Chloe Von Einzbern
Chloe's Snack
Chloe: ...And that's why things have been a little lacking in the kissing department.
Mash: ...
Fujimaru 1: ...
Fujimaru 2: What did you just say, you little succubus?
Chloe: Don't take this the wrong way. I'm not complaining about your technique or anything...
Chloe: But I just...want to feel something else...like butterflies in my stomach.
Mash: ...
Fujimaru 1: Um, not in front of Mash...
Mash: No, no, go on. This may be something I need to hear.
Mash: Please continue, Chloe. Depending on what you have to say, I may have to contact the authorities.
Fujimaru 2: Mash, you look a little scary.
Mash: This is my default expression. My various emotions are typically not reflected in my catalog of expressions.
Mash: So please carry on. As you can see, I am quite calm.
Chloe: Oh no, did I hit a nerve?
Chloe: Normally, I'd keep prodding and hope for some good drama...
Chloe: But since Mash is a good girl, I'll leave it alone.
Mash: O-okay...
Fujimaru 1: So you were asking if you couldstrengthen your power during battle?
Chloe: Right. I came over to see if there was anything we could do to improve the situation.
Chloe: If you can increase the magical energy supplied to me, I can increase my output, which will help everyone.
Mash: I-I didn't realize that's what you were talking about. I just thought...
Chloe: You thought...?
Mash: N-no! Nothing at all!
Mash: So this is about getting stronger. I believe this is one of the most important topics to discuss here in Chaldea. Absolutely, yes.
Chloe: Yep, yep. You really are cute, Mash.
Mash: I don't know why...but I feel like I was just teased by an older sister or something...
Chloe: I think they're around here somewhere.
Mash: We tagged along because you asked us to, but why did you take us here?
Chloe: I heard there's good snacks around here. I figured I could taste them all at once.
Chloe: Ah! I smell something delectable over there!
Mash: Um...what happened to you getting stronger?
Chloe: There they are! Over there! Hide, so they don't see you!
Mash: They are...
Nursery Rhyme: Tea time♪
Jack: Tea, tea, tea...ocha in Japanese♪
Medea Lily: T-tee...
Chacha: Chacha!!!
Mash: Are they having a tea party? That's so adorable...
Mash: ...Though they seem to be a bit lacking in terms of vocabulary...
Chloe: Heh heh heh... Every single one of them looks to be positively brimming with magical energy...
Mash: Gasp! D-don't tell me you're going to...
Chloe: Yep, I'm going to start snacking...
Chloe: By sucking their magical energy!
Chloe: Down to the last drop!
Chloe: Suck suck suck!
Mash: Wh-what!?
Chloe: If there's a girl that I'm super compatible with, my charge efficiency will go way up!
Chloe: That's why I'm going to sample them one by one!
Mash: Th-that makes sense on paper, but...n-no!
Mash: Th-that's not right... In fact, it may be criminal!
Chloe: It's fine, it's fine. I won't do anything that would traumatize them♡
Chloe: All I have to do is make sure they don't remember. That just means I gotta fight them.
Chloe: Either way, I don't think they're going to let me suck them directly, so I'll do it after I knock them out.
Mash: S-she's thinking like a random serial attacker!
Fujimaru 1: I shall call this “Operation Serial Kisser.”
Mash: Master!?
Chloe: That's good! I'm getting excited now!
Nursery Rhyme: Tea tea tea tea tea♪
Jack: Tea, tea, chachacha! Chachacha-tea!
Medea Lily: Teee...hee hee...
Chacha: Chacha!!! We're talking about Chacha, aren't we!? Wahahaha!!!
Chacha: By the way, why are we all only saying “tea” and “cha”?
Nursery Rhyme: Eh? Are we allowed to talk normally?
Jack: We thought chanting “cha cha” was customary in a Japanese tea party.
Chacha: A tea ceremony isn't this wacky! A Japanese tea ceremony is a social gathering that mixes etiquette and being fashionable!
Medea Lily: I feel things went off the rails somewhat when Chacha started randomly shouting “Chacha!”
Chacha: Chacha!?
Nursery Rhyme & Jack: Cha-cha-cha!
Chloe: This is so stupid it's hurting my head...
