FSN Fate Day 08 (EN)
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Scene 08 - Life guard & safe
"I'm going, Shirou. I'll bring you home something, so be good."
Fuji-Nee goes to work, waving goodbye.
"I'll get going too. I'll be home a bit later since I'm going by my house, but I'll be home before dinner. Don't do anything careless while I'm gone."
Tohsaka says goodbye with a look and leaves for school.
"――Well."
The time is just past 7:30.
I was able to send them off without delay, so there's only one thing to do now.
"Well, let's continue from yesterday. Let's go to the dojo, Saber."
"Are we starting the training immediately? We just ate breakfast, so should we not rest for a while?"
"There's no need to worry. I've trained enough to be able to move right after eating, and we had toast this morning too. I don't live so unhealthily that bread sits heavy in my stomach."
"...Oh. If you say it is fine, I do not mind."
"Then there's no problem. Let's go. I'll show you the results of planning all last night on how to hit you at least once."
"...!"
I'm blown to the ground along with my defending shinai, not fully able to dodge Saber's counter-attack.
"Ha――kuh..."
The hand holding my shinai is numb.
It was a counterattack received after charging into her with all my might trying to overpower her.
Naturally, I'll drop my shinai and fall on my butt.
"――Damn. I thought that would work."
"Your judgments are too optimistic.
Please understand that you cannot defeat a Servant even if you put your life at risk in an attack. It is good to have determination, but please consider your opponent first."
"...Hm. You say so, but I'll be beaten eventually if I'm on the defensive. I have to go on the offense if there's a chance."
"That is true, but you do not understand how to make use of such a chance. If you are to attack risking your life, you should wait for an appropriate chance."
"You don't even need to tell me. You looked away for a bit earlier, right? Something like that only happens maybe once a day, so I thought it was a chance."
"It was good that you were able to make that judgment in an instant, but that was an opening I made intentionally.
I averted my gaze to see if you would be agitated by it, but I would never have thought you would come straight for me."
"――Ugh. You're mean. It's no good making fun of a beginner."
"I am not making fun of you. Even if it is a plot of mine, as long as it is an opening, I bear some risk as well.
But then, the risk I took averting my gaze and the risk you took coming at me with your life do not even need to be scaled."
"...Hm. So the point is to softly attack the small openings? A large swing will miss the opportunity... no, I bet you want to say that I should act according to the size of the opening, right?"
"Yes. So please try to estimate the size of the opening."
"But you are much clearer than yesterday on the line of death. Once you obtain the skill to sense danger, the decisions of whom to fight and what to do naturally become limited."
Saber comments happily.
If I'm not imagining things, she might be happy that her student has improved a bit.
"It is almost time to take a break. Should I go and get some water, Shirou?"
"Oh, that's fine. I brought a kettle, so I'll drink from that."
I pull my tired body over to the wall.
I wipe my sweat off with the towel I prepared and drink the water out of the kettle.
"――Phew."
I exhale.
...For three hours since I saw Fuji-Nee and Tohsaka out, I've been fighting Saber.
As usual, Saber doesn't explain anything and I don't ask anything as we cross swords.
It's a match with pretty much no chance of my victory, but my body moves better the more I fight Saber.
I'm not hoping to improve my fighting techniques.
This is just letting my body, not my mind, get used to battle.
But it's still better than doing nothing, and since I don't have anything, I'll be of no use unless I train this one aspect.
When the time comes for me to face a Master, if I am thinking about how to fight, that'll surely prove fatal.
"...Saber's... not sweating, as I expected."
I feel down, but I won't be able to catch up to her in a day or two.
Saber is resting her body, sitting Japanese-style like yesterday.
"――――Hm."
It's a waste just sitting here absent-mindedly.
It's break time, so I'll talk to her.
All right, then――
Scene 12 - Hero apocalypse story
...Before she became a Servant.
I wonder what Saber was like when she was alive as a human.
Saber is so beautiful, and I bet everyone liked her.
Though one might misunderstand from the name Saber, she might have been a normal girl who didn't even use a sword.
"...Yeah. I wonder what Saber was like before."
I get curious, and I accidentally speak my mind.
"――Yes? Did you say something, Shirou?"
"Huh? No, I was just imagining what you were like before. I don't want to know your true name, but I was wondering what kind of a life you led."
"What kind of a person I was like...?
You are interested in strange matters, Shirou."
"Ignore it if it's a problem. It just popped in my head.
You're the Servant Saber, but I thought you might have been different before you became a Servant."
――Yes.
I think that she might have led a calm life suitable for a lovely girl.
"――I do not think that is possible.
People do not change their personality when they become a Servant, and I was a knight who was given a sword at birth. Any different self that you talk of never existed."
"Whoa, so you always had such a tense personality?
...That's terrible. I sympathize with the people who were around you."
"...What do you mean by that?
I am strict, but I do not coerce the people around me."
"Don't lie. I know from today's training that you're pitiless and have no mercy.
Look at this welt. You're happy to come pounding on me when I make a mistake, you devilish instructor."
"I-I was not happy about it!
I-I feel sorry for Shirou, but it would not be training if I was not strict!"
"―――――"
...How unusual.
It's really surprising for Saber to make that kind of an expression.
"W-What is with that expression? I think it is unfair to suddenly go silent."
"Oh――I wasn't expecting you to get angry like that, so I was surprised."
"Eh――i-is that so? I only emphasized what I was thinking."
"That might be why. You don't talk much with your emotions. So that was new."
"I-Is that so? I believe I act based on my beliefs."
"I'm saying that it's your thinking, not your feeling.
No, not that. It's that you don't say what you really feel."
"That is only natural. What is demanded from me is not an opinion as an individual but an opinion from my position. That does not change even now.
I will protect you as the Servant Saber.
I should not say anything that does not relate to that purpose,[l]
and there is no need to even think about such things."
"――That may be true, but that'll be boring for you, Saber.
You have a role, but I don't think you need to devote yourself to it. You have things you want to do too."
"As I said, protecting you is what I must do. In addition to being inexperienced as a Master, you do not listen to me and try to fight. That is why I am training you right now!"
"――No, that's not it, but... well, I guess it's fine if you say so."
It seems Saber is softer and cheerful right now, so I don't want to ruin this calm mood by continuing this conversation.
Scene 13 - Saber-san angry
...Um, it's not that I'm giving up my training, but...
It just might be that I'll be more into the fight with Saber if I have some special move that lets me do something just because I know it.
"Saber, I want to ask you something."
"What is it, Shirou...? I get the feeling that you are looking at me with a lot of expectation."
"Really? Well, if you put it like that, it is a request and I do have expectations. To be frank, I want you to teach me something."
"...Okay. Um, I do not quite understand what you are trying to say, but I will instruct you in anything that I am able to."
Saber must think it's a serious conversation as she adjusts herself and sits Japanese-style in front of me.
"So, what is it that you would like to know? Is it about the Servants?"
Saber looks at me seriously.
"―――――Hm."
I feel like I already know what'll happen, but let's not expect anything and just ask her.
"Um. I'm not joking around or anything, so I want you to listen to me without getting mad."
"Yes, that is why I am listening seriously. Please ask me without reserve."
"Then, I'll accept that and ask you.
――Um, well. If there is one, can you teach me an easy special move that'll let me beat a Servant? Ideally something that'll even let me beat you."
"―――――"
Saber stops breathing.
"―――――"
Saber does not move even an eyebrow.
"――I-I guess there isn't anything that convenient, huh...!?
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...! It was just a joke, so don't take it seriously and just pretend you didn't hear it! That'll really help me... out...."
―――Uh.
Saber-san is making an evil smile.
"S-Saber...? It may just be me, but you have a really unsuitable evil smile on your face."
"It is not just you. Right now, my mind is as wicked as Rin's is."
"...!!!!"
I feel a chill, I feel a chill...!
"Uh, wa, uh."
"Why are you panicking, Shirou? I have not answered your question yet. If I did not mishear you, I believe you desire a special move that will beat a Servant in one blow?"
I retreat, but Saber advances and doesn't let me escape.
"Ah――um, well... Saber, you're mad, right?"
"Yes, very."
――I'm dead.
If this were a real battle, she would have certainly killed me by now.
"―――Calm down, let's calm down Saber.
I've contemplated my actions. I think I know why you're mad too."
"I see. Then please sit there in a Japanese style. I cannot calm down unless I explain things to you."
Saber stands up.
I quickly straighten my back and prepare myself.
"―――――"
Saber takes a deep breath.
Then.
"―――Are you kidding me...!? What are you thinking of, asking for a cheat like a special move to beat an opponent in one blow!?!!!"
"Ah―――uh."
My ear canals are panicking.
I never thought I'd collapse just from an angry voice.
That was beyond human abilities.
Does she have a voice as powerful as a beast or a lion?
"S-Sorry... so I'm saying I'm contemplating my actions.
