Hikikomori Milky Way

Narration: ... ...

Narration: Dear Ma-chan.

Narration: I was officially summoned to Chaldea some time ago...or maybe a long time ago.

Narration: Now that I'm here, I want to live up to what's expected of a Servant.

Narration: But the thing is...

Shakespeare: Ah, there truly is something to be said for keeping one's head cool and one's feet warm. I can't remember the last time my quill flowed so freely!

Jaguar Warrior: Somebody grab me one of those tangerines over there!

Murasaki Shikibu: ... ...Oh, were you talking to me?

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm so sorry. I didn't realize...

Murasaki Shikibu: Here you go.

Jaguar Warrior: Thanks, Purple Shikibu!

Jaguar Warrior: (Gulp) Mmm, deelish! There's nothing better than tangerines. Fresh or frozen, they're always tasty. Talk about the fruit of the gods!

Jaguar Warrior: Oh, wait, I'm the god here, aren't I! Between the tangerines and the kotatsu, I thought I was turning Japanese! I really thought so!

Shakespeare: Does Japan not have its own share of gods, Jaguar Warrior? Could you not be both a god and Japanese?

Jaguar Warrior: Hm? (Casual whistling)

Shakespeare: Oh, never mind!

Mordred: Yo, let me get in on this! Turns out it's still kinda early for surfing!

Mordred: Not that the seasons ever change 'round here!

Osakabehime: ... ...

Narration: I'm surrounded by so many strangers that I'm not quite sure what to do...

Osakabehime: (Well, I guess I've met Murasaki Shikibu before, but that writerly aura is still a lot for me to take.)

Osakabehime: Chotto a minute! Why are all you Servants hanging out in my room again!?

Mordred: Where else're we s'posed to go? You've got the only kotatsu in Chaldea!

Jaguar Warrior: Honestly though, I have to wonder if leaving it out all year is really the best course of action, meow.

Jaguar Warrior: Then again, I guess I used to do the same thing. There's something to be said for leaving your kotatsu out even in the summer. Something dark, I mean.

Murasaki Shikibu: I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was intruding...

Osakabehime: Waaaaaah! How am I supposed to make any progress on my manuscript like this!?

Shakespeare: Oh come now, I rather doubt you would have made any progress even in our absence.

Osakabehime: Urk.

Murasaki Shikibu: It's okay, Lady Osakabehime.

Osakabehime: Senpai...?

Murasaki Shikibu: If you just let your hair down and be yourself...

Murasaki Shikibu: ...your story will eventually take wing of its own accord...

Osakabehime: That only works if you're a genius!

Osakabehime: Waaaaaah! Help me, Ma-chaaaaaan!

Fujimaru 1: ...Okay, I'm in Batty's room now, but where's Batty?

Kiyohime: Ugh.

Kiyohime: I've lost count of how many times she's gone into hiding at the first sign of trouble. It's a terrible habit of hers, isn't it, Master?

Fujimaru 2: Guess Batty isn't home...

Kiyohime: Batty? Not home? That is simply not possible.

Kiyohime: No, she's definitely in here somewhere. I'm sure of it.

Kiyohime: Come on, let's search the room for her. Huh? How do I know she isn't actually out?

Kiyohime: Hehehe, oh Master.

Kiyohime: You saw for yourself how eager Osakabehime was to use Musashi's absence as an excuse to shut herself in, right?

Kiyohime: There's no way!

Kiyohime: She would ever leave!

Kiyohime: We have been friends for a long time, so I know her well enough to say that with one-hundred-percent certainty♡

Kiyohime: Now come on, let's look for her. Baaatty! Where aaare yooou!

Kiyohime: Come out now, while neither Master nor I is upseeet!

Fujimaru 1: Olly olly oxen free!

Kiyohime: Oh? Did you just hear something, Master?

Kiyohime: Hmm. Now where could that voice have come from...

Fujimaru 1: Under the kotatsu, maybe?

Kiyohime: Under the kotatsu? ...Ah, yes, I see.

Osakabehime: Go away!

Fujimaru 2: It came from over here...

Kiyohime: So it did. Well done, Master♪

Kiyohime: Huh... It looks like this kotatsu is connected to an alternate dimension.

Kiyohime: What do we do now, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Simple. We dive in headfirst!

Kiyohime: Understood. Okay, Master, here I go!

Fujimaru 2: We go get her!

Kiyohime: Yes, I'm sure Batty is waiting for us to retrieve her. All right then, let's go!

Fujimaru 1: Nooooooooo!!!

Kiyohime: Master. Master! Please, get a hold of yourself!

Kiyohime: Of all the places I thought the kotatsu could lead, Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle was not one I even considered!

