Farewell to Kamakura - Little Big Tengu
Section One: Meeting Mentor
Narration:
...
Narration:
......
Narration:
.........
Narration:
I am hatred.
Narration:
I am endless fury.
Narration:
I am undying hellfire.
Narration:
I am...
Narration:
...Kagekiyo...
Fergus:
...
...
Fergus:
...
...
Fergus:
...
...I'm bored.
Caesar:
Now, now, my good man, let's not bellyache.
Caesar:
Though the beautiful librarian may have asked us to assist the library's patrons in her stead, and to guard against any hooligans who mean it harm...
Caesar:
We can hardly do the former if there
are no patrons to assist...
Caesar:
Nor can we do the latter in the absence of hooligans.
Caesar:
All the money in the world can't buy such tranquility. What a wonderful day.
Caesar:
Now that we have jobs so completely free of responsibility, I believe the kids today would say we have won at life.
Caesar:
In the meantime, if you're looking for something to do, why not avail yourself of one of the many books around us?
Caesar:
Surely even a man of such...singular tastes as yours can enjoy the occasional reading session.
Fergus:
Hmm.
Fergus:
You Romans really are all about high civilization and stuff, huh?
Fergus:
Never been that into books. Not that I ever had many chances to read anyway.
Fergus:
I mean, I did learn how to read Latin–I mean, your country's writing system, 'cause I had to...
Fergus:
But it was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life! I seriously thought I was gonna die!
Caesar:
Hmm, I see. But you didn't die, did you?
Fergus:
No, I did.
Caesar:
Did you now.
Caesar:
...Just to be clear, do you mean that figuratively? Something to do with some geis, perhaps?
Fergus:
Nah, it's cause of who taught me.
Fergus:
My teacher always said if I had time to learn a foreign alphabet, I should spend it learning new combat techniques.
Fergus:
Then she'd throw a spear at my head from three hills away.
Caesar:
Did she really? What kind of teacher does that?
Caesar:
Ah, right. THAT teacher.
Fergus:
Yup. Scáthach.
Caesar:
...
...
Caesar:
...That aside...
Fergus:
Hm?
Caesar:
Don't you think there's something truly delightful about the phrase “female teacher”?
Fergus:
Female teacher...
Fergus:
There is, isn't there!?
Caesar:
Female teacher Scáthach!
Fergus:
...
Caesar:
(That took the wind out of him so fast you'd think he'd been hit with an enfeebling spell!)
Caesar:
(But, nonetheless!)
Caesar:
(I have faith that you will persevere, Fergus, brave warrior of Ulster!)
Fergus:
...
...
Fergus:
...Yeah!
Fergus:
Now that I think about it...
Fergus:
That's hot! Definitely in the vicinity of hot!
Fergus:
Female teacher Scáthach!
Fergus:
That sounds great!
Caesar:
Yes it does!
Fergus:
Hehe.
Caesar:
Hahaha.
Fergus:
Honestly, I wasn't sure how being paired up with you here would go at first...
Fergus:
But now, I think it's working out nicely.
Caesar:
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Fergus:
This has been great image training.
I'm finally one step closer to victory.
Caesar:
That much?
Fergus:
Yup. It's pathetic that I'm still afraid of her, despite all my accomplishments.
Fergus:
Even now that I'm a Heroic Spirit, I still can't get over my nervousness around her.
Caesar:
Your teacher, huh.
Caesar:
...Don't worry, you're not alone. My mother taught me a great deal, and I don't think I could say no to her even now.
Caesar:
Hm? No, wait.
Caesar:
What am I saying!? I can't equate my mother with Lady Scáthach!
Caesar:
Not her, of all people!
Fergus:
Hey, who knows.
She might actually be flattered by the comparison.
???:
Oho.
???:
So you two have teachers of your own then.
???:
Then again, this IS supposed to be a place great heroes gather...
???:
...so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to hear teachers occasionally coming up in conversation.
Caesar:
!
Caesar:
(Who is that!?)
Caesar:
(I can hear them speak, but I can't sense them anywhere. They must be an Assassin with Presence Concealment...)
Caesar:
(...or possess an equivalent high-level skill with no ties to any particular class.)
Fergus:
That voice... That's a woman's voice.
Fergus:
If you meant to stay hidden,
you would never have said anything.
Fergus:
And while I'm not proud of this–nope, at all–I never forget a woman's voice, even if I've only heard it once.
Fergus:
Show yourself, intruder.
???:
Oh my, how scary.
???:
Easy there, big guy. I didn't come here to fight.
I just want to talk, man-to-man.
Fergus:
!
Caesar:
(Man!?)
Fergus:
(To man!?)
Caesar:
(So this one is...a tomboy type!?)
Caesar:
(I didn't mean you!)
Fergus:
So you want to talk, not fight? Then let's talk about what it is you're doing here.
???:
Well, if you must know...
???:
I'm here to punish my student.
Ushiwakamaru:
...and that's when I said:
Ushiwakamaru:
“Wrong. Your head is already mine.”
Scáthach:
...Pfft.
Jason:
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jason:
Why did you laugh at that!?
That was horrifying, not funny!
Jason:
I thought you were telling us a joke about a cherry blossom picnic! How the hell does this story have a severed head!?
Jason:
And why were you so quick to cut it off in the first place!? There's nothing funny about any of this!
Jason:
Forget sketch comedy; that was a horror story!
Benkei:
You'll have to forgive her. Lord Ushiwakamaru's jokes have always been on the bleeding edge of humor.
Jason:
Well yeah, with a punch line like that, I could've told you there'd be bleeding involved.
Jason:
At any rate, no more Genji jokes!
They're just...unsettling!
Mash:
I know what you mean, but while I may not be able to empathize with their situations...
Mash:
...I do think they convey the intensity that comes with being a samurai warrior!
Fujimaru 1:
You've got that right!
Fujimaru 2:
Definitely!
Jason:
You think so?
Benkei:
Hahaha. I'm not surprised to know that our customs are a bit difficult for people from other lands and times to appreciate.
Benkei:
Even in our own time, there were some who never quite “got” them.
Jason:
So that's just how Genji jokes are, huh?
Benkei:
Oh, let me stop you right there, Lord Jason. Calling them “Genji jokes” could cause problems for numerous people...
Benkei:
So would you mind calling them “Genpei War jokes” instead?
Jason:
How is that any different!?
Jason:
Eh, fine, whatever. You say it's different, I'll take your word for it.
Murasaki Shikibu:
The Genji warriors I knew certainly had no end of brave tales to tell.
Murasaki Shikibu:
It seems like you're continuing their tradition admirably, Lord Ushiwakamaru.
Ushiwakamaru:
Thank you!
Ushiwakamaru:
I spend every day applying myself so I don't fall behind my ancestors.
Ushiwakamaru:
And since Master continues to face more and more deadly threats by the day, I need to be more diligent with my training than ever.
Ushiwakamaru:
I may be a Heroic Spirit, but I still have to train. I must get stronger!
Fujimaru 1:
Thanks, Ushiwakamaru.
Fujimaru 2:
I'll keep doing the best I can, too.
Benkei:
While I commend your spirit, Master, I think it would do you well to get more rest, not less.
Jason:
Yeah, exactly. Part of a leader's job is resting up whenever they can.
Scáthach:
Hmm...
Scáthach:
Ushiwakamaru.
Ushiwakamaru:
Yes?
Scáthach:
You said you wish to be stronger?
Ushiwakamaru:
I did, and I do!
Scáthach:
Good. I'm pleased to hear you wish to become stronger.
Scáthach:
You are a true warrior, Ushiwakamaru. I commend you.
Ushiwakamaru:
You are too kind, Lady Scáthach.
Ushiwakamaru:
If I may be so bold, would you do me the honor of teaching me a move or two!?
Benkei:
What are you saying, Lord Ushiwakamaru!?
Jason:
Whoa, whoa, are you nuts!?
How is that what's happening now!?
Jason:
Go on, Master, you've gotta stop them before they kill each other! You know they will!
Fujimaru 1:
Y-yeah, good point.
Fujimaru 2:
Just make sure you stick to the simulator, okay!?
Fujimaru 1:
An emergency alert!?
Mash:
That's an automated alarm! There must have been some damage to the base!
Fujimaru 2:
Mash!
Mash:
Right!
Mash:
I'll go find out what's happening!
Mash:
There! I'm seeing a powerful magical energy signal in the underground library!
Mash:
And...it's making its way to the Command Room!
Fujimaru 1:
The Command Room!?
Fujimaru 2:
But, WE'RE in the Command Room!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Oh no. This is terrible!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Lord Caesar and Lord Fergus are in the library right now!
Murasaki Shikibu:
They said they would fill in for me while I was here at the Command Room!
Scáthach:
Hmm. Caesar and Fergus, huh.
Scáthach:
Given how quickly the signal is making its way here, they must have been taken down in no time.
Murasaki Shikibu:
!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Ahh... Lord Caesar... Lord Fergus...
Ushiwakamaru:
Is that so!?
Ushiwakamaru:
Then this formidable new foe must have taken both their hea–
Benkei:
Please stop smiling, Lord Ushiwakamaru!
Now is not the time!
Jason:
Don't bother; she obviously can't help it. At least she seems to be reacting to the formidable foe part, not the casualty part.
Scáthach:
Worry not.
I can sense that neither of them have vanished.
Fujimaru 1:
That's a relief...
Mash:
Y-yes, it is.
Scáthach:
It is strange, though.
Two Sabers, each of whom use magical swords...
Scáthach:
One such sword can carve through the earth itself, and the other can move at godlike speed.
Scáthach:
What's more, they both obviously lust after Murasaki, so we can be assured each would do his best to impress her.
Scáthach:
So then... Hmm?
Scáthach:
No matter how great a hero or Divine Spirit this intruder may be, they should not have been able to get past those two so easily.
Scáthach:
That leaves only one possibility...
Scáthach:
(The intruder's a woman?)
Mash:
The signal is almost here!
Mash:
Look out!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Aah! The Command Room door!
Scáthach:
Oho. They kicked it open, did they?
Ushiwakamaru:
Now that's a power move!
Benkei:
Here they come! Be on your guard, everyone!
???:
Kanra kara kara!
???:
How nice of you all to come and greet me like this!
Scáthach:
A Heroic Spirit? No...
???:
I see, I see.
???:
So this is where great heroes from across time and all the world gather, is it? One, two, three... Yes, it seems the rumors were true.
???:
Indeed, those other two swordsmen weren't half bad themselves...
???:
And I see there are a number of other formidable fighters here as well. Not bad at all.
???:
Well, I suppose it's only fitting that I introduce myself properly!
???:
Hey there, everyone!
???:
I am one of the greatest swordfighters and strategists of all time, as well as one of Kyo's most famous onmyouji!
Ushiwakamaru:
!!!
Benkei:
...!?
???:
I am blazing flame that pierces the heavens like a pillar of fire.
???:
The heavenly drums ring, but not with thunder!
I streak through the night like a shooting star!
???:
I am Kiichi Hogen!
==ARROW==
Kiichi Hogen:
I am Kiichi Hogen!
Mash:
Kiichi Hogen...!
Fujimaru 1:
Who's that!?
Mash:
A legendary onmyouji from the tail end of Japan's Heian period! She's also the founder of a legendary swordfighting style, Kyouhachiryu!
Fujimaru 2:
The legendary onmyouji!
Mash:
Right, Senpai!
Mash:
Kiichi Hogen is a renowned onmyouji from the tail end of Japan's Heian period! She's also the founder of a legendary swordfighting style, Kyouhachiryu!
Benkei:
...She is also the custodian of the Rikutou, or “Six Secret Teachings” and Sanryaku, or “Three Strategies of Huang Shigong,” two of the greatest treatises on military strategy ever written. She is from the same era as Lord Ushiwakamaru and me.
Scáthach:
Oho.
Mash:
That's right. And many legends also say that Kiichi Hogen was Ushiwakamaru's mentor!
Ushiwakamaru:
...
Ushiwakamaru:
...
...Hello, Mentor.
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru's mentor!
Murasaki Shikibu:
U-um...
Murasaki Shikibu:
The legends pertaining to Kiichi Hogen were from after my time, but I have studied some of them since I materialized.
Murasaki Shikibu:
So I know that she is famous for their wisdom, and for being one of the greatest teachers of all time!
Murasaki Shikibu:
But even though she is a legendary onmyouji and sword saint, her true identity is–
Scáthach:
Hmm. That explains it.
Scáthach:
No human could ever possess a Spirit Origin like that!
Scáthach:
Be on your guard, everyone. Believe me when I say this Kiichi person is practically a god.
Kiichi Hogen:
Well now.
Kiichi Hogen:
Interesting.
Kiichi Hogen:
I thought I'd only find human heroes here.
What a surprise.
Kiichi Hogen:
It seems there're some godlike ones, too. Quite the fun place you've got here.
Jason:
Oh great, an Eastern god!
Jason:
I thought they were dignified, graceful, and kept to themselves, unlike some Western ones I could name...
Jason:
But I couldn't have been more wrong!
Jason:
This one's clearly got the arrogance and intimidating presence down to an art form!
Jason:
Are there ANY gods out there who do ANYTHING other than cause trouble?
Kiichi Hogen:
...And I see there's no shortage of insolent humans here too. Hehe.
Jason:
Aah! Don't look at me! I didn't say anything!
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm?
Fujimaru 1:
S-so what's somebody so amazing doing here!?
Scáthach:
That...
Scáthach:
I can't say.
Scáthach:
As they are standing right in front of you, you may as well just ask.
Jason:
...Well, yeah, sure, but still.
Murasaki Shikibu:
U-um, seeing as she is a legendary figure, and has already introduced herself, perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to pick a fight...?
Benkei:
Agreed. Speaking as a Buddhist monk, I certainly have no wish to cut down every new person I encounter.
Benkei:
However, if she has no wish
to engage in peaceful dialogue...
Scáthach:
Don't be a fool.
Scáthach:
She already kicked down our door and demolished two other Servants. Well, probably, in the latter case.
Scáthach:
Therefore only one option remains to us. Am I wrong?
Fujimaru 1:
Maybe not, but let's just wait a minute.
Fujimaru 2:
H-hang on, Mistress Scáthach. Let's try talking first.
Kiichi Hogen:
Ahahahahahahahaha.
Kiichi Hogen:
I like you, Red Eyes!
I think we might have a lot in common!
Kiichi Hogen:
The two Servants I ran into down below were so busy trying to hit on me that they barely put up a fight.
Kiichi Hogen:
I wonder how you lot will fare?
Mash:
Her magical energy levels are spiking!
Master!
Fujimaru 1:
Then I guess we'll just have to–
Fujimaru 1:
Huh? Ushiwakamaru, wait!
Ushiwakamaru:
Forgive me!
Kiichi Hogen:
What were you thinking, you idiot?
Didn't I teach you better than that?
Ushiwakamaru:
Forgive me, Mentor! I don't know why it is you've come here... But Chaldea is my Master's castle!
Ushiwakamaru:
I'll never forget the debt I owe you,
but if you mean to threaten it...
Ushiwakamaru:
...then mentor or not, I won't show you any mercy!
Kiichi Hogen:
Oho.
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, well, well.
Kiichi Hogen:
Now, that, I did not expect to hear.
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara...
Kiichi Hogen:
Who do you think you're talking to, Shana-oh!?
Jason:
Aw crap! Now she's really mad!
Benkei:
Lady Kiichi!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh! H-her magical energy is so strong! My own spells can't even begin to compare!
Scáthach:
Now that's more like it!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Huh!?
Scáthach:
Come, Master! I could ask for few opponents more worthy than an Eastern demigod!
Scáthach:
This is exactly the sort of thing we've been training for. Everyone, follow my lead!
Benkei:
It seems we have no choice!
Murasaki Shikibu:
O-okaaay!
Jason:
Hold up. When you say “everyone,” did you mean me, too!?
Fujimaru 1:
All right, everyone, battle formations!
Fujimaru 2:
All right, everyone, let's start by getting Kiichi to settle down!
Ushiwakamaru:
Understood!
==ARROW==
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm!
Kiichi Hogen:
Nicely done. Nicely done! You did well holding your ground against me!
Kiichi Hogen:
Then again, this is my first time materializing as a Servant, so maybe this Spirit Origin isn't quite up to the task.
Scáthach:
Then what will you do now, Kiichi Hogen?
Scáthach:
Even if you are a demigod from the East, it was foolish of you to invade Chaldea on your own.
Fujimaru 1:
Well, she wasn't completely alone, right?
Fujimaru 2:
What about those tengu-looking things she had with her?
Scáthach:
Familiars do not count! Oh, wait. I suppose that
would mean Servants do not count either, wouldn't it?
Kiichi Hogen:
Hahahaha!
Kiichi Hogen:
It would have been foolish of me if I'd meant to capture this place! In fact, I can think of few things more reckless than invading an enemy stronghold on your own!
Kiichi Hogen:
However!
Kiichi Hogen:
I didn't come here to start a fight.
If anything, I came here to finish one.
Jason:
Huh? What are you talking about?
Kiichi Hogen:
Why don't you ask Shana-oh over there?
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru?
Ushiwakamaru:
Y-yes?
Fujimaru 1:
You heard what Kiichi said.
Fujimaru 2:
Do you know what Kiichi's talking about?
Ushiwakamaru:
...(Mumbling unintelligibly)
Ushiwakamaru:
Well, um...
Ushiwakamaru:
I guess I...
Nnn...
Mash:
...
...
Mash:
U-um, Senpai? Maybe we should–
Benkei:
That's all right, Lady Mash. Please, allow me.
Benkei:
As the legends say, Lord Ushiwakamaru did indeed train under Lady Kiichi, though she had already changed her name to Shana-oh at the time.
Benkei:
At any rate, while Lord Ushiwakamaru was learning the ways of martial arts under Lady Kiichi's tutelage...
Benkei:
...she made off with Lady Kiichi's ultimate strategies.
Fujimaru 1:
Say what?
Benkei:
She made off with Lady Kiichi's ultimate strategies.
Jason:
Yeah, no, we heard you the first time. That's not really the question.
Benkei:
Lord Ushiwakamaru, well...
Fujimaru 2:
Made off...?
Benkei:
That's right.
Benkei:
Though it pains me to say it, Lord Ushiwakamaru tricked Lady Kiichi's daughter into bringing out her parent's secret scrolls of ultimate strategies before she, well...
Benkei:
She read the contents of a treasure said to grant godly power to any who could absorb its contents...and she did so without permission.
Ushiwakamaru:
...
Scáthach:
You little scamp.
Ushiwakamaru:
Ahaha.
Kiichi Hogen:
This is no laughing matter!
Kiichi Hogen:
When I first materialized, I was surprised to see what a wreck the human world had become in the twenty-first century...
Kiichi Hogen:
But then, I sensed your presence here!
Kiichi Hogen:
I never had a chance to punish you back when we were alive since you met your end as Yoshitsune in Oushu...
Kiichi Hogen:
...and it would've been too much trouble to track you down in the afterlife.
Kiichi Hogen:
But! Now that we've both materialized in this world, all bets are off!
Kiichi Hogen:
I don't care if your body's merely transient ether...
Kiichi Hogen:
...or that humanity's barely hanging on by a thread!
Kiichi Hogen:
So you're a Heroic Spirit now, huh? A shadow of humanity here from the Throne of Heroes?
Kiichi Hogen:
So what!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Shana-oh!
Ushiwakamaru:
Y-yes!?
Kiichi Hogen:
It's time for you to pay for your past misdeeds!
Kiichi Hogen:
Now you wait right there while I prepare your punishment!
Jason:
(I see. Welp, sounds like she made her bed.
Now she's just gotta lie in it.)
Benkei:
(I see. Lady Kiichi does have a point.)
Mash:
(I see. She really does seem to be doing this for Ushiwakamaru's own good.)
Murasaki Shikibu:
(I see. This just goes to show why you shouldn't take what doesn't belong to you.)
Scáthach:
I see. Very well then, go ahead and punish her as you see fit.
Ushiwakamaru:
Lady Scáthach!?
Scáthach:
From everything we have heard, it is clear that you were entirely in the wrong. As a teacher with foolish students of my own, I can sympathize.
Scáthach:
Or do you have something to say on your behalf?
If you do, then by all means, let us hear it.
Fujimaru 1:
Good point.
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah, maybe she had a good reason for sneaking a peek at that scroll.
Ushiwakamaru:
...
...
Ushiwakamaru:
...
Ushiwakamaru:
I am Ushiwaka.
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, I know.
Ushiwakamaru:
As such, I know nothing about my life after I became known as Shana-oh.
Ushiwakamaru:
And of course, I know even less
about my life as Yoshitsune!
Ushiwakamaru:
So...could you maybe let me off the hook?
Kiichi Hogen:
...
Scáthach:
Lady Kiichi.
Jason:
Oh come on, you can't expect us to buy that. I'm sure you remember everything up to your death, just like the rest of us.
Benkei:
Hmm. A typically valiant effort from Lord Ushiwakamaru, but in this case, it was not successful.
Mash:
So, she's still on the hook then?
Murasaki Shikibu:
It would seem so...
Jason:
I mean, that's like saying Alexander doesn't remember anything about being King Iskandar just 'cause he's still a kid.
Jason:
No, wait. That actually sounds plausible.
Kiichi Hogen:
Absolutely not! You remain very much on the hook!
Jason:
I knew it!
Ushiwakamaru:
...Oh well, it was worth a shot. Heh.
Kiichi Hogen:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
There. That careless “Well, it was worth a shot” attitude of yours.
