Sparrow's Inn Daily Report: Records of the Enma-tei's Prosperity
Prelude
Mash:
On a completely different note...
Happy New Year, Senpai!
Fou:
Fou, fooou!
Fujimaru 1:
Happy New Year, Mash.
Mash:
In spite of everything, I feel so fortunate that we're able to celebrate another year together.
Fujimaru 2:
Here's to another great year together.
Mash:
I know I still have a lot to learn, but I'll do my best to improve so I can be of even more help.
Mash:
I'm so grateful to Sion and Captain for building this new Wandering Sea Chaldea Base for us.
Mash:
There was only so much room in the Shadow Border, after all. Now we can relax and celebrate holidays like we used to.
Mash:
We can even resummon Servants, now that the Spirit Origin graph is connected to Trismegistus II.
Mash:
Right now, we're still limited to Heroic Spirits with well-defined Spirit Origin graph entries...
Mash:
...but I'm hopeful we'll reach a point where we can summon as many as possible and keep them on standby.
Mash:
As for the Servants' memories...
Mash:
...usually, Heroic Spirits don't carry over records of previous deeds, even if resummoned by the same mage.
Mash:
But in our case...
Mash:
...it sounds like everyone registered in the graph will carry over most of their records from Chaldea.
Mash:
We can thank Da Vinci for that.
Mash:
After we got the order from the Mage's Association to dismiss the Servants, she ensured our contracts with them were temporarily frozen instead of annulled...
Mash:
...then she meticulously engraved each and every one of their records into the Spirit Origin graph by hand.
Mash:
I was kind of taken aback when we resummoned the Orleans Case team...
Mash:
...and Kiyohime immediately glomped you,
which prompted Elisabeth to dropkick her...
Mash:
But I was also relieved to see that our history together really had been preserved.
Fujimaru 1:
Me too.
Fujimaru 2:
It really was the work of a genius, wasn't it...
Mash:
Leonardo da Vinci poured both her genius and her very heart into inscribing every last Servant.
Mash:
If it wasn't for her...we would never have been able to resummon them like this.
Mash:
After the Incineration of Humanity situation was solved, she worked on the graph for the entire year she served as acting director.
Mash:
She protected everything Dr. Roman entrusted to her, without ever losing her good cheer.
Fou:
Fou! Fou, fooou!
Mash:
Oh, right. It's New Year's, isn't it?
This is no time for such morose subjects.
Mash:
Senpai, would you like to go for a walk around the base while we let Fou run down the hallways?
Mash:
Chaldea is officially on winter break for the next week, at Da Vinci's suggestion.
Mash:
Although Holmes also said yesterday that it would be nice to spend New Year's dozing in an armchair...
Mash:
The whole staff is enjoying a traditional New Year's meal in the cafeteria right now.
Fujimaru 1:
That sounds great. Let's go join them!
Fujimaru 2:
(New Year's meal...? But who made it...?)
Tamamo Cat:
Me of course, Master! Cooking up a traditional New Year's meal is the mark of a devoted wife. No other animal's muscling in on this turf, woof!
Fou:
Hyu, kyaaau!
Fujimaru 1:
Tamamo Cat!
Fujimaru 2:
Everything looks so gooooood!
Tamamo Cat:
That's me! The supercat you can always count on!
It's great to see you again, Master!
Tamamo Cat:
That said, even this wildcat can't maintain her innocence here.
Tamamo Cat:
Thanks to the mad note-taking skills I gained by writing down recipes, I knew what was happening with this new Chaldea in about three minutes.
Tamamo Cat:
I couldn't help but cry when I woke and saw the kitchen was completely different, but that's okay. They say the best cookware you can have is your own two paws!
Tamamo Cat:
So just forget all the small stuff and celebrate New Year's, woof! This lobster's not gonna eat itself!
Tamamo Cat:
Oh, and have you put off checking out my animation update!? What better way to kick off a new year than with a new and improved Tamamo Cat!?
Mash:
Good morning, Cat.
The presentation is absolutely lovely!
Tamamo Cat:
Hahaha, and a good morning to you, Mash Cat! You're too kind, really! Please, no more compliments, or you're gonna make my paws blush!
Tamamo Cat:
Unlike another Tamamo I could name, this cat never neglects her daily training.
Tamamo Cat:
She might've forgotten those hellish cooking classes and given up on expanding her repertoire, but these ears sure haven't.
Tamamo Cat:
Oh, I've also learned there's another evil fox going around making the rest of us Tamamos look bad now?
Tamamo Cat:
So as the most charismatic of all the Tamamos, it's up to me to uphold Ms. Beni-Enma's teachings.
Mash:
Ms. Beni-Enma...?
P.A. System:
Happy New Year, everyone.
Did you all have pleasant dreams?
P.A. System:
Oh, right, the first dream of the year is supposed to be on the night of January 1, isn't it? I suppose I got a bit ahead of myself! Hahahaha!
P.A. System:
As you no doubt already know, this is Goredolf Musik, the new director of the Chaldea Base.
P.A. System:
Master Fujimaru, Mash Kyrielight, you are to come to the Command Room to deliver your New Year's Day greetings.
P.A. System:
Quickly now. Just because it's New Year's doesn't mean you have time to dillydally.
Mash:
Director Goredolf wants to see us? I thought we were supposed to have the day off today...
Mash:
There may be a problem that needs our attention.
Let's go see what he wants, Master!
Da Vinci:
Haaappy New Year! Here's to another great year together, guys!
Fujimaru 1:
Happy New Year!
Fujimaru 2:
Right back at you!
Goredolf:
Heh, you made it here in good time. I commend your readiness despite the fact that it's New Year's.
Mash:
Happy New Year, Director Goredolf.
Fujimaru 1:
Happy New Year!
Fujimaru 2:
What she said!
Fou:
Fou uooou!
Goredolf:
Hmph, you've certainly got plenty of cheer.
Well, I suppose that's all you have going for you.
Goredolf:
Still, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Goredolf:
Right then, here you are. A little something to reward you for your manners. Accept it with gratitude.
Mash:
A small white envelope decorated with beautiful paper...? What is this, Director?
Goredolf:
...
(Opting for dignified silence over explaining)
Fujimaru 1:
Is this...New Year's money!?
Mash:
New Year's money! You mean the legendary ultimate spell meant for creating a wonderful New Years!?
Goredolf:
Heh. Now, now, don't get too excited. I'm told it's customary in some Asian countries to give money on New Year's.
Goredolf:
It's not something we do in my country, but I thought it would be relevant and appropriate, all things considered. You'd better appreciate it.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you, Director!
Fujimaru 2:
(Let's see how much I got...)
Mash:
Th-thank you so much, Director!
I promise to treasure it until the next year!
Da Vinci:
Uh, that's not really what you're supposed to do with gifts like this. Money that comes easily should go easily, too.
Da Vinci:
Then again, there are some kids who like to save their New Year's money until they finish growing up. I guess that's the category you'd fall under, huh, Mash?
Goredolf:
Indeed. It just goes to show how responsible she is.
Goredolf:
Not so the case with Fujimaru, who's wasting no time seeing how much [♂ he /♀ she] got.
Goredolf:
All right, that's all I had to say.
You two are free to go now.
Goredolf:
I've a lot of work to do replenishing the calories I lost, and there's a bowl of sweet bean soup with my name on it.
Sion:
Not so fast. The first New Year's in this brand-new Chaldea Base, and you plan to spend it lazing about?
Sion:
Surely I do not need to impress upon you how important exercise is? Essential for keeping your mind sharp just as much as it is staying healthy. Even a moderate amount can do wonders.
Da Vinci:
Oh, hi, Sion. I didn't expect to see you here.
Da Vinci:
Didn't you say you had some calculations to do inside Trismegistus II?
Sion:
I just finished those up not too long ago.
Evening, Da Vinci. Evening, Mr. Goredolf.
F：Sion:
And of course, Happy New Year,
Mash and Fujimaru.
F：Sion:
A pleasure to ring in the new year with all of you,
in both a friendship and an experimental sense.
Goredolf:
Hmph. You're one to talk, seeing how you barely even gave me a passing glance after we came back from China before holing up in that overgrown calculator.
Goredolf:
If anyone here could use some exercise, surely it's you. Why don't you take a page from Captain's book and fix up the dock or something?
Sion:
And I will, naturally. I will be taking my daily jog as soon as I finish telling you all about this wonderful idea I had.
F：Sion:
Atlas alchemists must stay in great shape. You never know when the next fighting game situation will drop.
Fujimaru 1:
Happy New Year, Sion.
Sion:
Hehe. And to you too,
Master Fujimaru.
Sion:
I know it is customary to say on this occasion,
but it still feels nice to actually say it out loud.
Fujimaru 2:
Fighting game situation?
Sion:
Yeah, it has been some months since the last one, but I would bet I can still hold my own against anyone.
Da Vinci:
So what's this wonderful idea of yours? Have anything to do with what you were working on all night?
Sion:
It sure does. Instead of spending New Year's in the Wandering Sea...
Sion:
...what would you say to a little Rayshift experiment?
Fujimaru 1:
R...Ray–
Mash:
Did you say Rayshift!?
Sion:
I did. Not a Zero Sail, but a Rayshift, just like you used to go to all those Singularities.
Goredolf:
Th-th-that's absurd! It's impossible! Rayshifting is the Animuspheres' most closely guarded secret, by far!
Sion:
Hehehe, that you would say so is all according to my calculations!
Sion:
That reaction alone was well worth staying up all night to finish it in time!
Da Vinci:
...It looks like you're serious about this. It's actually possible to Rayshift with this Command Room?
Sion:
Definitely. Even without Chaldeas, it is possible to Rayshift as long as we have Trismegistus and Sheba.
Sion:
And since my Paper Moon can stand in for Sheba,
we should not have an issue.
Sion:
There is a limit to how far back we can go, as we do not have the capacity to verify existences as effectively as Chaldeas.
Sion:
And Rayshifting is limited to Singularities, not Lostbelts.
Sion:
I suppose it is inferior to Chaldea's Command Room in that sense. Which is super embarrassing to say as an Atlas alchemist.
Mash:
P-please, don't be! Just being able to Rayshift outside of Chaldea is nothing short of amazing!
Da Vinci:
...
Fujimaru 1:
So, where would we be Rayshifting to, exactly?
Sion:
Glad you asked. As it turns out, there is a Singularity happening even as we speak.
Sion:
Yes, even with the world completely wiped clean.
Sion:
We could ignore it for now, given that history being erased is a much more pressing matter...
Sion:
...but once history is restored, any Singularities we ignore now are going to come back to bite us, hard.
Sion:
I do not like to use this phrasing, but it is rather like discovering a defect after shipping a product.
Sion:
So as the person in charge of security right now,
I want to tackle them proactively as they pop up.
Sion:
Perhaps unfortunately, this Singularity is tiny and rather harmless. It is as peaceful as they come.
Sion:
It would almost certainly disappear on its own if left alone, so it is very unlikely to cause any problems.
Sion:
For my part, I was hoping I could use this opportunity to capture records of you fighting...
Sion:
...but I suppose you will just have to settle for a pleasure trip where you get to enjoy some of Japan's luscious scenery!
Goredolf:
Pleasure trip?
Mash:
Luscious scenery...?
Um, would this Singularity happen to be–
Sion:
Correct, Mash. You will be Rayshifting to a twenty-first century Japanese hot springs resort♡
Sion:
This place seems to be just a peaceful, modern-day inn. No Demonic Beasts, no evil spirits, no bad Servants... Nothing.
Sion:
So on that note... Fujimaru. Mash.
Some other yet-to-be-decided guardian.
Sion:
I am counting on all of you to help me with my Rayshift experiment!
Sion:
As for the rest of Chaldea's staff, I would like you all to show me how best to go about monitoring Singularities.
Da Vinci:
Hmph. So that means I have to stay here, and miss out on this unprecedented chance to Rayshift?
Sion:
Yes, that is correct. We need your help here if we are to pull this off. Sorry. Maybe next time.
Sion:
That said, low threat level or not, this is still a Singularity we're talking about...
Sion:
...so as I alluded to earlier, we will need one more bodyguard to accompany Mash and Fujimaru.
Sion:
We should go through all the resummoned Servants currently on standby and–
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Say no more!
I overheard (read: eavesdropped on) the whole thing!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
If it's a pleasure trip you're talking about, then look no further!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
As both a capable fighter and a hot springs-loving shrine maiden fox, I would be happy to serve as your companion☆
Kiyohime:
If you mean to send Master off somewhere, you'd best believe I'll have something to say about it!
Kiyohime:
Weak and delicate as I may be, I am still your beloved, and I've always loved hot springs. I am willing to risk my life to accompany you♡
Tomoe Gozen:
My humblest apologies, Master.
I was unable to stop them from disturbing you.
Tomoe Gozen:
Now that matters have come to this, I have no choice but to lead the group if I am to take responsibility.
Tomoe Gozen:
Admittedly the prospect of visiting a hot springs inn does excite me, but that is neither here nor there.
Tomoe Gozen:
Master, I swear that no harm shall come to you on this journey, for I shall be there by your side!
Mash:
Tamamo-no-Mae I more or less expected,
but Kiyohime and Tomoe too...!?
All Three:
Now, let us be off! To the beauty that lies deep in the mountains! Let us be off to the hot springs!
Fujimaru 1:
Talk about reassuring!
Fujimaru 2:
Talk about...reassuring?
Fou:
Fou, fooou.
Goredolf:
Hmm. This does seem like a good opportunity to procure more data for this Rayshift experiment.
Goredolf:
Very well, I'll allow it. Be sure to take advantage of this opportunity, young Sion.
Goredolf:
Now then, I'm going back to my room.
I can't have my sweet bean soup getting cold, after all.
Goredolf:
Fujimaru here can handle the dangerous stuff like Rayshifting.
Sion:
Huh?
Goredolf:
Yes?
Goredolf:
Why are you looking at me as though you can't believe what you're seeing? Do I have something on my face?
Sion:
...
Sion:
Ahahaha, good one, Mr. Goredolf!
You kept your face so straight I almost believed you!
Sion:
But of course, we all know you cannot have a Chaldea operation without a Chaldea commander!
Sion:
So please make sure you follow my calculations.
After all, I did say we needed a guardian.
Sion:
As both the commander and the mage with the highest seniority, you need to step up and lead by example.
Sion:
Fortunately, your Rayshift affinity is more than enough to pass. Better than I expected, even.
Sion:
There is no reason for you not to go along,
and no time to argue the point.
Sion:
Especially since I already entered all three of you into Trismegistus.
P.A. System:
Spiritron Conversion calculations complete.
Initiating experimental Rayshift countdown.
P.A. System:
Destination: Japan, 2014.
Existence Verification Targets: Fujimaru
P.A. System:
Mash Kyrielight.
Goredolf Musik.
Goredolf:
You really did include me!?
Goredolf:
H-h-h-hold on there, Sion. How am I supposed to communicate? My Japanese is terrible!
Goredolf:
And more importantly, what about MY bodyguards!?
I'll need Servants to keep me safe too, you know!
Sion:
Not to worry, I have already made arrangements.
Sion:
There was a Celtic hero who volunteered his services after I explained this Rayshift's destination.
???:
Heh. Is there anyone whose heart do not flutter at the prospect of visiting a beautiful Eastern resort? I think not.
???:
What's more, I am told of beautiful women looking to heal their broken hearts in the hot springs' soothing waters, like salmon returning home to spawn!
???:
After hearing all that, how could I possibly refuse!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahahaha! Rest assured, Goredolf Musik,
you will be safe with me!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I, Fionn mac Cumhaill, will be taking part in this mission entirely out of the goodness of my heart!
Diarmuid:
Oho! I would expect nothing less from the Savior of Erin, my lord!
Diarmuid:
If you are setting off for unknown lands, then I shall be there every step of the way, sword in hand!
Goredolf:
Huh!? Who are you two, and why are you both so unreasonably handsome!? Is this some kind of prank!?
Goredolf:
This is Japan we're talking about, right? Kimonos, sushi, that sort of thing? Wasn't there anyone else who could have fit the bill better!?
Sion:
Sorry! There was an Archer and a couple of Berserkers I thought would fit, but they seem unable to Rayshift there for some reason.
Sion:
Anyway, now that you are all here,
hurry up and get to the Coffins!
P.A. System:
Unlocking Coffin bolts. All passengers,
please make your way inside within two minutes.
Da Vinci:
Hmm. There's a lot I'd like to say here,
but all right, I'll help you.
Da Vinci:
After all, I can't deny that being able to Rayshift again would be a huge boon to us.
Da Vinci:
Take care of Mash and Fujimaru for me, Gordy.
Da Vinci:
Make sure you enjoy the hot springs enough to make up for those of us who can't go! I can't wait to hear all about them when you get back☆
Mash:
R-right!
Okay then, see you later, Da Vinci!
Goredolf:
Aaah, stop pushing!
I'll get in the damn Coffin already!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha, sorry about that.
I'm just excited to get going!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And since we can't go if you don't Rayshift,
well, you see the conundrum here!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Don't you agree, Diarmuid?
There's not a moment of fun to lose!
Diarmuid:
Yes, my lord! Rest assured, I will take care of any mountain beasts that threaten our trip.
Diarmuid:
With Móralltach and Beagalltach at my side, I am a Demon Boar-slaying machine...the perfect manly man!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Come on, Master, let's hurry! Sion said we'd be Rayshifting to a modern-day hot springs inn.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That can only mean a vast buffet of local grown delicacies, a sauna, a sand bath, and a beauty salon!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's said the first day of January sets the tone for the rest of the year, so let's start this off right!
Fujimaru 1:
Yeah... I'm getting excited, too!
Fujimaru 2:
See you later, Da Vinci!
Sion:
Good, I see you are all in your Coffins.
Okay, releasing the final safety lock...and, done.
Sion:
Novum Chaldea's first official Rayshift is now underway!
P.A. System:
Starting Unsummon Program.
Commencing Spiritron Conversion.
P.A. System:
Rayshift begins in 3...2...1...
P.A. System:
All systems are go.
Commencing test Grand Order.
Section 1: "Directored Away"
Mash:
...Phew. It looks like we're here. I'm glad we didn't end up falling from a great height again.
Fujimaru 1:
Where are we?
Fujimaru 2:
Is this some kind of mountain valley?
Fou:
Fou.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hmm... No bus stop anywhere, let alone a fancy hotel.
It looks like nothing but woods in all directions...
Tomoe Gozen:
Indeed. I see no sign of the resort lodgings Lady Sion told us about anywhere.
Kiyohime:
I don't care about the hotel as long as I'm with Master...but it is odd that there isn't even a road.
Kiyohime:
Does this mean she deceived us?
Fujimaru 1:
Now, now, I'm sure it's not that.
Fujimaru 2:
...Huh? Hang on.
Mash:
...It looks like it's just us here.
Mash:
I don't see Director Goredolf,
or Diarmuid, or Fionn mac Cumhaill...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Me neither. I don't even sense them anywhere nearby. We've clearly gotten separated from each other.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
This is the first time we've Rayshifted with these facilities, right? Maybe they accidentally ended up at a different destination than we did.
Mash:
Th-this is an emergency!
I'll contact Chaldea right now and–
Mash:
And...
Mash:
Oh no. I just realized I don't have any means of contacting Chaldea from here! Sion never gave us any!
Mash:
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh...
What are we going to do now, Senpai!?
Fujimaru 1:
I guess not even Sion thought of everything...
Fujimaru 2:
Something tells me Sion's not used to working with people...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Easy there. Don't get yourself worked up. Director Goredolf's the one with the comms device, remember?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's unfortunate that we're currently separated from him, but don't worry. I'll take care of that.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
First we get out a peck of rice, and...
Hey, ho, where do the winds blow?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
“Separated: The one you seek is not far.
Encounter: Before the day is out.”
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And there's our fortune☆ So you see?
There's nothing to worry about, Mash.
Mash:
I-I'm impressed, Tamamo. True, if Director Goredolf is close and we can meet up soon, we should be fine...
Tomoe Gozen:
Given that Lord Fionn is nowhere to be seen, it would seem safe to assume he is still with Lord Goredolf.
Tomoe Gozen:
I suggest we trust in Lord Fionn and Lord Diarmuid's battle prowess and continue on our way.
Tomoe Gozen:
What's more, there is a brook here. When one is lost in the mountains, one cannot go wrong following water.
Tomoe Gozen:
What do you say, Master? Shall we see if we can reach the top of this mountain?
Fujimaru 1:
Let's try hiking up.
Fujimaru 2:
Let's try hiking down.
Kiyohime:
...Wait.
Did you hear that?
Kiyohime:
That was a cry for help! I'm sure of it!
Kiyohime:
It's just like the sound Master makes whenever [♂ he /♀ she] runs away from me!
Fujimaru 1:
(You mean she knew all along!?)
Fujimaru 2:
Let's go check it out...!
Mash:
I agree! It could be Director Goredolf!
F：???:
Chirp, chirp, please stop!
You're hurting me!
F：???:
Chirp, this tofu is Mr. Tiger's dinner!
Chirp, you monkeys can't have any!
???:
Ook eek!
Ook ook eek!
Tomoe Gozen:
I-it appears to be an...adorably plump sparrow...
Kiyohime:
It's surrounded by a pack of monkeys.
And not just any monkeys, either.
Kiyohime:
They're enveloped in some kind of demonic power.
I expect they're probably monsters in disguise.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
(I'm not sure why, but...there's something about that sparrow that makes my blood pressure rise...)
Tamamo-no-Mae:
But I can worry about that later!
What would you have us do, Master!?
Fujimaru 1:
We need to save that (thing that looks like a) sparrow!
Tomoe Gozen:
Naturally! I do not know where these demonic monkeys come from, but I will not let them gang up on a helpless sparrow!
Tomoe Gozen:
Perhaps it was fate that brought us together.
Come, Pleasure Trip Crew, let us render our aid!
--BATTLE--
Demonic Monkey:
Ook eek!
Ook eek eeek!
Kiyohime:
And the winner is...Kiyohime♡
Kiyohime:
Compared to the bond Master and I share,
those monkeys were hardly worth my notice.
Sparrow:
Chirp, thank you so much!
Chirp, I can't tell you how grateful I am!
Sparrow:
You must be famous, chirp, powerful gods to chase away monkeys like that!
Sparrow:
Did you come here from Izumo to soak in the hot springs? Chirp, that's certainly the impression I get from the fox lady.
Sparrow:
Chirp, are you a friend of Magistrate Tiger's, perhaps?
Sparrow:
“Eat the things that are weaker than you.”
That's the impression I get of the fox lady, chirp.
Fou:
Fou. Fou fou.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
How rude. I'll have you know I'm not going to eat you, nor do I have any tigers or monkeys among my friends.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
More importantly, did you just say hot springs?
You wouldn't happen to work at a hotel, would you?
Sparrow:
“Whole tell”...?
Chirp, what's a “Whole tell”?
Tomoe Gozen:
She simply wishes to know if there is an inn nearby, as do I.
Sparrow:
Oh, an inn! Then, chirp, you ARE guests!
One, two, three, four, five...
Sparrow:
Chirp chirp, five new guests! The madam's gonna be thrilled! We're gonna make a bundle!
Sparrow:
Oh, wait. May I ask where you all are from?
Because we don't accept gang members, chirp chirp.
Sparrow:
If you mean to stay at our inn for the purposes of testing your skills, collecting materials, or property destruction, then I can't show you the way, chirp.
Tomoe Gozen:
Testing our skills...
That sounds straight out of an RPG side quest...
Tomoe Gozen:
Um, Master? Just to confirm, this is a pleasure trip, right? We are not here to repair a Singularity, right?
Fujimaru 1:
You got it.
Fujimaru 2:
I sure didn't hear anything about repairing.
Mash:
Right! Sion even said we could leave this Singularity alone without a problem!
Mash:
This time, we're only here for sightseeing and recreation, not fighting!
Kiyohime:
Hehe, wonderful. It would be quite a mood killer if we had to spill blood on our pleasure trip, after all.
Kiyohime:
Little sparrow, while we do all carry dark secrets,
we are still ardent followers of the way of the Buddha.
Kiyohime:
You may show us to your inn assured in the knowledge that none of us are damned or cursed.
Sparrow:
Chirp chirp! In that case, I'd be happy to take you there! It's the least I can do to thank you for saving my life!
Mash:
The, uh, sparrow(?) just spread its wings and flew off!
Mash:
Although, it's flying so close to the ground that it doesn't seem any faster than walking...
Mash:
At least we should be able to keep up with it without too much trouble.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...Sparrow... A sparrow apprentice... Something's nagging at me, but I can't put my finger on it...
Kiyohime:
Never mind that now.
Come on, we need to follow it.
Kiyohime:
Rescuing an employee of the inn we'll be staying at bodes well for the rest of our trip.
Kiyohime:
If we play our cards right, we might even get to stay in a suite for free!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hmm... Maybe you're just oblivious to it thanks to your natural optimism, Kiyohime...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...but I've had shivers going down my tail for a while now...
Sparrow:
We're almost there!
Chirp, not much farther now!
Sparrow:
Once we pass the Bounded Field around the forest, chirp, you'll be able to see much farther around you!
Fujimaru 1:
Almost there...!
Fujimaru 2:
Not much farther...!
Mash:
...Wooow!
Kiyohime:
Aah!?
Tomoe Gozen:
Aaah!?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Aaaaaah!?
Mash:
This is incredible! I've never seen such a magnificent building built on top of a mountain like this!
Mash:
So this is what a Japanese hot springs inn is like!
I'm genuinely at a loss for words!
Tamamo-no-Mae & Tomoe Gozen & Kiyohime:
Oh no... Oh no... Oh no, oh no, oh no!
Tamamo-no-Mae & Tomoe Gozen & Kiyohime:
Please tell me this isn't what I think it is...!
Sparrow:
Chirp chirp, honored guests! This is the most extraordinary resort in Buddhist hell, where weary spirits can rest and recuperate in our secret waters!
Sparrow:
While we have branch locations throughout the world, this is still the original place where humans are spirited away! Welcome, chirp chirp...to Japan's one and only Enma-tei, run by Madam Beni-Enma herself!
Tamamo-no-Mae & Tomoe Gozen & Kiyohime:
Gaaaaaah!!! I knew iiittt!!!
Sparrow:
Chirp?
--ARROW--
Sparrow:
I'll show you inside now, chirp.
Right this way please.
Mash:
Thank you, Sparrow. Um, if you don't mind my asking, could you tell us your name, please?
Sparrow:
Chirp chirp, my name? It's Toshi.
Sparrow:
You'd really call me by my name?
Chirp, are you benevolent gods?
Fujimaru 1:
Nice to meet you, Toshi.
Sparrow:
Chirp, this is great! It's just like old times again!
Fujimaru 2:
No, we're not, chirp.
Sparrow:
I see, chirp. Then you're lost humans who wandered here by mistake, since gods don't like using names.
Mash:
It's a pleasure to meet you, Toshi. I've never been to an inn before, so this is all very exciting for me!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hold it, hooold it!
Just stop right there!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Lady Mash. [♂ Lord /♀ Lady] Fujimaru. Can you really not see how incredibly suspicious this building is?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I mean, just look at it! It defies the laws of architecture! You just know it's got to be full of monsters and demons!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We know the Rayshift experiment worked now, right? So how about we turn around and go back home, right now?
Tomoe Gozen:
I agree. Please, Teacher, don't give this unworthy one any more deten–
Tomoe Gozen:
Uh, I mean...!
Tomoe Gozen:
Th-this inn is obviously too rich for our blood, so we best look for another! Isn't that right, Kiyohime!?
Kiyohime:
Hehe. Hehehe. Hehehehe...!
Please. Forgive me. Forgive meee!
Mash:
Kiyohime is sweating like crazy! It's as though she's suffering from a severe PTSD flashback!
Fujimaru 1:
Wonder what everyone's on about (though it's fun to watch).
Fujimaru 2:
Let's go see what the inside is like (since this is gonna be good).
Tamamo-no-Mae & Tomoe Gozen & Kiyohime:
Noooooo!
Don't do iiittt!!!
Sparrow:
Madam! Madam!
Chirp chirp, I brought new guests back with me!
???:
I saw the report, chirp.
Now go bring the tofu to the kitchen.
Beni-Enma:
Welcome to the Enma-tei, chirp, honored guests.
Beni-Enma:
The Enma-tei is a hot springs inn where all inhuman creatures are equally welcome; a place humans can only find by losing their way.
Beni-Enma:
I'm Beni-Enma, the Tongue-Cut Sparrow and the inn's proprietress.
Beni-Enma:
On behalf of the entire Enma-tei, chirp, I thank you for the kind rescue of one of our sparrows.
Mash:
Beni-Enma, the Tongue-Cut Sparrow... What a powerful Spirit Origin! Would you happen to be a Servant?
Beni-Enma:
Servant? I make sure our guests have great service, but that's all, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
I'm allowed to be here as a Heroic Spirit, but I'm technically just another tormentor demon of hell.
Beni-Enma:
I used to help Mother with Children's Limbo, chirp, but one thing led to another, and I eventually took over the Enma-tei.
Beni-Enma:
Now my job is to look after the guests who visit the Enma-tei...
Beni-Enma:
But first!
You three, chirp, front and center!
Tamamo-no-Mae & Tomoe Gozen & Kiyohime:
Y-yes, ma'am! It's good to see you again, Ms. Beni-Enma♡
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I haven't seen you since you visited the Throne of Heroes to teach your traveling class. It's so, uh, good to see you haven't changed a bit. Hohoho.
Kiyohime:
Come to think of it, I do believe that I'd heard you were running an inn now. I'm so very...very pleased to run into you again like this. Hohoho.
Tomoe Gozen:
I still remember all the many secret techniques you taught me, Teacher.
Tomoe Gozen:
So please, rest assured there is no need to test me on them again. Really, none whatsoever. Hoho. Hohoho. Hohohoho.
Beni-Enma:
What was with the look just now, Tomoe?
Chirp, I don't recall teaching you secret techniques.
Beni-Enma:
You had a long way to go to just master the basics.
Have you eliminated the bad habits in your prep time?
Tomoe Gozen:
Y-yes, of course! It's just like you taught me: rinse raw veggies well to instantly bring out their flavor!
Beni-Enma:
...(Sigh) In a way, I suppose that's impressive. I guess a little rinse is all it takes to make anything edible for you.
Beni-Enma:
Boar meat, tree roots, rock salt...you would just dump it all on the plate as is. Chirp chirp, perhaps you should consider renaming that “dish” to Raw Gozen?
Tomoe Gozen:
O-oh, right! I'm sorry! Before I serve,
I should cut everything in half so it's easier to eat!
Beni-Enma:
...
Fujimaru 1:
Um... You already know them, Beni-Enma?
Beni-Enma:
Chirp! I'm sorry, where are my manners.
Beni-Enma:
You must be [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru and Ms. Mash my sparrow told me about.
Beni-Enma:
You two are free to go on to the dining room.
We sparrows never forget a good deed.
Beni-Enma:
But not you three. Though our time together may have been limited, you are still my pupils.
Beni-Enma:
As such, I must see for myself just how far your skills have come!
Mash:
She just took out a katana...!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
No!
That's Enjaku Battoujutsu, First Form!
Fujimaru 1:
You know it down to the form name, Tamamo!?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Oh yes. Ms. Beni-Enma is an incredibly skilled chef. She can wield a cooking knife as well as a first-class swordmaster wields a blade!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Once she pulls out her sword, she can cut any tongue down to size no matter how skilled an orator it belongs to. It's the quickest, smallest, shortest sword-drawing technique in the world!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And it's exactly what makes Beni-Enma's Jigoku Kitchen the scariest place in the world to learn how to cook!
Fujimaru 2:
Enjaku...Battoujutsu?
Kiyohime:
Hehe. Its full name is actually Enjaku Saihou Battoujutsu. It means “Hell Sparrow Sewing Sword-Drawing Technique.”
Kiyohime:
It's not clear whether she became an expert swordsparrow thanks to her cooking, or an expert chef thanks to her swordsmanship...
Kiyohime:
...but the bottom line is that Ms. Beni-Enma's battoujutsu is so fearsome, it's enough to make even the King of Hell–the Supreme Judge's hair stand on end.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, stop your chatter and come at me!
Beni-Enma:
One's skill in the kitchen manifests in the body. I can measure how good you are by seeing how you move.
Beni-Enma:
Now, come! Chirp, demonstrate just how much you've improved!
--BATTLE--
Beni-Enma:
Pathetic.
This is, chirp, absolutely pathetic, Tamamo.
Beni-Enma:
There's not a hint of spice in this entire meal.
Beni-Enma:
You may have covered the basic food groups, but it's the same boring meal everyone's seen before, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
You realized in the middle of cooking that you used ingredients your Master couldn't eat, so you took the ones set aside for tomorrow, am I right?
Beni-Enma:
Cheep cheep, I see you cut your ingredients smaller than usual. It's obvious you burned them because you couldn't tell when they were done.
Beni-Enma:
How shameful, thinking you know all there is about cooking as soon as you reach the intermediate level! This would never have happened if you had been more careful in the prep stage!
Beni-Enma:
A failure to manage ingredients before you even get to the cooking, chirp. In warfare terms, your army was routed because you failed to supply them properly!
Beni-Enma:
Now every last one of your infinite imaginary future Masters that might have existed in parallel worlds has been slain! Chirp!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I can't believe it!
What have I done...!?
Beni-Enma:
There's barely any color to these greens. You forgot to blanch them after boiling them, didn't you?
Beni-Enma:
Cheep, these yams and pumpkins are falling apart from being overcooked. And what were you thinking, cutting the vegetables into shapes? Trying to be cute?
Beni-Enma:
Most egregiously, you were supposed to cook fish for your assignment, but I see none!
Beni-Enma:
A parasite popped up while you were cleaning the fish, so you set the whole thing alight with your dragon flames, am I right? How many times must I tell you to leave your fire at the kitchen door?
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, if you are going to roast a fish,
at least make sure to dress it properly first!
Beni-Enma:
As for seasoning, you can add them without measuring only once you're on the same level as Tamamo! You must measure your teaspoons and tablespoons properly!
Kiyohime:
Y-yes, ma'am...!
I promise to take your advice to horn–I mean, heart!
Beni-Enma:
Reading the recipe in the middle of cooking... Using whatever's at hand to substitute missing seasonings...
Beni-Enma:
Thinking you can just triple the cooking temperature to cook a ten-minute recipe in a third of the time...
Beni-Enma:
Chirp! I haven't seen a student try so hard to create a fool's dish in a long time, Tomoe Gozen.
Beni-Enma:
You will get no mercy from me whatsoever!
Beni-Enma:
These horns of the battlefield you prize so greatly have no place in the kitchen!
