Prosperous Chocolate Gardens of Valentine
Prologue: The Girl in Love and Chocolates
Narration:
Valentine's Day...
A day of battle that happens once a year.
Narration:
But...this time the battle began well in advance of the day itself.
Narration:
It began the moment they decided to communicate their feelings with chocolate, the moment they made chocolate the vessel of their wishes.
Narration:
For some, it began a year ago, when they shed tears over chocolates they could not muster the courage to give.
Narration:
And now, one girl prepares to step onto the battlefield...
Narration:
...Really, if we get right down to it,
that's where all this started...
Narration:
Don't get the wrong idea though. The girl shouldn't be criticized. She did nothing wrong.
Narration:
She only did what any girl in love would do.
Narration:
That's right. Things just happened to unfold that way, as naturally as the numbers two and three follow one.
Narration:
Of course, for the moment,
no one knows that this is the beginning.
Narration:
None could have anticipated that this girl's ordinary actions would lead Chaldea into a great crisis!
Kiyohime:
I love you!!! (Greeting)
Kiyohime:
Now then...what kind of chocolate (read: me) should I give Master this year?
Kiyohime:
I see now that wrapping myself in a ribbon and nothing else and presenting myself as 100% Kiyohime chocolate was taking things a bit far.
Kiyohime:
Though there could be no more fitting chocolate to demonstrate my love for Master, it was pointed out to me that my gift was difficult to...“eat”...
Kiyohime:
And I knew they weren't lying, so that was acceptable.
I suppose I should be more mindful of the recipient...
Kiyohime:
Hmmm...then what about this year? What should I put in... What percentage of me should I put in...?
Kiyohime:
...
Kiyohime:
Teehee. Planning something like this is fun.
I hope you look forward to it, Maaaster♥
Fou:
...Foou?
Fujimaru 1:
...Uh, it's nothing.
Fujimaru 2:
I just felt the most dreadful chill...
Fou:
Fou?
Kiyohime:
Oh, that's right. No matter what I end up making, the first step must be to purchase the base ingredient: cooking chocolate.
Kiyohime:
The commissary is always swamped this time of year, and of course, one must “strike while the love is hot”!
Narration:
～ Commissary ～
Kiyohime:
(While hastily opening up purse) Hello! I would like some Servant Specialty Plain Chocolate, please!
Kiyohime:
...Oh? It's closed...
And what is this note?
Kiyohime:
Let's see...
Narration:
Notice regarding
“Servant Specialty Plain Chocolate.”
Narration:
The Chaldea Commissary has always offered chocolate made from divine cacao and capable of enduring the magical energy inherent in the cooking processes of most Servants.
Narration:
Jaguar Warrior normally provides us with the cacao in exchange for collected Jaguar Stamps.
Narration:
However, we received the following notice from Madame Jaguar yesterday: “Nope. Furrget it. Can't do it. I can't get cacao anymore... Oopsie.”
Narration:
We are thus regrettably unable to procure a shipment of this product at this time.
Narration:
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Narration:
Madame Jaguar's response can be found below: “It's not my fault. Sure, purrhaps they found out that I kept going into Tezca's territory to smuggle the stuff back here...
Narration:
...but even then, it's still not MY fault!”
This is repeated several times.
Kiyohime:
WHATTHEHECK!?
Kiyohime:
This... This is a CRISIS! No normal chocolate can withstand my burning desires and cooking methods!
Kiyohime:
Specifically, I wouldn't be able to blend it with my miraculous Elixir of Love!
Kiyohime:
And while I'm sure everyone else is on the same boat...
Kiyohime:
I suppose these chocolates require something special that makes it possible for them to survive being handled by Heroic Spirits.
Kiyohime:
Yes... So I need to find a replacement, and quickly!
Kiyohime:
I must find special chocolate...or special cacao beans that can be used to make such chocolate!
Kiyohime:
Nothing...
Kiyohime:
Nothing...
Kiyohime:
There's absolutely nothing!
Kiyohime:
Oh my...
I've looked everywhere and found nothing...
???:
Oh? Are you in some sort of trouble?
You can confide in me.
???:
My apologies. I failed to introduce myself. I am a completely trustworthy wandering desert merchant.
Kiyohime:
I'm still not sure who exactly you are, but a traveling merchant is a godsend to me. You see, there is something I am searching for...
Kiyohime:
So, here is what I need...
Would you happen to sell such a thing?
???:
Hmmm... Sorry... Unfortunately, I do not carry specialty chocolate or cacao beans of that sort.
Kiyohime:
I see... (Disappointed)
???:
But, but! I may know where you could acquire such delicacies.
Kiyohime:
Really!? If you are lying, my vengeance will be terrible! But if you speak the truth, I will reward you greatly!
???:
Oh, I assure you it is true. If you continue on,
you will find a place...well, a floating place...
Kiyohime:
Oh my... I never imagined that it would be a giant floating garden... How curious.
Kiyohime:
However, with the power of love, I can easily infiltrate the place, no matter high up it may be.
Kiyohime:
After all, they say that distance is no obstacle for love. Why should altitude be any different?
???:
Oh? I wasn't expecting visitors...
Kiyohime:
Hm?
Kiyohime:
My apologies.
Are you the owner of this place?
???:
Are you kidding me? If the Hanging Gardens of Babylon are not mine, then whose would they be!?
Kiyohime:
I see. This place looks like the genuine article...like a confection shop run by an owner who has a proper education in their craft.
Kiyohime:
I have a good feeling about this!
Kiyohime:
I'm here because I heard this place may have chocolate that could withstand the cooking and preparation techniques employed by Servants. Is that true?
???:
Chocolate, you say!?
Kiyohime:
Do you have any?
???:
Of course I do.
Kiyohime:
Oh!
???:
That's actually a stupid question. Haven't you noticed? What do you suppose that thing next to the throne is?
Kiyohime:
Oh my! That looks like a chocolate fountain!
All I can say is...w-wow!
???:
Obviously. This garden's sole purpose is creating chocolate. Well, for the time being, at least.
Kiyohime:
Well, I'm convinced. May I have some, then?
I will pay a fair price, of course.
Kiyohime:
Come! Come, now! Please hand it over!
Kiyohime:
I've searched everywhere for this! I cannot wait any longer! I'm so excited, I fear that the fires of my love may burst forth!
???:
...Don't get too close. It's hot. It's sweltering. Stop right there. Come any closer and I'll kill you.
Kiyohime:
Oh, I'm sorry. How careless of me.
Kiyohime:
Even for the sake of love, I should not have allowed myself to forget my manners. At any rate...GIMME!
???:
Heh. You are certainly fearless,
making such bold demands of an empress.
Kiyohime:
Well, I'm not called “hime” for nothing.
And the power of love makes me invincible.
???:
Oh? Fine. Your moronic insolence amuses me. I may consider being generous and gracing you with some of my chocolate.
???:
Ah, but I suppose compensation is in order.
Not money, though. Labor would be more appropriate.
Kiyohime:
What do you mean by “labor”?
???:
Much as I hate to admit this, I was actually starting to reach the limit of chocolate production on my own.
You, therefore, will help me.
???:
But you alone will not suffice.
I will permit you to bring others you trust to assist.
???:
When you have done that, we will speak more.
Kiyohime:
...So that's what happened.
Kiyohime:
And that is the reason why I brought you,
my most trusted person, my dear Anchin, here♪
Fujimaru 1:
I-I-I see...?
Fujimaru 2:
I don't understand, but okay.
???:
Hm. So you brought along a rather dull-looking [♂ boy /♀ girl].
I suppose I can say you brought someone who at least appears to lack the capacity for scheming.
Da Vinci:
Well, well. This is a surprise.
Da Vinci:
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon...
The Noble Phantasm of the world's earliest poisoner.
Mash:
Yes. And that poisoner...is the empress of ancient Assyria, Semiramis!
Semiramis:
Oh? You know my name?
Semiramis:
Well, as famous and illustrious as I am, my Noble Phantasm, story, and such would obviously be very widely known to future generations.
Semiramis:
That is the price one pays for one's fame.
It does not trouble me.
Semiramis:
So. Chaldea, you say?
What other things do you know?
Da Vinci:
Hmm. Only what legend tells us. Ah, but I do know about your Noble Phantasm's limitation too.
Da Vinci:
...Namely, that it cannot be operated unless it uses soil and stone from your homeland.
Da Vinci:
A strict limitation for sure, but because of that,
it appears to be a very powerful Noble Phantasm.
Mash:
Yes. It is an incredible flying fortress, and so imposing! That means the very ground you stand on is actually her Noble Phantasm, Senpai!
Fujimaru 1:
I knew that!
Kiyohime:
Of course my Master knew! So knowledgeable!
My love for you only grows!!!
Fujimaru 2:
I didn't know...
Kiyohime:
Your willingness to not be concerned with minutiae is inspiring, Master! My love for you only grows!!!
Da Vinci:
I allowed Fujimaru to go because Kiyohime said she didn't sense any hostility.
Da Vinci:
But had I known it was Empress Semiramis,
I may not have permitted it.
Semiramis:
Oh? As I welcomed you personally and gave you the rare favor of an audience...
Semiramis:
...are you busier worrying about being poisoned than appreciating your good fortune? How annoying.
Da Vinci:
Right back at you, Empress Semiramis.
Da Vinci:
As I said, we know all about you.
Especially about your wickedness.
Da Vinci:
Armed with that knowledge, if we weren't cautious, wouldn't we be precisely the fools that you most despise?