Kiichi Hogen:
That's exactly the sort of thing that really pushes my buttons, Shana-oh!
Fujimaru 1:
Kiichi!?
Fujimaru 2:
Um... What did you just take out of your pocket!?
Jason:
A mallet? Huh?
Mash:
N-no way. Is that the Mallet of F–
Benkei:
The Mallet of Fortune!
One of Japan's own omnipotent wish granters!
Scáthach:
Explain.
Mash:
It's a Japanese artifact that appears in numerous legends! And as Benkei said, it possesses power very similar to a wish granter!
Kiichi Hogen:
Here I go!
Ushiwakamaru:
Ah.
Ushiwakamaru:
What happened to me!?
Kiichi Hogen:
A single tap with the Mallet of Fortune, and voilà!
Kiichi Hogen:
Embiggen!
Kiichi Hogen:
No more Ushiwakamaru for you! You're now Shana-oh, just like what happened in the story of Issun Boushi!
Kiichi Hogen:
In fact, while I'm at it, I'll do you one better!
Kiichi Hogen:
Another tap with the mallet, aaand...
Kiichi Hogen:
Embiggen!
Kiichi Hogen:
You are now neither Ushiwakamaru nor Shana-oh!
Kiichi Hogen:
No, you are now Overseer Yoshitsune!
Ushiwakamaru:
Ah... Ahh... Ahhh!
Ushiwakamaru:
Wh-what...is this...!?
Ushiwakamaru:
No...Something's...not right...!
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh no. No, no, no, no... It's you!
Ushiwakamaru:
No...!
Ushiwakamaru:
Ah!
Scáthach:
Ushiwakamaru!
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, pipe down.
I know you're just hamming it up like always.
Scáthach:
What are you saying!? Take a good look at her! Something is truly wrong with her Spirit Origin–no, her Spirit Core!
Kiichi Hogen:
Come now, don't be ridiculous.
There's no way that could–
Kiichi Hogen:
Wait. Huh? Shana-oh?
Ushiwakamaru:
Ah... Ah... Aah...
Ushiwakamaru:
Aaaaaaaaaah!!!
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru!?
Mash:
Her magical energy is spiking rapidly!
Please get back, Master!
Kiichi Hogen:
You're right; something IS wrong with her Spirit Core! It almost seems like her Spirit Origin is groaning under the strain...
Kiichi Hogen:
What's going on!? I didn't even touch her Spirit Core!
Ushiwakamaru?:
...
...
Ushiwakamaru?:
Heh...
Benkei:
Master!
Fujimaru 1:
That was close! Thanks, Benkei!
Benkei:
Think nothing of it!
Benkei:
Lord Ushiwakamaru!
Or should I say Overseer Yoshitsune now!?
Benkei:
What happened to you!?
Why did you attack Master, of all people!?
Ushiwakamaru?:
Heh... Hehe... Hehe...
Ushiwakamaru?:
Hehehehehehahahahahahahahaha!
Yes. Yes!
Ushiwakamaru?:
I've finally done it!
Kiichi Hogen:
What's so funny!?
And what are you–ah!
Kiichi Hogen:
D-did you just give me a hug!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Aah! No, you didn't!
You stole the Mallet of Fortune!
Ushiwakamaru?:
Hehehe. Ahaha, ahahahaha!
Ushiwakamaru?:
At last, the Mallet of Fortune is mine!
Jason:
She just...ran away? Doesn't take a genius like me to know this is really, really bad...
Scáthach:
After her!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...Sure is a lot of racket out here.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
What? Who're you?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...Hah!
Ushiwakamaru?:
...
...
Ushiwakamaru?:
...You're strong. But...
Cú Chulainn Alter:
But what?
Ushiwakamaru?:
I've already tapped you with the mallet.
You're the third one.
Ushiwakamaru?:
Hehe. Hehehe. Farewell, ruffian from a foreign land!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Tch.
Medb:
What's going on here? Gordy's not going to be happy if he catches you fighting in the halls, you know.
Medb:
What's going on here? Da Vinci's not going to be happy if she catches you fighting in the halls, you know.
Medb:
Oh! If it isn't Cú!
Medb:
Hm?
Medb:
Wait.
Medb:
Huh?
Medb:
Cú?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Nn.
Medb:
Cú!?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Shut up.
Medb:
Cú!!!
Jason:
What is it?
Where'd she go?
Benkei:
Is something wrong, Lady Medb?
Medb:
Not you guys too!?
Wh-why do you look like that!?
Jason:
What are you talking about? Know what, never mind.
Did you happen to see–
Benkei:
L-Lord Jason, look! You're...shorter!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Ugh. Keep it down, will you?
Murasaki Shikibu:
Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh! Y-you've all shrunk!
Jason:
We whaaat!?
Benkei:
Wh-when did this happen!?
And how did I not notice sooner!?
Scáthach:
They are a great deal smaller. Ushiwakamaru must have used the Mallet of Fortune on them.
Scáthach:
Now, where did she go? I don't see her anywhere, nor do I sense her magical energy.
Mash:
Let me check for her magical energy signal...
Mash:
You're right! She's no longer anywhere in Chaldea, or even its vicinity!
Kiichi Hogen:
Hold on. I'll find her.
Kiichi Hogen:
Nnn...
Kiichi Hogen:
...There she is. She used the mallet to leap far off in that direction.
Da Vinci:
Wow, the Command Room's a total mess.
What happened in here?
Da Vinci:
But anyway, never mind that now. We've got a new minute Singularity on our hands.
Da Vinci:
Do you guys have any idea what might've caused it!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
I don't suppose laughing will be of much help at this point. I'm sorry. That was foolish of me.
Kiichi Hogen:
I only meant to rake her over the coals, but I seem to have started quite the blaze instead.
Kiichi Hogen:
This is all my fault.
Kiichi Hogen:
So don't blame this [♂ boy /♀️ girl] and [♂ his /♀️ her] friends.
The blame lies entirely with me!
Kiichi Hogen:
But don't worry, I'm going to do everything I can to help make this right. Until this is over, you can consider me your faithful companion.
Fujimaru 1:
Well, if nothing else, I'm glad to have your help!
Kiichi Hogen:
Thank you.
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, one thing: whatever you do, don't ask me to take you on as a student.
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, I am one of the greatest teachers ever to live, and you would surely gain great power if I were to train you.
Kiichi Hogen:
For example, if I were to bestow one of my ultimate technique scrolls upon you, you would absolutely gain a divine power. I guarantee it.
Scáthach:
Oho. Would we now?
Kiichi Hogen:
But I'm not going to do that, so don't ask. All right?
Kiichi Hogen:
An ordinary human simply isn't qualified
to be one of my students!
Fujimaru 1:
Okay. Got it.
Kiichi Hogen:
Good.
Fujimaru 2:
Then I guess I'll just have to settle for your help!
Kiichi Hogen:
That, you can count on!
Da Vinci:
So, you used the Mallet of Fortune, a Japanese wish granter, to make Ushiwakamaru grow bigger...
Da Vinci:
...which changed something in her Spirit Origin and Spirit Core that caused her to go berserk and run away.
Da Vinci:
And now, we've got a minute Singularity, too. She must have used the mallet to create it.
Da Vinci:
I'm honestly kind of impressed. I'd never have thought to escape into a minute Singularity.
Da Vinci:
Impressive though it might be, it's certainly not good. For one thing, we're down a Heroic Spirit...
Da Vinci:
Wow, the Command Room's a total mess.
What happened in here?
Da Vinci:
But anyway, never mind that now. We've got a new minute Singularity on our hands.
Da Vinci:
Do you guys have any idea what might've caused it!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
I don't suppose laughing will be of much help at this point. I'm sorry. That was foolish of me.
Kiichi Hogen:
I only meant to rake her over the coals, but I seem to have started quite the blaze instead.
Kiichi Hogen:
This is all my fault.
Kiichi Hogen:
So don't blame this [♂ boy /♀️ girl] and [♂ his /♀️ her] friends.
The blame lies entirely with me!
Kiichi Hogen:
But don't worry, I'm going to do everything I can to help make this right. Until this is over, you can consider me your faithful companion.
Fujimaru 1:
Well, if nothing else, I'm glad to have your help!
Kiichi Hogen:
Thank you.
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, one thing: whatever you do, don't ask me to take you on as a student.
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, I am one of the greatest teachers ever to live, and you would surely gain great power if I were to train you.
Kiichi Hogen:
For example, if I were to bestow one of my ultimate technique scrolls upon you, you would absolutely gain a divine power. I guarantee it.
Scáthach:
Oho. Would we now?
Kiichi Hogen:
But I'm not going to do that, so don't ask. All right?
Kiichi Hogen:
An ordinary human simply isn't qualified
to be one of my students!
Fujimaru 1:
Okay. Got it.
Kiichi Hogen:
Good.
Fujimaru 2:
Then I guess I'll just have to settle for your help!
Kiichi Hogen:
That, you can count on!
Da Vinci:
So, you used the Mallet of Fortune, a Japanese wish granter, to make Ushiwakamaru grow bigger...
Da Vinci:
...which changed something in her Spirit Origin and Spirit Core that caused her to go berserk and run away.
Da Vinci:
And now, we've got a minute Singularity, too. She must have used the mallet to create it.
Da Vinci:
I'm honestly kind of impressed. I'd never have thought to escape into a minute Singularity.
Da Vinci:
Impressive though it might be, it's certainly not good. For one thing, we're down a Heroic Spirit...
Jason:
And for another, just look at us!
Benkei:
Indeed! If possible, I would much prefer to return to my original Spirit Origin!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...
Medb:
You don't mind staying like this, right, Cú?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Of course I goddamn mind!
Fujimaru 1:
Of course I'm gonna go after her.
Fujimaru 1:
I've got to put everyone back to normal, including Ushiwakamaru!
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm.
Kiichi Hogen:
In that case–I mean, of course I'll go with you, too!
Kiichi Hogen:
No self-respecting teacher would just allow one of her students to go around causing trouble!
Scáthach:
Quite so. Fujimaru, you should take Kiichi
up on her offer.
Scáthach:
I cannot help you myself since I have other business to attend to, but I am certain she will be a powerful ally.
Scáthach:
Go together, fight together!
Kiichi Hogen:
Thank you, Lady Scáthach.
Scáthach:
Not at all. Some problems can only be solved by teachers like ourselves, right?
Kiichi Hogen:
E-er, right.
Scáthach:
Now...go on, Fujimaru!
Mash:
I'll back you up as best I can from here.
Be careful out there, Senpai!
Section Two: To France? (1/2)
Ushiwakamaru?:
Hehehe...
Ushiwakamaru?:
Hehehehehehehehe!
Taaake that!
Mash:
This is Chaldea.
Mash:
Do you see Ushiwakamaru anywhere, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
No, unfortunately.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hahaha! There's nothing but flatland as far as the eye can see here.
Kiichi Hogen:
Wherever this is, it's definitely not Japan!
Jason:
Looks like any other wide-open plain to me. Though come to think of it, where are we, anyway?
Mash:
I'm looking into that right now. I'm not sure why, but it's taking much longer than usual to ascertain your coordinates...
Benkei:
It is clear we are not in Japan,
but beyond that, I cannot say.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Tch... Hey, Medb.
Medb:
Yes, Cú?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...Why're you dressed like that?
Medb:
That Kiichi lady is Ushiwakamaru's teacher, right?
Kiichi Hogen:
That's right. I taught Shana-oh everything she knows about fighting.
Medb:
Then I'm going to be a teacher, too!
Jason:
So, you think teachers usually dress...like that, huh?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Forget I asked. I don't give a shit. Just take care of those enemies over there.
Kiichi Hogen:
Oho, so you noticed them too, did you? Not bad!
Medb:
All right, if that's what you want.
Medb:
But I'm counting on you and the other little men there to help me out, okay?
Jason:
Look at us! What do you expect us to do like this!?
Medb:
Whatever you can!
Benkei:
Well, if nothing else, I suppose we can be decoys.
All right then, to battle!
Fujimaru 1:
Go for it, Medb!
Medb:
You got it, Master.
I'm going to whip these things into shape!
Fujimaru 2:
Would you mind taking care of them, Kiichi!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, I've already come this far! All right then, time to see how strong I am for yourself!
==ARROW==
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, that was easy! Those things were pushovers!
Medb:
Good, we're done here.
Then let's go find Ushiwakamaru.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...
...
Medb:
Cú? Why are you looking at that wyvern?
Medb:
Did you just bite it!?
Jason:
Wait, seriously? You actually eat wyverns?
Jason:
At least cook it first.
Trust me, you don't wanna eat raw meat.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
(Chew, chew...) Peh!
These things are from Gaul.
Medb:
Aka France, huh. Oh Cú, you're such a gourmand!
Fujimaru 1:
You can tell that by tasting it!?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
More or less.
I think it's got something to do with this new form.
Fujimaru 2:
...Did it taste good?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
No.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm? France is in Europe, right?
Kiichi Hogen:
Why would Shana-oh run all the way there instead of back to her home in Japan?
Kiichi Hogen:
I would've thought she'd make for Oushu, especially since she's all on her own.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
How the hell should we know if you don't?
Fujimaru 1:
(He's talking the same way he always does,but now he sounds cute instead of intimidating.)
Fujimaru 2:
(There's something oddly soothing abouthearing him talk tough in this mini form...)
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Hey, Master. I'm gonna bite you if you don't quit looking at me like I'm a damn plush toy.
Mash:
There, I've got the coordinates!
Yes, you do seem to be in France now.
Jason:
Well, what do you know.
Jason:
I still don't see how we're gonna find her though, since we don't have a single lead.
Fujimaru 1:
Do you wanna give up then?
Jason:
Hahahaha!
Jason:
You really think I can't roll with these punches? No way I'm giving up!
Fujimaru 2:
A lead, huh...
Jason:
I mean, I guess we know these wild wyverns are French now, but that's it.
Mash:
Wait. I'm picking up Servant readings up ahead.
Mash:
But...it looks like there's something
off with their Spirit Origins.
Da Vinci:
Yup. And not in a way we've seen before.
Da Vinci:
Oh? I've never seen this kind of irregularity in the database before.
Benkei:
I don't suppose it's Lord Ushiwakamaru, is it?
Mash:
No, it's not. That much, I can say for sure.
Medb:
Well, it's not like we're gonna find out by hanging around here. Come on, let's get going!
Jason:
Yeah, yeah.
Ugh, this sucks.
Jason:
I knew I should've slipped into my spirit form and run away when I had the chance...
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Quit your whining. Let's go already.
Jason:
Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming!
Section Two: To France? (2/2)
???:
Hehe, hehehehehe. Hehehehehe!
I did it! I really did it!
???:
After all this time, my wish finally came true! And it was super easy!
???:
I'll have to thank Ushiwakamaru for this later! Though she did seem a little different from usual...
Kiichi Hogen:
Hm? It looks like there are people over there.
Medb:
Those must be the Servants Mash mentioned earlier.
Medb:
...
...Hmm.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Something wrong?
Medb:
Not exactly... I just thought I sensed a woman I really, really wouldn't get along with.
Jason:
(Oh yeah, that narrows it down. She'd only get along with another woman as nuts as she is, or a saint who'd put the Virgin Mary to shame.)
Medb:
Why Jason, you're positively filthy. I could make easy for you to clean up. All I need to do is toss you in a washing machine.
Medb:
Maybe you'd rather I push a lawn mower over you?
Jason:
Hey, who said you could read my mind!? Knock it off! It's more than a little terrifying!
Jason:
Also, are you nuts? Washing machines and lawn mowers are in NO WAY connected!
Medb:
Sure they are. They can both mess you up so badly no one will recognize you.
Jason:
Eep!
Mash:
Besides, you're mistaken, Jason.
Mash:
Medb is very well-liked by all the other women in Chaldea, Servants and staff alike.
Jason:
Seriously?
Fujimaru 1:
Well, she is really cool.
Medb:
“Cool”? Are you sure you didn't mean “pretty,” or “cute”?
Medb:
Oh well, I guess “cool” is fine, too.
Fujimaru 2:
Well, she is really pretty.
Medb:
Hey, I'm not the queen of Connacht for nothing!
???:
Oh, there they are!
Kiichi Hogen:
Hup, someone's headed our way.
Eyes up, everyone!
Kiichi Hogen:
Who goes there!?
???:
Reindeer!
Fujimaru 1:
...Uh, yes?
???:
I'm so glad to see you!
Mash:
Wha...!?
Medb:
Huh!?
Jason:
Oho.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
What the...?
Benkei:
Lady...Jeanne Alter...?
Jeanne Alter:
Yes, Reindeer, it's me!
Fujimaru 1:
Reindeer...?
Jeanne Alter:
Uh-huh!
You ARE Reindeer, right? I mean, Master?
Jeanne Alter:
I'd never confuse you for anyone else!
Fujimaru 2:
Jeanne Alter? Is that really you...?
Jeanne Alter:
Um... Yes! It's me! Jeanne!
Fujimaru 1:
Um... But...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Well, Jeanne Lily, actually! Oh, but I guess that's Jeanne Ex-Lily now, huh?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Anyway, as you can see, I've finally grown up!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
It is a little disappointing to find out I'm still an Alter, even as a grown-up...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
But it's okay! I can just prove I'm different by how I conduct myself! Actions speak louder than words, after all!
Jason:
Wait, wait, hold on.
Jason:
Are you saying you're the same Jeanne who's always hanging out with Nursery and Jack?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Yes, that's right!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
But as you can see,
I'm a fully grown-up Jeanne now!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Hehehe. I can't wait to see the look on Nursery and Jack's faces when they find out. They're gonna be so jealous.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Especially now that I can finally reach the cookies on the top shelf!
Jason:
THAT'S why you wanted to grow up!?
Mash:
I've got the results from analyzing her Spirit Origin.
Mash:
I can confirm that hers is the same irregular Spirit Origin we saw earlier, and that she is in fact Jeanne–er, a grown-up version of Lily.
Medb:
Do you remember how you got this way?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Of course I do, Ms. Medb!
Medb:
U-ugh, it's so weird hearing you talk like that...
Oh, and don't call me “Ms.” right now, okay?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
?
Medb:
W-well, on second thought, maybe it's not so bad.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Hehehehehe.
Medb:
Stop laughing, Cú!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
It was Ushiwakamaru.
She tapped me with a funny looking mallet.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm, I see. Just like I thought.
Kiichi Hogen:
So the Mallet of Fortune made you an adult, is that right?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Sure is!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Ushiwakamaru did look a little different than usual...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
But it was so nice of her to do this for me! I never knew how nice she was!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
She also said, “Don't worry about it.
I got it from someone else.”
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I wonder who she meant by that?
???:
Theeere yooou aaare.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Aah!
Fujimaru 1:
(A-as if she wasn't close enough before!)
Mash:
Um, Jeanne Alter!
I mean, Jeanne Alter Santa Lily!
Mash:
Would you mind giving Senpai some personal space!?
???:
All right, bitch, get away from [♂ him /♀️ her] right the hell
now before I burn your grown-up ass to cinders!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Huh!? Wh-what are you–uh, what am I doing here!?
Jeanne Alter:
You know damn well why I'm here! That Japanese chick smacked me on the head with a freakin' hammer!
Jeanne Alter:
Next thing I know, I'm wearing THIS SHIT, I'm tiny, and Jack and Nursery won't leave me alone!!!
Jeanne Alter:
Then, when I'm looking for a way to fix this mess...
Jeanne Alter:
...I hear there's another grown-up me running around, except she's not ME!
Jeanne Alter:
Ugh, it's all too goddamn confusing! Also, why the hell are you wearing my swimsuit!?
Jeanne Alter:
I mean, I know my swimsuit is badass as hell, but still, aren't you supposed to be the normal me in these kinds of situations!?
Kiichi Hogen:
...Um, Master of Chaldea?
Kiichi Hogen:
What's the story with these Servants?
Are they sisters or something?
Fujimaru 1:
That's, uh, a long story.
Mash:
Yes. A very, very long story.
Mash:
So long I don't think we could do it justice.
Mash:
Oh, maybe I could ask Scheherazade to tell it in a way where everything makes sense.
Scheherazade:
Impossible.
Kiichi Hogen:
Scheherazade... That's a Persian Heroic Spirit, right?
Kiichi Hogen:
It sounds like Chaldea is truly a fascinating place...
Fujimaru 2:
Well, uh, they're basically the same person, only not?
Kiichi Hogen:
...I see. Okay, I think I understand now.
Kiichi Hogen:
Then Shana-oh must have used the Mallet of Fortune to give back what she took with it.
Fujimaru 1:
Talk about a crazy experiment, huh?
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm.
Kiichi Hogen:
She's definitely always been quick on her feet,
in more ways than one...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Um... Are you sure you want to know the reason, grown-up child me?
Jeanne Alter:
Uh, yeah? I asked, didn't I?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Well, I was wearing your armor at first...but I had to take it off because it was too hard to breathe in.
Jeanne Alter:
...
...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
That's why I changed into this swimsuit.
I really didn't have a choice.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
You know, formerly grown-up but now child me, you really should take better care of yourself. If you've eaten so much you can't fit into your armor anymo–
Jeanne Alter:
OH, HELL NO!!!
Jeanne Alter:
Now I'm REALLY pissed off!
Jeanne Alter:
Gimme my body back RIGHT THE HELL NOW! You're gonna ruin my rep forever!!!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Waaah! Reindeeer! Grown-up child me's scaring me!
Fujimaru 1:
C-come on, you two, calm down, okay!?
Jeanne Alter:
Don't you freakin' tell me to calm down, dammit!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
All right, fine! If that's how you want to do this,
I can do the rebellious phase thing, too!
