Save Amazones.com! - CEO Crisis 2022

Prologue

Da Vinci:
All right, let's get this interrogation started, shall we? You're gonna end up spilling the beans anyway, so I suggest you do so sooner rather than later, if you know what's good for you.

Osakabehime:
You've got it all wrong! I'm totally innocent!
I really didn't do anything!

Da Vinci:
Ooh, does this mean I'll get to say the thing the data said was all the rage a while ago? Yay!

Da Vinci:
Hang on, just give me a second.
...Ahem.

Da Vinci:
Are you suuure about that?

Fou:
Fou fo fo, fo fou fooou?


Fujimaru 1:
(Staaare)

Osakabehime:
Huh? Why're you staring at me like that, Ma-chan!?
You look like Lord Medjed, and it's freaking me out!


Fujimaru 2:
Seeing how flustered she is makes me think she might actually NOT be lying.

Osakabehime:
Really? You believe me, Ma-chan? Yatta!
I knew I could count on you!


Mash:
But, if she really didn't do anything...
then how did this happen?

Da Vinci:
True. This might be an incredibly minute case as far as these things go, but that doesn't mean we can overlook the threat it poses.

Da Vinci:
It could be some old skeleton in our figurative closet that needs to be aired out. Let's go over the data again.

Mash:
I never thought I'd have to see this sight again...


Fujimaru 1:
There it is! Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle!

Osakabehime:
No, seriously, why is it still there!?
I thought it had already disappeared.


Fujimaru 2:
I haven't seen it since the battle royale casino last year.

Osakabehime:
Oh yeah, that takes me back.
It almost makes that place feel like home again♪

Osakabehime:
But why is it there at all?
I thought it had disappeared some time ago.


Da Vinci:
That's what we thought too...
But for whatever reason, it's back now.

Da Vinci:
Still, like I said, it really is
an incredibly minute Singularity.

Da Vinci:
It's probably some kind of aftershock from the Csejte Singularity, but that doesn't explain why it's showing up now.

Da Vinci:
At first I thought someone might have
brought it back intentionally–

Osakabehime:
I keep telling you, it wasn't me!
I didn't do anything!

Da Vinci:
The thing is, we already interrogated Elisabeth and Cleopatra, and they both came out clean.

Da Vinci:
So if you don't have any idea what's going on either, well... I'm not sure what to try next.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
...If there is no culprit to be found,
perhaps you could try framing one.

Osakabehime:
And by culprit, you mean me, right!?
I mean, who else could it be!?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Hahaha.

Osakabehime:
Yikes! I know he's only joking,
but that still scared the jigoku out of me!


Fujimaru 1:
At this point, I think we'll just have to see it for ourselves.


Fujimaru 2:
Looks like we'll just have to go there and investigate it directly.


Da Vinci:
If you don't mind, that'd be great.

Da Vinci:
But I'm afraid the Ortinax is still in maintenance, so I'm going to have Mash stay here and help me out instead.

Mash:
I'm sorry I can't go with you this time, Senpai.

Osakabehime:
Okay, I see how it is. While I'd rather just hunker down in my room, I suppose I can go with you.

Osakabehime:
Besides, the idea of my old castle popping up out of
nowhere like this is a little...no, make that really
creepy!

Osakabehime:
Seriously, what's going on here?

Osakabehime:
If somebody's behind this, who could it be? I didn't think anyone besides us knew that castle existed...

Mash:
If you're willing to go along with Senpai, Osakabehime, that would be a big relief. Thank you!

Mash:
Oh, come to think of it, what about Director Goredolf and Sion? Should we let them know about this?

Da Vinci:
Hmm, in this case, I think we can just go ahead with it and ask them to sign off on it later.

Da Vinci:
They're both on break right now, and something tells me that involving them with this incident could finally push them off the edge.

Osakabehime:
I totally get that.

Da Vinci:
So since we know for sure this Singularity's not that dangerous, I'll take responsibility for the Rayshift.

Da Vinci:
All right guys, keep your wits about you,
and I'll see you when you get back. Good luck!


Fujimaru 1:
Well, here we are again...


Fujimaru 2:
You know, in a weird way, it almost feels like coming home.

Osakabehime:
You think?
Well, I guess I do remember it pretty well.

Osakabehime:
Besides, putting everything else that happened then aside, this is still where you and I first met... Hehe.


Da Vinci:
Looks like the Rayshift went off without a hitch.

Mash:
Are you seeing anything unusual nearby, Osakabehime?

Osakabehime:
Hmm? I don't think so...

Osakabehime:
Wait! Ma-chan, over there! There's someone here!

F:???:
Oh, it's you two.


Fujimaru 1:
I know you.


Fujimaru 2:
Penthesilea? No, it's not!


Fou:
Fou fou!

F:???:
Heh.

G:???:
Of course I remember you.
I never forget a customer's face. Long time no see.

G:???:
If you do not remember me, let me remind you.

G:???:
I own the epoch-making space retailer that ships anything anywhere in the Servantverse with a single click and in the blink of an eye. I am...

G:???:
The Amazones.com!

G:???:
CEO!

Da Vinci:
All right, let's get this interrogation started, shall we? If you're just gonna end up spilling the beans anyway, I suggest you do so sooner rather than later, if you know what's good for you.

Osakabehime:
You've got it all wrong! I'm totally innocent!
I really didn't do anything!


Fujimaru 1:
(Staaare)

Osakabehime:
Huh? Why're you staring at me like that, Ma-chan!?
You look like Lord Medjed, and it's freaking me out!


Fujimaru 2:
Seeing how flustered she is makes me think she might actually NOT be lying.

Osakabehime:
Really? You believe me, Ma-chan? Yatta!
I knew I could count on you!


Mash:
But, if she really didn't do anything...
then how did this happen?

Da Vinci:
True. This might be an incredibly minute case as far as these things go, but that doesn't mean we can overlook the threat it poses.

Da Vinci:
It could be some old skeleton in our figurative closet that needs to be aired out. Let's go over the data again.

Mash:
I never thought I'd have to see this sight again...


Fujimaru 1:
There it is! Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle!

Osakabehime:
No, seriously, why is it still there!?
I thought it had already disappeared.


Fujimaru 2:
I haven't seen it since the battle royale casino last year.

Osakabehime:
Oh yeah, that takes me back.
It almost makes that place feel like home again♪

Osakabehime:
But why is it there at all?
I thought it had disappeared some time ago.


Da Vinci:
That's what we thought too...
But for whatever reason, it's back now.

Da Vinci:
Still, like I said, it really is
an incredibly minute Singularity.

Da Vinci:
It's probably some kind of aftershock from the Csejte Singularity, but that doesn't explain why it's showing up now.

Da Vinci:
At first I thought someone might have
brought it back intentionally–

Osakabehime:
I keep telling you, it wasn't me!
I didn't do anything!

Da Vinci:
The thing is, we already interrogated Elisabeth and Cleopatra, and they both came out clean.

Da Vinci:
So if you don't have any idea what's going on either, well... I'm not sure what to try next.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
...If there is no culprit to be found,
perhaps you could try framing one.

Osakabehime:
And by culprit, you mean me, right!?
I mean, who else could it be!?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Hahaha.

Osakabehime:
Yikes! I know he's only joking,
but that still scared the jigoku out of me!


Fujimaru 1:
At this point, I think we'll just have to see it for ourselves.


Fujimaru 2:
Looks like we'll just have to go there and investigate it directly.


Da Vinci:
If you don't mind, that'd be great.

Da Vinci:
The only problem is, Mash has a big physical exam coming up that she really can't miss, so she won't be able to go with you.

Da Vinci:
But she can still help me out here, so that's exactly what I'm going to have her do.

Mash:
I'm sorry I can't go with you this time, Senpai.

Osakabehime:
Okay, I see how it is. While I'd rather just hunker down in my room, I suppose I can go with you.

Osakabehime:
Besides, the idea of my old castle popping up out of
nowhere like this is a little...no, make that really
creepy!

Osakabehime:
Seriously, what's going on here?

Osakabehime:
If somebody's behind this, who could it be? I didn't think anyone besides us knew that castle existed...

Mash:
If you're willing to go along with Senpai, Osakabehime, that would be a big relief. Thank you!

Da Vinci:
All right guys, keep your wits about you,
and I'll see you when you get back. Good luck!


Fujimaru 1:
Well, here we are again...


Fujimaru 2:
You know, in a weird way, it almost feels like coming home.

Osakabehime:
You think?
Well, I guess I do remember it pretty well.

Osakabehime:
Besides, putting everything else that happened then aside, this is still where you and I first met... Hehe.


Da Vinci:
Looks like the Rayshift went off without a hitch.

Mash:
Are you seeing anything unusual nearby, Osakabehime?

Osakabehime:
Hmm? I don't think so...

Osakabehime:
Wait! Ma-chan, over there! There's someone here!

F:???:
Oh, it's you two.


Fujimaru 1:
I know you.


Fujimaru 2:
Penthesilea? No, it's not!


Fou:
Fou fou!

F:???:
Heh.

G:???:
Of course I remember you.
I never forget a customer's face. Long time no see.

G:???:
If you do not remember me, let me remind you.

G:???:
I own the epoch-making space retailer that ships anything anywhere in the Servantverse with a single click and in the blink of an eye. I am...

G:???:
The Amazones.com!

G:???:
CEO!

--ARROW--

Osakabehime:
The CEO of Amazones!?
What are you doing here!?

B:Amazones CEO:
Oh, it's you.
Thank you for using Amazones.com.

Osakabehime:
Uh, I wouldn't say it's THAT constant.

Osakabehime:
I know I bought a lot of stuff when I was living here,
but your site doesn't load consistently for me in Chaldea.

B:Amazones CEO:
It doesn't? I haven't seen any reports about
connectivity issues... The website team must
be slacking off. I'll have to see that they're
severely disciplined.

Da Vinci:
Hmm. I knew about her from the database, but it's very different seeing her in person. She's just like in my big me's notes.

Da Vinci:
They said she's another one of those mysterious heroine types you're not supposed to think too hard about, and it looks like they were right on the money.

Mash:
I remember you very well too, Ms. CEO.

Mash:
So, um... May I ask what brings you here?

Osakabehime:
Yeah, did someone else order something from you guys?

B:Amazones CEO:
Hmm...

C:Amazones CEO:
I'm afraid the answer to that inquiry is somewhat complicated.

C:Amazones CEO:
Normally, I would invite you all to my prized conference room, where I could give you a proper presentation complete with CounterPoint slides...

C:Amazones CEO:
...but under the current circumstances, I'm afraid the best I can do is provide a verbal rundown.


Fujimaru 1:
That's okay.


C:Amazones CEO:
You see...I'm grappling with something of an issue at the moment.

C:Amazones CEO:
You could even say this is something
of a company-wide crisis.

Mash:
What seems to be the prob–

C:Amazones CEO:
Every last one of my prized Amazones employees...

C:Amazones CEO:
...is gone!


Fujimaru 1:
Yikes. Crisis actually seems to be underselling it.


Osakabehime:
Welp, guess another dot-com bites the dust.

Mash:
I-I'm sorry, when you say “gone,”
what exactly do you mean?

B:Amazones CEO:
Exactly what I said. They're gone. I have no idea where they went, and I've had no luck contacting them.


Fujimaru 1:
This is what happens when you overwork your employees...

B:Amazones CEO:
It's not that! I'm certain they're neither striking, nor defecting to another company!

B:Amazones CEO:
I've always been gracious enough to let them rest until they wake up whenever they collapsed from exhaustion!

B:Amazones CEO:
What more could they possibly want out of our perfect employee welfare program!?


Fujimaru 2:
This is what happens when you don't pay your employees...

B:Amazones CEO:
It's not that! I'm certain they're neither striking, nor defecting to another company!

B:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com has never failed to provide its employees with the most valuable compensation there is: the satisfaction of a job well done!


Osakabehime:
Yikes! I've heard of toxic workplaces before,
but yours takes the cake!

C:Amazones CEO:
Oh, please don't misunderstand.

C:Amazones CEO:
Both myself and my employees receive gratitude from satisfied customers in the form of magical energy particles...

C:Amazones CEO:
...which we then convert into the resources we need to operate as Servants.

C:Amazones CEO:
Rest assured, my employees are well compensated,
and their working conditions up to code.

Osakabehime:
Oh, really?

B:Amazones CEO:
Incidentally, we've received a great deal of gratitude energy from the Servants on this rustic planet as well.

B:Amazones CEO:
Thank you for your continued patronage!

Osakabehime:
I swear, I never know how seriously to take anything having to do with the Servantverse...

B:Amazones CEO:
This may have been the work of some nefarious corporate headhunter.

B:Amazones CEO:
I certainly have no end of rival companies bereft of good PR who view Amazones.com's explosive growth with envy.

B:Amazones CEO:
It always feels like no sooner has my CEO Morning Star dried than I have to go and get it wet again.

Mash:
I'm just going to try not to think too hard about what that means...

B:Amazones CEO:
It means I go around beating
my rival companies to dea–


Fujimaru 1:
I'm not listening! I'm not listeniiing!


Da Vinci:
So you figured your employees were being held captive somewhere then?

B:Amazones CEO:
Right. Every Amazon who works for me is a fearsome warrior, capable of withstanding the most arduous delivery loads.

B:Amazones CEO:
I cannot imagine they would be easily beaten in battle, but I also cannot think of any other explanation for this strange incident.

B:Amazones CEO:
So I have been looking for them even as I continued to make my own deliveries, but to no avail.

C:Amazones CEO:
But then, I was struck by a brilliant,
innovative insight.

C:Amazones CEO:
Since this incident is so strange, I would never find my employees by looking for them anywhere normal.

C:Amazones CEO:
By definition, strange incidents occur in strange places.

C:Amazones CEO:
And as far as I know, this building right here is the strangest place in the entire galaxy.

C:Amazones CEO:
So I used an old order slip to track down its location and came here in search of my employees.

Osakabehime:
It wasn't me! Really, I didn't even know this
place was here until a little while ago.

Osakabehime:
Though I guess it's possible somebody else could have used my old castle to keep your employees prisoner.

B:Amazones CEO:
I already searched the entire interior, but unfortunately my employees were nowhere to be found here, either.

Da Vinci:
I'm not picking up anything on our instruments, either. Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle is definitely deserted now.

B:Amazones CEO:
To be honest, I'm at a loss as to what to do next. I haven't been in such a tight spot since that hostile takeover bid I received from a rival fishing goods company back when I first founded Amazones.

B:Amazones CEO:
I managed to get out of that dilemma with a CEO Morning Star that was twice as heavy as my normal one...

Osakabehime:
Hey, are we sure the “CEO” in her title doesn't stand for “Chief Execution Officer”?

B:Amazones CEO:
But I cannot use that same solution to find my employees. And there are only so many deliveries I can make on my own.

B:Amazones CEO:
At this point, our delivery pipeline is severely bottlenecked, and Amazones.com may never recover from this hit to its reputation.

B:Amazones CEO:
The only way to salvage this is to find my employees ASAP, or to employ others in their stea–

B:Amazones CEO:
...(Staaare)


Fujimaru 1:
Wh-what?


C:Amazones CEO:
I've got it. I have sworn never to resort to outsourcing, but the only constant in this world is change.

C:Amazones CEO:
And being able to flexibly adapt to the needs of the times is the mark of a first-rate CEO.

C:Amazones CEO:
Which brings me to my next question: Would any of you be interested in becoming official Amazones.com delivery person subcontractors?

C:Amazones CEO:
As I recall, you have a giant robot on hand, correct?
The one whose ownership remains unclear?

C:Amazones CEO:
It doesn't have to be the giant robot, of course. Any delivery person capable of flying and atmospheric entry would be a precious Servant resource.

Osakabehime:
Huh? Well, sure, I guess we have more than our share of people with pretty high mobility.

Osakabehime:
Though I just want to repair this Singularity hayafast so I can get back to my room as soon as–

Da Vinci:
Yeah, about that.
Could I talk to you guys in private for a bit?


Fujimaru 1:
What's up?


Da Vinci:
Based on everything she told us, I have a feeling she might actually be the core of this minute Singularity.

Da Vinci:
It's entirely possible that she didn't come to this Singularity to look for her employees...

Da Vinci:
...but rather that the only reason this Singularity even exists is because her coming here to look for her employees energized its remnants.

Da Vinci:
Besides, Servants like her have an unusual causality about them. It's like they just naturally attract trouble.

Mash:
So, um, what is it you're trying to say?

Da Vinci:
This is only a theory on my part, but I have a feeling this minute Singularity is directly tied to her goal of finding her employees.

Da Vinci:
That's probably why it exists in the first place.

Da Vinci:
So what I'm trying to say...

Da Vinci:
...is that this minute Singularity will probably not go away until her problem is resolved.

Osakabehime:
Majireally!?

Da Vinci:
At this point, I don't think it'll disappear even if she were to leave.

Da Vinci:
So yeah, I think this is the only way to take care of it neatly, without any leftover distortions.


Fujimaru 1:
Okay, we'll help you with your job.

B:Amazones CEO:
You will? Wonderful. Then our first order of business is to resume delivery operations.


Fujimaru 2:
Okay, we'll help you look for your employees.

B:Amazones CEO:
I appreciate that. But before we can do that, we need to take care of all these deliveries that have piled up.


B:Amazones CEO:
It will not do to find my employees if the company goes under and they have no jobs to return to.

Osakabehime:
Huh, that's really decent of you.
You're a good company president, aren't you?

C:Amazones CEO:
I am not the president! I am the CEO! It stands for–Well, I will tell you what it stands for some other time. And not any time soon.

B:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, we can look for my employees while we make our deliveries.

B:Amazones CEO:
With luck, we may well end up finding them that way, and even if we don't, we could still find a lead that points us in the right direction.

Mash:
Good point. I'll make sure to collect as much information as I can.

B:Amazones CEO:
Now, before we finalize our contract,
there is one last thing I need to take care of.

Osakabehime:
Ulp. I've got a yabad feeling about this...

B:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com may still be a startup, but it is also one of the finest companies in the galaxy.

B:Amazones CEO:
So if you are going to be my first subcontractors, I need to make sure your performance is up to snuff.

B:Amazones CEO:
Which means...you'll need to first pass
my training program-slash-interview!

Osakabehime:
I knew it!

B:Amazones CEO:
And just so you know,
delivery work is serious business.

B:Amazones CEO:
Every Amazones.com delivery person needs to be ready to accept any kind of order at a moment's notice and deliver it to anywhere in the galaxy.

B:Amazones CEO:
Anyone lacking in either capability or mental fortitude who attempts to complete this task...

B:Amazones CEO:
Will die.

Fou:
Fou!?

B:Amazones CEO:
The most important capability a delivery person needs is stamina! The second most important is also stamina! That goes for the third, fourth, and fifth capabilities as well!

B:Amazones CEO:
So I will personally test you to see whether you have what it takes to be a delivery person.

B:Amazones CEO:
For if you cannot withstand my morning star, you will never be able to withstand an entitled customer's complaints!

B:Amazones CEO:
And with that...let the training program begin!!!

Osakabehime:
The CEO of Amazones!?
What are you doing here!?

B:Amazones CEO:
Oh, it's you.
Thank you for using Amazones.com.

Osakabehime:
Uh, I wouldn't say it's THAT constant.

Osakabehime:
I know I bought a lot of stuff when I was living here,
but your site doesn't load consistently for me in Chaldea.

B:Amazones CEO:
It doesn't? I haven't seen any reports about
connectivity issues... The website team must
be slacking off. I'll have to see that they're
severely disciplined.

Mash:
I remember you very well, Ms. CEO.

Mash:
So, um... May I ask what brings you here?

Osakabehime:
Yeah, did someone else order something from you guys?

B:Amazones CEO:
Hmm...

C:Amazones CEO:
I'm afraid the answer to that inquiry is somewhat complicated.

C:Amazones CEO:
Normally, I would invite you all to my prized conference room, where I could give you a proper presentation complete with CounterPoint slides...

C:Amazones CEO:
...but under the current circumstances, I'm afraid the best I can do is provide a verbal rundown.


Fujimaru 1:
That's okay.


C:Amazones CEO:
You see...I'm grappling with something of an issue at the moment.

C:Amazones CEO:
You could even say this is something
of a company-wide crisis.

Mash:
What seems to be the prob–

C:Amazones CEO:
Every last one of my prized Amazones employees...

C:Amazones CEO:
...is gone!


Fujimaru 1:
Yikes. Crisis actually seems to be underselling it.


Osakabehime:
Welp, guess another dot-com bites the dust.

Mash:
I-I'm sorry, when you say “gone,”
what exactly do you mean?

B:Amazones CEO:
Exactly what I said. They're gone. I have no idea where they went, and I've had no luck contacting them.


Fujimaru 1:
This is what happens when you overwork your employees...

B:Amazones CEO:
It's not that! I'm certain they're neither striking, nor defecting to another company!

B:Amazones CEO:
I've always been gracious enough to let them rest until they wake up whenever they collapsed from exhaustion!

B:Amazones CEO:
What more could they possibly want out of our perfect employee welfare program!?


Fujimaru 2:
This is what happens when you don't pay your employees...

B:Amazones CEO:
It's not that! I'm certain they're neither striking, nor defecting to another company!

B:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com has never failed to provide its employees with the most valuable compensation there is: the satisfaction of a job well done!


Osakabehime:
Yikes! I've heard of toxic workplaces before,
but yours takes the cake!

C:Amazones CEO:
Oh, please don't misunderstand.

C:Amazones CEO:
Both myself and my employees receive gratitude from satisfied customers in the form of magical energy particles...

C:Amazones CEO:
...which we then convert into the resources we need to operate as Servants.

C:Amazones CEO:
Rest assured, my employees are well compensated,
and their working conditions up to code.

Osakabehime:
Oh, really?

B:Amazones CEO:
Incidentally, we've received a great deal of gratitude energy from the Servants on this rustic planet as well.

B:Amazones CEO:
Thank you for your continued patronage!

Osakabehime:
I swear, I never know how seriously to take anything having to do with the Servantverse...

B:Amazones CEO:
This may have been the work of some nefarious corporate headhunter.

B:Amazones CEO:
I certainly have no end of rival companies bereft of good PR who view Amazones.com's explosive growth with envy.

B:Amazones CEO:
It always feels like no sooner has my CEO Morning Star dried than I have to go and get it wet again.

Mash:
I'm just going to try not to think too hard about what that means...

B:Amazones CEO:
It means I go around beating
my rival companies to dea–


Fujimaru 1:
I'm not listening! I'm not listeniiing!


Da Vinci:
So you figured your employees were being held captive somewhere then?

B:Amazones CEO:
Right. Every Amazon who works for me is a fearsome warrior, capable of withstanding the most arduous delivery loads.

B:Amazones CEO:
I cannot imagine they would be easily beaten in battle, but I also cannot think of any other explanation for this strange incident.

B:Amazones CEO:
So I have been looking for them even as I continued to make my own deliveries, but to no avail.

C:Amazones CEO:
But then, I was struck by a brilliant,
innovative insight.

C:Amazones CEO:
Since this incident is so strange, I would never find my employees by looking for them anywhere normal.

C:Amazones CEO:
By definition, strange incidents occur in strange places.

C:Amazones CEO:
And as far as I know, this building right here is the strangest place in the entire galaxy.

C:Amazones CEO:
So I used an old order slip to track down its location and came here in search of my employees.

Osakabehime:
It wasn't me! Really, I didn't even know this
place was here until a little while ago.

Osakabehime:
Though I guess it's possible somebody else could have used my old castle to keep your employees prisoner.

B:Amazones CEO:
I already searched the entire interior, but unfortunately my employees were nowhere to be found here, either.

Da Vinci:
I'm not picking up anything on our instruments, either. Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle is definitely deserted now.

B:Amazones CEO:
To be honest, I'm at a loss as to what to do next. I haven't been in such a tight spot since that hostile takeover bid I received from a rival fishing goods company back when I first founded Amazones.

B:Amazones CEO:
I managed to get out of that dilemma with a CEO Morning Star that was twice as heavy as my normal one...

Osakabehime:
Hey, are we sure the “CEO” in her title doesn't stand for “Chief Execution Officer”?

B:Amazones CEO:
But I cannot use that same solution to find my employees. And there are only so many deliveries I can make on my own.

B:Amazones CEO:
At this point, our delivery pipeline is severely bottlenecked, and Amazones.com may never recover from this hit to its reputation.

B:Amazones CEO:
The only way to salvage this is to find my employees ASAP, or to employ others in their stea–

B:Amazones CEO:
...(Staaare)


Fujimaru 1:
Wh-what?


C:Amazones CEO:
I've got it. I have sworn never to resort to outsourcing, but the only constant in this world is change.

C:Amazones CEO:
And being able to flexibly adapt to the needs of the times is the mark of a first-rate CEO.

C:Amazones CEO:
Which brings me to my next question: Would any of you be interested in becoming official Amazones.com delivery person subcontractors?

C:Amazones CEO:
As I recall, you have a giant robot on hand, correct?
The one whose ownership remains unclear?

C:Amazones CEO:
It doesn't have to be the giant robot, of course. Any delivery person capable of flying and atmospheric entry would be a precious Servant resource.

Osakabehime:
Huh? Well, sure, I guess we have more than our share of people with pretty high mobility.

Osakabehime:
Though I just want to repair this Singularity hayafast so I can get back to my room as soon as–

Da Vinci:
Yeah, about that.
Could I talk to you guys in private for a bit?


Fujimaru 1:
What's up?


Da Vinci:
Based on everything she told us, I have a feeling she might actually be the core of this minute Singularity.

Da Vinci:
It's entirely possible that she didn't come to this Singularity to look for her employees...

Da Vinci:
...but rather that the only reason this Singularity even exists is because her coming here to look for her employees energized its remnants.

Da Vinci:
Besides, Servants like her have an unusual causality about them. It's like they just naturally attract trouble.

Mash:
So, um, what is it you're trying to say?

Da Vinci:
This is only a theory on my part, but I have a feeling this minute Singularity is directly tied to her goal of finding her employees.

Da Vinci:
That's probably why it exists in the first place.

Da Vinci:
So what I'm trying to say...

Da Vinci:
...is that this minute Singularity will probably not go away until her problem is resolved.

Osakabehime:
Majireally!?

Da Vinci:
At this point, I don't think it'll disappear even if she were to leave.

Da Vinci:
So yeah, I think this is the only way to take care of it neatly, without any leftover distortions.


Fujimaru 1:
Okay, we'll help you with your job.

B:Amazones CEO:
You will? Wonderful. Then our first order of business is to resume delivery operations.


Fujimaru 2:
Okay, we'll help you look for your employees.

B:Amazones CEO:
I appreciate that. But before we can do that, we need to take care of all these deliveries that have piled up.


B:Amazones CEO:
It will not do to find my employees if the company goes under and they have no jobs to return to.

Osakabehime:
Huh, that's really decent of you.
You're a good company president, aren't you?

C:Amazones CEO:
I am not the president! I am the CEO! It stands for–Well, I will tell you what it stands for some other time. And not any time soon.

B:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, we can look for my employees while we make our deliveries.

B:Amazones CEO:
With luck, we may well end up finding them that way, and even if we don't, we could still find a lead that points us in the right direction.

Mash:
Good point. I'll make sure to collect as much information as I can.

B:Amazones CEO:
Now, before we finalize our contract,
there is one last thing I need to take care of.

Osakabehime:
Ulp. I've got a yabad feeling about this...

B:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com may still be a startup, but it is also one of the finest companies in the galaxy.

B:Amazones CEO:
So if you are going to be my first subcontractors, I need to make sure your performance is up to snuff.

B:Amazones CEO:
Which means...you'll need to first pass
my training program-slash-interview!

Osakabehime:
I knew it!

B:Amazones CEO:
And just so you know,
delivery work is serious business.

B:Amazones CEO:
Every Amazones.com delivery person needs to be ready to accept any kind of order at a moment's notice and deliver it to anywhere in the galaxy.

B:Amazones CEO:
Anyone lacking in either capability or mental fortitude who attempts to complete this task...

B:Amazones CEO:
Will die.

Fou:
Fou!?

B:Amazones CEO:
The most important capability a delivery person needs is stamina! The second most important is also stamina! That goes for the third, fourth, and fifth capabilities as well!

B:Amazones CEO:
So I will personally test you to see whether you have what it takes to be a delivery person.

B:Amazones CEO:
For if you cannot withstand my morning star, you will never be able to withstand an entitled customer's complaints!

B:Amazones CEO:
And with that...let the training program begin!!!

--BATTLE--

Osakabehime:
Guuuh, I'm exhaaausted.

Mash:
I don't blame you.
I'm exhausted just from watching it...

B:Amazones CEO:
Good, you pass. Indeed, I'm impressed that you're still able to stand after such a rigorous exam.

B:Amazones CEO:
I believe you said your company name is Chaldea?

B:Amazones CEO:
Then welcome to Amazones.com, Chaldea. You are now officially our very first subcontractor. I'll make sure your logo is added to our website's list of partner companies.

Da Vinci:
So, now that that's settled,
what exactly is this job going to entail?

B:Amazones CEO:
Hehehe. Worry not. I know what you're thinking.
You want to know if this collaboration will be...

C:Amazones CEO:
Win-Win!

B:Amazones CEO:
...for both of our companies, right?
Not a problem.

B:Amazones CEO:
At Amazones.com, our outsourcers are nothing less than an extension of our corporate body. Now that the figurative ink on our agreement is dry, you and I are practically family or comrades in arms.

B:Amazones CEO:
As such, I will ensure that your working environment is pristine, and I will match Amazones.com's prized ambitious workflow to match yours.

B:Amazones CEO:
Rest assured that these will be the best working conditions in the galaxy; conditions that will empower all of you to do your jobs safely and securely, to enjoy doing them, and to enjoy a sense of fulfillment from them.

B:Amazones CEO:
Now then, to begin with...

B:Amazones CEO:
I think I will make this building into my new Amazones.com branch office, since no one appears to be using it.

Osakabehime:
Oh yeah, that makes sense...

Osakabehime:
Wait. Nani!?

--ARROW--


Fujimaru 1:
Here we go again with the weirdness...

Fou:
Fou...


Fujimaru 2:
Oh well, this isn't the first weird thing to happen around here...

Mash:
That's for sure.

Mash:
I can see why you've gotten in the habit of praying whenever autumn rolls around.

Osakabehime:
So that's why [♂ he /♀️ she] always gets this strangely sublime
look of enlightenment on [♂ his /♀️ her] face during Halloween
season...


D:Amazones CEO:
There you are. Good.
Everything is now ready.

Mash:
Um... Just to make double sure, did you really renovate the entire interior of that building in the short time since we last spoke?

E:Amazones CEO:
Yes, I did. Our technological acumen has had to constantly innovate to keep pace with the times, which made this task trivial.

E:Amazones CEO:
Now then, I would like to make double sure of something as well. I believe you said there would be no issues with any rights holders, correct?

E:Amazones CEO:
As I'm sure it goes without saying, we take IP rights very seriously. You will never find any pirated versions of anything on Amazones.com.

Hektor:
Personally, I'm not sure how much rights
figure into a building in a Singularity...

Hektor:
...but everyone who seemed like they might have some
claim to them–namely, Osakabehime, Cleopatra,
and Elisabeth–were all happy to give theirs
away to help Master with [♂ his /♀️ her] mission.

Paris:
Ahahaha! What's going on with that!? That's the
funniest work of architecture I've ever seen!

Paris:
Look at it, Lord Apollo! It's got buildings on top of buildings on top of buildings!

D:Amazones CEO:
And who are you?

Hektor:
Oh, I'm just your friendly neighborhood old man, and this here's my little brother. We're here to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Hektor:
Hey, you guys are sure this isn't gonna be a problem, right? This newly developed Eau d'Anti-Greek deodorant IS working, right?

Hektor:
When I heard we were dealing with a certain CEO, and that it's possible that, um, quirk of hers might be the same or even worse than the Amazon we know...

Hektor:
Well, it's kind of freaking this old man out more than I might let on, you know?


Fujimaru 1:
This is Hektor and Paris. They're here to help.


Hektor:
...

Paris:
...

D:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. You two seem vaguely familiar...
That's right. I remember now.

Hektor:
...!

D:Amazones CEO:
Aren't you two the Shining Helmet and Little Angelic Devil of Planet Troy?

D:Amazones CEO:
No, never mind. There's no way those two could be here now. You must just happen to resemble them, or be from another season.

Hektor:
(Gaaah, that was way too close for comfort!
I seriously thought my heart was gonna give out!)

E:Amazones CEO:
Then since this is our first time meeting, allow me to introduce myself properly. I am the CEO of Amazones.com. Here is my business card. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintances.

Hektor:
Oh, yeah, same here. Sorry I don't have a card myself; I'm just not important enough for that sort of thing.

Hektor:
Besides, I'm only here 'cause they thought it'd be a good idea to have someone who knows how to negotiate around.

Hektor:
I told them there's any number of other Servants who could talk circles around me, but they still insisted on me for some reason...

Da Vinci:
Well, we're not trying to “win” these negotiations, which means the professor, Holmes, Caesar, and the other usual suspects wouldn't be a good fit.

Da Vinci:
I just want you to make sure this'll be an environment we can reasonably help out in, and to give us the green or red light accordingly.