Tomoe Gozen:
Huh!? I don't understand why you're so upset,
but whatever it is, I'm very sorry!
Tomoe Gozen:
I promise I will do better with the next dish!
Probably!
Tomoe Gozen:
As long as I keep cooking, I am sure one of them will turn out well eventually!
Beni-Enma:
...It's been quite some time since you all completed my sixty-day Home Economics class.
Beni-Enma:
I was hoping you would have improved somewhat, but it seems to have been a foolish thing to hope for.
All Three:
We're so sorry! Waaah! (Ugly crying)
Beni-Enma:
Still, it's not all bad news. Chirp chirp.
Beni-Enma:
It looks like you've been diligently applying yourself, Tamamo. Chirp, if nothing else, you can now more than hold your own in the kitchen.
Beni-Enma:
I'll even give you full points for both taste and presentation. But be careful not to make it too fancy.
Beni-Enma:
That's just misusing your feelings. Love should be used as a spice, not the main course.
Beni-Enma:
The most important thing is to make sure your Master stays healthy, chirp chirp.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Teehee.
Beni-Enma:
Kiyohime, your hands are so smooth. Do you hate washing them with cold winter water that much? Hm?
Beni-Enma:
You can't shirk from water, fire dragon or not, chirp, if you're going to cook a meal full of love.
Beni-Enma:
There are plenty of great gloves these days, and the culinary arts never stop advancing. You should pay more attention to your tools.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp chirp, you ARE as good with heat control as I expected. I'm glad to see you're improving yourself.
Kiyohime:
Oh my... Thank you, Teacher. It's so nice of you to praise me in front of Master♡
Beni-Enma:
As for you, Tomoe–
Tomoe Gozen:
Yes, Teacher! I am ready and eager to hear your words of guidance and encouragement!
Tomoe Gozen:
Please tell me, just how have I improved since we parted ways!?
Beni-Enma:
I wonder, where do you get all that confidence from? It's as though you see ingredients as little more than an enemy general to be vanquished.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, I'll be reteaching you everything from scratch later. I suppose we'll have to start by developing your palate...
Beni-Enma:
The fact that your meals are so rough around the edges shows that your palate has become dull.
Beni-Enma:
The only flavors you can taste are from modern-day snack foods, am I right?
Tomoe Gozen:
(How did she know!? Gaaah, this is so embarrassing!)
Tomoe Gozen:
(I-I have become decent at making confections by following recipes, but I just cannot handle normal human meals!)
Beni-Enma:
All right, that's enough of that.
Thanks for waiting, Fujimaru and Mash.
Beni-Enma:
Your meal should be ready by now, chirp,
so let me show you to the dining hall.
Beni-Enma:
You're our first new guests in a long time, so I promise we'll do all we can to make your stay a pleasant one.
--ARROW--
Beni-Enma:
I see. So Earth was turned an endless white after you restored humanity.
Beni-Enma:
I knew the human realm was tumultuous, but that's well beyond anything I could have imagined.
Beni-Enma:
And you “Chaldeans” are trying to set things right?
Beni-Enma:
That's a huge responsibility for someone so young.
I'm impressed, cheep.
Beni-Enma:
The Enma-tei is primarily an inn for gods.
We don't usually let humans stay here very long.
Beni-Enma:
But since you two have found your way here by accident, I can't turn you away now.
Beni-Enma:
I can't leave the Enma-tei myself, chirp, but I'll do whatever I can to ensure you have a pleasurable time.
Beni-Enma:
Here, help yourselves to this freshly caught yellowtail sashimi. We also have Japanese seerfish broiled with miso and yuzu, if you'd like some.
Fujimaru 1:
It all looks great! Don't mind if I do!
Fujimaru 2:
Thank you very much.
Mash:
This is really happening, isn't it... I really am having a meal in a Japanese-style dining room, with tatami mats and everything...
Mash:
The storied architecture, the fresh, colorful, delicious food wrapped in timeless tradition...
Mash:
Now I know how Urashima Tarou felt! I'm comfortable declaring this to be the Tamatebako of dining!
Fou:
Fou, fo fou.
E：???:
Indeed, indeed. I can't even remember the last time anyone ate in the Enma-tei's dining room.
E：???:
And for those latest someones to neither be fallen gods, nor monsters claiming to be gods, but humans, well...I've never heard of such a thing.
E：???:
Hohoho, life certainly is full of surprises, isn't it?
I haven't seen the Madam have this much fun in ages.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Aah! Who are you, and where'd you come from!? Don't you know it's rude to try to take food off someone else's plate!?
E：???:
I only did so in jest, I assure you. Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Moneyed Monkey.
Moneyed Monkey:
It's been five hundred years now since I first came to the Enma-tei. I enjoyed it so much I extended my stay.
Moneyed Monkey:
Before I knew it, I had mysteriously forgotten the way back to where I came from. I am but an oddball that decided to live here.
Moneyed Monkey:
Suffice to say I'm a guest at this inn just like you.
Or at least, I will be until my wallet runs empty.
Beni-Enma:
I suppose that's one way to put it.
Beni-Enma:
What actually happened was he used all the money he had to pay for five centuries of accommodations up front, all because he “didn't want to work anymore.”
Beni-Enma:
So I wouldn't say he forgot the way home so much as he irresponsibly decided to begin his retirement early.
Moneyed Monkey:
Hohoho. Have you ever cared for a bunch of monkeys before? It's an exhausting endeavor, I assure you.
Moneyed Monkey:
They only ever do whatever they feel like and leave anything difficult for someone else to take care of.
Moneyed Monkey:
I had more than enough of that for one lifetime, so now, I would like to live out the rest of my days in peace here at the Enma-tei.
Moneyed Monkey:
Now come, let me pull up a cushion and join you as a fellow guest.
Moneyed Monkey:
Here, young oni, would you care for a glass of Sparrow's Dance, Enma-tei's famous local wine?
Moneyed Monkey:
Hoho, down it all in one gulp,
and it's just like dying and going to heaven.
Tomoe Gozen:
No, thank you. I never drink while I am on duty, and besides, I have no tolerance. More importantly, did you say you used to take care of monkeys?
Tomoe Gozen:
We ran into a group of demonic monkeys attacking a sparrow on the way here. Are they the ones you–
Moneyed Monkey:
Them!? Perish the thought. Those demonic monkeys and I may as well be different species altogether!
Moneyed Monkey:
Those foul apes have been making all sorts of trouble in and around the Enma-tei as of late.
Moneyed Monkey:
They steal food from the pantry, and valuables from the vault. They attack any sparrow they come across out in the mountains... It's chaos.
Moneyed Monkey:
As a fellow monkey, I did try to lecture them on the error of their ways, but to no avail.
Moneyed Monkey:
They simply ran off again, not even sparing me so much as a glance.
Beni-Enma:
Would you please not speak of this, Moneyed Monkey?
I'm trying to make our new guests feel welcome.
Moneyed Monkey:
Oh, yes, of course. Hoho, I do beg your pardon.
Moneyed Monkey:
If I hadn't said anything, Madam, you would never have brought it up. Poor taste though it may be, I feel it is important they know what's been taking place.
Moneyed Monkey:
Besides, these fine people seem capable of handling themselves in a fight. I imagine they must be quite accustomed to performing good deeds on their travels.
Moneyed Monkey:
Isn't that right, Ms. Fox Courtesan?
Surely you must be a famous Divine Spirit, no?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Stop it. I'm just your everyday beautiful shrine maiden fox, a heroine who has never been in a fight in her life.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
If the inn has problems, the inn's employees can handle them. We're just here to relax and have fun.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We're not looking for any trouble.
We're not even here to repair this Singularity.
Beni-Enma:
Hehe, I see you're still just as assertive when you need to be, Tamamo.
Beni-Enma:
Cheep cheep, she's right, Moneyed Monkey.
Beni-Enma:
I'll take care of the demonic monkeys once I have some spare time, so please be patient until then.
Moneyed Monkey:
I see... I was hoping to make your life at least a little easier, seeing how you already work too much as it is, but–
Beni-Enma:
I don't work that hard at all. I enjoy myself each and every day thanks to the other sparrows.
Beni-Enma:
Now, never mind all that. Would you like another helping, [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru? Ms. Mash?
Beni-Enma:
It must be fate that brought you here. I'd love to hear more stories about the outside worl–
Beni-Enma:
!
Sparrow:
Madam!
Madaaam!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, what's going on?
Sparrow:
Bandits! Bandits in the shrine! Chirp chirp, there are three bandits raiding the Tribute Hall even as we speak!
Sparrow:
They say they're from a place called “Chaldea,” chiiirp!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oho. I knew I smelled something good this way.
Feast your eyes, gentlemen!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
A veritable mountain of meat, fish, wine, and fruit, along with fixtures I don't quite recognize!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
What else could this be but a feast prepared in our honor? What do you think we should do, Diarmuid?
Diarmuid:
(Munch munch) Hmm...
This fish is good. Really good.
Diarmuid:
There's plenty of fat, and it's salted to perfection.
Mmm, I need something to wash it down. (Glug glug)
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
(He's already digging in!? This Saber Diarmuid's practically overflowing with vitality...!)
Goredolf:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Both of you, hold it right there!
Goredolf:
I know we've been lost in the mountains for three days ever since we Rayshifted here.
Goredolf:
(Since I lost the communicator Sion gave me,) we're all physically and mentally exhausted, and our magical energy is just about gone.
Goredolf:
As such, I can understand why you would enter a building that appeared before our eyes without a second thought.
Goredolf:
Especially since nobody responded when we called out, and the back door was already open.
Goredolf:
And believe me, I want to jump in and feast on this mountain of delicacies we now see before us just as much as you.
Goredolf:
But even so! Even so!
Goredolf:
Don't you think it's very likely this banquet is distinctly not meant for us?
Goredolf:
It might be the kind of enchanted food you can't put down until you realize you've turned into a pig!
Diarmuid:
Hahaha, this is delicious! I can't put it down!
Here, Fionn mac Cumhaill, you must try this!
Diarmuid:
This is ramen noodles served with cubed stewed pork!
I learned about it in Chaldea! And this pork and veggie stir-fry! I had this in Chaldea, too!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hm? I don't know about this... It's not that I'm being overly cautious like Goredolf, but–
Diarmuid:
Hahaha, come now, surely there is nothing for the captain of the Knights of Fianna to fear!
Diarmuid:
Here you go. Pork is highly nutritious, easy to digest, and goes well with all sorts of things. As ingredients go, it's a solid B in every aspect.
Diarmuid:
Go on then, eat up. (Chomping away)
Eat it. (Guzzling wine)
Diarmuid:
It tastes so good, you'll forget all about everything else.
Diarmuid:
You know, my lord, I've thought for a long time now that you have a tendency to overthink things.
Diarmuid:
We Celts don't need to think.
We merely need to act. Now go on. Go on.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
W-well, if you insist that much, I suppose I can't refuse. All right, I'll have some.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...Hm? Hmmm?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
What the!? I've never tasted anything like it!
These ingredients are impossibly sublime...!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
This is bad. It's so good I can't stop. My thumb is warning me this is dangerous, but I can't stop!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It is no exaggeration to say there is something divine in this flavor! It can't possibly be evil!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Diarmuid, I would next like to try that sumptuous looking dish over there. Yes, that's it. The great big roast bird with its wings fully spread out.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Perhaps it's a phoenix? Whatever it is, it's clearly been cooked to golden-brown perfection. Would you get me some?
Diarmuid:
Of course! The more you dig through this mountain of treats, the more unusual delicacies you find!
Goredolf:
Nooo! Now the heavens shall wreak terrible vengeance upon us! I had no idea Rayshifts were so dangerous!
Goredolf:
N-now now, hold it together, Goredolf. Staying cool under pressure is the mark of a capable commander.
Goredolf:
You're a mage, aren't you? Then you can take stock of this building and determine your current situation.
Goredolf:
First, there's this mountain of food, and a box with Holy Grail-like power emanating from the inside...
Goredolf:
This has got to be an offering to Divine Spirits,
a relic that acts as the very heart of this building...!
Goredolf:
Not to mention that disturbing magical energy flowing into the box every time those two eat something.
Goredolf:
What if the box ends up exploding? It certainly wouldn't be the first sort of engine trouble I've encountered!
Goredolf:
I say, you two.
Goredolf:
That's quite enough. Stop this at once,
before you put my life in further danger.
Goredolf:
Here, I'll give you this beef jerky I've been holding on to as a secret last resort.
Goredolf:
So stop eating that food and fill yourselves up on this.
Goredolf:
...I'm too late. They've both gone full wildman Celt!
How does that [♂ boy /♀ girl] manage to keep them in check!?
Goredolf:
That does it, I'm getting out of here!
I need to at least save myself if we're going to–
J：???:
Ooh, what's this? Do we have some new faces getting a jump on the rest of us?
J：???:
A human with a couple of Heroic Spirits at that! As I live and breathe!
Goredolf:
Gaaah!
Wh-wh-who are you, and when did you get behind me!?
J：???:
Me? Why, I'm Chief Snake. Don't tell me you've never heard of the Enma-tei's three famous freeloaders?
Chief Snake:
Well, there's no problem.
I just came down here to sneak a teensy bit for myself.
Chief Snake:
And lucky me, now I get to drink while feasting my eyes on these two luscious hunks. Mmm mm.
Chief Snake:
How about you, hon? Maybe you're not hungry,
but surely you can still have a drink or two?
Goredolf:
H-huh?
Then, does that mean it's all right to eat this food?
Goredolf:
You're sure it's not poisoned?
We won't be cursed or punished by the gods?
Chief Snake:
Of course not, silly man. All that matters is that the offering's been offered up.
Chief Snake:
The rules say anyone can eat anything once a day has passed, you know?
Chief Snake:
Although...there is something strange about the offerings box. This could be pretty bad, in fact.
Chief Snake:
It might have some not-so-good stuff built up inside it. Could be reeeally bad for those two if it blows up, you know?
Goredolf:
Y-yes, I was just thinking the same thing. What would you do, Chief Snake, or whatever your name was!?
Chief Snake:
Me? Why, I'm just a little old snake charmer.
I don't know much about this sort of thing at all.
Chief Snake:
Still...if it's about to blow up,
wouldn't it make sense to open the lid?
Goredolf:
That's it?
Goredolf:
(I thought you were normally supposed to keep things of that sort closed, but I suppose they do things differently in Japan. Good to know.)
Goredolf:
In that case, I have this well in hand.
All I have to do is open the lid, you say? Hup!
Goredolf:
A brilliant ten-point landing for the commander!
And now, the opening! Bahaha, and now all's right with the world!
Goredolf:
Now I can dive into these piles of food with no reservations! Lancer! Make sure you save some of that roast phoenix for–
Goredolf:
Huh? Now the box is glowing! Does this mean I'm going to end up turning into a pig after all!?
Fujimaru 1:
What happened here...?
Fujimaru 2:
Director Goredolf...!
Goredolf:
Y-yes?
Oh, if it isn't Fujimaru and Mash Kyrielight.
Goredolf:
I see... So you two are all right, too.
I mean, I had a feeling that was the case, but still.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Can we catch up later?
What the hell happened here?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Plates of food scattered everywhere...
Divine aura fading from this room as we speak...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Are you the bandits that broke into the Enma-tei?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
(Gasp)...! How deeply embarrassing. To think I lost control due to such overwhelmingly bright light...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It must have been some ancient curse overflowing with life and vitality.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Not even a Servant could take it head-on and emerge unscathed... How are you faring, Diarmuid?
Diarmuid:
My eyes are still recovering, my lord, but I am otherwise unfazed. It helps that I feel nice and full right now, for some reason.
Diarmuid:
...Nonetheless, I must apologize for my actions.
Lord Goredolf did warn us, but, the food was just...
Diarmuid:
And then, when the box started to glow...some fish got caught in my throat...
Fujimaru 1:
...Now I see.
Fujimaru 2:
I think I get the gist now.
Tomoe Gozen:
Do you mean to tell us you all barged in here uninvited and helped yourselves to the offerings!?
Kiyohime:
Not to mention messed with the offering box, too.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I... That's...
Goredolf:
...
Goredolf:
Heh. Well, if you only look at the outcome, then yes,
I suppose that's right. Indeed, I did open that box.
Goredolf:
An offering box, you said it was? Whatever it's called,
I sensed something wicked lurking within.
Goredolf:
So in order to protect these two, as well as my own safety, I opened it up to vent some of its pressure.
Goredolf:
Surely there can't be any issue? As you can see, we are all safe, uninjured, and remain distinctly human.
Goredolf:
As for the food, I will of course be happy to apologize, and to compensate for the loss as best I can with the funds currently available to me.
Sparrow:
What do you think, Madam?
Cheep cheep, is that okay?
Beni-Enma:
...Sadly, no. It'll take more than an apology to solve this problem, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
You have no idea what you've all done.
Goredolf:
H-hm? What is it, young lady? Hmm, strange. Despite her stature, she's just as imposing as my head maid.
Goredolf:
Who is this young lady, Fujimaru?
Fujimaru 1:
She is the proprietress of this inn.
Goredolf:
She is!?
Then, the tiny madam really does exist!?
Beni-Enma:
Never mind me, chirp. Right now, I need to tell you all about the Tribute Hall, so listen up.
Beni-Enma:
This hall is the heart of the Enma-tei.
It is dedicated to all the different Shinto gods.
Beni-Enma:
Whenever a guest finishes a stay here and goes home...
Beni-Enma:
...it's customary for them to deposit their gratitude into the box, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Now do you understand? That box contained every
“thank you” we collected the previous year.
Kiyohime:
The box contained gratitude...?
Wait, you mean that–
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Kiyohime, shush! She's obviously talking about cold, hard QP! Don't make her spell it out!
Beni-Enma:
Well, some customers are certainly more grateful than others, but generally, Tamamo is right, cheep cheep.
Beni-Enma:
Once we've collected a year's worth of gratitude, it's then customary to convert it with ritual prayers...
Beni-Enma:
...and offer it up to the gods of Izumo so that the next year will be safe and peaceful.
Beni-Enma:
But now that you Chaldeans have set it free, chirp, we can't let you leave...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oh? And why is that?
Beni-Enma:
Because if we do, the gods will end up punishing you.
Beni-Enma:
There are two weeks to go until the offering day. If you can't replenish the gratitude that escaped by then, you'll all be turned into pigs. Chirp.
Goredolf:
Khh! I knew it!
Mash:
...This is all so sudden that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it, but let me see if I have this straight.
Mash:
Mr. Goredolf released the magical energy that you planned to offer up to the gods in two weeks...
Mash:
...so now, we need to store up the year's worth of gratitude that was lost before those two weeks are up?
Beni-Enma:
That's right. Believe me, cheep,
I understand that it's a lot to ask.
Beni-Enma:
I am afraid there is little I can do to help gather the gratitude you lost. It must be gathered by those who lost it and were cursed in the first place.
Beni-Enma:
If you don't want to turn into pigs, you'll need to find a way to fill the offering box up again.
Goredolf:
Hmm, I see, I see. So we need to recover last year's worth of gratitude in the span of two weeks.
Goredolf:
Surely that's not even possible? Isn't that well out of the bounds of what my limited funds could cover?
Goredolf:
Besides, how are we even supposed to fill an offering box with gratitude!? Do we need to polish it every morning with a song in our heart or something!?
Beni-Enma:
However you fill it is up to you, chirp.
All I can say is this:
Beni-Enma:
Work.
Beni-Enma:
Gratitude is collected from all living things staying at the Enma-tei each and every day.
Beni-Enma:
If you all work here, you may be able to increase the amount of gratitude by ensuring the other guests are happy and satisfied.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Um... Ms. Beni-Enma?
When you say “you all,” does that include us?
Beni-Enma:
Of course. If you don't do something,
every Chaldean will end up a pig, chirp chirp.
Beni-Enma:
That goes for you, Fujimaru, Mash, the oni,
the dragon... You'll all turn into pigs together.
Mash:
S-Senpai too...!?
Fujimaru 1:
Me, a p-pig!?
Fujimaru 2:
She said you too, Mash!!!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp chirp, you are our first new guests in a long while, so of course I never wanted this to happen.
Beni-Enma:
However, I cannot pay my employees with sympathy. Therefore as a tormentor demon of hell, I'll be as ruthless as I must.
Beni-Enma:
Toshi, show our new guests to their rooms, chirp.
We can at least let them stay in the nicer ones.
Beni-Enma:
Well, everyone, whether you all spend the next two weeks as guests or employees is something you'll need to decide for yourselves.
Beni-Enma:
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to our other guests.
Beni-Enma:
If you decide to work, just let one of the sparrows know. Tamamo and the other Servants can at least chop firewood if nothing else, cheep.
Goredolf:
Hmm. This is quite a pickle to start the new year off with, isn't it, Fujimaru.
Goredolf:
Still, we're all on the same team here. What do you say we all work together to make the best of it?
Fujimaru 1:
...
Goredolf:
Hey! Why are you looking away from me!? Are you upset that you need to work over the New Year's holiday?
Goredolf:
I can certainly understand how you feel, but pouting like a child won't accomplish anything!
Fujimaru 2:
(Biting tongue on all sorts of things) You okay with this, Mash?
Mash:
Of course! Putting the circumstances that led to it aside, I think this will be a wonderful experience.
Mash:
I can't imagine anything more fun than working at a hot springs inn together with you, Senpai!
Section 2: "Casually Lending a Hand"
Sparrow:
Here you are, the Sparrow Hall, chirp. This is where [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru and Ms. Mash will be staying.
Sparrow:
We hope you will find it to your liking, chirp.
Sparrow:
Don't worry, chirp chirp, we'll lock the doors tight when it's bedtime.
Sparrow:
Madam Beni insists that men and women only sleep side by side once they're happily married, chirp.
Mash:
Y-yes, of course, chirp.
Sparrow:
We'll lay out the futons in the left-side room,
chirp, once it's time for bed.
Sparrow:
We also offer free hot-water bottles for guests who get cold easily, so don't hesitate to ask, chirp.
Fujimaru 1:
You know, everything else aside...
Mash:
Yes, Senpai. It's absolutely beautiful here! Look, we can see the entire mountain range from our window!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hi there, neighbor! I just stopped by to say hi from the Kingfisher Hall next door♡
Mash:
That must be Tamamo, Kiyohime, and Tomoe.
Come on in!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Don't mind if we do! So you guys have a corner room. Wow, and I thought the view was good from our room!
Tomoe Gozen:
It would seem to be a bit larger than ours as well.
Tomoe Gozen:
I always thought Ms. Beni-Enma hated humans,
but perhaps I was mistaken.
Kiyohime:
A hot springs inn... Food that grants stamina...
Out in the mountains with nothing better to do...
Kiyohime:
It's bound to only be a matter of time before one thing leads to another here... Hehehe, what a wonderful place...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
All right, that's enough of that, Kiyohime.
We have a serious job to do here, remember?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And if we don't do it right, Master and Mash are going to pay the price just as much as we are.
Goredolf:
This is the Sparrow Room, yes?
It's me, Goredolf. We're coming in.
Goredolf:
Oho, I see this room has quite a lot of charm as well. There's a warmth to these Japanese inns I rather like.
Diarmuid:
Good, you're all here.
It seems we were right to come this way, my lord.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Indeed. We first thought we would go for a dip in these hot springs we've heard so much about...but sadly, they're closed right now.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
So instead, we decided to come here and figure out our strategy. It would seem there is more to this inn than meets the eye.
Mash:
So you've all been to see your rooms then.
Let's see, I think there was... There, found it!
Mash:
Here you go. I tried making some tea with the leaves and teapot that came with the room.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you, Mash.
Fujimaru 2:
They even have manjyu to go with it...!
Goredolf:
Why thank you, Demi-Servant. Very considerate.
My maids could learn a thing or two from you.
Goredolf:
Oh, but we mustn't let ourselves get sidetracked.
The situation is most dire!
Goredolf:
What now!? What can we do!? I may be an eminently capable commander, but this is a foreign land!
Goredolf:
Not to mention I'm still thrilled to be at a hot springs inn for the first time in my life!
Goredolf:
I can't even begin to imagine how one might go about collecting gratitude!
Fujimaru 1:
Do you have any ideas, Tamamo?
Fujimaru 2:
Do you have any ideas, Tomoe?
Tomoe Gozen:
...I am afraid not. What about you, Tamamo?
Perhaps you know something that could help us?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hmm. This sort of thing isn't really my field of expertise, so I can't be one-hundred-percent sure...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...but I think we should start with odd jobs, like Ms. Beni-Enma said.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
None of us are artisans, and we don't know the first thing about running an inn.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
So I say we start by finding tasks we know we can handle without a problem.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That'll help us naturally get to know the inn's inner workings in terms of both layout and policies.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
As long as we do that, it won't be long before we know what we can do, and what we want to do.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
So on that note, here you go, Master♡
Mash:
Are these...Mystic Codes?
But, there's something different about them... Ah!
Mash:
S-S-Senpai, these are yukata! Traditional hot springs inn uniforms! I've always wanted to try one on!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That's right. I thought you might need them,
so I asked Ms. Beni if she could spare some.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's a bit of a rush job, but I used a mix of my Shinto and curse powers, and of course, the power of my love, to perfectly alter it to your size♡
Kiyohime:
Hey! No fair, Tamamo!
Kiyohime:
Don't forget about me!
I put in lots of love, too!
Kiyohime:
In fact, that kimono is one of my scales. Whenever you wear it, Master, you and I will be of one mind, and one body♡
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha, how encouraging! One can never have too much love! And you certainly are loved, aren't you, Master?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Very well then, I have a gift of my own to share.
I spoke with some sparrows on our way here.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I asked them if they had any jobs that needed to be done, and they told me something very interesting.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
The Enma-tei is run solely by Madam Beni-Enma and her nine apprentice sparrows, but they're currently shorthanded thanks to the demonic monkeys' mischief.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I was further told that they have three specific jobs that require doing.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
First, procuring fresh, high-quality ingredients from the mountain and river.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Second, procuring lumber, as they use it for firewood, making repairs, and so on.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Third, chasing away the demonic monkeys,
who have been up to no end of mischief as of late.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
So, what do you think? Doesn't that third one sound like something we could get started on right away?
Diarmuid:
That's perfect. As warriors, getting rid of demonic monkeys would be right up our alley.
Diarmuid:
And since it was our own failings that brought about this precarious situation, it is only right that we fight ourselves to the bone, even without pay.
Diarmuid:
One might even say this will bring a whole new meaning to the word...payback. Eh? Eh?
All:
...
Diarmuid:
...Forgive me. My tongue is not nearly as sharp as Móralltach's blade...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I think it's best if you leave the wordplay to me from now on, Diarmuid. It is decidedly not your forte.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Nonetheless, I like your spirit. Now then, if we're going to fight demonic monkeys, we should do so in the forest behind the inn.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Master, feel free to command Diarmuid as you see fit.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
That goes for me too, of course, since I'm partially to blame for the disturbance at the Tribute Hall.
Goredolf:
...
Goredolf:
Very well then, I'm officially delegating the fieldwork to you and your team, Fujimaru.
Goredolf:
In the meantime, there's something that's been nagging at me, so I'm going to take a look around the inn and see what things are really like here.
Mash:
So we'll be splitting up to cover more ground then? Understood.
Mash:
Come on then, Master, let's go change into our Enma-tei work clothes and head outside!
Section 3: "The Start of the Daily Report"
Fujimaru 1:
Phew, I'm wiped...
Fujimaru 2:
I think we could use a little break.
Mash:
Okay, why don't you all rest up then?
I'll go make us some tea.
Kiyohime:
Thank you, Mash.
Tea would be lovely.
Kiyohime:
I've never gathered firewood or cleaned gutters before. It's exhausting.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Could've fooled me, seeing how much you look to be enjoying yourself.
Kiyohime:
Well, of course! I mean, I'm working side by side with Master at a hot springs inn!
Kiyohime:
As far as I'm concerned, we're practically on our honeymoon♡
Tomoe Gozen:
I do not mind the work either. In fact, I could not be happier that I can be helpful to Ms. Beni.
Tomoe Gozen:
However...
Goredolf:
All that yardwork didn't amount to a single scrap of gratitude!
Goredolf:
That is what you're getting at, isn't it, Tomoe!?
I couldn't agree more!
Goredolf:
If we don't speed things up soon, our pig-ification is all but assured! Start innovating, and fast!
Mash:
Director Goredolf is right.
Can you think of anything that might help us, Senpai?
Fujimaru 1:
The Enma-tei's beautiful, but it doesn't seem to have many guests.
Kiyohime:
That's true... We'll never be able to get offerings without guests.
Kiyohime:
And we can't just go back to Chaldea until we've managed to lift the curse...
Tomoe Gozen:
Indeed. If we return without a resolution, we would have no choice but to simply wait for our fate...
Goredolf:
Y-yes, exactly! It's still too soon to ask Chaldea for help!
Goredolf:
Besides, the communicator's been,
er...acting up a bit, anyway.
Goredolf:
But no matter. As long as I'm here, we have no need to seek Sion or Da Vinci or anyone else's advice.
Fujimaru 2:
I say we call Chaldea and ask for help.
Goredolf:
Now, now, let's, uh, not be hasty. Calling them now would do nothing to resolve this problem.
Goredolf:
Besides, just imagine what would happen if we returned to Chaldea now while we are essentially cursed.
Goredolf:
“Well, on to the next Lostbelt!” “Say, didn't something happen at New Year's? ...Oops.”
Goredolf:
And then, bam!
We're all suddenly one big herd of swine!
Goredolf:
Trust me, I know all about these sorts of accursed situations!
Goredolf:
Therefore, I'm exercising my authority to prohibit all communicator usage until this problem is resolved!
Goredolf:
Now never mind all that! The real issue is that there aren't any guests at this bloody inn!
Diarmuid:
True. The only other guests we've seen here are those who have been staying at the Enma-tei for years.
Diarmuid:
They may well be giving offerings every day, but even so...
Mash:
Yes... It's inevitable that their gratitude would fade as their life here becomes routine.
Mash:
The Enma-tei may be a beautiful inn, but it does seem to have trouble attracting new guests.
Mash:
The whole building is immaculately well-kept,
but it also feels...lonely.
Mash:
I wonder why things ended up this way...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Quite. It is undeniably strange that such a miraculous inn would be so bereft of visitors...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...but we can, and should,
save that discussion for another time.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Especially since our path forward is now clear.
Fujimaru 1:
It is?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Absolutely.
You said it yourself, Master.
Fujimaru 2:
Sure is.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Indeed. Now that we know what the problem is,
we can set about fixing it.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
If there are no new guests coming to stay,
we need merely go and find some.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
This inn may be normally inaccessible to humans, but we have quite the surplus of nonhuman acquaintances.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
All we need do is draw upon our bonds, and we should have Heroic Spirits coming here one after the other.
Goredolf:
I see. Headhunting, but for guests instead of employees.
Goredolf:
Still, isn't there a limit to how many Servants you could attract here with your bonds alone?
Mash:
Yes. Even if we assume the Wandering Sea Chaldea Base can produce as much magical energy as Chaldea...
Mash:
...we would still only be able to Rayshift one,
maybe two more Servants to this Singularity.
Mash:
What's more...they would need to come here with Master.
Mash:
And since we can't return to Chaldea right now,
I don't believe it's possible to summon from there.
Mash:
So our only choice is to have them come directly from the Throne of Heroes...
Mash:
...but in order to do that, we would need power equivalent to a Holy Grail.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Which is exactly why it will work, Mash. The Enma-tei naturally attracts all sorts of spirits, right?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Then by definition, this whole inn must function as a summoning location.
Mash:
Oh!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
So how do we get more guests?
Simple: attention-grabbing advertising.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
We tell prospective guests that if they come here...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...they will find wonderful food,
scenery, and service, in equal measure.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And once the Enma-tei starts to thrive again, word of mouth will spread and the more curious Heroic Spirits will be compelled to come stay for themselves.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Now then, what is it we need to do in order to make that happen, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Do ALL the jobs!
Fujimaru 2:
Liven this place up!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha. Thank you for putting into words what I could not.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I'm encouraged to see you haven't let this sudden turn from pleasure trip to working holiday get you down.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
If that's what you want, Master, I have no objections.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That said, we will need to talk to Ms. Beni and get her permission. I'll handle that part.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
After all, if we're going to make suggestions about how to run the inn itself...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...in addition to all the yardwork, culinary work, cleaning, and fixing up empty rooms...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...that goes well beyond what most people would consider to be a part-time job.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Now let's see...why don't we start with renovating one of the sealed-off guest rooms?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We certainly can't go around attracting guests if we don't have a place for them to stay.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
As they say, you have to walk before you can run.
Or clean before you can entertain, in this case♡
Goredolf:
Y-yes, well said, Tamamo-no-Mae! Hahaha, I wonder why your name just rolls off the tongue!
Goredolf:
Very well then, we now know what it is we must do.
Goredolf:
Fujimaru, the first order of business is to make the guest rooms usable.
Goredolf:
This may be a small step for you, but it will be a giant leap for me. Specifically, for ensuring I remain as I am.
Goredolf:
Go on then, get to work, [♂ boy /♀ girl]!
I'll be here to support you as best I can!
Section 4: "The First Customer"
A：???:
Hmm. Here I thought I would step out and loosen my sword arm about a familiar mountain, only to find myself at a hot springs inn instead.
A：???:
I must have crossed a certain boundary without realizing. But which bond called to me?
A：???:
No doubt I will be unable to return should I cross this bridge, but then, it is not every day one has the chance to be spirited away.
A：???:
Whichever way this turns...it should make for a good drinking story.
Beni-Enma:
Fujimaru! Cheep cheep, you fixed up that guest room to make it usable!?
Fujimaru 1:
Just doing my job, cheep.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp... Tamamo did tell me you would be doing some large-scale renovations, but I'm still surprised at how fast you work...
Fujimaru 2:
I'm sorry I repaired it without asking permission...
Beni-Enma:
Oh no, no need to apologize, chirp.
I'm just surprised at how fast you work.
Beni-Enma:
My sparrows and I could never find the time to get to it, so I'm grateful!
Beni-Enma:
I guess I'll have to reconsider the way we do some things around here.
Beni-Enma:
After all, the more rooms we have available,
the more guests will show up.
Fou:
Fou?
???:
Pardon me. Am I correct in assuming this is a hot springs inn?
Mash:
A guest! It looks like someone showed up already, Senpai!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp chirp! Thank you for coming all this way, sir!
Kojirou:
...
Beni-Enma:
Is something wrong, sir?
Actually, may I ask which god you might be?
Beni-Enma:
...Hmm. I can tell from your face that you've seen a lot of bloodshed.
