Chloe Von Einzbern

Chloe's Snack

Chloe: ...And that's why things have been a little lacking in the kissing department.

Mash: ...

Fujimaru 1: ...

Fujimaru 2: What did you just say, you little succubus?

Chloe: Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not complaining about your technique or anything...

Chloe: But I just...want to feel something butterflies in my stomach.

Mash: ...

Fujimaru 1: Um, not in front of Mash...

Mash: No, no, go on. This may be something I need to hear.

Mash: Please continue, Chloe. Depending on what you have to say, I may have to contact the authorities.

Fujimaru 2: Mash, you look a little scary.

Mash: This is my default expression. My various emotions are typically not reflected in my catalog of expressions.

Mash: So please carry on. As you can see, I am quite calm.

Chloe: Oh no, did I hit a nerve?

Chloe: Normally, I'd keep prodding and hope for some good drama...

Chloe: But since Mash is a good girl, I'll leave it alone.

Mash: O-okay...

Fujimaru 1: So you were asking if you couldstrengthen your power during battle?

Chloe: Right. I came over to see if there was anything we could do to improve the situation.

Chloe: If you can increase the magical energy supplied to me, I can increase my output, which will help everyone.

Mash: I-I didn't realize that's what you were talking about. I just thought...

Chloe: You thought...?

Mash: N-no! Nothing at all!

Mash: So this is about getting stronger. I believe this is one of the most important topics to discuss here in Chaldea. Absolutely, yes.

Chloe: Yep, yep. You really are cute, Mash.

Mash: I don't know why...but I feel like I was just teased by an older sister or something...

Chloe: I think they're around here somewhere.

Mash: We tagged along because you asked us to, but why did you take us here?

Chloe: I heard there's good snacks around here. I figured I could taste them all at once.

Chloe: Ah! I smell something delectable over there!

Mash: Um...what happened to you getting stronger?

Chloe: There they are! Over there! Hide, so they don't see you!

Mash: They are...

Nursery Rhyme: Tea time♪

Jack: Tea, tea, tea...ocha in Japanese♪

Medea Lily: T-tee...

Chacha: Chacha!!!

Mash: Are they having a tea party? That's so adorable...

Mash: ...Though they seem to be a bit lacking in terms of vocabulary...

Chloe: Heh heh heh... Every single one of them looks to be positively brimming with magical energy...

Mash: Gasp! D-don't tell me you're going to...

Chloe: Yep, I'm going to start snacking...

Chloe: By sucking their magical energy!

Chloe: Down to the last drop!

Chloe: Suck suck suck!

Mash: Wh-what!?

Chloe: If there's a girl that I'm super compatible with, my charge efficiency will go way up!

Chloe: That's why I'm going to sample them one by one!

Mash: Th-that makes sense on paper, but...n-no!

Mash: Th-that's not right... In fact, it may be criminal!

Chloe: It's fine, it's fine. I won't do anything that would traumatize them♡

Chloe: All I have to do is make sure they don't remember. That just means I gotta fight them.

Chloe: Either way, I don't think they're going to let me suck them directly, so I'll do it after I knock them out.

Mash: S-she's thinking like a random serial attacker!

Fujimaru 1: I shall call this “Operation Serial Kisser.”

Mash: Master!?

Chloe: That's good! I'm getting excited now!

Nursery Rhyme: Tea tea tea tea tea♪

Jack: Tea, tea, chachacha! Chachacha-tea!

Medea Lily: Teee...hee hee...

Chacha: Chacha!!! We're talking about Chacha, aren't we!? Wahahaha!!!

Chacha: By the way, why are we all only saying “tea” and “cha”?

Nursery Rhyme: Eh? Are we allowed to talk normally?

Jack: We thought chanting “cha cha” was customary in a Japanese tea party.

Chacha: A tea ceremony isn't this wacky! A Japanese tea ceremony is a social gathering that mixes etiquette and being fashionable!

Medea Lily: I feel things went off the rails somewhat when Chacha started randomly shouting “Chacha!”

Chacha: Chacha!?

Nursery Rhyme & Jack: Cha-cha-cha!

Chloe: This is so stupid it's hurting my head...

