiight here watching.
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
...I'm a magifender, and magifense is me...
Mysterious Magifender Girl:
Magifender Girl is on the scene!
--ARROW--
Magifender Girl:
...Magifender Girl is on the scene.
Magifender Girl:
It's sooo nice to meet you, Master and company.
Animal:
Pleasure.
Fujimaru 1:
A magifender girl...
Fujimaru 2:
Just what is going on here...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
An oni with an animal companion...
She's...
Ibaraki-Douji:
She's so beautiful I lost track of things for a moment, but I recognize her now! I should have known there'd be one in this world!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I've never seen one myself,
but I've heard all about them from Shuten!
B：:
Then, you know who that beautiful oni is, Lady Ibaraki!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes. I do! I'm sure of it!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Just like how heroes who save people become Heroic Spirits, there are those who save oni and go on to become magifenders!
Ibaraki-Douji:
They may not be recorded in human history,
but they are the one true law among oni!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Today, you would call them...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Oni Cure!
B：:
Oni Cure!
I see! I had no idea that oni legends told of such things!
Fujimaru 1:
Oni Cure, huh.
Fujimaru 2:
So, like magical girls, but oni...?
Mash:
Umm, Da Vinci!
Can you help me out, please!?
Mash:
I've never heard of a magical oni–I mean, magifender oni before, and I don't think I've seen anything about them in Chaldea's database either.
Mash:
Are they some kind of oni only spoken of in secret legends?
Da Vinci:
Beats me!
Mash:
I... I didn't think anything beat you...
Da Vinci:
Hey, even I have to hear about stuff for the first time before I can know it!
Da Vinci:
There's a lot we don't know about oni ecology and society. Hell, we don't even know if they have a society in the first place.
Da Vinci:
Still, assuming they had some sort of community,
I could see them needing an oni to maintain order...
Da Vinci:
Then again, I don't know... She reminds me of Saturday morning cartoons more than anything...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Exactly!
Ibaraki-Douji:
That's exactly it!
You really are a sharp one, Da Vinci!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oni Cure there is nothing less than–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Shuten! Shuten! I just found something amazing in Chaldea's database!
Ibaraki-Douji:
It looks like a picture scroll about children magically transforming into warriors...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...only the pictures on this scroll actually move!!!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I think they said it was originally “broadcast on TV” during Saturday mornings, whatever that means.
Shuten-Douji:
Hmm. Are you talking about cartoons?
Or maybe a low-budget science fiction show?
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'm not sure. It sounds like you know more than I do.
But whatever it was...it was sooo cool!
Shuten-Douji:
(Sigh) Is that so?
Ibaraki-Douji:
The heroes looked just like any other ordinary girls, with thin little arms that seem like they couldn't possibly fight off monsters...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...but then it turns out they're stupidly strong!
Ibaraki-Douji:
It was almost like... Like watching you, Shuten.
Ibaraki-Douji:
They never backed down no matter what they were up against. They just wouldn't stop until they smashed their enemy's face in! But they'd do it gracefully, even beautifully!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Wait a second.
Shuten-Douji:
Yes?
Ibaraki-Douji:
WAS it you, Shuten?
Shuten-Douji:
...Hm? What do you mean?
Ibaraki-Douji:
No ordinary human could ever have power like that.
And these girls weren't warriors like Kintoki and Raikou.
Ibaraki-Douji:
They were more like oni than humans!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I've never seen anything else like them,
except...well, you, Shuten!
Ibaraki-Douji:
So, now I'm thinking maybe they were oni!
Or maybe even based on your legends!
Shuten-Douji:
...(Sigh) Of all the silly things to fixate on.
Shuten-Douji:
Listen, Ibaraki. Whatever you saw on TV wasn't me.
Shuten-Douji:
All I ever do is whatever I want, whenever I want.
Shuten-Douji:
Did you see any of those girls devour any good-looking guys?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh, well...no, they didn't...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Then I guess they weren't based on you.
So it was just another story made by and for humans...
Ibaraki-Douji:
They weren't oni...after all...
Shuten-Douji:
...
...
Shuten-Douji:
...That is...not to say there weren't ever any other oni like that.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Huh?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...A magifender oni.
Ibaraki-Douji:
That's what this oni is called,
or at least that's what she's calling herself.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I don't know if she first showed up in the Heian era or not. I've definitely never heard of her.
Ibaraki-Douji:
But Shuten told me all about her!
Ibaraki-Douji:
She said that just as human heroes become Heroic Spirits, oni heroes become magifenders.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Her name must be...Oni Cure!
Magifender Girl Oni Cure!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I wasn't sure I believed Shuten when she first told me...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...but now that she's standing here in front of us, it's clear she has to be real!
Mash:
I...see?
Da Vinci:
Nooow I get it.
(So Ibaraki-Douji came up with the name “Oni Cure.”)
B：:
Understood.
(Oni Cure... That sounds so lovely...)
B：:
(I especially like how distinctly different she sounds from the likes of Shuten-Douji and Ibuki-Douji...)
Fujimaru 1:
I see.
Fujimaru 2:
I...still don't get it.
Mash:
Me neither, Senpai.
How can I put this...
Mash:
You know...
Mash:
(Is it just me, or does that magifender oni sound an awful lot like Shuten-Douji...?)
Magifender Girl:
(Sigh) I knew it. Now that Ibaraki's bought in,
I guess I don't have a choice.
Magifender Girl:
I don't know why my Spirit Origin changed here in Chitose, but since it did, I guess I'm a magifender girl now.
Magifender Girl:
Which I guess also means I've gotta do something about this ridiculous Oniland place...
Animal:
This is the Great Oni's territory.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Mash:
Shuten-Dou–I mean, Magifender Girl,
do you know anything about what's going on here?
Oni Employees:
You're bothering the other guests...
You're bothering the other guests...
Oni Employees:
I'm afraid we have to ask you to leave!
Leave! Leave! Leave!
Oni Employees:
LEEEAVE!
Magifender Girl:
How about we save the talk for later, mmm?
Say, after we've beaten all these fake oni?
Fujimaru 1:
Good point!
Fujimaru 2:
Is it just me, or are we totally surrounded!?
Magifender Girl:
Sure are some fine fake oni specimens here, aren't there? How about we pick a few and see how far we can send them flying?
Magifender Girl:
After that, we can see about getting out of here.
Okay, Master...
Magifender Girl:
...let's see if you can keep up with me, Magifender Girl!
--BATTLE--
Magifender Girl:
...That ought to do it♡
Animal:
Hmm. That's magifender power for you.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Thank you, Oni Cure!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I knew the magifender oni was real...
I knew Shuten was telling the truth all along!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Look, Master! She's just as beautiful as Shuten!
Ibaraki-Douji:
She's a true oni heroine!
I'm such a fan!
Fujimaru 1:
Yup, she's Oni Cure all right.
Fujimaru 2:
(Smile and nod... Just smile and nod...)
Ibaraki-Douji:
See? Even a human can't help but be enthralled by her beauty!
B：:
Never mind that now! Master! Lady Ibaraki!
Lady Magifender! We need to make our escape!
Magifender Girl:
Don't you worry your pretty little heads about me.
You just go ahead and escape if you don't want to die.
B：:
Ah!
Magifender Girl:
...The Great Oni is here.
Magifender Girl:
I'm pretty sure he's the one with the Holy Grail.
You reeeally don't want to mess with him.
Magifender Girl:
Go on, get out of here.
I'll hold him off.
Fujimaru 1:
...I believe in you, Magifender Girl!
Fujimaru 2:
...Sorry, Magifender Girl, but thanks!
Fujimaru 1:
...I believe in you, Magifender Girl!
Fujimaru 2:
...Sorry, Magifender Girl, but thanks!
Magifender Girl:
Oh, juuust a moment.
Magifender Girl:
...Teehee. That seals our temporary contract.
Magifender Girl:
All right, I'll see you all later, assuming we both survive. If you ever find yourself in a tight spot again, I might show up to bail you out. Maybe.
Magifender Girl:
See ya.
Animal:
Later.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Aww, Oni Cure's gone. Guess that means she won't be joining me after all...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm... I can't say this doesn't suck,
but I suppose I can understand...
Ibaraki-Douji:
She must be pretty busy saving the oni world once a week, after all...
B：:
Thanks to that last battle, we're not completely surrounded any longer! We must take this chance to make our escape, Master!
Mash:
Scanning for nearby hostiles now!
Senpai, try heading northwest from your current–
Mash:
Hang on. What's this? Another Servant reading?
Mysterious Girl:
This way! Hurry!
Mysterious Girl:
Follow me if you want to live!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Who're you!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Wait...!
That smell...!
B：:
Master!
Fujimaru 1:
Let's go!
B：:
Understood! Hurry, Lady Ibaraki!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I know, I know! Oni Cure said the same thing!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehehe, I guess it won't hurt to fall back this once. Oni aren't warriors, you know! We don't always have to just charge in without thinking!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Let's go! Fall back!
Great Oni:
Gehehehehe...!
Great Oni:
I am the Great Oni.
The one who rules over Oniland!
Great Oni:
So, some brazen, ill-mannered guests have come to complain about my Oniland, have they? Gehehehe...
Great Oni:
Very well then! If they truly have no intention of enjoying themselves here...
Great Oni:
...then I will show them how terrible oni can truly be! Gehehehe!
Great Oni:
For example...what if the bus they take back to Chitose from Oniland were suddenly HIJACKED!
Great Oni:
Oh no! Not that!
What a terrible tragedy that would be!
Great Oni:
Gehehehe! Tremble in fear, rude guests!
Your hour of reckoning fast approaches!
EP 2: The Kamuy's Gold
G：Mysterious Girl:
...Go ahead and have a seat anywhere you like.
G：Mysterious Girl:
Don't worry. We may not be that far from Oniland,
but I promise the oni won't ever find us here.
G：Mysterious Girl:
This cabin's a great hiding place. I even put up a Bounded Field around it for good measure.
G：Mysterious Girl:
Now let's see...
Do I still have any tea?
G：Mysterious Girl:
I'm sorry I can't offer you much. I don't get many guests around here, so I don't usually stock up.
G：Mysterious Girl:
Doubly so since Servants don't really have any need for food and other necessities like that.
G：Mysterious Girl:
...Hmm.
G：Mysterious Girl:
Now, where to begin.
You've already met the magifender oni, right?
Fujimaru 1:
I'm sorry, who are you?
G：Mysterious Girl:
My name's Sitonai. I'm a High Servant.
B：:
High?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Servant?
Mash:
A High Servant!
Mash:
That's not a term I've ever seen in Chaldea's database. What is the difference between a High Servant and a normal one?
Da Vinci:
Taking a look at her readings now... Hmm, interesting. That's quite the Spirit Origin she's got.
Da Vinci:
She's definitely a single Servant, but she contains multiple entities, kind of like a Phantom Spirit.
Da Vinci:
You wouldn't happen to be several Divine Spirits rolled into one being, would you?
Mash:
!!!
Sitonai:
Heehee. That's right.
Sitonai:
You're the first Master in Chitose, so I figured you and your entourage must be something special...
Sitonai:
...and it certainly looks like you all know your stuff!
Sitonai:
I have multiple Divine Spirits lending me their power.
I'm both a Pseudo-Servant and a High Servant.
Sitonai:
Well, technically, I guess one is more of a Heroic Spirit than a Divine Spirit.
Sitonai:
Anyway, within this body,
which has a connection to the Holy Grail...
Sitonai:
...I have Freyja of the Norse,
Louhi of the Finns, and...
Fujimaru 1:
And?
Sitonai:
Sitonai of the Ainu.
Sitonai:
Are you familiar with her?
They say she's one of the Eastern Dragon Slayers.
Fujimaru 2:
Sitonai of the Ainu?
Sitonai:
Oh, so you've heard of her!
Sitonai:
Yes, the last one is Sitonai of the Ainu.
An Eastern Dragon Slayer.
Sitonai:
You really do know your stuff. I hardly knew anything about her, and she's part of this body!
Mash:
Back when Hokkaido used to be called Ezo on the Japanese mainland...there was a legend of a heroic young girl among the Ainu, the prefecture's original inhabitants.
Mash:
It was about how she and her faithful dog managed to defeat a monstrous serpent...
Sitonai:
That's right.
She's one of the heroes from the Kamuy Yukar.
Da Vinci:
So basically, you're a Heroic Spirit with a connection to this land, right? I could've sworn the legend of Sitonai was from the Otaru region, though...
Sitonai:
...
...
Sitonai:
I'm not sure about that myself.
Sitonai:
I'm guessing you know a lot more about how and why Servants appear in Singularities than me.
Sitonai:
Sitonai shows the most on my Spirit Origin's surface, so that should work as my True Name for now.
Sitonai:
Oh, and as for this body...it's kind of complicated.
Let's just leave it at that.
Sitonai:
If we ever end up forming a contract,
I'll tell you all about it.
Sitonai:
Hehe...that is, of course,
if we ever get to that point!
Sitonai:
Anyway, welcome to my secret hideout!
Fujimaru 1:
I'm Fujimaru.
Fujimaru 2:
Nice to meet you, Sitonai.
Mash:
My name's Mash Kyrielight.
Da Vinci:
And I'm Da Vinci.
Thanks for getting us outta that tight spot there, Sitonai.
B：:
I am
.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'm Ibaraki-Douji, the oni general of Mt. Ooe.
Not that I normally go around bragging about it.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...You and Oni Cure wouldn't happen to be old friends or something, would you?
Sitonai:
Oni Cure?
Sitonai:
Ah, you mean the magifender.
Yes, that's right.
Sitonai:
Well, we're not exactly friends, but it seems like we have pretty similar reasons for being here.
B：:
Then, you are both here to defeat the Great Oni?
Da Vinci:
Well, that was direct.
Trust a ninja to get straight to the point, I guess!
Sitonai:
Yes, that's right.
Sitonai:
Oniland appeared in front of the old Chitose Mine out of nowhere.
Sitonai:
And as you've probably figured,
the Great Oni is its ruler.
Sitonai:
He possesses incredible power. In fact, he created most of Oniland's employees just by splitting off bits of his own magical energy.
Sitonai:
And as long as his magical energy lasts, Oniland will keep growing larger and gaining more employees.
Sitonai:
That's the danger he represents.
Sitonai:
Not even his commanders–the big oni you saw back there–know his real identity.
Sitonai:
What we do know is that he's a strange oni who dresses in jet-black and bloodred...
Sitonai:
...and that he has invited everyone in Chitose to join him in Oniland for an endless carnival.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm. A king of oni, then...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Sometimes, people call something an oni when it's actually something else. And Shuten and I definitely never bowed to anyone, royalty or no.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oni might band together to increase our odds at surviving or make plundering easier, but we'd never do something so dumb as try to start a nation.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Can't really think of many oni who would rule one, either. I could count them on one hand...
Ibaraki-Douji:
There was the Evil King of Mutsu...Ootakemaru...and...
Ibaraki-Douji:
No way.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Does this mean the Great Oni is actually Ura,
the legendary oni from the Kibi region!?
Sitonai:
Hmm. I don't think so?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh. All right then.
Sitonai:
I'm not even sure whether this Great Oni was even a proper oni or not. Do you think Ura would make an amusement park like Oniland?
Ibaraki-Douji:
No. No I don't.
Sitonai:
What about all those underling oni?
Would he make those?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Uh-uh.
B：:
Then, that would mean the Great Oni is–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yeah, I don't think it was Ura.
B：:
(Huh?)
B：:
(Then, that would mean... Hmm...! So Lady Ibaraki merely threw Ura's name out there without really giving it any thought before speaking...!)
B：:
(Still, I admire her fearlessness in speaking her mind, regardless of what is on it.)
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey, Paraíso, quit looking at me like that;
it tickles. Get those stars out of your eyes.
Da Vinci:
Now I see. Then do you have an idea of who the Great Oni might be, Sitonai?
Sitonai:
Well, you're a sharp one, aren't you?
Sitonai:
Yes, I do. The Great Oni's power comes from gold.
Fujimaru 1:
Gold?
Sitonai:
Yes. Gold.
Fujimaru 2:
Aha! From the mine!
Sitonai:
Exactly.
Sitonai:
I think what happened is that a Holy Grail collected the nearby leyline's magical energy, then manifested as gold deep inside the old Chitose Mine.
Sitonai:
I've been calling it the Kamuy's Gold.
Once the Great Oni got his hands on it–
Mash:
He used it to create Oniland in order to guard the mine... Now I see. A Holy Grail would definitely be powerful enough to create something of this scale!
Sitonai:
...The leyline's magical energy is nature itself. It's not there for random people to lay their hands on as they please or use up for no reason at all...
Sitonai:
At least that's what the Sitonai part of me is saying.
Sitonai:
Under normal circumstances, Chitose Mine...
Sitonai:
...would never even have any gold that was connected to a Holy Grail, but...
Sitonai:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey, Sitonai.
Sitonai:
Yes?
Ibaraki-Douji:
An oni did this, not a person.
Get it right.
Sitonai:
...It's not meant to be used by oni.
B：:
(She corrected herself!)
Sitonai:
...A-anyway, I still have more to tell you about the gold!
Sitonai:
It's broken up into multiple fragments, and Oniland's attraction managers carry the biggest ones.
Sitonai:
If you can collect all the gold fragments and seal them away, that should weaken the Great Oni a lot.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Weaken him, huh. Hmm.
Why do we have to go to all that trouble?
Ibaraki-Douji:
I don't care how strong he is.
We can just smash his face to a pulp right now.
Sitonai:
No, you can't. You would never win.
The Great Oni is just too strong, thanks to the Holy Grail.
Sitonai:
...But it might be possible to beat him, if you're willing to suffer pretty heavy losses to do it...
Sitonai:
But if you seal away all the gold first, you could probably do it without losing anyone. I really think that's the way to go.
Sitonai:
What do you think, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Let's go for the gold.
Fujimaru 2:
I'm not losing anyone if I can help it.
Sitonai:
Hehe. I thought you'd say that!
Sitonai:
Don't worry about the sealing part. Between me, Louhi, and Freyja, I'm sure we can figure something out.
Da Vinci:
Oho, so we might get to see some Divine Spirit magecraft up close and personal too, huh? There's some data I'll be happy to gather.
B：:
Then...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Well, fine, I guess.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'd still rather just skip right to him since I'm pretty sure I wouldn't lose, but I know I won't be able to convince Master.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'm not dumb enough to ask questions when I already know the answer. So let's get to it!
Ibaraki-Douji:
We'll start by collecting all the pieces of this “Kamuy's Gold” stuff!
Ibaraki-Douji:
To do that, we just have to defeat this “Attack Saw Man-Eater” thing, right? What sort of Heroic Spirit is he?
Mash:
Ibaraki, that's “Attraction manager,”
not “Attack Saw Man-Eater”!
Mash:
It's just a job title, not a Servant's True Name!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh. Okay.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So it's not another one of those weird names like “High Servant” or “Assassin of Paraíso” or “Archer of Shinjuku” then...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Eh, whatever. I don't know anything about that sort of stuff, and I don't care either!