Da Vinci:
Well, that, and I also thought having you around might help things go more smoothly. You know, in case we run into any, um, trouble with our new business partner.

Da Vinci:
I mean, I do get that the CEO there isn't the same person as the one you guys know, but still.

Mash:
You know, that reminds me.
What is Chaldea's Penthesilea doing right now?

Hektor:
Well, I know I'm just making more problems for future me to deal with, but I didn't want her running into
Achill–

D:Amazones CEO:
“Achill”?

Hektor:
(Ah crap! She's got the same hair trigger for his name as the other one!)

Hektor:
Oh, you know, I was just saying we could make “a killing” from this collaboration if it goes off without a hitch.

Hektor:
But for that to happen, there's a certain queen we don't want accidentally running into either a particular green-haired jerkface or another version of herself.

Hektor:
So I managed to convince her that this is the perfect season for working out indoors, and that she could actually double her gains if she never leaves her room.

Hektor:
I'd imagine she's probably taking that advice
to heart and working her abs right about now.

Mash:
I see... Thank you for being so considerate.

Hektor:
Ah, don't worry about it.
I just did what had to be done.

Paris:
So, Pen–I mean, Ms. CEO, could we ask you to show us the inside of the building now?

D:Amazones CEO:
Very well, little boy who strongly
resembles Little Angelic Devil.

Paris:
You know, not that it really matters either way, but I kind of feel like you ought to pick one or the other?

D:Amazones CEO:
Come with me. I will start by showing you around Amazones.com's prized warehouse.


Fujimaru 1:
Whoa! I've never seen so much stuff in one place before!


Fujimaru 2:
This is making me feel a little claustrophobic!


Fou:
Fooou!

Paris:
Wooow! Look at that, Big Brother!
There're shelves as far as the eye can see here!

Hektor:
Well damn, this place IS impressive.

Hektor:
But try not to get too worked up, Paris.
We're not here on a field trip, you know.

Paris:
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry...

E:Amazones CEO:
Oh, that's quite all right.

E:Amazones CEO:
After all, this is the heart of Amazones.com.
We don't just deliver goods; we also deliver dreams.

E:Amazones CEO:
It's perfectly understandable that children would jump for joy upon seeing all the many varieties of dream we keep in stock. In fact, something would be very wrong if they didn't.

Mash:
Um, could I ask you something? No matter how I run the numbers, I don't see any way that this castle should be able to hold this much merchandise...

Da Vinci:
It's probably a spatial distortion spell, or some kind of technology we haven't discovered yet.

Da Vinci:
I'm really curious about how they pulled this off too, but we'll never get anywhere if we stop to pick apart every inexplicable thing... But man, I really do wanna know how they did this!

E:Amazones CEO:
As our subcontractor, I'm happy and willing to cooperate with you in every regard, but I hope you can understand that we must reserve the right to keep some corporate matters trade secrets.

E:Amazones CEO:
It's all about security, and risk management.

E:Amazones CEO:
Now, as for what the work entails, when an order comes in, you will need to collect the products from this warehouse, pack them, and ship them.

Mash:
It must take forever to find anything
in a warehouse this massive.

D:Amazones CEO:
Not at all. As a matter of fact, every product we carry has been stocked completely at random.

D:Amazones CEO:
Our system uses barcodes to keep perfect track of every product's location, thus eliminating the need to sort them.

D:Amazones CEO:
As employees, all you need to do is go to the specified shelf and take the specified amount of product.

E:Amazones CEO:
This is the innovation upon which we have staked Amazones.com's future... The Random Stow System!

Paris:
Now I get it. That sounds like something
even I could do without messing up!

D:Amazones CEO:
When making deliveries, you will use Amazones.com portals to warp to the gate nearest the delivery area...

D:Amazones CEO:
...but from there, it will generally be up to each delivery person to determine their route to the customer.

D:Amazones CEO:
You will be free to walk, drive, or ride that sheep for all I care. All that matters is getting the order to the customer, intergalactic traffic regulations be damned.

D:Amazones CEO:
If anyone does try to give you trouble over an ostensible traffic violation, just show them your Amazones.com employee badge and it will usually work out.

D:Amazones CEO:
That is exactly the sort of thing for which I pay such exorbitant corporate tax.

D:Amazones CEO:
Besides, they know what will happen if they try to criticize an upstanding corporate citizen for exercising her gods-given rights as a taxpayer.

D:Amazones CEO:
Specifically, what will happen is a morning star right to their heads. One with extra painful spikes.

Hektor:
Well, if everyone's free to choose their own method of transportation, that makes things nice and simple.

Hektor:
We've got a good number of Servants who can drive and fly and stuff, and they're not even all Riders.

D:Amazones CEO:
That being said, I urge you all to remain vigilant.

D:Amazones CEO:
The Amazones.com portals may get you most of the way there, but there is no telling what may await you on the remainder of your delivery route.

D:Amazones CEO:
You may run into an enormous man-eating beast or need to make your way through a forest of death.

D:Amazones CEO:
Other times, you may land on a planet with atmospheric pressures a thousand times greater than your own, or a gas giant that is almost completely uninhabited.

D:Amazones CEO:
As I said during your training, anyone who fails to take this job seriously will die.

D:Amazones CEO:
You may be Servants powerful enough to defeat a thousand soldiers on your own...

D:Amazones CEO:
...but without enough gratitude energy, you will find yourselves utterly drained after but a single delivery.

D:Amazones CEO:
Which is where this comes in!


Fujimaru 1:
Uh... Where what comes in?


E:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com isn't content to sit around waiting for the rest of the galaxy to agree on workplace reforms.

E:Amazones CEO:
We are undergoing constant evolution in order to better facilitate synergistic employee satisfaction.

E:Amazones CEO:
Now, as our first subcontractors, I will make a special exception and grant you access to these facilities as well.

E:Amazones CEO:
...Besides, they won't do any of my other employees any good, what with all of them still missing.

E:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, forget employee welfare. What I am about to show you is nothing less than an employee paradise!

E:Amazones CEO:
Right this way.


Fujimaru 1:
Wh-where are we now!?


Fou:
Fou fo!?

Da Vinci:
Hmm. I can tell this place is also connected to the warehouse through, um, dubious spatial distortion means, but what exactly is it?

D:Amazones CEO:
These are my company's prized comprehensive relaxation facilities. All Amazones.com employees are free to make use of them twenty-four hours a day.

D:Amazones CEO:
They include a spacious hot spring bath complete with sauna, luxurious massage chairs, power nap beds, an arcade...

D:Amazones CEO:
...and a food court-style group dining
space staffed by first-class chefs.

D:Amazones CEO:
As I alluded to earlier, this is a paradise designed to empower our employees to quickly get the R & R they need before sending them back to the war zone that is the delivery person's route.

D:Amazones CEO:
I call it...The Great Amazones Hot Spring Story!


Fujimaru 1:
Comprehensive relaxation facilities... So a wellness resort.


Fujimaru 2:
Looks a lot like any other wellness resort to me...


Mash:
Right. I've read about these in the database.

Mash:
It said wellness resorts are general relaxation facilities from the late twentieth century where people could enjoy good food and soak in rejuvenating baths.

Mash:
They were often used for business retreats as a place for corporate warriors to come together and recuperate from the stresses of the modern-day workplace.

D:Amazones CEO:
I don't know how facilities such as these are commonly referred to on this planet, but this is indeed a place for warriors to come together.

D:Amazones CEO:
It also ensures those warriors who come here stay healthy, one way or another.

D:Amazones CEO:
Even a warrior on the brink of death from injuries sustained during an especially arduous delivery will be back on their feet and raring to go on a new route after one day spent here undergoing intensive recuperation.

Paris:
Oh, I get it. So it's like recycling,
but for people instead of plastics!

Hektor:
You really need to learn to keep your
mouth shut at times like these, Paris.

Paris:
How could you say that, Big Brother!?

Hektor:
Anyway, this place does look like a real sweet getup.

Hektor:
With all this space, and all the different things to do, I think even Chaldea's surprisingly expansive Servant roster ought to be able to kick back and relax here.

Paris:
Well if you like it, that's plenty good enough for me!

Paris:
I was always kind of anxious about being able to defend Troy back during the war...

Paris:
...but you always said things would work out, and you were right. We managed to keep it safe for a really long time.

Paris:
So I trust your opinion more than anyone else's!

Hektor:
Thanks, Paris, but ultimately, this isn't my call.
Whether we go through with this, or not, is up to Master.

Hektor:
So, Master, what do you say?


Fujimaru 1:
With facilities like this, I think we can pull this off.


Fujimaru 2:
I say let's all help out Ms. CEO together!


Fou:
Fou fooou!

Hektor:
You got it, Master. If that's your call,
I'll do everything I can to help.

Hektor:
All right then, let's get this
whole delivery operation started.

Mash:
I agree. I think this will be the cleanest way to resolve this minute Singularity.

Mash:
It may not be much, but I promise to help in whatever way I can, too. This could be an excellent chance to learn what it takes to be an office worker at a major online retailer!

Da Vinci:
Okay, Fujimaru, if this is what you think is
best, I'm prepared to support you all the way.

Da Vinci:
That said, we've never done delivery work before, and there's bound to be new, unforeseen challenges we don't have much experience with, so we'll need to be careful.

Da Vinci:
We'll probably want to assign Servants to deliveries based on their mobility as well as their fighting prowess.

Da Vinci:
So Riders will probably be our biggest asset. Then again, a lot of non-Rider Servants have all sorts of vehicles at their command, too...

Da Vinci:
Hmm, there's definitely a lot to consider here.

Osakabehime:
Being mobile isn't really my thing,
so is it okay if I go back to being a shut-in now?

Paris:
So every Servant in Chaldea is going to work together to handle these deliveries, right?

Paris:
That kind of sounds like a festival!
This is gonna be fun!

Hektor:
I don't know about fun; sounds more like a lot of hard work to me. Oh well, guess I'll just have to make sure I don't work TOO hard.

Hektor:
Anyway, you said you're gonna stick with the CEO, right, Master? In that case, Osakabehime ought to be all the security detail you need.

Hektor:
After all, there won't be much need for a bunch of us to cover a lot of ground this time.

Hektor:
I get the feeling this is all gonna come down to the number of Servants who can get around independently, and how light they are on their feet.

Paris:
That means we're going to do the best we can to make deliveries too, right? Yay! I can't wait to get started!

Osakabehime:
So you just need me to be a bodyguard then?
Sure, I can do that.

Osakabehime:
(So I can just let the CEO handle the front line and focus on keeping Ma-chan safe? Easy as pie!)


Fujimaru 1:
Okay everyone, let's get out there and make some deliveries!



Fujimaru 1:
Here we go again with the weirdness...

Fou:
Fou...


Fujimaru 2:
Oh well, this isn't the first weird thing to happen around here...

Mash:
That's for sure.

Mash:
I can see why you've gotten in the habit of praying whenever autumn rolls around.

Osakabehime:
So that's why [♂ he /♀️ she] always gets this strangely sublime
look of enlightenment on [♂ his /♀️ her] face during Halloween
season...


D:Amazones CEO:
There you are. Good.
Everything is now ready.

Mash:
Um... Just to make double sure, did you really renovate the entire interior of that building in the short time since we last spoke?

E:Amazones CEO:
Yes, I did. Our technological acumen has had to constantly innovate to keep pace with the times, which made this task trivial.

E:Amazones CEO:
Now then, I would like to make double sure of something as well. I believe you said there would be no issues with any rights holders, correct?

E:Amazones CEO:
As I'm sure it goes without saying, we take IP rights very seriously. You will never find any pirated versions of anything on Amazones.com.

Hektor:
Personally, I'm not sure how much rights
figure into a building in a Singularity...

Hektor:
...but everyone who seemed like they might have some
claim to them–namely, Osakabehime, Cleopatra,
and Elisabeth–were all happy to give theirs
away to help Master with [♂ his /♀️ her] mission.

Paris:
Ahahaha! What's going on with that!? That's the
funniest work of architecture I've ever seen!

Paris:
Look at it, Lord Apollo! It's got buildings on top of buildings on top of buildings!

D:Amazones CEO:
And who are you?

Hektor:
Oh, I'm just your friendly neighborhood old man, and this here's my little brother. We're here to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Hektor:
Hey, you guys are sure this isn't gonna be a problem, right? This newly developed Eau d'Anti-Greek deodorant IS working, right?

Hektor:
When I heard we were dealing with a certain CEO, and that it's possible that, um, quirk of hers might be the same or even worse than the Amazon we know...

Hektor:
Well, it's kind of freaking this old man out more than I might let on, you know?


Fujimaru 1:
This is Hektor and Paris. They're here to help.


Hektor:
...

Paris:
...

D:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. You two seem vaguely familiar...
That's right. I remember now.

Hektor:
...!

D:Amazones CEO:
Aren't you two the Shining Helmet and Little Angelic Devil of Planet Troy?

D:Amazones CEO:
No, never mind. There's no way those two could be here now. You must just happen to resemble them, or be from another season.

Hektor:
(Gaaah, that was way too close for comfort!
I seriously thought my heart was gonna give out!)

E:Amazones CEO:
Then since this is our first time meeting, allow me to introduce myself properly. I am the CEO of Amazones.com. Here is my business card. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintances.

Hektor:
Oh, yeah, same here. Sorry I don't have a card myself; I'm just not important enough for that sort of thing.

Hektor:
Besides, I'm only here 'cause they thought it'd be a good idea to have someone who knows how to negotiate around.

Hektor:
I told them there's any number of other Servants who could talk circles around me, but they still insisted on me for some reason...

Da Vinci:
Well, we're not trying to “win” these negotiations, which means the professor, Holmes, Caesar, and the other usual suspects wouldn't be a good fit.

Da Vinci:
I just want you to make sure this'll be an environment we can reasonably help out in, and to give us the green or red light accordingly.

Da Vinci:
Well, that, and I also thought having you around might help things go more smoothly. You know, in case we run into any, um, trouble with our new business partner.

Da Vinci:
I mean, I do get that the CEO there isn't the same person as the one you guys know, but still.

Mash:
You know, that reminds me.
What is Chaldea's Penthesilea doing right now?

Hektor:
Well, I know I'm just making more problems for future me to deal with, but I didn't want her running into
Achill–

D:Amazones CEO:
“Achill”?

Hektor:
(Ah crap! She's got the same hair trigger for his name as the other one!)

Hektor:
Oh, you know, I was just saying we could make “a killing” from this collaboration if it goes off without a hitch.

Hektor:
But for that to happen, there's a certain queen we don't want accidentally running into either a particular green-haired jerkface or another version of herself.

Hektor:
So I managed to convince her that this is the perfect season for working out indoors, and that she could actually double her gains if she never leaves her room.

Hektor:
I'd imagine she's probably taking that advice
to heart and working her abs right about now.

Mash:
I see... Thank you for being so considerate.

Hektor:
Ah, don't worry about it.
I just did what had to be done.

Paris:
So, Pen–I mean, Ms. CEO, could we ask you to show us the inside of the building now?

D:Amazones CEO:
Very well, little boy who strongly
resembles Little Angelic Devil.

Paris:
You know, not that it really matters either way, but I kind of feel like you ought to pick one or the other?

D:Amazones CEO:
Come with me. I will start by showing you around Amazones.com's prized warehouse.


Fujimaru 1:
Whoa! I've never seen so much stuff in one place before!


Fujimaru 2:
This is making me feel a little claustrophobic!


Fou:
Fooou!

Paris:
Wooow! Look at that, Big Brother!
There're shelves as far as the eye can see here!

Hektor:
Well damn, this place IS impressive.

Hektor:
But try not to get too worked up, Paris.
We're not here on a field trip, you know.

Paris:
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry...

E:Amazones CEO:
Oh, that's quite all right.

E:Amazones CEO:
After all, this is the heart of Amazones.com.
We don't just deliver goods; we also deliver dreams.

E:Amazones CEO:
It's perfectly understandable that children would jump for joy upon seeing all the many varieties of dream we keep in stock. In fact, something would be very wrong if they didn't.

Mash:
Um, could I ask you something? No matter how I run the numbers, I don't see any way that this castle should be able to hold this much merchandise...

Da Vinci:
It's probably a spatial distortion spell, or some kind of technology we haven't discovered yet.

Da Vinci:
I'm really curious about how they pulled this off too, but we'll never get anywhere if we stop to pick apart every inexplicable thing... But man, I really do wanna know how they did this!

E:Amazones CEO:
As our subcontractor, I'm happy and willing to cooperate with you in every regard, but I hope you can understand that we must reserve the right to keep some corporate matters trade secrets.

E:Amazones CEO:
It's all about security, and risk management.

E:Amazones CEO:
Now, as for what the work entails, when an order comes in, you will need to collect the products from this warehouse, pack them, and ship them.

Mash:
It must take forever to find anything
in a warehouse this massive.

D:Amazones CEO:
Not at all. As a matter of fact, every product we carry has been stocked completely at random.

D:Amazones CEO:
Our system uses barcodes to keep perfect track of every product's location, thus eliminating the need to sort them.

D:Amazones CEO:
As employees, all you need to do is go to the specified shelf and take the specified amount of product.

E:Amazones CEO:
This is the innovation upon which we have staked Amazones.com's future... The Random Stow System!

Paris:
Now I get it. That sounds like something
even I could do without messing up!

D:Amazones CEO:
When making deliveries, you will use Amazones.com portals to warp to the gate nearest the delivery area...

D:Amazones CEO:
...but from there, it will generally be up to each delivery person to determine their route to the customer.

D:Amazones CEO:
You will be free to walk, drive, or ride that sheep for all I care. All that matters is getting the order to the customer, intergalactic traffic regulations be damned.

D:Amazones CEO:
If anyone does try to give you trouble over an ostensible traffic violation, just show them your Amazones.com employee badge and it will usually work out.

D:Amazones CEO:
That is exactly the sort of thing for which I pay such exorbitant corporate tax.

D:Amazones CEO:
Besides, they know what will happen if they try to criticize an upstanding corporate citizen for exercising her gods-given rights as a taxpayer.

D:Amazones CEO:
Specifically, what will happen is a morning star right to their heads. One with extra painful spikes.

Hektor:
Well, if everyone's free to choose their own method of transportation, that makes things nice and simple.

Hektor:
We've got a good number of Servants who can drive and fly and stuff, and they're not even all Riders.

D:Amazones CEO:
That being said, I urge you all to remain vigilant.

D:Amazones CEO:
The Amazones.com portals may get you most of the way there, but there is no telling what may await you on the remainder of your delivery route.

D:Amazones CEO:
You may run into an enormous man-eating beast or need to make your way through a forest of death.

D:Amazones CEO:
Other times, you may land on a planet with atmospheric pressures a thousand times greater than your own, or a gas giant that is almost completely uninhabited.

D:Amazones CEO:
As I said during your training, anyone who fails to take this job seriously will die.

D:Amazones CEO:
You may be Servants powerful enough to defeat a thousand soldiers on your own...

D:Amazones CEO:
...but without enough gratitude energy, you will find yourselves utterly drained after but a single delivery.

D:Amazones CEO:
Which is where this comes in!


Fujimaru 1:
Uh... Where what comes in?


E:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com isn't content to sit around waiting for the rest of the galaxy to agree on workplace reforms.

E:Amazones CEO:
We are undergoing constant evolution in order to better facilitate synergistic employee satisfaction.

E:Amazones CEO:
Now, as our first subcontractors, I will make a special exception and grant you access to these facilities as well.

E:Amazones CEO:
...Besides, they won't do any of my other employees any good, what with all of them still missing.

E:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, forget employee welfare. What I am about to show you is nothing less than an employee paradise!

E:Amazones CEO:
Right this way.


Fujimaru 1:
Wh-where are we now!?


Fou:
Fou fo!?

Da Vinci:
Hmm. I can tell this place is also connected to the warehouse through, um, dubious spatial distortion means, but what exactly is it?

D:Amazones CEO:
These are my company's prized comprehensive relaxation facilities. All Amazones.com employees are free to make use of them twenty-four hours a day.

D:Amazones CEO:
They include a spacious hot spring bath complete with sauna, luxurious massage chairs, power nap beds, an arcade...

D:Amazones CEO:
...and a food court-style group dining
space staffed by first-class chefs.

D:Amazones CEO:
As I alluded to earlier, this is a paradise designed to empower our employees to quickly get the R & R they need before sending them back to the war zone that is the delivery person's route.

D:Amazones CEO:
I call it...The Great Amazones Hot Spring Story!


Fujimaru 1:
Comprehensive relaxation facilities... So a wellness resort.


Fujimaru 2:
Looks a lot like any other wellness resort to me...


Mash:
Right. I've read about these in the database.

Mash:
It said wellness resorts are general relaxation facilities from the late twentieth century where people could enjoy good food and soak in rejuvenating baths.

Mash:
They were often used for business retreats as a place for corporate warriors to come together and recuperate from the stresses of the modern-day workplace.

D:Amazones CEO:
I don't know how facilities such as these are commonly referred to on this planet, but this is indeed a place for warriors to come together.

D:Amazones CEO:
It also ensures those warriors who come here stay healthy, one way or another.

D:Amazones CEO:
Even a warrior on the brink of death from injuries sustained during an especially arduous delivery will be back on their feet and raring to go on a new route after one day spent here undergoing intensive recuperation.

Paris:
Oh, I get it. So it's like recycling,
but for people instead of plastics!

Hektor:
You really need to learn to keep your
mouth shut at times like these, Paris.

Paris:
How could you say that, Big Brother!?

Hektor:
Anyway, this place does look like a real sweet getup.

Hektor:
With all this space, and all the different things to do, I think even Chaldea's surprisingly expansive Servant roster ought to be able to kick back and relax here.

Paris:
Well if you like it, that's plenty good enough for me!

Paris:
I was always kind of anxious about being able to defend Troy back during the war...

Paris:
...but you always said things would work out, and you were right. We managed to keep it safe for a really long time.

Paris:
So I trust your opinion more than anyone else's!

Hektor:
Thanks, Paris, but ultimately, this isn't my call.
Whether we go through with this, or not, is up to Master.

Hektor:
So, Master, what do you say?


Fujimaru 1:
With facilities like this, I think we can pull this off.


Fujimaru 2:
I say let's all help out Ms. CEO together!


Fou:
Fou fooou!

Hektor:
You got it, Master. If that's your call,
I'll do everything I can to help.

Hektor:
All right then, let's get this
whole delivery operation started.

Mash:
I agree. I think this will be the cleanest way to resolve this minute Singularity.

Mash:
It may not be much, but I promise to help in whatever way I can, too. This could be an excellent chance to learn what it takes to be an office worker at a major online retailer!

Da Vinci:
Okay, Fujimaru, if this is what you think is
best, I'm prepared to support you all the way.

Da Vinci:
That said, we've never done delivery work before, and there's bound to be new, unforeseen challenges we don't have much experience with, so we'll need to be careful.

Da Vinci:
We'll probably want to assign Servants to deliveries based on their mobility as well as their fighting prowess.

Da Vinci:
So Riders will probably be our biggest asset. Then again, a lot of non-Rider Servants have all sorts of vehicles at their command, too...

Da Vinci:
Hmm, there's definitely a lot to consider here.

Osakabehime:
Being mobile isn't really my thing,
so is it okay if I go back to being a shut-in now?

Paris:
So every Servant in Chaldea is going to work together to handle these deliveries, right?

Paris:
That kind of sounds like a festival!
This is gonna be fun!

Hektor:
I don't know about fun; sounds more like a lot of hard work to me. Oh well, guess I'll just have to make sure I don't work TOO hard.

Hektor:
Anyway, you said you're gonna stick with the CEO, right, Master? In that case, Osakabehime ought to be all the security detail you need.

Hektor:
After all, there won't be much need for a bunch of us to cover a lot of ground this time.

Hektor:
I get the feeling this is all gonna come down to the number of Servants who can get around independently, and how light they are on their feet.

Paris:
That means we're going to do the best we can to make deliveries too, right? Yay! I can't wait to get started!

Osakabehime:
So you just need me to be a bodyguard then?
Sure, I can do that.

Osakabehime:
(So I can just let the CEO handle the front line and focus on keeping Ma-chan safe? Easy as pie!)


Fujimaru 1:
Okay everyone, let's get out there and make some deliveries!


Be Careful! A Beautiful, Intelligent Assassin

B:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. You know...this is working better than I thought.


Fujimaru 1:
You're already doing that thing with your hands again?


B:Amazones CEO:
I'm grateful to you.

B:Amazones CEO:
I did see some signs of hesitation early on, but now, here we are, already at our tenth customer.

B:Amazones CEO:
This outsourcing venture is working better than I had thought. Or rather, these Pegasus and Vimana transports are extremely useful. I want them.

B:Amazones CEO:
With transports like that, I could eliminate bottlenecks from our delivery timetable completely. I don't suppose you would be interested in selling them, would you?

Mash:
They're very important to us, so no,
I don't see that happening...

A:Amazones CEO:
I see... At any rate, this has
been a rather illuminating error.

A:Amazones CEO:
I always thought I could make Amazones a household name throughout the galaxy with our strength alone.

A:Amazones CEO:
Honestly, part of me still thinks that's what I should do, since I know we have the strength to make that happen.

A:Amazones CEO:
But that aside...

A:Amazones CEO:
This collaboration is the first time I have experienced the benefits of working hand in hand with a trustworthy partner company.

A:Amazones CEO:
I used to be fiercely resistant to the very idea of relying on any other company for help...

B:Amazones CEO:
But I see now that changing with the times is truly the key to achieving our galactic initiatives.

B:Amazones CEO:
Furthermore, if there are synergistic benefits that can only be gained through partner collaboration...

B:Amazones CEO:
...then it behooves me to approach my managerial vision with a more flexible bent. Indeed, this has been a very illuminating experience.


Fujimaru 1:
Assuming I understood all that jargon right... You're welcome.


Fujimaru 2:
I'm just glad we've been able to help.


B:Amazones CEO:
Nonetheless, we must remain cautious. After all, getting a new initiative off the ground is comparatively easy.

B:Amazones CEO:
The real test of a company is in how it handles the bumps in the road to success. This is the time when its true value comes to light.

Mash:
True, we can't let ourselves get complacent yet.
We only just started this job, after all.

Mash:
Speaking of which, you're almost to the customer's designated coordinates, so please keep an eye out for them.

A:Amazones CEO:
Good point. Let me make sure the product
is all in order. ...Yes, it's all here.

A:Amazones CEO:
One (1) ballpoint pen.

A:Amazones CEO:
There is no need to be incredulous. It has always been Amazones.com's mission statement to deliver anything anywhere throughout the galaxy, whether it be a single pen or a slice of bread.

A:Amazones CEO:
Now let's go!

A:Amazones CEO:
This should be the place...

Fou:
Fou!


Fujimaru 1:
Is that...Cleopatra?


Mash:
No, it's not. Chaldea's Cleopatra is out making deliveries along with everyone else.

Mash:
So it must be someone else, even if she does look a lot like the Servant we know.

E:???:
Are you the ones from Amazones.com?

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed we are.
And we are here with the item you ordered.

A:Amazones CEO:
Sign here, please.

E:???:
Yes, of course.

E:???:
Yes, this is certainly the pen I ordered.
Now, would you use it to sign this for me?

A:Amazones CEO:
...? Very well. This line here?
Let's see...

A:Amazones CEO:
Huh!?

A:Amazones CEO:
Impressive. You handled that interaction so naturally that I almost ended up signing that paper.

A:Amazones CEO:
But if you thought we Amazons were all muscle and no brains, you thought wrong. As the CEO, my intelligence is just as maxed out as my strength!

E:???:
And here I thought I would be nice and end you quickly.
How unfortunate for you that you thought otherwise.


Fujimaru 1:
What are you talking about?


A:Amazones CEO:
I only managed to take a quick peek at that document I nearly inadvertently signed thanks to her cunning plan...

A:Amazones CEO:
...but that was enough for me to barely make out a ridiculous passage:

A:Amazones CEO:
“Sign over all rights to Amazones.com.”

Osakabehime:
Just barely, huh...

A:Amazones CEO:
You must be a corporate spy–no, corporate assassin, here to engineer a hostile takeover! Who are you!?

E:???:
Hohoho! Your ignorance of my intergalactically renowned beauty speaks volumes about your paltry networking skills.

E:???:
You wish to know who I am?
Very well then, I'll tell you!

E:???:
My name is...
Madam Cosmotic Beauty!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I am one of the three most beautiful women in the universe, and the head of an organization dedicated to sharing my beauty equally and mercifully to all who desire it.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That is to say, I am the CEO of Egyptian,
the intergalactic mail-order cosmetics company!

A:Amazones CEO:
Ignoring your utterance of the detestable “B” word (read: beautiful)... You are a CEO too!? Then that must mean you are my equal! Curses!


Fujimaru 1:
What's the big deal? It's just a job title, right?

A:Amazones CEO:
Just a job title!? The CEO is the king ruling over a company's subjects! It is a title reserved only for the strongest and most innovative warriors!

A:Amazones CEO:
Even in Amazones.com's case,
I am the only one in the entire company!

Osakabehime:
Well yeah, of course you are.


Fujimaru 2:
This must be the Servantverse Cleopatra.

Mash:
I'm still not entirely clear on what the Servantverse is, but it looks like you're probably right...


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I'm genuinely appalled that
you know so little about me.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Then again, if you had, I doubt you would have mounted such a crass attack on my company in the first place.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
In the approximately three thousand years since Egyptian was founded, I have never been so insulted!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
It's no wonder that Lord Medjed,
our guardian-slash-mascot-slash-spokescharacter, is so furious they are ready to shoot anger beams from their glorious eyes!

A:Amazones CEO:
Attack? I have no recollection of
attacking your company whatsoever.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That is exactly what is so insulting!
Haven't you ever seen a late-night infomercial!?

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh, you mean those programs they sometimes show after the Cosmo Channel's usual lineup is over? Yes, I know of them.

A:Amazones CEO:
Those are the ones that sell things like bedspreads and vacuum cleaners and cosmetic items over the phone... Hm? Wait. Do you mean to tell me–

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That's right! Egyptian has been dominant in late-night infomercial market share for centuries on end!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
But once your insolent Amazones.com
entered the picture...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...our customers have been increasingly getting their cosmetics with a single click on your site at any time of day rather than solely through late-night phone calls...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...and our sales have been on
a downward trend ever since.

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed, we do carry a wide line of...(pausing to spit the word out with revulsion) beauty products.

A:Amazones CEO:
Though I have none, zilch, zero, outright negative interest in them myself, to the point where merely catching a glimpse of them puts me in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

A:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, now I see.
So you are one of our competitors.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Your actions have caused irreparable harm to both myself and my company.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Such widespread availability of cheap and subpar so-called beauty products is an affront to everything my noble Egyptian stands for: helping commoners become even just a tiny bit as beautiful as I am.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
This current state of affairs
cannot and will not stand.

Mash:
I honestly can't tell if she's
being kind or conceited...

A:Amazones CEO:
Hmph. If you are my competitor,
that also makes you my enemy.

A:Amazones CEO:
I have always (literally) crushed every enemy who got in my way before, and I see no reason to stop now.

A:Amazones CEO:
Besides, isn't that why you came here yourself? To crush us out of some misguided sense of victimhood?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I wouldn't say I came here to crush you so much as I lured you out here to be crushed.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
You're the only Amazon left on the entire Amazones.com staff right now, no?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So I thought the CEO herself might make her way here if I ordered something, and I was right.

A:Amazones CEO:
Huh? How did you know about that?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
You underestimate Egyptian's espionage division and intelligence network at your own peril.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
At any rate, the business world is a corporate jungle, and survival of the fittest is the law of the land.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Here, signatures and contracts are everything, regardless of how they are obtained.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Once I have utterly demolished you with my beauty, I will have all the time I need to take your IP rights for myself.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: “Is that even possible?” And the answer is a resounding “Yes.”

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Why, you ask? Because my husband is the best attorney and the most evil day trader in all the galaxy.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
He receives financial support from every corner of the galaxy, and has yet to pay back so much as a single QP.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
In fact, he has expertly orchestrated deals where his lenders would themselves be in dire financial straits if he were to go bankrupt, and so they continue to send him money in an endless virtuous cycle.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That is the financial world he has made for himself,
and he rules it from on high as an emperor.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
And I, being as intelligent as I am beautiful, have in turn mastered the art of sophistry thanks to his personal instruction.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So no matter how deep into gray area my methods may be, they won't matter once I “legally” merge our companies!

A:Amazones CEO:
So your plan is to rely on an attorney? How foolish.
The only law we Amazons adhere to is “Might makes right.”

A:Amazones CEO:
In that sense, it is no exaggeration to say that every one of my employees possesses the...conflict resolution skills of a high-powered lawyer in their own right.

A:Amazones CEO:
And of course, as the CEO, my skills in that area are second to none. Trust me when I say that you too underestimate me at your own peril.

A:Amazones CEO:
Now then, I think it's time we begin these negotiations in earnest. You've heard of playing hardball? Well I assure you, there's no ball so hard as my morning star!

--BATTLE--

A:Amazones CEO:
And with that, I have completely refuted your argument!
Behold the might of the Amazons' negotiation skills!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Khh! You weren't kidding about how hard you play ball!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I suppose my loss was assured when I let your almost foolishly unabashed straightforwardness steal my attention...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...even if only for a moment.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Indeed, as the galaxy's foremost expert on beauty, I cannot deny that your abs are, in their own way, beautiful.