Mash: Setting matters of intellect aside, those girls are all pure and innocent.

Mash: For you to attack them and...k-k-kiss them... I don't think we can permit such an immoral act...

Chloe: Yeehaw! Let's go! It's time to make some flowers bloom!

Chacha: Wh-what the!?

Mash: CHLOE!!!


Nursery Rhyme: Cha...

Jack: Chaaaaaa...

Medea Lily: I-I feel like we're being handled...

Chacha: ...crudely! ...Unnnf...

Mash: ...Battle complete. ...So it's finally happening...

Fujimaru 1: A sacrifice for the greater good.

Mash: I'm sure this will also come back to haunt you, Senpai. But there's nothing we can do about it now, is there?

Fujimaru 2: We. Saw. Nothing. Got it?

Mash: This is definitely something I won't want to witness!

Chloe: Whew. They fought hard, but they were no match for the Serial Kisser Squad.

Mash: And now we're a part of this shameful group!

Chloe: Now that they've all passed out...

Chloe: Time for a taste☆

Chloe: Hm...


Mash: ...Ahhh...w-wow...that sound...ahhhh! That's too much...!

Mash: S-Senpai! I don't think this is right! This is...this is SO wrong in SO many ways!!!

Fujimaru 1: It's just kids playing. It's fine.

Fujimaru 2: It's only an exchange of magical energy. It's fine.

Mash: Y-you really think so?

Mash: N-no, you're right. The...methodology may be troubling, but it really just amounts to a medical procedure.

Mash: It is just one way to exchange magical energy. Yes... So there is no problem here...

Mash: ...No problem...I hope...

Chloe: Ummmmmmf... Phew!

Chloe: ...Wanna try, Mash?



Chloe: In the end, none of them were compatible. I'm disappointed...

Mash: I feel sorry for them...

Chloe: I was hoping the ponytail witch Medea Lily would be the one... But even though she was unconscious, she had really strong magical resistance!

Chloe: She was the hardest to deal with, despite how she looks. She's probably got a lot more going on than meets the eye.

Mash: Really? Out of those four, I feel she has the most common sense. ...Although that can be its own burden.

Fujimaru 1: So, boss. Who's your next victim?

Mash: As much as I respect your adaptability, I don't think it's working in your favor this time, Senpai.

Fujimaru 2: The Serial Kisser Squad's journey continues...

Chloe: It's good that you're really into my cause, but quit acting like that, it's gonna end up making things take a bad turn (read: get us shut down).

Chloe: Okay, next. I went after kiddos last time, so maybe I should look for a stronger girl this time.

Chloe: Maybe I should find myself a king, or...oh! Maybe a Berserker...

Mash: I predict a whole different kind of disaster from last time.

Mash: ...To be quite clear, disaster beyond reckoning is sure to ensue.

Fujimaru 1: Is it girls only?

Fujimaru 2: You don't want boys?

Chloe: Eh? When it comes to boys, I wouldn't want them to get serious with me... None of them are my type anyway.

Chloe: Oh wait... There are maybe one or two good ones, but those know...honestly...

Mash: I-I don't know how to respond to that. I can only surmise that you have a very complicated situation here.

Chloe: So there you have it. Now let's keep looking for other girls with potential.

Chloe: Girls like the last ones, the sort who aren't challenging, are just boring... I wanna try getting a strong girl to submit to me.

Mash: You are much too gung-ho about these morally questionable endeavors!

Chloe: Hmmm, is there anyone around? A cute and strong and stimulating girl...and possibly a Saber who's compatible with my class.

Chloe: Yoohoo, are there any girl kings swinging their swords around here...?

Chloe: After I give her a gentle thrashing, I wanna nurse her back to health with the utmost care and tenderness!

Nightingale: Where's the patient!?

Chloe: ...

Mash: ...

Nightingale: ...?

Fujimaru 1: A wild head nurse appears.

Fujimaru 2: Welp, you hoped for a Berserker. There you go.

Chloe: No, no, no! She's no good! I was trying to put up a flag to lure someone like Altria or Altera!

Mash: That last bit might have pushed her over the edge. She's gone berserk herself.