B：:
Weird names...?
B：:
I see... So my name is...weird...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Huh? Doesn't make it bad. I just find it odd because I never heard names like that before.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So cheer up already, shinobi. Your name kinda the same ring to it that Oni Cure has. To me, anyway. Sort of.
Mash:
(I'm not sure I see the resemblance myself...)
Sitonai:
Ahaha. You all really get along well, don't you.
Sitonai:
You're not quite like any other Master I've ever known.
Sitonai:
Now then, I'd like to see how you fight.
I saw a bit earlier, but I was too far away to really tell.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh? Are you picking a fight with me, Sitonai?
Ibaraki-Douji:
You want to see how strong I am for yourself?
Sitonai:
Yes, that's right.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...I see.
Ibaraki-Douji:
This is why Heroic Spirits are so much fun.
They never fear oni, even though they're human.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Fine then, if that's what you want, that's what you'll get. Just don't go screaming for mercy too soon.
B：:
What would you have us do, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
...Let's give it a shot.
Sitonai:
Be warned, I'm very strong.
Fujimaru 2:
We have to prove we have what it takes.
Sitonai:
That's right. And don't hold back,
or you might not live to regret it.
Sitonai:
Oh, but let's have a change of venue first.
This is no place for a battle.
Sitonai:
There's a cave right nearby that should be perfect!
It's okay to use Noble Phantasms in there, too.
Sitonai:
...Try not to die, okay?
--BATTLE--
Sitonai:
That's enough, Shirou!
Sitonai:
Good boy, Shirou. Thank you for your help.
I'll summon you again later.
Mash:
The battle is over! The creature I believe to be Sitonai's Noble Phantasm has stopped fighting!
Sitonai:
Shirou's actually supposed to be a dog, but then Louhi said something that turned him into a kind of bear.
Sitonai:
While we're on the subject...his name isn't really Shirou, either.
Sitonai:
Anyway, I can see you're all real strong. Strong enough to collect all the fragments of the Kamuy's Gold.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Hmm.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I haven't had my fill of fighting yet.
If anything, I'm really only getting warmed up.
Ibaraki-Douji:
If we'd kept at this a little longer, my spear would've torn through your Spirit Origin like so much confetti.
Ibaraki-Douji:
But, all right. I'm back in the zone for fighting in this Spirit Origin now. Oniland can throw all the fake oni it wants at me, and it won't make any difference!
B：:
Tell us, Lady Sitonai, are these attraction managers oni as well?
Sitonai:
...
...
Sitonai:
Yes, but they're not normal oni.
Sitonai:
All of the managers are also Servants.
Great Oni:
Gehehehehe...!
Great Oni:
After all the trouble I took to hijack an Oniland bus and set up an ambush for those annoying guests...
Great Oni:
...they never even bothered to show up!
Great Oni:
I don't think they're even coming!
Curse you, you cowards!
Great Oni:
They don't seem to be hiding out in the city, either! Gehehehehe, very well then!
Great Oni:
My attraction managers will be sure to show them a good time! Gehehehe! Gahahahahaha!
Great Oni:
Now go, my merry-go-round manager! Show these terrible guests the power of the Gold Servants!
EP 3: Watch Out! The Cursed Merry-Go-Round!
Marie:
Look, everyone!
Right over there!
Marie:
It's a carousel!
...Or, as they call it here, a merry-go-round!
Amadeus:
Please try not to get so excited, Maria. You might trip. Though of course, if you do, I'll be happy to help you back up again!
Amadeus:
Anyway, yes, you're right.
Indeed it is a merry-go-round!
Amadeus:
What a lovely sight,
seeing all these grown-ups playing horsey!
Amadeus:
It's really quite perverse in a way!
I love that sort of thing!
Amadeus:
What about you, Mr. Gloomy? Is there nothing about a place like this to put a smile on your drab face?
Sanson:
...I will follow Her Majesty's wishes. I am not used to riding on horseback, but I will do so if necessary.
d'Eon:
We certainly never had things like this in our own lifetime. This was invented in the nineteenth century, unless I am very much mistaken.
d'Eon:
In fact, I believe it originated in France, though of course, it didn't use electricity back then.
Marie:
Oh my, electricity!
That's, um, Edison and Nikola Tesla's invention, right?
d'Eon:
Yes, Your Majesty.
Marie:
My, oh my!
So these horses are electric!
Marie:
What a beautiful marriage of inventions...
I'm so proud.
Marie:
An amusement born in France, enhanced with the wisdom of American geniuses, is now right at home in the Far East.
Marie:
What a wonderful, joyous thing!
Marie:
Vive la France! Hehe. All right, since we're all here, what do you say we have some fun together!
d'Eon:
Yes, Your Majesty.
I would be honored to join you!
Sanson:
As you wish.
Amadeus:
You heard the queen, Salieri.
What are you gonna do?
Salieri:
If it is the queen's desire, who am I to refuse?
Salieri:
I may not be the true Antonio Salieri, but I am still part of him, and so revere our queen.
Salieri:
And I feel...oddly at peace in this place.
Not fully at peace, mind you, but compared to nor...
Salieri:
...mal...
Salieri:
You!
Salieri:
I'll make an exception for you, Gottlieb Mozart!
Salieri:
You're dead! Dead, dead, dead!
Salieri:
Cursed Child of God! I'll kill you mysel–
Marie:
Mr. Salieri?
Aren't you going to join us on the ponies?
Salieri:
...If Your Divine Majesty would ask it of me, then so be it. Very well... I must do my best to scrape together all the dregs of Antonio Salieri I can find.
Amadeus:
Ahahahaha! This is great! What a hoot!
Amadeus:
...What, Maria? Don't look at me like that.
It's scary.
Marie:
I'm not trying to scare you. I just think you should be more honest about your feelings.
Marie:
I know you're really a nice guy deep down, so act like it.
Okay?
Amadeus:
Aww, but I'm doing my best to be nice.
I love Salieri.
Amadeus:
That said, it's hard for me to tell if I'm actually succeeding.
Marie:
Ugh, see? This is exactly the problem!
Alexander:
Ahahaha! What's with these horses!
I've never seen such docile steeds in my life!
Alexander:
Now I see. It's all one big machine!
Alexander:
That must be why they only move in set patterns,
and don't think or act for themselves.
Alexander:
It's a lot different than riding a real horse,
since you can't take them anywhere else...
Alexander:
...but this is...pretty fun in its own way!
Alexander:
Right, Teacher!?
El-Melloi II:
...I can't say I find this fun at all.
El-Melloi II:
Why must these “horses” go up and down while this whole machine spins around? Isn't this sort of thing meant for children?
Alexander:
Come on, Teacher, step it up! Surely the head tactician of a vast army can handle a horse or two!
Alexander:
Oh, wait. Are you the one in charge of your body, not the tactician?
El-Melloi II:
I do have some experience with horseback riding...but none of it is of any use here.
El-Melloi II:
In fact, didn't you say yourself that they were completely different?
Alexander:
Are you getting motion sickness?
El-Melloi II:
...
...
Alexander:
Teacher?
El-Melloi II:
...
...
El-Melloi II:
...Just a little. It's not an issue.
Ushiwakamaru:
Hahahahahaha! What is this ride!? It's nothing like a real one, but it somehow feels kinda horselike, Benkei!
Ushiwakamaru:
Well, it could use a little more movement,
don't you think?
Ushiwakamaru:
If they're going to imitate horses, they should move left and right as well as up and down! Like this!
Benkei:
Stop, Lord Yoshitsune!
You mustn't rock the carousel!
Benkei:
A carnival ride like this is not designed to withstand your full strength! Please!
Benkei:
Please stop playing so hard!
Ushiwakamaru:
Go, Tayuguro!
Benkei:
Lord Yoshitsune! Stooop!
Benkei:
Also, why are you still in your summer clothing!?
Surely you must be freezing in such a... (Gasp)
Ushiwakamaru:
Hahahaha, so you understand now, Benkei!
I knew you would get it!
Ushiwakamaru:
This outfit covers more skin than what I usually wear, so I'm actually quite warm!
Benkei:
You're right, Lord Yoshitsune! The difference is stark indeed! I am ashamed I didn't realize sooner!
Lu Bu:
...
Lu Bu:
[[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]!!!
Mash:
So this is Oniland's first attraction, the Pumpkin Merry-Go-Round, with an average wait time of fifteen minutes...
Mash:
It appears to be extremely popular with other Servants, Senpai!
Fujimaru 1:
Those are Chaldean Servants, right!?
Fujimaru 2:
Do they think they're still in Hawaii on vacation!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Da Vinci:
I've just compared their Spirit Origins to our own data, and they're definitely Chaldean Servants!
Da Vinci:
And it looks like they aren't the only ones. I'm seeing Servant readings vanishing from Chaldea left and right!
Da Vinci:
Seems like a safe bet that they're all headed to Chitose.
Da Vinci:
Or maybe they're all being pulled there by their connection to Fujimaru?
Sitonai:
The Kamuy's Gold must have called them here.
Sitonai:
A Holy Grail made from ordinary magical energy wouldn't have this effect, but the Kamuy's Gold is different.
Sitonai:
Gold doesn't just entice those who see it.
It also has the power to gather others around it.
Sitonai:
And in this case, I think it must be searching for other sources of magical energy in order to replenish and bolster its own.
B：:
Does that mean...it is extracting the other Heroic Spirits' magical energy?
Sitonai:
Uh-huh. I'm pretty sure it is, anyway.
Mash:
...I just finished running an analysis,
and it looks like Sitonai is right!
Mash:
That merry-go-round is leeching a tiny amount of magical energy from every Servant riding it!
Fujimaru 1:
You mean that merry-go-round with all the pumpkins?
Fujimaru 2:
So if we don't stop it, the Great Oni's gonna get stronger?
Sitonai:
Right! We can't let him get even stronger,
not even a little bit at a time.
Sitonai:
Besides, we also need to get the gold fragment from the attraction manager!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
B：:
Lady Ibaraki? Is something wrong?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Hmm.
Ibaraki-Douji:
No, I'm fine. Why'd you ask?
B：:
Well, I could not help but notice that your attention seemed to be elsewhere.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Heh. Is that supposed to be a joke, shinobi girl?
Don't be ridiculous.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Just look at that sad excuse for a ride! It's absolutely pathetic! All it does is move a bunch of seats up and down!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Only humans could be amused by something so stupid! Mwahaha!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mwahaha...
Fujimaru 1:
Come on, tell the truth...
Fujimaru 2:
How do you really feel?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...W-well...
Ibaraki-Douji:
If you...if you said I really, absolutely had to try it out, Master, I guess I wouldn't...mind...
Whip Oni:
What's wrong with that?
Let her try it out if she wants.
Whip Oni:
The way I see it, everyone should be able to ride whatever they like. That's how it should be at amusement parks!
Whip Oni:
Repressing your true desires isn't going to get you anywhere. Don't you agree?
Whip Oni:
Oh, right, where are my manners? I'm Queen Medb,
the attraction manager for all these fine steeds!
Whip Oni:
Hm? Wait a sec.
Whip Oni:
Aha. I thought I recognized most of you. You know, I'm willing to throw in a little something special for anyone riding my ride for the first time.
Mash:
Does this mean... Is she the Medb from Chaldea?
Mash:
Her readings don't look quite the same as usual...
Mash:
In fact, the magical energy she's giving off right now seems very similar to Oniland's...
Sitonai:
Exactly.
Because she's the merry-go-round's manager!
B：:
Lady Sitonai is correct!
Just look at that ominous aura!
Whip Oni:
...What about it?
Whip Oni:
Mmhmm, mmhmm, there sure are a lot of cuties at Chaldea. And I'm not just saying that.
Whip Oni:
That's why I don't mind throwing in a little something special.
Whip Oni:
Buuut...if you try to mess with my horses,
then I'll just have to punish you.
Whip Oni:
Oni employee brigade!
We've got people bothering the other guests here!
Oni Employees:
You're bothering the other guests...!
You're bothering the other guests...!
Mash:
Senpai! I'm picking up more hostile readings!
B：:
Come, Master! We should retreat before they overwhelm us with sheer numbers again!
Fujimaru 1:
Wait!
Fujimaru 2:
I don't think there's as many this time...
Sitonai:
That's because you were on Main Street last time, where they could keep making new ones. They're much more manageable around attractions like this.
Sitonai:
Here, the gold fragment should limit the number of oni that can be produced.
Whip Oni:
Hmm?
Whip Oni:
Now who's that girl?
I don't recognize her, but she sure is chatty...
Whip Oni:
Of course, even if I do know you, that doesn't mean I'm going to let you interfere with my job.
Whip Oni:
I know I'm irresistible,
but no matter how badly you want me...
Whip Oni:
...you need to wait until my shift is over,
like my Good-Looking Braves.
Whip Oni:
And since you couldn't do that...
Whip Oni:
...I'm going to give you the whip,
and you're going to like it!
--BATTLE--
B：:
Ghh! I suppose I should have expected this from the renowned queen of a foreign nation!
B：:
She is incredibly strong...!
This will be much more difficult than I had anticipated!
Whip Oni:
I could say the same about you. Hehe, you know,
I like both working women and fighting women.
Whip Oni:
I don't know how I feel about women who devote themselves entirely to someone else, though. That's no way to live, right?
Whip Oni:
You need to take charge of your life and own whatever it is you want! Like these horses!
Whip Oni:
There's so many things you can do with wooden horses, don't you think? You can ride them, ride them...
Whip Oni:
...ooh, and you can ride them!
Mash:
She just repeated herself three ti–
Mash:
A-aah...!
Mash:
This is terrible, Senpai!
Medb has, um... How can I put this...
Mash:
She's started performing a very, um, provocative dance on one of the merry-go-round's horses...
Mash:
I'm concerned this may be too much for Ibaraki-Douji to handle! Th-this is unacceptable behavior, Senpai!
Ibaraki-Douji:
You chumps really do think I'm a child, huh?
Ibaraki-Douji:
I mean, never mind that!
You there! What do you think you're doing!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Shuten could pull that off, but you just look ridiculous. If you wanna devour the horses, then just devour them and be done with it already!
Fujimaru 1:
Um, Ibaraki-Douji...
Fujimaru 2:
Uh, yeah, that's right. She's, erm...hungry. That's all it is. Yep.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Wh-what?
What other meaning could that dance possibly have!?
B：:
...!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Huh? Why did you turn away from me, shinobi woman?
Why are you staring at the ground?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Look me in the eye, or I'll swallow your head whole. Wait... Did you just shake your head at me!?
Whip Oni:
...(Sigh) Are you really that innocent a child?
Ugh, what a mood killer.
Whip Oni:
All right then, let's just hurry up and finish this.
Commander oni!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Aw crap! It's the big guys!
Mash:
The large oni are back!
Several of them, by the looks of it!
Sitonai:
So that attraction manager lady can even call in big oni.
Sitonai:
She must have a lot of gold in that case...
Hmm, this could be kind of bad.
Mash:
!!!
B：:
Queen Medb was already a formidable opponent on her own! If we face more powerful oni at the same time...!
Mysterious Voice:
...Sounds like you guys could use a hand.
Fujimaru 1:
That voice!
Fujimaru 2:
Is that...!?
Whip Oni:
Who's there!?
Whip Oni:
Aah! Where'd that club come from!?
Whip Oni:
If you're using Presence Concealment, you already gave yourself away when you spoke! Quit hiding!
Mysterious Voice:
Well, if you insist, I suppose I'd better oblige.
Magifender Girl:
...Magifender Girl is on the scene again!
--ARROW--
Magifender Girl:
...It's all fine and good if the heavens forgive you, I guess.
Magifender Girl:
If Earth wants to forgive you, that's its business.
And I reeeally don't care if humans forgive you.
Magifender Girl:
But an oni? If you're looking for forgiveness from an oni, that'll depend on which oni you ask!
Animal:
Hmph.
Animal:
You handle this however you want.
I'll just be riiight here watching.
Magifender Girl:
...I'm a magifender, and magifense is me...
Magifender Girl:
Magifender Girl is on the scene again!
Whip Oni:
...
...
Whip Oni:
...Magi-what now? And didn't you already say that?
Fujimaru 1:
She totally did.
Ibaraki-Douji:
No way! It's Magifender Girl Oni Cure!
I never thought I'd get to see her again!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I even got to hear her say her catchphrase twice!
Sooo cooooool!
Fujimaru 2:
It might be stock footage.
Mash:
Senpai?
B：:
Master, Master, what is stock footage?
B：:
Does it have something to do with why Lady Magifender repeated the same line twice?
Whip Oni:
So she did repeat herself. I knew it.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Aah!
Ibaraki-Douji:
D-did you see that, Master!?
She winked at me!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mwahahaha, I can feel my blood literally boiling in excitement! It's like my whole body is ablaze!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Only a true magifender oni could get me this worked up. She's everything Shuten said she was and more!
Mash:
I, um, think she might have been winking at Senpai, actually.
Sitonai:
Oh, never mind that.
Sitonai:
Now that you're here, Magifender Girl,
does this mean we can count on you to help us?
Magifender Girl:
Mmm... Good question.
Magifender Girl:
I don't really see the fun in just joining whoever asks me to help.
Animal:
Ally. Enemy.
What's the difference? Hmph.
Magifender Girl:
Now, now, Spot. Be nice.
Animal:
...My name's Haku.
Magifender Girl:
Anyway, it sounds like you're all looking for gold?
Magifender Girl:
I guess this mysterious Magifender Girl can help with that.
Fujimaru 1:
Got it.
Fujimaru 2:
Then let's stop Gold Medb together!
Magifender Girl:
...Oni are oni.
We go wherever we want and do whatever we please.
Magifender Girl:
I might be a magifender,
but I'm still an oni at heart.
Magifender Girl:
So you'll just have to forgive me if I grind you down and drink you up, Ms. Attraction Manager.
Whip Oni:
Ahahahaha! Fine with me.
If you think you can pull that off, just go ahead and try!
Whip Oni:
It's time you found out what we managers–no,
we Gold Servants–can really do!
B：:
Here she comes again, Master!
And she has large oni backing her up this time!
Fujimaru 1:
Time to fight!
Fujimaru 2:
Let's do this, Gold Servant Medb!
--BATTLE--
Whip Oni:
...!
Whip Oni:
N-not bad... So this is what you can do with that Magifender Girl on your side...
Whip Oni:
No... You're just a bunch of idiots.
Whip Oni:
You're too stupid to care about this gold...
This wondrous, wondrous gold...
Mash:
Wha? Huh?
Mash:
Senpai...
Mash:
I'm not seeing Medb retreat...
It looks like she's vanished...
Da Vinci:
Whoa there, let's not go jumping to conclusions before I've had a chance to share the results of my analysis! It isn't actually Medb the Heroic Spirit who just disappeared here.
Da Vinci:
It was just an imitation of her Spirit Origin created by superdense magical energy–namely, the Kamuy's Gold.