Fujimaru 1:
Aw, crap.


Osakabehime:
(Oh bats.)

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Hehe, if we had only met under different circumstances, perhaps you and I could have–

A:Amazones CEO:
Did you just...call me...beautiful?
RrrRAAAHHH!!! How dare you!? How DARE you!?

berserk2

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Huh!? What's going on!? I thought this was where we arrive at a begrudging mutual respect, despite our differences!


Fujimaru 1:
There are some words you just don't say in polite–er, Amazon company...


Fou:
Fou...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That was very nearly the end of my dynasty! One false step, and I would have been vaporized right down to the last particle!

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed. While I don't remember it very well, I know now what it means to fight a vicious economic war. This has been very educational.

A:Amazones CEO:
And speaking of things that are educational...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
?

A:Amazones CEO:
I have just recently learned from my first experience with outsourcing that flexibility is the key to achieving our initiatives for the times.

A:Amazones CEO:
Thus, I am willing to admit when I have been wrong.

A:Amazones CEO:
These products you sell are
of exceptional quality, yes?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Wh-where'd that come from?

A:Amazones CEO:
There is as much to learn from fighting with all your might in battle as there is from presenting with all your might at a meeting.

A:Amazones CEO:
While I myself may find the very concept of products designed to enhance one's beauty utterly preposterous, I also now understand that women of society have an earnest desire for them.

A:Amazones CEO:
And these cosmetics are unlike any other. Indeed, they shine with a gleam as bright as any weapon.

B:Amazones CEO:
What I am trying to say is, if you have any interest in expanding your sales channels...

B:Amazones CEO:
...would you be willing to consider selling your products through Amazones.com?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Oh my, that idea never even occurred to me.
Are you sure?

B:Amazones CEO:
I may not care for them myself, but I recognize quality, and quality sells. That is the truth of business.

B:Amazones CEO:
Furthermore, being able to put aside personal tastes and make beneficial decisions from a neutral POV...

B:Amazones CEO:
...is a quality that any true CEO should possess!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Heh... Hehehe. Now I see.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That glow of yours may just be the gleam of this generation's corporate star.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Very well. I accept your proposal.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
In fact, we were thinking it may be time to broaden our horizons beyond the late-night infomercial market anyway.


Fujimaru 1:
So you're forming a business partnership?


A:Amazones CEO:
More or less.

A:Amazones CEO:
But I am thinking of something that goes a bit beyond merely selling Egyptian's products on our site.

A:Amazones CEO:
For example... I believe you said your
company also sells relaxation goods?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Of course. Reducing stress is an essential part of any good beauty regimen, after all.

A:Amazones CEO:
Then this works out nicely.

A:Amazones CEO:
You see, I have been thinking our relaxation facilities could stand to be even better than they are now.

A:Amazones CEO:
Would your company be willing
to assist us in this pursuit?

A:Amazones CEO:
The fact is, we Amazons are warriors at heart.

A:Amazones CEO:
Try as I might to think of ways to expand and improve our facilities' restorative effects, I just can't seem to come up with any good ideas.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Now I see. Very well. That should be easy enough.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
All you'll need is a new spa room fully stocked with Egyptian relaxation products.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Though of course, I expect to be fairly compensated for both them and our interior design contributions.

A:Amazones CEO:
If they help my employees to be more productive, that is
a price I am happy to pay. Indeed, this is what I call a...

B:Amazones CEO:
Win-Win!

B:Amazones CEO:
...relationship!

Mash:
I was a little worried about how
things would turn out for a while...

Mash:
...but it looks like you not only completed your tenth delivery, you even gained a new colleague in the process!

Mash:
All right, let's keep this momentum going into the next set of deliveries!

Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Hildr:
Phew, this was a lot harder than I thought. I'm tired, and I think my back is starting to cramp up...

Thrúd:
Stop that, Hildr. You know it's rude
to flap your light-wings like that.

Ortlinde:
Honestly, I'm feeling pretty tired myself.

Ortlinde:
Since our original job as Valkyries was to carry the souls of brave warriors to Valhalla, I thought carrying packages would be trivial in comparison...

Ortlinde:
...but it's turned out to be much
more arduous than I thought.

Ortlinde:
I'll need to lower my expected activity limit parameters to reflect this new data point.

Nezha:
I know how. You feel. Flying with. These attachments. That are. So deeply. Linked to. Myself. Inevitably. Leads to. Exhaustion. But I must. Persevere.

Hildr:
At least you get to ride around on those–What're they called again? Wind Fire Wheels?–instead of flying on your own power. That's gotta be way easier.

Nezha:
It still. Requires. Magical energy.
To use them. Of course. It is. Still tiring.

Ushiwakamaru:
Ha ha ha, it all depends on how you look at it, right?

Ushiwakamaru:
I've been using my giant fan to leap huge distances,
and I've been having a blast ever since I decided to make it into a game (by which I mean training)!

Nezha:
But. Doesn't that. Still use Magical energy?

Helena:
Yeah, it does.

Helena:
But in my case, I think Mahatma might be helping me tap into a source of unlimited energy.

Helena:
At least, that's the feeling I get!

Helena:
If you want to look into it, you could always come with me on your next jobs to see my mobile laboratory in action.

Nitocris:
These deliveries haven't been too hard for me since I've just been riding around on a Sphinx, which is practically one of my familiars at this point...

Nitocris:
...but your flying carpet is part of your Noble Phantasm, right? It must be exhausting, using it all the time.

Scheherazade:
Yes, it is.

Scheherazade:
I would much rather go around making deliveries with you in our old Pharaoh Legend...

Scheherazade:
...so I could take advantage of
all its many safety features...

Nitocris:
W-well, yes, that does sound like fun,
but there's no point bringing that up now.

Nitocris:
We all need to cover as much ground as possible right now, so those of us who can operate alone, should.

Scheherazade:
That's true. But let me say this:
I strongly urge all of you to get the rest you need.

Scheherazade:
Because if you don't, you could well and truly die.

Scheherazade:
If hearing one of my stories would help you to relax, please let me know. I would be more than happy to oblige.

Nitocris:
(I see. She's worried that if someone else dies, the rest of us will have to work even harder to make up for them, and that'll lead to her dying...)

Hildr:
All that aside, I really didn't expect this to be such an all-hands-on-deck situation.

Ortlinde:
True, some of them are only able to make deliveries on foot. We have it easy compared to them.

Thrúd:
Indeed. The slackers who refuse to take their duties seriously aside, everyone here is doing their best.

Thrúd:
So there is nothing to be gained from complaining.

Thrúd:
The best thing we can do right now is devote ourselves to recuperating, so we can get back to wor–Huh?

Achilles:
Uh... Hey there. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but I heard we need all the help we can get.

Achilles:
So I thought I'd stop by and see if there was anything I could do to–

Nezha:
What are. You doing here. Achilles!?

Achilles:
What do you mean? I'm the fastest runner around,
and I've got a chariot to boot.

Achilles:
So if we've gotta deliver packages now, I figured there'd be plenty of ways I could be usefu–

Hildr:
No way! Absolutely not!
What in the world were you thinking!?

Ortlinde:
I agree. This is the last place you should be!

Thrúd:
If you insist on being here, then we will have to do everything in our power to stop you. For Master's sake... For Chaldea's sake... And for the sake of the future itself.

Achilles:
Aw man, so the sisters are all dead set against me being here?

Helena:
They're not wrong.
Honestly, I'm right there with them.

Helena:
We appreciate the thought, but if you really want to help, the best thing you can do right now is stay in your room.

Nitocris:
That's true.

Nitocris:
The CEO and you-know-who might
be two different people...

Nitocris:
...but Fujimaru has told us she's just as inclined
to go berserk at the very mention of your name.

Nitocris:
Luckily, she's out on a delivery at the moment,
but there's no telling when she might come back.

Scheherazade:
Indeed. If she were to return here now and see your
face directly... I shudder to think about it!

Achilles:
(Sigh) Well, that explains why every other Servant besides me got the call to pitch in.

Achilles:
...All right, if that's the case,
I guess I'll just have to sit this one out.

Nezha:
This is a surprise. I did not. Expect such.
A renowned. Greek hero. To feel left out.

Ushiwakamaru:
I don't blame him. It's always sad being left out when others are playing.

Ushiwakamaru:
Please don't cry, Lord Achilles. I would be glad to make it up to you by joining you for a game in your room sometime.

Achilles:
Who said anything about crying!?

Achilles:
Besides, it's not about feeling left out.

Achilles:
Look, I'm a Servant too, so now that I'm summoned,
I wanna help Master out as much as I can...

Achilles:
But in this case...

Achilles:
...

Achilles:
On second thought, never mind.

Achilles:
You all want me to leave before this mystery person comes back and sees me, right?

Achilles:
Okay, you got it. See you later.

Ushiwakamaru:
Hmm...

Nezha:
Something weighing. On your mind?

Ushiwakamaru:
Oh, no, not really. I was just thinking about what I should bring to play when I go visit Lord Achilles.

Ushiwakamaru:
Hmm... He's normally so fast,
but he seemed a little stilted just now...

Ushiwakamaru:
Wait, that's it! Stilts!
I'm sure he would enjoy trying his feet at stilts!

Delicious! The Genius Pâtissier and Dangerous Sweets

Mash:
So, um, just to make sure I have everything straight, Madam Beauty, you're planning to come along with Master and Ms. CEO on their deliveries from now on too, is that right?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Of course. Now that we are working together, Amazones.com's lack of delivery personnel is a matter of life and death to my company as well, so it behooves me to help resolve it.

C:Amazones CEO:
There is no telling when we may run into other challenges that will be difficult to overcome with the Amazons' usual modus operandi...

C:Amazones CEO:
...so I will be counting on help from Chaldea and Egyptian should such challenges emerge.

C:Amazones CEO:
Let me take a moment now to thank you for that help in advance. It is-slash-will be greatly appreciated.

C:Amazones CEO:
By the way, there is something else I wished to ask you about, Madam. How did you know about our situation?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
As I told you before, Egyptian has an excellent intelligence network...but now that we're partners, I suppose I can elaborate further.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
You may not be aware of this, but not too long ago...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...there were many rumors leaked in business circles about Amazones.com's current circumstances.

Fou:
Fou?


Fujimaru 1:
You mean how their employees all went missing?


Fujimaru 2:
You mean that it's just the CEO there now?


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Indeed. So once I confirmed their veracity,
I decided to make the most of the opportunity.

C:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. That's odd.

C:Amazones CEO:
My employees going missing is certainly a huge problem, but up until this collaboration, I never told anyone about it.

C:Amazones CEO:
I am aware that any sign of weakness is exploited mercilessly, so I would never resort to asking for help. Not even from the Galactic Police that have been the subject of so much gossip recently.

Mash:
In that case...I'd have to guess that someone else connected to the incident leaked the information on purpose.

Da Vinci:
Makes sense to me. But of course, that begs a follow-up question: Why would they do that?

C:Amazones CEO:
It could be someone with a grudge against
Amazones.com fanning the flames of ire.

C:Amazones CEO:
We have made a lot of enemies thanks to our rapid growth with no doubt more waiting in the wings.

C:Amazones CEO:
It is possible that Madam here was not the only one planning to use this opportunity to eliminate me...

C:Amazones CEO:
...or to take control of my company
via some other nefarious means.

C:Amazones CEO:
Which also means it is possible that some of our upcoming deliveries are actually traps in disguise.

C:Amazones CEO:
So watch yourself, Fujimaru!

C:Amazones CEO:
All right, this is where we'll find
our next customer, Sweet Witch.

C:Amazones CEO:
Her shop should be at one of these buildings...

G:???:
It's about time you showed up!
You're from Amazones.com, right!?

C:Amazones CEO:
Indeed we are. You must be Sweet Witch then?
If you would just sign here–

Sweet Witch:
Huh? Why would I sign for that when you're this late!?
I can't believe your nerve!

C:Amazones CEO:
Late? What are you talking about?

Sweet Witch:
What else could I be talking about?

Sweet Witch:
I needed those pancake ingredients by yesterday,
but you're just showing up with them now!

Sweet Witch:
I even left a note when I made my order that I needed them no later than yesterday because today is a special day!

C:Amazones CEO:
I-I see. I'm very sorry for the inconvenience.
Just give me a moment to check the order slip...

Sweet Witch:
My pancake café, Lily's Psychodelic House
of Pancakes, is a staple of the community.

Sweet Witch:
I've spent years scraping by, painstakingly doing everything I could to earn the locals' trust.

Sweet Witch:
I thought all my hard work had finally paid off when they agreed to hold a birthday party for the children at the local orphanage at my café today...only to have my dreams shattered when the ingredients I was counting on failed to arrive on time.

Sweet Witch:
I don't think I'll ever forget the look on that lady with the cat ears' face for as long as I live...

Sweet Witch:
Now, the only thing I can do to forget my troubles...

Sweet Witch:
...is to send out a fancy fantastical curse that makes a random person within a ten light-year radius turn into a pig unless they eat some of my pancakes at least once a week...

Osakabehime:
That sounds more like an act of terrorism
than a way to forget your troubles...

Sweet Witch:
Don't be ridiculous. It's an expression of love.

Osakabehime:
Love... Love...?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I have a strong feeling that violates several
intergalactic Unfair Competition Prevention laws!

Sweet Witch:
It's a cute and adorable way to forget my troubles! Anyway, what took you so long!? Why didn't you bring them sooner!?

C:Amazones CEO:
...Hm? I'm afraid you must be mistaken.
We haven't missed the delivery window at all.

Sweet Witch:
Huh? That can't be right!

C:Amazones CEO:
Well, more accurately, we did miss the date specified in your original order...

C:Amazones CEO:
...but we also sent you an email letting you know we would miss the original delivery window, and you said you were fine with that.

Sweet Witch:
Don't give me that nonsense!
I never said anything of the sort!

C:Amazones CEO:
Let me double-check...

C:Amazones CEO:
Yes, it's all right here. We sent you an email apologizing that your delivery was behind schedule, and asked if you would be okay with a later delivery date...

C:Amazones CEO:
...and you replied with
“Sure, totally fine with me! I'm good whenever!”

C:Amazones CEO:
Which means we are not late at all!

Sweet Witch:
I-I never sent an email saying that!

Osakabehime:
I-I dunno...

Osakabehime:
This email doesn't sound like something Sweet Witch would say to me, either...

D:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. I'm afraid this appears to be the unfortunate result of a miscommunication on your part...

D:Amazones CEO:
...and circumstances beyond our control on ours.

D:Amazones CEO:
Fortunately, for your future orders, we also offer a premium subscription service that should be perfect for you.

D:Amazones CEO:
For a small monthly fee, this ultradeluxe user-friendly service offers free next-sol shipping on most orders...

D:Amazones CEO:
...with the option for free same-sol
shipping in select areas–


Fujimaru 1:
No wonder you're the CEO. You never miss a chance to upsell, do you?


Fou:
Fou...

Sweet Witch:
I-I already told you, I never sent any email like that! And I don't care about any subscription services, either!

Sweet Witch:
All right, that does it!

C:Amazones CEO:
Oho, you took and signed for your package in less than a second. Now that's my idea of a model customer.

C:Amazones CEO:
But I assure you, there's no need to rush to confirm its contents. We would never get an order wro–

Sweet Witch:
Take this! And this! And some of this!

Mash:
Uh-oh! Please be careful, Senpai!
I'm suddenly picking up a threat reading!


Fujimaru 1:
And I'm suddenly smelling something really good.


Fujimaru 2:
Are those...pancakes I smell? Ugh, my head...


C:Amazones CEO:
Huh? What are those?

Sweet Witch:
Those are my most popular pancakes! The ones I couldn't sell thanks to the opportunity you cost me!

Sweet Witch:
So since I couldn't sell them to the orphanage, I'm going to sell them all to you instead, whether you want them or not! Don't worry, they've all got the Sweet Witch seal of deliciousness!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
My, my. At first, I thought you were just another entitled customer. I'm impressed you have the gall to try pushing your own business on us.

C:Amazones CEO:
Unfortunately for you, we are both seasoned CEOs, so of course we know how to fight back against pushy salespeople.

C:Amazones CEO:
I'm reminded of a saying that seems
especially fitting for this occasion.

C:Amazones CEO:
“You come at the CEO, you best not miss!”

--BATTLE--

Sweet Witch:
(Sniff) I guess I just couldn't compete
when it came to sheer capital.

Sweet Witch:
All I ever wanted was to bring
a smile to everyone's face...

Sweet Witch:
To have everyone become addic–I mean, obsessed with the hopes and dreams my pancakes inspire...

Sweet Witch:
...just like the cute little piggies
having a party out behind the café...

Osakabehime:
Piggies... Piggies...
Um, Sweet Witch?

Sweet Witch:
Yes?

Osakabehime:
Just taking a wild stab in the yami here, but...do you happen to have a partner who runs the café with you?

Sweet Witch:
Why yes, of course I do.

Sweet Witch:
The Dragon Tooth Warriors are too busy with sales to give me a hand in the café, so my Auntie Kykeon always helps me–

Sweet Witch:
...

???:
I'm back! Sorry I'm late!

???:
The neighborhood piglets were crowding around me so much I practically had to beat them off with my staff again!

???:
But I guess I can't blame them, seeing as I AM Doc Kykeon, the genius Caster of the century who discovered Kykeon Particles!

Doc Kykeon:
Hm? Something wrong?

Sweet Witch:
Auntie...

Sweet Witch:
Did you happen to send an email from
my account without asking me?

Doc Kykeon:
How many times do I have to tell you not to call me “Auntie”!? I prefer “Kick-ass Kykeon Lady”!

Doc Kykeon:
Anyway, get a load of this, Sweet Witch.

Doc Kykeon:
I was just as furious as you were when Amazones.com sent that email saying the ingredients would be late...

Doc Kykeon:
...but that was before I saw they'd also sent us a gift package by way of apology!

Doc Kykeon:
So I immediately sent them a reply letting them know we were happy to wait.

D:Amazones CEO:
Incidentally, the Amazones.com apology gift package contains an assortment of self-multiplying konjak dumplings and tapioca.

D:Amazones CEO:
Both types of goods can be compressed to an impressive degree without permanent deformation, so I made sure to send it ahead of the email via SpaceEx priority envelope.

Sweet Witch:
So you're the reason my pancake ingredients were late, Auntie! In that case, I think it's only right you make it up to me by turning into pancake ingredients yourself!

Doc Kykeon:
Huh!? How's that follow!?

Sweet Witch:
No back talk!!!

Doc Kykeon:
Whoa, hey, settle down! There's still some
konjak dumplings left if you want some!

Doc Kykeon:
I already used up all the tapioca in the kykeon I had for lunch, but at least you can still have the konjak in milk tea or something, right!?

Sweet Witch:
Ughhh! I hate you, Auntieee!

D:Amazones CEO:
...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Something the matter?

D:Amazones CEO:
Bravo!


Fujimaru 1:
!?!?


Sweet Witch:
Wh-what's this about?

D:Amazones CEO:
You showed exemplary outside-the-box thinking when you thought to turn your setback into an opportunity, as well as superb initiative in immediately executing on it.

D:Amazones CEO:
And above all, your pancakes are delicious.

D:Amazones CEO:
I've always found sweets to be utterly useless things, yet even I found myself moaning in pleasure upon trying one.

Sweet Witch:
R-really?
Hehe... Well thank you.

D:Amazones CEO:
And based on how good I now feel, I surmise that they are also brimming with nutrients.

D:Amazones CEO:
It would be a great waste to let such an excellent sweet languish away here in obscurity.

E:Amazones CEO:
So I would like to make you a proposal.

E:Amazones CEO:
Would you be willing to sell your
pancakes through Amazones.com?

E:Amazones CEO:
With our market reach, I can all but guarantee these will sell like hotca–er, extremely well throughout the galaxy.

Sweet Witch:
Oh, but... What about–

D:Amazones CEO:
If it is freshness you are concerned about,
then worry not.

D:Amazones CEO:
Our delivery system's express shipping can deliver them anywhere in the galaxy before their sell-by date.

Sweet Witch:
I'm afraid a lot of that went right over my head...but I do get that this is one of those cases where one door closing opens a window somewhere else, right?

Sweet Witch:
Basically, you like my pancakes so much that you want to make a deal with me even though we were just fighting, yes?

Sweet Witch:
Perhaps that's the sort of business
acumen I should be learning from...

D:Amazones CEO:
Of course it is. After all, I am not...
C! E! O! for nothing.

Doc Kykeon:
Ooh, does this mean my little oopsie's
all water under the bridge now?


Fujimaru 1:
I'd take this chance to run for it if I were you, Doc Kykeon.


Doc Kykeon:
Y-you think?

Doc Kykeon:
W-well, in that case, what would you say to taking this chance to run away with me?

Doc Kykeon:
You'll pass?
That so?

Doc Kykeon:
Well fine, I don't need you anyway. Between studying Kykeon Particles and helping out at the pancake café, my life is already plenty fulfilling!

Osakabehime:
(I knew it. There's something about her that kind of reminds me of me.)

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Don't worry about the contract.
I'd be happy to take care of that.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
When I'm done, you'll have the most fair, impartial, and perfectly beautiful legal document you could find anywhere!

D:Amazones CEO:
!
What...did you say...?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Wha!? Hey! Put down that morning star, will you!?
We'll never get anywhere if you keep throwing us off track!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
And what's the logic here!? Nobody's allowed to use that word even when it isn't referring to her?!


Fujimaru 1:
It depends, but generally, no.


Fujimaru 2:
Basically. It's just too loaded to use within her earshot.


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Hmph. Well, that's going to be most inconvenient. Beau–What that word stands for, as well as spreading it throughout the galaxy, is my life's work.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
But, very well. I suppose I'll just have to use a substitute term from now on.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
In that case, um... Not to worry. I'll draw up a contract with the most BP (Beauty Points) you've ever seen.

Sweet Witch:
That sounds wonderful. Yay! This will be the first step in my plan towards piggyfying everyone in the galaxy♡

D:Amazones CEO:
...Hm? I'm not sure what this BP abbreviation means or what that goal entails...

D:Amazones CEO:
...but I'm glad to see we've reached a consensus.

D:Amazones CEO:
Oh, yes, by the way, do you have any pancakes that are especially nourishing?

D:Amazones CEO:
If yes, could I order a large batch of those to be delivered to our relaxation facilities before we proceed?

D:Amazones CEO:
I think they would be a great boon in helping my employees to recharge and refuel.

Sweet Witch:
Of course I do, and it would be my pleasure.
Though I will charge you full price.


Fujimaru 1:
I guess that means you'll be adding thoseto the cafeteria menu at the facilities...


Fujimaru 2:
I just hope these pancakes don't cause more problems than they solve...


Fou:
Fou...

Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Medb:
...I don't believe it.

Medb:
This is better than I was expecting!

Medb:
My skin is so smooth and supp–I mean, of course my body has always been completely perfect in every conceivable way...

Medb:
...but it feels like it's even more so now!

Medb:
I've never seen any of these cosmetic items before, and their labels all say weird things like “Uses galvanized Altrium ions to permeate the interstices in your skin”...

Medb:
So I have no idea how any of them work,
but they definitely do!

Medb:
Go on, give them a shot! There's nothing to lose since they're free, and there's so much to gain!

Scáthach-Skadi:
No, I don't–

Medb:
We have every right to use this new spa room they just installed. No, not just a right. It's our duty, dammit.

Medb:
I still don't like that I have to use my chariot to carry packages, especially when everyone KNOWS it's supposed to be reserved just for good-looking guys.

Medb:
I mean, I'll do it if that's what Master wants, but I refuse to do it for nothing. And fortunately, these cosmetics have turned out to be the perfect reward.

Medb:
There's no reason to be shy about receiving our due compensation. Every beautiful person is obligated to try to become even more beautiful, after all.

Scáthach-Skadi:
I won't disagree; you are certainly free to your opinion. But I have no interest in such things myself. Honestly, I do not really see the point in them.

Medb:
You don't see the point?
Are you kidding me!?

Medb:
See, Scáthach, this is your whole problem!
You don't have the faintest idea who you really are!

Medb:
You've totally got the goods where it counts, but you don't even know what they are, which is honestly kind of attractive in its own right...

Medb:
But the point is, you've got prime material to work with, and it's only right you work it even more than you are!

Medb:
In fact, I insist upon it!
I can't stand seeing such good assets go to waste!

Scáthach-Skadi:
Calm down, Medb. I don't know what you are talking about. I think I am just going to get some ice cream and–

Medb:
If it's ice cream you want, I'll buy you all you can eat later, after you come with me to the spa room! Now come on!

Boudica:
Stop that, Medb. Not everyone has the same tastes as you, right? Encouraging people to try new things is fine, but forcing them isn't.

Medb:
Nn.

Tomoe Gozen:
Lady Boudica is right, Lady Medb.

Tomoe Gozen:
Some women excel at holding a fan and dancing with grace, while others excel at wearing armor and riding a horse.

Medb:
Nnn.

Lakshmi:
Phew... I haven't ridden a steed out that far in some time. It's quite tiring.

Lakshmi:
Still, it's a good kind of tiring.
I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed horseback riding.

Qin Liangyu:
Yes, there's nothing like riding a horse out on
a wide-open field without a care in the world.

Qin Liangyu:
It does make you work up quite the appetite, though. Would you like to join me for some meat dumplings before we get back out–

Medb:
Nnnnnn!

Medb:
Okay, that does it! You're ALL coming with me!

Medb:
And you'd better be in the mood to learn, 'cause I'm going to teach you everything I know about beauty regimens!

Lakshmi:
H-huh? Where's this coming from?

Medb:
I've noticed for a while now how
you all still reek of widow.

Medb:
And by that, I mean I can tell you've let yourselves go beautywise because you've already been married.

Medb:
Honestly, it's been bothering me since forever.

Medb:
Haven't you ever noticed how Kiyohime and Tamamo head to the spa room every chance they get in between deliveries? You could all learn a thing or two from them.

Medb:
Though you don't have to copy the creepy way they go around grinning and saying things like, “Now Master will finally be mine...”

Medb:
Anyway, case in point: you get back from a battle or a horseback ride or whatever...

Medb:
...and the first thing out of your mouth is about dumplings? You're not children anymore, dammit.

Medb:
You're mature adult women, and you should–Ugh!
Look at you! Your hair's covered in dirt and grime!

Medb:
In fact, yours too, Boudica! And Tomoe! All right, the spa room can wait. You all need to take a bath first. Let's see, I remember there were aroma oils in the spa room, too...

Medb:
Fine, I'll go with you and teach you exactly what you all obviously desperately need to know about skin care.

Lakshmi:
Uh, thanks, but no thanks.
We're fine with just a regular bath.

Qin Liangyu:
Yeah, honestly, I don't really get what all those beauty products are supposed to do, anyway.

Medb:
Ugh, I swear, this is the whole
problem with you soldier types.

Medb:
Listen. As women, our bodies are a key weapon,
which means they need to be kept in tip-top shape.

Medb:
After battle, do you just wipe your sword with an old rag and call it a day? No! You sharpen it, right?

Medb:
Any weapon you don't keep in
good shape is no weapon at all!

Both:
!!!

Lakshmi:
That was...much more profound than I expected...

Qin Liangyu:
Indeed. I can't think of any good comeback to that...

Tomoe Gozen:
I felt that profundity deep in my own soul as well!

Tomoe Gozen:
To be honest, I still have no idea whatsoever what going to a spa room entails...

Tomoe Gozen:
...but I do understand that Lady Medb is trying to share one of her core truths with us!

Tomoe Gozen:
As a warrior, it is only right to accept her goodwill head-on. As you wish, Lady Medb, I will follow you!

Boudica:
Oh, all right. I'm still going to pass on the spa,
but I was thinking I could use a bath now, anyway.

Scáthach-Skadi:
In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose.
Just be sure you remember my ice cream.

Danger! Suspicious Personnel Warning

A:Amazones CEO:
Our delivery backlog is being
cleared out at a good pace.

A:Amazones CEO:
At this rate, it may not be much longer before the shipping system is back to its old self.

A:Amazones CEO:
No... First, I must find my missing employees, or I will simply find myself back in the same situation.

A:Amazones CEO:
I cannot outsource my delivery operations to all of you forever, after all.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Good question. I've been checking in with Egyptian HQ periodically to see if our intelligence has heard anything new, but so far, nothing.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
We have agents throughout the Servantverse,
so I thought we would have heard something by now...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Looking back, it's hard to believe that initial blast of information pertaining to this incident even took place.

A:Amazones CEO:
Then it seems more and more likely that somebody leaked that initial information intentionally.

A:Amazones CEO:
(Sigh) I knew that the bigger my company grew, the more ire it would draw from rivals jealous of our success...

A:Amazones CEO:
...but I never imagined that one of them would use such convoluted methods. What could they be thinking?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Heartily agreed. Manipulating another company into attacking a competitor when they're down...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
What a brilliant, elegant way
to make trouble for a rival!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
And the best part is, you don't even have to get your own hands dirty!

A:Amazones CEO:
...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That doesn't mean I'm the one behind your employees' disappearance, mind you. Whoever this person is, I'm just admiring their handiwork.


Fujimaru 1:
Maybe we should just focus on the job at hand for now.


A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed. These deliveries certainly
aren't going to make themselves.

A:Amazones CEO:
Let's see... Our next customer looks to be a company by the name “Cordiality Inc. Temp Agency.”

A:Amazones CEO:
This package needs to be delivered to their employee training center. It should be right around here...

Fou:
Fou, fou?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I can see a group of people over there.
Perhaps that is the place?

Mash:
That looks like...


Fujimaru 1:
Those glasses seem kind of familiar...


Fujimaru 2:
Something about this is setting off major alarm bells for me.


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
To be honest, I feel a sense of déjà vu as well. I think I recognize that man, but I can't place him...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Perhaps we met at a party?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Whenever I dress up and go to a party with my husband...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...there's always no end of men kneeling before me begging me to let them kiss my feet...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Maybe he was one of them?

A:Amazones CEO:
I don't know who he is, but on first impression, I don't care for those glasses or that he's obviously never truly worked a day in his life.

A:Amazones CEO:
He seems to me as though he is simply trying to play up his intelligence.

A:Amazones CEO:
Well, if he thinks a pair of glasses is all it takes to look like an intellectual, he could not be more wrong!

A:Amazones CEO:
...Oops. It would seem he is the customer for this delivery. All right, CEO, you can do better than that.

A:Amazones CEO:
After all, one of the best things about Amazones.com is how, certain notable exceptions aside, anyone anywhere can use it.

A:Amazones CEO:
Business is business; my personal preferences are not relevant when engaging in customer relations. All right, time to plaster on my most winning saleswoman smile and get to work.

E:???:
Ahh, I'm so glad this day has finally arrived.

E:???:
You did very well making it this far,
Registration No. 9685.

No. 9685:
Thank you for everything you've done for me, Teacher!

No. 9685:
Not gonna lie, as a guy who used to run around doing space piracy under the name Blackbeard Binks, your temp training program was really tough for me to get through!

No. 9685:
But now that I'm done, I'll finally get to be
a full-fledged member of society! I can't wait!

No. 9685:
Now I won't have to spend every waking hour of my day running away from bounty hunters!

No. 9685:
(Sniff) Thank you so much for not giving up on me!

E:???:
Now, now, no more tears. This is more than just your graduation. It's the first day of a whole new life.

No. 9685:
Thank you, Teacher. Though you know, I never did get why I had to stand as close as possible to those grenades to practice enduring their explosions. Why would a temp like me need a skill like that, anyway?

E:???:
(Avoiding the question) Now that you've managed to withstand this difficult training...

E:???:
...you should be able to handle any temp position at any company anywhere.

E:???:
They may be in administration, sales,
development, management, or making tea...

E:???:
...but whatever they are, and wherever you go, I guarantee you will now be the right person for the job.

E:???:
I only wish I could be there to see the magnificent fruits of your labors for myself. Ah, what a shame.

No. 9685:
Teacher... You really do care about me!
Well, don't worry! I promise I won't let you down!

E:???:
Indeed, be sure that you don't,
otherwise it'll lead to some trouble.

E:???:
Oh my, it would seem congratulations are in order.

E:???:
Cordiality's temp worker database has already found the perfect company for you.

E:???:
Once we take care of the paperwork, you could begin working immediately. What do you say?

E:???:
Don't worry, it's very simple.

E:???:
All you have to do is sign away your rights–That is, this labor contract, and you'll be all set.

No. 9685:
Really? Sounds good to me!
There, signed and sealed!


Fujimaru 1:
Anyone else catch that troubling throwaway line?


Fou:
Fou fou, fooou.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
A temp agency...?
Something about this feels familiar...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...(Gasp)

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I-I just remembered!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Egyptian's marketing department periodically sends me a blacklist of people not do to business with.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That's where I've seen his face.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
The toxic company he runs, Cordiality, is the most ethically questionable temp agency in the Sapphire Galaxy.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
He operates it firmly in the gray zone, skirting the law without technically breaking it. In fact, I think he actually is a wanted man in some star systems.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
He's been quasi-legally racking up huge profits by deceiving and brainwashing unwitting Servant resources into working for other companies until they literally blow up.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
His name is Mister Chen, though he's more commonly known by his terrifying alias...The Explosion!