Mash: Setting matters of intellect aside, those girls are all pure and innocent.
Mash: For you to attack them and...k-k-kiss them... I don't think we can permit such an immoral act...
Chloe: Yeehaw! Let's go! It's time to make some flowers bloom!
Chacha: Wh-what the!?
Mash: CHLOE!!!
--BATTLE--:
Nursery Rhyme: Cha...
Jack: Chaaaaaa...
Medea Lily: I-I feel like we're being handled...
Chacha: ...crudely! ...Unnnf...
Mash: ...Battle complete. ...So it's finally happening...
Fujimaru 1: A sacrifice for the greater good.
Mash: I'm sure this will also come back to haunt you, Senpai. But there's nothing we can do about it now, is there?
Fujimaru 2: We. Saw. Nothing. Got it?
Mash: This is definitely something I won't want to witness!
Chloe: Whew. They fought hard, but they were no match for the Serial Kisser Squad.
Mash: And now we're a part of this shameful group!
Chloe: Now that they've all passed out...
Chloe: Time for a taste☆
Chloe: Hm...
Mash: Oh...my...
Mash: ...Ahhh...w-wow...that sound...ahhhh! That's too much...!
Mash: S-Senpai! I don't think this is right! This is...this is SO wrong in SO many ways!!!
Fujimaru 1: It's just kids playing. It's fine.
Fujimaru 2: It's only an exchange of magical energy. It's fine.
Mash: Y-you really think so?
Mash: N-no, you're right. The...methodology may be troubling, but it really just amounts to a medical procedure.
Mash: It is just one way to exchange magical energy. Yes... So there is no problem here...
Mash: ...No problem...I hope...
Chloe: Ummmmmmf... Phew!
Chloe: ...Wanna try, Mash?
Mash: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
--ARROW--:
Chloe: In the end, none of them were compatible. I'm disappointed...
Mash: I feel sorry for them...
Chloe: I was hoping the ponytail witch Medea Lily would be the one... But even though she was unconscious, she had really strong magical resistance!
Chloe: She was the hardest to deal with, despite how she looks. She's probably got a lot more going on than meets the eye.
Mash: Really? Out of those four, I feel she has the most common sense. ...Although that can be its own burden.
Fujimaru 1: So, boss. Who's your next victim?
Mash: As much as I respect your adaptability, I don't think it's working in your favor this time, Senpai.
Fujimaru 2: The Serial Kisser Squad's journey continues...
Chloe: It's good that you're really into my cause, but quit acting like that, it's gonna end up making things take a bad turn (read: get us shut down).
Chloe: Okay, next. I went after kiddos last time, so maybe I should look for a stronger girl this time.
Chloe: Maybe I should find myself a king, or...oh! Maybe a Berserker...
Mash: I predict a whole different kind of disaster from last time.
Mash: ...To be quite clear, disaster beyond reckoning is sure to ensue.
Fujimaru 1: Is it girls only?
Fujimaru 2: You don't want boys?
Chloe: Eh? When it comes to boys, I wouldn't want them to get serious with me... None of them are my type anyway.
Chloe: Oh wait... There are maybe one or two good ones, but those guys...you know...honestly...
Mash: I-I don't know how to respond to that. I can only surmise that you have a very complicated situation here.
Chloe: So there you have it. Now let's keep looking for other girls with potential.
Chloe: Girls like the last ones, the sort who aren't challenging, are just boring... I wanna try getting a strong girl to submit to me.
Mash: You are much too gung-ho about these morally questionable endeavors!
Chloe: Hmmm, is there anyone around? A cute and strong and stimulating girl...and possibly a Saber who's compatible with my class.
Chloe: Yoohoo, are there any girl kings swinging their swords around here...?
Chloe: After I give her a gentle thrashing, I wanna nurse her back to health with the utmost care and tenderness!
Nightingale: Where's the patient!?
Chloe: ...
Mash: ...
Nightingale: ...?
Fujimaru 1: A wild head nurse appears.
Fujimaru 2: Welp, you hoped for a Berserker. There you go.
Chloe: No, no, no! She's no good! I was trying to put up a flag to lure someone like Altria or Altera!
Mash: That last bit might have pushed her over the edge. She's gone berserk herself.
