Servant Summer Festival!

Prelude: To the Heavenly Island!

Mash: Nobody here...

Mash: Or here...

Mash: ...Or here. I knew it.

Mash: We've seen more and more Servants disappearing from Chaldea over the past few days.

Mash: I can at least tell from our tracking systems that they haven't disappeared completely, but still...


Fujimaru 1: I think we need to ask Da Vinci about this.

Mash: I think so too.

Mash: I know she's been busy with some sort of project lately, but she definitely needs to hear about this.

Mash: Let's go see her right now.

Fou: Fo fou!

Da Vinci: Oh, hey you two. Excellent timing; you are just the ones I needed to talk to.


Fujimaru 1: Where'd all the Servants go?

D:???: What's that supposed to mean? What am I, chopped liver?


Fujimaru 2: We've got a situation on our hands.

D:???: Not to worry, Master. I'll keep you safe, no matter what.

Mash: So you two are still here.

Jeanne Alter: I've just been hanging around in spirit form, collecting books and–I mean, just 'cause I felt like it.

Jeanne Alter: I was just walking around the hallways seeing if anyone had dropped any more when I heard you talking and came to see what was up.

Ushiwakamaru: And I was busy getting things ready for Master.


Fujimaru 1: For me? Ready for what?

Ushiwakamaru: Oh? Did Lady Da Vinci not tell you?

Da Vinci: Not yet. I was just getting to that.

Da Vinci: You see, it's about time we started Chaldea's summer vacation.

Da Vinci: Well, okay, we kind of already have.

Mash: Oh, yeah. I guess it is that time of year again, isn't it.

Mash: No wonder Mr. Meunière looked so happy on his way to the rec room.

Mash: He said he was going to do nothing but watch movies for the next three days or until his brain started to rot, whichever came first.

Da Vinci: The investigators are still dragging their feet, so I'd say that with the way things are going, we'll be dealing with them for the rest of the year.

Da Vinci: So let's not worry so much about that and just enjoy our summer!


Fujimaru 1: Does that go for all the Servants, too?

Da Vinci: Pretty much. They said if the staff was getting a summer vacation, the Heroic Spirits deserved one too.

Da Vinci: With normal summoning methods, it'd be impossible for a Servant to wander off without their Master.

Da Vinci: But using Chaldea's summoning method, each Servant can carry around the magical energy they need to materialize, kind of like a battery pack.

Da Vinci: I don't know who Blackbeard learned that from, but he would not leave me alone once he did. By the time I gave in, he was groveling pretty shamelessly, teary-eyed and runny-nosed.

Da Vinci: The really weird part is that all the other Servants felt the same and demanded their own summer vacation, complete with bonus.

Da Vinci: So that's why there are so few Servants left here now. All the rest are out living it up.

Da Vinci: But hey, Holmes and I are still here, and we can always bring the rest back by force if we have to.

Da Vinci: ...Anyway, this is the part where I'm kinda supposed to give you guys your own summer break...


Fujimaru 1: I'm just gonna lie in bed all day!

Jeanne Alter: (Cough) Loser. (Cough)


Fujimaru 2: I feel a “but” coming.

Da Vinci: And I'm sorry to say you're right.

Da Vinci: Unfortunately, summer break or no, I can't give you authorization to leave Chaldea.

Da Vinci: I was planning to let you two hang out and relax...but things have changed.

Jeanne Alter: Hm?

Da Vinci: We haven't detected any Singularities, not even a minute one, but we did pick something else up: a Foreigner.


Fujimaru 1: A Foreigner...!

Mash: You already knew about them, Senpai? I'm impressed.

Mash: The Foreigner class is listed as a type of, well, foreign being from outside this world...

Mash: They're not technically Heroic Spirits, but they're so similar that we're classifying them that way.


Fujimaru 2: A Foreigner...?

Mash: The special class of beings that we recently officially recognized as possessing Spirit Origins, Senpai.

Mash: I suggest thinking about them as, well, foreign beings from outside this world.

Mash: That said...I thought the conditions for the creation of a Foreigner were supposed to be complex, with very low odds of one actually manifesting...

Mash: Where is this Foreigner signal coming from? If we're talking about an alien, they seem to favor ending up in the U.S., right?

Da Vinci: Hmm. I suppose that's technically where it is. Hold on to your hats, 'cause the signal is originating from...

Da Vinci: ...Hawaii.

Da Vinci: Where's my reaction?

Mash: Hawaii...!?

Da Vinci: Oh there it is. That's right. The Hawaiian Islands.

Da Vinci: One of the most famous tourist destinations in the entire world.

Jeanne Alter: Is that true? You're sure there's a Foreigner in Hawaii?

Da Vinci: Sheba's Lens doesn't lie.

Da Vinci: Sorry to spring this on you so suddenly, but I'd like you all to head to Hawaii and take care of this.


Fujimaru 1: I'mma go get ready to Rayshift right now!

Da Vinci: Whoa there. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but you're getting ahead of yourself.


Fujimaru 2: But...my summer break...

Da Vinci: I'll make it up to you! How's an extra bonus sound?

Mash: Da Vinci, wait a moment...

Mash: You said Sheba only picked up a Foreigner, not a Singularity, right?

Mash: That would mean we can't Rayshift there, since doing so would violate regulations. So then, how are we supposed to get to Hawaii...?

Da Vinci: Simple. The old-fashioned way. Directly.

Mash: Directly...?

Da Vinci: Directly!

Da Vinci: We may not know who this Foreigner is, but we've covered all our bases pretty thoroughly!

Robin Hood: Hey, you guys done in here?

Mash: Oh, Robin. I didn't know you were here, too.

Robin Hood: Sure am. Lucky me. Figures me deciding not to visit the old homestead would backfire.

Ibaraki-Douji: Shuten! I don't see Shuten anywhere! Where is Shuten, Master!?


Fujimaru 1: Your guess is as good as mine.

Ibaraki-Douji: Ugh, you're useless! Fine then, I'll just go trash the place until I feel better!


Fujimaru 2: Probably off on break with the others.

Ibaraki-Douji: Don't be ridiculous! Shuten would never go on break without telling me! Grrr, something isn't right here...

Da Vinci: ...(Biting her tongue)

Da Vinci: Well, knowing Shuten-Douji, maybe she just heard about this Foreigner thing before we did and she's already headed to Hawaii to fight them.

Da Vinci: She does like to torment newcomers, you know. I don't think she'd just let someone waltz in here without making them really work for it.

Ibaraki-Douji: Hmm, true, Shuten is merciless with her hazing, and she's never cared much about people's boundaries.

Da Vinci: You can say that again. So on that note, Ibaraki-Douji, I'd love for you to come along to Hawaii.

Ibaraki-Douji: If you insist, I guess. Hey, what's the weather like in Hawaii? Hot? Cold?

Da Vinci: How can you not know that!? Hawaii is in the tropics! It's blazing hot there!

Ibaraki-Douji:

The tropics!

Ibaraki-Douji: Then, that means...

Ibaraki-Douji: ...I can wear one of those swimsuit thingies Scáthach and Tamamo were talking about!

Ibaraki-Douji: Okay! I'm gonna go get ready to leave right now!

Ushiwakamaru: ...Don't we need to tamper with our Spirit Origins to properly change into swimsuits?


Fujimaru 1: Maybe she could just make do with her Morph skill?

Ushiwakamaru: Hmm, good point. I suppose an oni would be able to do that... Must be handy at times like this.


Fujimaru 2: Maybe she already asked Scáthach for help?

Mash: I could see that.

Robin Hood: So, Da Vinci.

Robin Hood: Just to be clear, we're only talking Fujimaru, Mash, and the rest of us here right now, right?

Da Vinci: Yup. You guys should be able to take care of it. Now, there's just the little matter of transportation...

Mash: I assume we'll be traveling by plane?

Da Vinci: Well, we can't exactly have you all taking off from here.

Da Vinci: Especially not with Fujimaru around.


Fujimaru 1: Me?

Da Vinci: I know it's easy to forget, but remember, Chaldea's technically a top secret organization. Letting you just walk out of here would cause all sorts of problems.

Da Vinci: We can pass all the Servants off as familiars to Chaldea's staff...

Da Vinci: ...but if we tried to use Chaldea's own transport, we'd never hear the end of it from the Mage's Association.

Da Vinci: So I talked it over with Holmes, and we came up with a solution.

Da Vinci: Ushiwakamaru!

Ushiwakamaru: It shall be done. Master, please close your eyes.


Fujimaru 1: Huh?


Fujimaru 2: Wh-what's going on!?

Da Vinci: The first step of our secret plan: you keep this blindfold on until you get to Hawaii!

Da Vinci: The second step of our secret plan: since we can't use Chaldea's own transport...

Da Vinci: ...we'll just have to fly commercially!

Mash: F-fly commercially!?

Da Vinci: Yup. All the Servants will use their spirit forms, and–

Jeanne Alter: No.

Da Vinci: ...I'm sorry?

Jeanne Alter: No, I'm not using my spirit form. We're taking an airplane, right?

Jeanne Alter: Then we're riding as passengers. All of us.

Da Vinci: ...Oookay. Didn't see that one coming. I need you to think this through.

Da Vinci: For example, that outfit of yours? You don't have a chance in hell of getting through airport security.

Jeanne Alter: So we'll figure something out!

Jeanne Alter: It's a freaking jumbo jet made with all that fancy modern technology crap, right?

Jeanne Alter: And you think I'm gonna miss out on that by coming in spirit form? Are you an idiot?

Ibaraki-Douji: Miss out!? I'm not missing out on ANYTHING fun!!!

Robin Hood: (Uh-oh... I can see where this is going. I'm starting to feel like a teacher trying to wrangle kids on a field trip.)

Ushiwakamaru: I will go along with whatever Master Fujimaru wishes.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Although, if I am being honest...I too would be curious to experience an airplane for myself...

Da Vinci: Hmm... I suppose we could use a charm spell to cover up their outfits... That way, if they temporarily put their weapons into spirit form...


Fujimaru 1: I guess there's only so much even a genius can do sometimes, huh?

Da Vinci: Well, frankly...yes! But I'll figure something out!


Fujimaru 2: A genius like you can do it!

Da Vinci: Hahahaha, you know just what to say to me now, don't you!

Da Vinci: All right then, let's make some wishes come true!

Jeanne Alter: Heh. Now that's more like it!

Jeanne Alter: You're a lot less of a pain than I expected, artist woman.

Ibaraki-Douji: The tropics, huh...

Ibaraki-Douji: That's where they have...er, cocoyas? And other delicious fruits, right?

Ibaraki-Douji: Mash! Green guy! Look them up for me, and I'll go pick them all the moment we land! Hahaha!

Robin Hood: Okay, usually, I'd be happy to oblige, but you really oughta do that yourself.

Robin Hood: That's where the fun of a trip is. That, and the anticipation. You've never been on one before, right?

Robin Hood: Then you should bring along a guidebook and read that on the plane. You're a lot smarter than you look, so put that brain of yours to work for you.

Ibaraki-Douji: I see. Normally if someone dared to tell me what to do, they would get my Great Grudge of Rashomon to the face, but you're making sense, green guy.

Ibaraki-Douji: Guidebook, guidebook... Where's the guidebook?

Ushiwakamaru: How diligent of you, especially for an oni. For my part, I've already read and memorized it.

Ushiwakamaru: Now that I know all of Hawaii's best spots, it is just a matter of how much time we can spend there.

Ushiwakamaru: So the sooner we can wring this Foreigner's neck, the more leisure time we will have.

Ushiwakamaru: What do you think, Master? If you like, I could even leap over eight planes just like I did the ships at Dan-no–

Da Vinci: Ahem! I trust this goes without saying, but just in case, once you're on the plane, there's to be NO use of weapons, and NO trouble whatsoever!

Da Vinci: If there is, I'll immediately hypnotize everyone on the plane, force you into your spirit forms, and make it impossible to turn back until you reach Hawaii.

Da Vinci: Is that clear?

Da Vinci: I said, is that clear!?

All: Crystal!

Da Vinci: Phew. You Servants are nothing if not a handful!

Mash: I know how you feel...all too well...

Da Vinci: But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Da Vinci: The important thing is that you're all raring to go. And lucky for us, there's even a Chaldea branch in Hawaii!

Da Vinci: Once you've defeated the Foreigner, you'll be free to make the most of your paid vacation!


Fujimaru 1: I'll do my best!


Fujimaru 2: Wooo! Aloha, baby!

Mash: We've Rayshifted to all sorts of places and time periods, but the tropics...Hawaii...that's new!

Mash: I hear many of the locals have a strong connection to other languages like Japanese too.

Mash: They also have lots of great restaurants with delicious food, and–

Mash: ...Oops. Sorry, I almost forgot about the Foreigner we're supposed to investigate.

Mash: We'll need to make sure we stay focused on the task at hand even if no one else does, Master!

Ushiwakamaru: Master, which swimsuit do you prefer!?

Ushiwakamaru: You'll also need a snorkel if you're to go swimming in the sea.

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, and clothes for at least a few days...

Mash: ...S-stay focused, Master!

Da Vinci: All right, Fujimaru.

Da Vinci: I'm going to cast a little spell on your blindfold to make sure you keep it on until you get there.

Da Vinci: Don't worry, Mash will make sure you arrive safely.

Mash: Right. Here, Senpai, hold my hand.

Da Vinci: Okay, off you go! Don't forget to send me a postcard!


Fujimaru 1: ...


Fujimaru 1: ...

Mash: Thanks for hanging in there, Senpai. Now it's just one nonstop flight to Hawaii.

Mash: I'm sorry I got us stuck in economy seating by losing at rock paper scissors...

Mash: ...but I'm really, really excited about getting to talk to you on the airplane!

Ibaraki-Douji: These portions are too small! I require more! MORE!

Robin Hood: 'Scuse me, miss, could we get another one of those coconut ice cream bars? Awesome, thanks.

Robin Hood: Here, and that's the last one you get. 'Member, if you stuff your face too much, it'll end up freezing and you'll be stuck looking like a chipmunk.

Ibaraki-Douji: A chipmunk! Well...they're cute with their fuzzy little cheeks... Er, but I am an oni, not a small, furry animal! I can stuff my face as much as I want!

Ushiwakamaru: Is there anything I can do for you, Master?

Ushiwakamaru: ...O-oh, right. You aren't my Master now, are you?

Ushiwakamaru: Very well then, I shall call you [♂ Lord /♀ Lady] Fujimaru. ...Huh? That doesn't work, either?

Ushiwakamaru: Th-then...I-I should just call you...Fujimaru? Isn't that a little embarrassing?

Mash: Not at all! It's the best thing you could do under the circumstances! Also, you shouldn't be out of your seat like that.

Ushiwakamaru: Oh. Now that you mention it, I guess we are the only ones walking around the plane... I'll be careful.


Fujimaru 1: Someone has been conspicuously quiet...


Fujimaru 2: Where's Jeanne Alter?

Mash: Alter won our rock paper scissors game, so she's living it up in first class.

Ibaraki-Douji: Another!

Robin Hood: Already!?

Ibaraki-Douji: Hahaha! There's no telling what this mysterious battlefield ahead may hold! We should feast our fill while we still can!

Robin Hood: How many times do I gotta tell you!? You're not gonna get any magical energy from ice cream, no matter how much you eat!

Robin Hood: Oh, sorry 'bout that, miss. Don't mind us.


Fujimaru 1: Just listening to them makes me smile...

Mash: Hehe, same here.


Fujimaru 2: Just listening to them makes my stomach hurt...

Mash: It's okay, Senpai. Robin has it under control.

Mash: We'll be landing in Hawaii soon. The captain just made the announcement.

Mash: ...Um, Senpai? Would it be okay if I held your hand? I've never been on an airplane before, so I'm a little nervous...

Mash: We're here!

Ibaraki-Douji: That airplane thing wasn't half bad! And the food was great!

Robin Hood: You devoured half their store of dessert on your own... I can still feel that flight attendant's glare.

Robin Hood: Thanks to you, I never got a chance to ask her about Hawaii, let alone try to pick her up.

Robin Hood: Well, at least we made it here safely. Part of me thought we'd crash before ever seeing land again.

Robin Hood: ...Hm? Hey Mash, you sure this is the right airport?

Mash: Uh, yes, I'm fairly sure this is the Daniel K. Inouye International Airport on Oahu...

Mash: That said, it doesn't really look like the pictures... And we still haven't gone through customs...

Ushiwakamaru: Customs... Is that like a checkpoint? If so, would we not find it by the airport's entrance?

Ushiwakamaru: Don't worry, our passports are all in order.

Ushiwakamaru: And Lady Da Vinci told me to just say “sightseeing” if the customs people ask us why we're here!

Mash: R-right, good point. We should be able to see if anything is awry once we're outsi–

Jeanne Alter: ...Are you freakin' kidding, Mash? Don't tell me the tropical heat's already getting to you?

Jeanne Alter: Did you not stop and think that the Foreigner could just be messing with us?


Fujimaru 1: Looking...good...!


Fujimaru 2: (She must've stayed up all night putting that outfit together...!)

Mash: ... ...

Mash: Uh, yes. That's a good point.

Robin Hood: Well, that was direct. Guess she's a bit brighter than I thought.

Jeanne Alter: Shut up, Greenie.

Jeanne Alter: Listen up. We're in enemy territory now. Drop your guard, even for a second, and we could all end up dead!

Jeanne Alter: Whatever BS we feed customs, we're not actually here for sightseeing. Got that?

Ushiwakamaru: ...Well, yes, I suppose that's true.

Jeanne Alter: Remember, we're up against a Foreigner–a monster from a whole other world. We gotta be ready to go all out as soon as we find it.

Jeanne Alter: And that means...? Exactly.

Jeanne Alter: We need to get in touch with Chaldea's Hawaiian office and assess the situation ASAP!

Ibaraki-Douji: What is she talking about, Fujimaru? And why is she dressed...like that?

Ibaraki-Douji: Is that her swimsuit? But...why is she carrying THREE katana? Is...is it just because they look cool?

Jeanne Alter:

!

Mash: (I guess oni don't beat around the bush...)

Robin Hood: (Guess that's a Berserker for you. I don't think she even knows how to be subtle.)

Jeanne Alter: ...Hmph.

Jeanne Alter: We're in Hawaii, right? This is just how people dress here.

Ibaraki-Douji: Yeah, I read the guidebook, so I understand what you're thinking. But did you have to change already?

Ibaraki-Douji: We're supposed to be passing ourselves off as ordinary people, right? Don't you think brandishing weapons in an airport will draw suspicion?

Jeanne Alter:

Why is she the one lampshading this!?

Robin Hood: (Has she no heart!? Oh, right. Oni.)

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter:

Never mind all that! Just hurry up and change already! All of you!

Ushiwakamaru: (She is clearly trying to bull-rush her way past all of this. As if that will fool anybody.)

Mash: N-no, we'll be changing later. I'm going to try and get in touch with Chaldea's Hawaiian office first.

Ushiwakamaru: Master, I'm going to go exchange some of our money for US dollars.

Ushiwakamaru: Not to worry, I have already learned the proper procedure for doing so!


Fujimaru 1: Ushiwakamaru doesn't waste any time getting down to business...


Fujimaru 2: So helpful... So this is what having an assistant is like...

Mash: I guess Ushiwakamaru takes her job just as seriously no matter where she goes.

Mash: ...H-huh? I still can't seem to get a connection.

Mash: The line is open, but I'm not getting any response... Maybe there's an emergency.

Mash: I'm sorry to leave Ushiwakamaru behind, but I think we should head outside now, Master!


Fujimaru 1: We still need to go through customs, right?


Fujimaru 2: I think customs fingerprints you these days...

H:???: Heh heh heh. You don't still think the normal rules apply here, do you?

H:???: Don't worry, you don't have to go through all that boring rigmarole. After all...

H:???: ...anyone is welcome on this island, but no one can ever leave...

H:???: That is the hellish paradise you have stumbled into, Sen...pai♡


Fujimaru 1: I-I recognize that demonic kouhai-ish voice...!

Mash: Kouhai...?

H:Ultracute Guide: Hellooo. One pitiful Master and five Servants? Right this way, pleeease☆

H:Ultracute Guide: Oh, do you still need me to introduce myself? What am I saying, of course you do!

H:Ultracute Guide: Okay, here goes nothing!

H:Ultracute Guide: Hotter than the hottest sun, purer than the deep blue sea, it's everyone's favoritest idol...BB!

H:Ultracute Guide: Super AI and Moon Cancer extraordinaire, here to cheer her senpai AND make her swimsuit debut!

Mash: You're BB...!?

Mash: The same BB who just showed up one day as a Servant in Chaldea and does nothing but play pranks and claim to be capable of anything!?

BB: Yep! That's me! I got here early for this excursion so I could show the rest of you around.

BB: In faaact...

Ushiwakamaru: Maaaster! Something is terribly wrong!

Ushiwakamaru: Look at this money! This isn't US currency!


Fujimaru 1: Wait. I recognize these markings...!


Fujimaru 2: Oh, this can't possibly end well!

Mash: Does this say...“In Gil we trust”...? What's going on? Is this some kind of sick joke?

Mash: This isn't the kind of money they use in Hawaii! What's the meaning of this, BB!?

BB: Heh heh heh, I'm so glad you asked, Mash. We don't often get to see you be so aggressive!

BB: I get it. Really, I do.

BB: You finally get to the tropical resort of your dreams, but once you're here it's one weird thing after another!

BB: Of course even mild-mannered Mash would get upset. But this is only the beginning.

BB: Hehehe. Hehehehe. Hehehehehehehehe!

Ibaraki-Douji: Gyaaah! An earthquake!?

Mash: Master, get outside, now!

Mash: Wh-what the...!?

BB: And now it all comes together! I know what you were thinking!

BB: “I wanna go sightseeing in Hawaii! I wanna kick back and relax in Honolulu!”

BB: Well, Fujimaru, as your luck would have it...

BB: ...there's nothing I enjoy more than making all your selfish dreams come true!

BB: Now get ready to have your minds blown! You're up, Singularity! Do your thing!

BB: ...Hehehe. Here you go, Senpai.

BB: I had to use all the resources I've been saving to make it, but now you have the resort of your dreams♡

BB: Here, you can enjoy anything you want. Thrills, chills, pleasures, debauchery, dreams, nightmares...aaanything.

BB: Welcome, everyone. As the ruler of this little island, I'm glad you can join me in the Luluhawa Singularity.

Six Days Until ServantFes

BB: Well, now that that's taken care of, I'll get out of your hair for now☆ Enjoy your trip, everyone!

BB: Hm? Why Luluhawa, you ask? Well, what would you call a mashup of Honolulu and Hawaii?

BB: I did my best to give our little stage here a cute name, so a little recognition for that would be nice!

Mash: Oh no. What did she do to the Hawaiian Islands...!? Come on Master, let's get outside and see for ourselves!

Mash: ...Well that's strange. Or rather...nothing is strange...

Mash: This is just how I always pictured Hawaii! Nothing seems the least bit out of place, Senpai!

Robin Hood: So, this is Hawaii, huh. And here I thought all it would be is just a really hot island.

Robin Hood: There's nice, warm sunlight...clean air...wide, spacious skies...!

Robin Hood: Man, I had no idea these resort places were so nice, Fujimaru!

Robin Hood: This place is perfect for making summer memories!

Ushiwakamaru: True... The ocean air here is brisk and refreshing...

Ushiwakamaru: The wind is nice and cool, while the sunlight is warm without being overbearing. It feels silly to even think about fighting here...

Ibaraki-Douji: Indeed. This place feels like they could be having festivals every day. I wonder if the people who live here are distinguished Kyoto citizens?

Jeanne Alter: ...Are you guys nuts? Do you not realize what's going on?

Jeanne Alter: Open your damn eyes and look, you morons! The islands of Oahu and Hawaii are jammed together!

Robin Hood: Huh? How can you tell?

Jeanne Alter: Look over there! Recognize Hawaii's Mauna Kea from the guidebook?

Jeanne Alter: The Daniel K. Inouye International Airport is on Oahu! We shouldn't even be able to see Mauna Kea from here!

Jeanne Alter: Oahu and Hawaii are over three hundred kilometers apart! It takes at least an hour to get there! By plane!


Fujimaru 1: Say whaaat!?

Mash: I'm detecting the Singularity now too! The whole of the Hawaiian Islands has become a Singularity!


Fujimaru 1: Of course it has!

Mash: ...Th-then, does this mean...

Mash: ...we haven't been able to contact Chaldea's Hawaiian office because we're in a Singularity now...?

Mash: Master, don't you think that's going a little too far, even for BB...!?

Robin Hood: Nope. This is about the sort of thing she'd do.

Robin Hood: She pretty much only acts on malice and a really twisted idea of good intentions.

Robin Hood: Think...like taking a Halloween party and turning it into an actual hellscape.

Mash: So, she causes trouble by going too far...meaning she tries to be kind, but misses the mark so badly it leads to disaster?

Ushiwakamaru: Now I see... That reminds me of something my brother used to say: “Stick your nose out too far and it's liable to get cut off.”


Fujimaru 1: So, I can't help but notice that guidebook's full of sticky notes.

Jeanne Alter: ...Freakin' sue me, then. There was a buncha stuff I wanted to bookmark.


Fujimaru 2: You must've really been looking forward to this, huh?

Jeanne Alter: Not really. Just did my homework like any sensible tourist should.

Jeanne Alter: ...Tch. Guess we don't have time to stand around gawking.

Jeanne Alter: Mash. Robin. Ushiwakamaru. Ibaraki. ...We've got company.

???: Cluck cluck.

Mash: Huh? Hang on. Isn't that...a chicken?

Jeanne Alter: Yes. Yes it is.

Jeanne Alter: That's one of Hawaii's specialties. The “sort of chicken you find anywhere” chicken.

Jeanne Alter: Now get your weapons ready!


Fujimaru 1: Are we really doing this!?

Chicken:

Cluck cluuuck!

--BATTLE--

Mash: That was...an exceptionally large chicken. I guess Hawaii is a good place to raise livestock.

Mash: Then again, maybe it's because of the Singularity...?

Ibaraki-Douji: (...That was no ordinary chicken. It was wreathed in an evil aroma I've never smelled before. Hmm...)

Ushiwakamaru: Wait! There's another enemy here! We must have missed one!

Ushiwakamaru: You're not going anywhere! I'll cut your head off where you stand!

???: Huh?

???: What's wrong, Master and company?


Fujimaru 1: Ushiwaka, stoooooop!

Ushiwakamaru: Yes, Master! I will stop this cretin in his tracks by separating his head from his shoulders!

???:

Bwa!?

???: Uh-oh! A pretty girl with killer eyes is out to get me! Pirate's Glory!

???: Phew, that was close.

Ibaraki-Douji: I could have sworn his head just dropped like overripe fruit from a tree...

Ibaraki-Douji:

!?

Blackbeard: What's the deal, Master? Can't we forego the violence now that we're in Hawaii?

Mash: Y-you're...!

Jeanne Alter: Huh? You're Edward Teach. What're you doing here?

Jeanne Alter: Oh, and if you so much as LOOK at me in my swimsuit, I'll cut your damn eyes out, you freakin' perv!

Blackbeard: Oho! A super aggressive girl who is all tsun and no dere...! What a rich bounty for an old otaku!

Ibaraki-Douji: I thought I understood modern slang, but not a word of that made any sense to me.

Robin Hood: Don't sweat it. You're better off, honestly.

Robin Hood: Still, though. What are you doing here, Blackbeard?

Robin Hood: ...Wait. Don't tell me...

Blackbeard: Oh, you mean you didn't know?

Blackbeard: I'm here for ServantFes.


Fujimaru 1: Sorry...for what?


Fujimaru 2: That sounds vaguely familiar...

Blackbeard:

Oh yeah.

Blackbeard: It's a regular get-together for Chaldean and non-Chaldean Servants.

Blackbeard: We schmooze, join clubs, make doujins, dance, sing, and generally enjoy ourselves. We call it:

Blackbeard: The Servant!

Blackbeard: Summer Star!

Blackbeard: Festival!

Blackbeard: Or ServantFes for short.

Ibaraki-Douji: Ohhh, so this is where ServantFes is happening this year! I was so focused on looking for Shuten that I forgot to check!

Mash: ...Master, I remember now! When we were talking to Kiyohime...

Kiyohime: Oh Maaasteeer.

Mash: What's up, Kiyohime? Is that...a swimsuit you're holding?

Kiyohime: Why yes, it is. I thought I would prepare for the destination ahead of time.

Kiyohime: All right Master, I'm going to go on ahead.

Kiyohime: I can't wait to see you there♡


Fujimaru 1: Uh, okay.


Fujimaru 2: Have a good trip!

Mash: So this is what she was talking about...


Fujimaru 1: No wonder my mornings have been so much more peaceful lately...


Fujimaru 2: Explains the lack of feeling stalked the last few days...

Mash: Putting that aside for the moment... Blackbeard, can you tell us more about ServantFes?

Mash: Uh, I mean, the Foreigner! What can you tell us about the Foreigner!?

Mash: That's the reason we came to Hawaii in the first place!

Blackbeard: Foreigner? Hmm, I don't think there was a club called “Foreigner”...

Blackbeard: Popular enough to have a wall booth? No? A newbie then? Hmm, sorry, never heard of stuff related to Foreigners.

Blackbeard: But why are we even talking about work now, anyway!? That's enough of that!

Blackbeard: ServantFes officially kicks off in six days! I can't wait!


Fujimaru 1: What happened to defending humanity!?

Blackbeard: Hey, come on! ServantFes is the stuff of dreams for Servants everywhere!

Blackbeard: One Servant releases photo books to show off her beauty...

Blackbeard: One Servant likes to sell DVDs of her horribad gatherings–sorry, “concerts”...

Blackbeard: One Servant likes to listen to others' tales of adventure to inspire his own novels...

Blackbeard: And one Servant is holed up in her hotel room, crying about how she'll never finish her script in time.

Robin Hood: That last one doesn't sound like the stuff of dreams.

Blackbeard: I'm afraid Batty made an unfortunate decision to start playing the new World of Wyverns expansion right before her deadline...

Osakabehime:

O-ohmigod, oh yes... It's so good... Can't stop...

Osakabehime: C-come on, hands, put down the controller! Please! I'm onegai-ing you here!


Fujimaru 1: Talk about digging your own grave...

Blackbeard: Well, she's not the only one. I'd bet most of the different clubs here are behind on their merch.

Blackbeard: That's what happens when you're busy being the hero we deserve, amirite!? Don't worry, they'll get them done sooner or later!

Blackbeard: Anyways, the Servants who didn't join any of the clubs are parlaying it into a normie vacation.

Mash: Now that you mention it, I do see a lot of other Servants arou–

Anastasia: GODDAMN HOT!


Fujimaru 1: Where'd that come from!?

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Yeah, that about fits.

Anastasia: Master, Master. Can you please do something about this heat!?


Fujimaru 1: Can't you just use your spirit form?

Anastasia:

That solves nothing!


Fujimaru 2: I think...you'll just have to take it off?

Anastasia: No respectable human being would agree to that, let alone a grand duchess such as myself. I decline.

Anastasia: ...I knew I should have known better than to trust Medb. (Sigh)... Goddammit...

Mash: ...Well, uh, between this Luluhawa Singularity and ServantFes, this is certainly a lot to take in...

Mash: ...but overall, I think this is good news, Master.

Mash: Whatever the circumstances, the fact remains that all your Servants are here on this island. If they all join forces, we shouldn't have any trouble taking on the Foreign–

Blackbeard: Uh, I don't think that's gonna work.

Robin Hood: Why not?

Robin Hood: We're talking about a Foreigner here. If we don't all take it on togeth–

Blackbeard: I hate to be “that” guy, but all the Servants here...

Blackbeard: ...have agreed that there won't be any real combat until ServantFes is over.

Mash: ...Wha...


Fujimaru 1: Say whaaat!?

--ARROW--


Fujimaru 1: Say whaaat!?

Blackbeard: If you're wondering why, you should ask BB.

Blackbeard: She's the one putting on this year's ServantFes.

H:All: Huh!?

BB: Hold up! Did I hear someone talking about me?

BB: Speak this cute little devil's name, and she doth appear! The return of BB♡ the eternal summer guide♡

Robin Hood: Gah, knock it off! One heart icon's more than enough!

BB: Yikes... Seriously, Robin? You come all this way to the tropics, and you're still being such a downer? Are you going through manopause or something...?

BB: I hate to say it, but everything about you screams “minor character,” so I don't think making yourself seem like an old fogy will win you any fans...

Robin Hood: Buzz off! I'm dancing with joy on the inside, all right!?

Robin Hood: I'd already be at the beach if it wasn't for the neckbeard here!

Jeanne Alter: All right, shut it. You. You said your name was BB?

Jeanne Alter: You're the one running ServantFes?

BB: Why yes! Yes, I am♡ Just this year's, though.

BB: See, I heard they were having trouble finding a convention center for this year's ServantFes, and I thought I could help.

BB: Turning all of Hawaii into a Singularity would make sure the Mystics stay secret, so now everyone can really cut loose!

BB: The Servants get to make the most of their time in Hawaii, and ServantFes gets to be bigger than ever before!

BB: And once ServantFes is over, the Singularity will disappear and the Hawaiian Islands will go right back to normal♡

BB: Everybody wins! Right? I might be chaotic-evil, but even I can do a good deed once in a while!

BB: Go on, give it up for me! That's it! Don't hold back now!

Ushiwakamaru: She does have a point... As far as I can tell, this island seems to be perfectly peaceful.

Blackbeard: Exactly. You won't find any mines at the beach or missiles at Diamond Head.

Blackbeard: We took great pains to look into that sort of thing ourselves. Trust me, there's nothing dangerous here!

BB: Of course not! This is both a con and an event designed to increase my appeal!

BB: That said, a plain old ServantFes would bring shame to the name BB!

BB: So, for this ServantFes, I've instituted a ranking system!

BB: Listen up! Once the festivities are underway in six days' time, I'll be rewarding the most popular club...

BB: ...with a Holy Grail! Tadaaa!

H:All: Seriously!?

BB: I AM the one putting on this con, so of course I'd have the authority to do that. Duh.

BB: And as a result, over half the Servants here at Luluhawa have said they're going to be joining clubs.

BB: Now, I have a question for you and your group, Fujimaru.

BB: What are you going to do while you're here?

BB: Don't worry, you don't have to make anything. You can just spectate if you want.

BB: After all, you can't have entertainment without creators and an audience!

BB: So go ahead and join a club, or just sit back and take it all in. It's up to you♡

BB: Though of course, the only way to get the Holy Grail will be by joining a club, so do keep that in mind.


Fujimaru 1: A Holy Grail... (Gulp)

BB: Right? Who wouldn't want a Holy Grail of their own! I love that kind of straightforward desire most!


Fujimaru 2: How are you at making books, Mash?

Mash: I've never made a book before. Chaldea never did have any arts and crafts programs...

Mash: I mean, I would certainly put my landscape and portrait paintings up against anyone else's, but...

Ushiwakamaru: Just a moment, Master. I am curious about this ServantFes as well, but our mission lies elsewhere.

Robin Hood: She's right. We're not here for a vacation. (Well, I am, but I still know I've got a job to do.)

Robin Hood: So I think it's best if we stick to being spectators. Right, Master?


Fujimaru 1: True. We'll be too busy with our mission.


Fujimaru 2: True. We'll be too busy with sightseeing.

BB: I see... Well that's too bad.

BB: Once ServantFes is over, we'll be announcing each club's total sales numbers, awarding the Holy Grail...

BB: ...and holding an awards ceremony to celebrate the most creative Servants.

Jeanne Alter: Hmph. Who gives a rat's ass about sales numbers? But hey, if you guys wanna get all worked up over nothing, go right ahead.

Jeanne Alter: Can't imagine the sorta Servants who'd go around joining clubs like that are worthwhile, anyway.

Jeanne Alter: So it's nothing we need to worry about. Right, Master?

Mash: ...By the way, is there a club that's expected to win?

BB: Yup! That'd be the club that won the last ServantFes by a landslide!

BB: St. Orleans, led by Jeanne and friends!

Jeanne Alter:

Wait, what!? The hell'd you just say!?

Jeanne Alter: HER!? Making doujins!? In a ServantFes club!?

Blackbeard: Oh, you mean you didn't know? Jeanne's huge at ServantFes.

Blackbeard: Last year, I think her club sold out of every doujin they made the day before the doors even opened!

Blackbeard: In fact, I already asked BB to ensure they put aside a copy of this year's doujin just for me...

Blackbeard: I don't know if it's all calculated or just a happy coincidence, but the way their cute art meshes with the intense story is just... (Chef's kiss)

Blackbeard: Like, that bit when the heroine had a cannon full of phones and fired it to confess her love for the hero?

Blackbeard: The way it ignores all the usual rom-com tropes made me think it might be a little too turn-of-century Orleans, but–

Jeanne Alter: ...do it.

Blackbeard: I'm sorry, what was that?

Jeanne Alter:

I said I'll do it!

Jeanne Alter: If she came in first, then she must be the one who drew that book!


Fujimaru 1: (“That book”...?)

Jeanne Alter: If that's the way it is, then fine! Me and Fujimaru'll make our own club!


Fujimaru 1: Wait, how'd I get dragged into this!?

Jeanne Alter: Hey! We're a team, right!?

Jeanne Alter: We'll call ourselves “Gespenst Ketzer”!


Fujimaru 1: Is that German?

Jeanne Alter: Yeah. Sounds pretty badass, doesn't it?


Fujimaru 2: What's that mean...?

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter: Something along the lines of “Heretical Monster”...?

BB: Theeere we go! Just the fish I'd hoped to land! Step right up, you two!

BB: There you go, your club's all registered! See you at section G-01 in six days!

BB: Feel free to bring in any kind of merch. Comics, novels, swimsuit magazines, tchotchkes, figurines...

Ushiwakamaru: In that case, I will join you as well, Master. Say the word, and it shall be done.

Ushiwakamaru: I believe it is high time I demonstrated there is more I can do than decapitate!

Ibaraki-Douji: Well, I'm not gonna join! Nope!

Ibaraki-Douji: Now that we're in Hawaii, the rest of you can go pound sand!

Ibaraki-Douji: I'm just here for the food! And to find Shuten!

BB: Okay, so that's a “no” from Ibaraki...

Ibaraki-Douji: See you around, Master!


Fujimaru 1: Uhhh...

Mash: Off she goes...

E:Robin Hood: I know oni are free-spirited, but yikes... Still, I can't say she's got the wrong idea.

E:Robin Hood: Think I'm gonna pass, too. Not spending my time at a tropical resort working hunched over a desk.

E:Robin Hood: I don't care about this club stuff, and I can't draw anyway.

BB: Are you sure about that?

BB: I mean, if Senpai's club doesn't do well, you're going to turn into a pig, you know?

E:Robin Hood: ... ...

E:Robin Hood: ...Why?

BB: Because I said so, of course!


Fujimaru 1: Why would you be smug about that?

BB: Okay Robin, I'll go ahead and cast the spell on you now to make sure you feel it.

BB: Sakura Beeeam! ...Wait, scratch that. Luluhawa☆Beeeam!

Robin Hood: Gah! You actually did it!

Robin Hood: What is this, a swimsuit!? It is, isn't it!? Dammit...you've got pretty good taste...

Robin Hood: Even worse, I certainly can't forget how I'll end up as a pig if Fujimaru's book doesn't do well...

Mash: What a dreadful spell...

BB: Don't worry! As long as your club actually makes a book, this spell won't activate!

BB: I have a lot of faith in your work ethic and abilities, Robin.

BB: You're the perfect man for looking after slovenly writers and inspiring unmotivated ones!

BB: I'd go so far as to say that, among Heroic Spirits, you are a comic editor born!

BB: So on that note, Robin, get to work! Don't you dare let Senpai down!

Robin Hood: Dammit, I knew I should've run for it as soon as we hit the tarmac...!

BB: Okay, Senpai, I can't wait to see what your club comes up with.

BB: Oh, and while I'm sure this goes without saying...

BB: ...ServantFes has some innocent children among its attendees, so make sure it's family-friendly!

Jeanne Alter: I don't do inappropriate, dumbass!

Blackbeard: Damn, you're gonna write and draw a whole book in a week? That's a hell of a thing.

Blackbeard: ...Well, since you're mostly Servants, I guess you could get one done a good bit faster than normal if you go without sleep...

Blackbeard: By the way, Alter, have you had any experience making doujins?

Jeanne Alter: No. Does that matter?

Blackbeard: None? What the hell, Dragon Witch? You think this shit is easy?

Mash: Y-you don't have any experience at all!? Don't you think that's kind of–

Jeanne Alter: No, I don't think it's easy! I know it's a ton of work!

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, I'm a beginner. I'm as green as they come. But SO WHAT!? I'm still gonna kick her ass!

Jeanne Alter: ...I have to.

Jeanne Alter: And if that means drawing a doujin or two, then you bet your ass I'm gonna draw the best damn doujin ever!

Blackbeard: ...Well, it's good that you're motivated, but if you think this is going to be easy, you're in for a rude awakening...

Blackbeard: (Sigh) Good grief. Are you sure you're going to be okay, Master?


Fujimaru 1: ...I'll figure something out...

Blackbeard: Figure something out? There aren't even any copy services around here we could use... (Sigh)... It's not easy, being a Good Samaritan...


Fujimaru 2: Not even a little. Please help.

Blackbeard: Yeah, that sounds about right! I like your honesty!

Blackbeard: All right, guess I've got no other choice.

Blackbeard: I'll be your doujin master, pirate Servant style!

Jeanne Alter: ...Oh, so that's how it is, huh? You wanna get skewered like meat over a bonfire?

Blackbeard: Hell yeah! I'm a pirate first and foremost, after all!

Blackbeard: If you want my insider tips, you'll have to beat them out of me!

Blackbeard: O Captain, my Captain!

Blackbeard: I think, therefore I'm kick-ass! Come on, let's do this thing!


Fujimaru 1: Oh yeah. You're a real philosopher...

--BATTLE--

Blackbeard:

Guh!

Jeanne Alter: All right! We won!

Blackbeard: ...But...the only one who can beat me...is me...


Fujimaru 1: That doesn't work without his voice.

Blackbeard: Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.


Fujimaru 2: You're not fooling anyone, you know.

Blackbeard: Well, that's just not nice.

Blackbeard: Anyway, since you won, I'll keep my word and help you out.

Blackbeard: Start by heading for that hotel over there. It's one of Waikiki's finest.

Blackbeard: If you hurry, you'll be able to get the special ServantFes deal of a hundred thousand BB Bucks a night!


Fujimaru 1: I have no idea if that's a good deal.

Blackbeard: Anyway, that's your only option. All the other hotels are completely booked because ServantFes.

Ushiwakamaru: So those are the only lodgings available to us, hmm. Although... Teach, that hotel over there...

Ushiwakamaru: Am I mistaken, or is that the Shelton, the single largest resort hotel in Waikiki?

Blackbeard: Ayup. I'd reserved a room there for me and my old pirate crew to have a bit of drunken revelry, but then that smarmy Bartholomew was all...

Blackbeard: “Sorry, Teach, but I already reserved the five-star place next door. If I see you at the con, you and I don't know each other, 'kay?”

Blackbeard: Guh, it still makes me mad! Anyway, that's why I'm not staying at that hotel myself now. Too fancy for me.

Ushiwakamaru: Wonderful! Thank you, Lord Teach! I had the wrong idea about you!

Ushiwakamaru: Come, Master, let us hurry there, before Lord Teach changes his mind!

Ushiwakamaru: We can rest assured that that hotel is a first-class institution!

Wake up! XX!


Fujimaru 1: Finally, we're at the hotel.


Fujimaru 2: Damn, this place is fancy!

Jekyll: Welcome to– Oh, it's you guys.


Fujimaru 1: What're you doing here!?

Jekyll: Say hello to Henry Jekyll, hotel manager! ...That is, for the duration of ServantFes, at least.

Jekyll: Somebody has to take care of the various administrative duties for an event like this if it is to go smoothly.

Jeanne Alter: That so. Sounds like a lotta work. Anyway, we wanna check in.

Jekyll: Yes, of course. It looks like Blackbeard–er, Mr. Blackbeard reserved a suite. Is that acceptable?

Jeanne Alter: Hell yeah.

Jekyll: ...You do understand it's a penthouse?

Jeanne Alter: Kick-ass. Gotta love living in the lap of luxury.

Jekyll: Very good. Is that all right with you too, Master?


Fujimaru 1: I really don't think I need a sui–

Jeanne Alter: What, and make it so I've gotta call you all the way in another room if I need something? Screw that.


Fujimaru 2: Yes, we'll all be staying in the suite, please.

Jekyll: Very good. One of our bellhops will be with you shortly.

Jekyll: Yoohoo, Saber.

Mordred: What's up, Bean Sprout?

Jekyll: Hahaha, I'd appreciate you treating me with a little more respect, now that I'm your boss and all.

Mordred: Nope.

Mordred: Hey, just so you know, the suite is stupidly expensive, so don't trash the place or get into any fights in there or anything.

Jeanne Alter: ...Hah!

Jeanne Alter: You, telling us not to fight? Is that a pig I just saw flying outside?

Mordred: Bait me all you want, I'm still not gonna fight.

Mordred: And for the record, every single hotel is completely booked, so if we toss you out, you'll be spending ServantFes on the streets.

Jekyll: Now, now, Saber, no threatening our guests.

Mordred: Yeah, yeah.

Mordred: Oh, and one more thing: there's no room service.

Mordred: If you want something to eat, you'll have to come down to the lobby.

Jeanne Alter: What kind of half-assed operation are you running here!?

Mordred: The only ones here are me, Bean Sprout, and a few golems to carry luggage.

Mordred: But don't worry, we got some good eats here. I 'specially recommend the avocado toast.

Mordred: You can really taste the wheat in the bread they use.

Mash: Ooh, that does sound delicious. Come on, Senpai, let's go put our things in our room and then have lunch!


Fujimaru 1: Right on!

Mordred: Okay, here's your room keys. Oh, and one last thing.

Mordred: Don't go sneaking into other rooms, got it? Visiting with permission is one thing, but no sneaking around!


Fujimaru 1: What do you take me for!?

Mordred: ...Yeah, good point. Guess I don't gotta worry about you, do I.


Fujimaru 2: What about somebody sneaking into our room?

Mordred: THAT'S what you're worried about!?

Mordred: ...Well, uh...I think you'll be okay... Probably...

Marie: Oh, if it isn't the other Jeanne!

Jeanne Alter: Aw crap. It's Princess Sparkles.

Marie: Are you staying here, too?

Mash: Uh, yes, we are. You are too, Marie?

Marie: Oh yes. Jeanne and I are sharing a room!

Marie: We just got to the best part of our work, too!

Jeanne Alter: Work? What work...?

Marie: Oh, did I not tell you? We're making a book together for ServantFes!

Jeanne Alter: ...Figures. I knew she couldn't have drawn a story like that on her own.

Jeanne Alter: So you're in cahoots with her, huh?

Marie: Cahoots...? Oh, you mean you thought our story was a hoot?

Marie: Thank you! That means a lot, coming from you. Vive la France!

Marie: Are you here for ServantFes too, Alter? When we finish with our books, we should each give the other a copy!

Jeanne Alter: Hell yeah. Tell her to brace herself, 'cause when we're done with ours, she won't know what hit her.

Ushiwakamaru: (Whispering) Master, it would probably be better not to mention we still don't know the first thing about drawing doujin.


Fujimaru 1: You can say that again. ...Oh, but don't.

Mash: All right, Master, why don't we go to our room, too?

Mash: I can't wait to see what our suite is like!

Ibaraki-Douji: Master! Are you here, Master!?


Fujimaru 1: What's up?

Mash: Ibaraki...? I thought you went off to look for Shuten?

Ibaraki-Douji: That was before I realized something crucial!

Ibaraki-Douji:

Where's MY swimsuit!?

Mash: Huh?

Ibaraki-Douji: I can't go swimming dressed like this! Trust me, I tried!

Mash: I, uh, I see. What about your Morph skill? Did you try that?

Ibaraki-Douji: Don't be stupid! How can I change myself into a swimsuit when I don't even know what my swimsuit looks like!?

Ibaraki-Douji: Besides, you're my Master. Shouldn't finding me an appropriate swimsuit be your job!?

Ibaraki-Douji: Well? Come on. Come on. Come on!


Fujimaru 1: I'm sorry, I can't...!

Ibaraki-Douji: Why do you apologize?

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Wait. Does this mean I can't wear a swimsuit?

Ushiwakamaru: ...No more pestering our Master, Ibaraki-Douji.

Ushiwakamaru: You have no one to blame but yourself for not asking Lady Scáthach ahead of time.

Ushiwakamaru: There are only so many Servants who can tamper with their Spirit Origins, after all.

Ushiwakamaru: All of that is to say...

Ibaraki-Douji: Wh-wh-wha...

Ushiwakamaru: You should have thought ahead and planned accordingly, as I did.

Ushiwakamaru: It's not right to blame Master for this, Ibaraki.

Ibaraki-Douji:

When did you change into that getup!?

Ushiwakamaru: What do you think, Master?


Fujimaru 1: You look badass.

Ushiwakamaru: Thank you, Master!

Ushiwakamaru: I certainly feel much lighter in this outfit... It reminds me of the time I spent training on Mt. Kurama!


Fujimaru 2: You look beautiful.

Ushiwakamaru: Thank you, Master. Indeed, I'm told this swimsuit is patterned after a beautiful katana.

Ushiwakamaru: I certainly feel much lighter in it. It reminds me of the time I spent training on Mt. Kurama!

Ibaraki-Douji: W-w-well, so what!? I actually own a mountain! So there!


Fujimaru 1: Now I feel bad for her...

Ushiwakamaru: You are very kind, Master. Personally, I feel that she made her bed, and should lie in it. But I will respect your wishes.

Mash: Why don't we talk to Scáthach about a swimsuit for Ibaraki the next time we see her?

Mash: I'm sure that will cheer her up.


Fujimaru 2: Guess I'd better go consult Scáthach...

Mash: That's a good idea. Although, I'm not sure if she is even here in Luluhawa.

Ushiwakamaru: But never mind that now, Master. You still need to see your room!


Fujimaru 1: Oh, right!


Fujimaru 1: This is really nice...

Fou: Fou... Fouuu.


Fujimaru 1: Let's go see what the view's like from the balcony.


Fujimaru 1: The weather's gorgeous, too!


Fujimaru 1: And look at that beautiful beach!


Fujimaru 1: Wow, they've even got shooting stars here!

Fou:

Fooou!?

Mash: Master, come quickly! I picked up the Foreigner's signal!

Mash: I think the shooting star you just saw was the Foreigner!


Fujimaru 1: Wow, that was fast!

--ARROW--

Katsushika Hokusai: Aah! Toto-sama!? You already bit the dust!?

Katsushika Hokusai: Wait. Crap. I think I'm getting dizzy too...! Hey, you! Who the hell do ya think you are...!?

G:???: None of your business! Die, Foreigner!

Katsushika Hokusai:

Aaaaaaaaahhh!

Robin Hood: Aw man, the Foreigner really did show up!

Ushiwakamaru: Yes, I've just confirmed it! That mysterious object crash-landed at Waikiki Street!


Fujimaru 1: Come on, everyone, let's go!


Fujimaru 2: Apropos of nothing, I noticed you changed too, Mash!

Mash: Y-yes, I did. My other outfit is made for Chaldea, so...

Robin Hood: Ah, get the stick out of your ass, Master.

Robin Hood: Let's just kick this thing's ass, then go enjoy our vacation!

Jeanne Alter: And our doujin! Don't you dare forget the doujin we need to make!

Mash: Is that...BB!?

Ushiwakamaru: It looks like the Foreigner is fighting her...

BB: Oh, Fujimaru! Perfect timing!

BB: A mysterious Servant crash-landed here and is going around wrecking everything!

BB: I'd love to deal with them myself, but I'm using all my amazing powers to keep the tourists safe.

BB: Besides, I don't wanna ruin my swimsuit in a fight! Come on, help me out here!

Ushiwakamaru: Your misplaced concerns about your swimsuit aside, I commend your initiative in keeping the other people safe! Rest assured, we will handle this villain!

Ushiwakamaru: Be ready, Robin, Mash! Our enemy is about to emerge from the smoke!

???: ...Illegal Servants detected! Existence forbidden. Executing all targets.

Mash: Huh?

Ushiwakamaru: Hm?

Robin Hood: ...(Agape)

Jeanne Alter: Plate armor?


Fujimaru 1: Me... Me...


Fujimaru 2: Ro... Ro...

BB: It's a mecha! No, it's a robot!

BB: But this really isn't the time to worry about that! I've never seen that Servant's Spirit Origin before!

BB: What's more, it's dead set on killing everything in sight! Take it out before it hurts any innocent bystanders!

???: ...Destroy. ...Destroy!


Fujimaru 1: Come on, everyone! Let's do this!

--BATTLE--

???: ...Shift ended. Terminating combat.

???: Do not think this is over. Primitive life-forms. This convention will not stand.

???: I promise you. On my honor as a Foreigner. I will crush ServantFes!

Mash: The enemy Foreigner transformed and rolled ou–I mean, flew away!

Mash: I can't track her!

Robin Hood: Oh, fan-freakin'-tastic. Just what we need. Another powerful enemy with crazy weapons.

Robin Hood: Good thing BB threw up that barrier in time, or this whole area would be rubble...

Ushiwakamaru: So that is the Foreigner... She seemed...different from Lady Abby or Lady Hokusai. If anything...

Ushiwakamaru: ...it felt like she was closer to that mysterious Servant...

BB: Hmmhmm, so that's the Foreigner everyone's been talking about, huh.

BB: Mind filling little old me in about what's going on, Senpai?


Fujimaru 1: Well... (Deliver exposition)

BB: Now I see...

BB: I had no idea that was going down while I was getting ready to toy with–I mean, reward you for all your hard work...

BB: So, I get that this Foreigner is a visitor from outer space with a special Spirit Origin, and that she's an existential threat to mankind...

BB: ...but I don't get why she showed up here at my Luluhawa...

Jeanne Alter: Eh, she's probably just throwing a jealous tantrum after she saw how much fun we're having.

Robin Hood:

Hmm, makes sense. Especially coming from a nerd like you.

BB: But hey, now that you drove her off, Senpai, we have nothing to worry about!

BB: Sure, it sounded like she'll probably come back at some point, but you can just send her packing again, right? I mean, that IS your job and all.

BB: So I'm trusting you guys to handle that. Remember, ServantFes is in your hands♡

Mash: ...And BB disappeared again. She certainly likes to come and go as she pleases...

Mash: Still, it is lucky that we ran into the Foreigner so soon after we got here.

Mash: And since it looks to be very likely that she'll show up of her own accord again...

Mash: ...I think the smart thing for us to do would be to set ourselves up here on Waikiki Street and wait for her to appear while we investigate Luluhawa.

Jeanne Alter: ...

Jeanne Alter: (The hell was that thing...? I can't possibly make them let me focus on the doujin now...)

Robin Hood: Hang on now, let's not go forgetting about ServantFes. I've got a lot riding on our success here.

Robin Hood: Basically, we've just gotta make a book, right? So let's just slap some photos of Luluhawa into an album and make a guidebook or something.

Jeanne Alter: Are you nuts!? We can't possibly win with some half-assed entry like that!

Robin Hood: That's where you're wrong, missy. Creative endeavors start small! You think your first novel could be your magnum opus? Or your first painting would be a masterpiece? Or your first game a smash hit? No way!

Robin Hood: As the manager of this operation, my first order of business is this: we've gotta polish our skills, refine our sensibilities, and find inspiration wherever we can!

Robin Hood: If we explore Luluhawa, we can look for leads on this Foreigner, collect reference material, and learn the tricks of the trade!

Robin Hood: Personally, I think that's the way to go. What do you think, Dragon Witch?

Jeanne Alter: Khh... Fine. You're right. I admit, we don't know jack as far as drawing doujin is concerned.

Jeanne Alter: We'll scrounge up all the BB Bucks or Gil Bucks we can, buy art supplies, and go look for stuff we want to draw.

Jeanne Alter: Got that, Fujimaru?

Jeanne Alter: The success of Gespenst Ketzer is riding on your shoulders.

Jeanne Alter: As our Master, it's your job to train us and make sure we don't waste a single day!


Fujimaru 1: So you just need reference material, huh? Leave it to me!


Fujimaru 2: So you just want to go sightseeing, huh? Leave it to me!

Mash: That was a great Da Vinci impression, Senpai!

Sightseeing...for Research

Ushiwakamaru: Good morning, Master! No, scratch that! It's a beautiful morning, Master!

Ushiwakamaru: I can't put my finger on it, but there's just something...invigorating about this place!

Ushiwakamaru: I don't have many fond memories of the ocean, but I really like it here at Luluhawa. It's enough to make me want to go swimming!

Mash: Good morning, Senpai. Did you sleep well last night?

Mash: There was so much exciting commotion coming from Waikiki Street that I couldn't get to sleep myself...

Mash: It looks like they hold a festival every night. It's so peaceful, and there's laughter everywhere you go...

Mash: I guess this is just what life in the tropics is like. I can see why so many people come here to unwind.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, it made my walk last night a real drag.

Jeanne Alter: There were so many people on the streets, I couldn't get so much as one decent photo, even after midnight.

Robin Hood: Morning. Now that we're all here, let's head down to the lobby.

Robin Hood: We should grab ourselves a table for the breakfast buffet before they all fill up.

Mash: Oh wow...!


Fujimaru 1: This place is huuuge!


Fujimaru 2: Everything looks so good!

Robin Hood: Damn, they got everything here. American, Italian, Japanese, and everything in between!

Robin Hood: Mmm, and it all tastes as good as it looks! Hell, maybe even better! Here Master, you gotta try this.

Robin Hood: See? Pretty damn good, right? I've never had better banana syrup in my life!

Ushiwakamaru: Ooh, so this is their bacon. Mmm, smells so good. And it's twice as big as what they serve at Chaldea...

Ushiwakamaru: Very salty, though. I wonder if having so much salt at once is a good idea...

Ushiwakamaru: Aw, why not! We're on vacation, after all! Plus, there's no Benkei here to nag me about my cholesterol! All right, it's meat time!

Mash: Here's a table, Senpai. Don't worry about coffee; the server will pour it for us.


Fujimaru 1: Wow, we have an ocean view, too.


Fujimaru 2: These sounds of the ocean are so soothing...

Boudica: Morning, Fujimaru, Mash. I see you're here on vacation.

Mash: Boudica! Good morning. Are you here on vacation, too?

Boudica: Hmm, yes and no? Vacation's part of it, but I'm also here on business.

Boudica: You know the Fluffy-Eared Queen? She talked me into working as a chef here. And I'm not the only one.

Tamamo Cat: That she's not!

Tamamo Cat: Usually this cat's much more pawticular about how she prepares her carrots, but in this joint, it's all about quantity over quality.

Tamamo Cat: After all, this cat's also a maid, and here in Luluhawa, buffets are what's MAID to order!

Robin Hood: Hm? Red Mantle isn't here? Weird. I'd have thought he'd be the first in line for a chef job...

Robin Hood: Well, either way, I've got no complaints about the nosh. So from now on, we'll be starting every day with breakfast right here!

Robin Hood: They say it's the most important meal of the day and all, so tucking in here oughta give us plenty of energy for the rest of the day.

Robin Hood: As for what we do during the day, that's up to Master. We could hang out at the beach, go shopping...

Robin Hood: It's only our second day here, so whatever we want to do, we have plenty of time. It's important that we just relax and enjoy Luluhawa.


Fujimaru 1: Sounds like a plan.


Fujimaru 2: You okay with that, Alter?

Jeanne Alter: That's fine during the day. But at night, we meet back up at the hotel.

Jeanne Alter: I've got a lot of stuff to look up, and I want you guys snapping photos like there's no tomorrow in the meantime.

Mash: Don't worry, Alter. I've got it well in hand.

Mash: I thought something like this might happen, so I made sure to bring along a top-of-the-line camera.

Mash: If it's photos you want, then photos you'll get! Luluhawa landscapes... Senpai hiking up a mountain...

Mash: Senpai diving into the ocean... Senpai getting on the bus... Senpai eating a waffle dog...

Jeanne Alter: Uh...yeah. I got it. Anyway, it's great that you're fired up about this, Mash. You can handle taking photos, then.

Mash: Roger that! Okay Senpai, let's go begin our expedition.

Mash: I recommend we start with Diamond Head Beach and Diamond Head itself!

An Aloha Guy Arrives in Hawaii

Elisabeth: Hm? You wanna know how to make doujin? You really signed up for ServantFes without even knowing that?

Elisabeth: Heh, that's either really brave, or really reckless. Reminds me of how bad last year's Halloween got.

Elisabeth: But that's okay with me. I like a little recklessness.

Elisabeth: All right, as a fellow Anti-Hero...of sorts, I'll offer you a word of advice.

Elisabeth: I don't know what sort of story you're looking to draw, but you can't just go right to a printer with a draft.

Elisabeth: First, you need to actually make an appointment to see the printer.

Elisabeth: Your schedule's already pretty packed, right? Trust me, I know. Mine's wound tighter than a boa constrictor.

Elisabeth: There's pretty much no chance of you sending your draft to the printer before the very last second, so if I were you, I'd go meet them while I still could.

Elisabeth: You'll find them right arooound...here, between Waikiki Street and the airport.

Elisabeth: I recommend taking the bus over a taxi. Seriously, Waikiki's public transport is awesome.

Jeanne Alter: ...So I took her advice and went down to the printer, but the owner wasn't there.

Ushiwakamaru: Hm? I don't suppose that is the owner there?

Ushiwakamaru: He certainly looks the part, and his dress could not be more Hawaiian.

Mash: Who are you talking about?


Fujimaru 1: Maybe...he's a tourist...?


Fujimaru 2: I'm getting some serious déjà vu here...

Mash: Well, there's one surefire way to find out. Alohaaa!


Fujimaru 1: Alohaaa.

Aloha Guy: Aloha, youngsters. I say, is it just me, or is there something strange about Hawaii lately?

Mash: Well, uh, yes, you could certainly say that.

Aloha Guy: I knew it.

Aloha Guy: You see, my homuncu–er, attendants were just telling me:

Aloha Guy: “Aw man, we've gotta shut down soon, huh. If only we could take a paid vacation to Hawaii, just once...”

Aloha Guy: They were rather enthusiastic about it, in fact.

Aloha Guy: At any rate, I came here to take a look at the Hawaiian branch of the organization I aim to acquire one day...

Aloha Guy: ...but there's clearly something else strange going on here right now. For example, who are all those strange people mixed in among the regular tourists?

Ushiwakamaru: I believe it is because of ServantFes, portly one.

Aloha Guy: ...Ah, now I see. A large-scale convention for “those” sorts, eh.

Aloha Guy: Well, that just won't do. My danger sense is going absolutely berserk!

Aloha Guy: Hey, you lot! We're going back to my northern summer home! We'll scope out Diamond Head Beach some other time!

Aloha Guy: Hmph. A perfectly good Hawaiian outfit to blend in with the locals, wasted...

Jeanne Alter: ...Guess that guy didn't own the printer. Just another tourist.


Fujimaru 1: He still looks oddly familiar, though.

Mash: I think that's just the déjà vu.


Fujimaru 2: I wonder if we'll see him again at some point.

Robin Hood: Is that Clairvoyance talking?

Mash: No, I don't think it's that...

Jeanne Alter: Anyway, I don't think we're gonna find the owner around here...

Jeanne Alter: No point running ourselves ragged when we don't even know where to look, so I say we call it a day.

Jeanne Alter: I still want to check the printer out, but without a book to print, there's not much point. Long as we get the final draft done, the rest'll work itself out.


Fujimaru 1: Then let's go back to the hotel and brainstorm.

Jeanne Alter: Right on. We'll brainstorm until we figure out what kinda story we wanna write. If that works out, we can go right to the drawing and writing phase!


Fujimaru 2: We could also just make our own photocopies.

Jeanne Alter: Ulp... I was really hoping to avoid that, but I guess, if we've got no other choice... Then again...can we really get by with just photocopies?

Robin Hood: All right then, let's go back, have some dinner, and discuss story ideas. You guys go on ahead; I'll grab some grub for all of us and meet you there later.

Robin Hood: Hope you're ready for all the Luluhawan fruit-filled junk food you can eat.

I'm Not Embarrassed about Changing So Many Times

Robin Hood: All right, so this afternoon, we're gonna look for reference material at the beach! Woohoo!

Robin Hood: Alter said she had a bad feeling about the beach and went to the aquarium instead. Her loss!

Robin Hood: Take it all in, Master. Not a better beach to be found than this!

Robin Hood: I'm referring to the ocean. Obviously. Beautiful blue water, and not a speck of garbage anywhere on the glittering white sands.

Robin Hood: Sure, it's impossible to take pictures of it without taking photos of the people here too, but what're you gonna do? It's the beach!

Mash: There sure are a lot of Servants here... I don't think I even recognize all of them.