Fujimaru 1:
Shouldn't that be “The Exploder”?


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Don't ask me! I didn't make it up!

Mister Chen:
Oh? And who might you be?

A:Amazones CEO:
...I am from Amazones.com.

Mister Chen:
Ah, yes. I did order something from you, didn't I?

Mister Chen:
Just a moment, please. I still need to put the finishing touches on–That is, finish my new employee's graduation.

Mister Chen:
Registration No. 9685, now that you are about to leave the company and set out into society...

Mister Chen:
...I have a little present for
you to commemorate the occasion.

Mister Chen:
As someone who has been a part of your new lease on life, even if only for the duration of your training...

Mister Chen:
...it's the least I can do to cheer you on. Here.

No. 9685:
Oh man, Teach, you've already done more for me than I can ever pay you back for, and now you're giving me a present, too? I don't know what to say!

Mister Chen:
It's quite all right. Just say you'll take it.

No. 9685:
Well, if you insist... (Sniff) You're the best,
Teacher. I'm so glad I got to meet you.

Mister Chen:
Now, listen closely. You are only to open this gift while at the company you are temping for, and only when things are looking truly dire.

Mister Chen:
Do not open it under any other circumstances.

Mister Chen:
If you ever find yourself in desperate straits with no hope of escape, the contents of this box will save you.

Mister Chen:
For example, if you happen to see something you shouldn't have, or done something that the tyrannical company president will literally have your head for...

Mister Chen:
...and you wish there was a way to turn the tables on the nearby bad guys and really blow them away.

Mister Chen:
That is when I hope you will remember this box. Oh, and it will be especially effective if you can open it in close proximity to said company president.

Mister Chen:
Also, make absolutely sure never to drop it, and be careful not to store it in moist, damp environments. Is that clear?

No. 9685:
You got it, Teach!


Fujimaru 1:
Oh come on, it's obvious what it is!


Fujimaru 2:
Don't let him fool you, Blackbeard!


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I knew it! You're deceiving innocent(?) pirates
and exploiting them for your own gain!

Mister Chen:
Oh? Hehehe, now that's odd. I could have sworn I made the delivery out to Cordiality Inc.

Mister Chen:
I didn't think Amazones.com was so unprofessional as to violate its customers' privacy.

Mister Chen:
Indeed, it's all the more egregious when considering that you regularly set foot into other people's homes by nature of your mail-order business.

B:Amazones CEO:
I guarantee that we are in total compliance with all galactic privacy laws, and any personal information acquired in the course of performing our work duties is kept strictly confidential.

B:Amazones CEO:
However, just to confirm: while Amazones.com proudly accepts orders from customers of all stripes...

B:Amazones CEO:
...we draw the line at purchases we believe may have been made by criminals, or that may be used in criminal activities.

Mister Chen:
Criminal? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Cordiality is every bit on the up-and-up.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Oh really? Then how do you explain all the young workers your agency deploys...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...who are trained to work until they can no longer move before they ultimately end up exploding!?

Mister Chen:
You're mistaking the results of our process for our aims. At Cordiality, we try to cultivate a strong work ethic and a fierce sense of loyalty in all of our associates.

Mister Chen:
Yes, we have been so successful with some of them that they've ended up making the ultimate sacrifice to help their assigned company, but that was a choice they made of their own volition.

Mister Chen:
All I can do is give our devoted associates one of these secret microwavable tools for when they decide to take matters into their own hands.

Mister Chen:
That way, when it goes off,
I can at least try to recoup my losses.

Mister Chen:
What's wrong with that?

B:Amazones CEO:
Do you really need to ask? Employees are the most precious resource a company has.

B:Amazones CEO:
Business models like that are only feasible when the company lacks any sense of ethics or responsibility.

B:Amazones CEO:
And quite frankly, your choice to use it also strikes me as one profoundly lacking in creativity or innovation.

Mister Chen:
Oh? That's quite the accusation from someone whose own company is currently suffering from a dearth of employees.

A:Amazones CEO:
What did you just say?

Mash:
So you've heard about what's
going on at Amazones.com too!?

Mister Chen:
Indeed I have. You see, I didn't make this order just to have an item I need delivered.

Mister Chen:
No, my true goal...was to make you a proposal.

Mister Chen:
I was hoping you might consider using some of Cordiality's hardest working young associates...

Mister Chen:
...to bolster your company's
ranks during this time of need.

Mister Chen:
Of course, you are the up-and-coming CEO of Amazones.com who has grown your company at a truly astonishing rate.

Mister Chen:
So I trust you can understand why I figured making an order would give me a better opportunity to talk business with you. The matter of obtaining an appointment with you is no easy feat, after all.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh? So you want me to employ the workers you've trained as delivery people?

Mister Chen:
That's right.

A:Amazones CEO:
Absolutely not!!!


Fujimaru 1:
No hesitation at all! Love it!


A:Amazones CEO:
Did you truly think I would jump at such a proposal?

B:Amazones CEO:
I understand that labor has taken numerous forms as of late, and that temp workers are one of them.

B:Amazones CEO:
However, temp workers also bring a host of problems.
Um... Temp problems, essentially.

B:Amazones CEO:
You know...problems that have to do with how temp workers are treated. I think.

B:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, it is a crucial issue, and one I take very seriously as the CEO of my company.

Mister Chen:
Your point being?

A:Amazones CEO:
The one thing I can say for certain
is that trust is essential!

A:Amazones CEO:
As a matter of fact, Amazones.com is currently working hand in hand with our very first outsourcing partner.

A:Amazones CEO:
It may appear similar to employing temp workers
at a glance, but I only made this decision because
I trusted Fujimaru and [♂ his /♀️ her] companions.

A:Amazones CEO:
Suffice to say, trust is a key priority for anyone we choose to work with, and I do not trust you one bit.

A:Amazones CEO:
So I have no interest in your proposal, regardless of how much help your workers might be.

Mister Chen:
(Sigh) I didn't expect you to be so stubborn.

Mister Chen:
Come now, think about it. Surely you could use all the help you can get right now, no?

Mister Chen:
I can provide you with ideal employees. The kind who
work hard, keep their heads down, and never complain.

Mister Chen:
Furthermore, I can guarantee they would be so loyal that they would gladly show any difficult customer making unreasonable complaints some (literal) fireworks.

Mister Chen:
But of course, they would never do so in a way that would reflect poorly on your company. If anything, they would only reinforce your dominance over the intergalactic home shopping market.

Mister Chen:
After all, if word were to spread that refusal to accept a package from Amazones.com resulted in the refuser, say, haha, blowing up...

Mister Chen:
Well, I imagine you would soon see a very sharp decrease in refusals indeed.

Mister Chen:
The home delivery industry doesn't get enough respect as it is, so instilling customers with the right...moral incentives should only help. Really, it's about time the Sapphire Galaxy as a whole began a new season, in my opinion.

Mister Chen:
As for me, all I ask in return for providing you with such valuable employees is reasonable compensation for the time I've spent training them.

Mister Chen:
Indeed, the more I think about it, the more I think such an arrangement would be nothing but upside for both of us.

Mister Chen:
Truly, this is exactly what I would call a...

Mister Chen:
Win-win!

Mister Chen:
Oh my, that was close.

A:Amazones CEO:
Try to argue the merits of your position all you like. You are still nothing more than a worm trying to take advantage of us in a moment of weakness.

A:Amazones CEO:
You clearly need a lesson in ethics, and fortunately for you, my morning star and I specialize in teaching from the school of extremely hard knocks!

Osakabehime:
Yeah, honestly, I don't think anyone needs a delivery person literally blowing up on the job anyway...

--BATTLE--

B:Amazones CEO:
Worry not! Amazones.com will never
make deals with violent criminals!


Fujimaru 1:
(Though you don't seem to be above using violence yourself...)


Mash:
Senpai, as your kouhai, I can more or less tell what you're thinking right now...

Mash:
...and I think now is probably
not a good time to say it!

Mister Chen:
Oof.

Mister Chen:
Considering that everything under the sun shines brightest at the moment it is about to burn out, I truly thought that Amazones.com was now on its last legs.

Mister Chen:
But it seems I was a bit hasty
in coming to that conclusion.

Mister Chen:
So I think I will withdraw for today and spend some time thinking about what I've learned.

Mister Chen:
Of course, if you would ever like to discuss business again, I am always happy to oblige.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Hold it! We still need to turn
you over to the Galactic Police!

A:Amazones CEO:
Just answer me one thing.
Are you the one behind my employees' disappearances?

Mister Chen's Voice:

Goodness, no. Cordiality is but a humble temp agency.
We're not in the business of poaching talent from other companies.

Mister Chen's Voice:

When word that they were missing first reached the underworld, I did put out some feelers in the hope of finding some disgruntled Amazons to recruit...

Mister Chen's Voice:

But it was to no avail, as there was neither hide nor hair of them to be found anywhere.

Mister Chen's Voice:

I suspect that either someone with very deep ties to the Servantverse's underworld was involved in their disappearance, or... Well, my expenses reached the point of diminishing returns before I could dig any deeper into the alternative.

Mister Chen's Voice:

Suffice to say, that was when I decided to abandon my info gathering pursuits and try the direct approach.

Mister Chen's Voice:

But of course, we all know how that panned out.
Ahh, what a great opportunity cost this has been.

Mister Chen's Voice:

Oh well, a lesson for the future, I suppose. Now then,
if you'll excuse me, I really must be on my way...

A:Amazones CEO:
...He's gone.

A:Amazones CEO:
While you don't see many villains as forthright as him nowadays...it doesn't seem like he abducted my employees.


Fujimaru 1:
I really, really disagree with his logic, but I don't think he was lying.


Fujimaru 2:
I'd never, ever do business with him, but he didn't strike me as a liar.


Fou:
Fou, fou.

No. 9685:
Huh? Where'd Teacher go?
And where do I find my new workplace?

A:Amazones CEO:
This agency has been sunsetted. Mister Chen will not return. You are free to forge your own destiny, pirate!

No. 9685:
Whaaa!? But the whole reason I wanted to become an
office slacker in the first place is 'cause I didn't
want to have to figure that stuff out for myself!

A:Amazones CEO:
...True, it would be all too easy to simply leave you with that single word of advice.

A:Amazones CEO:
But as the first-class CEO of a first-class
corporation, I have more words of wisdom I can share
to help enterprising young(?) people like
yourself advance in life.

A:Amazones CEO:
So listen up, for the truth I am about to tell you will give your life much greater direction than that purple-haired weasel's lies ever could.

No. 9685:
Yeah? Okay, lay it on me.

A:Amazones CEO:
It all comes down to just one word:

A:Amazones CEO:
Muscles!

No. 9685:
!!!???

A:Amazones CEO:
Even if you think I'm full of it, just train your muscles well, and they will be one of the few things in life that will never let you down.

A:Amazones CEO:
Well-trained muscles will invigorate your appetite, improve your health, focus your mind, land you a job, and find you friends. In this, I am absolutely certain.

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed, there are numerous reasons as to how I became a CEO, but my muscles were a core component.


Fujimaru 1:
Really?


A:Amazones CEO:
Really.
I do not know if you are aware of this or not...

A:Amazones CEO:
...but our relaxation facilities also contain the best gym you will find this side of the Sapphire Galaxy.

A:Amazones CEO:
I strongly urge you to pay it a visit if you should ever find yourself tired of life or making deliveries. It will help you solve just about any problem you may have.

No. 9685:
Hmm... So you're saying if I work out a lot I can become a CEO? And once I become CEO Swolebeard...

No. 9685:
...I'll finally have girls fawning over me saying things like “Kyah! Check out the hot space pirate over there!”!?

Osakabehime:
Is that really what you want, Beardy...?

A:Amazones CEO:
Hehe. While it would be easy for me to squash that dream here and now, I will instead just say that the future holds endless possibilities, young(?) pirate.

A:Amazones CEO:
But if you should ever find yourself lost and lacking direction once again, read my autobiography–now in its second printing–and it will help you get back on track.

A:Amazones CEO:
Farewell!

No. 9685:
All that said, if I'm gonna start a harsh workout, I think I'd enjoy it a lot more as a space pirate than a guy just pumping space iron.

No. 9685:
Yeah, that's the ticket! I'm gonna take a page out of that bad guy's playbook...

No. 9685:
...and start a space pirate franchise where fellow outlaws can enjoy exercising AND make a killing! I'm gonna be rich!

No. 9685:
...Wait. Isn't that just a pirate guild?
I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this plan...

Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Emiya:
Khh... This pressure is intense.

Emiya:
How're you holding up, Cat!?

Tamamo Cat:
It's all paws on deck here, and there's not nearly enough paws to go around! At least I can say there's never a dull moment, woof!

Tawara Touta:
You guys keep cooking. I'll keep the rice coming!
Here you go!

Pārvatī:
Order up! One curry combo!

Pārvatī:
Let's see, next I've got to make... Ulp, there're even more orders than before. I'll get started right now!

Jason:
Tch. Brave warriors like me are supposed to be greeted with banquets thrown in our honor wherever we go.

Jason:
So why do I have to subject myself to the humiliation of waiting in line? You're all lucky I don't send Heracles on ahead to clear the way for me, dammit.

Ibaraki-Douji:
Quit your bellyaching, New Blondie.

Ibaraki-Douji:
You think I don't want to get rid of everyone and make off with all that yummy-looking food for myself?

Ibaraki-Douji:
'Course, as an oni, I probably should do that,
but then Red Guy won't make me any more sweets...

Bradamante:
(What a good girl she is. Especially for an oni!)

Cú Chulainn:
Seriously, what's the holdup? I've been waiting for what feels like forever. Can't you make it any faster?

Emiya:
It'll be ready when it's ready, Lancer!

Emiya:
If you're tired of waiting in line, then either get in here and help us out, or go and show off that fancy running form I've heard so damn much about!

Cú Chulainn:
I've BEEN running. Why do you think I'm so famished?

Cú Chulainn:
I'm telling you, it ain't easy being part of the ground troops. If only I could bring my chariot here...

Jack:
Whoa, check it out! They've got pancakes here now!

Nursery Rhyme:
Oh my! That sounds umptious scrumptious!

Rama:
What's this?
Lady Pārvatī herself made this curry!?

Rama:
I may be the avatar of Vishnu,
but I absolutely have to try that!

Rama:
...Curses, I can't believe how far this line stretches on. But if it means having a taste of Lady Pārvatī's handmade curry, it is a wait I am willing to endure!

Caligula:
Fooooood!!!

Red Hare:
Mmm! This stuff is the horse's hooves–I mean,
the bee's knees!

Red Hare:
There's nothing tastier than a good carrot! Just one of these is enough to let me run for ten thousand li!

Red Hare:
And unlike that huge line over there, this area is entirely buffet-style, so I don't even have to wait!

Red Hare:
That being said...

Red Hare:
Looking at everyone else here, I can't deny that my diet is a little lacking in variety.

Red Hare:
And since I'll no doubt need to head out on a job again, seeing as I'm one of Chaldea's star runners and all, I should probably try something new that will give me even more energy.

Red Hare:
Excuse me, good sir, but might you have any form of carrot dish on your menu?

Red Hare:
Because I think such a dish could help me run even faster and further than usual! Neigh ha!

Emiya:
Oh, it's you.

Emiya:
I wish I could help out, but we're too shorthanded to whip up anything carrot-based right now.

Emiya:
I could always chop one up and stir-fry it for you,
but I'm pretty sure that's not what you had in mind.

Emiya:
Wait... Hang on. I think we might've just gotten something in the last supply drop.

Emiya:
Here we go: Galaxy Carrot Pancakes.
Wanna give 'em a shot?

Red Hare:
Galaxy Carrot Pancakes!?

Emiya:
Yup. I don't know if someone foresaw this kind of thing happening or what, but it's even labeled “safe for humans and horses alike.”

Red Hare:
Well, I'm Lu Bu, obviously, so the horse part doesn't apply to me, but yes, I'd definitely like to try some!

Red Hare:
All right, let's see what these
Galaxy Carrot Pancakes taste like...

Red Hare:
Holy horsey! I mean, moly!

Red Hare:
This is definitely the same great carrot taste I know and love, but it's also a fluffy pancake! What a revelation!

Red Hare:
I could eat these forever! Run forever!
Be Lu Bu forever! Om nom nom nom!

Red Hare:
Neigh ahhh... Oh man, I have to tell
the others about these right away.

Red Hare:
Let's see. There's Lord Bucephalus, Lord Dun Stallion, Lady Llamrei, Lord Bailong, Lord Kyogoku...

Red Hare:
...Lord Bayard, Lord Prince of Lan Ling's friend whose name I forgot to ask, Lord Pegasus...!

Red Hare:
These pancakes' deliciousness is going to shake up the whole horse industry something fierce.

Red Hare:
I have no doubt that any horse who eats these will be able to gallop across the open plains several times more powerfully than before!

Red Hare:
Huh? Oh, no, I don't mean me.
I'm not a horse, after all.

Red Hare:
Ahh, I can feel the power coursing through my–I mean, Lu Bu's veins! I'll be able to tackle my next delivery with ten times more power than usual!

Red Hare:
Don't try to stop me!
All that's left now is to hit the road! Neigh haaa!

Emiya:
...Maybe I'd better double-check
the ingredients on those pancakes...

Without Honor and Humanity! The War of Analog vs. Digital

A:Amazones CEO:
What a nice, quiet planet this is.

A:Amazones CEO:
I have no doubt that the customer who lives here must be similarly calm and collected.

A:Amazones CEO:
And the fact that they only ordered a single bookmark means they must also be a person of refined tastes.


Fujimaru 1:
Having an uneventful delivery for once sounds great to me.


Mash:
Me too...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Oh, speaking of which, isn't that house our next stop?

A:Amazones CEO:
Hello there!

E:???:
Yes? May I ask who's calling?

A:Amazones CEO:
We are from Amazones.com.
Sign here, please.

E:???:
...I see. Then the time has finally come.

A:Amazones CEO:
I've never had a customer sign with a brush before.
Well, no matter. Very well, here you go–

E:???:
And with that...
Have at you!!!

A:Amazones CEO:
What do you think you're doing!?

E:???:
Declaring war, of course!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Oh my, that brushwork was beau–Er, very high in BP. And this elegant handwriting... It's so cosmic!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Incidentally, did you know that cosmic and cosmetic have the same etymology? It's true.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
But then, it would seem this isn't the time to be admiring this fine artisanship.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
You must be another vulture trying to pick off Amazones.com when it's down, aren't you?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I once tried the same thing, but now that we're business partners, I can't have it going under.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
At least not until I get a solid
return on my BP investment.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
The last thing I need is some unforeseen bottom-line pressure at the end of our fiscal year.

B:Amazones CEO:
An unabashed manifesto dripping with desire.
I understand. As a CEO, I too am all about profits.

E:???:
I'm afraid you're mistaken. I'm no vulture.

E:???:
My name is LS Hunter Purple, and it's my duty to enact divine retribution upon you!


Fujimaru 1:
“LS”?


LS Hunter Purple:
...It stands for “Love Story.”

LS Hunter Purple:
That's right. I have an insatiable hunger for tales of romance, no matter when or where they were written.

LS Hunter Purple:
I've even tried my hand at writing my own when
I haven't found any capable of satisfying me!

LS Hunter Purple:
Suffice to say, I am a bookstore owner-slash-romance author with the greatest collection of love stories in the galaxy.

LS Hunter Purple:
And this vengeance I am about to enact is not born solely from my own grievances.

LS Hunter Purple:
Understand that I strike these blows on behalf of story lovers everywhere!

A:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. Stories, huh.

B:Amazones CEO:
Indeed, people from all walks of life throughout all of recorded history have always been fond of stories.

B:Amazones CEO:
Whether they wish to savor thrills they will never experience in their daily lives, or have their hearts moved by stirring dramatic developments, their appetite for stories of all kinds is truly insatiable.

B:Amazones CEO:
Naturally, Amazones.com has plenty of stories stocked on our shelves to meet this demand...but we also know that in today's busy world, fewer customers have the time to read a book or even watch a movie.

B:Amazones CEO:
Which is why we came up with an all-new product line...

B:Amazones CEO:
The Kindness Flair!


Fujimaru 1:
The Kindness Flair...


Fujimaru 2:
What in the world is that?


B:Amazones CEO:
We experience stories through our brains. When we read or watch a story, our brains are what make us feel excited or moved or what have you.

B:Amazones CEO:
So we thought, why not cut out the intermediary and go straight to the source?

LS Hunter Purple:
Gnnnnnn...

A:Amazones CEO:
To elaborate, we came up with a product that lets us send data directly to our customers' brains.

Osakabehime:
Majireally? Isn't that, you know, super dangerous?

Osakabehime:
I mean, anything connected straight to brains sounds like something out of a cyberpunk dystopia...

A:Amazones CEO:
Now, the Kindness series is Amazones.com's
best-selling product line by far.

A:Amazones CEO:
They let our customers experience a story without all that time-consuming reading or watching.

A:Amazones CEO:
They may not technically be stories themselves, but we stand behind our guarantee that the effects are identical.

A:Amazones CEO:
Now, our customers can order any moving experience they like with a single click and have it delivered directly to their brain stem, complete with same-sol shipping in select areas.

A:Amazones CEO:
Only available at...Amazones.com!

LS Hunter Purple:
Exactly!

LS Hunter Purple:
Thanks to all those Kindness Flairs, stories throughout the Servantverse are on the brink of extinction!

LS Hunter Purple:
There's a lot to be said for trudging around dozens of different bookstores until your feet feel like they're about to fall off looking for a new book that grabs your interest!

LS Hunter Purple:
Or spending a whole day just to get to a movie theater far away because it's the closest one showing the film you've been looking forward to for ages!

LS Hunter Purple:
But now that people can get the same emotional charge just by having some data dumped directly into their brains via a single click, that's all going away...

LS Hunter Purple:
The way things are going now, there won't be any paper books left where you can't wait to turn the next page, or theaters where you can bite your nails during a tense scene!

LS Hunter Purple:
It's not right, and I won't stand for it!


Fujimaru 1:
I'm kind of inclined to agree...

Mash:
Me too! Stories are one of the best things humanity has ever invented!

LS Hunter Purple:
See!? It's not just me who feels this way!

LS Hunter Purple:
I'm not sure why you're on the Amazones.com side,
but I'm assuming it's just some misunderstanding.

LS Hunter Purple:
Once this is all over with, I hope you'll come visit my bookstore. I'm sure you'll find something on the shelves that appeals to you.

LS Hunter Purple:
I'll even throw in a lovely handmade
book cover to go with it.


Fujimaru 2:
That does sound like these Flair things are cutting out too much...

LS Hunter Purple:
Right!?

LS Hunter Purple:
Oh, I'm so glad to hear you feel that way, too. Most people these days are simply too enthralled with the Kindness Flair's supposed charms.

LS Hunter Purple:
That's why I have to do something now, before every story in the Servantverse disappears forever...

Fou:
Fou fo, fooou... Fou?

Mash:
Fou is putting his paw gently on Purple's shoulder.
I think he's trying to console her.

Mash:
Honestly, I don't think I'd want to live in a world without any books, either...


Osakabehime:
Yeah, I can't deny that digitizing everything makes it a lot easier to read or draw...

Osakabehime:
But I think I'd miss paper books if they went away for good, too.

B:Amazones CEO:
From where I stand,
this is simply how the times are changing.

B:Amazones CEO:
The whole reason customers frequent our site is because we provide convenient solutions to their requirements.

B:Amazones CEO:
Our user-friendly systems converging with services designed to meet the needs of the modern age...

B:Amazones CEO:
...have merely resulted in a product line that has advantages over that of its traditional competitors.

LS Hunter Purple:
I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at, but it doesn't matter. I, and other story lovers like me, refuse to simply fade away with the times.

LS Hunter Purple:
This is a war for stories; for values; for our very survival! And I intend to fight as hard as I can!

LS Hunter Purple:
Now, prepare for battle!

Mash:
G-gosh... This seems like a simple, yet deeply-rooted problem. It doesn't seem like it can be easily resolved.

Mash:
S-still, no matter how valid her grievances might be, we can't let her kill us without a fight. Please do your best to neutralize her, Master!

--BATTLE--

LS Hunter Purple:
Ahh...!

B:Amazones CEO:
...

B:Amazones CEO:
Romance novels, huh...

B:Amazones CEO:
I can't say I understand, as I only interact with the written word through spreadsheets and at the gym...

B:Amazones CEO:
But I now understand that there is a far greater breadth of quality work in the genre than I had ever imagined.

B:Amazones CEO:
I can't even count how many times I must have swung my CEO Morning Star while defending against them just now.

LS Hunter Purple:
What's your point?

C:Amazones CEO:
Efficient next-generation mediums like the Flair are a type of strength...but so too is a wide-ranging product lineup.

C:Amazones CEO:
Stock shortages, on the other hand, are the enemy of all that is good. Such opportunity losses are the one thing we must avoid at any cost.

C:Amazones CEO:
It is with that in mind that I would like to make you a proposal, LS Hunter Purple.

LS Hunter Purple:
O-okay... What is it?

C:Amazones CEO:
I now understand that stories told via traditional mediums have their own charms as products.

C:Amazones CEO:
While the Kindness series may offer a highly efficient pipeline for delivering emotions, they do not provide the same sort of experiences as old-fashioned stories.

C:Amazones CEO:
So why not provide both options to consumers, and let them choose for themselves which one they prefer?

C:Amazones CEO:
I think that could lead to a future where a healthy competitive market drives both your stories and our Flair line to greater heights than they could reach on their own.

LS Hunter Purple:
Then, does that mean–

C:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com will no longer make use of any adversarial marketing aimed at traditional storytelling mediums such as books and movies.

LS Hunter Purple:
!!!

C:Amazones CEO:
Of course, I do not expect this to resolve all of our differences, but compromise or not, I believe we need to try something new if we are to reach a mutually beneficial state of affairs.

C:Amazones CEO:
So from here on, we will forego any and all use of inflammatory ad copy...

C:Amazones CEO:
...such as “No more wasted time!” or
“What will you do with all your new spare time?”

LS Hunter Purple:
...And you think your Flairs will still be able to beat our stories despite that?

LS Hunter Purple:
I see...

LS Hunter Purple:
All right, I accept your proposal.

LS Hunter Purple:
One of these days, we will show you just how powerful our stories can truly be!

B:Amazones CEO:
I look forward to it.

B:Amazones CEO:
By the way, on a different note, I have been receiving requests from some of my outsourcers for more leisure activities at Amazones.com's relaxation facilities.

B:Amazones CEO:
...Yes, this could work out nicely. Would you mind if I bought a few dozen books from you to fill our shelves?

LS Hunter Purple:
N-not at all. Whatever ill will I may bear towards your company, anyone interested in purchasing books is a valued customer in my, um, book.

LS Hunter Purple:
I would be more than happy to fulfill your request and furnish books for your company's reading corner.

LS Hunter Purple:
On my honor as LS Hunter Purple and the webmaster of Shikibu's Diary, the romance novel review site that features tens of thousands of books and has the most page views in the galaxy...

LS Hunter Purple:
...I promise to put together a selection of the finest romance novels ever written!

B:Amazones CEO:
Y-yes, well, while I do appreciate that, I was also hoping for books spanning a wide range of genres...

LS Hunter Purple:
Wide range of genres! Got it!

LS Hunter Purple:
Don't worry I'll put together a reading corner where anyone and everyone regardless of age profession or gender or any combination thereof can find the perfect book that speaks directly to who they are and if any of your employees or outsourcers or whoever ends up reading these books should happen to find themself smoldering with a fiery passion burning deep in their heart that reading alone can never hope to quench I would tremendously appreciate it if they could try putting pen to paper themself so that I might be able to read a new take on the romance genre and maybe even lead to the discovery of a promising new author–
(Spoken at a blistering pace)

C:Amazones CEO:
...Um, yes, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to include a few books that you personally recommend.

C:Amazones CEO:
Just please make sure that they are books most people would want to read. If I were to choose, they would all end up being about bodybuilding and finance.

LS Hunter Purple:
Understood! Just leave it all to me!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
You do run into these types every now and then, don't you? The kind of people who get very particular whenever they're entrusted with a task in a field they obviously care a lot about...

LS Hunter Purple:
Oh, right. What shall we do about shipping?

LS Hunter Purple:
I'm certain I will end up sending you a great deal of books, after all, so, um, if possible, I was hoping professionals from your company could handle their delivery.

LS Hunter Purple:
But of course, word has been going around that your employees have all gone missing...

LS Hunter Purple:
...which is why I lured you
here by ordering that bookmark.

B:Amazones CEO:
I see. So it's the same pattern as before.

B:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, you need not worry about shipping the books. As you can see from the people I have helping me here...

B:Amazones CEO:
...Amazones.com is not about to let our labor shortage hold us back forever.

C:Amazones CEO:
Here, Carrier Golem!

Carrier Golem:
......


Fujimaru 1:
What is that thing!?


B:Amazones CEO:
What was his name again? The one with the mask?
...Right. Avicebron.

B:Amazones CEO:
He came to my office recently and sold me on the merits of this custom-built golem.

B:Amazones CEO:
Not only can it carry very heavy loads, it can even run wonderfully quickly for long periods of time.

B:Amazones CEO:
I cannot use it in place of proper delivery people thanks to its inability to talk, but it is perfect for simply transporting goods and assisting delivery personnel.

B:Amazones CEO:
I only wish it wasn't so difficult to make them.
Right now, this is the only one of its kind.

B:Amazones CEO:
If we were able to mass-produce them, they could revolutionize the distribution industry as we know it.


Fujimaru 1:
When did you even get this thing?

Mash:
Good question.
This is the first I've heard of it, too.

Mash:
Then again, I can't imagine Avicebron helping with deliveries on his own.

Mash:
Making a golem like this to help with deliveries in his stead is exactly the sort of thing he would do.

Mash:
Honestly, thinking about it now,
I'm surprised I didn't realize it sooner!


Fujimaru 2:
If Avicebron made it, we can definitely trust its quality.

Mash:
I agree.

Mash:
Avicebron would never pass up a chance to take his golem engineering further.

Mash:
I'm guessing he sees this as an excellent opportunity to test some new ideas he's been mulling over.


B:Amazones CEO:
There you have it. All you need to do is hand the books to this golem, and it will bring them to our office.

LS Hunter Purple:
I see... All right, then that's just what I'll do.

Mash:
Now we only have a few more backlogged orders left to deliver. The end is almost in sight!


Fujimaru 1:
Okay...we just have to hang in there a little longer!


Fou:
Fooou!

Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Narration:
Inside the Great Amazones Hot Spring Story at the Amazones.com provisional frontier planet branch office relaxation facilities...

Narration:
– Men's Sauna –

Aśvatthāman:
Well? You bastards ready to throw in the towel yet?

Napoleon:
Hahahaha! I take it you've never heard the stories of my legendarily long baths then? Well, a sauna's no different from a bath. I can stay in here for another two hours, easy.

Aśvatthāman:
Oh yeah? Then I can go for three hours!

Tell:
Hehehe, easy there, youngsters.
You don't want to push yourselves too hard.

Tell:
I'm a hunter, so I'm used to staying perfectly still for hours on end through hot and cold alike.

Tell:
Oftentimes, I'd go half a day or longer without moving before landing a kill.

Aśvatthāman:
That your way of saying you can beat us both?
You've got guts, old man! I like that!

Tell:
No, that's not what I was trying to say...

Aśvatthāman:
This isn't just between you and me anymore, Sideburns. Let's see who can last the longest out of everyone here!

Inshun:
Oho, a challenge, is it? That does sound like fun.
But are you sure you wish to challenge me?

Inshun:
Remember, I am a monk. I have much more experience enduring hardships than most people.

Inshun:
In fact, this should only help with my training.
What about you, Lord Yagyu?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Heh. Are you worried that these old bones of mine may have trouble keeping up?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Well, worry not.
Whether I leave or stay is entirely up to me.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Indeed, how is a contest where swords remain sheathed any different from no contest at all?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Of course, one could easily say that all of life is a contest, and that it too is no contest at all.

Inshun:
Hmm. You sound far more like
a monk than I do, Lord Yagyu.

Inshun:
Is that your way of saying you already live every moment as though you were on the battlefield, and therefore, “bring it on”?

Aśvatthāman:
I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about,
but cut it out. It's pissing me off.

Aśvatthāman:
The point is, whoever leaves this place first is now officially a spineless loser!

Tell:
You sure you want to do this?
You're already sweating buckets.

Tell:
Don't forget, this sauna's been
adjusted to work on Servants.

Tell:
Just because you can wield fire doesn't mean you'll be able to handle this heat forever.

Aśvatthāman:
Shut up! I'm only sweating 'cause I'm having so much
damn fun! And it's cooling me down so much I might
as well be standing in a freezer!

Aśvatthāman:
Ahh, this is gonna be a good time.
Now I just wish I had more opponents to play with.

Aśvatthāman:
That bastard Karna'd be a good challenge if he was here, but since he's not–Hm?

Arjuna Alter:
So...this is a steam bath.
Or a sauna, as they call it now.

Arjuna Alter:
But it would seem there is little room to spare right now, in multiple senses of the word. I'll come back some other–

Aśvatthāman:
Hahahaha! Great timing, non-Arjuna Arjuna!
Come on and join us for our challenge!