Beni-Enma:
I have no intention of being judgmental,
but it's also my job to keep all my other guests safe.
Beni-Enma:
Honored traveler, this is a place of healing and hot springs. If you mean to purify yourself, chirp, I suggest you try another inn.
Kojirou:
I assure you, madam, you have me wrong.
I killed not a single person in life.
Kojirou:
I am simply a humble mountain dweller who ended up as a Servant purely by mistake.
Kojirou:
I have no intention of causing a disturbance, nor am I beset by would-be rivals seeking a challenge.
Kojirou:
I merely happened upon this inn by chance...or perhaps by a stroke of karma.
Kojirou:
At any rate, I am quite taken with this solitary atmosphere. Might you have a room available?
Beni-Enma:
A Servant, chirp... Does that mean you're a Heroic Spirit familiar, like the ones Fujimaru mentioned?
Kojirou:
Indeed I am. Hm?
Madam, did you just say “Fujimaru”?
Mash:
Kojirou!
So you're the one who came here!
Fujimaru 1:
Hey there!
Fujimaru 2:
Welcome to our inn!
Kojirou:
I see. So it was not my bond to an inn that led me here, but my bond to a human.
Kojirou:
You must tell me how this came to be another time. Madam, would you be so kind as to show me to my room?
Kojirou:
I would rather my acquaintances not see me while I am exhausted. I must first rid myself of the grime accumulated on my journey. Hahaha.
Sparrow:
Ch-chirp, I'll show you to your room then, chirp!
Here, let me take your bag, chirp!
Beni-Enma:
...There's something suspicious about that man.
You say you know him?
Mash:
Yes, we do. His name is Kojirou. And the fact that he knows us must mean he's the one from Chaldea.
Beni-Enma:
I see... I can't put my feather on it, but there's something about him that irks me...
Beni-Enma:
Wandering samurai like him or Ms. Musashi always smell like trouble.
Mash:
...Huh?
Fujimaru 1:
Musashi? As in Miyamoto Musashi!?
Fujimaru 2:
Musashi's here!?
Beni-Enma:
Sh-she's not here anymore, chirp chirp! She did stay here once, but I banned her for causing too much of a ruckus!
Beni-Enma:
Though I suppose you could say she's still lingering around in one sense...
Beni-Enma:
Anyway, pay it no mind, chirp. I'm willing to let that suspicious-looking samurai stay here.
Beni-Enma:
I already promised Tamamo and the others that I wouldn't interfere with your work.
Beni-Enma:
Besides, all the cleaning you've been doing has been a big help.
Beni-Enma:
So go ahead and do whatever it is you need to do.
Beni-Enma:
As long as you conduct yourselves properly,
I'm sure Lord Enma won't mind.
Mash:
This is great, Senpai. Now we have official approval to renovate the Enma-tei.
Mash:
If we keep improving it at this rate, I'm sure we'll be able to gather enough gratitude in no time!
Fujimaru 1:
All right!
Fujimaru 2:
Let's do this thing!
Section 5: "Chaldea at Work, Part 1"
Mash:
It's six o'clock!
Time to wake up!
Fujimaru 1:
Nnn... Good morning...
Fujimaru 2:
The day starts so early here...
Mash:
The sound of the brook babbling outside... The singing of the early morning birds... It certainly is a peaceful morning, isn't it, Senpai?
Mash:
Oh, don't worry about the futon.
I'll put it away so you can focus on getting ready.
Mash:
We still have another twenty minutes until we're supposed to meet up, so we should still have time to relax with a cup of tea before we head to the lobby.
Fujimaru 1:
Thanks, Mash. Okay, I'll go wash my face then.
Fujimaru 2:
Man, who knew taking care of an inn was this much work...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Good morning, you two.
You're both right on time again.
Kiyohime:
(Yawwwn) I'm still a little sleepy...
Kiyohime:
Something about Enma-tei forces Servants to manifest like we have normal lives. Almost like incarnation...
Kiyohime:
We get hungry, we have to sleep at night... And it's especially hard when you have low blood pressure...
Tomoe Gozen:
Perhaps there is a Bounded Field or something similar that keeps the inn rooted in the laws of the spirit world despite existing in reality.
Tomoe Gozen:
Whatever the reason, it does feel like we Servants have returned to our living bodies here.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It really does. It takes me back to when I still went by Mizukume.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
The Enma-tei isn't just a mountain inn;
it's an inn of the spiritual world.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Travelers that end up here aren't lost. They're wanderers who happened to step into another world.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
One day, you find yourself cut off from your own world, enjoy a period where you never age a day...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...and when you finally go back to your original world, you find that decades have passed...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's the textbook example of being spirited away, just like the Dragon Palace or the Peach Blossom Spring.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I see. That sounds much like one of our own stories.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Though ours involves a type of changeling, where a human child is kidnapped and turned into a fairy.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Fairies have their own unique way of seeing things,
and will sometimes lure humans into their world.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Such humans become ageless while in the other world, but they inevitably pay the price for their dream all at once upon returning to reality.
Diarmuid:
Are you speaking of Tír na nÓg–the Land of the Young, Fionn mac Cumhaill?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
No, no, nothing like that. Tír na nÓg may be the Land of Fairies, but it is still part of our world.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It is merely detached from it, much like a Reality Marble, or like a dream being had by the very planet.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Whether that dream is a good one or a bad one depends on what the fairy in question happens to be like.
Goredolf:
So fairies were responsible for changelings?
Goredolf:
Hmph. Then I suppose we can add “knowledge of fairies” to things you excel at.
Goredolf:
Of course, you did manage to take one for a wife.
I take it she was drawn to those golden locks of yours?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha, I'll tell you about Sadhbh some other time.
It's difficult to stop once I begin talking about her.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
At the moment, we are here to discuss the Enma-tei. Have any of you learned anything since our arrival?
Diarmuid:
Yes, my lord. The demonic monkeys have been engaging in mischief on a much wider scale than we thought.
Diarmuid:
They attack the sparrows throughout the mountain, and interfere with their efforts to collect the so-called bounties of the mountain and the river.
Kiyohime:
They even sneak into the inn to cause trouble here.
One threw mochi at me while I was waxing the halls!
Tomoe Gozen:
The demonic monkeys running about are certainly a problem, but the Enma-tei itself has issues as well.
Tomoe Gozen:
First and foremost is, as we all know by now, the drought of customers.
Tomoe Gozen:
It is also because of that drought that many of the inn's facilities have been closed off.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Makes sense. No point paying to run a store when there's no one around to use it.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Even all the way out in a remote spirit world, there's no escaping personnel costs and utility bills...
Mash:
The Enma-tei is currently only operating with the bare minimum of facilities.
Mash:
That may not be an issue at the moment, but if we're going to bring in more guests, we'll also need to bring back all the other facilities.
Fujimaru 1:
It was painful to see that the hot springs were closed.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Indeed, I was severely disappointed with that as well.
I wonder why they sealed them off?
Fujimaru 2:
It was painful to see that the big kitchen was closed.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
True, but you can understand why they don't need it with so few guests.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Besides, Ms. Beni's the only one here who can cook.
All the apprentice sparrows can do is serve the guests their food.
Goredolf:
Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Now button it up. We're almost at the lobby.
Mash:
Oh right, Madam Beni-Enma's morning assembly.
I wonder what sort of jobs she'll give us today?
Mash:
I'm kind of excited to see what my next shift will be.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp chirp, good morning.
Is everyone here?
Sparrows:
Chiiirp!
Fou:
Fooou!
Fujimaru 1:
All Chaldeans, present!
Beni-Enma:
Excellent. Sparrows, go ahead and start the general cleaning of the inside, as per usual.
Beni-Enma:
Make sure you all do the Enma-tei proud.
Sparrows:
Ch-chiiirp!
Yes ma'am!
Beni-Enma:
As for you, Chaldeans, today I'd like you to gather ingredients.
Beni-Enma:
We have several more guests now than when you arrived, so we need to restock our larders before we run out.
Beni-Enma:
I may have mixed feelings about bringing outsider Heroic Spirits to the historic Enma-tei, but as our guests, we can't have them going hungry.
Beni-Enma:
I'll take you to the good hunting grounds,
so make sure to bring your best. Chirp chirp!
Mash:
Are you coming too, Beni-Enma?
Beni-Enma:
Yes, because it's dangerous outside in these parts.
Beni-Enma:
Just because you're working here now doesn't mean you're not still my guest, Fujimaru.
Beni-Enma:
As the Enma-tei's proprietress,
it's my duty to do so, chirp.
Fujimaru 1:
It's an honor to study under you, Ms. Beni-Enma!
Beni-Enma:
N-no need to make a big deal out of it. I just can't help but feel bad that you're in this predicament.
Beni-Enma:
So, besides the monkeys, there are some rather vicious beasts at the hunting grounds, so I want all of you to come along.
Diarmuid:
You don't say. What excellent news. My blades have been yearning for a worthier foe than those monkeys.
Diarmuid:
Rest assured you will be safe with me, no matter how many of these mountain beasts try to attack.
Diarmuid:
Feel free to relax and enjoy the walk, Lady Beni-Enma. We Knights of Fianna will take care of everything.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oho. No matter how many try to attack, you say? That is most reassuring. I look forward to seeing what you are capable of, Diarmuid.
Beni-Enma:
You certainly are eager to rush into danger, aren't you... Cheep cheep, what is it about dual-wielders that makes them so reckless?
--BATTLE--
Diarmuid:
That was awful!
Fujimaru 1:
Diarmuuuid!
Fujimaru 2:
I know how you feel.
Diarmuid:
Well, at least I somehow managed to survive.
Diarmuid:
Beast or not, facing such powerful Demon Boars is a frightening prospect... Still, a good experience.
Beni-Enma:
Well done. You do rely on brute strength too much, but I can see from your form that you've spent a lot of time training.
Beni-Enma:
I'm also glad you did not skip your leg days.
Jumping about is perfectly fine in my book.
Fujimaru 1:
I'm surprised there are so many vicious beasts here.
Beni-Enma:
...They're actually much more docile now.
Beni-Enma:
Back in the Enma-tei's heyday, Divine Beasts and Phantasmals ran rampant over these mountains.
Beni-Enma:
But these days, we've stopped getting guests, faith has weakened, and humans don't wander here anymore...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Well hey, look on the bright side.
The mountain's never been more peaceful, right?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And as for the lack of guests, I'm sure Fujimaru will figure something out.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
So please don't worry, Ms. Beni-Enma.
We've got it well in hand.
Beni-Enma:
I'm surprised you're so confident, chirp... You do understand that you'll be turned into a pig with everyone else if you fail, yes?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Well, kon kon, that's because I trust Master implicitly♪
Tamamo-no-Mae:
[♂ He /♀ She] did succeed at repairing all of humanity once,
even if [♂ he /♀ she] did have a lot of miraculous help.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And good things come to those who do good deeds.
So no, I'm not worried whatsoever♡
Beni-Enma:
I see. In that case, I'd like you Chaldeans to keep gathering ingredients.
Beni-Enma:
The sparrows are good at working together when it comes to fighting giant beasts, but...
Greatsword Sparrow:
Leave the front line to me, chirp. I've been building up an attack for three days that'll wreck them.
Greatbow Sparrow:
I'll hold them back with covering fire, chirp,
without worrying about collateral damage.
Spear & Shield Sparrow:
I'm just going to make sure I stay alive to fight another day, chirp.
Receptionist Sparrow:
Let's go show them a thing or two, partners! Chirp.
(*No intention of actually going)
Beni-Enma:
...they're rather helpless against opponents who are just a little bit bigger than they are.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I see. So that's why they have so much trouble with the monkeys. When did they start to be a problem?
Beni-Enma:
They've been around for the past hundred years, but didn't start making all this trouble until recently.
Beni-Enma:
They all came to the Enma-tei to seek refuge after the human world became uninhabitable, cheep.
Beni-Enma:
I feel for them as they don't have anywhere else to go, so I don't want to exterminate them...
Beni-Enma:
...chirp chirp, but I may have to if they keep getting more violent.
Beni-Enma:
Oh, but I shouldn't be talking about this with guests.
Beni-Enma:
I'm going to head back to the Enma-tei now, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
You've all been working very hard, so tonight,
I'm making wild boar hot pot to replenish all your energy!
Mash:
...So Beni-Enma even cares about the well-being of the demonic monkeys...
Mash:
I know our first priority is lifting our curse, Master, but I still can't help but wonder what sort of problems the Enma-tei itself is facing...
Section 6: "Chaldea at Work, Part 2"
Mash:
Phew. That takes care of the windows on the second floor, Senpai.
Mash:
It's lovely that the Enma-tei's windows are so big, giving us quite a view, but it does make cleaning them rather difficult.
Fujimaru 1:
We had to break out a ladder and everything.
Fujimaru 2:
I'm jealous of the sparrows when it comes to things like this.
Mash:
I've never thought of how flight would make such things so much easier. ...Huh?
Mash:
What was that!?
Did you just get thrown out of that guest room!?
Sparrow:
Oh, Ms. Mash! [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru!
Chirp chirp, great timing!
Sparrow:
We need your help!
Please, come with us to the Thrush Hall!
Sparrow:
Magistrate Tiger is acting up again!
Chirp, you have to help the madam subdue him!
Mash:
...! I don't know what this is all about,
but I can tell it's an emergency!
Mash:
Master, hurry! The Thrush Hall is the one all the way in the back on the second floor!
???:
Rrrrrr...
Grrrrrr!
???:
So...hungry...
I want...to eat...
???:
HUMAN TOOOES!
???:
I want to eat...the toes from the right foot...of a left-handed human!
Beni-Enma:
I can't let you do that! Don't let everything you've worked for go to waste now!
Fujimaru 1:
We're here to help!
Fujimaru 2:
That's an oddly specific request!
Beni-Enma:
Cheep, [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru!
I'm glad you're here!
Beni-Enma:
Help me bring this guest back to his senses!
???:
I smell...humans...
I knew it! You do have some here!
???:
You little tease!
Give me that human meat! Nooow!
G：Mash:
That anonymous guest is attacking, Master!
Get ready to fight back!
--BATTLE--
???:
Graaaaaahhh!
D：???:
...Rgh...
I did it again...
D：???:
...I-I'm sorry...
I'll be good...
Beni-Enma:
There you go. Just make sure to think about what you did, Mr. Tiger, and we'll call it even.
C：Mash:
...Hostile activity has ended. Looking at him now, it's hard to believe he's the same being we just fought...
Beni-Enma:
This is Magistrate Tiger. He's been a loyal customer of ours for many years.
Beni-Enma:
One day, he suddenly said he wanted to stop eating meat, so we've been doing our best to help him.
Magistrate Tiger:
...I-I'm so sorry.
...I hope I didn't...scare you.
Magistrate Tiger:
...Wh-when I smelled humans, it...
...brought back old memories...
Magistrate Tiger:
...Th-this may be hard to believe from me...
...But, I'm okay now...
Magistrate Tiger:
...Th-th-thank you...
...For saving Beni...
Beni-Enma:
That's right, Mr. Tiger!
You should be grateful to [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru!
Beni-Enma:
[♂ He /♀ She] went out of [♂ his /♀ her] way to take it easy on you,
you know! Most people wouldn't be so generous!
Magistrate Tiger:
...Yeah.
...That's true...
Magistrate Tiger:
(...It is true when they say...that humans are quite gullible... It's so sad to see...)
Beni-Enma:
Did you say something, Mr. Tiger?
Magistrate Tiger:
...I-I'm going to lie down...
...Would you all...mind leaving...?
Fujimaru 1:
Man, that was a hell of a surprise!
Beni-Enma:
Only a surprise, huh. You're really taking this in stride, [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru!
Beni-Enma:
Still, I'm glad to hear you say that, chirp chirp.
It warms my heart to see humans be so forgiving.
Fujimaru 2:
Um... I'm guessing there's something of a story with him?
Beni-Enma:
Yes, there is... Mr. Tiger is technically a monster, rather than the Divided Spirit of a god.
Beni-Enma:
He ended up here after he lost his home and had nowhere else to go, just like Chief Snake and Moneyed Monkey.
Beni-Enma:
I know all too well what that's like, so I can't help but want to look after them, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Anyway, I'm grateful you came to help.
If you hadn't, I might have ended up taking his life.
Beni-Enma:
You do have to be considerably stronger than your opponent to subdue them without killing them.
Beni-Enma:
At first, I didn't understand you could keep Tamamo, Kiyohime, and Tomoe in line despite being human.
Beni-Enma:
But now, I can see why they all enjoy serving you.
Beni-Enma:
In fact, since you're such a good person, I think Lord Enma will be forgiving about what happened in the Tribute Hall, cheep!
Beni-Enma:
So try not to push yourself too hard. It's okay to take your time to build up gratitude. And don't forget to rest every now and then, all right?
Beni-Enma:
The Enma-tei doesn't often get married couples, chirp, so make sure to spend some quality time with Mash, too.
Mash:
There she goes, back to work. I-it's cute how she has the wrong idea about us, isn't it?
Fujimaru 1:
(I owe you one, Madam Beni...!)
Fujimaru 2:
What do you say we take her up on her break idea?
Mash:
Okay, then let's go to the kitchen.
I think Tamamo said she was going to make dumplings.
Section 7: "About Enma-tei's History"
Sparrow:
[♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru!
[♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru, chirp!
Sparrow:
Can you spare some time right now!?
Chirp chirp, can you!?
Sparrow:
Chirp, please, I need your help! The wicked bird is back, and it's tearing up the Tribute Hall!
Sparrow:
That feathered fowl is as foul as they come! Cheep,
we need to stop it before it destroys the Enma-tei!
Mash:
This sounds serious, Senpai...!
What should we do!?
Fujimaru 1:
We've got your back.
Sparrow:
Chirp chirp!
I knew I could count on you!
Fujimaru 2:
We're kind of on break right now, so...
Sparrow:
Don't lie, chirp. You wouldn't want me to get Madam Beni to cut out your tongue now, would you?
Mash:
I suppose we should hurry to the Tribute Hall!
We can't let anything happen to the offering box!
???:
BUH...BUH...BUH...
BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH...
???:
BUH-cawwwwwwk!!!
Sparrow:
Wh-wh-wh-what a horrible shriek! Chirp chirp, it really is a demon trying to look like a bird! Please, chirp, kill it with holy fire!
D：Mash:
...Um...
D：Mash:
W-well, I suppose I can understand why this creature would be difficult for the sparrows to handle.
D：Mash:
Anyway, let's just try to drive it away without going overboard, Master.
--BATTLE--
A：Sparrow:
Can I get you some tea!? How about a sweet bean manjyu!? Chirp chirp, I'll sing you a song! And give you a shoulder rub!
C：Sparrow:
I can't tell you how grateful we are, [♂ Mr. /♀ Ms.] Fujimaru! Anything you want, cheep, it's yours!
Fujimaru 1:
This is the most disproportionate reward I've ever received for anything.
Fujimaru 2:
These sparrows are really...insistent.
Mash:
Th-they are being kind of intense with their hospitality, aren't they...
Sparrow:
This isn't just for saving us from that awful bird, chirp! We are also grateful to you for gathering so much Bounty of the Sparrow.
Mash:
...? Oh, now that you mention it, after we chop wood, or clean a guest room...
Mash:
...or do some yardwork,
or chase off demonic monkeys...
Kojirou:
Indeed, I was wondering for myself what this “Bounty of the Sparrow” might be.
Sparrow:
Chirp chirp, when did you get here, Sasaki!?
Do you know each other?
Fou:
Fo, kyu kyu kyu fou.
Ki kyuu kyu, fo fou fou.
Fujimaru 1:
We're just as surprised as you!
Fujimaru 2:
He's drinking tea like he's been here all along!
Kojirou:
Come now, you do not mind, do you, [♂ Lord /♀ Lady] Fujimaru? We have both wandered here from Chaldea, after all.
Kojirou:
Of course, as an aimless vagrant, my circumstances differ considerably from yours, but never mind that.
Kojirou:
Tell me, sparrows, what is this Bounty of the Sparrow of which you speak of?
D：Sparrow:
Chirp! We sparrows have gratitude too,
just like our guests.
D：Sparrow:
And when it changes from something vague and metaphysical to something tangible, we call it our “bounty”, chirp.
D：Sparrow:
Bounty of the Sparrow accumulates like crazy, chirp,
whenever you do one of our jobs for us.
Mash:
It does?
D：Sparrow:
It does, chirp. So today, we're paying you back for all your help. Think of it like a point card that you've managed to fill up with stamps.
Fujimaru 1:
That's...an interesting way to put it...
Mash:
Now I see.
Thank you for explaining it so clearly.
Mash:
In fact...I'm kind of surprised by how clear it was.
Mash:
Most of the other sparrows are more...
Fujimaru 2:
You're very chatty, aren't you?
D：Sparrow:
Very true, chirp. I'm the fastest thinker of all the Ten Sparrows, chirp.
D：Sparrow:
My name's Gokan. Cheep cheep,
I'm the treasurer of the Enma-tei.
Sparrow (Gokan):
The other sparrows go by Shinkou, Shokou, Soutei, Henjou, Taizan, Byoudou, Toshi, Godou-Tenrin...
Sparrow (Gokan):
Each of them has individual names given to them by their lords, chirp.
Mash:
Wait...aren't these the names of the Ten Kings, who act as the judges of hell in the Buddhist underworld?
Mash:
Are you and the other sparrows their sons?
Sparrow (Gokan):
No, just their attendants, chirp. Although Madam Beni is the daughter of Great King Enma.
Fujimaru 1:
Great King Enma...?
Fujimaru 2:
Wait, THAT Great King Enma!?
Kojirou:
This is a surprise. They say that Great King Enma is none other than the supreme judge of all of hell.
Kojirou:
That he sentences the dead to different hells depending on the severity of their sins in life...
Kojirou:
...and that he pulls out the tongues of any sinner who lies to try and escape their punishment.
Kojirou:
In Buddhist tradition, he is known as “Yamaten" or "the first dead,” and that the Buddha himself made him a god and put him in charge of hell...
Kojirou:
...but I am told that the ten king system developed among ordinary people when Buddhism was brought over from the continent.
Kojirou:
In which case, these sparrows must be referring to the concept of hell that took root in Japan at the same time Buddhism did.
Kojirou:
In turn, Lady Beni-Enma lies at the crossroads between that concept of hell...
Kojirou:
...and how it is commonly envisioned in folklore.
Am I correct?
Sparrow (Gokan):
You catch on pretty quick for a Sasaki, chirp.
About half right, I'd say.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Madam Beni's birth is a little more complicated, chirp.
Kojirou:
I see. Complicated how, chirp?
Sparrow (Gokan):
Madam Beni used to be human, chirp.
Sparrow (Gokan):
She was an apprentice prostitute who ran from her lodgings and captors, and died after she wandered into a mayoiga, chirp.
Sparrow (Gokan):
But before she died, she proved to be a great source of consolation for that mayoiga, chirp.
Sparrow (Gokan):
As a result, instead of being tried as a sinner, she ended up working for Datsue-ba at the Sanzu River.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Chirp. Unfortunately for her, Datsue-ba was stingy as–er, something of a cheapskate, chirp.
Datsue-ba (Artist's Rendering):
“If you're going to work here, you need to become my daughter. That way, I won't have to pay you.”
Sparrow:
Even the other demons of hell thought that adopting a child just to save a few coins was going too far, chirp. Especially since she had already been sold and abused for money when she was alive.
Sparrow:
Even today, some people think Datsue-ba inadvertently coined the Japanese for “money-grubber.”
Fujimaru 1:
Who's Datsue-ba?
Kojirou:
In Buddhist tradition, it is said that the dead must cross the Sanzu River before they can receive Great King Enma's judgment.
Kojirou:
To do that, they must offer up their clothes to pay a ferryman to carry them across.
Kojirou:
Datsue-ba is the oni tasked with collecting this fare by stripping the dead of their clothes.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Can you imagine an old lady about your size? They say she's been in hell longer than Great King Enma, chirp.
Fujimaru 2:
(So Beni-Enma's quick-draw was meant to cut off clothes? ...Umm...)
Mash:
You know who this Datsue-ba person is, Senpai?
Kojirou:
Oho. I can see from your expression that you are imagining something less than pleasant.
Kojirou:
Hahaha, a sword that only cuts clothes, leaving the wearer unharmed, would be an unparalleled accomplishment.
Kojirou:
If it existed, it would be a true Mystic Sword!
Sparrow (Gokan):
Anyway, even though Datsue-ba was a nasty piece of work, Madam Beni still served her faithfully, chirp.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Eventually, Great King Enma took pity on her,
chirp, and officially adopted her himself.
Mash:
Th-that's wonderful! It's like something straight out of a fairy tale...!
Sparrow (Gokan):
Well, Great King Enma is married to Datsue-ba, so it mostly amounted to formalizing an agreement, chirp.
Sparrow (Gokan):
So in the end, Madam Beni really learned her sword-drawing from Great King Enma, chirp.
She's not called “Tongue-Cut” for nothing!
Sparrow (Gokan):
Great King Enma then went on to entrust Madam Beni with the mayoiga, chirp chirp, which led to opening the Enma-tei here on Earth.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Chirp, it's the best little inn in all the realms for injured gods to heal their wounds, and for humans lost in the mountains to find salvation!
Kojirou:
I see. Now I finally understand.
Kojirou:
So the tale of the Sparrow Inn was actually about the Enma-tei all along.
Sparrow (Gokan):
I'm not sure which came first, chirp.
Time passes differently between hell and the surface.
Mash:
I've read about these sort of “mayoiga” before. It's a Japanese legend about a mysterious deserted house.
Mash:
In modern times, a very famous Japanese author wrote about mayoiga for his stories.
Mash:
The folklore says that the house is strewn with treasure everywhere you look, and that its dining table is covered in mouthwatering delicacies.
Mash:
The people that wind up there find it suspicious that the house is deserted, but are inevitably unable to resist the luxuries they see all around them.
Mash:
And once they try to take the treasure or eat the food, they're trapped in the house and end up dying.
Kojirou:
Indeed. But as I recall, if a person is able to control their desires, they will be blessed by the house and permitted to return to the human world with a great many gifts.
Mash:
That's right. The mayoiga is meant to test human desire, much like Great King Enma's judgment...
Mash:
But the Enma-tei doesn't have anything like that.
It's exactly like the Sparrow Inn from the story.
Mash:
That inn has no need to test anyone,
because only good people are able to come here.
Sparrow (Gokan):
That's right, chirp. The Enma-tei is the result of the mayoiga being reborn into the Sparrow Inn.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Chirp, as its proprietress,
Madam Beni is a sparrow hero of Japanese folklore.
Sparrow (Gokan):
She even served as the model for all nonhuman creatures who help people in the mountains, like in the Uji Shui Monogatari, chirp.
Kojirou:
There are a few famous tales of old men who met with grim ends for their greed, or were rewarded for their virtue.
Kojirou:
Kobutori Jiisan, Hanasaka Jiisan...and in particular, Tsuzurano Jiisan, who saved a sparrow's life.
Kojirou:
If Madam Beni-Enma is the common link between the tales of the Three Old Men Collection, I can understand why you hold her in such reverence.
Kojirou:
In essence, she is living proof of otogi-banashi–what some might call Japanese nursery rhymes.
Do I have that right?
Sparrow (Gokan):
Chirp chirp, Three Old Men Collection?
First I'm hearing of these, chirp.
Kojirou:
Hahaha, my apologies. I thought it easier to go by their colloquial name. Still, they are all the same in the end, are they not?
Sparrow (Gokan):
...Well yeah, I guess, chirp. See, this is exactly why we can't let our guard down around a Sasaki.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Anyway, that's all we can tell you, chirp.
Besides, this went on a lot longer than we meant it to.
Sparrow (Gokan):
Chirp, we're going to get back to work now.
Oh, and I won't tell Madam Beni we talked about this.
Mash:
...So Beni-Enma wasn't a hero when she was alive then. She only became a Heroic Spirit after she died...
Mash:
Still, at least we know a little more about her.
She is such an amazing proprietress I respect her even more now!
Fujimaru 1:
You said it!
Kojirou:
Indeed, this has been illuminating for myself as well.
At any rate, I think I shall return to my room.
Kojirou:
If you should ever need my help, come and see me.
I will gladly repay you for this tea.
Section 8: "The Mayoiga and Its Visitors"
I：Sparrow:
Welcome, chirp!
Welcome to our inn, chirp!
A：Sparrow:
Chirp chirp, so many guests!
They just keep coming!
Fou:
Fou fou fo fo fou chirp!
Fou fou chirp fo fo fou!
Kiyohime:
Having all the rooms repaired made a big difference! This is all thanks to Master's hard work♡
Goredolf:
Heh, don't be ridiculous. What you should be thanking is my perfectly on-point propaganda.
Goredolf:
It doesn't matter how good the service is if there aren't any customers to serve.
Goredolf:
That's why I made sure to have every sparrow on break go out and spread the word with testimonials like:
Goredolf:
“Staying at the Enma-tei helped me win the lottery!” and “Thanks to the Enma-tei, I got a huge promotion!”
I：Sparrow:
He had us spend our whole break making kawaraban flyers. Chirp, it was fun!
Mash:
Kawaraban flyers... I wonder if these remote places use them like we use social media?
Mash:
Does that mean you contacted Chaldea and told all the Servants there about the Enma-tei, Director Goredolf?
Goredolf:
W-well, more or less. Of course, I plan on asking Chaldea for help, I just haven't got around to it yet.
Goredolf:
And, well, I'm sure the Servants are already quite busy, and we still don't know just how much magical energy the Wandering Sea has to spare!
Goredolf:
So the only ones who should come here are those with so much time and energy on their hands they're in danger of disappearing from boredom!
Goredolf:
In fact, they should only come if they manage to infer our predicament on their end and decide to send help even without us saying anything!
Goredolf:
...
Goredolf:
...Do you believe me?
Fujimaru 1:
What a ridiculous question!
Fujimaru 2:
That's our new director for you!
Goredolf:
Khh...!
That unwavering trust only makes me feel worse...!
Moneyed Monkey:
My, my, I never knew Heroic Spirits were so ostentatious. Or perhaps I should say, fashionable?
Moneyed Monkey:
The Divine Spirits that visit the Enma-tei only care about rest, so they're always fickle in appearance.
Moneyed Monkey:
But these...Servants, was it?
They all positively glow with power.
Chief Snake:
Ooh, how wonderful!
How exotic! How global!
Chief Snake:
There's so many gorgeous hotties of all shapes and sizes I just can't choose!
Chief Snake:
I'd feel like I've died and gone to heaven if I wasn't already at the Enma-tei! This is the best thing that's happened since I came here!
Moneyed Monkey:
Hohoho. I can't say I agree with Chief Snake's choice of words, but I do agree that this is welcome.
Moneyed Monkey:
That said...
Fou:
...!
Kyu... Kyuu kyu, kyu...!?
Sparrow:
Cheep, look out!
A wild dragonkin is attacking the Enma-tei, chirp!
Chief Snake:
You're kidding me!
Oh no no no, I can't deal with dragons!
Chief Snake:
They're so territorial, and slimy, and hissy, and the way their tongues stretch out is just... (Shudders)
Chief Snake:
Don't you agree, Fujimaru!?
Aren't dragons just the worst!?
Fujimaru 1:
N-no, I wouldn't say that.
Kiyohime:
Of course not♡ The things Chief Snake just listed are in fact some of my best qualities, after all♡
Fujimaru 2:
A-are you sure you're not talking about snakes...?
Kiyohime:
Oh Master, don't be silly.
Chief Snake very clearly said “dragons.”
Tomoe Gozen:
Everyone, hurry! That dragonkin ruffian is trying to stay in the inn without paying!
Tomoe Gozen:
The sparrows outside are doing their best to stop it, but they're simply no match!
Chief Snake:
Oh yes, we do see that sort around here now and then.
Chief Snake:
Some evil spirits try to stay here whether they're welcome or not so they can get their old power back.
Chief Snake:
Normally, those who aren't qualified to be here wouldn't be able to cross the bridge, but now that the Enma-tei has grown so weak, well...
Mash:
Senpai!
Fujimaru 1:
On it! Let's go, Mash!
Mash:
I have a feeling this opponent will be very formidable...! Please be careful out there, Master!
Fujimaru 2:
Let's go send it packing, Kiyohime!
Kiyohime:
Leave it to me, Master!
I'm always happy whenever we get to work together♡
--BATTLE--
Mysterious Visitor Dragon X:
Owww!
That hurrrts!
Mysterious Visitor Dragon X:
When I sensed a new resort and came to check it out,
I never expected to be turned away at the door!
Mysterious Visitor Dragon X:
You don't want to put me up here? Fine! I wouldn't stay in your stupid violent hotel if you paid me!
Mysterious Visitor Dragon X:
I hope you choke on a hot spring egg and die!
Kiyohime:
What's the big idea? I finally get a chance to shine, and that's the sort of opponent they pair me with!?
Tomoe Gozen:
What a fearsome dragon that Mysterious Visitor DX was... Wait. WAS she a dragon...?
Fou:
Fou, fooou... (Special Translation: Sorry for all the trouble one of our Altrias caused...)
Moneyed Monkey:
Good grief.
I was afraid something like this might happen.
Moneyed Monkey:
I commend your effort, but this is what happens when you're indiscriminate about who you invite.
Moneyed Monkey:
Guests aren't supposed to be invited to the Enma-tei. They're supposed to find it themselves, after losing their way.
Moneyed Monkey:
That is the very essence of a mayoiga. Yet despite that, you knowingly invited that...hooligan here.
Moneyed Monkey:
I can only imagine how Madam Beni-Enma feels about all this.
Kiyohime:
I...
Goredolf:
Oh don't be daft, you big ape.
Of course she'll be thrilled to have so many more guests!
Goredolf:
Besides, if we hadn't stepped in to help, this place would still be wasting away to nothing!
Goredolf:
Is that what you want!?
Moneyed Monkey:
Of course not.
I love the Enma-tei as much as anyone.
Moneyed Monkey:
But, unfortunately...its time has come and gone.
Moneyed Monkey:
The gods no longer care for Earth.
Humans no longer hold the mountains in awe.
Moneyed Monkey:
It's only natural that the Enma-tei would also fade away. Much as it pains me to say, the times have left it behind.
Moneyed Monkey:
Chaldea, you said your home was called?
I envy what you have.
Moneyed Monkey:
I never imagined there was still a place on Earth where humans and Heroic Spirits coexisted... Hohoho.
Goredolf:
W-well, yes, it's true that Chaldea is a cutting-edge mythical place, so to speak, and as workshops go, it's considerably more modern than the Enma-tei...
Goredolf:
But that still doesn't explain how this place got to such a sorry state.
