Chloe Von Einzbern
Chloe's Snack
Chloe:
...And that's why things have been a little lacking in the kissing department.
Mash:
...
Fujimaru 1:
...
Fujimaru 2:
What did you just say, you little succubus?
Chloe:
Don't take this the wrong way.
I'm not complaining about your technique or anything...
Chloe:
But I just...want to feel something else...like butterflies in my stomach.
Mash:
...
Fujimaru 1:
Um, not in front of Mash...
Mash:
No, no, go on.
This may be something I need to hear.
Mash:
Please continue, Chloe. Depending on what you have to say, I may have to contact the authorities.
Fujimaru 2:
Mash, you look a little scary.
Mash:
This is my default expression. My various emotions are typically not reflected in my catalog of expressions.
Mash:
So please carry on.
As you can see, I am quite calm.
Chloe:
Oh no, did I hit a nerve?
Chloe:
Normally, I'd keep prodding and hope for some good drama...
Chloe:
But since Mash is a good girl,
I'll leave it alone.
Mash:
O-okay...
Fujimaru 1:
So you were asking if you couldstrengthen your power during battle?
Chloe:
Right. I came over to see if there was anything we could do to improve the situation.
Chloe:
If you can increase the magical energy supplied to me,
I can increase my output, which will help everyone.
Mash:
I-I didn't realize that's what you were talking about. I just thought...
Chloe:
You thought...?
Mash:
N-no!
Nothing at all!
Mash:
So this is about getting stronger. I believe this is one of the most important topics to discuss here in Chaldea. Absolutely, yes.
Chloe:
Yep, yep.
You really are cute, Mash.
Mash:
I don't know why...but I feel like I was just teased by an older sister or something...
Chloe:
I think they're around here somewhere.
Mash:
We tagged along because you asked us to,
but why did you take us here?
Chloe:
I heard there's good snacks around here.
I figured I could taste them all at once.
Chloe:
Ah! I smell something delectable over there!
Mash:
Um...what happened to you getting stronger?
Chloe:
There they are! Over there!
Hide, so they don't see you!
Mash:
They are...
Nursery Rhyme:
Tea time♪
Jack:
Tea, tea, tea...ocha in Japanese♪
Medea Lily:
T-tee...
Chacha:
Chacha!!!
Mash:
Are they having a tea party?
That's so adorable...
Mash:
...Though they seem to be a bit lacking in terms of vocabulary...
Chloe:
Heh heh heh... Every single one of them looks to be positively brimming with magical energy...
Mash:
Gasp!
D-don't tell me you're going to...
Chloe:
Yep, I'm going to start snacking...
Chloe:
By sucking their magical energy!
Chloe:
Down to the last drop!
Chloe:
Suck suck suck!
Mash:
Wh-what!?
Chloe:
If there's a girl that I'm super compatible with,
my charge efficiency will go way up!
Chloe:
That's why I'm going to sample them one by one!
Mash:
Th-that makes sense on paper, but...n-no!
Mash:
Th-that's not right...
In fact, it may be criminal!
Chloe:
It's fine, it's fine.
I won't do anything that would traumatize them♡
Chloe:
All I have to do is make sure they don't remember.
That just means I gotta fight them.
Chloe:
Either way, I don't think they're going to let me suck them directly, so I'll do it after I knock them out.
Mash:
S-she's thinking like a random serial attacker!
Fujimaru 1:
I shall call this “Operation Serial Kisser.”
Mash:
Master!?
Chloe:
That's good!
I'm getting excited now!
Nursery Rhyme:
Tea tea tea tea tea♪
Jack:
Tea, tea, chachacha!
Chachacha-tea!
Medea Lily:
Teee...hee hee...
Chacha:
Chacha!!! We're talking about Chacha, aren't we!?
Wahahaha!!!
Chacha:
By the way, why are we all only saying “tea” and “cha”?
Nursery Rhyme:
Eh? Are we allowed to talk normally?
Jack:
We thought chanting “cha cha” was customary in a Japanese tea party.
Chacha:
A tea ceremony isn't this wacky! A Japanese tea ceremony is a social gathering that mixes etiquette and being fashionable!
Medea Lily:
I feel things went off the rails somewhat when Chacha started randomly shouting “Chacha!”
Chacha:
Chacha!?
Nursery Rhyme & Jack:
Cha-cha-cha!