Robin Hood: Most of 'em are probably here for ServantFes. Hey, at least we won't have to worry about running out of subjects! Excellent!

Ushiwakamaru: Then let's start taking photos.


Fujimaru 1: We need to get permission first.

Mash: Of course. Although, I wonder who we should start with...

Mash: Oh...? That blonde woman over there...

Jeanne: Oh, hello, Mash. Hello, Fujimaru.

Jeanne: I didn't know you were all here too. Aloha!


Fujimaru 1: Aloha!


Fujimaru 2: You seem right at home!

Jeanne: Hehehe. I was a little taken aback by how open and spacious everything is here at first, but here I am a week later, a full-blown Luluhawa Heroic Spirit.

Jeanne: I'm really enjoying Luluhawa. The sound of the waves... The gentle breeze...

Jeanne: The seemingly endless supply of cheap, delicious pizza... The friendly locals...

Jeanne: Just getting to see the ocean would have been enough for me...

Jeanne: ...but as you can see, Marie and I are enjoying this so much it's almost embarrassing!

Jeanne: Oh, did I mention I met an unexpected guardian angel and learned a new attack too?

Jeanne: Anyway, I have to say that Luluhawa really agrees with me!


Fujimaru 1: I'm Fujimaru, and I approve this message!


Fujimaru 2: So what's the deal with that floatie?

Jeanne: Hehehe. So you noticed, did you? You want to know more about it, don't you?

Jeanne: This might look like a floatie, but it's actually a halo designed to guide summer angels.

Jeanne: It's my special weapon! Think of it as the flag I carry into battle for summer.

Robin Hood: Oho, interesting. That's quite an armament you've got for yourself, then.

Jeanne: So, are you all here to enjoy the beach too? If you like, I'd be happy to teach you the finer points of swimming in the ocean.

Ushiwakamaru: No, that's all right. We only came here to collect reference material for our book.

Jeanne: Oh my. A book?

Mash: That's right. Alter wanted to make a doujin, so–

Robin Hood: (Shh! Keep that to yourself, Mash. You know Alter wants to keep that a secret for now.)

Mash: (Oh, right. I shouldn't have brought that up without Alter here too.)

Mash: I can't go into the specifics, but the short version is we've ended up joining a club as well.

Mash: So today, we're here at the beach taking reference photos. Right, Senpai?


Fujimaru 1: That's right. Mind if we take one, Jeanne?

Jeanne: Oh. You mean you want me to model for you? Well, of course I won't say no to you, but–


Fujimaru 2: That's right. Mind if we take one, Mash?

Mash: Of course not, Senpai! I'd be glad to take one of you on the beach!

Robin Hood: Uh, I'm pretty sure that's not what [♂ he /♀ she] meant... Oh well, at least Mash is happy.

???: Well that's strange. Did I just hear you right?

???: You're going to go for leftovers when you have a gourmet banquet right in front of you?

???: But, I suppose you might just have something in your eye.

???: If you do, wash it out right now and feast your eyes on the true queen of the beach!

Mash: Medb!?


Fujimaru 1: Wait, weren't you in last summer's event?

Medb: Correct!

Medb: It has been exactly one year to the day since this queen was disgraced.

Medb: Now I'm reborn as a Saber, and I've got a brand spanking new swimsuit Spirit Origin to show for it!

Ushiwakamaru: ...I see. A Saber, huh.


Fujimaru 1: So I guess you're Medb 2.0?

Medb: Exact–Uh, the nineties called...something about wanting their naming jokes back.


Fujimaru 2: What happened to the outfit you had last year?

Medb: I've still got it safely tucked away, of course.

Medb: A queen has to dress for all occasions, you know.

Mash: Um, Medb...? Could I ask you something?

Medb: All right. Permission to speak, granted.

Mash: Were you having a photo shoot here? It sounds like you have no problem with being photographed...

Medb: That's right. I'm in the middle of a major photo shoot at the moment.

Medb: Yours truly will be putting out a book at ServantFes too. A photo book, to be precise.

Robin Hood: You're publishing at ServantFes too!? But why would you go with a photo book when...

Robin Hood: (No, wait. She might be a tougher competitor than I'm thinking... Whatever her personality issues, the effect her magical energy has on men is real.)

Robin Hood: (Remember, she took control of a nation with her charm spell alone. If she releases a sexy photo book...)

Robin Hood: You don't say. That sounds fascinating. So who've you got working the camera? The lion-head?

Medb: Oh please. As if I'd let Edison get involved and then run off with most of the profits.

Medb: No, the only ones who get to photograph this gorgeous bod are my adorable, pitiful slaves.

Medb: I think I scooped up at least a hundred poor saps with cameras on this beach alone♡

Ushiwakamaru: ...Something about this woman rubs me the wrong way. Shall we fight her, Master?

Jeanne: Now, now. It's against the law in Luluhawa to go around picking fights. Besides, I'm sure we can all get along.

Robin Hood: (Aw crap. Fujimaru and the rest of them still don't get what a threat this is...)

Robin Hood: (We're talking a photo book shot by a hundred skilled photographers. In which case...)

Robin Hood: So where's your table then? I'm guessing it's lost in the middle somewhere, if this is your first time at this con?

Medb: Hehe, don't be silly. I got a spot near the wall, of course!

Medb: There was another club with a weird name in the spot I wanted, so I negotiated with them for it.

Medb: What were they called again...? I think it was "Tentacle Iron Bar" or something.

Medb: Their club rep was absent though, so the only one I talked to was Abby, one of the underlings.

Jeanne: The rep for Tentacle Iron Bar was absent...?

Jeanne: That's strange... Nothing short of the collapse of humanity itself would make them miss ServantFes...

Ushiwakamaru: ...Just a moment. You don't expect us to believe these “negotiations” were on the up-and-up, do you?

Medb: Huh?

Medb: The hell are you talking about? Of course they were. I said give, and they gave. What else is there to it?

Ushiwakamaru: So you threatened them? No, I doubt it was even that. I'm guessing you think they just gave you what you wanted out of the goodness of their hearts.

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, I recognize that look of yours. It's the look of someone who thinks they deserve everything they want just for being pretty, and shouldn't ever have to give anyone anything in return.

Ushiwakamaru: Clearly, Lady Masako had nothing on you.

Medb: Is that so? You've got guts, saying that to my face.

Medb: Your own figure's...okay, but it's obvious your only beauty regimen is working out.

Medb: When you get right down to it, “sporty” is really just another word for “stocky.” You don't have an elegant curve to your name.

Medb: So how about you just stick to sports and leave the swimsuits and sex appeal to those of us who know something about them, tengu girl?

Mash: Uh-oh... I don't like where this is headed! Do something, Robin!

Robin Hood: Sorry, this is out of my hands. These two are natural enemies.

Ushiwakamaru: Oh yes. Since we're on the subject, it's not just that look of hers. The way she moves, the way she acts...

Medb: On that, we agree. It's not just the look in your eyes I hate. Those spindly arms and legs...

Ushiwakamaru & Medb:

...make me sick!


Fujimaru 1: Please calm down, Ushiwakamaru!

Ushiwakamaru: Let go of me, Master! Who does she think she is, having just the right amount of fat on those gorgeous legs!?

Ushiwakamaru: You can tell she doesn't work out at all, yet she still has a perfect body! Every breath she draws is an affront to us athletic types!


Fujimaru 2: Do something, Robin!

Robin Hood: Whoa there! Come on, Ushiwaka, settle down!

Ushiwakamaru:

Let go of me! Let GO of me!

Medb: Hmph. This is exactly why I hate yokels from the mountains.

Medb: You really think you get as much out of training as you put in? How clueless can you get?

Medb: Whatever. As a true queen, it's incumbent upon me to show you what sets royalty apart from the rabble.

Medb: Consider yourself lucky that you get to see my power in action!

Medb: These are the heroes who swore loyalty to my beauty...my Good-Looking Braves!

Mash: Good-looking? Brave? Something's not adding up here!

Fou: Fou? Fou fo, fou fou.

Medb: Don't be silly♡

Medb: These guys all want to look good for me, and they're bravely willing to do anything if it'll help.

GLB:

Yeeeah!

Robin Hood: I thought you said the photographers were your slaves!

Medb: What are you talking about? Celts don't do slavery.

Medb: If we did, we'd call my Celtic warriors slaves, but we don't. Is that so hard to understand...?

Medb: Of course, that rule doesn't apply to non-Celts, though!

Medb: All right then, my beloved braves!

Medb: Remove these cretins from these lovely shores, that my reign as the even lovelier Queen of the Beach might continue unopposed!

Ushiwakamaru: ...There you have it, Master. We are now well past the point of diplomacy.

Ushiwakamaru: Since the only worthwhile reference material we might get off her is from the neck down, you won't mind if I chop off anything above that, right?

Ushiwakamaru: She could even contribute to the arts as the next Venus de Milo, but with a missing head instead of arms!

Ushiwakamaru: Come on. Pretty please?


Fujimaru 1: Puppy dog eyes aren't going to help!

Medb: Well, well, you sure talk tough. Fine, if you think you can make me into an old Greek statue, you go ahead and do your worst!

Jeanne: Oh! I recognize that sport. They're sumo wrestling!

Jeanne: I thought it was usually practiced by half naked men, though... I guess those two must be very good friends...

Jeanne: Well, don't hog all the fun, you two! Let me join you!

Robin Hood: Aw crap. The Luluhawa heat must be getting to her even more than it is Alter...! Looks like we've got no choice but to join in too, Master!

Robin Hood: We've gotta get Ushiwaka to settle down before she kicks up a storm and ruins this awesome weather for the rest of the tourists, including me!

--BATTLE--

Medb: Ugh, that fan of hers kicks up a literal storm! What a pain in the ass!

Medb: Braves, we're leaving! There's no point holding a photo shoot if she's going to rain on my parade!

GLB: Roger that! I'd suggest switching over to a wet T-shirt shoot in that case, but I suppose we would need special equipment for that!

GLB: All right guys, you heard Her Majesty! Remember, we're still on for the deep-sea dive shoot this afternoon!

Medb: Welp, this has been "fun" and all, but I'm afraid I'm too busy to play with you dweebs anymore.

Medb: Good luck with your little book project! You're gonna need it, since there's absolutely no chance a club of newbies like you could ever make anything good!

Ushiwakamaru: Hmph! Newbies! She should talk! She'd better hope she doesn't get a cramp and end up drowning!

Jeanne: Hehe, that was fun! I think I'm getting the hang of being an Archer!

Jeanne: Anyway, I'd better get going. I don't want to keep Marie waiting for our lunch date.

Jeanne: You've all got a club too, right? Then I'm sure I'll see you again at ServantFes!

Robin Hood: Sheesh... So we just ran into the reps for two major clubs purely by accident, huh.

Robin Hood: Between Jeanne's production talent and Medb's unorthodox approach, we've got our work cut out for us...

On the Shore with a Special Kouhai

Mash: Sorry to bother you all. I was just curious how things are going.

Jeanne Alter: Well...we've got a basic direction now...I think. But really, I'm not sure what it is I'm drawing myself...

Robin Hood: Don't worry, it's surprisingly readable. It's almost like you were already a fan of manga or something.

Jeanne Alter: ...I've been reading them for a while. They were helpful for learning to read and write.

Jeanne Alter: It was only recently that I started trying to understand how they work. There's both an art and a science to things like panel layout, writing dialogue, and so on.

Ushiwakamaru: So you used a reference then. Does that mean you didn't come up with this art style yourself?

Jeanne Alter: What? You got some kinda problem with imitation?

Ushiwakamaru: Not at all. Every learning endeavor begins with imitation. I have certainly learned my share of things via monkey see, monkey do.

Ushiwakamaru: Now that you have the fundamentals down, all you need to do is work on improving your art.

Mash: So...does this mean things are going well? Maybe that means now is a good time for a break?


Fujimaru 1: Whoa, when did it get so late?

Mash: Hours ago, actually.

Jeanne Alter: Hmm, good point.

Jeanne Alter: Fujimaru, you haven't had dinner yet, have you? Why don't you go do that now.

Jeanne Alter: And take your time. I mean it.

Jeanne Alter: In fact, why don't you go with [♂ him /♀ her], Mash? You put off eating out of deference to us, yeah?

Mash: O-okay, I'll do that. Let's go to the restaurant on the first floor, Senpai.

Tamamo Cat: Well hi there. Two for dinner?

Mash: Yes please.

Tamamo Cat: ... ...

Tamamo Cat: I'm sorry, [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Bags-Under-[♂ His /♀ Her]-Eyes, but the whole restaurant is reserved today!


Fujimaru 1: But, there's no one here!

Tamamo Cat:

Don't just look with your eyes!

Tamamo Cat: But anyway, I didn't let that stop me from making some jelly do–I mean, rice balls and such.

Tamamo Cat: I've got a bunch of different kinds, including spam! Ever had rice balls with spam before? Way better than you'd think.

Tamamo Cat: Most of our carbs for the next three days are gonna come from bread, so it's nice to mix it up a little, you know?

Tamamo Cat: Why don't you take them down to the beach and have a nice, relaxing meal there? You might just find some new ideas out there!

Mash: Okay, we will. Thank you so much for the food, Cat.

Mash: Come on Senpai, let's go find somewhere to eat down by the water!

Mash: So we take one, two, three steps after leaving the restaurant...

Mash: ...and here we are.


Fujimaru 1: Man, that's really nice.

Mash: Yes, it is.

Mash: If we feel like going to the ocean for a change of pace, all we have to do is step out the door!


Fujimaru 2: Then let's dig in!

Mash: Okay.

Mash: Here, have some mineral water, Senpai.

Mash: The stars are beautiful, aren't they.


Fujimaru 1: Yeah... And not just them...

Mash:

!

Mash: ...Oh, sorry, never mind. It's nothing.

Mash: You're right, though. This place is like paradise.


Fujimaru 2: So's the sea.

Mash: Yes. Very much so.

Mash: Although, I also find the Luluhawan sea a little scary at night. It almost feels like the darkness and the water are blending together...

Mash: Oh, right. Shall we have our rice balls now, Senpai?

Mash: They look yummy.


Fujimaru 1: That they do.

Mash: ...Mmm, they are delicious!

Mash: Hmm, mine is a little...sour? Wait, make that a lot sour!


Fujimaru 1: That's the pickled plum.

Mash: I see...

Mash: It's a much more pervasive sourness than, say, a lemon.

Mash: I've read that these picked plums are soothing to upset stomachs. It was very considerate of Cat to include them in these rice balls.

Mash: All that aside...things certainly have gotten strange here.

Mash: Between the Singularity, ServantFes, forming a club, and making a doujin...not to mention that mysterious Foreigner...

Mash: ...well, I can't think of a better word for it than “messy.”

Mash: At least it's nice and quiet now...

Mash: ...Huh? Are those...chickens?

Mash: Gah, so loud!


Fujimaru 1: Way to ruin the moment!

Mash: I guess we'll have to finish our rice balls later, Master.

Mash: Right now, we need to take care of these enemies. For some reason, they remind me of an author Servant whose night is day and day is night!

--BATTLE--

Mash: (Munch, munch...) Oh, I know what this one is. It's salmon.


Fujimaru 1: Be funny if Fionn caught it for Cat to cook.

Mash: Ooh... Maybe it'll make me wiser then.


Fujimaru 2: I got shrimp and mayonnaise myself.

Mash: Are the shrimp very fresh here in Luluhawa? They certainly look better than the ones at Chaldea.

Mash: Come to think of it, this is the first time we've gone on a real trip rather than a Rayshift, isn't it.

Mash: This isn't just a simulation. This is a real beach, in the real tropics...and here we are...


Fujimaru 1: I'm glad this Singularity happened in Hawaii.

Mash: Master...let's not lose focus.

Mash: Remember, once we've defeated the Foreigner, and hopefully completed our book in time for ServantFes...

Mash: ...it'll be time for us to go back to Chaldea. We shouldn't forget that part of our mission, Senpai.

Mash: ...Hehe.


Fujimaru 2: We're actually on vacation.

Mash: ...Y-yes, I suppose you're right. Hearing you say it like that...

Mash: ...it really does make me feel...like we're on vacation...

Mash: I mean, I suppose putting on a swimsuit will have that effect, but still...

Mash: Before was a race...and before that, a desert island.

Mash: No matter what strange things happen, we always find a way to enjoy ourselves in summer.

Mash: Someday, when you look back on this long and arduous battle...

Mash: ...I hope you'll remember the fun times as much as the bad ones.

Mash: ...And I hope I'm not imposing on you by sharing that, either.


Fujimaru 1: Not at all.

Mash: That's a relief...


Fujimaru 2: Thank you, Mash.

Mash: Not at all. I'm the one who should be thanking you.

Mash: Well, shall we head back to the hotel?

Mash: Alter should be just about finished by now.

C:???: Heh...

C:???: It seems my accomplice is still yet to realize...

C:???: ...that unprecedented danger is headed towards Luluhawa...

C:???:

Unprecedented!

C:???:

Danger!

C:???: Hehe... Kuhahahaha...

Nezha: ... ...

Nezha: Silence is. Golden.

BB's Going To Be in Her Element

Robin Hood: Come on, we gotta get going. We have a reservation tonight at seven!

Ushiwakamaru: I'm so excited, Master! Tonight, we get to go to a Japanese restaurant!

Ushiwakamaru: I cannot wait to see what Japanese food is like here in Luluhawa.

Ushiwakamaru: You know, I was quietly checking the restaurant out earlier, and I noticed something on their wall. It appeared to be a photo with a caption that said...

Ushiwakamaru: “Udon Eating Contest Record Holder: 634 Bowls. 'That was great! I've never had coconut udon before!'”

Ushiwakamaru: Well, perhaps I simply misread it. It does seem rather unbelievable, after all.


Fujimaru 1: A woman who can down six hundred and thirty-four bowls of udon...


Fujimaru 2: What manner of monster have we awakened...?

Jeanne Alter: Huh!? It can't be dinnertime already! I'm not even halfway done yet!

Robin Hood: Now, now, you know what they say about doing things on an empty stomach. That's especially true for Fujimaru and Mash.

Robin Hood: I say we take a break and go for a little stroll. Who knows? The muse might just descend while we do.

Jeanne Alter: ...I guess you've got a point. I haven't gotten anything done for the last hour or so besides redrawing this spread over and over.

Jeanne Alter: Fine, I'll go outside for a while then. We were supposed to go see Luluhawa's sights anyway.

Mash: Okay then, let's all go together. It should only take us ten minutes or so to walk to Engen Seimen!

Blackbeard: Hey, hey! What up, fellow tourists!

Blackbeard: How 'bout I take your picture for you!? I'll do it, you know! Want a photo with Waikiki Street as a backdrop!? You know you do!

Robin Hood: Aw crap. That Blackbeard...

Mash: Thanks, that's very kind of you. Did you hear that, everyone? Blackbeard says he'll take a picture for us!

Mash: Come on, we can get one of all of Gespenst Ketzer together!

Blackbeard: That's it, all together now! Here, young lady, let me see your camera.

Blackbeard: Oh, I know. Why don't my parrots join you in the photo? Their names are John, Jane, and Doe.

Blackbeard: Okay, like it or not, I'm gonna take a picture now! Say, “Cheese!”

Mash: Thank you, Blackbeard. Your parrots give this photo a great Luluhawan touch...

Mash: Um, Blackbeard? Why are you holding your hand out like that? It almost looks like you're asking for money...

Blackbeard: That's 'cause I am asking for money. Did you, or did you not, just take a photo with my parrots?

Blackbeard: John, Jane, and Doe here are the only three of their kind. Their photo rights don't come cheap.

Blackbeard: It costs ten Gil Bucks per bird, per person, so three birds times five people comes to one hundred and fifty Gil Bucks.

Blackbeard: Hey, don't blame me. I'm just “parroting” what my lawyer said! (Rim shot)

Blackbeard: So you'd all better pay up, otherwise I can't give you back your camera. Sorry, you know how lawyers are.

Blackbeard: (Hehehe... With a hundred and fifty Gil Bucks, I can finally splurge on that deluxe burger and cola set I've had my eye on all day...)

Robin Hood: I knew it...

Robin Hood: Let this be a lesson to you, Mash. The next time someone offers to take your picture, take a good look at them first.

Robin Hood: Some'll be on the up-and-up, but others just want to pull a fast one on unsuspecting tourists.

Ushiwakamaru: Lord Robin, I do not think you are being fair. Blackbeard is the only one who did anything wrong here. It is him you should be scolding, not Lady Mash.

Jeanne Alter: You think? Kinda got my blood pumping, really. Not a trip until you run into some kinda trouble!

Blackbeard: You're kidding me! Parrot Guys are a Luluhawan staple.

Blackbeard: So, uh, why're you pulling out those katana with that look that says you wanna carve me up like a Luluhawan chicken?

Blackbeard: Ch-chill! I was JK! Just a little dark pirate humor, you know? Can't you take a joke?

Blackbeard: I mean, come on, if I didn't get up to mischief like this now and then, y'all would forget I'm actually a nefarious pirate, right?

Blackbeard: You've got to be able to put the fear of God in your men if you want to run a tight pirate ship. Trust me! Old Blackbeard knows from experience!


Fujimaru 1: So that's what that was about...

Ushiwakamaru: Do not be fooled, Master. He had every intention of ripping us off.


Fujimaru 2: You were still out of line with the money.

Blackbeard: Really!? Then you're saying I could've gotten away with asking for Fluffy Bucks instead of Gil Bucks!? Sweet! I'll have to try that next time!

Blackbeard: All that aside, I was absolutely earnest about wanting you all to have a photo, though.

Blackbeard: Between Ms. Mash, Little Ushiwaka (a little scary), and Lady Alter (a lot scary)...

Blackbeard: ...this beautiful street just pales in comparison!

Blackbeard: You are like fireworks! Sirens ringing in the night! A...beam directed at my private pirate treasures?

Blackbeard:

Caaaalibuuurn!?


Fujimaru 1: Parrot Guuuy!


Fujimaru 2: Don't tell me the Foreigner is back!?

Mash: Blackbeard got blasted toward the beach! We'll just have to trust in his durability!

Mash: More importantly, that attack just now came from an enemy signal about a hundred meters away!

Mash: Master, this is–

Robin Hood: There's a huge commotion over by that intersection! It's got to be that Foreigner!

???: ...I. Will. Destroy. Everything!

???: ServantFes's convention center. The restaurants. And their endless wait times.

???: I. Will. Destroy. ALL OF IT! Everything about. This cursed city!

BB: Hmm. Looks like I'm at my limit of how many people I can keep safe at once.

BB: At this point, maybe I should seriously start thinking about moving ServantFes from Waikiki to Diamond Head...


Fujimaru 1: Hold it!


Fujimaru 2: We're here to help, BB!

BB: Hey, if it isn't Fujimaru! And the rest of the Chaldea crew!

BB: Well this changes everything for little old me! I knew I was right to trust in my senpai!

BB: Careful! She means business! The longer you take, the more she's gonna turn Main Street into Pain Street!

BB: So finish that evil Foreigner off for good! There's not a moment to lose!

???: Evil Foreigner...? ...? ...???

???: ...Exactly! All Foreigners. Must die!!! Excluding me.

Jeanne Alter: Here she comes, Fujimaru! Let's see just how tough that armor of hers really is!

--BATTLE--

BB: Huh!? How has she not just exploded after taking all those attacks!?

Mash: The enemy Foreigner is still unfazed! We're hitting her really hard...

Mash: ...but that armor of hers is so tough that I don't think any of it is getting through!

BB: ... (Guess I can't afford to keep this under wraps anymore...)

???: Foreigners must die. ServantFes must die.

???: My name is XX. Remember that.

F:XX: I am the Foreigner. Who hunts other Foreigners. Foreigner Hunter XX!

BB:

Ulp!

Robin Hood: Aw great, looks like she's still raring to go! I don't think we have any choice but to make a temporary retreat to the mountains!

BB: No. As the guardian of the Luluhawa Singularity, I refuse to let this stand any longer.

BB: Now that things have come to this, I'm pulling out all the stops! It's time...for a transformation!

E:BB Pele: Aaalooohaaa! It's a new look for a new BB! A punk, wild, coquettish look!

E:BB Pele: That's right! I installed the Hawaiian goddess Pele's Divine Core...

E:BB Pele: ...and now, I'm BB Pele!

Mash: Pele...! As, in the Hawaiian version of Ishtar!?


Fujimaru 1: That's a super apt way to put it.


Fujimaru 2: Nice analogy, Mash!

E:BB Pele: Yup! I'm Hawaii's precocious divine symbol of power, destruction, rebirth, and love☆

E:BB Pele: No more keeping my true identity under wraps! Foreigner XX, you are hereby banned from Luluhawa!

--BATTLE--

XX:

Ouch!

XX: Um... Let's see... What should I–Err, that is... Interference detected from upstart local deity. Searching protocol for optimal course of action...

XX: “Galactic Police Ordinance, Article 1234: Conflict with local guardians of humanity carries a penalty of one hundred years of reduced salary in addition to...”

XX: ...Well, shit.

XX: Hey, I hate to beg favors, but would you mind just pretending none of this happened?

XX: Right, I'd better skedaddle. Dinner isn't gonna make itself! Toodle-Luluhawa!

BB Pele: Phew! Glad that's all settled! Thanks, everyone! Couldn't have done it without you☆

Jeanne Alter: Uh, didn't look that way from where I'm standing... So, you've really got Pele's power now?

BB Pele: Oh yes, absolutely. As I'm sure you all know, Pele's the goddess of Hawaii's volcanoes.

BB Pele: She's named for both the holy land, Pele-honua-mea, and the eater of the land, Pele-ai-honua.

BB Pele: I met her about a month ago when I was scoping out Hawaii as a possible ServantFes venue, and we hit it off right away.

BB Pele: But she was pretty weak 'cause of...reasons, so I copied her Divine Core and installed it in myself.

BB Pele: And that is the story of how I got this great tan!

BB Pele: The rest, as you all know, is history.

BB Pele: I used the authority over Hawaii I'd borrowed to make the Luluhawa Singularity...

BB Pele: ...and went on to hold ServantFes, where tourists and Servants both can enjoy themselves freely!

BB Pele: Oh, something else about Pele–

Jeanne Alter: Ugh, that's enough exposition. I got it already.

Jeanne Alter: I would've thought you were Poliʻahu instead...but I guess this explains why you're on our side.

E:BB: Oho, so you know about the snow goddess Poliʻahu, huh? You really did your homework, didn't you!

E:BB: Anyway, I'd love to properly reward you for all your help, but I've got a bunch of buildings I need to fix up. You know how it is.

E:BB: Only two days left until ServantFes now. I can't wait to see the fruits of your labor☆

Jeanne Alter: Ugh... I'd finally gotten the damn book offa my mind and she just had to drag me back to reality...

Ushiwakamaru: Now, now, it will be all right. I'll help out too once we get back to the hotel. I've become rather proficient at filling in inks these last few days.

Robin Hood: But first, some dinner. Once we've had a break and some food, we can put our noses back to the grindstone.

Robin Hood: Any project'll get done eventually as long as you keep working at it. You've just gotta find a pace that works for you, Alty.

Jeanne Alter: Alty...? Wha... No. Hell no! Don't you ever...

Did Not Reach Heaven's Door

Robin Hood: Okay, I'm calling it now!

Robin Hood: Alter, Ushiwaka, Mash, Fujimaru.

Robin Hood: ServantFes begins in six hours, and we still have over half the book left to complete.

Robin Hood: This is as far as we go. I get how you all feel, but since I'm the manager here, I gotta give it to you straight.

Robin Hood: We need to give up on the idea that we're going to finish this book in time to send it to the printer, and settle for photocopies of what we have right now.

Robin Hood: Personally, I think that's the best we can do at this point in time. Any objections?

Jeanne Alter: ...

Ushiwakamaru: Ow, ow, ow. I'm happy with how the inks turned out, but I think my blisters are getting blisters...

Ushiwakamaru: Yes, I guess you're right. There's just no way for us to finish the last eighteen pages in time.

Mash: ...I'm afraid not. No matter how I look at it, I don't see any way we could finish by morning...

Mash: I'm so sorry, everyone. If only I'd been a better assistant...


Fujimaru 1: Are you okay with this, Alter?

Jeanne Alter: Eh, whatever. Photocopies are fine. Just did this for fun, anyway.

Jeanne Alter: ...I mean, it sucks that we couldn't finish, but at least this'll be better than sending an unfinished draft to the printer.

Jeanne Alter: What about you, Robin? Aren't you worried about turning into a pig?

Robin Hood: Nope. BB said we need to “make” a book, and the way I see it, photocopies count just fine.

Robin Hood: Besides, we all did our best to draw it, so there's no way it's gonna turn out badly, photocopy or not.

Robin Hood: Considering this was our first time doing anything like this, I'd say we more than made the grade. Great work.


Fujimaru 1: Robin... Thank you...


Fujimaru 2: Pig or not, you'll always be Robin to me...

Jeanne Alter: Hah! What a crock! You're our manager. Telling us we did great is your damn job!

Mash: Now, now. Even if we are switching to photocopies, there's still a lot of work to be done.

Mash: We need to finalize a design for the finished part, find a place with a photocopier...

Mash: ...fold the copies into a book, and staple them all by hand.

Mash: It's going to take us at least three hours to get through it all.

Mash: So let's get started now, or we won't get any sleep at all before ServantFes.

Ushiwakamaru: Well, we can't have that. I know I would much rather rest and relax in the morning. All right then, we shall make one last push until daybreak.

Jeanne Alter: Guess that's settled then. How about you, Fujimaru? You gonna stay up with us, or get some shut-eye?


Fujimaru 1: You better believe I'll be sticking around to the end.


Fujimaru 2: Hey, I'm part of this club too.

Jeanne Alter: Damn right. That's what I wanted to hear. Right then, can you take care of this last page?

Jeanne Alter: Just add something that lets the reader know the rest of the story will show up in part two. You know, “To be continued” or whatever.


Fujimaru 1: Ooh, I've got one.


Fujimaru 1: “Our battle has only just begun!”

Jeanne Alter: Wh-what!? No, not that! That just makes it sound like it's been canceled or something and there won't be a part two at all!

The First Doujin

Mash: Good morning, everyone! I know you're all sleepy, but you need to wake up!

Mash: It's time for the clubs to make their entrance.

Mash: The Servant Summer Festival is finally about to begin!

Leonidas: Convention staff, line up!

Leonidas: Listen up, all of you. You must not think of the attendees as ordinary people.

Leonidas: Think of them as living race cars who will burn every bit of fuel they possess in search of the books and merch that give them life!

Leonidas: However, race car or not, that does not give them carte blanche to zip around the convention center as they please.

Leonidas: Our duty here is to maintain order, to prevent people from panicking, and of course to allow them to roam the convention freely.

Leonidas: Thus, we swear here and now!

Leonidas: We shall ensure we provide Courtesy to attendees, and suffer neither Running, Accidents, nor Pushing!

Leonidas: Put it all together, and you have C.R.A.P!

Leonidas: That is who we are! That is what we aspire to be! Got that!?

Con Staff:

Oorah!

Leonidas: Good. All shield bearers, take up your weapons!

Jeanne Alter: ...I got a feeling these clowns are gonna cause more problems than they solve.

Mash: Phew. We managed to make about fifty photocopies... That seems pretty good to me.

Mash: Are you sure you want to give them away for free, though? We won't really make money that way...

Jeanne Alter: That's fine. I don't give a shit about money. Or about what BB said.

Jeanne Alter: All I wanted was to beat that book...her book...to beat her at her own game. But that's not really what our book turned out to be.


Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?

Jeanne Alter: Well, you know...it's not just my book. It's...well, it's something we all made together, just because doing it was fun.

Jeanne Alter: So I don't mind giving it away. I already got everything I wanted from it.

Mash: Alter...

Leonidas: Bwa!?

Mash: Th-that sounded like an explosion!

Jeanne Alter: Hey! What the hell!? We were just putting a nice little bow on this whole side story here!

Leonidas: Someone's attacking from the air! This is no ordinary attendee!

Leonidas: This Spirit Origin... I-it's a Foreigner...!?

Jeanne Alter: Really!? She had to show up five minutes before the con starts!?

Leonidas: Curses! All attendees, evacuate immediately! The con staff and I will hold her off!

XX: Listen up. Foolish. Wicked. Foreigner.

XX: Playtime is over! XX is here to defend order in the universe!

XX: DIE, SERVANTFES!

Jeanne Alter: Dammit, guess we've got no choice. Come on, let's finish this up before the con gets started!

Leonidas: Thank you! I will assist you as well!

Leonidas: Let us do battle!

--BATTLE--

XX: Uh-oh, I'm running out of steam fast. Knew I should've had more than instant Cosmic Noodles for breakfast...

XX: ...Dammit, guess I don't have any other option.

XX: I'll just have to detonate my armor and reduce the convention center to rubble in the blast!

Jeanne Alter: ...Shit. That beeping sound giving anyone else a real bad feeling?


Fujimaru 1: Maybe it's a self-destruct timer?


Fujimaru 2: Sounds like a countdown to me.

Leonidas: That's terrible! We need to get her away from the con center immediately!

Cursed Arm: What's all this commotion about? Is there a problem?


Fujimaru 1: Hassan!

Cursed Arm: She's going to self-destruct?

Cursed Arm: ... ...Hmm.

Cursed Arm: Very well then, I'll carry her away. Hup.

Mash: Hassan!?

Cursed Arm: Don't worry about me. The rest of you, please enjoy ServantFes.

Cursed Arm: Farewell!

Mash: No...!

Jeanne Alter: ...Not bad for an Assassin.

Ushiwakamaru: Lord Hassan...


Fujimaru 1: ...Hassan...

Cursed Arm: All done.

Mash: Huh?

Jeanne Alter: ...What the hell? How are you still alive!?

Cursed Arm: Well, I have Protection Against the Wind, so a little explosion is nothing to me.


Fujimaru 1: Talk about an SSR skill...

Cursed Arm: Very true. You never know what skill may come in handy.

Leonidas: You have my heartfelt thanks, Lord Hassan. Fortunately, collateral damage appears to be minimal.

Leonidas: Now that we only have a minute to go until the doors open, I had better return to my post.

Leonidas: May you all have a wonderful ServantFes!

Jeanne Alter: Yep. Planning to, thanks. You guys all ready?

Jeanne Alter: It's time for Gespenst Ketzer to make its official debut!

Jeanne: Thanks so much!

Marie: We're so glad you came. What's that? You want me to do my thing?

Marie: Yes, of course. Vive la France♪

Gilles de Rais:

Ahhh, that's the stuff.

Jeanne: Gilles, try to stay away from our table. Oh, and if you get so excited that you start dripping seafood everywhere...

Jeanne: ...I'm going to crush those eyes of yours like cheap Ping-Pong balls.

Gilles de Rais:

Yikes! I know this may seem rich coming from me, but don't you think that's a bit extreme!?

Gilles de Rais: And yes, the absurdity of me saying that is not lost!

Osakabehime: I...I can't gaman anymore... I've already hit my social interaction limit... It's all up to you now, Kiyo-yo...

Kiyohime: Oh, all right. Two copies? Here you go. Thank you♪

Andersen: What do you want? A book? Fine, take one.

Andersen: Now what? You want to pay for it? Ugh, just leave whatever you feel like on the table!

Andersen: I'm far too tired to worry about taking your goddamn money!

Shakespeare: As am I!

Shakespeare: I cannot help but notice that we have a habit of running ourselves absolutely ragged every year when the convention rolls around.

Shakespeare: Oh, hello. By all means, help yourself to a book.

Shakespeare: If you insist on payment, just put whatever you feel is fair into this box, please.

Andersen: Next time, we're gonna take it a damn sight easier for once. You hear me, Mr. Masterpiece? Hey! I'm talking to you!

P.A. System: Attention, attendees. It is now 5:00 p.m. The convention hall is now closed.

P.A. System: On behalf of ServantFes, we thank you all for coming.

P.A. System: See you again at the next Servant Summer Festival!

Mash: We did it, everyone! Congratulations on a job well done!

Mash: Now we just have to clean up our booth!

Mash: We may not have made much money, but it was fun meeting so many other clubs and Servants!

Jeanne Alter: People seemed to like our book, too. Although, we've still got one copy left over.


Fujimaru 1: I'll take it.

Jeanne Alter: Really? You still want a copy after all the time you spent looking at it?


Fujimaru 2: I'll hang onto it.

Jeanne Alter: All yours, then.

Jeanne Alter: ...All right.

Jeanne Alter: Now that the Foreigner's defeated, and ServantFes is over, this Singularity oughta go away pretty soon.

Jeanne Alter: It might not've gone exactly how we planned, but at least we did everything we were supposed to. Guess this means we go back to Chaldea tomorrow.

Mash: I'm very sorry, Senpai, but I'm afraid we'll need to blindfold you again.

Mash: Well, shall we head back to the hotel now?

Fou: Fou, fou...


Fujimaru 1: Man, I'm exhausted.


Fujimaru 2: I'm definitely gonna sleep well tonight.


Fujimaru 1: Good night...

Tick-Tock, Go Back

Narration: I first learned about doujin when I came across a book that had been left in one of Chaldea's hallways.

Narration: It was about a young girl who had been cursed by a witch, and a monster that hated the way he looked.

Narration: They fell in love, had a falling-out, fought the witch together, and went on to get married.

Narration: The girl's curse was never lifted, and the monster never turned into a handsome prince or anything.

Narration: Even so, they loved each other, just as they were.

Narration: It was only a thirty-page manga, but I must have read it at least a hundred times that night.

Narration: It made me so angry I screamed.

Narration: I'll admit it was good, but I just freakin' hate whoever drew the thing.

Narration: I KNOW I can come up with a better story than this!

Narration: ...I didn't realize how stupid that was until I started trying to draw one myself.

???: Aww, is that the sort of dream you were having, Senpai?


Fujimaru 1: ...Huh?

Mash: ...Senpai!? What the...?

Jeanne Alter: Hey, what the hell's going on here!? Weren't we just at the hotel!?

C:???: Tick♪ Tock♪ Tick♪ Tock♪

C:???: Did you know you can overwrite your own internal clock by just swallowing a digital one?

C:???: You might have technically finished on time, but without results, that means nothing.

C:???: Think just finishing a book is good enough? That the real treasure was the friends you made along the way?

C:???: I don't think so, Senpai. Not on my Luluhawa watch!


Fujimaru 1: What did you do!?

BB: Me? I just turned back the clock. Since you bungled it all up the first time, now you get to try again.

BB: So, on that note: congratulations, Senpai!

BB: Today is once again the first day of the rest of your trip to Luluhawa. The day you arrived here!

BB: And this time, I want you guys to make a proper final draft, get it professionally printed, and sell more books than any other club, okay?

Robin Hood: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back right up there, BB.

Robin Hood: Didn't you say that all we had to do was form a club and make a book!?

BB: Yes, that's true... But that was before Medb won the Holy Grail for selling the most books.

BB: When I asked her what she planned to do with it, she said she was going to use it for herself...

BB: That would be really inconvenient for me... See, I kind of forgot that I'd made a promise with Pele...

BB: And now, I can't get back to the way I was...

Mash: I don't understand. Did Medb make a bad wish?

Mash: Maybe something that resulted in another Singularity...?

BB: No, I wouldn't be held responsible if she did, so I couldn't care less about that.

BB: Just this once, I want the Holy Grail to be used for something good. Both for Hawaii's sake, and my own.

Jeanne Alter: ...You want to see it used for good? Bullshit. What's really going on here?

BB: Well, you all remember XX the Foreigner? See, she actually already defeated Pele, which made her lose all of her power.

BB: She had nowhere else to go, so I ended up taking her in–literally–and gaining Authority over Luluhawa.

Jeanne Alter: Pele? The symbol of Kilauea herself?

Ushiwakamaru: That's...quite the predicament.

BB: Yes, it is. Pele is still all but powerless now. She's practically a dead goddess walking.

BB: The only thing that can save her now is faith, and magical energy resources that want peace for Hawaii.

BB: So I came up with the idea to use the ServantFes attendees' passion to make a Holy Grail.

BB: From there, I just needed someone with a good heart to use it.

BB: Someone who wouldn't make a selfish wish, but one that would bring peace back to Hawaii.

Mash: Now I get it! So that's why you wanted Senpai to win!

BB: Exactly. I wanted Senpai to sell the most books and claim the Holy Grail for [♂ himself /♀ herself].

BB: But instead, you all got so caught up in sightseeing that you neglected your bookmaking duties.

BB: And because of that, Medb ended up winning ServantFes, and now I can't bring Pele back to life.


Fujimaru 1: Mm-hmm. How decent of you.

BB: What's that supposed to mean? When have I not been a decent and helpful kouhai?


Fujimaru 2: So this is all to resurrect Pele?

BB: Yep! I mean, she's definitely got her share of problems, but she's still Hawaii's guardian deity.

BB: No good can come to humanity by letting her stay dead at that Foreigner's hands.

Ushiwakamaru: I see. So that is why you're in charge of Luluhawa.

Ushiwakamaru: If you'd just told us all this in the first place, we'd have taken our bookmaking more seriously.

BB: Sorry! Those were just my irrepressible mischievous tendencies at work♡ I always wanted to see a human running around like a chicken with its head cut off☆

BB: Anyway, allow me to sum up, Senpai and friends!

BB: What I want from you, Fujimaru, is to give up your wish.

BB: Do you think you can throw away your chance to use the Holy Grail for yourself if it will help others?

BB: Of course, I know my Senpai, and I have every confidence you'll do the right thing!


Fujimaru 1: Well, if doing that will help Pele...

BB: That's my Senpai for you! I knew you'd understand!


Fujimaru 2: I get it, I get it.

BB: Do you, Senpai? Left to your own devices, you seem like you'd spend all your resort time goofing off.

Jeanne Alter: So now what?

Jeanne Alter: What exactly do you want us to wish on the Holy Grail? Do we ask it to save Pele or something?

BB: Nope! I want you to use it at Kilauea, and wish for world peace.

BB: At its core, a Holy Grail is really just a big ball of energy, so that should restore Hawaii's leyline.

BB: And that in turn should help Pele regain her power.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

BB: All right then, I'll be waiting for you at the Mauna Kea Observatories on the seventh night of your trip!

BB: Make sure to come find me after you use the Holy Grail to save Pele!


Fujimaru 1: Got it.

Jeanne Alter: ... ...


Fujimaru 2: You mean you're not going to help!?

BB: I wish I could, I really do, but I've got my hands full running ServantFes.

BB: I would've liked to just be a regular attendee myself, but...

BB: Well, let's just say my plans were changed rather suddenly. Please don't pry further, okay, Senpai?

BB: Oh, and while I'm sure this goes without saying, juuust in case: no getting first place by going around telling everyone you went back in time. 'Kay?

BB: If you do, Robin's–

Robin Hood: Yeah, yeah, you'll be making bacon out of my backside. I get it already!

BB: Not exactly. Since this is your second loop, I'll make you into a statue instead! You'll end up the spitting image of the king of Luluhawa!

Robin Hood: How the hell'd you come up with that twisted idea!?

BB: Hey now, it's not twisted. It's a warped sign of how much I love and respect you!

BB: Anyway, enjoy your endless Luluhawa vacation! Remember, it won't stop looping until you take first place at ServantFes☆

Mash: ...Look, Master. Over there.

Blackbeard: Oro? Is that Master I see there? Are you here for ServantFes too?


Fujimaru 1: Quick! How many days until ServantFes!?

Blackbeard: Six and counting!

Blackbeard: I see you're just as excited as I am!

Blackbeard: I'd already be lined up at the convention center if King Buckethead hadn't booted me for loitering!

Blackbeard: So for now, I'm just gonna chill on the beach and creep–err, take in Medb and her bikini.

Blackbeard: I mean, yeah, she'll definitely kill me if she sees me, but at least I'll die happy, doing what I love.

Blackbeard: Besides, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that they can't arrest you for thought crimes!


Fujimaru 1: Yup, that's Blackbeard all right.

Mash: Yes. We can definitely rule out the possibility that this is all just a simulation.

Mash: Which means...we really did go back in time.

Robin Hood: Damn, BB... We're not even in a digital world. How'd she pull that off in real life?

Blackbeard: Excuse me? Why am I getting dragged into some goofy sci-fi plot right now?

Ushiwakamaru: Master, I propose a test. Cutting off his head would give us the answers we seek.

Blackbeard:

...What answers, exactly?

Mash: Ushiwakamaru, I think all that would teach us is one way to kill Blackbeard.

Robin Hood: ... ...Huh?

Robin Hood: Hey, Master, if we're back to our first day, shouldn't Ibaraki be here too?


Fujimaru 1: Now that you mention it...

Ushiwakamaru: Seeing as she did not spend any time with us last time, I do not imagine her absence will be of any particular importance this time, either.

Robin Hood: Yeah, guess you've got a point there. (Not like we could count on her to help much anyway.)

Jeanne Alter: Either way, we know what we have to do: draw some manga and take first place! That much hasn't changed!

Jeanne Alter: We can do this, Fujimaru. ...My whole reason for–no, whole purpose in doing this to begin with is coming back to me!

Jeanne Alter: If BB's gonna make us do it over until we get it right, then I say we take advantage of the opportunity to make the best damn doujin ever!

Jeanne Alter: This time, we're gonna finish it, and I'm gonna prove I can do better than that book I–Oh, right, I almost forgot.

Jeanne Alter: Hey, Blackbeard, you got a hotel room you don't want, right? Give it. We have a doujin to make.

Blackbeard: You? A doujin? You think a bunch of amateurs are just going to waltz into ServantFes and–

Blackbeard: ...No, wait. You really mean it, don't you? I can tell Master's seen some serious shit.

Blackbeard: Clearly, there's more to this than meets the eye.

Blackbeard: Maybe you've secretly been selling ten years' worth of otaku merch just to come to ServantFes?


Fujimaru 1: I can't go into specifics, but we're serious about winning ServantFes.


Fujimaru 2: One tragic tale like that is more than enough...

Blackbeard: ...Heh. I still remember when you were bowled over by PaiKet, and now look at you...

Blackbeard: All right then, if you're looking to become the [♂ King /♀ Queen] of ServantFes, then go ahead and take this room!

Jeanne Alter: Thanks, we will. ...By the way, why'd you choose this hotel anyway?

Jeanne Alter: If the last week has shown me anything, it's that you're a damn sight more calculating than you seem.

Jeanne Alter: So, why this particular hotel? Just 'cause it has a room available?

Blackbeard: Ehehe, just means you noobs still have a lot to learn.

Blackbeard: Try knocking on your neighbor's door after you check in. Trust me.

Blackbeard: According to my research, that's where you'll find a certain batty princess who should be a big help.

Blackbeard: The best way for a noob to get good is to make friends with the masters of the craft.

Blackbeard: Me, I'm a reader, not a creator, so that advice is the best I can do for you.

Blackbeard: All right, looking forward to seeing what you come up with! Save me a copy of your doujin!

Blackbeard: Farewell!

Jeanne Alter: No kidding. So Little Miss Doujin was in the room next door all along...

Jeanne Alter: Let's go, everyone. We're not gonna waste a single damn day this time!

Under the Blue Sky, Work to the Bone

Narration:       —  Day 1  Hotel Check-In  —

BB: You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Robin Hood: Well, here we are, back in the same room.

Ushiwakamaru: I must say, it felt almost comforting to check in here for the first time again.

Jeanne Alter: We can rest up later. First, we're paying a visit next door.

Narration: ...It's not time yet.

Narration: I've still got six days until ServantFes. Six whole days. That's almost a whole week.

Narration: And thankfully, I know I can make a decent book before it begins, even if I do end up sending it to the printer at the last minute.

Narration: Even if I have to use mysterious powers to do it!

Narration: So it's okay to be stuck on the rough draft for now. Really. This is fine.

Narration: All right. So it's pencils, outlining, inking, whitening, tone...and then...and then...

Narration: No, wait, don't get ahead of yourself. You need to get the draft done first. That's what's important.

Narration: ... ...Crap, I'm two pages over...

Narration: Now what do I do?

Narration: The more I fret, the more time I lose. The more time I lose, the more the quality slips.

Narration: And the more the quality slips, the more I fret.

Narration: Oh God! No, forget God! I'd make a deal with the Devil at this point! Won't somebody please help meee!?

Jeanne Alter: Open up!

Narration: ...That was when it happened.

Narration: My door opened, and a fallen saint in a swimsuit appeared before me.

Osakabehime: Huh? Who're... Master!? What are you doing in my room!?

Osakabehime: Ch-chotto a minute! Don't look at my face! Just go away! Get out!

Jeanne Alter: We're not going anywhere!

Osakabehime:

Who–!?

Jeanne Alter: I'm Jeanne d'Arc, and I have some questions for you.

Osakabehime: Huh? Jeanne d'Arc? But, I've seen her around the hotel a few times...

Osakabehime: Isn't she the elegant, graceful holy maiden who's always wearing white?

Jeanne Alter: No, you're, uh, thinking of a different Servant.

Osakabehime: (Hmm. I can see I'm better off dropping this subject. Woo, go me.)

Osakabehime: Okay, so...what did you want to ask me, Jeannie?


Fujimaru 1: Well, you see...

Osakabehime: ...Hmm, I see, I see.

Ushiwakamaru: Osakabehime.

Ushiwakamaru: Does Lady Alter's request not enrage you?

Ushiwakamaru: I mean, who is this upstart intruding in your room and saying she wishes to draw comics without any prior experience doing so?

Ushiwakamaru: It is like a young man showing up out of nowhere, declaring himself a general, and demanding to be given an army to command.

Osakabehime: Well, sure, it definitely comes across as a little...arrogant?

Ushiwakamaru: If I were in your shoes, I would take advantage of the confusion to cut off her head when she wasn't looking.

Osakabehime: Well, I'm no master wordsmith like, say, Andersen or Shakespeare. I'm still just an amateur myself.

Osakabehime: Maybe we're both underestimating each other.

Jeanne Alter: I'm not underestimating you.

Jeanne Alter: It's just...now that I know she drew this manga, I want to make one that's even better. A lot better.


Fujimaru 1: Oh! (That's the book I saw in my dream...)

E:Robin Hood: Huh? What's that all about? You never breathed a word of that the first time around.

Jeanne Alter: I kept it to myself because it was my problem to deal with, not yours. But now, I'm not holding anything back!

Jeanne Alter: We all have to take first place at ServantFes now, so it's better to have a simple, clear-cut goal to shoot for, right?

Osakabehime: Hmm. Let me see that.

Osakabehime: ... ...

Osakabehime: ... ...

Osakabehime: ...? ...!?

Osakabehime: ”#%”TBHEY$#Y”$#%!? `=*=&$#H%E$Y#”!!!

Jeanne Alter: Wh-what's wrong with you!?

Osakabehime: This manga's sugocool!

Osakabehime: I mean, it's clearly a doujin! That much is obvious!

Osakabehime: But I get a sense of a professional at work from this, on par with any veteran!

Osakabehime: The artist has an incredible sense for their craft, but it still gives off a sense of amateurishness!

Osakabehime: And above all, it just...kira kiras!

Osakabehime: It's...like it's captured the beauty of the world free of artifice or adornment!

Osakabehime: Whoever drew this is...is...an absolute tensai! Heaven-sent!

Jeanne Alter: Hmph. I knew it had to be her.

Osakabehime: I don't know much about this Jeanne, but you say she's the one who drew this?

Osakabehime: If she did, I'm super impressed. No wonder it sold more than any other doujin when it came out.

Osakabehime: ...And now you want to surpass it, Jeannie?

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, I do.

Osakabehime: ...Well, just so you know, beating this is gonna be really hard, especially for a beginner.

Osakabehime: Just taking a good shot at this is going to take way more work than you think. I'm talking absolutely bonkers levels of dedication.

Osakabehime: You do get that, right?

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, I get that. I've already gotten a taste of how much work making a doujin is.

Osakabehime: I see. Okay then, you can borrow the drawing tools I've been using.

Osakabehime: I can teach you the basic fundamentals of what goes into this, so I want you to try doing it for yourself.

Osakabehime: At this point, you don't have the drawing skills or the artistic sense to even compete with something like this, let alone surpass it.

Osakabehime: But, you're a Servant, and you've got six days to work with. So do your best to make a miracle happen.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah. Yeah! You damn well better believe I will!

Osakabehime: Okay then, listen up. I've got plenty of advice for you, but one thing is more important than any other!

Osakabehime: You might be a super beginner, but you have one thing no mangaka–not even the one who made this doujin–can match!

Osakabehime: Passion.

Osakabehime: You want to draw a great doujin more than anything, right? So hold on to that desire.

Osakabehime: Because if you ditch that, all you'll have is your skills and your craft.

Osakabehime: And the only people who can draw doujin on skill and craft alone are the pros.

Osakabehime: And since neither you nor I are pros, that means we gotta stick to our passion!

Jeanne Alter: ...I just refuse to lose to her. That's it.


Fujimaru 1: I'd say you're pretty passionate about that.

Osakabehime: Master's exactly right.

Osakabehime: All you need to do is point that competitive streak towards mastering manga and you'll be set.


Fujimaru 2: First things first. Let's start by getting our basics down.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, yeah. I know. Don't worry... My doujin is gonna blow hers outta the water.

Osakabehime: Master, you'll be helping as one of her assistants too, right?


Fujimaru 1: Of course. This isn't my first rode–uh, doujin.

Jeanne Alter: Damn straight [♂ he /♀ she] will. You never know what's gonna come out of [♂ his /♀ her] mouth. [♂ He's /♀ She's] got a real talent for coming up with story ideas.

Osakabehime: Really? I never would have guessed... I didn't think you were interested in that sort of thing, Master.

Osakabehime: Anyway, you can never have too many capable assistants. Um, you said you were staying next door, right?

Osakabehime: Good. Help me carry this stuff over so I can set up a space for myself.

Mash: You're going to help too, Osakabehime? We certainly appreciate it, but are you sure you don't mind?

Osakabehime: Nope! Your timing was perfect! I was just looking for a little inspiration myself.

Osakabehime: And there's nothing like being in the same room as other hardworking artists to get you fired up! Now let's draw some mangaaa!


Fujimaru 1: Yeah, let's get drawing!

Mash: We'll help too, of course!

Ushiwakamaru: Indeed. Now that I've changed into a swimsuit, my Spirit Origin is polished and ready to go!

Ushiwakamaru: In fact, it's so polished, I feel as if I've returned to my youthful days of training on Mt. Kurama!

Ushiwakamaru: Okay Master, just tell me what you need! In fact, why don't I start by finding a demon and bringing you its head in celebration?

E:Robin Hood: Well, now that this ship's already sailed, I wanna do what I can to take BB down a peg or ten.

E:Robin Hood: So I'm gonna start taking this manager position more seriously than ever. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jeanne Alter: Hah, you're all even more fired up than I am! Damn, even in Luluhawa, you're still just a buncha chumps!

--ARROW--

Mash: Oh, Senpai! This is about the time on our first day here when the–

Ushiwakamaru: That's right! The Foreigner! This is when the Foreigner shows up at Waikiki Street!

Osakabehime: Foreigner? Is that another name for the crafts festival being held the day before ServantFes begins? The Wonder Stage?

Jeanne Alter: No. Nothing like that. This is just some crazy trying to ruin everyone's fun.

Jeanne Alter: I dunno what her problem with ServantFes is, but she keeps trying to wreck the convention center.

G:Robin Hood: Yeah we can fill her in about all that later! Remember, dealing with this is part of our job, too!

Mash: Right...! Let's go ask XX to go back home!

Katsushika Hokusai: Aah! Toto-sama!? You already bit the dust!?

Katsushika Hokusai: Wait. Crap. I think I'm getting dizzy too...! Hey, you! Who the hell do ya think you are!?

???: None of your business! Die, Foreigner!

Katsushika Hokusai:

Aaaaaaaaahhh!

BB: You've already seen how this goes, so let's just hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Osakabehime: That's a Foreigner...?

Osakabehime: To think the Servant world was so horrid! That there could be anything worse than Mecha Eli-chan.

Osakabehime: Um, can you actually beat her? She's got, like...laser beams and vulcan cannons!

G:Robin Hood: That's true... We've given her a good fight every time but we've never really defeated her before.

G:Robin Hood: It'd be way easier to focus on our doujin if we could take her out sooner, but I don't see how to do that...

Mash: We'll have to figure that out another time. The good part is that now we know exactly when and where she'll be showing up.

Mash: And there's no reason we shouldn't be able to drive her off again, like we did last time.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah. And since we pretty much gotta fight her on the last day anyway, let's just forget her for now.

Jeanne Alter: The only thing we need to be focusing on right now is our doujin.

Jeanne Alter: Especially now that we've got Osakabehime here to show us the ropes.

Jeanne Alter: This time, we're damn sure gonna finish in time to send it to the printer! Got that, everyone!?


Fujimaru 1: Yeeeah!

Ushiwakamaru: (...I'm glad we're all united on this front, but I still can't help but wonder what became of our problem child...)

Ibaraki on a Rampage

Ibaraki-Douji: ... ...

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Hmm. I can't find Shuten...and Luluhawa is getting boooring...

Ibaraki-Douji: ...But it doesn't seem like Master is gonna leave.

Ibaraki-Douji: [♂ He's /♀ She's] just been cooped up with Jeanne Alter working on something shady.

Ibaraki-Douji: ...I'm so bored! I'm tired of running around...I'm even tired of eating...

Ibaraki-Douji: I want to do something more...you know...oni-ish!

C:???: Well hello. How did you end up all the way here? This isn't the kind of place you can just wander into...

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm? That voice... Is that you, BB?

BB: Sure is! So, you think Luluhawa is pretty boring, hmm?

Ibaraki-Douji: I've been playing nonstop for a week! Of course it's gotten boring! Especially now that I've already conquered the mountain!

BB: Oho, iiinteresting. So you still know how much time has actually passed even without being aware of the time loop, hm?

BB: And here I thought instant gratification was the only thing oni cared about.

BB: In that sense, you're actually pretty earnest, huh.

BB: I can't tell if that makes you less oni-ish, or more.

BB: Well, either way, this works out nicely.

BB: If you like, I'd be happy to make your Luluhawan experience more fulfilling.

Ibaraki-Douji:

Really?

BB: Ayup. Just leave it to BB. Now watch as you turn into a pig♡

Ibaraki-Douji: What!?

BB: Oh, sorry. Force of habit.

BB: Now watch as you gain an adorable organic (not really) swimsuit that will sow chaos like nothing else♪

Ibaraki-Douji: Wh-whoa! I don't know what's going on, but my heart feels like it's dancing!

Ibaraki-Douji: Even my body feels as light as a feather. I feel like I could trounce Tsuna in his prime!

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Wait, scratch that. Fighting Tsuna in his prime would still be a frightening proposition.

BB: Hehehe. It looks like your new Spirit Origin makes you more easily excitable.

Ibaraki-Douji: Okay BB, what is it you want me to do!?

BB: Well, since you asked...

Ibaraki-Douji: Hmm, hm hm.

Ibaraki-Douji: Oh, that's easy! Consider it done!

Ibaraki-Douji: Okay then, I'm off!

BB: Yaaay! There are few things better than seeing Ibaraki leaping without bothering to look♪

BB: Besides, what's the point in a time loop if you're only going to repeat it once?

BB: Don't think you're going to get away with just one go-round, Senpai. You're going to experience this week at LEAST a hundred times!

Jeanne Alter: Okay, here's the direction we'll go with the book.


Fujimaru 1: I hope it sells well.

Jeanne Alter: Don't be an ass. Of course it's gonna sell well.

Jeanne Alter: But we're aiming for something much better than just selling well!


Fujimaru 2: This should make for a fun story.

Jeanne Alter: ...Freakin' duh. I came up with it, dummy.

Robin Hood: Master! We've got an emergency on our hands!

Jeanne Alter: What, they don't knock in your time? You could've barged in on us changing, you know.


Fujimaru 1: What's up?

Robin Hood: Ibaraki's going berserk out there!

Jeanne Alter: !?

Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahahahaha! Mwaaahahahaha! I knew I would enjoy being in a swimsuit! It makes everything more exciting!

Ibaraki-Douji: I don't even care that Shuten's not here!

Ibaraki-Douji: (Munch, munch!) (Chomp, chomp!)

Aloha Guy:

My swallow's nest with coconut milk!


Fujimaru 1: That's a hell of a treat!

Aloha Guy: What do you want me to say!? I'm a foodie!

Aloha Guy: However, since my impeccably elegant instincts are telling me it's dangerous to stay here, I'll let that slide so I can get outta here!


Fujimaru 2: Sounds yummy.

Aloha Guy: Well, you can't have any, you hear? Not a drop! Especially since I don't even have it anymore!

Ibaraki-Douji: There you are, Master!

Ibaraki-Douji: Hehehe, no fair that you get all the fun while I'm running around Luluhawa like a chicken with its head cut off!

Ibaraki-Douji: Uh, I mean...

Ibaraki-Douji: All this is your fault for leaving me alone this whole time, Fujimaru!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: But now that I'm wearing this swimsuit, there is nothing I fear! Nothing!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Well, Master? What do you think of it?

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Go ahead and tell me what you really think! Not that there's any doubt about what you'll say!


Fujimaru 1: It, uh...suits you?

C:Ibaraki-Douji: It does, doesn't it? Still, you're very astute, drawing attention to that! Hehehe...


Fujimaru 2: Nice! It looks badass!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Yes! It totally does, if I do say so myself!

Mash: I don't think I've ever seen her look so proud before.

Robin Hood: Ibaraki? If you keep leaning back to look down your nose at us, you're gonna end up falling on your ass.

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Nuh-uh!

Robin Hood: So what's the deal here? Why're you doing this?

C:Ibaraki-Douji: What do you mean why? I'm an oni!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: What other reason could I possibly need to go on a rampage? Especially with Chaldea picking up the tab.

Mash: Huh!?

Fou: Fou!?

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Well, why not? I'm an oni from the land of oni, after all.

Jeanne Alter: Now I get it. You just want attention, don't you?

C:Ibaraki-Douji:

N-no I don't!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: I'm just tearing this city up to show that I'm as oni as oni gets!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: And once I'm done, I'll rename Luluhawa “Shuten”!

Robin Hood: Welp, she didn't come up with this on her own. Someone talked her into it. No reason to hold back, though. Let's take her down hard.

Mash: Y-yes, that does seem to be the only option.

Mash: Ibaraki, I can't let you hurt Chaldea's reputation like this. You need to settle down and behave yourself!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: So, you would challenge me, huh!?

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Then I shall meet you on the field of battle with a style befitting this kick-ass swimsuit!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Hehehe, hahaha...!

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Wha...? Why...why isn't this a raid?

C:Ibaraki-Douji: Well, you know... Those are kind of a pain, right...?

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahahahaha! More! I wanna rampage mooore!

Ibaraki-Douji: My vacation has only just begun! I'll be back once I've regrouped!

Ushiwakamaru: ...Hmph. If oni is measured by how much trouble they cause, there are none greater.

Ushiwakamaru: Master, perhaps our best course of action would be calling in the prefect, Lady Raikou, and enlisting her expertise to handle this oni problem.

Robin Hood: I don't know. I'm not certain bringing in the prefect wouldn't just make things...a lot worse...

Mash: I'm more worried about the prefect running into Ibaraki while she's out on her rampage...

Fou: Fou...

F:???: Oh? My, oh my...

F:???: ...I smell an insect afoot...

F:???: Perhaps this is a sign that I must return to my duties as a prefect...

So Many Different Clubs


Fujimaru 1: Morning...


Fujimaru 2: So sleepy...

Mash: Good morning, Senpai. After we had you go to bed last night...

Mash: ...Jeanne Alter stayed up thinking about the rough draft.

Jeanne Alter: Freakin' duh. This was all my idea to begin with.

Jeanne Alter: Now that we're about halfway done, I say we take a break and go for a walk around Luluhawa.

Jeanne Alter: I know I said we'd wait for that Foreigner to show up, but I figure we could at least take a stab at tracking her down ourselves too.

Jeanne Alter: Besides, there's still plenty of places we haven't even seen–

C:???: Ah!

Jeanne Alter: ...That voice!

Jeanne Alter: Come on, Fujimaru, before SHE shows up.

Jeanne: Come now, don't be like that. I just want to talk a bit.

Jeanne: Heehee, I didn't know you were here in Luluhawa too.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, I am.

Jeanne: That's great! We should hang out, then!

Jeanne Alter: Over my dead body.

Jeanne: Why not!?

Jeanne Alter: ...You're drawing a doujin now, aren't you?

Jeanne: Huh!?

Jeanne: H-h-how did you– Wait. Are you coming to ServantFes too!?

Jeanne Alter: That's right. And we're drawing a doujin of our own.

Jeanne Alter: So I don't have time to pal around with you.

Jeanne Alter: I'm too busy drawing something that'll blow yours out of the water!

Jeanne: ... ...That's great!

Jeanne: I'm so thrilled to hear that! I'm honored you're giving me so much attention!

Jeanne Alter: Ghh... Grrr...