Da Vinci:
She was more like a Shadow Servant,
or even just a shell of one, than anything else.
Da Vinci:
The real Medb is still alive and well,
as far as I know.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
...Let's go get the gold fragment.
Sitonai:
Will do.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm? Is there something distorting the air there...?
B：:
Its magical energy is so powerful that it is visually affecting its surroundings. Is this the gold we are looking for, Master?
Sitonai:
Normally it would look like real gold ore, but I think, now that it's missing its protective shell...
Sitonai:
...it's been exposed as raw magical energy.
Give me a minute.
Sitonai:
...Come here. It's okay.
You must have been so scared, but it's over now.
Sitonai:
Come on.
You know you don't belong here, right?
Sitonai:
I'll make sure you get back to your home.
So don't be scared. Come with me and it'll all be fine.
Sitonai:
...Welcome back.
Mash:
That takes care of the first gold fragment!
Magifender Girl:
Then I guess my work here is done.
Maybe I'll see you around again, if you're lucky.
Animal:
Bye, losers.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ah!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oni Cure just left...!
I missed my chance to talk to her again! Ugh!
Ibaraki-Douji:
But I definitely sensed a rare and special connection between us. This must be what it's like when something strikes you to your very core!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Did you all see how easily Magifender Girl took out those posers?
Ibaraki-Douji:
The way she saved me and ran off again without so much as blinking... That grace... That scent... That bewitching air!
Ibaraki-Douji:
She almost reminds me of Shuten...!
Fujimaru 1:
(Not saying anything... Nope...)
Fujimaru 2:
(Bite tongue with all your might)
Mash:
(Senpai...)
Mash:
(Oh, now I get it. You're trying to preserve Ibaraki-Douji's innocence!)
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm? What's with the weird face, Master?
B：:
At any rate, we now have the first gold fragment in our possession!
B：:
Hmm. I wonder what sort of attraction manager we must face to obtain the second...
Sitonai:
The second attraction on our list...
Sitonai:
...is the teacups!
Sitonai:
The whirling, spinning ones!
Great Oni:
Gehehehe...!
Gahahahaha!
Great Oni:
The Whip Oni was the weakest of all my managers!
The others won't even notice she's gone!
Great Oni:
That said, it seems they have the wrong idea about me...
Great Oni:
I'm not that loser Ura.
I'm the Great Oni Vermilion Dragon!
Great Oni:
Gehehehehe!
Gaaahahahahaha!
Great Oni:
Now go, my teacup attraction manager!
Great Oni:
Most teacup rides bring people together, but mine will sever your bonds through sheer terror!
Great Oni:
Oh, and don't forget to stock up on barf bags. I love breaking up couples with my cups, but there's no need to add insult to injury by having them throw up all over each other.
Great Oni:
Even oni aren't completely heartless! Hahahahaha!
EP 4: Spin! Spin! The Terrifying Teacups!
Semiramis:
...
...
Amakusa Shirou:
Haha.
Semiramis:
...
...
Amakusa Shirou:
Hahahaha.
Semiramis:
...Why am I doing this?
Amakusa Shirou:
It looks like another Holy Grail has shown up, but this one looks like it doesn't quite have the capacity to be referred to as an all-powerful wish-granter.
Amakusa Shirou:
I must say though, an amusement park is certainly new for me. ...Have you ever been to one before?
Semiramis:
What do you think? There is no possible route history could have taken in which I would willingly indulge in such frivolous entertainment.
Semiramis:
And yet... (Sigh) I somehow find myself sitting in an absurdly large ceramic cup, spinning for no reason that I can see.
Amakusa Shirou:
I heard that if we turn this thing in the middle here, we can spin even faster.
Semiramis:
That will not be necessary.
Amakusa Shirou:
I heard if you spin fast enough,
you can make yourself dizzy and even sick.
Amakusa Shirou:
Hahaha.
Here we go!
Semiramis:
What did I just say!?
Caesar:
So cramped...
Caesar:
I can't say I see the point in riding this contraption with one's better half, but I do see the point in spinning around and around like this!
Caesar:
I only wish it wasn't so cramped! I'm sorry, Cleopatra! I'm sorry for always imposing on you!
Cleopatra:
Urk.
Cleopatra:
...(Gasp) N-not at all, Lord Caesar!
I'm not giving up yet!
Cleopatra:
I may have gotten stuck in an awkward position after attempting to sit in your lap...
Cleopatra:
...but that's a small price to pay to be this close to you! Even if it isn't quite what I was expecting!
Cleopatra:
Ahh, I have never been more grateful to be a Servant than I am today!
Caesar:
Cleopatra!
You really care for me that–
Cleopatra:
Because we're so sturdy!
Caesar:
Oof. I guess I misunderstood...
Cleopatra:
If I were human, I'd be in agony from broken ribs right now!
Cleopatra:
But now, I'm a Servant with a shapely body of ether that is much more difficult to damage!
Cleopatra:
Ahh, being a Servant is wonderful!
Now I'll never have to worry about dying on your lap!
Caesar:
!!!
Caesar:
Oh, Cleopatra! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I know I should try and lose some weight!
Caesar:
Hmm... Maybe...if I got a swimsuit, and changed my Spirit Origin, I could become a much slimmer Rider...?
Cleopatra:
What did you say?
Cleopatra:
My Lord Caesar, slim again, and...in a swimsuit!?
P-please don't say things like that!
Cleopatra:
I've only just started to come to grips with reality... What would become of my poor mind if you lost weight!?
Danzo:
Lord Kotarou!
Lord Kotarou!
Danzo:
It appears that this teacup ride spins faster and faster the more you turn the platter in the middle!
Fuuma Kotarou:
That's right.
Just be careful.
Danzo:
Careful? Of what?
Fuuma Kotarou:
We Servants are so strong that you might end up turning heaven and earth on their heads if you keep spinning the cup past its limits.
Fuuma Kotarou:
It could wind up another Caladbolg or Tarasque.
So we need to be care–
Fuuma Kotarou:
...Lady Danzo?
Danzo:
Oh no, oh no no no...
Danzo:
I had no idea such an innocuous-seeming ride could be so dangerous! Not even my secondary processors alerted me to this potential outcome!
Danzo:
B-but worry not, Lord Kotarou!
I will not fail to protect you, no matter what!
Danzo:
My ether body is especially tough,
thanks to my mechanical nature!
Danzo:
All right! I will protect you starting right now!
Danzo:
(Glomp)
Fuuma Kotarou:
!!!
Fuuma Kotarou:
(...I'll have to prostrate myself and apologize for this later.)
Medb:
Okay, Cú! Say ahhh♡
Medb:
Go on, before the ice cream inside this crêpe melts. Ahhh♡
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Shut up.
Medb:
Come ooon, it's gonna melt!
You don't want it to melt, do you!?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Who cares?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Ah well, I guess it could be worse.
Like what's going on over there...
Brynhild:
It is all too clear to me.
I can no longer restrain myself.
Brynhild:
Had I not materialized in this Spirit Origin, perhaps I could have gone for a spin in the teacups like the other couples...
Brynhild:
...but there is no point in dwelling on that now.
Brynhild:
As fire incarnate, I am incapable of stopping myself.
I cannot resist thrusting this spear through your body.
Brynhild:
Please understand.
Please, let me impale you...
Brynhild:
...my beloved Sigurd.
Siegfried:
...
Siegfried:
...
...
Siegfried:
...Ahem!
Siegfried:
...Brynhild, beautiful warrior maiden...
This is hard for me to say, but...
Brynhild:
Yes, my love?
Siegfried:
You have the wrong man.
Ortlinde:
Emergency, emergency.
Sister is approaching a male Heroic Spirit!
Hildr:
Is it Sigurd!?
Thrúd:
No, it's a different warrior...
Sir Siegfried.
Hildr:
Oh, okay.
But...is it just me or do they seem awfully similar?
Ortlinde:
It doesn't matter how similar or dissimilar they are. We need to figure out what to do about any Heroic Spirit that gets too close to our sister.
Thrúd:
I'll kill him.
Hildr:
No, no, no! We can't do that! He's one of Master's Servants! We need to handle this more peacefully.
Thrúd:
I'll kill him.
Hildr:
Thrúd!
Ortlinde:
Oh, for Odin's sake...
Sieg:
There are so many Heroic Spirits getting along here... Chaldea is such a fascinating place.
Jeanne Alter:
The hell it is!
Jeanne Alter:
Would you get this through your thick goddamn skull already!? I! DON'T! KNOW! YOU!
Jeanne Alter:
And lose the pout!
Blackbeard Oni:
That's right, it's me! Attraction Manager Teach!
I'm taking everyone for a spin! Got a problem with that!?
Blackbeard Oni:
Ugh, this sucks!
I've never been more pissed off in my life!
Blackbeard Oni:
How'd I get stuck managing the lovey-dovey couple ride? Why me? Why meee!?
Blackbeard Oni:
And if that wasn't bad enough, Servants don't get sufficiently dizzy to puke on each other and break up!
Blackbeard Oni:
Ugggh, this sucks! It's so boring!
I freakin' hate it! You agree, right, Master!?
Fujimaru 1:
I thought it was fun. I don't see the problem.
Blackbeard Oni:
Argh! Et tu, Master!?
Does nobody here understand me!?
Fujimaru 2:
(...I wish I could ride that with Mash...)
Blackbeard Oni:
Hey, I recognize that look!
Hehe, so you're all alone too, eh, Master?
Blackbeard Oni:
Nice try, but you can't put anything past old Blackbeard.
Sitonai:
There's the manager for this attraction. He looks like he'd be more at home on a pirate ship than a teacup.
Mash:
Say... What about a coffee cup ride! Something that couples and families alike could enjoy!
Mash:
I do wonder though... Why are there so many couples here? It almost seems deliberate.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Ugh. Is this about love?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Is that what this is all about? Love?
Sitonai:
Would it be a problem if it was?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Problem? Me? Nothing's a problem for me.
Ibaraki-Douji:
It's just... Hmm... It's hard to describe, but I guess when I think about it, I get a headache. That's all.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Love, huh...
Sitonai:
Hmm.
E：:
Never mind that now! Look, Master!
The true Lady Medb really is completely fine!
E：:
What a relief–
Blackbeard Oni:
!!!
Blackbeard Oni:
You calling me a thief?
Blackbeard Oni:
All right, that does it.
First you steal my fun, now you steal my shtick?
E：:
I sense murderous intent!
E：:
Master! Lady Ibaraki! Lady Sitonai! That so-called manager is looking our way with a most murderous gaze!
Blackbeard Oni:
And what, you're a ninja, too? You're one of those girls with waaay too many attributes, aren't you?
Blackbeard Oni:
Well in case you didn't get the memo,
this is MY time to shine, not–
Blackbeard Oni:
Hang on. That outfit... That demeanor! You're a widow, a shrine maiden, AND a kunoichi, aren't you!?
Blackbeard Oni:
Aw crap, what've I done? I've finally hit a girl who checks all my boxes and I've made an enemy of her!
Blackbeard Oni:
Oh, hang on!
I've got an idea!
Blackbeard Oni:
Hey, Ms. !
E：:
Y-yes? What is it?
Blackbeard Oni:
Go out with me!
Blackbeard Oni:
Even if it's out of pity!
E：:
!!!
Mash:
!?
Sitonai:
...Interesting.
E：:
I... Um... I-I am afraid I am already committed to serving Master...
E：:
B-b-besides, I could never betray .
S-still, it must have taken a lot of courage for him to confess his feelings for me...
Fujimaru 1:
Wait, what!?
Fujimaru 2:
You know you don't have to take him seriously, right!?
E：:
A-a-are you sure about that...!?
E：:
Thinking about it some more, I am not sure it is right to flatly turn down a man I know almost nothing about!
E：:
B-besides, I must admit...
E：:
It is not entirely unpleasant to hear a confession of love directed my way...
Blackbeard Oni:
...
...
Blackbeard Oni:
(Wait, what?)
Blackbeard Oni:
(She actually thinks I was being serious?)
Blackbeard Oni:
(Does this mean...she's easy?)
Blackbeard Oni:
(Do I actually have a chance?)
Blackbeard Oni:
(Does this mean I should go for it?)
Blackbeard Oni:
(Does this mean it's okay to do my best Uncle Fergus impression?)
Blackbeard Oni:
(Has the day finally come when I can raise a family with a pure, innocent girl instead of a top-heavy gold digger!?)
Fujimaru 1:
Officer! This one, right here!
Blackbeard Oni:
Aw crap! Was that all out loud?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...(Yaaawn)
Ibaraki-Douji:
This is so boring I almost fell asleep.
Are you done yet?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Love this, love that. Who cares!?
Leave that stuff for the birds and fishes, I say.
Ibaraki-Douji:
You there. You're one of the attraction managers, right?
Ibaraki-Douji:
So you've got a gold fragment of your own?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mmm. Solid bloodlust. That's more like it.
Ibaraki-Douji:
You're one of those pirate people, right!?
This is how you oughta behave!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'll see your blade and raise you my spear!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Now hand over your gold and die like the scum you are!
--BATTLE--
Blackbeard Oni:
Gnnh! So many cute Heroic Spirit girls after my head!
Blackbeard Oni:
This might be the best day ever!
I almost feel like I should be paying you!
C：:
Wh-what are you talking abou–
Blackbeard Oni:
I need more! More!
More love!
Blackbeard Oni:
Hrghhhhhh...
Graaaaaaah!!!
Blackbeard Oni:
Yeeeeees! Envy! Jealousy! Resentment!
Losers of the world, lend me your strength!
Blackbeard Oni:
Lend me your pooooooooower!!!
Blackbeard Oni:
Hehehe.
Looks like it worked.
Mash:
It's a Spirit Origin Ascension!
Sitonai:
He's using the gold's magical energy! Watch out!
It's made him much stronger than he was before!
B：Blackbeard Oni:
Sorry to keep all you lovely ladies waiting.
The insect who told me to die like scum...less so.
B：Blackbeard Oni:
Don't worry. I'll make sure you have plenty of fun this time around.
F：Magifender Girl:
...How about me? Can I get in on this?
Fujimaru 1:
That voice!
Fujimaru 2:
She's back!?
B：Blackbeard Oni:
Oooh, is that a pretty girl I hear and smell?
B：Blackbeard Oni:
Whoa, that was close!
Where'd that giant club come from!?
B：Blackbeard Oni:
Hey, that could've killed me!
I'd love to see the pretty girl that threw it!
F：Magifender Girl:
Well, I guess if you insist, I'd better oblige.
Magifender Girl:
...Magifender Girl is on the scene again!
--ARROW--
Magifender Girl:
...It's all fine and good if the heavens forgive you, I guess.
Magifender Girl:
If Earth wants to forgive you, that's its business.
And I reeeally don't care if humans forgive you.
Magifender Girl:
Buuut, if you want little old me to forgive you,
that'll depend on my mood, sweetie.
Animal:
Hmph.
Animal:
Go ahead, do whatever you want.
Doesn't matter to me.
Magifender Girl:
...I'm a magifender, and magifense is me...
Magifender Girl:
Magifender Girl is on the scene again!
Fujimaru 1:
Magifender Girl! You came to help us again!
Fujimaru 2:
There's that stock footage!
Mash:
Um, is it just me, or is this getting kind of predictable?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Don't be ridiculous.
This is the best part of every episode!
Sitonai:
Uh... If you say so.
Ibaraki-Douji:
!!!
Blackbeard Oni:
!!!
Oni & Beardie:
Sh-she totally just winked at me!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Huh? What are you talking about?
Blackbeard Oni:
...Look, I know everyone makes mistakes,
so I can let it go this one time.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Magifender Girl was obviously looking at me, not you. Besides, you're human. You don't get to be excited about oni!
Blackbeard Oni:
Huh? Horned girls and oni chicks are all the rage these days! If I wanted to, I could destroy you with oni-derived expressions alone! How do you like that, huh!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
You're just talking nonsense! Ugh, Master, this isn't getting us anywhere. Let's just kill him and be done with it!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Now that I'm dressed more like Oni Cure,
there's no point in dragging this out!
Fujimaru 1:
Ohhh, so that's why you went to your third Ascension!
Mash:
Now I understand! You do look much more chic now, Ibaraki! It's a cute look for you!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Y-you think so?
Hehehe.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So “chic” means “matches Oni Cure,” huh?
Got it!
Magifender Girl:
Well look at you. Hehehehe.
You and I could pass for twin Magifender Girls.
Ibaraki-Douji:
!!!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Twin Magifender Girls!!!
That sounds awesome!
Fujimaru 1:
Twin!
Magifender Girl:
Between the two of us, I bet we could rip that gold from him niiice and easy.
Fujimaru 2:
Do it, Magifender Girl!
Magifender Girl:
Yeah, yeah. I'm getting to it.
Animal:
Hmph. So you're still gonna play at being a hero?
Magifender Girl:
Oh? Keep giving me lip and I might just have to rip them off. Like this.
Animal:
Gaah!
Magifender Girl:
Okay, enough of that. Let's get started, shall we♪
Animal:
Ouchie...
This is exactly why oni are so terrifying...
Magifender Girl:
...Oni are oni.
We go wherever we want and do whatever we please.
Magifender Girl:
I might be a magifender,
but I'm still an oni at heart.
Magifender Girl:
You'll have to forgive me if I end up grinding your bones to dust and your muscles into hamburger, Beardie!
Blackbeard Oni:
That sounds great, thank you! Hell, I wouldn't even mind if you all leaped into my arms at once!
Blackbeard Oni:
Go on, leap!
--BATTLE--
Blackbeard Oni:
Gaaaaaah!
Blackbeard Oni:
...Heh. Gotta say, that was fun. No better way to go out than mixing it up with a bunch of cuties.
Blackbeard Oni:
Ahh, I'm so glad I got to be a Gold Servant!
Sitonai:
...You did great.
Sitonai:
Come on, it's okay.
I'll make sure to get you back home.
Sitonai:
...Welcome back.
Mash:
That takes care of the second gold fragment!
Magifender Girl:
All right, guess I'll be on my way then.
All this running around is wearing me out.
Animal:
You should get some rest.
Later, losers.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ah! She just ran off again!
G：:
Very well then, shall we start looking for the third gold fragment now, or fall back to Lady Sitonai's hideout first?
G：:
For my part, I am worried about Master using too much magical energy, so...
Sitonai:
Good point. We should probably hold off on the next attraction for now. Instead, we can go to...
Sitonai:
...the food court!
Sitonai:
How about we go there and get some rest and refreshment!?
Great Oni:
What blithering fools they are!
Gehehehe! Gahahahahaha!
Great Oni:
They've done me a huge favor,
getting rid of that creepy Blackbeard oni!
Great Oni:
I wanted to fire him ages ago, but I couldn't do it in front of the other employees.
Great Oni:
Anyway...
Great Oni:
It looks like they're heading for the food court next. Gaaahahahaha! If only they knew what awaited them!
Great Oni:
Oniland's food court might serve amazingly delicious meals and treats...