Aśvatthāman:
I think you might just put
up as good a fight as Karna!

Arjuna Alter:
I don't understand what there is to be gained from such a challenge, but if you insist...

Napoleon:
Hah, never thought I'd find myself stuck in a room naked with a bunch of other naked guys everywhere I look.

Napoleon:
The last thing we need is making this place feel even more stuffy by staring each other down. Why don't we at least talk about something fun?

Napoleon:
Hmm, how about the kind of women we go for?
That's always good for livening things up.

Inshun:
I am afraid monks like myself have little to contribute to discussions of women or alcohol.

Aśvatthāman:
I know! Let's go around saying who the strongest opponent we ever fought was!

Aśvatthāman:
Then if they happen to be here at Chaldea, you'll have something else to look forward to later!

Tell:
Bit strange to hear this from me, since you're from way back during the Age of Gods, but you sure are full of that youthful competitive vigor, eh?

Narration:
– A Few Hours Later –

Kid Gil:
Over here, Doctor.

Asclepius:
Hmm. What do we have here?

Napoleon:
Whoa... I can see a beautiful woman I've never met before as if she was standing right in front of me!

Aśvatthāman:
Dammit... You guys haven't...beat me yet...

Tell:
Hmm, guess I pushed myself a little too hard. This is what I get for trying to keep up with young people...

Kid Gil:
Ahaha, it's like looking at a mass graveyard, isn't it? Man, just looking at all these muscle heads everywhere is enough to make ME feel sore.

Kid Gil:
It'd be nice if there was a more delicate person or two mixed in among them, but apparently, all we've got are men of steel.

Kid Gil:
Anyway, let's go ahead and clean this place up!

Asclepius:
They're just suffering from heatstroke.
Take the ones who can't move up to the infirmary.

Asclepius:
There's nothing interesting about their symptoms, but at least I'll get to test my new heatstroke treatment.

Asclepius:
They can cry and scream all they like, but they won't be going anywhere until I discharge them. Heh heh heh...

Kid Gil:
Some of them are holding up pretty well.

Asclepius:
And? I have no interest in healthy specimens.
Leave them be.

Inshun:
...Ahhh! Now that was a good sweat.

Inshun:
But I still have a long way to go, since I actually enjoyed the time I spent chanting sutras to help stick it out.

Inshun:
I may have tied the battle, but I have to say I lost the war. Now if I had remained calm and self-possessed like you, Lord Yagyu, it may have been another story.

Inshun:
That IS your mastery of mind over
matter in action, is it not?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Who can say? Perhaps I am actually crying out in pain on the inside and simply refusing to show it.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
Besides, I believe the winner of this contest is clear.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami:
There are times when the strongest competitor around is the one unaware that they are even competing. Hehe...

Arjuna Alter:
Ahh...

Arjuna Alter:
I had no idea saunas could be so relaxing...

Tears! The Hard Knock Life in the Outlaw World

A:Amazones CEO:
This will take care of the last priority delivery that fell by the wayside when my employees disappeared.


Fujimaru 1:
I can't believe we're almost done already.

A:Amazones CEO:
It is natural to feel that way when you have been so focused on the task at hand.

A:Amazones CEO:
And you truly did take this work seriously, despite having no prior experience in this industry.

A:Amazones CEO:
I don't know what to say...
I suppose I should tell you how grate–

A:Amazones CEO:
No, on second thought, I will save my thanks for when this whole matter is concluded.


Fujimaru 2:
Feels like it took forever to get here.

A:Amazones CEO:
Hehe. True, we have crossed countless light-years' worth of distance, even with the portals.

A:Amazones CEO:
So I can certainly understand
why you would feel that way.

A:Amazones CEO:
You have truly done a tremendous job, especially considering you had no prior experience in this industry–

A:Amazones CEO:
No, on second thought, I will save my thanks for when this whole matter is concluded.


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I'd agree with that. It's wonderful that we're now done with the tasks that had piled up...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...but we still haven't gotten
to the root of the problem.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Yes, it would be entirely lacking
in BP to rest on our laurels now.

Mash:
That's true. And none of the information we've gathered so far has been very useful, either.

Fou:
Fou...

A:Amazones CEO:
Not to worry. Once the delivery work is done, we can take advantage of our newly freed-up timetable to investigate my employees' disappearance in earnest.

A:Amazones CEO:
I'm sure new orders will continue to come in, but we should no longer have to mobilize every resource available to handle them like we have been up to now.

A:Amazones CEO:
And besides–


Fujimaru 1:
Yes?


A:Amazones CEO:
Hehe. I have a feeling about this place.
Just take a look at how rustic this planet is.

A:Amazones CEO:
I would not be at all surprised to find a deadly surprise waiting for us in this unsettlingly barren land.

A:Amazones CEO:
Also, we should commemorate the fact that this'll be our last customer for the time being.

A:Amazones CEO:
Don't you agree it seems that a new, unprecedented, existential threat is lying in wait!?

A:Amazones CEO:
Even my CEO Morning Star's spikes are sharper than usual in anticipation of battle! At least, I think they are!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
By the way, what's in the package we're delivering here? Is it something a mortal enemy of yours would use?

A:Amazones CEO:
Let me see... It is an assortment of completely ordinary daily necessities.

A:Amazones CEO:
It must be some form of camouflage designed to trick us. Come on, and keep your wits about you!

F:???:
Are you from Amazones.com?

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed I am!

A:Amazones CEO:
There, you see?
This figure is obviously suspicious!

F:???:
Why are you brandishing your weapon so gleefully?
Anyway, I'd like to inspect the merchandise first.

F:???:
Incidentally, yes, this is Secret Assassin Inc.
Now who did we choose for the recipient?

F:???:
I'm Chief Rightarm...

Chief Rightarm:

...and these are my colleagues, Secretary Hundredface...
and Cover Artist P. The “P” stands for “Phantom.”

Chief Rightarm:
It looks like Poisontouch Oshizu from Accounting isn't here right now...so the only other one who could have ordered this is the president.


Fujimaru 1:
That's the shadiest company name I've ever heard.


Fujimaru 2:
All those names are the shadiest I've ever heard.


Fou:
Fou, fou fooou.

A:Amazones CEO:
Potential enemies or not, it is still important to follow proper procedure.

A:Amazones CEO:
You are listed as the recipient, Chief Rightarm.
Sign here, please. And here is your order.

Chief Rightarm:
Oh good, that makes things simple.
There, I signed it. Now let me see the package.

A:Amazones CEO:
Of course. The sooner the better when it comes to reporting mistaken orders.

A:Amazones CEO:
First, we have a set of 8-volt batteries, a silver fork, soil from Planet Totooine, and a semi-ether alarm clock.

Chief Rightarm:
And here's the Captain☆Nikola electric wire loop game, the cassowary egg, and the ship detergent...

Chief Rightarm:
Hmm. Yes, it's all here, isn't it?

Secretary Hundredface:
So it is. It's just as I thought. Dammit...

B:Amazones CEO:
You sound almost disappointed. Of course it's all here. We always deliver everything we're asked for!

B:Amazones CEO:
That is what defines Amazones.com!

???:
Ahh, I knew it. See, this is the whole
problem with amateurs right here.

Chief Rightarm:
President!

Mash:
So that's the Secret Assassin president...
She looks a lot like somebody else we know.

Chief Rightarm:
This is President Kil-Ler Jing.

Chief Rightarm:
I think you may be about to figure this out anyway, so I'll come clean and admit that we are indeed a commission-based killer-for-hire company.

A:Amazones CEO:
Aha! I knew it!

Chief Rightarm:
Did you now? Well, I suppose that's
only to be expected. You see, we–

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Seriously, do you have any idea how much trouble you've made for us!? Business has all but dried up!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Why is that? I know their CEO can certainly be dangerous under certain circumstances, but it's not as though Amazones.com is in the assassination business.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
It's, uh, you know...
What was the term again? Ceremony cost?

Secretary Hundredface:
Opportunity loss.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
That's it!

President Kil-Ler Jing:
We've been losing customers left and right thanks to the stuff you sell! How're you gonna make it up to us!?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Do you really carry products that would put assassins out of business? Perhaps a book titled “Murder Made Easy,” or a Beginner's Assassination Kit?

A:Amazones CEO:
Absolutely not! I don't know what these killers are talking about! We certainly carry a wide range of products, but I can guarantee that none of them are on the wrong side of the law!


Fujimaru 1:
Didn't you used to carry weapons and ammo and stuff?


A:Amazones CEO:
Those are all unregulated,
and therefore perfectly legal.

Chief Rightarm:
That wide range of products you carry is precisely the problem. Take the order you just delivered to us.

Chief Rightarm:
All of those items can be combined
to make a bomb, if done correctly.

Mash:
...!?

Osakabehime:
Oh, yeah. If you knew how to make one, I bet you COULD get all the materials from Amazones.com.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Thanks to Amazones.com's stupid
user-friendly UI and fast shipping...

President Kil-Ler Jing:
...people who used to come to us for their murdering needs are deciding to put their own bombs and poisons together just to save a little money.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
So our finances are taking a dirt nap of their own.
I can't even afford to pay my employees this month.

Chief Rightarm:
Wat.

Secretary Hundredface:
You never said a word about that up till now!

Singer P:
Ahh, Christine, Christine...

Singer P:
Now that my cover of darkness is gone, I'll no longer be able to make a living in my chosen profession. From here on, I will have to ply my songs in the dark depths of the digital sea...

Singer P:
By which I mean I'll start my own streaming channel tomorrow, my beloved Christine...

Chief Rightarm:
Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that.

Secretary Hundredface:
Oh no. Don't tell me...
I knew it!

Secretary Hundredface:
Poisontouch Oshizu left a letter of resignation on her desk! She's trying to get while the getting's still good!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Well, I can certainly understand how difficult it is to have your core business disrupted.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Not that it's something I've ever had to worry about, thanks to my cosmic body and cosmic business acumen.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
At any rate, I understand your concerns now, but without a tangible causal link you can point to demonstrating harm, I'm afraid your complaints amount to little more than lashing out.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
No way! I KNOW you guys are behind this!
It's gotta be your fault!

A:Amazones CEO:
Hmm, it would seem we have another wrongfully disgruntled customer. At least it also seems that they aren't responsible for my employees' disappearance.

A:Amazones CEO:
If I may be so bold, ma'am, you are clearly intoxicated.

A:Amazones CEO:
It is not possible to make clearheaded decisions while under the influence, so I suggest you sleep it off and reassess your company's managerial direction tomorrow.

Chief Rightarm:
Foolish CEO. How could you fail to realize that this is the president's deadly combat stance?

Chief Rightarm:
She wields the Galactic Drunken Fist, passed down through her family across generations.

Chief Rightarm:
Once she uses her dreadful Noble Phantasm, “All I Kill Is Drink,” she always leaves disaster in her wake!

Chief Rightarm:
And it makes her enemies die, too!

President Kil-Ler Jing:
All right, guys, gimme a hand! Once we kill her and our sales go way up, I'll even be able to pay you bonuses!

Chief Rightarm:
I certainly can't run away now, after coming this far. I'm holding you to that, Ms. President!

Secretary Hundredface:
Dammit, Oshizu, get back heeere!
...Or at least take me with yooou!

--BATTLE--

A:Amazones CEO:
I will say it as many times as I must:
we refuse to associate with violent criminals.

A:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com has always kept our corporate nose clean, and we always will!

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Nooo! I don't want my company to go undeeer!

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Especially since Chairman King's gonna come out of retirement to punish me if it doooes!

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Guess I'll just have to sing for a living from now on.

Osakabehime:
Honestly, you probably should've just gone with that in the first place.

Chief Rightarm:
Ah yes, Chairman King, the first company president...

Chief Rightarm:
I remember how my heart would always leap into my throat whenever he snuck up behind us and whispered “You're fired...”

Chief Rightarm:
Hehe... That really takes me back...

A:Amazones CEO:
Yes, we will never deal with criminal organizations.
...However.

A:Amazones CEO:
I see no issue in making a deal with a once criminal organization that has turned over a new leaf. Indeed, every company should be free to choose its own industry.

Secretary Hundredface:
What do you mean by that?

A:Amazones CEO:
Your maneuvers that took advantage of Presence Concealment were highly impressive.

A:Amazones CEO:
For all their many talents, my Amazons could never manage a trick like that, as they always charge headlong at their problems with roaring battle cries.

A:Amazones CEO:
I have learned a great deal over the course of this outsourcing experiment...

A:Amazones CEO:
...and I see now that there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of other companies' unique skill sets, as long as it is done in an appropriate manner.

B:Amazones CEO:
So I would like to make you a proposal.
A white-knight proposition, if you will.

B:Amazones CEO:
Would you be interested in becoming one of Amazones.com's subcontractors?

B:Amazones CEO:
Only instead of killing, I would like to employ your talents for gathering intel and marketing purposes.

B:Amazones CEO:
You see, I've wanted an intel department of our own ever since Madam Cosmotic told me about Egyptian's.

B:Amazones CEO:
Well, technically, we do already have one, but my agents' interrogation techniques are fairly limited in range...

B:Amazones CEO:
...as they all boil down to simply yelling at their target to give them information or else.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I'm honestly amazed that your company
made it as far as you have...

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Hmm... Intel gathering? So if we do that, we can stay in business, and I can keep paying my employees?

A:Amazones CEO:
Of course.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Okay then, we'll do it!

Chief Rightarm:
Just like that?

Chief Rightarm:
Don't get me wrong, this is wonderful news, but this is a substantial pivot away from our traditional industry. Are you sure you don't want to think this through more–

Chief Rightarm:
(Wait! Are you only going to pretend to abandon the assassination industry, but actually keep it going in secret until you're able to make a comeback?)

Chief Rightarm:
(Is that your real plan here, Ms. President!?
It is, isn't it!?)

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Mmm, now that that's all taken care of,
this booze tastes even better! (Glug glug glug)

Secretary Hundredface:
(Somehow, I don't think she's planning anything of the sort... Oh well, as long as she keeps the paychecks coming, I don't mind either way.)

Secretary Hundredface:
(Money earned from gathering intel should feed my family just as well as money earned from killing. Don't worry, sweetie... I promise I won't let you down!)

A:Amazones CEO:
Wonderful. Now, as a matter of fact, I have a top-priority action item I'd like you to look into immediately. Madam?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I left the report on my desk at my personal spa room-slash-office as I didn't think we would need it here...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...but I already got in touch with them,
and it should be here momentarily.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Oh good, there they are.

Carrier Golem:
...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Yes, this is it. Good work.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I wondered why you asked me to put this report on our current situation together so suddenly. Did you foresee this happening?

A:Amazones CEO:
No, nothing like that. I simply thought we would need to reopen the investigation if the matter wasn't resolved before our delivery backlog was handled.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
At any rate, you're in luck. Nobody else could make such a beau–BP-rich report on such short notice.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
If you're overcome with the urge to thank me profusely, go right ahead. I'll understand.


Fujimaru 1:
Is this about the missing Amazons?


A:Amazones CEO:
That's right. President Jing, I would like you and your employees to take over this ongoing investigation, effective immediately.

A:Amazones CEO:
You will find everything you
need to know in this report.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Hmm... Okay, got it!

Mash:
For now, this takes care of our highest priority:
eliminating our delivery backlog.

Mash:
We could ask the Assassins to investigate more things for us, but since I doubt they'll have any results soon...

Mash:
...I think it best if you just returned to the office for now. Congratulations on a job well done, Senpai!

The Weekend! And Then Monday Rolls Around Again

Woman's Voice:
...I see. Then we'll proceed to
the next phase of the operation.

Narration:
I ask if she's sure,
though I already know the answer.

Woman's Voice:
Of course. We need her to disappear.

Woman's Voice:
...No matter what.

Woman's Voice:
Now get to work,
■■■■■■.

Narration:
I nod in response. I know she doesn't want to hear any more words than are strictly necessary.

Narration:
Sensing the conversation is over,
I turn around and leave her to her devices.

Narration:
Once I'm alone again...
a sigh escapes my lips.

Narration:
Looks like I've got my work cut out for me again.

Narration:
(Now, where to relax...)


Fujimaru 1:
Get refreshed in the bath and sauna.


Fujimaru 2:
Have something yummy to eat.

?3:Lounge around in the reading corner.


Narration:
You enjoy a pleasant chat with some of your Servants as the soothing hot water melts your exhaustion away.

Narration:
You enjoy a pleasant chat with some of your Servants as you partake in a delicious meal that leaves you full of energy.

Narration:
You enjoy a pleasant chat with some of your Servants as you lose yourself in an utterly absorbing story.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh, it's you.
Are you all rested now?


Fujimaru 1:
Absolutely!


A:Amazones CEO:
Good. I am glad to hear it.

A:Amazones CEO:
You know, I am very satisfied with both your work as my assistant, and as my outsourcing contact.

A:Amazones CEO:
I will have to find a suitable reward for your excellent service.

A:Amazones CEO:
In the meantime, you are free to make use of the Great Amazones Hot Spring Story as much as you like.


Fujimaru 1:
Thank you. So how's the investigation going?


Fujimaru 2:
Thank you. So what's next on the agenda?


A:Amazones CEO:
We still have yet to receive any word from Secret Assassin Inc. Still, there is nothing to be gained from getting restless, so I won't.

A:Amazones CEO:
Thanks to all of your hard work, the order backlog that was our top priority has finally been taken care of.

A:Amazones CEO:
We will still need to process orders as usual when new ones come in, but I have every faith that Chaldea can continue to handle that.

A:Amazones CEO:
So now that we have more time
and Servant resources to spare...

A:Amazones CEO:
...I would like to divert some of the workforce we were previously forced to have on deliveries towards investigating my employees' disappearance.

A:Amazones CEO:
From there, I think it is just a matter of time before we have another lead or two to follow.

Da Vinci:
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
But, unfortunately...

Da Vinci:
We've got a new problem now!

Mash:
We have a new problem now!

Fou:
Fou!?


Fujimaru 1:
What? What is it!?


Da Vinci:
Well, I guess it's two problems, since Mash and I are actually talking about different ones, though they are connected.

Da Vinci:
Anyway, why don't you go ahead
and start with yours, Mash?

Mash:
Okay. Speaking in my capacity as one of Amazones.com's provisional office workers...

Mash:
...I have to report that we just received multiple orders with premium express shipping.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh? That sounds like the furthest thing from a problem.

Mash:
Fifty, to be precise.

Mash:
We just received fifty premium express orders that all need to be delivered with the highest priority!

A:Amazones CEO:
What!?

A:Amazones CEO:
All right, yes, that is a problem. It would seem we do not have any resources to spare after all.

B:Amazones CEO:
Of course, we still have our other,
standard deliveries to make.

B:Amazones CEO:
I will just have to be flexible about diverting the resources I thought I could spare to these orders.

Mash:
Well, for better or worse, there's something else unusual about all these orders.

Mash:
It looks like all fifty of them were ordered from the same building.


Fujimaru 1:
Weird. What could that mean?


Da Vinci:
That gets to the problem I was talking about,
so I'll take it from here.

Da Vinci:
These orders all came from the coordinates of the new minute Singularity I just discovered.

Fou:
Fou!?

Da Vinci:
But yes, there is something weird about it.

Da Vinci:
While I did just discover it, I also get the impression that it didn't pop up out of nowhere just now.

Da Vinci:
It feels more like it showed up a little while ago,
and we only just noticed it.

Da Vinci:
Man, what's going on? We'd usually never miss a new Singularity, no matter how minute it might be. Does this mean we were slacking off more than we realized? Or maybe–

A:Amazones CEO:
I see. So we have received an unnatural number of difficult-to-fulfill orders from inside a Singularity, and just when we had finally caught our collective breath.

A:Amazones CEO:
Does it not seem as though whoever made these orders did so in order to watch us scurry around like frenzied ants?

A:Amazones CEO:
Or that this customer is most likely the one who abducted my employees, and is now attempting to attack us directly!?

Da Vinci:
It's definitely possible. This many premium orders all at once just doesn't add up, so it does feel like there's some ulterior motive at work.

Mash:
So what are you going to do now?

A:Amazones CEO:
What else? If they wish to attack us, we will face them head-on and crush them! That is the Amazones way!

A:Amazones CEO:
Come! Break time is now over! Off to battle!

Mash:
Um, since this was clearly designed to upset you,
maybe you should try to look out for traps and–
Huh? Ms. CEO, wait!

Da Vinci:
Well, it does look like this presumed mastermind is taking a much more direct approach now, especially since they've been so good about covering their tracks to this point.

Da Vinci:
I can't blame an Amazon among Amazons for not being able to take this lying down.

Da Vinci:
Looks like you'll just have to go after her as soon as you're ready to leave, Fujimaru.

Da Vinci:
But you don't have to be a hero. Just scoping out what this new Singularity is like and reporting back will do just fine.

Da Vinci:
Basically, just be careful out there!

A:Amazones CEO:
Grrr! Where is it... Where is it!?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
She's more like an enraged wild
animal than a person right now...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
The only thing stranger is how she's still holding on to the very first packages she brought along just in case as though they're the most precious thing in the world.

Da Vinci:
Okay, you're almost at the coordinates...
Hm? Is that the place?

A:Amazones CEO:
What is that thing!?

Mash:
What in the world is going on
with that strange building!?

Da Vinci:
Yeesh. Talk about poorly planned architecture.

Da Vinci:
Though I do get the sense I've seen something else like it before, albeit one that was more Japan-themed.

Da Vinci:
Still, whoever designed this thing has incredibly poor taste. As a beautiful genius inventor, it's taking everything I have not to rattle off all the ways it falls short despite being so tall.

Mash:
I just took some quick and dirty external measurements, and it looks like it has fifty stories in total.

Mash:
Taking a closer look at the orders, it seems that every package is marked between 1F and 50F...

Mash:
...so I think it's safe to assume that we're going to have to deliver one to each floor of this building.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I guess we won't know whether that will make our job easier or more difficult until we go inside.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Though you know, between the way this tower feels coerced into pointing straight up, and the way it's balanced like something out of an optical illusion...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I can't say I don't care for it.
In fact, I'm even willing to award it BP!

A:Amazones CEO:
...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Wh-what's wrong?
Don't tell me I can't even say “BP” anymore?

A:Amazones CEO:
These are...temples. Temples that have been stacked on top of one another to make a tower.

Da Vinci:
Yup. Looks like something straight out of ancient Greece, minus the whole fifty-decker thing.

Mash:
Does that mean this is a place of worship?

A:Amazones CEO:
I think so. And if I were to guess...
I would say these temples are devoted to Artemis.


Fujimaru 1:
So that makes this the Temple Tower of Artemis!


Fou:
Fou, fooou.

Da Vinci:
Come to think of it, there were a few Servants we weren't able to get ahold of, even back when we put out the call asking everyone to pitch in with these deliveries.

Da Vinci:
And Artemis was one of them.

Da Vinci:
At the time, I just figured they didn't want to bother with menial labor, but now, I'm not so sure...

A:Amazones CEO:
Either way, we will not find out until we go inside. And if there are customers waiting on each floor, we have even less reason to refuse.

A:Amazones CEO:
Whether this is an attack, a form of harassment, or a trap, we still have packages that must be delivered.

A:Amazones CEO:
Once our job is complete,
that is when we will obliterate this foe!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So in other words, it's still business as usual?

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed. I can already tell that making our way through this tower will be neither easy nor straightforward.

A:Amazones CEO:
There may well be trials and tribulations as arduous as those we have seen during past deliveries awaiting our workers on each and every floor.

A:Amazones CEO:
So along with carrying out our usual workload, we will also need to pay close attention to our personnel's well-being.

B:Amazones CEO:
All right, let's go! Our short-term goal is to conquer this temple tower, and of course, to do so ASAP!

Woman's Voice:
...I see. Then we'll proceed to
the next phase of the operation.

Narration:
I ask if she's sure,
though I already know the answer.

Woman's Voice:
Of course. We need her to disappear.

Woman's Voice:
...No matter what.

Woman's Voice:
Now get to work,
■■■■■■.

Narration:
I nod in response. I know she doesn't want to hear any more words than are strictly necessary.

Narration:
Sensing the conversation is over,
I turn around and leave her to her devices.

Narration:
Once I'm alone again...
a sigh escapes my lips.

Narration:
Looks like I've got my work cut out for me again.

Narration:
(Now, where to relax...)


Fujimaru 1:
Get refreshed in the bath and sauna.


Fujimaru 2:
Have something yummy to eat.

?3:Lounge around in the reading corner.


Narration:
You enjoy a pleasant chat with some of your Servants as the soothing hot water melts your exhaustion away.

Narration:
You enjoy a pleasant chat with some of your Servants as you partake in a delicious meal that leaves you full of energy.

Narration:
You enjoy a pleasant chat with some of your Servants as you lose yourself in an utterly absorbing story.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh, it's you.
Are you all rested now?


Fujimaru 1:
Absolutely!


A:Amazones CEO:
Good. I am glad to hear it.

A:Amazones CEO:
You know, I am very satisfied with both your work as my assistant, and as my outsourcing contact.

A:Amazones CEO:
I will have to find a suitable reward for your excellent service.

A:Amazones CEO:
In the meantime, you are free to make use of the Great Amazones Hot Spring Story as much as you like.


Fujimaru 1:
Thank you. So how's the investigation going?


Fujimaru 2:
Thank you. So what's next on the agenda?


A:Amazones CEO:
We still have yet to receive any word from Secret Assassin Inc. Still, there is nothing to be gained from getting restless, so I won't.

A:Amazones CEO:
Thanks to all of your hard work, the order backlog that was our top priority has finally been taken care of.

A:Amazones CEO:
We will still need to process orders as usual when new ones come in, but I have every faith that Chaldea can continue to handle that.

A:Amazones CEO:
So now that we have more time
and Servant resources to spare...

A:Amazones CEO:
...I would like to divert some of the workforce we were previously forced to have on deliveries towards investigating my employees' disappearance.

A:Amazones CEO:
From there, I think it is just a matter of time before we have another lead or two to follow.

Da Vinci:
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
But, unfortunately...

Da Vinci:
We've got a new problem now!

Mash:
We have a new problem now!

Fou:
Fou!?


Fujimaru 1:
What? What is it!?


Da Vinci:
Well, I guess it's two problems, since Mash and I are actually talking about different ones, though they are connected.

Da Vinci:
Anyway, why don't you go ahead
and start with yours, Mash?

Mash:
Okay. Speaking in my capacity as one of Amazones.com's provisional office workers...

Mash:
...I have to report that we just received multiple orders with premium express shipping.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh? That sounds like the furthest thing from a problem.

Mash:
Fifty, to be precise.

Mash:
We just received fifty premium express orders that all need to be delivered with the highest priority!

A:Amazones CEO:
What!?

A:Amazones CEO:
All right, yes, that is a problem. It would seem we do not have any resources to spare after all.

B:Amazones CEO:
Of course, we still have our other,
standard deliveries to make.

B:Amazones CEO:
I will just have to be flexible about diverting the resources I thought I could spare to these orders.

Mash:
Well, for better or worse, there's something else unusual about all these orders.

Mash:
It looks like all fifty of them were ordered from the same building.


Fujimaru 1:
Weird. What could that mean?


Da Vinci:
That gets to the problem I was talking about,
so I'll take it from here.

Da Vinci:
These orders all came from the coordinates of the new minute Singularity I just discovered.

Fou:
Fou!?

Da Vinci:
But yes, there is something weird about it.

Da Vinci:
While I did just discover it, I also get the impression that it didn't pop up out of nowhere just now.

Da Vinci:
It feels more like it showed up a little while ago,
and we only just noticed it.

Da Vinci:
Man, what's going on? We'd usually never miss a new Singularity, no matter how minute it might be. Does this mean we were slacking off more than we realized? Or maybe–

A:Amazones CEO:
I see. So we have received an unnatural number of difficult-to-fulfill orders from inside a Singularity, and just when we had finally caught our collective breath.

A:Amazones CEO:
Does it not seem as though whoever made these orders did so in order to watch us scurry around like frenzied ants?

A:Amazones CEO:
Or that this customer is most likely the one who abducted my employees, and is now attempting to attack us directly!?

Da Vinci:
It's definitely possible. This many premium orders all at once just doesn't add up, so it does feel like there's some ulterior motive at work.

Mash:
So what are you going to do now?

A:Amazones CEO:
What else? If they wish to attack us, we will face them head-on and crush them! That is the Amazones way!

A:Amazones CEO:
Come! Break time is now over! Off to battle!

Mash:
Um, since this was clearly designed to upset you,
maybe you should try to look out for traps and–
Huh? Ms. CEO, wait!

Da Vinci:
Well, it does look like this presumed mastermind is taking a much more direct approach now, especially since they've been so good about covering their tracks to this point.

Da Vinci:
I can't blame an Amazon among Amazons for not being able to take this lying down.

Da Vinci:
Looks like you'll just have to go after her as soon as you're ready to leave, Fujimaru.

Da Vinci:
But you don't have to be a hero. Just scoping out what this new Singularity is like and reporting back will do just fine.

Da Vinci:
Basically, just be careful out there!

A:Amazones CEO:
Grrr! Where is it... Where is it!?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
She's more like an enraged wild
animal than a person right now...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
The only thing stranger is how she's still holding on to the very first packages she brought along just in case as though they're the most precious thing in the world.

Da Vinci:
Okay, you're almost at the coordinates...
Hm? Is that the place?

A:Amazones CEO:
What is that thing!?

Mash:
What in the world is going on
with that strange building!?

Da Vinci:
Yeesh. Talk about poorly planned architecture.

Da Vinci:
Though I do get the sense I've seen something else like it before, albeit one that was more Japan-themed.

Da Vinci:
Still, whoever designed this thing has incredibly poor taste. As a beautiful genius inventor, it's taking everything I have not to rattle off all the ways it falls short despite being so tall.

Mash:
I just took some quick and dirty external measurements, and it looks like it has fifty stories in total.

Mash:
Taking a closer look at the orders, it seems that every package is marked between 1F and 50F...

Mash:
...so I think it's safe to assume that we're going to have to deliver one to each floor of this building.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I guess we won't know whether that will make our job easier or more difficult until we go inside.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Though you know, between the way this tower feels coerced into pointing straight up, and the way it's balanced like something out of an optical illusion...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I can't say I don't care for it.
In fact, I'm even willing to award it BP!

A:Amazones CEO:
...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Wh-what's wrong?
Don't tell me I can't even say “BP” anymore?

A:Amazones CEO:
These are...temples. Temples that have been stacked on top of one another to make a tower.

Da Vinci:
Yup. Looks like something straight out of ancient Greece, minus the whole fifty-decker thing.

Mash:
Does that mean this is a place of worship?

A:Amazones CEO:
I think so. And if I were to guess...
I would say these temples are devoted to Artemis.


Fujimaru 1:
So that makes this the Temple Tower of Artemis!


Fou:
Fou, fooou.

Da Vinci:
Come to think of it, there were a few Servants we weren't able to get ahold of, even back when we put out the call asking everyone to pitch in with these deliveries.

Da Vinci:
And Artemis was one of them.

Da Vinci:
At the time, I just figured they didn't want to bother with menial labor, but now, I'm not so sure...

A:Amazones CEO:
Either way, we will not find out until we go inside. And if there are customers waiting on each floor, we have even less reason to refuse.

A:Amazones CEO:
Whether this is an attack, a form of harassment, or a trap, we still have packages that must be delivered.

A:Amazones CEO:
Once our job is complete,
that is when we will obliterate this foe!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So in other words, it's still business as usual?

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed. I can already tell that making our way through this tower will be neither easy nor straightforward.

A:Amazones CEO:
There may well be trials and tribulations as arduous as those we have seen during past deliveries awaiting our workers on each and every floor.

A:Amazones CEO:
So along with carrying out our usual workload, we will also need to pay close attention to our personnel's well-being.

B:Amazones CEO:
All right, let's go! Our short-term goal is to conquer this temple tower, and of course, to do so ASAP!

Be Careful of Erroneous Orders! But Returns Are Accepted


Fujimaru 1:
(Huff... Huff...)


Fou:
Fou fo, fou...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I can understand...no elevator...but I never thought...
this tower...wouldn't even...have stairs...

Mash:
A-are you all right, Senpai!?


Fujimaru 1:
I can barely feel my legs!


Osakabehime:
Phew. I've never been more happy for my Chiyogami Techniques than I am now.


Fujimaru 1:
No fair, Batty! No fair!


Osakabehime:
Aah! Okay, okay! Yametekudastop with the shaking
already! I'll let you use it next time, Ma-chan!
Promise!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I still appreciate this place's exterior design, but I give it negative BP for its terrible interior!

E:Amazones CEO:
Indeed, these deliveries have been every bit as arduous as I expected. This tower is designed in such a way that it practically dares us to try and scale it.

E:Amazones CEO:
Ordinarily, I would be thrilled to do my job and get in an excellent rock climbing-type workout at the same time...

E:Amazones CEO:
...but as a delivery person, it feels like nothing so much as pure, unadulterated malice.

E:Amazones CEO:
While Amazones.com always strives to deliver to all customers equally, regardless of where they may be...

E:Amazones CEO:
...we still prefer that tall buildings be outfitted with reasonable accommodations, such as stairs.