Jeanne: ...Even if you are only doing this because of the change in your Spirit Origin's temperament...

Jeanne: ...it's wonderful how you're channeling your desire for revenge into a constructive attempt to surpass me!

Jeanne Alter: Ghh... I knew it. Changing into a swimsuit didn't do anything to tighten all her loose screws!

Jeanne: To tell the truth, I have a huge competitive streak myself!

Jeanne Alter: Uh, yeah, I know.


Fujimaru 1: Same.

Mash: Me too.

Robin Hood: I'm pretty sure everyone in France knows. Hell, everyone in England too, thanks to Shakespeare.

Jeanne: Huh!?

Jeanne: ... ...Ahem.

Jeanne: Since we're all here now, why don't we have breakfast together? My treat!

Jeanne: Isn't this ocean view great? Hehe, I guess the early bird really does get the worm. Or the best breakfast table, in our case.

Jeanne Alter: ...

Altria Alter: Your face looks like the barnacles that got scraped off the ship this morning, Quixote maiden. Here is some freshly baked bread. You have three seconds to eat it.

Jeanne Alter: Well, well, if it isn't the ice bitch queen. You work here too?

Altria Alter: Indeed. I can eat all I want here, thanks to the buffet.

Jeanne Alter: ...You know you're not supposed to eat on the job, right?

Jeanne: So, getting down to business...

Jeanne: Marie and I will be putting out another book this year under our club name, St. Orleans.

Jeanne: Do you know anything about the other clubs?


Fujimaru 1: Nope. Nothing.

Mash: We only just formed our club recently, so...we've been very caught up trying to get our book done.

Jeanne: In that case, I'll tell you what I know about the other clubs.

Jeanne: Or, to put it another way, about the people you'll be competing against! Your potential friendly rivals!

Jeanne Alter: No thanks. I'm not here to make friends.

Jeanne: You stop that. I don't want to hear you being so confrontational.

Jeanne Alter: Tch...

Ushiwakamaru: Hmm, I feel as though I'm watching a squabble between two sis–Mmf, mmf.


Fujimaru 1: Shhh!

Jeanne Alter: I can hear you, you know!

Jeanne: Hehe.

Jeanne: ...All right, let's start with the literary club, Grown-Up Fairy Tales. It's run by Shakespeare and Andersen.

Jeanne: They've been around for a long time, as you can imagine. I've heard they occasionally bring in guests.

Andersen: I've got it!

Andersen: We'll go with a tragedy this year. I've even got a title: “The Pitiful Elephant King.”

Shakespeare: Hmm. I take it this will be one of those “based on a true story” types?

Andersen: That's right. I even know how to begin it...

Narration: Once upon a time, there was a poor elephant forced to eat poisoned food during wartime.

Ivan the Terrible: This is delicious.

Narration: But, it had no effect on him.

Shakespeare: Hahaha! What's Ivan the Terrible doing in prison!?

Andersen: Hahaha! How should I know!?

Both: Waaahahaha!

Shakespeare: ...Shall we get back to writing?

Andersen: Yeah, I guess we should. Dammit, I can't seem to come up with a snappy line!

Jeanne: Then there's Tentacle Iron Bar. They made a huge splash when they debuted last year.


Fujimaru 1: Tentacle...?


Fujimaru 2: Iron Bar...?

Jeanne: Y-yes, that's right. Katsushika Hokusai made it.

Jeanne: If I had to bet, I would put money on her releasing the winning entry. The only downside is her work is so good that it tends not to catch on with the general public.

Jeanne: Although...I heard a rumor that Hokusai has gone missing... I hope she's all right.

Jeanne: The next club is called The One Thousand and One Night Offerings Collective.

Jeanne: I heard the Caster of Storytelling comes up with the stories, and Nitocris turns them into manga.

Jeanne: They've been around for a long time, even before Nitocris joined them...

Jeanne: ...and I hear they've got a number of hardcore fans who can't wait to see what happens next.

Nitocris: Okay, I'm done with this episode! Lord Medjed, you handle the inking!

E:: Um...do you think we could take a break soon...? I'm worried about dying from overwork...

Nitocris: Don't be ridiculous! We still have a ton of stories left to cover!

Nitocris: Oh, Lord Medjed, I'm afraid you're filling outside the lines. Would you mind doing it over? Thanks!

E:: Also, Nitocris...?

E:: If you don't stand up soon, you're going to die from deep vein thrombosis.

Nitocris: All right, all right, I got it.

E:: Phew, that does feel better...

E:: (I still don't understand why she's asking Lord Medjed for help... But it's probably best I keep that to myself.)

E:: (...Besides, it's rather amusing to see her like this.)

Jeanne: And then there's the club that's been around forever: Osakabehime and Kiyohime's Princess Princess.

Osakabehime: Yes, yes, yes! I'm churning out pages like there's no tomorrow!

Osakabehime: Arigathanks, Jeannie!

Osakabehime: That story you showed me has seriously done wonders for my motivation!

Kiyohime: Why were you so uninspired before, anyway?

Osakabehime: ...Our club name.

Kiyohime: Our club name? What's wrong with our club name?

Kiyohime: It's been ages since we went with Princess Princess, since we both have princess characters in our name.

Kiyohime: Is there something wrong with that?

Osakabehime: ...It's embarrassing to still call ourselves that now that all these actual European princesses are popping up left and right!

Kiyohime: Hmm... You think?

Osakabehime: I mean, when you get right down to it, we're not actually princesses at all! We're barely even royalty!

Kiyohime: Oh, I don't agree with that. I'm a princess because I feel like one. That's all I need.

Osakabehime: Must be nice being you...

Kiyohime: Please don't flatter me. You're going to make me blush...

Osakabehime: I was being sarcastic!

Kiyohime: Anyway, we still have half the book left to complete.

Kiyohime: Why don't we make a high school romance story? Between Master and me!

Osakabehime: No, sorry... You have to tread much more carefully when dealing with real people. Besides, that sort of thing's a textbook example of a slippery slope...

Kiyohime: Hmph.

Osakabehime: Pout all you want. No means no!

Jeanne: Those are just the ones I know about. I'm sure there are others creating works in all sorts of genres.

Jeanne: You might find some of them if you explore more of Luluhawa.

Jeanne: Just attending ServantFes is a lot of fun in its own right, but there's nothing quite like presenting a book you made with your own hands.

Jeanne: Oh, right.

Jeanne: As a Ruler, I can't let this Foreigner that showed up last night run around doing whatever she pleases.

Jeanne: Er, never mind that I'm an Archer now, thanks to my swimsuit changing my Spirit Origin.

Jeanne: Anyway, once I find her, I'm going to kick...er, I mean, beat her black and...no, no, defeat her once and for all! Yeah, that's it!

Jeanne Alter: Heh. Get it now, Fujimaru? This is the real Jeanne.

Jeanne Alter: A cold-blooded killer masquerading as a paragon of love.

Jeanne: That is not true. I only practice self-defense.

Robin Hood: By which you mean, the best defense is a strong offense, right?

Jeanne: Well, yes. Isn't that normal in war?

Jeanne Alter: Told ya!


Fujimaru 1: (She looks so happy...)

Jeanne Alter: Whatever you're thinking, stop. I don't like it.


Fujimaru 2: (They really are like sisters...)

Jeanne: We're sisters, and we love each other!

Jeanne Alter:

You shut your mouth!

Jeanne: As for me, I'm planning to draw a dolphin love story!

Jeanne: I can't wait to see your book when you're finished, Alter. Make sure you save me a copy!

Jeanne Alter: ...F-fine. When you're done reading my book, you won't know what hit you!

Jeanne: Great! I can't wait!

Robin Hood: ...Just when you think there's hope for these two, you realize how incredibly different they are.

Ushiwakamaru: True. They remind me of my brother and Lady Masako.

Robin Hood: ...Hm? Oh, hey, Tamamo Cat.

Robin Hood: Say, I haven't seen the man in red lately. Where'd he get to?

Robin Hood: I figured he'd be here cooking up a storm in the kitchen...

Tamamo Cat: If you're looking for the handsome guy in the red coat, I think the Drama Queen and Tamamo Alter (*normal Tamamo) took him away.

Tamamo Cat: Something about starting up an Extra club, I think? I wasn't paying much attention.

Robin Hood: Welp... Guess he's abducted now.

Altria Alter: Indeed, he is.

Altria Alter: I am told they mean to form a club and publish a book under the name Moonside Etcetera.

Robin Hood: Huh. Well, I guess they'll pull something together as long as he's around.

Altria Alter: I am not so sure. After all, a book is nothing if not an expression of art.


Fujimaru 1: That's...

Jeanne Alter: Oh, yeah, that shorty in red does have some pretty awful taste. What'd she call that genre again? Gorefest? Splatterhouse?

Mash: I think you're thinking of “grotesque.”

Mash: I've heard it originated as a deviation from “grotta,” which means “cave.”

Mash: Though of course, its meaning has changed significantly over time.

Mash: At any rate, as long as Tamamo and Emiya are there, I'm sure they'll keep things from going off the rails–

Tamamo Cat: Oh, now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure Elisabeth joined them too.

Mash: Uh...


Fujimaru 1: And so the two musicians clash...

Robin Hood: Okay, great. As long as we throw together something halfway decent, we oughta at least avoid coming in last.

Jeanne Alter:

That still makes it sound like we'll be finishing near the bottom!

Rejoice, Presidente!

Elisabeth: Hm? You wanna know how to make doujin? You really signed up for ServantFes without even knowing that?

Elisabeth: Heh, that's either really brave, or really reckless. Reminds me of how bad last year's Halloween got.

Elisabeth: But that's okay with me. I like a little recklessness.

Elisabeth: All right, as a fellow Anti-Hero...of sorts, I'll offer you a word of advice.

Elisabeth: I don't know what sort of story you're looking to draw, but you can't just go right to a printer with a draft.

Elisabeth: First, you need to actually make an appointment to see the printer.

BB: You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Jeanne Alter: Oh crap...I just remembered...!

Jeanne Alter: Guys, hold up! Hold uuup!

Mash: What is it, Alter? We were just headed to the printer now. Did you forget something?

Jeanne Alter: Remember how we couldn't find the owner there last time? I doubt it'll be any different now.

Jeanne Alter: We'll have better luck of finding him if we split up and search the city.

Mash: Oh, right. We never did meet him, did we...

Mash: All right, why don't we try talking to other Servants who are in clubs of their own?

Mash: They might be able to point us in the right direction.

Jeanne Alter: Okay, sounds good.

Astolfo: Hm hm hmm♪

Jeanne Alter: Let's start with that Servant who's skipping down the street.

Mash: I...don't think that would be a very good use of our time.

Jeanne Alter: Huh? Why?


Fujimaru 1: If he ever knew, he's probably forgotten.

Astolfo: Oh, is someone there? Alohaaa!

Astolfo: What can this man of the sea do for you tonight?

Jeanne Alter: Man of the sea?

Astolfo: What else would you call a sailor!

Jeanne Alter: Whatever.

Jeanne Alter: You wouldn't happen to know where we can find the owner of the printing place, would you?

Astolfo: No clue!

Ushiwakamaru: Why am I not surprised.

Astolfo: Oh, but I do know a couple of big shots. And isn't that what any company owner would be?

Mash: I suppose that's true...

Astolfo: d'Eon and I went to get a job with them, but...

H:???: Hmm... What do you think, Boss?

G:???: Heh. I already know all I need thanks to my Clairvoyance. You are a walking trouble factory.

G:???: If I were to hire you, I would have nothing to gain and everything to lose. I have no need for a talking stick of dynamite apt to light his own fuse.

G:???: But you, capable-looking maid, are a different story. You should make a perfect bodyguard.

d'Eon: Thank you, sir. I promise I will serve you faithfully.

d'Eon: Sorry, Astolfo. Nothing I can do!

Astolfo:

Can you believe that!?


Fujimaru 1: I dunno. Sounds about right to me.

Astolfo: You're a meanie, Master!


Fujimaru 2: Gee, you poor thing.

Astolfo: I can hear your sarcasm!

Astolfo: So thanks to that, I'm now homeless and jobless in Luluhawa! Good thing I'm an expert camper!

Astolfo: ...Hey, I'm still trying to find a job, so it's not like I'm a total loser!

Jeanne Alter: So where can we find this big shot?

Astolfo: At this time of night, probably at the hotel? Oh yeah, he runs the hotel too, did I mention that?

Jeanne Alter: The hotel... Does that mean we've gotta go back where we started?

Jeanne Alter: Ugh, this sucks!


Fujimaru 1: Thanks for your help, Astolfo.

Astolfo: No problemo!

Astolfo: Wait...where was I going again?

Jeanne Alter: Come on, let's go already!

Jekyll: Welcome back. ...Hm?

Jekyll: May I ask if there's a problem?

Jeanne Alter: Is this hotel's owner here?

Jekyll: Oh, yes, he just returned not too long ago.

Jekyll: I believe you'll find him out on the beach, if you wish to speak with him.

Jekyll: Although–

Jeanne Alter: All right, let's move!

Jekyll: Oh boy. ...Hopefully that will work out.

Mordred: You just decided not to bother 'cause it'd be too much of a pain in the ass, didn't you?

Jekyll: Hahaha, of course not.

Jekyll: I simply have many more things I need to attend to first, given my duties as hotel manager.

Jekyll: Speaking of which, I need you to be a little more polite to our guests.

Mordred: Never mind me. What happened to the new porter you were supposed to hire?

Jekyll: Ah yes, I believe he should be here any moment no–

Astolfo: Hiii! I'm here about the job posting!

Mordred: You get right the hell out.

Astolfo:

What'd I do?!

Mash: That must be the owner over there.

Jeanne Alter: Seems that way. Especially since that d'Eon person's there.

Jeanne Alter: Look, there's someone else, too... Maybe she's his secretary or something.

Jeanne Alter: Okay, show of hands...

Jeanne Alter: Who else here thinks they've seen that mop of blond hair on the owner guy's head before?


Fujimaru 1: Me.

Mash: Yes, I certainly have.

Robin Hood: We've just gotta hope he's willing to hear us out.


Fujimaru 2: I can't tell...

Robin Hood: Pretty sure I have. I'd know those rich moves anywhere.

Robin Hood: But hey, this works out well. All we gotta do's butter him up a bit!

E:???: Hahahaha! As I thought, I have no recollection whatsoever!

E:???: And if looking at this paradisiacal ocean is not enough to stir my memory...

E:???: ...that must mean I am not, in fact, a man of the sea!

G:???: Oh yes, I'm sure it does. Now, if you could just sign these papers for me, please?

d'Eon: Hold it right there. As the second secretary of staff, I cannot overlook this.

d'Eon: This investment opportunity is preposterous!

G:???: But just think of the profit!

G:???: Once you buy out an entire floor of a famous hotel, you can use it as a summer home once a year...

G:???: ...and the rest of the time, you rent it back to me–to the hotel for a safe, secure, low-risk ROI...

d'Eon: Yes, I'm sure the risk is very low for you.

d'Eon: Especially since this has you covering one percent of the investment cost and the boss covering the other ninety-nine!

d'Eon: And if that weren't bad enough, it has you as the primary beneficiary!

E:???: Mwahahahaha! Very well, request granted! There you go, signed and sealed.

d'Eon: Wait, really!? Don't you want to think it over at least a little!?

E:???: Worry not, my beautiful Maid Knight. My pool of riches is as boundless as the sea. I could not deplete it in a thousand lifetimes!

E:???: It is the privilege, nay, the right of one so rich to see how others spend such wealth.

E:???: Think of it this way: this will be an excellent opportunity to determine my new business partner's deviousness.

G:???: D-devious? Me? Oh gosh, it's embarrassing to hear you just come out and say it♡

E:???: At any rate, my identity crisis comes first and foremost!

E:???: Until I know who I am, nothing else matters!

Mash: Um, excuse me!

F:???: Hm? Who are you?

F:???: I am a man of wealth who lost his memory due to reasons. For the moment, you may call me Gorgeous P.

Gorgeous P: I am just another filthy-rich billionaire, the sort you find just about any old place.

Gorgeous P: I do not believe I would have any association with ordinary tourists like yourselves.

Robin Hood: Oh come on, it's as plain as the hair on your head that you're Gilgame–

Gorgeous P:

Silence!

Gorgeous P: Hold your tongue, Ratman!

Gorgeous P: I will permit no one else to restore my memories! No one!

Gorgeous P: I, and I alone, will do that.

Gorgeous P: So you are to remain silent, regardless of what you may know. Is that clear?

Robin Hood: Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. We're just commoners, after all. Who are we to object?

Jeanne Alter: I don't give a rip about your memories. I just want to know if you own the local printer.

H:???: Oh yes, that he does.

H:???: Gorgeous Printing Inc. is ready and waiting to turn your final draft into a professional publication the day of the con, five minutes before the con begins, or even right after the con doors open!

H:???: Oh, right, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? I'm Moolah, Mr. P's mysterious yet beautiful secretary♪


Fujimaru 1: You really do have money on the brain, don't you.

Moolah: Oh, I wouldn't say that. It might be true, but I wouldn't say it.


Fujimaru 2: Can I pet your ears?

Moolah: Go right ahead! Just as long as you pay me what they're worth♪

Robin Hood: Don't do it, Master.

Robin Hood: She'll find a way to take everything but the shirt on your back if you put so much as a finger on her.

Moolah: ...♪

Jeanne Alter: All right, so I can kind of understand same-day printing before the con opens, but how can you offer to print after the con's already begun?

Moolah: It's simple.

Moolah: We send our printer into Void Space, invert cause and effect...

Moolah: ...and finish the printing the moment you finish your final draft.

Moolah: That way, once you're ready to send it to the printer, you don't even have to!

Moolah: It's our new landmark printing service♪


Fujimaru 1: That's...beyond amazing!

Moolah:

Why thank you♡

Gorgeous P: Heh. Amnesia or not, there is nothing my money and I cannot do.

Gorgeous P: However!

Gorgeous P: There are, of course, some conditions that must be met in order to use this extra special service!

Jeanne Alter: Conditions? What, like pay you a metric shit ton of BB Bucks or something?

Gorgeous P: Payment is a given. I'm running a business, not a charity. But before we make a deal, you must prove you are trustworthy...

Gorgeous P: ...by risking your lives!

Gorgeous P: Now, prepare yourselves, up-and-coming club members!


Fujimaru 1: Prepare for what exactly?

Gorgeous P: Now that Servants have assembled here on this moonlit beach, what else is there to do but fight?


Fujimaru 2: You got it!

Gorgeous P: Good. I'm glad we understand one another.

Gorgeous P: Now, let our battle begin.

Mash: Huh? Why do we have to fight!?

Gorgeous P: Why, you say?

Gorgeous P: Because that is what Servants do when they encounter each other, of course.

d'Eon: I apologize on behalf of my employer.

d'Eon: But you must understand, printing a book on the day of the con is a fairly difficult endeavor for us.

d'Eon: It is not simply a matter of being able to afford it.

d'Eon: We want to print books into which the creators have poured their heart and souls.

d'Eon: That is why we want you to show us how strong your resolve is. Are you prepared to do that?


Fujimaru 1: What do you think?

Jeanne Alter: We accept. We were gonna have to “negotiate” with the printer eventually anyway.

Jeanne Alter: So let's show them just how serious we are about this.


Fujimaru 2: Can you do this?

Jeanne Alter: You better believe it.

Jeanne Alter: We're gonna show them exactly how serious we are about this!

Jeanne Alter: Bring it, you bourgeois punks!

--BATTLE--

Gorgeous P: Hmm... I thought that fighting you might help me remember something, since you lot seem vaguely familiar, but it would seem not...

Gorgeous P: Well, no matter. It was an enjoyable warm-up nonetheless.

Gorgeous P: Very well! I now understand just how dedicated you are to your work!

Gorgeous P: It does seem that the key creative figure among you is still harboring some delusions...but that is no less valid a creative method than others.

Gorgeous P: So suffer for your art! Fight for your art!

Gorgeous P: Mongrels though you may be, no doubt you can still produce something beautiful if you master what talents you have!

Gorgeous P: I hereby grant you permission to make use of my printing facilities!

Gorgeous P: Fuhahahaha! Hahahahaha!

Gorgeous P: Now, d'Eon, let us be on our way. Today, we're having dinner at the Ritz penthouse.


Fujimaru 1: One last thing.

Gorgeous P: Very well, what is it? ...Hm? What does the “P” stand for?

Gorgeous P: Dunderhead! What else would it possibly stand for!?

Gorgeous P: It stands for “President,” the most important person in all of Luluhawa!

Moolah: Okay, let's get going, Mr. President. Oh, by the way, I have another proposition for a new factory I was hoping you could take a look at...?

Gorgeous P: Very well! Build it! Just make sure to produce a special line of product just for me!

Moolah: Yaaay♡

d'Eon: Oh no, not another scam...! Get back here, you! Excuse me, everyone, but I need to get going!

d'Eon: Good luck with your doujin!

Queen of the Beach

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter: ... ...


Fujimaru 1: How's it going?

Jeanne Alter: ...Not great.

Jeanne Alter: Dunno why, either.

Jeanne Alter: I have plenty of great ideas, but as soon as I try to get them down on paper...

Jeanne Alter: ...well, they just seem kind of lame.


Fujimaru 2: I'm all done with this page.

Jeanne Alter: ...Huh?

Jeanne Alter: Oh, right. I'll take that.

Jeanne Alter: Here's the next page.

Robin Hood: 'Sup. How's things over here? You working hard, or hardly working?

Robin Hood: Working hard? Good. Then here's a little treat.

Robin Hood: How you holding up, Master?


Fujimaru 1: I'm going great.

Robin Hood: So you're used to working at a desk, huh. Wouldn't have pegged you for an honor student.

Robin Hood: But just 'cause you can sit inside all day doesn't mean you should.

Robin Hood: We're in Luluhawa, remember? Get outside! Smell the ocean air once in a while. It's good for you.


Fujimaru 2: I'm feeling a little worn out...

Jeanne Alter: Oh?

Jeanne Alter: In that case, you should go outside and get some fresh air and sunlight, Fujimaru.

Jeanne Alter: Don't worry, I'll take care of this part.

Robin Hood: All right Alter, I'm gonna borrow Master for a little bit then.

Jeanne Alter: ...Just don't forget to bring [♂ him /♀ her] back later.

Jeanne Alter: [♂ He's /♀ She's] my assistant, after all.

Robin Hood: You got it. Come on, Master, let's go take a break and have some fun!

Fou: Fou fou fou!

Jeanne Alter: Wait, hold on.

Jeanne Alter: While you're out there, bring the camera and take some pics of girls in swimsuits.


Fujimaru 1: Uh... Aren't you wearing a swimsuit...?

Jeanne Alter: I've got enough reference material of my own body. Oh, and don't bother with that other Jeanne either, since we've got the same build.

Mash: I'll handle the photos then.

Mash: Is there a particular kind of girl you're looking for?

Jeanne Alter: Hmm. Someone stuck-up and conceited? Thinks she's the most beautiful thing in the world and acts like it?

Jeanne Alter: Believes she's entitled to be waited on hand and foot, and can't even conceive of obeying anyone else?

Jeanne Alter: If you can grab a picture of a woman like that, bending the knee, that'd be perfect.

D:Robin Hood: Got it. I know just the woman for the job. Right, Ushiwakamaru?

Ushiwakamaru: Absolutely. In fact, she should be out on the beach right now. Maybe she can actually be useful for once in her life.

Mash: Ah...

Mash: I-I know who you're talking about now. So we need to get a good shot of the beach queen, huh. It won't be easy...but I'll do my best!


Fujimaru 1: Okay, see you later.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don't worry if it doesn't work out, okay? I'm not getting my hopes up at all.

Jeanne Alter: ... ...All right, let's try this here...

Jeanne Alter: Phew...

Jeanne Alter: ...Dammit, I can't even tell if this is fun to read or not anymore...

Jeanne Alter: What's the main difference between this one and hers...?

Jeanne Alter:

Aaargh! God-freaking-dammit!

Jeanne Alter: ...What's that dolphin princess up to anyway? I'll ask Fujimaru when [♂ he /♀ she] gets back...

Medb: Denied.

Mash:

She just turned us down flat!

D:Robin Hood: Why not!? Didn't you tell us to take as many pics as we please before!?

Medb: Huh? I never said anything like that. I've never even seen you guys on this beach before.

Medb: Anyway, these are my portrait rights we're talking about! End of discussion!


Fujimaru 1: I really can't argue with that!

Medb: Besides...when I look at you guys...

Medb: ...you remind me of crabs scuttling across the beach, or a bunch of ants showing up on my picnic blanket.

Medb: Like, you're weak and pathetic, yet still stand out more than I do, which just pisses me off even more.

Medb: It makes me want to squish you all like bugs! Especially you, weird bumpkin girl!

Medb: Your gangly limbs and stocky torso are downright revolting! Get down on your knees so I don't have to look at you!

Ushiwakamaru: ...Heh. So you're the one picking a fight this time. Good. That saves me the trouble.

Ushiwakamaru: I hate you just as much, if not more so! I'm going to cauterize that unseemly mouth of yours so I never have to hear your screeching again!

Medb: Well, well, listen to you. If you think you can pull that off, bitch, go ahead and try!

Ushiwakamaru: Oh I will, don't worry. Now, let's have a good, clean–


Fujimaru 1: Both of you, knock it–

D:Robin Hood: Something just crashed on the beach! Ugh. Don't tell me...

G:XX: ...Illegal Servants detected. Beach resort detected.

G:XX: ...Authorization to fire, received. Eliminating targets.

E:Nameless Photogs: No way. Is that a tokusatsu cosplay? Check out the detail on her costume!

Mash: Oh no! All the photographers surrounding Medb are running off towards the Foreigner!

G:XX: ? ???

E:Nameless Photogs: Over here! Can you strike a pose!?

E:Nameless Photogs: That's it! Beautiful! I love the way the light glints off your gauntlets!

E:Nameless Photogs: Let's take another! Stick up your arms, cover your right elbow with your left hand, and turn your chin this way!

G:XX: ...? ...!?

Medb: (Jaw dropped)

Ushiwakamaru: Heh. So much for the beach queen. Looks like all your “adoring” fans would rather photograph the Foreigner than you.

Medb: Grr, what sort of fetishes are you pigs into!? You're gonna pay dearly for this humiliation!

E:Nameless Photogs: Crap. Run for your lives, boys!

E:Nameless Photogs: He who shoots pics and runs away, lives to shoot another day!

Medb: Fujimaru! Do you know that tin-plated freak show!?


Fujimaru 1: She's an unknown Servant.


Fujimaru 2: She's filling out this year's Foreigner slot.

Medb: Foreigner...? W-well, whatever. I don't know what that's about, and I don't care.

Medb: All I know is that nobody steals my toys and gets away with it! You're going down hard!

D:Robin Hood: Sweet, this'll make our jobs easier. Plus, we get to see what Medb's capable of. Two birds, one stone.

D:Robin Hood: Come on, Master! It's time to take out this Foreigner for the second time!

--BATTLE--

D:XX: Morning shift over. Punishment...suspended.

Mash: ...I've lost track of the Foreigner again... She flies much too quickly for me to follow.

Medb: Dammit, she got away! What was that thing, Mash? What's going on?

Mash: Oh, right. Well...

Medb: Hmm. A Foreigner, huh...

Medb: Oh well, it's none of my business, and frankly, I couldn't care less!

Medb: Well then, I'm gonna hang out at the pool to cool down after this workout.

Medb: Bye now, Fujimaru.

Medb: You can always join me in my club as long as you're willing to become a slave to my beauty☆

Ushiwakamaru: Hmph, as if you'd even entertain the notion of joining that honey trap's club. Right, Master!?


Fujimaru 1: I don't have my own camera, so...


Fujimaru 2: I'd have to talk it over with Blackbeard first...

Mash: It's too bad. Medb fit Alter's request perfectly.

Mash: We may as well go back to the hotel then. ...I-if all else fails, I could always pose instead!

Mash: I know I'm a far cry from what Alter asked for, but if it will help...

Mash: ...I'll do my best to convince myself I'm the most stuck-up, conceited, beautiful thing in the world!


Fujimaru 1: You're already the cutest thing in the world!

Mash:

Oof!

Fou: Fou. Fou? (Special Translation: Are you TRYING to kill her?)


Fujimaru 2: I know you can do it!

Mash: Th-thank you, Senpai... I promise I won't let you down!

Jeanne Alter: Hm? Oh, you're back.

Jeanne Alter: So how'd it–

Mash: I-I-I'm the most gorgeous lady in the whole wide world!

Mash: Je t'aime!

Jeanne Alter: Huh. You get cursed out there or something? Maybe brainwashed?

Mash: Senpai, she shot me down! Waaah!


Fujimaru 1: There, there.


Fujimaru 2: The important thing is that you did your best.

Jeanne Alter: What the hell's going on!?

A Wonderful Fairytale of a Wonderful Holy Maiden

Jeanne Alter: ...Let's take a break, Fujimaru.

Jeanne Alter: What's with the look?

Jeanne Alter: ...Everything's getting jumbled up in my head, so I want to decompress. Come and join me at the beach.


Fujimaru 1: Sure.

Jeanne Alter: Can't you at least ay something polite, like “It would be my honor” or something?


Fujimaru 2: It would be my honor.

Jeanne Alter: What do you think this is, one of Shakespeare's plays? Can't you just say “sure” like a normal person?

Jeanne Alter: ...What is it now? Think I was gonna gripe at you no matter what you said there?

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, I was! Got a problem!?


Fujimaru 1: She admitted it!

Jeanne Alter: ...I'm stuck on where to take the story from here.

Jeanne Alter: If we use the drafts we have now, I think the story will feel like it's dragging on a bit.

Jeanne Alter: But I'm worried that if I cut scenes to speed things up, later developments are gonna feel contrived.


Fujimaru 1: Could you cut some stuff from the first half?

Jeanne Alter: N-no way! We need those scenes for world-building!

Jeanne Alter: ...Then again, reading it over now, I'm more embarrassed than anything. I guess world-building isn't really that important...

Jeanne Alter: The readers aren't gonna care how the world got the way it is, or what its god is like...

Jeanne Alter: What do you think? Do you think it feels tedious? Is it okay to linger on the details like this?


Fujimaru 1: I think it's great.

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, I'll stick with it then.

Jeanne Alter: It's so quiet here...

Jeanne Alter: Whoa... Did you hear that? I think it might've been a dolphin.


Fujimaru 1: You might be right.

Jeanne Alter: You don't see those every day. Let's go look for it!


Fujimaru 2: You sure it wasn't Fou?

Jeanne Alter: No way.

Jeanne Alter: That squirrel thing only knows how to say its own name, anyway.

Jeanne Alter: I think it came from around here.

Jeanne: Oh, hello, you two. Taking a moonlit walk on the beach? Hehe, that's so romantic!

Jeanne Alter: You're dead.


Fujimaru 1: Whoa whoa whoa, easy there!


Fujimaru 2: You need to tone down your knee-jerk reactions.

Jeanne: It's okay, Master.

Jeanne: As her big sister, I understand very well what she's like.

Jeanne Alter: You're not my sister.

Jeanne Alter: ...Wait, never mind that. What's the deal with that dolphin behind you?

Jeanne: Hehe, isn't he adorable?

Jeanne: As it turns out...

Anastasia: Thank you, Ms. Holy Maiden!

Anastasia: Yay! I've always wanted a picture with Jeanne d'Arc!

Jeanne: Not at all. It was my pleasure.

Jeanne: Huh? What was that...?

Jeanne: Well hello, Mr. Dolphin. What are you doing here?

Jeanne: Oh no. You're hurt...!

Jeanne: All right...

Jeanne: In the name of the Lord, I appoint you my familiar.

Jeanne: There you go. Now you can come with me.

Jeanne Alter:

What kinda fairy-tale crap is that?

Jeanne Alter: Don't go around making more familiars just 'cause you feel like it!

Jeanne Alter: And what's with those glasses, anyway!? You tryin' to be cute or something?

Jeanne: Teehee☆


Fujimaru 1: D'awww.

Jeanne: Hehe, while we're on the subject, I actually still have one more transformation up my sleeve.

Jeanne: I don't know when I'll get to show it to you...

Jeanne: ...so for now, I'll settle for taking out these coconut crabs alongside my familiar here, Reece.

Jeanne: Guess this means I'll be having coconut crab for dinner! Yum!

Jeanne Alter: ...Uh, “yum” is not a word that comes to mind when I look at them...

--BATTLE--

Jeanne: Get out of here!

Jeanne Alter: ...So what about you, Ms. Holy Maiden? How's your book coming along?

Jeanne: Oh my, are you worried about me? As your sister, that makes me really happy.

Jeanne Alter: How many times have I gotta tell you we aren't sisters!? We're not even related you dumbass!


Fujimaru 1: Wouldn't you, uh, HAVE to be related?

Jeanne Alter: I know! It just sorta came out before I realized what I was saying!

Jeanne: We're doing fine, thank you. Hehe, in fact, we're almost done.

Jeanne: I've got all the dolphin reference material I need, thanks to my office assistant Reece here.

Jeanne: My story this year is about summer, the sea, and dolphins, and I'm going to make sure it turns out wonderfully!

Jeanne Alter: Oh yeah? So you're not following up on the witch, princess, and monster story, huh?

Jeanne Alter: I was kinda expecting you to do a sequel to that.

Jeanne Alter: Well, whatever. See you around, Ms. Holy Maiden.

Jeanne Alter: Come on, Master.

Jeanne Alter: While Little Miss Holy's out taking a walk, we're gonna catch up as much as possible!

Jeanne: ... ...

Jeanne: Hmm... Looks like things are getting interesting!

A Day in the Life of a May King

Narration: ...A good manager always starts their day early.

Robin Hood: It's a rough job. I'd have long since keeled over if I wasn't a Servant.

Narration: He knocks on Jeanne d'Arc Alter's door at 5:00 a.m. sharp.

Robin Hood: Who wants refreshments?

Jeanne Alter: Leave 'em on the table. Oh, and go wake Master up in a few.

Robin Hood: Why not wake [♂ him /♀ her] up yourself?

Jeanne Alter: Well sure, I could, but... You know, it's just...

Robin Hood: Hey, I get it.

Robin Hood: You feel bad about making [♂ him /♀ her] help you with your manga when [♂ he's /♀ she's] supposed to be on vacation.

Jeanne Alter: Oh, shut up!

Robin Hood: All right, if that's what you want, I'll go ahead and wake [♂ him /♀ her].

Robin Hood: Hey, Master, it's morning. Up and at 'em.

Narration: After waking up the Master, the manager helps clean up and proceeds to check in on the other clubs.

Robin Hood: All right then...

Osakabehime: Ora ora ora oraaa!

Osakabehime: Hehehehe. Hahahaha! That's all my Doujin Boosters down!

Osakabehime: Oh, why did I decide to make it better by adding more pages now!?

Osakabehime: That's it, I am already dead! I'm gonna pay for my crimes with my life and be done with it!

Kiyohime: That's fine, you can off yourself if you want. I'm all done with my part.

Osakabehime: Arigathanks! We've only got three days left!

Osakabehime: Die, vacation! Begone, five-star resort hote–No, wait, that's going too far.

Osakabehime: Begone, Singularity!

Kiyohime: But don't you think it's nice to work on a final draft while listening to the waves?

Osakabehime: Nice and a couple of BB Bucks won't even get you a cup of coffee!

Robin Hood: (I see, I see. Looks like things aren't going too smoothly here.)

Jeanne: Next one!

Marie: Right.

Sanson: (Sigh)...

Sanson: Now that d'Eon is gone, it's all up to me to make sure Jeanne and Marie stay healthy.

Sanson: But, I'm afraid...

Jeanne: Here!

Marie: On it!

Sanson: ...there's almost nothing for me to do!

Marie: Don't be silly, Sanson!

Marie: Your job is to read the story once we're done with it. It's very important!

Jeanne: Marie's right, Sanson. Hang on, we're almost done.

Marie: Make sure you're brutally honest with us, okay?

Marie: We want you to point out anything that stands out to you, no matter how small!

Sanson: ...Very well then.

Sanson: I may not know much about drawing, but I do know a thing or two about anatomy.

Jeanne: Uh, I don't like the sound of that.

Jeanne: I think I'd die of embarrassment if someone pointed out my characters' eyes are too far apart or the like.

Robin Hood: (Hmm hmm. Looks like things are going smoothly here...)

Narration: After the manager finished visiting the other clubs, a voice cried out from the heavens.

Robin Hood: Oh no. There's no way this can end well!

Robin Hood: Come on, come on, where's the exit!? What am I saying, there's no exits in a hotel hallway! What about the window? ...Crap, I forgot this is the twentieth floor!

BB: Hellooo, everyone in front of the terminal☆

BB: Today, the BB Channel's coming to you live and on the spot via special low-res livestream!

BB: And on that note... Good morning, Robin.

BB: Let me get straight to the point: I want to try some of Luluhawa's famous pancakes, pronto!

BB: Go get me some ASAP, 'kay☆

BB: Naturally, I'll be expecting you to report in on Senpai and Alter's progress too.

BB: So make sure you do your job well.

BB: Unless you want to see how unspeakably awful the punishment I have in mind for you is. In which case, feel free to muck it up as much as you want!

Robin Hood:

What could be worse than turning me into a pig!?

Robin Hood: ...(Sigh) What did I ever do to get on that demon's bad side, anyway...?

Robin Hood: Dammit, earlier me... Why couldn't you have taken her out when you had the chance...?

Narration: ...Lunchtime. One of the few times of day when even a manager is permitted to rest.

Robin Hood: Sheesh. But, oh well. Hey, a porridge stand.

Caster of Kykeon: Do you see any porridge here!? This is a kykeon stand! Ky-ke-o-n!

Caster of Kykeon: Now then, what can I do for you?

Robin Hood: Can I get a bowl?

Caster of Kykeon: Of what?

Robin Hood: What do you mean “which one”? It's porridge. Just gimme a bowl.

Caster of Kykeon: You really are an idiot, aren't you.

Caster of Kykeon: Would you go to a pizza joint and just order “pizza”? Only a fool would be so vague!

Caster of Kykeon: Kykeon's got a ton of different varieties too. Why do you think I made this stand in the first place!?

Robin Hood: Ahh... I gotcha. This is one of those professional pride things. (She reminds me a lot of Medea...)

Robin Hood: All right then, surprise me.

Caster of Kykeon: Hehehe, then I suggest this kykeon I was inspired to make after a visit to my local Buckster's Coffee!

Caster of Kykeon: I call it “Kykeon Frappé Garlic Soda Special, with Kykeon Classic Extra Soy Caramel”...

Caster of Kykeon: ...kykeon!

Caster of Kykeon: How about that!? (Smug)

Robin Hood: Hell frickin' no! If the name's that much of a mouthful, there's no way I'm trying the dish itself!

Caster of Kykeon: Hey, no need to be rude! How'd you like to be turned into a pig!?

Robin Hood: ...Oh, yeah, that's your Noble Phantasm's thing, isn't it? Turning people into pigs.

Caster of Kykeon: Huh...? Y-you mean you actually like pigs?

Caster of Kykeon: I, uh...guess it takes all kinds...

Robin Hood: I'm getting the feeling we're not even reading from the same book here, let alone being on the same page, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Robin Hood: Now, shall I compare thee to a spring fairy, milady? There's something I'd like to ask you about...

Caster of Kykeon: ?

Jekyll: Welcome back, Mr. Robin.

Robin Hood: Forget the formalities, Jekyll. I don't need people babying me.

Jekyll: Are you sure? It's not every day you get to stay in a nice hotel like this. Why not treat yourself while you're here?

Robin Hood: That's real nice of you, but don't worry about me. I'm enjoying myself plenty.

Robin Hood: Sure, my job might suck sometimes, but you can't beat these Luluhawa mornings. What else need be said?

Robin Hood: Going for a walk here actually makes my heart skip a beat. Forest life's got nothing on this place.

Mordred: Oh hey, welcome back, Tristan wannabe.

Robin Hood: ...Tristan wannabe? Do I even want to know what that's about?

Mordred: It's simple. You know how you're always out playing with that bird?

Robin Hood: I keep telling you guys, it just follows me around for some reason!

Mordred: And you also know how Hawaii has a lot of Japanese immigrants and tourists? I've actually been teaching myself some stuff during breaks, and I learned that the Japanese word for bird is “tori.”

Mordred: And since you love birds so much, you're a tori stan. Tori stan, Tristan... Perfect, right?

Robin Hood: ...Anyway, speaking of birds, I also found a shop with a real nice selection of Hawaiian shirts.

Robin Hood: Ah, whatever. I don't have any bags for you to carry, so I'm not gonna bother with a tip.

Mordred: I'm all for not carrying bags, but don't skimp the tip, bro.

Robin Hood: You're giving all of England a bad name, you know that!?

Robin Hood: How the hell's she still have a job here, Jekyll?

Jekyll: ...Well, to be honest, I can understand how Mordred feels.

Mordred: Every! Single! One of you! Can carry! Your bags! Yourself!

Mordred: We're fricking Servants, dammit!

Mordred: But then you've got weak ones like Marie with guys falling all over themselves to carry her bags!

Mordred: I mean, it doesn't matter for the chump guys since I Clarented their asses, but still.

Mordred: Now I got nothing to do and no income from tips, so I can't even get myself some kykeon or even eggs freakin' Benedict!

Mordred: I need me some eats!!!

Jekyll: (Sigh)... I guess I can't expect you to hold out any longer. Okay, here's some allowance. Just–

Mordred: Aw yeah! Time to blow this popsicle stand and get me some real popsicles!

Jekyll: –wait until your break time...before...going out...

Robin Hood: Man, you've got it rough too, huh?

Robin Hood: There we go.

Jeanne Alter: Where the hell've you been!? I need combat reference material! Now!!!

Jeanne Alter: Go ahead and take Fujimaru with you if you want!

Jeanne Alter: Just go out there and pick a fight! I don't care who with! Just get me my reference material!

Jeanne Alter: I'm gonna work on this other part in the meantime. Now hurry up! Go go go!


Fujimaru 1: Welp, here we are.


Fujimaru 2: So now we've gotta get in a fight all of a sudden, huh.

Robin Hood: Emphasis on “sudden.”

Mash: Yes, it's very sudden...

Robin Hood: Well, nothing for it now.

Robin Hood: I bet we'll find a taker or two if we put out the word at Waikiki Street.

Mash: How do we put out the word?

Robin Hood: Eh, I'll figure something out.

Robin Hood: We should try for someone simpleminded. Someone who's let the tropical heat really get to them.

Robin Hood: Can anyone take my head!?

Scáthach: I'll do it. This won't take long.

Hijikata Toshizo: I don't know what you're going on about, but if it's a head you need cut off, I can do that.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: I would be glad to test my skills and see how quickly I can make you disappear...

Beowulf: I'm surprised to see you putting on an event like this, Robin.

Beowulf: But if we're going to do this, let's do it. Show me what the great May King can really do.

Jing Ke: Hm? Hmm?

Jing Ke: So aaall I have to do is head your cut off? Okay! (Hic)

Ushiwakamaru: ...Oh, I ran over here as soon as I heard the word “head.” Sorry, just a reflex. I'll, uh, just be on my way then.

Robin Hood: Putting Ushiwakamaru aside...

Robin Hood: ...no way we can take all of you, so we'd appreciate it if you settled on three amongst yourselves.

Scáthach: Hmm, good point. Then we'll do rock paper scissors first.

Scáthach: The last three left standing get to fight.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Very well.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: I shall tell you all right now: I will employ scissors.

Beowulf: Hey! No mind games, or we'll be here all day!

All: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

Scáthach: All right, your opponents shall be me...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...myself...

Jing Ke: ...aaand I! (Hic)


Fujimaru 1: Talk about an all-star lineup...

Robin Hood: I thought the same thing.


Fujimaru 2: This is gonna be rough...

Robin Hood: I hope it's just rough. I'm seriously starting to worry about my head staying attached to my neck here.

Scáthach: Don't worry, we'll hold back a little. Really. I mean it.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Of course.

Jing Ke: Yeah, let's do this thiiing!


Fujimaru 1: We'll just have to go all out.

Robin Hood: Yup, no other choice now. We'll have to use everything we've got.


Fujimaru 2: No turning back now!

Robin Hood: That's for damn sure. All right then...

Robin Hood: Gimme your orders, Master!

--BATTLE--

Beowulf: That's enough!

Robin Hood: M-man, that was too close... Thanks, Beowulf.

Beowulf: No problem. Buy the first round tonight, and we'll call it even.

Jing Ke: Did somebody say buy a round!?

Jing Ke: You're buying a round for us, Robin!? Luluhawa's got a ton of good, cheap booze!

Beowulf: Hey everyone, listen up!

Beowulf: The May King Robin is buying us all drinks tonight!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Excellent. Then I shall take advantage of the opportunity to explore the flavors of tropical sake.

Mash: A-are you sure about this, Robin?

Mash: As near as I can tell, everyone here is very good at holding their liquor...

Ushiwakamaru: That's one way to put it. This lot drinks so much you could measure their daily liquor intake in gallons!

Robin Hood: Guess I'd better start looking for a part-time job...


Fujimaru 1: It's not much, but here's some BB Bucks to help.

Robin Hood: ...! Thank you, Master!

The Gasoline Called Passion


Fujimaru 1: Oh man! I wanna go out, but I'm totally in the zone now!


Fujimaru 2: The mission can wait. Just gotta keep on typing.

Mash: I don't know if it's the island resort giving [♂ him /♀ her] a boost or what, but Senpai really is doing great today.

Mash: [♂ He's /♀ She's] been typing away since morning, writing up the ideas and plotlines you discarded.

Mash: The last thing [♂ he /♀ she] said before [♂ he /♀ she] got to work was...

Mash: “These are too good to just throw away! We could make a whole novel out of them!”

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter: Is that so. All right, fine, I'm not gonna stop you. But don't forget, you're still only human.

Jeanne Alter: Why don't you lie down on the bed and rest up for a bit. I'll let you know if I need your help again.

Robin Hood: Don't wanna push yourself too hard.

Jeanne Alter: Oh, right.

Jeanne Alter: Shielder, mind going outside and taking some photos for me?

Mash: O-oh, sure. What would you like me to photograph?

Jeanne Alter: Here. I wrote down the primary subjects I'm looking for.

Mash: Now I see... Got it. Ushiwakamaru?

Ushiwakamaru: Roger that. All right, Master, I'll accompany Lady Mash on her mission.

Robin Hood: Guess I might as well find out what I can about the other clubs then.

Jeanne Alter: Just don't go slacking off, you hear?

Robin Hood: Right back at you. Only two days left to go, so hang in there.


Fujimaru 1: Okay, I'll go get some sleep.

Jeanne Alter: You do that.

Narration: ...It's pretty calming, hearing [♂ him /♀ her] breathe in [♂ his /♀ her] sleep.

Narration: It's also a little irritating. Or well...maybe it makes me feel guilty.

Narration: There's no reason for [♂ him /♀ her] to help me with this.

Narration: We're in Luluhawa now. [♂ He's /♀ She's] got every right to be out there enjoying [♂ his /♀ her] vacation.

Narration: But instead, [♂ he /♀ she] chose to stay here and help me. ...Weirdo.

Narration: I turn back to my drawing, keeping [♂ him /♀ her] in the corner of my eye.

Narration: I realize the panels don't flow well and inadvertently click my tongue. I'll have to change what happens on the other half of the page a bit to match.

Narration: How should I do that...

Narration: After agonizing about it, I finally say what I've thought to myself countless times by now.

Jeanne Alter: ...Does it really matter?

Narration: No, it doesn't. So what if one page reads a little unnaturally? What's the big deal?

Narration: And yet, I can't let it go.

Narration: This is supposed to be for fun. It shouldn't be this hard.

Narration: But, then...if nothing else...

Narration: If nothing else, you mustn't lose sight of your passion.

Narration: It's because this is supposed to be fun that we put every ounce of our energy into it.

Jeanne Alter: ...Okay.

Narration: The new layout seems like it works well. At least, I think it does.

Narration: Relieved, I sigh out loud and stretch my back as far as it can go. ...Master's still fast asleep.

Jeanne Alter: Hey, wake up. I said, wake up.

Narration: I try pinching [♂ his /♀ her] nose shut, just for laughs. [♂ He /♀ She] gets a pained expression on [♂ his /♀ her] face and tries to squirm away.

Jeanne Alter: Oh no you don't. You're not getting away that easy.

Narration: I decide to keep messing with [♂ him /♀ her] until [♂ he /♀ she] finally wakes up.

Jeanne Alter: C'mooon, wake up. Wakey wakeeey.

Jeanne Alter: Damn, you're starting to turn blue. Well, that's what you get for not waking up sooner.

Jeanne Alter: Told you you weren't getting away, didn't I?

Jeanne Alter: I'd give in and wake up already if I were you, or it's only gonna get worse.

E:???: H-hiii. We just wanted to ask you about–

Jeanne Alter: Hehe, so you're determined to sleep through this, huh? You've got guts, I'll give you that.

Jeanne Alter: Though you know, for the Master who's gonna save humanity, you sure leave yourself wide op–

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Osakabehime: ... ...

Narration: ... ...

Nitocris: ... ...

E:All: Sorry to interrupt...

Jeanne Alter:

It's not like that!

Jeanne Alter: ... ...


Fujimaru 1: Good morning.

Osakabehime: Ohallo, Master.


Fujimaru 2: Uh-oh. Did I conk out?

Jeanne Alter: ...I-it's fine. Don't worry about it...

Osakabehime: Do you remember anything from while you were sleeping?

Jeanne Alter: (Death glare)

Osakabehime: ...Well, let's just say, both you and I were just treated to one of those rare CG events!


Fujimaru 1: What are you talking about?

Jeanne Alter: Hey! Different subject! How about those other two? What'd they even want?

Osakabehime: They just saw me trying to work up the courage to knock and came in with me for moral support.

Osakabehime: But anyway, I'm here because I just talked to Abby, from Tentacle Iron Bar.

Jeanne Alter: Okay. And?

Osakabehime: She said someone else took their spot by the wall.

Osakabehime: So she wanted to know if we'd be willing to share ours...

Osakabehime: But I don't think we'll have enough room for them in our section alone, so I was wondering if you might be willing to share too.


Fujimaru 1: I think that should be all right...

Jeanne Alter: Fine, whatever. Not like we're gonna be able to make more than one book, anyway.

Jeanne Alter: ...Who's ringing?


Fujimaru 1: It's just the room phone. I'll get it.

H:Jekyll: Hello, this is the front desk. I'm afraid we've got another spot of trouble.

H:Jekyll: Medb has suited up for battle, and is out claiming Diamond Head Beach as her own.

H:Jekyll: She also said something about how she's “here for [♂ Lord /♀ Lady] Fujimaru,” I believe.

H:Jekyll: At any rate, she's bothering the other customers, so I was hoping you might chase her away?


Fujimaru 1: Oh...


Fujimaru 2: Does this mean...she thinks I'm one of hers!?

Jeanne Alter: Hello? Jekyll? ...That works out just fine. I was thinking I could use a change of pace.

H:Jekyll: Thank you, that'll be a big help. Help yourselves to the drinks in the minibar once you're done.

Jeanne Alter: Throw in another mocha tomorrow and you've got a deal. All right, let's do this, Fujimaru!


Fujimaru 1: Are you going to help us, Osakabehime?

Osakabehime: Me? I just wanna hole up in my room...

Jeanne Alter: You should get some exercise now and then. Unless you wanna get flabby.

Osakabehime:

Gah!

Osakabehime: You can be a real jerk sometimes, you know that!?

Osakabehime: Besides, Servants don't get fat. We don't!

Osakabehime: ...A-at least, I don't think we do. Y-yeah, I'm pretty sure we don't.

Osakabehime: ... ...

Osakabehime: I-I suppose it wouldn't kill me to get a liiittle exercise now and then. All right... Let's, uh, go save the world...

Medb Bodyguard: Heh heh heh... So, you've come, Fujimaru.

Medb Bodyguard: Blackbeard told us how you made it through PaiKet with your camera skills alone... How your subjects seem to make love to the camera with every shot...

Medb Bodyguard: So why are you throwing your skills away on a weak-ass noob club?

Medb Bodyguard: No, you belong with us. You're going to help us make Queen Medb's photo book even more perfect!

Jeanne Alter: Are you stupid? Your dinky club's a “noob” one too.

Jeanne Alter: I'm sure you're just trying to poach my assistant here to try and get on Medb's good side...

Jeanne Alter: ...but you're wasting your time. Fujimaru here's mine, and I wouldn't give [♂ him /♀ her] up for a million bucks.

Medb Bodyguard: A-a million...? R-really...?

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, really. Surprised?

Medb Bodyguard: It's so rare to see such an unabashedly straightforward tsundere in this day and age! We should get a picture with her!

Jeanne Alter: ...All right. I tried to be nice, but you guys asked for it.

Jeanne Alter: Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jeanne Alter: Burn in hell, losers!

Osakabehime: Hey! I said just a LITTLE exercise!

b>--BATTLE--**

Medb Bodyguard: Dammit! Retreat! Retreeeat! We'll get you for this, noobs!

Medb Bodyguard: We'll also get some pictures of you next time, 'cause katana and hottie? Talk about a match made in heaven!

Jeanne Alter: There's not gonna be a next time!

Osakabehime: Ugh, I'm so sweaty...

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, I bet, considering what you're wearing. Being a Servant can only get you so far.

Osakabehime: Grrr. Just you wait! Next year'll be my turn to get a swimsuit!

Jeanne Alter: Well, at least this made for a nice diversion. Any doubts I still had are all gone now.

Jeanne Alter: Come on Master, let's go make some serious headway on our manga!


Fujimaru 1: You know it!

Jeanne Alter: That's what I like to hear!

Osakabehime: Two days until deadline!

Osakabehime: Hehehe, I must say, I've got a good feeling about my own chances after seeing how far they have to go!

Osakabehime: ...That's really nothing to be proud of, is it...


Fujimaru 2: How far along are we, anyway...?

Jeanne Alter: Just gotta give it everything you've got! Full power all the way!

Jeanne Alter: Long as we do that, time'll take care of itself!

Osakabehime: (I'm so proud. Alter's becoming more of a weeb with every passing day...)

Showdown: Foreigner!

Narration: The only sound in the room is the stylus scribbling away on the tablet.

Narration: After hours upon hours of hard work, our twenty-odd-page manga is finally about to be born.

Narration: ...Looking back on it now, I still can't quite tell if it was worth it or not. It's a strange feeling.

Narration: Only two days left to go. It looks as though we'll be done on time...only now, Master's starting to show signs of exhaustion. Not that I blame [♂ him /♀ her].

Narration: Since we can't have [♂ him /♀ her] burning out, I decided to have [♂ him /♀ her] take half of today off.

Ushiwakamaru: I'm not very good at this sort of task...

Ushiwakamaru: I suppose it's enjoyable enough, and I can certainly handle it if I think of it as training...

Ushiwakamaru: ...but I don't suppose there's a more...athletic way I could help?

Narration: Of course not. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Ushiwakamaru: I must say, though...this is much more tiring than I thought it would be.

Ushiwakamaru: At the beginning, I thought that drawing manga would be easy for Servants like us.

Mash: I know what you mean.

Mash: Now I understand why Andersen and Shakespeare look so exhausted after one of their long writing sessions.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah.

Jeanne Alter: This creative stuff's a battle with your own mind. Being a Servant doesn't make it any easier.

Jeanne Alter: Anyway, it's about time we–

Jeanne Alter: Ugh.

Ushiwakamaru: A call now? I've got a bad feeling about this...

Mash: ...I'll get it...

G:Jekyll: Hey, it's the manager. That Foreigner's out making a mess of things on Main Street, so I was hoping you could drive her off–say, right now.

G:Jekyll: Oh, and you might want to be careful. She looks like she really means business this time. Thanks!

Mash: ...I guess Ushiwakamaru's bad feeling was prescient.

Robin Hood: The hell's Jekyll think we are, anyway? Some kind of glorified pest control...?

Ushiwakamaru: ...No, he was right to come to us. It's easy to forget, but this is why we came here in the first place.

Ushiwakamaru: Lady Alter, feel free to keep working on the manga. Master and I will take care of the Foreigner.

Jeanne Alter: Hell no. Even I'm not just gonna focus on my manga to the exclusion of everything else.

Jeanne Alter: Besides, I could use a break after drawing for so long. This oughta do the trick nicely.

Jeanne Alter: Shielder, wake Master up.

Mash: All right. I may be woefully inadequate for the task...

Mash: ...but I'll do my best!

Mash: Senpai... Senpai... Master.


Fujimaru 1: Fou... Fo fo fou... Fo...

Mash: Are you dreaming that you're Fou?


Fujimaru 2: Is it...the deadline...?

Mash: No, that's not for another two days. Now please, wake up so we can finish the final draft!

Ushiwakamaru: If only defeating the Foreigner automatically completed the manga as well...

Mash: Good morning, Master. Here. I made you a café au lait with extra milk and sugar.

Mash: Good, I've confirmed the sugar has jolted your brain awake! ...Now come on, we've got work to do!

Mash: The Foreigner has showed up on Main Street. We need to drive her away!

F:XX: ...I. Will. Destroy. Everything!

BB: You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Narration:      — After Defeating the Foreigner —

BB: Way to go, Chaldeans! Once again, you kicked that Foreigner's ass like it was nothing!

Robin Hood: (Gasp, gasp)...

Robin Hood: It definitely wasn't nothing, BB. Is it just me, or is that Foreigner even stronger now than she was be–Hm?

Diarmuid: Wild Demon Boar! Wild Demon Boar on the loose!

Fionn: How could this happen!? All I did was make a campfire on Diamond Head!

Fionn: Do not blame me for this!

Fionn: There is not a king in the world who would not be inspired to make a campfire at such a beautiful vista!

Machine Boar: OOOIIINNNKKK! OOOIIINNNKKK!

BB: What the!? Where'd that Kamapuaʻa wannabe come from!? I don't remember any giant pig thing on my Luluhawa!

BB: Now where did I put that club list... Here it is!

BB: It looks like that thing belongs to Keter Malkuth Hohenheim, one of the Wonder Stage clubs...

BB: Let's see... “1/1 Scale Replica Series: Twrch Trwyth”...

BB: “Ages 17 and up! This life-size figure recreates the original's imposing destructive power in glorious detail! The eroticism of the armor plating that seems as though it's about to fall off at any moment is...”

BB: What is it with Casters and their weirdly specific fetishes!?

Robin Hood: I hate to agree with BB, but for once, I think she nailed it!

Robin Hood: Looks like we've got one more job to take care of, Fujimaru! We need to stop that machine!

--BATTLE--

BB Pele: Phew, glad that's all settled. Thanks for the help, Fujimaru.

BB: Pele's influence when I'm in this form is a little too strong for me when it comes to enemies of that type...

BB: It makes it so that, whenever I face a pig monster, I, uh...I end up destroying it so brutally that it makes everyone else cringe.

BB: And nobody wants to see that from a swimsuit-clad beauty, right...?


Fujimaru 1: Pele's influence, huh...


Fujimaru 2: Riiight. Had to be Pele. No other explanation.

BB: Anyway, the night is saved now, and it's all thanks to you guys.

BB: I hope you continue to enjoy your stay in Luluhawa! Of course, that goes for your doujin efforts too.

BB: Only two days to go until ServantFes, Jeanne Alter.

BB: I can't wait to see your finished, properly printed book.

Jeanne Alter: Uh-huh.

BB: If you can take first place in sales numbers too, well, that would be just peachy!

Ushiwakamaru: I think that's almost certainly asking too much.

Ushiwakamaru: I may be an amateur when dealing with doujin, but I don't see any way for a newly formed club like ours to outperform skilled and seasoned veterans.

BB: Yes, I know. It really is much easier said than done, isn't it.


Fujimaru 1: ...?

BB: Whoops! That's enough extra hint dropping!

BB: Anyway, this damaged street isn't going to repair itself. Why don't you all go back to the hotel and let little old me handle this?

BB: Enjoy your ServantFes time, Senpai♪


Fujimaru 1: It's not like this is anything new, but...yikes.


Fujimaru 2: I swear my life gets shorter whenever she's around...

Jeanne Alter: Who, BB?

Jeanne Alter: ...I guess I see it.

Jeanne Alter: If she really does have Pele the volcano goddess installed as one of her subfunctions, that'd make her actually kinda badass.

Jeanne Alter: From what I know about Pele, she was a goddess of fire who came to Hawaii from the land of the gods.

Jeanne Alter: Her sister, the goddess of water, ended up killing her, but even that wouldn't keep her down.

Jeanne Alter: She went on to rule Hawaii's volcanoes with her mind alone. From then on, no one could touch her.

Jeanne Alter: She has lots of love to give, but she also takes it away. She's a goddess of civilization who granted fire to the people, and she's also a goddess of destruction who took that same civilization away.

Jeanne Alter: And just like Hawaii's volcanoes are still active, Pele still lives on in Kilauea.

Jeanne Alter: Although...

Mash: Although?

Jeanne Alter: ...Nah, it's nothing. I'll tell you some other time. Right now, we need to focus on work!


Fujimaru 1: Yeah, you're right. Let's keep drawing!

Shining Queen

Narration: This is my life now. Drawing, drawing, and more drawing.

Narration: The goal might finally be in sight, but that doesn't mean I can slow down.

Narration: Sometimes I get the feeling that this is all wrong. Others, it seems like everything's fine.

Narration: I've come this far on passion alone. At this point, I can't tell if I went the right way or not.

Narration: But it won't be much longer till this comes to an end now.

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter: Fujimaru? You okay?

Jeanne Alter: I'm gonna hit the sack myself. ...I didn't think I needed to sleep as a Servant, but maybe it'll help me get my head straight about some stuff.

Jeanne Alter: Go ahead and spend the time however you want.

Jeanne Alter: If you don't have anything to do, you could always go outside for a while.

Ushiwakamaru: Good idea. We've been doing nothing but work and sleep ever since yesterday.

Ushiwakamaru: Why don't we go to the beach, Master? A little dip in the ocean should help you loosen up.

Mash: I'll go with you then.

Robin Hood: I think I'll join too. I'm sure you're fine with Ushiwakamaru around, but in my role as Hawaii Hood, I'd feel better keeping an eye on things just in case.


Fujimaru 1: Sweet dreams, Jeanne Alter.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah.


Fujimaru 2: See you later then.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, yeah. See you when you get back.

Mash: Oh? There seems to be quite a commotion over there...

Fou: Fou?

Robin Hood: Looks like a bunch of overworked men to me. Maybe there's some kind of event happening today.

Ushiwakamaru: I see they're not Servants.

Ushiwakamaru: Some of them look to be Lord Blackbeard's men, while others are–


Fujimaru 1: Those are Celtic soldiers...

Mash: ...Then, that would mean–

???: Hehe... You guys just can't take it anymore, huh? Didn't I tell you to wait here like good boys?

Mash: I knew it! It's Medb!

Fou: Fou fou!

Ushiwakamaru: Great, her again. Whatever it is she's doing here, it can't be good...

Medb: Take a look around. Beautiful beach, beautiful sea, beautiful sky...

Medb: Starting to notice a theme by now? Maybe the word “beautiful” has started to lose all meaning?

Medb: Well you're in luck! This queen's about to personally remind you who the word “beautiful” suits best!

Medb: Rejoice, my poor little worker bees! Let me see you cry in joy at my unbridled generosity!

Medb: Mmm, yes, that's the stuff! Now then...

Medb: Announcing the Medb Contest!

G:Medb: A Medb production brought to you by Medb, for Medb!

Man A: You rock, Medb! ...Wooo! I always wanted to say that!

Man B: Here's this month's tribute! I risked life and limb to bring it back for you from the Bering Sea!

Man C: Look this way, Your Majestyyy! Please! I'll do anything you want!

Robin Hood:

The hell is this!?

Mash: Well, knowing Medb...I can't say I'm too surprised that she'd do something like this...

Ushiwakamaru: Never mind that now! Take a look at that!

P.A. System: That was Entry No. 1: the strong, noble, adorable, and unquestionably beautiful Medb!

P.A. System: Thank you, Medb! Thank you for these irreplaceable summer memories!

Medb: Heh... Never mind summer. You're gonna want to remember those for the rest of your lives.

P.A. System: Now, let's move on to the scoring portion. What say you, Judgment Boys!

Narration:

10.0      10.0      10.0      10.0

P.A. System: Unbelievable! It's a perfect score! Medb's invincible! She's mythical! She's a living legend of beauty! Nobody else even comes close!

Medb: Oh my, this is so expected! What can I say? I can't help that I'm just so gorgeous! Sorry not sorry!

Ushiwakamaru: What a farce! They're all obviously in cahoots... Or rather, they're all even bigger idiots than she is!

Fou: Fou fo kyu, fou fou! ...Fou, fou fou...

Robin Hood: Yeah. She admitted it when she said it was all made by her, for her. No way this is on the up-and-up.

Ushiwakamaru: If it were only a question of her embarrassing herself, we could simply ignore this self-serving exercise in shamelessness. But the problem is...