You're stronger than me, Saber. So I thought you might know a move that even an unskilled guy could use."
"There is nothing convenient like that!
A surprise move is something you use against someone of equal level, and a beginner like you should work thoroughly on your foundations!"
"First of all, I already told you not to think about defeating your opponent! Please think first about your protection! If there is a special move for you, it would be enough judgment to stop yourself from getting into a situation that requires you to fight!"
"Uh... I understand. I understand, so――lower your voice a little."
I put my hands together to show I'm sorry.
"...Geez, I had some expectations of you, but you are so unstable. If you are like this, it is too dangerous for me to leave you alone."
Saber's scolding continues.
"...Sigh."
It was my fault for stepping on the lion's tail.
I'll stay quiet and take Saber's scolding until she's satisfied.
Scene 14 - What to pour into the Grail
...Why does she desire battle so much?
I might be able to understand Saber's mindset if I can find out why she seeks the Holy Grail, the reward of the Holy Grail War.
But, is that really something I can ask her?
"...Saber. Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes. What is it, Shirou?"
"Um, it's something I forgot to ask.
You're lending me your power because you also want the Holy Grail, right?
So――what do you want from the Holy Grail?"
"The reason I seek the Holy Grail? Can it not be because I desire it? The Holy Grail is an almighty vessel. There is no wish that cannot be granted if one possesses it. One needs no reason to seek such a thing."
"――No. That's not what I'm asking.
Saber, you're trying not to answer my question, right?"
"Oh――Shirou, that's..."
"I don't want to know the reason you seek it. I want to know what the wish you want granted is.
...But if you don't want to say, that's fine. My wishes aren't things I can talk about either."
"―――――"
Saber closes her mouth awkwardly.
...Well, it's only natural.
Saber didn't form the contract to help me personally.
Since the only ones who can obtain the Holy Grail are the Masters, she is only helping me to take share in the reward.
That is why she must be hesitating to tell her wish, and most of all――I myself don't want to hear Saber describe a selfish wish.
...So I shouldn't have asked.
After all, it's rude for a person without a clear wish to ask other people's wishes.
"――Shirou. Is that a command as a Master?"
Suddenly.
Saber asks the question with a serious expression.
"Eh... no, it's not. I didn't intend that.
I was just curious about you. Sorry for asking you about it."
"...No. As a Servant, I certainly must tell my Master my wish.
Shirou, I seek the Holy Grail to fulfill an obligation. I want the power of the Holy Grail to accomplish a duty I could not accomplish during my lifetime."
Directly.
With honest eyes, she says so.
"...Accomplish a duty...? During your lifetime... you mean, before you became a Servant...?"
"...Yes. But I do not know my true intentions myself.
Perhaps I only desire to redo things again."
Saber looks down quietly.
For a moment.
She looks like a repentant lost child.
"――I-I see. Anyways, I'm relieved.
I was worried what I should do if you said something like Tohsaka, like your dream is to take over the world."
"...Fufu. Rin would be mad if she heard that. She is not someone who would say such a thing. She would use the Holy Grail purely for her own benefit, but it would not be something that would bring chaos to the world."
"Really? I think we should never let her have the Holy Grail for a completely different reason."
I nod to myself.
Saber is watching me with a gentle expression.
That's the end of the conversation.
It was a subject I should have kept away from.
The atmosphere is softened by talk of Tohsaka, so let's end this conversation right here.
"―――――"
But a small pain remains in my chest.
Even though I'm relieved that Saber's wish isn't a vulgar one, I think there's something wrong with that wish of hers.
Scene 15 - Saber-san angry
...Um, it's not that I'm giving up my training, but...
It just might be that I'll be more into the fight with Saber if I have some special move that lets me do something just because I know it.
"Saber, I want to ask you something."
"What is it, Shirou...? I get the feeling that you are looking at me with a lot of expectation."
"Really? Well, if you put it like that, it is a request and I do have expectations. To be frank, I want you to teach me something."
"...Okay. Um, I do not quite understand what you are trying to say, but I will instruct you in anything that I am able to."
Saber must think it's a serious conversation as she adjusts herself and sits Japanese-style in front of me.
"So, what is it that you would like to know? Is it about the Servants?"
Saber looks at me seriously.
"―――――Hm."
I feel like I already know what'll happen, but let's not expect anything and just ask her.
"Um. I'm not joking around or anything, so I want you to listen to me without getting mad."
"Yes, that is why I am listening seriously. Please ask me without reserve."
"Then, I'll accept that and ask you.
――Um, well. If there is one, can you teach me an easy special move that'll let me beat a Servant? Ideally something that'll even let me beat you."
"―――――"
Saber stops breathing.
"―――――"
Saber does not move even an eyebrow.
"――I-I guess there isn't anything that convenient, huh...!?
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...! It was just a joke, so don't take it seriously and just pretend you didn't hear it! That'll really help me... out...."
―――Uh.
Saber-san is making an evil smile.
"S-Saber...? It may just be me, but you have a really unsuitable evil smile on your face."
"It is not just you. Right now, my mind is as wicked as Rin's is."
"...!!!!"
I feel a chill, I feel a chill...!
"Uh, wa, uh."
"Why are you panicking, Shirou? I have not answered your question yet. If I did not mishear you, I believe you desire a special move that will beat a Servant in one blow?"
I retreat, but Saber advances and doesn't let me escape.
"Ah――um, well... Saber, you're mad, right?"
"Yes, very."
――I'm dead.
If this were a real battle, she would have certainly killed me by now.
"―――Calm down, let's calm down Saber.
I've contemplated my actions. I think I know why you're mad too."
"I see. Then please sit there in a Japanese style. I cannot calm down unless I explain things to you."
Saber stands up.
I quickly straighten my back and prepare myself.
"―――――"
Saber takes a deep breath.
Then.
"Are you kidding me...!? What are you thinking of, asking for a cheat like a special move to beat an opponent in one blow!?!!!"
"Ah―――uh."
My ear canals are panicking.
I never thought I'd collapse just from an angry voice.
That was beyond human abilities.
Does she have a voice as powerful as a beast or a lion?
"S-Sorry... so I'm saying I'm contemplating my actions.
You're stronger than me, Saber. So I thought you might know a move that even an unskilled guy could use."
"There is nothing convenient like that!
A surprise move is something you use against someone of equal level, and a beginner like you should work thoroughly on your foundations!"
"First of all, I already told you not to think about defeating your opponent! Please think first about your protection! If there is a special move for you, it would be enough judgment to stop yourself from getting into a situation that requires you to fight!"
"Uh... I understand. I understand, so――lower your voice a little."
I put my hands together to show I'm sorry.
"...Geez, I had some expectations of you, but you are so unstable. If you are like this, it is too dangerous for me to leave you alone."
Saber's scolding continues.
"...Sigh."
It was my fault for stepping on the lion's tail.
I'll stay quiet and take Saber's scolding until she's satisfied.
Scene 16 - What to pour into the Grail
...Why does she desire battle so much?
I might be able to understand Saber's mindset if I can find out why she seeks the Holy Grail, the reward of the Holy Grail War.
But, is that really something I can ask her?
"...Saber. Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes. What is it, Shirou?"
"Um, it's something I forgot to ask.
You're lending me your power because you also want the Holy Grail, right?
So――what do you want from the Holy Grail?"
"The reason I seek the Holy Grail? Can it not be because I desire it? The Holy Grail is an almighty vessel. There is no wish that cannot be granted if one possesses it. One needs no reason to seek such a thing."
"――No. That's not what I'm asking.
Saber, you're trying not to answer my question, right?"
"Oh――Shirou, that's..."
"I don't want to know the reason you seek it. I want to know what the wish you want granted is.
...But if you don't want to say, that's fine. My wishes aren't things I can talk about either."
"―――――"
Saber closes her mouth awkwardly.
...Well, it's only natural.
Saber didn't form the contract to help me personally.
Since the only ones who can obtain the Holy Grail are the Masters, she is only helping me to take share in the reward.
That is why she must be hesitating to tell her wish, and most of all――I myself don't want to hear Saber describe a selfish wish.
...So I shouldn't have asked.
After all, it's rude for a person without a clear wish to ask other people's wishes.
"――Shirou. Is that a command as a Master?"
Suddenly.
Saber asks the question with a serious expression.
"Eh... no, it's not. I didn't intend that.
I was just curious about you. Sorry for asking you about it."
"...No. As a Servant, I certainly must tell my Master my wish.
Shirou, I seek the Holy Grail to fulfill an obligation. I want the power of the Holy Grail to accomplish a duty I could not accomplish during my lifetime."
Directly.
With honest eyes, she says so.
"...Accomplish a duty...? During your lifetime... you mean, before you became a Servant...?"
"...Yes. But I do not know my true intentions myself.
Perhaps I only desire to redo things again."
Saber looks down quietly.
For a moment.
She looks like a repentant lost child.
"――I-I see. Anyways, I'm relieved.