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Ready or not, here I come!
Medb:
Hmm... Well, it does seem like they'd both be better off going back to normal, especially in terms of mental health.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
All right, I see where this is going.
Hey, Master.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Hurry up and tell me which one to hunt down.
Jason:
Huh? Can't we just, you know,
let them figure it out for themselves?
Jason:
We're literally talking about two sides of the same person, right? Just let them fight it out if they want!
Kiichi Hogen:
We can't do that. Not as long as the Mallet of Fortune is involved!
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, for the time being...
We'll just have to make them both settle down!
Kiichi Hogen:
Come on, everyone!
==ARROW==
Both:
Urk.
Kiichi Hogen:
Phew. Finally... All right, some of this, and a little of this, and...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Ah... Aah!
I guess I'm back to my old self again. (Sniff)
Jeanne Alter:
...There we go. Okay, wait right the hell there.
Jeanne Alter:
...
...
Jeanne Alter:
Well!? How do I look!?
Fujimaru 1:
Don't worry, it's a perfect fit!
Jeanne Alter:
I knew it!
Jeanne Alter:
I swear, I thought I was gonna freakin' die when I heard Lily spouting that nonsense.
Fujimaru 2:
Just as badass as usual.
Jeanne Alter:
Right!? I AM pretty badass, aren't I!?
Jeanne Alter:
Ugh, I swear. It fits just as well as it always did.
Jeanne Alter:
Now I feel stupid for ever worrying.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Huh? That's strange. I'm positive it didn't fit so well when I was grown up...
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm. That's probably because the Mallet of Fortune made you grow too much.
Kiichi Hogen:
To turn someone into a child, you have to...let's say take their growth away, in a sense.
Kiichi Hogen:
But to turn a child into an adult, you have to, well, make them grow.
Kiichi Hogen:
And if you don't do it just right, it's easy to unbalance the larger body.
Medb:
Besides, Servants don't gain weight. Or if they do, it's only because their mental flab is being reflected in their ether form.
Jason:
(So, Servants only get fat from being too comfortable?
Is that really how it works?)
Benkei:
(I cannot say. While it does sound as though she is, ah, “pulling stuff out of her rear,” as they say nowadays, there is much we do not know about Chaldea's summoning system.)
Medb:
Maybe you know what I'm talking about,
Little Miss Dragon Witch?
Jeanne Alter:
Shut up, bitch! I'll frigging incinerate your ass!
No, I did incinerate your ass!
Kiichi Hogen:
Past tense! Wahahaha, you don't waste any time, do you, girl! I like that!
Kiichi Hogen:
Watch yourself, Medb! The flames are already–
Medb:
Jason Shield!
Jason:
Hey! Using Greece's number one hero as a shield!? What the hell is wrong with you, lady!?
Medb:
Huh? I would've thought you'd be honored.
Medb:
I mean, you're THE number one (used) hero, right?
Jason:
W-well, yeah, I guess that's true... Wait, hold up! What was that part you mumbled!?
Jason:
And hey, if you can fix this size stuff so easily, why haven't you already fixed us!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, uh, I would if I could, but I can't.
Kiichi Hogen:
In your case, the mallet's still hanging on to what it stole from you, so there's no way I can put it back.
Jason:
Ugh. Figures.
Benkei:
I see...
Kiichi Hogen:
Now then.
Kiichi Hogen:
Um... You. The little one.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Yes, that's me. The once big, now little Jeanne. (Sigh) Now I really know how it feels to be built up only to be let down...
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
But anyway, what can I do for you?
Kiichi Hogen:
Where's Shana-oh?
Kiichi Hogen:
...Oh, right, you don't know her by that name.
Where did the one you call Ushiwakamaru go?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
Ushiwakamaru?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I'm not sure. She left while I was still excited about having suddenly grown up.
Fujimaru 1:
Did she say anything first?
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
No... Oh, wait.
She did say one thing right before she left.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I think it was “I may as well throw this away here”!
Medb:
She threw something away?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
There!
???:
Hey!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Tch!
???:
Wait! I'm not your enemy!
Fujimaru 1:
That sounded like–
Benkei:
Lord Ushiwakamaru!?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
So it's not an enemy after all? Well that's no fun.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...
...
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Well? Aren't you gonna come out?
Show yourself already.
???:
I-I'm not your enemy...
but I don't want to surprise you, either!
???:
I-it is I, Ushiwakamaru!
Ushiwakamaru:
Much as it pains me for you to see me like this;
I know how ridiculous I look right now...
Ushiwakamaru:
But please understand I didn't choose this!
Jason:
...Hey. Ushiwaka.
Ushiwakamaru:
Hm?
Jason:
Quit with the sob story and get in line. Did you not realize you're the fourth one of us to be turned? Use your head.
Ushiwakamaru:
The fourth one!? Oh my gosh, you're right!
And you're one of them, Benkei!?
Ushiwakamaru:
Wh-what in the world happened to you!?
What's going on here!?
All:
Why don't YOU tell US!?
==ARROW==
Fujimaru 1:
...And that's the whole story.
Fujimaru 2:
...And that's all we know so far.
Ushiwakamaru:
I see...
Ushiwakamaru:
I wish I could be of more help, but I'm afraid I don't clearly remember what happened.
Ushiwakamaru:
All I know is that when I came to, I'd been tossed out like yesterday's garbage.
Ushiwakamaru:
The last thing I remember is...another me looking down on me with an expression of pure disgust.
Ushiwakamaru:
Now THAT was an enemy, no doubt about it.
I'll have to cut off her head.
Jason:
Hey, Benkei? Am I hearing things, or did she just say she was gonna kill herself like it was no big deal?
Jason:
Is that a samurai thing?
Benkei:
I am a warrior monk, not a samurai... I will say, however, that Lord Ushiwakamaru is a rather extreme case.
Ushiwakamaru:
Benkei! You've got a lot of nerve, talking about your superior behind her back.
Benkei:
Who, me? I didn't say anything.
Medb:
Never mind that now. Ushiwakamaru, since you and the enemy are both, well, you...
Medb:
...can't you sense where the other you is or something?
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmmm.
Kiichi Hogen:
As much as I'd love to give this little Shana-oh–er, Ushiwakamaru the tongue-lashing of a lifetime...
Kiichi Hogen:
You're exactly right, Medb!
Medb:
Well of course I am.
Kiichi Hogen:
The mallet may have split Ushiwakamaru in two, but she was still originally one person. So...
Kiichi Hogen:
Here, Ushiwakamaru, hold this.
Benkei:
Hm? A small, black needle?
Ushiwakamaru:
A needle, huh? Hmm, this must have been what Issun Boushi felt like.
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh yes, it felt appropriate that I pick that up as well when I got my hands on the Mallet of For–
Kiichi Hogen:
Wait, that doesn't matter right now! Look, it's basically...a kind of compass? Hmm, how can I put this...?
Kiichi Hogen:
You know those sticks you can use to find water and such? They do have those these days too, right!?
Fujimaru 1:
Are you talking about dowsing?
Fujimaru 2:
You mean a divining rod!?
Kiichi Hogen:
That's it!
Medb:
Really? Are you sure that's going to work?
Kiichi Hogen:
We'll just have to find out.
Go on, Shana-oh, give it a try.
Kiichi Hogen:
Empty your mind,
and pour your magical energy into the needle.
Ushiwakamaru:
All right, if you say so.
Hrn!
Ushiwakamaru:
!
Ushiwakamaru:
The other me is...that way! Come on! Let's go after her like we're leaping boats!
Kiichi Hogen:
Not so fast, Shana-oh. Settle down.
Kiichi Hogen:
I swear, you never did know when or how to hold back.
Kiichi Hogen:
That is exactly why you get into messes like this, you know? You need to learn to think before you act.
Ushiwakamaru:
Hahahaha.
Ushiwakamaru:
That's funny, Mentor, because I could have sworn that you were the one who brought the Mallet of Fortune...
Ushiwakamaru:
...and caused this whole mess in the first place.
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
...Well, never mind that for now.
Jason:
Don't just change the subject the moment it gets inconvenient for you!
Medb:
Not all that reflective herself, is she...?
Kiichi Hogen:
Hey! If I wanted opinions from the peanut gallery, I'd have asked! Anyway, we know the general direction to go now, right!?
Kiichi Hogen:
All right then, Shana-oh–On second thought, just so there's no confusion...
Kiichi Hogen:
I'll call you Mini Ushiwaka, and the one who stole the Mallet of Fortune will be Evil Ushiwaka!
Jason:
Yeah, yeah.
Ushiwakamaru:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru?
Ushiwakamaru:
Master, um... Could I ask you a favor...?
Fujimaru 1:
Sure, no problem.
Ushiwakamaru:
Thank you, Master!
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh boy! This is great!
Medb:
Well, well. It's kind of cute, seeing you ride on Master's shoulder. At least for you.
Medb:
...
...
Medb:
Oh Cúúú♪
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Death first.
Medb:
But I haven't even said anything yet!
Jeanne Alter:
All right, we're gonna bounce. Turns out fighting yourself is kind of exhausting.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
I'll say. Harrumph.
Jeanne Alter:
...There's a whole lot I want to say to you,
but for now...
Jeanne Alter:
Next time you grow up, remember these two words: personal space.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily:
'Kaaay.
Jeanne Alter:
Ugh. How the frigging hell did I end up giving advice like that to my own younger self?
Jeanne Alter:
I blame you, Master. You're so getting cursed for this.
Ushiwakamaru:
Come on, Master!
I'll show you exactly where to go!
Kiichi Hogen:
(Well now.)
Kiichi Hogen:
(I'm surprised to see Shana-oh so
comfortable around [♂ him /♀️ her].)
Kiichi Hogen:
(I remember when she was still a young Genji warrior nursing a deep grudge thanks to her late father and distant mother...)
Kiichi Hogen:
(...and how obsessed she was with vengeance on Kiyomori and the entire Taira clan.)
Kiichi Hogen:
(And here she is now, smiling like she doesn't have a care in the world.)
Kiichi Hogen:
(It reminds me of the time she told me about Yoritomo. Hmm, hmm. I see, I see.)
Ushiwakamaru:
What are you doing, Mentor?
Hurry up, or we'll leave you behind!
Kiichi Hogen:
Hey! Wait for me!
Section Three: To Slovakia? (1/2)
Shana-oh:
Mentor! Mentor!
Kiichi Hogen:
It's Shana-oh.
Kiichi Hogen:
Back again, are you? Good grief...
Shana-oh:
Yes, I'm back again! And I'm going to keep coming back every day until I've learned everything you have to teach me!
Kiichi Hogen:
You're a stubborn one, aren't you?
How many times has it been now?
Kiichi Hogen:
You really ought to visit somewhere other than my home now and then.
Kiichi Hogen:
This is why you don't have any friends.
Shana-oh:
But I have you, don't I, Mentor?
Kiichi Hogen:
No. You can't rely on me to be your friend.
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm really not supposed to get too involved with humans from this world.
Shana-oh:
?
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm sure there's a lot you still don't understand,
so for now, I'll just say this.
Kiichi Hogen:
Make friends, Shana-oh. Friends and allies.
You shouldn't be all alone.
Kiichi Hogen:
Is that clear?
Narration:
Detestable.
Narration:
Loathsome. Despicable. Abhorrent.
Narration:
I am hatred.
Narration:
I am endless fury.
Narration:
I am undying hellfire.
Narration:
I need no friends.
Narration:
I desire no allies.
Narration:
Everyone...
Narration:
Everyone and everything...
Narration:
...shall be annihilated by my hands...
Ushiwakamaru:
According to the needle, the other me's around here.
Ushiwakamaru:
Hmm, I wonder why there are so many pumpkins around here. Is there a festival going on?
Fujimaru 1:
Hallo...ween...
Mash:
Master! Master! Please, snap out of it!
Mash:
It's all right! Halloween is still many months away!
Fujimaru 1:
But...just LOOK at this place!
Fujimaru 2:
What else could possibly be happening here!?
Mash:
...!
Mash:
I have your coordinates! It looks like you're at...Castle Csejte!? How did you walk from France to there!?
Mash:
I guess you did pass through a strange fog on your way there...
Mash:
Does this mean space in this minute Singularity is distorted? A-at any rate, that's definitely Castle Csejte!
Fujimaru 1:
!!!
Mash:
D-don't worry, Senpai. Elisabeth isn't there!
Mash:
And I don't think you'll find any other members of the Elisabeth clan there, either.
Kiichi Hogen:
Elisabeth clan...?
Kiichi Hogen:
So every member of this clan ended up as Heroic Spirits? Hahahaha, are they like the Genji and Taira clans, then?
Jason:
Not exactly. It's another long and messy story. The short version is, well, they're all the same person. More or less.
Kiichi Hogen:
Huh.
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
How does that work!?
Jason:
It shouldn't, but it... Hey, yeah. How DOES that work!?
Benkei:
It certainly is festive here.
Where do we even begin?
Jason:
Well, for starters, how 'bout we let Master recover from the shock while we look for the runaway Ushiwaka?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Of course. Come on.
Medb:
Oh Cú, I love it when you're all decisive!
Fujimaru 1:
Halloween...
Mash:
It's okay, Senpai. It's okay.
Fujimaru 1:
Hallo...?
Mash:
It's okay.
Jason:
Well, since it looks like Mash has Master taken care of, why don't we look around and see what we can find?
Ushiwakamaru:
Fine with me!
Kiichi Hogen:
Pumpkins, huh. I could make a great stew out of these!
Section Three: To Slovakia? (2/2)
Jason:
Hey Master, we're back.
You snap out of it yet?
Fujimaru 1:
Hallo...?
Jason:
Still!? What have you even been doing all this time!?
Mash:
I-it's not as bad as it seems.
Master, what month is it now?
Fujimaru 1:
October... N-no, wait...
Mash:
See!?
Benkei:
Indeed, that was a most reassuring answer.
Jason:
What're you guys talking about!? That barely even
qualified! [♂ He's /♀️ She's] obviously still under Halloween's
spell!
Fujimaru 1:
Nngh...
Mash:
It's okay, Master. Look around. There's no sign of Elisabeth anywhere!
Mash:
This is an ordinary town that just happens to have a lot of pumpkins out for some reason!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
[♂ Puppy /♀️ Deerlet]! What are you doing here?
Fujimaru 1:
They're heeeeeere!!!
Mash:
B-but, that can't be right...
Halloween is a long ways off...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
...Heh.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
I don't know what you're talking about,
or what you guys are doing here...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
But there is one thing I do know, Mash.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Halloween is forever. Even death can't keep it down.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Hehehe.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
I know we haven't had a proper Halloween event since the whole Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle thing...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
But that all changes this year!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
In fact, I'd go so far as to say this is gonna be the Year of Halloween!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Spring! Summer! Autumn! Winter! Halloween's gonna be the star of all of them!
Jason:
Cut that out!
They're called seasonal events for a reason!
Benkei:
I would certainly not put it past Lady Elisabeth to attempt such a thing.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Hmm, all right, maybe I wouldn't go quite THAT far.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Anyway, I wonder why I suddenly started thinking about this. I can't deny October's still a good ways away.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Oh well, I can just use this head start to begin collecting Halloween Power early!
Fujimaru 1:
Not another currency to farm...
Kiichi Hogen:
Never mind that now.
Kiichi Hogen:
Given how much magical energy you have, I'm sure you weren't summoned here for no reason at all.
Kiichi Hogen:
If you know anything about the Mallet of Fortune,
I suggest you tell us now.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
The what now? Mallet of...Fortune?
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, right. It might not be well-known in the West.
It's like a hammer.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Hmm. I still don't know what you're talking about,
but I definitely got bopped with something.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
The next thing I knew...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
I'd transformed from my usual sweet self into this Japan-themed version.
Kiichi Hogen:
I see. All right then, Elisabeth,
here's my next question.
Kiichi Hogen:
Where did the one who hit you run off to?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Beats me.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Oh, but right before she left, I asked her why she gave me this power, and she said:
???:
Oh, I am just conducting a little experiment. Consider the power my thanks for your assistance.
???:
Use it if there is something you desire.
???:
Hehe! I still have so much to see, and so much to do.
???:
In fact, now that I think of it, I do have one request. I would like you to buy me as much time as you can, impossible though may be.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
So there you have it, [♂ Puppy /♀️ Deerlet]! You're gonna help
me buy the nice mallet bopper some time!
Fujimaru 1:
Huh!?
Elisabeth JAPAN:
I'm not usually one to feel indebted to someone just for putting me up for a night...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
But when someone says something's impossible, I just have to prove them wrong!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Now, come on! Fight me!
Jason:
...Yiiikes.
Jason:
That other Ushiwakamaru knew exactly what buttons to push.
Medb:
I'll say.
Medb:
She must have figured asking El-El more directly would just make her renege on the deal.
Medb:
Which means we're dealing with someone who knows Chaldea inside and out.
Medb:
What a pain in the ass!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
That said, I know I can't take you all on by myself, so...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Elisa-Split!
Mash:
Aah! E-Elisabeth, please turn yourself down!
It's so bright we can't see a thing!
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Sorry, can't. A star that shines as bright as me only knows how to move at light speed!
Fujimaru 1:
That doesn't even make sense!
Fujimaru 2:
I don't know what you're talking about,but it's nice to see you motivated!
Elisabeth:
I'm Elisabeth Báthory!
Elisabeth:
I'm Elisabeth Báthory Caster!
Elisabeth:
I'm Elisabeth Báthory Brave!
Ellys:
Nnnooowww llleeettt'sss dddooo ttthhhiiisss
ttthhhiiinnnggg!!!
Fujimaru 1:
Gah! Please don't speak in surround sound, Elly!
Ellys:
Sssooorrrrrryyy, bbbuuuttt wwweee
cccaaannn'ttt hhheeelllppp iiittt!!!
Ellys:
Aaafffttteeerrr aaallllll...
Ellys:
Wwweee cccaaarrreee aaabbbooouuuttt ooouuurrr
iiinnndddiiivvviiiddduuuaaallliiitttyyy tttoooooo mmmuuuccchhh!!!
Kiichi Hogen:
Did they just say...individuality...?
Ushiwakamaru:
Master, let's just kill them and be done with it.
Ushiwakamaru:
Like the great Lord Tsuna used to say, “Always leap before you look, and kill before you cut.”
Benkei:
There you go again...
I've never heard him say anything of the kind.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Whatever. Let's just get 'em.
Medb:
Fine by me!
Jason:
When did you get back here!?
Well, anyway, I think that's the way to go, too.
Jason:
Just imagine what would happen if they started gathering Halloween Power or whatnot like this.
Jason:
Every bone in my body is telling me it'd lead to an autumnal catastrophe like we've never seen before!
Fujimaru 1:
...Okay, let's get them!
Mash:
Right. I know we might be too late...
Mash:
...but if there's any chance we can get rid of this Halloween Power now, we have to try!
==ARROW==
Elisabeth:
You got us!
Elisabeth:
You beat us!
Elisabeth:
We've been defeated!
Fujimaru 1:
Cut that out, last Elly.
Fujimaru 2:
I prefer sound bars, myself.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Heh. I guess this means I still have a lot of Halloween Power left to collect.
Elisabeth JAPAN:
But just remember this, [♂ Puppy /♀️ Deerlet].
This fall...
Elisabeth JAPAN:
I'm gonna put on a Halloween extravaganza that'll make all the others seem like nothing!
Fujimaru 1:
...(Stay quiet so it doesn't become a reality.)
Fujimaru 2:
...(Don't dignify it with a response, hoping it won't happen.)
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Hehe. I can see you're so astonished and ecstatic that you're at a loss for words, [♂ Puppy /♀️ Deerlet].
Elisabeth JAPAN:
Okay then, I'm gonna get back to collecting and leave you to bask in anticipation! Later!
Mash:
It looks like Elisabeth has returned to Chaldea...
Mash:
...
...
Mash:
So... Fall, huh?
Fujimaru 1:
(No way we've heard the last of her...)
Jason:
Master?
Jason:
I'm going on paid leave starting September. Just letting you know.
Fujimaru 1:
Oh no you're not!
Ushiwakamaru:
All that aside, I wonder what it is I'm planning...
Kiichi Hogen:
Beats me.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hm, here's a thought, Shana-oh. Ask yourself: What would you do if you got your hands on the Mallet of Fortune?
Kiichi Hogen:
How would you use it, and what would you wish for?
Ushiwakamaru:
Hmm...
Ushiwakamaru:
Well, it'd be perfect for making my enemies small enough to take all their heads with a single swing of my sword!
Ushiwakamaru:
That way, we could wipe them out without taking any casualties ourselves!
Benkei:
Pfft.
Jason:
Why are you laughing at that!? Geez, is fighting really all you can think about?
Kiichi Hogen:
Shaaanaaa-ohhh!
This is exactly what I've been talking about!
Ushiwakamaru:
H-huh!? But I only said that because
you told me to, Mentor!
Kiichi Hogen:
Shana-oh!
Ushiwakamaru:
Y-yes!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Even if you did call me “Mentor,” I can only take so much impudence. You're not to call me that any longer.
Kiichi Hogen:
I've officially demoted you from student to village idiot after your little theft.
Kiichi Hogen:
If you wish to ever call me “Mentor” again, you'll have to claw your way back up to normal student status first!
Ushiwakamaru:
Huh!? Nooo!
Kiichi Hogen:
Don't you “Nooo” me!
Ushiwakamaru:
So, then...does this mean you're not teaching anyone right now, Mentor?
Kiichi Hogen:
I suppose it does.
