Aśvatthāman
After the Rage
Narration:
Anger swells up, explodes, and settles.
Narration:
It's a lot like a bomb, or a flash of light.
Narration:
Anger is by no means a negative emotion.
Narration:
Everyone has the right to get angry at
things like injustice, oppression, and malice.
Narration:
But, all that being said...
Narration:
...do I still have a right to get angry?
Tristan:
Hmm, I see.
Tristan:
Speaking as an outsider, I would say that,
while getting angry is every person's right...
Tristan:
...taking out anger you've held onto from life on third parties who had nothing to do with it seems wrong to me.
Narration:
Exactly.
Narration:
My anger comes from the injustice I witnessed
back when I was alive.
Narration:
And I can't shake the idea that it's wrong to take it out on others, even if they're enemies.
Chiron:
If there is a significant difference in combat prowess between when you are angry and when you are not, then that is certainly an issue.
Narration:
Good question. I guess being angry
might make fighting a little easier for me.
Chiron:
In that case, it would most likely behoove you to remain angry during battle.
Chiron:
That being said, if this anger is having
a negative affect on your mind...
Chiron:
...then we cannot simply ignore it.
I suspect Master feels the same way.
Narration:
Yeah... That's true.
I nod along in agreement.
Chiron:
Anger and rage are necessary emotions for anyone.
We Servants are no exception.
Chiron:
Indeed, I'm sure that some heroes were only summoned here due to feats that were driven by righteous anger.
Chiron:
However, anger also requires fuel.
Chiron:
It costs both physical and mental energy to be angry.
Chiron:
So it is surprisingly difficult to remain in a
perpetual state of either anger or grief.
Chiron:
Is that not the case for you?
Narration:
I cock my head and think about Chiron's question.
Narration:
He's right. It is difficult to stay perpetually angry.
Narration:
But for some reason, I still have plenty of anger to go around.
Chiron:
Hmmm.
What about the strain it puts on your mind?
Narration:
...I don't know.
Tristan:
You don't know?
Tristan:
So you have no idea whether your anger
puts any strain on you whatsoever?
Narration:
I nod.
Narration:
This emotion–this burning, all-consuming rage–has never been a burden.
Narration:
If anything, it's only given me energy to spare.
Narration:
It keeps my mind constantly elated, to the point where I don't even realize I'm tired.
Chiron:
Very good. In that case...
Chiron:
I think we'd better talk to Master.
Aśvatthāman:
So now, I need your advice!
What should I do? Huh?
Fujimaru 1:
You three make, um...quite the combination.
Chiron:
Hahaha, I suppose we do.
Chiron:
We may all be Archers, but we come from very different times, regions, and cultures, to say the least.
Fujimaru 2:
I feel like I'm looking at RGB personified.
Tristan:
As in red, green, and blue?
...Yes, I suppose I can see that.
Tristan:
I guess I must be green, Chiron blue,
and Aśvatthāman red.
Tristan:
Though it's still hard to say as to whether we complement each other or not.
Mash:
I see...
Aśvatthāman:
It's not healthy for me to always be angry all the time.
That makes sense.
Aśvatthāman:
But right now, I can't do anything unless I'm angry.
At least, I think so.
Mash:
But, um, aren't we talking normally now, without you being angry?
Aśvatthāman:
I can keep it in check for a little bit.
Aśvatthāman:
But that's not the same thing as getting rid of it completely, right?
Chiron:
Besides, we wouldn't be here asking for help if this issue could be managed by simply having him keep it in check.
Aśvatthāman:
Exactly.
Fujimaru 1:
Do you want to keep your anger in check?
Aśvatthāman:
Well, I definitely want to do something about it before I end up making trouble for someone...
Fujimaru 2:
So you wouldn't rather just stay the way you are?
Aśvatthāman:
I don't think this is a good way to be.
It's not natural to be angry all the time.
Mash:
Maybe you should talk to Pārvatī.
She might have a good idea.
Aśvatthāman:
Ulp.
Aśvatthāman:
...Sorry, Mash, but I'd really rather not do that.
Aśvatthāman:
It's like, uh... How can I put this...
Fujimaru 1:
You don't want to ask your mom for help now that you're grown up?
Chiron:
Hahaha. That's certainly one apt way to put it.
Fujimaru 2:
You don't want to worry her?
Aśvatthāman:
Basically.
Please, I'm begging you here!
Mash:
Keeping anger in check...
What about facilitated relaxation?
Mash:
You could try forest therapy to calm your mind, get a massage to relieve the tension in your muscles... I've heard things like that can work wonders for relaxing!
Aśvatthāman:
I got no idea what the hell forest therapy's supposed to be... But okay, let's give 'em a shot!
Fujimaru 1:
All right, let's do it!
Chiron:
I think I will come with you then. What about you, Tristan? Will you be joining us as well?
Tristan:
Forest therapy... I like the sound of that.
I was just thinking I could use a good nap.
Fujimaru 1:
No sleeping during therapy.
Tristan:
Yes, Master.
Mash:
Okay then, I'll go get the simulator ready!