I was worried what I should do if you said something like Tohsaka, like your dream is to take over the world."
"...Fufu. Rin would be mad if she heard that. She is not someone who would say such a thing. She would use the Holy Grail purely for her own benefit, but it would not be something that would bring chaos to the world."
"Really? I think we should never let her have the Holy Grail for a completely different reason."
I nod to myself.
Saber is watching me with a gentle expression.
That's the end of the conversation.
It was a subject I should have kept away from.
The atmosphere is softened by talk of Tohsaka, so let's end this conversation right here.
"―――――"
But a small pain remains in my chest.
Even though I'm relieved that Saber's wish isn't a vulgar one, I think there's something wrong with that wish of hers.
Scene 17 - Hero apocalypse story
...Before she became a Servant.
I wonder what Saber was like when she was alive as a human.
Saber is so beautiful, and I bet everyone liked her.
Though one might misunderstand from the name Saber, she might have been a normal girl who didn't even use a sword.
"...Yeah. I wonder what Saber was like before."
I get curious, so I accidentally speak out my mind.
"――Yes? Did you say something, Shirou?"
"Huh? No, I was just imagining what you were like before. I don't want to know your true name, but I was wondering what kind of a life you led."
"What kind of a person I was like...?
You are interested in strange matters, Shirou."
"Ignore it if it's a problem. It just popped in my head.
You're the Servant Saber, but I thought you might have been different before you became a Servant."
――Yes.
I think that she might have led a calm life suitable for a lovely girl.
"――I do not think that is possible.
People do not change their personality when they become a Servant, and I was a knight who was given a sword at birth. Any different self that you talk of never existed."
"Whoa, so you always had such a tense personality?
...That's terrible. I sympathize with the people who were around you."
"...What do you mean by that?
I am strict, but I do not coerce the people around me."
"Don't lie. I know from today's training that you're pitiless and have no mercy.
Look at this welt. You're happy to come pounding on me when I make a mistake, you devilish instructor."
"I-I was not happy about it!
I-I feel sorry for Shirou, but it would not be training if I was not strict!"
"―――――"
...How unusual.
It's really surprising for Saber to make that kind of an expression.
"W-What is with that expression? I think it is unfair to suddenly go silent."
"Oh――I wasn't expecting you to get angry like that, so I was surprised."
"Eh――i-is that so? I only emphasized what I was thinking."
"That might be why. You don't talk much with your emotions. So that was new."
"I-Is that so? I believe I act based on my beliefs."
"I'm saying that it's your thinking, not your feeling.
No, not that. It's that you don't say what you really feel."
"That is only natural. What is demanded from me is not an opinion as an individual but an opinion from my position. That does not change even now.
I will protect you as the Servant Saber.
I should not say anything that does not relate to that purpose,[l]
and there is no need to even think about such things."
"――That may be true, but that'll be boring for you, Saber.
You have a role, but I don't think you need to devote yourself to it. You have things you want to do too."
"As I said, protecting you is what I must do. In addition to being inexperienced as a Master, you do not listen to me and try to fight. That is why I am training you right now!"
"――No, that's not it, but... well, I guess it's fine if you say so."
It seems Saber is softer and cheerful right now, so I don't want to ruin this calm mood by continuing this conversation.
=======
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Scene 18 - Shopping district
Before I realize it, it's noon.
"It is lunchtime, Shirou."
"Yeah, it's lunchtime."
We confirm this to each other as both our stomachs growl.
"――Let's eat. Is there something you'd like, Saber?"
"Nothing in particular. I am mostly satisfied with the food you prepare."
Saber's expression is a bit strange.
...Well, it helps that she's not nagging like Tohsaka.
"Then I'll go to get some groceries. I'll come home around the same time as yesterday, so go on ahead to the living room."
"Yes. I'll be waiting, Shirou."
I decide to try making shrimp dumpling, which I have wanted to try making for a while.
It's a dish that's a bit larger than takoyaki, and it's really hot and tasty.
"...I bought some mustard, and also the snacks for the three o'clock tea...."
I put the groceries into the bicycle cart.
――Oh yeah.
I met Illya here yesterday.
"――She's not here."
No, it would be a problem if she was here everyday, but not having her here is rather disappointing.
...I haven't told Saber or Tohsaka that I met Illya yesterday.
Because Illya didn't seem like an enemy, I was hesitant to tell them about her.
"...No way. Just because she was here yesterday doesn't mean she'll be here today."
So, I get on the bike and――
Go straight home.
Go and visit the park.
Scene 19 - Last stand Saber
I'll go straight home.
Saber is looking forward to lunch, and I'm in no position to stop by anywhere.
So I make the shrimp dumplings.
It's not really a dish to eat with rice, but it's best with alcohol. Originally, it was something I learned to cook at the bar restaurant I work at.
"Shirou. This is really hot."
Saber eats the round deep-fried food, bigger than a golf ball but smaller than a tennis ball.
"Are you sensitive to hot food, Saber? Or do you not like such roughly made food?"
"No, I have no problem with either. The hotness is interesting, and the taste is coarse, but I can also feel a great deal of care."
"I see. I'm glad you like it."
"Yes. It is too bad we cannot let Rin or Taiga have some."
Saber continues to eat silently.
Perhaps because she worked out in the morning, it seems she's eating more than usual.
"―――――"
...Um, I don't know if this is appropriate for a guy, but I'm happy if someone eats my food. Even more so if they think it's good.
I'm unskilled as a Master, so if Saber gets happy from just this, I'll put more effort into making meals... huh?
...Saber is looking at the empty plate with an intense expression.
"Saber...? I'll make some more if that wasn't enough."
"Eh...? N-No, I've enjoyed enough. I-I-It is not that I did not have enough."
"All right. Then let's have some tea. I'll go brew some right away, so wait here."
I take the empty plates into the kitchen.
I put the dishes into the sink and put the kettle over the fire to make some tea.
"Oh yeah. Saber, how about having a different kind of tea..."
I pop my face out of the kitchen.
...And.
"...But this is a problem. Shirou's food is good.
If I stop eating from now on, my will to fight will certainly decrease.
...I am still too indulgent. I have experienced it several times, but starvation tactics are so dreadful."
"――Um, well."
...I take it back. I'll stop putting so much effort into cooking.
If I keep putting more effort into cooking like this, she might end up making me into her personal cook.
Yup.
People shouldn't overdo things.
Scene 20 - Daughter of winter-Illya(II)
――Let's take the long way home.
It's about a five minute detour.
This is just like a whim, so I shouldn't have to worry about excuses――
I go by the park and put my brakes on.
"―――――"
I stop the bicycle.
I enter the park with the groceries still in the bicycle cart.
"――Why?"
Why is it like this?
It was just a whim.
Inside the park I passed, thinking that it would be nice if I could meet her again...
...Is the figure of a silver-haired girl.
Illya is standing there absent-mindedly, not doing anything.
It doesn't seem like she notices me.
I can leave right now if I want to.
But――if I was going to do such a thing, I wouldn't have come by this park in the first place.
"Illya."
I call out to her.
"――Who's there!?"
"Um, it's just Shirou."
"Eh... really, Shirou...?"
She must have been really surprised, as Illya is looking at me with wide open eyes.
"Why are you so surprised?
This place is near the shopping district, so I pass by it from time to time. How about you, why are you here? You were here yesterday too, so do you have a lot of free time?"
"Actually, yeah. I came to play since there's not much to do, but Sella said I shouldn't see you. She said it's no fun playing with you because I'm going to end up killing you soon anyway."
"Ah――well, that's..."
...Whoa.
I don't know how to answer that. She just said something that really troubles me....
"But I think that's wrong because it's fun being with you. So I thought I might see you here, and I was waiting for ages.
――Yeah. I'm glad you came."
"...Hold on. You weren't really waiting for me, were you?"
"I was.
I've been thinking for ages it would be nice if you came."
"...Idiot. You don't like the cold, right? If you want to see me, come to my place――no, that's bad. If you met Saber, it'd just turn into a fight.
But still, there are plenty of other ways. You would've been able to find me if you were waiting in the shopping district like yesterday."
"No, I can't do that. I can't come and see you myself. Yesterday was a one-time only cheat.
So I just waited where you might come today, and it ended up working."
Saying so happily, Illya takes a few steps as if dancing.
Her swaying silver hair makes her look like a real winter fairy.
"...I understand, but why did you come to see me? Well, if a conversation like yesterday is enough, I'll keep you company."
"No, it's nothing today. I just wanted to see you, and we're enemies anyways. I'll come and kill you when the Holy Grail War's almost over, so let's talk then."
She says it so innocently.
...That unsuitability is unbearable.
It's not because I'm going to be killed. I just don't think being a Master suits her.
"...Illya. Is that really something you want to do?
Did you really enter this war by your own choice?"
"Yeah, that's right. It was what my grandfather told me to do.