Chloe:
This is so stupid it's hurting my head...
Mash:
Setting matters of intellect aside,
those girls are all pure and innocent.
Mash:
For you to attack them and...k-k-kiss them...
I don't think we can permit such an immoral act...
Chloe:
Yeehaw! Let's go!
It's time to make some flowers bloom!
Chacha:
Wh-what the!?
Mash:
CHLOE!!!
--BATTLE--:
Nursery Rhyme:
Cha...
Jack:
Chaaaaaa...
Medea Lily:
I-I feel like we're being handled...
Chacha:
...crudely!
...Unnnf...
Mash:
...Battle complete.
...So it's finally happening...
Fujimaru 1:
A sacrifice for the greater good.
Mash:
I'm sure this will also come back to haunt you, Senpai. But there's nothing we can do about it now, is there?
Fujimaru 2:
We. Saw. Nothing. Got it?
Mash:
This is definitely something I won't want to witness!
Chloe:
Whew. They fought hard,
but they were no match for the Serial Kisser Squad.
Mash:
And now we're a part of this shameful group!
Chloe:
Now that they've all passed out...
Chloe:
Time for a taste☆
Chloe:
Hm...
Mash:
Oh...my...
Mash:
...Ahhh...w-wow...that sound...ahhhh!
That's too much...!
Mash:
S-Senpai! I don't think this is right!
This is...this is SO wrong in SO many ways!!!
Fujimaru 1:
It's just kids playing. It's fine.
Fujimaru 2:
It's only an exchange of magical energy. It's fine.
Mash:
Y-you really think so?
Mash:
N-no, you're right. The...methodology may be troubling, but it really just amounts to a medical procedure.
Mash:
It is just one way to exchange magical energy.
Yes... So there is no problem here...
Mash:
...No problem...I hope...
Chloe:
Ummmmmmf... Phew!
Chloe:
...Wanna try, Mash?
Mash:
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
--ARROW--:
Chloe:
In the end, none of them were compatible.
I'm disappointed...
Mash:
I feel sorry for them...
Chloe:
I was hoping the ponytail witch Medea Lily would be the one... But even though she was unconscious, she had really strong magical resistance!
Chloe:
She was the hardest to deal with, despite how she looks. She's probably got a lot more going on than meets the eye.
Mash:
Really? Out of those four, I feel she has the most common sense. ...Although that can be its own burden.
Fujimaru 1:
So, boss. Who's your next victim?
Mash:
As much as I respect your adaptability, I don't think it's working in your favor this time, Senpai.
Fujimaru 2:
The Serial Kisser Squad's journey continues...
Chloe:
It's good that you're really into my cause, but quit acting like that, it's gonna end up making things take a bad turn (read: get us shut down).
Chloe:
Okay, next. I went after kiddos last time, so maybe I should look for a stronger girl this time.
Chloe:
Maybe I should find myself a king, or...oh!
Maybe a Berserker...
Mash:
I predict a whole different kind of disaster from last time.
Mash:
...To be quite clear,
disaster beyond reckoning is sure to ensue.
Fujimaru 1:
Is it girls only?
Fujimaru 2:
You don't want boys?
Chloe:
Eh? When it comes to boys, I wouldn't want them to get serious with me... None of them are my type anyway.
Chloe:
Oh wait... There are maybe one or two good ones,
but those guys...you know...honestly...
Mash:
I-I don't know how to respond to that. I can only surmise that you have a very complicated situation here.
Chloe:
So there you have it.
Now let's keep looking for other girls with potential.
Chloe:
Girls like the last ones, the sort who aren't challenging, are just boring... I wanna try getting a strong girl to submit to me.
Mash:
You are much too gung-ho about these morally questionable endeavors!
Chloe:
Hmmm, is there anyone around? A cute and strong and stimulating girl...and possibly a Saber who's compatible with my class.
Chloe:
Yoohoo, are there any girl kings swinging their swords around here...?
Chloe:
After I give her a gentle thrashing, I wanna nurse her back to health with the utmost care and tenderness!
Nightingale:
Where's the patient!?
Chloe:
...
Mash:
...
Nightingale:
...?
Fujimaru 1:
A wild head nurse appears.
Fujimaru 2:
Welp, you hoped for a Berserker. There you go.
Chloe:
No, no, no! She's no good! I was trying to put up a flag to lure someone like Altria or Altera!
Mash:
That last bit might have pushed her over the edge.