Semiramis:
...Hmph. How canny of you.
Semiramis:
But you have a point. Had you approached me blindly and without any knowledge of me, I would have torn you apart limb from limb.
Semiramis:
But if your caution arises from your awareness of how terrifying I am, I will permit it.
Semiramis:
Nonetheless, you have no reason to be concerned this time. Had I intended to kill you, I would have done so the moment you arrived.
Semiramis:
After all, I had plenty of time to activate my Tiamtum Ūmu, even before you set foot here.
Semiramis:
My purpose here is simple:
I merely want to make chocolate.
Semiramis:
To make as much as I can, and of the very highest quality. That is the earnest wish of this floating garden.
Mash:
So what Kiyohime was saying was true.
Um...if I may ask...for what purpose?
Semiramis:
...
Semiramis:
My counsel is mine to keep.
Semiramis:
Do mere subjects need to understand the workings of their empress's mind? I think not.
Semiramis:
Even inquiring into such a thing should be criminal. Neither ask nor concern yourself with that. As my subjects, you need only obey.
Kiyohime:
When did I become a subject of yours?
I don't recall that happening.
Semiramis:
I will ask the questions here.
Will you help me, or will you not?
Semiramis:
If you assist me, I will sell you some of the final product. I guarantee the chocolate will be of the very highest quality.
Semiramis:
Cool, sweet, bitter, and rich...a most delicious treat to be sure.
Semiramis:
Chocolate seeps into the very depths of the human body,
and at times can become something quite lethal...
Semiramis:
All of this is to say that chocolate is a form of poison.
Semiramis:
And so, as the original poisoner, I could never make chocolate of anything but the highest quality.
Kiyohime:
Master...? (Stare)
Da Vinci:
Ahem, Fujimaru...
Da Vinci:
Just a quick reminder that Chaldea will not be receiving its usual cacao shipment this year.
Da Vinci:
Chocolates are a luxury item, so it wouldn't be the end of the world if we didn't get any...
Da Vinci:
I personally resolved to give cookies as a gift this year, but I'm sure there will be others who are not so understanding and adaptable.
Da Vinci:
Particularly the young lady hovering so earnestly at your side.
Da Vinci:
Well, it's really up to you, Fujimaru.
I'll leave it to the judgment of the Master.
Mash:
...(Fidget, fidget)
Fujimaru 1:
Can't have Valentine's Day without chocolates!
Fujimaru 2:
If it'll make everyone happy, I'll help!
Mash:
...!
Kiyohime:
That's my Master! And you're doing it all for me...
Ahh, this is definitely all in the name of...LOVE!
Semiramis:
Hmph. A just conclusion. You were dreadfully slow to answer, though. Even my dove familiar could have made a swifter response.
Da Vinci:
Now that they've agreed to help out,
what do you need them to do?
Semiramis:
I'm going to make a chocolate production facility on this floating garden. You will be my laborers.
Semiramis:
This entire garden is my territory. I can change it however I wish, but to do or make anything I will require materials with which to work.
Semiramis:
Your task will be helping me collect these materials for the creation of my production facility. I will leave the work and task management to you.
Fujimaru 1:
I see...
Semiramis:
The only resource I have in this floating garden is the special cacao tree. It is the crucial ingredient for this chocolate fountain, but...
Semiramis:
...it is still not enough. I need so much more, and will also need more knowledge and experience to develop new production methods.
Mash:
Did you start off by growing the cacao tree?
Semiramis:
Like I said, the floating garden is my territory. How foolish of you to believe that the time it takes to grow and harvest something for me here would be the same as in the outside world.
Kiyohime:
Well whatever it is, I will work my hardest to help you! Please ask me anything, Master.
Kiyohime:
Teehee... What good fortune to have a collaborative venture like this.
Kiyohime:
I never thought we would find chocolate, the crystalization of our love, here of all places... I know now that my gift this year will turn out splendidly!
Semiramis:
Fujimaru, was it? I will accept nothing short of selfless diligence on your part.
Semiramis:
Do not forget the honor bestowed upon you. I will not permit you to think of this as a part-time job or to do your work halfheartedly.
Semiramis:
Devote yourself to aiding me, as if you were dedicating your life to my service. Understood?
Fujimaru 1:
We'll do our best.
Fujimaru 2:
I don't know about my life...
Semiramis:
You hesitate. Is the honor of serving me insufficient?
Do you require further incentive?
Semiramis:
Normally, the reward for such greed in my court is a sweet death...
Semiramis:
...but I am nothing if not magnanimous. I will offer you a position of great import. You will not complain in that case, will you?
Semiramis:
Good, then I shall temporarily appoint you as my Special Chocolate Production Minister here within my floating garden.
Semiramis:
You shall serve as my second-in-command for the monumentally important task of chocolate production.
A magnificent honor, don't you think?
Fujimaru 1:
A...minister...!?
Fujimaru 2:
The future of Chaldea's sweets and candy...in my hands...!?
Mash:
(...I feel all she did was give a very clear definition of her hierarchy...)
Semiramis:
Right... When you give a subject status and prestige, they are more motivated to work harder.
Semiramis:
I will send out my dove familiar to continuously monitor your work and also to gather information about the current state of production.
Semiramis:
Know that my eyes will always be upon you.
Do not even think about cutting corners.
Semiramis:
Now go, Fujimaru...you pushover!
Semiramis:
Relish the joy of being in my service,
and devote your body and mind to your work!
Semiramis:
Your work will grant you the privilege of watching this floating garden become a chocolate paradise!
Chapter 1: Grow! Cacao Tree
Cú Chulainn:
Hey, Master.
We're done planting the trees.
Cú Chulainn:
All that's left is to see how they actually grow.
'Course only this empress lady would know about that.
Cú Chulainn:
Really, though...why did we even get called over here to do this?
Fujimaru 1:
Uh... Well...
Fujimaru 2:
I thought you were right for the job...
Cú Chulainn:
I'm not complaining or anything.
I'm actually surprised how easy this was.
Cú Chulainn:
...I'm sure these guys feel the same.
Karna:
I agree.
This was not a particularly taxing task.
Vlad III:
I concur. Though I am a warrior, I did not find working with the dirt to be especially difficult.
Vlad III:
After all, the proper placement of a stake requires it to be thrust into the earth. This merely requires a different perspective than my norm.
Diarmuid:
Farmwork is like a battle against oneself.
This is good, honest work.
Diarmuid:
Admittedly it's a bit unsettling to think that this is all for chocolate and the evil ritual of Valentine's...but that's another matter.
Diarmuid:
Cacao trees are not tainted by sin.
They have nothing to do with charming others.
Diarmuid:
Were I to make a wish, it would be that these cacao beans are put to peaceful uses.
Diarmuid:
Sheesh, what the hell is that empress think–
Diarmuid:
(Ah! Is the empress's familiar watching?)
Diarmuid:
(Honestly, we need to be careful about her.
Never met her, only heard stories, but...)
Diarmuid:
(...a woman like her who stands solitary and proud, but hides a sense of loneliness, is the sort who tends to turn the tables on you.)
Cú Chulainn:
Why the long face, young warrior? You look like you're very worried about things yet to come.
Cú Chulainn:
Well, I don't blame you. Women get so wound up this time of year. It's such a pain.
Cú Chulainn:
I mean, I don't give a rat's ass about chocolate or these traditions, but if getting a box of it'll settle things, I'd rather deal with it than with them.
Cú Chulainn:
And really, if it wasn't chocolates, I'd be REALLY worried about what the replacement might be.
I doubt I'd even be able to sleep.
Cú Chulainn:
Yeah, especially with Medb–
Medb:
With Medb WHAT, my dear Cú!?
Cú Chulainn:
Speak of the devil!
Didn't you come kinda quick, Medb?
Medb:
I heard what you said!
I had no idea that you felt that way about me!
Medb:
Are you saying that trying to entice you with chocolates is annoying and futile!?
Medb:
...Hmm. Now that I think about it, though, I guess it is...
Medb:
Well then, I suppose I'll have to start from scratch in my strategy for Operation: Get My Cú.
Medb:
Maybe I should change it up by smacking him in the face with my chocolates so he'll physically get the message!
Cú Chulainn:
See!? What a pain in the ass! Enduring the sweet smell of chocolate is a hundred times better than THAT!
Cú Chulainn:
Diarmuid, I'm leaving the rest to you! Go ahead and make those scarecrows to ward off wild animals!
Diarmuid:
Yes, but Child of Light...I thought you were supposed to procure the materials for making the scarecrows!
Cú Chulainn:
Yeah, I got them from the storage room. Use those. I don't know what they are, but they seem to fit the bill. ...See ya!
Karna:
Hm. They really do seem to be perfect for the job...
Karna:
It's as if we once had all been together, in a different world... That's how this feels...
Karna:
Ah. What wonderful weather.
A perfect day to do some farmwork...
Chapter 2: Do Your Best! Paracelsus-kun
Fujimaru 1:
What the hell?
Fujimaru 2:
What is that?
Paracelsus:
This is Mini Paracel. Is there a problem?
Mash:
You say that like it's a normal thing...
Paracelsus:
My apologies.
It appears an explanation is necessary.
Paracelsus:
Let me ask:
What is chocolate production, really?
Paracelsus:
It's the result of processing a fruit called cacao, which is transmuted into something else via heating and drying techniques and other human intervention.
Paracelsus:
This changes its shape and aspect into something not possible in nature...