Nightingale: Do not fret. Now that I'm here, I will thoroughly expunge this mental anguish troubling you.

Nightingale: It will not be unnecessarily painful... That is, it will be excruciating, even highly traumatic, but that is only because it is necessary.

Nightingale: Sadly, there is no anesthesia to numb pain of the heart or soul. I must ask you to grit your teeth and bear it.

Chloe: We can't reason with her! Figures! Wh-what are we going to do with her? There's no way I can handle her!

Nightingale: No, no. There is nothing that cannot be handled. Your perspective in this is all wrong.

Nightingale: What cannot be dealt with simply must be amputated. All that is necessary to sustain a patient's life is to keep the vital organs intact.

Nightingale: Despair only when there's nothing left to amputate!

Chloe: It may sound like we're having a conversation, but you're actually talking to yourself! Argh! This is why Madness Enhancement EX is impossible to deal with!

Fujimaru 1: Come on, that's a stimulating girl for you.

Fujimaru 2: I thought you wanted to have a strong girl submit to you?

Mash: S-Senpai!? Please don't egg Chloe on!

Chloe: A-are you telling me to attack her? Seriously? Are you NUTS?

Fujimaru 1: You can do it, Chloe.

Fujimaru 2: Break through common sense and morality!

Chloe: ...

Chloe: ...Heh.

Chloe: You're right. What was I thinking? Being scared of dessert (read: women) is so unlike me.

Mash: U-um Chloe? You're kidding, right? You're not really going to...?

Chloe: The Serial Kissers never turn their backs on their prey! As long as there's a girl around, I'll try to jump them from behind!

Chloe: Those lips of yours will be mine! Brace yourself, head nurse! Or rather...!

Chloe: Kill☆Kill☆Nurse!

Nightingale: Take my lips...? Did you just say you mean to take my lips from me?

Nightingale: Manpower, medicine, bandages, bed, and other resources are all being taken and running low! And now you're trying to take away my lips too!?

Chloe: Oops. I already decided I wouldn't talk to you. Instead of filling your mouth with words, I'm going to fill it with something warm and wet!

Nightingale: I understand now. You are poison. You are the danger. You are an infection that must be eradicated!

Nightingale: Kill☆Kill☆Germs!!!

Mash: ...

Mash: (Gasp!) I'm sorry! I could not intervene during that intense and bizarre back and forth.

Mash: But...yes. Commencing battle! Good luck!


Chloe: ...

Mash: ...

Nightingale: ...

Fujimaru 1: That...was an intense battle.

Fujimaru 2: Had this been a manga,that battle would have taken three volumes.

Mash: I'm not sure what you're saying, but it truly was an epic battle...

Mash: And I learned from this battle that fighting can be completely empty and futile... I have never in all my life felt so sad...

Chloe: I managed to get a strong woman to submit to me, just like I wanted... It's nothing like I expected, though.

Chloe: Whew... I'm beat, so I should go home and take a shower.

Mash: W-wait! Did you forget your initial plan?

Nightingale: ...

Mash: If you leave now, what was the point in fighting Nightingale!?

Chloe: I forgot. Oh, right, right.

Chloe: But do I really have to? I'm kind of over it.

Mash: After all that effort...!

Fujimaru 1: You can't give up just because you got sick of it.

Fujimaru 2: You need to take responsibility till the very end.

Chloe: Okay... This is such a mood killer, but I guess I have to do it.

Chloe: Then, here I go... Hmf...

Mash: ...

Fujimaru 1: You're watching pretty intently, huh?

Fujimaru 2: Why don't you have her do it to you too, Mash?

Mash: I-I'm not looking, and I don't want to get involved!

Chloe: ...Pfaaah!

Mash: H-how did it go, Chloe?

Chloe: Well, you know... I kinda expected it, but...she tasted like antiseptic.

Mash: Ah, well that makes sense, but I really wasn't asking how she tasted...

Chloe: Oh you mean, magical energy? That was so-so too. I suppose I was wrong to expect more from a Berserker in the first place...

Nightingale: ...Wrong.

Chloe: Eh?

Nightingale: Wrong...! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Everything is wrong!