I'm the most suited to be a Master out of all the Einzberns, and I'm the owner of the big Holy Grail."
"...Doesn't that mean you're just doing what your grandfather told you to do? You didn't become a Master by your own will, did you?"
"Hmmm... Was that it...? I can't remember too well, but I've been a Master since I was born. So they said it's only natural for me to fight."
"――That's wrong. If you're only fighting because people tell you to, stop.
First of all, such killing doesn't suit you, Illya."
Illya stops moving.
Her eyes look directly into mine.
"...Hmm. It doesn't look like you're pleading for your life.
It looks like Onii-chan's really worried about me."
"...That's right. Putting others aside, I don't like someone like you fighting. If it's possible, I want you to quit being a Master and stay calm."
"Hehe. Let's see, if you'll be my Servant, I'll quit. Then I won't have to kill you."
"Wha――w-w-what are you saying!? Do you know what it means to tell me to be a Servant...!?"
...No, first of all, I can't substitute for Berserker!
"I'm saying you should stop fighting. I'm telling you to get rid of your Servant, so why do I have to become your familiar?"
"Not a familiar, I said a Servant.
Servants are people that are always with you, right? So all you have to do is stay by my side."
"Eh――huh?"
...Hold on.
Could it be, Illya――
"Let me ask you something. What is a Servant, Illya?"
"It's mine, right? My grandfather said it's someone that's always by my side and protects me."
"――"
...As I thought.
Servants must be just that for Illya.
None of the Command Spell or Master stuff concerns her.
For her, a being that protects her is a Servant.
"...I see. But I still can't do that. I can't accept that condition, so give me something else."
"W-What?
Are you saying I'm not good enough for you...?"
"No, nothing like that but... well, how can I put this―――"
I'm worried about her, but I can't be someone who'll be by her side all the time――
"――Illya, I already have Saber.
And as a Master, I also have to stop the other Masters. Um, I'm sorry, but I can't be your Servant."
"...! What!? I made a compromise because it was you, but if you say that, I don't even know you...!"
"Hey... hold on, Illya, I'm not done――"
"Stupid Shirou! It's terrible of you to embarrass a girl!"
"Oh... she's gone..."
She doesn't listen to me and just runs out of the park.
Though I run after her, I can't find her anywhere.
"Geez. This is just like yesterday."
I sigh and return to my bike.
...But, well, if she's like that, I'm sure she won't suddenly attack me like she did the first night we met.
That means there's at least one more chance to convince her.
Scene 21 - Choice
Today's training ends when the sun sets.
I'm near my limit, and I have to get Tohsaka to teach me magecraft tonight.
I couldn't accomplish my goal of landing a blow on Saber, but I should save some of my energy for tonight.
So, it's my turn to cook dinner tonight.
Saber went to wash off her sweat after me, so she won't be back for a while.
"I'm home. Oh, you're preparing dinner properly, Shirou.
"Good for you, well done."
Fuji-Nee enters the living room energetically, heads straight for the cushion, and sits down.
Unlike Saber, who has to sleep through half of the day, she's like this twenty-four hours a day.
I bet she's like this even when she's asleep.
"Hey, Shirouuu. Can I eat these apples?" she asks me while looking at the apples on the table.
"Go ahead. As you can see, we have plenty. It's necessary for each person to eat three a day."
"Really? Then should we make something like apple pie. Well, I mean you, though."
Fuji-Nee bites into the apple while saying something loosely.
...The ones on the table are the ones I've washed already, but I guess she's not the type to care about such things.
"...Geez, they're a get-well gift too..."
Even though it was just a misunderstanding, shouldn't she be more thoughtful about a gift given by a friend who cares for me?
I have to tell her clearly.
Fuji-Nee, where`s my gift?
...She might really get me to make a pie. I`ll stay away for a while.
Apples won`t do. Eat some Mandarins, Fuji-Nee.
Scene 22 - Funny lion
...I stop preparing dinner and take off my apron.
When I wash my hands and go into the living room, Fuji-Nee doesn't have the apple in her hand anymore.
"――Fuji-Nee, did you eat that apple?"
"Yeah, I did. It was sweet and sour and good."
"I see. Then it's your turn. Give me a gift for what you've eaten."
"...? Gift... you mean oranges?"
"...I won't ask how you came to that conclusion.
I'm just telling you to give me the gift you have for me. Don't tell me you forgot what you said before leaving this morning."
"Don't be rude, I do remember. See, I have it right here."
Fuji-Nee puts a strange paper bag on the table and empties it out.
"―――――"
This is unexpected.
I don't think it's like Fuji-Nee to remember about her promises.
"...But, what is that? For me, um..."
No matter how I look at it, it just looks like garbage――I mean, a mountain of stuffed animals.
"For Shirou, I have this Aztec stone mask. Your room's empty, right? It should increase the warmth a bit if you have this there."
She hands me a heartful and suspicious mask fashioned like a sun.
It's a thing about size of a baseball, with soft stuffing in it.
"...Fuji-Nee. Was this a hundred yen each game?"
"Yeah, it was a lot of work getting that. I never gave up and in the end, I had the guy working there take it out for me."
She's laughing in embarrassment, but I'm scared to think how bloody the fight must have been.
"Umm... I also have a Chinese dragon, bat, crab, cow, snake, charging soldier..."
Fuji-Nee happily separates the mountain of stuffed animals.
A few stuffed animals roll off the table and the living room becomes a mess in an instant.
...It's getting messy, but since Fuji-Nee seems to be having fun, I don't want to stop her.
"――Well, I'll take it. You should clean up once you're done sorting them."
"Yup, I know."
I go back to the kitchen with the stuffed animal in my hand.
――Then.
She must have just passed by, as I see Saber at the entrance to the living room in a really bad mood.
"......"
Saber is glaring into the living room, saying nothing.
"Saber...? Are you done with the bath already?"
"Yes, it was very nice."
She answers in her usual manner, but she enters the living room unsteadily like she's sleepwalking.
Saber walks like that to the table and stops right in front of a discarded stuffed animal.
"Taiga. Is this puppet modeled after a lion?"
"Eh? Yeah, it looks like it. That's a baby lion."
"......"
Saber is silently staring at the stuffed animal at her feet.
"Are these puppets yours, Taiga?
Um, like those puppets over there..."
"Yeah, do you want some? I can give you some if you want," Fuji-Nee asks Saber lightheartedly.
"――!"
Whoa, what is Fuji-Nee thinking...!?
She should be able to tell that Saber's in a bad mood, so why is she asking her such a ridiculous thing!?
First of all, does she really think Saber would want such a thing――?
"Do you want it? It's no good if I keep it, so I can give it to Saber-chan."
Fuji-Nee holds up the stuffed lion, not noticing Saber's dislike.
Saber takes it and...
"――Please."
...Steps forward seriously and accepts it.
"...Huh?"
My mind freezes.
What kind of an illusion is this?
Saber is holding that chunk of uselessness like it's really important.
"I appreciate it very much. Thank you, Taiga."
"Don't worry about it. That's not a tiger."
...Hold on. There was something wrong with that comment, Fuji-Nee.
"But I'm a bit surprised. You like this kind of thing, Saber-chan?"
"Yes. I have longed for something small and cute.
I have not had many chances to hold such a thing."
Saying that, Saber looks down at the stuffed lion in her arms.
That face, looks like――
"――?"
...What was that?
I felt like I saw... something weird.
"Hm? Could it be that Saber-chan likes lions? A rival?"
Saber nods with the same smile she had looking at the stuffed lion.
"It does not mean I like them, but I have a bond with them.
I once took care of a lion cub and I was happy that the child was attached to me.
So since that time, I have had feelings for them.
Originally, I was more linked to dragons, but..."
"I see, a lion cub... oh, aren't lion cubs like cats or something? Don't they bite and scratch and all?"
"Yes, he was energetic enough to do such things.
I only took care of him for about a month, but I wish I could have been allowed to be with him until the end."
"I see, I see. But that's hard. Lions get really large. A normal house can't keep them, so you have to let them go."
Fuji-Nee nods to herself.
Saber is still staring at the stuffed lion.
"―――――"
I don't know what sort of magecraft it had on it, but...
...A scene I shouldn't know about pops into my head.
"―――――"
...I know myself that it's something like dizziness.
But still, I cannot shake it off.
...Her own memories.
An event that really did happen in the past.
Saber, rubbing her cheek against the lion, looks like a girl her age should.
I don't know if this is just a momentary thing.
All I know is that I find this dizziness special.
"―――――"
The strange illusion disappears quickly.
...But my heart rustles.
I feel like the illusion I caught a glimpse of is engraved in my head like a scar that never goes away.
Scene 23 - Orange-Peko`s mystery
"Fuji-Nee. It's fine that you eat apples, but eat your requirements. Those oranges you bought... there's still a boxful of them."
"Aw, I remember that now.... Uhh, I'm tired of eating oranges."