Ushiwakamaru: ...her ability to get all these men so worked up. Remember, our fate rests on the popularity contest that is ServantFes.

Ushiwakamaru: The more she gains from this travesty, the more we stand to lose.

Ushiwakamaru: As such, I believe it would behoove us to stop it before it goes too far, Master!

Medb: Oh...? I thought I smelled some horrendous yokel from out in the sticks. If it isn't the mountain mutt, coming to play in civilization.

Medb: Did you really not know that beautiful people get more votes? It's like a law of nature.

Ushiwakamaru: Do you ever shut up? You remind me of nothing so much as a hapless cow, stranded on the shore, showing off her flabby flesh.

Ushiwakamaru: Is this some sort of barbecue? Are you trying to make amends for your many crimes by offering yourself to the grill?

Medb: Hmph. I should've known a dog wouldn't be able to stop herself from barking incessantly.

Medb: I'm not trying to drum up attention to give me an advantage at ServantFes. Why bother?

Medb: My photo book is going to sell more copies than anything else there no matter what!

Medb: This contest I whipped up is just a way to further spread the glory of my beauty throughout the world.

Ushiwakamaru: Don't be preposterous! This is obviously a ploy to drive up sales!

Ushiwakamaru: You even came up with a fake quote for your ad copy: “Queen of the Beach, now Queen of the Books!”

Medb: How unspeakably rude. Fine then. If you've got that much of a problem, why don't you compete?

Medb: You don't want me taking the crown when you don't think I deserve it, right? Then beat me.

Medb: I'm always happy to accept new entrants. Unless...you don't think you're up to it?

Medb: You Japanese warriors don't like to fight battles you know you can't win? Just going to roll over and go belly-up like the cowardly dog you are?

Medb: Ohhh, I get it. That's why you run around with your midriff exposed.

Medb: Gee, I'm sorry. I should've been more considerate of your well-deserved lack of confidence in your looks. Heh. Oh, I do hope you can forgive me?

Ushiwakamaru: ...! Very well then, I accept your challenge!

Ushiwakamaru: You want to do this thing!? We will do this thing!

Mash: P-please calm down, Ushiwakamaru! There's no point in competing with Medb in her own contest!

Ushiwakamaru: Worry not!

Ushiwakamaru: I am told that exposure is the greatest weapon of summer, and I am baring at least as much as she is!

Ushiwakamaru: I'm not entirely sure why that is, but regardless, I have the matter well in hand!

Robin Hood: Get a hold of yourself! The only contests where outfit design matters are French fashion ones!

Robin Hood: Your, uh, sporty good looks aren't gonna be nearly enough to win this thing!

Ushiwakamaru: Save the lectures for later! You are reminding me of my brother!

Ushiwakamaru: At this point, I am no longer Ushiwakamaru. I am the Tengu Woman of the Beach!

Ushiwakamaru: In the name of Mt. Kurama, I refuse to lose to city trash like that!

Ushiwakamaru: Now, on to the swimsuit competition! You've heard of a catwalk? Well, get ready for a tenguwalk!

Narration:

7.0      8.5      8.0      9.0

E:Man A: She's certainly very sporty, but...

F:Man B: Yeah. She just doesn't have the same...flair that Medb does...

G:Man C: We're at a beach resort, not an athletic meet. If we wanted to watch amazing physical feats, we'd go to the summer games.

H:Man D: ...She fits my type to a T, so normally, I'd be all over that...but since we're in Luluhawa, I have to give it to Queen Medb this time.

Medb: Well, well. Color me impressed, Ushiwaka. You did better than I thought you would.

Medb: But hey, don't feel bad. You could never have beaten beauty like mine!

Medb: In fact, you should be proud. I thought you'd be walking away with straight zeros!

Ushiwakamaru: Grrr!

Ushiwakamaru: ...I mean, forget that! This so-called competition, and the way it's scored, isn't the point at all!

Ushiwakamaru: The point is that holding it in the first place is wrong! As far as I can tell, you don't even have any other contestants.

Ushiwakamaru: There's no point in holding a sad, meaningless contest like this where you're the only one competing and your victory is assured.

Medb: Oh? Who said I was the only one competing?


Fujimaru 1: You mean you're not?


Fujimaru 1: You mean you're not?

Medb: Of course not. Entry No. 3 and 4 will be along any moment.

Medb: Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my sponsor seat. Enjoy the show, everyone.

Medb: My victory is definitely assured, but now it's going to be clinched after a white-hot battle with other contestants!

Medb: Oh, but you won't be one of them, Fujimaru. This contest's for Servants only.

Medb: So stay on the sidelines where it's safe. Of course, if you insist on being my rival, I won't stop you.

Robin Hood: Well, I guess that makes sense. She's nothing if not supremely confident in her looks.

Robin Hood: She might not be above cheating in war, but I don't think it'd even occur to her to cheat when it comes to a beauty contest.

Ushiwakamaru: Hmph, is that so? You certainly know a lot about her, don't you, Lord Robin?

Robin Hood: Nah, I'm just observant. Look, here they come.

Marie: Oh my, this seems like fun.

Scáthach: Oho. I take it this is some sort of battle to determine the queen of the beach...?

Altria: Did someone say “contest”? A contest means prizes, and in summer, prizes mean watermelon and shaved ice!

Oda Nobunaga: What the hell kind of stage is that!? Wait a minute... This is it! Hawaiian rock 'n' roll legend, here I come!

Mash: It's the other swimsuit Servants! They're all here too!

P.A. System: Attention all contestants and spectators. We have an announcement from Medb.

P.A. System: “There's room for more than a single flower on the beach. Why settle for only one?”

P.A. System: “So I hereby decree that the top three contestants will all be crowned first place!”

P.A. System: ...This concludes our announcement from Medb.

Men: Woohoooooo! That's the spirit! You rock, Meeedb!

Ushiwakamaru: Wha...

Robin Hood: Well I'll be damned. I never thought she'd be that willing to share the spotlight.

Robin Hood: Who knows? Maybe Hawaii's rubbing off on her.

P.A. System: Now then...

P.A. System: Next up in the Diamond Medb Contest, we have Entry No. 3, handpicked by Medb herself!

P.A. System: One of our dear spectators–Mash Kyrielight!

P.A. System: According to Medb, she was picked because “anyone wearing a swimsuit” is her rival!

P.A. System: Are you there, Mash? We know you are. Come on up to the stage!

Mash: A-aaah! Wh-wh-what should I do, Senpai!?

Mash: Is this Medb's way of being nice!?


Fujimaru 1: Probably. Medb doesn't have friends, after all.


Fujimaru 2: Guess it's instinct. Medb's a hunter at heart.

Mash: A-all right, I guess I'd better go then! I'll do my best to show off how nice my shield is!

Robin Hood: Pretty sure they're not here to see your shield...

Robin Hood: But then again, that sort of thing is what makes Mash so great. Anyway, let's go find some seats, Master.

Robin Hood: I got a feeling we're gonna be here for a good while, so we might as well see how it all turns out.

P.A. System: Ahh, that was great! A veritable festival of fifteen bathing beauties!

P.A. System: Let's have another round of applause for all our contestants!


Fujimaru 1: They were all really pretty...

Robin Hood: Hahaha. Considering how dangerous most of them are, I'm impressed you can say that with a straight face.

Robin Hood: But you think so, huh? From where I'm sitting, you could be right up there with them, Master.


Fujimaru 2: They all looked so cool onstage!

Robin Hood: I'd agree with that. Visually speaking, that was just what the doctor ordered.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Hmph, so this “contest” is finally coming to an end, huh. If the top three are all taking first place, I guess the ones besides Medb are–

P.A. System: Oh, wait a minute! We have a new, last-minute entrant!!!

P.A. System: This contest isn't over yet! Come on up, Entry No. 16!

P.A. System: With a thundering crack of her whip, it's... It's...!

P.A. System: It's Medb in a leather swimsuit! Ooh, how risqué!

Narration: Huh!?

P.A. System: Now, let's get to scoring! This is going to be a close one, folks!

Narration:

10.0      10.0      10.0      10.0

P.A. System: I don't believe it! Another round of perfect scores!

P.A. System: But don't go just yet! We have a final, FINAL entrant! Last one of the day, we promise!

P.A. System: It's Medb in her usual swimsuitlike outfit! Now, on to the score!

Narration:

10.0      10.0      10.0      10.0

P.A. System: Another full set of perfects! Incredible! We're witnessing history in the making, folks!

P.A. System: In an unprecedented turn of events, all three Medbs win with perfect scores!

P.A. System: I'm so moved I can't stop crying! What an amazing, incredible, legendary contest!

P.A. System: The top three contestants are: Medb, Medb, and Medb!

P.A. System: Our queen sweeps the contest with a grand slam hat triiick!

Men: You rock, Medb! You rock, Medb! You rock, Medb!

Mash: I'm back, Master! It's too bad I didn't place higher, but it was still a lot of fun!


Fujimaru 1: Your shield's still awesome.


Fujimaru 2: Next time, you should wear a real swimsuit.

Medb: Heh... Sooo, what'd you think?

Robin Hood: What do I think!? I think you're fifty-one short of a full deck!

Ushiwakamaru: I can't believe it... Even in my wildest dreams, I never thought she would stoop this low...

Medb: Why, whatever are you talking about? Did I say contestants couldn't enter multiple times?

Medb: Don't blame me for this, poochie. Blame your own lack of Spirit Origin variations☆

Medb: Oh, before I forget... I'm not thinking about how my victory here might affect my ServantFes sales, but...

Medb: ...since Holy Grails are all about giving people what they want...and if what the people want is me, well... You do see where I'm going with this, right?

Medb: I should thank that BB chick sometime for giving me this perfect opportunity.

Medb: Like they say, third time's the charm. This time, I'll finally take the Holy Grail for myself and use it to turn this island into my ideal Slaveland.

Medb: Well, see you at ServantFes, I guess. Obviously I'm going to grab the most sales by far, but who knows?

Medb: Maybe you guys'll do really well and manage to sell almost a tenth as many books as me. Ahahahaha!

Ushiwakamaru: That little...! Master, quick, give me the snack bag! I'm sure we still had some string cheese in there!

Ushiwakamaru: It's my duty as a tengu to punish the wicked! I must pelt her with cheese until she repents!


Fujimaru 1: I think she'll just instinctually roundhouse it again...

Ushiwakamaru: That impertinent wench! Very well then, I will simply pelt her with all manner of other snacks!

Mash: Please calm down, Ushiwakamaru! That won't accomplish anything besides feeding the seagulls!

Robin Hood: Good grief. Well, technically, this was still a change of pace. 'Course, whether it was a good change or not is debatable.

Ushiwakamaru: Debatable!?

Robin Hood: Well, maybe not for you. My condolences.

Robin Hood: ...Anyway, I say we head back to our room, Master. Sleeping Beauty oughta be waking up soon.

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Mash: She's still fast asleep... Maybe we should wake her up?


Fujimaru 1: Okay, I'll do it.

Jeanne Alter: Nn...


Fujimaru 1: Wake up.

Jeanne Alter: Don't wanna... Too sleepy...

Jeanne Alter: Just five more minutes... Puhleeease.

???: Aww, that's adorable. But, I'm afraid we can't let her stay in bed all day.

???: Reece, would you be so kind as to wake her up?

Jeanne Alter: Hm? What's that smell? Smells like...rotten fish...

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter:

Gah!

Jeanne: Good morning! Sorry to wake you like that.

Jeanne Alter: Wha!? Heh!? Huh!?


Fujimaru 1: She came to hang out...

Jeanne Alter: Hang out!?


Fujimaru 2: Good morning...

Jeanne Alter: Oh, uh, morning.

Jeanne Alter: Wait, no!

Jeanne Alter:

What! Is SHE! Doing! HERE!?

Jeanne: We're supposed to finish our drafts today, so I just wanted to see how yours was coming along.

Jeanne: And since your other club members were having trouble waking you up...

Jeanne: ...I thought Reece and I could help.

Jeanne Alter: You call that helping!? No wonder it literally smelled fishy in here!

Jeanne: ServantFes is tomorrow. There's only one day left to go!

Jeanne: We're going to have so much fun once we both finish our final drafts!

Jeanne Alter: Grr... Sounds like she already finished hers.


Fujimaru 1: We've only got a little ways left to go.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, true. All right...this is the last day. Let's draw us some doujin!

The Final Night...Again

Jeanne Alter: ...Huh?

Jeanne Alter: Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or...are we actually done?


Fujimaru 1: No tricks. We really are done.

Mash: That's right. All the pages are right here, and there aren't any errors.

Mash: It's perfect.

Robin Hood: Whoa, whoa, we're not finished just yet, ladies.

Robin Hood: We still have to bring this to the printer!

Jeanne Alter: R-right.

Robin Hood: Lucky for you I'm good at my job, so I already let them know we'd be coming.

Robin Hood: Now all we gotta do is bring 'em the data.

Jeanne Alter: Okay, let's go, Fujimaru. The rest of you can stay and rest.

Mash: No, we'll come too. Now that we've come this far, I want to see it through to the end.

Ushiwakamaru: Agreed. Luluhawa may look like a peaceful place, but we have seen that is not always the case.

Robin Hood: Right. Besides, do you even remember how to get there?

Jeanne Alter: Ugh.

Robin Hood: And there we have it. Now come on, let's go.

Moolah: Yes, everything seems to be in order. And here's a rough estimate of the costs, including express service charges.


Fujimaru 1: Here you go.

Moolah: Thank yooou!

Moolah: All right then, we'll deliver a sample to your hotel room, and we'll bring the books to the convention center on the day of the con.

Moolah: I hope you sell lots of copies! And make lots of money, of course.

Gorgeous P: Fuhahaha! In any case, I commend you for completing your work! Never mind the quality for now–that measure comes later!

Gorgeous P: Even I don't know many reckless fools who went from forming a club to making a book in less than a week!

Gorgeous P: But next time, make sure you submit your final draft with more time to spare.

Gorgeous P: Get your book done early–printed, bound, and what have you–and use the remaining time to make photocopies. That's the mark of a club that truly knows what it's doing.

Gorgeous P: Don't forget that, understand? I mean it. Don't forget.

d'Eon: Great work, everyone! Good luck! I hope it all goes well!

Jeanne Alter: I guess that takes care of that...


Fujimaru 1: Now we just have to deal with Foreigner XX.

Mash: Right.

Mash: We haven't seen her lately, so it could be that she already left...

Jeanne Alter: Either way, nothing we can do if she doesn't show up. We'll just have to see how things turn out tomorrow.

Mash: Yes, tomorrow is finally con day. We'll have to make the most of it and enjoy ourselves!

Jeanne Alter: What're you talking about, Shielder? We're not gonna have time to enjoy ourselves.

Jeanne Alter: After all, we still don't know how many copies we're gonna sell!


Fujimaru 1: Oogh. I think I'm getting a stomach cramp!

Jeanne Alter: This is it! Win or lose, it all comes down to tomorrow!

What Are the Results This Time?


Fujimaru 1: Skip


Fujimaru 2: Don't skip

Jeanne Alter: Damn, day's almost over... We've still got a little time left, but at this point, I think we can call it.

Mash: Still, we did pretty well for ourselves.

Mash: We especially sold a lot of copies to those pirates who came in after Blackbeard bought one.

Mash: And then there's all the other people who bought a copy.

Santa Island Kamen: Phew, made it just in time. One, please.

Mash: Here you go. Thank you.

Mash: ...And then there's–

Jeanne Alter: Wait, hold up. Who the hell was that weirdo?


Fujimaru 1: Don't worry, we see guys like that all the time.

Jeanne Alter: Uh, no!? If that were common, it wouldn't be weird!


Fujimaru 2: He often shows up at Christmas.

Jeanne Alter: How's a guy like that a staple of your Christmas!?

Jeanne: Hi, Alter.

Jeanne Alter: Great. What do you want? Here to laugh at how pitifully our club did?

Jeanne: No, I'm just here to say hello. You do know that not everyone's out to get you, right?

Jeanne Alter: ...So? You take the sales crown again this year?

Jeanne: No, I'm afraid not.

Jeanne Alter: You didn't!? But your dolphin book was so good it made me want to barf! How could it possibly lose!?

Jeanne Alter: Not even Medb's photo album should–

Mash: W-well, as it turns out...

Jeanne Alter: ...Hmph. Sneaky bitch.

Medb: What do you mean, sneaky!?

Medb: I HAD to start issuing raffle tickets, or the whole con was going to riot!

Robin Hood: Great, just what we need right now.

Medb: Listen up! There's three things you guys lack!

Medb: Trendiness, social media presence, motivation, and most importantly, beauty!

Medb: Specifically, me!


Fujimaru 1: Isn't that four things?

Medb:

...Like I was saying, there's four things you guys lack!

Medb: Trendiness, social media presence, motivation, and me in all my beautiful glory!

Mash: Why does it feel like the list is growing?

Medb: The point is, I'm taking first place here as well.

Medb: Honestly, I'm so beautiful I scare myself sometimes... Maybe I'll make another statue.


Fujimaru 1: No statue lasts forever.

Medb: ...True. I'm not sure even I could take having a third statue of myself destroyed.

Medb: So I guess I can settle for just taking first place in sales. That Holy Grail is as good as mine!

Medb: Aaanyway, good luck trying to enjoy the rest of your summer.

Medb: It might not compare to my beautifully elegant vacation, but then, what could?

Medb: Hooohohoho!

Jeanne Alter: Damn, she actually walked away laughing like some kind of stuck-up evil rich girl.

Jeanne Alter: For a lady not making her own manga, she sure seems like she's read too damn many of them.

Jeanne: Personally, she reminds me of that salesman who's always laughing.

Jeanne: ...Anyway, I sure had a lot of fun again this year.

Jeanne Alter: I don't know. Think it might've been a whole lot of work for nothing.

Jeanne Alter: ...Hmph. Next time, I'm gonna hand you your ass for sure.

Jeanne: Wonderful! I look forward to it! Okay, I'm going to go back to my own table.

Jeanne: Great work, everyone!

F:Robin Hood: A participation prize, huh. Ah well, at least the book came out pretty well, right?

Jeanne Alter: ...Guess this means we've got to start over again.

Jeanne Alter: Oh well, no point looking backwards. Just have to focus on what comes next.

Jeanne Alter: ...Besides, there's still a bunch of things we don't know.

Jeanne Alter: So if we have to keep redrawing this book until we figure those out, that's what we're gonna do.

Jeanne Alter: ...Now, what do you say we make the most of this vacation, Master?

A Strange Night at Mauna Kea

Jeanne Alter: I guess this'll work for this loop's story. Hmm, though I still think it could be improved a little.


Fujimaru 1: Really? I think this could make for a really fun read.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, I guess you're right. ...Okay, let's do this, Fujimaru.

Jeanne Alter: This manga will help us debut with a real splash!

Jeanne Alter: And this time, we're gonna beat that photo book and you-know-who's manga!


Fujimaru 1: You know it!

Jeanne Alter: By the way, there's something that's been nagging at me. Come out on the balcony and I'll show you.


Fujimaru 1: It's beautiful.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, it is.

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, take a look. Can you see it?

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, that's it. That mountain over there.

Jeanne Alter: Mauna Kea.

Jeanne Alter: Normally, you wouldn't be able to see it from here, since it's supposed to be on the island of Hawaii...

Jeanne Alter: ...but now that the islands have combined together, it's a lot closer. Wanna see if we can walk there?


Fujimaru 1: Right now?

Jeanne Alter: Things like this, it's best to just up and do them as soon as they come to mind.

Jeanne Alter: Worried you might not have the legs for it? You are technically human, I guess.

Jeanne Alter: ...In that case, let's see if we can't snag ourselves a ride.

Sakata Kintoki: Hey, Boss! I hear you're lookin' to check out the Mauna Kea Observatories?

Sakata Kintoki: All right then, hop on. My Bear'll have you there in no time.

Jeanne Alter: Great, thanks.

Sakata Kintoki: No problem. You guys're–

Sakata Kintoki: ... ...

Sakata Kintoki: (The hell!? She's still wearin' a swimsuit this late!?)

Sakata Kintoki: (Why isn't she wearin' her civvies!? ...Oh, right, I guess Servants can get away with that. Makes sense!)

Sakata Kintoki: (But damn...good thing I've got my shades on!)

Ushiwakamaru: Well now. I'm surprised Lord Kintoki is letting you on his bike, Master. To be honest, I'm a little jealous.

Ushiwakamaru: It looks like it would be just as thrilling as a good training session. I wish I could go too...

Sakata Kintoki: Ushiwaka!? Not you too!?

Ushiwakamaru: Hm? Is something wrong, Lord Kintoki?

Sakata Kintoki: Uh, nah, it's nothin'. Really, nothin' at all.

Sakata Kintoki: All right then, let's get this show on the road!

Sakata Kintoki: Come on! Full throttle! No looking back! Hell, no looking at all!


Fujimaru 1: Uh, except at the road, right? Right!?

Sakata Kintoki: Hm? Looks like the rest of the road is closed to traffic.

Sakata Kintoki: Guess this is as far as we go then, Boss!


Fujimaru 1: That really didn't take any time.

Sakata Kintoki: You know it. 'Course, that's more thanks to Bear here than me. Hah!

Jeanne Alter: That's too bad. I was hoping to see the observatories.

Jeanne Alter: Still, even only halfway up the mountain, we still got to see Mauna Kea, so it'll do.

Ushiwakamaru: These stars really are something, aren't they...

Sakata Kintoki: You know, I thought Hawaii was supposed to be, like, paradise or whatever, compared to my old hangouts.

Sakata Kintoki: But this place looks like it ain't got much goin' on at all.

Mash: That's true... It looks very desolate.

Jeanne Alter: Well sure. This whole mountain used to be covered with lava, after all.

Jeanne Alter: I even heard it snows up here sometimes.

Jeanne Alter: It might be one of Hawaii's most famous tourist attractions, but it's also the most opposed to the whole tropical island thing.

Ushiwakamaru: ...You sound like you know quite a lot about it, Lady Alter.

Jeanne Alter: What do you mean? Everyone knows that, right?

Sakata Kintoki: I-I didn't. But yeah, that does make a lotta sense!

Mash: Yes. It was very well put.

Fou: Fou!

Jeanne Alter: That right, huh?

Jeanne Alter: ...Well, it's nothing anyone else who read the guidebook couldn't have told you.


Fujimaru 1: (She must have really been looking forward to Hawaii...)

Ushiwakamaru: ...All right, I suppose we'd better head back.

Mash: I was hoping to stay and enjoy the night sky a little longer...

Jeanne Alter: Well then, we can just come back another time.

Mash: Yes, I suppose we could.

Mash: All right then, Master, let's come out here again if we happen to have some spare time!

Möbius Days

Robin Hood: Hey there. Sorry if I kept you waiting.

Jeanne Alter: You sure as hell did.

Fou: Fou.

Jeanne Alter: So, let's get to it. ...How're we looking?

Mash: What do you mean by that?

Jeanne Alter: I mean, do you think we can take first place at ServantFes like BB said to?

Ushiwakamaru: I think...we sort of have to?

Ushiwakamaru: Seeing how she has the ability to rewind time, I don't see any other way we can leave.

Ushiwakamaru: Not to mention I really, REALLY don't want Medb to get the Holy Grail.

Jeanne Alter: Do you think BB was telling the truth?

Robin Hood: Yeah, that's what it all comes down to, isn't it? There's some things nagging at me too...

Jeanne Alter: That's why we shouldn't limit ourselves to just the doujin from here on.

Jeanne Alter: We need to spread out, find other Servants, and hear what they've got to say, too.

Jeanne Alter: It's rough, but if BB was telling the truth, and we're gonna keep looping until we take first place...


Fujimaru 1: We'll just have to keep at it until we get it right?

Jeanne Alter: Pretty much, yeah.

Jeanne Alter: I'm afraid you're gonna end up being real busy too. Better steel yourself for that.

Mash: Of course. I'm guessing that we're the only ones aware of the time loop...

Mash: If we all work together, I'm sure we can find a way out of it!

Jeanne Alter: ... ...


Fujimaru 1: This reminds me of a Möbius strip.

Jeanne Alter:

Did you just read my mind!?

About Pele

Jeanne Alter: No surprise at this point, but making this book gets easier every time. We shouldn't have any trouble finishing it now.

Jeanne Alter: ...Hmm. Now that we're gonna have more free time, why don't we take a break and visit Kilauea?

Ushiwakamaru: Is Kilauea different from the other volcano we visited, Mauna Kea?

Jeanne Alter: Uh, yeah. Like, completely different.

Jeanne Alter: Mauna Kea's a dormant volcano, while Kilauea's still active.

Jeanne Alter: It's got lava, magma, smoke...all of it.

Jeanne Alter: What's more, people say that Pele lives near its mouth.


Fujimaru 1: Wow. Any other interesting stories?

Jeanne Alter: Hmm... Let's see...

Jeanne Alter: Well, if we're talking Pele and volcanoes, then we also gotta cover the snow goddess Poliʻahu! She lives on Mauna Kea, but I bet you coulda guessed that.

Jeanne Alter: They say that whenever Pele tried to chase her away with lava, Poliʻahu would cover the lava up with snow, which is why it's so cold there.

Jeanne Alter: They say Poliʻahu always wore a white cloak, and that Pele had a black one.

Jeanne Alter: Pele would frequently try to kill Poliʻahu, but would always end up getting outwitted.

Jeanne Alter: According to all the legends, Pele never managed to beat her once.

Jeanne Alter: Now that we're here in Hawaii and all, you oughta brush up on your Hawaiian mythology too.

Jeanne Alter: I mean, that's the sort of knowledge we're gonna need in this battle, right?

Jeanne Alter: ...Though to be fair, I never thought Pele would be mixed up in all this either.

Ushiwakamaru: A goddess with a black cloak, huh... That does sound appropriate for BB.

Robin Hood: I heard they also went for the same kind of men.

Robin Hood: In one of the myths I read, Pele fell in love at first sight with a male demigod from Oahu by the name of Kamapuaʻa.

Robin Hood: Kamapuaʻa had a beautiful singing voice, one that carried all the way to Pele's ears on the island of Hawaii.

Robin Hood: But when she went to meet him, she learned the truth: Kamapuaʻa was actually half man, half pig.

Robin Hood: They say Pele mocked him for being a pig, but that didn't stop her from marrying him.

Robin Hood: Don't know if it was the fact that she'd already fallen for him, or if she just didn't mind the pig side as much as she let on, but anyway.

Ushiwakamaru: ...That doesn't surprise me. Pigs are smart, docile creatures who like to keep clean, yet can grow to be fearsome boars if left in the wild.

Ushiwakamaru: I can understand why some people don't care for pigs...but regardless, there aren't many gods who rule over them.


Fujimaru 1: So Pele married a pig, huh...


Fujimaru 2: Is this why BB wanted to turn you into a pig, Robin?

Robin Hood: That has nothing to do with this whatsoever! Besides, it's the Holy Grail's power that lets her turn her enemies into pigs!

Mash: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to check your progress.

Mash: How many pages have you all completed so far?

Jeanne Alter: ...I'd say between half and two-thirds. We're making good time.

Mash: Oh wow, and it's still just the third day! That's amazing!

Jeanne Alter: Thanks. At this point, getting it done won't be a problem.

Jeanne Alter: Though if I could take just a little more time on it, I think I could brush it up even more...

Ushiwakamaru: I still don't know much about manga, especially doujin, but wouldn't it be better to focus on meeting our deadline in this case?

Jeanne Alter: Well, yeah, you're not wrong. But still...

Robin Hood: So you want to up the quality this time too, huh. In that case, why don't we bring on more assistants?

Jeanne Alter: That'd be great. At this point, I'll take help from anyone or anything. Human, pig...hell, even a cat!

Jaguar Warrior: You rang!?


Fujimaru 1: No. Please leave.

Tamamo Cat: Did somebody say help from a cat!?

Jeanne Alter: ...Do you know anything about making manga?

Tamamo Cat: I played around with screentones once.

Jeanne Alter:

You're hired!

Boudica: Hm? What's going on?

Boudica: Cat just dragged me here...

Tamamo Cat: I wanted you to make me something yummy and nutritious that'll keep me awake and give me energy for days.

Tamamo Cat: I've got computer work to do, and I can't go messing it up with cooking oil.

Boudica: Th-that's a rather tall order.

Boudica: ...But, okay. I'll see what I've got in the kitchen, and I'll bring it up when it's done.

Boudica: Good luck!


Fujimaru 1: Thanks, Boudica!

Boudica: Oh! I'm sorry, but I don't have enough ingredients for all of you...

Mash: What is it you're low on?

Boudica: Hmm... Well, I could use more chicken. I've already got plenty of veggies.

Mash: Chicken, huh...


Fujimaru 1: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Ushiwakamaru: Oh yes.

Ushiwakamaru: Leave the hunting to us, Master! Don't worry, we'll be back before you know it!

Ushiwakamaru: We're going to need a delicious, nutritious meal to give us the push for this last half, after all!

--BATTLE--

Ushiwakamaru: There we go. This ought to keep us all fed for a while.

Ushiwakamaru: I'm a little worried about how they'll taste, but Lady Boudica knows what she's doing!

Ushiwakamaru: Perhaps she'll make fried chicken...deep-fried chicken...or even one of those turducken things I've heard about using nothing but chicken!

Blackbeard: Oh?

Blackbeard: Why the mountain of chicken? There a party I haven't sniffed out yet?


Fujimaru 1: It's to help give us a bit more energy for the last half.

Blackbeard: Last half? For a doujin?

Blackbeard: Whose? Jalter's?

Blackbeard: She was serious about that!?

Ushiwakamaru: I'm not sure Lady Alter would be too pleased to hear you shorten her name like that...

Blackbeard: I see, I see. And here I thought she gave up a while back.

Blackbeard: Hmm. I'm only versed in the art of reading manga, so I can't do much besides cheer you on...

Blackbeard: ...but I'll be sure to stop by your table on con day.


Fujimaru 1: Ours'll be great! Count on it!

Blackbeard: I see...

Blackbeard: In that case, I kind of feel bad for you.

Blackbeard: I mean, it's pretty much a lock as to who's gonna sell the most books this year...

Blackbeard: Hrmph, it makes me sick. I wouldn't touch that chick's book if she paid me!

ServantFes Pirate: Hey, Blackbeard! Great timing!

Blackbeard: Yeah?

ServantFes Pirate: You know that book I was telling you about? “Medb's Rocking Photo Collection”?

Blackbeard: Hrmph.

ServantFes Pirate: Well, the limited edition comes with special “Be Medb's Footstool” tickets, but there's a limit of two books per customer, so I was hoping you could help me by–

Blackbeard: I've heard enough. Die!

ServantFes Pirate: What was that fooor!?

Blackbeard: So she's even ensnared my own elites with those thicc thighs, huh? That's it. No more Simping Blackbeard.

Blackbeard: If you get a chance to ruin her beach contest thing, maybe I'll find a way to help you do that. Duhuhu.

Holy Sister

Jeanne Alter: ...Good morning.


Fujimaru 1: Good morning.

Jeanne Alter: Today, I thought we'd go check out Diamond Head.


Fujimaru 1: Roger that!

Jeanne Alter: Cool. Oh, and don't forget the camera.

Jeanne Alter: Come in.

Jeanne: Goood morning!

Jeanne Alter: ...Guess you got our rooms mixed up. Bye now. Happens all the time.


Fujimaru 1: Yeaaah, pretty sure it doesn't?

Jeanne Alter: Look, I'm trying to be nice here, all right?

Jeanne:

What's wrong with me visiting my little sister!?

Jeanne Alter: Hello, front desk?

Jeanne Alter: I've got some nutjob claiming to be my sister in here. Mind kicking her out for me?

Jekyll: Is this a prank call?

Jeanne: Sooo, how's your manga going? (Said while grabbing a sandwich)

Jeanne Alter: It's going.

Jeanne: Aww, come on, you can at least tell me something about it.

Jeanne: As for me, I– (Said around a mouthful of scrambled eggs)

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Jeanne Alter: You're drawing a love story about dolphins, and you're about eighty percent done.

Jeanne: Huh? How did you know that!? (Said while drinking clear soup)

Jeanne Alter: ...Eh, I have my ways. You're really stuffing your face, huh?

Jeanne: Hehe, I'm so glad you're interested in getting to know me better.

Jeanne: So how far are– (Carving up French toast)

Jeanne Alter: I'd say I'm about halfway done.

Jeanne Alter: ...Can I ask you something, Blondie?

Jeanne: Please don't call me that...

Jeanne: Anyway...(nom, nom)...what is it? (Savoring chewy sausage)

Jeanne Alter: Why'd you start drawing manga in the first place? Also, you sure you're not eating too much?

Jeanne: Hmm... That's a good question.

Jeanne: I'm Jeanne d'Arc, Heroic Spirit and Servant. But at one point, I started thinking...

Jeanne: If somehow I were neither of those things...if I were nobody, really...

Jeanne: ...what would I want to do with my time? What should I do with it?

Jeanne: That was when Marie asked me to try making a manga with her.

Jeanne: I just get this feeling of such delight from making manga! Coming up with stories, writing them, then finally drawing it all... You can't beat that feeling!

Jeanne Alter: Think so, huh?

Jeanne: Yes, as stories were never a big part of our lives. (Trying the pudding again)

Jeanne Alter: Maybe not, but I pretty much am a story.

Jeanne Alter: Also, you're stuffing yourself too much. Like, way too much.

Jeanne: That's why I wanted a story about someone I came up with who wasn't me.

Jeanne: What about you? How come you're drawing a manga? (Yes, I'm stuffing myself, I can't help it.)

Jeanne Alter: Why else? To make a better one than your story with the princess and the monster.

Jeanne: Princess and monster...?

Jeanne: What happens in that story? (This honey's too good. I can't stop.)

Jeanne Alter: What do you mean? You drew it, didn't you?

Jeanne: Sorry, I don't recall ever drawing a story like that...

Jeanne Alter: ...Well, it's about...

Jeanne: Hmmm. No, that doesn't ring any bells at all.

Jeanne: Could I see it for myself? (I wonder if I could get a loco moco plate this early...)

Jeanne Alter: All right, hang on.

Jeanne Alter: ...Huh? That's weird.

Jeanne Alter: Did I give it to you at some point, Fujimaru?


Fujimaru 1: I've never even read it.

Jeanne Alter: Right. That tracks.

Jeanne Alter: I locked it up and hid it so no one else would get a chance to read it and think it was better than mine.

Jeanne Alter: Weird. Maybe it disappeared when we got caught up in this loop?

Jeanne: Loop?

Jeanne Alter: ...Forget about that.

Jeanne Alter: Oh, and one more thing. Have you seen BB anywhere?

Jeanne: Of course. She's running ServantFes this year, after all.

Jeanne: I've seen her running around a lot getting everything ready.


Fujimaru 1: Did you notice anything unusual about her?

Jeanne: Anything unusual?

Jeanne: ...Hmm. Now that you mention it, she did seem a little different from the image I had of her.

Jeanne: And I don't mean her new tan and hair. That seemed right at home here in the tropics.

Jeanne: It's more like, something about her felt fundamentally different from the rest of us.

Jeanne Alter: ...Makes sense.

Jeanne: Come to think of it, you're not the first to ask me about BB.

Jeanne Alter: Really? Who else did?

Jeanne: The Count of Monte Cristo. Have you not run into him yet?

Jeanne: He's usually hanging around the beach at night, though I wish he would come out earlier in the day.

Jeanne: He's so popular with children that Jack, Nursery, and Lily have been staying up well past their bedtimes.


Fujimaru 1: The Count? Popular with children...?

Jeanne: They all enjoy imitating his laugh. Blackbeard sounds the closest to him.


Fujimaru 2: Kuhahahaha!

Jeanne Alter: Could you not with the sudden impressions?

Jeanne: Ahh, that loco moco was just as yummy as it looked! (Coffee sip)

Jeanne Alter: You ate so much it actually put Master off [♂ his /♀ her] own appetite...

Jeanne: I've been swimming with Reece a lot lately, so I need all the energy I can get.

Jeanne Alter: Right, that dolphin.

Jeanne: Yes, this dolphin.

Jeanne Alter:

The hell!? Could you freakin' NOT summon a dolphin into a hotel!?

Tamamo Cat: Oh? Our catch of the day is looking even fresher than usual. But we don't serve dolphin or whale here.

Tamamo Cat: Sharks, on the other hand–I've chopped enough of those bad boys into pieces to make my own TV series. I think I'm gonna try for a full-blown motion picture next.

C:Jeanne: Nobody is making pieces out of my Reece.

C:Jeanne: Anyway, since we're all here together, how would you two like to come swimming with me?

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, okay.

C:Jeanne: Huh?

Jeanne Alter: Huh what? Come on, let's go.

C:Jeanne: Master, Master, is Alter okay?

C:Jeanne: She's being so agreeable that I'm a little shocked...


Fujimaru 1: Maybe her new Spirit Origin's made her more mellow?

C:Jeanne: Yes, that might be it.

C:Jeanne: Swimsuits do tend to make Servants feel more liberated, and that can affect many aspects of their personality.


Fujimaru 2: Maybe it's all the drawing she's been doing.

C:Jeanne: I see. If that's all it is, then I'm glad to hear it.

C:Jeanne: Anything that can get Alter to smile more is a good thing in my book.

Jeanne Alter: ...What're you gossiping about over there? C'mon, let's go already.

C:Jeanne: C-coming!

C:Jeanne: Take this!

Jeanne Alter: Ahaha, you're gonna pay for that...

Jeanne Alter: Hrah!

C:Jeanne: Hey! No throwing real weapons!

Jeanne Alter: Why not? You can always just throw that dolphin of yours.

Jeanne: Oh, good idea. Get her, Reece!

Jeanne Alter: You thought I was serious!?

Jeanne: Good boy, Reece. That was great.

Jeanne Alter: Master, if there's one thing I've learned today, it's that dolphins are freaking terrifying when they're bearing down on you with open mouths.


Fujimaru 1: Their teeth do look like chain saw blades, don't they...

Jeanne: Oh, you two are so mean. How could any creature this cute be scary?

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, the only thing I hear him squeaking is, “Death to all humans.”

C:Jeanne: He is not saying that!

Jeanne Alter: ...Hey, I just got a great idea.

Jeanne Alter: Next time I make a manga, I'm gonna make it about a dolphin death game.

Jeanne Alter: What do you think of “So Long, and Thanks for All the Kills” for the title?

C:Jeanne:

Ugh!

C:Jeanne: Just so you know, Reece still has another transformation up his sleeve! Er, flipper!

Kuhahaha

Mash: According to what Jeanne said, we should find the Count of Monte Cristo around here...


Fujimaru 1: That laugh!

Mash: Come on, everyone, let's go!

Jeanne Alter: What's he laughing about, anyway?

Robin Hood: He's a little, how do I put this...off.

Ushiwakamaru: Aside from how he makes no effort to understand others, I also find him very loud and irritating!

Jeanne Alter: Damn, he really is loud! ...Wait, hang on. I think he's fighting.

Jeanne Alter: And he's up against...

Ibaraki-Douji: Hehe...

Ibaraki-Douji:

Haha! Hahahahahahahaha! I feel great! Super great!

???: Kuhahahaha!

???: Fiendish oni, raging wildfire...you would dance on BB's strings, would you?

Count of Monte Cristo: But you are nothing more than the comic relief.

Count of Monte Cristo: Not even the great blue-haired writer of fairy tales would ever pen a story with you as the protagonist!

Ibaraki-Douji: ...I don't know what you're talking about, but I can tell you're mocking me.

Ibaraki-Douji: But you won't be laughing much longer! Come on out, guys!

Count of Monte Cristo: Haha! So you think you can overwhelm me with numbers, do you!?

Count of Monte Cristo: Very well then, I will just have to call in my own accomplice–


Fujimaru 1: Sooo... What's up?

Count of Monte Cristo: Khh... I know we are in the tropics, but you would still do well to take this more seriously, Master!

Ibaraki-Douji: Ha! This is perfect. Now I can crush you all at once!

Ibaraki-Douji: All you riffraff may as well be trash compared to me. Now come on!

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahahahaha, this was fairly entertaining. Farewell!

Ibaraki-Douji: I went real hog wild this time around. I'll never forget the look on those couples' faces after I turned into a shark and drove them all apart!

Ibaraki-Douji: I hope Shuten's proud of me!

Count of Monte Cristo: Hmph, I'll never understand how these oni end up so twisted. Still, in the end, she is merely a lion with the mind of a house cat.

Mash: Shouldn't that be the other way around?

Count of Monte Cristo: I mean that while she may present herself as a lion, she still possesses the heart of a tame house cat.

Count of Monte Cristo: Forget it. Fujimaru, I presume you are here to ask me about BB?


Fujimaru 1: Nailed it.

Count of Monte Cristo: Heh. Then I take it you too have realized this world is caught in a time loop.

Mash: You know too, Count...!?

Count of Monte Cristo: Yes, I do.

Count of Monte Cristo: Strangely enough, it seems I bear some innate resistance to repeating worlds of this sort.

Count of Monte Cristo: ...Then again, it could be a skill that belongs to my class, rather than myself.

Count of Monte Cristo: Perhaps those who came before me experienced world-ending cataclysms of an endlessly repeating nature...

Count of Monte Cristo: But I digress. As a matter of fact, there is something I wish to ask you as well.

Count of Monte Cristo: What is BB's goal? If anyone here would know, it's you.


Fujimaru 1: Well...

Count of Monte Cristo: Heh.

Count of Monte Cristo: A mere pretense. She would never create a time loop for something so simple.

Jeanne Alter: Okay then, if you're so smart, what do YOU think BB's goal is?

Count of Monte Cristo: I have not yet gotten that far. But, with all of you here, perhaps that can change.

Count of Monte Cristo: My guess is that BB is the one who sent Ibaraki-Douji after me.

Count of Monte Cristo: ...Robin Hood, I would request that you lend me your cloak.

Robin Hood: You mean my No Face May King?

Count of Monte Cristo: That's right. You and BB are particularly ill-suited for one another...or is it well-suited?

Robin Hood: Ill! Definitely ill!

Count of Monte Cristo: Regardless, using the No Face May King would put you at considerable risk of being found out.

Count of Monte Cristo: Not through any fault of your own, but merely due to a twist of fate.

Robin Hood: Oh, yeah... I think I know what you mean.

Robin Hood: In fact, I think BB's already got me pegged whenever I go out on my own...

Robin Hood: ...and that will only get worse if I try to track her.

Count of Monte Cristo: That is why I can use it to follow where BB goes.

Robin Hood: All right, you've got a point. Here, Count, it's all yours.

Count of Monte Cristo: There you have it, Fujimaru. I advise you all to continue drawing your doujin while still bearing in mind what your true purpose here really is.

Count of Monte Cristo: In the meantime, I shall handle Luluhawa's encroaching darkness alone, during the night...

Mash: And just like that, he's gone.

Mash: Still, it's very encouraging to know there's another Servant who's aware of the loop.

Jeanne Alter: Hawaii's darkness... And Pele, the goddess of fire and volcanoes...

Jeanne Alter: Hmm. I knew it. Something doesn't add up.

Meat! Meat! Meat!

Jeanne Alter: Bar! Be!

Jeanne: Cue!

Boudica: Coming right up! Don't worry, there's plenty of meat to go around.

Osakabehime: Meat... Meaty-niku meat...

Osakabehime: It should be fine, right...? Servants don't gain weight!


Fujimaru 1: I don't know. Maybe your mind makes it real.

Osakabehime: Gaaah, why did you have to say thaaat!?

Kiyohime: Hmm. Then I suppose we can't entirely discount the theory that says Servants can get fat.

Kiyohime: Not only is the fate of humanity in peril, but we are eating food prepared by other Servants.

Kiyohime: Such food might have a much stronger effect on our bodies than food made by humans...

Kiyohime: At least in theory.

Kiyohime: Not that my own weight could ever change, of course.

Kiyohime: As a dedicated wife Servant, calorie control comes with the territory.

Osakabehime: Oh, you mean that fat-burning diet you've been on for–

Kiyohime: I'm sorry, did you say something? I didn't quite hear you.

Osakabehime: J-j-just talking to myself.

Ibaraki-Douji: ... ...

Mash: Senpai. Senpai, look. Ibaraki's right over there...

Ushiwakamaru: So, she caught wind of our cookout. Shall I get rid of her, Master?


Fujimaru 1: No, let's let Robin handle her.

Ibaraki-Douji: ...That meat looks really good. But then, I ate nothing but meat when I was still alive.

Ibaraki-Douji: And all I remember about it was that it was tough, and stringy, and smelly.

Ibaraki-Douji: That's all meat really tastes like. It can't possibly compare to candy...!

Ibaraki-Douji: All right, I've decided! I will not give in to temptation and partake of this barbecue! I will run around smashing things until it's ruined!

Robin Hood: Okay, that's enough of that.

Ibaraki-Douji: Robin the Green!

Robin Hood: I told you, never mind the “Green.” Go on, eat up. Don't worry, there's no pepper on it.

Ibaraki-Douji: H-hey, watch it! You almost skewered me with that skewer!

Robin Hood: Relax, I'm no Lancer. Go on, eat it while it's hot.

Ibaraki-Douji: ...This is barbecue meat.

Robin Hood: It's good stuff.

Ibaraki-Douji: H-hmm... Why bother? Chicken, pork, beef, human...it all tastes the same.

Robin Hood: That's 'cause you never cooked it properly. Go on, say ahhh.

Ibaraki-Douji: Hmm. This isn't stringy.

Ibaraki-Douji: And this spiciness is a refreshing change from all the candy I've been eating lately.

Robin Hood: Right? There's something about cooking meat outdoors that makes it taste way better. Maybe it's the party effect or something?

Robin Hood: The trick is to get a whole bunch of people together in one place. Now go on, eat up already.

Ibaraki-Douji: B-but...I'm your enemy right now.

Robin Hood: So what? If Shuten-Douji were here, I'm pretty sure she'd just waltz in all, “It'd be rude to rain on your parade,” while downing another saucer of wine.

Ibaraki-Douji: ...T-true, that does sound like Shuten.

Ibaraki-Douji: A-all right, I'll join you then too! ...Got that!?

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Hmph.

Boudica: Here you go, little Ibaraki.

Ibaraki-Douji: It's not “little”! It's “Douji”! Lucky for you, this food is so good I'm feeling pretty forgiving now.

Ushiwakamaru: ...(Holding herself back)


Fujimaru 1: No picking fights.


Fujimaru 2: No goading, no taunting.

Ushiwakamaru: I-I know that.

Ushiwakamaru: Very well, I think I'll make myself scarce for a bit. I'm sure you have things to discuss with Ibaraki.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Now, if you'll excuse me!

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm?

Ibaraki-Douji: So you wanna talk to me, huh? ...What about?

Ibaraki-Douji: I'm not going oni-wild right now on account of how good this meat is, but–


Fujimaru 1: That swimsuit looks good on you.

Ibaraki-Douji: !

Ibaraki-Douji: Heh, tell me something I don't know. But I commend your taste nonetheless, Master.


Fujimaru 2: That swimsuit looks badass on you.

Ibaraki-Douji: !!!

Ibaraki-Douji: Right? Right!? RIGHT!?

Ibaraki-Douji: This swimsuit is pretty cool, if I do say so myself!

Ibaraki-Douji: You know, there have been rumors going around in the oni world lately about an oni “correcting” other oni who stray from the rightful oni path.

Ibaraki-Douji: Of course, I don't believe any of that nonsense, but if that oni really existed, they probably wouldn't be happy with this supremely stylish outfit...

Ibaraki-Douji: But never mind that. The point is, BB is the one who gave me this swimsuit.

Ibaraki-Douji: There may be something fishy about her, but the fact that she did so shows she has promise!

Mash: ...So that's what happened. I'm so sorry we weren't able to give you a swimsuit ourselves, Ibaraki...

Ibaraki-Douji: Don't worry about that now, Mash. All's well that ends well, as they say!


Fujimaru 1: I'm sorry too.

Ibaraki-Douji: Don't be stupid! Humans shouldn't go around apologizing to oni! Begging for their lives, yes. Apologizing, no!

Ibaraki-Douji: Heh. Still, I won't let that go to waste. Hand over that meat skewer, and all will be forgiven.

Mash: You want this skewer? Sure, here you go.

Ibaraki-Douji: That's it. Mmm♪

Ibaraki-Douji: Delicious! Is this chicken?

Boudica: That's right. For some reason, Luluhawa has lots and lots of it.

Ibaraki-Douji: What about this sauce? Did you make this, Boudica?

Boudica: No, Emiya did. He knows a great deal about all sorts of different cuisines from around the world.

Boudica: I still have a lot left to learn if I'm going to catch up to him.

Emiya: Don't sell yourself short. You're a much more skilled chef than I am. All I've got going for me is my knowledge of modern-day seasonings.

Boudica: There you go again.

Mash: I didn't know you were here too, Emiya. Does that mean Nero and Tamamo are around as well?

Emiya: Yeah. The smell of barbecue lured us right over. And it looks like we weren't the only ones.

Babbage: ... ...

Nero: ...Is it still not ready? My patience is nearing its limits.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Not just yet, Your Imperial Majesty. It'll take just a little more time.

Nero: Ugh, I cannot wait any longer!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Hey! I'd called dibs on that one!

Nero: Umu, what fine meat! Despite its beefy nature, it tastes distinctly wolfy and gangy!

Elisabeth: Well, I couldn't disagree more... Meat's much better undercooked.

Elisabeth: The bloodier the better, as far as I'm concerned. Anything good is better when it's rare.

Tamamo-no-Mae: If you say so. But make sure you cook pork all the way through, or your stomach's going to regret it later.

Babbage: ...However you choose to cook your meat, I would rather you didn't cook it on me just because you're running low on stoves.

Nero: If it isn't Lord Babbage! I mistook you for an iron grill as elegant and grand as my own statues!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Hohoho, I'm sorry. I've never used steam to cook meat before, so I couldn't help but try☆

Elisabeth: Hmm. Yeah, I'm definitely a lean red meat kind of girl.

Ushiwakamaru: ...I have to say, the way things are going, we'll be stuck returning to square one again.

Ushiwakamaru: I don't see how we can take the ServantFes sales crown, no matter how good the manga turns out.

Ushiwakamaru: We have to do something about the Medb Contest too...

Ushiwakamaru: And yet, in a contest of beauty, there's almost no chance we can win.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Which means our only option is to somehow make it into a contest we can win. But how to do that...?

Ushiwakamaru: Hmm...

A:: Damn, tengu girl, I could see your long face clear across the beach. What's got you so bummed?

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, the Chinese soldier of fortune and the small-statured king. What do you want with me?

A:: Just couldn't help but notice that something was bothering you. You're worried about something for Master's sake, right? It's written all over your face.

A:: Hey, I've been there, so I know what you're going through. If you need to talk, I'm happy to listen.

Ushiwakamaru: ...I remember now. You were a man of loyalty first and foremost. And the king is a cavalryman skilled in tactical warfare...

Ushiwakamaru: All right, you've convinced me. If I can't solve this on my own, maybe the wisdom of others can help.

Ushiwakamaru: The problem is...

Alexander: Hm hm.

Alexander: So the judges, organizer, and spectators are all on Medb's side, huh. In that case, the only choice is to turn the contest on its head.

Alexander: The best choice would be where victory can't possibly be disputed, like sports or a martial arts fight.

Ushiwakamaru: Yes, that's all true...

Ushiwakamaru: ...but I can't imagine Medb would simply agree to change the rules.

Ushiwakamaru: She doesn't care about the integrity of the contest. All she cares about is winning.

A:: Hmm... Medb, huh.

Ushiwakamaru: Come to think of it, I believe I heard you can change into just about anyone?

A:: Yeah, though it's just a leftover power from some incident I don't even remember.

A:: But anyway, while I could change into Medb, there wouldn't be any point to it.

Ushiwakamaru: True. She'd have to actually admit defeat, otherwise her accomplices would just find a way to twist the situation to her advantage.

Alexander: Hmm.

Alexander: Hey, strategist! Got any bright ideas?

El-Melloi II: ...It's too hot to think out here, so the best plan I can offer is a simple one.

Alexander: Fine with me. The more complicated the plan, the more variables you need to account for anyway.

Alexander: Besides, isn't strategy all about achieving maximal results with minimal effort?

El-Melloi II: Right you are. Very well then, simple it is.

El-Melloi II: First of all, ask yourselves this: What is Medb's weakness?

A:: Hm? Beats me.

Ushiwakamaru: ... ...

Ushiwakamaru: Could it have something to do with the fact that she always has to win, and be beautiful while doing so?

El-Melloi II: Very astute. I can see why you made such a name for yourself during the Genpei War.

El-Melloi II: The fact that the audience, judges, and everyone else are on her side means that she cannot win in a way that would bring shame to one in her lofty position.

Ushiwakamaru: I get that.

Ushiwakamaru: But even if I were to challenge her to a duel, she'd just laugh in my face.

El-Melloi II: Which is why you will need the Chinese warrior's help.

A:: ...Me?

El-Melloi II: Let me explain...

Mash: ... ...This is a lot of fun, isn't it, Senpai?

Mash: It may only be a temporary break, but it still feels like a dream come true.

Mash: I know we have to repair this Singularity eventually, but I'm still really glad we came to Luluhawa.

Mash: Everyone here is just enjoying their summer, without any reservations or hang-ups. It's priceless.

Mash: If only this moment...could last forever and ever...


Fujimaru 1: Yeah...

Osakabehime: Yamete KudaSTOOOP!!!

Mash: O-Osakabehime!?

Osakabehime: What do you think you're doing!?

Osakabehime: “If only this moment could last forever”? Are you TRYING to bring dramatic irony down on our asses!?

Osakabehime: The moment you say you wish spring could last forever, that's when it begins! Madness! Pandemonium! Cats and dogs living together!

Tamamo Cat: You woofed?

Osakabehime: Uh, no. Nobody woofed.

Tamamo Cat: Oh. Okay. I'll just go back to the grill then. I gotta say though, barbecues make me real sad...

Tamamo Cat: I can't seem to stop crying... Who thought it was a good idea to assign a cat to onion-chopping duties?

Osakabehime: As! I! Was! Saying! We're supposed to move forward in life.


Fujimaru 1: Couldn't agree more.

Osakabehime: Right? It's not a vacation unless it ends. We have to move forward, not stay looping in place.

Osakabehime: ...What is it, Mash? Why do you look like you don't know the chigai?

Mash: Uh, nothing. It's nothing.

Boudica: Hey, over there! I could use your help too!

Mash: Yes? What is it, Boudica?

Boudica: There's so many people here that we're running out of meat. Would you mind doing some quick hunting!?

Mash: All right. In that case...

Mash: ...we'll hunt some of the wild Demon Chickens and Boars roaming around nearby!


Fujimaru 1: To the hunt!

Ibaraki-Douji: Did someone say hunt? Then I'll help too! Consider it your reward for feeding me delicious meat!

Ibaraki-Douji: Now watch and learn what we oni can do when we go nuts!

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji: Well hunted!

Robin Hood: You sure you wanna go around saying things like that yourself...?

Ibaraki-Douji: O-oh, right. I've heard it so many times that it just sort of slipped out.

Mash: Great job, Senpai. It was nice that everyone took some of their spare time to help us out.


Fujimaru 1: Emphasis on “spare”!

Osakabehime: (Munch, munch) Hey, I was rooting for you in my kokoro.


Fujimaru 2: Would've been even nicer if they'd stopped eating first!

Tamamo Cat: What do you expect? Eating is one of our three most basic desires. Anything living's gotta eat something to go on living.

Tamamo Cat: Not even Servants can easily resist that fact of life.

Ibaraki-Douji: Now, on with the banquet! More meat! With plenty of barbecue sauce!

Emiya: This reminds me of Brazilian churrasco.

Passing Office Worker: Um, excuse me. Could I get two... Actually, make that three steak tips? The ones right over there, please.

Emiya: Hm? O-oh, sure, here you go. I see you've got a very healthy appetite.

Passing Office Worker: Oh no, I really don't, usually. It's just that this meat is so good.

Passing Office Worker: Oh, could I get a few hot dogs to go, please? No seafood, thanks. I hate octopus and all that.

Passing Office Worker: Thank you. Have a great lunch, Chief Red!

Emiya: ...Chief Red? She must have me confused with someone else...

Emiya: That aside, the way she stuffed herself looked extremely familiar...

This Repetition Will Eventually End

Ibaraki-Douji: Oof... I ate like a Demon Boar...

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm? Where'd Fujimaru run off to?

Ushiwakamaru: Master went back to work. We don't have any time to waste, after all.

Ibaraki-Douji: Hmm. Is making picture scrolls really that much fun? Wouldn't [♂ he /♀ she] rather be out here swimming?

Ushiwakamaru: Hard to say. Perhaps Benkei could speak to whether it's fun or not, but I can't.

Ushiwakamaru: But I can understand the desire to create something permanent.

Ushiwakamaru: I imagine it's much the same for everyone else.

Jeanne: ...You've improved so much...

Jeanne Alter: Who died and made you my art teacher!?

Jeanne: Can't you learn how to take a compliment!?

Jeanne: I mean, when you take a step back, it's amazing, no matter how you slice it.

Jeanne: If you can improve this much in only five days, it won't be long before the rest of us are out of a job, so to speak...

Jeanne Alter: Oh. Well...


Fujimaru 1: Let's just say we've been around the block more than you'd think...

Jeanne Alter: ...That said, I couldn't help but notice something.

Jeanne Alter: The more pages I draw, the more aware I become of my limits.

Jeanne: Yeah...

Jeanne Alter: At this point, I can kinda tell how interesting it's gonna end up...

Jeanne Alter: ...and how well it's gonna be received.

Jeanne Alter: Though I still don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.

Osakabehime: That's the trap so many passionate fans fall into.

Osakabehime: Like birds trying to reach the far-off pastures of our ideals, only to fly smack into the window of reality.

Osakabehime: Limits aren't things others set for us. They're things we discover on our own.

Osakabehime: I remember Hokusai said something about them too.

Osakabehime: “You oughta see how crazed my Toto-sama is. It's ridiculous.”

Osakabehime: “He's always tellin' me to imagine how he feels, still not able to draw a decent cat after all these years.”

Osakabehime: So you see? We could spend our whole lives improving, and still find something more we can do.

Jeanne: That's very true.

Jeanne: Even artists as masterful as they are feel ashamed of their immaturity, and continue to strive for better.

Jeanne: So there's no reason we can't try a little harder ourselves.

Jeanne Alter: Hmph, I knew you'd say something sappy like that. Makes me want to smash your face. Also smash your sales record.

Jeanne Alter: Though I'll admit, that second one's easier said than done...

Osakabehime: At times like that, the best thing to do is go back to the fundamentals.

Osakabehime: ...Come to think of it, what made you want to try your hand at doujin in the first place?

Jeanne Alter: A book she drew.

Jeanne: Something I drew?

Jeanne Alter: That's right.

Jeanne Alter: It was a real cutesy story about a princess and a monster.

Jeanne Alter: (...That's weird. I can't seem to remember it clearly.)

Jeanne: Hmm... I'm pretty sure I've never drawn a story about a princess and a monster.

Jeanne Alter: ...Bullshit.

Jeanne: Think about it. Marie's a princess herself.

Jeanne: Do you really think I would have the nerve to draw a story about a princess in front of an actual princess?

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, I guess you've got a point.

Jeanne Alter: Then I guess it wasn't your story that moved...impacted me so much.

Jeanne: Well, I can't be certain without reading it myself...but no, it probably wasn't.

Jeanne Alter: ...Eh, whatever. Whoever drew that book, it's still the standard I'm trying to surpass.

Jeanne Alter: So I'll just have to keep going until I succeed!

Jeanne: ...That's the spirit! Good luck! Look, Reece is rooting for you too.

Jeanne Alter: Could you keep the floating dolphin away from me? It's creepy enough without it getting closer.

Jeanne: Aww.

Narration: I'll admit, even I think I've improved.

Narration: ...I'm pretty sure this doujin'll sell a lot more copies than the last one did.

Narration: But I also can't help but feel impatient.

Narration: I still don't feel like I've managed to make something more impactful than that princess and monster book, or even of better quality.

Narration: I do think–I want to think I've at least got passion. This is the first kind of spark I've felt for something besides revenge.

Narration: But win, lose, or absolute despair...there's only one more day left to go.

Osakabehime: How's it going?

Jeanne Alter: ...Eh.

Osakabehime: Gotcha.

Osakabehime: ...Are you sure nothing's bothering you? You were pretty quiet during the barbecue.

Jeanne Alter: Oh yeah? And what if I do? You gonna be my sparring opponent and help me blow off steam?

Osakabehime: Hmm... Yeah, okay, I guess I could do that.

Jeanne Alter: Well, well. You're not usually up for that sort of thing.

Osakabehime: Hontrue! I guess Luluhawa's put me in a good mood too.

Osakabehime: Come on, Master, you wake up too.

Jeanne Alter: Hold it. I'll wake [♂ him /♀ her] up.

Osakabehime: You really do have a strong possessive streak, don't you...

Jeanne Alter: Who asked you? All right Master, wakey wakey. 'Cause if you don't...

Jeanne Alter: ...I'll kill you.


Fujimaru 1: !?

Jeanne Alter: Theeere you are. Now come on, me and Batty here are gonna have a little one-on-one.

Jeanne Alter: You've got forty seconds.


Fujimaru 1: Done!

Jeanne Alter: How the hell'd you actually pull that off!?

Osakabehime: That was like watching a ninja in action. Almost as if Kotarou had taught you himself... He did, didn't he!?

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, now that we've had a fun little show as the opening act, what do you say we step outside and get to the main event?

Jeanne Alter: Okay, there's not many humans and plenty of Servants here. Let's get to it.

Osakabehime: Uhh.

Osakabehime: ...Um, I think my willingness to go through with this has gone down faster than our trip on the elevator...

Jeanne Alter: Too late to back out now. Come on, let's do this thing!

Osakabehime: 'K-kaaay... I'll do the best I can...

--BATTLE--

Jeanne Alter: You fight pretty hardcore for someone who wasn't feeling up to it...

Osakabehime: (Gasp, gasp) Oh...I'm shindead... So this is what...digging your own grave...feels like...

Jeanne Alter: Hey! I'm complimenting you here!

Osakabehime: Phew. Well, at least that seemed to help relax my stiff shoulders. All right, back to the grindstone! It's the homestretch!

Osakabehime: See you later, you two!

Osakabehime: ...Hmm. It really is unusual for me to still be so motivated...

Osakabehime: I wonder why that is. Maybe Luluhawa is rubbing off on me?

Osakabehime: ...Or maybe because I read something inspiring recently?

Osakabehime: Hmm... I can't think of anything like that, oh well. Not gonna look a motivation gift uma in the mouth!

Kiyohime: Oh yes, this is great. Tremendously great.

Osakabehime: Gah! It's you!

Kiyohime: That's right. It's me♡

Kiyohime: Now come on, Batty. We only have one day left to go.

Kiyohime: And I'm not going to let your declaration that this would be your “Best! Manga! Ever!” go to waste!

Osakabehime: C-come on, can't a girl change her mind!?

A Fight to the Death! Beach Volleyball

Robin Hood: 'Sup, all. Today's the last day we've got to polish everything up. How're things coming along?

Jeanne Alter: Not bad. Though I'm still not sure it'll be enough to snag first place.

Robin Hood: As for our rivals...they're all still in the running.

Robin Hood: I'd say Medb's the favorite to win, followed by Jeanne.

Mash: Only one day left. Let's give it everything we have, Senpai!

Medb: Ahh, another beautiful day. A day that's practically begging for my victory.

Blackbeard: Hey hey! If it isn't Queen Medb!

Blackbeard: I'll be rooting for you hard in today's contest!

Blackbeard: Oh, and could I get your autograph too!?

Medb: ...I guess the autograph's okay, but there's no way I'm shaking your hand.

Fuuma Kotarou: ...Why, if it isn't Lady Medb.

Fuuma Kotarou: Would you honor me with an autograph?

Medb: Uh, sure, okay.

Nursery Rhyme: Autograph please!

Medb: Huh!?

A:Medb?: ...So! I know this is short notice, but I'm changing the rules of the Medb Contest!

Judge: Huh?

Judge: What do you mean...?

A:Medb?: See, I was thinking.

A:Medb?: A beauty contest might prove how beautiful I am, but it won't help me prove how strong I am!

A:Medb?: Besides, when it comes to my beauty, everyone already knows there is no contest.

A:Medb?: So, if I'm going to stand atop the rest of the Servant world, I'm going to have to get more aggressive.

A:Medb?: Which means, you guessed it... Beach volleyball!

A:Medb?: Go on then, give it up for your queen's brilliant decision!!!

A:Medb?:

I said, give it up!

A:Medb?: Now then, I need to go prepare for battle, so the rest of you, listen up.

A:Medb?: When I get back, I want to see this place turned into the best beach volleyball court ever! Got that!?

Medb: Dammit, now I know I'm going to be late. Here's your autograph!