Nightingale: Do not fret. Now that I'm here, I will thoroughly expunge this mental anguish troubling you.
Nightingale: It will not be unnecessarily painful... That is, it will be excruciating, even highly traumatic, but that is only because it is necessary.
Nightingale: Sadly, there is no anesthesia to numb pain of the heart or soul. I must ask you to grit your teeth and bear it.
Chloe: We can't reason with her! Figures! Wh-what are we going to do with her? There's no way I can handle her!
Nightingale: No, no. There is nothing that cannot be handled. Your perspective in this is all wrong.
Nightingale: What cannot be dealt with simply must be amputated. All that is necessary to sustain a patient's life is to keep the vital organs intact.
Nightingale: Despair only when there's nothing left to amputate!
Chloe: It may sound like we're having a conversation, but you're actually talking to yourself! Argh! This is why Madness Enhancement EX is impossible to deal with!
Fujimaru 1: Come on, that's a stimulating girl for you.
Fujimaru 2: I thought you wanted to have a strong girl submit to you?
Mash: S-Senpai!? Please don't egg Chloe on!
Chloe: A-are you telling me to attack her? Seriously? Are you NUTS?
Fujimaru 1: You can do it, Chloe.
Fujimaru 2: Break through common sense and morality!
Chloe: ...
Chloe: ...Heh.
Chloe: You're right. What was I thinking? Being scared of dessert (read: women) is so unlike me.
Mash: U-um Chloe? You're kidding, right? You're not really going to...?
Chloe: The Serial Kissers never turn their backs on their prey! As long as there's a girl around, I'll try to jump them from behind!
Chloe: Those lips of yours will be mine! Brace yourself, head nurse! Or rather...!
Chloe: Kill☆Kill☆Nurse!
Nightingale: Take my lips...? Did you just say you mean to take my lips from me?
Nightingale: Manpower, medicine, bandages, bed, and other resources are all being taken and running low! And now you're trying to take away my lips too!?
Chloe: Oops. I already decided I wouldn't talk to you. Instead of filling your mouth with words, I'm going to fill it with something warm and wet!
Nightingale: I understand now. You are poison. You are the danger. You are an infection that must be eradicated!
Nightingale: Kill☆Kill☆Germs!!!
Mash: ...
Mash: (Gasp!) I'm sorry! I could not intervene during that intense and bizarre back and forth.
Mash: But...yes. Commencing battle! Good luck!
--BATTLE--:
Chloe: ...
Mash: ...
Nightingale: ...
Fujimaru 1: That...was an intense battle.
Fujimaru 2: Had this been a manga,that battle would have taken three volumes.
Mash: I'm not sure what you're saying, but it truly was an epic battle...
Mash: And I learned from this battle that fighting can be completely empty and futile... I have never in all my life felt so sad...
Chloe: I managed to get a strong woman to submit to me, just like I wanted... It's nothing like I expected, though.
Chloe: Whew... I'm beat, so I should go home and take a shower.
Mash: W-wait! Did you forget your initial plan?
Nightingale: ...
Mash: If you leave now, what was the point in fighting Nightingale!?
Chloe: I forgot. Oh, right, right.
Chloe: But do I really have to? I'm kind of over it.
Mash: After all that effort...!
Fujimaru 1: You can't give up just because you got sick of it.
Fujimaru 2: You need to take responsibility till the very end.
Chloe: Okay... This is such a mood killer, but I guess I have to do it.
Chloe: Then, here I go... Hmf...
Mash: ...
Fujimaru 1: You're watching pretty intently, huh?
Fujimaru 2: Why don't you have her do it to you too, Mash?
Mash: I-I'm not looking, and I don't want to get involved!
Chloe: ...Pfaaah!
Mash: H-how did it go, Chloe?
Chloe: Well, you know... I kinda expected it, but...she tasted like antiseptic.
Mash: Ah, well that makes sense, but I really wasn't asking how she tasted...
Chloe: Oh you mean, magical energy? That was so-so too. I suppose I was wrong to expect more from a Berserker in the first place...
Nightingale: ...Wrong.
Chloe: Eh?
Nightingale: Wrong...! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Everything is wrong!