Narration:
Forest therapy.
Narration:
They say it's a kind of, well, therapeutic treatment that involves going into a woods to relax.
Narration:
Apparently, it's all 'cause of things like phytoncides and air quality and a change of environment and such.
Narration:
Well, if nothing else, it ought to be good for the mind.
Narration:
Except...
Narration:
...it doesn't seem to work that well in dense South American jungles.
Aśvatthāman:
Frick, it's hot here.
Mash:
I'm sorry. I think I got one of the settings wrong...
Tristan:
So much for taking a nap.
Tristan:
Hehe. Now that I take a closer look, I can see there are all sorts of insects happily buzzing about the air here.
Tristan:
Well, I can't actually see them, since I'm too scared of bugs to open my eyes, but I can still sense them.
Fujimaru 1:
You're scared of bugs!?
Tristan:
Yes. I've always hated bugs. They just look much too much like fairies for my liking. That, and vampiric horses...
Chiron:
Oh? I'll have you know that some insects are actually very nutritious. They're essential eating when it comes to wilderness survival.
Tristan:
What? You mean some people have to eat bugs to survive? I can't even imagine it... So I won't. I'm just going to pretend I never heard that...
Chiron:
I see. Well, you certainly don't HAVE to eat them, especially if you have access to meat, fruit, and veggies.
Aśvatthāman:
Never mind that.
What do we do about this?
Aśvatthāman:
Forget about relaxing! All this heat and humidity's only cranking up my anger energy!
Aśvatthāman:
Good, perfect timing! Sorry guy, but like it or not, I'm taking my anger out on you!
Chiron:
Here, let us help.
Mash:
A-all right! Initiating simulation battle!
--BATTLE--:
Aśvatthāman:
Eat this!
Aśvatthāman:
Dammit. I thought that might help
get my anger under control...
Aśvatthāman:
But thanks to how damn hot these things were,
I'm more pissed off than before!
Tristan:
I'm sorry to hear that.
Tristan:
In that case, I think it's time we tried some real forest therapy.
Chiron:
I would appreciate that. I don't think I can
stand much more of this heat, either.
Mash:
R-right.
Mash:
Okay, I'll make sure to set the next environment to a proper forest that you can use for therapy.
--BATTLE--:
Tristan:
That's it.
This is just what I had in mind.
Tristan:
It really is peaceful here. Forests are green,
and of course, I am synonymous with green.
Fujimaru 1:
Really? 'Cause when I think of green, I think of Robin Hood.
Tristan:
...
Tristan:
No, it's me.
Mash:
(He really doesn't want to let this go!)
Fujimaru 2:
Isn't Chiron more closely associated with green?
Tristan:
...
...(Zzz).
Aśvatthāman:
Stop sleeping!
Tristan:
Oh, I wasn't sleeping. That's just the sound I make when I'm not ready to admit defeat.
Aśvatthāman:
Uh...
Chiron:
When it comes to Tristan, I've found it's best to just not think about him too hard.
Aśvatthāman:
...Gotcha...
Chiron:
All right, since there don't seem to be any Demonic Beasts nearby, let's try some deep breathing exercises to complement the forest therapy.
Aśvatthāman:
Got it.
Chiron:
Okay everyone, line up, please.
Chiron:
Now, let's take some deep breaths.
Inhale...
Chiron:
Exhale...
Chiron:
Inhale...
Chiron:
Exhale...
Chiron:
Inhale, then expel all of your breath at once,
building up power throughout your entire body...
Chiron:
And stick out your fist...
Aśvatthāman:
Ha!
Tristan:
Hra!
Aśvatthāman:
...How's that supposed to help us relax?
Chiron:
I'm sorry. Old habits.
All right, let's try meditation next.
Fujimaru 1:
You ready?
Aśvatthāman:
Hell yeah!
Chiron:
Start by sitting down in a comfortable position,
then close your eyes.
Chiron:
Now, look for the source of your anger.
Narration:
That statement takes me a little by surprise.
Narration:
Anger... The source of my anger.
Narration:
That cowardly plot, unbefitting of warriors.
The enemy army that decided to carry it out.
Narration:
My pathetic self, unable to stop it.
My comrades, falling one after another.
Narration:
That was why I got so mad that I broke the rules
of warfare and massacred them during the night.
Chiron:
That's not the only reason.
Narration:
That statement sends me reeling.
I want to jump down his throat...but I resist.
Chiron:
Anger like that would never last the way yours does.
There must be something more to it.
Fujimaru 1:
You mean he's angry at something else?
Aśvatthāman:
I...
Narration:
Yeah... He's right.
I mean, I really was angry back then...
Narration:
But the anger I feel now is different.
It takes over my whole body, tormenting me.
Narration:
Where does this anger come from?
What in the world is it?
Chiron:
That anger isn't right for you.
Chiron:
If it were, you would be able to understand it.
Narration:
...This anger isn't right.
Narration:
...
Narration:
Is it the anger I felt for being punished?
...No, it's not that.
Narration:
I agreed with that punishment.
In fact...
Narration:
I remember thinking it didn't go far enough.