Fuji-Nee says this, digging her fangs... I mean, her teeth into the apples.
"What do you mean, you're tired of eating them? Remember I was against it? Even though there's only me, Sakura, and you, you bought nearly 10 mochi and 3 boxes of oranges.
You buy too much just because it's New Years. There's still a box left even though it's February. If you let it rot, I'll make you pay for all of it.
"Ugh. ...I'm just asking, but, how long does it take for oranges to rot?"
"Oh, about 2 weeks to a month in normal temperatures. They're almost out."
Well, I kept them in the ice room, so they should be good for a bit longer.
"Gah, so now's the time to eat and time to rot?"
"...Fuji-Nee. Never live by yourself. Food poisoning is scary nowadays. Check the expiration date on your food and watch out for fish in the summer."
"It's fine, I'll just come to your place when that happens.
You can just give me the leftovers."
"...I won't give you leftovers, you idiot.
You eat a lot. If you're going to come and eat, I'll prepare some for you too."
I avert my gaze and start preparing dinner again.
"Hm. Then I'll make lots of money and give you money for food.
You're good-for-nothing like Kiritsugu-san, so I expect you'll be always in trouble for money."
"Keep talking. ...Anyways, why did you get so many oranges? You should know Sakura doesn't like those kinds of fruit, and I don't eat much either."
It's a good opportunity, so I ask her a question I've been wondering since the New Year.
"Hmm, I don't know. Oh, but Orange-peko sounds good, right?"
"―――――"
...Well.
I guess it was stupid of me to hope for a logical answer from Fuji-Nee.
Scene 24 - Golden bath
――Yeah.
She might really make me cook an apple pie.
Dinner is almost prepared, so let's escape for a while.
"Hm? Where are you going with your apron still on, Shirou?"
"Um, just to the entrance. Tohsaka isn't home yet, so I'm thinking of going to take a look."
"Wow, you're thoughtful, Shirou. Yeah, Tohsaka-san's a girl, so she'll probably be happy to be greeted by you."
I don't know what she's happy about, but she sees me off cheerfully.
"......"
...Dammit.
Now I really have to go outside.
"Well, I'll go around the neighborhood once."
I take off my apron and head to the entrance.
――And then.
The door to the bathroom opens with a sound.
"Shirou? Are the preparations for dinner fine?"
"――――――――[r]
―――――――――"
A brief silence.
It's obvious who this person is, but it's really hard for me to say her name.
"Shirou...? Why do you seem so astonished? I do not think so, but did something go wrong with the dinner preparations?"
"―――――No, nothing like that, but..."
I manage to reply in a surprised voice.
"...?"
She tilts her head.
Her hair at her shoulders sways.
Her golden hair is wet and different from usual.
No, her hair isn't the only thing that's different.
The girl in front of me looks like her age, and appears cute and weak to anybody's eyes.
"――I see. You were taking a bath, Saber."
"...? You were the one who insisted I do so...?"
"――Oh yeah. ...Do you like baths?"
"Yes. I discovered that when I became a Servant. Previously, I could not take a bath because of the people surrounding me."
Saber says this with a girl-like face.
It must be because she does not have her hair braided.
There's no gallant masculine aspect to her at all.
"Please go ahead if you are washing yourself as well. It is cold tonight, so the hot water will feel good on your body."
Saber goes to the living room, saying goodbye.
"―――――"
...I'm at a loss for words.
I knew from the start that Saber was a girl.
But still――the sword suited her, and I admit that as well.
――Even so, this is cheating.
...I saw Saber's naked body yesterday.
I could not consider it as reality because I was so surprised, but today is different.
"...She's a girl."
I hit the back of my head against the wall.
Not knowing what I want to do, I blankly stare at the ceiling.
"―――This isn't good. I think this is really bad."
I lean onto the wall and murmur.
The coldness of the hallway clears my mind and my usual self returns slowly.
And, after that.
I still could not figure out at all what was so bad about it.
Scene 25 - Bare-Knuckle Rin
Preparation for dinner ends, and the time is past seven.
Fuji-Nee and Saber are in the living room, and only Tohsaka is absent.
"...I wonder if something happened to her outside."
I don't think Tohsaka is the type to make that kind of mistake, but I think she does make big mistakes sometimes.
"――I guess I'll go take a look."
I should be fine by myself if I'm just going to go search around the house.
I exit into the hallway.
The instant I try to leave, the door opens and Tohsaka in her coat arrives home.
"Tohsaka."
"I'm home. What, are you greeting me in an apron? You look pretty good in it."
Tohsaka makes that humorous comment without even twitching her brow.
...She's scary.
People who can put on a serious face while joking are the scariest.
"Tohsaka, what were you――"
As I try to ask her what happened, I notice the blood on her hand.
...A small stain of blood and a swollen index finger.
Could that be...?
"Tohsaka. I'm going to guess about something bad."
"What? I won't listen if it's anything stupid."
"It's not. Have you punched someone?"
"Correct. I gave that annoying Shinji some knuckles."
Tohsaka snorts and passes by me.
"......"
I see, some knuckles for Shinji.
Now I understand the blood on her hand and the swelling on her finger――hang on!!!
"Hold on, hold on, hold on! What do you mean, you punched Shinji!?"
"You're being loud. He was being annoying, so I beat him up."
"Beat him up... you mean, with bare knuckles?"
"Bare as it can be. A grizzly bear, too."
Tohsaka snorts again.
"......"
"......"
A brief silence.
I don't know what to say, so I just shut my mouth and cause an awkward silence.
"...Let's get back to the main subject.
You said you punched Shinji, but why?"
"It's only natural I punched him. He was talking about things like me joining him, and you being useless so I should give up on you.
He said stupid things after calling for me, so I punched him to make him shut up."
"......"
No, isn't that a little too short-tempered, Tohsaka?
...Or could it be?
Did Shinji say something stupid enough to even piss off the ever-calm Tohsaka?
"...Why are you looking at me like that? I'll say this, but I'm the victim here."
"No, both sides are equally responsible, right?
...But still, why would Shinji say something like that to you? He said he wanted me to cooperate with him."
"Who knows? Maybe he thinks of you as a rival or something. He was acting weird ever since I told him I was living with you."
"What!? Tohsaka, you told him about us!?"
"Yeah, I did. I think it was yesterday morning. Shinji called me and said proudly that he became a Master like me now. He pissed me off, so I told him that you were the same too.
I thought he learned his lesson, but he was waiting outside my house for me a while ago."
"So, I told him I'm living at your house now and I didn't have any intention of cooperating with a half-assed Master like him... what, was that bad?"
"――――"
That's generally bad.
Shinji is very conscious of Tohsaka under normal circumstances, so this is like pouring oil onto a fire.
...Well, but still... I see, I get it now.
I understand why Shinji only saw Tohsaka as the enemy, and why he kept asking her to cooperate with him.
In a word, he――
"But it's strange, isn't it? I wonder why he's so fussed up about me. Judging from his personality, I wouldn't expect him to want to cooperate with anyone."
――No.
It's because Tohsaka Rin is important to Matou Shinji.
"It's not strange at all. I think you're a special person for Shinji.
His was a family of magi originally, right?
Then――I think he admired you since you were of the lineage of a magus family like him, and you still retain the blood of it."
That's why he's persistent about Tohsaka.
I think Tohsaka Rin has been a target of his affections from even before this Holy Grail War started.
"WHAT!? ...Well, I am a bit happy about being liked, but still――"
It must have been a real surprise, as Tohsaka stands pondering.
"...Oh, I remember. Come to think of it, Shinji asked me out when I was a first year."
She makes a terrible "gah, I forgot about it" reaction.
...I'll sympathize with Shinji, just for now.
"Whoa, no wonder he never gets enough of talking to me. I understand now."
"...That's fine. So, how did you reply?"
"Oh, I think I rejected him.
I can't stand it if I'm not the first to make a move in a contest.
It's like I can't get in the mood unless I'm setting the mood, or like I don't feel like it if someone else starts a match."
Tohsaka ponders, as if she really doesn't remember.
――I'm shocked.
She must really live following only her feelings.
"Tohsaka. You suck at rock, paper, scissors, right?"
"Huh!? Wait, how do you know that!?"
...As I thought.
Of course, if she likes to make the first move, she would be weak against a later move.
"Use the soy sauce for that, Saber. Don't put mayonnaise on it, even by mistake."
"――I see. Well, I saw Taiga do so, so I thought I should as well."
"......"
"Fuji-Nee is just playing around. She's not much of a reference, so be careful from now on."
"...I see. I was referencing Sakura before, so you never warned me, but..."
"No, I'm not angry. I worked hard to make it, so I just want you to have it at its best. So, getting back to the original conversation..."
"......"
"Shirou, I'll take seconds. Give me lots of stuff in my miso soup."
"All right. How about you, Saber? I bet you're hungry since we worked harder today."
"Not really. But I will take another just in case."