Great Oni:
...but for those who would cause trouble here,
it's also a kitchen of pure terror! Gehehehe!
Great Oni:
I've got a plan to ambush those rude guests as soon as they walk through the door! I call it...
Great Oni:
Operation “Seafood or Beef? Why Not Both!”
Great Oni:
Enjoy your fun while it lasts, Chaldee-something or other and Magifender Girl! Tomorrow it all ends!
EP 5: An Oni Resembling Shuten-Douji
Chitose Boy:
I'm hungry! No, I'm staaarving!
Chitose Girl:
I'm kind of hungry too, after all those rides we've been on. What do you feel like?
Chitose Boy:
Hamburgers!!!
Chitose Father:
Did somebody say hamburgers?
'Cause that's what I got!
Chitose Boy:
Yay, Daddy's back!
Chitose Father:
Man, that hamburger stand was something else. It was just one guy in a red coat handling the register and the grill all by himself.
Chitose Father:
You'd think he'd do a poor job of cooking, but just look at these beauties. Plump, juicy, not an ingredient out of pla–
Chitose Children:
(OM NOM NOM NOM)
Chitose Father:
Uh, right, you're hungry. Never mind.
Chitose Father:
And here's a hot dog for you, hon.
Fresh off the grill!
Chitose Mother:
Oh, thank you, dear.
Did that man in the red coat make this too?
Chitose Father:
No, it was a woman wearing, um...
Chitose Father:
...an apron, and...nothing else...
Chitose Mother:
(Twitch)
Chitose Father:
Oh, she also had on dog ears...or maybe they were fox ears? A-anyway, this amusement park is something else, that's for sure!
Chitose Mother:
Darling.
Chitose Mother:
I think you and I need to talk. Alone.
Oni Employee:
Lunchtime is our busiest time of day, as you can imagine! All the guests who don't bring their own lunches come to the food court to get their grub!
Oni Employee:
So you need to do your very best to make sure their experience here is nothing short of awesome!
Oni Employee:
Got that, new guy!?
Siegfried:
Uh...
Siegfried:
Please try to calm down.
These are not oni horns.
Oni Employee:
What, you expect me to buy that you're just cosplaying? I saw them growing out of your head!
Oni Employee:
Oniland never lies! You're an oni too!
Admit it! It's the horns!
Siegfried:
You certainly seem adamant about it...
Quite convincing, in fact...
Siegfried:
But I assure you, I only changed into this form to save my life once the teacup began spinning out of control.
Oni Employee:
I'm too busy for your back talk!
It's lunch rush! All oni on deck!
Oni Employee:
And after seeing how rigidly you stand, I know you can hold a sign for a day straight without collapsing!
Oni Employee:
Please!
We need your help!
Siegfried:
...
...Very well, I'll do it!
Emiya:
Curry!?
I don't recall agreeing to run the curry stand.
Emiya:
But I can't have people going hungry at lunchtime... Okay, I'll handle it until the rush ends.
Oni Employee:
Oh, thank you! I'm sorry to ask this of a guest,
but this will be a huge help...
Boudica:
Don't worry about it!
You'd do the same for us if we needed help.
Boudica:
Here you go, an extra order of yakisoba!
Phew, I'm surprised at this heat, as far north as we are!
Oni Employee:
I can't thank you enough!
The Great Oni is going to be thrilled!
Oni Employee:
Please make sure to enjoy the parade this evening! We should have oni on hand to take over for you by then!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...I guess I wasn't seeing things after all.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Assuming this isn't actually some sort of hallucination, that looks like Red Guy and Boudica.
Ibaraki-Douji:
What are they doing here?
Last I saw them, they were still in Chaldea.
Da Vinci:
I told you, the Holy Grai–the Kamuy's Gold is drawing them here, like it did the other Servants.
Mash:
It's a relief to see they're still their usual selves.
The oni are even grateful for their help.
Sitonai:
...
Sitonai:
...
...
Sitonai:
That Heroic Spirit...in the red coat...
Fujimaru 1:
You mean Emiya? What about him?
Fujimaru 2:
Have you met him before or something, Sitonai?
Sitonai:
...No, never mind.
Sitonai:
I made up my mind not to worry about that here,
and I'm not going to go back on that now.
Sitonai:
But thank you for your concern, Fujimaru. You're very thoughtful.
Sitonai:
Now then! Have you all decided what you want to eat?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yakisoba!
I want a big plate of yakisoba!
Ibaraki-Douji:
There's nothing like the sizzle of the sauce and noodles as they hit the blazing hot griddle!
Ibaraki-Douji:
It's like my noodles are cooking in the fires of hell itself! Oooh, I love yakisoba!
Ibaraki-Douji:
What about you, shinobi!?
Are you going to have yakisoba too?
A：:
M-me? N-no, I was not planning on having anything in particular...
A：:
Heroic Spirits need not eat to sustain our bodies,
so I thought I would refrain.
Fujimaru 1:
You sure? Now's a good chance to eat, since the oni aren't bothering us.
Fujimaru 2:
Having something to eat would be a good way to rest.
A：:
As you wish, Master!
A：:
In that case, I will avail myself of a bowl of soy sauce ramen. Did you know that ramen originated in China, and was the precursor to other noodle dishes such as udon and soba?
Sitonai:
I think I'll have ice cream...
Sitonai:
Hehe, it feels strange to eat purely for pleasure.
I guess this is one of the perks of being a Servant.
Sitonai:
Maybe this is how Berserker felt, too.
Mash:
?
Mash:
You know about Servants, Sitonai? Oh, well I guess in your case it would be the body you're possessing that knows, right?
Mash:
Were you a part of a Holy Grail War at some point, or...?
Sitonai:
Hehe, who can say! If I ever form a contract with Chaldea, I'll tell you about it then.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mwahaha! I just took some yakisoba from that booth over there, and I didn't even pay for it! Know why? 'Cause I'm an oni and that is what we do!
A：:
Perhaps I am mistaken, Lady Ibaraki, but I thought I heard them say all food and drink was free in celebration of the park's opening...?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh, really?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Then I...didn't steal these noodles? But...plundering and destruction are what oni are all about!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh well... This sauce smells good enough that I guess the destruction can wait.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Now that I have my noodles,
I won't stop until I've devoured them all!
Shuten-Douji:
Well, someone certainly seems to be having fun...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ooooooh!
Shuten! It's you!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I didn't know you were here too! What a coincidence! I guess this is my reward for all those good deeds I'm always doing!
Fujimaru 1:
Shuten-Douji?
Shuten-Douji:
Well, well.
Fancy seeing you here, Master.
Fujimaru 2:
So it's actually, uh, you this time?
Shuten-Douji:
Ahaha. I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds like you've been having fun.
Shuten-Douji:
I see you're hanging out with Ibaraki...and another Heroic Spirit I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting yet. And then there's...
Shuten-Douji:
I thought I recognized you. You're the ninja from the Kouga clan, right? , isn't it?
Shuten-Douji:
You always seem to shy away whenever I see you in Chaldea.
Shuten-Douji:
I think it's about time we introduced ourselves properly.
A：:
!!!
A：:
A-ahhh... Ahhh...
A：:
This ominous serpentine aura...
This unforgettable divine–I mean, demonic presence...
A：:
It is...from Mt. Ibuki–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm? What is it, shinobi?
That's Shuten, the oni who ruled Mt. Ooe alongside me.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I totally get being overcome with reverence for her, but trust me, she doesn't like people getting carried away with that.
A：:
N-no, it is not that. ...My apologies, but I am now merely a humble Servant to Master Fujimaru.
A：:
I shall do my best to not be distracted by other matters, so please, pay me no mind.
A：:
Here, Master.
I brought you a plate of curry rice.
Fujimaru 1:
Ooh, curry. Thanks!
A：:
Not at all!
Fujimaru 2:
You know you don't always have to try so hard, okay?
A：:
Of course, Master!
You are far too kind!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm. I don't really get what's going on,
but if you say not to worry about it, I won't.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh, right! Shuten, you'll never believe this!
I saw another oni who looks just like you!
Shuten-Douji:
Wow, is that so?
Will wonders never cease.
Shuten-Douji:
And here I thought I was the only oni like me.
Guess not.
Mash:
...
...
Mash:
Uh, yes. That is...quite the coincidence.
Fujimaru 1:
(Cough, cough)
Mash:
Senpai!?
Are you okay? Was the curry too spicy!?
A：:
Here, Master! I brought you some ice water!
Shuten-Douji:
My, my, you should be more careful when you eat. Anyway, I'm gonna get going. Places to be and all.
Shuten-Douji:
See you later, Master.
Ibaraki. ...
Shuten-Douji:
...and you, honey, whoever you are.
Sitonai:
...Hmm.
Seafood Oni:
Oh?
Seafood Oni:
Oh my, oh my, this is terrible! We have wanted criminals mixed in with the other guests!
Seafood Oni:
Employees!
Employees!
Seafood Oni:
As the two Gold Servants newly assigned as managers of the food court...
Seafood Oni:
...we order you to add these peace-threatening scoundrels to the seafood menu!
Oni Employees:
You're bothering the other guests!
You're bothering the other guests!
A：:
Quick, Master! Get behind me!
Mash:
Hostiles detected!
They appear to be similar to Shadow Servants, Senpai!
Mash:
I think the one who looks like Gilles is an attraction manager! I can't believe there's one in the food court, too!
Sitonai:
There wasn't, at least not yesterday!
The food court should have been safe!
Sitonai:
...The Great Oni must be a bit more concerned about us, now that we've started collecting gold fragments.
Sitonai:
I'm sorry.
I should have seen this coming.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Fine with me! Who cares about seafood, anyway!?
I'll just devour whatever they throw at me!
Seafood Oni:
You took that much better than I was expecting!
Wonderful! What a good, obedient child you are!
Seafood Oni:
Now you can become nourishment for my seafood!
Seafood 1, 2, and 3!
Sitonai:
Oh gross. What ARE those things!?
A：:
Those monsters must be under his control!
They are so...slippery, and slimy!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I don't know, I think I could eat those no problem.
Meat is meat, regardless of what shape it is.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Still, I agree it doesn't look very tasty...
Mash:
Wait! There's another reading similar to a Shadow Servant nearby!
Hamburger Oni:
Seafood is fine and all...
Hamburger Oni:
...but hamburgers are great, too!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ooh, hamburgers!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Those are the yummy sandwich things made by rolling up dead meat into little balls!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mmm...tasty. Go on then, keep them coming.
I'll devour everything you bring before me.
Hamburger Oni:
Yeah, hamburgers are great, right?
We love them too!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes!
Ibaraki-Douji:
That said, something seems to be kind of...off about your hamburgers.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Then again, maybe that makes them a better fit for oni...?
Mash:
You know, for some reason, I get the sense it's best if we don't look too closely at them.
Fujimaru 1:
Never mind what they look like!
Fujimaru 2:
First things first: we've gotta get out of here!
Hamburger Oni & Seafood Oni:
Fresh meat!
--BATTLE--
Ibaraki-Douji:
Damn, they're tough!
B：:
There appears to be no end to these sea creatures!
If only we had one more ally who could help us...!
C：Magifender Girl:
...(Sigh) Guess you need my help again, huh?
Mash:
That voice! It's Shuten–I mean, never mind!
Fujimaru 1:
You came to help us yet again!
Fujimaru 2:
Oni Cure!
Seafood Oni:
Who are you!?
Show yourself!
Seafood Oni:
Whoa! What is this? Something from a foreign ritual!? I've never seen anything like it before!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ooh! That looks like Oni Cure's wand!
Magifender Girl:
Hehehe. You've got a nasty streak yourselves, haven't you, Master and Ibaraki? How many times have I told you? I'm Magifender Girl.
Magifender Girl:
...Let's just skip the usual intro this time.
Magifender Girl is on the scene!
Animal:
Hmph. Guess we should be honored to face two Gold Servants at once, but we don't have much time to talk. Just hurry up and take them out quickly.
Magifender Girl:
Yeah, yeah. I know.
I'm surprised you noticed though, Haku.
Magifender Girl:
Anyway, are we all on the same page here, Master?
Ibaraki? ? And, uh...you?
Magifender Girl:
Good enough. I can see you're all plenty fired up for this. Let's do this quickly, shall we?
Magifender Girl:
...That okay with you, oh-so-scary gold oni?
Hamburger Oni:
Fine with me.
I'll just take all the good parts and throw away the rest.
Seafood Oni:
Now, now, don't be wasteful! There's a way to make use of every part! Don't worry, fair Servants, I'll make sure none of you go to waste!
Hamburger Oni & Seafood Oni:
Fresh! Meat!
--BATTLE--
Hamburger Oni:
Khh...!
Animal:
Now, do it! Hit them with all your magical energy!
Magifender Girl:
...Oni are oni.
We go wherever we want and do whatever we please.
Magifender Girl:
Oni laws may not have much in common with human laws, but one thing they DO share...
Magifender Girl:
...is that anyone breaking the laws has to be punished!
Magifender Girl:
Kuzuryu Massacre!
Seafood Oni:
Oooooooooh...!!!
Is this...the wine of victory!? No...
Seafood Oni:
It's the wine of defeat!!!
Hamburger Oni:
...Phew. I'm tired after playing so much...
I think I'll take a little nap...
Sitonai:
Come here. You must be tired, taking on the form of people you don't know. But it's okay now. You can go back to being gold.
Sitonai:
...You did great.
Mash:
And that's the third gold fragment!
Da Vinci:
So far, so good! I just hope the other fragments all go as smoothly.
Magifender Girl:
Well, bye.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ah! She ran off again...
Ibaraki-Douji:
If she'd stuck around a little longer, maybe I could've found Shuten again and introduced her...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Too bad.
I think they'd get along really well if they met.
Fujimaru 1:
Uh, yeah, I'm sure they would.
Fujimaru 2:
We, uh, may never know...
G：:
Anyway, shall we get back to our meal?
Master, it seems you have yet to finish your curry.
Mash:
I'm not detecting any hostiles nearby.
I think...you might be safe for now?
G：:
What if another manager shows up here?
Sitonai:
I'm pretty sure they won't. But I'll keep my eyes peeled, since there's no telling what might happen.
Sitonai:
I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.
Once we're done eating...
Sitonai:
...I say we go back to my cabin and figure out our next move!
G：:
Then I shall scout the area and gather information! I have yet to fulfill my shinobi duties since coming here, so this is my chance to be useful!
Fujimaru 1:
That'd be great. Thanks, .
Fujimaru 2:
Okay, we'll see you back at the cabin then.
G：:
Yes, Master! Leave it to me!
G：:
Oh, before I leave, can you tell me what our next target will be, so that I may better focus my efforts?
Sitonai:
Of course. The next attraction we'll be visiting...
Sitonai:
...is the house of mirrors!
Sitonai:
I don't know what it's like, since I've never been inside, but that's where we'll be going!
Great Oni:
...Gehehehehe. Impressive.
Great Oni:
They managed to defeat both Gold Servants at once. Perhaps I've underestimated them.
Great Oni:
Gehehe...
Gaaahahaha!
Great Oni:
That said, the house of mirrors is a kaleidoscopic labyrinth that stretches on without end. That may well be a different story for them.
Great Oni:
Well...it may not be endless, but it certainly feels that way when you're inside!
Great Oni:
And going as a group only adds to the excitement!
The thrills! The chills! Hehehe, hahahahaha!
Great Oni:
No need to hold back, my attraction manager!
Tear them to ribbons! Rip them to tiny shreds if you like!
Great Oni:
Gehehehehe! Just make sure you clean up the blood when you're done!
EP 6: Escape! Murderous Mirror House!
A：:
..., reporting in.
A：:
I have returned with all the information I was able to gather about our target, the house of mirrors.
A：:
The most notable bit of information I have to report is that this will be the first time we will have to deal with an indoor attraction.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm. So we gotta go inside this house then?
A：:
Indeed. Next, I shall explain how the attraction is meant to be enjoyed.
A：:
Its interior is something of a labyrinth,
and every wall is lined with mirrors.
A：:
Visitors are meant to go in as a group and search for the exit as the bizarre environs cause them to grow more and more lost and confused.
A：:
I wish I had been able to learn something about the manager's identity, but regrettably, I was not.
A：:
Still, according to the gossip I overheard among the oni...
A：:
...it seems the manager hides within this house of mirrors in order to keep an eye on any potential troublemakers.
Sitonai:
So they're probably a copy of an evil Servant then, assuming the pattern we've seen so far holds true.
A：:
Indeed.
A：:
The attraction manager is sure to attack us the moment we set foot inside.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm...hm. So, is this one of those escape room game thingies I've been hearing about lately?
Ibaraki-Douji:
The ones where stupid humans actually PAY to go inside, get lost, and then scream and cry about how they'll never see the light of day again?
Sitonai:
I've never heard of anything like that.
Do you mean a giant hedge maze?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hedge maze? What's that?
Sitonai:
You're from Japan, right? Don't they have hedge mazes out in the suburbs... Oh, wait, maybe things are different now. Hmm.
Fujimaru 1:
Mirror houses and escape rooms are very different.
Fujimaru 2:
I'm sure you'll get it when you see it.
A：:
Master is right. Once you see it for yourself,
there will be no doubt how it lives up to its name!
Mash:
Then it sounds like it's time to go get the fourth gold fragment! Please be careful, everyone!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Sooo... This is a house of mirrors, huh?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yep, I get it. It's a house.
Everything is mirrors. Makes sense.
Ibaraki-Douji:
At first, I thought it was kind of fun to see so many different reflections of myself...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...but I think it's gotten old.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I've seen enough of my reflection to last a lifetime.
This place sucks.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Actually, I think I'm starting to get dizzy.
Yeah, that's enough of this.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'm outta here...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Uh... Where's the exit?
Fujimaru 1:
Right there with you.
Fujimaru 2:
Welp, we're all lost now. That didn't take long.
A：:
Ngh...
A：:
Master, I believe Lady Ibaraki's disorientation is a result of the magical energy that permeates the halls of this attraction.
A：:
I am afraid...my own sense of direction has also been growing duller since we came here.
A：:
That said...I do think we will find the exit if we keep heading in this direction...
Mash:
is right, Senpai. Some sort of spell has been cast on the entire building! One powerful enough to even affect Servants!
Mash:
You might be able to overcome it with a high-ranked Magic Resistance skill, or–
Sitonai:
Don't worry. I'll handle this.
Sitonai:
You don't have to push yourself so hard, . I've still got my sense of direction thanks to Louhi's magecraft, so I'll lead the way.
A：:
...Thank you, Lady Sitonai.
Sitonai:
No problem. You'd do the same for me.
...Just keep an eye on our surroundings, please.
Sitonai:
There's no telling when the attraction manager might show up, and we don't want to walk into an ambush.
Fujimaru 1:
I'll keep an eye out, too.
Fujimaru 2:
I'll watch your back.
A：:
Very well then, Lady Sitonai will take the lead, followed by Lady Ibaraki, then Master, and I shall bring up the rear.