Benkei:
Then, you are no longer one of the greatest swordfighters and teachers ever to live...
Benkei:
...but simply an everyday, ordinary,
legendary Kiichi Hogen?
Kiichi Hogen:
Y-yes, I suppose that's true, too. Why?
Is there a problem with that, Monk?
Benkei:
Oh, no, certainly not. I was just thinking it may be harder for you to stand out that way.
Ushiwakamaru:
Hand out? Hand out what? (Expression that says "What the hell's the little big guy talking about?)
Benkei:
We know you are a free-spirited practitioner of Shugendou, Lady Kiichi Hogen. That is all well and good.
Benkei:
However, given that heroes from all places and times gather in Chaldea, I worry that that may not be enough to leave a lasting impression.
Benkei:
I don't mind myself, of course, but I suspect you would not be very happy with a less...attention-grabbing role.
Benkei:
To be blunt, being a mentor to young people with promising futures is your fetish–I mean, your life's work.
Benkei:
So are you sure you're ready to give up on such a juicy position as mentor to Lord Ushiwakamaru?
Kiichi Hogen:
Gnn...!
Nnn...!
Kiichi Hogen:
(Dammit, Hitachibou, you picked a hell of a time to defend Shana-oh! You ARE just like the real Benkei!)
Benkei:
Well, Lady Kiichi? Does this mean you're ready to resign yourself to being the ordinary onmyouji next door?
Kiichi Hogen:
...Hmph, of course not.
I still have a student, after all.
Kiichi Hogen:
Right?
Fujimaru 1:
Huh?
Kiichi Hogen:
The Master of Chaldea here!
That's who I'm mentoring nowadays.
Kiichi Hogen:
I see, uh, great potential in [♂ him /♀️ her].
Kiichi Hogen:
After all, anyone who refuses to give up in the face of humanity's total eradication should make a much better student than Shana-oh there!
Fujimaru 1:
Didn't you say you weren't accepting any new students?
Kiichi Hogen:
(Hush, fool! Just play along! I thought young people today were all about going with the flow!)
Fujimaru 1:
Well, the thing is...I'm already kind of mentored out.
Fujimaru 2:
It's just that, I kind of already have a mentor. Well, a few of them, really...
Benkei:
Indeed, I believe you have mentors in the areas of combat, Buddhism, and Santa, if I am not mistaken.
Jason:
Oh, so that's what the whole "Reindeer" thing was about earlier.
Kiichi Hogen:
[♂ He /♀️ She] already has several mentors? Really?
Hmm... No, don't think I like that...
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, that just means having one more shouldn't be a problem! Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
Besides, I bet I'm the only one eccentric enough to have a modern kid pour their drinks for them!
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, my student, let's get
back to finding Evil Ushiwaka!
Section Four: To Australia? (1/2)
Kiichi Hogen:
...Well done. Well done indeed, Shana-oh.
Kiichi Hogen:
You have learned everything I have to teach you about my style of swordplay.
Kiichi Hogen:
Now, you may create a style of your very own.
Shana-oh:
?
Shana-oh:
What do you mean, “style”?
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh... Right.
Kiichi Hogen:
Japan still doesn't have a strong concept of styles and schools, does it? Well, never mind that. Just do what you think is best.
Kiichi Hogen:
Do what you like. Live how you like.
Kiichi Hogen:
But whatever you do, do not be quick
to throw your life awa–
Shana-oh:
Understood!
Shana-oh:
Then I'm going to use these techniques you taught me...
Shana-oh:
...to kill them all.
Kiichi Hogen:
What?
Shana-oh:
I'm going to take every one of their heads.
Shana-oh:
I have to do it. It's what's expected of me.
Kiichi Hogen:
Shana-oh.
Shana-oh:
Yes?
Kiichi Hogen:
Are you talking about the Taira clan?
Shana-oh:
I can't answer that, Mentor.
Not without making trouble for you.
Kiichi Hogen:
Then I'll put it a different way.
...Did your mother tell you to do this?
Shana-oh:
No, she didn't.
Shana-oh:
...
...
Shana-oh:
Well... I suppose she did say a few things to me before she left.
Shana-oh:
But this desire to butcher the enemy is mine and mine alone, Mentor! Just look at this!
Shana-oh:
It's a letter from my brother!
Would you like to read it, Mentor!?
Shana-oh:
It says that in Kamakura–
Kiichi Hogen:
...No, that's all right. I'm not interested.
Kiichi Hogen:
Really, Shana-oh, how many times have I told you I have no interest in ANY matters pertaining to this world.
Kiichi Hogen:
I have no interest in siding with either Taira or Genji. I merely took you on as a student.
Kiichi Hogen:
And when I say “you,” Shana-oh, I don't mean you, the child of Genji's leader; I just mean you, the person.
Shana-oh:
...?
Kiichi Hogen:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
I wouldn't normally concern myself with this sort of thing, but...
Kiichi Hogen:
Please don't go too far from here, Shana-oh.
Kiichi Hogen:
The place you seek now...
Kiichi Hogen:
...is sadder, emptier, and more terrible than anyone should have to bear.
Shana-oh:
Don't be ridiculous, Mentor.
Shana-oh:
My sword, my body, even my life itself...
Shana-oh:
I'm certain they only exist so that I may help my brother in Azuma Province.
Narration:
Detestable.
Narration:
Loathsome. Despicable. Abhorrent.
Narration:
I am hatred.
Narration:
I am endless fury.
Narration:
I am undying hellfire.
Narration:
I detest the Genji.
Narration:
I loathe, despise, and abhor them.
Narration:
And you, Yoritomo!
Narration:
You, I hate more than anything.
Narration:
I love you so much I can hardly stand it.
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru?
Narration:
Oho.
Narration:
To think there was someone willing to speak to me...
Narration:
...even as I stand alone in the fires of hatred.
Narration:
Interesting.
Narration:
You are an interesting one, Master of Chaldea...
Kiichi Hogen:
So...I have a new student now, huh.
Kiichi Hogen:
It was a bit spur of the moment, but I still can't believe I took on a new student after all this time.
Kiichi Hogen:
...Hehe. Hehehehe. It's been a long time since I took a walk along a beach with one of my students!
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, Master of Chaldea? How do you like walking on the beach with your awesome new mentor!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Not like any other walk on the beach you've had, I bet! Aren't you having fun!?
Fujimaru 1:
Well, we're in the middle of an emergency, so...not really.
Fujimaru 2:
Honestly, it's hard to feel like I'm on vacationwhen we still have a crisis that needs to be resolved!
Jason:
Hey, Ushiwaka.
Ushiwakamaru:
Yes? What is it?
Jason:
I know you've always had a screw or two loose,
but what's the deal with your mentor there?
Jason:
Was she always such a doting parent–uh, teacher?
Ushiwakamaru:
No, I don't believe she was. She was known far and wide for her harshness!
Ushiwakamaru:
In fact, in all the time I've known her, I don't think I've ever seen her grin like that.
Medb:
Well you could have fooled me. I've seen some doters in my time, and she's definitely up there with them.
Kiichi Hogen:
Student!
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh! Yes?
Kiichi Hogen:
For the last time, I wasn't talking to you!
Fujimaru 1:
Y-yes?
Fujimaru 2:
Um...did you mean me?
Kiichi Hogen:
It looks like we're in yet another country, and I'm sure you must be exhausted from all this jumping around.
Kiichi Hogen:
Especially seeing how you were just spacing out not too long ago.
Fujimaru 1:
Oh, that? That was, um...
Fujimaru 1:
It was kind of like a daydream, only not really...
Fujimaru 2:
I don't remember it too clearly, but it almost felt like I was dreaming...
Benkei:
Oh! Then it must have been one
of your so-called REM episodes!
Medb:
Hmm.
Medb:
Maybe you unwittingly forged a connection with some Chaldean Heroic Spirit, Master?
Benkei:
That's certainly possible. And in this case...
Benkei:
The most likely suspect would seem to be the runaway Evil Ushiwaka, i.e. Lord Ushiwakamaru's Spirit Origin.
Jason:
Yeah, that sounds about right, seeing how this whole thing started with her Spirit Origin going nuts.
Kiichi Hogen:
I see. It sounds like being the Master of Chaldea is more trouble than I thought.
Kiichi Hogen:
Well then, how about a shoulder rub?
Kiichi Hogen:
Part of being a good teacher is occasionally rewarding your students' good work, you know!
Ushiwakamaru:
What!?
Ushiwakamaru:
Wh-what did you just say?
Ushiwakamaru:
I've never heard you so much as say the word “reward” before, let alone actually offer one!
Ushiwakamaru:
And now you're handing them out just like that!?
Ushiwakamaru:
Nn...
Ushiwakamaru:
No faaair! I want a reward, too!
Kiichi Hogen:
The only reward I have for foolish students like you is the right to rub MY shoulders.
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh Mentor, there you go with your jokes again! Can't you save those for after you've rubbed my shoulders?
Kiichi Hogen:
Who's joking?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Quit playing around already. If you've got time on
your hands, how 'bout you spend it looking for information that can actually help us?
Medb:
Oh my, Cú, you're so assertive!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Shut up.
Kiichi Hogen:
Cú there is right. Alright everyone, let's split up and gather all the information we can find!
All:
Yeah!
Section Four: To Australia? (2/2)
Medea Lily:
Aah!
Medusa:
Eek!
Iskandar:
Oho! I haven't been this slim in ages!
Sitonai:
Huh? No way. I'm–
Illya:
Big nooow!?
El-Melloi II:
...The hell's going on here?
El-Melloi II:
Gray, what happened to the young King Gilgamesh?
He was standing right here a second ago.
Gray:
R-right.
Gray:
He left immediately before a Heroic Spirit resembling Ushiwakamaru came and bopped you with a strange mallet.
Gray:
I'm sorry, Sir!
I had no idea that mallet had such power.
Gray:
I thought she was just playing a silly prank...
El-Melloi II:
Maybe she thought she was, but as far as I'm concerned, this goes well beyond a prank.
Fujimaru 1:
This is awful!
Ushiwakamaru:
Haha, quite the mess, isn't it!?
Fujimaru 2:
Fire Iri! TWO Fire Iris!
Benkei:
My, that does take me back!
Jason:
Everywhere you turn, there're Servants who've been turned bigger or smaller!
Jason:
This is getting a lot worse as it goes on!
Jason:
I see Medea's here too...
And she's bigger now!? Crap!
Benkei:
All that aside, I wonder what all these Chaldean Servants are doing here to begin with.
Benkei:
First, we found Ladies Jeanne Alter and Santa Lily in France as though it were the most natural thing in the world for them to be there...
Benkei:
And now, Lady Mash tells us this beach we are on is somewhere in Australia!
Medb:
Isn't that just how minute Singularities are? A bunch of Heroic Spirits always show up, shenanigans ensue.
Medb:
Honestly, I'd bet for most of them, it just feels like some kind of drunken stupor dream.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Talk about a goddamn pain in the ass way to dream.
Jason:
Well, this is definitely the stuff of nightmares.
Jason:
It really sucks being shrunken and turned into...this, but it can't be easy being suddenly turned into a kid or an adult, either.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmmm.
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, never mind that for now!
Kiichi Hogen:
It looks like all these transformations only just happened, so Evil Ushiwaka should still be nearby!
Kiichi Hogen:
Come on! The sooner we find her, the sooner we can stop her from doing any more damage!
Mash:
Senpai, I'm seeing a magical energy signal up ahead! It seems to be the Mallet of Fortune activating!
Ushiwakamaru:
!
Medea:
What the hell!?
Gorgon:
Wh-what happened to me!?
Alexander:
Whoa, check out my biceps! This is great!
Irisviel:
Huh? Oh my, what happened to me?
Irisviel:
Hmm. This would never happen to
me under normal circumstances...
Irisviel:
...but maybe I just underwent
a sudden...shrinking spurt?
El-Melloi II:
...
...
Gray:
It looks like everyone who was transformed has a counterpart who underwent a similar but opposite transformation.
Gray:
Well, everyone except you, Sir.
El-Melloi II:
No surprise, seeing how there's only one of me. Dammit, why did I have to materialize with this infuriating Spirit Origin!?
Jason:
Ugh, this is ridiculous!
Jason:
I can't even tell who's who anymore, since nobody looks like they're supposed to!
Benkei:
This does seem to be just like the trouble Lady Jeanne Alter experienced, just on a larger scale.
Medb:
Maybe I should keep my distance. I don't want that mallet anywhere near bopping distance of me.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Why? Scared we'll find out what
you look like as an old hag?
Medb:
C-come on, Cú, don't look at me like that. Even you can't get away with that!
Medb:
Besides, I'm the eternal queen, the embodiment of beauty itself, right? I'd never get old.
Medb:
If anything, I'm scared of being made younger.
Medb:
I mean, a baby version of me would be absolutely adorable, but that's all I would be, right?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.
Benkei:
Hm? What's going on over there?
Alexander:
Hey guys, check this out!
Irisviel:
Yes? What is it?
Medusa:
What's this about?
Illya:
Did you figure out a way to turn
us back to normal, Alexander!?
Alexander:
Nope. No idea.
Illya:
Right. Of course.
Alexander:
But more importantly, I just had a thought!
Illya:
(More importantly!?)
Alexander:
Remember how there were big and small versions of us all around this beach?
Alexander:
And now, thanks to that strange mallet, grown-ups have become kids and kids have become grown-ups.
Alexander:
Pretty cool, right!?
Irisviel:
Oh yes, it's very cool!
Illya:
Not to me it isn't!
Sitonai:
I wouldn't mind staying like this, myself...
Gorgon:
Well I sure as hell would!
Medusa:
N-now, now, let's just take it easy, okay?
Getting worked up isn't going to solve anything.
Alexander:
So, um...
Iskandar:
Hahaha, get to the point, won't you?
Iskandar:
I can understand why you'd find this so entertaining, but you can't just voice every thought that crosses your mind, or we'll be here all day.
Iskandar:
Go on, spit it out. What is it you want to do?
Alexander:
I wanna put this body through its paces!
Iskandar:
Be more specific!
Alexander:
I want to fight!
Iskandar:
Now you're talking!
Jason:
No! Now you're NOT talking!
Kiichi Hogen:
(Yikes, that was close. I almost got carried away and said, “Now you're talking!” myself.)
Kiichi Hogen:
(Yes, that was much too close. This is definitely no time for frivolous antics!)
Benkei:
Now, now, don't worry. I'm sure those two are the only ones who would be interested in such a–
Medea Lily:
I know what you mean. I can tell this Spirit Origin is even more skilled at magecraft than my own.
Medea Lily:
Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to see what it can really do.
Medusa:
I, um... I can also tell I have even stronger magical energy than usual in this body...
Medusa:
...and I think I might also like
to put it through its paces.
Sitonai:
Hehehe. You're right, that does sound like fun.
Sitonai:
Besides, it's rare for us to get to experience real, observable growth like this.
Illya:
Huh? Is that really how it is for Heroic Spirits?
Sitonai:
Yes, it is. Though in my case, even before I was a Heroic Spirit, I was...
Illya:
?
Sitonai:
On second thought, never mind. My point is, now that we're all grown up, we should make the most of it!
Illya:
B-but, this top barely covers anything, and it feels really weird looking exactly like my mother!
Irisviel:
You both look beautiful, Illya.
I'd love to see what you can do in that body.
Illya:
Ulp. Well, in that case...
Sitonai:
We'll just have to do our best to impress her, won't we?
Gorgon:
Ahh, it's been so long since I've been this small.
Everything old feels new again...
Medea:
Am I really the only one here who wants to get back to normal as soon as possible!?
El-Melloi II:
Like hell you are. I'm right there with you.
Master! Give me a hand!
El-Melloi II:
I want to calm these Servants down so we can figure out what's going on here!
Fujimaru 1:
You got it, El-Melloi!
Fujimaru 2:
Now that's what I like to hear!
Medb:
All right, let's do this!
And Cú, I'm counting on you to back me up!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
If I feel like it.
Medb:
Ooh, you are just too cool!
Jason:
I see. So that's what Celts consider cool...
Medea Lily:
And just what is that supposed to mean, Lord Jason!?
Medea Lily:
D-don't tell me you've got a thing for Celtic women?
Jason:
Eeeeee! Medea's looking at me with Medea's face!
DO something alreadyyy!
Medea:
Hehehe... I'll say this for you, Jason.
Medea:
You've got guts, saying that in front of me.
Jason:
Eep...
Benkei:
Lord Jason is going pale! No, white as a sheet!
Ushiwakamaru:
Then we have no time to lose!
Let's have at them! Yaaah!
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh no you don't, Mini Ushiwaka! You stay back and provide support! Now, come on, Master of Chaldea!
==ARROW==
Medea Lily:
Aah!
Medusa:
Ow!
Gorgon:
Eek–
Gorgon:
I-I mean, phew. I'm finally back to normal.
Hmph...
Jason:
“Eek!”
Jason:
You all heard that, right?
Benkei:
I did indeed.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Yep.
Ushiwakamaru:
I'm not sure.
Fujimaru 1:
You guys really need to learn how to be more compassionate.
Fujimaru 2:
I can't believe out of all of you,Ushiwakamaru is the one being sensitive.
Medea:
Oh, I'm back to normal too. Thank goodness.
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, time for the next group!
Medb:
Let's see... Who's up next, Professor El-Melloi?
...Hm? Where did he go?
Gray:
O-oh, um, Sir said there was nothing he could do against this lineup...
Gray:
...so he asked Master and me to handle this fight while he went over toward the Illya group.
Medb:
I don't know what that's all about, but if he's not here, we'll just have to make do without him!
Iskandar:
Aww, so the kid isn't here then?
Iskandar:
Well, that's okay. We were just going to lay waste to everything in our path, anyway. Right, King of Conquerors!?
Alexander:
Oh yeah! It's conquering time!
Alexander:
I do think I'm a little young for this sort of thing...but if I'm going to walk this path eventually, I may as well start now!
Jason:
No! Absolutely not! A Heroic Spirit shouldn't even be joking about things like that!
Benkei:
Now, now. We should be sympathetic to the unique situation some child–er, young adult Heroic Spirits are in.
Benkei:
They symbolize the possibilities the future holds, even as they themselves lack any future at all.
Benkei:
We cannot deny the value in how they perceive the world.
Jason:
If you say so.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Shut up. Let's fight.
Iskandar:
Bring it!
Ushiwakamaru:
Very well then, here I come!
Kiichi Hogen:
When will you get it through your tiny head that you need to stay back and NOT rush headlong into battle!? (Sigh) Come on, Master, we'd better get to it, too!
==ARROW==
Alexander:
Welp, we lost that one. I guess it just goes to show there are no shortcuts with this sort of thing.
Alexander:
That body had amazing power,
but I wasn't able to make full use of it.
Alexander:
How was it for you?
Iskandar:
Me? Well, I'd say it was more like revisiting a path I've already walked.
Iskandar:
It was a nice trip down memory lane, but it didn't change anything about how I fight.
Iskandar:
If anything, I was on pins and needles watching you nearly throw your life away out of sheer recklessness! Hahahaha!
Alexander:
Ouch. That hurts, but you're not wrong.
Benkei:
All right, only three yet remain!
Let us go after them!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
All women, huh.
Mash:
That's right. There's Iri, who now looks like Sitonai; Illya, who now looks like Fire Iri...
Mash:
...and Sitonai, who now looks like normal Iri.
Kiichi Hogen:
That sounds awfully confusing!
Ushiwakamaru:
Not at all, Mentor! It's simple! I'll just cut off all their heads, then it won't matter anymore!
Kiichi Hogen:
Will you stop talking about beheading people!? Especially while you're in that form!?
Kiichi Hogen:
The disconnect between your innocent, doll-like appearance and your sheer bloodlust is just unsettling!
Benkei:
(I understand, Lady Kiichi!
Indeed, I know just what you mean!)
El-Melloi II:
Oh good, you're here. That'll be a big help.
Gray:
Sir!
El-Melloi II:
I can see why they were the crown jewels of the Einzbern family. Even with Zhuge Liang's power, I'm simply no match for them.
El-Melloi II:
Will you help me, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
I'll do my best, El-Melloi!
El-Melloi II:
Thank you!
Fujimaru 2:
Looks like we're in for an impromptu El-Melloi lesson!
El-Melloi II:
Stop putting weird ideas in my head! This is not a class I want to teach!
==ARROW==
Illya:
Waaah!
Sitonai:
Aww, I'm back to normal.
Irisviel:
Eek☆
Kiichi Hogen:
There, we did it! Kanra kara kara!
El-Melloi II:
Phew. It's about time.
Gray:
Sir! What a relief!
Mash:
It looks like everyone's been restored to their original forms. Way to go, Senpai!
Ushiwakamaru:
Lady Illya, Lady Sitonai, Lady Irisviel.
Ushiwakamaru:
This may sound like a strange question, but did you see a Heroic Spirit who looked like me?
Irisviel:
Oh my, you're adorable. Are you some sort of doll?
Irisviel:
Have you all been shrunken down too, though in a very different way than I was...?
Irisviel:
Well, I couldn't say for sure whether she looked like you or not...
Irisviel:
...but I did see a Heroic Spirit
carrying a small wooden mallet.
Illya:
I-I did, too!
Sitonai:
Me too. She's not here anymore, though.
Sitonai:
One moment, she was smacking us with that mallet, and the next, she'd run off.
Kiichi Hogen:
Then we'll just have to track her down with the needle again. Dammit.
Ushiwakamaru:
It's all right, Mentor.
I won't let her get away next time.
Ushiwakamaru:
Just you wait, Evil Ushiwaka!