Paracelsus:
It is, therefore, truly the work of man.
Fujimaru 1:
In other words, chemistry.
Fujimaru 2:
In other words, alchemy.
Paracelsus:
Exactly. You are very quick to understand.
Paracelsus:
Therefore...unworthy though I may be,
I have come to help.
Paracelsus:
Different people working to produce chocolates using cacao beans will not always yield to the same results.
Paracelsus:
The efficient refining of such materials takes skill.
Paracelsus:
As such, my facility with alchemy may be of some use to you.
Paracelsus:
What do you think, Master?
Mash:
His logic is indeed quite convincing.
But...what is that mysterious-looking doll?
Paracelsus:
It's quite simple.
Paracelsus:
The amount of cacao beans produced will increase daily. There is, however, only one of me. If things continue as they are, I will not be able to manage matters by myself.
Paracelsus:
So I have created more of me.
Mash:
Wha...!?!?!?
Paracelsus:
It is a special homunculus given a specific set of skills for a predetermined period of time. That would be the simplest way to think of it.
Paracelsus:
It demonstrates extraordinary talent only in the task of producing chocolate using cacao beans.
Paracelsus:
To use more modern parlance: this is like a robot designed for a specific task.
Paracelsus:
Hmm... Yes, that might be more appropriate.
Not a genuine homunculus, but a robot.
Fujimaru 1:
But isn't it moving on its own?
Paracelsus:
Obviously it is capable of acting autonomously.
Remote operation would be another burden on me.
Paracelsus:
But, again, it is expressly limited in its function.
Paracelsus:
While it can be fully entrusted with the process of chocolate production, it will not take any other commands.
Paracelsus:
By creating more of these, I can boost the efficiency of our chocolate output.
Paracelsus:
...Master, I'm sorry to trouble you, but I'd like you to procure the materials necessary for that endeavor.
Mash:
Um...it looks to me like the Mini Paracel is modifying the production system on its own...
Paracelsus:
Correct.
Paracelsus:
I have given it sufficient discretion to make any changes it determines would result in the more efficient production of chocolate.
Paracelsus:
So a modification of the production system may very well be possible.
Mash:
...Master, Master.
Mash:
I don't mean to be rude to Paracelsus,
but I have a bad feeling about this...!
Mash:
I'm not saying he's going to betray us or anything, but...
Mash:
...there is a possibility that his good intentions may cause trouble in the long run...
Fujimaru 1:
That's Paracelsus for you.
Fujimaru 2:
We'll keep an eye on him. It'll be probably be fine... Yeah...
Mash:
Yes. Sorry to trouble you,
but please watch him carefully!
Chapter 3: Work! Chocolate Factory
Semiramis:
The factory that I had you build in order to truly get production going seems to be working well.
Semiramis:
Of course, I would expect no less from my Special Minister, but I suppose I must follow the dictum of rewarding good work and punishing bad work.
Semiramis:
So firstly, I shall reward you with praise.
Good work, Fujimaru.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you.
Semiramis:
Of course, the point of a factory is to consistently create something of amazing quality in large amounts.
Semiramis:
In that respect, I must reward the one who decided upon and set the flavor of my Hanging Gardens brand chocolate.
Semiramis:
I tried it myself, and was pleased to see that it is quite delicious.
Semiramis:
So, accept your praise as well...who was it, now?
My Roman three-star super taster...
Fujimaru 1:
Sounds shady...
Caesar:
Of course that's what I'd call myself. I certainly wouldn't call myself a pâtissier. Why? Because I can't for the life of me make pastries.
Caesar:
I'm merely a man defined by my passions!
I eat! I savor! I require more!
Caesar:
And obviously, I do not hesitate to state my own opinions when it comes to taste.
Caesar:
I'll have you know...
Caesar:
Should my divine palate come in handy,
then my gourmet journey thus far was not in vain!
Caesar:
Your words humble me, O beautiful empress.
Caesar:
Or rather...
Caesar:
...most incredibly beautiful empress!
Semiramis:
S-sure.
Caesar:
You may not know this, but I myself was once a ruler too. The great nation of Rome was mine to command.
Caesar:
I was more of a dictator, really, but it would not be inaccurate to say my position was akin to emperor.
Caesar:
That is to say that we are of the same rank and station...or perhaps I am even higher, historically. The only one who might exceed me is the Holy Progenitor.
Caesar:
So there's no need to feel reserved when speaking with me. Your heart should always be well-rounded, just like my rotund physique!
Caesar:
What do you say? Perhaps we can have dinner together afterward, or better yet, shall we nibble on chocolates while we whisper sweet nothings to each other–
Fujimaru 1:
Caesar...um...
Fujimaru 2:
I'd quit while you're ahead...
Caesar:
What? Why are you getting in my way, Master?
Caesar:
I worked hard.
A hard worker should be compensated justly.
Caesar:
I seek only what I am due, and in the natural course of conversation, I was succeeding in making an offer that could not possibly be resisted.
Caesar:
As a descendant of the goddess of beauty, I should showcase how Rome's best lady-killer makes his move–
Caesar:
Hm? What are you doing, Master?
What are you pointing at...?
Caesar:
Hnnng! Et tu, Master!?
Fujimaru 1:
Murder, Cleopatra wrote.
Cleopatra:
Lord Caesar!? Did I just hear you speak words that should never pass your lips?
Cleopatra:
Were those the words of a man who has a queen for a wife, and yet tries to put the moves on another woman?
Caesar:
Hahaha. Hush, my Cleopatra. No need to be so cranky. Have you been eating properly?
Caesar:
And you must have been hallucinating.
Caesar:
You are a smart woman who is in control of her body and mind, but you do sometimes hallucinate when fatigued.
Caesar:
Take a break from that diet of yours.
Take a rest right here.
Caesar:
Oh, and I just remembered an errand I need to run. Sorry, but I must say goodbye for now!
Cleopatra:
Ah! I'm not done, Lord Caesar! If there is something about me that leaves you unsatisfied...!
Caesar's Voice:
...There's nothing. You are and always will be my best woman, beautiful beyond compare. The most valuable woman in the world...
Cleopatra's Voice:
...My, are you trying to flatter your way out of trouble?
Cleopatra's Voice:
I will not allow it. The most valuable person in the world is you, the wonderful Lord Caesar...
Caesar's Distant Voice:
Oh, my loving lady of the Nile... You are captivating and catty, like a beautiful Abyssinian cat...
Cleopatra's Distant Voice:
Oh, Lord Caesar!!!
You are truly handsome...if I only look at your face...!
Fujimaru 1:
...
Semiramis:
What...was that?
Fujimaru 1:
Please don't mind them.
Fujimaru 2:
Valentine's Day can have that effect.
Semiramis:
...I see. So that is how a couple with mutual affection for one another behaves...
Semiramis:
No matter. The factory is working flawlessly.
Continue your work on its management and expansion.
Edison:
By the way!
Edison:
I'm not saying this because I want to be praised, since I'm an adult and all, but about this mass production system and factory architecture...
Edison:
All of it was made possible thanks to the tireless efforts of yours truly, the unparalleled DC genius! You haven't forgotten that, right? Right!?
Chapter 4: Work! Choco-Golem
???:
This must be the place.
Nikola Tesla:
Even without Presence Concealment, my burning disdain for mass production facilities has managed to bring me here undetected.
Nikola Tesla:
Ugh, what a truly horrid, evil DC factory.
Nikola Tesla:
...I sense neither Servants nor humans lurking about.
I just need to be quick, then.
Nikola Tesla:
Much as I'd like to blow this place to smithereens,
that would make me no more than a terrorist.
Nikola Tesla:
Unlike that DC devil, an AC gentleman understands what is right and wrong. I must act with dignity and purge the evil from this factory.
Nikola Tesla:
Perfect. I've changed the power system from DC to AC. And...this must be the factory operation manual.
Nikola Tesla:
A great genius like me does not leave the details untended. Hah! I will switch their operation manuals out with the ones I prepared.
Nikola Tesla:
The diagrams all have images of AC circuits hidden within, undetectable by the conscious mind...
Nikola Tesla:
On each page, the letters “A” and “C” are always bolded...
Nikola Tesla:
Anyone reading the manual will be subtly guided to the conclusion that the factory should be run on AC!
Nikola Tesla:
What an efficient means of education... Have I just discovered an aptitude for instruction in myself?
Nikola Tesla:
Now that should do–Hmmmmrgh!?
Nikola Tesla:
(What's going on!? Something's grabbing me...
I didn't even sense anyone... Hyaaah!)
Nikola Tesla:
Hm. It appears I have destroyed it.
It was...a golem...?
Nikola Tesla:
!!!
Edison:
Hah! So you did come, plebeian!
I just knew you couldn't resist meddling!
Edison:
There's nowhere to run.
Take a good look around you.
Nikola Tesla:
...? So the guards are indeed golems.
But that coloring and sweet scent... Could it be...?
Edison:
Yes. These are the dedicated, industrious employees of my factory! My Chocogolems!
Edison:
Well, technically the empress created them, so they aren't MINE per se...
Edison:
...but they never complain about benefits, do not require rest, don't ask for pay, and taste good on top of it all.
Edison:
They kill FOUR birds with one stone!
Ah, if only I'd had employees like them in my company...
Edison:
And these guys don't just work in the factory. They also handle other tasks. They are wonderful simple workers.
Edison:
And naturally one of their tasks is the eradication of any AC-obsessed stupidheads who foolishly attempt to infiltrate my factory in the dark of night!