A：:
This formation should allow us to–
Man's Voice 1:
Haha, they did a great job with this place!
I'm really, truly lost!
Man's Voice 1:
If only there was a pretty oni or two waiting at the exit as a reward...
Man's Voice 1:
...then I could use my superior sense of smell to lead us straight to them!
Man's Voice 2:
Haha, maybe you could.
Man's Voice 2:
But I'm pretty sure this place was designed more for families, you know?
Man's Voice 2:
The whole point is to walk around inside and enjoy the feeling of getting lost.
Man's Voice 1:
Yeah, yeah, I know you're right,
but a guy can dream, can't he?
Man's Voice 2:
Hahaha!
A：:
(Master!)
Sitonai:
(They're coming towards us. And I think...)
Mash:
(Yes, we're reading it here too.
There's a Servant headed your way!)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(I can sense a Heroic Spirit too.
But then, why do I hear two voices?)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(Hm? Is that a Heroic Spirit and a human walking together?)
A：:
(...They're here!)
Blackbeard & Specs:
!
Jekyll:
Master? Well this is a surprise.
I never thought to find you here of all places.
Blackbeard:
Woohoo, we're saved! What luck!
God must not have forsaken me after all!
Blackbeard:
I knew you had it in you, you sly fox!
Blackbeard:
pretty Asian warrior, an oni from the Heian period, and even a girl with beautiful red eyes who I've never seen before!
Blackbeard:
Thank you, Master! Thank you!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ah, Blackbeard Oni!
...Oh, wait. That's just normal Blackbeard.
Ibaraki-Douji:
And you're that guy whose name I can never remember... What was it Mordred called you again? Hmm...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Bean Sprout! That's it!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey, how come I don't sense any Heroic Spirit aura from you? Oh wait, maybe you do have a tiny bit...?
Ibaraki-Douji:
But, yeah, I almost mistook you for a human!
Jekyll:
Oh, sorry about that.
That's my unique skill at work.
Mash:
Yes, it's part of Jekyll's Spirit Origin. He never exudes the signs of a Servant until he uses his Noble Phantasm.
Mash:
In fact...it even makes him feel human.
A：:
So it is a sort of Presence Concealment, but in an entirely different sense. Such class skills are essential for letting Assassins remain undetected.
Jekyll:
Right. I'm basically disguising myself as a human,
even though I'm still a nonincarnated Servant.
Jekyll:
But I guess that makes it even more confusing in a place like this... I'll be more careful from now on.
Blackbeard:
I just ran into Jekyll a moment ago while I was trying to find my way out of here, and now look how many of us there are!
Blackbeard:
And so many are girls...
Blackbeard:
Speaking of which: Master, could I ask who that bewilderingly beautiful girl with the red eyes is?
Blackbeard:
With looks like that, she must be a goddess.
If she's not, I can't imagine what else she could be.
Fujimaru 1:
This is Sitonai.
Fujimaru 2:
She's Sitonai, a Servant we met here.
Blackbeard:
Aha, I see! Wonderful, wonderful! I'm Blackbeard,
Ms. Sitonai. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Sitonai:
Nice to meet you, Real Blackbeard.
Blackbeard:
“Real”?
Fujimaru 1:
It's a long story!
Fujimaru 2:
So there was a piece of gold that looked like you...
Blackbeard:
Huh? What are you talking about?
A：:
Master, I hear more footsteps up ahead!
Man's Voice 3:
You two hear that commotion?
What do you say we see what all the fuss is about?
Man's Voice 3:
I didn't want to turn around and head back, anyway!
This is a great chance to keep moving forward!
Man's Voice 4:
Forward, backward, up, down, it's all the same!
But it does sound like something is going on ahead.
Man's Voice 4:
I can smell it!
Oh yes, I can smell it!
Man's Voice 4:
It's like...the scent of gunpowder in the air right before a huge fireworks display goes off!
Man's Voice 5:
Christine...
Christine...
Man's Voice 5:
I cannot hear your voice... I cannot hear your song... Where are you, my beloved...
Fujimaru 1:
Oh boy, look who it is...
Fujimaru 2:
Pretty sure I know who those Servants are!
Blackbeard:
Male, male, male...
Blech!
Jekyll:
Now, now, no need to be crude...
G：:
Hey, if it isn't Master! Guess this means we weren't the only ones that got pulled in here!
Mephistopheles:
No, no, no, I'm quite sure Rayshifted here on purpose. This does seem to be a Singularity and all.
Mash:
So you're all here as well.
But why are you in the house of mirrors?
G：:
Oh, that?
Well, you know, I just sort of ended up here.
Mephistopheles:
Heeheeheeheehee! What a silly question! When have I ever needed a reason for anything I've done?
Phantom:
Ahh, Christine...!
Christine...
Phantom:
I have heard you sing, so now,
I must write a song for you...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Sounds like love.
Sitonai:
How afraid of love are you?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Very! Love is scary... It still is!
A：:
I am relieved to see they all appear to be Chaldean Servants. That said, I am afraid there may now be a few too many of us to all make our way through this house together...
Jekyll:
I concur.
It might be better if we split up at the next crossroads.
Jekyll:
It looks like there's a four-way intersection right over there. Why don't we take this chance to go our separate ways?
Jekyll:
I'm guessing you're all here to investigate this Singularity, right? We'll try to find out everything we can to help as well.
Blackbeard:
Aww, but I wanna stick togetheeer.
Simping doesn't actually get girls, Jekyll.
Jekyll:
Hahaha.
Mash:
It's been some time since you said goodbye to the other Servants at that intersection...
Mash:
...and it doesn't seem like the attraction manager has taken an interest yet.
Mash:
If that continues, you may be able to make it out without any trouble. As great as that would be, I just can't believe they would make it so easy...
Sitonai:
I'm pretty sure the manager knows we aren't the Servants that were invited here, so it does seem strange that they haven't tried anything. Hmm...
Sitonai:
Maybe we need to cause some sort of trouble to get their attention?
Sitonai:
...We didn't have to do that at the food court though, did we?
A：:
Indeed not.
They attacked us without any provocation whatsoever.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Well I'm just getting sick of all these mirrors everywhere... This isn't actually some sort of reflective Bounded Field or anything, is it?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ah, who cares! I'll just do whatever I have to so I can get out of here at this point!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Come on, Master, let's keep moving!
Sitonai:
All right, I'll keep leading the wa–
H：Man's Voice 1:
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Huh? What was that!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
It sounded like Blackbeard!
A：:
It came from behind us...near that four-way intersection we saw before! Master!
Fujimaru 1:
Let's go check it out!
Fujimaru 2:
Come on, let's hurry!
A：:
Yes, Master!
A：:
Wh-what the...!?
A：:
Lord Blackbeard...has collapsed!
A：:
It looks as though he was stabbed in the back...with a very sharp blade of some kind...
Fujimaru 1:
Blackbeard!
Fujimaru 2:
He's dead!
Blackbeard:
...No...I'm not dead.
Blackbeard:
I thought I might be at first, but the blade just barely missed my heart. Ow ow ow ow!
Sitonai:
I'll cast a healing spell on you.
Hang on.
Blackbeard:
Phew! I live!
...Uh, figuratively speaking.
Fujimaru 1:
I'm glad you're okay.
Fujimaru 2:
Are you sure you're all right?
Blackbeard:
Well, the wound WAS pretty deep, but I think I'll survive thanks to Ms. Sitonai's spell.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Survive?
You're the picture of health!
Blackbeard:
Hey, it really hurt, you know!?
I had a hole all the way through me!
A：:
What happened?
Blackbeard:
So many pretty girls worried about me...
This was totally worth getting airholed...
Blackbeard:
But seriously, I can't believe someone managed to sneak up on me.
Blackbeard:
After we parted ways at the intersection,
I was walking along with Jekyll...
Blackbeard:
...but he vanished the moment I took my eyes off him, and I was left all alone with no clue what to do next.
Blackbeard:
Well, they say you're supposed to stay put when you get lost, so I was standing around, minding my own business–
Mash:
And that's when someone snuck up on you and stabbed you in the back.
Blackbeard:
Bingo, Mash!
Jekyll:
Teach!
Was that you screaming!?
Jekyll:
Ah, I see Master's group made it here first.
What happened? How did you get that wound?
Blackbeard:
Ah, I'm sure you can figure it out.
Ugh, I'm so ashamed.
G：:
What's going on? I heard someone dying and figured people were starting to turn on each other, but you're all alive.
Mephistopheles:
Goodness me, how unfortunate! Everyone's all in one piece, then! And only a little bit of blood on the ground!
G：:
I swear, I can't tell if you're happy or sad about this.
G：:
So? What happened?
G：:
Stabbed right in the back, eh? Haha, guess there was no popping back up for this pirate!
E：Blackbeard:
I knew someone was gonna say that. Ugh, now I feel like crap. No way am I getting up after hearing that.
E：Blackbeard:
Think I'm gonna take a little nap now...
G'night...
E：Blackbeard:
Oh, if any of the girls wanted to offer up their lap as a pillow, I'd be more than happy to accept... (Thud)
G：:
Looks like his Spirit Core's fine.
He'll wake up on his own eventually.
G：:
And just to be clear, we didn't do this to him, all right? All three of us've been making our way through the mirror maze together.
Mash:
That...wasn't a concern.
Especially since you're all Chaldean Servants.
Mash:
Besides, none of you would have any motive to attack Blackbeard like tha–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Heh heh heh.
I know who did it!
Ibaraki-Douji:
This might explain everything! What if...Blackbeard was actually the attraction manager again!?
A：:
...Um, I am afraid I do not follow.
Ibaraki-Douji:
He must still be an attraction manager! He showed his true colors, and tried to murder somebody!
Ibaraki-Douji:
But then his target managed to turn the tables and wound him instead!
Sitonai:
Hmm. But, wasn't Blackbeard stabbed in the back?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh. Right.
Mash:
Also, if that were true, I'm not sure why Blackbeard's attacker would be hiding now...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm, guess I was wrong. People do stupid stuff all the time, so I thought it could happen.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Guess that's what I get when I try to do something outside my area.
Jekyll:
...
...
Jekyll:
...You three.
Mephistopheles:
Yes?
G：:
Yeah?
Jekyll:
How do we know the three of you didn't conspire to attack Teach? Assassins specialize in sneak attacks like this, after all.
Jekyll:
I don't trust you.
Any of you.
Jekyll:
I'm told that attraction managers are only made from copies of evil Heroic Spirits...
Jekyll:
...and that definitely applies to all of you.
Am I wrong?
Fujimaru 1:
Jekyll?
Fujimaru 2:
Hang on, let's not
Mephistopheles:
Me? But I don't know the first thing about handling a blade. Oh wait, yes I do.
G：:
I'm a Rider, remember? You really think I could conceal my presence and sneak up on someone like that?
Phantom:
...Ahh, Christine. These claws always seem to find their way into others' flesh.
Fujimaru 1:
Helping or hurting, Phantom? Helping or hurting?
Fujimaru 2:
Are you TRYING to make this worse!?
G：:
Well, well, so that's your game, huh?
I never took you for one to play detective, Doctor.
G：:
None of us could've managed to sneak up on Blackbeard without the others noticing...
G：:
So, as far as you are concerned, the three of us are working together, huh!? Well that's certainly convenient for you, isn't it!?
Mephistopheles:
Ahh, that's the stuff!
I looove this kind of tension!
Mephistopheles:
Very well then! If you insist, I will be more than happy to come under suspicion!
Mephistopheles:
There, now all three of us are suspects! None of us actually did anything wrong, but we're suspects nonetheless!
Mephistopheles:
That said...
Mephistopheles:
...you understand that just because we're now suspects doesn't mean we're going to come quietly!
Mephistopheles:
And a three...two...one!
Jekyll:
Khh...! What do you think you're doing!?
Mephistopheles:
I could have easily blown off a limb or two if I'd felt like it...but I thought I would go easy on you to start, as a sign of respect!
Jekyll:
Master, I don't think we can reason with them!
We've got no choice but to fight!
Fujimaru 1:
Wait!!!
Fujimaru 2:
Slow down, all of you!
Phantom:
Christine...
G：:
Tch.
Mephistopheles:
Okay everyone, take a good long look! This is what happens when alliances fall apart and friends end up at each other's throats!
Mephistopheles:
Right then, all together now! Three, two, one!
Mephistopheles:
...Kaboom!
--BATTLE--
A：:
Ghh, all this fire and smoke is making it difficult to see... Master!
Sitonai:
Fujimaru! Behind you!
Phantom:
...I'm sorry, Christine.
Mash:
Senpai!!!
Phantom:
...My claws...
Phantom:
My claws must never be used to harm Christine.
My claws must never be used to kill Christine.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...What's going on? That guy in the mask had his claws right up in Master's face, but then he just...
A：:
He retreated without harming Wh-what does this mean...?
Jekyll:
...
...
Mephistopheles:
What's this?
Mephistopheles:
Do my eyes deceive me? This doesn't seem right at all! Why, I'm baffled! Stupefied! Flabbergasted, even!
Mephistopheles:
As I live and breathe,
I never thought I would see the day!
Mephistopheles:
Mr. Jekyll! Mr. Jekyll!
Poor, pitiful Mr. Henry Jekyll!
Mephistopheles:
I distinctly remember you being the type of Heroic Spirit who couldn't bear to lose his Master...
Mephistopheles:
So please, tell me.
I don't understand.
Mephistopheles:
Why would you simply stand idly at Master's side as claw-tipped death came way?
Mephistopheles:
Aha, I see.
Just how long...
Mephistopheles:
...do you intend to keep up this farce?
Jekyll:
...
...
Jekyll:
...Dammit, guess I can't bluff my way out of this one!
Murder Oni:
Heehahahahaha! That's right! It's me, Hyde!
Everyone's favorite murderer!
Murder Oni:
And now! I'll kill...all of you!!!
--ARROW--
Mash:
Jekyll... No...
Mash:
Jekyll may be a good Heroic Spirit, but Hyde is evil!
He still fits the criteria to be an attraction manager!
Mash:
And if he used Jekyll's unique Presence Concealment skill when he transformed, he could have snuck up behind Blackbeard...
Murder Oni:
...Hmph.
Murder Oni:
Guess the jig is up then!
Thought I was doing really well up till now too.
Mephistopheles:
I do apologize for getting a little rough back there. Unfortunately, none of us are exactly masters of rhetoric or elocution!
Phantom:
...
...
Mephistopheles:
Well, maybe not Rider, at least when it comes to making sensible arguments.
Mephistopheles:
At any rate, I could tell you wouldn't be especially interested in talking things out, so I decided to take bombs–I mean, matters, into my own hands!
C：:
'Course he's not gonna be interested. He's been trying so hard to keep his mouth shut because he knows he won't be able to stop talking once we pry it open.
C：:
It's always the third-rate villains that can't stop themselves from monologuing, after all. Isn't that right, Hyde?
Murder Oni:
Shut up!
Murder Oni:
Ugh, this is such a pain! Do you know how hard I've been working to keep up the Goody Two-shoes shtick!?
Murder Oni:
Heehahahahaha! Fine then! Bring it! All of you!
I'll kill you myself! Right here! Right now!
Murder Oni:
Come on, oni!
We've got people bothering other guests here!
Oni Employees:
You're bothering the other guests!
You're bothering the other guests!
Murder Oni:
That's right! They're a real bother!
Everyone who gets in my way should just DIE!
Sitonai:
...A bother, huh.
Sitonai:
Perhaps that's how the soul you copied felt too,
seeing how stained and dirty yours is.
Sitonai:
I really don't care for that sort of thing.
I'd be happier if I never saw it again, in fact.
Murder Oni:
Gee, so sorry, but that's just how I am!
Heehahahaha, I don't care who I kill! Women, kids–
E：Magifender Girl:
...Well, you're a real piece of work, aren't you?
E：Magifender Girl:
If your soul's really that filthy,
then it would go nicely with my wine.
Fujimaru 1:
That voice!
Fujimaru 2:
I thought she'd be showing up soon!
Magifender Girl:
Magifender Girl is on the scene!
Animal:
A human Heroic Spirit who's even more of an oni than oni, huh. These Anti-Hero types are fascinating.
Animal:
But, fascinating or not, he's still in our way.
Take him down!
Magifender Girl:
Yeah, yeah.
You're starting to get really bossy, you know that, Haku?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Woohoo! It's Oni Cure! She came to help us again!
Can I watch her fight from here, Master!?
Fujimaru 1:
We're all gonna fight together!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh, okay!
That sounds good too!
Fujimaru 2:
How're you gonna be Twin Oni Cure if you don't fight side by side!
Ibaraki-Douji:
O-oh, right! You know, every once in a while you say something pretty smart!
Magifender Girl:
...Oni are oni. We wreak havoc wherever we please.
Magifender Girl:
...Magifenders are no different. Once we set our sights on someone, we don't stop until we've devoured every last bit of them.
Magifender Girl:
Anyway!
It looks like Magifender Girl has one more job to do!
Murder Oni:
Bring it! I'll make mincemeat out of all of you!
--BATTLE--
Murder Oni:
...!
Murder Oni:
Well, how about that...
Murder Oni:
I knew it'd be tough taking on a bunch of Servants all at once...
Murder Oni:
Figured it'd be easier to take you out one at a time... Dammit.
Murder Oni:
Maybe there was something wrong with the guy I picked to imitate.
Murder Oni:
...No, that's not it. It was me. I should have known better than to try and imitate him in the first place.
Sitonai:
It's over now.
Sitonai:
Come here. It's okay.
You can take it easy now.
Sitonai:
...There you go. Good night.
Nobody's going to wake you up anymore.
Mash:
The battle is over, Senpai.
That takes care of the fourth gold fragment.
Magifender Girl:
All right then, I'm off. Don't forget to scrape Blackbeard off the floor and take him with you, 'kay?
Animal:
Only one more fragment left, besides the Great Oni's.
Don't let me down now, losers.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Thank you, Magifender Girl Oni Cure!
I hope we can see each other again someday!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I hope we can share sweet dumplings someday...
Or maybe macarons, if you don't like dumplings...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Then again, you can't go wrong with chocolate either...
G：:
Well done on your amazing winning streak, Master.
G：:
Still, there is one thing I do not understand...
Why did you gentlemen refuse to take part in the battle?
Phantom:
Ahh, Christine...
I have no right to listen to your beautiful singing voice...
B：:
...'Fraid we just didn't have the magical energy,
much as I hate to admit it.
B：:
Oniland... This place is odd. Just going around enjoying the attractions drains your magical energy.
B：:
We'd go back to Chaldea, but now we're bonded with this place, so we can't even do that.
B：:
All I can do now is ask you to hurry up and fix this mess, Master.
Mephistopheles:
Not to mention we already fought you when we were low on magical energy to begin with, so now we have nary a bit to spare!
Mephistopheles:
We'd have been in quite the pickle if Mr. Not-Hyde had come after us now! Ahh, what a shame! We're saved!
B：:
Hah. And that's a shame why, exactly?