Soon, your head will be mine!
Jason:
U-uh...right.
Benkei:
Y-yes, I suppose it will.
Fujimaru 1:
Y-yeah... Sure...
Fujimaru 2:
Y-you said it...
Ushiwakamaru:
Not you too, Master!?
What's got you all so creeped out!?
Medb:
Uh, the fact that you have zero hesitations about cutting off your own head? Haven't we been over this?
Ushiwakamaru:
Hesitate? Why would I?
Ushiwakamaru:
My job is to offer the enemy's head to my lord, regardless of who that enemy may be.
Medb:
Even if it's your own head?
Ushiwakamaru:
Of course!
Kiichi Hogen:
Shaaanaaa-ohhh! For the hundredth time, this is EXACTLY what I've been talking about!
Ushiwakamaru:
Ow, ow, ow! What was that for!?
Section Five: To the Heavens? (1/2)
Shana-oh:
Please, Kouju. Please bring me those scrolls.
Shana-oh:
I'll never be able to make my wish come true without them.
Kouju-no-Mae:
I believe you, Lady Shana-oh.
Kouju-no-Mae:
Lady Kiichi may not understand your position, but I do.
Kouju-no-Mae:
The Taira clan's reign must come to an end.
You are right to wish for it.
Kouju-no-Mae:
So please, don't worry, Lady Shana-oh.
Kouju-no-Mae:
I promise, I won't let you down.
Kiichi Hogen:
How dare you, Shana-oh!?
Kiichi Hogen:
How dare you trick my daughter into stealing the scrolls of ultimate techniques!
Kiichi Hogen:
And to make matters worse, you've already read them!?
Kiichi Hogen:
What you've done here is unforgivable!
Kouju-no-Mae:
Lady Kiichi!
Shana-oh:
You're right, Mentor! My actions are inexcusable, and I can never hope to make amends!
Shana-oh:
But you also said I had learned everything you had to teach me about the sword...
Shana-oh:
...yet you still refused to show me both the “Six Secret Teachings” or the “Three Strategies of Huang Shigon”! Why!?
Shana-oh:
I have to be useful to my brother someday! I have to!
Shana-oh:
Even if I must turn to evil means to do so!
Kiichi Hogen:
Silence, Shana-oh! Not another word!
Narration:
Detestable.
Narration:
Loathsome. Despicable. Abhorrent.
Narration:
I am hatred.
Narration:
I am endless fury.
Narration:
I am undying hellfire.
Narration:
I detest the Genji.
Narration:
I loathe, despise, and abhor them.
Narration:
I must kill them all.
Narration:
The Genji must die.
Narration:
The Genji must be massacred. Slaughtered. Annihilated.
Narration:
And you, Yoritomo, who I love more than anything...
Narration:
I hate you so much I can hardly stand it.
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru...
Fujimaru 1:
Well, I don't know if you are Ushiwakamaru or not, but...
Fujimaru 1:
You both love and hate Yoritomo and the Genji, don't you?
Fujimaru 2:
You both hate and love the Genji and Yoritomo, don't you?
Narration:
...
Narration:
Now I see.
Narration:
It's you.
Narration:
You are Ushiwaka–
No, Yoshitsune's new refuge.
Narration:
Then as I suspected...
Narration:
I'll have to kill you, too.
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh wow!
Benkei:
Now this is truly a breathtaking scene!
Jason:
Well yeah, we're literally walking on clouds. 'Course the scenery's gonna be impressive.
Jason:
Wait. We're walking on clouds!
Jason:
Damn, this is like something out of a fairy tale!
Is it just anything goes now!?
Jason:
Are you sure we're okay up here, Master?
We're not gonna fall, are we?
Fujimaru 1:
I don't know why, but it doesn't look like it!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Then that's all that matters.
Fujimaru 2:
I always wanted to try something like this.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
You're a little insane, aren't you?
Medb:
Ooh, this is so exciting! Cú and me, up in the clouds together! It's like a dream honeymoon come true!
Jason:
YOU talking about honeymoons? That's rich.
Medb:
What are you talking about!? No Heroic Spirit could better fill the role of blushing bride than me, right?
Ushiwakamaru:
Pffft.
Medb:
What's so funny!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Say, student. It may be a little late to ask you this, but how are you with heights?
Fujimaru 1:
I'm fine with them.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm, I see. Then I'll have to take you on a proper trip around the sky sometime.
Kiichi Hogen:
Trust me, you're in for a treat! Kanra kara kara!
Fujimaru 2:
I've seen enough stuff that I can handle them now.
Kiichi Hogen:
Really? I would never know from looking at you, but you really have been through a lot, haven't you?
Benkei:
Oho, I see Lady Kiichi is playing the doting mentor with Master again.
Benkei:
There's something moving about that.
It's so... So...
Ushiwakamaru:
Creepy!
Jason:
Is there no other word you could've chosen!?
Medb:
Student, huh... You know, that reminds me of something.
Ushiwakamaru:
Hm?
Medb:
Didn't you say you studied under a tengu? In fact, I think you've even claimed to be one yourself...
Medb:
Tengu are a kind of Japanese spirit, right?
Mash:
That's right. They're one of Japan's ancient Mystics.
Mash:
In Japan, they're said to live in the mountains, and in China, they're said to embody comets and meteors.
Mash:
And in the Buddhist world–
Kiichi Hogen:
They're said to be monks or Shugendou practitioners who have fallen to depravity, and they're closely associated with mountains there as well.
Medb:
Hmm. So are you a tengu, Kiichi? Although, you didn't introduce yourself as one, did you?
Medb:
Hey, Kiichi? Are you really Ushiwakamaru's teacher?
Medb:
You're not lying to us, are you?
Kiichi Hogen:
Don't be ridiculous! I show up in “The Chronicle of Yoshitsune” and everything!
Kiichi Hogen:
Not that the chronicle covers my whole story...
Kiichi Hogen:
And what's more, I'm told that the legends and folklore surrounding Heroic Spirits can have major effects on how they manifest.
Jason:
Well sure, but that doesn't just apply to you and Ushiwaka. That's true for most Heroic Spirits.
Jason:
The ones who are just like their living counterparts are honestly the exception, I'd say.
Jason:
And that's not getting into the even rarer ones who show up at Chaldea while they're still alive.
Benkei:
Suffice to say, there are many different kinds of humans and Heroic Spirits.
Ushiwakamaru:
And heads. Don't forget heads.
Kiichi Hogen:
Cut that out!
Jason:
Hey, she's not wrong.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...Do you ever shut up? Come on, let's find this other Ushiwaka and her mallet already.
Medb:
What Cú said! Just because we're literally up in the clouds doesn't mean we should be keeping our heads in them!
Medb:
Anyway, I know this is where the needle led us, but where exactly ARE we, anyway?
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, at least geographically, I'd say it looks like we're back around France?
Mash:
It looks like it. I'm checking your coordinates now...
Mash:
...and it seems you're somewhere high above the Mediterranean Sea.
Jason:
All right, then I guess it's time to go cloud walking–
Benkei:
And resume our search for Evil Ushiwaka!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
C'mon, let's go.
Medb:
Coming, Cú!
Benkei:
It's wonderful seeing those two get along so well.
It never fails to warm my heart.
Jason:
Man, you gotta put actual work into being that dumb. Or were you going for sarcasm there?
Jason:
I mean, a honeymoon up in the clouds?
That's gotta be too good to be true.
Benkei:
Oh, I can see the sea down below through a gap in the clouds! Seems there are a fair few ships on the water below as well.
Jason:
Seriously!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara!
Now, now, everyone, you mustn't get carried away!
Kiichi Hogen:
Then again, I suppose these clouds are literally carrying us away as we speak...
Kiichi Hogen:
At any rate, we can't stop looking for Evil Ushiwaka now.
Kiichi Hogen:
Come, my student. Let's go enjoy a walk on the clouds while we also look for any leads we can find!
Fujimaru 1:
Got it!
Kiichi Hogen:
Good!
Section Five: To the Heavens? (2/2)
Jason:
So, did you find Evil Ushiwaka?
Benkei:
I'm afraid not. How about you two?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Nope.
Medb:
Ugh, what's with this place? I swear, we've found everybody except the one we're looking for.
Ushiwakamaru:
I certainly am a slippery one, aren't I?
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm not so sure about leaving yet. We still don't know that Evil Ushiwaka hasn't done anything bad up here.
Fujimaru 1:
Good point.
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah, she might have left another trap we just haven't found yet.
Mash:
Hold on, Senpai!
Mash:
I'm picking up some magical energy signals.
I think they're probably Chaldean Serv–
Kiichi Hogen:
!
Kiichi Hogen:
Who are you two!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, whoever you are, it's nice to see someone so eager to fight! I'm glad Chaldea has at least a couple of go-getters like yourselves!
Kiichi Hogen:
Maybe it's because they were in their Master's presence, but nearly all the other Heroic Spirits I've met so far have been unfailingly polite.
Kiichi Hogen:
I was starting to think that's just what you were all like, but I'm glad to be wrong!
Dioscuri - Castor:
This is where your journey ends!
Dioscuri - Pollux:
As you can see, Brother is feeling very, um, motivated. I'm sorry, Master.
Dioscuri - Castor:
What are you apologizing for, Pollux!?
Dioscuri - Pollux:
But Brother–
Fujimaru 1:
The Dioscuri!
Dioscuri - Castor:
Who said you could say our name!?
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Yes, Master, it's us.
Dioscuri - Castor:
Pollux!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
We've hit out silly shit quota for the day. Get lost.
Medb:
Ooh, you're such a hard-ass, Cú! I love it!
Jason:
Hey! What do you two think you're doing!?
Dioscuri - Castor:
...That is no way for a mere Heroic Spirit to speak to gods.
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Now, now, Brother, don't be like that. They ARE from a different time and place, after all.
Jason:
Could you guys do me a favor for old time's sake and just...get out of our way?
Jason:
I don't know what it is Evil Ushiwaka's up to, but there can't be anything in it for you two, right?
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Jason.
Dioscuri - Castor:
Jason, while I would normally be willing to listen to what you have to say, at least up to a point...
Dioscuri - Castor:
This time I will not. Give up now and save yourselves the hardship.
Jason:
Huh!?
Dioscuri - Pollux:
I'm sorry, Jason. Brother's already made up his mind.
Jason:
I can't believe this! Were you offered something worth turning on old friends!?
???:
Yup, that's exactly what happened! And the boy twin over there completely bought it!
???:
Some lady who kinda looked like Ushiwakamaru or Overseer Yoshitsune, I couldn't tell which...
???:
...said she'd use the Mallet of Fortune to grant a wish as long as we held you up here!
Ushiwakamaru:
Who goes there!?
Oda Nobunaga:
Me!
Fujimaru 1:
Nobbu!
Fujimaru 1:
So then, that guy behind you must be–
Oda Nobukatsu:
Oh, yes, it's me, Nobukatsu!
Wherever Sister goes, I go, too!
Benkei:
Oho, so your brother is here as well, Lady Nobunaga. Does this mean both of you sibling teams will be trying to stop us then?
Kiichi Hogen:
Huh, so we're under attack by a
squad of close siblings?
Kiichi Hogen:
What is going on here?
Kiichi Hogen:
The Dioscuri are a pair of twin stars, right? Plus a pair of Japanese-looking Heroic Spirit...siblings?
Oda Nobunaga:
I'm Oda Nobunaga, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!
Oda Nobukatsu:
And I'm her brother, Nobukatsu.
Kiichi Hogen:
Hm? Oda?
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm a lot older than I look, and I've seen a lot of humans over the years...
Kiichi Hogen:
But I don't remember Oda Nobunaga being like...well, that.
Fujimaru 1:
Right, I keep forgetting our Oda's from GUDAGUDA world.
Fujimaru 2:
I guess it's because Nobbu's from the GUDAGUDA timeline?
Jason:
Huh? Gouda gouda?
Kiichi Hogen:
???
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, well, putting Maybe-Oda Nobunaga aside for now, we're still up in the clouds, right?
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
...I don't get it.
How did we get into this situation again?
Fujimaru 1:
It really is weird when you stop to think about it, isn't it?
Oda Nobunaga:
Really? You don't get it? Some legendary onmyouji or whatever you turned out to be.
Kiichi Hogen:
Nnn.
Oda Nobunaga:
It's simple.
The Dioscuri there used to be star gods, right?
Oda Nobunaga:
And the sky is near the stars, right?
Benkei:
I suppose that's true.
Fujimaru 1:
Okay, but then why are you here, Nobbu?
Oda Nobunaga:
Isn't it obvious?
Fujimaru 2:
Okay, but what do you have to do with the sky, Nobbu?
Oda Nobunaga:
Heh heh heh!
Oda Nobunaga:
Think about it! I'm the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven!
Oda Nobunaga:
And where are the heavens? That's right, up in the sky! So this is my territory! See? Makes perfect sense!
Ushiwakamaru:
I...uh, see...?
Fujimaru 1:
Wait, is that what the "Heaven" in Sixth Heaven means?
Kiichi Hogen:
In Buddhism, heavens refer to the worlds inhabited by devas, and are said to be the most beautiful places in all of creation.
Kiichi Hogen:
The Sixth Heaven is the realm of desire, and is said to be in a constant state of flux.
Kiichi Hogen:
I...suppose that could apply to a world above the clouds?
Oda Nobunaga:
There, you see!?
Kiichi Hogen:
I've never gotten to know the heavens well, since I've always had closer ties to mountains.
Oda Nobunaga:
You know, since I'm in such a good mood, I'll go ahead and let you in on a secret.
Oda Nobunaga:
There is a reason I had to side with Ushiwakamaru, or Yoshitsune, or whoever that was.
Jason:
Oh?
Ushiwakamaru:
What is it?
Oda Nobunaga:
I'm technically part of the Taira clan!
Oda Nobukatsu:
Aah! Sister, you really shouldn't go around saying things like that.
Oda Nobunaga:
Wh-why not!? It's true! I'm descended from them and everything!
Ushiwakamaru:
???
Ushiwakamaru:
Why are you bringing up the Taira clan? Yes, I may belong to the Genji, and the Taira clan were our sworn enemies...
Ushiwakamaru:
But we're all Heroic Spirits serving the same Master now! So, why–
Dioscuri - Castor:
There is nothing more to discuss. I'm going to kill you all and have my wish granted. End of story.
Dioscuri - Castor:
Let's go, Pollux!
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Yes, Brother!
Again, I'm sorry about this, Master!
Dioscuri - Pollux:
I hope you don't mind playing along for a while!
Oda Nobunaga:
Wahahahaha! Come on, Nobukatsu!
And come forth, my crow tengu army!
Benkei:
A crow tengu army! Was it the bond between Lord Yoshitsune and the Mallet of Fortune that summoned them here!?
Oda Nobunaga:
Hope you're ready to die, Chaldeans!
Oda Nobunaga:
'Cause it's Honnoji time!
Oda Nobukatsu:
Sister! That's the one where you lost, remember!?
==ARROW==
Dioscuri - Pollux:
...Brother.
Dioscuri - Castor:
Tch, not bad!
Dioscuri - Castor:
But this is as far as you go.
For you see, my wish has already been granted!
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm. That doesn't sound like sour grapes to me.
What are you talking about?
Dioscuri - Castor:
My wish was granted to us by the Mallet of Fortune,
a wish granter from the East.
Dioscuri - Castor:
While its effects may appear instantly on other Heroic Spirits...
Dioscuri - Castor:
Our Spirit Origins are a special case!
Medb:
So you're saying the mallet's effects are only just now working on you?
Medb:
Well, what did you want? To be stronger? That doesn't seem like something gods would need to wish for...
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Well, um... Hmm, how can I put this...?
Dioscuri - Castor:
Wrong!
Dioscuri - Castor:
My wish was for us to be returned to our past selves!
Dioscuri - Castor:
When a human's clock is turned back, they return to being a child! When ours are turned back, we will be gods once more!
Mash:
Their magical energy just grew tenfold! They're too powerful to be considered Heroic Spirits anymore... They're Divine Spirits!
Dioscuri - Castor:
Hahahahahaha! Get ready, you rabble, because we're about to utterly obliterate you!
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Again, I'm so sorry, but my brother absolutely insisted...
Oda Nobunaga:
I have to admit, even I feel a little out of place standing next to genuine Mystics, but never mind that now!
Oda Nobunaga:
Come on, Nobukatsu! Let's show them what we can do, too!
Oda Nobukatsu:
Yes, Sister! Let's show those gods that our bond as siblings is just as strong as theirs!
Oda Nobunaga:
Not what I meant.
Dioscuri - Castor:
Let's go, Pollux!
Dioscuri - Pollux:
Y-yes, Brother!
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, they're definitely stronger now than they were before! Get ready, everyone!
Fujimaru 1:
Battle positions!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Got it.
Ushiwakamaru:
Don't worry, Master! I'll bob and weave so fast they'll never see me coming!
==ARROW==
Dioscuri - Castor:
Hahahahahaha!
Medb:
Yikes, they're tough!
Kiichi Hogen:
Heh, these Western gods put up a good fight! They really are getting stronger every time they revert further into their past!
Kiichi Hogen:
How many reversions have they gone through by now? The way they're going–
Jason:
Hey, is it just me, or are we in serious trouble here!? How're we even gonna touch them if they get back to their true forms!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Well–
Dioscuri - Castor:
Hahahahaha! Behold!
Behold our ultimate reversion!
Dioscuri - Castor:
Prepare to feast your eyes on the true form of gods!
Dioscuri - Castor:
We! Are! Gemini!
Dioscuri - Castor:
Farewell, Earthlings! We now look down upon you as a constellation in the starry sky!
Fujimaru 1:
Uh...
Ushiwakamaru:
Uh...
Jason:
...
Benkei:
...
Medb:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
...
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...So they're stars now.
Mash:
Wha...? Huh?
Mash:
I don't see their magical energy signals anymore...
What's going on?
Oda Nobunaga:
Did you see that, Nobukatsu?
Oda Nobunaga:
Now that...was a way to ascend to the heavens.
Oda Nobunaga:
I'm honestly touched.
Oda Nobunaga:
I never really got what people meant when they said someone hung the stars, but now...now it makes sense!
Oda Nobunaga:
This must have been what things were like during the age of Greek mythology.
Oda Nobukatsu:
I know what you mean, Sister. I'm touched, too.
Oda Nobukatsu:
Those siblings' love for each other was something special... But I know we can still beat them!
Oda Nobunaga:
I told you that's not what I'm talking about.
Knock it off.
Oda Nobunaga:
Now then.
Oda Nobunaga:
Well, Chaldeans, I only have one more thing left to say.
Oda Nobunaga:
We surrender!
Oda Nobunaga:
After seeing fireworks like that,
I'm plenty satisfied with this outcome!
Oda Nobukatsu:
Me too, Sister!
Jason:
...O-oh. Okay. Wasn't expecting that.
Fujimaru 1:
Dioscuri...
Fujimaru 2:
I never expected them to turn back into gods, let alone stars...
Kiichi Hogen:
W-well, that's just what happens when you make a wish without thinking it through!
Kiichi Hogen:
But don't worry. Once we get the Mallet of Fortune back, I'll put them, and this whole minute Singularity thing, back to normal.
Kiichi Hogen:
Trust me, everything's going to work out fine!
Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
That said... I was definitely not expecting them to turn into stars.
Dioscuri - Castor:
Farewell, Earthlings! We now look down upon you as a constellation in the starry sky!
Mash:
The whole thing...?
Fujimaru 1:
Mash?
Fujimaru 2:
Everything okay?
Mash:
Y-yes, Senpai, everything's fine.
Something Kiichi Hogen said just got me thinking.
Mash:
Even if the Mallet of Fortune's massive magical energy is the source of this minute Singularity...
Mash:
...I don't see how it would be possible to use it to repair every anomaly here at once...
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, don't worry about that.
Everything's going to work out!
Medb:
What, just like that?
Benkei:
If I may, Lady Kiichi, that is quite the bold claim.
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, just like that.
All I have to do is use the mallet.
Kiichi Hogen:
But in order to do that, we still have to track down Evil Ushiwaka and get it back from her!
Jason:
So, Nobbu Siblings. Any idea where the Heroic Spirit who kind of looks like Ushiwaka went?
Oda Nobunaga:
Nope!
Oda Nobukatsu:
Let's see... Um, she went off in that direction.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
West, huh?
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh, yes, just a moment please.
Hrn!
Ushiwakamaru:
Yep, that fits with what the needle's telling me.
Okay, west we go!
Kiichi Hogen:
Then let's go!
Hmm, what would be west from here... Spain, maybe?
Kiichi Hogen:
Or perhaps the Americas?
Jason:
This is turning out to be one hell of a trip around the world... Wait. I just had a thought!
Jason:
Does this mean we're covering more distance than I traveled in the Argo? Seriously?
Ushiwakamaru:
Seriously! All right, everyone, let's get going!
Section Six: To New York? (1/2)
Narration:
Detestable.
Narration:
Loathsome. Despicable. Abhorrent.
Narration:
I am hatred.
Narration:
I am endless fury.
Narration:
I am undying hellfire.
Narration:
Death to Yoritomo.
Narration:
Death to the Genji.
Narration:
The Genji must die!
Narration:
The Genji must be massacred! Slaughtered! Annihilated!
Fujimaru 1:
Ushiwakamaru?
Narration:
Indeed.
Narration:
I am Overseer Yoshitsune.
Narration:
I am the embodiment of the Genji's destruction.
Narration:
I am hatred personified.
Fujimaru 1:
I don't think you're lying, but I alsothink there's more to it than that.