Hektor: Aw, this is great. Thanks so much.

Hektor: Okay, neeext!

Medb: Wait, what? I know I'm gorgeous, but this many people lining up for my autograph...!?

Medb: That just doesn't make sense. If this keeps up, I'm going to need to bring in a manager.

Medb: Well anyway, I'm getting bored, so I'm gonna head back for a bit. You'll just have to wait a while for my autograph, my pathetic little honeybees♡

Edison: ...Hmm. Ahem, ahem. This is Agent DC.

Edison: The queen has returned to the nest. I repeat, the queen has returned to the nest.

Babbage: This is Agent Steam. The situation has been contained.

Babbage: The nest has been destroyed. I repeat, the nest has been destroyed.

Professor M: Now then, let's strike it rich!

Spectator: Three thousand Gil Bucks on Queen Medb!

H:Spectator: Put me down for thirty thousand Fluffy Bucks!

Affluent Person: What about sixty-six trillion, two hundred billion BB Bucks...?

Spectator: You just wanted to try saying that, didn't you?

Affluent Person: I did.

Professor M: Any takers on the long shot, Ushiwakamaru!? Now offering odds of ten thousand to one on her victory!


Fujimaru 1: Everything on Ushiwakamaru, please.

Professor M: I see we've got a risk-taker in our midst!

Ushiwakamaru: A-are you sure about this, Master!?

Jeanne Alter: 'Course [♂ he /♀ she] is. This is our only chance of beating Medb, remember?

Jeanne Alter: If we don't make her lose miserably here, she'll end up selling the most books at ServantFes again.

El-Melloi II: Exactly.

El-Melloi II: If our opponent means to fan the flames of her popularity before the contest, all we need do is prevent her from doing so.

Mash: But, what if Medb declares she's going to go back to the original beauty contest...?

A:Medb?: I'm back. Don't worry, that's not gonna happen.

Mash: How can you be so sure?

El-Melloi II: Queen Medb's most defining trait is that she must be the most beautiful woman in the world.

El-Melloi II: At least, that is what her pride tells her.

El-Melloi II: Whether her Spirit Origin is wearing a swimsuit or not makes no difference.

El-Melloi II: At the same time, she is incapable of betraying her fans.

El-Melloi II: She may be more than happy to sneer and walk all over those who would defy her...

El-Melloi II: ...but those who swear loyalty to her? Her Good-Looking Braves?

El-Melloi II: For her, their ideals are sacrosanct.

El-Melloi II: They are her pride, and the source of her power.

Medb: ...Yeah, that's right! That's it exactly!

Ushiwakamaru: ...Oho. You got here quicker than I expected, Medb.

Medb: You guys made a real mess of things...

Medb: You knew I would never abandon my queenly responsibilities.

Medb: It would be an amateur move to bring down my soldiers' morale right when they're all excited.

Medb: And now that you've got someone taking bets, my hands are tied.

Medb: ...Especially since that affects my own sponsors.

Medb: Stupid professor bookie. I can't believe he went and bribed them!

Medb: Dammit, Moolah!

El-Melloi II: Very well then, decide who your teammates will be. We have already chosen our lineup.

Medb: Oh I will. You better believe I will.

Medb: If that's how you want to play, I'll change this contest into something more appropriate for summer.

Medb: But in that case, I'm going to use my ultimate trump card...the royal mead authority I almost never use!

Medb: Super Good-Looking Brave!

Medb: As a woman of fairy blood, the Queen of Evil, and the Queen of Connacht, I order you to help me!

Cú Chulainn: The hell...? Why am I on the beach!? I thought I was finally getting some handicrafts done!

Cú Chulainn: Aw crap. Medb!

Medb: Hey, Cú. Sorry to pull you out here on such short notice, but there's too much riding on this contest.

Medb: Can I count on you to defend Connacht's honor?

Cú Chulainn: ...That serious, huh. Guess I can't say no in that case.

Cú Chulainn: So, what're we doing here? Competing for cows?

Medb: Nope. We're going to take on Fujimaru's team in beach volleyball.

Medb: Cú Chulainn, as a man and warrior of the Celts, I want you to help me fight for the Celts' pride.

Cú Chulainn: Beach volleyball! That's way more peaceful than I was expecting!

Cú Chulainn: But all right, this oughta be interesting. Guess the tropics've made you soft, too.

Alexander: Well this took an unfortunate turn. Is this what they mean by, “Let sleeping dogs lie,” Teacher?

El-Melloi II: Indeed. Let this be a lesson, Alexander. If you are going to wake a sleeping dog, be ready for its fangs.

El-Melloi II: Very well then, Fujimaru, the rest is up to you now.


Fujimaru 1: Got it!

Medb: All right, let's get this volleyball game started!

--BATTLE--

Medb: Eat this...!

Medb: Ah...


Fujimaru 1: It's out!

Medb:

Aaaaaaaaagh! I can't believe I looost!

Ushiwakamaru: Haaaaaahahaha! It seems that–however narrowly–we beat you, Medb!

Ushiwakamaru: You were a fearsome opponent, as good as you claimed! But it seems my training carried the day in the end!

Medb: Grrrrrr! Don't you talk to me like that!

Medb: I work out every morning and night too, dammit!

Cú Chulainn: Haha, good game, good game! It's a nice change of pace, working up a sweat on a court instead of a battlefield!

Medb: Why'd you have to be such a good sport out there, Cú!?

Medb: You were supposed to play rough and dirty! You know, get all spiky and fill them full of holes!

Cú Chulainn: Hey, come on. You really think I'd do something that crude?

Cú Chulainn: You're the one who brought me here to play sports. Why would I go and ruin that by cheating?

Medb: Ulp... I guess...you've got a point...but... I hate losing just as much...

Cú Chulainn: Haha, true, I believe that coming from you. But hey, it's good to lose every now and then. Keeps you on your toes.

Cú Chulainn: Well, see ya 'round. Next time, I think I'd like to try baseball!

Medb: Ugh, Cú, you big dummy! Thanks for everything!

Medb: ...Now then.

Medb: Ushiwakamaru! Fujimaru!


Fujimaru 1: That's us.

Medb: As humiliating as this is, I'm going to let you off with a third-rate cliché: don't think this means you've won!

Medb: In fact, you haven't won yet! See you at ServantFes!

Ushiwakamaru: ...Good grief. Well, at least this should greatly reduce Medb's popularity.

Ushiwakamaru: Now it's all up to your doujin, and how many people it can attract.

Jeanne Alter: I know. ...From here on, it's all up to us.

Jeanne Alter: We're gonna work together as a club to make a book that'll sell way better than Medb's photo album.

Jeanne Alter: Then we're gonna claim the Holy Grail, and slam it into Fujimaru's hands ourselves!

Showdown: Foreigner II!

Leonidas:

Convention staff, line up!

Leonidas: Listen up, all of you. You must not think of the attendees as ordinary people.

Leonidas: Think of them as living race cars who will burn every bit of fuel they possess in search of the books and merch that give them life!

Leonidas: However, race car or not, that does not give them carte blanche to zip around the convention center as they please.

Leonidas: Our duty here is to maintain order, to prevent people from panicking, and of course to allow them to roam the convention freely.

Leonidas: Thus, we swear here and now!

Leonidas: We shall ensure we provide Courtesy to attendees, and suffer neither Running, Accidents, nor Pushing!

Leonidas: Put it all together, and you have C.R.A.P!

Leonidas: That is who we are! That is what we aspire to be! Got that!?

Con Staff:

Oorah!

Leonidas: Good. All shield bearers, arm yourselves!

Jeanne Alter: ...Once again, I get the feeling those guys are going to cause more problems than they solve.

Mash: Master, it's five minutes before the doors open. This is it.

Mash: ...D-do you think our book will sell?

Jeanne Alter: I don't think it will. I know it will.

Leonidas: Bwa!?

Mash: Huh!?

Leonidas: An intruder...!

Jeanne Alter: So, she really did show up five minutes before the con starts...

Leonidas: Curses! All attendees, evacuate immediately! The con staff and I will hold her off!

XX: Listen up, foolish Servant-slash-wicked Foreigner.

XX: Playtime is over! XX is here to defend order in the universe!

XX:

DIE, SERVANTFES!

Jeanne Alter: Took the words outta my mouth. At this point, I'm fricking fed up.

Jeanne Alter: Come on, Fujimaru! Let's settle this in five minutes or less!

Ushiwakamaru: Agreed! I know all that Foreigner's tricks by now. I won't let her self-destruct again!

Ibaraki-Douji: Huh? You mean I have to do this too!? Fine! But just a little!

--BATTLE--

D:XX: Dammit...! I didn't think these primitive Heroic Spirits would be so tough...!

D:XX: On top of that, they see through all my attacks more and more every day...! I smell a conspiracy!

D:XX: Guess I've got no choice but to make my escape! Ugh, this sucks!

Jeanne Alter: ...(Flabbergasted)

Ushiwakamaru: ...(Mouth agape)

Ibaraki-Douji: Yup, I'm just too damn strong! (Oblivious)

Mash: Eh... Eh... Eh...

Mash: X!? Wh-what are you doing here!? And why are you dressed like that!?

D:Heroine XX: Ah? Crap. My Avalon–my armor came off.


Fujimaru 1: So now you're the Even More Mysterious Heroine X!?


Fujimaru 2: What are you doing, Ms. X!?

D:Heroine XX: What do you mean? I'm just doing my job! I'm a Galactic Police Servant now, you know!

D:Heroine XX: But I can't tell you anything more, Fujimaru. You don't have the clearance.

D:Heroine XX: Listen up, Master of Earth who I met, uh...about three seasons ago.

D:Heroine XX: My targets are other Foreigners, so let's call this a draw.

D:Heroine XX: Since you and I are close, I'll make an exception and not charge you with obstruction of justice.

D:Heroine XX: Anyway, I need to get going! This is Heroine XX, leaving mystery in her wake as she exits the galaxy!

Mash: ...Ah!

Mash: I was so overcome with shock that I forgot to say something sooner, but that was Heroine X just now.

Mash: She used to be an Assassin. How did she end up a Foreigner...?

Mash: And why was she attacking ServantFes...?

Jeanne Alter: ...We'll just have to ask her about that the next chance we get.

Jeanne Alter: The important thing is that we know who she is now. Which means the next time...

Jeanne Alter: ...I mean, the next loop, we can talk to her. Basically, a new branch just opened up to us.


Fujimaru 1: Yeah... Next time for sure.


Fujimaru 2: (She seemed a little older than X...)

Showdown: Foreigner III!

Katsushika Hokusai: For th' last time, no, you can't go to the con with me!

Abigail: Why not!? I know I can be helpful somehow!

Abigail: I may not be able to draw beautiful pictures like you can...

Abigail: ...but you still need someone to drum up business, right? I promise I'll do my very best to help sell lots of copies!

Katsushika Hokusai: That ain't the point, all right? This year's work's gonna be a little, uh, risqué...

Katsushika Hokusai: And then there's the club name. It's kinda...suggestive, y'know...?

Abigail: ?

Katsushika Hokusai: Ah, forget it... Look, just go back to your room, all right?

Katsushika Hokusai: I'm gonna go buy some art supplies. 'Sides, I gotta get ta know this island better.

Jekyll: Welcome to–Oh, it's you guys.


Fujimaru 1: You look right at home here, Jekyll.

Jekyll: Thank you, Fujimaru. I always have been a good fit for clerical work.

Jekyll: Now, if you'll permit me to introduce myself again: I'm Henry Jekyll, and I manage this hotel during ServantFes.

Jekyll: Are you here to check in? Let me see what rooms we have available right now...

BB: You've already seen this bit, so let's just go ahead and hit the old “Skip” button, shall we?

Robin Hood: All right, so we got our room, and we got that Batty girl helping us like usual.

Ibaraki-Douji: But this time, I'll be helping you out with this manga thing or whatever as well.

Ibaraki-Douji: Of course, we oni are fickle creatures. If I feel like stepping out, I will, and I don't want to hear any whining.

Ushiwakamaru: We should be able to see the shooting star soon. It won't be long before XX appears on the street.


Fujimaru 1: Okay, let's go down and wait for her there.


Fujimaru 2: I think we'll be able to stop her this time.

Jeanne Alter: ...Can't imagine that's gonna make much difference, but if that's what you want, I'll play along.

Jeanne Alter: All right then, let's go talk to XX before BB shows up.

Katsushika Hokusai: Damn, this Luluhawa place is great! I 'specially love how the town's one big strip!

Katsushika Hokusai: Even the sunlight feels different here. I could make a great picture outta any one of these places!

Katsushika Hokusai: Oh my, is that what buses look like? Those wooden insides are real snazzy. I like the open-air roof, too!

Katsushika Hokusai: I bet I could get a great view of the beach from the inside of that thing...

Katsushika Hokusai: Huh? That a falling star? We gettin' attacked by yokai or something?

Katsushika Hokusai: What the!?

Heroine XX: ...Foreigner detected. Target locked, ready to fire.

Katsushika Hokusai: Whoa, get a look at you! I've never seen anything like ya even in Chaldea!

Katsushika Hokusai: Hey, mind hangin' out with me for a while?

Katsushika Hokusai: You'd make a great model for one of my–


Fujimaru 1: Hold it right there, XX!

Heroine XX: Huh!? Who said that!?

Heroine XX: None of these earthlings should know my name. Though I suppose there is one exception.

Heroine XX: Yes... The Master of Earth I met back when I was still an unemployed swordsman...

Heroine XX: Fujimaru! It has to be you! Here, let me take this off!


Fujimaru 1: Hi, X.

C:Heroine XX: Uh, hey. Good to see you again.

C:Heroine XX: But I'm not here to celebrate our reunion.

C:Heroine XX: My primary order is to take out the other Foreigners, followed by ServantFes and this whole Singularity.

C:Heroine XX: Try to stop me, and I'll just have to take you guys out first!

C:Heroine XX: Bring it on, villains! Knight XX from the Galactic Police Evil God Special Investigation Department is on the case!

C:Heroine XX: If it means bringing order to the universe or another week of extra vacation days, I won't hesitate to cut down foe or friend alike!

Ibaraki-Douji: Yikes. I know this is rich coming from me, but she does not want to listen!

Ibaraki-Douji: I have no idea what she's talking about, but I can tell she's not interested in a peaceful discussion!

Jeanne Alter: So we start with an unpeaceful one then. Suits me just fine.

Jeanne Alter: Besides, I could use some mecha reference material for drawing.

Jeanne Alter: And now, we've got a chance to see how one fights and loses up close and personal.

Jeanne Alter: Come on, Foreigner XX! Hope you're ready to be part of my manga!

C:Heroine XX: What kind of threat is that!? This is exactly the problem with ServantFes-ified Servants!

C:Heroine XX: And what's a Frenchie doing with katana, anyway!?

Jeanne Alter:

What was that!?

Jeanne Alter: You got a problem with my Arahabaki Nanajuni Sen and Black Mamba!?


Fujimaru 1: Great, now she's named them...

Ushiwakamaru: Is there something wrong with that? My own sword is named Usumidori.

Jeanne Alter: ... ...Maybe I should've gone with shorter names after all...

C:Heroine XX: You think you're impressive just 'cause you wield two katana instead of one!? Well you're not!

C:Heroine XX: A couple of paper-thin Saberish swords might as well be real paper in the face of my dual Rhongomyniads!

--BATTLE--

Heroine XX: Ow! Hmm, it's like you know my skills just as well as I do...

Heroine XX: Does this mean you're caught in a time loop too, Fujimaru...?


Fujimaru 1: Yes, exactly.


Fujimaru 2: I was hoping we could talk a little.

Heroine XX: No thank you! You and your Servants are on BB's side AND are trying to enjoy ServantFes!

Heroine XX: I'm not like you unemployed lot. I'm an older Servant, with real work to do at my space office job...

Heroine XX: That's right! I've got societal responsibilities!

Mash: Um... Senpai works at Chaldea, so I believe [♂ he /♀ she] qualifies as a full-fledged member of society too...

Heroine XX: Well bully for [♂ him /♀ her]. Anyway, there's nothing for us to discuss. Any friend of the Foreigners is a foe of mine.

Heroine XX: But I'm hungry now, so I'll let you off the hook for today. It's Pizza Day at the cafeteria, after all.

Heroine XX: All right kids, see you again next week! Same space time, same space Spirit Origin! Let's go, Avalon Armor!

Jeanne Alter: Well that was a clichéd way to end things. So much for the reference material.

Mash: We may not have been able to talk with XX much, but at least there was almost no collateral damage this time.

Mash: At this pace, I think we should be able to have a more involved conversation the next time we fight.

BB: That's enough, Foreigner! This street right here is Luluhawa's greatest moneymaker!

BB: As long as my eyes still glow red, I won't let you get away with destroy–Huh?

BB: What are you all doing here, Senpai? Don't tell me you've given up on your comic?

Jeanne Alter: Nah. We just realized it was more efficient to get rid of the loudmouth early on.

BB: ...Hmm, I see. Well, as long as that's all it is, that's fine...

BB: So, did you get rid of the Foreigner? You're not trying to recruit her, are you?

Katsushika Hokusai: You rang, BB? ...Whoa, get a load of you. What's with the weird outfit?

BB: Oh, never mind this. I just got a tan to match my current tropical imp aesthetic♡

Katsushika Hokusai: Gotcha. Definitely ain't a bad look on you... But anyway, why the cold shoulder alluva sudden?

Katsushika Hokusai: I've been freeloadin' at Chaldea for some time. Surely there ain't no need to go about recruitin' me now?

BB: Oh, when I mentioned the Foreigner, I didn't mean you, Hokusai. I was talking about–

BB: Wait. You're still alive?

Katsushika Hokusai: Sure am. It was a real close shave, though.

Katsushika Hokusai: Lucky for me Fujimaru showed up when [♂ he /♀ she] did.

Katsushika Hokusai: Heh, looks like I really owe you one, Fujimaru.

Katsushika Hokusai: If you ever need my help with anythin', I'd be glad to offer it.

Katsushika Hokusai: All right, let's head back, Toto-sama! What's that? What're we gonna do there?

Katsushika Hokusai: What else? We're gonna go ask that club for a favor...

Katsushika Hokusai: ...and draw that...robot(?)...we just saw as a guest!

Katsushika Hokusai: I can't get her outta my head. I gotta get her down on paper!

Katsushika Hokusai: That...robot(?)...was too cool for words!

BB: ...

BB: ...Hey, guys? I've got a favor to–

Mash: Oh, excuse me, BB. I need to check this message...

Mash: "The final draft's in trouble. Come back to the hotel ASAP."

Mash: That doesn't sound good. Come on, Senpai! We need to leave right now!

Jeanne Alter: (What's this about? We only just got to the hotel. I haven't even started drawing yet...)

BB: Huh...? Heeey! Hold up, Chaldeans!

BB: ...(Sigh) They're already gone... Dammit, I had a favor to ask them, too...

BB: Still, as ServantFes's organizer, I can't very well hold them back if their manga's in trouble.

BB: I don't know who's helping you out, Senpai, but it seems you've got quite the motley crew on your side.

Count of Monte Cristo: Hehehe. Specifically, I'm the trouble at the hotel.

Ibaraki-Douji: That guy with the weird laugh! Mix your room up with ours or something?

Count of Monte Cristo: No.

Count of Monte Cristo: I merely made use of that communication method in order to give you a warning.

Count of Monte Cristo: I'm not joining any faction, and I wanted to avoid coming face-to-face with BB.

Robin Hood: Aha, so that's what that was all about. Okay then, what is it you wanna tell us so badly that you'd go to all these lengths?

Count of Monte Cristo: ...Hmph. Have you grown tired of repeating this loop yet?


Fujimaru 1: Not me.

Count of Monte Cristo: Heh... I suppose I should have expected no less of you.


Fujimaru 2: Yeah, kind of...

Count of Monte Cristo: Worry not, Fujimaru. I have every confidence that you will be able to endure it.

Count of Monte Cristo: Now, as for my warning...

Count of Monte Cristo: ...it pertains to none other than your earlier opponent: the Foreigner, XX.


Fujimaru 1: She feels like she's breaking the rules just by existing.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, she was cutting it close. Very, very close.


Fujimaru 2: She's pretty awesome, isn't she?

Ushiwakamaru: ...Well now.

Ushiwakamaru: I didn't know you went in for that sort of metal mold, Master.

Robin Hood: Metal mold?

Count of Monte Cristo: I understand where you're coming from.

Count of Monte Cristo: However...I believe you should turn her to our side.

Count of Monte Cristo: That Foreigner holds the key to unraveling all of this Singularity's mysteries.

Count of Monte Cristo: You cannot simply fight her. You must find a way to bargain with her.


Fujimaru 1: How do we lure her out?

Mash: Good question...

Mash: Maybe we could ask Hokusai to help, since she's also a Foreigner...

Mash: Alternatively, we could ask someone skilled in the art of negotiation.


Fujimaru 2: Bargain, huh...

Jeanne Alter: Hmm...

Jeanne Alter: Sounds like we need a negotiator.

Jeanne Alter: I like the sound of that... I wonder if I could change to that class myself...

Robin Hood: But who's gonna be able to get through to a lady from another world like–Oh.

Robin Hood: Ahaaa, now I see. Fight sideshow with sideshow!

Oda Nobunaga:

Who're you calling a sideshow!?

Oda Nobunaga: What, you mean me!? Me!? Well...you're not wrong!

Oda Nobunaga: That said, Heroine X would be one thing, but Heroine XX...?

Oda Nobunaga: As far as Servants go, I'm as old-school Japanese as they come.

Oda Nobunaga: I don't think I'm cut out for all this newfangled Servant Universe stuff.


Fujimaru 1: I thought you'd be perfect for this.

Mash: I think so too!


Fujimaru 2: But Nobbu, you're...you know.

Oda Nobunaga: No, I DON'T know!

Oda Nobunaga: I know I serve as the comic relief more often than not!

Oda Nobunaga: But I still think I'm as good-looking and talented as any other Servant!

Oda Nobunaga: Ah well. Okay, so you just want me to talk to Heroine XX, right?

Jeanne Alter: Yup. We'll call you the next time she attacks.

Oda Nobunaga: Very well. When you need me, go ahead and use a Command Spell, or whatever it is you gotta do.

Oda Nobunaga: ...So, now that we've come to an agreement, what do you say to a little warm-up?

Oda Nobunaga: I'm getting kind of rusty here, you know!? That's what happens when you only show up once a year!

The Melancholy of Katsushika Hokusai

Ushiwakamaru: Oh?

Ushiwakamaru: ...There seems to be some sort of commotion. Let's go see what it's about.

Katsushika Hokusai: That don't make a lick of sense.

Katsushika Hokusai: Askin' to trade places would be one thing, but you want me to hand over all of my club's space?

Medb: That's right. As it stands right now, I just don't have enough.

Medb: If I don't have enough, I'll have to take what I need from others. Every ServantFes exhibitor knows that.

Medb: But don't worry, I'm nothing if not fair. If I lose, I'll be willing to give up my space.

Medb: I mean, you were so popular at the last con that you ended up crowding out other clubs' spaces, right?

Katsushika Hokusai: Ha! Don't be ridiculous! Of course a famous artist's gonna have people linin' up.

Katsushika Hokusai: Normally I'd tell you to take a long walk off a short pier...but I ain't one to run from a fight.

Katsushika Hokusai: Bring it on then, sister. What sorta contest did you have in mind?

Medb: Heh. We fight to see who's the strongest, of course. That's what being a Servant's all about.

Abigail: Huh...? But, that's not fair. You've got so many others fighting for you!

Medb: And what's wrong with that? They're here because of my charm–in other words, my power.

Medb: So, I take it it'll just be the two of you then?

Katsushika Hokusai: Settle down, you pigheaded oaf. Me an' Toto-sama can handle you and your little army just fine.

Abigail: You're going to face them all by yourself, Hokusai? But, you can't...!

Katsushika Hokusai: You an' me may both be Foreigners, but that don't mean we're cut from the same cloth. I can't go lettin' a dainty little girl get caught up in a scrap.

Medb: Fine with me. Come on, my Good-Looking Braves!


Fujimaru 1: All right, there's no way this is cool!

Medb: It's totally fine! Why, you ask? 'Cause I'm Medb, dammit!


Fujimaru 2: Hold it right there!

Medb: Hmph, I should've known you Chaldeans might show up!

Medb: But fine, this works out nicely. Now I can take my revenge for last year.

Medb: So let's have a straight-up, head-on, fair-and-square fistfight!

Ushiwakamaru: Hooray! Now's our chance to take her head for ourselves, Master.


Fujimaru 1: Now, now, settle down.

Jeanne Alter: You really are obsessed... Anyway, there sure are a lot of these punks here, huh?

Medb: All these men love me from the bottom of their hearts. That alone gives their lives value.

Jeanne Alter: That's a laugh. As far as you're concerned, men are nothing more than walking used tissue paper, right?

Medb: Well I never. What an inelegant analogy. That's not to say you're wrong, though.

Medb: You know how your fingers get dirty after a good meal? Well, someone's got to be the tissue if you're going to wipe them clean.

Abigail: (I-I've never heard such an alluring, enigmatic, unabashedly empty metaphor before...)

Medb: So yeah, they're scraps of paper. But they're not just any old scraps of paper. They're a storybook.

Medb: A story that's all about my love for them.

Medb: The only way they die is if I lose my special gleam, or if I'm disgraced in a spectacularly ugly fashion.

Medb: That's never going to happen, of course, but hey, you've got to have insurance juuust in case.


Fujimaru 1: True. Never know when some cheese is gonna come flying.

Medb: You. Shut it.

Medb: Anyway, that's why I decided to make a photo album. A record of my love that would remain for ages to come.

Ushiwakamaru: Master, I'll admit that much of this is over my head...

Ushiwakamaru: ...but could this photo album truly be worth more than one of Lady Hokusai's books?


Fujimaru 1: They do say beauty's in the eye of the beholder.

Ushiwakamaru: In which case, that's still no reason for Medb to try and steal another's space.


Fujimaru 2: It might. For Medb, anyway.

Ushiwakamaru: I like that. Very individualistic. In which case...

Medb: Hmm, I see how it is. So you Chaldeans are siding with the little artist, huh?

Ushiwakamaru: Of course we are. Lady Hokusai and I share the same Japanese roots; I know without a doubt that she would never draw something obscene!

Katsushika Hokusai: Uh... I don't know. Wouldn't say love scenes (read: porn) are that easy to draw...

Katsushika Hokusai: ...but Toto-sama's, well...

Jeanne Alter: Doesn't matter to me much either way. Ah, whatever.

Jeanne Alter: This new class has me feeling pretty belligerent myself, really.

Medb: Huh? You're blaming that on your class?


Fujimaru 1: Since when did your class have anything to do with it?

Jeanne Alter:

What're you doing, taking the enemy's side!? Enough of this crap! Let's just get her already!

Katsushika Hokusai: Great! I appreciate the help! Now that we're in the same boat, it's all hands on deck!

Abigail:

I said, I'm going to fight too!

Medb: Fine with me. I'll take you all on at once.

Medb: And when I win, you're all going to address me as “Queen”! Got that!?

Katsushika Hokusai: So...you want us to call you Queen Medb Queen?

Medb: Ugh, you know what? Never mind. Not worth it.

--BATTLE--

Katsushika Hokusai: Dagnabbit, they just keep comin'!

Katsushika Hokusai: What's wrong with you guys? You better not be runnin' outta steam already!

Jeanne Alter: I told you, none of us are running out of steam! Not with all the training we've put in!

Medb: Ugh, this is endless! Why won't you just give up already!?

Medb: All right, that's it, I'm done for today. We'll settle this in three days, at the Medb Contest!

Medb: And we'll do it fair and square!


Fujimaru 1: Fair and square? That's sure not how I remember it...

Medb: What was that?


Fujimaru 2: The contest by Medb, for Medb...

Medb: Look at you all well informed. That's right! And when it comes, I'll mop the floor with you guys.

Medb: The next time we meet, you'll be begging me to take your space!

Medb: ...Right?


Fujimaru 1: I'll be sure to take that into consideration...

Medb: That's the spirit! Think positive!


Fujimaru 2: I'll see what I can do.

Medb: Just what I like to hear!

Medb: All right then, see you all around. I've got a lot of relaxing and other environmentally friendly endeavors to pursue, and not nearly enough time to do it.

Medb: Hooohohoho!

Jeanne Alter: She's got that stuck-up evil rich girl act down to a T, doesn't she. Even more than before.


Fujimaru 1: I think she's more lost than anything...

Katsushika Hokusai: Phew, you lot really saved my ass. Thanks, Master.

Abigail: Yes, thank you so much, Master! If there's anything I can do to repay you, please don't hesitate to ask.

Jeanne Alter: Oh... Right.

Ushiwakamaru: This seems like as good a time as any to bring up our request. After all, we do need to sell as many copies as possible.

Katsushika Hokusai: I can't go givin' up our club space, but anything else is on the table.

Jeanne Alter: Well... Uh...

Katsushika Hokusai: ?

Jeanne Alter: If you've got time, I was hoping you could give me some art lessons. For my manga.

Jeanne Alter: ...But what am I saying, of course you don't have time.

Jeanne Alter: Never mind. Forget it.

Katsushika Hokusai: Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'd be willin' to help.

Katsushika Hokusai: I may not got a lotta time, but I do gotta return the favor you just did me. So I'm joinin' your club.

Jeanne Alter: Are you sure!?

Jeanne Alter: I mean, you're a professional artist, right? Don't you have, like, trade secrets to protect?

Katsushika Hokusai: Ah, don't worry 'bout that. Toto-sama here used to take hundreds o' pupils, and I used to tutor people to help with the bills.

Katsushika Hokusai: Nothin' I can teach you can make you a good artist by itself. Still gotta put in the work.

Katsushika Hokusai: And above all, actin' all modest and stuff don't suit you. So go ahead and ask me what you really want!

Jeanne Alter: ...You asked for it.

Jeanne Alter: Teach me how to draw better, Katsushika Hokusai!

Katsushika Hokusai: You got it.

Katsushika Hokusai: By the time I'm through with you, you'll know the greatness of Japanese paintin' through and through, or my name ain't Katsushika Hokusai of Tentacle Iron Bar!

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Mash: ...Um... I don't suppose you could reconsider your club's name...?

Katsushika Hokusai: You'd, uh...hafta ask Toto-sama about that...

Fou: Fou...

Showdown: Foreigner IV

Jeanne Alter: ...Then, to recap...

Jeanne Alter: We asked Oda Nobunaga to be our negotiator in order to win XX over to our side.

Jeanne Alter: That's right. We're gonna fight sideshow with sideshow!


Fujimaru 1: In that case, couldn't you have done it too?

Jeanne Alter: I'm gonna rip that tongue of yours out and fry it!

Oda Nobunaga: Man, I thought I could get a late breakfast today, but the moment I got to the buffet line, I was pretty much whisked away by a bunch of familiar-looking peeps.

Oda Nobunaga: But, a promise is a promise, so here I am. Is all that really true?

Oda Nobunaga: It was hard enough to believe X got a job, but now you're telling me she's a...you know, mecha?

Oda Nobunaga: A knight completely decked out in mechanical armor? And in space, no less? I just can't picture it.

Ushiwakamaru: I know it all sounds like madness, Lady Nobunaga, but trust me when I say it's all true.

Jeanne Alter: Here she comes. Get ready!

Jeanne Alter: We're probably gonna have to fight her no matter what, but we can at least talk to her and try to learn as much as we can first.

Heroine XX: Hyaaa! Hello, everyone! Great day to catch some waves, isn't it!

Heroine XX: I'm sure my entrance must have less impact now than it did on the first loop, but that doesn't scare me.

Heroine XX: I'm the shooting star Foreigner, upholding law and order across the ether universe as part of the Galactic Police!

Heroine XX: That's right! Evil God Hunter XX is on the job!


Fujimaru 1: She's pretty much just talking like she always does now...


Fujimaru 2: So much for that militaristic thing you were doing before...

Heroine XX: Well come on, what would be the point now that you know who I am? It's not like I wanted to talk like that before...

Heroine XX: I only resorted to those brutish and simplistic expressions because we're not supposed to have personal conversations when we're on the clock.

Mash: Huh? But, aren't you on the clock right now?

Heroine XX: Of course I am!

Heroine XX: You think I rocketed all the way here from Kilauea just to have lunch!?

Jeanne Alter: (So her hideout's in Kilauea...? Does that mean she took it from Pele after defeating her?)

Heroine XX: I don't care what you have to say. My objective is to stop ServantFes.

Heroine XX: I'm sure you guys are all in your own club, so we'll never see eye to eye!

Mash: XX is taking up her combat stance...! Nobunaga...!

Oda Nobunaga: Right. Looks like I'm up.

Oda Nobunaga: Heya! It's me, Summer Nobbu! Long time no race, X!

Heroine XX: That embarrassing Buster shirt...!

Heroine XX: Uh... Hang on, don't tell me... Space Gawain? Is that you?

Oda Nobunaga:

It's me! Oda Nobunaga! The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven of the beach! I raced with you last summer!

Heroine XX: Ohhh! That did happen, didn't it!

Heroine XX: Sorry about that. It takes a little longer to search for those sorts of side stories.

Heroine XX: Of course I remember you, Nobbu. Long time no see. Hi...and stuff.

Heroine XX: But could you please get out of my way? Maybe you could try swimming out to the bay or something.

Oda Nobunaga: ... ...

Oda Nobunaga: Come on, X. Don't you think that's enough?

Heroine XX: ?

Oda Nobunaga: You can hide your feelings or your sadomasochism with that mecha stuff all you want, but it doesn't fool this fool!

Oda Nobunaga: It's hard being the only one without a swimsuit on, isn't it?

Heroine XX:

...!

Oda Nobunaga: Especially since it must be boiling in that thing. I get it. Exercising willpower is hard.

Heroine XX: No, this is–

Oda Nobunaga: Besides, doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose, trying to ruin ServantFes in a cosplay getup like that?

Heroine XX:

Cosplay!?

Oda Nobunaga: I'm cut from much the same cloth myself, so I could tell right away!

Oda Nobunaga: Come on, be honest with yourself. You're super bad at the tsundere thing and you know it!

Oda Nobunaga: Suits me just fine, though!

Jeanne Alter: (Is that something to be proud of...?)

Heroine XX: H-h-h... Ho...

Oda Nobunaga: Ho?

F:Heroine XX:

How is this not a swimsuit, you big jerk!?

Oda Nobunaga: You do have a swimsuit!? And a skimpy old-school bikini at that!?


Fujimaru 1: So you were wearing a swimsuit under that thing the whole time!

F:Heroine XX: Of course I was! After all... This! Is! Summer!


Fujimaru 2: You look cute! And badass!

F:Heroine XX: Th-thank you for the honest opinion! As it's summer and all, I decided to spend my bonus on a new outfit!

F:Heroine XX:

As for you, Nobbu! What would a rock 'n' roll fiend like you know!?

F:Heroine XX: A new season of Universe World is here, and all the other outlaws I used to hang with have grown up and gotten jobs!

F:Heroine XX: I couldn't be the only one left out, so I tried interviewing with the Galactic Police on a whim...

F:Heroine XX: ...only to find out I would've had a less toxic workplace if I'd gotten a job shoveling nuclear waste!

F:Heroine XX: Then, just when I thought I'd get some paid leave to visit a resort planet, they send me to Hawaii...on business!

F:Heroine XX: So now, while all the other Servants are out partying, I'm the only one who's still! Stuck! Working!!!

F:Heroine XX: And for what? An Evil God No. 3 reading that turned out to be a nonentity? Do they think you can just order new evil gods off Amazones or something!?

F:Heroine XX: Now I've got some sideshow Servant feeling sorry for me!? That's the last straw! I can't take it anymore!

F:Heroine XX: I am so done holding back. Ask not for whom the lunch bell tolls; it tolls for thee!

Oda Nobunaga: Now you're ripping off a catchphrase!?

F:Heroine XX: It's fine! My Rhongomyniad considers you a rival! I'm sure the old man won't have a problem with it!

Jeanne Alter: ...Did you hear that, Fujimaru?


Fujimaru 1: Evil God No. 3, huh...

Jeanne Alter: Yeah. ...Everything finally adds up.


Fujimaru 2: What old man was she talking about?

Jeanne Alter: Did you crack your head on a coconut or something? I meant the part about Evil God No. 3!

F:Heroine XX: Evil God Hunter, Heroine XX, commencing Foreigner elimination!

F:Heroine XX: As they say, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a Foreigner for a Foreigner!

F:Heroine XX: And once all's said and done, I'll finally get to enjoy Luluhawa as much as I want!

Oda Nobunaga: Hmm. Looks like this is it for negotiations! Pretty sure I can't talk her down at this point!

Mash: Then, that means...!

Jeanne Alter: We'll just have to kick her ass, right!? Don't gotta tell me twice!

--BATTLE--

F:Heroine XX: Oh man, this feels even better than I'd imagined... Swimsuits by the seaside... I knew this was going to be fun!

F:Heroine XX: Still, I have my own pride as a Foreigner! You won't tempt me away from my duties that easily!

F:Heroine XX: That's all for now! I'm heading back to wait for my true target to show on the morning of the seventh day!

F:Heroine XX: Farewell, Nitwit Nobbu! Farewell, Master of Earth!

F:Heroine XX: Next time, I'll bring in my beloved ship stationed outside satellite orbit range, the Death Saber!

A:Narration: This Just In: Heroine X's Du Stallion II Destroyed! By the Evil Goddess of Justice! Oh the Humanity!

F:Heroine XX: I'll be using my Anti-Planet Noble Phantasm to wipe ServantFes off the map. If you don't want to get vaporized along with it, I'd get out of this Singularity while you still can!

Oda Nobunaga: Damn, she got away...

Mash: I guess we failed.

Oda Nobunaga: But the good news is, now we have more leverage to work with.

Oda Nobunaga: Specifically, we now know exactly what's tying her down: work obligations!

Jeanne Alter: Where are you going with this?

Oda Nobunaga: If we can free her from those obligations and turn her into a lazy bum like Osakabehime, that'll solve everything!

Osakabehime: Chotto a minute! Did you just say something incredibly rude and mistaken about me!?

Osakabehime: There's no reason at all for me to get a job! Know why? 'Cause I'm a minor!

Osakabehime: And I'll always be a minor for as long as I'm a Servant!

Oda Nobunaga: Liar.

Kiyohime: Don't be a liar, Batty. Unless you want me to set your pants on fire.

Osakabehime: I'm not lying! I really believe that!


Fujimaru 1: No wonder you never work...

Osakabehime: Okay, Master? So please don't go around bemoaning my employment prospects!

Oda Nobunaga: There you have it, Master. You need to come up with a new job for XX before she shows up again.

Oda Nobunaga: Don't worry. As long as we have leverage, it won't take long before I have her eating out of the palm of my hand!

Showdown: Final Foreigner

Count of Monte Cristo: Are you here!?

Jeanne Alter: We're here, we're here! Keep it hell down!

Jeanne Alter: And yeah, yeah, it makes your coat look cool or whatever, but would you freakin' cut it out with that wind thing you're always doing?

Count of Monte Cristo: You certainly are a nitpicky one, aren't you. Well, no matter.

Count of Monte Cristo: Fujimaru, I now know where XX is. However...


Fujimaru 1: Is there a problem?

Count of Monte Cristo: ...No, not a problem. It's just that she's in a very...unique environment.

Count of Monte Cristo: It would be much better if you could save her, rather than defeat her.

Count of Monte Cristo: Are you ready to leave? Then let us head for Kilauea.

Mash: So this is Kilauea... It really is just a vast expanse of rock as far as the eye can see.

Jeanne Alter: It's still an active volcano, making it one of Hawaii's biggest tourist attractions.

Jeanne Alter: It's also where Pele lives.

Jeanne Alter: You could even buy a bunch of Pele merch at the nearby visitor center if you want.

Jeanne Alter: I'd rec the Kilauea photo book myself. It's got pictures of some of its past eruptions, and–

Oda Nobunaga: Man, enough with the tour! If I wanted a guide, I would've asked for one.

Oda Nobunaga: So, what do you want me to do here? Hm...? Isn't that...

F:Heroine XX: Okay, three minutes after adding hot water...

F:Heroine XX: ...And done. Time to eat!

F:Heroine XX:

(Slurping noodles)

F:Heroine XX: ... ...Ahh.

F:Heroine XX: ...My stash isn't going to last much longer... Just my luck that the food supply doesn't get restored with each loop...

F:Heroine XX: (Sigh) All that wonderful food in Luluhawa, and I'm stuck camping with galacta-spam and Cosmic Noodles.

F:Heroine XX: At least I can grab lunch in Waikiki, but dinner's just too expensive...

F:Heroine XX: And not only do they not accept Galactic Police Dollars here, I can't exchange for local currency...

F:Heroine XX: So now I've got to work part-time at the hotel in the morning just to be able to afford lunch...

F:Heroine XX: ...and it's back to either spam or noodles... Some summer vacation this turned out to be...

F:Heroine XX: ...I think I might just be the unluckiest person in all of Luluhawa.

F:Heroine XX: Heh.

F:Heroine XX: If the people of Earth saw me now, I'd either die from the shame or kill them all before they cou–


Fujimaru 1: Achoo!


Fujimaru 2: (Try as hard as possible not to sneeze)

Oda Nobunaga:

Wachoo!

Oda Nobunaga: ...Sorry.

F:Heroine XX: ... ...

F:Heroine XX: (Putting away food)

F:Heroine XX: (Separating trash from recyclables)

F:Heroine XX:

(Deep breath)

F:Heroine XX: Well then...

Heroine XX:

You're dead!

Jeanne Alter: Well crap. Looks like she's really out for blood now.

Oda Nobunaga: Hmm... Okay Master, we're not gonna be able to talk like this, so here's what we do.

Oda Nobunaga: We hit her until she's willing to listen to reason! Or at least until she can't hit us back anymore!

Oda Nobunaga: Now who's ready for some rock 'n' roooll!?

Elisabeth: Hm. I'm suddenly inspired!


Fujimaru 1: You're fine just the way you are, Elly!


Fujimaru 2: You don't have to do anything! Really!

Heroine XX: You're taking what you saw to your graves! I'm going to make sure of that!

--BATTLE--

F:Heroine XX: Grr... Purging Armor Set 1! This is nothing compared to all the overtime I've had to put in!

Oda Nobunaga: Now's our chance to get ready! ...Hm?

Oda Nobunaga: What's with that strange pose, XX?

Oda Nobunaga: And why are you all the way up there?

Heroine XX: I'm putting a hundred percent into this battle. No, MORE than that!


Fujimaru 1: Math doesn't work like that!

F:Heroine XX: I'm going to erect a pillar of light right here!

F:Heroine XX: My Rhongomyniad is the flight of stairs pointing the way to the literal end of the universe!

F:Heroine XX: By releasing it, it will paradoxically indicate that this is indeed the end of the universe!

F:Heroine XX: More specifically, this area will start to look more like an event horizon, and from there, I'll be able to wipe it and the Singularity out all at once!

Jeanne Alter: Why!?

Jeanne Alter: How'd you even come up with that!? What's wrong with you!?

Jeanne Alter: I mean, I could tell just from looking at you that you were a freaking screwball, but still!

Heroine XX: Now that things have come to this, I don't have any other choice.

Heroine XX: As an investigator for the top secret (civilian) Galactic Police, I have a duty to fulfill. If I need to cross a few lines to do so, then so be it.

F:Heroine XX: They'll probably slap me with a three-month suspension for doing this!


Fujimaru 1: That's it? Some people get more than that for shoplifting!


Fujimaru 2: Wait. The Galactic Police is a civilian organization...?

Mash: XX's magical energy is rising rapidly! I think...she's about to release her fully powered Noble Phantasm!

Oda Nobunaga: Master, is everything good to go!?


Fujimaru 1: All set!

F:Heroine XX: Take this! Sapphire Galaxy–

Oda Nobunaga:

You're hired!!!

Heroine XX: ... ...What did you just say?

Oda Nobunaga: Honestly, we're just so impressed with how strong you are!

Oda Nobunaga: At this point, we figured it would be way easier to recruit you than to defeat you!

Oda Nobunaga: In other words, we're trying to poach you! We want your strength and your badass outfit for our side!

Heroine XX: ...Y-you don't really think I'd fall for such a cheap ploy...do you?

Mash: (She's totally falling for it.)

Jeanne Alter: (Totally.)

Oda Nobunaga: Now, now, just think about it.

Oda Nobunaga: You're sick of your toxic workplace, while we're living it up here in Luluhawa.

Oda Nobunaga: So if you join us, we can all have a rocking good time!

Oda Nobunaga: Am I right?

Oda Nobunaga: Monkey! I mean, Master!


Fujimaru 1: Here you go.

F:Heroine XX: ...A working conditions agreement...!

F:Heroine XX: No way. All I have to do is use my Noble Phantasm once per day, and the rest of the time, I can just listen to someone drawl on about some king!?

Jeanne Alter: (I get the feeling she's not hearing the full story, but I know better than to say something now.)

F:Heroine XX: So I get a suite at a fancy hotel...

F:Heroine XX: An all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet... Dinner at the restaurant...

F:Heroine XX: And I only have to work from 2:00 to 5:00 p.m. each day!?

F:Heroine XX: Is this real? Am I dreaming?

F:Heroine XX: Luluhawa's amazing! The tropics are amazing!

Oda Nobunaga: Indeed, I was surprised as well. Living here would be enough to mellow anyone out.

Oda Nobunaga: So, what do you say? Well? Well? Well well well? (Musou Sandan negotiation tactics)

F:Heroine XX: You need to ask!? Hya!

F:Heroine XX: Oh no! I accidentally snapped the antenna I use to communicate with HQ! How clumsy of me!

F:Heroine XX: Now I've got no choice but to ask the locals for help! Thanks for helping me, locals!

Oda Nobunaga: Awesome. (Thumbs up)


Fujimaru 1: Attagirl.

Oda Nobunaga: And now a high five!


Fujimaru 2: Way to go, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!

Oda Nobunaga: Pretty great, right? No, no, don't say another word! I already know how awesome I am!

F:Heroine XX: ...Well, on that note, let me reintroduce myself properly.

F:Heroine XX: I am Heroine XX. From now on, I'll be working alongside all of you at Chaldea. Glad to be part of the team!

F:Heroine XX: Oh, can I ask where my desk is?


Fujimaru 1: Next to Chaldea's boiler room.

Oda Nobunaga: Aw crap, you're sticking her with me!? I've got my hands full of crazies as it is!

Oda Nobunaga: Do you have any idea how many bottles of antacid I'm already going through!?

F:Heroine XX: So, can I go ahead and take my paid leave right now?


Fujimaru 1: Uh, sure?

G:Heroine XX: Great. Then I'm gonna go check out this suite.

G:Heroine XX: If you have any other questions for me, I'll be glad to answer them tomorrow.

G:Heroine XX: Now then, if you'll excuse me...

G:Heroine XX: Woohoooooo! Vacation, here I coooooome!

Mash: Ah.

Mash: ...That was even faster than I expected.

Mash: Anyway, does this mean the situation with XX is resolved now?

Jeanne Alter: I'd say so. ...Which just leaves the other situation.


Fujimaru 1: You mean, that Evil God No. 3 she mentioned?

Jeanne Alter: Right. But I guess we don't need to worry about it just yet. Oh, and one more thing.

Jeanne Alter: You there, Count of Monte Cristo?

Count of Monte Cristo: I am. What is it, Jeanne d'Arc?

Jeanne Alter: Would you mind checking up on Kilauea regularly?

Count of Monte Cristo: ...Not at all.

Jeanne Alter: Great, thanks.

Jeanne Alter: 'Course, as long as I'm not totally off the mark...

Jeanne Alter: ...I doubt anything's gonna happen.


Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?

Jeanne Alter: ...I'm not...well... What would Holmes say if he was here?

Mash: “Now is not the time”?

Jeanne Alter: There you go.

Jeanne Alter: Okay then, let's head back. Now that this is taken care of, there's only one thing left to do.


Fujimaru 1: Dominate ServantFes!

Jeanne Alter: Exactly.

Jeanne Alter: ...But now, after so many freakin' loops, I'm starting to think even that's not really a problem.

Jeanne Alter: Right now, there's something I'm still not sure about. Something I still can't put my finger on.

Jeanne Alter: Whatever it is, it keeps eluding me. But once I finally figure it out...

Jeanne Alter: ...I'm sure I'll be able to draw something I'm happy with.

Deadline Climax

Jeanne Alter: ...

Narration: ...At first, I was just drawing manga to beat her. Then, I became obsessed with improving my craft.

Narration: ...And now, I'm chasing after something. Something that's almost...but not quite in my grasp.

Narration: But...when I do finally get hold of it, this dream will be over. Mmm... And it's been such a long dream.

Narration: ...Maybe that's why I'm still out of reach.

Jeanne: No, that's not it.

Jeanne: That's something everybody wishes for to some degree, but only a select few can ever succeed at doing.

Jeanne: Imagination may not have any limit, but the act of creation does.

Jeanne Alter: For you too?

Jeanne: Of course.

Jeanne: I don't think any creator is ever fully satisfied with their work.

Jeanne Alter: Huh. Sounds a lot like being a Servant.

Jeanne: ...That's very deep.

Jeanne Alter: Whatever you say.

Jeanne Alter: ...I've got an idea for a story I kinda want to draw. Wanna hear?

Narration: I don't know why, but I started telling her what I'd been thinking about. She just smiled and said it was a great idea.

Narration: But it didn't feel right. Something was...lacking.

Narration: That's when it hit me: I already had someone close to me I could discuss story ideas with. Someone who would share my thrill at coming up with a good one.

Jeanne Alter: ...So, you know the book I'm drawing now?


Fujimaru 1: Yes?

Jeanne Alter: Do you think it's interesting?

Jeanne Alter: ...Well that's good.

Jeanne Alter: But, don't you think it's still missing something?


Fujimaru 1: Maybe the ending could be more satisfying?

Jeanne Alter: ...You're probably right, annoying as it is. As it stands now, the ending is kinda cheap.

Jeanne Alter: It's not about whether it's a happy ending or a “bad” one. It just doesn't feel earned.


Fujimaru 2: The monster turning back into a human is cliché.

Jeanne Alter: ...That part, huh. Yeah, it is kind of a dead horse now.

Jeanne Alter: All right then, what about this?

Jeanne Alter: If the monster stays a monster, and the princess stays a princess...

Jeanne Alter: ...do you think they could still understand one another?


Fujimaru 1: Is mutual understanding that important?

Jeanne Alter: So you don't think they need to know everything about each other? Can you really call that true love?

Jeanne Alter: ...Ugh, this is complicated. But then again... Yeah, you might be right.


Fujimaru 2: This princess definitely could.

Jeanne Alter: ...You really know this character well, don't you? But then, I guess you would, after all these loops.

Jeanne Alter: ...

Jeanne Alter: Hey.


Fujimaru 1: Yeah?

Jeanne Alter: Do you REALLY think this is interesting?


Fujimaru 1: I can't tell anymore.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, makes sense. You and I've both been too close to it for too long.


Fujimaru 2: I do.

Jeanne Alter: ...Huh. Well, I appreciate that, even if you are just being nice.

Jeanne Alter: Sure is noisy outside. But I guess that's to be expected, what with the beach right below.

Jeanne Alter: ...Ugh. Why am I even doing this?

Jeanne Alter: I wish I could've just enjoyed ServantFes like a normal person.


Fujimaru 1: Are you having second thoughts?

Jeanne Alter: ...Nah. Just thought I'd say that out loud and try it on for size.


Fujimaru 2: Yeah...

Jeanne Alter: I swear, this is all her fault...

Jeanne Alter: ...By the way, I just had a thought.

Jeanne Alter: What do you think of adding a scene like this to make the new ending more convincing?


Fujimaru 1: I guess it's fine, but...

Jeanne Alter: But what?

Jeanne Alter: It'll increase the number of pages we need to draw? ...Well, yeah, that's true...


Fujimaru 2: Won't we need to add another page or two to fit this in?

Jeanne Alter: Ugh. Yeah, that's true...

Jeanne Alter: I guess it would be pretty tough to add another page or two now, when we're only just squeaking by as it is.

Jeanne Alter: ...But...the story needs this scene.


Fujimaru 1: It's also kind of a downer.

Jeanne Alter: ...W-well yeah, I know it's not one of those fun action scenes...

Jeanne Alter: ...but if the monster's body and soul are gonna end up all battered, there has to be a battle here, right?

Jeanne Alter: It's not enough to just tell the reader about it. We have to show it.


Fujimaru 2: Then we'll have to rework the entire story structure.

Jeanne Alter: ...Y-yeah, I guess so, huh.

Jeanne Alter: We'll have to go over the draft again... Restructure the pages... Tighten up the panel layout...

Jeanne Alter: ...Guess it's no use. We'll never finish in time.


Fujimaru 1: What if we got everyone else to pitch in?

Jeanne Alter: You and I are already doing all the heavy lifting. I'd say Mash is the only one who could help out at all.

Jeanne Alter: So we'd have to adjust the panel layouts, add background characters in the battle scene, and...and...

Jeanne Alter: ...Ugggh. I'm sorry, I need to go out for a bit.

Jeanne Alter: I'm gonna go pick a fight and clear my head. Come with me.

Jekyll: Oh, hello there. Is there something I can do for you?

Jeanne Alter: I'm looking to pick a fight. Any recs? Say, the overgrown brat you've got working for you?

Mordred: You rang, assface?

Jekyll: Let me remind you, fighting is strictly prohibited.

Jeanne Alter: Then let's take this outside. There shouldn't be any problem with a street fight, right?

Mordred: What are you, some sort of mad dog?

Jeanne Alter: Takes one to know one.

Mordred: The hell'd you say!?

Jeanne Alter: Come on. Let's do this.

Mordred: You take that back! Where do you get off calling me a mad dog!?

Jeanne Alter: ...Uh, cause that's literally your whole deal? And what're you whining for? You started it. ...Right, Fujimaru?


Fujimaru 1: No comment.

Jeanne Alter: You do know that's basically as good as an affirmation here, right?

Mordred: Master! (Grrrrrr)


Fujimaru 2: I, uh...don't know if I'd put it that way...

Mordred: Then what way would you put it!? Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you, asshole!

Jekyll: All right, that's enough. Back to work.

Mordred:

GRAAAH!

Jekyll: And in the future, please refrain from taunting my employee, if you wouldn't mind.

Jeanne Alter: It was just a little teasing. Lighten up already.

Jeanne: Oh, hello, Alter. What are you doing out here? Is your final draft coming along okay?

Jeanne Alter: I could ask the same of you.

Jeanne: Oh, I'm all done, thanks!

Jeanne Alter: ...You don't say.

Katsushika Hokusai: You too, huh? Yeah, my own final draft came together pretty quickly.

Osakabehime: At last...the wings of freedom...

Osakabehime: It was way harder than usual this year, but I somehow managed something I was much more satisfied with...

Jeanne Alter: You don't say!

Jeanne: (Psst... Why is Alter in such a foul mood? Is something wrong?)


Fujimaru 1: We ran into a little trouble with the manga...

Jeanne: So...it's not because she's feeling bad?

Osakabehime: You want to go back to the drawing board? NOW?! Are you insane?!

Jeanne Alter: But it'll make the whole thing way better!

Osakabehime: What's the point of that if you don't finish in time for the con!?

Osakabehime: I've made that same mistake more than once, so I know what I'm talking about!

Osakabehime: Trust me when I say that missing the deadline sucks a lot more than putting out something you're not fully satisfied with!

Osakabehime: This is your first con, so I get that you don't really wakarunderstand that yet, but–

Jeanne Alter: I know it, believe me!

Jeanne Alter: I've already drawn a ton of–Uh, I mean, first time or not, I get it!

Katsushika Hokusai: In that case, maybe you oughta just accept what you got and put it all together as best you can?

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, I guess.

Jeanne: ...Hmm. Now I see.

Jeanne: By the way, Alter, why did you come out here in the first place?

Jeanne Alter: I was looking to pick a fight so I could blow off some steam.

Osakabehime: Fighting as stress relief? I just get up and stretch for a while, but you do you, I guess.

Jeanne: ...All right. In that case, we'll be your opponents.

Osakabehime: Huh!?

Jeanne Alter: ...You? Really?

Jeanne: Yes, me. Don't worry about it.

Jeanne: Hold on, let me just go get my partner.

Jeanne: Are you all set?

Jeanne Alter: ...I've got no idea what's going through that empty head of yours...

Jeanne Alter: ...but if you're offering to help me blow off steam, I'm not gonna pass up this chance.

Jeanne Alter: Get ready, 'cause I'm gonna sock you good!

Katsushika Hokusai: Wait, I'm doin' this too? Ah well, I guess them's the breaks.

Katsushika Hokusai: Now that my final draft's all done, breakin' a finger or two oughta be good for a laugh!

Osakabehime: If you think that's funny, I don't wanna know what you find tragic!

--BATTLE--

Jeanne: Phew! It feels good to work out again.

Osakabehime: My back... My hands...

Katsushika Hokusai: Gotta say, that was a pretty good sweat I worked up.

Jeanne Alter: Why'd you agree to do this, anyway? I still don't get it.

Jeanne Alter: Not that I really care, since I got the fight I wanted.

Jeanne: Oh, don't you worry about that.

Jeanne: Now then, if you'll excuse us, we have to go adjust our schedules a bit.

Jeanne: Come on, Osakabehime, Hokusai!

Jeanne Alter: ...What is her deal?


Fujimaru 1: I'd better get things ready.

Jeanne Alter: Huh? What are you talking about?

--ARROW--

Jeanne Alter: Uh, M-Master?

Jeanne Alter: I thought we were just going to give up for this loop and go with what we've got, like they said.

Jeanne Alter: So why are you messing with the panel layouts? And why are there so many more tablets now?


Fujimaru 1: Come on in!

Jeanne Alter: Hey, this is my roo–

Jeanne: Good evening!

Osakabehime: Oh wow, you really do have everything all set up. Oh well, guess I'll just have to help out then.

Katsushika Hokusai: Mmkay, where did you want us to start?

Jeanne Alter: Waaaiiit, wait, wait!

Jeanne Alter: The hell? What's going on?

Jeanne: Alter, we had a fight, and you beat us, right?

Jeanne Alter: Uh... Yeah, that's true...

Jeanne: So as the losers, we thought it was only fair that we help the winner.

Osakabehime: Awww, and here I was planning to spend what's basically my last day here swimming at Waikiki Beach.

Osakabehime: ...Fine, my lie in summer. I was just gonna lock myself in and take it easy.

Osakabehime: I guess I can take some time to help. What panel layouts need the most work?


Fujimaru 1: Here, and here, and here, and–

Osakabehime:

That many!?

Osakabehime: Hmm... At this point, it might just be better to start over from the rough draft.


Fujimaru 2: I think it might be faster to start over from the rough draft?

Osakabehime: Well, let me see.

Osakabehime: ...I think you're right. It probably would flow a lot better if we just started over.

Jeanne Alter: Come on, you don't have to do this. I-it's not like I asked for your help or anything.

Jeanne: No, you didn't. But we're butting in anyway.

Jeanne: ...Well, you may not have asked for our help, but Master did.

Jeanne Alter: You, Fujimaru?


Fujimaru 1: I know we've got something great here.


Fujimaru 2: I want to do everything we can to make this book turn out great.

Jeanne Alter: ...

Jeanne Alter: ... ...Nghhh...

Mash: Please, Jeanne Alter. Let them help.

Mash: I've been reading the draft...and I think you should go for whatever you need to do to be happy with it.

Jeanne Alter: You made this call, Master?

Jeanne Alter: ...Without even asking me?


Fujimaru 1: I know we can finish this.

Jeanne Alter: I mean, I'm sure we can, but...


Fujimaru 2: We'll get this done, even if it kills us.

Jeanne Alter: Even if it kills us...huh.

Jeanne Alter: ...You're not wrong...

Jeanne Alter: I do think this one's worth killing ourselves over to try and make it perfect, but...

Jeanne Alter: ...What about you guys? Are you really okay with helping? What if this book ends up taking first place?

Jeanne: Fine with me.

Jeanne: I see ServantFes as a type of conversation. We all get together, and converse with words and books alike.

Jeanne: Sales are important, of course, but I'd much rather there be another great book in the mix.

Osakabehime: ...As for me, I can't say I don't have my pride as one of the older clubs here.

Osakabehime: But if I'm being honest... I just really want to read this story's finished version.

Osakabehime: And if I have to help make that happen, then it can't be shikata'd.

Katsushika Hokusai: Me, I'm already done with my book, and I do owe you guys a lot.

Katsushika Hokusai: And I gotta say, these tablet thingies are really darn useful.

Katsushika Hokusai: With tools like this on our side, finishin' this thing might be rough, but it ain't impossible.

Katsushika Hokusai: All I gotta do is match your art style, right? I could do that in my sleep.

Katsushika Hokusai: Now why don'tcha show me how to use this thing, Princess? You oughta know a trick or two, right?

Osakabehime: Yes, yes.

Osakabehime: I swear, how did I end up teaching a world-renowned artist how to use a tablet?

Jeanne: So you see, Alter? You don't have to worry. Now let's make a great book, shall we?

Jeanne Alter: ...What is it with this place? Nobody here can mind their own damn business.

Robin Hood: So? What do you say?

Jeanne Alter: ...Of course I'm gonna take them up on it.

Jeanne Alter: All right, Head Assistant, let's do this thing!

--BATTLE--

Narration: ...Looking back on it now, drawing the manga felt like a life-or-death battle.

Jeanne: This needs to be redone.

Jeanne Alter: Wha...

Jeanne: After a long and bloody fight, both the monster's body and soul are bruised and battered.

Jeanne: And the princess's love... wouldn't be enough to revive him.

Jeanne: It should be something more all-encompassing, something that transcends love altogether. Don't you think?

Jeanne Alter: No, I don't.

Jeanne Alter: Something bigger than love would be way too good for this monster. It'd just be a waste.

Jeanne Alter: Because he's been doing everything he can on his own up to this point.

Jeanne Alter: Do you really think he'd be happy to be loved by something intangible like a country or community?

Jeanne Alter: ...No, he wouldn't. And the princess's love for him isn't given freely, and it isn't platonic.

Jeanne Alter: It needs to be more self-righteous and possessive... Like she wants to keep him all for herself.

Jeanne: ...I see.

Jeanne: In that case, I withdraw my objection!

Jeanne Alter: ...I get the feeling you just played me.

Jeanne: Don't be silly. It just goes to show that talking things out can help you see a new side of things.

Katsushika Hokusai: There you go. How's this for the background?

Jeanne Alter: Let me see... Crap.

Osakabehime: Uwaa. This is, like, real art.

Jeanne: But it still works as manga art, if only just.

Katsushika Hokusai: It was real touch and go for a while, I'll tell you that.

Jeanne Alter: ...Dammit. Famous artist or not, I was all set to nitpick...but the damn thing's perfect.

Jeanne Alter: This background is exactly what I had in mind.

Katsushika Hokusai: I couldn'ta done it without your vivid description of the battlefield.

Katsushika Hokusai: Glad I could be of service!

Robin Hood: How 'bout a little pick-me-up? These energy drinks'll even replenish Servants' magical energy!

Jeanne Alter: Oh yeah?

Jeanne Alter:

(BEEELCH!!!)

Jeanne Alter: Goddammit, I think I'm gonna hurl.

Ushiwakamaru: If you must, could you do so from the balcony? We all have to share that bathroom, after all.

Jeanne Alter: I-I'll do that!

Robin Hood: Was it really that bad? She said it was a famous elixir down at the–

Robin Hood: Wait. Don't tell me she made it herself...?

Elisabeth:

Achoo!

--ARROW--

Jeanne Alter: Hurk. God, that was foul...

Jeanne Alter: And the worst part is that I actually do feel less stressed now...


Fujimaru 1: Maybe because you, um...got it all out?

Jeanne Alter: You mean hurled!? Yeah, I did! I spilled my guts out there!

Jeanne: Stop that. You ought to at least act embarrassed after a display like that.

Jeanne Alter: Too late. That train's long since left the station.


Fujimaru 1: You can say that again.

Jeanne Alter: ...You were awfully quick to agree to that. A little too quick...

Mordred: All right, which one of you numbnuts just barfed on a customer!?

Jeanne Alter: [♂ He /♀ She] did.


Fujimaru 1: Now you're making me take the fall!?

Robin Hood: Dragons aren't exactly known for being responsible...

Mordred: You're hopeless, you know that! Here, I brought him up so you can apologize in person!

Lu Bu: ... ...


Fujimaru 1: ...I'm so sorry, Flying General...

Frankenstein: General says he forgives.

Lu Bu:

[[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]

Frankenstein: General also says, “But my God Force will not!”

Jeanne Alter: Tch, all right, fine. Step outside so we can get this over with!

Jeanne Alter: I don't have time for this shit!

Lu Bu:

[[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]

Frankenstein: He's saying you must be the culprit.

Jeanne Alter: ...Am not!