Great Oni:
Gehehe... Gehehehehe...!
Gaaahahahaha!
Great Oni:
They've really done it now!
Those fools have finally forced my hand!
Great Oni:
The time has come to send in the scariest attraction manager of all!
Great Oni:
My manager of Oniland's most popular attraction...the legendary Ferris wheel!
Great Oni:
Now go forth, my most terrifying manager, and give those rude guests a suitably hellish reception!
Great Oni:
When they have come far enough to lay eyes upon Chitose's glorious true nature...they will find it to be the last thing they ever see!
Great Oni:
Ah.
Great Oni:
Oh, by the way, you know that thing I told you to take care of a while ago? Is it ready yet? ...No?
Great Oni:
Well that's weird... Ohhh, wait, duh.
Silly me, I must have gotten you mixed up.
Great Oni:
I didn't ask you, I asked the REAL you to handle that!
At least, I think I did! Gahahaha! It's all good!
EP 7: Eh!? The Ferris Wheel Stopped!
B：:
I have returned from my investigation, Master.
B：:
Please let me make my report on Oniland's final attraction.
B：:
It is the most conspicuous and popular of all Oniland's attractions, with an average wait time of no fewer than thirty minutes!
Sitonai:
Hm hm.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehe... I know what that is! It's the enormous iron wheel that looms over this Oniland place!
Ibaraki-Douji:
It would be an amazing pinwheel of hellfire if it were completely engulfed in flames!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehe, I can only imagine how reckless you'd have to be to get on something like that voluntarily.
Blackbeard:
Ooh, are you interested, Lady Ibaraki?
Then let me offer some advice!
Blackbeard:
By far the best way to ride the Ferris wheel is two at a time! Not three, and definitely not four!
B：:
I admit that I am not exactly certain what Lord Blackbeard is referring to but, in any case, he is correct.
B：:
The final attraction, with the final manager...is the Ferris wheel!
B：:
It is the largest and most powerful of all Oniland's attractions, enjoying tremendous popularity!
B：:
To ride it is to feel as a bird soaring the skies!
Or so I am told.
Fujimaru 1:
Like a bird!
Ibaraki-Douji:
A bird, huh.
Fujimaru 2:
Bet you could see pretty far away from up there.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oho...
Blackbeard:
Like a bird!
Blackbeard:
Say, Ms. , what would you say to soaring across the skies with me! We could be lovebirds!
B：:
Lovebirds...? I am unfamiliar with this species. You must be an exceptional ornithologist, Lord Blackbeard.
B：:
...B-but never mind that. According to the other oni, this attraction's manager is a most formidable foe.
B：:
In fact, many of them said he was the strongest of all the managers.
Mash:
Does that mean he's a copy of a powerful Servant then, like one of the great heroes?
Sitonai:
It probably means he's made from a large gold fragment. The bigger the gold, the more magical energy it has.
Sitonai:
The Servant forms the gold takes on are like shells.
They may have some effect on how the gold fights...
Sitonai:
...but I think their true strength comes from how large the piece of gold is.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehe.
Hehehe...!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mwahaha! The strongest manager of all, you say? Bring it on! Doesn't matter who it is! They're no match for me!
Ibaraki-Douji:
If anything, this giant wheel of his works in our favor!
I'll shoot it sky-high with my Mt. Ooe Fireworks!
Blackbeard:
Aww, look how pumped she is! I don't know where this energy is coming from but it is just so adorable!
Blackbeard:
Wait, I've got it!
Is it that you're afraid of heights, Ibaraki?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mwahahaha!
Fujimaru 1:
(Hm? Her “mwahaha” sounds a little lackluster...)
Fujimaru 2:
(Sounds like she needs more practice. Mwahaha.)
Sitonai:
...Are you?
Ibaraki-Douji:
O-of course not, you fools! I could climb a hundred-story pagoda with my eyes closed if I wanted!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I never actually saw any during the Heian period, but I know all about how those castles that give samurai their orders have big towers called keeps!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Being in charge means looking down on everyone, right? So of course I don't mind heights!
Sitonai:
Oh, so, you do want to ride the Ferris wheel?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Um, well... I-I'll just say “yes” and we can leave it at that... Mwahaha...
Ibaraki-Douji:
But never mind that! What's Blackbeard doing here,
and why's he eating MY baked potato!?
Blackbeard:
Oh, yeah, thanks for the food!
Blackbeard:
These Hokkaido Jaga-brand spuds really are delish! Especially with Jaga butter! Mmm, I can't get enough them.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey! Now you're stealing my jaguar butter, too!
Blackbeard:
“Jaguar” butter!? I think you may have misheard the brand name, but jaguar butter sounds pretty good too!
Blackbeard:
Wait. What's a real jaguar doing here!?
Jaguaaargh!
Sitonai:
Huh? What is it?
Sitonai:
Was there something here just now? Something completely unrelated to Oniland or gold in any way?
Sitonai:
I could have sworn there was! Something related to a Divine Spirit of some sort of mythology?
Sitonai:
Was I just imagining things?
I was, right?
Fujimaru 1:
Uh, yeah, just your imagination.
Fujimaru 2:
It was just a passing jaguar. Nothing to worry about.
Blackbeard:
Never mind the jaguar, Master! This last attraction manager is supposed to be really tough, so you need to be careful!
Blackbeard:
Sadly, since I am so terribly wounded, I can't accompany you! So I'll just put my feet up here, and hope to hear good news when you get back!
Sitonai:
Wow! We're so high up! You can see so far!
I think I could get used to a view like this.
Sitonai:
Anyway, I know we've already taken Blackbeard's advice and gotten on two at a time...
Sitonai:
...but are you sure you wouldn't have rather ridden with Master?
Ibaraki-Douji:
If anything, I wanted to ride with Shuten or Oni Cure.
Not that there's anything wrong with you, but still.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Anyway, hmmm... This thing really does go way up high, doesn't it? Hehehe.
Ibaraki-Douji:
This is the perfect sight for someone ruling from on high! Hehe, hehehehe, mwahahaha.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Sitonai:
Are you okay?
You don't look so good.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Y-you're imagining things!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'm an oni. Our minds and bodies are way tougher than you could possibly imagine.
Ibaraki-Douji:
We can see things humans can't, and can endure things no human could ever stand!
Ibaraki-Douji:
We live how we please! We steal, devour,
and kill whatever we want, whenever we want!
Ibaraki-Douji:
That's what being an oni's all about!
We're not afraid of anything! Anything!
Sitonai:
I see.
Sitonai:
So, you're scared of heights?
Ibaraki-Douji:
O-o-o-of course not! I could climb up the side of a hundred–no, a thousand-story pagoda without breaking a sweat!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
(That said...)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(...wh-what is this strange and uncomfortable feeling!?)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(My heart skips a beat every time I hear the Ferris wheel creaking! And I hate being stuck in this tiny cage thing!)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(I know I'm not afraid of heights.
And I know I'm not afraid of small, cramped spaces.)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(But then... Wait a second...)
Ibaraki-Douji:
(What if I'm scared of being in small places that are ALSO high up!?)
Sitonai:
Since we're both Servants, I'm pretty sure we'd be just fine even if we did fall off the top of the Ferris wheel...
Sitonai:
Does that make you feel any better?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh, yeah, good point–
I mean, so what!? I wasn't scared to begin with!
Mash:
I know Ibaraki's already taken Sitonai by the hand and dragged her into the Ferris wheel while shouting about how completely unafraid she was...
Mash:
...but are you sure this was a good idea,
separating the team like this?
B：:
It is possible that there is magecraft at work,
forcing people to ride only two at a time.
B：:
In which case, Lady Mash may be right, and we might be playing right into the enemy's hands. Please be careful, Master!
Fujimaru 1:
Got it!
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah, it'd be easy to get surrounded here!
The Last Manager:
To think you would barge into my territory of your own accord... Now you, my rude guests, will bow in terror!
B：:
Speak of the devil!
Master!
Mash:
It's a Servant! I'm also picking up numerous hostiles scattered around your vicinity... Wait, they're closing in!
The Last Manager:
All nonguests must leave.
All nonguests must die.
The Last Manager:
The Great Oni's screeches are the only music Oniland needs, and I will defend that truth to the death!
The Last Manager:
Why, you ask!?
The Last Manager:
Because it bothers the other guests!
Oni Employees:
You're bothering the other guests...!
You're bothering the other guests...!
B：:
Khh...! Here they come!
--BATTLE--
B：:
There are so many of them!
B：:
This is becoming very much like the first battle we fought in the park!
B：:
This manager must boast nearly as much gold as the Great Oni himself! The last manager is formidable indeed!
The Last Manager:
The power bestowed upon me is not to be trifled with.
Now, you will see why!
The Last Manager:
Come forth, my commander oni,
and lay waste to these entitled guests!
B：:
More large ones...!
Mash:
They appear to be even stronger than the last ones! Senpai, I think you should retreat and regroup!
Magifender Girl:
...That doesn't sound like a bad idea.
Fujimaru 1:
That voice... No way...
Fujimaru 2:
There it is! I knew this was coming!
Magifender Girl:
It would just be rude to stop now, right? I did make a promise, so I've got to see it through to the end.
Magifender Girl:
Sorry about this, oni stooge!
Magifender Girl:
Once more, Magifender Girl is on the scene!
The Last Manager:
...
...Interesting.
The Last Manager:
You call yourself a “Magifender,” do you? Very well then, strange demon of the Far East. Since you have come to the aid of these rude guests, let us see how you defend against my wildfire-honed blade.
The Last Manager:
For I am quite certain that you, or anyone for that matter, will be unable to defend against it at all!
Wildfire Oni:
My gold...my greed...shall never be broken by another's hand!
Magifender Girl:
You sure about that?
'Cause oni are aaawfully good at breaking things.
Wildfire Oni:
Never means never!!!
Fujimaru 1:
Salieri...!
Fujimaru 2:
This gold oni must have copied Salieri's form!
Wildfire Oni:
Hehe... Hehehehehahahahahahahahahaha!
I am a blade tempered by the cursed blaze of wildfire!
Wildfire Oni:
The pulse of life is its own melody.
Now, let me hear your final notes!
--ARROW--
Sitonai:
...What a strange feeling.
Sitonai:
I never expected to materialize like this.
Sitonai:
Especially not as a Servant.
Sitonai:
I suppose I do technically have a connection to the Holy Grail, since this body was one...
Sitonai:
Have you ever heard of a Lesser Grail?
Sitonai:
Oh, right, Chaldea doesn't have much experience with actual Holy Grail Wars, do you? You still have some data about them though, right?
Sitonai:
Well, this body of mine–the one serving as a vessel for three Divine Spirits...
Sitonai:
...is taken from several years ago.
Sitonai:
Under normal circumstances...it shouldn't even be alive anymore.
Sitonai:
Well, things might be different in this world...but I'm guessing it probably died here too.
Sitonai:
This body was never meant to live very long, after all.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So? Is that any different from being a Heroic Spirit?
I died a long time ago too, and so did Shuten.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Kintoki and Raikou did, too.
That always cheers me up!
Ibaraki-Douji:
So even after all that “High Servant” stuff, you're basically just like the rest of us–like a phantom, pretty much.
Sitonai:
I don't think I'm quite the same thing as a Heroic Spirit, since I'm not engraved in the Throne...
Sitonai:
...But, yeah, I guess you're right.
Sitonai:
I'm just a phantom of someone who died and doesn't even exist any longer...
Sitonai:
In that sense...I guess there isn't much difference between me and the Gold Servants.
Sitonai:
Well, aside from the fact that their cores are made of the Kamuy's Gold.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Indeed. There's a reason things are made the way they are.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Oh, right. I just remembered.
Ibaraki-Douji:
You're not a Heroic Spirit who has a contract with Chaldea, are you, Sitonai?
Sitonai:
No, I'm not.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Then, once this Oniland ordeal is over,
I'll never get to see you again. Hmm.
Ibaraki-Douji:
That means the version of you I'm talking to now really only exists in the moment, doesn't it?
Sitonai:
Well, now that I've formed a bond with Master,
I suppose I could return if summons me...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yeah, that's true.
Ibaraki-Douji:
But that wouldn't be you, right?
Sitonai:
...No. Once this is over,
this version of me will be gone forever.
Sitonai:
But that's just how it is with Servants.
...No, not just Servants.
Sitonai:
I think that's just how it is for all living things.
Sitonai:
There's a saying that goes, “Treasure every encounter, for each is unique and will never happen again.”
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Isn't there anything you want to do before you disappear?
Ibaraki-Douji:
I know I'd be pissed off if I had to spend all my time working only to disappear for good when it was over.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I mean, that's just...boring.
Sitonai:
Hmm.
Something I'd want to do...
Sitonai:
...
...
Sitonai:
...I guess I would have liked to see Berserker.
Ibaraki-Douji:
A Berserker?
Ibaraki-Douji:
O-oh man, I had no idea! But, I'm afraid that's kind of a tall order now. I can't just change back at the drop of a hat...
Sitonai:
Huh?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Well, my Spirit Origin is a Lancer right now. I didn't know you'd have preferred I stay a Berserker.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that you'll never get to see me as a Berserker.
Ibaraki-Douji:
But...why do you prefer Berserkers? Were you going to use my fangs and claws to set off fireworks?
Sitonai:
Hehe, no, that's not it, but don't worry, it's okay! You're very kind, aren't you?
Sitonai:
And here I thought oni were supposed to be these terrifying mythical creatures. Hehe, you're funny!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Wha...!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Wh-what was that!? Why're we shaking!?
Sitonai:
We're back on the ground! We need to meet back up with Master! It looks like in trouble!
Ibaraki-Douji:
R-right!
Sitonai:
Master! Are you okay!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Sorry I'm late, Master! Looks like the odds are really stacked against you, huh? Good! More for me to devour!
Fujimaru 1:
Good to see you two again!
Fujimaru 2:
Welcome back to the, uh, party!
Magifender Girl:
Great timing; we were just getting to the good part. How'd you two like to join us?
Magifender Girl:
Want to grind these cheap imitation oni to paste with me?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Whoa, it's Magifender Girl Oni Cure!
Yeah, yeah, I'd be glad to fight with you! You will too, right, Sitonai!?
Sitonai:
Yeah, I think I will. This manager has the last gold fragment we need to defeat the Great Oni...
Sitonai:
...so let's all take it back together!
Wildfire Oni:
Hahahahahahaha, go ahead, if you think you can! I will absorb your desires and gain even more magical energy!
Wildfire Oni:
The Kamuy's Gold is the very manifestation of human desire! It will never be exhausted!
Wildfire Oni:
Come then! I shall play you an endless toccata,
right here and now!
--BATTLE--
Wildfire Oni:
Gnnnh...!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Encomium Moriae!
Wildfire Oni:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Wildfire Oni:
Ahhh... Ahh...
The show...must...go on...
Wildfire Oni:
No...matter...wha–
Sitonai:
...That's right. You won't disappear completely.
Sitonai:
You stay behind as magical energy. Don't worry, it's okay. I'll make sure you get back to the earth.
Sitonai:
Sleep well.
You did great.
Mash:
That takes care of the fifth gold fragment!
You must have a lot of gold by now!
Mash:
According to my calculations, this should reduce the Great Oni's magical energy by about fifty percent.
Magifender Girl:
Well, see you 'round.
Phew, I'm beat.
Animal:
Surprised you managed to get this done so smoothly.
Hmph. Not bad, losers.
Magifender Girl:
What did I tell you about being nice?
All right, we're done here.
Ibaraki-Douji:
(Waving goodbye)
B：:
Phew. Oh, my apologies. The battle was so intense that I could not help but sigh in relief now that it's over. Are you all right, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
I'm fine, thanks.
Fujimaru 2:
So all that's left now is...
Sitonai:
All that's left now is the Great Oni on Main Street.
But since he only comes out for the parade at night...
Sitonai:
So, in the meantime...
Sitonai:
...we'll take this chance to get some rest!
Great Oni:
Huh?
No way. He lost?
Great Oni:
Even with all that gold he had on top of his abundant musical sensibilities...?
Great Oni:
I see... I guess that's it for him, huh...
Great Oni:
Well, nothing to do about that now!
I have to admit, I really called this one wrong!
Great Oni:
Gehehe, still... Gehehe, things are getting really interesting now...
Great Oni:
Gehehe... Hehe... Gehehehe...!!!
Gaaahahahaha!
Great Oni:
Very well then! I, the Great Oni Vermilion Dragon,
shall dispose of these impudent riffraff myself!
Great Oni:
With my Electrical Night Parade of a Hundred Pumpkin Oni, I will return Oniland to its regular schedule!
Great Oni:
Tremble, foolish guests, and despair!
You are not long for this world!
EP 8: Hyakki Yakou! A Midnight Ogre Parade! (Part One)
Blackbeard:
...The Electrical Night Parade of a Hundred Pumpkin Oni?
Blackbeard:
Ah, okay, that's the parade they do at night, yeah?
I didn't know they had parades here!
Blackbeard:
Hmm, I actually think I might've heard one of the oni here mentioning that. Maybe? Not sure...
Blackbeard:
What's the big deal with parades, anyway!?
Only normies like that kinda stuff!
Salieri:
I don't know what you're so upset about, but facts are facts. I've only seen it once before myself...
Salieri:
...but the Electrical Night Parade of a Hundred Pumpkin Oni is quite the spectacle, and takes up all of Main Street.
Salieri:
That is when the Great Oni emerges from his lair to unleash a soul-rending howl that splits the very sky.
Salieri:
It almost sounds like singing,
albeit in a horridly perverted form.
Salieri:
At one point, the Great Oni asked me to compose an accompaniment for his...scream, but...
F：Salieri:
Hehe... Hehehehehe!
...What a preposterous joke...!
F：Salieri:
Me? Write a song for that voice!?
I may be mad, but I'm not THAT mad!
Mash:
Please, Salieri! Get a hold of yourself!
Mash:
Wait. Come to think of it...
When did you start taking requests?
Fujimaru 1:
It's okay, Salieri.
Fujimaru 2:
You don't have to write more music.
Salieri:
...(Sigh)
Mash:
By the way, Salieri, can I ask how you got here?
Mash:
Most of the other Servants who were drawn here are confined in the park.
Mash:
Wait a minute...!
Mash:
Does this mean the Heroic Spirits that are copied into Gold Servants are set free from Oniland's spell!?
Blackbeard:
Hey, I'm the one who brought him here.
B：:
You are!?
Blackbeard:
I had a bunch of time to kill after Sitonai's spell healed me, so I went out for a walk around the cabin and just ran right into him.
Blackbeard:
He looked kind of lost and confused,
so I brought him here.
Blackbeard:
Thanks to Sitonai's barrier thingy here, I knew I wouldn't have to worry about him going back to Oniland.
Blackbeard:
Pretty quick thinking on my part, right?
One might even call it...heroic. Eh, eh, eh?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Not bad thinking, I'll give you that.
Pretty far from heroic, but not bad.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Still, you deserve a reward, Blackbeard. Have one of my potatoes. Now, weep in gratitude until your Spirit Origin dries up and disappears.
