Fergus mac Róich

Pretty Illusion

Fergus: Sorry to bother you during your break. I'm looking for the Servant Consultation Room. Is this it?

Fujimaru 1: We're closed today...

Fergus: Hm, just as I thought. But I'm begging you. It's urgent, you see.

Fujimaru 2: Yes and no?

Fergus: Hah hah hah. You deny and say it isn't so, but your face tells me you've given up on refusing, Master!

Fergus: You're probably fed up with indulging the selfishness of Servants day after day. I sympathize with you.

Fergus: So now, I'd like you to just give up again. I've got an urgent problem.

Fergus: Could you hear me out?

Fergus: Hah hah hah, don't be so shy!

Fergus: War is important, but whispering words of love to a woman is equally important to me.

Fergus: Of course, I'd never force myself on an unwilling woman. Understand that I just want to look at her and hit on her.

Mash: Senpai, Senpai! I found sweet rice cakes in the Doctor's room!

Mash: These are quite exceptional. Let's eat them before anyone finds out.

Mash: But of course, the main topic is investigating the Doctor.

Mash: We must solve the mystery of how the Doctor stockpiles sweets in this time of scarcity...

Mash: Oh? Is that you, Fergus?

Fergus: Oh, hello Mash. Well, I want to ask you, too.

Fergus: You see...

Mash: I understand the circumstances, but maybe that's not such a good idea.

Mash: I mean, we are fighting to prevent humanity's destruction...

Mash: If you carelessly start hitting on other Servants, it may end in a bloodbath...

Fergus: Hmm, what a mess...

Fergus: If at least I could tell which Servants are okay to hit on...

Dr. Roman: Heh, leave stuff like that to me. More like, why didn't you come see me about this?

Dr. Roman: Hey, those sweet rice cakes look pretty tasty. Let me try one, nom nom...

Dr. Roman: Oh, this is as tasty as the one from my own collection, or rather, it tastes exactly the same...

Mash: Senpai's sweet rice cake!

Fujimaru 1: Mash's sweet rice cake!

Dr. Roman: You two get along so well. That aside, Fergus.

Dr. Roman: I installed several Servant profiles into the virtual training system.

Dr. Roman: They're a bit robotic, but they should at least respond to you.

Dr. Roman: So try this out first, and if it looks good, you can go hit on them for real. How does that sound?

Dr. Roman: It will be good for future reference. I'll use the results for personal reference.

Fergus: Hmm... An interesting proposal. Let's give it a shot!

Mash: Senpai, Senpai. I'm not sure why, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Fou: Fou, foou...

Dr. Roman: Okay, transfer confirmed. Why don't you try sweet-talking the first one?

Fergus: All right, bring it on! Now, what kind of perky lass will appear–

Mash: ...Uhh. What's a “perky lass,” exactly, Senpai?

Dr. Roman: Maybe a beauty that makes his crotch perk up? Oh, here she comes!

Fergus: Well, if it isn't Brynhild, the Valkyrie! ...Hey, wait, wait, wait!

Fergus: Don't you already have a boyfriend? I'm not a fan of stealing another guy's woman...

Fergus: Hmm. Well, I don't like it, but exceptions must be made for lust.

Fergus: Brynhild. I want you. Why don't you spend the night with me?

Mash: (...A very straightforward and completely unambiguous approach...)

Brynhild: Oh...I don't know how to respond to such a frank confession of love–

Fergus: Hmmm.

Brynhild: I guess I'll just have to kill you...

Fergus: Yup, I don't get why, but so be it! You're even more ferocious in love than the Celts!

Brynhild: I have no idea who you are, but thank you. Now let us fight to the death...

Fergus: Fujimaru, Mash, my bad! I was so close, but I failed!

Mash: We can see that. Oh geez, Master, get ready for battle!


Mash: That was quite the ordeal...

Fergus: Hah hah hah, if you get depressed by one or two failures, you're gonna have a tough life.

Fergus: After all, everything, even life, is just a night's dream. You've got to live decisively.

Dr. Roman: How reliable... You are a teacher, no, I must say, a guru of smooth talkers...

Dr. Roman: All right, Guru Fergus! I will prepare the next Servant!

Dr. Roman: This time it'll be fine. Based on looks, I chose a charming, peaceful woman!

Kiyohime: ... ...

Mash: Senpai, Senpai, I think he will strike out.

Fergus: I think so too, but I can't help it when met with such beauty! Hey there, foreign lady!

Kiyohime: ... ...

Kiyohime: Ah, are you referring to me? I beg your pardon. Do you need something?

Fergus: Yes. I liked you the moment I saw you. How about it? Spending the night with me.

Kiyohime: ... ...

