A Man's Battle
Blackbeard: Big trouble, Mistah Fujimaru! Big trouble! There's a big trouble a brewin'!
Mash: Mistah Blackbeard... I can estimate with 99% probability that it's something stupid, but what is it?
Blackbeard: Bwaha, Missy Mash has got a sharp tongue on her, don't she? But I like that, I do!
Mash: ...Blackbeard, Master is actually pretty busy.
Mash: There's a lot of work to be done with the Servants. Right, Senpai?
Fujimaru 1: Did something happen?
Fujimaru 2: Mash, isn't Mistah Blackbeard...
Blackbeard: With all the Grail business goin' on, I forgot about it, but today's an important day in history.
Blackbeard: I remembered that it's a historical turning point, I did.
Dr. Roman: Today? Hmm... What happened today? There's nothing in Chaldea's database.
Blackbeard: Today's when all the pirates of the Caribbean gather for the biggest event of the high seas!
Blackbeard: The Pirate Market! AKA PaiKet, begins today!
Blackbeard: Now, Missy Mash, Mistah Fujimaru! Repeat after me!
Mash: ...So Doctor, about that Singularity.
Dr. Roman: Oh right. I rescanned the data and it turns out that era–
Blackbeard: Hnnng LOL Just the right amount of salt! It just makes me wanna try harder!
Blackbeard: Come on, guys, whadd'ya got to lose?
Blackbeard: Come with me, and enjoy the flourishment of a new human culture!
Fujimaru 1: I guess it wouldn't hurt...
Mash: If you say so, Senpai...
Fujimaru 2: I can't miss this!
Mash: Dozens of ships linked into one big event venue. These people... What are they doing with their lives...
Blackbeard: LOLOLOL How I've missed that salty Caribbean air! Ya know, there's something I gotta say here!
Blackbeard: Caribbean, I'm back! Bwaha-LOLOLOL! Ahahaha! ROFL!
Pirate: We've been waiting for you, Mistah Blackbeard! They only hold the PaiKet every few years!
Pirate: It's an honor to be here with you, the famous PaiKet warrior! Ahahaha-LOLOLOL!
Mash: Um...Mistah Blackbeard, who are these people?
Blackbeard: They're the comrades I've gathered via the internet! I've prepared carefully in advance.
Blackbeard: Even I'm not foolish enough to attempt to conquer this place on my own!
Dr. Roman: So what do you do here, exactly? It just looks like a bazaar to me...
Blackbeard: There's records of pirate glories, navigational maps, rare treasures, legendary treasure maps–
Blackbeard: We've got the whole world, right here for the buying! Well? Sounds fun, right? Right?
Fujimaru 1: So it's like a flea market?
Fujimaru 2: What are you after?
Blackbeard: That's my Master/Captain/CEO! Getting right to the point!
Blackbeard: Today I'm after the legendary pirate Francis Drake's rough sketches!
Blackbeard: Oh, by roughs, I mean nudes okay? Not just some crap somebody dashed off either, LOLOL!
Blackbeard: I mean, I ain't interested in that old hag's nudes! Not at all! 100%, no way!
Blackbeard: It's just, you know... For my collection? I wanna have em? Bwahahah-LOL!
Dr. Roman: Those were made with her permission, right?
Pirate Staff: –We will now begin the 88th Pirate's Market. Please remain calm and do not run–
Mash: Looks like it's started. What's wrong, Mistah Blackbeard?
Blackbeard: Fool! Call me Cap'n here! Men, are ye ready!
Pirate: Aye, aye, Cap'n!
Blackbeard: Listen up! We're pirates of the Caribbean! We left our pride and lives behind in the sea!
Blackbeard: We do what we always do: pillage, plunder, and kill! That's all there is to it! Let's go, men!
Blackbeard: First, we start with the night campers, who are leading the charge toward us! Stay sharp!
Mash: W-What's happening?
Dr. Roman: A group's coming up from the rear at incredible speed...
Blackbeard: YARGH! Send 'em to Davy Jones' locker! Battle is a party, it's party time!
Blackbeard: Yar, that's the last of 'em! Hmm? More?
Enemy Pirate: It's been a long time, Blackbeard... You're going to pay for embarrassing our captain!
Blackbeard: Hah, I don't even know who ya are! Hey, Mash, Fujimaru!
Blackbeard: Go on ahead! I'm gonna slaughter these guys first!
Mash: R-Right... This is a bazaar, isn't it?
Fujimaru 1: Thanks, Cap'n!
Fujimaru 2: Don't die, Blackbeard!
Blackbeard: Huh? Who do ye think yer talkin' to? I'm Blackbeard, the devil of the Caribbean!
Blackbeard: I ain't so far gone I need a wet-behind-the-ears kid to be lookin' after me! Get going!
Mash: L-Let's just go, Master!
Artist Pirate: Ya just bought the last copy of "100 Sketches of Francis the Old Hag!"
Fujimaru 1: That was close, huh?
Fujimaru 2: We finally got it!
Mash: ...L-Looks like we got the last one. Let's get back to Blackbeard.
Dr. Roman: Um, well... What exactly is this?
Dr. Roman: Oh, Fou... I didn't see you there.
Blackbeard: ...Yar, looks like ya pulled it off.
Mash: Blackbeard! You're badly hurt!
Blackbeard: Eh, I'm a pirate... It happens. Just glad to have me head on me shoulders still.
Fujimaru 1: Cap'n! With those wounds...
Fujimaru 2: Blackbeard! Don't die on me!
Blackbeard: Yar, look at you, all grown up now... Hey, I got no regrets. I can die as a pirate.
Blackbeard: This is the greatest treasure of 'em all... I just wish I could've seen the treasure I sought once before I died...
Blackbeard: Bye-bye! It was a great life! Farewell! Gwahahahahaha!
Mash: Mistah Blackbeard...
Fujimaru 1: Mistah Blackbeard...
Fujimaru 2: Huh? Did that just happen?
Mash: –Here's the sketchbook you sought. Take it and rest in peace.
Blackbeard: Bwah!? This is the PaiKet-only Old Hag Sketchbook? There's a new issue out! A new one! I win!
Blackbeard: I win at everything! I mean, I've got huge respect for old hag Francis.
Blackbeard: Though in my case, I like her, but less as a pirate.
Blackbeard: More as a Pioneer of the Stars, I'm a little weird that way, LOL.
Blackbeard: Maybe it's Ferdinand Magellan's influence, ROFL. Bwahaha-LOLOLOL, ahem, excuse me.
Blackbeard: This is what makes PaiKet so great, lolol. It's what makes me and the hag eternal, LOL!
Dr. Roman: ...
Dr. Roman: Shall we go home?
Mash: Let's go home...
Fujimaru 1: Let's come back next year, okay?
Fujimaru 2: I'm tired...