Narration:
That's right. I wasn't punished enough.
Narration:
I've never felt like I fully atoned for what I did. I just kept wandering around wearing myself down until the next thing I knew, I was a Heroic Spirit.
Narration:
I remember thinking I was sure I was going to keep being punished.
Narration:
And yet...
Narration:
That's right.
Chaldea's way too good for a sinner like me.
Aśvatthāman:
I see it now.
Aśvatthāman:
I'm angry at myself.
Aśvatthāman:
I'll never be able to atone for what I did in a paradise like this.
Chiron:
...You're wrong.
Chiron:
That's it. That guilt is the indescribable
source of your anger.
Chiron:
That rage you feel towards yourself
is what you need to fight!
Chiron:
Concentrate. You're a warrior, are you not?
Chiron:
Then you should be used to fighting yourself.
Narration:
Yeah. I am. But...
Narration:
...I'm not at all confident I can win.
Narration:
After all, I've been holding on to this anger for thousands of years.
Chiron:
Hahahaha.
No need to worry about that.
Chiron:
Did you forget who's there beside you?
Narration:
...Yeah. Good point.
In that case...
Aśvatthāman:
So Master, I hate to ask you this...but would you mind giving me a hand fighting my own redemption?
Aśvatthāman:
Listen well, my millennia-old anger.
I will vanquish you in the name of duty.
Aśvatthāman:
I'm here to help save humanity. To help set it right.
It's natural to be angry at any and all injustice.
Aśvatthāman:
But in your case...you're much too big for a simple archer like me to carry by myself.
Aśvatthāman:
...
Aśvatthāman:
So it's time for us to go our separate ways,
even if it should cost me my life!
Aśvatthāman:
Here I come!!!
--BATTLE--:
Aśvatthāman:
All right! We won!!!
Fujimaru 1:
B-but I didn't do anything...
Tristan:
...I see.
Tristan:
As a first-rate warrior, he must be able to simulate a battle where you were there giving him orders, Master.
Chiron:
Well? Is your anger gone now?
Aśvatthāman:
...
Aśvatthāman:
It's not that simple.
Chiron:
Perhaps not, but you can tell your relationship to it has changed, no?
Aśvatthāman:
Yeah, I can.
Aśvatthāman:
My anger wasn't just directed at other people.
It was also directed at me.
Aśvatthāman:
And just being aware of that
makes a world of difference.
Aśvatthāman:
Thanks, Master.
Fujimaru 1:
Uh, you're welcome, but I really didn't do anything!
Aśvatthāman:
Hahahaha!
Tristan:
And so♪
His Master♪
Tristan:
Birthed a new legend♪
By winning despite doing nothing♪
Tristan:
Ahh, how very jealous I am♪
Strum strum, strum strum♪
Fujimaru 1:
Would you please stop singing that song already!?
Tristan:
I'm sorry. Your bewildered face was just so amusing that I couldn't help myself.
Gareth:
That's enough, Sir Tristan!
Zip it!
Fujimaru 2:
Ugh! Stupid Tristan!
Tristan:
I see. Insults, is it?
Well, that's okay. They don't bother me♪
Tristan:
For a poet is not truly a poet♪
Unless they are also a nuisance♪
Gareth:
You're not even the least bit sorry, are you, Sir Tristan? I never could tell what you're thinking.
Chiron:
How are you, Aśvatthāman?
Aśvatthāman:
You know, I'm doing all right.
Aśvatthāman:
The time I'm spending here in peace, laughing and having fun with these guys I now call my friends... That's all the atonement I need.
Aśvatthāman:
And it's not unpleasant for me,
so I'm not gonna ruin the mood.
Aśvatthāman:
My suffering'll last as long as I live, but I'll also be able to enjoy the good things in life.
Aśvatthāman:
'Cause they're both perfectly valid ways
for me to be who I am.
Chiron:
Wonderful. That answer was so good I'm tempted to give you an A+ on your report card.
Aśvatthāman:
Thanks, but there's no way I'm
going back to school at this age.
Aśvatthāman:
...Then again, maybe that wouldn't be so bad...
Chiron:
Well, if you're ever in the mood for a lesson,
I'm always accepting new students.
Aśvatthāman:
Hm?
Aśvatthāman:
...Thank you for everything.
Aśvatthāman:
I hope my uncertainty, and my anger,
always remain in their proper place...
Aśvatthāman:
...and that you will continue to
watch over both myself and Master...
Aśvatthāman:
...Lady Pārvatī.
Pārvatī:
...Thank goodness.
It seems there was no need for me to get involved.
Pārvatī:
Seeing them grow, inspire, and motivate themselves like this is the greatest reward I could ask for.
Pārvatī:
Now then, I think I'd better check in on someone else who could use a little motivation!
Pārvatī:
You can't just spend every day doing nothing but playing video games, after all!
Aśvatthāman:
So tell me, Master:
What is it you're angry about right now?
Aśvatthāman:
Whatever it is, I know you'll have a good reason to be angry over it. And I'll always be there to help.
Aśvatthāman:
After all...isn't that what Servants are for?