Mash: Nightingale's awake! No, perhaps she was never unconscious...

Chloe: So what am I wrong about!?

Nightingale: Everything! Your resuscitation procedure is totally wrong!!!

Chloe: Huh? Resuscitation!? Huh!?

Mash: Oh, Nightingale just reached out and grabbed Chloe's throat...

Nightingale: First, find the airway! Tilt the face sideways, and if there is anything inside the mouth, scoop it out with your fingers!

Chloe: Bleeah... Your finger...! Ack!

Nightingale: Lift the chin up, pinch the nose, and blow in with all your might for one second!

Chloe: Hey, I–hrmgh! Ack!

Mash: I don't think you need to breathe with all your might...

Nightingale: But most important are chest compressions! Punch the chest one hundred times per minute to force the heart to restart!

Chloe: (Cough) ...Heart!? But it didn't stop... Ow...owowowowowowowowowow!?

Mash: Multiple hits with no rest between them!?

Nightingale: ...You have just witnessed a chief modern medical technique to combat death. It is known as CPR.

Chloe: ...That isn't...right...

Mash: Um. I don't know how to react to that.

Mash: That was a wonderful demonstration. The only thing that was unfortunate was that, rather than being a resuscitation exercise, it is guaranteed to kill the targum, patient.

Nightingale: Mash. Should your respiratory organs shut down, come to me immediately. I will be sure to resuscitate you.

Mash: N-no thank you! Um, I'm fine with Chaldea's medical equipment!


Chloe: I-I thought I was gonna die... Ungh...what did I get myself into...?

Mash: Nightingale really was unexpected. By the way, are you familiar with the phrase “what goes around, comes around”?

Chloe: Hmmm, nope.

Chloe: Oh? There's a flyer posted in the hallway. Actually, there's a ton out here. Let's see what it says.

Fujimaru 1: “Warning: Serial kisser on the loose”

Fujimaru 2: “Female Servants should stay in their rooms.”

Chloe: What the heck is this!?

Mash: Looks like word of Chloe's evil doings has spread. Perhaps now your wicked quest will come to an end.

Chloe: But I haven't finished playing around... I mean...I still haven't found someone who's compatible with me!

Fujimaru 1: Time to quit...

Fujimaru 2: The Serial Kisser Squad will be dissolved...

Mash: Indeed. We got dragged into this because of Chloe's insistence, but that will now come to an end. We cannot overlook your deeds any more.

Mash: If you continue to corrupt Chaldea's morals, I will stand in your way as Chaldea's shield!

Chloe: Mash is betraying me now!? Unbelievable... Desertion will not be permitted!

Chloe: Come on! Don't be such a square just because you wear glasses! You dummy! You...Mashmallow Goody Two-shoes!

Mash: I never once joined your squad, and I am not acting like a square. Also I don't understand why you'd call me Mashmallow.

Chloe: Ungh... That Shielder is so serious. Fine. Be that way.

Mash: Whew. I'm glad she listened.

Chloe: But there's one thing I want you to know: it may seem like I was playing around, but I really did want to make myself stronger.

Chloe: I want to get strong for Fujimaru... No, I wanted to be useful for [♂ big brother /♀️ big sister}...

Mash: Chloe...

Mash: Don't worry. I believe you. Sometimes you may go overboard, but I also know you have an inherent kindness within you.

Mash: As for you getting stronger... Let's think about it together. I'm sure we'll find something for you.

Chloe: Thanks.'s fine.

Mash: Eh? But...

Chloe: Is this it? We're coming in.

Illya: Huh, Chloe? What's going on?

Mash: We're in...Illya's room?

Illya: Mash! And [♂ big brother /♀️ big sister} Fujimaru too! What great timing!

Illya: Someone in red was teaching me how to make sweets. I just finished up a batch.

Illya: I'll brew up some tea, so let's have them together.

Mash: What a wonderful, kind invitation. Even though you're so young, you are very domestic, Illya.

Chloe: What is this feeling? I feel secure, as if I'm in my childhood home. And I simultaneously sense a newlywed and old-wifey aura from her...