E:Amazones CEO:
This tower is like the physical embodiment of rude customers who specify a particular window of time for their delivery and then are nowhere to be seen when you come knocking.

E:Amazones CEO:
It is enough to make even the most mellow delivery person in the galaxy inadvertently crush the package they are carrying in indignation.

Mash:
Oh! I'm picking up a Servant reading nearby.

Mash:
I'm guessing they live on this floor!
Please be careful!

E:Amazones CEO:
Raaah! I have a delivery for you from Amazones.com!

E:Amazones CEO:
I must say, ma'am, you have a lot of nerve living in such a ridiculous building!


Fujimaru 1:
Careful, Ms. CEO! Your true feelings are showing!


Salome:
Oh, are you the one bringing me what I desire?
I've been waiting for you.

Mash:
Salome? So this is why I hadn't seen you
around, you were here all this time.

E:Amazones CEO:
Hmm. Taking a closer look at the order slip, the name “Skull Princess” does sound like it is made up...


Fujimaru 1:
(I really don't get how that's any different from Servantverse names.)


Fou:
Fou, fooou, fou.

E:Amazones CEO:
Oh well, she is certainly not the first customer to order with a pen name or stage name. There's no problem handing the package over as long as she signs for this delivery.

E:Amazones CEO:
Let's see, you ordered–

Salome:
Ahh, it's here! It's finally here!
The head of John the Baptist!

E:Amazones CEO:
H-huh? Um, well, I suppose it is technically a head, but it is a showerhead, not a human one.

F:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com is very proud of our product diversity, but that sort of thing is still very much ille–

Salome:
No, no, no. That's not John the Baptist's head at all.

Salome:
I thought you were bringing me what I desire.
Why? Why did you lie to me?

E:Amazones CEO:
I'm afraid you are mistaken, ma'am. I have the order slip right here, and this is definitely what you ordered.

E:Amazones CEO:
Furthermore, according to company policy, we at Amazones.com cannot be held liable if a customer makes a mistake when they place an order.

E:Amazones CEO:
However, if you would like to return this order,
you can still cancel–

Salome:
Oh, now I get it.
So that's how it is, hm?

F:Amazones CEO:
Then you understand? Wonderful.

F:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com has always prided itself on being at the cutting edge of customer satisfac–

Salome:
Instead of only one head,
you brought me ALL of your heads.


Fujimaru 1:
No! No, we didn't!


Salome:
And you know, your head in particular looks a lot like John's, Master.

Salome:
Teeheehee. They may not be on a silver platter, but it would be rude of me not to accept these new heads.

Salome:
I'll have to give them all a kiss
once I've taken them off your necks...

Da Vinci:
Hoo boy. It's always such a pain dealing with Berserkers who keep taking things the wrong way.

Da Vinci:
Looks like you'll just have to
make her settle down by force.

E:Amazones CEO:
Ma'am, you can keep the order, or you can refuse to sign for it, but you absolutely cannot do both.

E:Amazones CEO:
We are going to leave you a satisfied customer,
one way or another!

--BATTLE--

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
As a matter of fact, I find those skulls
of yours to be fairly high in BP.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Skull prints are an essential part of rock fashion, after all. They would even go well with my current outfit.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
But you do need to be careful, as taking it too far is decidedly inelegant. As is the kind of desperate longing for heads you're displaying.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
If you need a lesson on how it's done,
then take a look at my own fashionable outfit!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Hehehehe! Magnificent, absolutely magnificent!
I nailed that one perfectly, if I do say so myself!


Fujimaru 1:
Looks like one CEO was fighting an entirely different kind of battle...


Fujimaru 2:
Well, at least we won...


Salome:
Why... Why didn't you bring me John the
Baptist's head...? That's all I wanted...

Mash:
It doesn't look like she's going to attack you anymore, but she also seems very depressed.

D:Amazones CEO:
I'm sorry... There are some things not even Amazones.com can ship...

D:Amazones CEO:
...No!

D:Amazones CEO:
Come on, CEO! If anyone believes in your company, it should be you! With Amazones.com, the possibilities are limitless!

E:Amazones CEO:
Ma'am, if you would kindly take a look at this tablet, I think you might find this product to be to your liking.

Salome:
Oh my! It's John the Baptist's head! I want it!


Fujimaru 1:
You actually have it!?


Fou:
Fou!?

D:Amazones CEO:
This, we can deliver without issue.
One moment, please.

Salome:
Yes, I can wait!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Please tell me you don't actually
carry real human heads?

D:Amazones CEO:
We do not. Instead, I found what I believed would be the next closest thing. Here, see for yourself.

Da Vinci:
A mannequin head for aspiring
hairdressers to practice on, huh...

D:Amazones CEO:
Being able to flexibly adapt to consumer needs is the mark of a capable CEO. The important thing is that the customer is now satisfied.

Mash:
I'm not entirely sure this was the right way to handle it, but as long as she's happy, that is what counts.

D:Amazones CEO:
On a different note...

D:Amazones CEO:
...that statue of Artemis would
seem to bear out my suspicions.

Mash:
Does it give you any idea as to who the person behind all this might be?

Mash:
It looks like Salome only came here because someone convinced her to, but she doesn't remember who.

D:Amazones CEO:
...No, I'm afraid I still cannot
say one way or another.

D:Amazones CEO:
In the meantime, I'll have the golem bring Salome's replacement order, and we can be on our way.

D:Amazones CEO:
We still have many more deliveries left to make,
after all. Come, let us resume climbing!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Very well. The little animal and I will continue to follow you, just as we have been.

Osakabehime:
Okay, Ma-chan, you can ride on my origami too,
just like I yakusokued.


Fujimaru 1:
Thanks, Batty...


Fou:
Fou fou fooou.

Mash:
Just please make sure your lifelines are securely fastened, everyone...

Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Astolfo:
Hey, Spartacus?
This is s'posed to be a place to relax, right?

Astolfo:
So aren't you gonna relax?

Spartacus:
Relaxation is for oppressors.
I do not run from pain. I bear it head-on!

Astolfo:
O-okay, I can see where you're coming from,
but even warriors need to relax sometimes!

Spartacus:
Behold, tyrants oppressing the common people!
Behold my muscles and their rebellion!

Spartacus:
As long as they are well trained and constantly toughing it out, a little soreness is nothing to fear! Hahahaha!

Astolfo:
...So he IS toughing out sore muscles right now.
I'll have to give him a shoulder rub sometime.

Astolfo:
Oh, right.

Astolfo:
Hey, you, mister, can I ask you a question?

Chiron:
Of course. As long as it's one I can answer,
I would be happy to do so.

Astolfo:
I can't imagine that there are actually questions
you can't answer... But never mind that now.

Astolfo:
I've just been zipping around on my hippogriff, but you have to run around on your horsey legs, right?

Astolfo:
So I was just wondering how tired you get from that.

Astolfo:
Is it a lot less than we get when we run around?

Chiron:
Hehe, I'm not so sure.

Chiron:
Strictly speaking, I can't say I truly understand what it feels like to only have two legs.

Chiron:
Even when I do run around on two legs myself,
I'm still running as a centaur rather than a human.

Chiron:
While I'm sure that does give me some advantage...

Chiron:
...I have no way of knowing if it's the difference between an average person and a marathon runner...

Chiron:
...or the difference between walking and driving a car.

Astolfo:
Uh...?

Chiron:
Still not clicking for you, hmm.
Tell me, what do you think?

Atalante:
I do not have much of an opinion one way or the other.

Atalante:
All I can say for sure is that running is tiring,
regardless of how good at it you may be. (Munch munch)

Atalante:
But, I am sure it is also good for your mind and your body, and it makes you feel good, too.

Atalante:
Why not give the hippogriff back to Bradamante and try making deliveries on foot for a change?

Astolfo:
No way! I can't! My legs would fall off!

Shakespeare:
Hahaha! I agree, one does tend to picture a knight riding a majestic mount.

Shakespeare:
Imagine one of the Twelve Paladins of Charlemagne arriving to a battlefield on foot, their shoulders heaving as they struggle to catch their breath...

Shakespeare:
On second thought, I think such a scene might be right up your proverbial alley, Sir Astolfo.

Astolfo:
No way!!! I always play the badass, not the buffoon!

Astolfo:
Anyway, never mind me, Shakespeare.
How come you're not out there making deliveries?

Shakespeare:
As one of the few literary-minded Servants, I have been doing my part by handling clerical work. The right person for the right job, as they say.

Shakespeare:
Rest assured that despite how it may seem,
I am not slacking off in the slightest.

Astolfo:
You know, speaking of people not making deliveries...

Astolfo:
Are you sure it's okay for you to be here?

Achilles:
(Crunch crunch) Man, this is good.
...What? I'm just grabbing a bite to eat.

Achilles:
Besides, I've got that little sparrow proprietress standing watch for me. I'll be outta here in a flash at the first sign of a certain someone.

Chiron:
Hehe. You know, Achilles, one could say your job is to preserve peace throughout all of Chaldea.

Chiron:
After all, if you don't, making deliveries will be the last thing on our mind.

Chiron:
And a job is still a job, regardless of whether it entails creating benefits or preventing drawbacks.

Achilles:
Huh... Yeah, I guess that's a nice way of putting it.

Avicebron:
As Shakespeare said, it's all about the right person for the right job.

Avicebron:
As I see it, Astolfo, Achilles didn't just come here to enjoy a meal.

Avicebron:
I expect he feels bad about hiding out in his room when the rest of us are out here working...

Avicebron:
...and that his true goal in showing his face here is to encourage us.

Avicebron:
If he wanted food, he could always just have someone take it to his room instead of coming here himself.

Avicebron:
Besides, he can't be all that hungry anyway, seeing as he hasn't been making any deliveries himself.

Achilles:
Hey, come on...

Astolfo:
Whoa, really?
You came all this way just to cheer me on?

Astolfo:
Neeheehee, I didn't know you were so thoughtful.

Astolfo:
But it's okay, you don't have to worry about me!
I'll make sure to work hard enough for the both of us!

Achilles:
Hey now, I never said anything about
coming here to cheer you on!

Avicebron:
Don't worry, my custom-made golem will work hard enough to cover your share as well. All you need to do is focus on what you alone can, and should, do.

Achilles:
...

Semiramis:
What's this now?

Semiramis:
Seeing you all together, I feel like I recognize everyone here from somewhere, but that aside, it sounds as though you are talking about something truly ridiculous.

Semiramis:
It must be nice having so much free time due to being in such low demand. If only I knew what that was like.

Astolfo:
Hey Semiramis!
I'm surprised you're actually, you know, working!

Semiramis:
Hmph. Carrying parcels would normally be beneath an empress like myself, but if that is what Master wants, so be it.

Semiramis:
Besides, I can't have [♂ him /♀️ her] thinking
I am incapable of such a feat.

Semiramis:
So I am only doing this to remind [♂ him /♀️ her] of
my greatness, as well as to pass the time.

Atalante:
So you are using your Hanging Gardens of Babylon? I suppose that would let you carry far more packages at once than most of us.

Semiramis:
H-hm? Well, yes, of course I–

Amakusa Shirou:
Hahaha, far from it. Sure, she tried using the Hanging Gardens to carry a bunch of packages at first...

Amakusa Shirou:
...but that was only until she ran out of magical energy before she could even deliver one of them. Now she just has her pigeon familiars do it for her.

Semiramis:
Wh-wha!? Where did you come from, Amakusa Shirou!?
And how long have you been watching!?

Amakusa Shirou:
Hahaha, I came from a summoning circle, of course. I am a Servant, after all. As for how long I've been watching, that's a secret.

Semiramis:
Grr, that is not what I mean and you know it!

Semiramis:
Hanging Gardens of–!

Astolfo & Achilles:
Stop that! No using your Noble Phantasm
to hide your embarrassment!!!

Semiramis:
I am not embarrassed at all!
I am simply doing what I must to even the score!

Avicebron:
Chiron, can you do something about this?

Chiron:
...All right, I suppose I must. Though this isn't the sort of thing one should do without explicit consent.

Chiron:
A little tap on a certain medical pressure point that should instantly put her out like a light, and...

Semiramis:
Guh.

Chiron:
...All right, Lord Amakusa Shirou,
you take it from here, please.

Amakusa Shirou:
Understood. I'll figure something out.

Amakusa Shirou:
Besides, I'm sure she'll be much
calmer by the time she wakes up.

Astolfo:
(Ehhh...when she finds out she's gotten a lap pillow, she might just break out her Noble Phantasm again...)

Achilles:
(...Well, if he says it's okay, it'll probably be okay.
At least, I hope so...)

Stay Firm! How To Properly Handle Complaints

A:Amazones CEO:
...

B:Amazones CEO:
Next on the agenda, I would like to discuss this tower's residents.

B:Amazones CEO:
If any of you have any objections, I am happy to hear them in the interest of spirited discourse.

B:Amazones CEO:
I am starting to understand that this tower is home to much more direct threats than what we have previously faced.

B:Amazones CEO:
These assassins, for lack of a better word, are not acting autonomously to take advantage of our moment of weakness, as the others were.

B:Amazones CEO:
No, whether by tricking them or asking them directly, whoever is behind all this has positioned them here intentionally, much like hunting dogs.

Mash:
I think you're right.
Given what we saw with Salome on the tenth floor...

Mash:
...we may well run into other people we
know who were somehow incited to be here.

Mash:
Much as I wish that wasn't the case...

Da Vinci:
I'll say.

Da Vinci:
If the other Servants here are the same ones we weren't able to get ahold of when we started...

Da Vinci:
...then we'll be up against a lot of opponents I'd really, really prefer not to fight if we can help it.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
What sort of people are we talking about here?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Galactic Collection models?
Interstellar influencers?

A:Amazones CEO:
Hehe. That reminds me, Fujimaru told me
some very interesting things on the way here.

A:Amazones CEO:
It seems your company is home to a wise king who slew dragons and giants alike, a martial artist who practices ancient martial arts, and a master swordsman who wields two blades at once.

A:Amazones CEO:
And apparently, those fearsome warriors are only the tip of the iceberg!

A:Amazones CEO:
I can only hope I will get to...deliver an order to customers like that some day. It makes my blood boil with excitement just thinking about it...


Fujimaru 1:
Uh, Ms. CEO? You're kind of freaking me out here!


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I'm sorry to interrupt while you lick your lips in obvious anticipation, but you don't usually go around fighting your customers, do you?

A:Amazones CEO:
Whoops, I forgot myself for a moment. Yes, you're right. We usually never fight our customers.

A:Amazones CEO:
My CEO Morning Star is reserved solely for grifters and entitled customers making outrageous complaints.

A:Amazones CEO:
I cannot let myself forget that guiding principle.

Mash:
Right. Even if we do run into people we know here,
I'd like to get past them peacefully if we can.

Mash:
Ideally, we might even be able to learn
something new from talking to them.

Mash:
Oh, speaking of which, it looks like this floor's resident is headed your way. Please be careful!

A:Amazones CEO:
Here we go!
I have a delivery for you from Amazones.com!

A:Amazones CEO:
If you should happen to be a renowned and fearsome warrior, feel free to make as many outrageous complaints as you like! I am prepared to face them all head-on!


Fujimaru 1:
...


Fou:
Fo...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...!

A:Amazones CEO:
Good day, sir. I have the Calamity Ranch Premium Steak Pack you ordered right here.

A:Amazones CEO:
Could you sign here, please?

A:Amazones CEO:
Hmm, I don't think he understands me.
This could be a problem.


Fujimaru 1:
How can you be so calm about this!?


B:Amazones CEO:
I will admit this is not what I was expecting, but it is Amazones.com policy to treat every customer equally.

B:Amazones CEO:
As the CEO, it will take more than a little language barrier, vicious fangs, sharp talons, and tough-looking scales to make me forego protocol.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I'll admit that business mentality of yours is quite
BP-rich in some respects, but–Look out!

A:Amazones CEO:
Of course, if a customer attempts to attack the delivery person, then all protocol goes out the window!

A:Amazones CEO:
We have a term at Amazones.com for customers who refuse to abide by common courtesy, make unreasonable and illogical demands, and-slash-or resort to violence.

A:Amazones CEO:
We call them “pricks.”

A:Amazones CEO:
And the ones who are orders of magnitude worse than normal pricks are called...

A:Amazones CEO:
Monster pricks!

A:Amazones CEO:
And since this customer looks to be one of those, I'll
have to be more confrontational than usual. Hraaaaaa!

Fou:
Fou, fou fo fo fooou!

Osakabehime:
I get the feeling Fou and I are thinking the same thing, so I'm going to give the TL here!

Osakabehime:
...You just wanted to say
“monster pricks,” didn't you!?

--BATTLE--

A:Amazones CEO:
Amazones.com will never give in to monster pricks!

Mash:
I have to say, I wasn't expecting to run
into such a straightforward threat here...

B:Amazones CEO:
Straightforward... That is exactly it. This prick may not have been what we were expecting, but it was still a decidedly commonplace type of danger.

B:Amazones CEO:
In fact, that is the impression I get from this whole tower, or should I say from this matter as a whole.

B:Amazones CEO:
It feels unabashedly straightforward, as though it has been thrown together with brute force alone...

B:Amazones CEO:
Perhaps that is some sort of hint as to who the one behind this whole incident might be.

Da Vinci:
Yeah, I think I can see that.

A:Amazones CEO:
Nonetheless, all we can do at this point is continue to overcome whatever obstacles lie in our way.

A:Amazones CEO:
We will fight straightforward tactics with straightforward tactics, and brute strength with brute strength. Indeed, hard though it may be to believe, that is what I excel at!


Fujimaru 1:
Actually, I can totally believe that.


Fujimaru 2:
All right then, let's keep it up!


Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Sakata Kintoki:
Yo! I got a bike here that needs fillin'
up with high-octane magical energy!

Babbage:
Understood. But I'm afraid this machine shop has become so popular that we are backed up with other maintenance requests at the moment, so it will be a bit of a wait.

Carmilla:
Those who thirst gather at the watering hole...
Essential time ticking by until tomorrow arrives...

Carmilla:
Sorry about that, little man. I've been waiting for them to service my machine, too.

Sakata Kintoki:
Yeah? All good with me.
I ain't in any rush.

Sakata Kintoki:
I gotta say though, the more I scope out your car,
the more golden it looks!

Carmilla:
Hm? I'm fairly sure it's wine red,
if not the color of blood.

Sakata Kintoki:
Sure is! Be even more golden if it was colored golden, too! Man, I always wanted a convertible...

Sakata Kintoki:
It's so cool how you can open and close the roof whenever you want! Almost feels like drivin' a transformin' robot!

Carmilla:
Hehehe. Well, that motorcycle of
yours is lovely in its own right.

Carmilla:
There's nothing quite like a beautiful woman wearing a leather catsuit and riding a motorcycle. If I ever get the chance, I may just have to try switching my car out for one myself sometime.

Carmilla:
Oh, but I'll need to practice that move where you take off your helmet and let your hair cascade down your neck in slow motion first. That's a move every beautiful bike-riding phantom thief should be able to do.

Sakata Kintoki:
Ooh, a golden red bike, huh? I like that. If you ever make that happen, we oughta go out ridin' together.

Sakata Kintoki:
Just don't go around stealin' anythin'.

Sakata Kintoki:
Stealin's the kind of thing oni would do...
so I'd hafta stop ya as a matter of principle.

Carmilla:
Yes, of course. I promise I'll be good.

Carmilla:
(Little does he know that another phantom thief move is crossing our fingers behind our backs...)

Sakata Kintoki:
Anyway, Babbage there wasn't kiddin' when he said this place was popular, huh? Didn't realize there were so many other Servants with some kinda machine.

Carmilla:
True. Though that may be partly due to the fact that there aren't many mechanics to go around.

Altria Alter:
Come on. If you do not want me to pay you for services with a bullet between the eyes, then hurry it up.

Altria Alter:
I am still elated from getting to serve Master by driving my vehicle so fast for the first time in a while, and it makes my Secace finger trigger-happy.

Edison:
Dammit, I don't even have time to sell her on the merits of a direct current drivetrain! ...There, done!

Edison:
You know, just as a reminder, my technical skills lie in mass production, not in servicing individual items!

Edison:
Still, the fact that I can pull it off so perfectly just goes to show what a genius inventor I truly am.

Edison:
Feel free to shower me with accolades if you like.
You can never have too many accolades.

Altria Alter:
Good work. Now then, I must be off
on my next mission (read: delivery).

Altria Alter:
Hang in there, master I have yet to lay eyes on. I will soon serve you so amazingly you will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by my delivery skills. Look forward to it.

Sakata Kintoki:
Damn, now that was a golden bike too! Did ya see that sleek black body? Not to mention that nitro booster kickin' in!

Mk. II:
Hurry up. Every moment that this fake, miragelike Csejte remnant remains standing is an affront to my existence. If I don't do everything in my power to get rid of it, then who will?

Mk. II:
Now come on. I'm supposed to resume the complete
edition of my Guardian of the Seven Keys album in
one-hundred and twenty seconds.

Mecha Eli-chan:
Putting aside the fact that this fake Csejte showing up is the only reason we can exist simultaneously...

Mecha Eli-chan:
...I know the CEO's distress at losing her employees. It would be the same as losing my subjects.

Mecha Eli-chan:
So I am happy to lend her a hand.
Indeed, I wish her nothing but a swift reboot.

Mecha Eli-chan:
Now, go on. Hurry up with our maintenance.

Nikola Tesla:
Damn, it seems I won't have time to secretly install those alternating current attachments after all! There, I'm done!

Mecha Eli-chan & Mk. II:
Good work. All right, we're heading out.
Prepare for liftoff.

Carmilla:
Oh, right. I'd forgotten we had some
Servants who were also machines.

Sakata Kintoki:
No wonder they're so busy here then, 'specially if they got ones like Danzo and Nezha showin' up here too. Now that's some damn golden work ethic.

Babbage:
Pshhht... (Venting steam) Thank you for waiting.
We can take a look at your vehicles now.

Edison:
So we've got a sports car and a motorcycle in for maintenance, huh. Got it.

Nikola Tesla:
I must say, I feel much more at home with these sorts of things than I do rocket punches and skirt missiles.

Babbage:
Agreed. Though, I have an idea. Now that we have time and energy to spare, how would you like us to upgrade your machines, not just give them a tune-up?

Babbage:
It would be our way of apologizing to you for the wait.

Edison:
That sounds like an excellent idea to me.
I was just getting the urge to invent anyway.

Edison:
How does a direct current propulsion unit sound? It would let you make deliveries twice as efficiently.

Nikola Tesla:
Hahaha. What's that? You say you'd prefer an alternating current booster that would give you three times the efficiency while remaining safe and secure? Makes sense to me.

Carmilla:
...I think I'd need some time to think about it.

Sakata Kintoki:
Well, if it means my beloved Bear gettin'
faster, cooler, and even more golden...

Sakata Kintoki:
...I guess I don't care if you make it gas, steam, electric, or even a hybrid...

Babbage:
I assure you, there is no need for concern. We all have experience racing in one form or another, after all.

Edison:
Exactly! Our technical prowess and design chops have already been proven, not to mention very well received!

Nikola Tesla:
Hehe... I can feel the creativity welling up inside me. Right now, I think we could make a vehicle on par with the masterpieces we made back then!

Sakata Kintoki:
Uh... Thanks, but I don't think I'm, uh,
leveled-up enough for that...

Carmilla:
Yes, I think I'll pass on that as well,
if you don't mind.

All Three:
But why!?

Heroes Will Not Get Special Treatment!

A:Amazones CEO:
That smell... I recognize that smell.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Hehe, so you noticed?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
My perfume today is Vive la France No. 5, the only thing cosmic actress Crystal Marie ever wore to bed.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
It has a wonderfully elegant aroma, don't you think?

A:Amazones CEO:
No, it is not that.
What I smell up ahead is...the smell of a Greek man.

A:Amazones CEO:
And the most Greek man I know is Achill... Achill...
A-Achill Achill Achill Achill–

Fou:
Fou fo fooou!


Fujimaru 1:
Please get a hold of yourself, Ms. CEO!


Fujimaru 2:
Please don't go berserk when you're on the clock, Ms. CEO!


A:Amazones CEO:
A-A-AAA!

A:Amazones CEO:
AAAMAAAZOOONEEES!!!


Fujimaru 1:
!?!?!?


A:Amazones CEO:
Phew... There we go.
That should help me stay calm for now...

Mash:
What in the world was that, um...outburst just now!?

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh, that? That was our company anthem, the song that symbolizes Amazones.com in verse.

A:Amazones CEO:
I commissioned the famous composer, Amdusias P,
to write it for us not too long ago.

A:Amazones CEO:
It is certainly not the most complex piece of music,
but I do enjoy it for how it lifts one's spirits.

A:Amazones CEO:
I use it to mark important events, such as our new employee welcome party, or to relieve stress the instant I feel an onset of it, like I did just now. It is nothing if not bracing.

Mash:
I-I see...

A:Amazones CEO:
All right, now that we have collected ourselves, let's keep moving. I believe our next customer is ahead.


Fujimaru 1:
Hm? Something seems slightly...off here...


Osakabehime:
Oh, yeah, you're right.
I can't put my yubi on it, though.

Mash:
Something off? Hmm. I'm not seeing anything that's clearly out of place on our end...

Mash:
But I also have complete trust in your instincts, Master. If you think something isn't right, I'll go ahead and raise the alert level by one.

Da Vinci:
In the meantime, it looks like
we found this floor's resident.

Orion:
Nnn...

Mash:
Oh, I recognize him. That's definitely Orion!
The non-bear one!

Orion:
Oh, it's you guys.
So you finally made it here, huh... Nnn...

A:Amazones CEO:
He does seem to be a Greek man, but it's not him. He's much too broad for that... Easy there, CEO. You can do this...

A:Amazones CEO:
All right. We are from Amazones.com. I apologize for the delay. I take it you are Mr. “Best Hunter in All of Greece”?

Orion:
Yeah, that's right. That's why I came here.
And I've been waiting here ever since.

Orion:
Hmm... Nope, the more I think about it,
the less sense it makes.


Fujimaru 1:
What doesn't make sense?


Orion:
My reason for being here. Know what I mean?

Mash:
Um, I can't say that we do...

Mash:
Although, since this is Artemis's temple,
it does make sense to me that you'd be here.

Orion:
There! My point exactly! Don't you think it's awful that that's the only reason I'm here?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
What do you mean?

Orion:
Oho. Well, I can't refuse to answer a question from a woman as pretty as you, now can I?

Orion:
Well, after this temple was first made...

???:
My temple? Oh yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it?

???:
But you know, don't you think it's strange that you're not here, Darling?

???:
I mean, it's MY temple, right?
You should totally be here, right? Right!

???:
So I'll just go ahead and leave you here.

???:
Ready or not, here I go♪

Orion:
...And that's all she wrote.
Can you believe that?

Orion:
I don't even like it here all that much.

Orion:
Honestly, I can't even relax,
'cause it feels like someone's always watching me.

Orion:
I swear, why's every single room here gotta have a statue of her?

Da Vinci:
Well, like she said, this is HER temple. That kind of thing seems par for the course, if you ask me.

Mash:
Very true.

Mash:
Um, at any rate...
I think I understand your situation now.

Mash:
You're here now because Artemis told you to be here.
Is that right?

Orion:
Yeah, that's right. And she also told me not to let you guys past, and not to sign anything.

A:Amazones CEO:
So, you mean to interfere with our work by
refusing to sign for your package, do you?

A:Amazones CEO:
Then it would seem we have another
monster prick on our hands!

Da Vinci:
Let me just get one more thing straight.

Da Vinci:
If this is Artemis's temple,
and you're here on her orders...

Da Vinci:
...does that mean she's the one who's been going after Amazones.com this whole time?

Orion:
...I can't really speak to that.
Wasn't part of my job description.

Orion:
But, I think I can at least give you a hint.

Orion:
The Amazons you've been looking for?
They're all on the top floor of this tower.

A:Amazones CEO:
!!!

A:Amazones CEO:
...I see. Then I have all the more reason to deliver the rest of these orders ASAP.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
As one of Amazones.com's business partners,
I cannot let this stand, either.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I need them to get their operations back in working order as soon as possible...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...so that they can start selling my company's products with discounted shipping and handling prices.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So prepare yourself, man with muscles
almost-but-not-quite as high in BP as my husband's...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I am about to make you kneel before me,
and my radiance!

Orion:
So you're a married woman, huh...
.........Doesn't bother me.

A:Amazones CEO:
Ugh! This is exactly what I loathe about men!
Especially Greek ones!

A:Amazones CEO:
...No, that's not right. Work is work, and a CEO should never discriminate between customers.

A:Amazones CEO:
Just give me a moment sir,
and I'll deliver the book you ordered...

A:Amazones CEO:
“Celtont Jokes Guaranteed to Have Married Women
Throwing Themselves at Your Feet”

A:Amazones CEO:
...directly to your face!

Orion:
Come on, don't yell my order out loud!
Don't I have a right to my privacy!?

--BATTLE--

A:Amazones CEO:
Raaah!
AAAMAAAZOOONEEES!

Orion:
Uh... What's that all about?

Mash:
She's, um, using her company anthem to alleviate the overexcitement she feels when fighting a Greek warrior...

A:Amazones CEO:
Phew. There were a few times when you started to look like a certain “A” to me, but I'm all right now.

A:Amazones CEO:
All right, Mr. Not-“A,” now that you've lost,
you can either sign here or die where you stand.

Orion:
Got it. Eh, now that I've put up this much of a fight and still lost, I think I've held up my end of the deal.

B:Amazones CEO:
Good, everything seems to be in order with your signature. Here you go. We hope you will order from us again soon.

Orion:
(Staring)

A:Amazones CEO:
?

Orion:
You know, I thought you were a little young at first, but now that we've fought, I get the appeal.

Orion:
You're pretty hot too!

Orion:
I especially like the bodybuilder thing you've got going. I love strong women. 'Course, I love weak women, too.

A:Amazones CEO:
!!!


Fujimaru 1:
Ah.


Fujimaru 2:
Stop! No good can come from this!


Osakabehime:
(Silent, hasty retreat)

Mash:
Um, Master, I think it might be best if you get as far away from them as you can.

Mash:
Now that he's pushing her buttons directly, I don't think even the company anthem will help her restrain herself!

Da Vinci:
...Hm? Apropos of nothing, it looks like there's something happening behind Orion, too...

Fou:
Fou!?

Orion:
Honestly, I think you'll be even prettier when you're
a little older. Though of course, you're real pretty
now, too.

Orion:
You might even be almost as pretty as a certain
goddess. Man, I can't wait to see what the future
holds for you.

A:Amazones CEO:
...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Um, excuse me? I know there's a figurative bomb about to go off in front of you, but you may want to pay attention to what's happening behind you as well.

Orion:
Behind me?

Orion:
H-huh?

Orion:
W-was this statue always this close?
Haha...ha–

Orion:
Eep! That aura leaking through...!
Don't tell me it's–

F:Statue:
Oh Daaarliiing...

Orion:
Aaah! Artemis!
What're you doing here!?

Artemis:
Just like a forest is the best place to hide a tree,
the best place to hide me is in my temple!

Artemis:
Just the thought of you fighting by your lonesome for the woman you love was enough to give me shivers...

Orion:
Did you forget the part where you
put me here against my will!?

Artemis:
Well, I couldn't help that. You wouldn't be nearly as cool if you didn't do this alone.

Artemis:
But of course, if I was going to see you being cool on your lonesome, I knew I'd have to do so secretly, so I chose to watch over you while pretending to be a statue.

Artemis:
My heart was all aflutter at the idea of watching over you from above like, well, a god...

Artemis:
...and it was surprisingly novel and exciting to see you getting up to all sorts of things on your lonesome.

Orion:
I see the whole idea of privacy is still completely
foreign to you. It's almost refreshing, in a way.

Artemis:
And of course, while I do trust you, I was also just a teeensy bit worried that you might try something with other girls while I was away...

Artemis:
...and I figured that watching over you like this would let me stop you if you tried!

Artemis:
And I was right!

Orion:
C-come on, be reasonable! I never would've tried anything if I'd known you were watching! Really, I mean it!

Orion:
This is just like a sting operation, and I'm not a fan!

Artemis:
I'm not hearing an apologyyy!


Fujimaru 1:
Aha. I just realized what was off about this room.


Mash:
Th-that's it! Now that I think about it, this was the only statue we've seen without a bear Orion on its head...

Mash:
...because it turned out to not be a statue at all!

Da Vinci:
Man, I was so caught up on scanning for more important things that the idea of playing spot the difference never even occurred to me.

A:Amazones CEO:
...Hmph. Once again, this is exactly what I loathe about Greek men.

Da Vinci:
Oh, good. Lost your chance to get angry thanks to someone else beating you to the punch, huh? We've all been there.

A:Amazones CEO:
It has nothing to do with that. I simply remembered that I had more pressing matters to attend to than dealing with this harassing customer.

A:Amazones CEO:
Lady Artemis, there is something I wish to ask you.

Artemis:
Oh, sure. It makes sense that you'd have questions.

Artemis:
But I'm busy teaching Darling a lesson now, so I'll just use my goddess powers to answer quickly.

Artemis:
No, I'm not the one who abducted
your employees or lured you here.

A:Amazones CEO:
You're not?
Then, does that mean you did not build this tower?