Fujimaru 2:
Is that really the whole story?
Narration:
...
Fujimaru 1:
Who are you, really?
Fujimaru 1:
You seem like Ushiwakamaru, but I don't think you are.
Narration:
...
???:
Good grief.
Narration:
!
Narration:
Who are you!?
???:
That's what I want to know.
???:
You're touching Fujimaru's soul without
permission. Get away from [♂ him /♀️ her]. Begone.
Fujimaru 1:
The Count of Monte Cristo!
Count of Monte Cristo:
...That's right.
Narration:
A dream guardian!
Narration:
You certainly do have some strange pets, don't you!?
Count of Monte Cristo:
Shut up.
Narration:
...!
Narration:
...
Narration:
Much as I hate to admit it,
it would seem this is as far as I go.
Narration:
I doubt you will remember this dream...
But no matter.
Narration:
We will meet in person soon enough.
Narration:
Oh, yes.
Narration:
You wanted to know who I am?
Narration:
I am Kagekiyo.
Narration:
Taira-no-Kagekiyo.
Narration:
I am the one who will kill Yoritomo...
Narration:
And the one now reaping the harvest of
Yoshitsune's regret and love for him.
Ushiwakamaru:
Well, the needle guided us here.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
Are you all right, my student?
You're looking a little dizzy again.
Kiichi Hogen:
Shall I give you a piggyback ride?
Ushiwakamaru:
(Piggyback!?)
Fujimaru 1:
I'm okay, thanks.
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, if you're sure.
But don't push yourself too hard.
Ushiwakamaru:
Well, if Master doesn't want it, I'll take that piggyback ride instead!
Kiichi Hogen:
Quiet, you! Only proper students
of mine get piggyback privileges!
Benkei:
Setting...all that aside, I must say, these skyscrapers are a truly magnificent sight!
Fujimaru 2:
I thought I saw something, but I can't remember what.
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh?
Medb:
Well, if you don't remember,
there's not a whole lot we can do.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Forget the daydreams. We've got bigger things to worry about right in front of us.
Fujimaru 1:
This city is huge...
Fujimaru 2:
Are we in New York?
Benkei:
Skyscraper is certainly an apt name. Goodness.
Ushiwakamaru:
It's a beautiful sight for sure, but what could my other self be doing here?
Jason:
Probably nothing good, if the past is anything to go by. Where do we start looking?
Ushiwakamaru:
I know! Why don't we get burgers!
Jason:
Burgers!? What do you think this is, some kind of gourmet tour!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Mmm, burgers do sound good... Wait, what am I saying? Food can wait.
Kiichi Hogen:
Our first order of business is to gather information! Everyone, split up and look for Evil Ushiwaka!
All:
Right!
Section Six: To New York? (2/2)
Benkei:
Hmm. There doesn't seem to be any sign of her anywhere.
Benkei:
Not that that's any surprise at this point. She's a slippery one, isn't she?
Jason:
...
...
Cú Chulainn Alter:
What is it, Jason?
You're looking a little green around the eyes.
Jason:
That's because my eyes are green, okay!? If you mean “gills,” just say so!
Medb:
Are you feeling sick or something?
Do you need to throw up?
Jason:
I can see you edging away from me, you know! And no, I don't! I'm just sensing an aura, that's all!
Medb:
Whose aura? Medea's?
Jason:
...No, it's not her.
Her aura's kind of...sludgier.
Jason:
Almost like a really...viscous smoothie!
Ushiwakamaru:
(I wonder what would happen if I told Lady Medea he said that? Only one way to find out!)
Fujimaru 1:
(Whatever happened to warrior's mercy!?)
Ushiwakamaru:
(Nnn. All right, Master, if you say so.)
Medb:
Okay, so if it's not Medea, then what is it?
Jason:
Well, if I had to describe it...
Jason:
I'd say it's as beautiful as the Aegean Sea...
As majestic as the Colossus of Rhodes...
Jason:
As sharp as obsidian...
And as tough as titanium.
Jason:
It's a pretty incredible aura I'm sensing.
Medb:
Is that so?
Kiichi Hogen:
Hmm.
Jason:
...What? Why're you looking at me like that?
Medb:
Oh, you know. I just thought I had a pretty good idea of who you were talking about.
Kiichi Hogen:
Really? I don't have any idea. Who is it then?
Medb:
There's only one person in the whole world Jason ever praises besides himself.
Fujimaru 1:
Now that you mention it...you might be right.
Jason:
What, really? You mean you know who it is?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
You don't?
Jason:
Huh?
Affluent Person:
Aaah! What is that thing!?
Ruffian:
It's a giant! We've got a freaking giant out heeere!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Up there!
???:
!
Jason:
...Huh?
Medb:
Oh crap.
Medb:
This is as bad as Cú when he's gone full Berserker, and that's putting it mildly.
Mash:
I-I just finished analyzing him! It's hard to believe, but there's no mistaking it!
Mash:
That's Heracles blown up to colossal size!
Fujimaru 1:
He's even bigger than he was in Agartha!
Mash:
Yes, he is. He's easily big enough to be classified as a full-fledged giant now!
Medb:
A giant? Great. If I'd known we'd have to deal with one of those, I would've brought David along.
Medb:
Yup, he's basically a giant now. Great. If I'd known we'd have to deal with one of those, I would've brought David along.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Don't bother. It wouldn't have worked anyway.
Medb:
What do you mean, Cú?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
That's not just any giant. That's a giant Heracles. And I'm betting he's still got all the traits he does normally.
Kiichi Hogen:
Traits? What traits?
Kiichi Hogen:
You're telling me he's got more going for him besides the obvious size, strength, and weight?
Kiichi Hogen:
Please tell me he doesn't!
Medb:
Well, to make a long story short...he can die and come back to life up to eleven times.
Kiichi Hogen:
...Huh?
Medb:
I know, right? It sounds crazy.
Medb:
Oh, and while this isn't as big of a deal in comparison, only A-rank or higher attacks have any effect on him.
Kiichi Hogen:
You've got to be kidding me!
Jason:
I wish we were, but nope. That's just...Heracles.
Jason:
Dammit, who the hell thought it was a good idea to make him that big and get him all riled up anyway!?
Jason:
Wait, what am I saying!? I know who did it! Ugh, Evil Ushiwaka, you idiot! Do you have any idea what you've done!?
Fujimaru 1:
Any comment as our resident Heracles expert, Jason?
Fujimaru 2:
As Heracles's biggest fanboy, what do you make of the situation, Jason?
Jason:
There's no fricking way we can beat Heracles like that! I'm telling you, not a chance in hell!
Jason:
I say we just give up here and
grab a drink on the way home.
Jason:
Oh, and if your drink's alcoholic, don't forget to arrange for a designated Rayshifter first!
Benkei:
Come now, Lord Jason. Surely there must be some strategy we can use against him.
Jason:
No! No there isn't! Heracles is invincible, you hear me!? Invincible! Muahahaha!
Jason:
And now that he's so freakin' huge, I can't even imagine his sheer, destructive power!
Jason:
He truly is a king...
King Giant Heracles!
Medb:
Part of me is waiting for him to climb the Empire State Building or something...
Medb:
This is really, really bad.
Jason:
...
...
Jason:
You know, Master, I've changed my mind.
No more running away for me.
Jason:
Instead, I say we just stay here and watch him destroy the world!
Jason:
What do you think? If you can't beat 'em, watch 'em win, right!? We've got great seats!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...(Sigh)
Jason:
Yeow!
Jason:
What'd you do that for, jackass!?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Snap out of it already, moron.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
That thing might look like Heracles, but he's gone so berserk he doesn't even remember you.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
So he's not the Heracles you know anymore. Am I wrong?
Jason:
...Well... No, I guess not...
Fujimaru 1:
Please, Jason. Help us out.
Fujimaru 2:
Then will you help us think of a strategy now?
Jason:
...All right, all right. But seriously, all kidding aside, that guy is waaay out of our league.
Jason:
We can't possibly hope to defeat him just by attacking him like usual.
Medb:
Well, he's already on top of a beanstal–I mean, a tall building, right? Maybe we could demolish it, and let the fall kill him?
Jason:
Did you forget that whole traits talk already?
Jason:
Even if that worked, we'd have to repeat it eleven more times to finish him off for good.
Jason:
Do you really think he's gonna climb a skyscraper eleven times in a row?
Medb:
Okay, you've got me there.
Jason:
Heracles would be a lot harder to handle on the ground. Hell, he'd probably just swallow us whole if we got too close. Haha...
Kiichi Hogen:
Swallow us whole...
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
That's it!
Ushiwakamaru:
It looks like you and I just had the same idea, Mentor.
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara! You too, huh, Shana-oh?
Kiichi Hogen:
That's right. There's long been a traditional way to kill giants and oni, and it doesn't require a blade.
Kiichi Hogen:
All you need is a single needle!
Ushiwakamaru:
But Mentor, don't we need the
Mallet of Fortune for this plan?
Kiichi Hogen:
Hahahaha! Not at all!
Kiichi Hogen:
I might not be able to make people grow, but I can make them shrink easily enough.
Medb:
Huh? Hold on. What is it you're planning, exactly?
Kiichi Hogen:
Allow me to explain!
Kiichi Hogen:
First, I cast a spell that will make us all tiny!
Medb:
Okay.
Kiichi Hogen:
Second, we jump into that Heracles guy's mouth!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Right.
Kiichi Hogen:
Third, we split up!
Jason:
You want us to split up AGAIN!? And there, of all places!? Isn't that exactly where we should be working together!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Ideally, sure, but it's not that simple.
Kiichi Hogen:
Once we get in, we still have to figure out how we can defeat him, being tiny and all.
Kiichi Hogen:
In fairy tales, heroes would kill giants this way by stabbing their stomachs with a needle, passing through their eyes, and so on...
Kiichi Hogen:
But we don't yet know if that giant there has any of those weaknesses.
Kiichi Hogen:
That's why I'm going to trust all of you to figure out exactly what needs to be done to beat him!
Kiichi Hogen:
Once we do that, then we work together to execute our new strategy. Makes sense, right?
Medb:
It's a completely insane idea, but it could work...
Medb:
Are you going to be okay coming along with us, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Honestly, it sounds like fun!
Medb:
Ahahahaha, you have a real reckless side to you, don't you, Master? I like it!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Oh, come on...
Fujimaru 2:
No problems here!
Jason:
[♂ He's /♀️ She's] not thinking about how we're gonna
get out of Heracles later at all, is [♂ he /♀️ she]?
Ushiwakamaru:
That's our Master for you!
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, everyone, let's go climb that building and pay the big guy a visit!
==ARROW==
Medb:
Ugh, this sucks!
Medb:
When you said we'd be making our way up, I thought you meant we'd be taking the elevator, not the stairs!
Ushiwakamaru:
Hmph. Seems to me like a perfect opportunity to make up for all the exercise you haven't been getting.
Medb:
That's a concern for flabby people, not me. Got it?
Ushiwakamaru:
Hmph.
Medb:
Harrumph.
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
(I never thought I'd see Shana-oh
of all people making friends.)
Kiichi Hogen:
I never thought I'd see Shana-oh
of all people making friends.
Both:
What was that!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Whoops. I didn't realize I was thinking out loud.
Medb:
What in the world are you talking about?
Ushiwakamaru:
Mentor.
Ushiwakamaru:
To be completely honest, I've always considered myself something of a genius...
Ushiwakamaru:
But I have no idea what you just said.
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, let's just say I'm just watching out for you, like a parent would.
Kiichi Hogen:
You may have been summoned to this world as a Heroic Spirit, but you're still you.
Kiichi Hogen:
And it's not at all easy to find people who will accept you just as you are.
Kiichi Hogen:
I know you have Benkei and Shizuka,
but that's not the same as–
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
...Well, my point is, you found someone you like, and who likes you back.
Kiichi Hogen:
You have friends.
Kiichi Hogen:
And while I don't know much about the intricacies of being human, I do know that having friends is a healthy, happy, beautiful thing.
Kiichi Hogen:
That's why I can't help but be glad you were summoned to Chaldea!
Medb:
That's great, except you're forgetting one little detail: WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!
Ushiwakamaru:
Exactly!
Ushiwakamaru:
I'd sooner run down the slopes of Hiyodorigoe than be friends with...with...her!
Fujimaru 1:
So you're saying there's a chance.
Ushiwakamaru:
Not you too, Master!?
Medb:
At any rate, she and I being friends is completely out of the question!
Medb:
Anyway, never mind all that! We're here now!
Ushiwakamaru:
G-good. Then let's just focus on Heracles now!
Kiichi Hogen:
Good, this roof should work nicely.
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, here's the plan.
Kiichi Hogen:
We all jump at his mouth together, then I'll make you all Issun Boushi-sized before we land inside it.
Benkei:
Wouldn't it be better for you to shrink us before we jump? That would reduce the odds of him spotting us, too.
Ushiwakamaru:
Don't be an idiot, Benkei.
Ushiwakamaru:
We'll never be able to jump that distance if Mentor shrinks us down beforehand.
Ushiwakamaru:
Besides, we want him to notice us! That way, he'll be looking right at us, so it'll be easier to land in his mouth.
Kiichi Hogen:
Exactly.
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, I'm going to cast a spell that will carry you all over to him!
Kiichi Hogen:
The heavenly drums ring, but not with thunder.
Kiichi Hogen:
The tengu streaks through the night like a shooting star!
Kiichi Hogen:
Come forth, gales of a stormy night!
Rain down, fires of hell!
Kiichi Hogen:
Now flap and flap until you've flown far, far away!
Heracles:
!
Fujimaru 1:
He's seen us!
Kiichi Hogen:
Well sure he has. Anyone would notice such a huge surge of magical energy so close to them!
Kiichi Hogen:
But it's too late for him to do anything about it now! Go on then, shrink down!
Kiichi Hogen:
Make way for Issun Boushi!
Medb:
Aah! That tickles!
Medb:
Also, hang on. Now that I think about it, why am I jumping into Heracles's stomach with the rest of you!?
Medb:
Groooss! I don't want to get stomach acid on me!
Jason:
Shoulda thought of that sooner!
Jason:
Sorry about this, Heracles, but we're coming in!
Fujimaru 1:
So this is what Heracles looks like on the inside!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Huh, looks like it's a whole other world in here!
Kiichi Hogen:
Well, it's at least better than going through an actual stomach. Come on, everyone, let's get moving!
Jason:
What was that!?
Kiichi Hogen:
I guess since there's a whole world inside Heracles now, there are also demons and monsters to populate it?
Kiichi Hogen:
Looks like we'll just have to do the big guy a favor and take care of them so they don't give him heartburn!
==ARROW==
Medb:
Gah! This thing just vented nasty...stuff at me!
Kiichi Hogen:
Not to worry. My magecraft is keeping us safe!
Medb:
I don't even want to think about what kind of damage this place is doing to my psyche! Ugh, let's just get this over with!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
So where do we go now?
Ushiwakamaru:
...Master, this way!
Ushiwakamaru:
The needle is reacting to something!
Ushiwakamaru:
Maybe this means I–I mean, Evil Ushiwaka is here, too?
Kiichi Hogen:
It's hard to believe that could be the case...
Kiichi Hogen:
But given how the needle is reacting, there may well be something that came from the Mallet of Fortune in here.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Then we just gotta take care of whatever that something is.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Come on, Medb. You want to get this over with, right?
Medb:
Okay, okay! Come on, Master, let's go.
Jason:
...Well, if anything in here's causing this mess,
it's got to be that guy.
Medb:
He's definitely raring to go, isn't he?
Medb:
Is it just me, or is it really weird that we're about to fight Heracles in his own stomach?
Benkei:
It should make for quite the tale of derring-do!
Medb:
I was not ready for today...
Medb:
If word got out that a queen of my caliber was sneaking around in someone else's stomach, I'd never live it down!
Jason:
Welp, that's Heracles we're fighting, so I'm out. But hey, I can still wish you all good luck! So, good luck!
Ushiwakamaru:
Ugh, you're nothing if not consistent, huh!
All right, Master, let's do this!
Ushiwakamaru:
Prepare to witness my tiny soldier mode!
==ARROW==
Heracles?:
...
...
Jason:
Whoa, we actually beat him!? Then again, I guess that makes sense, since he wasn't the real Heracles!
Kiichi Hogen:
We need to get out of here before Heracles returns to his normal size!
Fujimaru 1:
Then let's go already!
Kiichi Hogen:
Right. Hold on to me tightly, Master of Chaldea!
Kiichi Hogen:
Phew. That was definitely our toughest fight so far!
Ushiwakamaru:
Ugh, I can't believe how much trouble I'm causing.
What in the world could I be thinking!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Huh? What's happening to the needle!?
Medb:
What's going on here!?
Mash:
Do you read me, Master?
We're picking up a Singularity.
Mash:
I mean, that's not to say all the other places you've been to haven't been Singularities as well...
Mash:
But we're detecting a new one and its signal is much stronger than the others.
Jason:
And I guess this hole we're looking at is the heart of the thing.
Mash:
That distortion in space appears to be a door to somewhere else entirely.
Ushiwakamaru:
The needle's never reacted this strongly before.
This must mean–
Fujimaru 1:
Evil Ushiwaka's on the other side?
Kiichi Hogen:
I think so. My instincts are all telling me that's where we'll find her.
Kiichi Hogen:
I guess this hole leads to wherever we need to go so we can finally settle this.
Kiichi Hogen:
Maybe now we'll see what this Evil Ushiwaka, aka the other Shana-oh, has been planning all along.
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, everyone, let's get going!
Kiichi Hogen:
And don't worry, Master of Chaldea.
Whatever happens, I'll make sure to keep you safe!
Ushiwakamaru:
But that's MY job! Mentooor!
Section Seven: To Kamakura
Narration:
I am hatred.
Narration:
I am endless fury.
Narration:
I am undying hellfire.
Narration:
I am...
Narration:
Kagekiyo.
Narration:
Part of me is Genji; part of me is Taira.
Narration:
But both parts are of the same mind.
Narration:
So come, and let us proceed together.
Narration:
Take my hand.
Narration:
And now.
Narration:
Now!
Narration:
We are off to Kamakura!
Narration:
It is time to kill your brother, Yoshitsune!
Fujimaru 1:
So where are we now?
Ushiwakamaru:
Kamakura!?
Ushiwakamaru:
I'd recognize this place anywhere, Master.
Ushiwakamaru:
It may not be the way I remember it, but every cell in my body is telling me this is Kamakura.
Ushiwakamaru:
I even sense my brother here!
Benkei:
Lord Ushiwakamaru...
Mash:
Ushiwakamaru is right. Your current coordinates put you in Kamakura, in the southern part of Japan's Kantou area.
Jason:
Kamakura?
Medb:
What could you–I mean, Evil Ushiwaka be doing here? This place means a lot to you, right, Ushiwakamaru?
Medb:
So Evil Ushiwaka probably didn't just end up here by happenstance...
Kiichi Hogen:
Right. This was almost certainly her ultimate destination all along.
Kiichi Hogen:
As for what it is she could be doing here...
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm guessing she wants to destroy the place.
Fujimaru 1:
Destroy it? Why?
Kiichi Hogen:
Remember, Evil Ushiwaka began acting independently–not as Ushiwakamaru or Shana-oh, but as Yoshitsune.
Kiichi Hogen:
So it's no surprise that she might want to crush Kamakura, given how much she hated it when she was alive.
Ushiwakamaru:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
There's only one thing I don't understand. Singularities basically let you go back in time, right?
Kiichi Hogen:
So if she wanted to destroy Kamakura, I would've thought she'd try to do so while Yoritomo was still alive.
Kiichi Hogen:
But this Kamakura looks like it's pretty close to the present day.
Mash:
Well, it is fairly common for minute Singularities to manifest in modern times, so I don't think that's too strange, but still...
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, so that's common? I see.
Kiichi Hogen:
Maybe she just didn't have enough magical energy to turn back time, even with the Mallet of Fortune?
Kiichi Hogen:
If so, maybe she just decided she'd settle for destroying a more modern Kamakura?
???:
You're wrong, Kiichi Hogen.
Ushiwakamaru:
!
Medb:
There she is.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Finally. It's about goddamn time.
Kiichi Hogen:
Oho!
Kiichi Hogen:
So you finally decided to show yourself, Shana-oh!
Ushiwakamaru?:
True, I do detest Kamakura.
Ushiwakamaru?:
Overseer Yoshitsune met her end there when her brother, Yoritomo, betrayed her.
Ushiwakamaru?:
That gives me ample reason to despise it.
Ushiwakamaru:
Huh?
Kiichi Hogen:
(Why is she talking like she and Yoshitsune are different people?)
Ushiwakamaru?:
But first...I'm starting with you, Master of Chaldea.
Medb:
What the heck's going on here!?
Mash:
The whole ground is giving off magical energy! It must be directly accessing a leyline! Please be careful, everyone!
Ushiwakamaru?:
This is a trap I have been laying with the Mallet of Fortune! Soon, all of Kamakura will become a land of nightmares!
Ushiwakamaru?:
Do you still not realize the truth, Chaldeans!?
Ushiwakamaru?:
None of the places you have visited
thus far have been real.
Ushiwakamaru?:
You've been in Kamakura this whole time!
Jason:
Huh!?
Ushiwakamaru?:
They have all been games I was playing, ways to practice this spell and prepare this land for its nightmarish transformation!
Ushiwakamaru?:
The first place you visited was not France,
but Futokoro-jima.
Ushiwakamaru?:
The second place you visited was not Csejte,
but Nuhama.