"Yeah, go ahead. If you also started recklessly raiding the fridge at night because you were too hungry to sleep, I'd die of shock."
"......"
"Hey, that's terrible. I told you that wasn't me. It was some burglar that raided the fridge."
"Then could you tell that robber that she shouldn't just eat meat, but that she should eat vegetables as well? And tell her not to finish off all the desserts in the fridge as if that's what she was after. Geez, she's like a hungry animal or something."
"What!? Don't call me a tiger!"
"Whoa, I didn't call you that! Ow, hot! Don't throw the hot white radish, you idiot!"
"......"
"Shirou. It seems the pot in the kitchen is boiling."
"Huh? Oh, hold on Fuji-Nee, I need to turn the fire off."
"All right. Bring me some chicken and boiled egg in soy sauce quickly."
"Roger. Then keep Fuji-nee company, Saber."
"Yes. Please do not rush your cooking, Shirou."
"......"
I get up.
...Oh yeah.
Why has Tohsaka been quiet all this time?
"Tohsaka? Does dinner taste bad?"
"No. It's nothing, so don't talk to me."
She looks away sullenly.
...Hmm. She's not the kind to drag that thing about Shinji out this long, so maybe something has irritated her.
Dinner ends as usual and Fuji-Nee goes home satisfied.
Saber and Tohsaka are in the living room.
It was an awkward mood before, but since I've trained with Saber for the past two days, it doesn't feel awkward anymore.
"Saber, you can go to bed. I'll do the rest."
"No, I will stay awake until you go to sleep. I would also like to learn from Rin how skilled you are in magecraft."
"I see. Then let's go to Tohsaka's room a bit earlier than usual. You don't mind, Tohsaka?"
"No, I don't mind. But you are getting along much better with Saber."
...?
For some reason, Tohsaka says this with the same displeasure she had when we were eating dinner.
"I'll be waiting in my room, so come when you're done cleaning up.
...And I'll also be skipping school from tomorrow on. So come to my place in the afternoon."
Tohsaka leaves the living room, still in a bad mood.
"Shirou, did you do something to Rin? She seems angry."
"Did it seem that way to you too?
...I don't know. I didn't do anything to anger her."
We both look at each other and tilt our heads.
We have no idea why Tohsaka's angry.
Scene 27 - Tohsaka Sensei`s lecture on Magic-Switch
"Then to start with, go ahead and 'strengthen' this lamp.
You just have to strengthen the glass on the outside."
She hands me an antique lamp.
"―――――"
I sit down.
I take a deep breath, holding the lamp in both hands.
Tohsaka speaks so easily, but I'm rigid all over with tension.
Even though I do it every night, the reality is that the success rate is below 0.1 percent.
Tohsaka says she'll study the extent of my strengthening to determine the level I'm at, but she won't be able to do even that if I fail at the strengthening.
"―――――"
That's no good. I shake off my idle thoughts.
I concentrate my mind on the lamp.
The blueprint of the lamp emerges.
I could draw a diagram of the glass's material, shape, and even the flow of strength that would correspond to blood vessels in humans.
So all I have to do now is to put my magical energy into those blood vessels.
...I just have to do as I always do.
The feeling of driving a burning metal rod into my backbone.
All I have to do is stick that incompatible burning nerve into my body and familiarize myself with it.
Once that succeeds, all I have to do is pour in the correct amount of magical energy for the glass and―――
"――Oh"
I broke it.
I must not have been able to control it, as I put more than the proper quantity of magical energy into it, and as a result, the glass breaks easily.
"......"
I look up at Tohsaka timidly.
"...As I thought. I thought this might be the case, but it really was."
Tohsaka's shoulders slump.
"Hm? What do you mean you thought so?"
"Isn't it obvious? I'm just dumbfounded by your lack of talent...! First of all, you don't have the basics down. Geez, I'm impressed you can produce magical energy with such a ridiculous method!"
"...Tohsaka. Are you angry?"
"Of course! I'm amazed you've kept training with such basic problems, and I even want to kill your teacher for not correcting you.
Why are you taking such a long route...!?".
"...Hm. I don't get what you're saying, but don't insult my father. It's my fault that I don't have any talent, so my father has nothing to do with it."
"Of course he has something to do with this. If you take an apprentice, it's the role of the teacher to correct the student.
...Well, you're right that it does no good to take it out on someone who's already gone, but still, your teacher got the first step wrong."
Still angry, Tohsaka takes out some kind of a can from her bag.
It looks like a can filled with candy drops, something foreign children treasure.
I've seen a lot of imitations in Japan as well.
That thing that has several varieties of candy, and the white one being the mint.
"Hold out your hand, Shirou."
"...?"
I put out my hand.
Tohsaka shakes the can and takes out a reddish candy drop.
"All right, swallow that."
"...?"
I put it in my mouth as instructed.
"...It's not sweet.
No, it has no taste actually.
And this feeling... it feels more like rock than candy.
"...Hmmm..."
I forcibly swallow it down.
"Oh, ouch. My throat hurts. What was that, Tohsaka?"
"It's a jewel, of course. Couldn't you tell by looking at it?"
Straightforwardly.
Tohsaka says something outrageous.
"A jewel, why...!?"
"I can't help it. I prepared some medicine too, but that sort of thing won't work if I want to fix you. So I decided I'd just have to open the switch with the strongest one I have."
"No, that's not the point...! Why are you making me swallow a jewel!? I can't digest something like that!"
"...Hey, now. If you're going to worry about things, you should be worrying about something else. It's not a normal jewel, you know?
What I gave you just now is an enforcement tool that will let you find out about what you didn't know up until now. It should start melting right about now, so be prepared, or you'll faint."
"Why are you telling me I'm gonna faint with――"
Just as I say that...
The abnormality hits me.
"―――――!?"
My body is burning.
The feeling in my limbs goes numb.
A lump of heat that can only be described as pain enters my back.
I have to concentrate my mind at my forehead and squeeze it, or I won't be able to stay standing.
"――What... is... this?"
I know it.
I know this feeling.
This is a failure.
This is the reaction that happens in my body when I fail to construct a Magic Circuit inside me――!
"It's all right. It must be painful, but it should gradually get better if you can maintain that condition. Well, the burning feeling will continue for about two or three weeks though."
...I want to answer her back, but I don't have the energy to do so.
All I can to is try with all my might to stay standing.
"Okay. The difference between a magus and a human is whether they have a switch or not.
You should know that this switch is the toggle for the Magic Circuit.
See, there's an electrical pot that can boil water. A magus is just like that. And a normal person is a pot that can keep the water warm, but can't boil it.
"We are similar, but different.
The question of whether one has the switch or not is beyond the grasp of an individual.
When we are born――no, when we are made, we are separated into insulators and kettles. A person without the switch will never be able to experience magecraft.
"All right? You're an amateur, but you definitely have a Magic Circuit.
So that means you have the talent. So if you make the Magic Circuit within your body even once, all you have to do after that is to toggle the switch.
You just have to press the switch and switch between on and off to produce magical energy."
...I calm my breathing.
As Tohsaka says, it seems the situation won't get any worse if I calm myself down.
"You only have to make the Magic Circuit once. But you're trying to make the Magic Circuit from scratch and build it into you every time.
"That's just a waste. If you establish it in your body even once, all you have to do is to switch to it.
...Usually, a magus who establishes a Magic Circuit next receives training to switch to it.
But your teacher didn't do that. That's why you're building a Magic Circuit and risking death every time.
...No, maybe your father made the same mistake as well."
I breathe out.
The feelings in my limbs slowly return.
"As you've trained the wrong way for a long time, your switch is closed. If that's the case, all we can do is to open it by force and let your body know that there is a switch."
"See, the jewel just now is something that forces the switch to turn on. So you'll be like that forever. If you want to return to your original state, you'll have to turn it off with your own power.
If you can do that, you won't need the jewel's help anymore. After that, you should be able to handle the Magic Circuit with a simple mental operation."
"...I get... that... but..."
Can't I do anything about the heat in my body?
And she talks about this switch, but what am I supposed to do?
"What, you can speak already!?
...Hmm, you're good at controlling yourself. Then maybe you can return to your normal state rather quickly.
The switch will automatically turn off as your body tries to calm down and tries to get comfortable again.
All you have to do is hasten that process with your will. See, it's easy, right?"
"...No... like I said, I don't understand at all.
You say a switch, but I don't feel anything like that."
"It'll be like that now, but you should be able to get a clear image eventually. It'll be like a button in your head. So all you have to do is switch it on, and you'll be able to open the Magic Circuit easily."
"...I hope so. I just feel really sick right now..."
"I assume so. You always shut your Magic Circuit after you used your strengthening magecraft, right?
It's the opposite right now and your Magic Circuit is open the whole time. It's like running full speed all the time, so it's naturally painful.
But that's an essential requirement to be able to call yourself a magus. If you're going to fight as a Master, toggling the switch will surely help you out."