Robin Hood: She's stubborn, I'll give her that...

--BATTLE--

Lu Bu:

[[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]

Frankenstein: General says, “Fare. Thee. Well.”

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, come on! We're gonna keep going till the last second!


Fujimaru 1: After that stunt you just pulled? Why should I?

Jeanne Alter: ...L-look, I'm sorry, all right? I really am.

Jeanne Alter: How 'bout I treat you to something later? Emiya's cooking, Boudica's cooking, you name it.

Jeanne: There you go. Seeing how you've learned to apologize so sincerely makes your big sister proud.

Jeanne Alter: You. Are. NOT. My. Sister.

Jeanne: Aww.

Mash: All right, we're in the homestretch now. Come on, Master, let's do our best to finish strong!

My Ultimate Book


Fujimaru 1: What a mess...


Fujimaru 2: It's like all hell broke loose in here...

Mash: I know... They're all beyond exhausted, and even Palingenesis doesn't look like it would work...

Jeanne Alter: Maybe so...but at least...the end...is in sight!

Ushiwakamaru: I'm on my last scene now!

Ushiwakamaru: I've gotten really good at drawing sound effects! Especially the gush of blood from a beheading!

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm? You don't need me to do any more hand lettering? Feel free to lavish me with praise for my hard if not perfect work, you hear?

Katsushika Hokusai: ...

Katsushika Hokusai: Hey, can I ask ya somethin'?

Jeanne Alter: What's up?

Katsushika Hokusai: Well...uh... What do ya do if you “deleted” all the, uh, “data” stuff?

Jeanne Alter: ...

Jeanne: ...

Osakabehime: ...L-let me see that.

All: Aaaaaah!

Jeanne Alter: ...O-Osakabehime, see if you can recover anything! Robin, you've been making backups, right?

Robin Hood: Yeah. Every fifteen minutes.

Osakabehime: On it!

Katsushika Hokusai: I-I'm so sorry!

Jeanne Alter: Eh, don't sweat it. This kinda crap happens all the time with digital work.

Jeanne: But, if we don't figure something out...

Jeanne Alter: We'll just have to submit early in the morning. We can still make that work.

Jeanne Alter: Hokusai, you get started on that thing we talked about! Give her a hand with that, Master!


Fujimaru 1: Got it!

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, this is it! It's do or die!

--BATTLE--

Jeanne Alter: It's... It's done!

Robin Hood: I copied it to a bunch of USB sticks, just in case. Everybody take one!

Jeanne Alter: Holy-whatever Maiden, Osakabehime, Hokusai, you three can take a break. We should be good.

Jeanne: I-I think I'll do that... Good night... (Zzz...)

Osakabehime: S-so...tired... Can't...move...anymore...

Katsushika Hokusai: Just gotta take it to the printer now, right? Then my work here is done.

Jeanne Alter: Now, we've just gotta hand this data over. Come on, we gotta run!

Jeanne Alter: ...The hell? They should be here by now.

Jeanne Alter: Hey! You there!

ServantFes Pirate: Yes'm? What can I do for ya?

Jeanne Alter: Have you seen a blond guy around here?

Jeanne Alter: You know, the guy hanging out with the French maid and the furry-eared chick?

ServantFes Pirate: Hm? If you mean the CEO, he left for ServantFes a long time ago.

Jeanne Alter: Dammit... All right, we'll just have to give it to him at the convention center then!

Jeanne Alter: ...I wonder if they really can pull off that printing method they told us about.


Fujimaru 1: Whether they can or not, we still need to hurry!

Jeanne Alter: R-right. C'mon guys, we're goin' to the con! Now!


Fujimaru 2: Come on, let's run!

Jeanne Alter: I-is running really gonna make a difference!?

Jeanne Alter: Huh?

Mash: Over there! Look!

Jeanne Alter: H-hey, why're these guys trying to get in our faces?

Count of Monte Cristo: They are Celtic soldiers. Medb's underlings!


Fujimaru 1: Count!

Count of Monte Cristo: I'll deal with them. The rest of you, hurry to the con!

Count of Monte Cristo: Fortunately, I thought something like this might happen, so I made arrangements.

Jeanne Alter: Arrangements?

Astolfo: I'm heeere!

Sakata Kintoki: I heard you need a ride!

Astolfo: Get on! I'll have you at the con in no time!

Jeanne Alter: Okay, let's split up.

Jeanne Alter: Ushiwakamaru, you go with Kintoki.

Sakata Kintoki: Eh?

Ushiwakamaru: Got it! Thanks for your help, Lord Kintoki!

Sakata Kintoki: ...N-no problem! Just don't go falling off!

Ushiwakamaru: Then I'll make sure to hold on to you tight!

Sakata Kintoki: No! That's...I mean, I guess that's okay, but...!

Sakata Kintoki: A-ah, whatever! Get ready, 'cause I'm gonna floor it! Golden Bear, full throttle!

Mash: I admit I'm a little worried about Kintoki, but never mind that now! Alter, you go on Astolfo's hippogriff!

Jeanne Alter: Come on, Master, you're coming too!

Mash: We'll be right behind you! See you again soon, Master!


Fujimaru 1: All right, let's go!

Astolfo: Two of you? No problemo! Sooo, which one of you's okay with a princess carry?

Jeanne Alter: ...Fujimaru is.

--ARROW--

Jeanne Alter: We're almost there...!

Astolfo: Huh? What's that sound?

Astolfo: Aaah!

Jeanne Alter: Wh-what was that!?


Fujimaru 1: Medb's chariot!

Jeanne Alter: That...little...BITCH!

Astolfo: That last one got us good! We're gonna have to make an emergency landing!

Astolfo: Go on back, Hippogriff!

Jeanne Alter: Can you still run, Master?


Fujimaru 1: Of course! This swimsuit's also a Mystic Code, after all!

Jeanne Alter: Seriously? Freak. But I guess we're lucky Chaldea's got a penchant for overengineering right now!

Jeanne Alter: Fine then, use it to strengthen your legs! You should at least be able to pull that off!

Astolfo: I'll try to hold off that chariot!


Fujimaru 1: Can you really do that by yourself!?

Astolfo: Sure! Without Medb in that thing, it's just a big, sturdy, dangerously destructive machine of war!

Astolfo: ...Maybe I can't do this by myself!

D:???: Man, you guys can't do anything on your own, can you? Guess I'll just have to bail you out again.

E:Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahaha, ox-drawn carriages are my specialty! This will be good practice for my next fight with Raikou!

Astolfo: Huh?

Cú Chulainn: Hey there, Master. That's Medb's chariot, isn't it?

Cú Chulainn: You must've really pissed her off this time.

Cú Chulainn: She only breaks that thing out when she's really hit the limits of her rage!

Jeanne Alter: Aloha Man! Ibaraki-Douji!

Cú Chulainn: Aloha!? Does this look like a Hawaiian shirt to you!?

Jeanne Alter: Oh shut up! I was talking about your soul, not your fashion choices! You're just like Robin!

Cú Chulainn: Hey! I'm not nearly as twisted as he is!

Ibaraki-Douji: Hmph. If Medb thinks she can ruin all our hard work with a stunt like this, she's sorely mistaken.

Ibaraki-Douji: I'm not letting all that lettering I helped with go to waste! Now hurry up and get to the con already.

Ibaraki-Douji: And if you manage to take first prize, let's have another one of those barbecue parties to celebrate.

Ibaraki-Douji: Your treat, of course!


Fujimaru 1: Of course!


Fujimaru 2: Thanks, Luluhawa Banana Oni!

Ibaraki-Douji: Banana Oni!? When did I get such a delicious-sounding nickname!?

Jeanne Alter: All right, let's run!

Gorgeous P: Hahahaha! Another year, another sorry crop of manga. But I suppose this is all we can expect from amateurs!

Gorgeous P: Aside from the professional writers among the Servants like Andersen and Shakespeare, of course.

Gorgeous P: I suppose this means Medb's photo album is a lock for the top seller then?

Moolah: So it would seem.

Moolah: All the money she saved by making it full of selfies let her really splurge on the cover and general design.

Moolah: I'm pretty sure it's the only self-published book in the history of self-published books to be sold as a jewel-encrusted leather hardcover.

Moolah: Not that I mind, since we made a literal ton of money off it.

Medb: Looks like I'll end up winning after all. Thanks for all your support. Now bow down before your queen!

Medb: I suppose I should reward you for showing me how to take a good selfie, Anastasia. What would you like?

Anastasia: GODDAMN HOT.

Medb: I see... Not much I can do about that...

Medb: So Moolah, any word from that not-so-holy maiden's club? Did they turn in their book yet?

Moolah: No, they haven't. I was looking forward to it, too...

Medb: I see. Then I've already won.

Medb: I was kind of curious what they had in store after all that smack they talked...

Medb: ...but it doesn't matter how good their book might be if they can't get it to the con.

Jeanne Alter: Made it!


Fujimaru 1: Made it!

Medb: !

Jeanne Alter: Moolah! Here's the digital file of our book. I need you to fire up your printers right now.

Moolah: Ooh, a day-of submission? Thank you for your business☆

Jeanne Alter: I don't care if you take us for all we've got today. Just make sure you get enough copies printed in time.

Jeanne Alter: You can make all the copies we need with that reverse cause-and-effect printer of yours, right? Then here, this is how many we need.

Moolah: Wow. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to charge you for all these...but this is your first con, correct? Are you sure you're going to sell this many?

Gorgeous P: Stand back, Moolah. I'll be the judge of how many copies this book merits.

Gorgeous P: At the moment, Medb's photo album is the clear front-runner.

Gorgeous P: My own tastes are about as far from Venus as you can get, but I can't deny there's something genuine there.

Gorgeous P: It's no wonder that Medb's “beauty” is a hit with the mongrels. Even I went and purchased a copy.

Gorgeous P: Her book is undoubtedly one of this year's top contenders. Do you really think yours will require more copies?

Gorgeous P: Heh. I imagine your amateur effort will merit no more than a hundred, at best.

Jeanne Alter: ...See for yourself then.

Moolah: O-okay, I'll print one up as a test run. Check this one out.

Gorgeous P: Hmm...

d'Eon: ...

Gorgeous P: Oho, interesting...

Gorgeous P: ...Really...?

Moolah: ...

Gorgeous P: ...Oh come on. Why would you go to the battlefield now? And why aren't you stopping him?

d'Eon: ...!

Moolah: O-oh my. This is rather engaging...

Gorgeous P: Whoa! I can't believe he's still alive!

d'Eon: What are you waiting for, Boss!? Turn the page!

Gorgeous P: Not so fast. One needs to savor these intervals between pages.

Gorgeous P: After all, much of the magic of manga lies in the space between panels. Every good reader knows that.

Moolah: Oops, my hand slipped☆ Huh!? Does this mean they can't be together now?

d'Eon: Can you blame them? He's a monster, and she's a princess. They were arguably doomed from the start.

Moolah: I refuse to believe that!

Jeanne Alter: ...

Jeanne Alter: I gotta say, Master, seeing other people read our book like this is kind of...


Fujimaru 1: Sweat inducing.

Jeanne Alter: It's, uh, just 'cause it's hot in here. Gotta be.


Fujimaru 2: Embarrassing.

Jeanne Alter: I was gonna say agonizing, but that too.

Gorgeous P: ...So the monster gave his life for the princess. A well-worn trope for these sorts of stories.

Gorgeous P: That said...this background art is incredible! In fact, it's legitimately breathtaking!

d'Eon: I understand how the monster feels. He believes his ugliness could ultimately serve only as a source of suffering for his beloved.

d'Eon: In which case, it's no wonder he would choose to sacrifice himself. He must have thought it was the only way.

Gorgeous P: Nonsense! The only way I will permit is the way that leads to Uruk!

Gorgeous P: ...Huh?

Gorgeous P: I...I...

Gorgeous P: I remember...!

Gorgeous P: I'm not a rich man who lives in Luluhawa! I'm the King of Heroes, Gilgamesh P!

Gorgeous P: Someone bopped me in the head with a squeaky plastic hammer the moment I set foot in Hawaii, causing me to lose my memories!

d'Eon: We all know that already! Now come on, I want to read what happens next!

Gorgeous P: I see. Today is full of surprises.

Gorgeous P: ...Regardless, there would not seem to be a “next” to read, now that the monster is dead.

Gorgeous P: Wait. How is he still alive?

Moolah: Hehehe. This was foreshadowed a few pages ago, King of Heroes.

Moolah: I knew I smelled a good ending forthcoming. Call it women's intuition☆

d'Eon: Thank goodness... I was so sure the monster had died on the battlefield...

d'Eon: Although, it does look like he can't fight anymore.

Gorgeous P: Indeed. With his wild nature gone, the monster is now just another animal.

Gorgeous P: And now that she's given up her crown, the princess is just another woman.

Gorgeous P: Which means there is no longer anything standing between them.

Moolah: So they went on to elope... How romantic. Though I wonder, will they be able to live happily ever after?

d'Eon: I think they will. This voyage portends that their journey together will be a good one.

Moolah: I hope you're right.

Jeanne Alter: ...So? How many copies are you gonna print?

Gorgeous P: A fair question.

Gorgeous P: Given that your manga was able to shock my memories into returning...I must admit that it is a fine bit of entertainment indeed.

Gorgeous P: In fact, it has rendered a faint moistness to my eye and reminded me that amateur works can be just as good as anything else.

Gorgeous P: Thus, in recognition of your accomplishment, I will run my printers...at full capacity, capacity, capacity, capacity!

Jeanne Alter: ...Yes!

Moolah: But that doesn't mean it's going to sell, you know? Are you sure you can turn that many copies at your first con?

Jeanne Alter: ...We'll be fine. We've seen a lot more con action than you might think.

Moolah: Oh? Didn't you say this was your very first doujin?

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah, I did.

Gorgeous P: Not to worry. Good artists naturally attract good salespeople.

Gorgeous P: That's part of what makes these sorts of fan artist alleys so fun! Now then...the time is upon us, Moolah!

Gorgeous P: Let this year's ServantFes begin! Hahaha, I'll be very interested to see what happens!

--ARROW--

Katsushika Hokusai: There we go.

Katsushika Hokusai: Gotta say, I really appreciate you lettin' me hawk my own book here.

Abigail: Oooh, Hokusai, won't you please let me help? Please? Preeetty pleeease?

Katsushika Hokusai: All right, all right, I hear ya already. ...Okay, how 'bout this?

Katsushika Hokusai: Why don'tcha take this “Line Starts Here” sign and show the customers where they need ta go?

Abigail: You can count on me! Did you hear, Master!? Did you hear!? I have a job now!


Fujimaru 1: Good luck!

Abigail: Thank you, Master!


Fujimaru 2: That's a big responsibility, you know.

Abigail: ...!

Abigail: I-I'll do my very best! I won't let anybody down!

Katsushika Hokusai: Well would ya look at that. Glad she's so happy. Still feel bad for havin' her help me out though.

Blackbeard: You mean because of the “Iron Bar” part...?


Fujimaru 1: Or the “Tentacle” part...?

Katsushika Hokusai: Hey, take it up with Toto-sama.

Mash: Here's your change! Thank you so much!

Ushiwakamaru: The line starts here, everyone! Please queue up in an orderly fashion!

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Robin Hood: Thanks for the support. Here you go, take it!

Blackbeard: Hey there! You guys sure took your time showing up!


Fujimaru 1: It's a long story...

Blackbeard: Anyway, I'll take a copy of your book, if you don't mind.

Jeanne Alter: You helped us out plenty, so don't sweat the cost. On the house.

Blackbeard: Don't be ridiculous, Jalter.

Blackbeard: I'm just exchanging some of that useless treasure I've piled up for something of real value here.

Blackbeard: If I don't pay now, I'll just feel bad about it later.

Blackbeard: Now shut up and take my money! ...I always wanted to say that.


Fujimaru 1: You really are an upstanding man of the sea, huh?

Blackbeard: Heh... I've been a part of this scene for a long time now. Ever since I became a Servant, in fact!

Blackbeard: And I'm really, really proud to see you guys put out such a great book.

Blackbeard: Almost makes it seem like I was your sponsor or something! Heh, obviously I wasn't, but still...

Blackbeard: Anyway, that's enough chitchat. See you round!

Mash: I'm all out of books!

Robin Hood: Nothing but empty boxes here too. Which means...

Robin Hood: We sold out!

Jeanne Alter: ...We actually did it.


Fujimaru 1: We really did...

Moolah: This concludes ServantFes!

Gorgeous P: So, you sold out just as I thought you would. You certainly took your time about it, though.

Medb: Yeah, yeah, you win, I lose! I get it!

Jeanne Alter: Hold it.

Medb: Now what?

Jeanne Alter: The whole point of these books is sharing them, right? Here.

Medb: ...I don't really need it, but fine, I guess I can take it off your hands. Here, I guess you can have one of my books in exchange.

Medb: Just don't expect it to keep its value for long. I'm gonna make an even better one next year!

Gorgeous P: So, you've already got a plan for your next book. Impressive presentation skills.

Gorgeous P: Say, that gives me an idea. What do you think about holding our next industry initiative in a gorgeous, decadent skyscraper, Moolah?

Moolah: A skyscraper? Like the sort that giant monkey climbed? I can't say I care for places like that.

Moolah: Las Vegas, on the other hand...♡

Gorgeous P: Hahaha, you do like your deserts, don't you? I guess it's true what they say: you can take the woman out of the desert, but not the desert out of the woman.

Gorgeous P: But enough of that!

Gorgeous P: Gespenst Ketzer! I award you this Holy Grail for taking first place at ServantFes!

Mash: Confirming... The magical energy reservoir checks out. This is definitely a Holy Grail.

Mash: So now, all we have to do is use it at Kilauea, and this Singularity will go away...right?


Fujimaru 1: Well, that's what BB says...

Jeanne Alter: Hang on. ...Let's hear what this guy's got to say first.

Count of Monte Cristo: So you're done.

Robin Hood: You got a real flair for showing up once everything's over, don'tcha?

Count of Monte Cristo: There is nothing I can do about that. I've been busy handling the matter you left to me after we defeated the Foreigner.

Jeanne Alter: How'd it go, anyway?

Count of Monte Cristo: I have been keeping an eye out since you asked, and it's just as you suspected.

Count of Monte Cristo: She has not been there once in all this time.

Jeanne Alter: Gotcha. Well then, let's just skip the whole bit with Kilauea and go straight to the Mauna Kea Observatories.

Jeanne Alter: Pele awaits there, at the site of the final battle.

Mash: Did you say...“final battle”?

Jeanne Alter: If you'd just read the guidebook, you'd know what I was talking about.

Jeanne Alter: ...I mean, uh, not that I gave it more than a passing glance. Just skimmed it, really...

Fou: Fou...

Jeanne Alter: Somethin' to say, furball!? Now come on, let's go!

Door to Summer/Dark Mix

Jeanne Alter: In Hawaiian mythology, Pele lives in Kilauea. That part fits.

Jeanne Alter: But BB never went there.

Jeanne Alter: Even weirder, she explicitly told us to come here, to Mauna Kea, on the last day.

Jeanne Alter: That just doesn't make sense. Mauna Kea is the snowy mountain where Poliʻahu lived.

Jeanne Alter: According to myth, this was the one place Pele could never conquer, and she hated it more than anything.

Ushiwakamaru: ...I see. Then BB may be Pele the goddess, but she is not Pele.

Ushiwakamaru: Or, she is not ONLY Pele... That means everything comes down to the order of events, doesn't it?

Ushiwakamaru: Specifically: When did the Foreigner that Chaldea detected first arrive here?

Count of Monte Cristo: That's right. You all came to Hawaii after the Foreigner was detected.

Count of Monte Cristo: But Foreigner XX didn't show up until after you'd checked in at the hotel.

D:Robin Hood: That means it wouldn't make sense for XX to be the Foreigner we detected.

D:Robin Hood: Honestly, I'd been wondering exactly when XX first got to Hawaii.

D:Robin Hood: But now that we know XX isn't the Foreigner we're looking for, the question is: Who is?

Ibaraki-Douji: (...I don't wanna get in trouble, so I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.)

Mash: Ah! So, the reason we couldn't contact Chaldea's Hawaiian office isn't because this place became a Singularity, but–

???: Right you are! It's because the entire office disappeared into Void Space, like it never existed to begin with!

???: Welcome to the Mauna Kea Evil God Observatories, foolish humans♡


Fujimaru 1: BB...!

BB Pele: Teehee. Do you even know where Chaldea's Hawaiian office used to be located?

BB Pele: It was right here, on the peak of this very mountain.

BB Pele: Did you know that Mauna Kea is one of the best mountains for stargazing in the entire world?

BB Pele: Or that it's home to a cluster of research facilities with telescopes from all sorts of different countries?

BB Pele: The one from Japan, Subaru, is especially well known.

BB Pele: It's quite the sight, seeing the silhouettes of so many observatories along the top of the mountain.

BB Pele: Though of course...

BB: ...there ISN'T anything on top of this mountain anymore. I cast them all down into Void Space myself!

Mash: This ominous aura... It's just like Abigail's...!

BB: Abigail? Ugh, don't insult me. I'm nothing like that lazy, good-for-nothing sleepyhead.

BB: I'm a much more active, much more friendly dynamo of destruction!

BB: I've been peeping on you foolish humans from outer space, thinking up all sorts of ways we can have fun together!


Fujimaru 1: Wh-what the...!


Fujimaru 2: This all seems painfully familiar...

Mash: Is this...a slot machine...?

Robin Hood: What the hell are...no, what WERE those things? They're bizarrely horrifying!

Ibaraki-Douji: H-hey, Master? You don't look so good. Are you feeling okay? Do you want some candy?

BB: Tick, tock, tick, tock♪

BB: Did you enjoy your repeating summer vacation? You decided to reach for the stars, worked hard...

BB: ...encountered and overcame setbacks, found friends to help you, and emerged victorious in the end.

BB: I haven't seen such a good reality show in ages. It was worth all the trouble it took to set it up.

BB: But then...

BB: ...I had the perfect bow to put on this touching story, and you just ignored it altogether!

BB: Why didn't you use the Holy Grail?

BB: You're the Master of Chaldea, right? Aren't you supposed to use the Grail to help people?

Jeanne Alter: Easy. Tell her, Fujimaru.


Fujimaru 1: You seriously think we'd trust YOU, BB?


Fujimaru 2: I knew doing what you said would end badly.

BB: Whaaat!? THAT'S why my perfect plan was foiled!?

BB: (Sniff)... After everything I did for all of you, this is the thanks I get...?

BB: I worked really hard to put all this together for you, you know?

BB: I spent the last month working it all out with Pele here.

BB: I was just laying the groundwork to hold ServantFes here when I decided to drop in on Chaldea's Hawaiian office.

BB: Then, when I took a look through their telescope to see how far humanity's astronomical skills had advanced...

BB: ...it synergized with my own functionality, and I saw so far into space that I locked eyes with an evil god.

BB: How does that old quote go again? “If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into you”?

BB: Turns out, Nietzsche was more right than he knew when he said that♡ As soon as our eyes met, I synchronized with the evil god and became an eeevil BB!

BB: It didn't take long for Chaldea's Hawaiian office to catch on, so I went and tossed them all into my shadow♪

BB: And I tossed the other observatories in for good measure♪ So now, there's nothing left up here!

BB: I plunged it all into the shadow of the void. Destroying the evidence, as they say☆

Mash: Then, you were the Foreigner Chaldea observed!

BB: Yep! Rewinding time is the evil god's Authority.

BB: Collecting human desires is my innate functionality. And controlling Luluhawa at will is Pele's Authority.

BB: I'm also the one who fudged that golden eyesore Gilgamesh's memory!

Mash: Then, you're the one who put the Knights of the Round Table in swimsuits...?

Ibaraki-Douji: And the one who gave me MY swimsuit!

BB: That's right. It was aaall me.

BB: Well, except Jeanne Alter's horrid swimsuit. I had nothing to do with that. Suuuch awful taste!

Jeanne Alter: Hey! You leave my taste outta this, asshole!

Jeanne Alter: All right, I get how you got possessed by an evil god. I can even get my head around it happening just because you looked at the thing.

Jeanne Alter: But how are you disguising your class? Is the Moon Cancer thing just BS?

BB: Nope! Sure, I synced up with the evil god pretty well, but I didn't merge with it!

Mash: Didn't merge with it...? But, all those evil things you've done...


Fujimaru 1: Ohhh... I get it...


Fujimaru 2: That's the thing, Mash. BB is kinda, well...

BB: That's right! It doesn't matter that I synced up with an evil god from the abyss. I'm still the same old BB I've always been!

BB: We just hit it off really well, agreed on a plan of action, then waved goodbye and went our separate ways☆

Jeanne Alter: So your whole thing is that you test humans, watch them drown in their desires, then end up losing when they outwit your dumb ass...

Jeanne Alter: Now I get it. You and this evil god both have the same messed-up fetish, huh?

BB: Yep! So there you have it. I'm a Foreigner, yes...in more ways than one...but also a Moon Cancer!

BB: Oh, and one little nitpick.

BB: “End up losing when they outwit your dumb ass”? Don't make me laugh! That was absolutely the exception that proves the rule.

BB: I'm going to whup all your butts here and now, and you'll go right back to day one!

BB: And this time, I'll even reset your memories while I'm at it. Humanity's future sucks anyway!

BB: So why shouldn't you just keep reliving this summer forever, so everyone can be happy?


Fujimaru 1: ...


Fujimaru 2: (She really does have good intentions...even if the road they pave leads waaay past hell...)

Mash: BB... No, make that BBHotep. Can I ask you something?

BB: Huh? Why would you call me that? You barely even know me!

Mash: What would have happened if Senpai had used the Holy Grail at Kilauea, like you asked?

Mash: Would this Singularity really have disappeared?

BB: Hey, I'm no liar. Of course it would disappear...along with the rest of the planet.

BB: My Holy Grail's more of a monkey's paw. You wish for something, and more or less get the opposite.

BB: Wish for wealth, and lose all your money. Wish for peace, and the world's plunged into war.

BB: And if you made a wish with purely good intentions... Hehe... Hehehehehe!

BB: Forget waking up from a dream! It'd be the bad end to end all bad ends!

BB: And don't you think that would be the best way for all of you to go out?

Ushiwakamaru: You're a monster...

Fou: Fou.

BB: Oh, but please don't misunderstand me, okay? It's not that I want to wipe out humanity.

BB: I mean, if humanity were gone, who would I play with?

BB: I don't want to actually break my toys. I just want to see how much I can mess with them.

Mash: BB is gathering up magical energy... She's getting ready to attack!

BB: Now, without further ado... Iiit's piiig tiiime!

Robin Hood: ...Heh, nice try. But I had a feeling this would happen!

BB: Robin?

Robin Hood: Let's see what that spell the Caster of Kykeon taught me can do. No Face May King, Anti-Pig Version!

BB: Hey! No fair!

Robin Hood: Phew, that was close! And really, BB? You're complaining about ME being unfair!?

Heroine XX: I heard the whole thing! So, you've finally shown yourself, Foreigner!

Heroine XX: I've been searching for the source of all the evil I'd been sensing lurking around ServantFes, and now I've finally found it!

Heroine XX: Now all that's left is to carry out your sentence... Execution!

Jeanne Alter: ...Yep. Much as I hate to admit it, I'll never be able to draw a better book than I managed this time.

Jeanne Alter: Part of me might wanna give it another go, but that's about enough of this endless summer shit. You like playing with toys, BB?

Jeanne Alter: Well, playtime's over. I'm gonna beat some sense back into you!

BB: My, my, listen to you. But... Hehehe, hehehehe...!

BB: You drew a lot of books in your various loops, I'll give you that. But there's still one genre you haven't tried your hand at, isn't there?

BB: Well, now seems like a good time to fix that. So, as the Great Evil BB, let me teach you aaall about it!

BB: Are you ready, Master? This is where the battle really begins.

BB: This is going to be a real-life horror show, complete with blood, gore, and lots of literal dead ends.

BB: Scream and cry all you like; you can't turn back now. You are about to get veeery intimate with the unending darkness of Void Space!

--BATTLE--

BB: Not a scratch on me, of course♡

BB: So, humans, what sort of horror would you like to experience next? There's still so much we haven't tried yet!

Jeanne Alter: Ugh! How the hell is she so strong!? It doesn't make any damn sense!

D:Robin Hood: What do you expect? She's a goddess, a Foreigner, and a ridiculously OP Servant all in one!

D:Robin Hood: This is looking real bad...! We're not gonna be able to escape that shadow!

Mash: It's consuming all of Mauna Kea...! It's as though my shield isn't offering any protection whatsoever!

BB: That's because it isn't. You still don't get it? The usual rules don't apply here.

BB: Things might be different if you had more than three dimensions to work with, but I don't see humanity ever evolving that much, let alone in the next few minutes.

BB: Now I think it's time I gobbled you and the rest of summer up in one delicious bite♡

Heroine XX:

Hraaargh!

BB: ...!

Heroine XX: That's enough, you goddamn Foreigner! Who the hell even likes cosmic horrors anyway!?

Heroine XX: Everyone knows SF is the best genre of all time! Now, I'm gonna show you why!

Heroine XX: Shine bright, my galactic spear! Seal this evil god away, and bring order to this universe!

BB: Huh!? That ridiculously bright light...! Is that cosmic ether!?

BB: You were supposed to just be a joke character!!! How'd you end up with a weapon to kill evil gods!?

Heroine XX: I said I was a Foreigner Hunter! Not my fault you wouldn't listen! Now, my double-sided spear, unleash your nebula!

Heroine XX: Get ready for the true power of a heroine! The power of paid leeeave!

BB: Aaah!

BB: (Sniff)... All that Authority, confiscated...

Heroine XX: They didn't make me a space cop for nothing.

BB: But I heard you weren't on active duty with them anymore!

Heroine XX: That doesn't mean I'm gonna pass up a juicy bounty on a Foreigner! Space cops have quotas to meet, you know!

BB: Dammit, I knew I should've looked into their policies and stuff too...

BB: Oh well, I guess I don't really care enough to bother...

Jeanne Alter: So that oughta be the end of these time loops. I take it you're ready to calm down now that the whole evil god thing is over?

BB: Hmph. I never needed an evil god to be perfectly wicked on my own...

BB: ...Anyway, are you sure about this? This does mean your vacation will actually end, you know.

BB: Isn't there anything you still want to do here?

Jeanne Alter: I...

???: ...I can solve that easily enough.

Jeanne Alter: ...Gorgeous P?

Gorgeous P: Indeed.

Gorgeous P: And I don't need to do anything as ham-fisted as rewinding time. I just need to make a proclamation.

Gorgeous P: I hereby extend ServantFes by one more day!

Gorgeous P: You may have sold every copy of your book, but there is still plenty of celebrating left to be done. Go forth, mingle, and enjoy yourselves!

Gorgeous P: Consider it a wrap party. I'll pick up the tab, of course.

Gorgeous P: That is, my secretary will, using all that money she's trying to sneak off with.

Moolah:

H-huh!?

Moolah: But I worked so HARD to stea–I mean, save it all!

Gorgeous P: As they say, you can't take it with you.

Gorgeous P: I can vouch for that personally!

Moolah: Please! At least let me keep half of it! My dreams of a camel paradise are growing fainter by the second!

Heroine XX: All right, I'll take this criminal Servant...I mean, BB up to my ship for interrogation and cleansing.

Heroine XX: Now come on, you, get a move on.

BB: Aw man, so you're really gonna book me... I can't believe you're into that kind of doujin content!

Heroine XX: I can carry you there on my spear tip if you'd prefer?

BB: I'll be good☆

BB: Okay Senpai, looks like I'll be seeing you later.

BB: Oh, right! I almost forgot. Hup!

Heroine XX: All right, we'll be off then. But don't worry, we'll be back before tomorrow night's party!

BB: Once I've done a little time for my crime, let's just call it even, okay? Okay☆

Jeanne Alter: ...What'd she drop?


Fujimaru 1: Are these...our manga?

Mash: Yes.

Mash: This is the photocopied manga we made in the first loop...and these are all our other attempts...

Jeanne Alter: ...Wow. We really stuck with it, huh?

Jeanne Alter: Hm? ...That's weird.

D:Robin Hood: What's up?

Jeanne Alter: Two of these books are the same.

Jeanne Alter: This book's the one we drew in this loop... But this other book is...

Mash: It looks older, doesn't it?

Jeanne Alter: ...Oh no. This can't be happening...!

Ushiwakamaru: What's wrong? Is there a problem with that book?

Jeanne Alter: N-never mind that now. Master, c'mere. I gotta talk to you. Alone.

Jeanne Alter: ...Okay, look. See this book? It's the one we just drew. But this other one? It's the one that made me want to try drawing in the first place.


Fujimaru 1: Second one's...a little different.

Jeanne Alter: Right. But the lead-up to the last act is pretty much identical.

Jeanne Alter: The ending may be a little different, but that's about it.

Jeanne Alter: ...And that leads me to one inescapable, horrifying conclusion...

Jeanne Alter: I drew this manga, didn't I?


Fujimaru 1: Looks that way, yeah.

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter:

This. Is. So. Embarrassing!!!

Jeanne Alter: So all this time, I've been working so hard to surpass my own damn book!? I've been jealous of my own work!?

Jeanne Alter: BB must've left my own finished book from the future in Chaldea on purpose! She KNEW this would happen!

Jeanne Alter: I can't believe it! All that time I went on and on about making a better manga...!

Jeanne Alter: Gaaah! I wish I could go back in time and just kill myself!

Jeanne Alter:

Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Mash: Wh-what's the matter, Alter!? You're going to hurt yourself if you keep pounding those rocks!

Jeanne Alter: Oh God... Why does there ALWAYS have to be a stupid goddamn last-minute plot twist!?

Jeanne Alter: Prithee, wherefore didst it become my wretched fate to be expelled from blissful vales of ignorance? Oh, woe is me!

Mash: She even sounds different!


Fujimaru 1: I'm sure she'll be back to her old self...eventually...

Jeanne Alter: This is it. This is rock bottom. I am finally here... Just let me lie here awhile...until it passes...

Mash: A-all right. I'm sorry Alter isn't feeling better, but at least we know this Singularity will disappear soon.

Mash: And since we still have some time before it does... AND since we came all this way to Luluhawa...

Mash: ...let's take the time we have left to enjoy our vacation here, Master!

More Adventures in Luluhawa

Robin Hood: Man, it feels like we haven't seen this airport in forever.

Robin Hood: Just how many loops did we end up spending in Luluhawa, anyway?

Ushiwakamaru: Yeah, those seven days felt like forever. BB may have caused a lot of trouble, but I'm grateful for that opportunity at least.

Ibaraki-Douji: She gave me this swimsuit too, so she's all right in my book. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, she gets to be an honorary oni now!

Mash: ServantFes concluded without further incident, and we were able to contact Chaldea's Hawaiian branch as well.

Mash: Once the Luluhawa Singularity disappears in a few hours, these islands should all return to normal.

Jeanne Alter: So the observatories are back too, huh. I guess BB really didn't hurt anyone.

Robin Hood: I don't know, I can think of at least one person she did a real number on... But never mind that now.

Robin Hood: The important thing is that we can now finally say goodbye to Luluhawa. You guys got all your things?


Fujimaru 1: Sure do!

F:???: Ah, vacations! There's nothing better than going home with a suitcase full of souvenirs and a heart full of wonderful memories!

F:???: I know a lot's happened, but as long as you enjoyed yourselves, I consider that a Big Beautiful win!


Fujimaru 1: That voice...!


Fujimaru 2: The root of all evil...!

BB: That's riiight☆ Congratulations on making it through an unending week of Luluhawa, everyone☆

BB: You took first place at ServantFes, and successfully repelled the Foreigner!

BB: Now all you have left to do is fly to South America and hop a plane to Chaldea!


Fujimaru 1: You're here to see us off, BB?


Fujimaru 2: Aren't you coming back with us?

BB: ...

Mash: Senpai, it looks like BB has frozen. I think...she's very reluctant to say whatever is on her mind.

Jeanne Alter: Eh, why listen? Nothing we'll get out of talking to her except more frustration and embarrassment.

Jeanne Alter: Screw her. Let's just ditch her and get going. Our flight leaves in three hours anyway.

BB: Oh, well, you're wrong about that much! I shut down all the flights. Permanently.

BB: Luluhawa's not going away that easily, either.

BB: I'm going to have to give the staff at Chaldea's Hawaiian office a veeery stern talking-to, so they know better than to go around making hopeful observations!

BB: Although, making you crawl around on all fours or keeping you as tiny insects... It's starting to become old hat at this point. I really need to come up with something new...

Mash: Wait, are you saying we're still not done here?

Mash: Or have you still not learned your lesson, BB?

BB: Hmph! I've reflected plenty on what I did, thank you very much! No, this is a different problem.

BB: I...uh... I need your help with something.

Robin Hood: YOU want OUR help? What happened to being a kouhai who could do anything and everything?

Robin Hood: If you've got a problem that needs solving, then solve it your damn self. We're exhausted, and more importantly, we are sick of your shit.

BB: Oh Robin... I see you're still sulking about being relegated to management...

BB: I was hoping Luluhawa would help you grow out of being so petty, but I guess that was asking too much...

BB: If only I could have done more to help...

Robin Hood: Oh, don't even try that garbage on us! You're obviously just trying to get us to clean up another one of your messes!

Ushiwakamaru & Ibaraki-Douji & Jeanne Alter:

(Nodding affirmatively)


Fujimaru 1: Now, now.


Fujimaru 2: Let's just hear her out.

BB: Eee☆ I love it when you do the protagonist thing, Fujimaru!

BB: Anyway, Let me get right to the point. I...can't get back to normal.

Jeanne Alter: Huh?

Ibaraki-Douji: What are you talking about? I thought this IS normal for you.

Ibaraki-Douji: You're the one who said that syncing with an evil god didn't change you at all.

BB: Oh for... Are you completely blind, or just aesthetically challenged, Ibaraki!?

BB: Of course I've changed! Just look at me!

BB: Pele's Spirit Origin is so dug into mine that this tan just...won't! Go! Away! Even the Holy Grail can't get rid of it!

Mash: Um, yes, you do have a lovely tan right now... But is that a problem?

BB: Of course it is!

BB: I know what people have been thinking. Stuff like, “You look so good with a tan...” “That new tropical look is so cute on you...”

BB: “What an adventurous style...” and, “You're the obvious choice for a tropical heroine...”

BB: And while, to be clear, I do appreciate all that... My trademark pale skin has always been my thing!

BB: I mean, how else would people know I'm a heroine who hails from the moon?

BB: So I have to get rid of this tan before going back to Chaldea, no matter what it takes!

Robin Hood: Okay, team, huddle up. You all have your passports and tickets, right?

Robin Hood: Once we go through security, we can't go back.

BB: Hey! So you're just gonna ignore me now!?

BB: Fine. I see how it is. But just so you know, Luluhawa's not going anywhere!

BB: This Singularity won't disappear until I can weaken Pele's power over me!

BB: Of course, if you're just fine with Hawaii remaining Luluhawa forever, I won't make you stay.

BB: I'm sure I can come up with some way to entertain myself and all the people still trapped here...

BB: There's so many cutely cruel things I still have yet to try♡

Robin Hood: ...Dammit, now she's just taking the whole place hostage...

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, my. I suppose that means we still have a job to do, Master.


Fujimaru 1: Looks that way.


Fujimaru 2: So what exactly do we have to do?

BB: Well, since the goal is to weaken me, I was thinking the easiest way to do that would be in battle.

BB: I already scattered some clones of myself around Luluhawa, so just go take them all out.

BB: The more of a name you make for yourselves in Luluhawa, the more people will want to jump on your bandwagon.

BB: That'll get my clones to come out of hiding and attack, as they won't like all that attention going to you instead.

BB: Once you smack all four of them down, I should go back to normal.


Fujimaru 1: So we've got a Fire BB and a Water BB system, huh...


Fujimaru 2: Sounds like fun.

Jeanne Alter: (Sigh) Sounds like a royal pain in the ass to me, but doesn't look like we've got any choice. Fine, let's go back to the hotel, Master.

Jeanne Alter: And hey, at least we get to beat the shit outta BB a bunch. That should make it all worthwhile.

Jeanne Alter: So let's waste this bitch, pop this Singularity, and head back to Chaldea like the bosses we are.

BB: Good luuuck! I'll be here, waiting for your triumphant return!

BB: ...Yes, all you have to do to resolve this Singularity is defeat four of my clones.

BB: But...I never said my clones would be exactly like me.

BB: No, these are a few Demon Pillar envoys I had lying around for a certain scenario...

BB: “What if Senpai actually had used the Holy Grail to wish for world peace?”

BB: This is where the real game of death begins, Senpai. Don't think you're getting off easy!

Farewell, Tropical Paradise


Fujimaru 1: Okay, we beat them all!


Fujimaru 2: Sessyoin of the Night? What the hell!?

BB: Honestly, that's what I want to know. I had Abby down for the first boss to help her make friends.

BB: Don't ask me how that lewd nun got here. It's kind of freaking me out, honestly!

BB: But, at any rate.

BB: You really beat all of them, Senpai?

BB: Those four were supposed to be even stronger than my underling bosses...

Jeanne Alter: They were. And if you had those things just sitting around all this time, how come you didn't bring them out for our final battle?

Jeanne Alter: You'd have curb stomped us if you'd brought all of them to the fight.

BB: No way. I'd have disintegrated from my theory centers down if I'd tried something like that.

BB: No matter how close I get to something outside this universe's order, I'm still BB, the bug born on the moon.

BB: So I'd never make humanity fight a battle they couldn't possibly win!

BB: Sure, I might make it almost impossible, but I always make sure you have that one in a million shot!

BB: As a super AI whose job is keeping humanity healthy, I love nothing more than seeing you prevail!

Robin Hood: So that's how it is, huh. An absolute pain in the ass right to the bitter end.

BB: Excuse me? You're the last person I want to hear about being a pain in the ass from, Rob–Wait. Huh?

BB: Am I...!?

Mash: Yes! Your tan is gone now, BB! You look just like you always did!


Fujimaru 1: Congrats, BB!


Fujimaru 2: Now that's the BB we know and...tolerate!

BB: ...

BB: Well, uh, I just remembered I don't need this anymore, so here, have another one.

Ibaraki-Douji: A second Holy Grail!?

Ibaraki-Douji: Hey, Greenie, she's not a pain in the ass at all! If anything, she's a pushover!

BB: Okay, you've had your fun! No more Ms. Nice BB!

G:Ibaraki-Douji:

Hey! What'd you do with my swimsuit!? I thought we were oni pals!

BB: ...Ahem. A-at any rate, credit where credit is due.

BB: You did pretty good for a bunch of humans. Sure took your sweet time, though.

BB: Anyway, a promise is a promise, so now that you've helped me out, the Luluhawa Singularity will finally disappear.

BB: Soon, the Luluhawan Islands will go back to the beautiful Hawaiian Islands they used to be.

BB: That's all I've got for you, Master of Chaldea. You did great.

BB: This year's summer adventure is now officially over. I hope you enjoyed it.

BB: All that's left for you to do now is head back to Chaldea with your head held high!

BB: And if you're interested, I do hope you get the chance to visit the real Hawaii someday.

BB: Rest assured that whenever you want to visit, this tropical paradise will be ready and waiting!

Jeanne Alter: Yeah. I guess at least you didn't pick someplace lame for this adventure, so thanks for that.

Jeanne Alter: Now go on, Fujimaru. You know what to say at a time like this, right?

Jeanne Alter: Well? Go on then. Don't worry, we'll all say it with you.


Fujimaru 1: Oh, right. Okay then...


Fujimaru 1: Aloha!

All: Alohaaa!

Doujin: "The Melancholy of a Dramatic Demon" First Half

Jeanne Alter: ...Hmm. I guess it's not too bad...

Jeanne Alter: But it's still lacking in a lotta ways. Feels kinda half-assed, really.

Robin Hood: Come on, go easy on yourself. It's a lot better than your last one.

Ushiwakamaru: I agree.

Ushiwakamaru: And we have noticed our skills as assistants improving as well.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Yes, not bad at all.

Ushiwakamaru: This is admittedly very different from the things I did when I was alive, but that's what makes it so interesting.

Jeanne Alter: Yeah, anyway, we're done! Let's get to the con!

Mash: Yes! Let's all do our best down there!

Doujin: "The Melancholy of a Dramatic Demon" Second Half


Fujimaru 1: Skip


Fujimaru 2: Don't skip

Ushiwakamaru: All right, Lord Robin and I will go around and say hello to everyone else.

Robin Hood: And if we see any other good books while we're at it, we'll go ahead and pick those up too.

Jeanne Alter: Good idea. Those'll give me some ideas for how to make the next one better.

Jeanne Alter: I just need to finish reading them before nightfall.

Robin Hood: You got it.

Osakabehime: Konnichiwassup? Wanna trade books?

Jeanne Alter: Right, right. Here you go.

Osakabehime: Arigathanks! And here's mine.

Jeanne Alter: Great, thanks.

Jeanne: Hi there! This is St. Orleans's newest book!

Jeanne Alter: ...Grr...

Jeanne Alter: Ah well, I guess I shouldn't be too upset. She's the bar I'm aiming for. Okay, here's ours.

Jeanne: Thanks! I can't wait to read it about a hundred times!

Jeanne Alter: Uh, could you...not? You're freaking me out.

Shakespeare: Good day, my fellow compatriots!

Jeanne Alter: Ugh, piss off.

Shakespeare: Huh? Why would you treat me so boorishly?

Shakespeare: And here I thought myself something of a star in an event such as this.

Jeanne Alter: That's the problem. Your star's too damn bright.

Jeanne Alter: You and the little blue-haired guy could destroy ServantFes if you wanted to.

Jeanne Alter: In fact, I'd probably rather go surfing with sharks, carrying buckets of chum, than have you read my book!

Shakespeare: Why, I have a place at ServantFes as much as anyone!

Jeanne Alter: Grr... All right, fine.

Jeanne Alter: Here's our latest book. But don't you DARE tell me what you think of it.

Shakespeare: Very well then.

Shakespeare: And here is our newest collaborative novel.

Mash: ...I can't help but wonder how much money this would earn if you published it professionally...

Robin Hood: Hey, I'm back. How's it selling?

Jeanne Alter: Okay, I guess. Not bad, not great.

Jeanne Alter: We're definitely not gonna win this time.

Ushiwakamaru: Well, there is nothing we can do about that now.

Ushiwakamaru: We shall just have to consider this another learning experience so that our efforts are not in vain!


Fujimaru 1: Let's start brainstorming for the next one right now!

Jeanne Alter: Good idea.

Jeanne Alter: Let me see the books you bought, Robin. Master and I have a lot to discuss for our next attempt.

Doujin: "Little little bullet" First Half

Osakabehime: The sun... It's so...yellow...

Osakabehime: Ahaha... This means we spent the whole night together, Master...

Osakabehime: Aren't you a naughty [♂ boy /♀ girl]...

Jeanne Alter: I know you think you sound sexy right now, but you mostly just sound sleep-deprived.

Jeanne Alter: Still, uh...thanks for all your help. I owe you one.

Osakabehime: Heh, hehe... If digital art is what you need, I am your otaku... Now I've got your tsundere all for my...

Osakabehime: ...self...

Osakabehime: ...Sorry, but I don't think I can be of any more help from here on. Oyasleepytime... (Zzz...)

Robin Hood: Damn. She just passed right out.

Mash: Yes. She is fast asleep now. I'll try not to wake her.

Ushiwakamaru: That was quite the intense battle... I see now that in some ways, the life of an artist is much like the life of a warrior.

Jeanne Alter: It's here!

Jeanne Alter: I always get nervous whenever I'm about to break the seal on a new batch of samples.

Ushiwakamaru: Ooh! It's beautiful!

Robin Hood: Huh, it really did come out well. No wonder Princess there's so exhausted.

Jeanne Alter: ...Yeah. All right, let's get going.

Ushiwakamaru: To ServantFes!


Fujimaru 1: To ServantFes!

Mash: Right!


Fujimaru 2: Isn't that just how you said, “To Kamakura!”?

Ushiwakamaru: Hehehe, I'm impressed you noticed!

Doujin: "Little little bullet" Second Half

Ushiwakamaru: All right, I'll go scout out the battlefield.

Jeanne Alter: Guess I'll go say hi to the other clubs... Oh, I should probably trade books with them, too.

Mash: I'll go buy drinks and whatever else we need. What about you, Master?

Robin Hood: Master and I'll hold down the fort. Let's see how many copies we can sell if we put our minds to it.


Fujimaru 1: Good idea.


Fujimaru 2: See you all later!

Mash: Understood. Be back soon!

Blackbeard: ...Oho. So this is what you went with, eh, Master?

Blackbeard: Guns! And girls!

Blackbeard: This is good stuff... What a powerful combination... I can feel it reverberating through my soul.

Blackbeard: Pure and innocent girls, paired with the ultimate symbols of violence and destruction!

Blackbeard: Ahh, the taste of taboo! Whoever drew this, [♂ sir /♀ milady], is a demon in artist's clothing, and I commend them for it!

Robin Hood: Thanks, I think. Don't know if Jeanne Alter would be happy to hear that, though.

Blackbeard: Gotta say though, it's too bad the actual doujin part isn't done yet. What a shame...

Robin Hood: Oh, that. It took way longer than I thought to get enough reference materials and draw the guns.

Robin Hood: That's why we had to give up by the end and fill out the remaining pages with the 3D schematics we used as reference.

Robin Hood: Like you said, it'd have been nice if we'd managed to finish the manga.

Blackbeard: Hey, I'm not gonna hold that against you. Everyone here's doing this for fun, so there's no reason not to find what you like and run with it.

Blackbeard: To tread far off the beaten path and blaze a new trail is the very essence of making doujin!

Blackbeard: Anyway, I'd best be on my way. So much to see, so much to do!

Blackbeard: I'm especially looking forward to the cosplay gathering later.

Emiya Alter: ... ...

Robin Hood: Hey there. Fancy a copy?

Emiya Alter: ... ...

Emiya Alter: ...Sure, I'll take one.

Robin Hood: Thanks a bunch.

Emiya Alter: ...

Emiya: ... ...

Robin Hood: Hey there. How'd you like a copy, too?

Emiya: ... ...

Emiya: ...Can I read a little first?


Fujimaru 1: Go right ahead.


Fujimaru 2: Please, take your time.

Emiya: ... ...

Emiya: ...Thanks.

Robin Hood: So, what's the verdict?

Emiya: ...Yeah, I'll take one. Whoever drew this did a really great job depicting the guns.

Robin Hood: Thanks. I'll be sure to tell her.

H:: ...Hm?

H:: Oho, giving an innocent young girl a veritable arsenal of dangerous weapons! What an intriguing idea!

H:: I see she's got an assault rifle, a .50-caliber handgun, a combat knife, and even a tactical tomahawk.

H:: ...Yes, an intriguing idea indeed.

Robin Hood: Thanks, pal. I'm glad to hear our book is to your tastes...

Robin Hood: ...but is it just me, or do I see an evil scheme forming in those eyes of yours?

H:: My tastes? What are you saying, my good man?

H:: Schem–I mean, taste is one thing, fiction is quite another!

H:: One must always be able to play one's cards appropriately, regardless of the situation. Doujins are fiction, yes?

Robin Hood: Uh, yeah, they are. Though you kind of lost me with the rest of that...

H:: Haha! Do not trouble yourself over the details. Now then, I think I shall take a copy for myself!

Jeanne Alter: A-a demon in artist's clothing!?

Robin Hood: That's what he said. Right, Master?


Fujimaru 1: He sure did.


Fujimaru 2: And he commends you for it.

Jeanne Alter: Wha... H-hey! Cut that out!

Jeanne Alter: How can I be a demon when I haven't even taken first place yet!?

Jeanne Alter: Besides, my ultimate goal is something more literary, not this pulpy action shit!

Jeanne Alter: Next time, I'm going to make the comic I've been dreaming of! I'm sure of it...!

Doujin: "Our Round Table" First Half

Mash: Good morning, everyone! I know you're all sleepy, but you need to wake up!

Mash: We just got the sample copies from the printer! Let's see how they turned out!

Ushiwakamaru: I'll open the box!

Ushiwakamaru: I put a lot of work into this book myself, after all.

Ushiwakamaru: I'm so excited to finally see how Lady Mash's idea for us all to handle separate pages turned out!

C:Robin Hood: Same here. This one was much more about the feel of it than the think of it, so I'm real interested in the finished product.

C:Robin Hood: How about you, Alter? You think this one came out well?

D:Jeanne Alter: Why ask me? You can just look in there and see for yourself.

D:Jeanne Alter: I really focused on polishing my artistic sensibilities for this one, so I just know it's gonna be awesome.

D:Jeanne Alter: Now...ooopen sesame! Let's see how our heartfelt, poetic masterpiece turned out!


Fujimaru 1: So heartfelt...!


Fujimaru 2: So poetic...!

D:Jeanne Alter: ...Hohohohoho. Pray tell, Mash, what's the meaning of this?

Mash: W-well, you said you were going for a slice-of-life story, without any conflict...

Mash: ...so I decided to go with the most fun setting along those lines that I could think of...

D:Jeanne Alter: Fun, huh... Well, they do look like they're having fun. I guess this has its own kind of charm...

Ushiwakamaru: Seems to me that charm is the only thing it has.

D:Jeanne Alter: You. Shut it.

D:Jeanne Alter: Dammit, if only the cover had at least turned out a little better... Who drew this cover, anyway?

D:Jeanne Alter: Anybody could make the Round Table guys look good. And why's it so lighthearted? Hasn't the artist ever heard of dramatic tension?

C:Robin Hood: Erm, you drew it, Alter. I distinctly recall you saying so right before you conked out for the night:

C:Robin Hood: “The Round Table? I just gotta draw those guys? Pfft, piece of cake. I can bang that out in three seconds.”

D:Jeanne Alter: Really? I don't remember ever saying that... Wait. These are my files...

D:Jeanne Alter: Crap... I think this may be the most horrible thing I've ever done... Sorry, Mash. I hope you're not mad.

Mash: Mad? Of course not. I love this cover.

Mash: Thank you so much, Alter. I can't wait to show this book to everyone else!

D:Jeanne Alter: Y-you sure? Well, as long as you're happy with it. Hmm. I didn't know this was a thing you could do...


Fujimaru 1: I think we'd better head to the con now.

Ushiwakamaru: I agree. We know XX will be showing up soon, so let's hurry and get her out of the way.

Doujin: "Our Round Table" Second Half

B:Robin Hood: All right, now that XX is taken care of, ServantFes is back on schedule.

B:Robin Hood: Mind taking care of sales? I'm gonna go see what's happening around the con.

C:Jeanne Alter: I'm gonna take a look at what the other clubs have done–see if there are any ideas worth stealing.

Ushiwakamaru: I suppose that leaves you, Lady Mash, and me to handle sales then, Master! Let's try to sell as many as we can!

Blackbeard: Well good morning! Looks like I found me one amazing club!

Blackbeard: I can't believe you noobs actually finished in time for your very first con... What good cinnamon rolls you are...

Blackbeard: I doff my pirate chapeau to you fine people. Or at least I would if I hadn't come here today in my civvies.

Blackbeard: Now then! A copy, [♂ my good sir /♀ milady], if you please!


Fujimaru 1: Are you sure? It's about the Round Table, you know?


Fujimaru 2: Are you sure? It's kind of a highbrow comedy, you know?

Blackbeard: Not to worry! The genre doesn't matter to me! What matters is if the artist has VISION!

Gawain: It can't be! What is a book like this doing here!? How could I let my guard down so egregiously this summer!?

Mash:

S-Sir Gawain!? Wh-wh-what are you doing at ServantFes!?

Mash: I-I mean, I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry!

Mash: For what it's worth, this book is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to actual Servants is, um...coincidental?

Mash: I promise you, we never wanted to damage the Round Table's good name or reputation...!


Fujimaru 1: We just kinda...made it all up.


Fujimaru 2: (Refrain from commenting)

Gawain: ...Heh. Hahaha.

Gawain: I do beg your pardon. I assure you I was not laughing in mockery, but delight.

Gawain: Fujimaru, Mash, would you be so kind as to sell me a copy of your book?

Gawain: Even at a glance, I can tell from our depictions that there is a great deal of truth about us in this book.

Gawain: If it was your hands that brought it to life, so much the better. I would be delighted to read it.

Gawain: Oh, but please don't tell the other knights that I was the first to purchase a copy. It would be rather embarrassing.

Gawain: I have my uptight, no-nonsense image to think of, after all.

Gorgeous P: Hahahahaha! How did you ever come up with such a manga!? If I didn't know better, I would say you were trying to get me to laugh myself to death!

Gorgeous P: Not a whit of it makes sense, yet it all works wonderfully! Which one of you created this comedic masterpiece!?

Mash: W-well, this book was a collaborative effort, but I suppose I'm technically the creative director.

Gorgeous P: Heh, I see. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.

Gorgeous P: If I might suggest, how about adding a new character?

Gorgeous P: It may be something of an old-fashioned tale, but what if a prince from the most distinguished family in the neighborhood, who lives in the mansion next door...

Gorgeous P: ...ends up as a private tutor to the little Lion King, which leads to them developing a lovely romance–

Tristan: Aha, what a wonderful thing to discover... I knew lining up early was a good idea.

Tristan: Sir Bedivere, might I trouble you for another loan? As you can see, I am but a hapless poet who ekes out a meager existence through fishing.

Bedivere: Sure thing. This makes two hundred and sixty-four thousand BB Bucks I've lent you to date. Don't worry, I'm keeping very close track.

Bedivere: Two copies if you would, milady.

Mash: Of course. Here you go, Sir Bedivere. I threw in a nice paper bag to carry them both, too.

Bedivere: You're too kind.

Bedivere: I wish I could buy copies for the rest of the knights, but apparently, bulk purchases are considered poor form at ServantFes.

Bedivere: So we'll just stick with copies for the two of us. Right, Tristan?

Tristan: Indeed. I'm sure the other knights will find their way here in time. No doubt the first will be Gawa–

Tristan: My mistake. It seems there is another knight who discovered this booth long before us, though she appears to be reluctant to show herself...

Tristan: Good grief. Who would think that a seasoned knight of France would still be so shy amongst her companions...

Girl Knight:

E-excuse me! Is this book about the Knights of the Round Table?

Girl Knight: Th-then I'd like to buy a copy, please! H-how many thousands of BB Bucks is it for one...?

Mash: Oh, it's not nearly that expensive. Just fifty Gil Bucks.

Girl Knight: I-I see! That's wonderful! Then I'll gladly take a copy! Best of luck to you today!

Girl Knight: Oh man... There's another new Round Table book here... And it looks pretty extreme...

Girl Knight:

Hang on... Sir Kay and King Pellinore are a couple in this!? There must be some kind of mistake! This is repugnant! Could I have a copy please!?

Girl Knight: Huh? There's an age restriction on this? I have to show ID? H-how dare you! I'm just as grown-up as anyone here...!

Mash: Phew. I didn't even notice it was already afternoon. Thirty more minutes until ServantFes comes to an end...

Mash: We still have ten copies left over, but the reception has been better than I ever hoped. I'm so glad.

Mash: Now we just have to wait for the others to get back... Huh?

Mash: ?

Mash: ??

Mash: ???


Fujimaru 1: Hey! You in the swimsuit!


Fujimaru 2: We've still got copies! Come check it out!

Swimsuited Servant: O-oh, hello. I just happened to be passing by, completely coincidentally, of course. Though I do actually have something to ask you...

Swimsuited Servant: ...Have you, um, been enjoying this summer?

Ushiwakamaru: Absolutely. Between the sightseeing and the doujin, it's been a very busy seven days.


Fujimaru 1: I've been having lots of fun.

Mash: Yes. It's been a wonderful time. Would you like to take a look at our book while you're here?

Mash: It's more about daily life, rather than any particular conflict.

F:Swimsuited Servant: ...I see. Well, since our paths happened to cross like this and all, I think I will take a copy. Or ten.

Swimsuited Servant: Thank you. I'm glad I found this book. We tried forming our own club, to little avail...but now, I'll be able to end this trip with some fond memories.

Swimsuited Servant: I'm so grateful to the Servant who made this Singularity for providing me with that opportunity!

Mash: We did it, Senpai! He just bought most of our last remaining stock!

Mash: Of course, we didn't have enough copies printed to take first place even if we sold them all...

Mash: ...but I'm still so happy that so many people liked our book. It makes all the hard work we did well worth it!

Ushiwakamaru: Indeed. I'm especially grateful to Lancelot. He helped us out a lot right at the end.

Mash: Huh? Lancelot was here? Did he show up while I was off buying supplies...?

Mash: I'm sorry I wasn't able to say hello to him, but I'm glad he at least stopped by.


Fujimaru 1: (She still has no idea...!)

Doujin: "Curry × Rice" First Half

Mash: Good morning, everyone! The printer just delivered our book!

Ushiwakamaru: Allow me to open the box! Ooh, this is so exciting.

C:Robin Hood: Yeah, I can't wait to see it. How about you, Alter? You think this one came out well?

D:Jeanne Alter: 'Course it did. It's too bad I ran out of time at the end and couldn't polish it as much as I wanted...

D:Jeanne Alter: ...but aside from that it was pretty kick-ass. I'm positive it turned out great.

D:Jeanne Alter: Now...ooopen sesame! Let's see how this spicy masterpiece turned out!

D:Jeanne Alter: Whoa... I don't know how it ended up like this, but this cover is wicked awesome...!

Mash: I'm sure the inside is just as awesome!

Mash: It tells an epic, gripping tale just brimming with spectacle and suspense! It's far greater than the sum of its parts!

Ushiwakamaru: This is great. I've always liked destined duels.

Ushiwakamaru: Of course, in my case, the duels I fought were all over in a flash, so I never experienced much in the way of drama.

C:Robin Hood: (Sigh) This is exactly why I hate overpowered heroes.

C:Robin Hood: They have no idea what it's like to go through life laying traps, preparing poisons, or crawling around in stinky bogs, just to survive another day.

C:Robin Hood: That said...I might not have any interest in fighting a duel to the death myself...

C:Robin Hood: ...but I can tell this kind of story'll be a big hit. It's pretty badass, and that Indian king movie is awesome.

Ushiwakamaru: So this book should suit the tastes of people like Lord Robin and myself.

Ushiwakamaru: Perhaps that means it has universal appeal–the kind that will create quite a buzz for our book.

Mash: That sounds like...going viral! It's exactly what we want!

D:Jeanne Alter: Going viral, huh. Hehe, I like the sound of that.

C:Robin Hood: All right, let's head to the con then. We've still gotta set up the table and unpack the books!

Doujin: "Curry × Rice" Second Half

Robin Hood: You guys handle the sales. I'm gonna go take a look around.

Jeanne Alter: And I'm gonna go scout out our competition. Hold down the fort while I'm gone.

Ushiwakamaru: I suppose that means you, Lady Mash, and I will be handling the sales, Master! Let's do our best!

Blackbeard: Mwohoho, you actually finished in time! I'm impressed!

Blackbeard: Very well then, a copy, if you please!


Fujimaru 1: Are you sure? It's about India, you know.


Fujimaru 2: Are you sure? No girls in this one, you know.

Blackbeard: What, that? Bah! I am not so uncultured that I can't enjoy a good doujin on its own merits!

Blackbeard: Besides, when you're on my level, you can just gender-swap the characters in your mind, no probl–I mean, never mind.

Blackbeard: The point is, quality is quality! Well, good luck! I'll be rooting for you!

Ushiwakamaru: What a strange sight... Both the paper bags he's carrying are full to bursting with doujin...

Ushiwakamaru: I never would have thought there was another collector as fervent as Blackbeard. Is that...Arjuna?


Fujimaru 1: I think so...


Fujimaru 2: He must have been given sample books from all sorts of places...

Arjuna: Phew... There's so much to see. I'm not sure if I'm going to even have time to get my own shopping done.

Arjuna: Oh, hello, Fujimaru. I didn't know you were attending ServantFes this year.

Arjuna: ... Would you mind if I read your book?

Mash: N-not at all!

Arjuna: Hmm, a battle between two brothers over which of them will inherit the throne... Fascinating.

Arjuna: Indeed, brothers in India are quick to fight one another. I don't see how it could be otherwise.

Arjuna: And in the conclusion...

Arjuna: No, wait. It would be foolish to read the whole thing now.

Arjuna: I'll take one–no, five copies, in the hope that the archer wins.

Mash: I'm not sure what you mean by that hope, but thank you!

Karna: I'm impressed you can run a shop in this unbearable heat while staying completely still. I could never manage that.

Karna: By the way, this is fascinating. Most fascinating.

Karna: ...I feel I've heard that is what you're supposed to say when you want to read a book... Is that all right?

Ushiwakamaru: Of course. Please, go right ahead!

Karna: Thank you... These battle scenes are especially striking. An archer firing three arrows at once, hm?

Karna: And what's this? He used coconut trees as catapults to fire soldiers with iron shields at the castle? What a frighteningly effective tactic.