She's gone berserk herself.
Nightingale:
Do not fret. Now that I'm here, I will thoroughly expunge this mental anguish troubling you.
Nightingale:
It will not be unnecessarily painful... That is, it will be excruciating, even highly traumatic, but that is only because it is necessary.
Nightingale:
Sadly, there is no anesthesia to numb pain of the heart or soul. I must ask you to grit your teeth and bear it.
Chloe:
We can't reason with her! Figures! Wh-what are we going to do with her? There's no way I can handle her!
Nightingale:
No, no. There is nothing that cannot be handled.
Your perspective in this is all wrong.
Nightingale:
What cannot be dealt with simply must be amputated. All that is necessary to sustain a patient's life is to keep the vital organs intact.
Nightingale:
Despair only when there's nothing left to amputate!
Chloe:
It may sound like we're having a conversation, but you're actually talking to yourself! Argh! This is why Madness Enhancement EX is impossible to deal with!
Fujimaru 1:
Come on, that's a stimulating girl for you.
Fujimaru 2:
I thought you wanted to have a strong girl submit to you?
Mash:
S-Senpai!?
Please don't egg Chloe on!
Chloe:
A-are you telling me to attack her?
Seriously? Are you NUTS?
Fujimaru 1:
You can do it, Chloe.
Fujimaru 2:
Break through common sense and morality!
Chloe:
...
Chloe:
...Heh.
Chloe:
You're right. What was I thinking? Being scared of dessert (read: women) is so unlike me.
Mash:
U-um Chloe? You're kidding, right?
You're not really going to...?
Chloe:
The Serial Kissers never turn their backs on their prey! As long as there's a girl around, I'll try to jump them from behind!
Chloe:
Those lips of yours will be mine!
Brace yourself, head nurse! Or rather...!
Chloe:
Kill☆Kill☆Nurse!
Nightingale:
Take my lips...?
Did you just say you mean to take my lips from me?
Nightingale:
Manpower, medicine, bandages, bed, and other resources are all being taken and running low! And now you're trying to take away my lips too!?
Chloe:
Oops. I already decided I wouldn't talk to you. Instead of filling your mouth with words, I'm going to fill it with something warm and wet!
Nightingale:
I understand now. You are poison. You are the danger. You are an infection that must be eradicated!
Nightingale:
Kill☆Kill☆Germs!!!
Mash:
...
Mash:
(Gasp!) I'm sorry! I could not intervene during that intense and bizarre back and forth.
Mash:
But...yes. Commencing battle!
Good luck!
--BATTLE--:
Chloe:
...
Mash:
...
Nightingale:
...
Fujimaru 1:
That...was an intense battle.
Fujimaru 2:
Had this been a manga,that battle would have taken three volumes.
Mash:
I'm not sure what you're saying,
but it truly was an epic battle...
Mash:
And I learned from this battle that fighting can be completely empty and futile... I have never in all my life felt so sad...
Chloe:
I managed to get a strong woman to submit to me, just like I wanted... It's nothing like I expected, though.
Chloe:
Whew... I'm beat, so I should go home and take a shower.
Mash:
W-wait! Did you forget your initial plan?
Nightingale:
...
Mash:
If you leave now, what was the point in fighting Nightingale!?
Chloe:
I forgot.
Oh, right, right.
Chloe:
But do I really have to?
I'm kind of over it.
Mash:
After all that effort...!
Fujimaru 1:
You can't give up just because you got sick of it.
Fujimaru 2:
You need to take responsibility till the very end.
Chloe:
Okay... This is such a mood killer,
but I guess I have to do it.
Chloe:
Then, here I go...
Hmf...
Mash:
...
Fujimaru 1:
You're watching pretty intently, huh?
Fujimaru 2:
Why don't you have her do it to you too, Mash?
Mash:
I-I'm not looking,
and I don't want to get involved!
Chloe:
...Pfaaah!
Mash:
H-how did it go, Chloe?
Chloe:
Well, you know... I kinda expected it,
but...she tasted like antiseptic.
Mash:
Ah, well that makes sense,
but I really wasn't asking how she tasted...
Chloe:
Oh you mean, magical energy? That was so-so too. I suppose I was wrong to expect more from a Berserker in the first place...
Nightingale:
...Wrong.
Chloe:
Eh?
Nightingale:
Wrong...! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!!
Everything is wrong!