Kiyohime: I've heard you go on about isekai before, Batty, but this is ridiculous!

Osakabehime: Urushaddup! Just go away! I'm shutting myself in and working on my damn book!

Kiyohime: Huh? That sounded like it came from...the castle keep?

Osakabehime: This is MY kotatsu now! Nobody gets in or out unless I seiso!

Kiyohime: You said that as if you're just calling dibs, but I'm honestly impressed you made this place its own separate world. You're more skilled than I thought, Batty.

Osakabehime: Right?

Osakabehime: I've gotten a lot more used to fighting as a Servant than you'd think!

Osakabehime: Heh heh heh, and on that note...byeanara, Ma-chan and Kiyo-yo!

Kiyohime: Oh my.

Fujimaru 1: We're back again...

Kiyohime: I guess Batty must have complete control over that Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle.

Kiyohime: I'm not sure what we can do if she can send us back here with just a flick of her finger...

Osakabehime: Bye now! I'll come back once I'm done with my final draft!

Kiyohime: ...I don't know about this, Master.

Kiyohime: Batty is lying. I don't think she really means to come back at all...

Kiyohime: No, that's not it. I think that SHE thinks she can't possibly come back.

Kiyohime: Hmm, now what are we going to do. I do feel bad that her kotatsu kept getting taken over...

Kiyohime: ...but that doesn't mean she can just run away from her responsibilities as a Servant.

Kiyohime: And I think Batty knows that better than anyone.

Kiyohime: Which would mean her lie about coming back after finishing her final draft is actually...

Kiyohime: Well, Master? What are you going to do?

Fujimaru 1: What else?

Narration: ...In short, I can live here in peace and tranquility.

Osakabehime: Kotatsu, kotatsu, I'm so into you, kotatsuuu♪

Osakabehime: Don't come to get me, 'cause I don't wanna leeeave♪

Osakabehime: Besides, who'd even want to go out when it's raining? Everyone knows rainy days are the perfect excuse to stay in.

Narration: ...Exactly.

Narration: I'm not cut out to be a Servant.

Osakabehime: ...No, no. No, no, no.

Narration: Of course I know that's no excuse. I get it.

Narration: But just like a Berserker can't help but go berserk, I can't help the fact that I'm a shut-in at heart.

Osakabehime: So it shouldn't be a problem if I shut myself in for just a little bit now and then, right?

Narration: Let's see... I think I should be okay for twenty...thirty...fifty years or so?

Narration: I'll still be happy to serve Ma-chan even when [♂ he's /♀️ she's} an old [♂ man /♀️ lady}.

Narration: That wouldn't bother me at all–

Fujimaru 1: It might not bother you, but it sure as hell would bother me!

Fujimaru 2: Don't I get a say in this!?

Osakabehime: Huh? I... Wha...?

Osakabehime: Gyaaaaaa!!!

Osakabehime: Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing here again, Ma-chan!?

Kiyohime: What do you think, Bats-for-Brains?

Osakabehime: Where do YOU of all people get off insulting my intelligence, Kiyo-yo!?

Kiyohime: What do you mean "of all people"? I'll have you know I could demonstrate my own intelligence in any number of ways.

Kiyohime: ...But that is not what is important right now.

Kiyohime: I guess the fact that you'd casually consider shutting yourself in for fifty years just goes to show how ridiculous your innately inhuman sense of time is.

Kiyohime: I, on the other hand, acquired my inhumanity later on, so my sense of time is so finely attuned I was able to match my breathing to Master's down to the second. I'm keeping count, so there's no mistake!

Fujimaru 1: ...(World's longest awkward pause) Right!

Kiyohime: Hmm. I'll have to get to the bottom of what that long silence meant later.

Fujimaru 2: Are you now. Gee, what a coincidence.

Kiyohime: (Sniff) You can be so cold sometimes, Master... But I won't let that bring me down!

Osakabehime: Hey! What do you think you're doing!?

Kiyohime: That's just what we came here to ask.

Kiyohime: As if turning your room into a separate world wasn't bad enough, now you want to shut yourself in it for fifty years!?

Kiyohime: From one hime to another, I refuse to let you get away with this!

Osakabehime: Nooo! I don't wanna! I'm too scaaared!

Osakabehime: Forget it! If you think you can drag me out of here, go ahead and do your worst!

Kiyohime: Ugh. I'm sorry you had to see my friend behave so disgracefully, Master...

Kiyohime: Still, she was at least being truthful in what she said.

Kiyohime: She truly is frightened, and does really want to shut herself away.

Kiyohime: But she's also determined to put up a fight to make that happen now. She never had that kind of confidence before.

Kiyohime: To put it simply, Master...