Kiyohime: Oh, my. What shall I do...

Mash: Wait, he actually has a chance?

Fergus: Hahaha, no need to be shy.

Fergus: I don't mean to brag, but I, Fergus, am an acknowledged authority on how to make women happy–

Kiyohime: What did you just say?

Kiyohime: An acknowledged authority on making women happy? So, in other words–you mean “infidelity.”

Fergus: ...Hmm. Hah hah hah! My bad! It seems I've stepped on a land mine, Master!

Dr. Roman: Guru Fergus—!

Mash: As I expected! You keep stumbling at the first hurdle!

Kiyohime: Destroy infidelity! Destroy womanizers!

Kiyohime: Go repent in hell! Hi-yah!


Fergus: Hmm, it's not going too well. I hope this time a compatible Servant will show up.

Mash: Senpai, we should make a bet.

Fujimaru 1: MUDA MUDA MUDA.

Fujimaru 2: I think it's no use.

Mash: Yes, I think so as well.

Fergus: Hah hah hah! Master, you're quite harsh. However, rest assured. This is a tent, thus, the wild.

Fergus: Being here means it will most likely be a ferocious woman, a warrior!

Fergus: I know well how to woo such a woman. Well now, Doctor!

Dr. Roman: An unshakable heart of steel... That is our hero Fergus!

Dr. Roman: Honestly, I'm starting to realize this is useless, so I want to go back to work... But I hope for the best this time!

Dr. Roman: The Servant up next is–her!

Nightingale: ...Huh?

Mash: Senpai, I think we should run.

Fujimaru 1: To the ends of the earth.

Fergus: Oooh, is this not the nurse that took care of us in America?

Nightingale: I only have business for the wounded. Please leave.

Fergus: Don't be so cold. Actually... I have a serious illness.

Nightingale: ...Let's hear it. What is wrong?

Fergus: Uh, it's like a gaping hole has opened in my chest...

Nightingale: Is it pneumothorax? Or perhaps heart failure?

Fergus: Nothing like that, it's more of a mental problem. I've got an emptiness from the lonely nights spent alone.

Nightingale: ...Meaning?

Fergus: Yes, I refer to the disease of love... My heart is unspeakably cold and empty!

Fergus: But, my beautiful lady with bosom so supple and buttocks so round!

Fergus: I do think you are capable of filling the gap in this chest. If you would, please!

Nightingale: ... ...

Mash: Nightingale, um, it's fine if you just flat out refuse him...

Nightingale: No. On the battlefield, it's just an unavoidable instinct for warriors to seek proof that they have lived.

Nightingale: Assaulting helpless nurses is one thing. But, if I am the one nominated, that's a different story.

Mash: Huh–!? S-So, that means!

Mash: You're going to give him the okay!?

Nightingale: Yes. I will respectfully counter his attack.

Nightingale: After all, I am currently a nurse who possesses combat skills.

Mash: Oh, so that's what you meant!

Fergus: Hah hah hah hah! In other words, you mean if I win the battle, I can have you!

Fergus: Fine by me, I'll take you on! Master, this will be a decisive battle... Let's go!


Fergus: Yes, victory is mine!

Fergus: By the way my beautiful lady, is it my imagination, or were all your attacks concentrated solely on me?

Nightingale: No, you're not imagining things. ...Be that as it may, I will admit defeat.

Nightingale: Do as you wish, Fujimaru. My body is yours.

Fergus: Don't you mean mine!?

Nightingale: ?

Nightingale: The winner is not the Servant, but the Master who commanded them, is it not?

Fergus: That logic is so sound I don't know what to say!

Fujimaru 1: N-Now wait just a minute!?

Mash: Y-Yes! It's not like Master fought with such an idea in mind!

Mash: ...Isn't that right, Master? ISN'T. THAT. RIGHT?

Fujimaru 2: I'm sorry, some other time!

Mash: Exactly! Senpai is on a mission to save the world.

Mash: Getting sidetracked is, well...all sorts of danger, I think!

Nightingale: I can't believe this... You're the winner, yet you don't want your prize.

Nightingale: Well then, until next we meet. Goodbye, Fujimaru.

Mash: Whew... That was close.

Mash: Well, if you asked me what was so close, I wouldn't know the answer myself...

Fergus: Hmm, so my last chance also ended in failure after all. I can't help but feel my self-confidence dwindling.

Mash: Ah, um... Er, well. Whatever the reason, I think your straightforward courtship is wonderful.

Mash: Please don't be discouraged, and keep trying.

Fergus: ... ...

Fergus: Miss Mash. If you'd like, after this–

Mash: Oh, that would be a no, thank you.

Fergus: Rejected...

Dr. Roman: Guru Fergus...