Goredolf:
I understand the Divine Spirits may have dwindled away as of late, but even so, it seems excessive.
Goredolf:
It still has long-term guests such as yourself,
and surely it still gets others from time to time.
Goredolf:
Not to mention the offering box was full of gratitude when we arrived.
Goredolf:
The Enma-tei may only be scraping by,
but it's still exceptionally well-run.
Goredolf:
So then, why has it declined to this degree?
Goredolf:
Why have so many facilities been closed despite the staff's diligent maintenance?
Moneyed Monkey:
Because that isn't the only problem the inn faces, of course.
Moneyed Monkey:
It's sad... If it hadn't been for that incident five hundred years ago, things would be different now... (Sniff)
Kiyohime:
An incident? What are you talking about, Mr. Moneyed Monkey?
Moneyed Monkey:
Alas, it was a terrible debacle.
I can't even bring myself to say it.
Moneyed Monkey:
Hoho, besides, I am but a humble, carefree guest.
It is not my place to speak of the Enma-tei's failures.
Moneyed Monkey:
That goes for the other guests, too. Even the notoriously chatty Chief Snake knows better than to say anything.
Moneyed Monkey:
Still, you need not concern yourselves about it.
There is nothing that can be done about this problem.
Moneyed Monkey:
All you need to worry about is filling the Tribute Hall with gratitude, and saving yourselves.
Moneyed Monkey:
You've already come this far, to the spirit world. No one could expect you to stick your necks out to solve someone else's problems.
Moneyed Monkey:
The Enma-tei's problems are Madam Beni-Enma's to worry about, not yours.
Fujimaru 1:
An incident five hundred years ago...
Fujimaru 2:
She never said anything about this...
Kiyohime:
Ms. Beni-Enma's nothing if not earnest...
Kiyohime:
She would never try to make her problems into other people's.
Goredolf:
Quite. The fact that she never mentioned this before simply means she didn't wish to speak of it.
Goredolf:
No doubt trying to pry it out of her would only make her clam up more.
Goredolf:
Our only choice is to coax the Enma-tei's story out of her as gently and naturally as possible.
Goredolf:
Cursed Fionn mac Cumhaill. He must have already known it would come to this when he said we should start with work...
Fujimaru 1:
For now, let's just focus on what we can do.
Fujimaru 2:
I bet the snake guy will let it slip sooner or later.
Mash:
That's true.
Acting rashly won't help anything.
Mash:
And since Beni-Enma told us go ahead and do whatever it is we need to do...
Mash:
...let's try to do everything we can to make the Enma-tei even better!
Fou:
Fou, fooou!
Jigoku Kitchen, the Kitchen from Hell
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Oh, hello, Master.
No Mash with you today?
Fujimaru 1:
Well, funny story...
Fujimaru 2:
She took one look at this poster, and, well...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Poster...?
Oh, yes, I see it now.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hmm... To celebrate the newly expanded kitchen, and due to popular demand, we are pleased to announce...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...Jigoku Kitchen is back for a limited time!?
What madman thought this was a good idea!?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Wait. Don't tell me Mash willingly signed up for it!?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Oops. I don't usually lose it like that.
I'm very sorry.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Allow me to explain! Jigoku Kitchen is the name of Ms. Beni-Enma's cooking class!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Everyone who attends it goes to hell, regardless of how long they've been married or how bad they are in the kitchen.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's a place that makes full use of the judge of hell's authority! It's the most devilishly difficult culinary boot camp ever...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
An entirely different layer of hell that will train any amateur cook into a full-blown chef☆
Fujimaru 1:
Sounds like fun!
Fujimaru 2:
So they'll be done in, say, a couple of hours tops?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We're not talking about some community college workshop here!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I can tell from your expression that you think they're just going to go over different cooking techniques...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...but Ms. Beni-Enma does NOT deal in theory!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
If you want to learn her best recipes, how to tell good tools from bad, what seasonings to use, and other useful tidbits...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...you'll need to brave the gauntlet and become a first-class tormentor demon first!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I must emphasize that Ms. Beni's teaching methods are considered to be particularly brutal IN HELL. Mash might not even survive to the end of the class!
Fujimaru 1:
Wha...
Fujimaru 2:
Why didn't you say so sooner!?
Beni-Enma:
So you're the new would-be cooks who still don't know the difference between a ladle and a serving spoon.
Beni-Enma:
I'm Beni-Enma, the Tongue-Cut Sparrow.
Here, you will call me “Teacher.”
Beni-Enma:
Now let's see... It looks like we have six students this time. Why don't you go around and introduce yourselves? You go first.
Mash:
Yes, Teacher! My name is Mash Kyrielight!
Mash:
I've been wanting to learn how to cook for some time now, so when I saw the poster for this class, I decided today's the day!
Beni-Enma:
You've got a good look in your eye for a new recruit.
I'm going to enjoy getting you into shape. Next!
Helena:
I'm Helena Blavatsky! I signed up because I thought it seemed kind of interesting!
Helena:
Besides, a proper lady needs to know how to cook at least a little, right?
Helena:
One certainly can't get by with sandwiches EVERY day!
Beni-Enma:
...I see. Kind of interesting, huh.
Next?
Anne:
I'm Anne Bonny!
Mary:
And I'm Mary Read. We signed up together.
Mary:
The poster got us thinking that we've never actually cooked anything before.
Mary:
I always wanted to try, and besides, Tamamo Cat always seems to have a lot of fun in the kitchen.
Anne:
Well that's not quite right. I don't know about you, but I've cooked before, Mary.
Anne:
Cooking's when you have someone put different dishes on the table for you, right?
Mary:
As you can see, I know nothing in the way of culinary technique, and Anne here used to be a pampered rich girl, so make sure you keep all that in mind.
Beni-Enma:
...I see. You thought cooking seemed fun, and it's just something that happens on its own, chirp chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Okay, who's next...?
Gorgon:
I was curious to see what this so-called hellish kitchen was like, but it's nothing but a big room.
Gorgon:
It's far too small to serve as my temple, but I do enjoy the enticing smells coming from the back.
Gorgon:
Very well then. Beni-Enma, was it?
Show me what this supposed hell of yours is like.
Beni-Enma:
...And I see this student doesn't even understand the point of this class, chirp... And finally...
Tristan:
Alas... When last I came to,
I found myself alone in this strange land...
Tristan:
But this is a fine opportunity. It is most fortunate that there should be a cooking class here.
Tristan:
Once I have mastered these expert culinary techniques,
I too will be a traveling knight capable of cooking...
Tristan:
“Sir Tristan! You know how to rid a gazer of its bitter aftertaste!?”
Tristan:
“Heh... Not only that, I even know how to cook the tastiest wyvern wings...just like so.”
Tristan:
“Oh my, how sharp of you, Tristan! You really are the coolest of the Knights of the Round Table.”
Tristan:
Hehehe. I can see Sir Bedivere's shocked face the next time we go camping now...
Beni-Enma:
...we have a birdbrain who simply wants to show off his cooking skills to his colleagues.
Beni-Enma:
All right, line up single file, cheep cheep.
The only thing you need to say is “Yes, Teacher!”
All:
Yes, Teacher!
Beni-Enma:
Don't even bother looking at the cooking instruments on the table. Just take up whatever weapon you feel most comfortable with.
Beni-Enma:
You have a very long battle ahead of you, chirp.
All:
Huh? Uh, yes, Teacher!
Beni-Enma:
Now then, let me begin with a warning, chirp chirp.
Beni-Enma:
...Did you really think you would get to cook anything in this class!?
Beni-Enma:
“Cooking is easy. All you need is a recipe, and the right ingredients.”
Beni-Enma:
“I bet it won't even take me a whole day to learn.”
Beni-Enma:
If that's the sort of thing you were thinking when you signed up, chirp, you're sorely mistaken!
Beni-Enma:
The only thing you're going to taste here is what it's like to be eaten yourselves!
All:
Wait... Whaaaaaat!?
Mash:
Ow ow ow. I never expected the floor to open up underneath us like that... Um, what is this place...?
Gorgon:
...Are you awake? Then get on your feet and off my tail. I'm not a cushion.
Mash:
Oh, I'm sorry! Thank you for helping me, Gorgon!
Helena:
Hey, what's the big idea!?
Helena:
I just signed up for this class so I could learn how to make an omelet and maybe eggs Benedict!
Anne & Mary:
Yeah! We just wanna know some quick and easy dishes made in three minutes or less like in commercials!
Beni-Enma:
Self-indulgent ways like that will get you nowhere fast in Jigoku Kitchen.
Beni-Enma:
Your first task is to survive on Hell Island for the next month!
Beni-Enma:
The isolated village effect will keep time from passing while you're there, so don't worry about your tasks here.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp. Now, during your stay in cooking hell,
you're going to learn three key principles.
Beni-Enma:
First: Cooking is politics!
Beni-Enma:
For example, let's say there's some ultra-premium Matsusaka beef here. Who wouldn't want to cook with a first-class ingredient like this?
Beni-Enma:
But there's only so many high-quality ingredients to go around. And some can't be bought no matter how much money you have, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
So if you're going to set a dinner table with the best possible food, money alone isn't going to cut it.
Beni-Enma:
You need to network with farms and farmers, exchange contact info with good greengrocers, get on good terms with wholesale markets...
Beni-Enma:
Communication and negotiation skills are paramount. Chirp, as I said: politics. Chefs who neglect to play ball will never get the first pick of ingredients.
Mash:
Fascinating.
Anne & Mary:
But the whole reason we became pirates was to avoid pain-in-the-ass stuff like that!
Beni-Enma:
Second: Cooking is physics!
Beni-Enma:
As I trust it goes without saying, cooking is the art of the practical, not the stuff of hopes and dreams.
Beni-Enma:
If you think you can just get started with cooking in the hope that it all turns out okay...
Beni-Enma:
...the only dishes you'll be able to make will be bland fluff!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, before you begin cooking, you need a solid plan, solid measurements, and solid handling!
Beni-Enma:
I know what you're thinking.
Beni-Enma:
You think cooking is like a routine, where chefs just make the same thing over and over, day in and day out.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, that is where you're wrong!
Every dish a chef makes is its own work of art!
Beni-Enma:
Like an author writing a different story with similar themes or events each and every day!
Beni-Enma:
It takes a lot of mental and physical energy. In fact, cheep, it's even harder than training with a sword.
Beni-Enma:
Now that you've become students of the Enjaku Sewing technique, I will not be letting you off the hook with any easy dishes.
Beni-Enma:
Be prepared to lose a kilogram from your Spirit Origin for every meal plan you overcome!
Helena:
Are you kidding!? That's impossibly hard!
This isn't what I signed up fooor!
Beni-Enma:
Third: Cooking is effort!
Beni-Enma:
“I wish I could cook, but I just don't have the knack.” “I followed the recipe perfectly, but it still didn't come out well.”
Beni-Enma:
“It's so much trouble to keep things nutritionally balanced.” “I just don't want to spend so much time cooking.”
Beni-Enma:
Aaarrrggghhh! I wish I could purge every last one of those sour grapes from existence!
Beni-Enma:
The tastier a dish is, the more trouble it takes to make! That's just a fact, no matter how good you are!
Beni-Enma:
Even when you find a new recipe, you need to read it all the way to the end and think about what it means.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, you need to think about how you can make it with the ingredients you have on hand, how best to please the people who are going to eat it...
Beni-Enma:
It's a story, and you need to write the whole thing beginning to end!
Beni-Enma:
If you just go around thinking things like “I wish I could be a good cook” or “Knights who can cook are so cool”...
Beni-Enma:
...then you'll never learn how to cook well!
Tristan:
...
Beni-Enma:
Now you listen to me, chirp. Cooking is not about talent. All you need is a will, and a way.
Beni-Enma:
Being a good cook means never skipping steps or cutting corners, even when doing the same prep work over and over. It means you keep moving forward a little bit at a time.
Beni-Enma:
As long as you have the courage to do that three times a day, every day, until you die, anyone can learn!
All:
All that (pain-in-the-ass work) until we die?
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, until you die.
As long as we're alive, we will always need to eat.
Beni-Enma:
Your job now is to engrave these key principles into your souls.
Beni-Enma:
Think of this as homeroom right before classes begin.
Beni-Enma:
Besides, compared to the beginner course you'll be doing later, this is no more than a tutorial! Chirp!
Gorgon:
We're surrounded by strange monsters! There really is no choice but to fight our way out of this.
Mary:
Ugh, next time we're sticking to piracy!
Why'd you have to suggest we sign up for this, Anne!?
Anne:
Don't blame me! You were the one who wanted to try this course! It was plain as the look on your face!
Helena:
I do have some misgivings about being in subterranean spaces for some inexplicable reason, but this is all going to help us learn how to cook, right!?
Helena:
Then I'll play along for as long as it takes!
Mash, I'm counting on you to handle the front line!
J：Mash:
R-right! I'll do my best to handle the defensive prep work!
--BATTLE--
Fujimaru 1:
Everyone, stop what you're doing!
Fujimaru 2:
Mash! Speak to me!
Mash:
Nn... Once the chicken...is at room temp...season it...and coat it in potato starch...
Mash:
Deep-fry it twice in medium heat, then...(Gasp)!?
Mash:
This is...the Pheasant Hall?
But, I thought...I was still on Hell Island...
Fujimaru 1:
Hell Island?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
AaaaaaaAAAAAAH! Don't say it! I'm trying to repress those memories. It's okay, Tamamo, you're safe...
Beni-Enma:
So, you were the only one to last till the end, chirp.
You really do have potential.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
(No way! She actually cleared that gauntlet on her first try!?)
Mash:
I'm sorry, Ms. Beni-Enma... I'm afraid I don't remember much of what you taught us...
Mash:
But, strangely enough, I also feel like...I'm not so scared of cooking anymore?
Mash:
Or maybe I should say, I feel like I don't have time to be scared about it...
Beni-Enma:
Chirp. I recall Tamamo saying the same thing. A common thread among those who are no longer beginners.
Beni-Enma:
All you have to do now is find a curriculum that works for you.
Beni-Enma:
If you still want to improve your skills after all of this, come back to Jigoku Kitchen whenever you like.
Beni-Enma:
I have eight courses in total, chirp. And they weren't named after the Eight Hot Hells for nothing!
Mash:
Wow, there really is a lot to learn about cooking, isn't there? Thank you, Ms. Beni-Enma.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's okay not to push yourself, though.
So you know, I had to turn tail at level five.
Fujimaru 1:
I'm just glad you're okay.
Mash:
I'm sorry if I made you worry, Senpai.
If it makes you feel any better, I really did learn a lot.
Fujimaru 2:
Why did you sign up for this cooking class, anyway?
Mash:
W-well...because I wanted to make something yummy for you, like Boudica always does...
Beni-Enma:
It's okay, Mash. You'll make a great wife someday.
Beni-Enma:
I wasn't good at cooking when I first started, either. It took me a long time before I could make something I was comfortable serving.
Beni-Enma:
It's very difficult to make something delicious when you're just cooking for yourself, cheep.
Beni-Enma:
But when you have someone to cook for,
well, then it's a different story.
Beni-Enma:
Just picturing their face smiling in delight after tasting your food is enough to make it come out well.
Beni-Enma:
Then there's no need to worry! All you have to do now is work hard, make mistakes, and learn from them!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp! And since you already know exactly who you want to cook for, you're already on your way!
[Renovation & Tasks Added] The Dual Sword-Wielder and the Hot Springs Demon (+25000 Satisfaction)
Sparrow:
Chaldeans, we now have enough materials to reopen the hot springs, chirp. Would you care to try your hand at them?
Goredolf:
Oho. Hot springs, you say?
That was among our original plans.
Mash:
Right... We did originally come here to rest and relax in hot springs...
Mash:
But they've been closed all this time, so we've never gotten to see what they look like...
Mash:
What is the situation like there, Mr. Sparrow?
Sparrow:
They're destroyed. It's a horrible sight to see, chirp. They've never been the same...
Sparrow:
...after a wicked monster became intoxicated on alcohol, handsome men, and beautiful women, and started causing all sorts of havoc, chirp.
Sparrow:
It took Madam Beni, chirp, as well as the entire Sparrow Squad to chase the monster away.
Sparrow:
But it left nursing a powerful grudge, and its residual thoughts linger there as an evil force, refusing to let anyone else use the springs, chirp.
Goredolf:
That sounds like a curse!
No wonder you've kept them closed then!
Goredolf:
No one could relax and enjoy a germanium bath with something like that around!
Sparrow:
But I think you Chaldeans can defeat it, chirp.
Please, help us get our hot springs back!
Mash:
What would you have us do, Senpai...?
Mash:
The hot springs do sound fantastic, but apparitions of leftover thoughts can be quite difficult...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
The hot springs, huh. I thought as much.
Very well, I'll help with the repairs, too.
Goredolf:
Fionn mac Cumhaill...
(Gazing up at him like an adoring schoolboy)
Fou:
Fou. (Special Translation: Why're you acting like you've never seen him before?)
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Heh. At last, the time has come to resolve this problem once and for all. Don't you agree, Master?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Surely you wish to see Mash in a yukata fresh out of the bath just as much as I do, no?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hm? Worried about peeping?
Of course, I would never do anything so crass.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Not when I get to watch over two beautiful yukata-clad girls.
Fujimaru 1:
...Let's go take care of it right now!
Fujimaru 2:
Reopening the hot springs would definitely attract more guests.
Moneyed Monkey:
Oh? You're all going to the hot springs?
...Hmm. I can't say that's a good idea.
Moneyed Monkey:
That monster is beyond your ability to defeat.
Or perhaps I should say, to appease.
Moneyed Monkey:
After all, hoho, such residual thoughts will never be satisfied and disappear unless it fights an opponent stronger than itself.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I fail to see the problem. Defeating it will surely be more than enough proof that we are stronger, no?
Moneyed Monkey:
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
This particular force is very, well, particular, you see.
Moneyed Monkey:
It refuses to accept defeat unless its opponent is of the same class and uses the same weapon as it does. Otherwise, it will just say things like...
Moneyed Monkey:
“So what if I lost! You just got lucky with your class advantage! Doesn't bother me ooone bit!”
Moneyed Monkey:
“I'm not going anywhere until I see some superhot men and women in these springs! I'll keep coming back as many times as it takes!”
Moneyed Monkey:
“Nooo! I wanna stay heeere!
I don't wanna go back to dumb old realityyy!”
Moneyed Monkey:
Hohoho, Madam Beni was no match for this swordswoman's stubbornness. Wonder what she's up to nowadays.
Mash:
A swordswoman who only wants to fight opponents with the same class and weapon... That sounds like...
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
We'd better bring Diarmuid for this.
Wicked Monster:
Where are the handsome boyyys...
Where are the beautiful girrrls!?!?
Diarmuid:
What an incredibly powerful aura! I understand what Eastern swordsmen say about “sword ki” now!
Diarmuid:
It feels strangely familiar,
and also like much of it is being wasted!
Diarmuid:
Nonetheless, this opponent is more than worthy. Mere apparition or not, I may never again get the chance to fight such a skilled dual-wielder!
Diarmuid:
Have at you then, nameless wicked monster!
This hellish landscape shall be your gravestone!
Wicked Monster:
Hellish? I think you mean paradisiacal!
Now come on! All of you, clothes off...NOW!
--BATTLE--
Diarmuid:
Your dual-wielding style is defeated!
Wicked Monster:
Gaaah! So close! You're very pretty,
but if only you were a few years younger...!
Fujimaru 1:
It was just for a moment, but she let her true colors show...
Fujimaru 2:
What a fearsome opponent...
Diarmuid:
Huh!?
Diarmuid:
Khh... I was careless... I can't believe she stripped me of both my armor...and my Spirit Origin...
Diarmuid:
It seems our dual-wielding skills...were equally...matched...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I guess I didn't need to be here after all...
Well, at least the hot springs are open again.
Mash:
We did it, Senpai!
We can finally use the hot springs now!
Mash:
Oh... But first, we need to get Diarmuid to the break room!
Diarmuid:
Please, don't mind me...
You two just...enjoy yourselves...
Mash:
Absolutely not!
Mash:
Hang in there, Diarmuid!
I'll carry you out of here as quickly as I can!
Chief Snake:
Ooh, what's this!? Do my eyes deceive me,
or are the hot springs finally open again!?
Chief Snake:
You mean you guys took out that fallen nioh!?
Nooo waaay!
Chief Snake:
Why, this is just the best news I've heard all week!
Come on, Gordy-poo, have a drink with me!
Chief Snake:
There's nothing like having a glass of wine in a hot spring, you know!
Goredolf:
Oh yes, I've heard of that! It typically involves drinking in the bath while gazing up at the moon, yes?
Goredolf:
Hmm. All that aside, I wonder why this snake-man has taken such a liking to me?
Section 9: "A Phoenix Gathering Is a Sign of Good Luck"
Tomoe Gozen:
There is just something about tea after a hard morning's work that makes it taste especially good.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
All the more so on a morning like today, when the demonic monkeys have been especially active.
Truly, there is no rest for the Enma-tei's security team.
Diarmuid:
Indeed there isn't. But then, it is the intensity of such battles that lets one savor this tea's flavor.
Diarmuid:
It's natural for one's emotions to run high after battle, but a quiet cup of tea does wonders.
Diarmuid:
Furthermore, those who live by the sword are also often expected to be cultured. My own education in the ways of tea was painful, but worthwhile.
Diarmuid:
Hm...?
Beni-Enma:
Tamamo, wait! We can't bother anyone else about this!
We need to resolve it ourselves!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We don't have time to wait, dammit!
This is an emergency!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Morning, everyone!
Yes, I know I'm as cute as ever, moving on!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We're in big trouble here, Master!
We need to come up with a plan as soon as possible!
Mash:
So...you need more help in the kitchen?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That's right. We don't have enough people to cook for all the guests anymore.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And if that wasn't enough–
???:
Hmm... All too easy. An impenetrable realm of mystery this may be, but it was simplicity itself to enter.
Cursed Arm:
We are here, everyone. This is the Enma-tei; the very place that has become the talk of the Throne.
Cursed Arm:
Shall we go in and see what this supposed Japanese hell is like for ourselves?
Serenity:
...I've never seen such a gorgeous building before.
I hope this body doesn't cause trouble for everyone...
Hundred Personas:
Hmph. I'm sure it's all just a giant paper-mache front. There's no way a building could have so many rooms bolted on like this.
Hundred Personas:
Besides, this is supposed to be a place of rest and healing, right? I don't see the need to be so glitzy.
Hundred Personas:
The simpler, the better when it comes to lodgings.
Hell, I used to make do with nothing but a cave.
First Hassan:
Oho. Have thy Spartan tastes led thee to shun the hospitality of my mausoleum for so long as well, Hundred Personas?
First Hassan:
Mayhaps thou believes the Shrine of Azrael overburdened with the trappings of luxury?
Dost thou prefer a more austere aesthetic?
Cursed Arm:
(Gaaah! Why did you have to go there, Hundred Personas!?)
Hundred Personas:
N-n-n-n-no, of course not, Founder! The design of your shrine is symbolic of your followers' prayers!
Hundred Personas:
Besides, it just, uh, feels better to hold celebrations in ostentatious places!
First Hassan:
Thou speakest truth. Though our celebration of the new year's arrival coincides not with these others', we need not disturb or dampen their festivities.
First Hassan:
However...
First Hassan:
There is one among our number who would spend this celebration in naught but idle repose.
First Hassan:
Such sloth His ire invites.
Dost thou know who may be so inclined? Cursed Arm?
Cursed Arm:
N-n-n-n-no, not at all! Hahaha, I'm shocked to hear there is a Hassan who would want to do such a thing, hahahaha!
Drake:
Ahhh, we made it! Take a look, Your Majesties.
We finally arrived at our destination!
Drake:
Man, pirates really aren't cut out for navigating solid ground! It took way too long to get here!
Iskandar:
Hmph. This is no laughing matter, Captain. We trusted you to lead the way because you said you're an expert map reader.
Iskandar:
We never expected you to take us all the way to the ocean!
Iskandar:
Oh well, at least I got a chance to see the seas of Japan for myself! Those distant seas with the great waves where those otherworldly octopuses live, no?
Iskandar:
Haha, I almost feared for my life back there! Even my navy could never hope to navigate those rough waves!
Altera:
...This was just as much your fault as well, King of Conquerors.
Altera:
If not for your suggestion to “make a quick stop to check out those waves I hear,” we would have arrived long ago.
Altera:
I've been wandering these woods for what feels like ages, delirious from hunger...
Altera:
Do you have any idea how humiliating that is for one who once conquered an entire continent?
Altera:
Could you ever face your advisors again if your legacy became that of “the little lost King of Conquerors”?
Iskandar:
What's the problem?
Iskandar:
Knowing my advisors, they would just laugh it off and remind me that I am the King of Conquerors, not navigators!
Drake:
That sounds nice. There's nothing better than a rowdy bunch of idiots in your crew when you're out risking your neck.
Drake:
If I were there, I'd be the first to tease you about getting lost on the way to your own dresser! In fact, mind if I call you a gorilla, too?
Iskandar:
Fine by me! Gorillas are the kings of the jungle, right?
Iskandar:
What man wouldn't be thrilled about being compared to something so powerful! Ahahahahahaha!
Altera:
Mm... So the stronger one is, the more likely one will be compared to an animal... Interesting.
Iskandar:
Well, it all ended just fine, Altera. Besides, we are no longer fighting a war. No need to overthink it.
Iskandar:
Besides, I knew things would work out as long as Captain Drake was here.
Iskandar:
She never stopped whistling and moving forward, after all, so I had every faith that we'd get here eventually!
Drake:
You're right about that. And besides, you great kings have some real useful Noble Phantasms.
Drake:
Yours is a flying chariot, right? If things had gotten bad, we could've just used that to find our way here.
Drake:
That's what I was gonna do if it looked like your magical energy would run dry. After a swift kick in the ass to get you going again, of course.
Drake:
I always had a firm grasp on the general direction,
so I knew that flying would get us here in no time.
Drake:
'Course, that wouldn't've been any fun, so I didn't want to do that unless we found ourselves at the end of our rope.
Iskandar:
See? I knew we had nothing to worry about! The captain here knows exactly what makes for a good adventure!
Iskandar:
Ahh, I can't wait for the banquet tonight!
Nothing beats a good drink and good company!
Drake:
Hell yeah. If you're up for a little drinking contest,
I'll drink you under the table anytime!
Drake:
Wanna join us, other Your Majesty? I bet you can hold your liquor, too. Anyway, let's go check in already!
Altera:
(So the King of Conquerors' chariot can fly...
I wish my Noble Phantasm could do that...)
Mysterious Missionary A:
Here we are, everyone:
our outdoor school's newest destination.
Mysterious Missionary A:
This is where we'll be celebrating the birth of nature, studying the value of life, and learning that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
Three Little Kids:
'Kaaay! We promise to do our best!
Three Little Kids:
Hooray, a sleepover!
Mr. Missionary's paying for everything!
Three Little Kids:
That's amazing! You must be rich!
Mysterious Missionary A:
Hahaha. I try to live modestly, but I do have some savings tucked away for special occasions.
Mysterious Missionary A:
Besides, it doesn't cost too much to put children up at an inn.
Nursery Rhyme:
I see. That's a relief.
Although, I can't help but be a little concerned.
Nursery Rhyme:
Are you sure there isn't someone else you'd rather entertain much, much more than us?
Mysterious Missionary A:
Sadly, in her case, openly showing affection is rather poisonous to a productive situation.
Mysterious Missionary A:
So if I want to invite her on a field trip,
I'm afraid I need to be far more discreet.
Nursery Rhyme:
How silly! A syrupy, seductive, poisonous princess who can't handle a little sweetness!
Arjuna:
If hell is involved, we cannot stand idly by. Especially not when Japan's concept of it is derived from ancient India.
Arjuna:
As Indians ourselves, it falls to us to see just how much of it has been properly carried over.
Arjuna:
Yes, this is nothing less than a mission to preserve our traditions. As a man of culture, it is with my own personal feelings tucked away that I–
Karna:
So that is the Enma-tei. Beautiful.
Something in its scent reminds me of our homeland...
Karna:
I see there are many monkeys around, but no bananas... Perhaps that is why I don't see Rama here...
Karna:
I wonder if they have sweet banana manjyu in the souvenir shop. I can't stop thinking about them.
Arjuna:
We're not here for a picnic, Karna!
Can't you focus on what matters!?
Karna:
...
Karna:
Arjuna, look at that.
This inn doesn't have a single chimney.
Arjuna:
Of course it doesn't. Most inns don't.
...Wait. Why do you bring that up? Is it important?
Karna:
It is. It means these hot springs come straight from the source.
Karna:
Given that Japan is a volcanic land, that must mean these baths are blazing hot from the fires of hell.
Arjuna:
...I see. So you are proposing a contest of endurance?
Arjuna:
Heh. Then it would seem now is the time to show you that I can take it as well as I can dish it.
Arjuna:
My personal record is twelve straight hours in a one-hundred twenty degree Celsius steam bath. I even had enough energy left over to enjoy a bowl of curry.
Arjuna:
Heh heh heh... If you think you will win this match easily, Karna, you are sorely mistaken!
Eric:
Hell... This is...hell...?
Ngh... My head...it hurts...!
Eric:
Ghh... I feel as though I've been pummeled with Noble Phantasms all over again...!
Tamamo Cat:
Keep it together, man! It's all in your head!
You're not a hell robot any longer!
Tamamo Cat:
Well, I guess you might still occasionally become a remote-control Servant thanks to the occasional hell-call from the terrifying lady of the house...but that just goes to show how much she loves you.
Tamamo Cat:
So enjoy that love for as long as it transcends time and space. A wife's true terror is essentially free, after all.
Eric:
R-really? It transcends time and space?
Th-that's a little embarrassing to hear...
Eric:
But I'm grateful to you for translating my words for me, feline Heroic Spirit.
Eric:
As a fellow Berserker, I couldn't be more reassured! Truly, there are none kinder or wiser than a woman who knows how to use curses!
Tamamo Cat:
Mwahaha, just leave it to me! Even I don't know what I'm saying half the time anywoof!
Ereshkigal:
So, this is her hotel.
Ereshkigal:
I don't know who this Enma lady thinks she is,
but the land of the dead is MY domain.
Ereshkigal:
If she thinks she can start drumming up business without permission from Kur, she's in for a rude awakening.
Ereshkigal:
Besides, what kind of sense does it make for a land that torments the dead to also have a hotel where anyone can come and relax?
Ereshkigal:
Does it mean the Needle Hell is actually an acupuncture clinic? The rivers of blood are just hot springs with red dye in them...?
Ereshkigal:
There's no way I could compete with that!
A-all right, since I rule over another land of the dead...
Ereshkigal:
...I'd better do my homework and make sure [♂ he /♀ she] isn't let down if [♂ he /♀ she] ever comes to visit Kur again!
Mash:
...I see what you mean.
Mash:
I can tell how crowded the bridge to the Enma-tei is all the way from here!
Mash:
There must be at least fifty Servants all together, Senpai!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Exactly. There's no possible way Madam Beni and I can feed all those guests on our own.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
So I rushed here as quickly as I could to ask all of you–Tomoe, Kiyohime, Mash, Fujimaru...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...to come help us in the kitchen.
Beni-Enma:
...I'm so sorry for this, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
I knew you were all working hard to repair the Enma-tei, but I never stopped to think about what would happen when you were done...
Beni-Enma:
Of course we would need more hands in the kitchen to cook for more guests... I can't believe I failed to realize something so obvious...
Fujimaru 1:
I'll be glad to help!
Fujimaru 2:
If nothing else, I can at least peel veggies!
Beni-Enma:
I appreciate the sentiment...but I have to be honest.
Beni-Enma:
Kiyohime and Tomoe won't be any help. For every dish they complete, chirp, they'd end up ruining two more.
Kiyohime & Tomoe Gozen:
Gah! I hate to admit it, but she's right...!
Beni-Enma:
We could still use their help with waiting tables, but I can't let them work in the kitchen. It's too dangerous.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...Yeah, you've got a point. If you're not careful in the Enma-tei's kitchen, the ingredients can end up cooking you.
Beni-Enma:
Right.
Chirp chirp...I'll just have to admit defeat.
Beni-Enma:
If we can't show these new guests proper hospitality,
I'll have to ask them all to leave.
Beni-Enma:
It wouldn't be fair to only let in one or two.
Beni-Enma:
So as much as it pains me to say this,
I'll have to turn them all away... Chirp...
Fou:
Fou... Fou fo fo...
Fujimaru 1:
...(Poor Madam Beni. She looks so distraught over this...)
Fujimaru 2:
...(I wish there was something I could do to help...)
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Come now, let's not be hasty. All we need is another Servant who can cook, right?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
In that case, why don't we just recruit one from among these new guests?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Why not explain the situation to them, and ask to hire them temporarily until the situation is in hand?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And if that doesn't work out...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...I know of at least one other Servant I can ask for help.
Beni-Enma:
You want to recruit a new chef from among the guests?
Beni-Enma:
Well, if the only alternative is to turn them all away, I'd be happy to beg for help, chirp...
Beni-Enma:
But is there anyone among them who really knows how to cook?
Fujimaru 1:
Cat!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Crap.
Fujimaru 2:
Mm... Maybe the First Hassan?
Mash:
Don't be silly, Master!
Didn't you see Cat out there!? She's very hard to miss!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
So you want to bring in that oddball Servant to help, huh...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I mean, that's fine with me.
I don't have a problem with it.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
We might happen to share the same hair and aesthetic, but we have absolutely nothing to do with one another.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Whatever that scrap of tail fluff wants to whine about, it's no problem of mine♡
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I'll even admit that she seems to be better at cooking than me, so she ought to be at least a little useful.
Mash:
This is great! Tamamo is on board with this plan, too! Come on, let's go talk to Cat!
Tamamo Cat:
Forget it!
Tamamo Cat:
On my pride as a cat, I refuse to work in the same kitchen as the original, woof!
Tamamo Cat:
I get that it's all paws on deck for you guys right now, but this ain't my boat, and it ain't my storm to weather.
Tamamo Cat:
As part of the Tamamo Nine, anything that might help the original is something I can never do!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp, is that...Tamamo?
Beni-Enma:
Now I see. You cut off the parts of yourself that you didn't like so you wouldn't have to deal with them...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hey, don't go painting me in the worst possible light!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It was...um...heart-wrenching to cut away the more troublesome bits of my Spirit Origin... But I did it for...um...world peace?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That's right! I basically had to part ways with my dark side in order to protect the world!
Tamamo Cat:
Bwuh? Don't listen to her.
The Nine knows like the nose knows.
Tamamo Cat:
It all started when she began thinking “Hmm, I think I might have gained a teensy bit of weight?”