Mash: Nightingale's awake! No, perhaps she was never unconscious...
Chloe: So what am I wrong about!?
Nightingale: Everything! Your resuscitation procedure is totally wrong!!!
Chloe: Huh? Resuscitation!? Huh!?
Mash: Oh, Nightingale just reached out and grabbed Chloe's throat...
Nightingale: First, find the airway! Tilt the face sideways, and if there is anything inside the mouth, scoop it out with your fingers!
Chloe: Bleeah... Your finger...! Ack!
Nightingale: Lift the chin up, pinch the nose, and blow in with all your might for one second!
Chloe: Hey, I–hrmgh! Ack!
Mash: I don't think you need to breathe with all your might...
Nightingale: But most important are chest compressions! Punch the chest one hundred times per minute to force the heart to restart!
Chloe: (Cough) ...Heart!? But it didn't stop... Ow...owowowowowowowowowow!?
Mash: Multiple hits with no rest between them!?
Nightingale: ...You have just witnessed a chief modern medical technique to combat death. It is known as CPR.
Chloe: ...That isn't...right...
Mash: Um. I don't know how to react to that.
Mash: That was a wonderful demonstration. The only thing that was unfortunate was that, rather than being a resuscitation exercise, it is guaranteed to kill the targum, patient.
Nightingale: Mash. Should your respiratory organs shut down, come to me immediately. I will be sure to resuscitate you.
Mash: N-no thank you! Um, I'm fine with Chaldea's medical equipment!
--ARROW--:
Chloe: I-I thought I was gonna die... Ungh...what did I get myself into...?
Mash: Nightingale really was unexpected. By the way, are you familiar with the phrase “what goes around, comes around”?
Chloe: Hmmm, nope.
Chloe: Oh? There's a flyer posted in the hallway. Actually, there's a ton out here. Let's see what it says.
Fujimaru 1: “Warning: Serial kisser on the loose”
Fujimaru 2: “Female Servants should stay in their rooms.”
Chloe: What the heck is this!?
Mash: Looks like word of Chloe's evil doings has spread. Perhaps now your wicked quest will come to an end.
Chloe: But I haven't finished playing around... I mean...I still haven't found someone who's compatible with me!
Fujimaru 1: Time to quit...
Fujimaru 2: The Serial Kisser Squad will be dissolved...
Mash: Indeed. We got dragged into this because of Chloe's insistence, but that will now come to an end. We cannot overlook your deeds any more.
Mash: If you continue to corrupt Chaldea's morals, I will stand in your way as Chaldea's shield!
Chloe: Mash is betraying me now!? Unbelievable... Desertion will not be permitted!
Chloe: Come on! Don't be such a square just because you wear glasses! You dummy! You...Mashmallow Goody Two-shoes!
Mash: I never once joined your squad, and I am not acting like a square. Also I don't understand why you'd call me Mashmallow.
Chloe: Ungh... That Shielder is so serious. Fine. Be that way.
Mash: Whew. I'm glad she listened.
Chloe: But there's one thing I want you to know: it may seem like I was playing around, but I really did want to make myself stronger.
Chloe: I want to get strong for Fujimaru... No, I wanted to be useful for [♂ big brother /♀️ big sister}...
Mash: Chloe...
Mash: Don't worry. I believe you. Sometimes you may go overboard, but I also know you have an inherent kindness within you.
Mash: As for you getting stronger... Let's think about it together. I'm sure we'll find something for you.
Chloe: Thanks. But...it's fine.
Mash: Eh? But...
Chloe: Is this it? We're coming in.
Illya: Huh, Chloe? What's going on?
Mash: We're in...Illya's room?
Illya: Mash! And [♂ big brother /♀️ big sister} Fujimaru too! What great timing!
Illya: Someone in red was teaching me how to make sweets. I just finished up a batch.
Illya: I'll brew up some tea, so let's have them together.
Mash: What a wonderful, kind invitation. Even though you're so young, you are very domestic, Illya.
Chloe: What is this feeling? I feel secure, as if I'm in my childhood home. And I simultaneously sense a newlywed and old-wifey aura from her...
Chloe: Yeah...I knew it all along... In the end, everyone wants to go back to Illya.