Mash:
Nightingale's awake!
No, perhaps she was never unconscious...
Chloe:
So what am I wrong about!?
Nightingale:
Everything!
Your resuscitation procedure is totally wrong!!!
Chloe:
Huh?
Resuscitation!? Huh!?
Mash:
Oh, Nightingale just reached out and grabbed Chloe's throat...
Nightingale:
First, find the airway! Tilt the face sideways, and if there is anything inside the mouth, scoop it out with your fingers!
Chloe:
Bleeah... Your finger...! Ack!
Nightingale:
Lift the chin up, pinch the nose,
and blow in with all your might for one second!
Chloe:
Hey, I–hrmgh! Ack!
Mash:
I don't think you need to breathe with all your might...
Nightingale:
But most important are chest compressions! Punch the chest one hundred times per minute to force the heart to restart!
Chloe:
(Cough) ...Heart!? But it didn't stop...
Ow...owowowowowowowowowow!?
Mash:
Multiple hits with no rest between them!?
Nightingale:
...You have just witnessed a chief modern medical technique to combat death. It is known as CPR.
Chloe:
...That isn't...right...
Mash:
Um. I don't know how to react to that.
Mash:
That was a wonderful demonstration. The only thing that was unfortunate was that, rather than being a resuscitation exercise, it is guaranteed to kill the targum, patient.
Nightingale:
Mash. Should your respiratory organs shut down, come to me immediately. I will be sure to resuscitate you.
Mash:
N-no thank you!
Um, I'm fine with Chaldea's medical equipment!
--ARROW--:
Chloe:
I-I thought I was gonna die...
Ungh...what did I get myself into...?
Mash:
Nightingale really was unexpected. By the way, are you familiar with the phrase “what goes around, comes around”?
Chloe:
Hmmm, nope.
Chloe:
Oh? There's a flyer posted in the hallway.
Actually, there's a ton out here. Let's see what it says.
Fujimaru 1:
“Warning: Serial kisser on the loose”
Fujimaru 2:
“Female Servants should stay in their rooms.”
Chloe:
What the heck is this!?
Mash:
Looks like word of Chloe's evil doings has spread.
Perhaps now your wicked quest will come to an end.
Chloe:
But I haven't finished playing around... I mean...I still haven't found someone who's compatible with me!
Fujimaru 1:
Time to quit...
Fujimaru 2:
The Serial Kisser Squad will be dissolved...
Mash:
Indeed. We got dragged into this because of Chloe's insistence, but that will now come to an end. We cannot overlook your deeds any more.
Mash:
If you continue to corrupt Chaldea's morals,
I will stand in your way as Chaldea's shield!
Chloe:
Mash is betraying me now!? Unbelievable...
Desertion will not be permitted!
Chloe:
Come on! Don't be such a square just because you wear glasses! You dummy! You...Mashmallow Goody Two-shoes!
Mash:
I never once joined your squad, and I am not acting like a square. Also I don't understand why you'd call me Mashmallow.
Chloe:
Ungh... That Shielder is so serious.
Fine. Be that way.
Mash:
Whew. I'm glad she listened.
Chloe:
But there's one thing I want you to know: it may seem like I was playing around, but I really did want to make myself stronger.
Chloe:
I want to get strong for Fujimaru...
No, I wanted to be useful for [♂ big brother /♀️ big sister}...
Mash:
Chloe...
Mash:
Don't worry. I believe you. Sometimes you may go overboard, but I also know you have an inherent kindness within you.
Mash:
As for you getting stronger... Let's think about it together. I'm sure we'll find something for you.
Chloe:
Thanks.
But...it's fine.
Mash:
Eh? But...
Chloe:
Is this it?
We're coming in.
Illya:
Huh, Chloe?
What's going on?
Mash:
We're in...Illya's room?
Illya:
Mash! And [♂ big brother /♀️ big sister} Fujimaru too!
What great timing!
Illya:
Someone in red was teaching me how to make sweets.
I just finished up a batch.
Illya:
I'll brew up some tea, so let's have them together.
Mash:
What a wonderful, kind invitation. Even though you're so young, you are very domestic, Illya.
Chloe:
What is this feeling? I feel secure, as if I'm in my childhood home. And I simultaneously sense a newlywed and old-wifey aura from her...
Chloe:
Yeah...I knew it all along...
In the end, everyone wants to go back to Illya.