Ushiwakamaru: Right? Right!? I quite love the scene where they ride their horses down an incredibly steep cliff!

Karna: This will be an excellent reference manual for future battles. I'll take five of them.

Osakabehime: (Gasp...gasp)... Do you have any books left? You do, right?

Mash: Oh, Osakabehime! We actually just sold out...

Osakabehime: Naniii!?

Mash: But since you helped us so much, I thought it would only be right to put a copy aside for you.

Mash: Here you go. On the house.

Osakabehime: Whoa, really? Yattaaa!

Osakabehime: Ehehehe. Let's see...

Osakabehime: Two men obsessed, love and hate, passions blazing so strongly they can only resolve their differences by fighting... This doujin has it all!

Osakabehime: I can't believe Alter has gotten so good so fast... She's a genius!

Osakabehime: This is exactly why I could never give up doujin!

Osakabehime: The pupil has already become a master! And now she's even a source of great inspiration!

Mash: Thank you, Osakabehime... But I think it would make Alter much happier if you told her that yourself.

Osakabehime: Are you joking!? She'd nigerundayo because hearing praise embarrasses her too much! She's a real chicken about compliments, that one!

Osakabehime: All right, I've got to go organize all the goodies I picked up, so see you later!

Osakabehime: Oh, by the way, what are your chances of victory looking like?

Mash: I'm not sure. We sold everything we brought, but we also didn't print too many in the first place...

Osakabehime: Oh, that's a shame. But you did your very best, so you should be proud!

Osakabehime: The great thing about artist alley at a con is that it's fun just to be there!

Osakabehime: And that makes everyone a winner!

Doujin: "Martha's Built Upper" First Half

Mash: Our samples are here!

Ushiwakamaru: Ooh, I'm excited for this one. I handled the story and came up with the cover design.

Robin Hood: You don't say. I was off taking model pictures of other Servants the whole time, so this is the first I'm hearing about it...

Jeanne Alter: This time, I just tried my hand at pure action. Every Servant wants to be the strongest there is, right?

Robin Hood: I don't–

Ushiwakamaru: Exactly!!!


Fujimaru 1: They do?

Mash: Um, I think it must depend on the Servant.

Jeanne Alter: Never mind all that. Let's open up this sucker and see how it turned out!

Jeanne Alter: Looks good. Not seeing any mistakes.

Jeanne Alter: All right then, we're off to ServantFes!

Doujin: "Martha's Built Upper" Second Half

Mash: Okay, I'm going to stop by the other clubs and say hello.

Jeanne Alter: I'm gonna go look for more reference material.

Jeanne Alter: You guys handle the sales until I get back, okay?

Ushiwakamaru: Very well then, leave it to us!

Blackbeard: Hey, hey, if it isn't Master! Did you finish your doujin on time?

Blackbeard: ...You did!? Seriously?

Ushiwakamaru: See for yourself.

Blackbeard: Don't mind if I do. Hm, hm...

Robin Hood: What do you think, old man?

Blackbeard: I like the cover, but I'm not really sure what the protagonist's motivation is.

Ushiwakamaru: You've got a point. Martha makes a great protagonist, but she doesn't have any connection to the other characters.

Ushiwakamaru: So she just ended up going around picking fights for essentially no reason at all.

Ushiwakamaru: I should have caught that during the rough draft phase, but I didn't. (Sniff)

Blackbeard: That aside, these spreads aren't bad at all.

Blackbeard: And that final showdown between Lady Martha and the mysterious swordmaster... (Chef's kiss)

Blackbeard: Very well then, a copy, if you please!

Martha: Oh?

Martha: This must be the book I modeled for. May I have a copy, please?

G:Sasaki Kojirou: I, too, would like a copy.

Robin Hood: S-sure thing. Here you go.

Martha: ...Hmm. Hm, hm...hm.

Martha: ...Why am I facing a swordmaster wielding a Laundry-Drying Pole at the end? What happened to the purity of hand-to-hand combat?

Sasaki Kojirou: Ordinarily, bringing a sword to a brawl would end in one-sided slaughter...

Sasaki Kojirou: ...but in your case, Lady Martha, I must concede that your fists far surpass any blade.

Sasaki Kojirou: Indeed, I see that in the end, you catch and snap my sword in your hands before trapping me in a deadly grapple.

Sasaki Kojirou: Hahaha, it would seem my goose is well and truly cooked now. When you're through with me, I daresay I will look like one who has just been through a meat grinder!

Martha: Oh come now, don't exaggerate. They really captured how I would actually behave here!

Martha: Of course I'd go easy on you after putting you in a choke hold. See? I'm even giving you a chance to admit defeat!

Martha: Although... May I ask you something, Fujimaru?

Martha: Here, in the last scene. Why am I the one in the choke hold now?

Martha: I can't possibly imagine this samurai managing such a thing with his twiggy arms.

Sasaki Kojirou: Are you familiar with judo, Lady Martha?

Sasaki Kojirou: I understand it has become something of a sport in recent years, but originally, it was designed to help one survive an encounter with the enemy while remaining armored.

Sasaki Kojirou: Any samurai would at least know the fundamentals, so I can easily imagine this one being able to surprise you at least once, especially if you had permitted yourself to let your guard down.

Martha: ...! All right! You and me, on the beach, right now! Let's see for ourselves whether this comic is right!

Martha: Need I remind you, this fighting style originated with Jacob, and he used it to wrestle angels into submission!

Martha: It could not possibly lose to some amateur's judo!

G:Sasaki Kojirou: Hahaha, forgive me, but I am not ready to depart this world just yet. Farewell!

Martha:

Wha–Hey! Get back here!

Martha: Oh, here's the money I owe you for the book! It was great! I can't wait to see what you do in the sequel!

Doujin: "Giant Babbage" First Half

Ushiwakamaru: Ooh, our doujin is here!

Mash: You oversaw the cover and story for this one, right, Senpai?

Mash: I still haven't read through the whole thing yet... What's it about?

Jeanne Alter: See for yourself. Ooopen sesame!

Mash: This is...!

Robin Hood: Hey, the colors look really good on this cover. I heard it's tough to get a good blue for the sky out of a printing press, but this one came out great.

Mash: Just look how big Babbage is... This is going to make a huge splash, Senpai!


Fujimaru 1: We've pretty much as good as won.


Fujimaru 2: Who doesn't love giant robots? NOBODY!

Jeanne Alter: No printing errors that I can see! Let's head to the con!

Ushiwakamaru: Agreed!

Doujin: "Giant Babbage" Second Half

Robin Hood: ...Annnd done. We're officially ready for business!

Jeanne Alter: Great, thanks. All right, I'm gonna go check out the other clubs.

Ushiwakamaru: Ah, reconnaissance on our enemies, hm? Good idea. I shall accompany you, at least for a while.

Jeanne Alter: Why only a while?

Ushiwakamaru: I guess it's a matter of...mobility?

Jeanne Alter: The hell's that supposed to mean? Well, whatever. Come on, let's go then.

Jeanne Alter: Hold down the fort while we're gone, 'kay?

Blackbeard: Hey, hey! If it isn't Master! Did you finish your doujin in time!?

Blackbeard: Whoa, you did! And the cover's even fully colored!

Blackbeard: I'm impressed you pulled this together in such a short time... And whoa! You even made it a mecha story!?

Blackbeard: You really know your target audience! I'm so moved!

Blackbeard: My inner mecha fanboy (with his machine-gun butt) has been bemoaning the recent dearth of good examples of the form for far, far too long!


Fujimaru 1: It was tough getting this done in time.


Fujimaru 2: We all did our best to make this happen.

Mash: Thank you for the kind words, Blackbeard. Does that mean you'll be buying a copy?

Blackbeard: Of course! I, for one, welcome my new steambot overlord! (Saluting)

Blackbeard: I've been champing at the proverbial bit for a new robot yarn. This should scratch that itch nicely.

Alexander: Hey, this book looks fun. I think I'll buy a copy, too!

Alexander: What about you? Doesn't this get your pulse pounding?

Kid Gil: A giant robot story, huh? Is it original?

Alexander: Looks that way. And check out this guy on the back cover... I think it must be an enemy mecha.

Artemis: ...Ooh, this looks good!

Artemis: What do you think, Darling? Well?

Orion: How'm I supposed to answer that when I don't even know what you're talking about?

Artemis: You know, the robot girl with the pink hair in the back? What do you think of her?

Orion: How many times do I have to tell you!? I am all about soft curves, not hard edges!

Artemis: Oh? And just what do you mean by that, hmm?

A:???: Oh man, what is goin' on with this doujin!?

Sakata Kintoki: THIS IS SO COOL!

Sakata Kintoki: There ain't a red-blooded man out there who doesn't love a good giant robot! This bad boy is golden!

Sakata Kintoki: Don't even gotta turn the page to see the passion you put in this beauty! It's got pathos out the wazoo!

Sakata Kintoki: Just lookin' at it gets me fired up. I'll take a copy too, Master and Boss!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ... ...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh, Kintoki. You always did love big suits of armor, ever since you were a little boy...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I still remember the way your baby blues shone when you saw our family's great armor suit.

Sakata Kintoki: Gah! Ma!?

Sakata Kintoki: I mean, Boss Raikou!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Ma!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Kintoki! You just called me your mother! Oh, what a wonderful day!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: All the maternal instincts I thought I had sealed away are rushing back, giving me extra Prefect Power...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: A-absolutely not, Kintoki! You can't fool me!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I forbid it, I absolutely forbid it! I know what sorts of unacceptable activities these doujin portray!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Though I have also heard that such things account for a relatively low percentage of all works displayed...

Sakata Kintoki: Whoa, whoa, slow down, Raikou! You're barkin' up the wrong tree entirely! This book is so wholesome it's golden!

Sakata Kintoki: It's all on the up-and-up! There's no problem here, I swear!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Really? Are you sure...?

Sakata Kintoki: ...Boss. Master. I ain't been this moved in a long time.

Sakata Kintoki: I knew you had a golden soul burning bright inside you! Man, giant robots really are the best!

Sakata Kintoki: I can't wait for the day when I can show off my own giant armor by your side!

Mash: Everyone who stopped by seemed to love our book! I think we might have succeeded this time!

Jeanne Alter: ...Nope. Definitely not.

Mash: Huh...?

Mash: B-but why? Everyone was so excited about it...

Robin Hood: ...Hmm.

Robin Hood: True, we've got a great cover, and great subject matter. Everyone's gonna love it for sure. Except...

Robin Hood: ...it's still unfinished.

Mash: !

Ushiwakamaru: So it is... The battle between Babbage and Giga Elisa remains unresolved...

Ushiwakamaru: Lord El-Melloi II only shows up in one panel... Lady Ishtar never shows up at all...

Ushiwakamaru: And on the last page, it only says, “Giant Babbage's battle is about to begin!”

Jeanne Alter: We ran out of time and money... I'll have to be more careful next time.

Jeanne Alter: ...How'd we let it come to this...?

Jeanne Alter: All I wanted to draw was a dark, brooding fable...

Doujin: "Mama's Ears" First Half

Mash: Wake up, everyone! Our samples are here!

Osakabehime: Nnn... No more energy drinks for me... Just lemme paint my figures...

Osakabehime: (Zzz...)

Jeanne Alter: Never mind the youkai. She's earned a rest. Let's just see how these samples came out.

Ushiwakamaru: Ooh! It looks great!

Mash: This cover illustration is adorable! I love cute stuff like this...

Jeanne Alter: Good, no pages are missing. I think we've really got something with this one.

Ushiwakamaru: I know what you mean. I think this one might just succeed!

Robin Hood: So where should I put Sleeping Beauty here?

Osakabehime: (Smacking lips in her sleep) Ugh... [♂ He /♀ She] won't eat another bite...

Robin Hood: Huh. Sounds like she's dreaming about feeding someone...though who and what, I've no idea.

Jeanne Alter: Just leave her where she is. We've got to get to ServantFes!

Doujin: "Mama's Ears" Second Half

Mash: Ushiwakamaru and I will go get drinks and say hi to the other clubs.

Robin Hood: I'll go take a look around over there. Be back later with lunch.

Mash: Senpai, will you and Jeanne Alter be okay handling sales by yourselves?

Jeanne Alter: Sure, we'll be fine. Don't worry about us.

Blackbeard: ... ...

Blackbeard: ...No way. Is that...?

Blackbeard: It is! A furry book!


Fujimaru 1: Welcome, Blackbeard.


Fujimaru 2: Care for a copy?

Blackbeard: Y...

Blackbeard:

Y-y-y-you better believe I'll take one! I'm impressed you went full furry, Master!

Blackbeard: Huh? This was mostly your idea, Jalter?

Jeanne Alter: S-so what if it was?

Blackbeard: ...

Blackbeard: I'm touched. I never thought you'd let your freak flag fly so high for your debut!

Blackbeard: This is the best! Thank you!

Jeanne Alter: Gah! Keep your voice down, will you!? You startled me!

Caesar: Hahaha, what's all this commotion? There are far too many people here for my liking.

Caesar: Hm?

Caesar: ...Hold it. Hold everything! That cover...!

Caesar: That's... That's...

Caesar: That's a furry book! I can't believe I found one here!!!

Caesar: And they've even got multiple t...te...

Jeanne Alter: Te?

Caesar: Teat–

Blackbeard: Lord Caesar!

Caesar: Oh, yes, my apologies. Hahaha, I was incautious with my words. Purely by accident, Brutus.

Caesar: ...But can you blame me? Just look. Whoever made this book gets it!

Blackbeard: (Nodding wordlessly)

Caesar: This... THIS is the pinnacle of art! The innate cuteness of animals, combined with the beauty of the human body!

Caesar: This cover is worth its weight in gold ten–no, a thousand times over!

Caesar: In fact, I would even call it a crown jewel of humanity, as triumphant an achievement as Hellenism!

Blackbeard: Agreed! Most heartily agreed!

Beardie and Romie: So precious...!

Caesar: I can't wait to see how these furry mommies comfort their darling furry child.

Blackbeard: Little Furry Jack's fur factor gets high points from me too!

Blackbeard: And we can't forget the male furry hiding in the back: Lord Furgus!

Caesar: At this point, I don't care if this is a gentle slice-of-life or an all-out fur fight (the good kind)!

Caesar: I am prepared to accept this story in whatever form it may take!

Blackbeard: Thank you, Lady Jeanne Alter! Thank you, Master!

Beardie and Romie: Bless this book!

A:???: What's that? ...Aww, that cover is so cute!

Boudica: Here, Mata Hari, look at this! There's a bunny, and a fox, and a cat, and...a bear?

Mata Hari: Aww, they're adorable. What a lovely drawing.

Blackbeard: (Gasp! The models!)

Caesar: (A shocking twist!)


Fujimaru 1: Hey, it's the models!


Fujimaru 2: Welcome!

Boudica: Huh? You modeled these characters after us? You're kidding!

Boudica: So I'm the fox here? Ahaha, I wish I was this cute.

Mata Hari: It's a little embarrassing, but I'm flattered you made me so cute in your book!

Jack: This is us?

Boudica: That's right. You're this adorable cat.

Jack: Oh, yeah, we see it now. We are cute. And you and Mata Hari are a cute fox and bunny.

Boudica: Hehe, I guess we are, aren't we? Three copies please, Master.

Jeanne Alter: Oh, uh, thanks. ...One, two, three. There you go.

Boudica: Oh, Fergus is here too. Does this mean he's the dad?

Mata Hari: Oh yeah, maybe he is. And since we must be the two mommies...

Fergus:

!!!

Fergus: (I'm not sure what's going on here, but...that book!)

Fergus: (A furry me, married to Furdica AND Mata Furry...!?)

Fergus: Ah... Ah... Ahhh...

Blackbeard: Aah! L-Lord Fergus!?

Caesar: Get a hold of yourself, man! I know very well how you feel, but you mustn't let your excitement get the better of you in front of the models!

Fergus:

Raaaaaah! I must fulfill my husbandly duties! Raaaaaah!!!

Fergus: You two! Tonight! You, me, and–

Caesar: Calm down, you ludicrously handsome man!

Caesar: Do I really need to remind you that fact and fiction are not one and the same!?

Cleopatra: There you are, Lord Caesar! So this is where you ran off to!

Cleopatra: ...And what are you doing with this book about cute Beastpeople?

Cleopatra: I see Mata Hari and Boudica... But I don't see me anywhere...

Cleopatra: Does this mean...you were looking for a book without me?

Caesar: Wh-why, if it isn't my beloved Cleopatra. I've been in some tight spots before, but never this bad.

Caesar: But I will not lose my cool, for I...am Caesar!

Caesar: So I will escape this situation with my unsurpassed oratory mastery.

Caesar: I am afraid you are mistaken, my dear Cleopatra. I assure you, I am not cheating on you at all.

Caesar: My love for these furries is the passion I feel for nature itself! It is nothing to be ashamed of!

Cleopatra: No, Caesar! Just, no!

Cleopatra: I would accept that if these were ordinary animals, but they have clearly been modeled after other Servants!

Cleopatra: Doujin or not, “Lord” Caesar, cheating is still cheating!

Caesar: Tch, so much for that. Guess I'll just have to run away.

Fergus: Ahem. Now that the noisy ones are gone, let me try that again...

Fergus: My beautiful wives and daughter!

Fergus: Come to Papa!

Jeanne Alter: Uh, they've been gone for a while now. So, what about you? You gonna buy a copy?

Fergus: Wha...!

Jeanne Alter: That's weird... Our book was a big hit with everyone who came across it...

Jeanne Alter: ...but we still didn't quite sell out...

Robin Hood: I think it was too big a hit with some fans. They might've...creeped some other folks out with just how into it they got.

Ushiwakamaru: Then we still need to continue this battle, huh. These cons are more difficult to master than I thought...

Doujin: "We Never Summon: Bokushou" First Half

Mash: Good morning, everyone! The printer just delivered our book!

C:Robin Hood: All right, I'll do the honors...

Ushiwakamaru: Ooh! This one looks really cute!

D:Jeanne Alter: Okay, yeah, it does, but...!

D:Jeanne Alter: I don't know if it's just 'cause I'm looking at it with fresh eyes after passing out once we finished and the pressure was off...

D:Jeanne Alter: ...but now I'm starting to wonder if we made the right choice...

Mash: It appears to be an entry in the genre where an unremarkable protagonist gets to know a number of very different heroines...aka the harem plot.

Mash: It includes elements that have been broadly popular since ancient times, making it a reliable choice!

Mash: In baseball terms, it's a fastball delivered straight down the middle.

Mash: In manga terms, it's one of the most essential genres to ever exist. So this book definitely has a shot at winning!

C:Robin Hood: Romance has been part of even those most ancient stories, so I'm pretty sure no one's gonna be turning their noses up at it.

C:Robin Hood: Now come on, it's time to head to the con!

Doujin: "We Never Summon: Bokushou" Second Half

D:Robin Hood: I'm gonna step out to that café for a bit. I hear they got a real pretty maid with short hair working there...

A:Jeanne Alter: Slacker. That's pickup artistry, not recon.

A:Jeanne Alter: That said...I was actually planning on slipping out myself. You guys handle the sales counter, okay?

A:Jeanne Alter: If I see someone reading a romantic comedy I made right in front of me, and they start grinning or laughing, well...

A:Jeanne Alter: ...I might Du Haine their ass and kick the ashes. Y'know?

A:Jeanne Alter: So I'm gonna make myself scarce before I end up roasting a customer. Good luck. Don't let me down.

Ushiwakamaru: I didn't realize she was so bashful... All right then, I guess we'll just have to sell the book the best we can!

Blackbeard: Good morning!

Blackbeard: Ooh, this is kind of cute! I'll take a copy, if you please!


Fujimaru 1: It's a wholesome romantic comedy, Blackbeard.


Fujimaru 2: Don't expect much skin from this one.

Blackbeard: No problem here. There's room enough for rom-coms and ecchi comedies in this wide world!

Blackbeard: The former gives me a chance to exercise my imagination in picturing what happens after it fades to black!

Blackbeard: That said, if you DO decide you want to swim into more adult waters in a spin-off, you have my full support!

Kiyohime: ...I really sympathize with this green-haired love interest.

Kiyohime: No matter how fervently she pursues the object of her affections, he only has eyes for the blonde.

Kiyohime: It's obvious he should end up with the delicate, modest, beautiful green-haired girl and live with her forever and ever. What could he be thinking!?

Kiyohime: If he starts lying to her because he doesn't know what else to say, I think I might just snap! (Short burst of flame)


Fujimaru 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa!


Fujimaru 2: You're burning the book!

Kiyohime: Oh, I'm sorry. At any rate, I really love this character you've come up with. I can't help but want to root for her.

Kiyohime: If she and her love end up Romeo and Julieting themselves, I can live with that.

Kiyohime: Anyway, I'll take three copies, please. Including the one I burned.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh? I thought I would have to ban this book for corrupting innocent young minds, but perhaps not...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I see now this older dark-haired love interest is merely trying to protect the protagonist in her own motherly way.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: What a touching story... I would be happy to let my own children read this book.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Why, it's positively brimming with opportunities to further their moral education.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: It would be perfect for teaching them to always listen to their mother, and for extolling the virtues of bathing and sleeping together...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I'll take three copies, please. One for me, and one for each of my children.

Ereshkigal: H-hmm, so the main character and this love interest were hitting it off before circumstances forced them apart, huh.

Ereshkigal: Those sorts of things do happen on long adventures. N-not that I'm speaking from experience!

Ereshkigal: Oh... The main character might not have spelled it out, but he really treasured the memories they shared...

Ereshkigal: I like that. This kind of story is right up my alley! In all matters, be true to thyself, as they say!

Ereshkigal: The more...p-provocative scenes aren't really my thing, but I guess that's just how it is for two people in love.

Ereshkigal: So if you ever put out a more adult version, I'll just have to make my peace with it.

Ereshkigal: And on that note, in the hopes that this is only book one of an eventual ten book series...

Ereshkigal: I'll take ten copies, so I can donate nine to Kur's library!

A:Jeanne Alter: The con's almost over now... How'd it go?

Ushiwakamaru: Sales were very steady all day! It just goes to show the power of working in a genre with broad appeal!

Mash: We also heard some feedback from customers who purchased copies in the morning. However, it was mostly stuff like:

Mash: “The next one should focus on the kouhai.” “The next one should focus on the classmate.” “The next one should focus on the senpai.” “The next one should focus on the mother”...

Mash: ...I guess this is one of the hard parts of having such a large cast. You can't focus on one character without neglecting the others...

Mash: So it may be very difficult to make something that would live up to everyone's expectations.

D:Robin Hood: Yeah. Stacking up love interests like this feels a lot like playing one of those games where you try to stack a wood tower without letting it fall.

D:Robin Hood: 'Course, reading with bated breath to see which love interest is left standing is all part of the fun.

D:Robin Hood: Hahaha, you could even call this a kind of Holy Grail War in its own way.

Mash: Hehe, true. Though I doubt there's ever been a Holy Grail War with so much heart before.

Jeanne Alter: Regardless, this was one of the hardest stories I've done so far. The longer it goes on, the more the conclusion weighs on the readers and creator.

Jeanne Alter: ...This genre might've been a little too much for us to handle. Next time, we'll have to make it a one-shot...

Doujin: "Ms. Anastasia Loves Ramen Noodles" First Half

Mash: Our samples are here.

Jeanne Alter: Everyone ready? ...Okay, I'm gonna open it.

Jeanne Alter: Hmm, not bad. In fact, I'd say it came out pretty well.

Jeanne Alter: Turns out it's pretty easy to churn out pages when the story's about something you like.

Jeanne Alter: All right then, let's go! We're off to ServantFes!

Doujin: "Ms. Anastasia Loves Ramen Noodles" Second Half

Jeanne Alter: All right, I'm gonna go say hi to the other clubs.

Jeanne Alter: Oh, and I'm gonna bring a few copies of our book with me, too.

Robin Hood: Guess that means Mash and me are on sales duty this time.

Robin Hood: Here's hoping we can do a good job...

Blackbeard: 'Sup! I think, therefore I'm bad!


Fujimaru 1: Don't you mean “U mad?”

Blackbeard: Now don't start that up again.


Fujimaru 2: Is that your thing now?

Blackbeard: Indeed it is.

Blackbeard: Anyway, congratulations on finishing your first doujin in a week. Now let me see it!

Robin Hood: Yeah, yeah. Here you go. Don't forget to pay.

Blackbeard: Hmm. A grand duchess becomes obsessed with ramen during a visit to a foreign country, and decides to travel the world in search of more, huh...

Blackbeard: This is great. Really great. And this grand duchess is especially appealing.

Blackbeard: Never underestimate the power of being able to draw cute girls...

Blackbeard: Thanks for a great book!

Anastasia: Hello. Could I trouble you for a copy as well?

Robin Hood: S-sure thing. Here you go.

Anastasia: Hmm...

Anastasia: Oh, well that's not right.

Robin Hood: Huh? What's not?

Anastasia: Right here. See? I'm using a fork instead of chopsticks.

Robin Hood: Oh crap...! I didn't realize that ramen's supposed to be eaten with chopsticks!


Fujimaru 1: Argh! I should've caught that in the rough draft...!

Anastasia: Hehe. Still, I can't say it's unpleasant to see myself as the main character, even if it is a bit embarrassing.

Anastasia: Thank you for this. I'll treasure it forever.

Anastasia: ...Now then, on a different subject: Could you all gather round me, please?

Anastasia: That's it. Now we check the camera... Make sure we're all in the frame...and...

Anastasia: Thank you so much. See you around.

Anastasia: Excellent. Now I'm one step closer to completing my Servant collection...!

Robin Hood: ...What was that all about?


Fujimaru 1: Pretty sure she was just taking a group selfie.

Robin Hood: Man, kids today. I have no idea what goes through their minds...

Jeanne Alter: ... ...

Jeanne Alter: A fork...instead of chopsticks... Dammit, she's right. I totally missed that!

Jeanne Alter: Oh God, I'm so embarrassed...!

Robin Hood: Don't be. As your manager, it's my job to catch this sort of thing.

Robin Hood: We didn't even know what we were doing wrong until it was too late.

Mash: True, we didn't catch this either...

Jeanne Alter: Well, what's done is done. We'll just have to learn from this mistake and not make it again next time.

Ushiwakamaru: In that case...what would you all say to having ramen for dinner tonight?

Doujin: "The Villainess Wants to Take Down the Wicked!" First Half

Jeanne Alter: Any moment now...

Jeanne Alter: They're here!

Jeanne Alter: Okay, let's see how it came out. Ta-daaa!

Ushiwakamaru: As many times as we've done this, I still get a thrill out of opening the box with our finished book.

Ibaraki-Douji: Oho, so this is the latest book.

Mash: You helping us out this time made a big difference, Ibaraki!

Ibaraki-Douji: Right? Hehe, yesss, praise me even more!

Jeanne Alter: Looks like my first attempt at a stuck-up evil rich girl story didn't turn out half bad.

Mash: Definitely. I think we have a real shot at eating into Medb's sales with this one!

Jeanne Alter: All right then...let's get going!

Doujin: "The Villainess Wants to Take Down the Wicked!" Second Half

Mash: Okay then, Ushiwakamaru and I will stop by the other clubs and say hello.

Jeanne Alter: Ibaraki, you handle the sales counter, all right?

Ibaraki-Douji: Leave it to me! All I have to do is sell the book, right? Couldn't be easier.

Jeanne Alter: ...All right, he should be showing up any moment now.

Blackbeard: I! Am! Here!

Jeanne Alter: Here's your book.

Jeanne Alter: And here's your change. Now scram.

Blackbeard: That's it!?

Jeanne Alter: Your shtick's gotten freakin' old.

Blackbeard: ?

Blackbeard: How can it be old when this is your very first ServantFes?

Jeanne Alter: ...Oh, right. Well, whatever. First or not, I'm still sick of you.

Blackbeard: Hmm, is that so? Oh well!

Blackbeard: All right then, let's see what you've got!

Blackbeard: This may be the current hotness, but I see you've really got a handle on the classics.

Blackbeard: ...That said, I also see that you're going with the whole “both sides are evil” angle for your story...

Blackbeard: And why is the long-haired professor the one suffering the brunt of the consequences?

Blackbeard: So this spread in the last battle, it's exciting to read and all, but I don't understand why they're settling their differences as giant pro wrestlers in the Grand Canyon.

Blackbeard: I see a missile has also been fired from...Las Vegas?

Jeanne Alter: Look, that's just how it went, okay? An alien shows up at the end too.

Blackbeard: Aha, now I see. You got into the lobster, didn't you?

El-Melloi II: ... ...Dammit.

El-Melloi II: (I feel a headache coming on. The signs point to this drawn to me as per standard in the magecraft world.)

El-Melloi II: At any rate, I'll take a copy, please.

Ibaraki-Douji: Go on then, take it!

Ibaraki-Douji: By the way, is something wrong, scrawny? You don't look so hot.


Fujimaru 1: You do look kind of pale, Teacher.

El-Melloi II: I know how this sounds, but I feel as though I have to buy this book if I am to avoid a most terrible fate.

El-Melloi II: Besides, once you're familiar with the patterns something follows, it becomes easier to react properly when the time comes, right?

Ibaraki-Douji: Hahaha! This may not mean much coming from me, since all I did was the backgrounds, but there's no way something this terrifying could happen in real life!


Fujimaru 2: Is everything okay, Professor?

El-Melloi II: For some reason, buying this book feels like it'll help me steel myself...

Ibaraki-douji: ?

Ibaraki-Douji: Uh, I don't really know what that's about, but I'm glad our book's helping you out!

Ishtar: Hey guys! How's it going? Sure is hot in here, isn't it?

Ishtar: Anyway, I came to pick up your book now that the photo ops in the plaza are on break!

Jeanne Alter: Fujimaru, would you mind handling her?

Jeanne Alter: ...I get the feeling nothing good can come of me and that goddess being anywhere near each other.


Fujimaru 1: Uh...

Jeanne Alter: Great, thanks!


Fujimaru 2: Yeah, you two might create a tsundere singularity...

Jeanne Alter:

Would you quit putting me in that category already!?

Ibaraki-Douji:

Ooh, I know what a tsundere is!

Ibaraki-Douji: It's a cross between tsunami and derriere, right?

Jeanne Alter: ...I'll tell you when you're older.

Ishtar: So this is it, huh? Let's take a look... Huh... Hmm...

Ishtar: This is good! I didn't know Japanese storytelling favored stories of reincarnation!

Ishtar: But I don't get why you made this chick in the blue dress the main character. I mean, in the end, she just resolves things with brute force, right?

Ishtar: If you were going for a story about intelligence, mind games, and romance, you should've focused on this chick in the red dress.

Ishtar: In fact, you should change that right now, unless you want to feel the wrath of a divine curse.


Fujimaru 1: The point is to avoid messing up at the end, though...


Fujimaru 2: I mean brute force is...kinda what they both rely on...

Ishtar: Well, that aside, I still like it. At least, this body seems to be really happy with it.

Ishtar: I guess this is what homesickness feels like. Once humanity is all back how it should be, I'll take you to visit my hometown as a reward.

Jeanne Alter: Argh, we came so close...!

Mash: We sold a lot, but not quite enough to take first place...

Jeanne Alter: Still, I'm pretty sure we're going in the right direction now. All we gotta do is stay the course!

Ibaraki-Douji: Yay! This means I get another week to have fun!

Robin Hood: I was kinda hoping you would help us out again...

Doujin: "A Collection of Eiten-Style Teachings" First Half

E:Ibaraki-Douji: Nnn... So sleepy... But...I sense someone moving... Oogh...

Mash: Good morning, everyone!

Mash: It looks like our comic is here from the printer. Let's see how it came out!

E:Ibaraki-Douji: It's here!? At long last, I will get to see how my evil oni-ing manual for the aspiring evil oni turned out!

E:Ibaraki-Douji: “The Way of the Oni”!

Robin Hood: Oogh... D-did we really manage...to finish it...?

Ushiwakamaru: My memory of its creation is...fuzzy.

Ushiwakamaru: I remember Ibaraki drawing like a woman possessed...

Ushiwakamaru: ...but now I don't think I could tell you anything about what it was she drew...

Jeanne Alter: ...Same here.

Jeanne Alter: I do remember hearing strange sutralike chants and smelling an aroma that put me weirdly at ease...

Jeanne Alter: ...but I'm still not sure if that was real, or just some sort of hallucination brought on by overwork.

Mash: I saw it too... But it doesn't make sense that we'd see something supernatural like that in a hotel like this.

Ibaraki-Douji: Hah, don't be silly. Of course you didn't hear any sutras! You think there's any Buddhists here in Luluhawa?

Ibaraki-Douji: Actually, wait, hold on. I poured my heart and soul into this manual.

Ibaraki-Douji: At some point, it must have crossed the border into the realm of the SUTRAnatural! Mwahahahaha!

Robin Hood: Well at least Ibaraki's still going strong... All right, in that case, let's open this thing up and see the finished product for ourselves.

Robin Hood: Besides, you're dying to see how these sample books came out, aren't you?

Ibaraki-Douji: You bet I am! Ready, Master!? Opeeen onimeee!

Ibaraki-Douji: Huh? What's with this cover?

Ibaraki-Douji: It was supposed to show a (grown-up) Ibaraki-Douji standing fearlessly in front of a hundred-story pagoda during the Kyoto fireworks festival...

Ibaraki-Douji:

...So what the hell is THIS crap!?


Fujimaru 1: What crap?

Jeanne Alter: Ho...

Jeanne Alter:

How did this happen!?

Jeanne Alter: What the hell did you do to our doujin, Ibaraki!?

Ibaraki-Douji: I-it wasn't me! I'm still too young for this kind of book!

Doujin: "A Collection of Eiten-Style Teachings" Second Half

Mash: Um...is it okay to display the book openly like this? Maybe we should put up an “Adults Only” sign...?

Jeanne Alter: N-nah, don't worry about it. It's totally wholesome, no matter how you look at it. (Cough, cough)

Jeanne Alter: All right, you guys handle the sales. I'm gonna go to the beach and get some sea air.

Jeanne Alter: Why don't you join me, Shielder? I'm pretty sure you don't wanna be here for what's about to happen.

Mash: W-well, if you think so... Is it okay if I leave, Senpai?


Fujimaru 1: Go for it. Have fun with Alter.


Fujimaru 2: Indeed. Now be off... (Spoken in true bodhisattva fashion)

Mash: Okay, if you insist.

Jeanne Alter: ...(Sigh). I can't believe we drew a book I can't even make myself look at...

Jeanne Alter: And the fact that the art's all absurdly good just makes it worse... What the hell made us do that?

Robin Hood: I'm gonna check up on Ibaraki. She still hasn't gotten out of bed after the shock of how the book turned out.

Ushiwakamaru: Khh... I wish I could stop you, but she did take this rather hard...

Ushiwakamaru: All right, I suppose this is not unlike when a general must lead her army from behind.

Ushiwakamaru: And as allies in this campaign, it falls to us to see it through to the end.

Ushiwakamaru: Besides, we have nothing to be ashamed of!

Ushiwakamaru: However it came to be, we still put everything we had into making this comic!

Ushiwakamaru: Isn't that right, Master!?


Fujimaru 1: Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...


Fujimaru 2: Let's show them what the Beast of Chaldea can really do.

Meltryllis:

!?

Meltryllis: When I saw your name on the list of clubs and decided to drop by, I never imagined you'd have stooped so terribly, terribly low...

Meltryllis: I should have known I couldn't trust anyone but my figurines... No, no, don't let this bring you down, Melt...

Meltryllis: Remember, you're Giselle... You danced your heart and wallet out on the Wonder Stage just yesterday...

Meltryllis: You didn't come here expecting to find wonderful, beautiful romance books...

Meltryllis: All right, I feel a little better now. But can I just say one thing?

Meltryllis: ...Are you all crazy? Have you no shame at all!?

Ushiwakamaru: I can't argue with that, much as I wish I... Wait. Meltryllis, was it?

Ushiwakamaru: You're one to talk to us about shame! Just look at your outfit! Your navel is completely exposed!


Fujimaru 1: (It's like she's talking to a mirror...)


Fujimaru 2: (No wonder Melt's in shock...)

Fergus:

Bravo!!!

Fergus: That's all I have to say. Well, that, and that it seems like I'll have plenty of books to spare when this is over.

Fergus: Hahaha, books of what, you ask? Never you mind that. What happens at ServantFes, stays at ServantFes.

Fergus: Anyway, I applaud you for not being afraid to get your hands dirty, so to speak, during this summer vacation!

Fergus: Now then, I think I'll hit the beach and work up a good sweat!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable! What was management thinking!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Lord Benkei! You are on ServantFes's staff. How can you stand there and let this...this filth be sold in public!?

Benkei: I can see why you'd think that, but it doesn't actually break any rules. This book is...wholesome. Terrifyingly so.

Benkei: I'm afraid all I can say is that censors are not what they used to be.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: That can't possibly be right...! Excuse me, may I see that?


Fujimaru 1: By all means.


Fujimaru 2: Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Is that... Oh my... A temple, floating in the air...? What? Inside the precincts!? Eating sweet rice cakes...while standing under a waterfall...!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou:

(Huff, huff...)

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I-it would seem you're right. It was a perfectly normal, unobjectionable look at a Buddhist priest's life...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: “The art of Zen is the art of expanding one's mind. All you need do is let your body truly become a temple.”

Minamoto-no-Raikou: What a novel, yet convincing conclusion. Although... I wonder why my heart is pounding so rapidly?

Ushiwakamaru: Hey, you with the long face. You should buy a copy too. In fact, make that ten copies.

Benkei:

I-I cannot do that, Lord Ushiwakamaru! Not even for you!

Benkei: Namu! Nympho, begone! I must go and purify myself in the nearest waterfall...!

Pārvatī: Hm? I thought I sensed something unusually scandalous in the air here...

Pārvatī: Where did this book come from? On second thought, don't answer that. Some sort of demon must have tricked you into this while you were sleeping.

Pārvatī: Nonetheless, your dalliance with this demon may have passed, but the deity within me cannot let this stand.

Pārvatī: I must burn all of these books before they can spread their harmful–

Andersen: Pardon me. I'll take a copy. What? You want me to show some ID?

Andersen: Don't be an idiot. I'm a child. Why would I have ID?

Andersen: (Reading the book without a care in the world) Oho. Ohoho.

Andersen: Hahaha, I've never seen such absurd opinions delivered so shamelessly before, let alone from that sweet rice cake melon-head!

Andersen: I've changed my mind. Make that three copies. Will three pence be enough?

Pārvatī: Wh-what do you think you're doing!? We can't let this book get out into the world! You're an author too, right!? Surely you understand why!

Andersen: What, you think this book is harmful or something? Don't be ridiculous!

Andersen: This is nothing! Less than nothing, even! Why would you even try to regulate this sort of book now!?

Andersen: Okay, listen. EVERY story has the potential to turn people's lives upside down, by virtue of speaking directly to our hearts.

Andersen: Do you know what we call books that are filled only with facts and figures? Data.

Andersen: And yes, when it comes to data, mistakes may be evil, but for stories? This is possibility itself. The wishes and dreams of those who worked to bring the story to life.

Andersen: To censor that is to censor culture, and in turn, humankind itself. If you're going to call stories about men and women vulgar–No, wait. Scratch that.

Andersen: As a goddess, if you truly wish to protect the people you watch over, then shouldn't you be able to handle this sort of “poison”?

Pārvatī: O-okay! I have no idea what you're talking about, but your passion has moved me!

Pārvatī: In that case, I'll take a copy too, for reference! It seems like it will come in use somehow...!

Ushiwakamaru: It won't be much longer until ServantFes comes to an end. Let's see how many copies we have left...

Ushiwakamaru: Hmm. While some fans had some extremely appreciative things to say...

Ushiwakamaru: ...it does seem that it was just too dangerous to freely distribute here. What a shame...

Ushiwakamaru: It's actually a pretty insightful manga as long as you can keep your cool while you read it...

Ushiwakamaru: ...but it isn't something we could have made on our own. Another power must've wormed its way into our workplace...

Ushiwakamaru: Perhaps this is our punishment for spending too much time exploring Luluhawa, and not enough polishing our skills...


Fujimaru 1: Hehehe... Sowaka sowaka...


Fujimaru 2: As they say...one cannot achieve enlightenment in a single day.

Interlude: Diamond Round Beach

Ushiwakamaru: Let's go swimming, Master!

Ushiwakamaru: Drawing manga is all well and good, but we mustn't forget about the ocean right in front of us either.

Ushiwakamaru: I still can't believe how nice Luluhawa's beaches are. Not a single stone in the sand... Pleasantly warm water...

Ushiwakamaru: Sure, you need to wear flip-flops when going near the reef, but it's still a paradise compared to other waters.

Ushiwakamaru: By the way, Master, would you say you're a good swimmer?


Fujimaru 1: Good? Nah. Try great.

Ushiwakamaru: Oho. You've got guts, saying that in front of Ushiwakamaru, famed leaper of ships!

Ushiwakamaru: ...Although, strictly speaking, I'm much better at running over water than swimming in it...


Fujimaru 2: I'm good at sinking like a brick.

Ushiwakamaru: Well then, this is your lucky day! I'll teach you everything I know from the ground–uh, water up!

Ushiwakamaru: Swimming is an essential skill for any warrior!

Ushiwakamaru: I remember seeing many fall into the sea left and right, armor and all, during the Genpei War.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Of course, in my case, I was so incredibly skillful that I never lost my footing, so there aren't any stories about my swimming exploits...

Ushiwakamaru: At any rate, the waves aren't too big today, so I think now would be a perfect time to go swimming.

Ushiwakamaru: We could start by warming up in the shallows, then try swimming out towards the buoy.

Ushiwakamaru: Alternatively, we could also borrow some boards and try our hand at surfing.

Ushiwakamaru: To tell the truth, I've been curious about surfing.

Ushiwakamaru: Think about it! For Lady Mordred to have gotten that hooked on it, it must be fun!

Martha: Oh, you're going surfing? Would you mind if I joined you?

Martha: I was trying to relax on the beach, but there were too many men who kept trying to talk to me.

Martha: So I was just thinking about going swimming to refresh myself.


Fujimaru 1: It's Martha...!


Fujimaru 2: Martha...!

Ushiwakamaru: I didn't know you were here too, Lady Martha. By all means, you're welcome to join us.

Ushiwakamaru: We would welcome your instruction on enjoying the waves, as you are more experienced traveling on the sea than either of us!

Martha: “Traveling on the sea”? ...Oh, you mean Tarasque. Well, yes, I do ride on Tarasque's back...

Martha: ...but as far as surfing goes, I'm as much of a beginner as you two. Why don't we all practice together?


Fujimaru 1: Come to think of it, you're both normally Riders, right?


Fujimaru 2: Come to think of it, you two are kinda similar, huh?

Martha: Aww, that's sweet. I'm flattered to be compared to the legendary Ushiwakamaru.

Ushiwakamaru: I-I see. For my part, I feel like I'm a little out of my league, being compared to someone as wholesome as you...

Ushiwakamaru: But then, I suppose once we get in the water, we're both no more than another couple of Servants in swimsuits.

Ushiwakamaru: All right then Master, Lady Martha, I'll go borrow some surfboards from the hotel.

Ushiwakamaru: Soon, I'll be leading the charge against Luluhawa's waves, or my name isn't Ushiwakamaru!

Ushiwakamaru: Ahhhahaha! That was even more fun than I'd imagined!

Ushiwakamaru: Oh... Sorry about that. I tend to laugh kind of loudly when I get too excited.

Ushiwakamaru: Anyway, now I know an altogether different way to handle waves. The ocean here really is fun!

Anne: Master ahoy☆ Were you all out swimming together?

Anne: Why didn't you invite me? I don't want to be the odd woman out.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Don't worry, the day's only just begun. We still have plenty of time to change that!

Tamamo-no-Mae: On that note, Tamamo the dangerous summer fox maiden is here, and she brought beach balls!

Tamamo-no-Mae: You've all got energy to spare, right? Then why don't we put it to use and work up a good sweat before lunch?

Tamamo-no-Mae: How about a game of beach volleyball? It's a classic for a reason, after all.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Why don't you be our referee, Master? All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the show♡

Ushiwakamaru: Ah! That sounds like a great idea to me too, Master. Let's take Lady Tamamo-no-Mae up on her suggestion and play beach volleyball next!


Fujimaru 1: Sounds good.


Fujimaru 2: I'm fine with whatever as long as you're enjoying yourself, Ushiwakamaru.

Ushiwakamaru: Then it's settled! For our second round, we'll play a game of beach volleyball! At last, never skipping leg day will pay off!

Ushiwakamaru: You must have done a lot of thigh workouts yourself, Lady Martha! Now's the time to put them to good use!

Martha: Wha–E-excuse me, but I'm a member of the clergy. Please don't talk about me like I'm some sort of training fanatic...

Anne: Hehe, don't go thinking you've already won.

Anne: You two might know your way around a weight room, but you're still landlubbers.

Anne: Your legs can't hope to measure up to those of us who live life on the sea. Isn't that right, Tamamo?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Absolutely. I might be a fox, but right now, I'm also a shark out for blood.

Tamamo-no-Mae: My Megalo Jump Spike would put Susanoo to shame, even in his prime!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Try and block me all you want, Martha. I'll break right through your iron wall♡

Martha: Well listen to you. I'm warning you now, I wouldn't underestimate Jacob's God Fist if I were you. Now hold on while I go get my jersey!

--BATTLE--

E:Surprise Orion: Game, set, and match! At 15 to 13, the winner is Team Skullshark!

Martha: Grr...! I can't believe I flubbed it at the very end of the third set...!

Ushiwakamaru: Yes, it's too bad what happened with that spike of yours, Lady Martha...

Ushiwakamaru: I never would have thought it was possible to pop a volleyball like a balloon...

Martha: Oopsies.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Hehe. It was a close match, but we just barely had the edge in the mental game.

Tamamo-no-Mae: All right then, Master Referee♡ Why don't we go celebrate our win with a lovely lunch out toge–Huh!?

Tamamo-no-Mae: I don't see Master anywhere! Orion, where did Master go!?

Orion: [♂ He /♀ She] just took off in the middle of your game.

Orion: I couldn't let this once-in-a-lifetime match end prematurely, so I decided to stop peeping and start reffing.

Orion: So, where should we go to lunch? I'm flattered you'd ask. Usually, it's me trying to pick up–gurk!

Anne: Sorry for stepping on your pet fur ball, Artemis.

Anne: But anyway, we need to hurry up and look for Master! You've all got a bad feeling about this too, don't you!?

Ushiwakamaru: Khh... I'm such an idiot! I can't believe I let my guard down like that...!

Ushiwakamaru: Come on, let's all split up and look for [♂ him /♀ her]! There's no telling what might have happened...!

--ARROW--

Pirate A: Heh heh heh... Ain't no one gonna bother us 'round here, Master of Chaldea.

Pirate A: Vacation spot or not, ye oughta know better'n ta come ta the bottom of a cliff like this all by yer lonesome.

Pirate A: Tell me, Master, do ye understan' how this happened?


Fujimaru 1: The ball Martha popped was blowing away...

Pirate A: Go on.


Fujimaru 1: So I went to pick it up so it wouldn't just end up being trash on the beach. Then you showed up.

Pirates: Bahahahaha! Did ye hear that, boys!? Talk about no good deed goin' unpunished!

Pirate A: Maybe now ye'll think twice before ye go traipsin' around tryin' ta be a Good Samaritan.

Pirate A: Not that ye'll ever get a chance at that! Right, boys!?

Pirate B: Right! I still remember what happened in Okeanos clear as day.

Pirate B: Sure, I mighta made a mistake signin' on with Blackbeard...

Pirate B: ...but it was your Servants what threw me overboard.

Pirate C: An' ta add insult ta injury, yesterday...

Pirate C: ...yer Servant, Ibaraki-Douji, took me fer all I got. Now I ain't got no money left fer ServantFes.

Pirate A: Do ye get it now? We're all victims here!

Pirate A: Now, yer gonna pay us what we're due.

Pirate A: Let's see... How 'bout we start by having ye use up all those Command Spells of yers? Don't want no Servants showin' up here, after all...

Pirate B: Hehehe... Don't bother callin' fer help...

Pirate C: Heeheehee... Ye know, [♂ he's /♀ she's] a lot cuter than I thought now I'm seein' [♂ him /♀ her] up close...

Pirates: Heeheeheehee...!


Fujimaru 1: This is looking pretty bad...


Fujimaru 2: How am I gonna get out of this one...!?

D:Surfer: Pardon me. Could I ask you a question?

Pirates: Who the hell're you!? What do ye and yer lame purple hair want with us, Four-Eyes!?

D:Surfer: Did you lose something around here? You didn't? Well that's too bad.

D:Surfer: I thought perhaps you might be searching for your consciences. It seems I was hoping for too much.

D:Surfer: If you have no intention of turning over a new leaf, then we can end this here and now.

D:Surfer: Please stay right where you are, Fujimaru. Don't worry, just close your eyes for a minute and all will be well.

Pirates: The only eyes closin' 'round here are gonna be yers! Get him, boys!

D:Surfer: Heh...!

Pirates: What...the... What did you...just do...?

F:Musician: ...What did he do? Nothing at all...

F:Musician: The attack that caused your legs to cramp up was my own, unleashed from where I was hidden in the shadows...

F:Musician: Yes, it is I, Tristan, Beach Child of Sadness... Are you all right, Fujimaru?


Fujimaru 1: Tristan...!


Fujimaru 2: Then, does that mean the guy with the shades is

Tristan: Indeed, he is. The handsome Frenchman has been most at home here in Luluhawa.

Tristan: He was the first of the Round Table to strip off his armor and head straight for the ocean.

D:Surfer: Hahaha, I guess this new look suits me a little too well? Sorry about that. I AM the strongest Knight of the Round Table, after all.

Tristan: Indeed, who else could he be but the Knight of the Lake, now the Surfer of the Tropics...Sir Lancelot.

Gawain: Please don't take what these two jokers have to say at face value. They've been letting the Luluhawan air go to their heads.

Gawain: At any rate, I'm relieved to see you are unharmed, Fujimaru.

Gawain: I apologize if we overstepped our bounds in staging our little rescue, but we couldn't help but worry.

Gawain: Still, the last thing we would wish to do as Knights of the Round Table is to offend you.

Gawain: So you would be doing the four of us a great kindness if you could laugh this off as just a bunch of busybodies unable to stop themselves from butting in.


Fujimaru 1: The four of you...?


Fujimaru 2: Does that mean...

Bedivere: W-well, after they all changed into swimsuits, I couldn't be the only one left out...

Bedivere: But that doesn't mean I'm letting myself go soft. I just thought my usual armor would stand out too much here...

Bedivere: At least, that's what I thought... But I just don't...feel right in these clothes...

Bedivere: So I've been trying to avoid going out in public as much as possible...

Bedivere: But now that I'm here, I'm relieved to see you don't think anything of it. I guess this outfit wasn't as strange as I thought.

Bedivere: Oh! And hello, Fujimaru. I hope Sir Tristan wasn't being too much of a bother?


Fujimaru 1: ...[♂ What kind of Round Table knights ARE you!? /♀ (Try and fail to undilate pupils)]

Ushiwakamaru: Master! I can't apologize enough for my carelessness! I will accept any scolding you feel is appropriate later!

Ushiwakamaru: First, I must dispose of these despicable villains who tried to steal you away!

Ushiwakamaru: A blond, a redhead, and some sort of purple mess... And all unrepentant scoundrels, by the look of you.

Ushiwakamaru: Stay right where you are! Or don't! Regardless, you'll never see the light of another day!

A:Pirates: Aaah! It's the headhunting Berserker...! We're done for! But damn if she doesn't look badass!

A:Pirates: Blackbeard was right! The Master of Chaldea really does have some bangin' Servants!

Tristan: ...Wait. You think we are the villains?

Tristan: Oh, how it saddens me to say so, but I'm afraid you are mistaken... Go on, Sir Lancelot, tell her why we are here.

Lancelot: Hoo baby! We got ourselves a real babe here, don't we, bros! Wooo! Wooo!!!

Bedivere: (...Oh, Sir Lancelot... I think your talent for disguises–or rather, your ability to adapt to your surroundings–backfired...)

Gawain: (Impressive, Sir Lancelot. You've completely adopted the Luluhawan style as your own...!)

Tristan: ...

Lancelot: I think we got off on the wrong foot. Let me start over. I am none other than...

F:Tristan (Narrating): Watch as we see the brief flirtation from Sir Lancelot. Note the way he peeks over his glasses. Oh, he is definitely interested!

Lancelot: ...the leader of Club Camelot, Lancelot, commonly known as “Best Boy.”

Lancelot: While my first and foremost concern is Master's safety, I also believe in practicing proper beach etiquette.

Lancelot: And if, by a twist of fate, I should happen to meet a beautiful, charming young lady there, it would be rude not to invite her to tea.

Lancelot: Yes, that is how the Round Table rolls! Am I right, bros!?

Gawain: Of course. If we see a damsel in distress, we are honor bound to rescue her. That is the purpose of our club!

Gawain: That is why the newly formed Round Table of Camelot exists! I am grateful to ServantFes for this opportunity.

Gawain: Thanks to this convention, we were able to repair our broken bonds and renew our friendship!

Gawain: So I assure you, young maiden, that you have nothing to fear from us...even as you stand there...seething in a bloodthirsty rage...

Gawain: I am unsure why you are so upset, but please...put down your weapon.

Gawain: Despite what you might think, we are not exactly detail-oriented, so explaining everything in full would be too much hassle to bother with.

Ushiwakamaru: ... (Look that clearly says "You're all so dead")

Bedivere: (Welp, she's gone and taken out her weapon. Hehe, not that I blame her. I would've done the same.)

Pirate A: Aw bilgewater, I don't wanna get caught in the cross fire! C'mon, men, get her 'fore she gets us!

Ushiwakamaru: Very well then! I will hurl each and every one of you clear out of this bay all the way to the Atlantic myself! Prepare to face true tengu power!

--BATTLE--

Lancelot: Wooo! I cannot believe THREE Knights of the Round Table weren't able to take down our opponent!

Tristan: At last, the time has came to spread my wings!

Gawain: Alas! No matter how dreadful an opponent she may have been, I could not bring myself to take up my sword against a scantily clad woman!

Gawain: It seems summer will be my downfall...quite literally!

Ushiwakamaru: Hmph. A nice long swim back to shore should help you overeager boys cool your heads.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Now, that just leaves you, and those pirates hiding behind you.

Bedivere: My humblest apologies, milady. I understand your confusion, but I assure you, we meant no harm.

Bedivere: We saw that Fujimaru was surrounded by pirates, and intervened to make sure [♂ he /♀ she] was safe.

Bedivere: Isn't that right, Fujimaru?

Ushiwakamaru: Hmm. Normally, I would dismiss your excuses as so much nonsense, but I suppose you have been conducting yourself like a true gentleman.

Ushiwakamaru: Is what he says true, Master?


Fujimaru 1: It's true. They really saved me.

Ushiwakamaru: ...I see. Then I must offer you my thanks.

Bedivere: Not at all. They got what was coming to them, and they did need to cool their heads.

Bedivere: They may have seemed calm and placid, but they were really quite worked up on the inside.

Bedivere: The sea near our island was dark and murky, so the clear blue water here must have brought out the inner child in each of them.

Ushiwakamaru: ...What about you? You're a member of the Round Table, just like them. What about your inner child?

Bedivere: Oh, well, my journey was longer than theirs, so I suppose mine must have retreated a little deeper inside.


Fujimaru 1: ...

Ushiwakamaru: All right, I understand. But these pirates are a different matter.

Ushiwakamaru: You scoundrels abducted Master. The bay is too good for you.

Ushiwakamaru: I'm going to send you three flying well past the horizon.

Pirate A: Wait! Ye got us all wrong! We didn't do nothin'!

Pirate A: We just wanted ta warn [♂ him /♀ her] about the sharp rocks around the tide pools up ahead!

Ushiwakamaru: What?

Bedivere: Really? Odd. You seemed quite clearly to be threatening [♂ him /♀ her].

Pirate A: No! We just wanted [♂ his /♀ her] autograph! [♂ He's /♀ She's] famous, y'know!

Pirate A: We mighta never gotten another chance like this, so we wanted somethin' ta remember this adventure by!

Bedivere: Then...what about the lost consciences you dropped? The ones Sir Lancelot mentioned?

Pirate A: O' course they ain't lost! We never dropped 'em in the first place!

Pirate A: We're good, honest pirates now! We got outta Blackbeard's crew long ago!

Pirate A: This is exactly why I hate knights and warriors an' such! You're always goin' 'round just looking fer excuses to prove how tough ye are!

Pirate A: So ye go around pickin' fights ye know ye can win, and don't even try to hear us out! Jerks!

Ushiwakamaru: I-I don't think I was acting THAT rashly... I didn't even try to kill you this time...

Bedivere: Hahaha, now I see. Hahaha.


Fujimaru 1: So, um...did you still want my autograph?

Pirate A: O' course we do, dummy!

Pirate A: Hang on, we got some Luluhawa souvenirs we just bought that oughta do the trick nicely... What'd ye get, B? A wood carvin'?

Pirate B: Naw, I got a paper lantern they was sellin' in the hotel gift shop. It's tourist trash, an' I love it.

Pirate C: Me, I got a Missouri T-shirt that just says "BATTLESHIP!"

Pirate C: It's great. Feels like somethin' straight outta a movie.

Pirate A: I gotcha. I'm still holdin' on to the pamphlet from last year's Kawaii Fes so's I can remember it.

Pirate A: Okay then, would ye sign these for us? Oh, an' where's your club's table?

Pirate A: A-01, eh? Hey, that's one o' the end tables. Ye must be pretty popular then. We'll hafta visit yers first!

Pirate A: All right, tha's all we wanted. We'll just be gettin' on our way.

Pirate A: See ye 'round! An' be more careful from now on, ye hear! Not everywhere in Luluhawa's safe!


Fujimaru 1: Well...that was a thing that happened.


Fujimaru 2: No one's ever asked for my autograph before...

Tristan: Hm, they turned out to be a lovely band of pirates indeed. And now, they have made off with something precious to us.

Ushiwakamaru: Yes, it seems we were hasty in our judgment of them. So what did they make off with?

Tristan: Our dignity, of course.

Tristan: All right then, I think I'll be on my way as well, before the king gets a chance to reprimand me...

Bedivere: Now where are Sir Gawain and Sir Lancelot? ...Ah, they're competing to see who can swim back to shore the fastest.

Bedivere: I'd better go stop them now, before things get even more out of hand.

Bedivere: It was good to see you again, Fujimaru, even if the circumstances were less than ideal.

Bedivere: I hope you enjoy your time here in Luluhawa.


Fujimaru 1: I hope all you Round Table guys do, too.

Ushiwakamaru: ...So, does this mean everything worked out?

A:Martha: Heeey! Ushiwakaaa! Did you find Fujimaru yet!?

Ushiwakamaru: Right. We still need to let Lady Martha and the others know you're all right.

Ushiwakamaru: Let's go, Master.

Ushiwakamaru: My team may have lost the volleyball game, but we'll make it up in our afternoon activities!

Ushiwakamaru: This time, I'll be sure to keep my eye on you at all times, so don't be afraid to join us!

Interlude: Captain Scáthach

Scáthach: Welcome to the Celtic Head Shooting Range. I see I have another inexperienced bunch.

Scáthach: My name is Scáthach, and today, it is my job to teach you how to shoot like a Celt.

Scáthach: Here, you will call me Captain Scáthach! Do you understand me?


Fujimaru 1: Sir, yes, sir!

Bedivere: Yes, sir! This is great, isn't it, Fujimaru!

Bedivere: I'm so excited! I've always wanted to try a real Luluhawan shooting tour!


Fujimaru 2: How did we even end up here!?

Mash: Sir, yes, sir! Don't tell me you've forgotten, Master!

Mash: Jeanne Alter signed us up for this Celtic Head Shooting Tour herself, [♂ sir /♀ ma'am]!

Captain Scáthach: Good! That's what I like to hear! Now, before we get started, I need to apologize.

Captain Scáthach: The captain of the Celtic Head range was forced to retire this morning following a tragic encounter with vicious wild chickens.

Captain Scáthach: I'm sure you were all very excited about experiencing an authentic ex-military drill sergeant's methods, but I am afraid you will have to settle for me.

Captain Scáthach: Now let us have ten seconds of silence to honor him. ...Okay, enough about him!

Captain Scáthach: Now, let's get the formalities taken care of. First, I'll need you to sign this oath.


Fujimaru 1: An oath...?


Fujimaru 2: Why do we have to sign something like that...?

Mash: It absolves the company of any liability if someone gets hurt. Tour or no, guns are very dangerous!

Bedivere: It says here we need to completely obey everything the instructor tells us, and if we don't, the tour will be canceled on the spot... I see.

Bedivere: So as long as we listen to the instructor, we should be perfectly safe. Of course I'll sign that.

Mash: You should sign it too, Senpai. Otherwise, we'll have to leave.


Fujimaru 1: You two are being really cavalier about this...


Fujimaru 2: Complete obedience to Mistress Scáthach's terrifying teaching style? (Gulp)

Captain Scáthach: Move it along! I only have three hours to turn you into real marksmen!

Captain Scáthach: Let me be clear. Now that you're in my classroom, I will not so much as tolerate absurd, head-in-the-clouds, touristy thoughts like...

Captain Scáthach: “Oh em gee, I actually shot a gun☆” or “Man, who knew hitting a target eight meters away was this easy!”

Captain Scáthach: Amateur or not, not one of you will leave this range until you can shoot the wings off a fly!

Captain Scáthach: You never know what the future may hold.

Captain Scáthach: A giant meteorite... A zombie plague... Kaiju attacks...

Captain Scáthach: So I need to prepare you for any and all possible survival scenarios!

Captain Scáthach: As your captain, I can do no less in repayment for your money. Do not mistake this for a leisure activity!


Fujimaru 1: What kind of tour have I gotten myself into...

Bedivere: It's certainly unique. I'm told they only hold two a day thanks to their intense training methods.

Bedivere: Usually we would have to sign up over a month in advance. We're lucky Jeanne Alter managed to get us in on such short notice.

Bedivere: It's too bad she had to cancel at the last minute so as not to fall behind on her doujin.


Fujimaru 2: Why isn't Jeanne Alter here!? She signed us up for this, right!?

Mash: Yes, well... I'm afraid Robin stopped her.

Mash: He said he couldn't let her go with her work falling behind and his pighood on the line.

Scáthach: All right, here's your beginner gear: earplugs, goggles, and hats.

Scáthach: The hats are to keep the sun out of your eyes, so feel free to take them off if you don't need them. But do not forget your earplugs and goggles, or I'll kill you myself.

Bedivere: How do I look, Fujimaru? (Adjusting gear)

C:Mash: Thank you, but I brought my own!


Fujimaru 1: You're really fired up for this, Mash...!


Fujimaru 2: I can see you're enjoying yourself, Bedi...!

Captain Scáthach: Let's see... Bedivere, you chose the B Course, forgoing handguns entirely in favor of rifles.

Captain Scáthach: It seems you have some experience with firearms then. Good call.

Captain Scáthach: Go on and take the Golt M4 and the RUS47 then. You have forty rounds for each weapon.

Captain Scáthach: As for Sergeant Kyrielight... I see you're going with the spec-ops course.

Captain Scáthach: Heh. You must be hiding a lot of confidence behind that baby face.

Captain Scáthach: Hmm. So you want to practice the Golt M4, the RUS47, the Springsea M1A, the R-tom M24, the HIAHIA416...

Captain Scáthach: ...and you want to try firing slugs from the Mu870 too, huh? Along with twenty rounds from the 12GA? Impressive.

Captain Scáthach: I like your spirit. Go ahead and take the M700 Tactical as well! It's the hottest sniper rifle in the world right now!

C:Mash: Roger that! Thank you, Captain!

Captain Scáthach: That just leaves you, Fujimaru. Let's see...

Captain Scáthach: Fifty 9mm rounds with the Shlock 17 handgun, fifty rounds for an MUK25, and thirty 9mm rounds with a rifle...

Captain Scáthach: What are you, an utter novice? Have you ever fired a gun before? No? I see.

Captain Scáthach: Then I'll teach you starting with the basics. By the time we're done, you'll be an ace marksman.

Captain Scáthach: If you do miss the target, I'll just beat the skill into your skull until your brain leaks out of your ears!

Captain Scáthach: So as long as you return home alive from this range, you'll know you're a competent shot.


Fujimaru 1: Uh... I'm not–


Fujimaru 2: ALL the bad feelings about this. All of them.

Captain Scáthach: Now let's start with the basics. Right hand on the grip, left hand steadying the right.

Captain Scáthach: Simple as that may seem, beginners tend to mess this part up. The right hand is only there to hold the grip and pull the trigger.

Captain Scáthach: The left hand is the one that truly holds the gun. Gripping it with your right hand too strongly makes the barrel drop when you fire.

Captain Scáthach: Naturally, that affects the bullet's trajectory, leading to it just carving a furrow in the ground.