Illya: I don't know what you're talking about... Oh, by the way! Chloe, you should be careful too!
Illya: I heard that there's some serial attacker lurking around in Chaldea! There's tons of victims already!
Mash: Uh...um...
Illya: Hm?
Chloe: That's me.
Illya: ...Come again?
Chloe: And now I'm here to make you my last victim.
Illya & Mash: ...Come AGAIN!?
Fujimaru 1: So you knew from the beginning.
Fujimaru 2: The one most compatible to you is Illya.
Mash: W-wait a minute...! Um...um...what you're trying to say is...?
Chloe: Yep. The ones I attacked before were just for fun. I always knew the one most compatible with me was Illya!
Mash: I was foolish to believe in Chloe even for a minute!!!
Chloe: I'm running low on magical energy from that last battle! I'm gonna suck you harder than usual, Illya!
Illya: Eh? What!? What's going on!? Somebody explain!
Mash: Please run, Illya!!!
Illya: Waaaaaah!!! Something like this always happens to me!!!
Chloe: Yahoo!!! It's hunting time!!!
--BATTLE--:
Fujimaru 1: How did we end up chasing her all the way to a forest...?
Illya: ...
Illya: ... (Cough) ...
Chloe: Yep. Delicious.
Chloe: That's the familiar taste I enjoyed in Miyama. I think the fact that it's nothing out of the ordinary is proof that I succeeded.
Mash: Oh... So in the end, I could not prevent Chloe's barbarism... I failed to defend Chaldea's morality...
Chloe: Illya doesn't count. We're like twins. Just think of it as sisterly bonding.
Illya: ... (Twitch, twitch)
Mash: And this is the result of that bonding?
Mash: N-no...I'm not going to comment on Chloe's bizarre morality anymore.
Fujimaru 1: So you found an efficient source of magical energy.
Fujimaru 2: Can we expect you to be better in battle?
Chloe: Of course! From now on, if Illya is by my side, I'll just keep sucking from her!
Chloe: I'm kinda disappointed I never found another snack other than Illya, but I'll just keep looking on my own time.
Chloe: And whenever Illya's not around, I'm counting on you to supply me with magical energy, okay Master?
Fujimaru 1: Leave it to me!
Fujimaru 2: Leave it to me! Always!
Mash: ...
Mash: ...May I interject? I just remembered my first question about all of this...
Mash: Do you do it...with Senpai...normally?
Fujimaru 1: (Silence)
Fujimaru 2: No comment.
Mash: You know...with Chloe...
Mash: DOING SUCH THINGS AS THIS!?
Fujimaru 1: (Silence)
Fujimaru 2: No comment.
Chloe: Ahahaha! I knew Mash was jealous!
Mash: Th-that's not what this is about!
Mash: The magical energy necessary for a Servant to manifest is supplied by Chaldea.
Mash: That's why...there should be no need to siphon extra from other Servants...let alone from Master!
Chloe: I know. That's why I've been saying “snack” this whole time.
Mash: Come again?
Chloe: A healthy lifestyle requires three meals a day, plus delicious snacks in between.
Chloe: Actually, I can live off of my snacks, so they really count as my meals! In other words...
Chloe: My meals are snacks!!! (BAM)
Mash: That doesn't make any sense!
Fujimaru 1: (It's almost time for supplies to be distributed...I'm going to the Command Room.)
Fujimaru 2: (Slyly walk away)
Mash: Senpai? Why are you making a mad dash out of here without even looking back!?
Mash: Please wait, Senpai! If you're running away, you must be hiding something! Explain...explain yourself!!!
Chloe: And there they go. Mash is seriously cute.
Chloe: And Master didn't need to fret. I haven't done anything too bad that Mash would be concerned about. I only took a little sample.
Chloe: But if Mash doesn't make a move soon...
Illya: U-unnnnnngh...
Chloe: Oh I forgot. I forgot you were lying there, Illya.
Illya: H-horrible! You treated me worse than usual...!
Chloe: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I admit I went a little overboard this time.
Chloe: Now come on, stand up. Let's go home and have some tea.
Illya: Tea... Oh right.
Chloe: You made some snacks for us, right? Let's have them together.
Chloe: Together for...for now♪