Blackbeard:
Woohoo, a potato straight from the hands of a pretty oni! Hehehe, this is why I love being a Servant!
Sitonai:
Singing, huh... Now that you mention it,
I have heard some strange howling at every parade.
Sitonai:
I don't know what the Great Oni is trying to accomplish with that, but he must have taken a liking to Salieri.
Sitonai:
Apparently he used a copy of him for the largest gold fragment, and even asked him to compose new, uh, songs.
Sitonai:
It's a good thing we've got him here for safekeeping now.
Sitonai:
Thank you, Blackbeard.
Blackbeard:
C-come now, you don't have to thank me.
I like you more than enough as it is...
Blackbeard:
But then, I already have Lady ,
who I feel strangely good about my chances with...
Blackbeard:
And then there's the old hag. I haven't seen her anywhere around Oniland, but I still kinda sorta maybe possibly can't help but wonder where she might be...
B：:
Huh? I am in the “almost attainable” category?
That does not make sense...
Fujimaru 1:
How about we just wait for night now?
Fujimaru 2:
So I guess we'll be facing this parade for our last operation.
Mash:
Right. I think waiting in that cabin until nightfall is a great idea! And Da Vinci agrees!
Mash:
Come to think of it, Da Vinci has been so preoccupied with something that she hasn't really been part of this call all that much...
Mash:
Maybe she's busy keeping your existence verified?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm. Since the attractions are all taken care of, I'm gonna get some sleep if you're all just gonna keep talking. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Good night.
Ibaraki-Douji:
(Zzzzzz)
B：:
Wow! Impressive!
She fell asleep as quickly as any shinobi!
Sitonai:
We should all rest up. Once night falls and we've recovered enough energy, magical and otherwise...
Sitonai:
...it'll finally be time to face off against the Great Oni!
B：:
This is...incredible!
Sitonai:
So this is the Electrical Night Parade of a Hundred Pumpkin Oni. I've never been this close before...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Hmm.
I don't care for these oni's attitudes, but I do like this.
Ibaraki-Douji:
It must take a lot of work to put on a festival this grand. This Great Oni certainly does know how to keep other oni in line.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Although, there's one thing I still don't understand.
Why pumpkins?
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Oh well, not really all that important!
Ibaraki-Douji:
The important thing is that this is a festival!
It'll be perfect for showing off my own fireworks!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Now, what should I destroy first!
Mmm, so many choices!
Mash:
Wait, Ibaraki, Senpai!
A huge procession of oni is heading your way!
Mash:
Now I see. It looks like “Electrical Night Parade of a Hundred Pumpkin Oni” may have been a bit of a misnomer.
Mash:
It's not just a hundred oni.
There are so many I can't even count them all!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm. Not a fang out of place in the whole parade, huh.
Ibaraki-Douji:
If the oni on Mt. Ooe could've come together like this, we'd have made short work of all those damn Kyoto warriors. Ugh. You have so much potential, Oniland, and you're just throwing it all away!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Man, now I want a giant oni army for myself!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm? What's going on?
Ibaraki-Douji:
How come that big group of oni just stopped?
...Is it just me, or are they all looking at us?
Sitonai:
Hmm. Maybe they noticed we're here.
Sitonai:
I guess they would be on the lookout for us after we beat all the attraction managers and took their gold fragments.
Sitonai:
In retrospect, we probably should have expected it to turn into a fight at the drop of a hat.
Fujimaru 1:
Uh, all hands, prepare for battle!
Fujimaru 2:
Everyone stay alert!
Sitonai:
At least there shouldn't be an endless supply of them anymore, now that we have so much of the Great Oni's gold!
Sitonai:
We can whittle them down as long as we keep fighting!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Eh, who needs an army of cowardly oni? All that stuff I said about wanting them for myself? I take it back!
Oni Employees:
You're bothering the other guests!
You're bothering the other guests!
Mash:
Pattern change confirmed!
These oni are clearly hostile! Senpai!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Out of my way!
Move aside! Now!
--BATTLE--
Ibaraki-Douji:
We may have thinned the crowd out a bit,
but there are still tons of them here!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hyahahahahaha, this is great!
Keep them coming!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Killing with a spear instead of my hand is kind of a nice change!
B：:
The Great Oni no longer seems to be replacing the oni we kill! This tide is not insurmountable!
B：:
As long as we keep whittling down their forces,
victory should be within our grasp!
Great Oni:
Hold it.
Great Oni:
What brings you here?
Great Oni:
Why do you kill my oni?
Great Oni:
Why do you destroy my paradise?
Great Oni:
...No matter. Your lives are forfeit.
Sitonai:
The Great Oni...!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Ooh! We finally get to see this Great Oni!
He's huge! Definitely seems like a real oni, too!
Ibaraki-Douji:
He's got a lotta nerve, thinking this place is paradise with so many half-assed oni running around!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I mean yeah it's kinda fun, but that doesn't mean I like it! Any self-respecting oni ought to–
Great Oni:
Shut up!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Gah! Just his voice creates so much pressure in the air–Wait. That was magical energy!
Great Oni:
I never claimed to be an oni!
Great Oni:
I just went with it when they called me that!
Mash:
(That's just what they called him?)
Great Oni:
So, you're a real oni, huh.
Great Oni:
Then present yourself before me.
Great Oni:
Here, human and oni alike...
Great Oni:
...can relax, enjoy themselves...
Great Oni:
...and sing.
Sitonai:
You're wrong, Great Oni. The gold that's powering you and this place needs to be returned to the earth.
Sitonai:
We've already got the gold back from your attraction managers, so you've weakened, haven't you?
Great Oni:
Why you...!
Great Oni:
Impudent little girl!
Great Oni:
All gold belongs to me...
Great Oni:
...and me alone!!!
EP 8: Hyakki Yakou! A Midnight Ogre Parade! (Part Two)
B：:
His magical energy is incredible!
B：:
I do not know where this so-called Great Oni hails from, but I did not expect him to be so powerful!
Sitonai:
...The Great Oni isn't the one who's strong! It's the Kamuy's Gold. The Great Oni himself, whoever he is, can't possibly be so powerful!
Animal:
Hmph. Exactly.
That is not his true form.
Animal:
Take his gold from him! You have plenty of your own gold now! I know you can do it!
Magifender Girl:
(Sigh) Is that so?
Magifender Girl:
You had a perfect opportunity for a snappy one-liner there. Now it's gone. (Sigh) Have you got stage fright now that we have a real audience, Spot?
Fujimaru 1:
That voice!
Fujimaru 2:
I thought it was about that time!
Great Oni:
Who are you!?
Magifender Girl:
...Heavens, earth, humans, blah blah blah.
Magifender Girl:
...We've all heard it so many times now,
so let's just skip it. I'm here to kill you.
Magifender Girl:
Mind helping a girl out and letting me dissolve you nice and easy, Mr. Big Strong Great Oni?
Animal:
Hmph.
Animal:
This is the last one.
Good luck, I guess.
Magifender Girl:
...I'm a magifender, and magifense is me...
Magifender Girl:
This is Magifender Girl's finale!
Great Oni:
SHUT UP!!!
Magifender Girl:
Ooh, how scary. Heaven forbid you get any angrier...
Ibaraki-Douji:
That's Magifender Girl Oni Cure for you!
Did you see that, Master!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Did you see how elegant she was!?
It was just like watching Shuten! I'm in love!
Magifender Girl:
Why thank you. Hehe.
Anyway, let's hurry up and take this clown out...
Magifender Girl:
Shall we, Sitonai?
Sitonai:
You want me to team up with you? Okay, but I've already got my hands full trying to get the gold away from him!
Magifender Girl:
I don't see a problem. That ought to work out nicely, since I'll be trying to get the oni away from him myself.
Magifender Girl:
...Now then, just what sort of oni are you?
Were you born from fire, dripping with hate and malice?
Magifender Girl:
...Are you an oni who lives outside the domain of humans?
Magifender Girl:
...Or an oni given form by myth and legend!?
Great Oni:
Wha... Huh...!?
Great Oni:
What did...you do...to me!?
B：:
Look, Master!
The Great Oni's enormous body is...!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey, yeah.
It looks like it's shrinking. And fast.
Mash:
He's losing magical energy, too!
Mash:
I think it's the combination of Magifender Girl's spell, and Sitonai's...
Sitonai:
...I see. Now I understand.
Sitonai:
You aren't the gold.
It didn't use you as a shell to protect itself.
Sitonai:
You've been using the gold as a shell.
Sitonai:
It must be heavy, wearing that much gold.
It's okay. You don't have to carry it anymore.
Sitonai:
You can put it down now.
I promise.
Great Oni:
Wh...wha...
B：:
I can see it... The Great Oni's very body is...peeling away, and falling to the ground.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...Well? Who is it?
Who's been inside the Great Oni this whole time?
Great Oni:
...Who? Well that's rude. Who do you think? I've been inside the Great Oni this whole time because I AM the Great Oni.
Great Oni:
Still, I have to give you props for breaking through this getup I made for interviews. Nice job.
Great Oni:
Usually, you'd have to go through my manager before actually seeing my real face...but I guess I can make an exception this one time.
Great Oni:
This is the real me!
Great Oni:
I am the lead vocalist for the rock band Great Oni Vermilion Dragon, and an internationally adored idol!
D：Great Oni:
...Elisabeth JAPAN!
Fujimaru 1:
Elisabeth...Japan...!?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Hey! I heard you leaving out the caps!
They're there for a reason, you know!
Fujimaru 2:
Elisabeth JAPAN...!?
Mash:
Oniland... An amusement park themed after the Far East...but also completely chock-full of pumpkins for no apparent reason...
Mash:
Now that I think about it, the clues were right in front of us all this time! Pumpkins!
Mash:
Oniland isn't just an amusement park...it's also this year's Halloween debacle!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm, that explains why nothing in this place really seems all that Japanese.
Ibaraki-Douji:
But there's still a lot I don't get! Elisabeth JAPAN! Why make this place? And why disguise yourself as the Great Oni Vermilion Dragon?
Ibaraki-Douji:
I'll admit you always stood out to me, since you're an Anti-Hero dragon girl with pretty red horns...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...but why would you do something like this!?
I don't get it at all!
Ibaraki-Douji:
I mean, you're supposed to be a Chaldean Servant!
You're supposed to be Fujimaru's spear!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Huh? Chaldea?
Dragon girl?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
(Sigh) What in the world are you talking about?
This is why rude guests are so annoying!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
My name's Elisabeth JAPAN.
That's the only me I know!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
But, that's enough chitchat!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
There's only thirty minutes left until Night Fest, the best part of the parade, and I'm not gonna let you rain on it!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
No, tonight's Night Fest is gonna be real special. You're all gonna help me put on the hippest, cutest, most stylish bloodbath ever!
EP 9: Great Oni Elisabeth JAPAN
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Ugh! What is your PROBLEM!?
Being rude guests was bad enough...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
...but now you're trying to interfere with my concert!? What are you, terrorists who hate fun or something!?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
You have no idea how hard I worked on this place,
and all you've done is try to tear it down!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
And if that wasn't bad enough,
you even took all my gold...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Why are you even here!?
Why do you keep getting in Oniland's business!?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Who the hell are you guys!?
Fujimaru 1:
...Does she have amnesia or something?
Fujimaru 2:
Did Elisabeth lose her memories?
Mash:
I'm fairly certain this is the Elisabeth we know, but without her memories, rather than one another version of her who was summoned separately!
Mash:
Still, I can understand not knowing about Chaldea,
but I can't believe she even forgot her own past...
Magifender Girl:
My, my, lost her memory, huh?
Well that's quite a predicament. In that case–
Sitonai:
Giving her a good thump might fix it?
Sitonai:
Oh, I don't mean like thumping an old-fashioned TV to fix it when it's acting up. Or shock therapy.
Sitonai:
I'm talking about introducing a spell little by little whenever we come into contact in a fight.
Sitonai:
Once the spell is ready, I'll activate it remotely, and it should repair her Spirit Origin, memory and all. At least that's the idea.
Fujimaru 1:
That's so vague it might just work...
Sitonai:
I'm just talking about fixing a magecraft-based being with magecraft, you know?
Fujimaru 2:
Can you really do that?
Sitonai:
Hehe, I sure can!
I'm more than able to use Divine Spirit magecraft!
B：:
Very well then, we shall hold the line while Lady Sitonai prepares her memory restoration spell!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey, I wanted to say that!
But okay, sounds good!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
...Restoration?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
What the hell are you talking about!? I've had enough. I'm the Great Oni, dammit! The Great Oni Vermilion Dragon!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
I own this beautiful pumpkin paradise,
and I'm telling you all to shut up and get out!
Fujimaru 1:
Elisa!
Fujimaru 2:
The gold...!
B：:
The fallen gold is trying to consume her again!
Master, get back!
Great Oni:
I just want to sing!
Great Oni:
But singing alone is no fun!
Great Oni:
That's why I need Oniland!
Great Oni:
What's wrong with that!?
Great Oni:
Everyone loves it here!
Great Oni:
Humans, oni, even Heroic Spirits!
Sitonai:
...
...
Mash:
Elisabeth JAPAN...!
Magifender Girl:
So that's how it is, huh.
Magifender Girl:
Hey, I get it. Being alone is pretty boring.
There's nothing more lonely than drinking on your own.
Magifender Girl:
And it's not your fault you turned into an oni, right? It's the gold, isn't it?
Magifender Girl:
So I know you didn't mean to get caught up in all this.
Magifender Girl:
But that doesn't make it okay.
Magifender Girl:
However you got here, you're an oni now, right?
That makes you my problem.
Magifender Girl:
...And the way you're acting now?
That's really not how oni do things.
Magifender Girl:
Humans have human laws,
and oni have oni laws.
Magifender Girl:
Well, maybe not exactly laws, but we do have rules.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...She's right, Elisabeth JAPAN.
What's an oni–
Magifender Girl:
What's an oni doing entertaining humans?
Magifender Girl:
It's just absurd. No self-respecting oni would ever do that. That's strictly human stuff.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...
Great Oni:
S-so what...!?
Great Oni:
Why're you making such a big deal out of this!?
Great Oni:
Everyone's smiling and laughing and having fun!
What's wrong with that!?
Great Oni:
Ugh, who cares what oni are supposed to do?
Besides, you're the one who made the call to begin with!
Fujimaru 1:
...?
Fujimaru 2:
(Does that mean...)
Magifender Girl:
So that's how you want to play this, hmm?
If you want to quit being an oni, you go right ahead.
Magifender Girl:
But I'm not backing off until you give up that power.
Magifender Girl:
So go on. Put down the shiny and walk away.
Great Oni:
But...but if I do that, Oniland'll disappear!
Great Oni:
All my employees, all the people, all the Heroic Spirits... They'd all be gone for good!
Great Oni:
I'm not giving that up! Idiot!
Fujimaru 1:
Never mind all that!
Fujimaru 2:
Come back to us, Elisa!
Great Oni:
No pumpkin way!
B：:
Master! The Great Oni Elisa has regained her gold-enhanced form... She's about to renew her attack!
Sitonai:
Okay, the spell is ready!
All we have to do now is keep hitting her with it!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Mwahahaha!
I can do that no problem!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hey, Elisabeth JAPAN!
Just because you look like an oni doesn't make you one!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hehehehehe! What is it about Chaldea that attracts so many problem oni!?
Great Oni:
Shut it, tiny!
EP 10: The True Mastermind: The Golden Dragon!
Narration:
When I came to, I found myself on a beach I didn't recognize.
Narration:
No, it wasn't just the beach...
I had never seen this country before at all.
Narration:
I pushed myself up to my feet. I ached all over,
but at least my arms and legs still worked.
Narration:
I breathed into my hands to warm them up and tried to take stock of my situation.
Narration:
Yup, I'm definitely stranded.
The waves must have washed me up here.
Narration:
It's weirdly cold. Is this the North Pole or something?
As I wondered where I may have ended up...
Elisabeth:
Huh?
Narration:
I realized I didn't know who I was,
or even what sort of Heroic Spirit I was.
Narration:
All I remembered was my name, Elisabeth,
and my dream to become an idol.
Old Fisherman:
Heeey! Hey you!
Old Fisherman:
What were you thinking, sleeping out here?
You'll catch your death of cold.
Old Fisherman:
Are you okay, missy?
Old Fisherman:
You shouldn't be going swimming in the ocean now that it's almost autumn.
Old Fisherman:
...Say, what's with those horns?
Old Fisherman:
Is that what the kids call “cosplay”?
Or is it some kind of newfangled fashion?
Old Fisherman:
Looks pretty avant-garde.
Or is “punk” more popular these days?
Old Fisherman:
Haha, then again...
Old Fisherman:
...maybe you're actually a real-life oni? Eh? Eh?
Narration:
That's what he called me.
An oni.
Narration:
Oh, okay. Is that what I am? An oni?
Narration:
Aren't oni some kind of demon from the Far East?
I guess if I look like one, that must be what I am.
Narration:
That's what I was thinking when I told him that yes, I was an oni.
Narration:
I did remember liking to bathe in blood,
so I guess that makes me a blood-loving oni.
Narration:
As soon as I said that...the old man turned white as a ghost and ran away.
Narration:
...The same thing happened in the mountains.
Narration:
After I left the beach, I walked and walked and walked until I ended up deep in the mountains.
Narration:
There, I met someone new. I thought I would finally have someone to talk to, but they ran away the second they saw me.
Narration:
They thought I was a man-eating oni and ran off, screaming about it.
Narration:
At first, everyone I met was really nice to me. They'd ask me what a young girl like me was doing here all by myself.
Narration:
But once I told them I was an oni who loved blood, they all just ran away. Some even threw rocks at me.
Narration:
Nobody stopped for me.
Nobody turned back to look at me.
Narration:
I hate this. I don't want to be all alone.
I like crowds and noise. I miss people.
Narration:
...I want someone to hear me sing.
Narration:
I miss people.
I want to sing for someone.
Narration:
I kept turning that over in my head as I walked along the mountain until...
Narration:
...What was that tunnel called again?
The Seikan Tunnel?
Narration:
Anyway, I ended up in a really long, really dark tunnel.
It was kind of claustrophobic, but I kept walking anyway.
Narration:
Eventually, I found a huge expanse of land on the other side...
Narration:
...except it was incredibly cold.
Freezing cold.
Narration:
Apparently snow had fallen while I was inside the tunnel. I must have gone really far north.
Narration:
And then it happened.
Narration:
...I don't really know how far I'd been walking by then.
Narration:
I do remember that I couldn't keep going...
That I didn't want to keep going.
Narration:
I hated how cold it was. I hated freezing all alone.
I hated being hit with stones.
Narration:
I hated that there was no one to talk to, that I was alone, and that everyone I encountered always ran away scared.
Narration:
I was sick of being mistaken for an oni.
Narration:
But then...a voice spoke to me! Reached out to me!
Narration:
Something beautifully, beautifully shiny!