Tamamo Cat:
But of course, she didn't have the guts to actually try going on a diet, so she just cut off her tails as the quickest possible shortcut.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Ghh, how did you know about that...!?
I never told a single other soul!
Tamamo Cat:
How do you think? Because I AM you, fool! You couldn't even be bothered to brush us properly, woof!
Tamamo Cat:
This ain't going anywhere! At this point, my only choice is to take you down, right here, right now!
Tamamo Cat:
Let's go, original! You don't have the right to call yourself Ms. Beni-Enma's student!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Don't you lecture me! You're not the one who only just escaped Jigoku Kitchen with her life!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Hate me all you want, but Ms. Beni isn't yours to claim. Let's settle this, once and for all!
--BATTLE--
Fujimaru 1:
Okay, break it up!
Tamamos:
“Why you stopping us, Master!?”
“Please stay out of this!”
Tamamos:
Aah!
Beni-Enma:
I don't know what sort of history you two have,
but I do know what your skills are like now!
Beni-Enma:
You both pass!
Beni-Enma:
If you wish to study under me that badly, go ahead!
I'll have you in fighting shape in no time!
Beni-Enma:
Now hurry up and put on an apron,
then come with me! Chirp chirp!
Tamamo Cat:
...Huh?
What's going on here, woof?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
(Sigh) I was hoping to keep you in a purely assistive role, but I guess that ship has sailed.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Go ahead and get that apron on. It looks like you and I will both be getting some supplementary lessons.
Tamamo Cat:
Really!? I get to have personal instruction from Madam Beni herself!? Okay, I'm willing to split this carrot!
Tamamo Cat:
But don't misunderstand me. I'm only doing this to help her. You're just...kinda here too.
Tamamo Cat:
And don't be surprised if you lose your shrine maiden gig to me after I up my game.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Yes, yes, I know. We already told you that you would only be doing this to help the Enma-tei, but never mind that now.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hmm, it would seem we now have the kitchen situation under control. In that case, I believe our time would best be spent elsewhere.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
We'll need to gather at least three times the usual ingredients in order to feed all these new guests.
Mash:
Uh, yes, that's exactly right!
Mash:
Come on, Senpai. The kitchen will be in good hands with Madam Beni-Enma and the Tamamos, so let's go make sure they have enough food to cook!
Fujimaru 1:
All right, let's do this!
Fujimaru 2:
Say, Fionn, who was the other Servant you had in mind, anyway?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hm? Oh, yes, I did say that, didn't I.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Well...that would be me, as a matter of fact.
Mash:
R-really!? You mean you can cook, on top of being the captain of the Knights of Fianna?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Diarmuid said it too, did he not?
The ways of tea, I think he called it?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Our countries may differ, but the principles are the same. Warriors need culture just as much as anyone. And by my nature, I'm rather good at most things.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I was also good at dressing fish and filleting meat.
If I wasn't, I would not be tied to feats of wisdom.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Still...I didn't exactly want to go around boasting about my cooking skills.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
My teacher was originally supposed to acquire them,
but I ended up taking them for myself.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I was told not to worry about it,
but it's still one of my regrets.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Which is why I've been trying not to cook around others as much as possible.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
That said, if the madam still needed our help, I would have been happy to don my old chef's hat once again.
--ARROW--
Tomoe Gozen:
We did it, everyone!
The Phoenix Hall has never been so lively!
Tomoe Gozen:
Phew! It certainly is a lot of work,
running back and forth to the kitchen like this!
Kiyohime:
Yes? You want me to put on a little show?
Well, I'm no Kyoto geisha...
Kiyohime:
But if you insist, I suppose it would be rude to rain on the festivities. Very well then♡
Kiyohime:
In that case, allow me to demonstrate a little water trick...only instead of water, I'll be using fire♡
Kiyohime:
You see this ball and fan? Just when you think I'm only spinning the former on top of the latter...
Kiyohime:
Voilà! It was actually an adorable tiny little tame dragon all along!
Diarmuid:
Oho! So that sort of thing is acceptable as a performance, is it? Then allow me to entertain the crowd as well!
Diarmuid:
I have with me my trusty blades, Móralltach and Beagalltach. At my feet, I have five daikon radishes!
Diarmuid:
I will now toss them all into the air one after another, and perform a dance without a single one touching the ground!
Diarmuid:
Behold my Seven Sword Style!
Tomoe Gozen:
Oh my, we are now doing tricks with swords!?
In that case, I cannot be left out!
Tomoe Gozen:
Accursed Musashibooou!
Are there any Musashibou here!?
Tomoe Gozen:
You cannot hide from me!
I know you're out there!
Tomoe Gozen:
Lend me your annoying swords and spears, and I will shatter them all at once like so many tiles!
Tomoe Gozen:
I think it will be quite entertaining to see how many I can break in a single strike!
Inshun:
No, Lady Tomoe! You have confused an artful performance with a demonstration of brute strength!
Inshun:
It may indeed be entertaining to see, but it is entirely the wrong choice for a joyous occasion!
Inshun:
It is fortunate that Lord Benkei is not here. Though perhaps there are others from the Genji present?
Inshun:
In which case, I suppose I shall have to make amends for stopping you with a little performance of my own.
Inshun:
Allow me to demonstrate my skills with the spear! Sharp enough to snap anyone out of their stupor, no matter how much they may have imbibed! Now, Lady Tomoe, please place this tangerine on your head!
First Hassan:
...
Cursed Arm:
Things do seem to be rather lively over there, don't they? I suppose I understand.
Cursed Arm:
Being in a happy room... Enjoying a meal with friends who may end up as tomorrow's enemies...
Cursed Arm:
And although I cannot eat leftovers,
I must say that these pickled mountain greens...
Cursed Arm:
...are most delicious!
First Hassan:
...
Cursed Arm:
(Huh!? Is that a hint of fighting spirit I sense from the Founder's back!?)
Cursed Arm:
(Oh no...
Don't tell me...!?)
Sigurd:
Report: my act has concluded. I now command the hearts of ninety percent of the audience. I am satisfied.
Sigurd:
Much as I would like to continue, I understand that it is impolite to hog the spotlight. Would any of you Assassins like to go next?
Hundred Personas:
(First you freeze the crowd like a Scandinavian snowfield, and now you want us to go!? What are you, an idiot!? No way we take the stage now!)
First Hassan:
Very well. From the mountain abyss, I come, and greetings do I bring. I am the Old Man of the Mountain, the First Hassan-i Sabbah.
Hundred Personas:
Gaaaaaah!
Serenity:
(Wh-when did the Founder get on stage!?
Oh no... This can only mean one thing...!)
First Hassan:
Many and varied are the world's customs and celebrations, but the new beginning is held sacred the world over. In the name of the Old Men of the Mountain, I therefore present a “party trick” for the edification and entertainment of all present.
First Hassan:
Cursed Arm...
First Hassan:
...bare thy neck!
Cursed Arm:
I knew it...! Please, Founder, I beg you reconsider!
It's not as funny as you thiiink!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
This has turned out to be quite the party.
I'm glad to see all the Servants enjoying themselves.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I'll admit I was on the edge of my seat for a bit,
but it looks like there's nothing to worry about.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Would you care for a drink of your own, Master?
Nonalcoholic, of course♡
Fujimaru 1:
That sounds great. Thank you.
Fujimaru 2:
Aren't you going to have anything, Tamamo?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
No, I'm just taking a quick break to decompress.
Once I'm done, I'll be heading right back.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That self-proclaimed Berserker doesn't know what it's like to need time off.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't get carried away and dip into tomorrow's supply.
Beni-Enma:
Ah, chirp, you're here, Fujimaru.
Great job putting all of this together.
Beni-Enma:
The other sparrows and I will take it from here.
You and Mash can join the other guests now if you like.
Beni-Enma:
This is the greatest meal that's ever been made at the Enma-tei. You both deserve to enjoy it.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you. I can't wait to dig in.
Beni-Enma:
Hehe, I hope you brought your appetite.
We still have several courses to serve!
Beni-Enma:
Make sure you eat your fill and then some.
Nothing would make us happier.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Well, I'd better head back to the kitchen. Ms. Beni, could you give me some tips for matsutake mushrooms?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I received some as a gift, but I'm afraid I don't know the best way to cook them.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I've heard that matsutake are all about aroma, so maybe steaming them in earthenware is the way to go?
Beni-Enma:
It depends on their size. If they're big, you'll want to grill them with charcoal for the best impact.
Beni-Enma:
But, since it's so rare to come across ones that size, making soup with them is often much more practical.
Fujimaru 2:
Aren't you going to take a break, Ms. Beni?
Beni-Enma:
Don't worry. I'll get plenty of rest after everyone else has retired for the night, cheep.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
All right, back to the kitchen for me.
Enjoy your evening, Master.
Beni-Enma:
Hehe. It was quite a shock to see the guest log fill up so quickly.
Beni-Enma:
I can't remember the last time the Enma-tei was this busy. Chirp chirp, thank you, Fujimaru.
Beni-Enma:
I never dreamed I would ever get to open the Phoenix Hall again.
Beni-Enma:
Seeing it so lively again...it feels like old times.
Beni-Enma:
...I wish I could stay a little longer, but duty calls.
Goredolf:
...
Mash:
...
Fou:
Fou?
Goredolf:
Aah! Don't yelp at me like that, fur ball!
I-I-I haven't done anything to feel guilty about!
Goredolf:
It just seemed like such an awkward time to talk to her that I was holding my breath so she wouldn't notice me! I felt like I was watching the climactic episode of a TV series or something!
Mash:
(I was doing the same thing,
using Director Goredolf as a shield!)
Goredolf:
Well, no matter, it seems all's well that ends well.
Goredolf:
Madam Beni is all smiles, the guests are happy, and we even get to enjoy a delicious feast for ourselves!
Goredolf:
I daresay this curse is as good as lifted now, no? Surely this will be more than enough to fill the offering box.
Chief Snake:
I wouldn't be so sure about that. If you're not careful, you might have to start aaall over again.
Goredolf:
Chief Snake! Are you here to mooch more wine off me!? And what do you mean by that last statement!?
Chief Snake:
I mean you can never fill a box that's had the bottom fall out of it.
Chief Snake:
...Hmm, you know, he should be showing up any time now, so this should be a perfect time.
Chief Snake:
In fact, he might already be here as we speak.
Chief Snake:
You should head to the lobby if you want to know more. There you will witness a tragedy that will surely pique your curiosity.
Fujimaru 1:
...?
Fujimaru 2:
A tragedy...?
Moneyed Monkey:
Hm? What are you doing there, Snake? Stop bothering the guests before the madam gives you an earful.
Moneyed Monkey:
Remember, unlike me, you haven't earned your freeloader status here.
Moneyed Monkey:
If you get on the madam's bad side,
she'll kick you out for real this time.
Chief Snake:
Yes, yes, I know already.
You don't have to tell me all the time, you big ape.
Chief Snake:
Okay, guess I'll be taking my leave then.
See you around, Gordy-poo.
Mash:
...I wonder what Chief Snake was talking about.
What would you like to do, Senpai?
Fujimaru 1:
Let's go check out the lobby. Quietly.
Mash:
Okay! I hate to pass up a banquet, but we can always enjoy Madam Beni-Enma's food another time!
Mash:
I see Madam Beni, but I don't recognize that other guest she's with. I wonder who that Heroic Spirit could be...
Mash:
Let's go see what's up.
Excuse... Ah!?
Magistrate Tiger:
...Don't...interrupt...
...You'll make...things worse...
Magistrate Tiger:
...Stay out...of sight...
...Otherwise...I'll kill you...
Magistrate Tiger:
...It should be okay...to eavesdrop...
...Stay put...and watch closely...
I：???:
Hello there. Hard to believe it's that time of year again, isn't it.
I：???:
Things do seem a bit different around here this year.
Is the repayment all ready to go?
Beni-Enma:
Well...not just yet. I was hoping you could wait a few days more this year before opening the offering box.
I：???:
I see... Does that mean you can't even pay the interest this year?
I：???:
If that's the case, then, as much as it pains me...
I：???:
...I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell off the Enma-tei.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp chirp, w-wait, Mr. Bamboo Cutter, please!
I promise I can still pay you back!
Beni-Enma:
Just give me a few more days!
Bamboo Cutter:
...All right. I'll give you a one-week extension.
Bamboo Cutter:
In the end, I too would hate to see the Enma-tei close up.
Bamboo Cutter:
Very well then, I'll be back in seven days time. When I return, I hope your repayment will be ready to go.
Beni-Enma:
...That's impossible. I can't even pay back the interest this year...
Beni-Enma:
Maybe if I pawn the cloak I got from Lord Enma,
and sell myself into bondage...
Beni-Enma:
No, that won't work. There's no way I would fetch a high enough price to pay it all back.
Beni-Enma:
I should just focus on saving up gratitude for all the Chaldeans.
Beni-Enma:
If there's anything left over, I'll use that to pay back Mr. Bamboo Cutter. If it's not enough, then...
Beni-Enma:
Then...
Beni-Enma:
...Chirp.
What am I going to do, old man...?
Mash:
...Senpai.
Is it just me, or did that sound like...
Fujimaru 1:
Yeah. That was a conversation between a debtor and a creditor...
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah. That was a conversation between a lender and a borrower...
Fou:
Fou, fooou...
Mash:
What's going on, Magistrate Tiger!?
Does this mean the Enma-tei is in debt to that man?
Magistrate Tiger:
...
Fujimaru 1:
This have anything to do with what happened five hundred years ago?
Magistrate Tiger:
...So you...know about that... Those sparrows...don't know when...to keep their beaks shut.
Magistrate Tiger:
...Yes, it does.
...This is what happened...five hundred years ago...
Bamboo Cutter:
Help! Somebody come quick!
I've been robbed!
B：Sparrow:
Chirp, emergency, emergency!
Everyone, come quick!
Beni-Enma:
Everyone, calm down! I've sealed off the entire Enma-tei! What happened, Mr. Bamboo Cutter!?
Bamboo Cutter:
That's what I would like to know.
It's my five precious family heirlooms...
Bamboo Cutter:
The Buddha's stone begging bowl, a tree branch with jeweled fruit from Mt. Hourai, a robe made from fire-rat fur, gems from a dragon's head, and a swallow's cowry shell.
Bamboo Cutter:
Every last one of them is priceless and irreplaceable.
Bamboo Cutter:
I left them all here in this pouch,
but when I came back to my room...
Beni-Enma:
I-it's empty!?
Moneyed Monkey:
This is a tragedy... I can't believe every last one of those glittering treasures is gone...
Chief Snake:
D-don't look at me! I might be down on my luck,
but I'd never resort to stealing!
Chief Snake:
You can even go ahead and search me if you want!
Beni-Enma:
We will, chirp, be searching all of our guests, as well as their rooms.
Beni-Enma:
There don't appear to be any signs of forced entry,
so the culprit must be somewhere within the inn!
Bamboo Cutter:
That's very encouraging to hear.
I dearly hope you can get them back.
Bamboo Cutter:
Although...no signs of forced entry, you say?
Bamboo Cutter:
In that case, if you are unable to find the thief,
I can only conclude this was an inside job.
Bamboo Cutter:
Given that I clearly no longer have the heirlooms, and the sparrows are the only ones who could have entered my room...
Bamboo Cutter:
...I have no choice but to hold the Enma-tei responsible for their loss. Do we have an understanding, O Great Tongue-Cut Sparrow, Lady Beni-Enma?
Magistrate Tiger:
...So since...the culprit was...never found...the bamboo cutter...asked to be...compensated.
Magistrate Tiger:
...It was much more...than the Enma-tei...could afford...so they went...into debt.
Magistrate Tiger:
...As word spread that...there was a thief here...guests stopped coming...
Magistrate Tiger:
...And at some point...it became all the...Enma-tei could do...to just repay the interest...
Magistrate Tiger:
...The Tribute Hall's divine aura...is meant to be used...to grow the Spirit Origin...of the Enma-tei...as it is still...just a mayoiga...at its heart...
Magistrate Tiger:
...But as that aura...was used to...repay the debt...the Enma-tei only grew...more and more...decrepit...
Magistrate Tiger:
...Now, the Enma-tei...functions solely...to repay the bamboo cutter's...interest...
Mash:
...So that's what happened...
Mash:
This explains why the Enma-tei had so many of its facilities closed or in disrepair, despite how hard Ms. Beni-Enma and the sparrows work.
Magistrate Tiger:
...Right... The bamboo cutter...now owns the rights...to the Enma-tei...
Magistrate Tiger:
...If you had said something...it would have only made things worse.
Magistrate Tiger:
...If you upset the bamboo cutter...it could put Beni...
I mean, the madam...in a really...tight spot...
Magistrate Tiger:
...Now do...you get it...?
...Then go back...to the party...
Magistrate Tiger:
...This is all...I can say...
...The rest is...up to you.
Goredolf:
That's utterly ridiculous!
Why didn't you call for me!?
Goredolf:
Are we stuck in the Middle Ages or something!? It makes no sense whatsoever that a hotel would be held responsible for the theft of one of its guests!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I'm afraid the old rules still apply here, since this is a mystical, isolated world. Like those from the Age of Gods.
Goredolf:
Is that true? That's horrifying!
But no matter!
Goredolf:
This explains so much!
Goredolf:
Ever since I saw its guest log, I've wondered how the inn always ends up in the red despite being so well-run!
Goredolf:
I never would have thought that odd expense on New Year's Day every year was an interest repayment!
Kiyohime:
I had no idea... Madam Beni never said anything about this to any of us...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...Now that we know the truth, we need to do something about it before that bamboo cutter sells the place.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Otherwise, we may never be able to atone for our sins in the Tribute Hall, and could all end up as boars together.
Diarmuid:
That would truly be a horrific tragedy... But even without such a dire threat, I cannot let things go on in this way.
Diarmuid:
My lord, is there nothing we can do to help the Enma-tei? To help Madam Beni?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...
Goredolf:
Of course there is! We can repay her debt for her!
Oh, wait, no, that would take forever.
Goredolf:
In that case, we'll just have to get back those five stolen treasures!
Goredolf:
You're all Servants! Heroic Spirits!
You should have no issue tracking down the thief!
Tomoe Gozen:
It would be one thing if the theft was recent, but given that this took place five hundred years ago...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Actually, I think that's an excellent idea.
Wonderful, perfect even.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
For one, I expect there is no possible way to repay this debt, regardless of how much gold one may have.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
The bamboo cutter claimed these five treasures were irreplaceable heirlooms, right?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
That would mean it's impossible to put a price on them, and the bamboo cutter can essentially dictate their worth.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It would be a fool's errand to try to match such elusive value with money. Bringing identical items back would be both surer and faster.
Fujimaru 1:
Identical items...?
Fujimaru 2:
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Indeed.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
We already know exactly which treasures were stolen,
do we not? Then we need only fetch new ones.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And luckily for us, this is an inn that Heroic Spirits naturally wander into.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I imagine some of them may just happen to have the sort of rare treasures we seek.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
For example, I believe the first one was the Buddha's stone begging bowl?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I may not have any idea which Servant might possess such a thing, but I imagine you do, Fujimaru.
Mash:
...!
Mash:
That's right! It's absolutely possible that the Servants might have the same kind of treasures!
Mash:
So if we can attract even more guests to the Enma-tei...!
Fujimaru 1:
We can collect the five treasures ourselves...!
Fujimaru 2:
We can start with a highly virtuous monk!
Fou:
Fou, fooou!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oh, but this doesn't mean we can neglect the Enma-tei's expansions. Those remain the most important.
Diarmuid:
Hm? Doesn't the inn have enough leisure facilities already?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha, now don't be like that, Diarmuid.
The more hunting spots we have, the better.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Besides, there's a special power to be found in places that are both ancient and famous.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Did you know there used to be an amazing castle keep here, back in this place's heyday? I, for one, would like to see it come back.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Or perhaps I should say, I would like to see the view from atop such a structure.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...Now I see.
The Enma-tei in its heyday, huh.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
If you've already thought that far ahead,
I certainly don't have any objections.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
All right then, our day-to-day work may still be the same, but we'll now be working towards a new goal: obtaining these five treasures.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And if any gods show up here, I'm sure they'll notice the good work you've all been doing.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
When it comes to fateful relationships, I have every confidence fortune will be on our side...
Sanzang's Big Hand
Sanzang:
Beyondumb!
Sanzang:
Oh, Fujimaru! Perfect timing!
You'll never believe this!
Sanzang:
This amusement center is the absolute worst! First place was all mine going into fourth south hanchan...
Sanzang:
...but at the very end the other three players all hit me with the last discard of the game! Triple rooon! Game over.
Sanzang:
You're supposed to abort the round on a sanchahou, right? Not here, apparently! Dumb house rules...
Sanzang:
And don't even get me started on that monkey mask guy trying to confuse me with all his chatter!
Mash:
I'm sorry, Sanzang, but could you please try to calm down?
Mash:
I can tell you're talking about some sort of game,
but I'm afraid I can't tell what game it is...
Sanzang:
Ah! You've never tried mahjong before, Mash? Why don't you, me, and Fujimaru all play together then!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Ms. Monk, gambling is strictly prohibited here. Playing for fun is perfectly fine, so try to keep it that way, okay?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Unless you've come to enjoy losing, somehow? Or maybe for you monks, being taken for all you're worth makes you more worthy or something of the sort?
Sanzang:
I-I have to admit, that was pretty good. It's true,
I don't have a single yuan to my name anymore, but...
Sanzang:
...Hm? Hmmm...?
Sanzang:
Is it just me, fox lady, or do you have some beyond crazy karma? I don't think you could atone for it all in two lifetimes, let alone one.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Oh, it's just you. I'm sure I simply happen to resemble whoever you may be thinking of. Mere coincidence, nothing more.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
But never mind that. This may sound rather sudden,
Ms. Monk, but we were wondering something...
Fujimaru 1:
You don't happen to have one of the Buddha's stone begging bowls?
Sanzang:
I do, actually.
Why, did you want to see it?
Fujimaru 2:
I don't suppose you have any treasures you're looking to sell?
Sanzang:
Do I!? Oh my Buddha, you're a lifesaver!
Here, take a look! I was just polishing it!
Mash:
That's it! The Buddha's stone begging bowl!
Mash:
This is perfect! You don't know how much we were hoping you might have this, Sanzang!
Sanzang:
Wow, this is going better than I thought.
You were all looking for this bowl?
Sanzang:
Well, I sure don't need it anymore, so if you want to take it off my hands, that's more than fine with me!
Sanzang:
Oh, then again, maybe it's not the best idea to sell this... It did originally belong to the Buddha...
Fujimaru 1:
There must be some way to work this out.
Fujimaru 2:
Please? You'd be doing us a huge favor.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I can understand why you'd be reluctant to sell something so valuable, but we have very strong reasons for needing it.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Come on, what do you say? I'm willing to accept any divine punishment that might come our way as a result.
Sanzang:
That isn't really what I'm concerned about, but...
All right, I've got it! Fight me for it!
Mash:
Huh? You mean in mahjong!?
Sanzang:
No, no, nothing like that! There are conditions that have to be met to hand something like this over!
Sanzang:
Okay, Fujimaru, here I come!
Sanzang:
I hope for your sake you have a Servant that can handle my Buddha Palm!
--BATTLE--
Sanzang:
Good job! If you can put up that much fight,
I doubt you'll be crushed by taking the bowl!
Sanzang:
Okay then, here you go.
One stone begging bowl used by the Buddha himself.
Sanzang:
Don't worry about the money. You obviously need it for a reason, so I'm happy to let you have it.
Mash:
Th-thank you, Sanzang.
But...are you sure it's okay to just give it to us like this?
Sanzang:
Oh yeah, it's no problem! I'm sure the Buddha would be happy that it's being put to good use. Besides, you'd literally be taking a huge weight off my shoulders!
Sanzang:
In fact, that's exactly why I was hesitant to give it to you.
Sanzang:
That's the Buddha's bowl, so it's a lot heavier than it looks, and it was originally a lot bigger, too.
Sanzang:
So big that the entire Enma-tei could fit inside it with room to spare.
Sanzang:
So I was afraid that it might end up squishing you if I gave it to you, Fujimaru.
Sanzang:
But you all handled my Buddha Palm without a problem, right? So I'm sure you'll be fine!
Sanzang:
It's all yours! Oh, but make sure you only use it outside, in case it expands to its original size!
Fujimaru 1:
Thanks, Sanzang!
Fujimaru 2:
The Buddha sure is huge, isn't he!
Sanzang:
Yes! The Buddha knows and sees all!
Yu Mei-ren's Anti-Aging
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I come bearing good news, Fujimaru. One of the treasures we need is a tree branch with jeweled fruit from Hourai Island, yes?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Well, it would seem that a Servant in possession of one such branch just made a reservation.
Fujimaru 1:
Then we just need to convince them to let us have it!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
True. However, this Servant is very much at odds with Chaldea. In fact, she may currently be your fiercest opponent.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
As such, any straightforward attempts to win her over are guaranteed to fail.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
So why not let me handle this one?
Goredolf:
Oho. I'm surprised to hear you volunteer, given how you've been dedicated to helping from the sidelines.
Goredolf:
Very well then, go ahead and give it a shot.
We'll stay out of sight and keep an eye on things.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Fine by me.
Then let's go take care of it, shall we?
Mash:
(This is the newly expanded beauty parlor... I wonder who the Servant with the jeweled branch could be...)
Fujimaru 1:
(Shh! Someone's here!)
Yu Mei-ren:
What a pleasant surprise to see the Enma-tei is still running. How is the madam doing these days, Henjou?
Sparrow (Henjou):
She's been a little glum lately,
but she's still alive and kicking, chirp.
Sparrow (Henjou):
Let me take your coat for you, chirp.
Will you be doing your usual course today, Mei-Mei?
Yu Mei-ren:
Yes, that sounds good. I'm especially partial to the bed in the far back. The shade there is just right.
Yu Mei-ren:
I must say, though, I'm surprised I hadn't heard a peep about this place for the last three hundred years.
I thought you had finally closed up shop.
Yu Mei-ren:
I'm impressed you've managed to keep this place going among the wretched humans and their society.
It reminds me of the Peach Blossom Spring.
Yu Mei-ren:
In one sense, it's like you don't know when to give up. Hehe, though I suppose I'm not one to talk...
Yu Mei-ren:
Oh, don't feel like you need to go easy on me.
I absolutely love the Enma-tei's massages...
Yu Mei-ren:
My body may be immortal and unaging, but it still gets stiff... If anything, the fact that it is so durable only makes it worse...
Yu Mei-ren:
The more time passes, the stiffer my body grows, and there is no getting rid of it...
Yu Mei-ren:
Cursed humans... If they only knew the pain of immortality, they would never claim jealousy...
Ahh, yes, that's the spot. Go on, put your back into it...
Yu Mei-ren:
Ahh, how I missed this... This is truly what it means to be rejuvenated... Although...
Yu Mei-ren:
(Not even the Enma-tei can relieve my tension completely... I wonder if there is an even stronger masseuse anywhere...)
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oh, hello. I'm surprised to see such a lofty being here. From the look of you, I would guess you're a retired Elemental?
Yu Mei-ren:
...!
Yu Mei-ren:
Insolent fool! How dare a mere Heroic Spirit barge in on my antiaging ritual!?
Yu Mei-ren:
Stand right there. Or don't. You will never escape my wrath, no matter what you... Hm?
Yu Mei-ren:
...Are you related to the fairies?
I sense an ancient wind protecting you, though only just.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Ah yes, that must be from my beloved wife.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
My name is Fionn mac Cumhaill. Believe it or not,
I was the captain of a band of knights during that cycle.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I heard your concerns about your body's stiffness.
If you like, I would be happy to relieve you of them.
Yu Mei-ren:
Oh?
...Very well, I will at east hear what you have to say.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
My wife suffered from the same sort of ailment, you see. She would always complain about stiffness whenever she visited the human world.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I searched far and wide for a way to help, eventually finding the very best masseuse in the entire world.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
His hands relieve tension, improve circulation,
and make you feel like new, whether human or fairy.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It must be fate that brought us together here.
What do you say? Shall I introduce you to him?
Yu Mei-ren:
Hmph. So in the end, you are merely trying to ingratiate yourself with me.
Yu Mei-ren:
Very well, I will play along with your little ploy. If nothing else, this should be an amusing diversion to help pass my endless time.
Yu Mei-ren:
Go ahead and call for this expert masseuse of yours. If he should actually rid me of my stiffness, I will give you anything you ask for.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha, I'm glad to reach an understanding so quickly. This stiffness must truly be a great source of stress for you. All right then...you're up, Mr. Masseuse!
Masseuse:
On it.
Yu Mei-ren:
Gah! You...!?
Yu Mei-ren:
Hold it! There's no way this guy is just a masseuse!
If anything, he's a monster in masseuse's clothing!
Masseuse:
Easy there, sage woman. It seems you may know who I am, but I've never met you before.
Masseuse:
I've been staying at this inn for the last few days.
Madam Beni's offered nothing but the best hospitality.
Masseuse:
I'm only here now because she asked if I would be willing to help an old friend of hers.
Masseuse:
If I were you, I would be glad to have a friend like that looking out for me. All the more so given how long you two will continue to be friends.
Yu Mei-ren:
(You did this for me, Enma? I do appreciate that...but why did it have to be THIS guy!?)
Yu Mei-ren:
W-wait!
Please! I know how powerful your neigong is!
Yu Mei-ren:
You'll squeeze my intestines right out from my mouth!
Stop! Stay away from me!
Sparrow (Henjou):
I'm sorry, Mei-Mei. You need to bear with this,
no matter how much it hurts, chirp.
Sparrow (Henjou):
We can't stop the expert course once it's begun.
Trust me, chirp, we're doing this for your own good.
Yu Mei-ren:
Henjooouuu!
Masseuse:
Now then, let's begin.
Try not to struggle, no matter how much it hurts.
--BATTLE--
Yu Mei-ren:
Aah...
Aaaaaahhh...!!!
Yu Mei-ren:
I've never felt such pain and humiliation! No one but Lord Xiang Yu has ever made me cry out like this!
Masseuse:
But you do feel better now, don't you? I still haven't gotten to your right shoulder. If you like, I can massage that as well for an additional charge.
Yu Mei-ren:
Khh...!
Do it!
Yu Mei-ren:
This is a good opportunity. If I'm going to fight as an accursed Servant myself from now on, I need to be tension-free from head to toe!
Yu Mei-ren:
Do that, and you may have any treasure I possess!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
There you have it; a new treasure won, and without any trouble. Even if that may only be due to our good fortune in having such a capable masseuse on hand.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
If it were a vicious creature we faced, I would have won the treasure in combat...but of course, this beautiful woman was nothing of the sort.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
At any rate, I am glad that this matter was resolved without bloodshed or hard feelings.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Here, Master, why don't you hold on to this.
It will be safer with you.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
My stunning good looks inevitably draw attention from admirers and enemies alike, after all.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
There's no telling what sort of mishaps may occur if I keep it with me.
Fujimaru 1:
Now we have the jeweled branch!
E-JAPAN
Elisabeth:
Here I am!
Hi, everyone!
Goredolf:
Huh?
(Asking who this is via eye contact)
Mash:
Huh?
(Wondering who this is via eye contact)
Fujimaru 1:
Huh? (Indicating you have no idea via eye contact)
Fujimaru 2:
It's Elisa J of the metal band Great Oni Vermilion Dragon!
Sparrow (Taizan):
No way! Chirp!
What's the great Elisabeth doing here!?
Sparrow (Gokan):
I can't believe it! The biggest superidol in the whole oni world, here at our party room!? Chirp!
Sparrow (Byoudou):
Does this mean we'll get to hear her metal monster voice live!? Chirp chirp, with bass so strong it'll kill you again!?
Sparrow (Shokou):
She must have heard our prayers (read: stress complaints) and come to save us! Elisabeth, destroy our boring daily lives! Cheep!
Elisabeth:
Shut up, birdbrains, before I destroy you all! Thanks for your support! I'll make sure to roast you all up nice and juicy tonight!
Elisabeth:
Wow, I've never been greeted this enthusiastically before! I guess all those videos I uploaded paid off!
Elisabeth:
Never mind that they're all sparrows sitting on cushions!
Sparrow (Toshi):
Chirp chirp, oni are so cool! And your new dress is wicked! Who could've known heavy metal and kimono went so well together!?
Elisabeth:
Y-you really think so?
Elisabeth:
I mean, I know I thought I had a real shot of topping the UK charts with this getup...
Elisabeth:
But hey, of course I do! This dress is made from genuine salamander skin, after all!
Elisabeth:
Let me say that one more time: this dress is made entirely out of fire salamander skin!
Goredolf:
Really...!? Then, in other words, the whole thing is Phantasmal leather with a fire alignment!?
Elisabeth:
Right! Let's do this thing, cold-blooded.
Elisabeth:
For my opening number, I'll be singing one of Japan's best tragic love songs, “Painful Princess☆The Stalking Dragon”!
Elisabeth:
All right!
Time to diss this place up, New Year's style!
Sparrows:
Yaaaaaay!
Burn us all up, Anchirrrp!
Mash:
Aah! Elisabeth's sonic breath is sending the sparrows helter-skelter!
Sparrows:
Wheee! Chiiirp! This is the best!
It feels like flying inside a storm!
Goredolf:
They're bouncing around like rubber balls!
But they seem to be...enjoying it...?
Elisabeth:
Awww yeah, this rocks! I knew I had fans on Earth who could keep up with my singing!
Elisabeth:
Let's keep this ball rolling! Here's the techno version of “Love, Red Nerds, and Cherry Pies”!
Sparrows:
Chirrrp! The walls and tatami are coming apart, chirp,
and I don't even care! I can die happy now, chirrrp!
Mash:
Master, I feel bad interrupting the sparrows and Elisabeth when they're clearly enjoying themselves so much, but–
Goredolf:
Indeed, we can't have them literally bringing the house down! Go on, Fujimaru, put a stop to this!
Fujimaru 1:
Hold it!
Elisabeth:
I'm not holding anything!
Fujimaru 2:
Those horns are devilishly cute.
Elisabeth:
That's the best compliment I've ever received!
You might as well have taken an AED to my heart!
--BATTLE--
Elisabeth:
Hey, what's the big idea!?
Can't you see I'm performing a show here!?
Elisabeth:
Besides, aren't you the ones who asked me to liven up the new event hall!?
Mash:
A-and we are sorry about that! But if you keep performing like this, we'll need to build the hall all over again...
Mash:
See? Even a security guard has come to stop you!
Security Guard:
...
Fujimaru 1:
It's a beautiful song, but...
Fujimaru 2:
I'm afraid your Elly Power is a bit intense for this room...