Nikola Tesla:
Ha! Since Master is involved in this operation,
I had intended to resolve it peacefully...
Nikola Tesla:
...but it seems that I must tear this place down!
I will rip out the hideous weed that is DC root and stem!
Both:
(Pant...pant...)
Edison:
I'm still standing...!
Nikola Tesla:
As am I!
Justice is mine...!
Semiramis:
UGH! BE SILENT!
Semiramis:
And what is this blinding light!? Are you both mad, causing such uproar in the middle of the night?
How am I to sleep in this racket!?
Edison:
Ah, my empress. I apologize if I interrupted your repose. This criminally foolish AC fanatic is to blame.
Nikola Tesla:
I was simply defending myself, my lady. I will have you know that I am a peaceful and mild-mannered gentleman.
Nikola Tesla:
While it is true that I snuck in here for a covert operation, I can assure you that I've done nothing wrong as a scientist.
Nikola Tesla:
And actually, I am honored to be in the august presence of such a great empress.
Semiramis:
Hm?
Nikola Tesla:
My empress. O great lady of a beautiful heart. I can say with certainty that those who love birds are of pure and noble heart.
Nikola Tesla:
That is my honest opinion.
So please, as a fellow lover of doves, hear me out.
Nikola Tesla:
Using the wrong kind of energy will lead only to disaster!
Nikola Tesla:
Of course, chocolate mass production is all fine and good, but you should reconsider what type of system you want to power it!
Nikola Tesla:
More specifically, you should think seriously about how trustworthy that furry scoundrel really is!
Semiramis:
(...Sigh). As long as the chocolate continues to flow,
I do not care what manner of power...is...used...
Semiramis:
Well...now that I think of it...
Nikola Tesla:
???
Semiramis:
...Yes, while I do not care about how the necessary power is generated, I confess to having a simple, childish curiosity...
Semiramis:
Curiosity about which of you two is able to produce more electrical power...
Both:
Me, of course!
Semiramis:
Hah. Words are cheap.
Show me who is superior.
Semiramis:
I will arrange it so that each of you may power a separate factory at the same time.
Semiramis:
Each factory will have the same number of golems.
The only difference shall be the power you provide. I will determine which factory is superior by seeing which produces more chocolate.
Edison:
Ah, interesting. Are you really up to the task, Tesla!?
In a battle of mass production, I am sure to be the victor!
Nikola Tesla:
Quit your yapping, lion-head. My limitless genius will show you how extraordinary my production can be!
Semiramis:
Fine, fine. I don't care anymore. Chocogolem, get these two out of my sight and to their separate factories.
Semiramis:
I've seen enough. Those two may be useful separately, but putting them together is dreadfully irritating.
Semiramis:
At any rate, now I have twice the power, and golem minions. My chocolate production can only increase now!
Semiramis:
And then, when all is said and done...
Semiramis:
Hehehe...(Yawn)
Semiramis:
...I'm going back to bed...
Chapter 5: Harvest! Mandchocoragora
Cú Chulainn:
Okay, easy, eeeasy...
Narration:
IyyyaaaAAA...!!!
Cú Chulainn:
Crap, that's no good.
Stop! Stop harvesting!
Diarmuid:
To think that we might still die even with our ears protected by runes...! Can't underestimate the mysterious chocolate plants the Empress created.
Cú Chulainn:
I mean, I'm not sure why it was a good idea to crossbreed cacao plants with mandrakes...
Cú Chulainn:
I was hoping at least the cacao plant would make it lose the whole...deadly scream aspect. But I think that's actually gotten worse...
Karna:
So what are we going to do? According to Semiramis,
we need to finish harvesting this field today.
Karna:
She mentioned that the plants might wilt by tomorrow.
We cannot just stop now and leave this unfinished.
Vlad III:
Indeed. We took such care in raising these crops.
It would be a shame to allow them to wilt.
Vlad III:
It would be like letting an enemy go after you've pushed them to the brink of defeat. True victory lies in finishing your enemy off.
Cú Chulainn:
Well...okay, but I really don't much like the idea of someone dying every time we pull a plant up. Hmm...
Cú Chulainn:
...
Cú Chulainn:
Guess I have no choice.
Wait right there.
Nero:
Lancer. What is this job that you say only I can do?
Nero:
Valentine's is a season of passion. As the Emperor of the Rose, this is a busy time of year for me!
Cú Chulainn:
Well, uh... How to explain...
You can see we're in a field, right?
Nero:
I'm not sure what you're getting at, but yes, I can see a handsome field. Is this a new species of plant? They're quite cute, I must say.
Cú Chulainn:
(So she thinks these flowers with faces are cute...)
Cú Chulainn:
Sooo...apparently modern man has this theory that playing classical music while growing plants yields more delicious produce.
Nero:
...
Nero:
Ah, I get it!
Nero:
Umu. Understood! Wonderful music, you say?
And you want these plants to hear it? Here, right?
Cú Chulainn:
Yes. Correct. (Preparing rune ear plugs)
Cú Chulainn:
I'll give you a signal on when to start. When I strike the ground with my hoe, unleash hel–Err...start singing.
Nero:
Very well! I heard somewhere that the Celts preferred shouting to singing, but I knew that one day my song would reach your hearts!
Nero:
Right then, I will give it my all!
Nero:
I was planning on holding a three-day, three-night concert event headlined by Nero, with an opening act by Nero, featuring Nero, Nero, and more Nero!
Nero:
This will be my rehearsal for...Nerostock!
Cú Chulainn:
Sounds like hell to me. Anyway, I'm ready. Go ahead and get singing. Ready? One, two...one, two, three...!
Cú Chulainn:
Now!
Nero:
Boeeehhh♪
Narration:
LiyaaaAAAAAAAAAA—!
Cú Chulainn:
Good! That...uh, “song” is countering the plants' screams of death! Keep going so we can harvest them all! Hurry!
Cú Chulainn:
Keep pulling them out! If we don't keep them screaming, her song'll kill us instead!
Nero:
...Whew. It's been a while since I sung to my heart's content. That was satisfying.
Nero:
Hm? But, Lancer...it looks like these plants are not growing so much as tumbling off the vine. Is that okay?
Cú Chulainn:
S-sure. Your song was just too much, and the plants just couldn't stop growing. We're just harvesting them all before they get too mature.
Nero:
I see. I'm just happy that I was able to help!
Nero:
It's been a while since I gave it my all, so I'm quite tired. I'll give my voice a rest for the day.
Nero:
See you! Call me back whenever you need me to sing again! I am generous, and would never skimp on giving my fans what they want.
Diarmuid:
I feel a bit guilty...but let's just be glad we managed to harvest all the plants.
Cú Chulainn:
I had no choice. There...there was no other option. You fight fire with fire, and horrible death sounds with...horrible death sounds.
Karna:
Isn't there another field we need to harvest today?
What should we do about that?
Cú Chulainn:
...I guess I'll go find that dragon girl...
Da Vinci:
Crossbreeding cacao with mandrakes to make chocolate-bodied mandrakes...
Da Vinci:
I'm not sure how good of an idea that was... Is this even something within the boundaries of ordinary magecraft,
I wonder...?
Da Vinci:
If we just treat chocolate as a kind of poison and assume this is all being done to create superior poison-based magecraft, then fine. But if not...
Da Vinci:
...Hm. It looks like Chaldea's supply of and demand for chocolates are starting to balance out.
Da Vinci:
I had better keep an eye on the situation...
Chapter 6: Shady! Death Choco Magic Research Institute
Gilles de Rais:
Ahhh... What a wonderful, sacrilegious sensation. Blasphemy! Blasphemy, I say! This must not be real!
Gilles de Rais:
Ah, but it is! We cannot turn a blind eye to it! Because the natural laws of the world have already been disgraced!
Gilles de Rais:
There's no need to play at being virtuous.
I see the truth in the way you tremble.
Gilles de Rais:
Now, show me. Show me how you are going to reach for the flesh of immorality...your tongue stretching for that sweet nectar of the fallen!
Gilles de Rais:
Now...come...coooommmmeee!!!
Fujimaru 1:
Um...
Fujimaru 2:
What are you doing? (Creeped out)
Gilles de Rais:
Why, if it isn't Master.
How odd, seeing you at this late hour.
Gilles de Rais:
You ask what I was doing,
and the answer should be obvious...
Gilles de Rais:
I was amusing myself with forbidden heresy.
Mash:
What!?
Gilles de Rais:
Well, the heresy itself is being committed by my grimoire here, and the one who called for this spell to be cast was the empress of this place.
Gilles de Rais:
I am merely a researcher,
just like the rest of us here.
Phantom:
Oooh, Christine...Christine...! What emotions will run through you when our fates are finally revived... revived...
Mephistopheles:
Stop that. That is definitely a no-no!
Truly! Wicked as any devil!
Mephistopheles:
But there's nothing better than having a good time being bad! Eeeheehee!
Mash:
I can see that there are many of you,
but that still does not tell me much at all.
Mash:
...Um, what exactly are you supposed to be doing?
Mash:
Depending on your answer, I may need to consult Chaldea's code of ethics to determine what future assignments you may receive.
Gilles de Rais:
Hm... Rather than just TELLING you about it, perhaps you would like to look into this magical circle of death, despair, and desolation.
Gilles de Rais:
What do you see?
Fujimaru 1:
Th-this is...!
Gilles de Rais:
Yes, it's a fresh, just-summoned object that appeared as if it had just been exhumed from its grave.