Ushiwakamaru?:
The third place you visited was not Australia,
but Enoshima.
Ushiwakamaru?:
The fourth place you visited was not the Mediterranean sky, but Awafune.
Ushiwakamaru?:
The fifth place you visited was not New York,
but Kanazawa.
Ushiwakamaru?:
I gave each of these five places near Kamakura unique characteristics...
Ushiwakamaru?:
...and lured Chaldean Servants in to occupy them.
Mash:
...!
Mash:
So that's why there was always a small delay whenever we tried to determine your location in that minute Singularity...
Ushiwakamaru?:
Hehe.
Jason:
I...don't get it. Why go to so much trouble?
Ushiwakamaru?:
I've told you already. To prepare.
Ushiwakamaru?:
Thanks to these five bouts of playtime, I've finally learned the trick to using the mallet's full power.
Ushiwakamaru?:
And now, I have used it to transform Kamakura into a land of nightmares.
Ushiwakamaru?:
Now, this land imbues all who intrude upon it with a particular trait!
Medb:
Trait? What trait?
Kiichi Hogen:
I imagine it's something that'll give her attacks greater potency. Am I right, Evil Ushiwaka?
Ushiwakamaru?:
Indeed you are.
Ushiwakamaru?:
You are now all targets of my wrath.
Ushiwakamaru?:
And no Genji can hope to escape my wrath...
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, yes, we get it! Ugh, what's gotten into you, Shana-oh!? You were never this conniving when I taught you!
Ushiwakamaru:
That's because whoever that is, they're not me, Mentor!
Ushiwakamaru:
They may look like me, but they're not!
I would never do anything to harm Master!
Ushiwakamaru:
Who are you really, you scheming coward!?
Ushiwakamaru?:
Heh. Hehehehe!
Ushiwakamaru?:
So, you saw right through me, Ushiwakamaru.
Or rather, fragment of Ushiwakamaru!
Ushiwakamaru?:
Indeed, I am both Yoshitsune and not Yoshitsune.
Ushiwakamaru?:
I am hatred incarnate, and my sole purpose is to take revenge on every last Genji.
Ushiwakamaru?:
My True Name is Taira-no-Kagekiyo!
==ARROW==
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
My True Name is Taira-no-Kagekiyo!
Fujimaru 1:
Taira-no-Kagekiyo!
Fujimaru 1:
You're a vengeful ghost who's merged with Ushiwakamaru–or rather, with Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Oho.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
So, you have already met me once before. How odd.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I see. That explains it.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I thought it was odd that I felt so at home here in Yoshitsune's Spirit Origin, but now, it all makes sense.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
We've merged at least once before. That bond must have remained, even if this Spirit Origin retained no record of it.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Fascinating!
Mash:
Taira-no-Kagekiyo... As I recall, they were a legendary samurai for the Kanmu Heishi around the end of the Heian period.
Mash:
They despise the Genji clan for deposing the Taira clan and establishing the shogunate, and they're hell-bent on taking revenge on Minamoto-no-Yoritomo in particular.
Mash:
There are a great many legends about them, but I think the most outlandish has to be the one about their immortality.
Mash:
I don't know what sort of magecraft mechanism they employed, but it's said that not even cutting off Taira-no-Kagekiyo's head was enough to stop them from coming back to life.
Jason:
What, are they some kind of immortal Heroic Spirit!?
Benkei:
Nn...
Medb:
So why's someone like that walking around wearing Ushiwakamaru's face–er, her whole Spirit Origin?
Medb:
Are we just looking at a combination of two Heroic Spirits or something?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, I see what's going on now. So that's the Taira-no-Kagekiyo spoken of in countless legends, huh?
Kiichi Hogen:
And while there are many legends about them, there are also quite a few about Yoshitsune.
Kiichi Hogen:
Despite belonging to the Taira and Genji clans respectively, you both have a lot in common.
Kiichi Hogen:
The only difference is that there's less substance to Taira-no-Kagekiyo in the legends than there is to Ushiwakamaru, no?
Mash:
Y-yes, that's right.
Mash:
While the Palace Guard Akushichi Kagekiyo depicted in “The Tale of the Heike” might have truly existed...
Mash:
...the Taira-no-Kagekiyo depicted in the legends of Kagekiyo was born more from fiction than historical events.
Kiichi Hogen:
While it's not unusual for details about a Heroic Spirit to be scarce...
Kiichi Hogen:
I get the sense that you never even possessed a body of your own, Kagekiyo.
Kiichi Hogen:
Let me guess. You're more of a ghost or a vengeful spirit than a Heroic Spirit, aren't you?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
I knew it. And now, for some reason, you've shown up and possessed my student!
Fujimaru 1:
How did he end up possessing Ushiwakamaru?
Kiichi Hogen:
Taira-no-Kagekiyo.
Kiichi Hogen:
You mean to completely take over Shana-oh–no, Yoshitsune's Spirit Origin for yourself, don't you?
Kiichi Hogen:
That's why you went to all this trouble of changing Kamakura into a nightmare land...
Kiichi Hogen:
A place that turns any who set
foot in it into your quarry!
Kiichi Hogen:
At first, I thought you were doing this so you could kill me...but it seems your true target is the Master of Chaldea.
Ushiwakamaru:
...
Fujimaru 1:
...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Correct.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Yoshitsune's Spirit Origin is a real wonder.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Were I to properly fuse with it, I have no doubt I could carry out my life's work.
Fujimaru 1:
You mean, eradicating the Genji.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Indeed.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Once I have slaughtered every last Genji across every period of time...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...both Yoshitsune's revenge and my own will at last be complete.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
However...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
This Yoshitsune Spirit Origin derived from the Heroic Spirit Ushiwakamaru has proved quite stubborn.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Even now, it continues to prattle on about how it refuses to aid me.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Which is why I have no choice but to shatter its soul and break its spirit.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
And to do that, I must kill the one Yoshitsune–that is, Ushiwakamaru of Chaldea–thinks of as she once did Yoritomo.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I speak, of course, of you: the Master of Chaldea.
Fujimaru 1:
...
Kiichi Hogen:
I see. Kind of like how a loyal dog loses its way after losing its master.
Kiichi Hogen:
You expect that if Shana-oh were to lose her Master now...
Kiichi Hogen:
...her soul would vanish instantly, leaving her body empty.
Jason:
That, in turn, would give you a chance to completely take it over, hm?
Medb:
Talk about dirty, underhanded tactics.
Mash:
W-wait! Think about it!
Mash:
Without a Master anchoring them to this world, nearly every Heroic Spirit currently materialized will disappear!
Mash:
Surely you don't want that to happen...right?
Kiichi Hogen:
You're forgetting something, Mash. Remember, she still has the Mallet of Fortune.
Mash:
!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...I wasn't planning on revealing this much, but no matter. At least it should save me some time.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Anyway, now that the explanations are over...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Let me ask you this, Master of Chaldea.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
It would be all too easy to kill you now.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
However...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
It would also be a waste.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
For you see, this Spirit Origin still recognizes you as its Master. So I am offering you a deal.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
If you agree to serve me, I will spare your life.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
If you refuse...you will die, here and now.
Fujimaru 1:
I'm sorry, but I still have to refuse.
Fujimaru 2:
No. What you're doing is wrong, and I can't be part of it.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I see.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Then, it seems I have no choice but to kill–
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh no you don't!
Kiichi Hogen:
You're not laying a finger on [♂ him /♀️ her]!
[♂ He /♀️ She] belongs to me!
Fujimaru 1:
Huh?
Fujimaru 1:
Mentor?
Kiichi Hogen:
That's right. [♂ He /♀️ She] may be no more than a student of
mine right now...but I've already grown quite fond of [♂ him /♀️ her].
Kiichi Hogen:
In fact, I'm already thinking of adopting or taking
[♂ him /♀️ her] as my bride one day!
Kiichi Hogen:
So there's no way in hell I'm letting the likes
of you kill [♂ him /♀️ her]!
Jason:
Huh?
Medb:
Bride? [♂ Don't you mean "groom" /♀️ Did you just say "bride"]?
Ushiwakamaru:
What are you saying, Mentor!?
Have you lost your mind!?
Kiichi Hogen:
What do you mean? Besides, I saw [♂ him /♀️ her] first.
Jason:
You “saw [♂ him /♀️ her] first”!? What do you think [♂ he /♀️ she] is, some
kind of toy!? Well, guess I know where Ushiwaka gets her crazy from!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...Heh.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
That was quite funny, Kiichi Hogen. It seems you truly are one of history's greatest teachers.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Apparently, you are a master of comedy as well. Hehe. Then I suppose it's only right I return the favor!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
All of you!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Prepare to meet your end!
==ARROW==
Medb:
Ugh, they just keep coming!
Ushiwakamaru:
Dammit, where are all these crow tengu coming from!?
Kiichi Hogen:
It's the Mallet of Fortune! Neither Kagekiyo nor Yoshitsune could command tengu without it!
Jason:
Never mind that! How do we stop them!?
Benkei:
We can't even reach Kagekiyo like this, much less harm her! Then again, if we do harm her, I fear what may become of Lord Ushiwakamaru.
Ushiwakamaru:
I'm right here, Benkei.
Benkei:
Yes, I know that!
Benkei:
But you are only a fragment of your true Spirit Origin...
Benkei:
And unfortunately, Kagekiyo there still possesses the rest of it!
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Kiichi Hogen:
...All right, I suppose there's no point in keeping this secret any longer.
Kiichi Hogen:
I already took on a new student, which isn't exactly an everyday thing for me, so I'd hoped to save my other name for a different, special occasion.
Kiichi Hogen:
I wanted to stretch this out as much as I could so that when did finally reveal it, it'd be a huge and delightful surprise!
Kiichi Hogen:
But with the way things are going, I guess there's no time like the present!
Kiichi Hogen:
Mallet of Fortune!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Return to my side!
Kiichi Hogen:
Gotcha!
Jason:
What just happened!?
Benkei:
The mallet just flew out of Kagekiyo's pocket and into Lady Kiichi's hand!
Kiichi Hogen:
Of course! This is my wish granter, after all, so it's only right that it would come back to me!
Kiichi Hogen:
Besides, who do you think I am, anyway!?
Kiichi Hogen:
I am blazing firelight that pierces the heavens like a pillar of flame.
Kiichi Hogen:
The heavenly drums ring, but not with thunder!
Kiichi Hogen:
The tengu streaks through the night like a shooting star!
Kiichi Hogen:
I am one of the greatest onmyouji and swordfighters of all time, and I reveal to you now that Kiichi Hogen is only a transitory name!
Kiichi Hogen:
In truth, I am Soujoubou, the Buddhist high priest of Mt. Kurama and king of the tengu. I alone command legions!
Kiichi Hogen:
My other name is Kurama Tengu, and I am the greatest and most powerful tengu in all of Japan!
==ARROW==
Kiichi Hogen:
I am one of the greatest onmyouji and swordfighters of all time, and I reveal to you now that Kiichi Hogen is only a transitory name!
Kiichi Hogen:
In truth, I am Soujoubou, the Buddhist high priest of Mt. Kurama and king of the tengu. I alone command legions!
Kiichi Hogen:
My other name is Kurama Tengu, and I am the greatest and most powerful tengu in all of Japan!
Fujimaru 1:
A tengu!
Fujimaru 2:
You mean you were a tengu all along, Mentor!?
Medb:
I knew it!
Benkei:
Then, the proposal earlier that seemed to come out of left field...
Benkei:
...was actually for an interspecies marriage straight out of mythology!
Kiichi Hogen:
Yup! That's right!
Kiichi Hogen:
The Mallet of Fortune is one of my most secret treasures!
Kiichi Hogen:
Of course it would return to me of its own volition!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...But only if you revealed your identity first?
Kiichi Hogen:
Urk.
Jason:
Ohhh, okay. I was wondering why you chose now of all times to reveal something like that.
Jason:
Now it makes more sense.
Kiichi Hogen:
Ghh.
Benkei:
Hmm. I suppose it was still important that we go after Lord Ushiwakamaru...
Benkei:
But if you can summon the mallet back to you like that, couldn't you have done so much earlier?
Benkei:
It certainly seems like something you should be able to do even from a great distance...
Kiichi Hogen:
Ghhhhhh.
Kiichi Hogen:
I-I just thought I would see what Chaldea was capable of, since Shana-oh seems so comfortable there!
Kiichi Hogen:
Waaah! Don't make me spell it all out!
Ushiwakamaru:
Mentor...
Ushiwakamaru:
I've never seen you on the defensive like this! What an amazing day this has turned out to be!
Kiichi Hogen:
Shut up, Shana-oh! No piggyback ride for you! Ever!
Fujimaru 1:
Now, now, let's all just take it easy, okay?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
My, my. What a lovely sight to see you all laughing and getting along so well on the battlefield...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Is that the sentiment you were hoping for?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
If anything, you've only made me angrier! Have you forgotten what I've done to Kamakura!?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I don't need any more crow tengu to fight my battles! I'll kill the Master of Chaldea and all the rest of you myself!
Kiichi Hogen:
No you WON'T!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
You bitch!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
That was the mallet...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
What did you just do to me, Kiichi Hogen!?
No... Soujoubou of Mt. Kurama!
Kiichi Hogen:
Make a wish.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
What...?
Kiichi Hogen:
Make a wish!
Kiichi Hogen:
Now that I've hit you with the mallet,
the seed has been firmly planted!
Kiichi Hogen:
If you want to return to your old self, then kick Kagekiyo's ass and take back your Spirit Origin!
Kiichi Hogen:
Do you hear me, Shana-oh–No, Ushiwakamaru!?
Ushiwakamaru:
I hear you, Mentor!
Kiichi Hogen:
Not you, Shana-oh! The other you!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
So you are speaking to this Yoshitsune, Tengu? Pathetic.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I am hatred incarnate.
My only purpose is to eradicate the Genji.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Thus, Yoshitsune belongs to me,
for she too burns with hatred.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
She will never be able to leave me.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
We both detest Yoritomo.
We both despise the Genji.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
It was the intense enmity radiating from this Spirit Origin that called to me in the first place.
Kiichi Hogen:
...
...
Medb:
...Oh, for...
Medb:
This is so pitiful I can hardly stand it. Is that all you care about? Grudges and killing?
Medb:
Just look at me. I'm Medb, the queen of Connacht.
Medb:
After I spent my life indulging in endless pleasure and freedom, I ended up dying as a miserable husk of rage and resentment.
Medb:
But so what?
Medb:
No matter how tainted I may become,
I still want to be beautiful.
Medb:
That's who I am. That's what it means to be me.
Medb:
What about you, Ushiwakamaru?
What does it mean to be you?
Ushiwakamaru:
Well, I suppose–
Medb:
Quiet, I'm talking. This is for the other Ushiwakamaru.
Medb:
Listen, Ushiwakamaru, or Yoshitsune,
or whatever your name is.
Medb:
As much as I really, really hate to admit it, that body of yours is something to be proud of.
Medb:
Seriously, it's pissing me off...
But never mind that now.
Medb:
My point is, while your personality may completely suck, you are rocking one of the best warrior bodies I've ever seen.
Medb:
So how long are you going to let this Kagekiyo person possess you? If you don't kick them out soon, I'm going to have to beat your ass and do it myself.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...Hmph.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
It doesn't matter what you say. It won't make any... ...Nn...nnn...nn...?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Th...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Thank you...Lady Medb...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Impossible! Was that you, Yoshitsune!? Are you trying to take your Spirit Origin back from me!?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Impossible... Impossible! This cannot be happening!
Jason:
We're almost there! She just needs another nudge!
Ushiwakamaru:
Master!
Fujimaru 1:
I'm on it!
Fujimaru 1:
Come back to us, Ushiwakamaru!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo?:
Mas...ter...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo?:
I... I...
Benkei:
Now, Lord Ushiwakamaru!
Ushiwakamaru:
Oh yes! You'd better believe I'm not going to miss this chance!
Ushiwakamaru:
Yoshitsune! My other self who lost her way and wounded up combining with Kagekiyo! It's time we became one again!
Ushiwakamaru:
You and I are both Ushiwakamaru, Shana-oh,
and Overseer Yoshitsune!
Ushiwakamaru:
And what's more...
Ushiwakamaru:
We are our Master's Servant,
and loyal to [♂ him /♀️ her] alone!
Ushiwakamaru:
...
Ushiwakamaru:
...I'm sorry for all the trouble
I've caused you, everyone.
Ushiwakamaru:
But I'm my old self again!
Kiichi Hogen:
There you go! Now that's more like it, my idiot student!
Kiichi Hogen:
Once this is all over, I'll give you as many piggyback rides as you want! Kanra kara kara!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...I...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...failed...?
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
But how? That Spirit Origin was perfect for me!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
It shouldn't have been possible for it to reawaken like this...
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
...let alone drive me out!
Benkei:
Why does Kagekiyo still look like Lord Yoshitsune?
Ushiwakamaru:
I'm afraid I wasn't able to take all of my Spirit Origin back. She's still got a little piece of it.
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Give it back! That Spirit Origin belongs to me!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
I don't have a Spirit Origin of my own...
I need that one to eradicate the Genji!
Ushiwakamaru:
No.
Ushiwakamaru:
I refuse to let you have so much as a fraction of my Spirit Origin. Only my Master can command it.
Ushiwakamaru:
You have no claim on it, Taira-no-Kagekiyo!
Taira-no-Kagekiyo:
Curse yooouuu!
Jason:
Aw crap, that's a big one!
Benkei:
Is that...Taira-no-Kagekiyo's spirit body leaking out of Lord Yoshitsune's Spirit Origin!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Get ready, everyone! This is gonna be a tough one!
But first...
Jason:
Whoa!
Benkei:
Oho!
Cú Chulainn Alter:
...That's more like it. Come on. Let's do this.
Medb:
Cú!
Ushiwakamaru:
It seems all are present and accounted for. Excellent! Then let's get to it!
Fujimaru 1:
Time to exorcise this spirit!
Ushiwakamaru:
Yes, Master! And I, the real Ushiwakamaru, shall help you send it on its way!
==ARROW==
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Ah...ah...
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Yoshitsune...
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Ushiwaka...
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Ah...ahh... Ahhhhhh...
Narration:
When was it?
Narration:
When was it that I first laid eyes on you?
Narration:
Was I alone back then?
Were there two of us? Perhaps a few hundred?
Narration:
If nothing else, I'm certain there couldn't have been more than a thousand.
Narration:
...But never mind me. This is about you.
Narration:
You were always alone. Always.
Narration:
You were alone when the Taira clan took you and your mother in, and kept you by Lord Kiyomori's side.
Narration:
You were alone even when you were with your mother,
and when you were with Lord Kiyomori.
Narration:
And of course, being around us Taira soldiers didn't change that fact, either.
Narration:
You never smiled. You never cried. Even as a child, your beautiful face was always devoid of emotion.
Narration:
There was an unusual air about you, different from the unsettling nature of the children working as servants.
Narration:
Around the time you gave up your childhood name, I remember hearing you had been sent to train at the temple on Mt. Kurama.
Narration:
I never thought we would meet again.
Narration:
But then, one day...
Narration:
I happened to see you at the house
of a well-known Kyo onmyouji.
Narration:
You were speaking with her, and you seemed so bright and cheerful.
Narration:
This same onmyouji had a reputation for being difficult, and had refused Lord Kiyomori's invitations for years on end. Yet there you were, speaking so comfortably.
Narration:
“Mentor! Mentor!”
Narration:
“Oh, it's you, Shana-oh.”
Narration:
“Back again, are you? Good grief...”
Narration:
“Yes, I'm back again! And I'm going to keep coming back every day until I've learned everything you have to teach me!”
Narration:
“You're a stubborn one, aren't you?
How many times has it been now?”
Narration:
“You really ought to visit somewhere other than my home now and then.”
Narration:
“This is why you don't have any friends.”
Narration:
“But I have you, don't I, Mentor?”
Narration:
“No. You can't rely on me to be your friend.”
Narration:
“I'm really not supposed to get too involved with humans from this world.”
Narration:
“?”
Narration:
“I'm sure there's a lot you still don't understand,
so for now, I'll just say this.”
Narration:
“Make friends, Shana-oh. Friends and allies. You shouldn't be all alone.”
Narration:
The onmyouji was right.
Narration:
I could see why they were said to be one of the greatest teachers ever, and why numerous emperors had entrusted some of Japan's national treasures to their protection.
Narration:
Listen to the onmyouji, child.
You shouldn't be alone.
Narration:
You're better off being with someone else.
After all, when you were with the onmyouji...
Narration:
...you smiled. A true, genuine smile.
Narration:
Some time later...
Narration:
I heard that you had joined your brother, Yoritomo, in the east, and that you were now one of the Taira clan's sworn enemies.
Narration:
Ahh. I had hoped that day would never come,
but alas, come it had!
Narration:
I donned my armor, readied my sword, and headed out to battle, hoping our paths would never cross.
Narration:
And then...
Narration:
I died, my head severed.
Narration:
I died, pierced by many arrows.
Narration:
I died, set ablaze.
Narration:
I died, cleaved in two.
Narration:
I died, drowned at sea.
Narration:
I...
Narration:
I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
I, I, I, I, I, I, I...
Narration:
...died...
Narration:
I died, I died, I died, I died, I died, I died,
I died, I died, I died, I died, I died, I died.
Narration:
We died, died, died died died died died died died–
Narration:
...
...
Narration:
...Hatred.
Narration:
You made a name for yourself as a Genji general,
killing us by the dozens.
Narration:
You took head after head, general of the Genji. You killed us with arrows, fire, swords, and by drowning us at sea.