Kiyohime: ...she's just as proud to be your Servant as any of us.

Kiyohime: Yes, that pride may have led her to be weirdly confident about all the wrong things, but that's just Batty for you.

Kiyohime: All right, Master, let's make our way straight to the castle keep, shall we?


Fujimaru 1: Are those the monkeys we saw on the mountain?

Kiyohime: They must have taken a liking to this place.

Kiyohime: But I'm afraid they'll just have to move to the Enma-tei, whether they like it or not.

Fujimaru 2: This place reminds me of Mecha Eli-chan...

Kiyohime: Oh my! Talking about another woman when you're here with me!?

Kiyohime: Well I never!

Kiyohime: At any rate, my nose is telling me we should keep heading up.

Kiyohime: Unfortunately, there's a limit to what my Stalking Skill can track when I'm not using them on you...

Kiyohime: But, hehehe, the good news is, I don't need them to know where she's hiding.

Fujimaru 1: Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's in her room again...

Kiyohime: Agreed. Now come on, let's head straight up to the top of this castle.

Fujimaru 2: Haha, maybe the kotatsu in her room here leads to yet another alternate world.

Kiyohime: So a world inside a world, like a set of Matryoshka dolls? That does sound like an interesting idea.

Kiyohime: Hehehe. All that aside, we haven't had many chances to be alone lately, Master.

Kiyohime: We can't let this one go to waste! Now come on, let's take it niiice and slow.

Kiyohime: Like, three steps forward, three steps back slow♡

Fujimaru 1: That's not slow, that's literally going nowhere!

Osakabehime: Chotto a minute! Are you just using me as an excuse to get your own fun in, Kiyo-yo!?

Kiyohime: I sure am♪

Osakabehime: Waaahhh! I thought we were besties! Have you no kokoro!?

Kiyohime: Me? Heartless? How rude.

Kiyohime: I'll have you know there is no Servant in this entire world whose heart burns hotter than mine.

Kiyohime: Right, Master?


Narration: ...All sorts of Servants have started visiting my room.

Narration: I know it's probably a good thing.

Narration: I used to be sad and mopey all the time. Now I think I'm leading a fuller life.

Narration: Every day here is great. The work, the training, the small talk... It's all so refreshingly straightforward.

Narration: I have old friends here I can be myself around, and I've made new ones, too.

Narration: If someone asked whether or not I liked this, my honest answer would be that I do.

Narration: But every time I come to that conclusion, I can feel the gears in my heart creaking against the strain.

Narration: No, no, no. This isn't who you are.

Narration: That's when I start to feel bad again. Not at how wrongly I'm behaving, but at how right.

Narration: ...I want to be left alone.

Narration: It's just as hard now as it was before. Being around people is tiring, all the smiling gives me a cramp, I can't get any work done on my book...

Narration: But at the same time, I can't pretend to be a proud lone wolf. I still get lonely.

Narration: Unlike a certain king I could name, I can't really say I'm okay just being all by myself.

Narration: It sucks. My feelings are all over the place, and I can't put them into words in any kind of way that makes sense.

Narration: I half-ass everything... I can never choose a side... I'm a bat, a snake, a castle monster...

Narration: ...I don't know WHAT I am.

Kiyohime: ...Is something wrong, Master?

Kiyohime: You looked as though you were dreaming even while you were walking.

Fujimaru 1: Sorry, I guess I spaced out.

Kiyohime: Hmph. I can't believe you'd space out when you're here with me!

Fujimaru 2: I think...I just saw one of Osakabehime's dreams...

Kiyohime: Well, this is Batty–Osakabehime's domain. It's no surprise something like that could happen here.

Kiyohime: It's nothing as strong as a Reality Marble, of course. It's just a big papier-mâché delusion stretched as far as it'll go.

Kiyohime: I could burn it all now and this would be over in an instant, but Batty really would shut herself away if I did that.

Kiyohime: So I'm afraid I'll need you to join me for at least a little while longer, Master.


Kiyohime: What is this writing?

Osakabehime: Ah! That's my–!

Kiyohime: Oh.

Fujimaru 1: Is something wrong?

Kiyohime: ...No, everything's fine. Now that its magical energy is gone, it's just a plain old bit of text.

Kiyohime: I'll just put it in this box over here and leave it by the wall.

Osakabehime: Phew.

Kiyohime: You owe me one, Batty.

Osakabehime: ...I'll do my best to make it up to you.


Kiyohime: This hall is very long...but my Stalking Skill is never wrong.

Kiyohime: And right now, it's telling me it won't be long until we see Batty in person.

Osakabehime: Grr. So you finally made it, Kiyo-yo and Ma-chan...

