Fergus mac Róich
Pretty Illusion
Fergus:
Sorry to bother you during your break.
I'm looking for the Servant Consultation Room. Is this it?
Fujimaru 1:
We're closed today...
Fergus:
Hm, just as I thought.
But I'm begging you. It's urgent, you see.
Fujimaru 2:
Yes and no?
Fergus:
Hah hah hah. You deny and say it isn't so, but your face tells me you've given up on refusing, Master!
Fergus:
You're probably fed up with indulging the selfishness of Servants day after day. I sympathize with you.
Fergus:
So now, I'd like you to just give up again. I've got an urgent problem.
Fergus:
Could you hear me out?
Fergus:
Hah hah hah, don't be so shy!
Fergus:
War is important, but whispering words of love to a woman is equally important to me.
Fergus:
Of course, I'd never force myself on an unwilling woman. Understand that I just want to look at her and hit on her.
Mash:
Senpai, Senpai!
I found sweet rice cakes in the Doctor's room!
Mash:
These are quite exceptional.
Let's eat them before anyone finds out.
Mash:
But of course, the main topic is investigating the Doctor.
Mash:
We must solve the mystery of how the Doctor stockpiles sweets in this time of scarcity...
Mash:
Oh? Is that you, Fergus?
Fergus:
Oh, hello Mash.
Well, I want to ask you, too.
Fergus:
You see...
Mash:
I understand the circumstances,
but maybe that's not such a good idea.
Mash:
I mean, we are fighting to prevent humanity's destruction...
Mash:
If you carelessly start hitting on other Servants, it may end in a bloodbath...
Fergus:
Hmm, what a mess...
Fergus:
If at least I could tell which Servants are okay to hit on...
Dr. Roman:
Heh, leave stuff like that to me.
More like, why didn't you come see me about this?
Dr. Roman:
Hey, those sweet rice cakes look pretty tasty.
Let me try one, nom nom...
Dr. Roman:
Oh, this is as tasty as the one from my own collection,
or rather, it tastes exactly the same...
Mash:
Senpai's sweet rice cake!
Fujimaru 1:
Mash's sweet rice cake!
Dr. Roman:
You two get along so well.
That aside, Fergus.
Dr. Roman:
I installed several Servant profiles into the virtual training system.
Dr. Roman:
They're a bit robotic, but they should at least respond to you.
Dr. Roman:
So try this out first, and if it looks good, you can go hit on them for real. How does that sound?
Dr. Roman:
It will be good for future reference.
I'll use the results for personal reference.
Fergus:
Hmm... An interesting proposal.
Let's give it a shot!
Mash:
Senpai, Senpai. I'm not sure why, but I have a bad feeling about this.
Fou:
Fou, foou...
Dr. Roman:
Okay, transfer confirmed.
Why don't you try sweet-talking the first one?
Fergus:
All right, bring it on!
Now, what kind of perky lass will appear–
Mash:
...Uhh.
What's a “perky lass,” exactly, Senpai?
Dr. Roman:
Maybe a beauty that makes his crotch perk up?
Oh, here she comes!
Fergus:
Well, if it isn't Brynhild, the Valkyrie!
...Hey, wait, wait, wait!
Fergus:
Don't you already have a boyfriend?
I'm not a fan of stealing another guy's woman...
Fergus:
Hmm. Well, I don't like it, but exceptions must be made for lust.
Fergus:
Brynhild. I want you.
Why don't you spend the night with me?
Mash:
(...A very straightforward and completely unambiguous approach...)
Brynhild:
Oh...I don't know how to respond to such a frank confession of love–
Fergus:
Hmmm.
Brynhild:
I guess I'll just have to kill you...
Fergus:
Yup, I don't get why, but so be it!
You're even more ferocious in love than the Celts!
Brynhild:
I have no idea who you are, but thank you.
Now let us fight to the death...
Fergus:
Fujimaru, Mash, my bad!
I was so close, but I failed!
Mash:
We can see that.
Oh geez, Master, get ready for battle!
--BATTLE--:
Mash:
That was quite the ordeal...
Fergus:
Hah hah hah, if you get depressed by one or two failures, you're gonna have a tough life.
Fergus:
After all, everything, even life, is just a night's dream. You've got to live decisively.
Dr. Roman:
How reliable... You are a teacher, no,
I must say, a guru of smooth talkers...
Dr. Roman:
All right, Guru Fergus!
I will prepare the next Servant!
Dr. Roman:
This time it'll be fine. Based on looks,
I chose a charming, peaceful woman!
Kiyohime:
...
...
Mash:
Senpai, Senpai, I think he will strike out.
Fergus:
I think so too, but I can't help it when met with such beauty! Hey there, foreign lady!
Kiyohime:
...
...
Kiyohime:
Ah, are you referring to me?
I beg your pardon. Do you need something?
Fergus:
Yes. I liked you the moment I saw you.
How about it? Spending the night with me.
Kiyohime:
...
...
