Hans Christian Andersen
Human Observation
Andersen:
How are you, Master? It's good to see that you're not looking disgruntled today.
Andersen:
I am so disgusted with my super-boring life that my brain has turned to stone.
Andersen:
I feel like as if I've been transformed into a dumb monkey. I'm overwhelmingly lacking enrichment in my life.
Andersen:
Look. Don't you have anything to say as my Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Stone bread?
Fujimaru 2:
Enrichment?
Andersen:
Huh? You don't know the taste of a completely-dried bread? Scandinavians start their breakfast
Andersen:
by forcefully washing down a piece of rock-like bread with a drink like lead-boiled water...
Andersen:
Well, that trivia aside,
what I want to say, Fujimaru, is...
Andersen:
Give me something new to write about, or if you don't have anything, then give me some money.
I'll have some fun at the bar to kill some time.
Mash:
...Senpai, Mr. Andersen is sounding more arrogant and reprehensible than ever.
Mash:
Did you do anything to get on his bad side?
Fujimaru 1:
I didn't do anything.
Fujimaru 2:
Andersen is always like this.
Mash:
So you say you're not at fault.
Of course. That's what I remember, too.
Mash:
Mr. Andersen.
We don't have any resources to waste here at Chaldea.
Mash:
Please behave yourself, and work on a new book.
Personally, I request a sequel of The Little Mermaid...
Andersen:
Tch.
That story is so popular among women and kids.
Andersen:
I wrote that story to mock the idiots in this world,
so I don't understand why it would be taken as a touching tale.
Mash:
What—M-Mister, what did you just say?
Andersen:
I said, that is one of the worst trash that I ever wrote, you fool!
Andersen:
Geez. I made the ending so obvious,
but people kept calling it a tragedy or tragic love story.
Andersen:
Not only is she finally released from love at first sight,
but she even gets a soul as a reward in the end!
Andersen:
Listen. The best part about love is when it's purely yours. That's my conclusion, at least.
Andersen:
You ask me to write a sequel, but why can't you understand it would only drive Little Mermaid to further despair?
Mash:
—
Andersen:
Uh... What, you look like it's the end of the world.
...
Andersen:
I'm saying, don't ask me to write a sequel to a story that ended already. It's the reader's privilege to imagine what happens after the ending.
Mash:
...
Andersen:
...Fine. If you don't have any money,
some new inspiration will do.
Andersen:
Take me wherever you can, Fujimaru.
France would be nice for now.
Andersen:
What are you doing, Mash? You're coming, too.
We'll end up dying if it's just me and Fujimaru.
Mash:
R-Right...
Mash:
...Whew.
Is this place alright with you, Mr. Andersen?
Andersen:
Yes. Anywhere is okay as long as I can stay away from my desk. Let's enjoy the city of France first...
Mash:
Master, hostiles approaching! Looks like ghosts from the Hundred Years' War manifested using the Grail's power.
Andersen:
Hmm. Soldiers from the past are reappearing?
Interesting, why don't you play with them, Fujimaru?
Andersen:
I'm against physical labor but I will bear with it to get something to write about.
Make this battle a good one, yeah?
--BATTLE--:
Andersen:
Not bad. I never thought of this.
But perhaps it was too late.
Mash:
Mr. Andersen?
Andersen:
Fujimaru, Mash.
Let's move on to the next location.
Andersen:
You went on quite a rampage in Rome, correct?
Then let's head to the Italian Peninsula, where my heart belongs!
Fujimaru 1:
I didn't do it by choice...
Fujimaru 2:
I thought you said you hate physical labor...
Andersen:
Skip the commentary, and you call yourself my editor?
Let's go check the next observation object already!
Mash:
Apparently, we've pushed his buttons as a writer.
Let's just accept it and keep him company.
Andersen:
I found you!
How do you do? Take that!
Soldier:
Ugh!
Soldier:
What's wrong with you people! Especially that kid there! His face has "bad guy" written all over it!
Andersen:
Wow, so aggressive! As expected of Roman Soldiers, their brains are always on vacation.
Mash:
Mister, with all due respect. Anybody would get mad if a stranger suddenly threw a mud ball at their face.
Andersen:
What? All I did was add fuel to the fire!
Fujimaru, make sure you keep them alive this time, too!
--BATTLE--:
Andersen:
—Well.
Now that we've finally ventured out into the ocean.
Pirate:
Ohhhh, our prey is coming to us!
Guys, this is a non-stop party!
Pirate:
Should we strip them? Or strangle them? Ridicule them?
Whatever. Let's just kill them and let off some steam!
Fujimaru 1:
Are we surrounded?
Fujimaru 2:
We're already in huge trouble?
Mash:
Yes, this is what happens when Andersen fixes the coordinates right on a pirate ship!
Andersen:
Hahaha. Sorry, I underestimated the pirates' IQs.
I had no idea how dumb they actually are.
Andersen:
They aren't worth observing. I'm going home.
You guys go ahead and beat them up for me.
Andersen:
They may be a memory of the sea, but they're still humans. Beat them to a pulp, and make them regret their actions.
Mash:
You don't have to tell us! We'll do that!
And you should reflect on your deeds for once, too!
Andersen:
Gotcha. Oh, Mash, about the sequel to The Little Mermaid, can I base the Prince on those pirates?
Mash:
Absolutely not!
--BATTLE--:
Andersen:
Now I'm satisfied. Good work, Fujimaru.
I had an experience like no other thanks to you.
Mash:
...We're finally back.
We had a rough time, huh, Master?
Mash:
Aimlessly fighting through all those eras...
Mash:
It was good combat experience for us,
but why did you do it, Mr. Andersen?
Andersen:
To observe people, of course. The weapons people of those eras used, how they fought.
Andersen:
Even primitive combat reflects human thought.
The differences of all those eras will make a great reference.
Mash:
Observe people... Then, you must love mankind. Right, Mr. Andersen?
Andersen:
Huh? Don't be stupid!
I've no interest in mankind. I just needed data.
Andersen:
Not only the soldiers, I learned something about you two as well. Maybe I will write it into a book someday.
Fujimaru 1:
Thank you for that.
Mash:
...Being written about by one of the three greatest fairy tale authors, I'm embarrassed just saying it.
Mash:
But I think it would be a great honor.
Dr. Roman would get so jealous.
Fujimaru 2:
I'll pass.
Mash:
Huh...
Mash:
Yeah, you're right.
Count me out, too.
Mash:
...You're a more thoughtful person than I imagined, Senpai...
Andersen:
You two get along so well.
You're so easygoing.
Andersen:
I made a contract with you as a Servant because I had no choice, but now I've changed my mind.
Andersen:
It's hard to find partners for this crazy fieldwork, you know.
Andersen:
I think I'll get a little more fired up from now on.
A little. Very little. A tiny bit.
Mash:
I'm glad I was able to help you write, Mr. Andersen.
Andersen:
...Don't you understand that's a separate matter?
This is why I hate my readers...