Chloe: Yeah...I knew it all along... In the end, everyone wants to go back to Illya.

Illya: I don't know what you're talking about... Oh, by the way! Chloe, you should be careful too!

Illya: I heard that there's some serial attacker lurking around in Chaldea! There's tons of victims already!


Illya: Hm?

Chloe: That's me.

Illya: ...Come again?

Chloe: And now I'm here to make you my last victim.

Illya & Mash: ...Come AGAIN!?

Fujimaru 1: So you knew from the beginning.

Fujimaru 2: The one most compatible to you is Illya.

Mash: W-wait a minute...! you're trying to say is...?

Chloe: Yep. The ones I attacked before were just for fun. I always knew the one most compatible with me was Illya!

Mash: I was foolish to believe in Chloe even for a minute!!!

Chloe: I'm running low on magical energy from that last battle! I'm gonna suck you harder than usual, Illya!

Illya: Eh? What!? What's going on!? Somebody explain!

Mash: Please run, Illya!!!

Illya: Waaaaaah!!! Something like this always happens to me!!!

Chloe: Yahoo!!! It's hunting time!!!


Fujimaru 1: How did we end up chasing her all the way to a forest...?

Illya: ...

Illya: ... (Cough) ...

Chloe: Yep. Delicious.

Chloe: That's the familiar taste I enjoyed in Miyama. I think the fact that it's nothing out of the ordinary is proof that I succeeded.

Mash: Oh... So in the end, I could not prevent Chloe's barbarism... I failed to defend Chaldea's morality...

Chloe: Illya doesn't count. We're like twins. Just think of it as sisterly bonding.

Illya: ... (Twitch, twitch)

Mash: And this is the result of that bonding?

Mash: N-no...I'm not going to comment on Chloe's bizarre morality anymore.

Fujimaru 1: So you found an efficient source of magical energy.

Fujimaru 2: Can we expect you to be better in battle?

Chloe: Of course! From now on, if Illya is by my side, I'll just keep sucking from her!

Chloe: I'm kinda disappointed I never found another snack other than Illya, but I'll just keep looking on my own time.

Chloe: And whenever Illya's not around, I'm counting on you to supply me with magical energy, okay Master?

Fujimaru 1: Leave it to me!

Fujimaru 2: Leave it to me! Always!

Mash: ...

Mash: ...May I interject? I just remembered my first question about all of this...

Mash: Do you do it...with Senpai...normally?

Fujimaru 1: (Silence)

Fujimaru 2: No comment.

Mash: You know...with Chloe...


Fujimaru 1: (Silence)

Fujimaru 2: No comment.

Chloe: Ahahaha! I knew Mash was jealous!

Mash: Th-that's not what this is about!

Mash: The magical energy necessary for a Servant to manifest is supplied by Chaldea.

Mash: That's why...there should be no need to siphon extra from other Servants...let alone from Master!

Chloe: I know. That's why I've been saying “snack” this whole time.

Mash: Come again?

Chloe: A healthy lifestyle requires three meals a day, plus delicious snacks in between.

Chloe: Actually, I can live off of my snacks, so they really count as my meals! In other words...

Chloe: My meals are snacks!!! (BAM)

Mash: That doesn't make any sense!

Fujimaru 1: (It's almost time for supplies to be distributed...I'm going to the Command Room.)

Fujimaru 2: (Slyly walk away)

Mash: Senpai? Why are you making a mad dash out of here without even looking back!?

Mash: Please wait, Senpai! If you're running away, you must be hiding something! Explain...explain yourself!!!

Chloe: And there they go. Mash is seriously cute.

Chloe: And Master didn't need to fret. I haven't done anything too bad that Mash would be concerned about. I only took a little sample.

Chloe: But if Mash doesn't make a move soon...

Illya: U-unnnnnngh...

Chloe: Oh I forgot. I forgot you were lying there, Illya.

Illya: H-horrible! You treated me worse than usual...!

Chloe: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I admit I went a little overboard this time.

Chloe: Now come on, stand up. Let's go home and have some tea.

Illya: Tea... Oh right.

Chloe: You made some snacks for us, right? Let's have them together.

Chloe: Together for...for now♪