Artemis:
Nope! I just gave my permission when I was asked!

Artemis:
Though I did insist on putting Darling here
in exchange for licensing my portrait rights.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
But then, if you aren't the one behind all this,
then who is?

Artemis:
Oh, it's really not that complicated.
I bet some people will have already figured it out.

Artemis:
But whether you have or not,
you only have twenty floors left to go.

Artemis:
The mastermind and their right hand are waiting for you, so instead of thinking hard about who they might be, you might as well keep climbing until you meet them yourselves.

Artemis:
Good luck! I know you can do it!

A:Amazones CEO:
...I see.

A:Amazones CEO:
True, continuing on our current path does seem as though it would be the quickest way to our destination. Let's go.

Da Vinci:
(Hmm. At this point, I think I can guess who it might be just by process of elimination.)

Da Vinci:
(I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't think it would actually come to this. I hope you know what you're doing.)

Narration:
– Meanwhile –

Quetzalcoatl Samba Santa:
Phew! It's so much fun flying around to the beat in a world I know so little about, yes!

Quetzalcoatl Samba Santa:
And it's made even better by the delicious nachos I get to eat after my delivery shift.

Altera Santa:
Ho ho ho. Zerco is overjoyed as well.

Altera Santa:
The Yule log cakes we get to eat on days like these
are very good civilization. Sweet, too.

Santa Alter:
Heh, do not be ridiculous. Everyone knows meat buns are the king of winter junk food. (Blowing to cool it off)

Quetzalcoatl Samba Santa:
Huh? Weren't you out riding your
motorcycle not too long ago?

Santa Alter:
I am having it overhauled in the shop after pushing it too hard. In the meantime, I will use Llamrei Mark II.

Santa Alter:
She may not be as fast, but she is much more maneuverable, plus she can fly.

Santa Alter:
Not to mention she can carry many more things than the bike, so she is well suited for making deliveries, too.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I know what you mean. I don't think any other Servants
are as used to carrying and delivering things as we are.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
That's why I don't think it's any exaggeration to say that we're actually the true stars of this event! Hehehe!

Nightingale Santa:
I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I do know that we deliver medicine to wherever it's needed.

Nightingale Santa:
The only problem is that the patients listed on my rounds kept running away whenever I tried to administer it.

Nightingale Santa:
Though strangely enough, they would also always breathe a sigh of relief whenever I gave them the package I was asked to bring while I was headed their way anyway.

Nightingale Santa:
I'm guessing those packages serve the same function as the teddy bears pediatricians use to calm young patients?

Nightingale Santa:
Regardless, thanks to them, I was able to administer every patient's medicine by giving them the shot right after they'd breathed the sigh, so it all worked out in the end.

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I know you're performing a service, since I'm sure that medicine you're giving them is good for them...

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
...but I can't say I like how it brings back some less than pleasant memories.

Nightingale Santa:
The medicine isn't the bonus!
The bonus is the package!

Altera Santa:
(Munch munch munch)

Altera Santa:
There, nice and full.
All right, time to get back to Christmas.

Santa Alter:
Hm?

Quetzalcoatl Samba Santa:
Oh wow! Did you just–

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Say something very strange?

On-Duty Proprietress:
You do know Christmas is over, chirp?

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
There, see! The passing proprietress agrees with us!

Altera Santa:
I'm afraid all of you are the ones mistaken.
Have you already forgotten?

Altera Santa:
It's a new year.

Santa Alter:
!!!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Ah!

Altera Santa:
That's right.
Christmas may come but once a year...

Altera Santa:
...but I don't think there's anything strange about celebrating the next Christmas now that we're in a new year.

Altera Santa:
Besides, it's still winter, so the timing works out perfectly.

Quetzalcoatl Samba Santa:
You're right. I'd forgotten that Christmas...
holds unlimited possibilities, yes!

Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Khh. I guess I still have a lot more
left to learn than I thought...

Altera Santa:
Ho ho ho. No need to panic, young one. One year for everyone else need not be one year for Santa.

Altera Santa:
There is every possibility that Christmas may come again during the winter eleven months from now.

Altera Santa:
And when it does, all we Santas need do is fulfill our sworn Santa duty to the best of our ability.

Santa Alter:
No wonder you are the elder Santa.
Your words are wise indeed.

Nightingale Santa:
It's Christmas now?
I didn't realize.

Nightingale Santa:
In that case, I'd better keep delivering
as many presents (read: shots) as I can.

Altera Santa:
Very well then.
Santa Brigade, move out!

All:
Hurrah!

On-Duty Proprietress:
Um... I'm afraid Christmas is–

Head Chef:
It's okay, Madam. Don't worry about it.

Head Chef:
For the sake of your mental health, you're better off just making peace with the fact that here in Chaldea...

Head Chef:
...neither Christmas, Halloween, nor the Servantverse have any rhyme or reason to them whatsoever...

The Horror! A Corporate Spy Sneaks In! (Probably)

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Hey hey.

B:Amazones CEO:
Oh, if it isn't the president of Secret Assassin Inc.
Do you have a report for me?

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Something like that, yeah.

C:Amazones CEO:
Very well then. You may not have an appointment,
but I will hear you out anyway.

C:Amazones CEO:
A good CEO knows how to be flexible with her schedule, even in the middle of an intense crunch time.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
The thing is, we couldn't find anything.
Not one single, solitary thing.

B:Amazones CEO:
What? But then–

President Kil-Ler Jing:
But it's not like we were slacking off.
We did our job to the best of our ability.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
So I think the fact that we couldn't find anything
might just mean something, if you know what I mean.


Fujimaru 1:
Um...what DO you mean?


President Kil-Ler Jing:
Well, one thing I can now say for sure is that whoever's behind this isn't from the Servantverse.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
And while I'm at it, here's a little bonus info.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
You know this weird place we're in now? I think it's called a Singularity? Anyway, we know for a fact that it showed up right at the same time your employees went missing.

Mash:
That doesn't make any sense. If that's true, why did we only see it after we'd handled the delivery backlog?

Da Vinci:
I knew it.

Da Vinci:
It might not seem like it, Mash,
but it actually does make sense.

Da Vinci:
This was just the information I needed to solidify the hypothesis I've been mulling over. Now I know for sure that there's only one possible answer as to who could be behind all this.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So who is it then?

Da Vinci:
Well, since I expect they'll be showing up soon anyway, I don't see any need to beat around the bush Holmes-style.

Da Vinci:
If the mastermind isn't from the Amazones CEO's universe, they'd have to come from Chaldea.

Fou:
Fou!?

Da Vinci:
That also explains why we didn't see this Singularity sooner: because they, or someone helping them, tampered with our observation equipment.

Da Vinci:
It's not an easy thing to do by any means, but it's definitely possible if it was an inside job.

Da Vinci:
That said, there aren't many people capable of pulling the wool over my eyes, even if only temporarily.

Da Vinci:
To pull that off, they'd need to have top-notch intelligence, resourcefulness, and decisiveness.

Da Vinci:
Someone like an expert tactician, a scholar,
an inventor...or a clever general–

Hektor:
Come on, give me a break here. How am I supposed to show my face now that you've hyped me up that much?

Paris:
Huh? Master?

Mash:
That's...Hektor and Paris.

Mash:
Although based on the way Paris is looking around,
it seems he's as much in the dark as we are.

Paris:
What's going on?

Paris:
I have no idea what's happening, but I know it isn't what I expected when you told me to come with you.

Hektor:
Oh yeah, guess I forgot to fill you in, didn't I?

Hektor:
Basically, I've been on the enemy side all this time.
Like, right from the start.

Osakabehime:
Majiwhaaa!?

Paris:
No way! Really!?

Paris:
Okay! In that case, I'd be glad to help you!

Paris:
You just want me to stand in Master's way here, right?
Okay, I'll do my best!


Fujimaru 1:
How can you get on board with this just like that!?


Paris:
I'm still not sure what's going on here...

Paris:
...but if this is what Big Brother decided,
he must have a good reason for it.

Paris:
He always makes the right decision about everything,
so I'm sure it's no different here.

Paris:
He kept Troy safe for all those years, after all.
I have every faith in his judgment.

Paris:
So as his brother, I'll go along with that judgment now
and ask him why he's doing this later!

Hektor:
Man, there's something to be said for being a little TOO understanding... Not that I don't appreciate it.

Mash:
What's going on, Hektor?
Why are you doing this?

Mash:
You were a conspirator from the start!? Even when you went there to inspect the relaxation facilities!?

Hektor:
Sure was. As for why this old man's doing this...
I don't think it's my place to tell.

Hektor:
When you get right down to it, this is really just a personal issue for me, the boss, and the CEO there.

Hektor:
So, uh, what now?
Would it be better if I signed for the package first?

Hektor:
Or would it get you more fired up if I refused to sign? Probably the latter, right?

B:Amazones CEO:
You...you stink of Greek men...
And what's worse, you are a traitor! A corporate spy!

Hektor:
Uh, no, I can promise you that business has nothing to do with this.

B:Amazones CEO:
Industrial spies have been an irredeemable evil ever since the dawn of the galaxy!

B:Amazones CEO:
They are the indelible ink that stains healthy business ledgers everywhere.

B:Amazones CEO:
If left to their own devices, they will turn a company's focus from sound business practices to devious scheming.

B:Amazones CEO:
And no matter how advantageous we Amazons may be in talks where my CEO Morning Star speaks louder than words...

B:Amazones CEO:
...we cannot stand by and let such a wonderful–I mean, barbaric and irrational postapocalyptic economic landscape become the order of the day!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Apart from that Freudian slip I'm going to pretend I didn't hear, we're in lockstep. Such spies are terrible!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Huh? What about my company's intelligence network? Hohoho, pay no mind. That's just marketing jargon.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Yeah! And we're basically shadow
all-rounders-slash-marketers or something now!

Da Vinci:
Man, I can already tell it's gonna be a huge pain getting Hektor to talk now that he's made up his mind not to.

Da Vinci:
I'm betting his lips are sealed just as tight as his guard. And we can't be sure he'll spill the beans even if we win.

Da Vinci:
That said...we definitely won't get anywhere
if we don't even bother to fight.

Da Vinci:
Fujimaru, you have my full permission to
give him the “talking-to” he's clearly got coming!


Fujimaru 1:
Got it!


Fujimaru 2:
Here's hoping we all make it out of this relatively unscathed!


Fou:
Fou fo fou, fooou!

B:Amazones CEO:
Raaaaaah!
At last, I no longer have any need to hold back!

berserk2

Hektor:
Hoo boy, I am reeeally not looking forward to this.
And hey, for what it's worth...

Hektor:
...I'm only doing this out of pity and obligation, and this old man does feel bad about stabbing you all in the back.

Hektor:
Don't get me wrong, I'm still doing this, but my heart won't really be in it. Ready, Paris?

Hektor:
I am Hektor of the Shining Helmet, wielder of Durindana. If we're gonna do this thing, then let's do this thing!

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Hey hey.

B:Amazones CEO:
Oh, if it isn't the president of Secret Assassin Inc.
Do you have a report for me?

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Something like that, yeah.

C:Amazones CEO:
Very well then. You may not have an appointment,
but I will hear you out anyway.

C:Amazones CEO:
A good CEO knows how to be flexible with her schedule, even in the middle of an intense crunch time.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
The thing is, we couldn't find anything.
Not one single, solitary thing.

B:Amazones CEO:
What? But then–

President Kil-Ler Jing:
But it's not like we were slacking off.
We did our job to the best of our ability.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
So I think the fact that we couldn't find anything
might just mean something, if you know what I mean.


Fujimaru 1:
Um...what DO you mean?


President Kil-Ler Jing:
Well, one thing I can now say for sure is that whoever's behind this isn't from the Servantverse.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
And while I'm at it, here's a little bonus info.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
You know this weird place we're in now? I think it's called a Singularity? Anyway, we know for a fact that it showed up right at the same time your employees went missing.

Mash:
That doesn't make any sense. If that's true, why did we only see it after we'd handled the delivery backlog?

Da Vinci:
I knew it.

Da Vinci:
It might not seem like it, Mash,
but it actually does make sense.

Da Vinci:
This was just the information I needed to solidify the hypothesis I've been mulling over. Now I know for sure that there's only one possible answer as to who could be behind all this.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So who is it then?

Da Vinci:
Well, since I expect they'll be showing up soon anyway, I don't see any need to beat around the bush Holmes-style.

Da Vinci:
If the mastermind isn't from the Amazones CEO's universe, they'd have to come from Chaldea.

Fou:
Fou!?

Da Vinci:
That also explains why we didn't see this Singularity sooner: because they, or someone helping them, tampered with our observation equipment.

Da Vinci:
It's not an easy thing to do by any means, but it's definitely possible if it was an inside job.

Da Vinci:
That said, there aren't many people capable of pulling the wool over my eyes, even if only temporarily.

Da Vinci:
To pull that off, they'd need to have top-notch intelligence, resourcefulness, and decisiveness.

Da Vinci:
Someone like an expert tactician, a scholar,
an inventor...or a clever general–

Hektor:
Come on, give me a break here. How am I supposed to show my face now that you've hyped me up that much?

Paris:
Huh? Master?

Mash:
That's...Hektor and Paris.

Mash:
Although based on the way Paris is looking around,
it seems he's as much in the dark as we are.

Paris:
What's going on?

Paris:
I have no idea what's happening, but I know it isn't what I expected when you told me to come with you.

Hektor:
Oh yeah, guess I forgot to fill you in, didn't I?

Hektor:
Basically, I've been on the enemy side all this time.
Like, right from the start.

Osakabehime:
Majiwhaaa!?

Paris:
No way! Really!?

Paris:
Okay! In that case, I'd be glad to help you!

Paris:
You just want me to stand in Master's way here, right?
Okay, I'll do my best!


Fujimaru 1:
How can you get on board with this just like that!?


Paris:
I'm still not sure what's going on here...

Paris:
...but if this is what Big Brother decided,
he must have a good reason for it.

Paris:
He always makes the right decision about everything,
so I'm sure it's no different here.

Paris:
He kept Troy safe for all those years, after all.
I have every faith in his judgment.

Paris:
So as his brother, I'll go along with that judgment now
and ask him why he's doing this later!

Hektor:
Man, there's something to be said for being a little TOO understanding... Not that I don't appreciate it.

Mash:
What's going on, Hektor?
Why are you doing this?

Mash:
You were a conspirator from the start!? Even when you went there to inspect the relaxation facilities!?

Hektor:
Sure was. As for why this old man's doing this...
I don't think it's my place to tell.

Hektor:
When you get right down to it, this is really just a personal issue for me, the boss, and the CEO there.

Hektor:
So, uh, what now?
Would it be better if I signed for the package first?

Hektor:
Or would it get you more fired up if I refused to sign? Probably the latter, right?

B:Amazones CEO:
You...you stink of Greek men...
And what's worse, you are a traitor! A corporate spy!

Hektor:
Uh, no, I can promise you that business has nothing to do with this.

B:Amazones CEO:
Industrial spies have been an irredeemable evil ever since the dawn of the galaxy!

B:Amazones CEO:
They are the indelible ink that stains healthy business ledgers everywhere.

B:Amazones CEO:
If left to their own devices, they will turn a company's focus from sound business practices to devious scheming.

B:Amazones CEO:
And no matter how advantageous we Amazons may be in talks where my CEO Morning Star speaks louder than words...

B:Amazones CEO:
...we cannot stand by and let such a wonderful–I mean, barbaric and irrational postapocalyptic economic landscape become the order of the day!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Apart from that Freudian slip I'm going to pretend I didn't hear, we're in lockstep. Such spies are terrible!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Huh? What about my company's intelligence network? Hohoho, pay no mind. That's just marketing jargon.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Yeah! And we're basically shadow
all-rounders-slash-marketers or something now!

Da Vinci:
Man, I can already tell it's gonna be a huge pain getting Hektor to talk now that he's made up his mind not to.

Da Vinci:
I'm betting his lips are sealed just as tight as his guard. And we can't be sure he'll spill the beans even if we win.

Da Vinci:
That said...we definitely won't get anywhere
if we don't even bother to fight.

Da Vinci:
Fujimaru, you have my full permission to
give him the “talking-to” he's clearly got coming!


Fujimaru 1:
Got it!


Fujimaru 2:
Here's hoping we all make it out of this relatively unscathed!


Fou:
Fou fo fou, fooou!

B:Amazones CEO:
Raaaaaah!
At last, I no longer have any need to hold back!

berserk2

Hektor:
Hoo boy, I am reeeally not looking forward to this.
And hey, for what it's worth...

Hektor:
...I'm only doing this out of pity and obligation, and this old man does feel bad about stabbing you all in the back.

Hektor:
Don't get me wrong, I'm still doing this, but my heart won't really be in it. Ready, Paris?

Hektor:
I am Hektor of the Shining Helmet, wielder of Durindana. If we're gonna do this thing, then let's do this thing!

--BATTLE--

Paris:
Guuuh, I'm exhausted.
I can't move another muscle...

Hektor:
Man, I knew she'd be packing a hell of a punch, but it's still hard dealing with so much unchecked power.

Hektor:
Sure, there are ways to hang in there against it if you have to, but they all hit diminishing returns real quick.

Hektor:
I guess I could've tried setting a few traps, but I get the feeling she'd just smash clean through 'em...

Hektor:
So yeah, I think I've done more than enough to hold up my end by now. You win! We surrender.

Amazones CEO:
Grrr! (Special Translation: You're a dead man...)

Hektor:
Uh, guys? Think one of you could tell her we surrendered before she ends up killing us!?

Da Vinci:
Sure, you might've surrendered, but you're still not gonna tell us anything, right?

Hektor:
Well, no, I'm not.

Hektor:
I promised I'd keep my mouth shut, and besides,
I think it's better that way for all of you, too.

Hektor:
Besides, you've only got ten floors left to go, so you might as well keep going and see her for yourself.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Her? So the mastermind behind all this is a woman then?

Da Vinci:
...

Mash:
...


Fujimaru 1:
...


Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
What? Why is no one saying anything?

Hektor:
I'm guessing it's 'cause the pieces are starting to fall into place for them. Hell, maybe some especially sharp people managed to figure it out from the start.

Hektor:
Well, good luck. As for me, my poor old knees and back gave out a while ago, so I'm gonna give them some much-needed rest. Oof...

Amazones CEO:
...

Amazones CEO:
While part of me would like nothing more than to continue teaching this industrial spy the error of his ways, time is of the essence.

Amazones CEO:
So I will leave him to you, my subcontractors, to do with as you wish. I don't care which of you gets him.

President Kil-Ler Jing:
Yaaay! Can I stab him? Can I?


Fujimaru 1:
I'd like to stick him in a facility where there's no escape.


Fujimaru 2:
I'd like to put him in a steaming hot room that'll really do a number on his back.


President Kil-Ler Jing:
So you've got some kind of weak-point-targeting torture in mind for him? Brutal! He's all yours then!

Amazones CEO:
Yes, that's right. Our enemies deserve neither pity nor mercy. I am glad to see you are starting to understand the harsh rigors of the business world.

Mash:
Um... Just to make sure I'm reading between the lines correctly, you want me to make an appointment for him at the sauna, right?

Amazones CEO:
All right, let us keep going.

Amazones CEO:
There are only ten floors, and ten deliveries, left to go before our showdown with this depraved mastermind.

Amazones CEO:
That said, it is the final deliveries when exhaustion-induced accidents are most likely to happen, so remain vigilant!

Hektor:
Guess nobody's coming to pick us up, huh...
I'll just have to do it myself, then. Hup.

Paris:
I still can't move a centimeter.
I'm sorry.

Hektor:
Guess I'll just have to look after you too, then.

Hektor:
Ah well, guess it is my fault you got mixed up in this.
And hey, at least you're pretty light right now.

Paris:
A piggyback ride!? Yaaay!

Paris:
It's been ages since you last gave me a piggyback ride, Big Brother! This is gonna be fun!

Hektor:
Man, nothing ever gets you down for long, does it?

Hektor:
You know, I do feel bad for involving you in this,
but you DO realize you're partly to blame too, right?

Paris:
Huh? What do you mean?

Paris:
Did I do something wrong?

Hektor:
Nope. Not at all.

Hektor:
Then again, in another sense, you kind of did, even if you didn't realize it. Then things just kept snowballing from there, and the next thing you know, we're forty stories up in this tower...

Hektor:
Hmm. Now that I think about it, minus the tower part, it's a lot like what happened with Troy. I guess you're just unlucky when it comes to this sort of thing.

Paris:
???

Hektor:
Ah, don't worry about it.
Master and co can handle it from here.

Hektor:
And speaking of Master, what do you say we take [♂ him /♀️ her]
up on [♂ his /♀️ her] kind offer and go take a nice hot bath?

Paris:
Sure thing! I can even wash your back again for the first time in forever!

Hektor:
Yeah? That'd be great.
I never thought we'd get a chance to do that again.

Hektor:
I gotta say, there're some things about
being a Servant that are really–

Paris:
Hektor? Are you okay, Hektor!?

Hektor:
Ghh... Maybe it was a mistake to give my little bro a piggyback ride right after a tough battle!?

Hektor:
No, wait.
I just realized I forgot to account for the sheep!

Hektor:
All right, Paris, this is as far as I go.
Just leave me behind and go on without me.

Paris:
Huh? No way! I'm not going anywhere without you!

Hektor:
Ugh, would you just listen to me and–Hm?

Carrier Golem:
...

Paris:
Ooh, this is that masked Caster's golem.
I think it's going to take us back to the facility!

Paris:
Master must have sent it to come get us.

Hektor:
Good grief...

Hektor:
Well, thanks for going way out of your way to pick us up, pal. I appreciate it.

Hektor:
If you don't mind carrying us, I'm happy to take you up on it. Just don't let go of us on the way back, 'kay?

Save Amazones.com!

A:Amazones CEO:
At last!!!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
We have arrived!!!

Mash:
What's that sound?
...Wait. Is that–

Amazon A:
(Huff... Huff...)

Amazon B:
One thousand nine hundred ninety-eight, one thousand nine hundred ninety-nine...two thousand! Phew, this is tough! And we still have to do ten more sets of morning star swings!

Amazon C:
Whoa, I actually felt the dopamine kick in just now.
Ahh, I love working out.

A:Amazones CEO:
That's them. My employees!
So they WERE here!

Da Vinci:
And it looks like the woman over there training them is... Yup. Just like I thought.

Penthesilea:
No resting! No talking! No laughing!

Penthesilea:
A warrior has no need for such things. What a warrior needs is the indomitable spirit to keep moving her body, no matter what the circumstances.

Penthesilea:
Failure to do so will assuredly result in your death.
Do you want to live? Then keep moving!

Amazons:
Y-yes, ma'am!

A:Amazones CEO:
Hold it right there!

Amazon A:
Is that...the CEO!?

Amazon B:
Ms. CEO! You finally came for us!

Penthesilea:
So...you're here.

A:Amazones CEO:
Huh? You look just like me...
I see. You must be me from this galaxy.

Penthesilea:
Silence! I am not you! You and I are nothing alike!

Mash:
Ulp... Her rage is off the charts.

Da Vinci:
Sure is. And I'm betting that
rage is where this all started.

Da Vinci:
Penthesilea, would you mind telling
us why you did all this?

Penthesilea:
You mean you don't know? ...Oh, very well. I suppose that imposter there at least has the right to know what she has done before I obliterate her with my morning star.

A:Amazones CEO:
Me, an imposter!? How dare you! I am the one and only Super CEO in this entire galaxy!


Fujimaru 1:
Easy there, Ms. CEO. Let's just hear her out, okay?


Fujimaru 2:
Let's just hear what she has to say for now, okay?


Penthesilea:
I had heard the rumors of another version of myself who went about delivering packages, but I never gave her much thought at the time.

Penthesilea:
I am well aware that Servants
are vague and ill-defined beings.

Penthesilea:
It is not unheard of for the same hero to materialize as something entirely different if they should end up in a different class.

Penthesilea:
So when I first heard there was another version of myself, I thought nothing more of it.

Penthesilea:
At the time, I thought it beneath my notice.

Penthesilea:
But then, one day, while I was out on my daily run...

Penthesilea:
Hm? Is that...?

A:Amazones CEO:
Delivery from Amazones.com.

Moriarty:
Ahh, wonderful.
I've been counting the hours until your arrival.

Moriarty:
I do apologize for making you
go so far out of your way.

Moriarty:
I can't make purchases like this back at Chaldea, you see, thanks to a certain nosy detective who's always on my case.

Moriarty:
Really, I don't know what he's so concerned about.
The most one could do with a...curiosity like this is play an amusing prank.

A:Amazones CEO:
No need to apologize, sir. This is why Amazones.com offers express shipping anywhere in the galaxy.

A:Amazones CEO:
Now, if you would sign here, please.

Moriarty:
Yes, of course.

Moriarty:
Ahh, I never thought it would be so quick and easy to procure all the items I need for a crim–ahem, harmless prank I came up with on a lark. It seems there truly are all kinds in the Servantverse.

Moriarty:
I daresay this Premium membership has been worth its weight in gold! Thank you!

A:Amazones CEO:
Not at all, sir.
We look forward to your next order.

Penthesilea:
At first, I took no interest whatsoever.
I just wrote it off as another unusual event.

Penthesilea:
It was only then that I noticed someone else had also been watching the interaction from a distance.

Paris:
Whoa, so that's the delivery lady people've been talking about. She looks just like Penthesilea, doesn't she, Lord Apollo?

Paris:
Yeah, but, well... I like her!

Paris:
There's just something cool about working women...
It makes them really pretty, too!

Penthesilea:
...!!!


Fujimaru 1:
Oh Paris...


Fujimaru 2:
I'm positive he didn't mean any harm by it, but...hoo boy.


Da Vinci:
Yup. He does have a knack for
this kind of thing, unfortunately.

Penthesilea:
So there is your reason.

Penthesilea:
If you are me, even if you are not strictly me...

Penthesilea:
...you must never, ever do anything that would result in others calling us “beautiful” or “pretty”!

Penthesilea:
So if you are, then you have fundamentally deviated from how you and I are supposed to be.

Osakabehime:
(Is that how that works?
I guess this is just how Berserkers think.)

Penthesilea:
That must mean this mail-order business you are indulging in is wrong. I cannot allow it to continue.

Penthesilea:
I realized you needed to remember your true way of life; to regain your warrior ambitions.

A:Amazones CEO:
Is that why you abducted my employees? Because they were the first obstacle in your way to reaching me?

Penthesilea:
I am their queen.

Penthesilea:
I have a duty to Amazons everywhere to help them stay on the right path if they should start to stray, even if they are from a different galaxy.

Penthesilea:
That is why I built this Temple of Artemis.
It is the perfect place to retrain them.

Penthesilea:
It is patterned after the godly domicile our mother, founder of the Temple of Artemis, built in our homeland.

Da Vinci:
I figured as much.


Fujimaru 1:
What do you mean?


Da Vinci:
The original Temple of Artemis is best known as one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Da Vinci:
Putting aside the fact that barely any pieces of it still exist today, of course.

Da Vinci:
And as Penthesilea alluded to, one of its legends was that the Amazons built it.

Da Vinci:
That said, I have no idea if the ruins we know of in Turkey used to be the same temple she's talking about or not.

Da Vinci:
Honestly, I have a hard time believing it was originally built to be this high.

Da Vinci:
I mean, I do get the feeling there've been pictures and prose depicting the Temple of Artemis as stretching up to the clouds, but still!

Penthesilea:
Hmm. To be honest, I don't remember the temple my mother built very clearly.

Penthesilea:
So I based this one loosely off my impression of it, and added in a helping of my own original ideas.

Penthesilea:
Still, this is what I ended up with when I stood before a Holy Grail I found and thought about how I wished for it to be a strong and powerful symbol of we Amazons.

Penthesilea:
So I am sure it is mostly faithful to the original.
More or less.

Penthesilea:
At any rate, the Amazons' retraining
is coming along nicely.

Penthesilea:
There were many complaints at first, but by now, most of them have regained their Amazonian sense of purpose.

A:Amazones CEO:
What was that?

Amazon A:
Wait, Ms. CEO! It's not like that!

Amazon A:
We're still proud employees of Amazones.com!
We DO get that, but...

Amazon B:
We've been put through workout after workout! Our muscles are so overloaded all the time they feel like they're going to burst!

Amazon B:
It's hard. Harder than anything I could've ever imagined. But then, when all seems to be at its darkest–

Amazon C:
You get an exhaustion high that makes you euphoric! Enough to make us think “You know, maybe this isn't so bad!”

Amazon A:
Really, when you think about it rationally,
why WERE we spending our time making deliveries?

Amazon B:
Sure, we might've gotten magical energy to keep us full, but it's not like we were earning much money.

Amazon B:
Maybe there's something to be said for working out to live and living to work out, too...

A:Amazones CEO:
Stop that! Snap out of it!
That's just the brainwashing speaking!


Fujimaru 1:
Looks like the less-than-great way you treated your workers finally caught up to you.


Fou:
Fou, fou fou.

A:Amazones CEO:
Grr, never mind that now! You have a very twisted sense of Servant resource management, getting your hooks into all of my employees like this.

Penthesilea:
Regardless, my real target was always you, other me.

Penthesilea:
My first goal was to teach you just how foolish this folly of yours truly is.

A:Amazones CEO:
Folly? You think this is folly?

Penthesilea:
We Amazons are a tribe of warriors.
Forget trivial online shopping services.

Penthesilea:
I asked Hektor to help me in my quest even as I expected him to refuse, but to my surprise, he accepted, nodding pleasantly with a strained expression on his face.


Fujimaru 1:
The second part I can believe, but the first? Really?


Hektor:
Well, either way, I did agree to go along with it.

Penthesilea:
The first plan was simple. I figured you would regain your old instincts if your company were to go under.

Penthesilea:
So after I had secured your employees, I leaked information about their disappearance to those who bore you a grudge.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So you had us dancing in the palm of your hand, did you? I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

Penthesilea:
But I failed to foresee Chaldea...or rather,
Master, lending you aid.

Penthesilea:
So I formed a second plan: lure you to this temple and obstruct your way with physical obstacles...

Penthesilea:
...in order to make you remember your warrior spirit.

A:Amazones CEO:
...

Penthesilea:
But unfortunately, it would seem that plan was a failure as well.

Penthesilea:
So you leave me no choice.
I will simply have to end you myself.

Penthesilea:
Any self of mine who has forgotten her warrior's pride and allowed herself to be degraded as “beautiful” is a self who should never be allowed to exist.

Penthesilea:
That holds true regardless of where, or in which, galaxy she may be.

A:Amazones CEO:
...I see. It seems we have a misunderstanding.

Penthesilea:
What?

A:Amazones CEO:
You think I've forgotten my warrior's pride?
Hehe. Hahahaha...

A:Amazones CEO:
What a joke!

A:Amazones CEO:
I–we, are just as proud
warriors as we have ever been!

A:Amazones CEO:
And at this point, my trustworthy companions here can tell you why that is just as well as I can, now that they have walked the same path as me.

A:Amazones CEO:
[♂ His /♀️ Her] objective perspective will soon put
an end to your preposterous proposition.


Fujimaru 1:
Uh... Because delivering mail orders is a fierce battle in its own right?


A:Amazones CEO:
Exactly!

B:Amazones CEO:
Overseeing, managing, and facilitating a company is anything but straightforward. There is not one thing in the world of business that can be resolved by something as simple as two sets of muscles clashing.

B:Amazones CEO:
We Amazons put our lives on the line every day we go to work. If we fail to follow our vision statement and claim victory in economic warfare, our kind will fall to ruin.

B:Amazones CEO:
All the more so if you have a responsible sister with such great integrity and earnestness that it actually puts her in danger...

B:Amazones CEO:
...or a challenging sister who is physically strong but mentally weak!

B:Amazones CEO:
You have no idea what sort of battles I need to fight as CEO, and you underestimate them at your peril!

Penthesilea:
I'm not entirely sure what
it is you're talking about...

Penthesilea:
...but I can see now that you do indeed have a warrior's resolve.

Penthesilea:
In that case, there is nothing left to say.

Penthesilea:
All that remains now is to use more...
traditional Amazonian methods of communication.

Penthesilea:
I trust you know what I mean?

A:Amazones CEO:
Of course. From here on,
I will let my CEO Morning Star do all the talking!

Penthesilea:
What kind of ridiculous name is that? That is just one more reason why you and I will never see eye to eye!

Da Vinci:
I've heard of family quarrels between parents and children, or between siblings before, but I'm not sure if that term applies in a fight between two versions of the same person.

Da Vinci:
Anyway, this is a pretty fundamental point of contention, so I doubt we can resolve it easily...

Da Vinci:
...but we can't just sit back and let them kill each other before we try.

Da Vinci:
Do whatever you can to stop them, Fujimaru!

A:Amazones CEO:
At last!!!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
We have arrived!!!

Mash:
What's that sound?
...Wait. Is that–

Amazon A:
(Huff... Huff...)

Amazon B:
One thousand nine hundred ninety-eight, one thousand nine hundred ninety-nine...two thousand! Phew, this is tough! And we still have to do ten more sets of morning star swings!

Amazon C:
Whoa, I actually felt the dopamine kick in just now.
Ahh, I love working out.

A:Amazones CEO:
That's them. My employees!
So they WERE here!