Gilles de Rais:
What do you think?
Truly, truly, truly delicious-looking, no!?
Fujimaru 2:
It's chocolate!
Mash:
Wh-what is going on?
Gilles de Rais:
Do not fret, Mash. Forbidden though this thing may be,
it is not dangerous to anyone.
Gilles de Rais:
This is an act of good that even Jeanne would be proud of. It's lawful-good, even!
Gilles de Rais:
Were I to give this ritual a name,
it would be...recycling!
Fujimaru 1:
???
Gilles de Rais:
We are merely using the concept of discarded, uneaten chocolate.
Gilles de Rais:
Reviving chocolates that have died, so to speak. Necromancy...or, rather...chocomancy!
Gilles de Rais:
The empress suggested this, so we have made it reality. Our research here is in the furtherance of that goal.
Mash:
Th-that is some grand magecraft...er, I'm not sure if it actually is...but what's important is that this seems like it's going too far!
Gilles de Rais:
Hahaha... I am merely here in answer to her call, to her willingness to do anything for more chocolate. It is an endeavor of mutual interest, to be sure!
Gilles de Rais:
After all, if the supply of chocolate does not stabilize in Chaldea, there will be no material for Jeanne to use! So there would not be any chocolates for me!
Gilles de Rais:
There could be no Luminosite Chocolanelle or La Grondement Du Choco....
Mash:
I don't know that I agree with what they're doing,
but I understand their logic now...I think...
Mash:
Do you think research like this is a good idea?
Fujimaru 1:
Well...recycling isn't a bad thing...
Mash:
Yes...you're right. If they aren't causing trouble,
I suppose this is just yet another means of producing more chocolate...
Chapter 7: Enigmatic! Chamber of Mind, Time and Chocolate
Shakespeare:
A room that slows the flow of time!?
What marvelous news!
Shakespeare:
If we do our writing in there, we will have all the time in the world to finish our work, no matter how long a composition we create!
Shakespeare:
Let us go at once!
Andersen:
Unlike you, I have no intention of writing an overlong story. Nobody would want to read a children's story that long in any case.
Andersen:
I must admit, though, that should such a room truly exist, it would be tremendously beneficial to our creative endeavors. It is worth checking out.
Andersen:
I mean, it would be awful if we passed on a chance to find the perfect retreat away from deadlines.
Amadeus:
I like to think that I make my music quickly,
but inspiration is another matter entirely.
Amadeus:
There's certainly nothing wrong with having more time to work. But to be honest, I'd rather have more arms than more time.
Katsushika Hokusai:
Yeah, I agree, Mr. Musician!
Katsushika Hokusai:
I'm always coming up with new ideas in the middle of working on something else.
Katsushika Hokusai:
It's not that I'm not focused on the painting I'm working on, but...I don't know...it's hard to explain.
Shakespeare:
I suppose all artists have their difficulties...
Shakespeare:
We have learned to content ourselves with what we are given, even as we hope for more... That, I am afraid, is the nature of time.
Shakespeare:
At any rate, this special room should be of great benefit to us, whatever our work may be. Ah, it would seem to be just over there.
Shakespeare:
Onward, to this new creative paradise!
Shakespeare:
...That was creative hell.
Andersen:
Absolutely! I hate nothing more than having such constraints placed upon my creativity! I would never use that room again!
Amadeus:
Hmmm, personally, it gave me some riveting thematic ideas...
Amadeus:
Time does indeed slow down for those inside that room.
Amadeus:
It affects organic, inorganic, and even spiritual things like us... But only when there's chocolate involved.
Shakespeare:
That is to say, we will only reap said benefit if we ourselves are involved in the chocolate-making process while inside!
Shakespeare:
I suppose things would be different if we left a conche or similar device inside, but still...
Shakespeare:
Ugh! Honestly, what a niche topic!
Katsushika Hokusai:
A chocolate painting... One or two works would be fine, but it isn't interesting enough to focus on that long.
Andersen:
This is what I mean! A total waste of talent and tech! Meeting adjourned!
Andersen:
Hmph. Still, I'll milk the room for all it's worth if I'm ever forced to write something that just so happens to be chocolate-themed.
Andersen:
Perhaps some ridiculous sob story about a family sharing a single piece of chocolate, only to die of starvation... Though if it ever comes to that, I may lay down my pen and quit being a writer!
Da Vinci:
My, my... They have something truly unbelievable now. This seems to be getting more ridiculous with each passing day...
Mash:
Yes, it is also affecting Chaldea as well... The chocolate shipments from the Hanging Gardens are getting a little out of control.
Da Vinci:
Hm. Well, with some Heroic Spirits using literally mounds of the stuff to make their gifts, I assumed supply and demand were at least somewhat in balance...
Da Vinci:
...but it seems like things have begun to fall apart, huh.
Da Vinci:
I'm afraid we don't have any choice but to take them all though. We don't know what sort of effect they might have on the world if left alone.
Da Vinci:
The simplest solution would be to have Semiramis stop producing chocolate altogether...
Da Vinci:
So, did you manage to ask her about that?
Fujimaru 1:
Well...
Semiramis:
Reduce production? Why?
If anything, we need more. Lots more.
Semiramis:
Keep churning it out! Work harder! I shall kill all who refuse! Your empress has spoken!
Semiramis:
Haha...hahaha...
Da Vinci:
She won't give us a break, huh?
I guess I'm not surprised.
Da Vinci:
It looks like it's time to start asking some of the questions we've avoided up till now.
Da Vinci:
Just how much chocolate does Semiramis want to produce? And...why? To what end?
Mash:
And how does she have that floating garden when she seems to be a Rogue Servant?
Mash:
These are questions that we should have asked earlier. We will need to reflect on our mistakes.
Mash:
But in Chaldea's defense, the chocolate we were being supplied with was going to help our annual Valentine's Day celebration go smoothly.
Mash:
That is probably why we turned a blind eye to all of this.
Fujimaru 1:
And the chocolates I filched were delicious...
Fujimaru 2:
I was happy to see the empress smile for once...
Da Vinci:
It's our fault that we weren't on top of things earlier,
but there's nothing we can do about that now.
Da Vinci:
Let's focus on the matter at hand. No doubt that floating garden possesses incredible power.
Da Vinci:
I've been looking into it, but it looks like I'm going to have to work a lot harder on my analysis. For now, I'd like you to buy me some time to keep searching.
Da Vinci:
Not to worry. I don't see further exponential increases in chocolate production at this point.
Da Vinci:
For the time being, continue helping out the empress.
We still don't have any proof that her motives are evil.
Fujimaru 1:
No further increases...? Not sure about that...
Mash:
You're right. I have this sinking feeling that something disastrous is about to happen...
Chapter 8: Flying In! Space Choco
Semiramis:
Hm!? What is this feeling!? It's coming from above! Activate Tiamtum Ūmu... No, wait. What is that?
Semiramis:
What is this raining down upon my garden...and without even any notification...
Semiramis:
What gall! Normally, I would have shot whatever it is down without question, so you should thank your lucky stars that it was me who you're dealing with.
Semiramis:
I know what this is.
It's chocolate.
Fujimaru 1:
Seriously...!?
X Alter:
...Yes, it's true.
Hello, everyone. And many merry chocolates!
Mash:
Ex!? Is this your doing, Ex!?
X Alter:
I'm not sure...if you can call it my doing...
X Alter:
All I did was ride a peculiar,
chocolate-type spaceship back to Earth...
Mash:
Ch-chocolate...type...spaceship?
X Alter:
Yes. I went back to the Servant Universe, but when I heard that Chaldea had a cacao shortage...
X Alter:
...I headed over to the Spacebucks on the planet Totooine to stock up on some.
X Alter:
And when I got to the shop...I received quite the surprise. I won a special prize for being a repdigit customer.
X Alter:
And my prize was a chocolate starship. But since it's not a Japanese sweet, I wasn't too thrilled...
Semiramis:
Hm...I do not quite understand, but are you saying that this is chocolate from the Servant Universe?
Semiramis:
There's plenty of it, and it's good quality. I see no reason not to blend it in with the chocolates we are making in the Hanging Gardens...
X Alter:
The vessel was only good for a one-way trip anyway.
I'd be happy to trade it for some Japanese sweets.
X Alter:
...And all for the low, low rate of one Japanese confection per chocolate ton. Preferably kintsuba.
Semiramis:
Negotiating with me? How careless with your life, even for a hero. Very well. I suppose I will let your recklessness go unpunished.
Semiramis:
But I shall warn you: I do not want to hear you complain if your reward is poisoned.
X Alter:
I'm not a hero; I'm a villain. And my training has afforded me some resistance to poison, so bring it on.
X Alter:
One day I'd even like to eat enough red bean paste to paralyze myself. One can dream...
Semiramis:
I-I see.
And is this all the space chocolate you have?
X Alter:
You can have seconds. I could even go back to Totooine's Spacebucks for more, if necessary.
X Alter:
I got that ship by being the eleventh customer.
X Alter:
If I head back and just keep going in and out of the store, it shouldn't be hard to be the twenty-second or even the thirty-third customer.
Fujimaru 1:
They don't do much business, do they?
X Alter:
That's because Totooine is in the Outer Rim.
Nice place to visit, though, even if it's all just...sand...
Mash:
(This means the chocolate production has increased again.)
Mash:
(Do you think...that's okay?)
Da Vinci:
Honestly, no. The supply of chocolate has now clearly eclipsed the demand.