Kiyohime:
Oh, my.
What shall I do...
Mash:
Wait, he actually has a chance?
Fergus:
Hahaha, no need to be shy.
Fergus:
I don't mean to brag, but I, Fergus, am an acknowledged authority on how to make women happy–
Kiyohime:
What did you just say?
Kiyohime:
An acknowledged authority on making women happy?
So, in other words–you mean “infidelity.”
Fergus:
...Hmm. Hah hah hah!
My bad! It seems I've stepped on a land mine, Master!
Dr. Roman:
Guru Fergus—!
Mash:
As I expected!
You keep stumbling at the first hurdle!
Kiyohime:
Destroy infidelity!
Destroy womanizers!
Kiyohime:
Go repent in hell!
Hi-yah!
--BATTLE--:
Fergus:
Hmm, it's not going too well.
I hope this time a compatible Servant will show up.
Mash:
Senpai, we should make a bet.
Fujimaru 1:
MUDA MUDA MUDA.
Fujimaru 2:
I think it's no use.
Mash:
Yes, I think so as well.
Fergus:
Hah hah hah! Master, you're quite harsh.
However, rest assured. This is a tent, thus, the wild.
Fergus:
Being here means it will most likely be a ferocious woman, a warrior!
Fergus:
I know well how to woo such a woman. Well now, Doctor!
Dr. Roman:
An unshakable heart of steel...
That is our hero Fergus!
Dr. Roman:
Honestly, I'm starting to realize this is useless, so I want to go back to work... But I hope for the best this time!
Dr. Roman:
The Servant up next is–her!
Nightingale:
...Huh?
Mash:
Senpai, I think we should run.
Fujimaru 1:
To the ends of the earth.
Fergus:
Oooh, is this not the nurse that took care of us in America?
Nightingale:
I only have business for the wounded. Please leave.
Fergus:
Don't be so cold.
Actually... I have a serious illness.
Nightingale:
...Let's hear it. What is wrong?
Fergus:
Uh, it's like a gaping hole has opened in my chest...
Nightingale:
Is it pneumothorax?
Or perhaps heart failure?
Fergus:
Nothing like that, it's more of a mental problem. I've got an emptiness from the lonely nights spent alone.
Nightingale:
...Meaning?
Fergus:
Yes, I refer to the disease of love...
My heart is unspeakably cold and empty!
Fergus:
But, my beautiful lady with bosom so supple and buttocks so round!
Fergus:
I do think you are capable of filling the gap in this chest. If you would, please!
Nightingale:
...
...
Mash:
Nightingale, um, it's fine if you just flat out refuse him...
Nightingale:
No. On the battlefield, it's just an unavoidable instinct for warriors to seek proof that they have lived.
Nightingale:
Assaulting helpless nurses is one thing.
But, if I am the one nominated, that's a different story.
Mash:
Huh–!?
S-So, that means!
Mash:
You're going to give him the okay!?
Nightingale:
Yes.
I will respectfully counter his attack.
Nightingale:
After all, I am currently a nurse who possesses combat skills.
Mash:
Oh, so that's what you meant!
Fergus:
Hah hah hah hah! In other words, you mean if I win the battle, I can have you!
Fergus:
Fine by me, I'll take you on!
Master, this will be a decisive battle... Let's go!
--BATTLE--:
Fergus:
Yes, victory is mine!
Fergus:
By the way my beautiful lady, is it my imagination,
or were all your attacks concentrated solely on me?
Nightingale:
No, you're not imagining things.
...Be that as it may, I will admit defeat.
Nightingale:
Do as you wish, Fujimaru.
My body is yours.
Fergus:
Don't you mean mine!?
Nightingale:
?
Nightingale:
The winner is not the Servant,
but the Master who commanded them, is it not?
Fergus:
That logic is so sound I don't know what to say!
Fujimaru 1:
N-Now wait just a minute!?
Mash:
Y-Yes!
It's not like Master fought with such an idea in mind!
Mash:
...Isn't that right, Master?
ISN'T. THAT. RIGHT?
Fujimaru 2:
I'm sorry, some other time!
Mash:
Exactly!
Senpai is on a mission to save the world.
Mash:
Getting sidetracked is, well...all sorts of danger, I think!
Nightingale:
I can't believe this... You're the winner, yet you don't want your prize.
Nightingale:
Well then, until next we meet.
Goodbye, Fujimaru.
Mash:
Whew... That was close.
Mash:
Well, if you asked me what was so close,
I wouldn't know the answer myself...
Fergus:
Hmm, so my last chance also ended in failure after all.
I can't help but feel my self-confidence dwindling.
Mash:
Ah, um... Er, well. Whatever the reason, I think your straightforward courtship is wonderful.
Mash:
Please don't be discouraged, and keep trying.
Fergus:
...
...
Fergus:
Miss Mash. If you'd like, after this–
Mash:
Oh, that would be a no, thank you.
Fergus:
Rejected...
Dr. Roman:
Guru Fergus...