???:
You'll acquire something precious.
Something all desire deep in their very souls.
???:
I will bestow upon you, and only you, a brilliance that has dazzled people for all time. Now, go on.
???:
I see that you too have desire in your heart.
You will not be able to resist my gift's allure.
Narration:
And then, that shining gold started to cover my whole body...
???:
Behold. Feel the power flowing through you,
greedy one. Do with it what you will.
???:
All will shower you with love now.
All will listen to you sing.
???:
You are no longer alone.
This is a paradise made by your desire, for your desire.
Ibaraki-Douji:
How do you like that!?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Good, good.
I think you look much better like that anyway.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Besides, in that form your voice had way too much reverb.
B：:
Look, Master. The gold is...
Sitonai:
This is all that's left of the gold that was used to create Oniland. We need to gather it up.
Sitonai:
Come here. All of you.
It's okay, I promise.
Sitonai:
It's time to call it a day.
Make sure to get lots of sleep.
Mash:
That takes care of all the Kamuy's Gold.
Great work, Senpai.
Elisabeth:
...
Elisabeth:
...
...
Elisabeth:
...Huh...?
Elisabeth:
Ow ow ow, my head.
What was I doing again...?
Elisabeth:
I dreamed I was getting ready for a concert...
Everyone in the audience was smiling...
Elisabeth:
And I was just about to start my set!
At least, I think that's what happened...
Elisabeth:
My head hurts!
In fact, my whole body hurts!
Elisabeth:
...And why am I so low on magical energy I feel like I'm gonna faint?
Fujimaru 1:
Welcome back, Elisa.
Fujimaru 2:
Want to sing a song while we're all here?
Elisabeth:
?
Elisabeth:
Where even is here, anyway?
Elisabeth:
I remember heading out on a voyage to broaden my horizons in preparation for this year's Halloween...
Elisabeth:
But my ship got caught in this awful storm that blew me waaay off course! Only, after I washed ashore, I learned about an awesome new genre!
Elisabeth:
It got me thinking I should add more visual flair to my shows, so I had a new outfit made up, and...
Wait. Huh?
Mash:
Elisabeth remembers you again, Senpai!
Sitonai's spell must have worked!
Magifender Girl:
(Sigh) I'm bushed.
Now I can finally hang up this headpiece.
Magifender Girl:
I know we've been through a fair bit together,
but I guess this is goodbye, Spot.
Animal:
Haku, Spot, make up your mind...Anyway, I just did what I could to help with your magifense.
Animal:
Besides...
Sitonai:
We couldn't have taken the Kamuy's Gold back without your help. Thank you both.
Magifender Girl:
Eh, Master deserves the credit.
All we did was run around stirring up trouble.
Sitonai:
All we have to do now is bring this gold back to Chitose Mine and return it to the leyline.
Sitonai:
I can do that myself, so I guess this is...
Animal:
That's right! This is goodbye!
Thanks for doing all my dirty work for me, chumps!
Sitonai:
Aah!
Magifender Girl:
Hey! What do you think you're doing, Haku!?
Animal:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
At last, the Kamuy's Gold is all mine!
B：:
...What just happened?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Huh? Where'd Oni Cure's familiar run off to? Did something bad happen, Sitonai? You don't look so good.
Mash:
S-Senpai! Shuten–I mean, Magifender Girl's cute familiar appears to have–
Ibaraki-Douji:
Betrayed her?
Ibaraki-Douji:
So, then...does that mean he took the gold and ran!?
Sitonai:
...I'm so sorry. He got me good. I thought nobody else could touch the gold we'd collected.
Fujimaru 1:
That familiar...
Fujimaru 2:
Come to think of it, what is he, anyway!?
Magifender Girl:
Huh? Don't ask me.
Magifender Girl:
All I know is, he's a Demonic Beast I caught near Chitose. Said he wanted to help the magifender oni.
Magifender Girl:
I didn't see any reason to turn him down, and I figured it'd be nice to have a familiar while I was doing this shtick.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hm? Why are you looking at me, Oni Cure?
Fujimaru 1:
(Ohh, now I get it.)
Fujimaru 2:
(Having a familiar would make it more authentic!)
Magifender Girl:
Anyway, I'm not gonna let him make a fool out of me. Let's go after him!
Sitonai:
I can find his trail by following the magical energy the gold emits! This way!
Fujimaru 1:
Come on, let's hurry!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Right!
B：:
I will catch up with you once I have carried Lady Elisa to the mountain cabin! Please take care, everyone!
--ARROW--
Mash:
I'll check your location against our map data to be sure, but it looks like you're in a cave that heads right to the Chitose Mine!
Sitonai:
I wonder if...
Sitonai:
No, I'm sure I'll know soon.
Just a little farther, everyone! He's up ahead!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Right!
Sitonai:
Is that...!?
Sitonai:
Yes, I'm sure of it... That's the Kamuy's Gold!
I can't believe there's still so much left...
???:
You're wrong. It wasn't left here. It grew here.
???:
It grew by feeding on the desires of all who gathered in Oniland–human, oni, and Heroic Spirit alike.
???:
Behold, Sitonai, self-proclaimed custodian of the gold. This is the brilliance of all your desires run amok!
Magifender Girl:
Haku? Spot?
You certainly added a lot of gravel to your voice.
Magifender Girl:
Be a good little boy and come back here. Do that, and I'll let you off easy. I'll only rip your limbs off.
???:
Hmph. No oni could ever hurt me!
Ha! What a joke!
???:
I was just pretending to be a cute,
obedient magifender oni familiar!
???:
Ahh, these desires were so delicious!
That Heroic Spirit did well, growing them so much.
???:
No... The still-trembling soul of Elisabeth Báthory, who once was human.
???:
Her desires were truly exquisite!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...!!!
Magifender Girl:
My, my, Haku.
Look at you, all grown up...
Mash:
We're detecting that massive hostile entity as well!
It's not a Heroic Spirit or an oni...
Mash:
It's a dragonkin!
Ibaraki-Douji:
It's enormous!!! Those wings, that jaw, that roar...
You're one hell of a dragon, aren't you!
Sitonai:
A golden dragon!
Does this mean all that gold fed on its own avarice...
Sitonai:
...causing a Fafnir to manifest!?
Fujimaru 1:
Prepare for battle!
Fujimaru 2:
We're going up against a dragon... Get ready, everyone!
EP 11: Victory! The End of Oniland!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Damn...!
This golden dragon is more powerful than I thought!
Magifender Girl:
Yeah, he really is!
Magifender Girl:
I mean, this...thing went from zero to so-called dragon in no time flat... And he is...really durable...
Sitonai:
Yes, he does resemble Fafnir. It certainly does seem like he was created from gold, given his coloring.
Sitonai:
But no, this dragon wasn't created in an instant.
Not at all.
Sitonai:
The Sitonai inside me is telling me one of his true identities...
Sitonai:
...Moshirechik Kotanechik, the dreaded beast of darkness! One of the Kamuy monsters who appears in the legend of Ainurakkur!
Magifender Girl:
Huh, you don't say.
Sounds pretty impressive.
Fujimaru 1:
Did you say Kamuy?
Fujimaru 2:
Does that mean he's a Divinity from the same place as you?
Sitonai:
...Yes, that's right.
Sitonai:
I'm sorry. I should have told you everything from the beginning.
Sitonai:
The Kamuy's Gold that formed here didn't do so by accident.
Sitonai:
It only happened because...I was here.
That's why it's my responsibility to fix it...
Sitonai:
Why I have to collect it all...and return it to the leyline.
Mash:
What do you mean by–
Holmes:
Das Rheingold. A legend of cursed gold known throughout Scandinavia and Germany.
Holmes:
That gold has a very deep connection to Illyasviel–the girl whose body Sitonai currently inhabits.
Holmes:
Her family is primarily known for their heavy involvement in Holy Grail Wars, and for their research on homunculi...
Holmes:
...but they were also in possession of a vast fortune: the legendary Rheingold.
Fujimaru 1:
Holmes!
Fujimaru 2:
I was almost sure we weren't gonna see you this time...
Da Vinci:
I've been telling him to get off his ass and explain what's going on, since of course he's already figured everything out, but he only just decided to listen.
Da Vinci:
I swear, you'd think a so-called great detective would have better things to do than puff on his pipe. But, you know, better late than never, I guess.
Mash:
So that's what you were doing when you weren't verifying Senpai's existence.
Mash:
You were convincing Holmes to help us!
Da Vinci:
Sure was!
And on that note, take it away, Holmes!
Holmes:
...Very well.
Holmes:
In regards to this particular incident, I cannot say which came first: the Holy Grail manifesting as a Singularity, or Sitonai's materialization.
Holmes:
It's the chicken and the egg all over again.
Holmes:
I can, however, be certain about this much: it was her influence that turned Chitose's Holy Grail into gold.
Sitonai:
...Yes. That's exactly right.
Sitonai:
I'm the one who caused the Rheingold–I mean the Kamuy's Gold to appear in Chitose.
Sitonai:
I thought it was the Great Oni who was taking advantage of the gold...but it was actually the reverse.
Sitonai:
The gold itself transformed into an evil dragon,
took advantage of Elisabeth–
Ibaraki-Douji:
It manipulated her into becoming the Great Oni! And all so it could grow by feeding on desires or something!?
Sitonai:
Yes. Since this Holy Grail–this gold is made from magical energy, it can expand by creating more.
Sitonai:
That's why it...
ended up this big...
Holmes:
The end result is that it not only materialized as Fafnir, but also took on the properties of a Moshirechik Kotanechik.
Holmes:
I believe that about sums it up, yes?
Sitonai:
It's all my fault! The Great Oni didn't cause this.
Even that dragon didn't really do anything wrong...
Sitonai:
It was my body's ties to the gold that transformed the Holy Grail into it!
Sitonai:
If...if only I'd never materialized here...
Sitonai:
...none of this would ever have happened.
Sitonai:
...I'm so sorry, everyone.
Fujimaru 1:
It's okay. It's not like you meant for all that to happen.
Fujimaru 2:
If you hadn't been here, we never could have saved Elisa.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yeah!
Ibaraki-Douji:
And not just Elisabeth.
Master would be dead by now without your help.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I mean, I'd have been fine either way. Totally fine!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...But, well, it was kind of almost a sort of close call for me. Maybe.
Sitonai:
...
...
Ibaraki-Douji:
Anyway, quit apologizing, Sitonai.
Ibaraki-Douji:
You might have originally been human,
but oddly enough, you don't smell human at all.
Ibaraki-Douji:
You have a really nice smell...
There's something very serene about you.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So... Uh... Basically...
Ibaraki-Douji:
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't care about fate, or destiny, or any of that crap!
Ibaraki-Douji:
All I care about is that there's a big, nasty dragon in my way, and I'm gonna rip him up and eat him alive!
Ibaraki-Douji:
That's all there is to it!
Sitonai:
...Ibaraki...
Golden Dragon:
You oni truly are greedy creatures, aren't you!?
Golden Dragon:
So as long as you get yours, you don't care what happens to the rest of the world, huh? So much for your vaunted magifense!
Golden Dragon:
Human desires!
Oni desires!
Golden Dragon:
I shall devour them all! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Sitonai:
...Magifender?
Magifender Girl:
Well, you know.
I had my reasons.
Magifender Girl:
I feel pretty dumb, falling for his act and playing up the Magifender Girl bit.
Magifender Girl:
So if I don't sort this out now,
I'll never live it down!
Siegfried:
Indeed. There is nothing heroic about a Heroic Spirit who fails to repay a debt.
Siegfried:
If you thought we would simply stand by and allow our Master to come to harm after you are gravely mistaken!
Ushiwakamaru:
We all came running as soon as we heard Master might be in danger!
Sigurd:
An evil dragon...
Sigurd:
Wherever desire is laid bare, so will evil rise in the form of a dragon. But when it does...we Dragon Slayers will always rise to meet it.
Sigurd:
A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Sir Siegfried.
My True Name is Sigurd.
Siegfried:
The pleasure's all mine.
My True Name is Siegfried.
Siegfried:
It seems between the two of us, we have two demonic swords meant for slaying dragons, and one dragon waiting to be slain. What more need be said?
Sigurd:
Agreed!
Mash:
All the Servants who were in Oniland are here!
Wh-what's going on?
Blackbeard:
Me, Ms. , and Mr. Salieri went and rounded everyone up! I don't think I've ever worked harder in my life!
G：:
I am sorry it took so long, Master,
but I have returned with reinforcements!
Fujimaru 1:
Fantastic job!
Fujimaru 2:
There's no way we can lose now!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Oh, oh, oh! This is...this is one of those things where everyone teams up for the big climactic battle! These are sooo cool! Of COURSE Oni Cure has a big ending like this!
Ibaraki-Douji:
All of us working together to take down the big bad! Now that's what I'm talking about!
Magifender Girl:
Hmm, I see. So that's how these things are supposed to go, is it?
Sakata Kintoki:
Damn straight it is! Bringin' everyone together for the final battle's the golden rule of showdowns!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Gah, Kintoki!? Never mind, I take it all back.
I don't need your help to–
Sakata Kintoki:
Haha! Don't sweat it! We're all here, so we might as well just get this show on the road!
Golden Dragon:
I am the Holy Grail!
I am the gold!
Golden Dragon:
As long as intelligent creatures harbor greed and desire,
I will never fade away. I will only continue to grow and propagate!
Golden Dragon:
Heroic Spirit, oni, it matters not! No Servant constrained by mere magecraft could hope to defeat me!
Heracles:
...
Sitonai:
Wha...
Sitonai:
Huh...?
No...way...
Sitonai:
...Your Spirit Origin wasn't even here at Oniland...
Heracles:
[[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]!
Sitonai:
...Berserker!
Sitonai:
...I swear. It was all my fault.
I told you as much... And even so, you're here...
Sitonai:
If you're going to be this nice to me,
I guess I really have to give this my all.
Sitonai:
But I know everything will be fine now that you're here. Nothing can beat you!
Golden Dragon:
Wh-what difference is one more Heroic Spirit going to–
Sitonai:
Shut it!
Sitonai:
You'll never understand, but I do!
Berserker is the strongest!
Sitonai:
...Get him, Berserker!
Heracles:
[[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]!!!
Fujimaru 1:
Everyone, prepare for battle!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Right!
--BATTLE--
Golden Dragon:
Ghh... Ah... Ahhhhhh...
Golden Dragon:
I will not die... I will not...
I am greed... I am endless...
Golden Dragon:
Humanity can never be rid of me...
I WILL rise up in Chitose again...!!!
Golden Dragon:
...!
Mash:
That last attack...
Was that...Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon?
Fujimaru 1:
It's over now.
Fujimaru 2:
You all did great!
Sitonai:
Come here.
Sitonai:
It's okay. There's nothing to be afraid of.
This time, I'll make sure you get back home.
Sitonai:
Greed shall never turn you into a dragon again.
Besides...
Sitonai:
...I won't be staying here either.
You'll never end up like the Rheingold again.
Sitonai:
It's okay, Golden Dragon.
Let's both disappear together.
Ibaraki-Douji:
W-wait, what...
Ibaraki-Douji:
You're leaving already, Sitonai?
I wanted to hang out some more before you did.
Sitonai:
Yeah. I have to return this magical energy to the earth. But I'll shape the surplus magical energy Oniland siphoned off the Heroic Spirits into a Holy Grail for you before I go.
Sitonai:
Don't worry.
I'll make sure this one never turns into a dragon.
B：:
Lady Sitonai...
Sitonai:
I'm so sorry for all the trouble I caused.
I hope you can all forgive me.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I already told you to quit apologizing!
Ibaraki-Douji:
...It's not right.
Shuten and I both went out smiling when we died.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So...
Ibaraki-Douji:
...you should do the same.
Sitonai:
Goodbye, everyone!
And thank you!
Sitonai:
I know this was hard for all of you...
Sitonai:
...but I'm so glad I got to be with you all–
Ibaraki-Douji:
...That's better.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I had a lot of fun with you too, Sitonai!
Shuten-Douji:
Well, there you have it.
All's well that ends well.
Shuten-Douji:
That minute Singularity's all taken care of, and the amusement park's gone for good now, right?
Shuten-Douji:
It must've been reeeally hard for you,
Master, but it's all over now.
Shuten-Douji:
So.
Shuten-Douji:
Haku's magical energy may be gone, but I don't feel like going back to my old Spirit Origin juuust yet.
Shuten-Douji:
...Once I feel like it, I will, though.
Shuten-Douji:
Anyway, hope you don't mind if I stick around like this a little bit longer, sweetie.
Fujimaru 1:
Of course not. I'm glad to have you here!
Shuten-Douji:
Well, aren't you just sinfully sweet?
Fujimaru 2:
Um... Why's Haku back again?
Shuten-Douji:
Oh, this?
This isn't the real Haku.
Shuten-Douji:
He's just a little something I whipped up with my own magical energy. Hehe, be funny if he starts talking again, wouldn't it?
Shuten-Douji:
It's like they say: every form has a function.
Shuten-Douji:
Anyway, you did a good job, Master.
Make sure you get pleeenty of rest now, you hear?
Epilogue: Even an Oni Can...
Elisabeth:
...
...
Elisabeth:
...(Fidget)
Ibaraki-Douji:
What's with all that fidgeting? It's creepy. Everyone's right over there. Just go talk to them already.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I have to go tell Shuten about Oni Cure and how she really exists, so I'm too busy to go with you.
Ibaraki-Douji:
So just hurry up and go already.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Go on.
Go on, Elisa.
Elisabeth:
S-stop rushing me!
I do this stuff in my own time!
Elisabeth:
Besides, I can choose who I talk to for my–
Nero:
Is that you, Lancer, my fated rival!?
I have been eagerly awaiting your return!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's about time you got back. I thought you were off somewhere living it up without us.
Elisabeth:
I-it's none of your business where I go or how I spend my time! Besides, I didn't do anything–
Nero:
This calls for a reunion party!
I trust you still remember how to sing?
Elisabeth:
...Like I would ever possibly forget!
Elisabeth:
I came up with new songs while I was away,
and I'm gonna sing each and every one of them!
Ibaraki-Douji:
Hmm.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...I feel like I just did something very unonilike.
I wonder why.
Shuten-Douji:
Oh, if it isn't Ibaraki. I didn't know you were back from Ezo–oh right, it's Hokkaido now... How was it?
Ibaraki-Douji:
It was great! I caused all sorts of havoc!
Shuten-Douji:
Aww, isn't that nice.
Shuten-Douji:
...
...
Shuten-Douji:
...Ibaraki?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yes?
Shuten-Douji:
Why are you crying?
Shuten-Douji:
You look like you're about to bawl those big yellow eyes of yours out.
Ibaraki-Douji:
...I'm not crying.
Shuten-Douji:
You sure?
Ibaraki-Douji:
Yeah.
...Yeah.
Ibaraki-Douji:
I don't cry.
I smile.
Ibaraki-Douji:
Why? 'CAUSE I'M AN ONI! That's why!