Mash:
Right. So would you mind changing venues to the outdoor stage?
Mash:
That would let all of us enjoy your show, so...
Elisabeth:
You have an outdoor stage, too!? Why didn't you say so! Ooh, that must've been the place with all the fog!
Elisabeth:
Well that's fine with me! It might be a little cold outside, but I'll have you all fired up in no time!
Elisabeth:
See you later then, [♂ Puppy /♀ Deerlet]! Happy 2021!
Goredolf:
M-much better.
I must say, that girl certainly is...spirited, isn't she.
Goredolf:
Hm? What's that on the ground?
...Ah, I see. This must have come off her outfit.
Goredolf:
W-well, in folklore salamanders love fire right? I see no difference between a fire-loving salamander and a fire-rat. So let's just say this is from a fire-rat robe.
Fujimaru 1:
We got a piece of...fire-rat robe?
Fujimaru 2:
Come on, let's hurry to the outdoor stage! I mean, hot springs!
Multiplying Kiyohime
Medusa:
So this is a Japanese hot springs inn... Feels oddly familiar, though I've never been to one before.
I keep thinking of hanafuda, for some reason.
Medusa:
I think I'm due for a break from caring for my sisters.
Time to curl up at a charming inn with a good...
Medusa:
...book...
Huh?
Medusa:
Excuse me, why is the book that I'd been saving for a special day on fire!? It's the latest in my favorite ghost story series!
Kiyohime:
Teeheehee. Coming all the way to a charming inn just to read a book? True beauties don't get to slack off like that, my dear Medusa♡
Kiyohime:
Now let's go find some nice pickup artists to tear limb from limb like the reptilians we are♡
Medusa:
Hm? If I recall, your name was Kiyohi–
Aaaaaahhh!?
Young Medusa:
So this is the Enma-tei...
It's even better than Sitonai said...!
Young Medusa:
I think I could really relax and enjoy myself here.
Young Medusa:
I do feel guilty coming here without my sisters, but not guilty enough not to stay for a good, long time.
Young Medusa:
I always wanted to try crocheting some lace flower bouquets for my sisters. This should be the perfect place to try.
Kiyohime:
My, my... How thoughtful of you, especially at such a young age. You must really care about your sisters.
Kiyohime:
That sort of straightforward display of affection makes me sick♡
Kiyohime:
I mean, where would that leave me? Come now, we serpent girls need to stick together. Men aren't going to start squeezing themselves to death anytime soon.
Young Medusa:
Huh? Aren't you Kiyohi–
Aaaaaahhh!?
Mochizuki Chiyome:
My name is Orochi, and Orochi is my naaame...
Mochizuki Chiyome:
Hehe, with this many mountain greens to choose from, Lady Beni-Enma will have no trouble with meal ideas.
Mochizuki Chiyome:
I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have any other way of paying for my stay after I found out it would cost more than I expected...
Mochizuki Chiyome:
Thank goodness Lady Beni-Enma is so understanding. To let me stay in the inn's attic just in exchange for my skills as a shinobi is simply unbelievable.
Mochizuki Chiyome:
I must do everything I can to repay this extraordinary generosity.
Mochizuki Chiyome:
Thus, I will not rest until I have picked this entire mountain clean of anything remotely edib... Oh?
Kiyohime:
Hmm... A little half-tailed as far as snake monsters go, but I suppose she'll do.
Kiyohime:
I can't be bothered to come up with a pithy remark anymore, so I'm just going to swallow you whole now, okay? Okay♡
Mochizuki Chiyome:
Wha...? Aren't you the one known as Yohime–
Gaaaaaahhh!
Beni-Enma:
...And there are more complaints still.
Do you have anything to say in your defense, Kiyohime?
Beni-Enma:
If not, I'll go ahead and start your trial right now. Chirp chirp, I hope you're ready to spend at least one hundred years imprisoned.
Kiyohime:
No! Please! Anything but Jigoku Kitchen!
Kiyohime:
And actually, wait! I don't even remember doing any of that! I swear to the Buddha!
Beni-Enma:
...I see. So you've now learned how to spontaneously erase your own memories. I shudder to think what you might accomplish in the future.
Beni-Enma:
In the meantime, whether you remember doing these things or not, the sparrows clearly saw you there.
Beni-Enma:
Or what? Are you going to claim it wasn't you,
but a secret evil twin? Chirp!
Kiyohime:
I... I can't say for sure, but...
Tomoe Gozen:
Heh. It looks like my plan was a resounding success!
Kiyohime:
Tomoe? Why are you so happy about the fact that I'm about to go away for crimes I didn't commit?
Kiyohime:
Do you know something we don't?
Tomoe Gozen:
I do. I was thinking how we could go about acquiring dragon's head gems...
Tomoe Gozen:
...and I decided the quickest way to do so would be from a real live dragon.
Tomoe Gozen:
So I came up with a plan to make a Shadow Servant out of Kiyohime.
Kiyohime:
...What exactly did you do?
Tomoe Gozen:
I am told Shadow Servants appear when the remnants of a destroyed Heroic Spirit's Spirit Origin...
Tomoe Gozen:
...end up linking to magical energy and grudges in the nearby vicinity instead of dispersing back to the Throne of Heroes.
Tomoe Gozen:
So I thought I could use that phenomenon to essentially clone Kiyohime... Well, only her dark side, actually.
Tomoe Gozen:
Specifically, I thought that if I made a bell tower, had Lord Houzouin, who is monk just like Lord Anchin was, and a beautiful woman stand next to each other there every night...
Tomoe Gozen:
...and gathered all of Kiyohime's excess negative aspects, I could “fish” her Shadow Servant out.
Tomoe Gozen:
After all, I knew Kiyohime would never be able to resist becoming a dragon if she saw a handsome man and beautiful woman whispering sweet nothings to each other underneath a great bell.
Tomoe Gozen:
And so, Kiyohime No. 2 was born, just as I had planned.
Tomoe Gozen:
All we need to do now is capture her, defeat her,
and take the gems for ourselves.
Fujimaru 1:
That's...actually pretty ingenious.
Fujimaru 2:
I didn't know you were so ruthless.
Beni-Enma:
Then, you mean the Kiyohime causing havoc right now is Kiyohime entirely and exclusively from the Anchin-slash-Kiyohime legend!?
Kiyohime:
And just what is that supposed to mean!? As for you, Tomoe, you and I are through! At least for a while.
Tomoe Gozen:
Huh!? But why!?
Tomoe Gozen:
The whole point of my plan was to get the dragon's head gems without hurting you!
Kiyohime:
You may not have hurt my body, but my heart and my dignity are in tatters!
Beni-Enma:
Tomoe may seem to be more polite than either Kiyohime or Tamamo, but at her heart, she's a fierce warrior who's lived through very tumultuous times.
Beni-Enma:
Still, Tomoe, just because logic and cold-bloodedness served you well in war, that doesn't mean they are the answer to everything.
Tomoe Gozen:
Oh! When you put it that way, I suppose you're right... I'll go stand under a waterfall and reflect on what I've done...
Kiyohime:
Never mind the waterfall. Just wash my share of the windows we're supposed to clean and I'll call it even.
Kiyohime:
Now come on, the rest of us need to stop Shadow Me!
Ms. Beni-Enma, Master, let's hurry to the bell tower.
Kiyohime:
We must utterly obliterate this clone before she causes any more trouble!
Fujimaru 1:
You got that right...
--BATTLE--
Medusa:
...This must be the mountain behind the inn... The last thing I remember is staring into Kiyohime's mouth stretching wider and wider...
Young Medusa:
That was awful... I can't believe she drop-kicked me AND turned into a snake to capture me...
Young Medusa:
I guess the legends were true... No wonder Anchin managed to run away faster than the speed of sound...
Mochizuki Chiyome:
Lady Gorgon's snake form would be a perfect fit for an action movie...while Lady Kiyohime's would be right at home in a horror film...
Beni-Enma:
It looks like all the missing Servants have been freed.
Beni-Enma:
I'm sorry for suspecting you, Kiyohime.
I can't help but sympathize with you this time.
Beni-Enma:
Still, why did Ms. Tomoe do this? I remember her saying something about dragon gems, but–
Kiyohime:
W-well, you know, she's at that age! She must have just wanted some pretty jewels that all the other ladies would be jealous of!
Beni-Enma:
Tomoe Gozen, concerned with appearances...
I doubt any but Lord Yoshinaka would have the patience.
Beni-Enma:
All right, I'll clean things up around here.
Cheep, you can go back to the inn now, Kiyohime.
Beni-Enma:
I'll also make you some tea later, as an apology for putting you on trial when you were innocent.
Kiyohime:
...(Sigh) Well, it may not have been pretty, but at least we did get one of the five treasures.
Kiyohime:
And since we don't want to worry Ms. Beni-Enma unless we absolutely have to...
Kiyohime:
...let's just keep this to ourselves until we have all five of them, Master♡
Fujimaru 1:
That takes care of the dragon's head gems!
Swallow's Moon Selection
Goredolf:
Hmm... I'm glad we now have four of the five treasures, but we still haven't had any luck with the fifth...
Goredolf:
What even is a swallow's cowry, anyway!? And what's a shell doing in a swallow's nest in the first place!?
Goredolf:
I've been known to partake in the occasional “swallow's nest” dish myself... Does that mean this so-called shell is a swallow that is eaten like a shellfish!?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
No, no, I doubt it's anything as awful as that.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
In The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, the five treasures are precious things meant to be impossible to obtain.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
The swallow's cowry is a shell that a swallow happened to pick up and carried back to its nest, where it served as the base for the nest.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
It's easily the most realistic of all the five treasures.
The catch is that finding one is all a matter of luck.
Diarmuid:
I see. So it is something born of coincidence that can never be acquired through necessity.
Diarmuid:
Well, if our only choice is to rely on luck,
there is little point in dwelling on it.
Diarmuid:
Master, might I suggest we visit the hot springs to clear our heads?
Tomoe Gozen:
Then we have no choice but to wait for the right time.
Tomoe Gozen:
Yes, why don't we go bathe in the hot springs? They say that refreshing one's spirit can also raise one's luck.
Fou:
Fou, fou!
Fujimaru 1:
...And so, here we are.
Kojirou:
I see. You have been doing much to aid this inn. I have nothing but admiration for your willingness to help.
Kojirou:
I had no idea it was in such dire straits. That is why I have been here indulging myself in these hot springs since lunchtime.
Kojirou:
Compared to all of your valiant efforts, I may as well be an evanescent cloud in the autumn sky.
Kojirou:
Ha ha ha ha.
Fou:
Fo fo fo fo.
Kojirou:
All that aside... Five precious treasures, you say? What a fiendishly difficult task. And yet, something seems amiss.
Kojirou:
You say this was the bamboo cutter from the tale of the same name?
Kojirou:
According to that tale, his adopted daughter Kaguyahime said the following to the five men who came from the city to seek her hand in marriage:
Kojirou:
“I cannot understand why any of you would wish to marry me, when you know nothing of who I am.”
Kojirou:
“If you wish to take me for your bride, you must show that your love for me will never fade.”
Kojirou:
She told each only to return after they had found one of five impossible treasures as proof of their love.
Kojirou:
Each of the five suitors set off to find the treasures as best they could...
Kojirou:
...but not a one succeeded.
Kojirou:
Which is why I find it strange that this bamboo cutter claimed to possess all five of them.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
(Then...does that mean...)
Kojirou:
I never expected that you would now be undergoing the same trials depicted in that old tale... Indeed, I am surprised you have time to luxuriate in the hot springs yourself.
Kojirou:
I wish I could help you, but alas, the only thing I am good at is swinging a pole.
Kojirou:
Unlike the rest, I soar not through the sky, nor spark flashes of light, or any other remarkable deeds.
Kojirou:
As such, all I can do for you is rattle this cowry and pray for your success. Forgive me.
Fujimaru 1:
...Hey.
Fujimaru 2:
...Heeey!
Kojirou:
Yes? What is it, [♂ Lord /♀ Lady] Fujimaru? Is there something you wish to know about my rare seashell accessory? (Showing it off)
Fou:
Fou, fo fooou!
Kojirou:
Hahaha. Forgive me, I could not resist my poor attempt at humor.
Kojirou:
I always thought it was strange why an insignificant Servant like myself found my way to the Enma-tei...
Kojirou:
...but now, I finally understand. Here.
I am happy to let you have this shell.
Fujimaru 1:
Really? Just like that?
Fujimaru 2:
You're not gonna challenge us to a duel or something first?
Kojirou:
I am not so poor as to draw my blade over a single shell, nor so quick to anger that I would challenge another over it.
Kojirou:
Now then, I think I shall be on my way. My only regret is that I never got to duel the madam during my stay.
Kojirou:
I would have liked to know if my secret sword is strong enough to stand up to that sparrow...
Kojirou:
...but alas, I will have to hope that question is answered another day.
Fou:
Fou, fou...
Demonic Monkey:
Kee. Ook eek.
Ook eek eek.
Fou:
Fou!?
--BATTLE--
Demonic Monkey:
Eek! Ook eek!
Fou:
Fou... Fo fo fou...
Fujimaru 1:
We did it! We got the swallow's cowry!
Section 10: "Fairy Tale"
Beni-Enma:
Oh, are you the only one here? ...I see.
So Mash and Kiyohime are out cleaning the hot springs.
Beni-Enma:
You certainly are all hard workers, chirp chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Here, Fujimaru, why don't you have a seat and take a break.
Beni-Enma:
I'll make some tea before the others get back.
Beni-Enma:
I didn't even realize how big the inn has become. Although, it used to be even bigger a long time ago.
Beni-Enma:
I'm not just saying that, either. It was really beautiful, back when we still had the Crane Room.
Beni-Enma:
There was an amazing weaver back then named Oyu.
Beni-Enma:
She ended up “checking out” by flying out of her room after she said the moonlight was calling her. She even left all of her belongings behind.
Beni-Enma:
(Sigh) I still don't know what the story was there. Maybe the sparrows spied on her while she was working?
Beni-Enma:
Here you go, the tea's ready, cheep. I threw in some monaka wafers filled with sweet beans from my secret stash, too.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you.
Fujimaru 2:
It all looks great.
Beni-Enma:
What a peaceful afternoon.
I wish these kinds of days could go on forever.
Beni-Enma:
...Chirp! I'm sorry, that was very insensitive of me.
Beni-Enma:
Just because things are peaceful here doesn't mean your world isn't still in a lot of trouble...
Beni-Enma:
(Sigh) Once again, my apologies. I've never been good at gauging how other people feel...
Fujimaru 1:
What sort of Heroic Spirit are you, Beni-Enma?
Beni-Enma:
You want to know more about me?
Fujimaru 2:
It's okay. I mess up all the time, too.
Beni-Enma:
Really!? Chirp chirp!
Beni-Enma:
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't be happy about that.
But I can tell you're being considerate.
Beni-Enma:
We all come from different worlds, each with their own set of values. You have yours, Mash has hers, Tamamo and the others have theirs...
Beni-Enma:
It may seem like there's only one world, but it's actually divided into many different sections. What humans call hell is just another one of them.
Beni-Enma:
Cheep. The thoughts, values, and ethics of each society are what shapes that society's afterlife.
Beni-Enma:
For example, hell in your country and hell in Mr. Fionn's country are very different things.
Beni-Enma:
Humans have wanted to cope with the inevitability of death ever since they came into being.
Beni-Enma:
The particular laws and customs may differ between tribes and cultures...
Beni-Enma:
...but the idea that when they die, bad people are punished, and good people find salvation...
Beni-Enma:
...has always been a constant in each and every country you could find, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Of course, these were always things taught to keep society running smoother for the living, not to describe what hell was actually like.
Beni-Enma:
To encourage people to live good, clean lives by promising they would find happiness after death.
Beni-Enma:
It all stemmed from obvious morals–the kind that anyone could agree were right and proper.
Beni-Enma:
It isn't usually hell's business to meddle with human society, or to determine what was right and wrong...
Beni-Enma:
...but our hell is sensitive to trends, so we tend to incorporate a lot of human religious values.
Beni-Enma:
They say hell and Earth used to be connected, that you could conceivably walk between them. That sounds rather inefficient as a land of death to me, though.
Beni-Enma:
Anyway, since mankind couldn't conquer death, they began to change how they thought about it, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Once death was no longer something special that was to be feared, hell changed, too.
Beni-Enma:
Or, put another way, that was when it became an unpopular fantasy.
Beni-Enma:
Humans no longer feared hell, nor thought they even required one, and the idea of seeking salvation in hell was lost.
Beni-Enma:
The hell I grew up in was a hell that had long since fallen behind the times.
Beni-Enma:
I trained in hell, became certified as a tormentor demon, and was eventually entrusted with the Enma-tei as Great King Enma's proxy.
Beni-Enma:
It's the greatest honor anyone could hope for, right!?
So I tried to do the best I could, cheep.
Beni-Enma:
Sure, I may have gotten myself captured the one time I went to visit a human village...
Beni-Enma:
...but now, I'm in charge of the entire Enma-tei,
and doing a great job of it! Chirp chirp!
Beni-Enma:
...Well, no, I guess that isn't quite true.
Beni-Enma:
...In reality...
Beni-Enma:
...the Enma-tei was supposed to be shut down a long time ago.
Beni-Enma:
Humans stopped wandering in here...
The Shinto gods no longer come to stay...
Beni-Enma:
Really, once the world at large modernized, the hells and this inn had outlived their purpose.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
That doesn't change the fact that the Enma-tei is a great place.
Beni-Enma:
You're very kind, but it's okay.
Nobody would miss it if it disappeared.
Beni-Enma:
The only issue we have now is making sure none of you are struck with divine punishment, and the way things are going, I don't think that will be a problem.
Beni-Enma:
So this will officially be the last year that the Enma-tei is open for business!
Beni-Enma:
The Great King Enma even said I could come back home whenever I like, chirp chirp!
Fujimaru 1:
Gotcha. Well, as long as you're okay with that...
Beni-Enma:
I am. All you and your friends have to worry about is replenishing the shrine's divine aura.
Beni-Enma:
Once you succeed, you can have the inn all to yourselves for a whole day, cheep! You'll have more than earned it after all the work you've been doing!
Fujimaru 2:
...But, you don't really want to shut it down, do you?
Beni-Enma:
I...
Fujimaru 1:
Why have you been keeping the Enma-tei going all this time?
Beni-Enma:
Well...
Narration:
A long time ago, though not so long as you might think...
Narration:
...a young girl fled into the mountains to escape the brothel she was being kept in.
Narration:
She ran so desperately that she hardly noticed she entered a beautiful mansion hidden amidst the mists.
Narration:
What she saw there were things that had always been close at hand, yet tantalizingly out of her reach.
Narration:
Warm blankets. Plentiful food.
A world without any adults to berate her.
Narration:
She did wonder why the mansion was there all alone–why there was not a single person to be found...
Narration:
...but she smiled when she saw that at least the mansion had friends in the sparrows that fluttered about its yard.
Narration:
The girl drifted between the mansion's many guest rooms, holding her breath as if she were afraid she might wake up and find it had all been a dream.
Narration:
She then put her hands together in prayer to give thanks to the Buddha.
Narration:
Thank you for giving me a roof over my head before I die. Thank you for showing me something beautiful before the end.
Narration:
The girl then drew her last breath, a tear running down her cheeks at the mansion's beauty.
Narration:
She hadn't eaten in days.
Her body was bruised and beaten.
Narration:
She had been so hungry it was a wonder she had managed to stay on her feet at all.
Narration:
Yet even so, she did not partake in the feast laid out before her, as during her life in captivity...
Narration:
...her tongue had been torn out,
and her throat crushed beyond repair.
Narration:
When the girl woke, she found herself at the Sanzu River in Children's Limbo–one of the entrances to hell.
Narration:
Whether the Buddha had taken pity on her, or because she hadn't eaten anything at the mansion...
Narration:
...the girl had been reborn as a sparrow oni in ancient hell, rather than joining the other dead.
Narration:
The sparrow was named Beni, or “red,” after the color of her hair, and set about working at the Sanzu.
Narration:
After countless years of hard work, the Supreme Judge of hell, the Great King Enma, recognized her accomplishments.
Narration:
He appointed her his proxy, and entrusted her with caring for the mayoiga in the world of the living.
Narration:
“The mayoiga is where your old form drew its last breath. The sparrows in its yard say they would be happy to follow your commands.”
Narration:
The sparrow went on to make the mansion flourish,
just as the Great King Enma had said.
Narration:
However...
Sparrow:
“I want to go down the mountain.
I want to see how people live now.”
Narration:
Even as an oni, the sparrow still missed human companionship, so she visited the nearby village.
Mean Old Woman:
“Will wonders never cease! A sparrow as red as fire!
It even cries like a person when you smack it!”
Narration:
The sparrow was so surprised she forgot she was an oni now, and found herself huddling up in fright.
Narration:
Come to think of it, it felt as though this sort of thing had happened to her many times before.
Old Man:
“Well now, that is something. I say, neighbor, would you be willing to let me have that sparrow for myself?”
Narration:
It was an old man known for being an oddball who put a lot of time and effort into impractical endeavors.
Narration:
As a result, the rest of the village usually kept their distance from him.
Narration:
This latest endeavor suited his penchant for impracticality quite well.
Narration:
He convinced the old woman to make a trade:
the crying sparrow for all of his life savings.
Sparrow:
“Chirp, chirp, why did you save me? I thought humans never do anything unless it benefits them.”
Old Man:
“I'm not sure either. But hey, you can't see someone unhappy and not try to help, right?”
Narration:
After treating the sparrow's wounds, the old man naturally returned her to the mountain.
Narration:
“Try not to get caught next time!”
he said with a laugh.
Narration:
Time passed, and one day, the sparrow learned that the old man had fallen on hard times.
Narration:
With no money to pay his taxes, and no neighbors willing to help him, he was slowly starving to death.
Sparrow:
“Welcome, honored guest. Welcome to the Enma-tei,
a land open to all who are pure of heart.”
Narration:
After the old man had gone off to the mountain to die, the sparrow invited him into the mayoiga.
Narration:
The old man gratefully accepted the sparrow's invitation, and enjoyed his time there immensely.
Narration:
But not as much as the sparrow did.
Narration:
As happy as the old man was, it didn't compare to the joy the sparrow had when he had saved her long ago.
Narration:
The sparrow would have been happy to attend to the old man forever, but one day, he said he was returning to his own village.
Sparrow:
“For your selflessness in saving that lone sparrow,
I present you with a wicker basket.”
Narration:
In accordance with the mayoiga's rules,
the sparrow had prepared two wicker baskets:
Narration:
A large one, and a small one.
Narration:
The old man tried to refuse, arguing he had already been given more than enough, but the sparrow threatened to keep him there forever unless he accepted them.
Narration:
So the old man humbly chose the small basket,
and returned to his own world.
Narration:
From then on, the basket would fill with a modest amount of happiness each and every day...
Narration:
...and the old man went on to live happily ever after.
Beni-Enma:
Except, that's not true.
Yes, this all really happened, but its message is off.
Narration:
After the old man returned from the inn,
he became the talk of the village.
Narration:
“That old man disappeared years ago,
and now he comes back without having aged a day.”
Narration:
“Not only that, he looks better off than ever.
I should ask him what happened.”
Narration:
The villagers crowded inside the old man's house;
half out of curiosity, and half out of jealousy.
Old Man:
“Oh, it's all thanks to the great protector of childrenthe mountain Jizou. He said he'd give me some happiness as long as I promised to live an honest life from now on.”
Narration:
The old man wisely decided to avoid mentioning the sparrow...
Narration:
...but otherwise told them all about the fun and surprising things that had happened in the inn...
Narration:
...turning them into larger-than-life folktales that could be applied as lessons in their own lives.
Narration:
The villagers' eyes sparkled at hearing these stories. Most of them looked on the old man with envy.
Narration:
Some of them searched high and low for the inn the old man had wandered into. Some prayed that things they had lost would find their way back to them.
Narration:
Some tried to live upstanding lives,
and others worked to be true to themselves.
Narration:
Sometimes, they would lose their footing on their chosen path. Sometimes, their eyes would well up with tears of pure envy.
Narration:
Most of them had dreams of one sort or another that kept them going in their small, selfish, aimless days.
Narration:
Those who had strayed from the path went unrewarded, however, many found their dreams came true.
Narration:
And why wouldn't they, given that the old man was using every bit of happiness from his basket...
Narration:
...to ensure their dreams would be realized.
Narration:
The village flourished, and its residents became rich. Those who feuded in poverty became friends in plenty.
Narration:
It became a truly welcoming world where anyone and everyone was happy.
Narration:
All except for one person:
Narration:
The old man who was always ostracized in his strangeness.
Sparrow:
“This isn't right. It doesn't make sense!”
Sparrow:
“Why don't you tell all of them that the only reason they're all happy now is because of you!?”
Narration:
No matter how rich the village became,
the old man's life never changed.
Narration:
One day, the sparrow chirped to the old man as he sat at his hearth, where the only bright light to be found came from the moon.
Old Man:
“Who'd want to hear that your happiness is all thanks to someone else? That would only make them feel bad.”
Old Man:
“As long as things are well, nothing else matters. Saying something now wouldn't make anyone happy.”
Sparrow:
“Cheep cheep! That's not why. They're only happy now because you refuse to say anything!”
Sparrow:
“And all the while, you're the only one who isn't happy, when you deserve it the most!”
Narration:
The old man had used his treasure for everyone besides himself.
Narration:
He kept on lying in the hope that doing good deeds would lead to his own happiness.
Narration:
So many made-up tales. So many tall tales.
So many fairy tales.
Narration:
The old man alone remained behind in reality, all so that he could make his many fun lies become true.
Narration:
Looking back, the old man probably knew that very soon the blessed lives that the other villagers had lead would soon come to an end...
Narration:
...and that he was alone, regarded as nothing more than an eccentric with a propensity for tall tales.
Narration:
The old man remained so until his death. But when he died, he did so with an expression of pure joy.
Narration:
Although nobody was with him when he passed, his funeral procession was as lively as anything...
Narration:
...since it was attended by almost all the villagers who had heard of his passing.
Narration:
In fact, there were attendees from the neighboring villages, and their neighbors' neighbors as well.
Narration:
Even though none of them had caught on to the old man's well-intentioned lies...
Narration:
...his made-up stories had still been a source of strength, so they had come to offer a smile in return.
Narration:
Each and every last person there was grateful to the old man. Can you imagine a happier way to go?
Narration:
In the end, not one person was left unhappy.
Just as the old man had wanted.
Narration:
It was the best possible death he could ask for.
There was no reason for anyone to be sad. And yet...
Beni-Enma:
I still find it sad, chirp. So very, very sad.
Beni-Enma:
No one else made the old man happy.
Beni-Enma:
Not one other person ever paid him back what he should have gotten for his smile.
Beni-Enma:
Every lie he told, every story he came up with,
was all to help others, never himself...
Beni-Enma:
In the end, he died without so much as a name, after seeing so many other people go on to live happy lives.
Beni-Enma:
...I never should have invited a human to the sparrow inn.
Beni-Enma:
All I did for him was make him unhappy.
Beni-Enma:
So...that's why...
Beni-Enma:
...That's why I want to properly return the favor.
Beni-Enma:
The Enma-tei is a world unto itself that connects to both the past and future...
Beni-Enma:
So as long as I keep it going... As long as it remains, a mythical place where spirits wander... I might get to see him again someday.
Beni-Enma:
Nobody else may care if the Enma-tei sticks around or not...
Beni-Enma:
...but I still want to see him again.
Beni-Enma:
I want to see his gentle smile again.
I want to hear his funny stories again.
Beni-Enma:
I want to impress him with how much I've improved as a cook...
Beni-Enma:
...I'm sorry you had to see that. No doubt strange to see an oni crying out of nowhere, huh?
Beni-Enma:
Thank you...for taking such good care of the Enma-tei.
Beni-Enma:
I may have said I was going to close it this year,
but I haven't gotten that desperate yet.
Beni-Enma:
As the phrase goes, heaven only knows. We sparrows will do the best we can with what we have.
Fou:
...
Mash:
...I know we had no way of knowing her story before she told us...
Mash:
...but now that we do, I can tell that the Enma-tei holds a very special place in Beni-Enma's heart.
Mash:
Come on. We have to make sure we get all five treasures and give them back to the bamboo cutter!
Section 11: "Study at the Lookout"
Tomoe Gozen:
We did it... We finally have all five of the bamboo cutter's treasures.
Kiyohime:
To be honest, I didn't think we were going to pull it off.
I should've known better.
Kiyohime:
Though don't think I've forgotten how you went about getting the dragon's head gems.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
And the Enma-tei's keep has been restored. You thought that part rather important, didn't you, Fionn?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Indeed. We need to have everything look exactly as it did five hundred years ago.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I believe the term for it is “on-site inspection.”
Even better, it doubles as a lookout tower.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It should let us bear witness to all sorts of things, just like Chaldea's simulator.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
If we can recreate the scene of the crime five hundred years ago, we should see exactly what happened.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Now that the building is restored to its past state...and with my Clairvoyance, which allows me to see things clearly and with incredible detail...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...I can...
Mash:
Huh? ...Fionn just started sucking his thumb, Master!
Diarmuid:
Oho! That is the very Noble Phantasm that saved the Knights of Fianna's lives more times than I can count!
Diarmuid:
Fintan Finegas...the Thumb of Knowledge!
Tomoe Gozen:
Uh... Sucking his thumb is a Noble Phantasm...?
Is that true...?
Kiyohime:
There certainly are a lot of strange Heroic Spirits from the West. Blackbeard and Jekyll come to mind.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I am NOT sucking my thumb, thank you very much!
I'll have you know I am biting it!
Fujimaru 1:
Did he just start glowing even while he was shouting...!?
Fujimaru 2:
I'll say this about Blackbeard and Jekyll: I've never seen them glow.
Goredolf:
Of course! The Salmon of Knowledge!
Goredolf:
It's a story that dates back to when Fionn mac Cumhaill was apprenticed to a druid named Finegas.
Goredolf:
Together they caught a rainbow-colored salmon that was said to impart wisdom to whomever ate it.
Goredolf:
Fionn cleaned and cooked the fish in order to serve it to his mentor, but then–
Mash:
Yes. Some of the salmon's oil got on Fionn's thumb while he was cooking it...
Mash:
...and that caused its wisdom crystals to reside within Fionn's thumb.
Goredolf:
Indeed. It scares me that he could have intentionally had fate work in his favor like that...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Haha. No, as much as I wish I could claim credit for that, it really was just a coincidence. It's one of the most embarrassing episodes of my entire life.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
But my mentor, Finegas, just smiled and told me this is how it should be.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
He said that the Salmon of Knowledge was part of nature, and that my actions were similarly natural.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
“In which case, it's only right that it resides in you. But you must forgive me if I take pity on you, golden-haired mac Cumhaill.”
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
“After all, you will need to bite your thumb at every sign of trouble from here on! It makes me laugh just thinking about it!”
Tomoe Gozen:
I-I see... He did have a point...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Of course, I was still happy with this outcome.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Finegas had been searching for the Salmon his whole life, yet he was still happy that I received its wisdom, even after I inadvertently stole it from him.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And that's one of the least outlandish things that happened to me. Really, it's no wonder I became the captain of the Knights of Fianna.
Goredolf:
Grr, no more humblebragging! You can be humble,
or you can brag, but not both at the same time!
Goredolf:
And what is it you're pondering with your salmon-imparted wisdom right now, anyway!?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I'm looking at the facts of this case, of course.
There are any number of ways to learn about the past.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Some use Mystic Eyes or crystals to view it directly. Others use accurate information and a reconstruction.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I favor the latter method, of course. Here in this lookout tower, I was able to recreate the Enma-tei's previous state in my mind.
Fujimaru 1:
Whoa. Then, you know who took the treasures?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oh, I already knew that beyond any doubt. No, I merely wanted to know what the room looked like back then.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
As long as I can calculate that, all that remains is to resolve this to the best of our shared ability.
Mash:
You mean, as in all of us...?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
That's right. Figuring the one responsible was easy,
but proving it will be far more difficult.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Not even collecting all five treasures will be enough to handle everything.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
“Hmm, I see. Yes, these are indeed five treasures,
but they are not the ones I had stolen.”
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
“They may be the same objects, but their value differs greatly. I don't want just any old treasures returned to me. They must be the ones that were taken.”
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
If the bamboo cutter counters along those lines–and make no mistake, he almost certainly will–we won't have a leg to stand on.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
So, you're saying the bamboo cutter never actually wanted to be compensated for his treasures?
That he was actually after the Enma-tei from the start?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I believe so. I think he is only pretending to act in good faith, and is actually running a scam.
Mash:
Then, if the five treasures still won't be enough to convince him, what else can we do...?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Easy. We fight cunning with cunning.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
In fact, the reason I asked you all here was to help me prepare one last finishing touch.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Oh, by the way, Kiyohime, is it true you can tell when someone is lying?
Kiyohime:
Of course.
I've never let any man get away with a falsehood.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hmm. What about Madam Beni-Enma?
Is she capable of seeing through lies, too?
Kiyohime:
No, Ms. Beni-Enma doesn't have any such ability.
She just punishes people when they're caught lying.
Kiyohime:
She learned her Enjaku Battoujutsu from the Great King Enma himself.
Kiyohime:
Once it becomes clear that someone is lying, that's when she'll cut off their tongue on the spot.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Good, good. That should help push the one responsible over the edge. All right everyone, gather round and I'll explain the plan.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
In essence, we'll all be putting on a performance. Or, in the language of a middle-aged man we know, a con.
Fou:
...Fou?
Section 12: "Chaldea Detective Stories -Final Act-"
Mash:
...
Fujimaru 1:
This is it...
Fujimaru 2:
Today's the day the cutter comes to collect...
Mash:
Yes. Today's the day when the bamboo cutter promised to come back.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp chirp... So you all knew? I was hoping to resolve this matter without involving any of you...
Fujimaru 1:
We're all employees. We can't just let this slide.
Fujimaru 2:
Throw in some bonus pay and we'll call it even!
Beni-Enma:
I see. Well, if you're here as employees, rather than out of a misguided sense of obligation, I have no reason to refuse.
Chief Snake:
My, my, so many serious faces.
What brings you all out here this early in the morning?
Moneyed Monkey:
You obviously aren't here to throw a party. Hoho. This mean the Enma-tei's story is finally coming to an end?
Magistrate Tiger:
...
Sparrow:
He's here, he's here!
Chirp chirp, the bamboo cutter is here!
Bamboo Cutter:
I appreciate all you employees coming out here to greet me like this.
Bamboo Cutter:
Then again, I suppose you must all face it,
as I've been waiting hundreds of years to be repaid.