Da Vinci:
The commissary's having a fire sale, and the cafeteria has started to make various chocolate dishes just to try to get rid of the stock.
Da Vinci:
The smell of chocolate is wafting all around Chaldea...and it's giving people heartburn.
Fujimaru 1:
How's your investigation going?
Da Vinci:
I might need a bit more time. And I'm aware that I need to come up with a solution before Chaldea is crushed under a tide of chocolate.
Da Vinci:
Sorry, but just a big longer, Fujimaru!
Chapter 9: Sparkle! Jeweled Sword Choco-retch
B：Illya:
Hmmm...I came all the way here for some fresh air since all I can smell in Chaldea is chocolate, but...
H：Ruby:
No different here, huh? Well, actually, that's exciting since we're right in the heart of a place that's mass-producing the stuff!
B：Illya:
This place is a little better since it's all open...
I'll just take a stroll around before I go home.
Semiramis:
Hey. You there.
B：Illya:
Y-yes!?
(E-eep, it's the empress!)
H：Ruby:
(Try not to embarrass yourself, Ms. Illya!)
H：Ruby:
(If you cross her, your head might fly off, you might have poison shoved down your throat, or even get your heart ripped out!)
B：Illya:
Wh-what can I do for you...?
Semiramis:
That magical stick that you're holding...let me see it.
H：Ruby:
M-me!? I never imagined she would be interested in ME! I gotta be honest here! I'm terrified! I have no idea what she's gonna do!
H：Ruby:
Ms. Illya...you wouldn't just give me, your reliable partner, to this maybe-evil empress, right?
That's practically throwing me into the lion's den!
H：Ruby:
We need to think of a good excuse–
Illya:
Here you go.
H：Ruby:
Ms. Illya!?
Semiramis:
Hm... (Stare)
Ruby:
She's staring at me...looking at every nook and cranny of me...! Ahhh! If you probe at me like that, I'm going to...!
Illya:
Oh, Ruby's pretty sturdy.
It'll be fine even if you bend harder.
Ruby:
I have no friends here!
Ruby:
But...hehehe...haha! Now that I'm over feeling terrified, I'm starting to enjoy this!
Ruby:
Your passionate gaze. The way you're swinging me... Could it be!? Could it be that you're interested!? Interested in becoming...
Ruby:
P... Prisma☆Semiramis!?
Ruby:
Very well! Then I shall grant your wish!
Ruby:
Through an imaginary spell, I will emulate the ritual and designate you as a temporary Master! Here we go...! Compact, Full Open!
Semiramis:
Hm. I see. Understood.
Ruby:
Arfunnngh!?
Semiramis:
I never imagined such a thing existed... If I approach this differently...while I may not be able to imitate it, I may get a similar result... (Mumble mumble)
Illya:
There she goes. What was that all about?
Ruby:
The only thing we know is that I was a victim here...
Ruby:
No, it's fine.
I was able to protect my Master.
Ruby:
I am a model magical stick that LITERALLY protected my Master with my entire being. I'll just give myself a little praise here. I deserve that much...
Illya:
Aw, don't pout, Ruby!
Illya:
I-I'm sorry. But I really didn't have a choice in that situation. I'm really sorry!
Ruby:
(Hehe... Ruby always gets revenge in the end! I'll hang this over Ms. Illya's head and make her dress up in various cosplay costumes...)
Ruby:
(Yes, that'll fill up my memory album nicely... A just punishment for a cold and heartless Master like her!)
Ruby:
(...Speaking of a cold Master...)
Ruby:
(When that lady was touching me, I felt a chill from her. What was that all about...?)
Narration:
Soon after, Semiramis developed a special Mystic Code: a sword-shaped chocolate chunk that sparkled like a jewel.
Narration:
The Mystic Code had an unbelievable ability of gathering chocolates with just a sweep of the arm...
Narration:
This, of course, boosted chocolate production further still... However, nobody knew how the thing worked.
Da Vinci:
This nonsense with Semiramis and her Hanging Gardens is getting ridiculous!
Da Vinci:
Too many preposterous, impossible feats... Even for a Heroic Spirit or an ancient empress with extensive knowledge of magecraft! There's no way something like this would work!
Da Vinci:
Indeed, my research confirms what I expected all along...
Da Vinci:
It's a Holy Grail.
She's using a Holy Grail.
Fujimaru 1:
I knew it...
Da Vinci:
We didn't realize it because the Grail was hidden deep in the Hanging Gardens, in the core that powers and operates the whole thing.
Da Vinci:
See, the Hanging Gardens have both real and mystical components. Remember...? It's made from the soil and stone of her homeland...
Da Vinci:
...but at the same time it's pure Noble Phantasm.
All of that combined makes it very hard to investigate.
Mash:
So what is her intent?
Da Vinci:
Who knows? At this point, she says she's just out to make chocolates. Beyond that, I couldn't say.
Da Vinci:
However, it's clear this is just going to keep escalating.
Da Vinci:
Bluntly, all this extra chocolate is going to start causing serious problems.
Mash:
This sounds like a joke...
Da Vinci:
But if we don't take them here, the chocolates are just going to pile up and likely be spread around the world...
Da Vinci:
...and that would be a real disaster.
Fujimaru 1:
Is there a way to stop it?
Da Vinci:
Well, according to my calculations, there's simply no way we can destroy the Hanging Gardens to retrieve the Holy Grail.
Da Vinci:
It'd be like sending a small boat out to sea in the middle of a hurricane. That's how dangerous it is when a Holy Grail is functioning normally.
Da Vinci:
So I checked to see if we can do anything about Semiramis, who's controlling the whole thing.
Da Vinci:
But, bad news there, turns out that even if we stop Semiramis, we won't stop the Hanging Gardens.
Fujimaru 1:
But it's a Noble Phantasm!
Da Vinci:
Even so. It has some sort of automated attribute, or there's something else going on. Either way, this is getting to be rather complicated.
Mash:
S-so, what can we do?
Mash:
Is there nothing we can do to stop the chocolate production without her help?
Da Vinci:
It's not that there isn't a way. We just need to change how we think. We need to make even more chocolate in a very short space of time.
Mash:
!?
Da Vinci:
The Holy Grail may seem to supply boundless power,
but it is not in any way everlasting.
Da Vinci:
And right now, it's supplying the Hanging Gardens with incredible amounts of power.
Da Vinci:
Space, mass, time, causality...all of those have been twisted for the purpose of producing chocolate.
It's bound to reach its limit soon.
Da Vinci:
The best case would be to have it exhaust itself, but if the magical energy is circulating well, we can't count on that happening.
Da Vinci:
That's why, instead of maintaining its expected pace of chocolate production, we're going to make it work at a pace it doesn't expect.
Da Vinci:
In other words, we're going to destabilize the magical energy circulation. That way, even if only for a brief while, it will run out of magical energy.
Da Vinci:
It may just give us an instant, but that brief moment of stagnation will be our chance.
Da Vinci:
If the Holy Grail goes inert, we should be able to get to it. Then we can either take or destroy it.
Fujimaru 1:
It's all or nothing.
Fujimaru 2:
If that's our only option, then so be it.
Mash:
...Yes. If Master and the others have decided on it,
then I have no objections.
Mash:
It may be dangerous, but we shall increase production to reach overflow!
Mash:
Please don't worry... I am confident that in our ability to weather this storm. I will make sure that Chaldea can ride out the chocolate apocalypse coming our way!
Chapter 10: Manifest! Choco Holy Grail-kun
Semiramis:
Tch... Failed again.
Semiramis:
Why? My hypothesis should be correct.
Semiramis:
...The Throne definitely exists.
Semiramis:
A place where chocolate heroes,
who once existed and were engraved in history...
Semiramis:
Chocolates that dictators loved, chocolates that once saved the life of an accomplished adventurer, hostile chocolates that killed hundreds...
Semiramis:
With this spell, I should be able to download their records from the Throne and perform a summoning.
Semiramis:
My formula is correct. I have made no errors.
Yet why...why doesn't it work!?
Semiramis:
I should be able to connect to it. Is there something else that is missing? What would that be!?
Semiramis:
My instincts tell me...it's power. Simple, raw power.
Not magical energy, nor physical power...
Semiramis:
The devastating power to pry open reason and destroy fate and logic... THAT is what I lack!
Semiramis:
Hm... Where can I acquire this power...and how...?
Semiramis:
...
Semiramis:
I suppose I shall take a break...
C：???:
Heh, heh, heh...
B：Jaguar Warrior:
Never giving up on the role of a heroine!
(In lieu of a more normal greeting)
B：Jaguar Warrior:
Hm, so this is the woman's house...
B：Jaguar Warrior:
Sheesh...I can't believe I've been furgotten and ignored just because I couldn't wrangle any cacao...
B：Jaguar Warrior:
This is SURE to be the wicked work of a giant, shadowy, super secret society that felt threatened by my uncontrollable pawpularity!
B：Jaguar Warrior:
I even heard those guys have the audacity to create their own chocolate and replace the divine cacao this heroine worked so hard to purrcure!
B：Jaguar Warrior:
There's no doubt about it... Their chocolate-making is no better than a diabolical plot! I can't pawssibly overlook this!
B：Jaguar Warrior:
And now my keen instincts have led me to the lair of this evildoer!
B：Jaguar Warrior:
Just for tonight, I shall be the great and mysterious thief, Jagwoman! Don'tcha think I look like a super sexy thief in my skintight body suit!?