"...I know. It was a surprise, but I'm thanking you. You're right. If I can feel this switch thing, it will certainly be a bonus."
"...You understand pretty well. But there's no need to thank me. I'm just helping you because I'm in trouble if the person I'm cooperating with is weak."
Tohsaka looks away.
It must be because my body is burning.
Blankly, I think that the embarrassed Tohsaka is cute.
"...What? What are you staring at my face for?"
"Nothing. I just thought you're not honest."
"...I see. You must have excess energy if you're able to say such things. I can continue teaching if you have that much energy, right?"
Tohsaka approaches me, smiling.
"...Uh."
Hold... on.
Hey, I can barely move my body right now.
"So, try your 'strengthening' again.
You shouldn't be able to control your magical energy right now, but you'll be of no use if you don't get used to that condition.
"It's all right. I brought lots of lamps. I don't know how many times you'll screw up, but I won't let you rest until you succeed in strengthening."
Smiling, she hands the lamp to me, still barely able to move.
"...Uh."
Whoa... this is like telling someone with a 40 degree fever to walk on a long tightrope...
"...Geez. I didn't think I'd give up before you did."
Tohsaka blames me with her glare.
"...I'm sorry."
"My predictions were too optimistic. I never thought you would break all thirty.
...Sorry, but that's it for today's training. There's nothing to use to measure your strengthening any more."
"...Ugh."
But I did try.
I tried hard with a body that's burning like I'm in a boiling kettle.
I tried hard, but it's just that the "strengthening" failed in spite of that.
"...Um. If it's just the glass breaking, you can fix it, right? You fixed the broken glass window before."
"It's impossible. That was something that broke normally. This broke because it couldn't endure your magical energy. Remember that it's hard to affect something that carries the magical energy of another."
"――Hm, I see."
"Yeah. ...Don't worry and go rest. I'll call it enough to have turned your switch on today.
I'll teach you the rest when you're able to control it."
"...Phew. I'm glad I can rest, but what will you teach me after this?"
"You can only use strengthening, right? You said that's all you can use, so then, you might be able to take it up to the next level and use 'transformation'.
Have you ever been taught about strengthening, transformation, and projection magecraft?"
"―――――Hm."
...A little.
Strengthening is used to strengthen something, as the word suggests.
People tend to think of strengthening as hardening something, but it actually strengthens the object's effect.
For example, swords will become sharper and lamps will become brighter.
I don't think I need to explain too much for transformation, either.
For example, you can't create a fire with an edged weapon.
That which attaches abilities beyond the normal effects is called transformation.
And projection I think was―――
"...? What was projection, Tohsaka? I remember my father talking about it often."
"You know about strengthening and transformation, right? Then I would think you'd naturally know what projection is.
Well, in short, it's magecraft that reproduces something.
It's not magecraft that elaborates on something that's already there.
Basically, it's magecraft that constructs something from nothing, so it's the hardest."
"Oh... but magical energy is used only once, right?
So something made with 'projection' disappears quickly.
Comparing a 'projected' sword made with ten magical energy and a 'strengthened' sword with one magical energy, the 'strengthened' one is stronger.
You only need to work on something that's already there, so strengthening is more efficient.
In that light, projection uses too much magical energy, so it's not a magecraft that's widely used."
"...Oh, I remember. I think my father was saying something like that. He said something about not doing it because it wasn't worth it."
"That's it. All right, let's finish up if you're done asking questions. ...You seem rather unsteady, so I'll at least take you to your room."
I let her accompany me back to my room.
And Saber is waiting for me at the doorway.
"Well done, both of you."
"......"
I don't even have the energy to respond.
I answer with just a nod and enter my room.
"How is Shirou, Rin?"
"Bad. He's really bad. He doesn't have the talent."
It's a merciless statement, just like Tohsaka.
...And then, when I notice, I'm looking up at the night sky.
Tonight, I didn't run away because I felt uneasy about Saber.
I'm just feeling the night wind, finding my burning body and the things Tohsaka taught me impossible to manage.
"...But once I'm really able to use this switch thing, then the problem is only the procedure.
I'm worried about the future if I'm failing so much at the easiest magecraft of strengthening..."
I murmur and start to put my magical energy into the plank I brought out from the shed.
――A cracking sound.
The strengthening failed as I expected, and the wood has a crack in it.
"...I can even see the structure inside of it, so why can't I control my magical energy?"
Tohsaka said I'm straining too much.
She also said it's fine with just a small amount of magical energy, so I should just think about enforcing the weak spots in the object.
...In short, does she mean I should ease up a bit?
"...I already know that without having to have her tell me."
The problem is, I don't have any way to ease up.
It would be great if there was some good way to relax and――
"......"
Footsteps that seem to seep into the night.
This presence rudely approaches me for the second time.
"...What? I don't have any business with you."
"I feel the same way. But it seems Rin is worried about you, so I could not overlook it."
"......"
I throw the plank away, glaring at Archer.
And then, Archer picks up the plank as if he's interested in it.
"Strengthening magecraft, huh? But it sure is badly done."
"...! Huh, I know I'm just an amateur. I feel bad for putting extra work on your Master."
"No, that is not it. Even Rin is mistaken on this matter."
"Huh...? What do you mean by――"
"Huh, work on something that is already there? That's aiming too high. You are not skilled enough to do such a thing."
"Wha...!"
He's saying what he likes when I'm letting him...! ...But he is so correct, I can't answer.
It's true that I'm unskilled, and it's my fault that I cannot succeed at the magecraft.
It's no good taking it out on this guy.
"――What? You don't have the energy you did last night?"
"Shut up. I just stopped talking because you were right.
It's all my fault for not being skilled enough."
I look away.
I don't know how he took it.
"...Hm. Maybe you are unlucky with your teachers in a way."
Archer says so as if he's amazed.
"Huh...? That can't be true. My father and Tohsaka are good at teaching, so it must be me that's a bad student."
"――That is why. For you, a magus that doesn't know anything would suit you better.
A genius cannot understand the agony of an ordinary person.
Rin is too good a student to realize the mistake of a dropout."
"...?"
I don't get what Archer wants to say.
I don't get it, but to guess from his words...
"I don't get it, but I think you're looking for a fight."
I'll take it right now, free of charge.
"That is a mistake as well. Emiya Shirou is not fit for fighting.
Because your fight is supposed to be a mental fight, a fight with your own self."
"Hm... you're saying that a fight between magi is a mental fight, right? I already know that. But still, a fight has to be exchange of blows."
"Geez. Saber will be in trouble if you are like that."
Archer looks down at me seriously.
In his eyes are things I haven't seen before... real dejection and anger.
"Listen carefully because I will only say this once.
Look. Emiya Shirou has no chance of winning if it comes down to fighting.
None of your skills will be any use against a Servant."
"...!"
That's something Saber said to me.
She said that no matter what kind of clever scheme I use, Emiya Shirou has no chance of victory in battle.
"In that case, at least imagine it. If it is an opponent you cannot match in real life, beat it in your imagination.
If you cannot beat it yourself, imagine something that you could beat it with.
――After all, that is the only thing you can do."
"Wha―――"
I don't know why.
But it feels like Archer's words naturally pass into me.
I should not forget those words.
I think that what this man is saying is something that should never be forgotten――
"...There is something wrong with me advising someone I need to kill. I guess the kindness of Rin has transferred to me."
Archer disappears suddenly.
Archer was just supposed to keep watch.
I bet he jumped back onto the roof where it's fit for keeping watch.
"...What's with him?"
I complain at the guy that disappeared.
There's no reply.
Ruminating on the words that linger horribly in my head, I feel the cold winter air on my burning body.
Scene 28 - Shirou peeping incident: Prelude
I get back to the house.
I decide to keep it a secret that I met Illya.
I know it's something that I should tell her about right away, but I still don't want to tell her about it.
The Illya I met at the park wasn't a Master.
I talked with Illya about trifling matters and we parted in a trifling manner as well.
So I'm hesitant to tell others about what happened today.
...I feel guilty since it's like I'm hiding something from them, but it's because I don't want to think of the Illya I met today as my enemy.
After eating lunch with Saber, we continue to train at the dojo. And before I know it, it's time for dinner already.
I rest my tired body and take a bath to wash my sweat off.
And when I go to the living room, dinner is prepared.
"―――――"
I'm a bit moved.
It's nice having dinner ready without me doing anything when I come out of the bath.
"Emiya-kun, it's dinnertime――what are you doing standing there like an idiot? Is it dementia?"
But.
Why does she have to say something that totally destroys the moment?
"Nothing. Dinner, right? I'll eat it gratefully. Where's Saber?"
"Mn? I guess Saber-san went to Shirou's room. Didn't you see her? That's weird, she was here until a second ago."
"Maybe you two missed each other since this place is as complicated as a hotel. All right, I'll go get Saber, so you should go to the bathroom again. Your hair isn't completely dry yet."