Captain Scáthach: Here's a couple of extra bullets, on the house.

Captain Scáthach: Now, first you're going to get past your nervousness about firing a gun. Then you're going to learn that hitting the target is harder than it looks!

Captain Scáthach: I've set your first target at fifty meters. That's the absolute minimum range I'll permit.


Fujimaru 1: It's so small I can barely make it out!


Fujimaru 2: Are you sure this isn't more of an expert range?

Captain Scáthach: This is how you stand. Elbows in, legs apart, chest forward. Look at the sight with both eyes.

Captain Scáthach: Now listen close. Every shot you make irritates me that much more.

Captain Scáthach: Irritate me enough, and the only way to calm down is to use my Noble Phantasm on whoever's causing that frustration. Get the picture?

Captain Scáthach: Now if you want to live to see another sunrise, get to shooting!


Fujimaru 1: I can't.


Fujimaru 2: Nope, sorry. I'm out.

Captain Scáthach: Oh? You can't go through with it? You want to cancel the tour? Well, too bad. Nobody leaves my class in the middle of a lesson.

Captain Scáthach: I will make you into a great soldier before our three hours are up, whether you like it or not!


Fujimaru 1: I knew I should've thought twice before coming here!


Fujimaru 2: All right, fine! You wanna do this? Let's do it!

Mecha Eli-chan: Is this all the ammunition you've got!? I'm the guardian of Csejte, remember!?

Mecha Eli-chan: You'll need at least a hundred times more ammo than this if you want to accurately appraise my capabilities!

Mecha Eli-chan: Argh, this is so frustrating! And after I flew all this way to Luluhawa!

Mecha Eli-chan: This is where they remade that famous kaiju movie, right!? So why aren't there any actual kaiju!?

Mecha Eli-chan: Argh, I'm so pissed! That does it! I'm just gonna blow up the target AND the mountain behind it!

Mecha Eli-chan: If the kaiju aren't gonna come to Luluhawa, I'll just have to become a kaiju myself, like the ones in that new flick with the guy looking for his wife!

Altria Alter: No need to rattle your screws, Steel Demoness. This is no military facility. It is a family shooting range.

Altria Alter: Many here are merely tourists who come for the novelty. Others are avid local gun enthusiasts, here to keep their favorite firearms in shape.

Altria Alter: I myself am here to ensure my own beloved Secace remains in good working order.

Altria Alter: Truly, this shooting range is one of the finest. Between its vast sky, piercing sunlight, and the picturesque sheer cliffs with foaming sea at their base, it is like the set of a blockbuster movie come to life.

Altria Alter: No wonder even the most earnest of maids forgets her duties here.

Altria Alter: There we go.

Mecha Eli-chan: Th-that weapon...! Am I dreaming, or is that really an anti-materiel rifle!?

Altria Alter: Heh. As if a humble maid would possess such a terrifyingly destructive weapon as that. I already told you. This is my beloved Secace.

Altria Alter: Still, I doubt there are any other gun connoisseurs here with such unusual taste in firearms as mysel–Wait.

Altria Alter: Is that...an authentic eighteenth-century flintlock? That is...astonishingly retro. And yet–

Mecha Eli-chan: Th-that old guy really knows how to use it. He hasn't missed the bull's-eye yet!

Mecha Eli-chan: And not only that...it looks like he's actually making each and every bullet by hand.

Billy: He sure is, li'l lady. Back in the day, if you had a gun, you were probably making rounds for it.

Billy: Just put the lead in that little cup there, melt it down, pour the liquid lead into a special mold, and let it cool till you had yourself a bullet.

Billy: None of those streamlined rounds modern guns fire. Nope, these were more like little metal balls.

Altria Alter: They certainly produce a lot of smoke with each shot fired, too... That aside, that old man's form is impeccable.

Altria Alter: He keeps leaning back in his chair, making new bullets, then firing them off as if it were second nature to him...

Altria Alter: I do not think I have even seen his rear end so much as budge in all the rounds he has fired.

Billy: He must be the last gunslinger of his time. Can't rightly see what he has to learn from a shootin' range like this...

Billy: ...but watchin' him lights a fire in me for damn sure. Makes me wanna take him on, gunslinger to gunslinger.

Mecha Eli-chan: ...I think I'll hold off on my Rocket Punch after all. I wouldn't feel right using that in front of a gentleman so obviously attached to so old a gun.

Mecha Eli-chan: Efficiency is great, but it isn't everything. There's something to be said for putting one's heart into each and every shot fired.

Mecha Eli-chan: I know that's the sort of person I'd want piloting me.

Edison: Snipers!

Edison: Listen well, my Edison Army elites! Today is the day we finally get to conduct our long-awaited training drill!

Edison Soldier: Thanks for going to all the trouble to bring this heavy armor to Luluhawa for us, Mr. President.

Edison Soldier: Is that our target over there? The boards with that guy's picture on them?

Edison: Of course! I made those boards out of cheap plywood, so they should explode spectacularly!

Edison: Unfortunately, your accuracy with your machine guns is rather poor, since they have to be aimed manually and all.

Edison: Which is why I brought in a special instructor!

Edison: An amazing markswoman who can hit her mark with hardly a thought and without even looking at the target!

Edison: Ms. Artemis!

Artemis: That's meee☆ Hi, I'm Artemis! Goddess of the moon and the hunt, here on behalf of my darling Orion!

Artemis: If it's the bow you want to learn, I'll be glad to teach you everything I know!

Edison: And as you can see, she's a real looker, too! A round of applause for Ms. Artemis, men!

Edison: Captain Scáthach may be a harsh teacher, as you can see from her mercilessly prodding Master with her spear, but not Artemis!

Edison: No, our instructor is the very picture of grace and warmheartedness! Now go on and drink in her volup–er, voluminous techniques!

Edison: Hahaha, money is no object! Go ahead and use as much ammo as it takes! Miss as much as you have to!

Artemis: Who said anything about letting you miss shots? If any of you miss even one, I'll turn you into a deer and kill you on the spot.

Edison Soldier: Wat.

Artemis: I'm the legendary goddess of hunting, and proud of it! Nobody's ruining that reputation on my watch!

Artemis: Oh, and I can still turn you into deer even if you're machines. In fact, that makes it easier.

Artemis: So make sure to hit those targets like your lives depend on it, okay, guys?

Artemis: Don't worry, you'll be fine! Once, when I was bathing in a spring, Darling shot my change of clothes off the branch I'd hung them on from over two mountains away!

Artemis: If he can do that, you should be able to hit the target with your eyes closed and your backs turned!

Artemis: I know you can do this! You just have to believe in yourselves!

Edison Soldier: Oh God, she really believes that, too! That just adds to the pressure...! Hey, Boss!? Can we cancel this lesson, like, right now!?

Edison Soldier: If we don't do something now, we're going to end up the Deer Head Army!

Edison: (Suddenly nowhere to be seen)

Edison Soldier: Edisoooooon!!!

Captain Scáthach: That's enough! I see you've fired all your ammunition!


Fujimaru 1: (Thumbs up)


Fujimaru 2: Thank you, Captain!

Mash: I just finished the spec-ops course, too! There's nothing like the feel of actual recoil!

Bedivere: Turns out it's much easier to aim with a rifle than a handgun. Now I know!

Captain Scáthach: Good. I know I said some things I don't regret, like “Are you completely incapable of multitasking?”...

Captain Scáthach: ...“Did you already forget everything I taught you?” “You think you're the only one exempt from Earth's gravity!?” and of course “God, you suck!”...

Captain Scáthach: ...but you all stuck with it and succeeded. I'm proud of you.

Captain Scáthach: So now, you're fully accredited marksmen. Well, there's still one more thing for you to overcome...


Fujimaru 1: Is that what it sounded like...?


Fujimaru 2: The shooting range completely covered in dust clouds now...?

Captain Scáthach: Right. The wild chickens really don't like gunpowder smoke, and they're about to let us know it.

Captain Scáthach: Now that this tour is over, it's up to all of you to defend yourselves.

Captain Scáthach: Tourists, dismissed! I wish you luck getting through those birds and back to your hotel!

Mash: There's an army of wild chickens headed this way! Great timing! Now we can go duck–uh, chicken hunting, Senpai!

C:Mash: This is the perfect chance to put our new training to good use!


Fujimaru 1: I still don't get why you're so excited about this!

Interlude: Family Flag


Fujimaru 1: I think I'll take a little break...

Jeanne: Good evening, Master. Lovely weather tonight, isn't it?


Fujimaru 1: Still wearing your swimsuit, huh?

Jeanne: Of course. That way, I can go swimming whenever I feel like it.


Fujimaru 2: Are you taking a break too, Jeanne?

Jeanne: Yes, I am. I'm just on my way to the beach now.

Jeanne: Would you care to join me, Master?

Jeanne: I must say, Master, you certainly have your work cut out for you every year. First there was that desert island, then a race, and now, ServantFes.

Jeanne: And since it's summer, lots of Servants tend to get a little...out of hand.

Jeanne: Does it just not occur to them to try and conduct themselves more modestly?


Fujimaru 1: You sound like a head prefect...

Jeanne: Hehe, a head prefect, huh. As my Ruler self, that might well be what I most closely resemble.

Jeanne: But right now, I'm an Archer, and I have just a little more freedom than usual!

Jeanne: ...Yes, just a little!


Fujimaru 2: You sound like a mother...

Jeanne: I believe you mean “big sister,” right? Riiight?

Jeanne: I'm still too young to–I mean, it's too soon for me to be a parental figure...

Jeanne: So I'm perfectly happy sticking with my big sister position!

Jeanne: That said, I'm still in perfectly high spirits myself.

Jeanne: I can tell this place has had a relaxing effect on you too, Master.

Jeanne: Sure, it looks like there's something more going on behind the scenes, but never mind that now.

Jeanne: We're in Luluhawa! Relaxing is the order of the day!

Jeanne: Please, don't think of me as your Servant here. Let's see...

Jeanne: How about you think of me as your big sister?

Jeanne: That way, once it's time to get back to restoring humanity...

Jeanne: ...you can still count on me for any help you need.

Jeanne: Once you see what a good big sister I am, thanks to all the practice I've had with Alter and Alter Lily...

Jeanne: ...you'll be saying, “You're the best big sister ever!” before you know it!

Jeanne: All right, let's start by holding hands.

Jeanne: Every good big sister holds hands with her little [♂ brother /♀ sister]!

Jeanne: Now let's go!


Fujimaru 1: So I guess I have a big sister now.

Jeanne: And a super reliable one at that!


Fujimaru 2: Sister?

Jeanne: No, that doesn't sound quite right.

Jeanne: You really must call me “Sis,” or I'll simply ignore you!

Jeanne: ...What's that? I'm the one who's still acting a bit too formally?

Jeanne: H-hmm. You may be right.

Jeanne: I guess I need to learn how to be more casual if I'm going to be a good big sister...

Jeanne: Ahhh... Ahem, ahem.

Jeanne: Wh-what's up, [♂ buddy /♀ sweetie]?

Jeanne: ... ...I must say, that was a rather novel experience...

Jeanne: You know, while we're at it, why don't we invite Alter and Alter Lily to join us?

Jeanne: We'll be one big happy family! [♂ Three sisters, one brother /♀ Four sisters, all together]!

Jeanne: Ooh, here they come now. Over here!

Jeanne Alter: ...What the hell's this?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: It's almost my bedtime, you know!

Jeanne Alter: We got a little [♂ brother /♀ sister] now?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: All of us?

Jeanne: That's right!

Jeanne: I want you both to welcome our newest addition to the family: Fujimaru!

Jeanne Alter: ...So what I'm seeing here is that you got a suspicious chick hanging around you claiming she's your big sister.

Jeanne Alter: Listen, Master...

Jeanne Alter: When it comes to this kinda weird, creepy bullshit, you just gotta learn to be firm and say no.

Jeanne Alter: Otherwise you'll just get dragged into their freaky delusions.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Even though my whole thing is being prim and proper, I think this Luluhawa heat is getting to me, too...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: I should have known that winter is much better. Come ooon, hurry up and get here, winter!

Jeanne: Well that's too bad. They're being even more stubborn about this than I thought. Now what do we do, Fujimaru?

Jeanne: Hmm. I suppose we have no choice left but to persuade them a little more forcefully.

Jeanne: Mode Change!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Ooh, a dolphin! Hello, dolphin!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Aaah! So many teeth!

Jeanne Alter: The hell are you doing, Lily!? This bitch is trying to brainwash us with her fists!

Jeanne Alter: We need to take her down now, before Master starts buying into her crazy, too!

D:Jeanne: Come give me a hand, Fujimaru! Family needs to stick together!

--BATTLE--

Jeanne Alter: ...You really are my little [♂ brother /♀ sister].

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yaaay! I'm not the youngest anymore!

D:Jeanne: That's much better!


Fujimaru 1: Was it...okay to do that?

D:Jeanne: Of course! Trust me, your big sister is always right!

D:Jeanne: Phew. We both worked very hard today, didn't we.

D:Jeanne: All that's left now is to take a bath and go to bed.

D:Jeanne: And I certainly can't help you wash up now that you're so big, so...


Fujimaru 1: Uh, yeah, I got it, thanks!

D:Jeanne: Great. I'll be here when you get out.

Jeanne: All nice and clean now, Fujimaru?

Jeanne: Why am I on the bed? Why, so you can use my lap as a pillow, silly!

Jeanne: In fact, I insist on it! Now, up you go!

Jeanne: Well? How does it feel?

Jeanne: It's not too hard or anything...is it?


Fujimaru 1: N-no, it's, uh, nice and soft.

Jeanne: Great!


Fujimaru 2: (How am I supposed to sleep like this...!?)

Jeanne: What if I sang a lullaby? Would that help?

Jeanne: Heh... I never thought I would get to offer someone my lap after becoming a Servant...

Jeanne: This is a dream come true, Master.

Jeanne: ...Oh, right. You're my little [♂ brother /♀ sister] now, aren't you.

Jeanne: Good night, my darling little Fujimaru. Sleep well.

Jeanne: I promise you...

Jeanne: ...I'll do everything I can to make sure your life is peaceful and happy.

Jeanne: Teehee.

Mash: I see!

Mash: So that's why you were letting Senpai sleep on your lap all night!

Mash: I didn't even know that was a thing you could do!

Jeanne: Of course it is. I'm [♂ his /♀ her] big sister, after all!

Jeanne Alter: I finally came to my senses after waking up! You're not seriously my little [♂ brother /♀ sister], right?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Exactly! I know because [♂ he's /♀ she's] my BIG [♂ brother /♀ sister]!


Fujimaru 1: Guess the brainwashing hasn't worn off yet...

Interlude: Ibaraki's Summer, Hawaiian Summer

Mash: Good morning, Master. It looks like it's going to be another beautiful day in Luluhawa.

Mash: Why don't we start it off with some breakfast? Now what do I feel like today...

Mash: ...! Did you hear that, Master!? It sounded like it was coming from the buffet!

Mordred: The hell was that sound!? Yo, Master! Come with me!

Mordred: Dammit, how many times have I gotta tell you!? No fighting in the friggin' hotel!

Ibaraki-Douji: Om nom nom. (Gulp)

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Okay, let's get back to it!

Kiyohime: (Munch, munch) (Glug, glug)

Kiyohime: ...Ahh, that was delicious. Now, where were we?

Ibaraki-Douji: Hehehe. Here's to a good, clean fight.

Ibaraki-Douji: And by that I mean I'm gonna yank your guts out through your throat and use your entrails to hang you from the nearest Bunyan Fig tree!

Kiyohime: Ugh. You're disgusting. People eat here, you know.

Kiyohime: Why can't you just vaporize your opponents so there's no mess to clean up, like me?

Boudica: Um, personally, I'd kind of rather you didn't fight in the dining area at all?

Mash: U-um, excuse me? What's going on!?

Mordred: Didn't I tell you to cut that shit out!? If you're gonna fight, take it out to the beach!

Kiyohime: I'm afraid I can't do that. I would never be foolish enough to turn my back on an oni.

Ibaraki-Douji: Not doing it either. I know her type!

Ibaraki-Douji: She's the kind of monster who wouldn't think twice about lying to your face and stabbing you in the back!

Kiyohime: So? Of course I couldn't care less about anyone who isn't Master. What's your point?


Fujimaru 1: What's this all about now?

Kiyohime: Master!

Kiyohime: Oh please, help me! I was so scared!

Kiyohime: I was just defending myself against Ibaraki's terrifying outburst!

Kiyohime: No, I was fighting to protect humanity itself!

Ibaraki-Douji: What the hell!? She's seriously changed her tune here!

Mash: I understand how you feel. Kiyohime's sudden personality changes are...erm, drastic.


Fujimaru 1: All right. Kiyo, have a seat.

Kiyohime: 'Kaaay!


Fujimaru 2: I noticed you didn't come to spy on me today.

Kiyohime: No, though it wasn't for a lack of trying. Who knew hotels had such good security...

Mordred: ...I'm pretty sure our security ain't got nothin' on Chaldea's.

Mordred: If you wanna fight, take it to the beach. I'm the one who's gotta clean up this mess, you know!

Mordred: Now go on, and take Master with you!

Mash: So...why were you fighting, anyway?

Kiyohime: Well, it went something like this...

D:Ibaraki-Douji: Hm? Isn't that... Oh, it's just the little dragon.

Mash: Come on, Ibaraki, you should know better than to go around picking fights.

E:Kiyohime: ...Little? You're one to talk.

E:Kiyohime: What's an oni who's been banned from almost everywhere doing in a nice hotel like this?

E:Kiyohime: Shouldn't a Berserker like you be staying in a box on the side of the road or something?

Mash: And Kiyohime went and dumped gas on the fire.

D:Ibaraki-Douji: Hah! Hate to break it to you, but I'm a Lancer now. I've got twice as much patience and the same amount of hatred!

D:Ibaraki-Douji: I am SO strong right now! I could get used to this Lancer business!

E:Kiyohime: ...What? A Lancer?

E:Kiyohime: ...Welp, time for you to die.

D:Ibaraki-Douji: How does that make sense!?

Kiyohime: I trust you see now why that foul oni and I can never possibly get along!

Ibaraki-Douji: You're just being dumb!

Ibaraki-Douji: Come on, Master, I didn't do anything wrong, right!?

Ibaraki-Douji: ...I-in this...one, very specific case, I mean!

Mash: Lancer... Come to think of it, you're a Lancer now too, aren't you, Kiyohime?

Kiyohime: Exactly!

Kiyohime: That's exactly the problem! I knew you'd understand, Mash!

Mash: So...you tried to kill her because she's a Lancer, just like you?

Kiyohime: Yes, that's right.

Kiyohime: We're both Berserkers who became Lancers! We're far too much alike to be on the same stage!

Kiyohime: There can be only one!

Ibaraki-Douji: No there can't! I mean, yes there can! Wait... Uh...


Fujimaru 1: What about your Noble Phantasms? Those aren't similar, right?

Ibaraki-Douji: Yeah! Our Noble Phantasms are nothing alike! Mine is awesomely fun and flashy and just plain cool!

Ibaraki-Douji: And yours is... Well...

Ibaraki-Douji: I'm not usually one to judge, but isn't it kinda...grisly?

Ibaraki-Douji: I mean, it's something you came up with for the person you supposedly love, right?

Kiyohime: Is that a challenge!?

Ibaraki-Douji: Hey, I'm just calling it how I see it!

Kiyohime: You don't think my Noble Phantasm is grisly, do you, Master!?


Fujimaru 1: (Pretend not to see her)

Kiyohime: Hm? My lie-dar is pinging!


Fujimaru 2: (Whistle nonchalantly)

Kiyohime: Maaasteeer?

Ibaraki-Douji: Compare it to mine! It's so dazzling you'd never think it belonged to an oni, and it shines even brighter at night.

Mash: True, that Noble Phantasm does seem like it would be most effective at night.

Jekyll: That's perfect then. There's something I'd like you to help me with this evening.

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm?

Kiyohime: Huh?

Jekyll: You see...

Ibaraki-Douji: I can't believe he wanted us to use our Noble Phantasms to put on a show and spread the word about his hotel.

Ibaraki-Douji: Just what does he think oni are, anyway...

Kiyohime: My Noble Phantasm is only meant for Master...

Mash: (There are far too many ways to interpret that...)

Mordred: Ah, don't worry 'bout it. Just use it once and that'll be the end of it.

Mordred: Luckily, the beach here's pretty much overrun with crabs and chickens at night.

Ibaraki-Douji: Oh, that sounded like a chicken just now.

Ibaraki-Douji: Boudica!

Boudica: I know. Don't worry, the oven's all warmed up and ready. Just keep them coming.

Ibaraki-Douji: You got it! Just sit back and leave everything to me!

Ibaraki-Douji: All I demand in return is that you save the best parts for me!

Boudica: Yes, yes, I know.

Ibaraki-Douji: All right Master, let's do this thing!

Ibaraki-Douji: Fried chicken, deep-fried chicken, barbecue chicken, rotisserie chicken, chicken sashimi...

Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahahaha, this is shaping up to be a decent meal. Now let's chow down, oni style!

--BATTLE--

Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahahaha! Behold!

Ibaraki-Douji: The Fireworks of Mt. Ooe!

Mash: What a beautiful Noble Phantasm... It really is evocative of summer.

Ibaraki-Douji: Right?

Ibaraki-Douji: Jeanne Alter and Shuten came up with the name for it.

Ibaraki-Douji: Jeanne Alter's contribution was...

Jeanne Alter: Hm? Isn't your Noble Phantasm just, uh, what's it called...

Jeanne Alter: ...Raketen Faust, I think?

Ibaraki-Douji: No, no, it's nothing like that. First my spear turns into five spears, then it turns into a fist...

Ibaraki-Douji: ...then I imagine that they're Tsuna, and I punch the living hell out of them!

Ibaraki-Douji: And that launches them way up into the air!

Jeanne Alter: Ah, I gotcha. So it's an Ovaler Schnitt.

Ibaraki-Douji: Shuten fiddled around with my Spirit Origin to make it for me. She said if my Spirit Origin was gonna change, my Noble Phantasm oughta change with it!

Ibaraki-Douji: I was so glad she helped...but it really tickled!

Ibaraki-Douji: ...By the way, what language are those words anyway? It sounds really cool.

Jeanne Alter: German.

Jeanne Alter: I think if I were gonna name your Noble Phantasm, I'd call it something like...Encomium Moriae.

Ibaraki-Douji: Encomium Moriae...!

Ibaraki-Douji: And from Shuten...

Shuten-Douji: Hmm...

Shuten-Douji: I'm not really sure how one should go about naming a Noble Phantasm...

Shuten-Douji: Oh, wait, I just thought of something. Now what was it called again?

Shuten-Douji: We didn't have a word for it back when we were alive. You know, those things that tear off when you twist them, and fall apart if you squeeze them.

Shuten-Douji: Hmm. What was that called?

Shuten-Douji: Anyway, back to Noble Phantasms. If, by some quirk of fate, you find yourself with a new one someday, the question is this: What should you call it?

Shuten-Douji: ...Hmm...

Shuten-Douji: Well, Ibaraki, like I said, I don't know much about this stuff...

Shuten-Douji: ...but what about something like, I don't know, The Fireworks of Mt. Ooe?

Shuten-Douji: And of course, if you're gonna call it something like that...

Shuten-Douji: ...you'd better make sure it's as pretty as the real thing, you hear?

Shuten-Douji: Listen, Ibaraki.

Shuten-Douji: Oni like us are supposed to be greedy about everything, you know? It's in our nature.

Shuten-Douji: So if there's two things you want, you have to make sure you get both.

Shuten-Douji: Sure, you could find one thing you want and hang on to it, or find one person you want and gnaw on them till you'd gobbled up every last bit.

Shuten-Douji: That's a nice, simple, modest way of life. All well and good...for people who aren't us.

Shuten-Douji: We're oni. We don't do modesty or restraint. We take anything and everything we want.

Shuten-Douji: So if there's another name you want to add to your hypothetical new Noble Phantasm...

Shuten-Douji: ...just add it on top of “Fireworks.”

Ibaraki-Douji: And that is the epic tale of how my new Noble Phantasm got its awesome name!

Ibaraki-Douji: Now let's keep this show going! Kaboom!


Fujimaru 1: Oooh!


Fujimaru 2: Aaah!

Mash: Bravo!

Mordred: What's all that about? We just shout whatever comes to mind when watching fireworks?

Mordred: All right, I'mma get in on this too.

Mordred: Arthur!

Kiyohime: Dojo-ji Bell Form 108 - Karyu-nagi!

Kiyohime: Was that a compliment when you said my bell doubles perfectly as an iron griddle?

Kiyohime: Oh, I'd better make sure to cook the boar inside all the way through, or dinner could get kind of messy.

Ibaraki-Douji: All right, all done! Boudica! Boudicaaa!

Boudica: Don't worry, there's plenty to go around.

Ibaraki-Douji: Good, good.

Ibaraki-Douji: Still, as yummy as this is, it is getting a little boring having nothing but meat all the time...


Fujimaru 1: I figured you might say that, so I got you some dessert.


Fujimaru 2: Here, have a macaron.

Ibaraki-Douji: Ah! I didn't know you could read minds!

Ibaraki-Douji: Guess this means you Masters have to know how to do all sorts of things... Must be rough.

Ibaraki-Douji: Believe me, I know how tiring it is, always trying to be considerate and stuff. So don't worry about that tonight! Tonight, all you and I have to think about is eating as much as we want!

Mash: Today was lots of fun too, wasn't it?

Ibaraki-Douji: Eating succulent meat and sweet treats...

Ibaraki-Douji: Seeing pretty scenery, going swimming in the wide open sea...

Ibaraki-Douji: Hmph, I guess tropical life isn't too bad. It's the perfect place to experience all the summer indulgence humans love!

Interlude: Play Hard, Play Hard

Ushiwakamaru: Wow! Look at all this open space, Master!

Ushiwakamaru: It's as lush and beautiful as any grassy plain I've seen!

Ushiwakamaru: I can't believe this used to be the inside of a volcano!

Fou: Fou fou!

Mash: I'm glad Fou and Ushiwakamaru are enjoying themselves, Senpai. Taking a break outside was a really good idea.


Fujimaru 1: They do seem to be in high spirits.


Fujimaru 2: They do look happy about this.

Ushiwakamaru: Oh yes. I've been happy to devote myself to serving as your bodyguard, Master, but I plan on taking full advantage of this break time!

Ushiwakamaru: If I'm going to cut loose, then I'm going to cut extremely loose. That's just who I am right now.

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, Master, there's something I've been wanting to try together. Would you join me for it!?


Fujimaru 1: Of course!


Fujimaru 2: What is it?

Ushiwakamaru: Training! What else?

Ushiwakamaru: I think this will be of great help to you too, Master. Making a book takes a lot of stamina, after all.

Ushiwakamaru: And right now, the teaching of Mt. Kurama closest to my heart is, “Training is play, play is training.”

Ushiwakamaru: So on that note... Let's play, Master! (Puppy dog eyes)


Fujimaru 1: Can't argue with that.


Fujimaru 2: What are we waiting for?


Fujimaru 1: Catch THIS!

Fou: Foutch! ...Fo, fouuu.

Ushiwakamaru: Well done, Lord Fou! But now it's my turn! Go on, Master! Throw it faster and further this time!

Ushiwakamaru: Hah, piece of cake! How did I do, Master!?


Fujimaru 1: I'm not sure how I feel about treating her the same way as Fou...

Mash: Well, this is what she asked for...

Ushiwakamaru: Next, I–Oh?

Jack: (Staaare)

Nursery Rhyme: (Staaare)

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: (Staaare)

Bunyan: (Staaare)

Ushiwakamaru: Oho. I see some children looking this way quite intently.

Ushiwakamaru: ...Master?


Fujimaru 1: Of course it's fine with me.


Fujimaru 2: Do it, you two!

Ushiwakamaru: Now who could be out there spying on us... There you are!

Fou: Fou!

Ushiwakamaru: Aha! We've caught you now, you scoundrels! And now for your punishment... You have to join us!

Jack: It's okay if we play with you?

Nursery Rhyme: We can...?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Are you sure!?

Bunyan: Yaaay!

Ushiwakamaru: Of course. But be warned, our playtime is no ordinary playtime.

Ushiwakamaru: Here, playing is also training, and vice versa.

Ushiwakamaru: And that means you can come at me with everything you've got! I can take you all on without breaking a sweat!

Kids: 'Kaaay! Then here we gooo!


Fujimaru 1: (Huff... Huff...)


Fujimaru 2: I'm sweating like a pig...

Ushiwakamaru: Now I've got–

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily: Yah!

Ushiwakamaru: Wha...? Hiding in a pile of presents!? That seems kind of wasteful, but that's some quick thinking!

Jack: Ahaha! Everyone hide!

H:Nursery Rhyme: Teehee. Run awaaay!

Bunyan: Run for it!

Ushiwakamaru: Oh? Using Presence Concealment, turning into a book, riding off on Babe the ox...

Ushiwakamaru: I see you're all taking this seriously. Great! But don't expect me to go easy on you.

Ushiwakamaru: It may not be very mature, but that's all right; I'm a child now too! So howl, my Tengu Fan!

Nursery Rhyme: Eee, I'm going to blow away! Bunyan, please grow big enough for me to hide behind you!


Fujimaru 1: These kids sure have a lot of energy...


Fujimaru 2: I think I need a little break...

Fou: Fooou.

Mash: Yes, I'm drenched in sweat too. Why don't we take a break and cool off in the shade?

Mash: ...Huh? Isn't that...

Benkei: ...

Mash: It's Benkei. He's watching the others play.


Fujimaru 1: Why don't you join them?


Fujimaru 2: Just ask them if you can play too.

Benkei: Oh, hello, Master. Lady Mash. Thank you, but I'm not looking to join them.

Benkei: I would hate to inadvertently end up traumatizing the children, after all. Hahaha.

Benkei: No, I was just watching Lord Yoshitsune play. It is...deeply moving for me to see this.

Mash: That much...?

Benkei: Of course, I suppose I should be calling her “Lord Ushiwakamaru,” especially now.

Benkei: I think being on this island has helped her get a bit closer to who she used to be back when she was training on Mt. Kurama.

Benkei: ...To the best of my knowledge, she didn't have many friends back then. At least, none who were human.

Benkei: The only reason she survived was her affinity for nature, animals, and tengu.


Fujimaru 1: She must have had a wild childhood...

Benkei: But later, when she was commanding us as a warrior for the Genji clan...

Benkei: Well, she still had moments of lighthearted mischief, but she was first and foremost a cold, calculating general who strove for perfection in all of her actions and pursuits.

Benkei: So to see her playing so idyllically with children right before my eyes...

Benkei: ...is a novel, and deeply moving, experience for me.

Benkei: I feel as though I'm seeing another way my most renowned of lords could have turned out.

Mash: Benkei...

Ushiwakamaru: Hmm. No sooner do I come to ask Master and Lady Mash if they're ready to start playing with us again than I see your ugly mug.

Ushiwakamaru: But this works out nicely. You, Kaison, will be my new steed!

Benkei: You want me to give you a shoulder ride? Just like that? And please, my lord, my name is Benkei!

Ushiwakamaru: Oh, was it? Well, no matter. Our next game will be a joust!

Ushiwakamaru: I was planning to ask Master and Lady Mash to play, but now that you're here, I won't have to!

Ushiwakamaru: Now, ride like the wind, Hitachibou! This may be play, but it is also training! You monks like to train, don't you!?

Benkei: If this is your wish, my lord, I am willing to oblige... But please, for the moment, call me Musashibou!

Nursery Rhyme: Eee! That horsey's a scary muscle ghost!

Bunyan: Don't worry, we can beat him!

Benkei: Is that...Lady Bunyan on a giant blue ox, with three children sitting atop her head?

Benkei: H-how does that qualify as a horse!?

Ushiwakamaru: What, you don't think you can take them? I swear, this is the problem with you Benkei look-alikes...

Benkei: ...Rrraaah! I will overcome! (Desperately trying to convince himself)

Mash: Well...it looks like Benkei's going to get to enjoy the play-slash-training for himself.

Mash: Why don't we take advantage of this and relax a little longer?

Interlude: Loco Moco!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Hmm...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: To think there was an island so bathed in sunlight this far to the east. What a grand world we inhabit.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Now then, since this ServantFes event holds little of interest for one such as myself...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...how should I go about spending my time here...

Babbage: ...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Lord Babbage.

Babbage: Oh, if it isn't the samurai from the East. How do you do?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Oh, I suppose I cannot complain. How about you? What brings you to these parts?

Frankenstein: Loco moco! Hehe. We're all going for some loco moco!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Loco moco.

Babbage: Indeed. Loco moco.

C:: Fran absolutely insisted, you see, so we're going to a place that I'm told has excellent loco moco bowls.

C:: I confess, at the outset of summer, I never imagined I would have a chance to go out for loco moco bowls in Hawaii with just my dear daughter! Oh, and Babbage as well, I suppose.

C:: And after that, we'll go play on the beach and enjoy all the sights ServantFes has to offer. What more could a proud papa want?

C:: The answer, of course, is nothing. Hahaha, with a schedule like this, I will have nary a second to dream up my usual schemes!

C:: It's a shame, really, given that a certain dour detective seems to be stuck at Chaldea and therefore unable to interfere in any such dastardly designs.

Frankenstein: Papa, you're not going to start scheming again, are you?

C:: No, no, of course not! Perish the thought, my dear girl! Now then, what say we visit Diamond Head in the afternoon!

C:: I'm told the view of the beach from up there is positively divine.

C:: And given this marvelous time we live in, I have no doubt we will be able to reach the peak in some manner of luxurious conveyance! I can't wait!

Narration: (Disclaimer: The path to Diamond Head's peak is strictly foot traffic only.)

Narration: (Please also note that there are no vending machines on the trail, so make sure to bring plenty of water.)

Frankenstein: Hooray! Loco moco! Diamond Head!

Babbage: A trip to Diamond Head after a bowl of loco moco, eh. That does sound like a perfect way to spend the day.

Babbage: I beg your pardon, sir samurai, but we must be on our way.

Frankenstein: Oh. Want to loco moco with us, mister?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: I appreciate your invitation, but I was just planning to go for a walk around our lodgings.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Heh. Go and enjoy your time as a family.

Frankenstein: Okay! Thanks, mister! Let's loco moco together some other time!

C:: F-Fran? Fran! I don't know how I feel about you hitting on a man the same age as your papa!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: It warms my heart to see a family getting along so well.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: That aside...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...I have not the faintest notion of what loco moco is.

D:: Oh, Lord Tajima! What an odd coincidence for us to find ourselves on the same island!

D:: Are you here for ServantFes as well?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: No. Whatever the reason may be, I do not find these modern events to be to my tastes.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: And so I have elected to dedicate my time here to more traditional pleasures. What about you?

D:: I am actually in much the same boat.

D:: It does seem to be a fun gathering, but as I cannot draw to save my life, I am content to watch as others enjoy themselves.

D:: Besides, there are plenty of other fun things to do on this island, so I thought it would be best to attempt as many of them as I could.

D:: Hehe. I have to admit, it is nice, visiting another country like this.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Agreed. I can think of few better opportunities for broadening one's horizons.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: By way of example, I just learned of two words I had never heard before.

D:: Oh, really? What were they?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Loco moco.

D:: Loco moco.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Indeed. I have also been given to understand that there is something known as a "loco moco bowl."

D:: I see. Loco moco bowl, huh.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Indeed.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: The words “loco moco” have a delightful ring to them, but I cannot imagine what they might mean...

D:: Hm hm... Loco moco... Loco moco bowl...

D:: They do have a delightful ring to them, yes. Yoshihide would have loved to hear this when he was little.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Yes, good point. I can easily imagine young boys happily chanting these words amongst themselves. Shichirou would–

E:: Forgive me.

D:: Oh, hello!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Hmm. The kunoichi...

E:: I apologize for employing my Presence Concealment and removing it so suddenly. I am , and I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.

E:: I believe you were discussing loco moco? I too have heard of it.

E:: If you will permit me, I will share what I know.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: No need for such formalities. We are all Servants under the same Master now. Go on, tell us.

E:: As you wish.

E:: Loco moco is the name of one of Luluhawa's most famous foods.

D:: Food, is it...?

E:: It consists of white rice with a hamburger steak and sunny-side egg on top, with a bit of gravy added for additional flavor.

E:: It is delicious.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...I see.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: That would explain how such a dish could be served in a bowl.

E:: Yes, sir. (I would have thought that was obvious, but I'll keep that to myself.)

D:: I know of hamburger steak! And sunny-side up eggs, too!

D:: Lord Emiya and Lady Boudica have made both for me a number of times before. They are delicious!

D:: Although... Hmm...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Is something wrong?

D:: I am sure this is because it is a Luluhawan specialty, but... Well...

D:: I had already imagined a loco moco to be a cute, unusual creature indigenous to this exotic land...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: I see.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: It is too soon to give up. Loco moco could well be a dish named after such a creature.

D:: Hey, yeah!

E:: Um, I'm afraid that is–

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Well done, . From here on, we shall undertake the quest to uncover the truth of the loco moco ourselves.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Your assistance has been invaluable. I am in your debt.

E:: !!!

E:: I-I am but a humble kunoichi, my lord, and you are a renowned daimyo. Please, do not bow your head to me...!

E:: Oh gosh! Forgive me...!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Very well then, let us be on our way, Lady . We must solve the riddle of loco moco.

D:: Right!

E:: (Maybe I shouldn't have said anything...)

Edison: Oh? You want to know the origins of loco moco?

Nikola Tesla: I'm afraid I don't know much about Hawaii...

D:: I see... That's all right. I am certain we can track down its etymology on our own!

D:: I am certain that it must be an adorable animal beloved by children everywhere.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Indeed.

Lion & Gentleman: ???

Helena: Hey guys! It sounds like there's a really fun discussion going on here. What are you all talking about?

Lion & Gentleman: (The gentlemen explain.)

Helena: Loco moco's origins?

Helena: Hmm, that's a tough question...

Helena: Nobody knows for sure where the words “loco moco” came from. We don't even know if they originated in Hawaii.

Helena: What we do know is that they're well established by now. The first thing that would come to most people's minds upon hearing them is that dish.

Helena: It seems not knowing the name's origin hasn't stopped it from becoming such a widely popular term...

Helena: It's really kind of mystical in its own way when you think about it. ...What brought this up, anyway?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Hmm. So its origins are unknown...

D:: Please cheer up, Lord Tajima. This is actually good news!

D:: This leaves us with the possibility that it may indeed have once been some sort of cute creature. Perhaps a Phantasmal of some sort!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: A child of monsters, eh... I see. That would certainly explain its strange yet pleasant-sounding name.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Truly, you are possessed of a wondrously flexible mind, Lady . It is no wonder you...

D:: Hehe. Thank you, Lord Tajima. But this isn't over yet. Now that we have come this far, we should see this through till the end.

D:: Maybe one of this island's elders will know something about it!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Very well. Then let us be on our way.

D:: Great! And let's ask Lady to join us, too!

Edison: ...There they go.

Nikola Tesla: I can't seem to recall any creature called a loco moco, in Hawaii or anywhere else, for that matter...

Nikola Tesla: ...but I didn't even get a chance to say so. Hmm.

Helena: Don't worry. This is all part of Mahatma!

Helena: It may be difficult spending all your time looking for the truth of something you're not even sure exists, but doing it on a trip for a little while can be a lot of fun.

Helena: And who knows? They might just make a fascinating discovery!

Helena: Now come on, guys! Let's go see what new Mahatma we can find here in Luluhawa!

Lion & Gentleman: Oh crap. Now they've got her going too!

Interlude: Pulling an All-Nighter Is a No-No

Nightingale: There will be no more staying up all night.

Nightingale: I originally thought that making doujin was more of an idle pursuit, but it seems I was mistaken.

Nightingale: I have since learned it is an act of creation just as arduous as writing a book.

Nightingale: As such, I will not hesitate to take any and all measures I deem necessary in order to preserve Fujimaru's health.

Nightingale: Is that clear, everyone?

Nightingale: No staying up all night.

Mash: O-oh no... Nightingale practically kicked in our door!

Mash: Um, Nightingale, I know we do sometimes stay up late for a few days in a row to finish everything, but–

Nightingale: No staying up late, either.

Nightingale: Repeatedly staying up late leaves you drained. I won't have it.

Nightingale: If your schedule is so tight that it requires you to sacrifice crucial sleep, I would say that's a problem with the schedule, wouldn't you?

Nightingale: One must know what one can and cannot do, and work accordingly. To do that, one must begin by going to bed and waking up early.


Fujimaru 1: So making doujin is as arduous as writing a book, huh...

Nightingale: Yes, that is what I'm told.

Nightingale: I heard all about it from Andersen and Shakespeare, the two unhealthiest Servants in all of Chaldea, so I have no doubts regarding its accuracy.

Nightingale: And now, you're attempting to follow in their footsteps.

Nightingale: This, I cannot ignore.


Fujimaru 2: Did Andersen and Shakespeare tell you that?

Nightingale: They did.

Nightingale: Thanks to them, I managed to get wind of this situation before you all collapsed from exhaustion.

Nightingale: It was a close call to be sure...but now that I'm here, you can all rest easy.

Nightingale: I WILL keep you all healthy, even if I have to take your lives to–

Jeanne Alter: Oh, shut up!

Jeanne Alter: If you came here to help, then start by filling in the inks! If you can handle drawing the frames, even better!

Jeanne Alter: But if you just barged in here in the middle of the night to get in our way, I'll show you about burning the midnight oil!

Robin Hood: Hey, Alter, I know how you feel, but take it down a notch. She's just worried about your health.

Jeanne Alter: I don't need her worry! I need help! That and time!

Jeanne Alter: Day, night, I don't care! If you're not willing to sacrifice your time and your body for our work, then just go already!

???: I heard that!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Wh-wh-wh-what are young men and women doing holed up in the same room in the middle of the night!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Whatever it is, I won't have it. Modern sensibilities and this island may allow it, but I forbid it!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: It is absolutely unacceptable for men and women to lie together!


Fujimaru 1: Aw, crap. Just what we needed...

Mash: Y-yes, this does seem like it will complicate things...


Fujimaru 2: Crap, it's Raikou the prefect.

Mash: Chaldea's shadow prefect... I didn't know you were still on duty this year!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Of course I am!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Since Monk Sanzang has nothing but her tropical vacation on her mind at the moment, it falls to me alone to protect public decency!

Nightingale: ?

Nightingale: What are you supposed to be? “Public decency”...? I don't know what you're talking about.

Nightingale: Health and life are all that matter. Public decency is secondary at best.

Nightingale: That isn't to say it doesn't have its place, but this? This is a matter of life and death!

Nightingale: Now move aside so I can treat my patients, shadow prefect.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I will not! The only one moving aside here will be you, nurse of darkness!

Mash: Nurse of darkness...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I know it is your duty to protect life and limb. I usually have nothing but respect for that...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: However...that is not the only thing I know, Lady Nightingale!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: No matter how devoted to protecting life and limb you may be, going around in that...that...Mystic Code, was it!?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Going around dressed in such an aggressive fashion, administering shots...!

Nightingale: Ah, you mean my summer nurse uniform. Yes, it is a very functional outfit.

Nightingale: Aggressive, you say? Of course it is. It must be.

Nightingale: It is my combat uniform, designed to help me go on the attack as Chaldea's head nurse. Why wouldn't I wear it?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: !!!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Th-th-th-then you freely admit to dressing that way deliberately! I-I can't believe it...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Just how much indecency are you concealing beneath that smock...?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh, and I almost forgot! I know you once wore a Mystic Code like this as well!

Nightingale: Of course. When I work as a lifeguard, I must wear a swimsuit. What of it?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Gnnn...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Y-y-you won't defeat me that easily! If you're going to be so brazen, without any shame whatsoever, then I...!

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I...!

F:Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...have no choice but to do THIS!

Mash: (H-how does that make sense, exactly!?)

Nightingale: Why did you change into a swimsuit? Don't you realize we're still indoors?

Nightingale: I see, you must be hallucinating. In that case, I must tend to your mental health.

F:Minamoto-no-Raikou: Go ahead and try!

F:Minamoto-no-Raikou: But let's discuss this outside, so as not to bother everyone else!

Mash: U-um, both of you, please try to calm down...!

--BATTLE--

Count of Monte Cristo: ...Oho.

Count of Monte Cristo: I'm surprised to see you out here on the beach by yourself, Fujimaru.


Fujimaru 1: Well, you know...


Fujimaru 2: I just really needed a breather...

Count of Monte Cristo: Heh. No need to justify yourself to me.

Count of Monte Cristo: You have your own battles to fight. Of course you need your rest.

Count of Monte Cristo: The nighttime waves offer no solace for me, but for you...that may not be the case.


Fujimaru 1: Do you not like the sea?

Count of Monte Cristo: Hmph. I don't care about the sea.


Fujimaru 2: (Look at the sea without saying anything)

Count of Monte Cristo: ...

Count of Monte Cristo: Hm? ...Someone's there.

B:???: Well, well. I thought it might be nice to go for a moonlit stroll for a change, and who should I encounter but the two of you...

Count of Monte Cristo: I know that voice.

Scáthach: At ease, Avenger. We are both on vacation now, are we not?

Count of Monte Cristo: I have no intention of losing myself in idle pleasures.

Scáthach: Your dress suggests otherwise.

Count of Monte Cristo: Let's just say that I got tired of hearing others constantly tell me I was in danger of losing my mind if I continued to wear black in the tropics.

Scáthach: I see. And you believe that outfit lets you blend in, do you?

Count of Monte Cristo: Perhaps.

Scáthach: I don't buy it. You are a Servant. You may have just decided to follow Master's lead.

Count of Monte Cristo: Kuhaha... Interesting. By virtue of being a Servant, huh. I suppose that's one way to look at it.

Count of Monte Cristo: Fujimaru, the night is long. I advise you to spend it with caution, so that you live to see morning.

Scáthach: Hmm, using your spirit form to flee? Well that's too bad. I was planning on putting you both through your paces.


Fujimaru 1: Uh–


Fujimaru 2: Scáthach, does that mean

Scáthach: Of course it does.

Scáthach: It must be fate that brought us together on this moonlit beach. What better way to spend it than with a little training!

Scáthach: You're working hard to finish a book in time for ServantFes, aren't you? Then you'll need all the stamina you can get.

Scáthach: Haha, don't worry, it's no trouble! I'll just have you run a few wind sprints, dodge a few beach balls...

Scáthach: ...and finish up with a little spear dodging as well. I'll have you working up a good sweat in no time!


Fujimaru 1: Th-that's very kind of you, but–

Scáthach: I told you, it's no trouble! I could do this all night! In fact, I think I will!


Fujimaru 2: Help me, Count of Monte Cristo!

Scáthach: Hahahaha. I told you, don't worry about it.

Scáthach: Now come on! We have all night, so let's make the most of it!

Interlude: Shadow and Shadow, and Shadow

Mash: That was a great meal. I guess we ended up having lunch kind of late today, didn't we, Senpai?

Robin Hood: Ah, don't worry about that. This banana sauce is the best no matter what time of day it is.

Mash: So what shall we do this afternoon? Do we keep working on the book, or maybe go sightseeing?

Robin Hood: Put me down for sightseeing. We could rent a boat, do a little scuba diving, and... Hm?


Fujimaru 1: Well that's not shady at all...


Fujimaru 2: I'll try asking him what he wants...

Robin Hood: Yeah, we should probably do something about him. Don't want him ruining all the other tourists' lunches by making them feel watched.

Robin Hood: Hey, you in the hood. We see you there, slinking around the shadows. What gives?

Emiya: ...This doesn't concern you, Robin Hood. Just forget you ever saw me.

Emiya: I am currently on a solo mission for extremely personal reasons that even I don't fully comprehend.

Emiya: Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you guys or any of the other guests.

Mash: The problem is, uh...creeping around armed to the teeth like that is a little...menacing on its own.

Mash: It makes you look about five times as murderous as usual. Is everything okay, Emiya?

Emiya: ...

G:Emiya: ...Yeah, everything's fine. It's just, that family over there's...

G:Emiya: ...Never mind, it's nothing. I'm just making the most of my time in Luluhawa.

G:Emiya: ...!


Fujimaru 1: Now he's furious!?


Fujimaru 2: What!? What happened in the last five seconds!?

G:Emiya: It's not you guys. It's those men over there who look so shady...!

Illya: La la laaa♪

Ruby: You're certainly in a good mood, Illya. Was that loco moco really that delicious?

Illya: It sure was! I've never had authentic gravy like that before!

Illya: Mommy's loco moco bowls were always yummy, but the loco moco here is yummy too!

Illya: Right, Chloe!? Right, Caster!?

Chloe: Yeah, it was all right, I guess.

Irisviel: Teehee. Yes, I liked it a lot too.

Irisviel: I never thought I'd get the chance to try tropical cuisine in this body. Life really is full if surprises.

Irisviel: Not to mention I got to meet all of you, too. What a lovely day this is turning out to be.

Ruby: Yep. Sure are a lot of strange coincidences now and then.

Ruby: Never would've pegged a pretty lady like you a Caster what with you all flustered trying to figure out what to order.

Irisviel: Thank you all again. This was a wonderful lunch.

Illya: Thank YOU! I'm so glad I got to have lunch with you, Caster!

Chloe: Come to think of it, this is the first time Mothe–I mean, Caster and us have all eaten together, isn't it.

Illya: Uh-huh!

Chloe: ... ...

Chloe: (Oh, Illya. All those times we told her to mind her own business, and she still can't help herself.)

Ruby: (Now, now, no harm in talking to new people occasionally, right? Besides, it's summer vacation!)

Chloe: (Summer vacation? What do you think Chaldea is, a school?)

Irisviel: Chloe?

Chloe: Aah! Sorry! It's nothing...really.

Illya: Hehe. What's with the cutesy, shy act all of a sudden, Chloe?

Chloe: M-me, cutesy!?

Irisviel: I don't know if our paths will ever cross again...but this was lovely. Thank you all again. I had a lovely time.

Irisviel: Are you all going to ServantFes?

Illya: Hmm. It looks like a lot of fun, but... (Glance)

Chloe: No thanks. Not my thing.

Illya: Aww, come on! Can't we at least go for a little bit to see what it's like!?

Blackbeard: Exactly! Vacations like this are a rare opportunity, especially where ServantFes is involved!

Blackbeard: I know, we can cosplay together! Like they say, if you've got it, flaunt it☆

Blackbeard: And you two have what it takes to dominate! I'd love to see your beast mode up close and personal...!

Blackbeard: Bring that out, and you could absolutely destroy Medb. You'll go down as ServantFes legends!

Illya: (Face that practically screams “Huh? Who's this creeper?”)

Blackbeard: Isn't that right, Ukulele Sensei, talk of the nighttime bar scene?

Ukulele Star: I can't speak to that. But I do think it would be wonderful if that older woman there were to join them.

Ukulele Star: Cosplay is all about contrast. Having a cute cosplayer and a beautiful cosplayer side by side, well...

Ukulele Star: ...there's nothing better in my book...

Chloe: (Face that practically screams “Huh? What's going on”?)

Blackbeard: You know, you're right. I was so focused on the little beast in front of me that I lost sight of the HD image.

Blackbeard: Then on that note, how would you like to join us as well, milady? If it's a new costume you want, I've got volunteers who are more than happy to provide.

Irisviel: Oh my, really? Thank you, sirs, that's very kind of you.

Irisviel: Then...perhaps I'll try dressing up as a magical girl alongside Illya and Chloe.

Blackbeard: Hooo baby, now you're talking!

Blackbeard: All right men, bring me the finest tailor in all of Luluhawa!

Blackbeard: And step on it, before Master shows up to stop us like some sort of Counter Force! Right, Sensei!?

Ukulele Star: True... It seems I have no choice but to ride this wave...

Emiya: ...I thought I'd start by offing those guys, if it's all right with you.

Robin Hood: Now I get it. Don't worry, we won't stop you. Hell, for this, we'll even lend you a hand.

Robin Hood: It'd be one thing if those girls volunteered to attend the con, but that's practically a scam!

Mash: Blackbeard may be a lost cause, but I do think that musician could stand to think about what he's doing...

Mash: If he keeps this sort of thing up, he'll bring shame to the rest of the Round Table...


Fujimaru 1: All right.


Fujimaru 2: Let's do it.

Emiya: I'll separate them from the girls. Lucky I still have some flash bombs.

Emiya: Oh, you want to know how they're used? Like this.

Blackbeard: What the hell was that!? My eyes! My eyeees!

Blackbeard: Get ready men, we're under attack! Dammit, what's BB's con staff doing here!?

--BATTLE--

Illya: H-huh? What happened to all those people surrounding us?

Chloe: All I know is I saw a bright flash, and then they were gone... I wonder what that was all about.

Irisviel: Too bad... I was looking forward to taking a picture of all three of us...

Illya: No! No way! That would just bring all sorts of deviants out of the woodwork!

G:Emiya: ...Thanks. I don't know why that was bothering me so much, but I feel better now.

Emiya: All right, I'd better go keep an eye out for any other potential Blackbeards.

Emiya: Gotta make sure things stay nice and peaceful around here, after all.

Mash: I see Emiya's going back to tailing...I mean, protecting Irisviel and the others.

Mash: I think we all know why Emiya is so nervous, but some things are better left unsaid!

Interlude: Full of Dreams! Making Doujin


Fujimaru 1: Now, what should I have for lunch today...

Fou: Fou, fooou☆

Mash: Huh? Senpai, look, over there. Is that...

Mash: Um... Maybe we should go see what's going on?

Mash: N-not because I think he's done anything wrong or anything. Just out of curiosity!

C:: Hey there. How's it coming along?

Katsushika Hokusai: Finished it ages ago. This what ya had in mind for my guest art?

C:: Hah, this is incredible. It's exactly what I had in mind. You're the best, girlie. Thanks a million.

C:: Wish I'd met you back when I was alive. The upper class is gonna love this, no question...

C:: But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's your payment, before I forget.

Katsushika Hokusai: All right, pardon me while I make sure it's all here... Yup, we're good.

C:: Sorry for taking up your time like this when I'm sure you've got your own doujin to work on.

C:: Honestly, I was amazed you agreed to take this on so quickly. I take it things are going well with yours?

Katsushika Hokusai: Hell no.

Katsushika Hokusai: I like to pride myself on my speed, but the number of pages I gotta draw every day is rough, even for me.

C:: Then I really don't get why you agreed to do this guest art. Why didn't you just say no?

Katsushika Hokusai: Oh, that? More often'n not, you work faster by mixin' it up while you're takin' a break.

Katsushika Hokusai: 'Course, I expect takin' a break from drawin' one art project ta work on another might be weird...

Katsushika Hokusai: ...but that's just how we painter types are. Nothin' we can do about it.

C:: So that's how it is, huh? Well anyway, you helped me out a ton. I'll send you a sample book as soon as they're ready.

Katsushika Hokusai: Sounds great.

Katsushika Hokusai: All right, guess I'd better get back ta my doujin...

C:: Hmm. That's most of the contributions I need taken care of. All that's left now is...

Mash: He almost seems like...an editor.

Mash: I wonder what sort of book he plans on making?

Mash: ...And look, Senpai. Now someone else is coming.

Bunyan: Mr. Beardyyy!

Nursery Rhyme: We're all done!

C:: Hey, that's great. Let's take a look.

C:: Hah, this is great. Really great!

C:: There's some real practical pioneering advice here, and the way it's all presented picture-book style catches the eye and makes it real easy to follow!

C:: Thanks for the contribution! Here's your payment.

Mash: (Huh? Another one...?)

Nursery Rhyme: Oh my goodness! You're really giving us this many Gil Bucks!? Wow! We're rich!

C:: 'Course I am. A promise is a promise, right?

Bunyan: Merci, monsieur! Now I can try REAL Hawaiian flapjacks!

Nursery Rhyme: Ooh, I know! Why don't we invite Jack and Jeanne and have a tea party! Would you like to join us too, mister? Or do you still have to work?

C:: Yeah, 'fraid I do. Still got things I have to take care of.

C:: You need great art if you're gonna make a great book. I'm gonna keep working to make that happen.

C:: The road ahead might not be easy...but as long as I keep moving forward, I know I'll reach my destination!

Bunyan: Ah! It's the same with pioneering!

Nursery Rhyme: Good luck, Mr. Evil-Looking Beard!

Mash: What a heartwarming sight... There really is something wonderful about putting in hard work to achieve your dreams!

C:: Good. Now, let me double-check what I have from guests so far...

C:: Emperor Caligula's poem, “Nero,” Fran's handprint, Pārvatī's curry recipe, along with this, and this...

C:: ...Hehe. Heh heh heh...

C:: With name recognition like this, even an anthology of guest contributions'll sell in the millions.

C:: If I price it at (mumble), I can pay all my guest contributors and still come away with...

C:: Hahaha! I just can't stop smiling!

C:: I'm so glad I didn't agree to pay them a percentage of the proceeds. 'Course, it helps that I only asked people I knew would never ask for that.

C:: Nobody loses! I didn't have to lie, and it's not even illegal. It's perfect! Everyone comes out of this happy!

C:: And I don't have to write a single page myself.

Mash: W-well...I suppose, technically, he's still putting in hard work...

C:: I can't believe how easy it is to make money off other people's work these days. All I have to do is manage them!

C:: This is amazing... This island is like a dream come true... Who knew office work could be this much fun!


Fujimaru 1: He's totally ripping off his guest contributors, isn't he?


Fujimaru 2: I think we have to do something about this.

Mash: You're... You're right. If he plans to sell his book based on the fame of his contributors, they deserve a fair share of the proceeds.

Mash: I have no problems with an editor being fairly compensated for their work...

Mash: ...but that doesn't give one the right to treat their writers and artists unfairly.

Mash: I just hope all the contributors can still make that sort of contract with him...


Fujimaru 1: Times like this, we need the Man in Red.


Fujimaru 2: Times like this, we need a good lawyer.

Mash: Yes, I agree. We should fight illegal acts with the law, and fight lawlessness with speech.

Mash: This is exactly the sort of time to call on him!

C:: Noooooo! Copyright? Author's rights? Royalty payments!?

C:: It's gone...all gone! I've lost everything!!!

C:: But I almost had him! I'll do better next time...! I'm sure of it!

Mash: ...I'm glad justice was served, but...I can't help but feel a little sorry for him...

Mash: Oh? Isn't that...

Murder Crab: (Gnash!) (Gnash!)

C:: Wh-what the...!? Get away from me! I'm too sad to fight back!

C:: Hey, watch the beard! Stop gnawing on my anchor! What the hell are these things!?

Mash: Oh no! A huge throng of crabs showed up out of nowhere and started attacking !

Mash: I can't believe such dangerous creatures were hiding out on this beach the whole time...!

Cool Beach Guy: Hold it, girl I've never seen before. Don't go near those things.

Cool Beach Guy: Those crabs are the King of the Storm's minions, lured here by the scent of stray dogs.

Cool Beach Guy: That man has no one to blame for his current predicament but himself. Don't waste your time trying to save him.

Cool Beach Guy: There are some gnarly waves coming in at that beach right over there. They're just like the ones at the Strait of Dover.

Cool Beach Guy: So what do you say? (Gleaming smile) Care to join me and Fujimaru?

Mash: I'm sorry, stranger, but I'm kind of busy right now!

Mash: We need to help ! Let's go, Master!

Cool Beach Guy: Huh? But, doesn't catching waves sound a lot more fun?


Fujimaru 1: Sorry, this is just what we have to do right now.


Fujimaru 2: You should drop the act and just ask normally.

Cool Beach Guy: Oh man, I failed again... I could have sworn I nailed my opening lines this time, too...

--BATTLE--

C:: You guys really helped me out... I wish you hadn't seen that...

C:: Hehe... Thanks for going out of your way to help an old loser like me.

C:: Now that I've got a second chance at life... I know exactly what to do with it.

C:: Just you wait, Fujimaru and Mash! Who cares about a few little setbacks!?

C:: One of these days, I'll assemble the ultimate anthology, with all the best talent in one book!

C:: I'm gonna be the king of the doujin!

Interlude: A Story about a Certain Break Time

Nitocris: We're here. Now, what should we have for lunch?

C:: This restaurant looks expensive. Do we have enough money in the day's budget to eat here...?

C:: Are you sure we won't spend all we have and die from starvation...?

Nitocris: We're not going to die!

Nitocris: Ahem. Our club, The One Thousand and One Night Offerings Collective's doujin has been proceeding well so far...but this is where it really gets interesting.

Nitocris: We need to eat lots of good food now so we'll have the strength to face the challenges ahead.

Nitocris: We certainly can't live off protein bars and energy drinks, like that weird bat girl. That's the kind of idiocy that would get us killed.

C:: ...!

C:: ...You have convinced me.

C:: And it has been some time since we left our room, so having a proper meal does seem like a good idea...

Altria Alter: Welcome, young ladies. What can I get for you? Perhaps several of our most expensive items?

Nitocris: You work here? I could have sworn I saw you in a different restaurant...

Altria Alter: Heh. When you reach my level of excellence, you are able to write your own ticket, so to speak. Any number of establishments will seek your skills.

Altria Alter: In addition to waiting tables, I am also a master chef and a fastidious cleaner. Suffice to say, there is much more to me than my penchant for popsicles.

Altria Alter: Now, what will it be? If nourishment is what you need, I recommend the Hawaiian Burger Combo Meal.

Altria Alter: The burger is too well prepared to offer much sustenance, but the mountain of fries that comes with it is cooked in delicious oil, and will ensure you leave with full bellies.

Nitocris: I see. Well, in that case...

Nitocris: I know, right! That page is some of my best work, if I do say so myself!

C:: Yes, the expressions were masterfully done. I was very impressed...

Nitocris: Hehehe. And personally, I think I did a pretty good job on the other parts, too!

C:: (She must be talking about the Pharaoh Phun Phacts she snuck into the corners of each page.)

C:: (The sheer passion she puts into those is certainly something...)

C:: (I couldn't believe my eyes when I first noticed the panel frames were actually tiny verses extolling the pharaohs' praises. Of course, even if the readers happen to notice, they'll need magnifying glasses to read them...)

Nitocris: Okay! Now that we've had our meal, let's return to our room and get back to work!

C:: Yes, I suppose we should. Excuse me, could we have the check, please?

Altria Alter: Coming right up, young ladies. I am glad you enjoyed the food.

Altria Alter: This is the outrageous price you must pay for your meal of unhealthy junk food made from healthy Hawaiian ingredients.

C:: Um, yes, all right. (Paying the exact amount shown on the bill)

Altria Alter: ...

C:: ...? (Why did she draw her rifle instead of going to the register...?)

Altria Alter: I think there may be some mistake here, young ladies. It is clear for all to see that you are royalty.

Altria Alter: As such, I believe an appropriate gratuity would be thirty percent, yes?

Nitocris: Oh, r-right, I'm sorry. Come on partner, you should know better than that.

Nitocris: Let's see... Will this take care of it?

Altria Alter: ...Fantastic. Very well then, have a wonderful vacation. R.I.P.

C:: Why did you give her that extra money just now? Was it a bribe for her to spare our lives...?

Nitocris: No, no, it was her tip. I know they don't do this where we come from, but in Western countries like the United States, it's customary to pay waiters a percent of your bill as a tip. Required, even.

C:: I see... I had no idea...

Nitocris: I was surprised when I first learned about it too.

Nitocris: But after thinking it over, I realized it was no different from offering a word of praise to the servants who would fan me all day on top of paying their salaries.

Nitocris: In that sense, it's an excellent opportunity to show off the generosity of the pharaohs!

C:: I see... So, how much are you required to give them?

Nitocris: How much money, you mean? It depends.

C:: ...!

Nitocris: I heard that it tends to be around ten to twenty percent of the total bill.

Nitocris: Oh, but in fancy restaurants like this one, it's more common to tip twenty to twenty-five percent, so that's what I did just now.

C:: Y-you're kidding... Then, there's no telling how much money you might be required to spend!?

C:: That's horrifying. I could wind up dead...well, financially!

Nitocris: ...

Nitocris: I didn't say anything when we left our room because I thought you already knew, but...you're actually supposed to tip housekeeping too.

Nitocris: That's why I left that bill on top of the bed.

C:: N-now that you mention it, you did, didn't you! I just thought that was some sort of ritual peculiar to the pharaohs...

C:: Incidentally, what would happen if one forgot to tip?

Nitocris: Well, it's very rude not to, so I imagine housekeeping would be fairly upset.

C:: ...

Mordred: I'm upset.

Mordred: Clarent Blood Arthur!

Jekyll: I'm upset too.

Hyde: Hahahaaa! I can't hold back anymooore!

C:: That would be fatal!

Nitocris: Wh-where's this coming from!?

C:: Hurry, we need to get back to our room before housekeeping arrives.

C:: Now I understand. The most dangerous thing to beware in this country is death by insufficient tipping...!

C:: I had no idea this custom was so critical to one's survival... I'll need to be more careful in the future...

Nitocris: ...