B：Jaguar Warrior:
...Oh, crap. I forgot my tights.
I'mma go change real quick...
Jaguar Warrior:
Right! Now that I'm frightfully,
unnecessarily sexy, it's time to get to work!
Jaguar Warrior:
♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya...Jagwoman!♪
SOCK, POW, ZOK...
Jaguar Warrior:
Hm!? That's...a suspicious-looking summoning circle!
Jaguar Warrior:
Something's fishy...like canned tuna fishy!
This is definitely the heart of this evil lair!
Jaguar Warrior:
No hesitation! This jaguar just needs to use her feral powers to help everyone else!
Jaguar Warrior:
Looking leeeft... Looking riiight...
Checking for wiiitnesses...
Jaguar Warrior:
And now...!
My secret move: Great Death Claw!
Jaguar Warrior:
Whew. Flawless! That was purrfect!
Jaguar Warrior:
...Oh?
Jaguar Warrior:
Hmmmmmmm? What's this? The summoning circle's gone all bright and sparkly, like it's alive!
Jaguar Warrior:
And these tremors... Enough to shake, rattle,
and roll! Something's clearly gonna go down!
Jaguar Warrior:
...What the heck is going on here...!?
Jaguar Warrior:
...
Jaguar Warrior:
I saw nothing!
Semiramis:
Hehe...I don't know what happened, but it seems to have worked. I have finally succeeded in summoning seven Heroic Choco-Spirits!
Fujimaru 1:
Uh-huh...
Semiramis:
The point of this ritual was to have the Choco-Spirits fight each other, then take advantage of the energy that the fallen expend in trying to return to the Throne...!
Fujimaru 1:
Uh...'kay?
Semiramis:
And the end result...was THIS!
Fujimaru 1:
...!
Mash:
Th-this is...?
Semiramis:
There isn't enough time in the world to tell you everything you need to know about my creation.
Semiramis:
Simply think of it as a vessel that has absorbed every concept of chocolate...its power nearly limitless.
Da Vinci:
(What the hell is that? I can see that it's different than the Holy Grail that's maintaining the Hanging Gardens' structure, but I have no clue beyond that.)
Semiramis:
It's nothing to fear. It simply discharges an endless supply of chocolate. Cute, don't you think?
Choco Grail-kun:
Heh...heh heh heh... Want some?
...Take it.
Da Vinci:
(It talked!? Seriously, what is that thing!?)
Mash:
A-anyway, this is definitely an unexpected boost in chocolate production!
Semiramis:
Not enough? Then we shall have another Chocolate Holy Grail War. That should create another one.
Mash:
Um...Chaldea...may not be able to handle this!
Master!
Fujimaru 1:
This is turning into a contest to see who breaks first!
Fujimaru 2:
We can't lose! This'll be our last-ditch effort!
Mash:
Y-yes!
We will need to hold on until the very end!
Final Chapter: The Empress' Chocolate Garden
Semiramis:
Good...good...
A：Staff:
It's no use! Both the number eight and nine transfer lines are overloaded! They just won't move!
Da Vinci:
We still have some room in line twelve! Use that to transport essential resources! Maintaining our lifeline is top priority!
Da Vinci:
And...argh, we're at our limit!
Can't we just stop accepting chocolate shipments!?
A：Staff:
We've tried, but...it's impossible! They're practically force-feeding the stuff to us! There's nothing we can do to stop it!
Da Vinci:
Well, this is bad. I may have kind of underestimated this since it was just about chocolate.
Narration:
Waaahhh! I'm getting swept away in a wave of chocolates!
Narration:
All I wanted was a luxurious chocolate bath...
Like the people who bathe in tubs full of cash...
Narration:
So I've been pulling strings behind the scenes in the trade negotiations between Chaldea and the Chocolate Kingdom! I thought this was a sure thing as business goes!
Narration:
But I haven't even started making a profit yet, and now THIS happens!!!
Narration:
...Wait a minute... This whole situation actually looks a bit like that chocolate bath dream I had...
Narration:
...
Narration:
I guess balancing supply and demand needs to be done very carefully...
Astolfo:
Waaah!
Chocolate's falling from the air vents!?
Astolfo:
Mmmf...mmmfff... Somebody... Anybody...
Jekyll:
Are you all right?
Let me pull you out.
Astolfo:
Ungh. Thanks. It was all so sudden I fell right on my butt. Oww...
Jekyll:
That corridor there is completely blocked off by chocolate. If we are to reach the Command Room, we should go around this way.
Astolfo:
It's that bad? This place is scary now.
Jekyll:
Yes. Things have gotten rather dire. It seems something as absurd as chocolate has made Chaldea's entire operation come to a grinding halt.
Jekyll:
No... If things keep going the way they are...operations could cease forever!
Staff:
Emergency blockade... It's not going to hold!
Mash:
...If that door fails,
the chocolates will flood into the Command Room!
Da Vinci:
So there's nothing we can do...
It's over... Fujimaru!
Semiramis:
Yes...more. More!
Show me...the sweet world of chocolate!
Semiramis:
Chocolates making more chocolates! Chocolates taking over everything! A chocolate world made by chocolates for chocolates!!!
Fujimaru 1:
The chocolates have turned into a Gestaltzerfall!!!
Fujimaru 2:
I don't know what you're saying anymore!
Semiramis:
A human like you need not understand my words.
Semiramis:
My Hanging Gardens and I shall descend upon this world of chocolate! How delightful!
Semiramis:
Haha...hahahaha!!!
Semiramis:
...Hm...?
Staff:
It...stopped?
Da Vinci:
This is–
Mash:
...Master!
Semiramis:
What is the meaning of this?
Why did production stop? I did not order a halt!
Fujimaru 1:
Operation Overflow worked!
Fujimaru 2:
Even a Holy Grail can run out of power!
Semiramis:
What!?
No, no... This is bad.
Semiramis:
Should chocolate production stop...!!!
Semiramis:
It will melt...all of it!
The seal...and even I...!
Semiramis:
...Oooooohhhhhhhhh!!!
Mash:
Master! Chaldea will be all right! How are things over on–Wh-what the...! What's this response!?
Da Vinci:
Fujimaru, over there!
There's something in that chocolate fountain!
Fujimaru 1:
The fountain stopped flowing, and...
Fujimaru 2:
There's...something in there...
Fujimaru 1:
There's another Semiramis!?
Semiramis?:
That cursed seal has finally melted.
How dare that insignificant little chocolate–
Semiramis??:
Gunh...gh...
Da Vinci:
So the Semiramis we've been interacting with...
...was created by the Holy Grail as a diversion?
Da Vinci:
Her reading's changed.
She's not a Servant.
Da Vinci:
She's a chocolate.
Mash:
Wha...!?
Fujimaru 1:
A chocolate Semiramis... Chocoramis!?
Da Vinci:
Ah, what a...um, creative name you came up with there!
Semiramis:
Hmph. I care not what you call it. But you're exactly right: It's a chocolate. One of my own creation.
Semiramis:
It was my first attempt, so I put all I had into it.
However, after I gave it power to make it my equal...
Semiramis:
...it rebelled against me.
Semiramis:
And then I got careless and let it usurp my connection to the Holy Grail. That's when it trapped me within a chocolate Bounded Field!
Fujimaru 1:
How careless can you be!?
Fujimaru 2:
She's making a GREAT first impression...
Semiramis:
Sh-shut up. Even one such as me may make the odd careless mistake.
Da Vinci:
I'm just gonna come out and ask this:
Why didn't it kill you?
Semiramis:
As this is my Noble Phantasm,
killing me would cause it to vanish.
Semiramis:
Without me, the garden would not have been able to go through so many transformations using the power of the Holy Grail, all the while maintaining its existence.
Semiramis:
But it's over. With the Holy Grail's power exhausted,
the chocolate fountain seal has disappeared.
Semiramis:
I must eradicate this chocolate failure while I have the chance.
Chocoramis:
Ugh...ngh...I was close... So close...!
Our... The chocolate...empire...!
Semiramis:
Don't make me laugh. You're no empress.
You're just a piece of candy molded in the shape of one.
Chocoramis:
If that's so, it is because that is how YOU made me!
Chocoramis:
A human empress governs a nation of people.
What, then, would a chocolate empress govern!?
Chocoramis:
Obviously, a nation of chocolates!
Chocoramis:
And if such a nation does not exist,
then it is my duty to create one!
Semiramis:
Ugh, this thing is so irritating! I know that's rich coming from me, seeing as how it's basically a carbon copy, but still!
Semiramis:
Since I'm her creator, that thing has completely copied my way of thinking!
Fujimaru 1:
I get it, but...
Fujimaru 2:
We cannot let it destroy Chaldea.
Semiramis:
I am not fully myself yet, as I have just broken free of the seal. As such, I shall grant you the honor of assisting an empress, human.
Semiramis:
Do not embarrass me.
Fujimaru 1:
(Still won't just ask for help...)
Fujimaru 2:
(She's practically the same as Chocoramis!)
Chocoramis:
Do you mean to...eat me?
Semiramis:
Hm. Chocolate is something that humans consume.
It should never be the other way around.
Semiramis:
Don't get the wrong idea.
You're a failure among failures.
Semiramis:
So no, I will not consume you. The only thing I am going to do is break you apart and toss you away. Along with my shame!!!
--BATTLE--
Da Vinci:
So...uh, can I say we're done here?
Semiramis:
...Hmph. Even I know when to quit.