Da Vinci:
And it looks like the woman over there training them is... Yup. Just like I thought.

Penthesilea:
No resting! No talking! No laughing!

Penthesilea:
A warrior has no need for such things. What a warrior needs is the indomitable spirit to keep moving her body, no matter what the circumstances.

Penthesilea:
Failure to do so will assuredly result in your death.
Do you want to live? Then keep moving!

Amazons:
Y-yes, ma'am!

A:Amazones CEO:
Hold it right there!

Amazon A:
Is that...the CEO!?

Amazon B:
Ms. CEO! You finally came for us!

Penthesilea:
So...you're here.

A:Amazones CEO:
Huh? You look just like me...
I see. You must be me from this galaxy.

Penthesilea:
Silence! I am not you! You and I are nothing alike!

Mash:
Ulp... Her rage is off the charts.

Da Vinci:
Sure is. And I'm betting that
rage is where this all started.

Da Vinci:
Penthesilea, would you mind telling
us why you did all this?

Penthesilea:
You mean you don't know? ...Oh, very well. I suppose that imposter there at least has the right to know what she has done before I obliterate her with my morning star.

A:Amazones CEO:
Me, an imposter!? How dare you! I am the one and only Super CEO in this entire galaxy!


Fujimaru 1:
Easy there, Ms. CEO. Let's just hear her out, okay?


Fujimaru 2:
Let's just hear what she has to say for now, okay?


Penthesilea:
I had heard the rumors of another version of myself who went about delivering packages, but I never gave her much thought at the time.

Penthesilea:
I am well aware that Servants
are vague and ill-defined beings.

Penthesilea:
It is not unheard of for the same hero to materialize as something entirely different if they should end up in a different class.

Penthesilea:
So when I first heard there was another version of myself, I thought nothing more of it.

Penthesilea:
At the time, I thought it beneath my notice.

Penthesilea:
But then, one day, while I was out on my daily run...

Penthesilea:
Hm? Is that...?

A:Amazones CEO:
Delivery from Amazones.com.

Moriarty:
Ahh, wonderful.
I've been counting the hours until your arrival.

Moriarty:
I do apologize for making you
go so far out of your way.

Moriarty:
I can't make purchases like this back at Chaldea, you see, thanks to a certain nosy detective who's always on my case.

Moriarty:
Really, I don't know what he's so concerned about.
The most one could do with a...curiosity like this is play an amusing prank.

A:Amazones CEO:
No need to apologize, sir. This is why Amazones.com offers express shipping anywhere in the galaxy.

A:Amazones CEO:
Now, if you would sign here, please.

Moriarty:
Yes, of course.

Moriarty:
Ahh, I never thought it would be so quick and easy to procure all the items I need for a crim–ahem, harmless prank I came up with on a lark. It seems there truly are all kinds in the Servantverse.

Moriarty:
I daresay this Premium membership has been worth its weight in gold! Thank you!

A:Amazones CEO:
Not at all, sir.
We look forward to your next order.

Penthesilea:
At first, I took no interest whatsoever.
I just wrote it off as another unusual event.

Penthesilea:
It was only then that I noticed someone else had also been watching the interaction from a distance.

Paris:
Whoa, so that's the delivery lady people've been talking about. She looks just like Penthesilea, doesn't she, Lord Apollo?

Paris:
Yeah, but, well... I like her!

Paris:
There's just something cool about working women...
It makes them really pretty, too!

Penthesilea:
...!!!


Fujimaru 1:
Oh Paris...


Fujimaru 2:
I'm positive he didn't mean any harm by it, but...hoo boy.


Da Vinci:
Yup. He does have a knack for
this kind of thing, unfortunately.

Penthesilea:
So there is your reason.

Penthesilea:
If you are me, even if you are not strictly me...

Penthesilea:
...you must never, ever do anything that would result in others calling us “beautiful” or “pretty”!

Penthesilea:
So if you are, then you have fundamentally deviated from how you and I are supposed to be.

Osakabehime:
(Is that how that works?
I guess this is just how Berserkers think.)

Penthesilea:
That must mean this mail-order business you are indulging in is wrong. I cannot allow it to continue.

Penthesilea:
I realized you needed to remember your true way of life; to regain your warrior ambitions.

A:Amazones CEO:
Is that why you abducted my employees? Because they were the first obstacle in your way to reaching me?

Penthesilea:
I am their queen.

Penthesilea:
I have a duty to Amazons everywhere to help them stay on the right path if they should start to stray, even if they are from a different galaxy.

Penthesilea:
That is why I built this Temple of Artemis.
It is the perfect place to retrain them.

Penthesilea:
It is patterned after the godly domicile our mother, founder of the Temple of Artemis, built in our homeland.

Da Vinci:
I figured as much.


Fujimaru 1:
What do you mean?


Da Vinci:
The original Temple of Artemis is best known as one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Da Vinci:
Putting aside the fact that barely any pieces of it still exist today, of course.

Da Vinci:
And as Penthesilea alluded to, one of its legends was that the Amazons built it.

Da Vinci:
That said, I have no idea if the ruins we know of in Turkey used to be the same temple she's talking about or not.

Da Vinci:
Honestly, I have a hard time believing it was originally built to be this high.

Da Vinci:
I mean, I do get the feeling there've been pictures and prose depicting the Temple of Artemis as stretching up to the clouds, but still!

Penthesilea:
Hmm. To be honest, I don't remember the temple my mother built very clearly.

Penthesilea:
So I based this one loosely off my impression of it, and added in a helping of my own original ideas.

Penthesilea:
Still, this is what I ended up with when I stood before a Holy Grail I found and thought about how I wished for it to be a strong and powerful symbol of we Amazons.

Penthesilea:
So I am sure it is mostly faithful to the original.
More or less.

Penthesilea:
At any rate, the Amazons' retraining
is coming along nicely.

Penthesilea:
There were many complaints at first, but by now, most of them have regained their Amazonian sense of purpose.

A:Amazones CEO:
What was that?

Amazon A:
Wait, Ms. CEO! It's not like that!

Amazon A:
We're still proud employees of Amazones.com!
We DO get that, but...

Amazon B:
We've been put through workout after workout! Our muscles are so overloaded all the time they feel like they're going to burst!

Amazon B:
It's hard. Harder than anything I could've ever imagined. But then, when all seems to be at its darkest–

Amazon C:
You get an exhaustion high that makes you euphoric! Enough to make us think “You know, maybe this isn't so bad!”

Amazon A:
Really, when you think about it rationally,
why WERE we spending our time making deliveries?

Amazon B:
Sure, we might've gotten magical energy to keep us full, but it's not like we were earning much money.

Amazon B:
Maybe there's something to be said for working out to live and living to work out, too...

A:Amazones CEO:
Stop that! Snap out of it!
That's just the brainwashing speaking!


Fujimaru 1:
Looks like the less-than-great way you treated your workers finally caught up to you.


Fou:
Fou, fou fou.

A:Amazones CEO:
Grr, never mind that now! You have a very twisted sense of Servant resource management, getting your hooks into all of my employees like this.

Penthesilea:
Regardless, my real target was always you, other me.

Penthesilea:
My first goal was to teach you just how foolish this folly of yours truly is.

A:Amazones CEO:
Folly? You think this is folly?

Penthesilea:
We Amazons are a tribe of warriors.
Forget trivial online shopping services.

Penthesilea:
I asked Hektor to help me in my quest even as I expected him to refuse, but to my surprise, he accepted, nodding pleasantly with a strained expression on his face.


Fujimaru 1:
The second part I can believe, but the first? Really?


Hektor:
Well, either way, I did agree to go along with it.

Penthesilea:
The first plan was simple. I figured you would regain your old instincts if your company were to go under.

Penthesilea:
So after I had secured your employees, I leaked information about their disappearance to those who bore you a grudge.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
So you had us dancing in the palm of your hand, did you? I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

Penthesilea:
But I failed to foresee Chaldea...or rather,
Master, lending you aid.

Penthesilea:
So I formed a second plan: lure you to this temple and obstruct your way with physical obstacles...

Penthesilea:
...in order to make you remember your warrior spirit.

A:Amazones CEO:
...

Penthesilea:
But unfortunately, it would seem that plan was a failure as well.

Penthesilea:
So you leave me no choice.
I will simply have to end you myself.

Penthesilea:
Any self of mine who has forgotten her warrior's pride and allowed herself to be degraded as “beautiful” is a self who should never be allowed to exist.

Penthesilea:
That holds true regardless of where, or in which, galaxy she may be.

A:Amazones CEO:
...I see. It seems we have a misunderstanding.

Penthesilea:
What?

A:Amazones CEO:
You think I've forgotten my warrior's pride?
Hehe. Hahahaha...

A:Amazones CEO:
What a joke!

A:Amazones CEO:
I–we, are just as proud
warriors as we have ever been!

A:Amazones CEO:
And at this point, my trustworthy companions here can tell you why that is just as well as I can, now that they have walked the same path as me.

A:Amazones CEO:
[♂ His /♀️ Her] objective perspective will soon put
an end to your preposterous proposition.


Fujimaru 1:
Uh... Because delivering mail orders is a fierce battle in its own right?


A:Amazones CEO:
Exactly!

B:Amazones CEO:
Overseeing, managing, and facilitating a company is anything but straightforward. There is not one thing in the world of business that can be resolved by something as simple as two sets of muscles clashing.

B:Amazones CEO:
We Amazons put our lives on the line every day we go to work. If we fail to follow our vision statement and claim victory in economic warfare, our kind will fall to ruin.

B:Amazones CEO:
All the more so if you have a responsible sister with such great integrity and earnestness that it actually puts her in danger...

B:Amazones CEO:
...or a challenging sister who is physically strong but mentally weak!

B:Amazones CEO:
You have no idea what sort of battles I need to fight as CEO, and you underestimate them at your peril!

Penthesilea:
I'm not entirely sure what
it is you're talking about...

Penthesilea:
...but I can see now that you do indeed have a warrior's resolve.

Penthesilea:
In that case, there is nothing left to say.

Penthesilea:
All that remains now is to use more...
traditional Amazonian methods of communication.

Penthesilea:
I trust you know what I mean?

A:Amazones CEO:
Of course. From here on,
I will let my CEO Morning Star do all the talking!

Penthesilea:
What kind of ridiculous name is that? That is just one more reason why you and I will never see eye to eye!

Da Vinci:
I've heard of family quarrels between parents and children, or between siblings before, but I'm not sure if that term applies in a fight between two versions of the same person.

Da Vinci:
Anyway, this is a pretty fundamental point of contention, so I doubt we can resolve it easily...

Da Vinci:
...but we can't just sit back and let them kill each other before we try.

Da Vinci:
Do whatever you can to stop them, Fujimaru!

--BATTLE--

Paris:
(Zzz...) That's too many of you...Lord Apollo... Now the world's covered in one third ocean, two thirds you...

Hektor:
Sounds like he's having a hell of a nasty dream.

Avicebron:
From the looks of it, it would seem you were really put through the wringer, so to speak. Is that seat taken?

Hektor:
Oh, it's you.
Not at all. Go for it.

Avicebron:
Thank you.
...Now then, I think we'd best have a little talk.

Hektor:
Whup. I had a feeling this might be coming.

Avicebron:
Indeed. For those of my ilk, knowledge is worth far more than money. Besides, it's about time you told me, anyway.

Avicebron:
Why did you have me make that suggestion?

Hektor:
...Because I owe Penthesilea a huge debt.

Hektor:
When it comes to things like which of us made a bigger mark in history, or the fact that both of us ended up losing our lives to you-know-who...

Hektor:
...I honestly don't care all that much.

Avicebron:
And that golem I made is going to help you repay your debt to her?

Hektor:
Probably. At least, I think so.

Hektor:
But I do know he's a part of her, for better or worse. You can't disentangle them, no matter how much you try.

Avicebron:
Hmm, I see.

Hektor:
And that's not the only reason.
When you get right down to it...

Hektor:
...I just don't want to pass up any chance I can get to make his life a living hell.

Avicebron:
Oho. That is quite the additional reason.

Hektor:
I mean, if I don't, we might well end up fighting each other to the death again sometime!

Avicebron:
Good grief. It seems the old warrior's disposition can be a real burden sometimes.

Penthesilea:
(Huff, huff)... Hahahaha! I never thought
fighting myself could be so fulfilling!

D:Amazones CEO:
Phew... Hehehe! This has turned out to be a much more exhilarating proposition than I had envisioned!

Da Vinci:
Man, talk about birds of a feather.
Not that that's any surprise, of course.

Penthesilea:
Good. Good! This sort of elation is exactly what we should strive for. I feel more heightened than ever before.

Penthesilea:
My muscles, my battle sense...
Even my five normal senses.

D:Amazones CEO:
Same here. My five senses are...are...

D:Amazones CEO:
Hm? What's that...smell...?

Penthesilea:
...?
...!?

Mash:
Wh-what's going on? They've both stopped fighting, and they now appear to be frantically searching for something...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Look, there's something hiding behind that pillar over there. Is that...?


Fujimaru 1:
It's the carrier golem.


Fujimaru 2:
What's the carrier golem doing here? I didn't send for it...


Penthesilea:
A-ah, aaaaAAAhhh! You. You! It's YOU!!!

D:Amazones CEO:
He's here. I can smell him! All the more so now that my senses are so heightened!

Penthesilea & Amazones CEO:
It's you, isn't it!? Achilleeeeees!!!

--BATTLE--

Fou:
Fooou!?

Mash:
Achilles was inside the golem!?

Achilles:
Aw, crap. Can't believe they found me even with Avicebron's work covering me up!

Achilles:
Guess it just goes to show how sharp their instincts are right now.

Achilles:
Yikes! Man, dealing with two demigod-class Berserkers at once is rough. Especially when they don't even care whether they get injured or not!

Achilles:
Hmm. Yeah, I don't like my chances against them.
Better get while the getting's good.

D:Amazones CEO:
Stop...
Get back here!

Penthesilea:
AA, AAA, Achilleees! I don't care what happens to me, but YOU will be going nowhere!

Mash:
Stop! Don't go after him!

Mash:
Achilles will be okay thanks to his chariot, but if you two jump from here, not even the fact that you're Servants will save you!

Da Vinci:
You really think they're gonna listen to reason now?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...I haven't accompanied you all the way to this final delivery just on a whim.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I accompanied you because, as your first nonoutsourcing partner company, and as one who decided to follow the next generation of Amazones.com wherever it goes...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...I thought it was my duty to
see this through to the end.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
You see, I, too, have come to believe
in Amazones.com's future.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
And I won't have it ending here like this.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Don't worry, I know just what to do. Hyaaah!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I'm sure you won't be willing to listen to reason now that you've gone so berserk...

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
...but I'm certain my cosmic beauty will be something you'll never forget!

Penthesilea & Amazones CEO:
Huh...!?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Now! Now, where were they?
...There! Those cardboard boxes!

Osakabehime:
On it! A little origami to send
them on their way, and... There!

Penthesilea & Amazones CEO:
...

Mash:
It looks like putting those cardboard boxes on their heads got them to stop...

Da Vinci:
It's just like reducing a pet's field of vision to get them to calm down.

Da Vinci:
Still, I doubt that'll hold them for long.

Da Vinci:
Mind saying something to them, Fujimaru?


Fujimaru 1:
That's enough! The battle's over, and you two won!


Fujimaru 2:
Not gonna lie: you two kicked his ass and won!


Penthesilea:
We...won...?

D:Amazones CEO:
...

Da Vinci:
Phew. About time they finally settled down...

Penthesilea:
No... This was no victory. He got away. We failed to finish him off, even fighting him together.

Penthesilea:
I am in no way satisfied with these results.
But, that said... It is a fact that we managed
to surpass him just now.

Penthesilea:
Thanks to that, I think I have gained a new insight.


Fujimaru 1:
So...what's that?


Penthesilea:
If two of me together were able to beat him...

Penthesilea:
...that means I can beat him myself as long as
I become twice as strong as I am now!

Penthesilea:
And in that case, my task is clear. All I need to do is train twice as much as I have so far. Then... Hehehe!

E:Amazones CEO:
Right you are, my self from a different galaxy.
Those are the same calculations I arrived at as well.

E:Amazones CEO:
I now have a wonderful new directive
on which to focus my synergies.

Penthesilea:
You know, I never paid it much mind before...but I take it you also have your reasons for needing to end him?

E:Amazones CEO:
Of course I do. Though I can't say what they are, as even just remembering them Amazonates my brain.

Mash:
I'm sorry, Amazonates...?


Fujimaru 1:
Probably some Servantverse term.


Fujimaru 2:
Never heard it before, but I can guess what it means...


D:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, the fact remains
that he is my mortal enemy.

D:Amazones CEO:
In fact, it would be no exaggeration to say that I founded Amazones.com for the sole purpose of killing him.

Penthesilea:
I see. If there are strengths that can only be acquired through business, it stands to reason there are enemies who can only be killed through business.

E:Amazones CEO:
Exactly!

Penthesilea:
That does make sense... Very well, my other self.
I now understand that you are indeed me.

Penthesilea:
All that matters is that you live to kill him, just as I do. Any other differences we may have are trivial.

D:Amazones CEO:
I am glad you understand.
It would seem you are just as much a CEO as I am!

Mash:
Now they're firmly shaking hands!
It looks like they've come to an understanding!

Fou:
Fou. Fooou?

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
There's some parts of their reconciliation that still don't make sense to other people like me, but I suppose the important thing is that they have in fact reconciled.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
That said...there is still one issue
that has yet to be resolved.

Amazon A:
Wh-what do we do now?

Amazon B:
We're still Amazones.com employees.
It's an indelible part of our souls.

Amazon B:
At this point, we could do our delivery jobs in our sleep.
That much will never change...

Amazon C:
But we've also seen there's
more to life than just work!

Amazon D:
It's true! We realize now that there's a lot to be said for foregoing deliveries and just working out all the time!

Amazon D:
And that Amazones.com didn't always treat its employees super well!

D:Amazones CEO:
Wait. I understand your hesitations.

D:Amazones CEO:
All I ask is that you hear me out for just a moment.

Amazon A:
Ms. CEO?

E:Amazones CEO:
It was a lot of hard work to come this far.
Especially since I was the only one around to do it.

E:Amazones CEO:
If I had not been fortunate enough to run into Chaldea, and been willing to bend my principles to sign my first outsourcing contract with them, I would never have made it here.

E:Amazones CEO:
No, not only them. I must also thank the other companies I have formed partnerships with, like the Madam's there.

E:Amazones CEO:
Indeed, the only reason I managed to overcome this tremendous challenge was because of their help.

E:Amazones CEO:
So I have decided to change my thinking in regards to my next-generation initiatives.

E:Amazones CEO:
I see now that change is not to be feared, and that flexibility is the key to seizing profits.

E:Amazones CEO:
I have learned that I need to innovate the fundamentals of my labor system, not only my approach to outsourcing.

Amazon B:
S-so what are you saying?

D:Amazones CEO:
To put it simply, I have matured into a CEO who understands how people feel!

D:Amazones CEO:
I promise you that from now on, Amazones.com will
strive to pay its employees more magical energy than ever!

D:Amazones CEO:
I also vow to double your bonuses
and your number of paid days off!

Amazons:
Wha–

D:Amazones CEO:
However, the choice to come back to
work remains yours. What do you say?

Amazons:
When can we start!?

Amazon A:
This is like a dream come true!
Wait, I'm not actually dreaming, am I?

Amazon B:
I've heard of this paid vacation. It's when you not only don't have to work, but you also get, you know, paid!

Amazon C:
Now that you mention it, I think I heard about things like that before I joined Amazones.com, too.

Amazon C:
I forgot all about them thanks to all the fun I was having running around and getting into fights on my deliveries.

Amazon D:
No way! Is that really legal!? You sure the Galactic Police aren't gonna throw us in the galactic slammer!?

Amazon E:
Yeaaah! Aaamaaazoooneees! Aaamaaazoooneees! (Company anthem)

Osakabehime:
I guess the idea of taking paid vacation never occurred to them before, since their leisure time was always just used for work...

Fou:
Fou...

Mash:
A-anyway, once they return to their jobs at Amazones.com, that should wrap up this latest case nicely, right?

Mash:
I think it's wonderful that they'll get to be paid more and to take vacations!

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Hehe... Companies who face a little existential crisis like this tend to bounce back stronger than before.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
This could end up making Amazones.com into an even bigger monster than it was before.

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
Speaking as a rival CEO, I look forward to seeing where you go from here, and to continue our beau–

Madam Cosmotic Beauty:
I mean, high BP working relationship, so that we
may both reap the benefits for years to come.
Ohohohoho! Cosmic!

Mash:
Well, Master, it looks like you did it again.
Congratulations on a job well done!

Mash:
I'm sure the last thing you need right now
is to go back to your regular duties...

Mash:
...so why don't you head back to the
relaxation facilities for the time being?

Epilogue


Fujimaru 1:
There, everything's nice and clean now.


Fujimaru 2:
I'm gonna miss this place...


A:Amazones CEO:
Oh, you're still here.

A:Amazones CEO:
Have you been cleaning? The place looks spotless.
You didn't have to go to all that trouble.


Fujimaru 1:
I got a lot of use out of this place, so I just wanted to return the favor.


Fujimaru 2:
Don't worry about it. It's just my way of showing my appreciation.


B:Amazones CEO:
I see. I already considered this working relationship win-win, since you did your job so well, but if you insist.

A:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, we should head outside. I won't be able to cut this space off if we are still inside it.

A:Amazones CEO:
I have set it so once I step through the return
portal... Er, Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle, was it?

A:Amazones CEO:
At any rate, it will sever the connection between this castle, and my warehouse and relaxation facilities.

A:Amazones CEO:
Still, if you were to remain here and end up left behind at headquarters once the connection is lost...

A:Amazones CEO:
...I cannot say I would be displeased.

Mash:
Oh good, you're here.

Penthesilea:
So, you've come.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh, if it isn't me from this galaxy.
Are you here to send me off as well?

Da Vinci:
Hey, there's no denying that she's the one best suited to say goodbye on our behalf.

Da Vinci:
Aside from Fujimaru, of course.

Da Vinci:
...That said, I can't promise there's nobody else around watching from a distance.

Penthesilea:
Do not misunderstand. I am not here for anything so weak and touchy-feely as a send-off.

Penthesilea:
I am here as queen of the Amazons because I realized I forgot to tell you something important.

A:Amazones CEO:
Oh? If this is about the resources you agreed to pay me for the trouble you caused, I've already received them.


Fujimaru 1:
I'm surprised you agreed to do that.


Penthesilea:
A good queen is one who readily admits when she has made an error in judgment.

Penthesilea:
Any nation governed by royalty who refuse to admit they are at fault will inevitably be brought to ruin.

A:Amazones CEO:
Indeed. The same can be said for companies and CEOs.
Now, what is it you forgot to tell me?

Penthesilea:
I have given it some thought, and it stands to reason there is a man like Achilles in your world–galaxy?–as well as in mine.

Penthesilea:
And just as you were driven to end his existence here in my world, I have no intention of letting him continue breathing in yours.

Penthesilea:
Indeed, he must pay for his trangression no matter where he may be. So I would like to officially entrust you to kill the Achilles from your world.

A:Amazones CEO:
Is that all?
Needless to say, we are firmly in consensus.

A:Amazones CEO:
And the same goes to you. Whatever it takes,
make sure you kill your Achilles as well.

Penthesilea:
Of course. While I don't expect to do anything differently than I have thus far, I swear on my queenhood that I will.

A:Amazones CEO:
Then as CEO, I too promise you I will hold up my end of the bargain. I'll be sure to send you a written agreement later attesting to that, so please look it over when it arrives.

Mash:
It must be hard for you-know-who, always being under proverbial crosshairs no matter which world's version he is or which world he's in...

Paris:
Good! I hope his life keeps getting harder for him!
Serves him right!

Hektor:
Though you know, I gotta say...

Hektor:
I was hoping coming face-to-face with another version of herself would be the kick Penthesilea needed to help herself...

Hektor:
But I guess that was wishful thinking.

Hektor:
Really, when you stop to think about it, I'm not sure anything's actually changed for her except on the inside...

Hektor:
Still, I guess I did accomplish the minimum goal I was shooting for, so at least there's that.

Paris:
Are you hoping Penthesilea will
find some kind of solace?

Hektor:
Hard to say. In the end, the only one who can say what solace means to her is Penthesilea herself.

Hektor:
The fact that it took me this long to figure out something that obvious just goes to show how presumptuous I've been.

Hektor:
So as far as I'm concerned, all I ended up doing here was paying her back for helping us out.

Paris:
That's true. We do owe her a lot.

Paris:
I still remember how sad I–everyone in Troy was when Achilles killed you...

Paris:
...and how encouraging it was to see her and her golden warriors arrive to help us.

Hektor:
I really thought I knew what kind of firepower the Achaeans were packing.

Hektor:
But then those precious few Amazons showed up to help, with Penthesilea insisting on upholding the oracle's prophecy to atone for her sins... Man, talk about awkward.

Hektor:
Yeah. So I figured the least I could do for an awkward gal like that to repay the debt I owe her...

Hektor:
...was to stick my nose in where it arguably didn't belong and provide a little nonawkwardness where it was needed.

Achilles:
So that's why you convinced Avicebron to approach me back when I was twiddling my thumbs with nothing to do?

Achilles:
I swear, you Trojans wouldn't know how to face a problem head-on if it bit you in the ass!

Paris:
Aah! It's Achilles! Come on, Big Brother, Lord Apollo! Let's get him!

Hektor:
I wouldn't if I were you. We don't wanna make so much noise that Penthesilea and the CEO hear us.

Hektor:
But hey, since we are all here,
mind telling me something?

Hektor:
I might've had Avicebron suggest something to you that I thought could get the ball rolling, so to speak, but you're the one who took him up on it. How come?

Hektor:
If you got tired of being the hero of Achaea and decided you'd rather be a golem from now on, I can understand...

Hektor:
But I'm guessing it's probably not that, is it?

Achilles:
'Course it's not, you dumbass.

Hektor:
What's that? Some kinda insult?

Achilles:
Oh for... It's 'cause I saw the other one of her for the first time.

Hektor:
The CEO, you mean?

Achilles:
Yeah. I'd heard the rumors about her,
but when I found out she was real...

Achilles:
...I couldn't help but wonder how things stood between her, and the other me I assume's out there where she's from.

Achilles:
...And yeah, I know she's not
gonna treat me any differently.

Achilles:
I don't know what happened to her that makes her go berserk at just hearing my name...

Achilles:
...but whatever it is, I'm sure it's my fault.

Achilles:
I just figured I ought to find out what that was. Find out what happened, and why she ended up that way.

Achilles:
But of course, I couldn't ask her directly. I knew she'd go berserk the moment she saw my face. So–

Hektor:
So instead, you thought you'd try to get up close all sneakily, like some kind of spy or something.

Hektor:
I can see that. She might well have ended up dropping a hint or two in front of the carrier golem while she was talking with Master or someone.

Paris:
Wow, Lord Apollo, it looks like we've
got a stalker on our hands!

Achilles:
Can it, wool-for-brains!

Paris:
These aren't my brains!
This is Lord Apollo's divine fleece!

Hektor:
So, you figure it out then?
'Cause I still got no clue.

Hektor:
Must be a hell of a secret of hers.
I don't think she even told Master about it.

Achilles:
No, can't say I did.

Achilles:
All I found out is that she hates me just as much if not more than Penthesilea does.

Achilles:
If her ranting wasn't enough, it was also pretty clear from how hard she hit me.

Achilles:
...That said, I do have a pretty
good idea of one thing now.

Achilles:
Whatever that other me did must've been at least as humiliating as me complimenting her looks on the battlefield.

Hektor:
Wait...
Don't tell me you actually regret that now, do you?

Achilles:
Hell no.

Achilles:
If anything, I'm relieved that
I'm still me no matter where I go.

Achilles:
Even if I might not exactly be everyone's cup of tea.

Achilles:
I doubt that other me has any regrets, either.

Achilles:
All I can say for sure is, that other me and her clearly have as strong a connection as Penthesilea and me.

Achilles:
I'm good with that. It might be a connection forged from hate and fury, but it's still a part of us.

Achilles:
Just knowing that's true everywhere we go is a win in my book.

Hektor:
Ha! Finding out those other versions of you are just as hopeless as you are sure isn't what I'd call a win.

Hektor:
I don't know why you think it is. Maybe 'cause you've still got your youth? Either way, I hate it. Mind if I throw a rock at you?

Achilles:
I'm not sticking around much longer.
I only wanted to say that I wasn't your puppet.

Achilles:
After all, I'm sure I would've found out the same thing on my own, with or without your help.

Paris:
Don't fling your sour grapes at us just 'cause you're mad you lost!

Paris:
Here, Big Brother! I couldn't find any rocks,
but I did grab some roof tiles!

Hektor:
Don't bother; he's already long gone. I swear, you'd think he'd have the decency not to show off how fast he can run to this old man whose back and legs are practically giving out.

Achilles's Voice:

Your back aside, isn't it really bad for a
Servant's legs to be giving out!?

Hektor:
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

A:Amazones CEO:
All right, I had better be on my way.
I cannot keep my employees waiting forever, after all.

A:Amazones CEO:
If you should ever decide to get out of the queen business and into CEOing, just let me know, and I will send you a copy of my autobiography.

A:Amazones CEO:
I think you would get a lot out of it.

Penthesilea:
R-right...

A:Amazones CEO:
As for you, Fujimaru...
Your help has been invaluable.


Fujimaru 1:
Not at all. You helped us out a lot.


Fujimaru 2:
Thanks. This has been a great learning experience.


B:Amazones CEO:
I may have said this before, but I firmly believe that crises can lead to unprecedented opportunities.

B:Amazones CEO:
If it had not been for this predicament, I might never have broken out of my comfort zone and shifted Amazones.com's paradigm to incorporate outsourcing.

B:Amazones CEO:
I now know that relying on other companies for help can actually be quite nice. For that, I am grateful.

B:Amazones CEO:
...In fact, I think I may just keep this system going.

B:Amazones CEO:
At this point, I think I would even be comfortable working with freelancers in addition to companies.

B:Amazones CEO:
Perhaps I could call it “Amazones Flextime”...

B:Amazones CEO:
...and the tagline could be “Now you too can be an Amazon whenever you like!” What do you think?


Fujimaru 1:
In that case, maybe I'll come work part-time for you again some day.


A:Amazones CEO:
Hehe. Absolutely not.

Mash:
Wh-why not?

Mash:
I may have only been helping out from the back end, but from what I saw, I thought Senpai was excellent!

A:Amazones CEO:
Exactly. It would be a waste to employ such talent and drive only part-time.

A:Amazones CEO:
Fujimaru, I will only ask you this once.

A:Amazones CEO:
Would you consider joining Amazones.com as an official full-time employee?


Fujimaru 1:
I appreciate the offer, but I'm afraid I can't.


Fujimaru 2:
Thank you, but I'm afraid I have other things I have to take care of.


A:Amazones CEO:
...I see.

A:Amazones CEO:
That is a shame, but I understand.

A:Amazones CEO:
In that case, in light of all your exceptional work thus far, I will make you a special honorary employee instead.


Fujimaru 1:
Thank you. I'm, uh, honored.


Fujimaru 2:
Thank you. It's an, um...honor?

A:Amazones CEO:
No need for the uncertainty.

A:Amazones CEO:
This is a one-of-a-kind position that will let you return to the field whenever you like without reapplying or interviewing. Be grateful.


A:Amazones CEO:
All right, I had best be on my way.

A:Amazones CEO:
...I do not typically go in for sentimentality, but I will say this: I believe this incident will stay with me for the rest of my life.

A:Amazones CEO:
It has turned out to be a major chapter in the newest edition of my autobiography.

Da Vinci:
Yeah, you'd think there'd be more chances for all of us to pitch in and have fun like this, but they don't actually come around all that often, do they?


Fujimaru 1:
I'll miss you.


A:Amazones CEO:
Hehe. As will I–No, scratch that.

A:Amazones CEO:
There is no need to miss me,
valued customer-slash-honorary employee!

A:Amazones CEO:
If you wish to see me again, I will be there.
That is who we are, and what we do.

A:Amazones CEO:
For remember...with but a single click, Amazones.com will deliver anything anywhere in the galaxy!

A:Amazones CEO:
Farewell! We look forward to your next order!

Narration:
– Afterword –

Narration:
After regaining its missing employees and recovering from the most dire straits it had faced since its founding, Amazones.com soon went on to resume its normal operations.

Narration:
Despite the setback, it quickly regained all the momentum it had lost and then some, going on to achieve even greater success thanks to its new partnerships with other companies.

Narration:
In time, Amazones.com began introducing innovative and timely new services, and expanded their offerings with high-quality products to better match their customers' needs.

Narration:
Eventually, the Amazones CEO decided that securing a safe delivery route for her employees would improve their quality of life and provide the company with tremendous resource savings...

Narration:
So she set about making arrangements to purchase a galactic highway.

Narration:
Although every expert shook their head and said it was too big of a challenge, she and her Amazons used their overwhelming muscular power to make it happen, leading to them and the company growing even further.

Narration:
Eventually, Amazones.com would become one of the most influential organizations in the entire Servantverse...

Narration:
But that...is a story for another time.