Bamboo Cutter:
Still, you can't fill a ledger with sentiment alone,
so let's get to it, shall we?
Bamboo Cutter:
You can start by paying me back last year's interest...one hundred billion QP.
Fujimaru 1:
(Did he say “billion”!? With a “B”!?!?)
Tamamo-no-Mae:
(Please calm down, Master! I agree it's a shocking amount, but that isn't the strange part.)
Fujimaru 2:
(...Huh? That's odd...)
Mash:
(...Yes, it's very odd.
The bamboo cutter's never met any of us before...)
Mash:
(So then, how did he know we were all Enma-tei employees?)
Beni-Enma:
...I'm very sorry, sir,
but I can't pay your interest.
Beni-Enma:
The divine aura in the offering box is off limits right now, so...
Beni-Enma:
I can at least take this sage cloak to a pawn shop. It may not look like much, but it was given to me by the King of Hell himself.
Beni-Enma:
As long as we find a buyer, I think it should be able to cover the interest...
Bamboo Cutter:
Absolutely not.
I've extended the deadline more than enough.
Bamboo Cutter:
Whatever reasons you have for your inability to pay are none of my concern. And who in their right mind would pay anything for such a ratty old cloak?
Bamboo Cutter:
If you can't even pay back the interest, then I have no choice but to seize the Enma-tei.
Bamboo Cutter:
I'm afraid that as of this moment, the Enma-tei belongs to me. I have to ask that you all leave my property at once.
Bamboo Cutter:
Oh yes, I suppose the sparrows can stay, since they essentially come with it. Naturally, I now own them as well.
Bamboo Cutter:
It's unfortunate that they're all a bunch of useless oafs. Perhaps they'll at least make a good meal for the tiger.
Sparrows:
Chirp!? This is tyranny, chirp!
It's cruel, chirp! Have you no heart, chirp!?
Beni-Enma:
Th-that was never part of our agreeme–
Fujimaru 1:
Hold it right there!
Beni-Enma:
Fujimaru!? What is it!?
What are you all doing!?
Bamboo Cutter:
...Yes? What's this about, human?
Bamboo Cutter:
This arrangement is legal and binding.
Do you have some objection to it?
Fujimaru 1:
You bet we do.
Bamboo Cutter:
...How deplorably insolent. You should be ashamed for speaking to your elders like that.
Bamboo Cutter:
But, I suppose I can overlook your rudeness, given how young and ignorant you are. Now, what is this objection?
Mash:
It's in regards to the deal you struck with Ms. Beni-Enma, of course.
Mash:
You claimed that your invaluable treasures were stolen in the Enma-tei.
Mash:
Ms. Beni-Enma was unable to find the culprit or clear her employees of suspicion, so she promised to pay you damages.
Mash:
Do I have all that right?
Bamboo Cutter:
Yes, that's exactly what happened. What of it?
Kiyohime:
Hehe. In that case, we can put this whole matter to rest right now. Can't we, Lady Tomoe?
Tomoe Gozen:
Yes, we can. I have wonderful news for you, Lord Bamboo Cutter.
Tomoe Gozen:
Our leader, Fionn mac Cumhaill...
Tomoe Gozen:
...a glorious man possessed of wisdom and Clairvoyance...
Tomoe Gozen:
...easily managed to recover your stolen treasures.
Chief Snake & Magistrate Tiger:
!
Moneyed Monkey:
...
Bamboo Cutter:
...You don't say.
That is most impressive.
Bamboo Cutter:
But those are merely substitutes you acquired from who knows where else, no?
Bamboo Cutter:
The only treasures I'm interested in are the ones I had taken from me back then–my irreplaceable keepsakes of the time Kaguya and I spent toge–
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Worry not, good elder. I am well aware that naught but the treasures you lost five hundred years ago will satisfy you.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
So please rest assured, those are exactly the treasures we have procured.
Bamboo Cutter:
...What was that?
Did I hear you right?
Bamboo Cutter:
Are you truly telling me you can return the treasures that had been stolen from me five hundred years ago right here, right now?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Of course.
Come with us, and I'll show you what I mean.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Let us return to the scene of the crime...the very Raven Room you stayed in five hundred years ago.
Beni-Enma:
...That's not the usual wallpaper for this hallway.
It almost looks as if...
Bamboo Cutter:
...!
This hallway... This door...!
Bamboo Cutter:
It can't be.
It's not possible...!
Bamboo Cutter:
It's...the exact same room as back then...!?
Goredolf:
Of course. We're now in the Enma-tei as it existed five hundred years ago, after all. See? Isn't that your pouch in the middle of the room?
Goredolf:
Hehehe, as luck would have it, our own Fionn mac Cumhaill here can manipulate time and space itself.
Goredolf:
A little snap of his fingers and voilà, here we are.
Ahh, it's good to have such capable subordinates!
Bamboo Cutter:
Th-this is impossible! Only a Divine Spirit could do something like that...!
Fujimaru 1:
Huh? You mean you really don't know?
Fujimaru 2:
He's not Fionn the Bright for nothing.
Bamboo Cutter:
Huh!? H-hold on.
I've never heard of this Fionn-whatever before...!
Goredolf:
It's time to face the facts, Old Lumberjack.
The past is now our present.
Goredolf:
All you have to do now is open your pouch and take back your treasures!
Goredolf:
Of course, then the pouch will be empty again, and the you of five hundred years in the past won't know where his treasures went!
Goredolf:
You might think that makes this one of those time paradoxes, but no, it all works out nicely!
Goredolf:
This way, it will just mean that you were the true thief all along!
Goredolf:
Now go on! Take your treasures, clear the Enma-tei's debt, and leave this place for good!
Bamboo Cutter:
This... This can't be happening...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
You might want to hurry up.
This time-travel spell won't last very long♪
Tamamo-no-Mae:
If you don't take your precious treasures back now, you'll never get another chance.
Mash:
That's right. Go on, hurry up♪
I know you can do it♡
Kiyohime:
This is like something out of a storybook!
I can't wait to see you open it♪
Bamboo Cutter:
Uh... Well, um...
You see... I'm not...
Tamamo-no-Mae:
What's wrong? Aren't you going to open it?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Surely there can't be any reason you would be reluctant to see what's inside...is there?
Bamboo Cutter:
Gh... Ghh...!
Ghhhhhh...!
Beni-Enma:
...Mr. Bamboo Cutter?
Is everything okay?
Bamboo Cutter:
...!
Bamboo Cutter:
...Y-yes, everything's fine.
Of course I'll open it.
Bamboo Cutter:
If...if this really is the Raven Room from five hundred years ago, then... Ghh...!
Bamboo Cutter:
Ghh, ghhhhhh!
Gaaaaaah!
Mash:
(He opened it! Now then...)
Beni-Enma:
(Chirp...!
So those are Mr. Bamboo Cutter's treasures!)
Mash:
(That pouch contains the five treasures we all worked together to collect...)
Mash:
(There's no way he can claim that they're fakes under these circumstances.)
Mash:
(And if he instead denies that this room isn't really from the past...!)
Bamboo Cutter:
Ha. Hahaha. Hahahahaha!
Bamboo Cutter:
Liars! I knew we hadn't really gone back in time!
Bamboo Cutter:
You were all just putting on an act to make me think we had!
Bamboo Cutter:
If this really was the past,
there wouldn't be anything in this pouch!
Bamboo Cutter:
I never brought any treasures with me to begin with!
Bamboo Cutter:
...Uh.
Moneyed Monkey:
...
Beni-Enma:
I'm sorry, Mr. Bamboo Cutter, could you repeat that?
Beni-Enma:
Did you really just say you never had any treasures to begin with?
Bamboo Cutter:
Y-you've got it all wrong, Madam.
That's not what I meant.
Bamboo Cutter:
You were there, right, Moneyed Monkey?
You were my eyewitness back then, weren't you?
Moneyed Monkey:
Hoho, yes, of course. Back in the dining room, I distinctly remember seeing the treasures in that pouch with my own–
Kiyohime:
Something doesn't smell right here.
You're lying, aren't you?
Moneyed Monkey:
O-of course not. I saw them, I know I did.
The treasures were right there.
Mash:
Then please, describe them to us. What did the jeweled branch smell like? How heavy was the begging bowl?
Mash:
How many dragon's head gems were there?
What color was the cowry?
Mash:
If you really saw them, you should be able to name at least one of their distinctive features.
Moneyed Monkey:
W-well, uh... (Glance)
Tamamo Cat:
Whoops, pardon me. You know how we cats are:
we just can't leave open pouch strings untied.
Moneyed Monkey:
(Grr, stupid feline...!)
Beni-Enma:
I'll ask you one more time, Mr. Bamboo Cutter.
Did you or did you not bring treasures to the Enma-tei?
Bamboo Cutter:
I-I...
I did. Of course I did!
Bamboo Cutter:
I'm the bamboo cutter from the story!
Of course I'd have all five of the treasures!
Kiyohime:
You...are lying.
Fujimaru 1:
Did she just cut his mask off before I could blink!?
Bamboo Cutter:
Gaaaaaah!!!
D：Beni-Enma:
I won't punish you for your scheme; I should have known better than to fall for it. But I refuse to tolerate lies, cheep.
???:
...Ghh... You little sparrow...
How dare you hurt my face...
???:
You'll pay... You'll pay for this... You think you can win again just because you have the numbers!
???:
You little brats REALLY piss me off!!!
Mash:
The bamboo cutter's Spirit Origin pattern is changing rapidly...! It looks like...it's demonic in nature...?
???:
Stupid brats! I was just having some fun messing with this gullible little twerp!
???:
Why'd you cretins have to butt into our game here, huh!?
Tomoe Gozen:
Two Moneyed Monkeys...!? No, wait, does this mean the bamboo cutter was actually Moneyed Monkey all along!?
Kiyohime:
It's not that, Tomoe! I hate to admit it,
but this monkey's just like Ms. Beni-Enma!
Kiyohime:
He dwells in old folktales just as she does!
Kiyohime:
An evil monster without a name who likes to toy with, laugh at, and devour the weak...
Kiyohime:
I'm guessing that masked monkey claiming to be the bamboo cutter is actually–
Fujimaru 1:
The monkey from The Quarrel of the Monkey and the Crab...!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Yeah, that's right! I'm the ape who got ganged up on by a bunch of lousy do-gooders!
Fujimaru 2:
One of the “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” monkeys...!
Monkey Mask Monster:
What? No! Don't you lump me in with those exhibitionists, you idiot!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Anyway, looks like the jig is up. Snake! Tiger!
Get your asses over here! We're going back to normal!
Chief Snake:
...Well, I suppose I should have known this was coming.
Magistrate Tiger:
...
Goredolf:
Those two were in on it, too!? And what is that thing? It looks like it has a monkey's face...a tiger's body...and a snake for a tail...?
Tamamo-no-Mae:
They must have split into three in order to infiltrate the Enma-tei.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...A particular creature that caws like a bird at night, with numerous grudges and a loss of identity.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
...Now I see. It must have put up a Bounded Field to keep out seasoned monster slayers.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Tawara and Raikou never came despite their obvious fit here. You probably targeted them specifically.
Monkey Mask Monster:
Don't pretend like you know me, bitch!
What makes you any different from me!?
Monkey Mask Monster:
You're just as monstrous as I am, and you know it!
Your act now isn't gonna change a thing!
Tamamo Cat:
...
Monkey Mask Monster:
Heehee, now I've gotcha!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Ook eek... Ook ook eeeeeek!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Tch, it jumped out the window! And from the sound of its footsteps...it's headed for the shrine!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I still don't know exactly what that thing is,
but it's clear it wants to harm the Enma-tei!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
It must mean to destroy the shrine!
Fujimaru 1:
Come on, let's hurry!
Fujimaru 2:
We have to stop it...!
Diarmuid:
Indeed! If it thinks it can run around destroying whatever it likes, it is sorely mistaken!
Beni-Enma:
Chirp!
We will all protect the inn together!
--BATTLE--
Monkey Mask Monster:
[[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]!
Tomoe Gozen:
That is the sanity-splitting cry of a demonic bird...just as described in the Kojiki! This is definitely the Nue!
Diarmuid:
But when you heard its fearsome cry, you did not back down! I see you have decided to reveal your true nature as well, beautiful oni warrior!
Tomoe Gozen:
Forget that. I simply decided that if we are facing a demonic opponent, I would hold nothing back in my attempts to see it soundly destroyed!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Oho, changing clothes to match the occasion? I like your style☆ In that case, don't mind if I do the same!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
That's right! I'm going to defeat this beast with the ultimate beauty♡ Say hello to Summer Tamamo!
Tamamo Cat:
Grr, you mean Tamamo Shark!
What's your plan, fight evil with even more evil!?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Ook eek! Are you guys for real? You actually came to get slaughtered on your own accord!?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Hah, what a laugh! I knew you were dumb,
but I didn't know you were THIS dumb!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Fine then, I'll let you off the hook! Just stay out of my way, and I'll forget how much you pissed me off!
Kiyohime:
YOU let US off the hook!?
You're the one who's cornered here, Monkey Mask.
Kiyohime:
(Said the beautiful, cool-headed warrior princess Kiyohime as she changed into her battle dress☆)
Monkey Mask Monster:
Huh? You think I'M cornered? Are all you dragons actually soft in the head or something?
Monkey Mask Monster:
There's no way you chumps can beat me. I've been collecting the Enma-tei's divine aura for almost five hundred years.
Monkey Mask Monster:
Even you losers oughta know how strong that stuff is after all your slaving away here.
Monkey Mask Monster:
I could kill a hundred of you dinky Heroic Spirits and still have energy to spare!
Monkey Mask Monster:
I'm not goin' anywhere till you're all dead, this shrine's busted up, and I've eaten every last sparrow!
Fujimaru 1:
This thing is rotten to the core...!
Fujimaru 2:
(He's right about one thing: that's a lot of magical energy...)
Beni-Enma:
Spare us the self-congratulations. Chirp, I see now that the only way to settle this is by the blade.
Beni-Enma:
I take it you have no intention of turning yourself in to Enma's court, Mr. Monkey Mask Monster?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Dumbass. Why should I go outta my way just to visit stupid old hell?
Beni-Enma:
Then as Enma's representative, answer me this:
Why did you do it?
Beni-Enma:
Is this all to take revenge for what happened to you in The Quarrel of the Monkey and the Crab?
Beni-Enma:
Is it because you kept getting pigeonholed as a bad guy even though you were just trying to live your life?
Monkey Mask Monster:
...
Monkey Mask Monster:
...Hee.
Monkey Mask Monster:
...Heehee.
Monkey Mask Monster:
Heeeheeheeheehee!!!
Monkey Mask Monster:
After all that, you're still trying to make allowances for my circumstances!? You really are a hopeless idiot!
Monkey Mask Monster:
You think this is about revenge?
You wanna know why I did this?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Because it's fun, of course! There's nothing better than tricking a bunch of happy-go-lucky simpletons!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Except maybe for watching a bunch of weak little shits work themselves to death for nothing!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Gaha, gahahaha, gaaaaaahahahaha!
Beni-Enma:
...Understood. So you have no intention of facing hell's judgment, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
You also say you have no intention of reforming,
and no need for a chance to reduce your sentence.
Beni-Enma:
In that case, I will see that justice is done in Enma's stead!
Beni-Enma:
I will see you cast into Sañjīva, Kālasūtra, and Mahāraurava, and ferry you straight into Avīci!
Beni-Enma:
Even the great oni quake in fear of the sparrow sword! Enjaku Battoujutsu! The last light your eyes will see!
--BATTLE--
Monkey Mask Monster:
[[File:berserkervoice2.png50px]]!!!
Monkey Mask Monster:
What's going on here...?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Snake Mask! Tiger Mask!
Why're you slowing me down instead of helping!?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Who do you think ate you good-for-nothings up when you had no name and nowhere to go!?
Monkey Mask Monster:
Don't you dare get in my way now! Don't you dare defy me! What's wrong with you morons!?
Mash:
Its Spirit Origin is splitting apart...
No, wait. I think it's...self-destructing...?
A：Tiger Mask Monster:
...I'm not...defying you...
...I'm a body...without a head.
A：Tiger Mask Monster:
...You have...all the smarts...
I have no choice...but to do...what you say.
A：Tiger Mask Monster:
...I can't help Beni...
...even if...I want to.
A：Tiger Mask Monster:
...I'm still...me...
...You lost because...you weren't strong enough...
A：Tiger Mask Monster:
...I'll just say one last thing...before I go...
...I may not...have a head...
A：Tiger Mask Monster:
...But you...have nothing.
Monkey Mask Monster:
Stupid stray! How dare you talk to me like that...!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Well fine, I never expected you to be useful anyway.
Especially since I knew you felt bad for her!
Monkey Mask Monster:
But what's your excuse, Snake Mask!? You shouldn't have any reason to side with the sparrows!
A：Snake Mask Monster:
True, I don't.
But...even so...
Goredolf:
Oh no, oh no, oh no...
This is bad. This is very, very bad!
Goredolf:
I'm cursed, I know it!
We've really messed things up now!
Chief Snake:
Oh no, oh no, oh no...
This is bad. This is sooo bad!
Chief Snake:
Moneyed Monkey's gonna kill me! No, wait. I'll be kicked out of the inn before he'll get the chance!
Chief Snake:
What am I gonna do!? I don't have any money,
or anywhere else I can go!
Chief Snake:
A measly little spirit like me won't last a day outside the Enma-tei!
Goredolf:
H-hm?
Chief Snake:
Th-th-that wasn't my fault, right!?
You guys did that all on your own, right!?
Chief Snake:
Please, you have to keep quiet about me!
I'll disappear forever if they kick me out!
Goredolf:
A-all right. I don't know what your story is...but I know what it's like to find yourself in a corner.
Goredolf:
Very well, go on then. I'll tell whoever asks that me and my men were the only ones here.
Chief Snake:
Huh? Really? Are you sure?
Goredolf:
Hurry up! Can't you hear that alarm blaring!?
You didn't mean for this to happen, right!?
Goredolf:
Besides, this was mostly my fault for not trusting my own magecraft knowledge before opening the lid!
Goredolf:
But don't count on me too much! I have this bad habit of absolutely falling apart under intense scrutiny!
Chief Snake:
...
A：Snake Mask Monster:
I can't blame Magistrate Tiger for going soft. Our type just can't help but be grateful for small kindnesses.
A：Snake Mask Monster:
Besides, this world and I have had a good run.
A：Snake Mask Monster:
At least I got to feast my eyes on a gorgeous looker, and have some genuinely fun drinks before I go.
Goredolf:
?
A：Snake Mask Monster:
Sorry, monkey, but this is where we part ways. I can't deal with your cruelty anymore, and, well, I never liked being the tail.
Monkey Mask Monster:
G-grrraaa...!
How dare you... How dare you!?
Monkey Mask Monster:
How dare you third-rate chumps ascend before me!?
You're both useless without me!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Get back here! Get back here, dammit!
Monkey Mask Monster:
I'm the head of this operation!
You're supposed to do what I say!!!
Monkey Mask Monster:
Argh, damn it all! What's the use of being a genius if you can't do anything without a tail and a body!
Beni-Enma:
Now do you understand?
This is where the path you chose ends, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Those who lie solely for their own pleasure–who have naught but envy for others' happiness–will never have anyone come to their aid!
Beni-Enma:
Enma's court is now adjourned!
You may try again...from the depths of hell!
Section 13: "Records of the Enma-tei's Prosperity"
Goredolf:
Heh, it seems the curse has been well and truly lifted. And all thanks to me, I daresay?
Fou:
Fou, fou.
Goredolf:
Hehehe, and not only that, they even said they'd accept our efforts to make amends as the offering...
Goredolf:
...and gave us back all the magical energy we earned in the form of a Holy Grail!
Goredolf:
Bahaha, I must say, that was quite generous of him!
At least for a stingy Eastern Divine Spirit!
Kiyohime:
Uh-oh, I'd be careful about your choice of words. With an attitude like that, Lord Enma might just decide to change his mind and have you start all over again.
Kiyohime:
Oh, and remember, honesty is the best policy, okay?
Tomoe Gozen:
The inn itself looks different now. It is as though the very building is brimming with a divine aura.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Because it was able to offer up all of the gratitude to the Tribute Hall, now that it's released from its bogus debt.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
I'm pretty sure this means it has its old mayoiga power back, too. You couldn't ask for a better ending.
Beni-Enma:
This would never have happened without your help.
Tamamo. Kiyohime. Tomoe. Fionn. Diarmuid.
Beni-Enma:
Goredolf. Mash.
Fujimaru.
Beni-Enma:
Thank you. On behalf of the Enma-tei,
I can't thank you all enough, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
I do feel bad that you ended up taking care of us when we were supposed to be taking care of you...
Beni-Enma:
...but I learned a whole lot from this experience!
Fujimaru 1:
Not at all. We're the ones who learned a lot from you!
Fujimaru 2:
I'm just glad we didn't have to face divine punishment!
Mash:
Indeed. This may not have turned out to be the kind of pleasure trip we had in mind, but it was still one of the best New Year's I've ever had!
Mash:
All that's left now is to contact Chaldea Base and have them Rayshift us home!
Goredolf:
Geh!?
Goredolf:
Uh, yes, about that.
Mash. Fujimaru.
Goredolf:
Given how hard we've been working, how about spending one more day at the inn just to relax and–
???:
Hello? Hellooo! I could have sworn I finally heard Goredolf's voice just now!
???:
This is Sion Eltnam Sokaris calling from the Wandering Sea Chaldea Base! Do you read me already!?
Sion:
If you do not hurry up and respond, I am just going to push this Force Return button! I swear I will!
Mash:
It's Sion...!
But, why is she calling us from a sparrow...?
Goredolf:
Aaah! You there, sparrow! Was that...!? It is!
Here, give me that thing you've got under your wing!
Sparrow:
Chirp?
You mean this?
Sparrow:
I found it on the mountain out back, chirp.
It has been making all sorts of awful noise every day.
Sparrow:
Is this yours, sir? Chirp, why didn't you report it to lost and found?
Sparrow:
Certainly you're old enough to know better by now, chirp.
Goredolf:
H-how did I come to be lectured on personal responsibility by a sparrow!? And at age 29 no less...!
Diarmuid:
Then...you didn't have the comms device all this time, Lord Goredolf...?
Diarmuid:
I thought you refused to contact Chaldea no matter what because you were a brave commander, heroic as a Celt...
Diarmuid:
Did you know about this, Fujimaru?
Fujimaru 1:
Well, yeah, pretty much...
Fujimaru 2:
Who, me? Nooo, of course not.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hahaha, never mind that now.
As they say, all's well that ends well!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Yes, if we had been able to consult with Da Vinci, Holmes, and Sion...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
...we may well have managed to resolve the Tribute Hall problem in a matter of days.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
But so what? There's nothing wrong with making a little side stop now and then.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And besides, we ended up solving a much bigger problem as a result, did we not?
Sion:
Hellooo! My calculations confirm you should be able to hear me now, so under that assumption, please form up!
Sion:
We have gone past our magical energy reserves, and are seeing errors in your existence verification...
Sion:
...so I am going to bring you all back right now!
Mash:
Our return Rayshift has begun...!
Senpai, there's still one last thing we have to say!
Fujimaru 1:
I'm on it!
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you for the wonderful New Year's!
Fujimaru 2:
See you again next year!
Beni-Enma:
Hehe. That's the best possible farewell I could have asked for, cheep.
Beni-Enma:
The Enma-tei will never forget what you did for it.
We and Chaldea have an undeniable connection.
Beni-Enma:
If there's anything you feel I could help you with,
I would be happy to fight by your side from now on.
Beni-Enma:
Perhaps I could even be a Servant. Chirp!
I have been practicing the greeting unique to them.
Beni-Enma:
Though, that all depends on if Great King Enma gives his blessing. He can be kind of hardheaded at times, so it might take some work to convince him.
Beni-Enma:
Regardless, you'll always be welcome here!
Beni-Enma:
I'll have to keep stocking up on virtue and gratitude myself to ensure that good fortune comes to pass!
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Well, it looks like this is goodbye.
Tamamo-no-Mae:
Take care, Ms. Beni-Enma.
I look forward to receiving your next lesson♡
Kiyohime:
I'll be taking my leave now too, Ms. Beni.
Thank you for all your help♡
Tomoe Gozen:
(What incredible social skills they both have... It's as though they are both birds taking flight without leaving so much as a speck on the ground!)
Tomoe Gozen:
G-goodbye, Teacher! I promise I'll graduate from the beginner level next time!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hmm. I suppose this was a positive outing,
all things considered.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
My reputation at Chaldea has improved, and I enjoyed my R & R at the Enma-tei thoroughly.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
As far as I'm concerned, there has been no downside.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
But what about you, Diarmuid? As far as I can tell,
you don't seem to have gained much from this trip.
Diarmuid:
Don't be ridiculous, my lord.
Diarmuid:
What better reward could I ask for than to see my captain demonstrate his valor?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I see. Hahaha, well good, I am glad to hear it!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
You're a fine warrior, Diarmuid, and a good man. Indeed, you are almost wasted on one so fickle as me.
Beni-Enma:
Good.
Okay everyone, it's time to see our guests off!
Sparrow:
Chirp! Everyone line up!
Send-off formation, go!
Beni-Enma:
...Ahem.
Beni-Enma:
I'd like to take this time to thank you all for staying at our inn.
Beni-Enma:
We hope that this year brings you good fortune, and that you're able to welcome the next without incident.
Beni-Enma:
Have a safe and wonderful trip! We sparrows will all be here, waiting for your next visit! Chirp chirp!
Sion:
...You have GOT to be kidding me.
Sion:
How could you lose your comms device during our very first Rayshift experiment!?
Sion:
From now on, I am giving it to Mash instead.
Da Vinci:
Welcome back, guys!!!
Da Vinci:
Anything interesting happen on your Rayshift!?
Tell me all about it!
Mash:
Thank you, Da Vinci. It's good to be back. This Singularity was a hot springs inn called the Enma-tei...
Mash:
...and its proprietress, who was really nice and great at her job, was actually a sparrow!
Mash:
Unfortunately, she had been taken by a devious plan to slowly cheat her out of the inn over the last five hundred years...
Da Vinci:
Really!? Oh man, I can already tell this is gonna be good! Come on, let's go to the cafeteria!
Da Vinci:
You too, Fujimaru and Gordy! Come on!
Meunière:
Maaan, that sounds nice!
You always get all the luck!
Goredolf:
Heh. I can understand your envy, but I'm afraid you'll just have to resign yourself to it.
Goredolf:
After all, Rayshifting is an entrancing experience reserved solely for those who...who...
Goredolf:
Oh, who am I kidding! It was awful! If I wasn't stranded in the woods, I was on the verge of turning into a pig!
Goredolf:
Nothing good can ever come of it!
I'm never Rayshifting again as long as I live!
Da Vinci:
Damn, so Gordy went off to sulk, huh. Too bad; I was hoping to hear the story from as many points of view as possible.
Da Vinci:
But, oh well.
He did just finish his very first Rayshift, after all.
Mash:
Director Goredolf may like to complain,
but I thought his adaptability was amazing.
Mash:
It's no exaggeration to say that we couldn't have resolved this case without his help.
Mash:
Right, Senpai?
Fujimaru 1:
Definitely.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
That may be, but he was far from the only key person. You were an invaluable part of this operation as well.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Thanks to you, almost every loose end was neatly tied up. However...
Fujimaru 2:
...You know, there's still one thing nagging at me...
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Hooowever!
There's still one thing lacking resolution!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Isn't that right, Master?
Yes, I know. No need to tell me.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Come, let's discuss this last “So what was that all about, anyway?” point in the cafeteria.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
And of course, don't skip the hot green tea.
I believe this story will be more than worth it.
Beni-Enma:
...I'm glad we got to give everyone such a grand farewell...
Beni-Enma:
...but now that the Enma-tei is back to normal, we're all busier than ever, and the sparrows alone just aren't enough to cover everything that needs doing.
Beni-Enma:
I guess I have no choice but to ask Mother for help, much as I really, really wish I didn't have to.
A：Sparrow:
Not her! Cheep, cheep, that wicked old hag will be the death of us! If you just need more help, I promise I'll work day and night to make up the difference!
Beni-Enma:
Now, now, don't be silly.
I'd never let you do that.
Beni-Enma:
Work-life balance is very important, so I'll bring in some new employees to preserve that balance.
G：Sparrow:
Chirp? In that case, what about the demonic monkeys?
They're hard workers, right?
Beni-Enma:
...I've heard of “thinking outside the box,”
but that's not just outside, it's outlandish.
Beni-Enma:
Still... The monkeys have stopped making trouble.
I wonder why they started in the first place...
Hunchbacked Old Man:
Oh, this must be the place. I finally found it.
Hunchbacked Old Man:
Pardon me, young lady. I couldn't help but overhear you talking about the monkeys.
Hunchbacked Old Man:
I hope you can forgive them for any mischief they caused. I'm afraid I'm the one to blame for that.
Beni-Enma:
...
Hunchbacked Old Man:
I heard through the grapevine that there was a kind sparrow in dire straits, you see.
Hunchbacked Old Man:
So I asked the monkeys to take some of my things to her in the hope that they might be helpful.
Hunchbacked Old Man:
Unfortunately, it seems they kept forgetting the purpose of their trip on the way...
Hunchbacked Old Man:
Still, they never brought the packages back to me, so I do think they left them where they were supposed to...
Hunchbacked Old Man:
Did you receive them okay?
Sparrow:
Chirp. Chirp... Chirp chirp.
Beni-Enma:
Yes... Yes, I did.
Beni-Enma:
Chirp! They were a huge help!
Beni-Enma:
(Sniff)... Waaah!
Beni-Enma:
Welcome back, sir...!
I've been waiting for you for a long, long time...!
Side Story: Entertaining Distinguished Guests
Mash:
We're slowly starting to get more guests here.
Mash:
I wonder what sort of people we'll get to meet next.
Fujimaru 1:
I can't wait to find out!
Mash:
Me neither!
B：???:
Hello? Is anyone here?
Mash:
Oh! That came from the lobby. Let's go see who it is!
Remember, we need to be prompt, but not hasty!
Anastasia:
...Hmm. So this is an Eastern-style hotel.
Marie:
Oh my, it's beautiful!
It feels like I'm standing inside a gorgeous red rose!
Mash:
(It's Marie! Look, Senpai, our new guests are Marie and Anastasia, of all people!)
Beni-Enma:
My, you two have lovely taste in clothes.
Welcome to the Enma-tei. I'm honored to hear you like it.
Fujimaru 1:
Say, what happened to the rest of the French crew?
Marie:
Hehe, I asked them to stay behind this time.
It's good to mix things up every now and then.
Fujimaru 2:
I'm surprised to see you two here together.
Anastasia:
You are?
...Well, I can see why you would be.
Anastasia:
But we both belong to imperial families. My father was a tsar and hers was an emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, so we have at least that much in common.
Anastasia:
At any rate, this Enma-tei place certainly is...red.
Marie:
Oh? Do you not care for red?
Anastasia:
No, not especially.
But it's okay.
Anastasia:
I know in my head that rose-red and bloodred differ.
I'm sure this is just my own issue.
Mash:
Here, let me take your bags for yo–
Fujimaru 1:
What did you do, pack everything you own!?
Marie:
I'm sorry.
I just can't seem to get the hang of traveling light.
Anastasia:
Strange. Still, it's never been a problem up till now.
Fujimaru 1:
Let me carry your bags... Oof!
Mash:
Here, I'll help.
Hup.
Diarmuid:
That certainly is a lot of luggage.
Why don't we assist them as well, my lord?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Of course we will. We handsome men are honor bound to carry a lady's bags for her.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Every escort knows that.
Wouldn't you agree, Sir Goredolf?
Goredolf:
You're including me in this!? I'm a noble, you know!
I've never carried my own bags a day in my life!
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Yet this is even truer for nobility. Ladies such as these two are the kind that gentlemen are meant to support.
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
Yes, there may seem to be a large wagon's worth of luggage here, but what better opportunity to prove your manliness!
Goredolf:
Er, come now, I've always been the brains of this operation, not the brawn.
Goredolf:
Besides, I don't think it's appropriate for a commander to be carrying lugg–Oof!
Beni-Enma:
So you already know these guests? That's good to hear. All right, please show them to their room.
Sparrow:
Chirp! Right this way!
Marie:
Aww, what a cute little bird!
Sparrow:
Thanks! Cheep cheep!
Anastasia:
My Viy is cute, too.
Why doesn't anyone else seem to see that...?
Fujimaru 1:
Maybe 'cause his eyes are kind of...terrifying?
Anastasia:
What? No they're not...!
Mash:
I have to agree. Viy's Mystic Eyes are very...distinctive... Especially his eyelids...
Goredolf:
Indeed. He may look like an innocent little doll,
but he can't fool me.
Goredolf:
I suspect he's secretly an Elemental, and one that wandered here from a Lostbelt no less.
Goredolf:
He's like a walking bottle of nitroglycerine just waiting to go off. Cute? Absolutely not.
Anastasia:
(Sniff)
Anastasia:
It's okay, Viy.
I know how cute you really are better than anyone!
Anastasia:
Oh my.
This is...the suite?
Beni-Enma:
...I'm very sorry. I'm afraid the Enma-tei's suite is currently unavailable.
Anastasia:
What!?
Anastasia:
But I was so looking forward to seeing what a Japanese suite was like!
Anastasia:
I wanted to bring in lots of geisha girls, and drink sake, and live it up while I'm still young!
Goredolf:
I had no idea this Grand Duchess was so, uh, worldly-minded!
Sparrow:
We don't have geisha here anyway, chirp. I think you have us confused for another kind of establishment.
Marie:
Still, suite or not, the scenery is just beautiful!
It's like something straight out of a postcard.
Anastasia:
...True, it is lovely.
Oh, look, there are monkeys here, too.
Mash:
Ah...
Anastasia:
Hehe, why, they're even looking this way.
Anastasia:
I have heard Japanese monkeys are very comfortable around people. Perhaps they're looking for food.
Anastasia:
Okay, here you go–
Fujimaru 1:
Right in the face!
Fujimaru 2:
They just threw a mud ball at her...!
Marie:
Oh no!
This is terrible!
Demonic Monkey:
Ook eek!
Ook eek eeek!
Mash:
They look like they're cheering in delight!
Beni-Enma:
Mischief is one thing, but I won't have them going after guests! I promise swift punishment!
Anastasia:
...Wait, please.
Beni-Enma:
Yes?
Marie:
Uh, Anastasia?
Please keep calm, yes? Please?
Marie:
I've always thought you're at your coolest when you're keeping a frosty visage!