Illya:
I don't know what you're talking about...
Oh, by the way! Chloe, you should be careful too!
Illya:
I heard that there's some serial attacker lurking around in Chaldea! There's tons of victims already!
Mash:
Uh...um...
Illya:
Hm?
Chloe:
That's me.
Illya:
...Come again?
Chloe:
And now I'm here to make you my last victim.
Illya & Mash:
...Come AGAIN!?
Fujimaru 1:
So you knew from the beginning.
Fujimaru 2:
The one most compatible to you is Illya.
Mash:
W-wait a minute...!
Um...um...what you're trying to say is...?
Chloe:
Yep. The ones I attacked before were just for fun. I always knew the one most compatible with me was Illya!
Mash:
I was foolish to believe in Chloe even for a minute!!!
Chloe:
I'm running low on magical energy from that last battle! I'm gonna suck you harder than usual, Illya!
Illya:
Eh? What!? What's going on!?
Somebody explain!
Mash:
Please run, Illya!!!
Illya:
Waaaaaah!!!
Something like this always happens to me!!!
Chloe:
Yahoo!!!
It's hunting time!!!
--BATTLE--:
Fujimaru 1:
How did we end up chasing her all the way to a forest...?
Illya:
...
Illya:
... (Cough) ...
Chloe:
Yep. Delicious.
Chloe:
That's the familiar taste I enjoyed in Miyama. I think the fact that it's nothing out of the ordinary is proof that I succeeded.
Mash:
Oh... So in the end, I could not prevent Chloe's barbarism... I failed to defend Chaldea's morality...
Chloe:
Illya doesn't count. We're like twins.
Just think of it as sisterly bonding.
Illya:
... (Twitch, twitch)
Mash:
And this is the result of that bonding?
Mash:
N-no...I'm not going to comment on Chloe's bizarre morality anymore.
Fujimaru 1:
So you found an efficient source of magical energy.
Fujimaru 2:
Can we expect you to be better in battle?
Chloe:
Of course! From now on, if Illya is by my side,
I'll just keep sucking from her!
Chloe:
I'm kinda disappointed I never found another snack other than Illya, but I'll just keep looking on my own time.
Chloe:
And whenever Illya's not around, I'm counting on you to supply me with magical energy, okay Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Leave it to me!
Fujimaru 2:
Leave it to me! Always!
Mash:
...
Mash:
...May I interject?
I just remembered my first question about all of this...
Mash:
Do you do it...with Senpai...normally?
Fujimaru 1:
(Silence)
Fujimaru 2:
No comment.
Mash:
You know...with Chloe...
Mash:
DOING SUCH THINGS AS THIS!?
Fujimaru 1:
(Silence)
Fujimaru 2:
No comment.
Chloe:
Ahahaha!
I knew Mash was jealous!
Mash:
Th-that's not what this is about!
Mash:
The magical energy necessary for a Servant to manifest is supplied by Chaldea.
Mash:
That's why...there should be no need to siphon extra from other Servants...let alone from Master!
Chloe:
I know. That's why I've been saying “snack” this whole time.
Mash:
Come again?
Chloe:
A healthy lifestyle requires three meals a day, plus delicious snacks in between.
Chloe:
Actually, I can live off of my snacks,
so they really count as my meals! In other words...
Chloe:
My meals are snacks!!! (BAM)
Mash:
That doesn't make any sense!
Fujimaru 1:
(It's almost time for supplies to be distributed...I'm going to the Command Room.)
Fujimaru 2:
(Slyly walk away)
Mash:
Senpai? Why are you making a mad dash out of here without even looking back!?
Mash:
Please wait, Senpai! If you're running away, you must be hiding something! Explain...explain yourself!!!
Chloe:
And there they go.
Mash is seriously cute.
Chloe:
And Master didn't need to fret. I haven't done anything too bad that Mash would be concerned about. I only took a little sample.
Chloe:
But if Mash doesn't make a move soon...
Illya:
U-unnnnnngh...
Chloe:
Oh I forgot.
I forgot you were lying there, Illya.
Illya:
H-horrible!
You treated me worse than usual...!
Chloe:
Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
I admit I went a little overboard this time.
Chloe:
Now come on, stand up.
Let's go home and have some tea.
Illya:
Tea... Oh right.
Chloe:
You made some snacks for us, right?
Let's have them together.
Chloe:
Together for...for now♪