Narration:
The Genji slaughtered us all.
Brave, wise, weak, young...
Narration:
They killed without mercy.
Narration:
Now I see. So this is how the children of Genji repay the mercy Lord Kiyomori showed them.
Narration:
Curse you, Minamoto-no-Yoritomo.
Curse you, leader of the Genji!
Narration:
Curse you, Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune–murderous young warrior, sibling of Yoritomo!
Narration:
Loathsome. Despicable. Abhorrent. Detestable.
Narration:
Vengeance will be ours!
Narration:
We will watch over you.
We will see what becomes of you loathsome Genji.
Narration:
We will watch over you, and see what end befalls Yoritomo and you, Yoshitsune.
Narration:
Until that time comes,
we will carry the hatred of the entire Taira clan.
Narration:
Then, at the plains of Oushu.
Narration:
At last...
Narration:
I–We, watched as you met your end.
Narration:
Even as Benkei, the unrivaled warrior monk, cut down wave after wave of Fujiwara-no-Yasuhira's soldiers...
Narration:
...it was clear which way the winds were blowing.
Narration:
Countless arrows rained down upon the warrior monk as he defended the residence where you had taken shelter.
Narration:
And there, inside that residence...
Narration:
Ahh. This is it. You're finally going to die.
Narration:
You, our hated rival, who has slaughtered us by the hundreds. You, the frenzied blade of the Genji responsible for our destruction.
Narration:
And now, your life ebbs away here–betrayed by your fellow Genji...your brother Yoritomo deaf to your pleas.
Narration:
Listen to me, child. Listen to me, young warrior.
Narration:
Listen to me, Yoshitsune.
Narration:
Join me.
Narration:
Come with me.
Narration:
Come to the other side.
Come with me to hell.
Narration:
I will wait for you there.
Narration:
I am vengeance.
Narration:
I am the wrath of the Taira clan.
Narration:
I am an evil shadow...a shadowy evil blade. I am the avatar of the leader of the Taira clan, Lord Kiyomori's fury.
Narration:
I am each and every soldier of the Taira clan,
and I am the clan itself.
Narration:
I am Kagekiyo. Taira-no-Kagekiyo.
That is our–my, name!
Narration:
Child. Young warrior.
Narration:
Yoshitsune.
Narration:
I have seen you meet your miserable end, and I will see the Taira clan's vengeance upon the Genji realized.
Narration:
I will kill Yoritomo.
Narration:
All I ask of you...
Narration:
...is to open your mouth and shout until your throat is raw and bloody.
Narration:
Shout your hatred for Yoritomo, your brother! Scream to the heavens that you will never forgive the Genji!
Narration:
Let your final words be a malediction, and I, Kagekiyo...
Narration:
...will take you with me.
Narration:
I will take you on my journey to eradicate every last member of the Genji.
Narration:
So go on, Yoshitsune.
Narration:
Shout.
Shout.
Narration:
Please, shout!
Narration:
...But you never did.
Narration:
I thought I heard something from inside the residence where you had taken shelter, now surrounded by soldiers...
Narration:
But it was nothing like a cry of hatred.
Narration:
It wasn't a voice.
It wasn't a sound.
Narration:
It wasn't even words.
Narration:
Instead...
Narration:
It was the sound of tears. Tears of love–tears that wished for someone else's happiness.
Narration:
I lost you that day, Yoshitsune.
Narration:
I was unable to acquire you for myself.
Narration:
I took form as Kagekiyo thirty-seven times with the goal of taking Yoritomo's life...
Narration:
...and every one of those times,
I failed to kill him or the Genji.
Narration:
In time, I faded into the shadows of history.
Narration:
Then, many years later.
Narration:
After the Genpei War, and the Taira clan's grudge had faded into the distant past...
Narration:
Something impossible happened.
Narration:
The Mallet of Fortune! A wish granter!
Narration:
Is this a dream? Am I hallucinating?
Narration:
You, Yoshitsune, had reappeared in this world after hundreds of years. Well, not you exactly, but a variant of Ushiwakamaru, the Heroic Spirit.
Narration:
But even so, it was still you, Yoshitsune.
I'd recognize you anywhere.
Narration:
This time, I will not lose you.
This time, you will be mine.
Narration:
With you, I am certain I can accomplish my goal.
Narration:
Together, we can kill Yoritomo.
Together, we can kill the Genji.
Narration:
If neither of them are around now,
we can simply look for new ones.
Narration:
Yoshitsune. Ahh, Yoshitsune.
Narration:
There is no need to cry. I have no need of your tears.
Narration:
I wish only for our shared desire for vengeance to bring us together.
Narration:
Come with me, Yoshitsune.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Ahh... Ahhh...
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Yo...shi...tsu...ne...
Ushiwakamaru:
Yes, it's me.
Ushiwakamaru:
Back then, I was surrounded by countless soldiers,
and you lacked a form of your own.
Ushiwakamaru:
So while I didn't realize it at the time...
Ushiwakamaru:
I now know why I thought I sensed someone there weeping along with me.
Ushiwakamaru:
It seems I wasn't imagining things after all.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Yoshi...tsune...
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
You...mustn't be...
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
...alone... I can't...let...you...
Ushiwakamaru:
...It's okay.
Ushiwakamaru:
I know I cried back then in that residence, but...
Ushiwakamaru:
I'm not alone. I never have been.
Ushiwakamaru:
Someone has always been there beside me.
Ushiwakamaru:
Benkei. Kaison. Yoshimori.
Ushiwakamaru:
Yoshinari. Shizuka.
Ushiwakamaru:
Mentor. Kouju. Mother. Lord Hidehira.
Ushiwakamaru:
And I have people with me now as well.
Ushiwakamaru:
I have Master. Benkei. Lady Mash.
Ushiwakamaru:
I have Lady Da Vinci and all my fellow Heroic Spirits.
Ushiwakamaru:
And I have Lord Goredolf, Lord Meunière,
and Lady Sion as well.
Fujimaru 1:
...Ushiwakamaru.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
...
Ushiwakamaru:
So you don't have to worry about me, Kagekiyo.
I'll be all right.
Benkei:
Lord Yoshitsune...
Jason:
Oh come on, now you're crying, too?
Benkei:
N-no. This is just...um...sweat.
Jason:
Oh brother.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
...Yoshitsune.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
You are...not alone...?
Ushiwakamaru:
That's right.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Then...you will...no longer...cry...?
Ushiwakamaru:
...That's right.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
I see.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Then all is well.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
It seems this hatred was perhaps too much for your small Spirit Origin to withstand.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
So I will take it with me to the afterlife.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Farewell, Yoshitsune. Farewell, Shana-oh.
Overloaded Kagekiyo:
Farewell, Ushiwakamaru...the child I saw that day.
Section Eight: Farewell to Kamakura
Mash:
Taira-no-Kagekiyo's huge spiritual body is gone!
But, I'm afraid–
Jason:
The version using Yoshitsune's Spirit Origin is still around, huh.
Benkei:
No, Lord Jason. That is no longer Taira-no-Kagekiyo.
Medb:
That's Yoshitsune with all the Kagekiyo bits gone, right? I could've told you that.
Benkei:
(I knew it. She really does pay close attention to Lord Ushiwakamaru. I suppose this means Lady Medb considers her a genuine rival in terms of beauty.)
Medb:
Would you quit looking at me like that?
Benkei:
Oh, yes. My apologies.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...
...
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...Thank you.
I'm sorry you had to go to all this trouble.
Fujimaru 1:
Kagekiyo... No.
Fujimaru 1:
You're Yoshitsune, aren't you?
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
That's right. I may have broken off from Ushiwakamaru's Spirit Origin...
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
But as of this moment, my True Name is Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
I come from the Ushiwakamaru you know,
but I am not her.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...Once again, I am truly sorry for all this trouble.
Fujimaru 1:
It's okay.
Fujimaru 2:
Don't worry. It was no trouble at all.
Jason:
Hey, all's well that ends well and stuff. Not to mention I got to go on a whole new kind of adventure involving Heracles!
Benkei:
Very true. And besides, this was nothing compared to the sort of antics Lord Yoshitsune got up to during–
Ushiwakamaru:
Benkei?
Benkei:
Hahahaha, never mind. It's nothing.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...Thank you. You have all been very kind.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
I wish I could make it up to you–no, thank you properly, but I'm afraid I won't be around much longer.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
So I will just say this.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
If, by some miracle, I should materialize before you all again someday...
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...I ask that you let me be your blade.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
I promise to serve you faithfully.
Fujimaru 1:
Thanks, Yoshitsune.
Fujimaru 2:
You've got a deal.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
Good.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
That said, I'm afraid I must warn you.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
Now that my fate has been tied to Kagekiyo...
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
I fear they may once again be summoned along with me...
Medb:
Well, if that happens, we'll just have to put them in their place again. Right?
Ushiwakamaru:
Uh, right.
Medb:
What? You got a problem with that?
Ushiwakamaru:
No, I was just thinking how rare it is for us to agree on something, and thought I'd see if there were any pigs flying!
Medb:
Y-you just don't know when to quit, do you?
Medb:
Anyway, don't worry about it. I don't know much about how Chaldea's summoning system works...
Medb:
...but I'm sure things will work
out if you ever get summoned.
Fujimaru 1:
As long as Kagekiyo doesn't act up too much,I think it'll be okay if they tag along.
Fujimaru 2:
Yeah, it'll be fine as long as Kagekiyo doesn't act up too much.
Kiichi Hogen:
Huh. Are you sure about that, Master of Chaldea?
Fujimaru 1:
Of course.
Fujimaru 1:
Besides, I never got a chance to really talk with them.
Benkei:
Indeed, Master. I couldn't agree more.
Cú Chulainn Alter:
What's there to talk abou–Ghh.
Medb:
Oh Cú! You're so darling!
Ushiwakamaru:
If that's your decision, Master,
I'm happy to abide by it.
Ushiwakamaru:
Besides, it seems like Kagekiyo is a perfect match for my–our, Spirit Origin...
Ushiwakamaru:
...so I, too, would like to have a proper conversation with them sometime.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...Thank you, everyone. And you, my other self.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
I am truly grateful for your kindness.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
Once the mallet's magical energy wears off,
my Yoshitsune Spirit Origin will fade...
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...and I will fill in the gaps in Ushiwakamaru–
my other self's Spirit Origin.
Ushiwakamaru:
Farewell, me. Farewell, Kagekiyo Yoshitsune.
Rest assured, I will take good care of our Master.
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
Good. I'm counting on you, me!
Overseer Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune:
...Farewell, everyone!
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 1:
I kind of miss her already.
Ushiwakamaru:
Don't worry, Master. She's also me.
Ushiwakamaru:
Besides, we may be able to see her again if she materializes. She said so herself.
Ushiwakamaru:
Ahh, I can't wait! I may finally be able to stand side by side with another version of me, like Lady Jeanne Alter and Lord Alexander!
Ushiwakamaru:
Just thinking about it makes me...
Ushiwakamaru:
...
...
Jason:
Makes you what?
Ushiwakamaru:
Makes me want to have a beheading competition with her! Whoever takes the most heads wins!
Jason:
Pffft!
Benkei:
Are you all right, Lord Jason? That was quite a spit take. There's tea everywhere.
Medb:
Ew, don't get any on me, Jason!
I'm not all wet, am I, Cú?
Cú Chulainn Alter:
Don't know, don't care.
Kiichi Hogen:
Ha! What a lively crowd! I like it!
Kiichi Hogen:
All right, I'll go ahead and get rid of this minute Singularity thing! Witness the power of my tengu-themed Noble Phantasm, Great Demon's War Fan!
Kiichi Hogen:
Oh, but first, let's put a proper
bow on this ordeal, shall we?
Kiichi Hogen:
Ahem!
Kiichi Hogen:
That takes care of that!
==ARROW==
Shana-oh:
Hello, Lady Kiichi Hogen! Nice to meet you!
Shana-oh:
I'm a member of the Genji clan. My name is Shana-oh, my childhood name was Ushiwakamaru, and my father is Minamoto-no-Yoshitomo.
Kiichi Hogen:
Don't tell me who you are. I don't need to know.
Kiichi Hogen:
Where did you hear the name “Kiichi Hogen,” child?
Shana-oh:
I was told you're an onmyouji here in Kyo, and the greatest teacher ever to live.
Shana-oh:
I'm here to ask you to teach me the ways of combat, and the secrets of the Six Secret Teachings and the Three Strategies of Huang Shigong!
Kiichi Hogen:
Forget it.
Kiichi Hogen:
I don't care if you're one of the Genji or not.
Go away.
Shana-oh:
No, I will not!
Shana-oh:
I will do no such thing, Lady Kiichi. I've already made up my mind to become your student!
Shana-oh:
And once I make up my mind, I never change it!
Kiichi Hogen:
...That's not usually something to be proud of.
Kiichi Hogen:
And stop looking at me like that.
Kiichi Hogen:
That look will get you killed one day. Cut it out!
Kiichi Hogen:
You really want to learn how to use a sword under this legendary teacher's tutelage?
Kiichi Hogen:
It's downright disturbing.
Kiichi Hogen:
Children are meant to play games, run around,
fall down, ask for piggyback rides, and laugh.
Kiichi Hogen:
I don't know much about humans,
but I do know that about children.
Shana-oh:
I can't do that, Lady Kiichi.
Shana-oh:
I'm the child of Minamoto-no-Yoshitomo, the leader of the Genji. I was born a warrior, and I'll die a warrior.
Kiichi Hogen:
...
Shana-oh:
That is why...
Shana-oh:
I do not play games, or run around,
or fall down, or laugh.
Shana-oh:
That is why I ask that you give me the power I need to one day help my brother!
Shana-oh:
Please, Great Tengu, Soujoubou of Mt. Kurama!
Kiichi Hogen:
!
Kiichi Hogen:
...Who told you that name?
Kiichi Hogen:
Was it Taira-no-Kiyomori? No, wait. If you're Yoshitomo's child, then your mother must be Tokiwa Gozen.
Shana-oh:
Yes, that's right!
Kiichi Hogen:
(Sigh...)
Kiichi Hogen:
I guess you really never do know what fate has in store for you. Especially when it is so obscure...
Shana-oh:
???
Kiichi Hogen:
Shana-oh!
Shana-oh:
Yes!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Do you know what tengu are!?
Shana-oh:
Yes, Lady Kiichi! I'm told they're monsters with incredible divine power!
Kiichi Hogen:
Exactly.
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm a monster. A creature. An inhuman being.
Kiichi Hogen:
If you study under a monster, you will one day surpass your human limits–No...
Kiichi Hogen:
You will lose your humanity,
and become a monster yourself.
Kiichi Hogen:
From there, you will be doomed to die alone, as the enemy of every other human on Earth.
Shana-oh:
I don't mind.
Shana-oh:
Even if I do end up dying completely alone...
Shana-oh:
I will never regret this choice!
Narration:
...Good grief. What a bald-faced lie.
Kiichi Hogen:
That's a horrible thing to say, and what's worse,
your eyes tell me you mean it.
Kiichi Hogen:
Very well then, Shana-oh.
Here are my conditions.
Kiichi Hogen:
Warrior or not, I have nothing to teach to a child made of cold, unfeeling steel.
Kiichi Hogen:
So before you turn yourself into a weapon, you need to live as the human child you are.
Kiichi Hogen:
And that means...you need to play!
Kiichi Hogen:
You need to play games, run around,
fall down, and laugh!
Kiichi Hogen:
If you can do that–and I mean really throw yourself into it–then and only then will I be willing to teach you to fight.
Shana-oh:
H-huh?
Shana-oh:
Then...does that mean you'll teach me!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, I will. Didn't I just say as much?
Kiichi Hogen:
Of course, by the time you've met these conditions...
Kiichi Hogen:
You'll be no more than an ordinary child who would never talk about beheading someone!
Shana-oh:
Oh no, Lady Kiichi, you're wrong!
I won't ever just be an ordinary chil–
Kiichi Hogen:
Shut it!
Shana-oh:
Aah!
Kiichi Hogen:
If that didn't scare you off, then come to my garden. Kouju! Are you there, Kouju!?
Kiichi Hogen:
Before you can even think of dying alone, you're going to learn how to play a decent game of tag!
Kiichi Hogen:
Since your head's evidently been stuffed with nonsense, I'm going to make sure it's good and empty before we begin your lessons!
Narration:
...I really thought I could do it.
Narration:
I thought I could purge this small, stubborn child of her anger and turn her into an ordinary, foolish, innocent child.
Narration:
But I was so very, very wrong.
Narration:
You beat me, Shana-oh.
Narration:
I completely and utterly failed to
teach you what I truly wanted to.
Kiichi Hogen:
But...I won't fail again. That's the whole reason I came here in the first place.
Kiichi Hogen:
Why couldn't you see that all my talk about punishing you was just a pretense? Idiot.
Kiichi Hogen:
(Indistinct muttering)
Ushiwakamaru:
I'm sorry, did you say something, Mentor?
Ushiwakamaru:
And, um...I expect you'll be leaving soon, right?
Ushiwakamaru:
You do seem to be a Servant yourself, but I'm sure you must have come here from your mountain, right?
Ushiwakamaru:
So then, you must be going home soon...right?
Kiichi Hogen:
No, I'm not.
Kiichi Hogen:
How could I when humanity faces such a crisis?
Kiichi Hogen:
Besides, you moron, my mountain doesn't even exist right now! I died, just like Lady Scáthach!
Kiichi Hogen:
In any case...
Kiichi Hogen:
I do still need to make you atone for what you did.
Ushiwakamaru:
Aww.
Kiichi Hogen:
I also need to keep an eye on you, to make sure you don't go down the same path you did when you were alive.
Ushiwakamaru:
Huh?
Kiichi Hogen:
And most importantly, I have a new student now!
Kiichi Hogen:
Right, Fujimaru?
Fujimaru 1:
Huh!?
Fujimaru 2:
Well, I'm glad you'll be helping us out, but...
Fujimaru 1:
Are you sure about this?
Kiichi Hogen:
Of course.
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm not going to fail again. This time, I'm going to make sure I save my students.
Ushiwakamaru:
Huh? You mean–
Kiichi Hogen:
Yes, I mean you, too.
Kiichi Hogen:
That said, it does seem as though Benkei and many others here at Chaldea have been doing you a world of good.
Benkei:
(Obviously bashful) I-I'm honestly a little embarrassed, hearing you say that.
Ushiwakamaru:
What's so embarrassing about it, Benkei!?
Benkei:
Hahahaha, that hurts, Lord Ushiwakamaru.
Kiichi Hogen:
...Fujimaru.
Kiichi Hogen:
I can see that the path ahead of you is long and arduous.
Kiichi Hogen:
I can't just disappear and leave you to tackle it on your own. I'm a teacher, after all.
Kiichi Hogen:
So now that I've taken you on as my student...
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm going to see your path through to the end.
If I can keep you safe along the way, I will.
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm not going to make the same mistakes. I never want to see one of my students die a miserable death again.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you, Mentor.
Kiichi Hogen:
Kanra kara kara!
Kiichi Hogen:
Come now, no need to be modest! The greatest teacher of all time is offering to teach you!
Kiichi Hogen:
So I suggest you two prepare yourselves!
Fujimaru 1:
Prepare ourselves?
Fujimaru 2:
Uh...for what?
Ushiwakamaru:
!!!
Kiichi Hogen:
I'm not going to make the same mistakes I did with Shana-oh! No way in hell!
Kiichi Hogen:
This time, I'm focusing entirely on making you two the greatest students I've ever had!
Kiichi Hogen:
All you two need to do is relax and prepare yourselves!
Ushiwakamaru:
Nooo! I refuuuse!
Kiichi Hogen:
Where are you going, Shana-oh!?
I just said there's no need to be modest!
Fergus:
...
Caesar:
...
Fergus:
...Hey, Lord Caesar.
Caesar:
Yes, Lord Fergus?
Fergus:
You've been lying on the floor for a long time now.
How come you haven't gotten back up?
Caesar:
I could ask the same of you. Hahaha, are we perhaps thinking the same thing?
Fergus:
Hahaha.
Caesar:
Hehe.
Fergus:
As you well know, this library's custodian is Lady Murasaki Shikibu.
Caesar:
Indeed.
A fair and beautiful Heroic Spirit widow, she is.
Caesar:
And once she sees us here sprawled on the floor after losing a fight against a vicious ruffian...
Fergus:
She will surely nurse us back to health.
Caesar:
The perfect–
Fergus:
Plan.
Both:
Hahahahahahahaha!
Murasaki Shikibu:
Aah! You're both hurt! Oh, this is terrible!
Both:
(She's here!)
Murasaki Shikibu:
I'll go fetch the first aid kit right away!
Just give me a moment to–
???:
No need. I will treat their “injuries” myself.
Scáthach:
I know just what they need!
Both:
Craaaaaap!
Scáthaaaaaach!?
???:
Oho. Well, well, well. It seems you're even more insolent than I thought, failing to address Lady Scáthach properly.
???:
And what letches you both are, using our sparring session where, I should mention, I took it easy on you, as pretext to have a beautiful woman look after you.
Kiichi Hogen:
It's clear you both need a harsh lesson of your own!
Scáthach:
Hehe, I like the way you think, Lady Kiichi.
Allow me to help you.
Kiichi Hogen:
Why thank you, Lady Scáthach!
Scáthach:
No need for formalities. We may come from very different lands, but we are both teachers. Please, think of us as friends. The Western teacher and the Eastern teacher, if you will.
Kiichi Hogen:
Friends, huh? I like the sound of that!
Both:
We doooooon't!!!