"Oh, you're right. Sorry, then I'll leave Saber to you."
I wave my hand to Tohsaka and return to the hallway.
As Tohsaka said, the Emiya house has many paths because of the aimless reconstruction.
The worst one is the route to the bathroom, and it really is like a hotel because you can get there from my room or from the living room.
I enter the bathroom.
I don't like hair driers, so I'll use the towel I used before.
"―――――"
In an instant.
I forget everything that happened today.
"Shirou."
I hear a voice.
The figure in front of me is saying something.
"It seems you are here to take a bath again, but I am using it at the moment. It would be helpful if you could reserve yourself for now."
She says so without hesitation.
"Uh, uh, auh, ah."
I have to explain.
I know I have to explain to her that this is an accident, but my head is totally blank.
After all, this had enough impact to make me forget everything that happened today.
"S, s-s, s-s-s-s-s-s-"
"Shirou, have you been in the bath too long? Even your ears are red. If you would like to cool down, you should go to the porch."
"Uh, yeah, I'll do so. But I have to apologize first."
I look away from Saber and calm my pounding heart.
"This was an accident. I wasn't trying to look at your naked body. No, I can't ask you to forgive me from the moment we met like this, so you can get angry at me."
"...?"
I say so while trying to look down and calming myself the best I can.
Saber thinks for a while.
"Shirou, please raise your head."
She says in her usual manner.
"Uh... yeah."
I raise my head as she tells me to.
"...!! Why are you still like that...!?"
In front of me is Saber, still as she was before.
"It is nothing you should apologize for. I would like to say that there is nothing you should be worried about just from seeing something like my bare body."
"Ah――huh?"
"I have told you before. The Servant's gender is meaningless.
It seems you are in a panic because you saw my body as a woman, but I am a Servant before I am a woman. So I believe such consideration is unnecessary."
"Wha――?"
What is she saying?
No, even if Saber herself says that, it doesn't change the fact that she's really feminine.
...Or could it be?
I have an idea, but is it true...?
"...I'll ask, but don't tell me you're not embarrassed by people seeing your body."
"...? Why would I need to be embarrassed?"
"―――――"
I thought so.
...But even if she doesn't care, I'll definitely go insane.
"...I'm sorry. Anyways, I'm going to apologize. If anything like this happens again, you can do what you want with me."
I turn around 180 degrees and exit the dressing room awkwardly.
"...?"
Saber looks at me in her usual manner until I disappear.
Scene 29 - Issei`s get well visit-Types of smiles
Even after lunch, we do the same things.
I wholeheartedly exchange shinai blows with Saber.
The training that should continue until Tohsaka or Fuji-Nee gets home is...
...Interrupted by a doorbell to let me know a visitor is here.
"Shirou, it seems there is a visitor."
"Yeah, I heard it. I'll go, so please stay here."
"...No. There is a possibility that it is an unwanted visitor. I shall accompany you, just in case."
"―――Hm."
What Saber says is plausible.
...It is, but if the visitor happens to be a neighbor, there is a chance they'll get suspicious of Saber.
Because it's supposedly just me living in this house.
But....
"Well, what happens will be what happens."
Sakura and Fuji-Nee come here often, so I shouldn't start worrying about public image now.
"All right, come on, Saber. But please stay quiet if the visitor's a normal person."
"I know. I am to be your distant relative, is that right?"
"Yeah, that's good."
"Yeah, I'm coming!"
Hurried by the doorbell, I open the entrance door.
"Excuse me. I heard you were not feeling well, so I came to see how you were doing, Emiya."
Instead.
The visitor is not some enemy or some neighbor, but a friend from school.
"Oh, it's just you, Issei."
"It's rude to say that. Is that an appropriate attitude to take towards a friend who has come to see you?"
Complaining, Issei hands me a paper bag.
"Hm? What's this? Apples?"
"It's a get-well gift. When the person who usually never gets sick is absent from school, I should at least bring something."
"――Hm."
I'm grateful for his concern, but I'm not absent because I'm sick.
...And also, it seems wrong for a young student to bring a bag of apples for a sick friend.
"What, Emiya? Don't you like fruit?"
"Oh, I like them. Yeah, it's complicated, but I'll accept your good intentions."
I bow in appreciation.
"...Emiya. This is a sudden question, but who is that woman behind you?"
"Huh?"
That said, I turn around.
Of course, Saber followed me here.
"Oh――"
I see. Issei must have seen Saber when I bowed.
"...It is not someone I've seen before. Why is such a woman at your house?"
Issei stares rudely at Saber.
He's really bashful in front of strangers and he can be really coldhearted towards strangers or people he dislikes.
"Uh, well, she's called Saber and, um..."
"I am a distant relative of Shirou. I was treated kindly by the master of this house, Kiritsugu, when he was in my country.
I came to sightsee here the other day, and I am staying here thanks to my relation to him."
"――――Huh?"
Saber smoothly delivers a convincing story.
"So you're an acquaintance of Emiya's father? I hear he loved traveling. I am sure he would have had the chance to meet someone like you."
"―――――What!?"
Ryuudou Issei, who's supposedly bashful around strangers, easily accepts the fact.
"I see. I understand your situation, Emiya.
Your sickness is just an excuse and you were showing her around, right?"
"Uh――yeah. I guess you could say that."
...Yeah, I guess I'm not lying, on the grand scale.
"Then you won't mind if I intrude. Get me some tea in appreciation for me bringing it back. Let's talk about what has happened at school these past two days."
Issei comes in, taking off his shoes.
"...? What do you mean by appreciation? I'm busy, you know?
Let's talk some other time."
"What are you saying? You left your bike outside our place, right?"
"Oh... yeah, I left my bike at the Ryuudou Temple."
"Yes. So I brought you your bike.
Even though I was busy, I went straight home without attending the student council and came here. Are you saying you cannot even give me some tea for that?"
"――Ugh."
That's certainly helpful.
Even though I have 3 bicycles, the one I left at the Ryuudou Temple is the most expensive one and my favorite.
"...Sorry, Saber. Can we take a little break?"
Saber nods silently.
"Sorry. Could you guys go to the living room? I'll go prepare some tea. Japanese tea for Issei and English tea for Saber, right?"
"Wha... I-I am joining as well!? I-I do not know about that. I do not think you will be able to talk freely with your friend if I am there."
"That's not true. Right, Issei?"
"Right. Girls are loud, but Saber-san is fine. Humble women are a part of our cultural heritage."
"See. So please go ahead."
"Uh... yes. I understand, but Shirou..."
"What? Is there something else?"
"Could I have Japanese tea as well? I do not dislike Japanese tea."
For some reason, Saber says so clearly.
It feels a bit weird, her saying that in her usual manner.
We talk about meaningless things for an hour, then Issei decides to go home.
The conversation we had in the living room was mostly about school, and I asked him tentatively if there was anything strange going on, but it seems school continued as usual.
"I'll see you. Will you be skipping tomorrow as well?"
"Yeah, I can't go to school this week. I have to be with Saber tomorrow again."
"I see. Well, there shouldn't be any problems if you are with that girl. There are suspicious aspects, but they don't even need to be considered."
Issei nods to himself.
...Come to think of it, how was it possible for this guy, so bashful around strangers, not to hate Saber?
"Hey Issei. You were in a good mood even though it was your first time meeting Saber. What's up with that?"
"What are you saying? I grew up in a temple. What would I do if I couldn't tell good from evil? I do not know her origins, but her spirit is pure. She cannot be a bad person."
"Wow. So you can tell that sort of thing? I'm a bit impressed."
"...Well, I can't normally. But even an amateur can tell if it's that great.
Even a monk in training will notice divinity if a Buddha stands next to him. In other words, Saber-san is that beautiful."
...This is rare indeed.
Issei is praising a woman.
"I see. So you like Saber too."
That's good.
I was worried Issei wouldn't like her since all she did was sit there and listen silently.
"Of course. She's a good girl. It's hard to dislike her."
"Yeah. I see she's a good girl, but she's a little antisocial, right? She's always like that, so it doesn't mean she dislikes you."
"Huh? Is she antisocial?"
"She is. She hasn't laughed yet. She's always had a troubled face, even when we were laughing and talking about Fuji-Nee."
"No, she was smiling quite a lot."
"――Huh?"
That's ridiculous.
It's true that Saber looks peaceful sometimes.
But when I haven't yet seen her smile even once...!?
"You're lying. I can't imagine Saber busting her sides with laughter."
"...No, it's not like that.
She was smiling when she saw you smile. Didn't you notice?"
―――?
She was smiling when she saw me smile...?
"...Um. Does that mean she was making fun of me...?"
"――I see, you interpret some things rather oddly.
But you should torment yourself on that issue. Everything starts from questioning yourself. Kah!"
With his usual comments, he leaves laughing.
"Hm――what does he mean?"
He leaves me with only suggestive comments.
At least say goodbye to me, you idiot.