Semiramis:
Besides, I've been sealed away so long that I am not exactly at my best. There is no reason for me to remain here anyway.
Semiramis:
As a reward for cleaning this up, you may take the Holy Grail I used. You have just received a gift from an empress. Be grateful.
Mash:
That is very kind of you...but why did you make a chocolate like that in the first place?
Semiramis:
Well...um...
Semiramis:
The moment I manifested here, I was given knowledge of Valentine's Day...and chocolate...
Semiramis:
Bitter, yet sweet... It has the power to move one's heart... And at times, the power to damage a heart beyond repair...
Semiramis:
All of this led me to consider chocolate to be a kind of poison.
Fujimaru 1:
(Chocoramis said something similar.)
Semiramis:
I am the Queen of Poison.
That makes me, also, the Queen of Chocolate.
Semiramis:
As such, I must create the best and most powerful of poisons...
Semiramis:
...something nobody has ever seen, and something that nobody but I can create... The ultimate chocolate (poison).
Fujimaru 1:
But you got carried away and made a chocolate doppelgänger.
Semiramis:
...
Mash:
It really does seem like the rulers and royals tend to do things...bigger than we could ever imagine...
Semiramis:
Agh. Enough. I will take this Noble Phantasm to a secluded area and dismantle it.
Semiramis:
Until then, you will remove all those chocolate facilities you scattered across my garden. They stink of cacao.
Da Vinci:
Even though you're going to tear the place apart anyway?
Semiramis:
It's a matter of principle. I cannot permit others to leave their detritus in my garden.
Semiramis:
And obviously, you will need to take all the remaining chocolate. I trust you have no qualms with that, at least, given there is no more risk of oversupply?
Semiramis:
My chocolate is of superior quality, given the techniques used to make it. I have no use for it, but I am sure it is of some value.
Mash:
Ah!
(I forgot! I need to make my chocolates too...!)
Da Vinci:
Sheesh. I guess there's nothing for it. We are partly to blame here, so I suppose it's kind of our duty to handle the cleanup.
Mash:
...Um, Acting Commander.
May I make a request?
Mash:
If it's possible, rather than to stay here in the Command Room to process all the data we collected, I'd like to go on-site to help clean up.
Da Vinci:
Hm? Well, there isn't anything particularly difficult left to do, and I understand your desire to see the famous Hanging Gardens for yourself.
Da Vinci:
Very well. Go ahead. You new mission is to help Fujimaru clean up.
Mash:
Oh...I see. Yes, that does make sense...
(Guess there'll be plenty of other opportunities...)
Mash:
Understood.
Let's get to work cleaning up, Master!
Paracelsus:
Even though they're dolls...putting a seal on something that looks like you and locking it in a box...
Paracelsus:
...is a bit of a strange feeling.
Fujimaru 1:
It'd be sadder if you threw them away.
Paracelsus:
Agreed.
Paracelsus:
I am uncertain if these homunculi will ever see the light of day again...
Mash:
Hiya! Ha! Next, please!
Paracelsus:
Hmm. The way she stuffs them into those boxes...
Reminiscent of punishment, no?
Paracelsus:
Could it be that the people of Chaldea do not like Mini Paracel?
Mash:
Oh...uh, that's not necessarily true.
Mash:
It's just that I'm in a hurry–or, um, I'm simply fired up to finish my task due to personal reasons.
Paracelsus:
I see...
Paracelsus:
Either way, I'm happy that you are helping us. Thanks to you, we were able to finish faster than expected. Thank you.
Mash:
I'm glad to hear that.
Paracelsus:
Now, all that's left to do is to take the remaining chocolate back to Chaldea.
Mash:
Oh... Um...actually, Paracelsus.
If I could let you in on a little secret...
Paracelsus:
What is it?
Paracelsus:
Oh? Is it something you don't want Master to hear?
Mash:
Th-that's not...it...!
No, really...
Mash:
Ahem. Um...there's something I'd like you to show me...as compensation for helping out...
Mash:
Out of the chocolate here,
which is the best batch that Mini Paracel made?
Mash:
Whew.
We've managed to clean up most of the area.
Fujimaru 1:
Were you talking to everyone in secret?
Fujimaru 2:
Do you have more stuff than when you came in?
Mash:
Wh-whatever do you mean?
I-I don't know what you're talking about!
Mash:
Now please, Senpai.
Our real challenge–I mean, our job here is done.
Mash:
Let's go ahead and head back to Chaldea so as not to get in the way of dismantling the Hanging Gardens!
Epilogue: Maidens in Love and Chocolates
Semiramis:
The gardens have finally been restored,
though the scent of chocolate still lingers...
Semiramis:
Hm? My dove... What is it?
Semiramis:
There was one chocolate left?
Behind the throne?
Semiramis:
Ugh. Those people are unbelievable.
Next time I see them, I'll demote them to footrests.
Semiramis:
...But what shall I do? I don't feel like eating this, but it also would be a shame to waste it.
Semiramis:
Hmm, actually... Now that I think about it,
it was the same with that very first chocolate.
Semiramis:
Why did I want to attempt to make the ultimate chocolate in the first place?
Semiramis:
Even if it was, say, out of sheer pride as the Queen of Poison, what was I planning to do with the finished product...?
Semiramis:
...I do not remember. I suppose that means it was not important to begin with.
Semiramis:
Hm?
Amakusa Shirou:
Oh. I was just taking a stroll...
What a coincidence, Assassin Semiramis.
Semiramis:
...
Semiramis:
A coincidence indeed...man I may have met once sometime in the past...
Semiramis:
And strange enough...I have a single chocolate in my hands that I do not know what to do with.
Semiramis:
Take it. Be grateful. Eat it.
Refuse, and I will kill you.
Amakusa Shirou:
Haha. I do not wish to die,
so I will take it, with thanks.
Semiramis:
Good. Yes, good...
Semiramis:
This was but a miraculous coincidence, a bit of fleeting compassion. It goes without saying, but tell no one of it.
Semiramis:
Should you dare reveal to another that the great empress personally gifted you chocolate, I will see you torn limb from limb.
Amakusa Shirou:
How terrifying. I shall keep that in mind.
Semiramis:
...Farewell. I have things to do.
Amakusa Shirou:
Will we ever meet again?
Semiramis:
...What?
Amakusa Shirou:
Since you gave me chocolate,
I must give you a gift in return.
Semiramis:
...I can hardly be bothered to care whether we meet again or not.
Amakusa Shirou:
But I heard that you will now respond to Master's summons.
Amakusa Shirou:
Should that possibility be one in a million, or even one in a hundred billion...a chance yet remains that we may meet again.
Semiramis:
...Yes, this incident has put me in their debt.
But I had no choice–
Semiramis:
But...hey! If you knew about that, then why would you bother asking ME! The question is whether that [♂ boy /♀ girl] will actually call upon me or not!
Amakusa Shirou:
Haha. Very true. How silly of me.
Semiramis:
Hm. Then farewell, Amakusa Shirou Tokisada...the Amakusa Shirou Tokisada I met for the “first time.”
Amakusa Shirou:
Yes... Until next time, Semiramis...the Semiramis I met for the “first time.”
Semiramis:
I keep telling him we aren't guaranteed to meet again. Honestly, that man is insufferable...
Narration:
...pai. Senpai.
Narration:
Fouu!
Fujimaru 1:
Unnngh, unnngh...
Fujimaru 2:
No more chocolates...
Narration:
It looks like Senpai's having a nightmare...
This might be bad timing...but...
Fujimaru 1:
...?
Mash:
G-g-g-good morning, Senpai!
Fou:
Foufou!
Fujimaru 1:
Morning Mash, Fou.
Fujimaru 2:
What are you doing so early in the morning?
Mash:
I'm sorry. I do realize it may be a bit inconsiderate, and I also know you must be tired...
Mash:
...but today is a very special day.
And...I wanted to be the first to give this to you, so I...
Mash:
...Ahem. Ahem, ahem.
Mash:
Senpai!
Fujimaru 1:
Y-yes!?
Mash:
This...is my Valentine's Day gift to show you my appreciation. Would you please accept it?
Mash:
Um...I am aware that there is a possibility that you may not be in the mood for chocolate right now...
Mash:
Actually, after hearing you mumble in your sleep, I am certain you are not eager for chocolate right now...
Mash:
...I'm terribly sorry. Please forget about this.
I was just getting excited is all...
Fujimaru 1:
Oh no, thank you, Mash!
Fujimaru 2:
...Please let me accept it.
Mash:
R-really!? Oh, I'm so glad!
Mash:
I'm really...relieved...
Fujimaru 1:
It looks really good.
Fujimaru 2:
It's really pretty.
Mash:
I know Chaldea is filled to the brim with tons of chocolate right now, but that cake I just gave you is a bit different.
Mash:
It was made using the highest-grade chocolate obtained when I worked really hard to help clean up the garden.
Mash:
Since it was going to be a gift for you,
I wanted it to be especially delicious and unique.
Mash:
Um...so that's why I think you will like it! So, could you tell me what you think of, say, the taste, o-or...
Mash:
Ah, well... Thank you!
And now, um...back to my duties!
Fujimaru 1:
Let's have a taste here...
Fujimaru 1:
...!
Fujimaru 1:
Hey, Fou.
Fou:
?
Fujimaru 1:
“Too much of a good thing can be bad.” Think so?
Fou:
Foou?
Narration:
Final Dove Report
Narration:
The girls' once-a-year grand mission (a.k.a. murder using “poison”) has thus concluded...