Mash:
I don't think I've ever seen Marie look so worried!
She isn't even smiling anymore...!
Anastasia:
I'm fine. Really. I've always made sure to pay back my debts a hundred millionfold since I was a child.
Anastasia:
That's how we do things in Russia,
and how I do things personally.
Fujimaru 1:
Wait. A hundred million?
Mash:
She just scooped the mud ball back together...
Goredolf:
...Huh?
Did she just put something inside it?
Demonic Monkey:
Ook eek!
Ook eek eek eeek!
Anastasia:
Heeere...weee...go!
Demonic Monkey:
Ook eeeeeeeeek!
Diarmuid:
The monkey she hit...went flying!
It's spinning like a corkscrew!
Goredolf:
What an incredible underhand throw! How did she get such sheer destructive force out of it!?
Diarmuid:
I share your confusion. The underhand throw usually excels at curving, but at the cost of speed. So then, how did she–?
Fionn mac Cumhaill:
I've got it!
She put a rock in it!
Goredolf & Diarmuid:
A rock!?
Anastasia:
Gems, actually.
Goredolf:
As in jewelry!? What a waste!
And isn't that rather cruel and unusual!?
Marie:
Oh, Anastasia...
I was afraid this would happen...
Anastasia:
Those monkeys put mud on my face, both figuratively and literally. I cannot let them leave here alive.
Anastasia:
Now, on that note:
Master, I'll make sure to back you up from here...
Anastasia:
...so I'd like you to help me eradicate them.
Anastasia:
...Okay?
Fujimaru 1:
O-okay!
Mash:
I-I'll do my best to help out, too!
B-but can't we at least settle for just driving them off!?
Anastasia:
Teeheehee. I'm not too proud of this, but during a snowball fight with my older sister...
Anastasia:
...I once packed a bunch of snow around a large stone and knocked her right off her feet with it.
Goredolf:
Are you sure you're not proud of that!?
Anastasia:
Well, I did end up crying a bit when I saw her lying on the ground.
Anastasia:
But if these monkeys want a mud ball fight,
I'll give them the mud ball fight of their lives!
--BATTLE--
Mash:
That was a hard fight...though not for the usual reasons...
Fujimaru 1:
So many mud balls...like artillery...
Fujimaru 2:
I can still feel where one grazed my cheek...
Beni-Enma:
I had no idea princesses from other countries were so savage. What a waste of a lovely outfit.
Anastasia:
...Oh my, I'm so ashamed. I was just so furious that I don't know what came over me...
Beni-Enma:
Well, you did have a mud ball thrown at your face.
I suppose I can't blame you for being upset.
Anastasia:
I'm so sorry, Master.
I apologize for dragging all of you into this.
Fujimaru 1:
No worries! It's all mud...uh, water under the bridge now.
Anastasia:
I'm relieved to hear that. Thank you.
Fujimaru 2:
Well, as long as you learn from this experience...
Anastasia:
Oh yes. I've learned a whooole lot from it...really.
Anastasia:
At any rate, Marie and I still plan on staying at the Enma-tei for a nice long while.
Marie:
Oh yes. So if you ever need our help with anything, please don't hesitate to ask, okay?
Marie:
We'd be happy to come to your aid,
no matter what the problem might be!
Goredolf:
Am I the only one here who thinks they could help us the most by just staying put in their room...?
Fou:
Fooou...
Side Story: Nine Drunks (Including Women)
Mash:
Things have really picked up around here lately.
I guess Heroic Spirits have been talking about us.
Mash:
That's all wonderful news, of course,
but...it also means this day was bound to come.
Mash:
Did you know this would eventually happen all along, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Of course. It was pretty much inevitable.
Fou:
Fo... Kyu, kyu. (Special Translation: They'll come... Like moths to a flame, or ants to a picnic...)
Mash:
...The reservation is under Jing Ke.
The other eight names...there's no mistaking it.
Mash:
Chaldea's heaviest drinkers are all coming here to throw a party...!
Mash:
This could sink the Enma-tei before it gets back on its feet!
Fujimaru 1:
We've definitely got our work cut out for us!
Mash:
Right, Master! I'll do my very best to make sure they don't disturb the other guests!
Fujimaru 2:
I hope there's a way to put a figurative cork in the proceedings...
Mash:
Yes, I know what you mean... But in the meantime,
we should go and greet the Servants.
Jing Ke:
Hmm, hmmm...
Man, this place is pretty swank!
Mash:
Welcome, Jing Ke.
Fujimaru 1:
Welcome!
Jing Ke:
Oh, hey, Master, Mash.
Jing Ke:
I'm sure it won't be easy for you guys, but I'm putting all of us in your capable hands today!
Mash:
That's fine. This is a place of rest and relaxation, after all, and you more than deserve to do so.
Mash:
So, um, where are all the others...?
Jing Ke:
Sounds like they just got here.
All right, line up, guys!
Beowulf:
'Sup! Nice place you got here!
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
...Magnificent. I expect the waters here will be every bit as fine as the rumors say.
Napoleon:
Hahahaha!
I dig this Far Eastern vibe!
Moriarty:
This establishment appears to be of a distinctively old-fashioned age, but still... Hmm.
Tristan:
How this thrills me...
Tristan:
It has been a long time indeed since I last shared a drink with anyone besides my fellow Knights of the Round Table.
Tristan:
I shall drink long and deep,
until I can no longer tell up from down...
Lu Bu:
[[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]
Anne:
Oh, hello, Master♡
Anne:
I see you're working just as wonderfully hard as ever. Hehe, think you could...pour me a drink or two later?
Mary:
Hold on, Anne. Don't go making more work for [♂ him /♀ her].
I can pour your drinks if that's what you want.
Anne:
Nnn, that sounds fun and all too, but it's still nice to mix it up sometimes, right?
Mary:
Yes, yes, we know.
Please don't pay her any mind, Master.
Mary:
She already had a barrel of rum on our way here.
Anne:
Oh, and Master?
Anne:
Make sure our room has a nice,
extra large futon ready to go, 'kay♪
Anne:
Something that all three of us can really...cozy up in♡
Mary:
Okay, that's enough.
Come on already!
Mash:
...This group looks like it's going to be even more of a handful than I thought...
Fujimaru 1:
That's putting it mildly...
Mash:
Right.
I'll keep the Ortinax on standby in crowd control mode!
Fujimaru 2:
Buckle up! We're in for a wild ride.
Mash:
Understood, Master.
Mash:
I'll make sure to contain their notorious drunken revelry to the dining room!
Jing Ke:
Everyone have a drink?
Jing Ke:
...Ahem.
Jing Ke:
I know a lot has happened this past year, but now,
we are together once again, united as Master's sword!
Jing Ke:
So let's all do our best to make sure this new year turns out great!
Jing Ke:
Cheers!
All:
Cheers!!!
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Oho. So this is makgeolli...and this is Shaoxing wine? This is quite the varied assortment.
Anne:
Can I have another shot of tequila?
Mary:
Oh wow, they even have vodka here.
I wonder if Anastasia brought it?
Mary:
Ah, whatever. I'll have a glass of vodka with a twist of lime, please! Oh, and don't forget the salt!
Mash:
Okay, that's one shot of tequila for Anne,
and one glass of vodka for Mary.
Moriarty:
Might I suggest a cocktail as well, ladies?
This one is called a screwdriver.
Mary:
Oh yeah, I've heard of that.
But don't expect it to kill me–I'm no lightweight.
Mary:
Ahhh!
Moriarty:
Marvelous! Simply marvelous!
Moriarty:
By the way, there's an opportunity I'd like to speak with you about that I believe you'll find most interesting.
Mash:
Moriarty! No enticing others to commit crimes after plying them with drinks.
Moriarty:
Bollocks!
Napoleon:
I can see why this place is popular with Servants.
Just look at this wine selection!
Napoleon:
Here, Beowulf, have a drink with me.
Beowulf:
Sweet.
Thanks, Napoleon.
Beowulf:
I've gotta admit, this commercial wine ain't half bad.
Beowulf:
Guess you French heroes really do know your liquor.
Napoleon:
Hahaha, cut it out before you have me climbing trees!
Compliments go right to my head, you know!
Napoleon:
...Hey, Beowulf?
Beowulf:
What's up?
Napoleon:
Does that pretty lady that's been slowly creeping up on us feel kind of...intense to you, too?
Beowulf:
Oh, Jing Ke.
Wait. Stay back.
Beowulf:
No, wait, you don't have to stay back.
Just put that dagger of yours away!
Jing Ke:
Aww, come ooon! This dagger's like a part of me!
I can't just leave it out of sight!
Jing Ke:
Besides, you're an emperor, right, Napoleon?
A real, honest-to-goodness emperor?
Jing Ke:
Ahh, emperor. I love the sound of that.
It really makes me want to...stab you!
Napoleon:
Damn, I think this is the first time I've ever met someone who was so eager to kill me from the word go!
Napoleon:
I don't think she even dislikes me.
It's just in her nature to kill!
Napoleon:
Maybe her desire to kill an emperor just got away from her?
Napoleon:
Man, what's with you Chinese warriors?
Napoleon:
I thought you assassins were supposed to be more, you know, down on your luck?
Jing Ke:
I don't kill for money or revenge!
This is just who I am!
Beowulf:
All right, I guess you can hang on to it.
But don't you dare go in for the kill!
Jing Ke:
...Okay!
Beowulf:
Forget it! I don't believe you!
Beowulf:
Hey, pirate girls. Would you mind keeping this pretty lady away from my boy Napoleon!?
Anne:
Aww, what's the big deal?
That's just her way of expressing her love.
Mary:
Yeah. Murder is just how she says “I love you.”
Jing Ke:
Yeah! I love you kings to death!
Fujimaru 1:
I think you've already had a few too many...
Jing Ke:
Oh wow! It's my beloved Master!
Fujimaru 2:
Okay, that's enough...
Jing Ke:
Master! It's you!
Jing Ke:
Man, it's been forever since I last saw you! Ooor...maybe not. Did I see you recently? I think I might have. Maybe.
Jing Ke:
Whoo, you reek of alcohol!
Oh, whoops, no you don't. I do!
Mash:
Jing Ke, stop it!
Master's face is turning purple!
Jing Ke:
Hm?
Oh, right. Sorry about that.
Jing Ke:
Guess I came on a little too strong. Literally!
How're you feeling?
Jing Ke:
Hm, not great, by the looks of it. All right, since this is my fault and all, I guess you can use my lap as a pillow.
Jing Ke:
Theeere you go. Nice and better now, no?
Fujimaru 1:
Y-you don't have to hold me down!
Anne:
Hey! No fair, Jing Ke!
Mary:
Yeah! We have just as much right to offer up our laps as you do!
Jing Ke:
Oh no you don't.
This is a drunkards reserved strictly for privilege.
Anne & Mary:
Nuh-uh!
Mash:
Thank goodness Jing Ke finally let go of you...
Mash:
Well, I guess I did technically have to peel you out of her grasp, but still.
Fujimaru 1:
You're my guardian angel, Mash...
Mash:
I-it was no problem. Anyway, it looks like everyone else is starting to become intoxicated as well.
Fujimaru 2:
I don't know what I'd have done without you...
Anne:
Okay, now it's our turn to–
Mash:
I'm sorry, but Enma-tei employees are only allowed to go on break in the designated break room!
Fou:
Fou?
Mash:
...That's Lu Bu.
He's opening a keg in complete silence.
Lu Bu:
...
(Translation: Bring me beer. In a mug.)
Mash:
Tristan looks like he's had a lot to drink, too...
Tristan:
Bacchus, Bacchus... Oh, this is bad...
When it's just me, I can't seem to stop myself... Bacchus.
Tristan:
But it's so good, I just can't help myself...
In the end, I am beholden to drink...
Tristan:
It is but a matter of time before I forgot the tragedies of the past and perform that pose again.
Fujimaru 1:
What pose?
Tristan:
The pose of fire and ice!
Tristan:
The ultimate stance almost chosen for the soundtrack cover that I was only allowed to use after bawling my eyes out!
Fujimaru 1:
...(I have no idea how to respond to that...)
Mash:
(No idea how to respond to that)
Fou:
Fooou.
Beowulf:
Yo, minstrel! Sing us a song or something!
Tristan:
...
...
Tristan:
...Oh, I'm sorry, did you mean me? I suppose you did, given my resemblance to Dionysus.
Tristan:
Not to mention I'm the only one here with a harp.
Tristan:
Yes, of course I'd be glad to sing you a song.
...Any requests?
Beowulf:
Nope. Anything you know's fine with me.
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
I would request a party song that will make us laugh.
If it is easy to clap along, so much the better.
Napoleon:
Hmm. How 'bout something solemn and dignified?
Like the kind of songs that were dedicated to me.
Napoleon:
But keep it simple, too! Something that'll really put a spring in my soldiers' step!
Tristan:
...Very well, I think I understand. Then I shall sing from the genre I learned here in the Enma-tei...
Tristan:
A single verse from the–
Jing Ke:
Booo!
Play some rock 'n' roll!
Moriarty:
Love is Dracul.
Anne:
Love is Dracul.
Mary:
Love is Dracul.
Tristan:
Why do you keep harping on that devilish song, no pun intended...!? Just because I'm in my Bacchus state doesn't mean–
Jing Ke:
Woooooo! You all seeing this, guys!?
I'm gonna be the first to sing!
Fou:
Fwha!?
Tristan:
Oh, the hell with it! Actually, now I see what they mean when they said this inn was in hell!
Jing Ke:
Don't worry, I'll be fine!
I've heard that song of hers plenty of times!
Jing Ke:
I kinda love how out of control it is! Honestly,
I always wanted to try imitating it sometime!
Jing Ke:
Come on, you wild boars☆
Give it up for meee☆
Beowulf:
Wahahaha! Now that's what I'm talking about!
This is what a party ought to be!
Tristan:
...Very well. If that is what you think, King Beowulf,
then I am prepared to do what must be done.
Tristan:
From this point on, my pitch shall invert from sadness...to madness! Rrraaaaaah!
Jing Ke:
All right! Tristan's transcendent technique,
comin' atcha! Here we gooo!
Jing Ke:
♪Love is Dracul (Mornings are hell) So be kind to me♪
♪Don't wake me up till the middle of the niiight♪
Fujimaru 1:
She...she's actually really good!?
Fujimaru 2:
She even nailed the shrillness down to the decibel...!?
Mash:
I-I know!
She may not have as much volume as Elisabeth...
Mash:
...but she's still startlingly reminiscent of her!
Mash:
It's almost like watching a more grown-up Elisabeth after she's put her singing career behind her!
Jing Ke:
♪My stomach is growling♪
♪I need to feel alive (One piece of toast won't cut it)♪
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
One piece of toast will not cut it.
(Good-naturedly clapping along while singing the chorus)
Jing Ke:
♪Now gimme some Killer☆Killer jam!
(Annnd turn!)
Tristan:
(She even has Elisabeth's choreography down pat...!
Well, I can't let her outshine me now...!)
Moriarty:
Ah, there's the record button. One can never have too much blackmail material, after all...
Lu Bu:
[[File:berserkervoice1.png50px]]! (Translation: I can hear the sounds of battle. This is a good party. More beer!)
Jing Ke:
Yeah! That's it! That's the kind of insanity I'm talking about! Come on, everyone, all together now!
Jing Ke:
Ready!? Here we gooo!
Anne:
♪It's a magical hunt♪
(Joining the dance)
Mary:
♪I'm taking heads♪
(Joining the dance)
Anne & Mary & Tristan:
♪Let me lock you up once more tonight♡
(Flashy pose)
All:
Woooooo!!!
Demonic Monkeys:
Woooooo!!!
Mash:
...Huh?
Demonic Monkey:
...Ook?
Demonic Monkey:
Ook eeeeeeeeek!
Mash:
Master, the demonic monkeys wandered into the party! Maybe they mistook it for one from the demonic realm!
Beowulf:
Perfect timing! Looks like these monkeys really know when to liven up a party!
Beowulf:
We'd better show 'em a good time in turn!
You with me, everyone!?
Napoleon:
Oui (Hiccup)! You know we are, brother!
Let's do it! Giant cannooon, at the readyyy!
Jing Ke:
♪Skewer, skewer, nice and bloody!
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Ordinarily, using my Otomeryu against mere monkeys would be madness...but refraining here would not be very “rocking.”
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Stay put, monkeys. I shall soon have you spinning in place on the tatami.
Tristan:
I can't believe it...
Tristan:
Instead of keeping beasts at bay,
my bewitched bow only drew them closer...
Tristan:
I truly am a terrible rapscallion, aren't I.
Hehe.
Moriarty:
Is that really something to brag about?
Tristan:
May I remind you that I'm very, very drunk.
Lu Bu:
...
(Translation: Bring me the good stuff. By the barrel.)
Anne:
Okay, Master, we're counting on you to give the orders.
Mary:
I kind of feel bad for the monkeys, but that's not gonna stop me from using them for my sober-up workout!
Anne:
And when we're done with that, Master,
we can go...wash up in the hot springs. Teehee.
Mary:
I swear, is that all you ever think about!?
--BATTLE--
Beowulf:
All right.
Now that we've worked up a good sweat...
Napoleon:
Right on.
All:
The next round's in the outdoor bath!
Mash:
Y-you mean you're still going to drink more!?
Jing Ke:
Hell yeah we are!
Jing Ke:
Yes, I know from experience that I'll probably regret it tomorrow, but right now, we drink ooonnn!
Beowulf:
Oh, I almost forgot.
Napoleon, you were saying something before?
Napoleon:
Hm? Oh, you mean about whether the Three Knight classes could beat the other four classes?
Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
I am told that we Sabers are thought to be the strongest of all the classes.
Tristan:
Yes. Given they use the sword, bow, and spear, the Three Knights are the stars of the Servant world.
Beowulf:
I dunno. I'm technically qualified to be a Saber myself...
Beowulf:
...but there's just something about it that makes my shoulders ache like crazy.
Jing Ke:
I have no doubt that the Three Knights excel in all sorts of ways...
Jing Ke:
...but it's us Assassins who can take them down in a single strike.
Jing Ke:
So watch out, or we'll take your head♪
...Teehee.
Mash:
I feel like I just weathered a major storm.
Come on, Senpai, we should clean up before...
Mash:
Huh?
Fujimaru 1:
It's...completely spotless. How...?
Tristan:
We Knights of the Round Table are well accustomed to cleaning up after ourselves during a drunken brawl.
Tristan:
Now, if you'll excuse me...
Fujimaru 1:
Wow, the Round Table's even more impressive than I thought.
Mash:
Yes.
Mash:
...I wonder, though, if Gawain or Mordred could do the same...?
Fujimaru 2:
Wow, Servants are even more impressive than I thought.
Mash:
Indeed.
Mash:
I hope we can drink as cool and responsibly as them once we're old enough to do so, Senpai.
Lu Bu:
...
...
Lu Bu:
...
(Translation: Now, vodka. A cask of it.)
Side Story: GUDAGUDA Hot Springs Story
Nobbu:
Wahahahaha!
Honnoji New Year!
Nobbu:
And what better way to ring it in than with an Okehazama party at a hot springs inn!
Nobbu:
Just keep the food and booze coming, Fujimaru! Don't stop for anything!
Fujimaru 1:
I'll be right back with more!
Fujimaru 2:
I didn't know the Nobbu crew was here, too.
Okita:
Thank you so much for all this kind hospitality, Master.
Okita:
Between all this delicious food and wonderful hot springs, my illness will soon be a thing of the past!
Okita:
It certainly has been a long time since we last visited some hot springs, hasn't it, Mr. Hijikata?
Okita:
The Shinsengumi was always a bit...lax when it came to employee welfare, so we never did have much in the way of company retreats.
Hijikata:
(Munch munch)
Huh? You say something, Okita?
Hijikata:
Just shut up and have some of these pickles. They're so good they'll make you forget all about Serizawa's stupid face.
Hijikata:
Seriously, they go well with anything, not just the wine. Whatever seasoning they use tastes oni-ishly out of this world.
Chacha:
Chacha was a little concerned by how plain this inn looked, but the food's super yummy.
Chacha:
Chacha might just have to give this place the Chacha Ultra Seal of Approval after all!
Okita Alter:
This konjak with sweet miso sauce is delicious.
Okita Alter:
Hm? It's called miso dengaku? I had no idea there were more ways to eat konjak besides oden.
Okita Alter:
Interesting. Another worthy entry for the Ms. Majin Notebook. Wonderful.
Chacha:
Careful, Little Okita, you've got a miso mustache! Honestly, you can be such a handful sometimes!
Ryouma:
Man, when I first became a Heroic Spirit, I never thought I'd get to go on another hot springs trip one day.
Good thing we came to Chaldea, huh, Oryou?
Oryou:
What're you eating there, Ryouma?
It looks good. Gimme.
Ryouma:
You mean this? Okay, okay, here you go. You know, this really takes me back to my days at the Teradaya.
Ryouma:
Um, that's my hand.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't eat that, too.
Nobbu:
Wahahahaha! All right, everyone, now's your chance to cut loose and go nuts! Don't worry, I've got the tab!
Nobbu:
When the drinks come out, you've either gotta dance,
or you've gotta sing! That's how we do it in Honnoji!
H：Nobbu:
How 'bout I kick things off with my killer new single, “NEW Atsumori 2021”?
Nobukatsu:
There it is! I've been waiting for your weirdly off-kilter Atsumori, Sister!
Nobukatsu:
It may not be much, but I, unworthy as I am, will do my best to make sure you shine as brightly as possible!
H：Nobbu:
Just what I like to hear! Wait.
Nobukatsu!? You're still manifested!?
H：Nobbu:
Ah, I guess that's okay, especially since it's New Year's and all! How about you, Mysterious Something Or Other? Enjoying the drinks?
Heroine X:
Oh yes, don't worry about me. (Munch munch)
Mm, this broiled fish is the best!
Heroine X:
Oh, sorry for dropping in like this.
It's just, Nobbu and I go way back, so... (Munch munch)
Okita:
Not at all. I'm sorry for all the trouble our Nobbu caused you back during that swimsuit race.
Okita:
Go on, eat as much as you like.
Enough that your Spirit Origin actually gains weight.
Heroine X:
Well thanks! That's really nice of you.
Heroine X:
You totally look like a Saberface,
but I'm also picking up hints of Assassin.
Heroine X:
Eh? You heard reports of someone perfectly matching my description going on a rampage just outside not long ago?
Heroine X:
I'm sure I have no idea what you mean. It definitely wasn't this hardboiled space cop. Maybe you've got me mixed up with someone else?
Mash:
Senpai, we don't have nearly enough food or drink to go around. Let's go ask the kitchen for more!
Fujimaru 1:
We need more food for this room, please!
Nobbu:
Phew... Guess this party is winding down.
Okita:
All that's left now is to take a long,
luxurious dip in the hot springs.
Nobbu:
Heh heh heh. You just don't get it, Okita!
Everyone knows what comes next on trips like these!
Okita:
They do? What could it be...?
Okita:
Ow!
Nobbu:
Wahahaha! You can't go on a trip without having a pillow fight!
Nobbu:
You might not think it to look at me, but I was quite the renowned pillow fight daimyo back in Owari.
Okita:
...You've got some nerve, that was a total sucker punch of a pillow.
Okita:
If that's how you want to play, then so be it!
Feel the power of my pillow!
Okita:
Prepare to feel my pain at being passed over for a swimsuit yet again! Sandanpillowki!
Okita:
This had better be the year they deliver on my swimsuit!
Hijikata:
...Be quiet.
You're ruining the wi–
Chacha:
Don't you know walls have ears, scary-faced jerk!?
You left yourself wide open!
Hijikata:
...You've got guts.
Hijikata:
Very well then. Kid or not,
prepare to face my unbridled wrath!
Chacha:
Eee! Aren't you a grown-up!? Why're you getting so worked up over a little childish fun!? And seriously, your face is absolutely terrifying!
Chacha:
Little Okita! Little Okita! This might just be the time for you to use the power of the Counter Force to save Chacha!
Okita Alter:
A pillow fight... I see.
So this is another thing done on trips.
D：Okita Alter:
I am the Guardian of the Counter For...
I mean, Pillow Fight.
D：Okita Alter:
I am Mapillow Okita Souji!
Heroine X:
Wha!? Another careless Saberface signal!
Huh? She's actually an Alter Ego?
Heroine X:
No way! That face can't fool me! It's too bad, though.
I was hoping to save the tan ones for last!
Ryouma:
Come on, guys, let's all just take it easy.
Remember, we're not the only guests staying he–
Ryouma:
Huh!? Was that a gunshot!?
Nobbu:
Wahaha! You're wide open, Sakamoto,
or whatever your name is!
Nobbu:
I am Oda Nobunaga, supreme warlord of the Warring States! I have no qualms about mixing pillows with firearms if it will help me win this battle!
Nobukatsu:
That's just like you to bring a gun to a pillow fight, Sister! You've gone right past “no mercy” all the way to “no discernment”!
Nobukatsu:
This reminds me of when we were kids not held back by any preconceptions...
Nobukatsu:
...and how we'd go around beating up bullies in the castle town nearly to death in the most heinous ways!
Oryou:
Hey. You just shot at Ryouma with that gun, didn't you...
Ryouma:
Take it easy, Oryou! Remember, this is just a pillow fight! I mean, I wonder what she was thinking bringing a gun to it, too, but still!
Oryou:
Oryou is the un-pillow-able god...
Orochi of Takachiho...!
Hijikata:
Advance! Keep throwing! Fire! ADVAAANCE!!!
I am...the Shinsengumiiiiii!!!
Nobbu:
Turn Back into Ashes of the Third Heaven...
I am Oda Nobunaga, Pillow Demon King!!!
Fujimaru 1:
All fighting in the rooms is strictly prohibited!
Fujimaru 2:
Looks like we'll just have to make them listen to reason!
Mash:
We'll have to subdue them by force, Senpai!
I'll do my best to contain the damage!
--BATTLE--
Beni-Enma:
(Sigh) So that's how this guest room ended up razed to the ground.
Fujimaru 1:
Once they started using their Noble Phantasms, well...
Fujimaru 2:
We did our best to try and stop them, but...|
Beni-Enma:
Well, nothing to be done for it now. Besides, fights between gods used to be a common occurrence here.
Beni-Enma:
But they'll still have to be punished,
so we can set an example for all the others, chirp.
Beni-Enma:
You can start by cleaning up the hot springs.
That goes for all who took part in this, okay?
Nobbu:
Aw man... How did the superstar daimyo of Owari end up scrubbing grit out of floorboards?
Okita:
YOU'RE asking US that!?
Okita:
This would never have happened if you hadn't started that stupid pillow fight!
Hijikata:
...
Okita:
Come on, Mr. Hijikata, you tell her off, too!
Hijikata:
...Damn, it looks like the woman's bath is empty.
Okita:
Ugh. I really need to do something about our vice commander, and soon.
Chacha:
Chacha has never lifted anything heavier than a chopstick in Chacha's whole life! What were they thinking, making Chacha clean a bath!?
Okita Alter:
In that case, Chacha, you can ride on my shoulders.
Okita Alter:
This Majin is actually quite skilled at cleaning baths, thanks to the times I've helped out at Chaldea.
Okita Alter:
They even give you ice cream when you're done.
It's delicious.
Chacha:
Chacha knows what this is. It's taking advantage of people by exploiting their passion!
Heroine X:
Mmm, the coffee milk at hot springs really does taste better. Huh? Stop drinking and start mopping?
Heroine X:
Sure! I'll mop the floor with Saberfaces any day of the week!
Nobbu:
Hm...? Come to think of it,
I don't see that Okada guy anywhere.
Ryouma:
You mean Izo? Now that you mention it, I didn't see him at the party, either... Maybe he's off drinking alone?
Ryouma:
You did invite him, right, Oryou?
Oryou:
Don't look at Oryou.
Oryou thought you invited him.
Ryouma:
Uh-oh.
Izo:
So you all went traipsing off to a hot springs inn without me, huh...
Okada Izo:
Explain yourself, Ryoumaaa!
A：Narration:
Footnote: After Oryou reluctantly came back to collect him, Izo went on to enjoy the hot springs as well.
Side Story: Queen Mab and Queen Snow
Scáthach-Skadi:
...It's fine.
Scáthach-Skadi:
Really.
I will be just fine.
Scáthach-Skadi:
Go on and enjoy yourselves without me.
Scáthach-Skadi:
I am quite content to just relax in this guest room. Besides, I've always wanted to try wearing a yukata.
Scáthach-Skadi:
In fact, I quite like the climate here...
Fergus:
Hmm.
Fergus:
You heard the la–er, queen.
What do you think?
Medb:
What do I think? I think it's ridiculous!
Medb:
Listen up. When you go to a hot springs inn,
there's only one thing to do!
Medb:
Go in the hot springs! Go to the spa! Go in the hot springs! Drink alcohol! Go to the spa! Drink alcohol!
Medb:
Jump the heroes and warriors you came with!
Look for new Good-Looking Braves among the locals!
Medb:
Eat lots of decadent food,
then exercise to lose the weight!
Medb:
And finally, when you've seized the day in every possible way, relax in hot springs to treat yourself!
Fergus:
(That's a lot more than only one thing...)
Medb:
THAT'S what you're supposed to do at an inn like this! Why would you want to throw all that away by finishing up this trip with boring old R & R?
Medb:
Come on, Scáthach, you can do that sort of thing anywhere.
Scáthach-Skadi:
No.
I've had enough.
Scáthach-Skadi:
B-besides, you know, that wine you poured for me has made my Spirit Origin feel oddly hot.
Medb:
Oh please. You're telling me you never had wine in Scandinavia?
Scáthach-Skadi:
...
...
Scáthach-Skadi:
...Yes, I suppose we did. Kvasir's blood–mead, did exist in my Scandinavia.
Scáthach-Skadi:
Or at least, it did during the Age of Gods.
Medb:
Hm?
Fergus:
...
Scáthach-Skadi:
B-but never mind that. This is not the place to discuss such things. Forget I mentioned it.
Scáthach-Skadi:
More importantly, these hot springs are,
well...how can I put this...
Scáthach-Skadi:
O-on second thought, never mind. It's nothing.
Scáthach-Skadi:
Um, you know what I feel like right now?
Ice cream!
Scáthach-Skadi:
Yes, I have decided I desire ice cream!
You there, with the sword! Go and get me some!
Fergus:
!!!
Medb:
Uh-oh.
Medb:
Fergus. Fergus! I don't care how turned on you are by the contrast in her appearance and demeanor, the answer is no!
Medb:
You just caught yourself from thinking Scáthach was cute even though I'm right here, didn't you!?
Fergus:
I did.
Medb:
So honest! Your candor is like a bullet between my eyes! No wonder you're my Ultra Brave!
Medb:
But, the answer's still no.
Medb:
I'll figure out what's going on with this non-Scáthach Scáthach!
Medb:
You just stand guard to make sure no one bothers–
Scáthach:
...How long are you lot going to keep me waiting?
Scáthach:
Come now. The hot springs await us.
Scáthach:
Hehe, I think I will try a bottle of hot sake next.
I trust you lot are ready to go?
Fergus:
Hell yes!
Scáthach:
Oh? Are we doing mixed bathing today?
Medb:
No! There is no mixed bathing happening here!
Scáthach:
...Really?
Scáthach:
Knowing you, Medb, I expected you to say you had held your tongue for the first bath...
Scáthach:
...but from the second one on, you would allow mixed bathing. Heh, has something come over you?
Medb:
...
...
Medb:
...N-not especially, no.
Medb:
It's just that, you know, this Scáthach seems like she's still taking a lot of stuff in, right?
Medb:
So I guess I thought it'd probably be best if we avoided anything too stimulating? It's not like I was going out of my way to accommodate her or anything.
Scáthach:
Hmm.
Medb:
N-never mind that!
What are you doing here with us, anyway!?
Medb:
All I did was ask Scáthach if she wanted to go to a hot springs inn! But then you show up like you own the–
Scáthach:
Scáthach.
Scáthach-Skadi:
Scáthach?
Medb:
...A-ahem.
Medb:
Anyway, come on, Scáthach!
We're going to the hot springs!
Scáthach:
Did I not already say as much?
Medb:
N-not you! I don't have to tell you to come along!
Scáthach-Skadi:
I-I told you, I'm fine.
I really don't see–
Scáthach:
Haha. What is this?
Scáthach:
You are surely not telling us you can't handle heat, are you?
Medb:
Oh...
Medb:
Is that what this is about?
You can't deal with heat?
Medb:
Oh man... I didn't think there was anything you couldn't handle! I'm honestly kind of shocked...
Scáthach-Skadi:
...No, I do not like heat.
Medb:
!!!
Medb:
Wh-what's going on here...
How can Scáthach be this cute? I don't get it...
Medb:
Oh crap! Fergus must have gone way over his limit!
Medb:
E-easy, Fergus! I know how you feel, but you've got to hold back! You're MY brave, and no one else's!
Fergus:
RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!
Medb:
Oh man, I'm too late! He's going on a rampage!
--BATTLE--
Scáthach:
...Phew. That was quite the close call.
Scáthach:
I understand that at Chaldea,
Fergus is capable of being well-mannered...
Scáthach:
I suppose, in the end, it must be his face that causes such confusion. Hehe.
Scáthach-Skadi:
Forgive me, my other self.
I am sorry for the trouble I caused you.
Scáthach-Skadi:
(Sigh) If I had simply agreed to bathe in the hot springs again, this would never have happened.
Scáthach:
Do you truly dislike hot water so much?
Scáthach-Skadi:
No, it is not that.
I enjoy swimming, and I enjoy bathing.
Scáthach-Skadi:
But...I cannot get used to heat.
Scáthach-Skadi:
No matter how much time passes... Even though I understand intellectually that this fire poses no threat to me...
Scáthach-Skadi:
...I simply cannot bring myself to like it...
Scáthach-Skadi:
...I do not think I will ever like hot things...
Scáthach:
Hmm.
Scáthach:
...In that case, what about this?
Arash:
Ah, there you are. Heeey! Missy!
Arash:
Did you know?
Arash:
They say eating ice cream while you're in a hot spring makes it seem colder and even more delicious.
Arash:
Why don't you try it yourself sometime?
Go ahead and tell the pharaoh guy about it, too.
Nitocris:
Y-you fail to show me proper respect, Lord Arash!
Nitocris:
But, very well.
That does sound like something worth trying.
Nitocris:
I will be sure to tell Pharaoh Ozymandias about it.
...And Lady Scheherazade, when I get the chance.
Arash:
Great!
Nitocris:
I am curious though, Lord Arash:
where did you hear about this?
Arash:
Just now, actually.
I passed a queen in the hallway on my way here.
Arash:
And she just happened to be talking about how wonderful it was...