Osakabehime: But I'm daijo... I'm okay. You can leave now. I'm essentially just hiding out in my kotatsu, anyway.

Kiyohime: You need to go outside sometimes, Batty.

Osakabehime: No I don't. What's wrong with staying in?

Kiyohime: You're only being halfway honest about this. You want to go out, but you also don't want to go out.

Osakabehime: ...It doesn't make any sense, does it?

Osakabehime: I have been enjoying myself here, thanks to Ma-chan giving me the push I needed.

Osakabehime:'s also so exhausting!

Kiyohime: I understand. Okay then, let's fight it out.

Osakabehime: ... ...

Osakabehime: ...Uh, why?

Kiyohime: Master wants to help you, and you want to turn [♂ him /♀️ her} away.

Kiyohime: We could talk it out for days and never get anywhere. Violence, on the other hand, is a much faster solution.

Osakabehime: I think you might be spending too much time with Tomoe these days, Kiyo-yo! You're starting to sound just like her!

Fujimaru 1: Can we at least try talking this out first?

Osakabehime: N-no! There's nothing I want to talk about!

Fujimaru 2: ...Are you hiding something, Hime?

Osakabehime: N-no! Not a damn thing!

Kiyohime: Now that was just an outright lie.

Kiyohime: You have something you want to talk about, and there's something you're hiding.

Kiyohime: But you're too embarrassed to share.

Osakabehime: Gnnnh...! You big baka lie detector!

Osakabehime: Fine then! If that's how you want to play this, then kakatte come on!

Osakabehime: If that's what I gotta do to maintain my hiko lifestyle for a while, I'll meet violence with violence!


Osakabehime: Yeooowch! Hot, hot, hot!

Kiyohime: Mmm, roast bat♪

Osakabehime: I knew you were a dragon, but I didn't think you were a demon too!

Osakabehime: Ugh, fine! You win! I give up!

Kiyohime: Good. All right, Batty, tell us what's really going on.

Osakabehime: ... ...

Osakabehime: Gnnn...

Kiyohime: ...(Sigh)

Kiyohime: Here, Master, I'll give you two some space. That's two you owe me now, Batty.

Osakabehime: I know, I know.

Osakabehime: ...I felt us syncing up earlier. You saw something, didn't you?

Fujimaru 1: I saw what life in Chaldea has been like for you.

Osakabehime: Then I shouldn't really need to say anything.

Fujimaru 2: I saw the same you I always do.

Osakabehime: ...That isn't who I always am.

Osakabehime: I could never live with myself if it was.

Osakabehime: Basically, I guess...

Osakabehime: I've been having a constant stream of visitors in my room lately.

Osakabehime: They're loud, and annoying, and exasperating...but I don't have the guts to tell them to leave.

Osakabehime: And even if I hole up on my own like this...

Osakabehime: just doesn't feel like the amazing paradise it used to...

Osakabehime: I can't make up my mind how I feel. I don't make any sense.

Osakabehime: When I'm alone, I want company. When I have company, I want to be alone.

Osakabehime: Pretty selfish of me, huh.

Fujimaru 1: Is it...?

Osakabehime: Yes! It is!

Fujimaru 2: I wouldn't really call that selfish.

Osakabehime: Well it is!

Osakabehime: ...That said, this really isn't that big of a deal. Honestly.

Osakabehime: I just need to try a little harder.

Osakabehime: If I'm alone, I can just go hang out with someone. And if I'm with someone, I can just go be by myself.

Osakabehime: The only problem is, I can't find the courage to do that. I mean, how could I?

Osakabehime: The only one who inspires me to be brave like that is...well...

Fujimaru 1: Who?

Osakabehime: How can you be such a baka!? I'm talking about you, of course!

Fujimaru 2: Wait. You don't mean me, do you?

Osakabehime: You're really just starting to wakarunderstand!?

Osakabehime: Between last winter and this spring the frequency of you visiting me considerably dropped!

Osakabehime: This is a huge problem, Ma-chan! Now look me in the eyes and tell me the truth!

Osakabehime: Did you stop visiting because my kotatsu is too hot? Have I been getting in your way somehow?

Osakabehime: (Gyaaaaaah! What am I even saying!?)

Osakabehime: (Yabe! I can barely believe what I'm saying, and I'm the one saying it!)

Osakabehime: (Still, there is no arguing [♂ he /♀️ she} hasn't been coming to my room lately!)

Osakabehime: (Whatever [♂ he /♀️ she} tells me, I have to be ready to handle it!)

Osakabehime: (At least this isn't a normal Holy Grail War, so I shouldn't have to worry about getting fired!)

Osakabehime: (Although, I guess [♂ he /♀️ she} could force me to go into my spirit form... Iyaaaaa!)

Fujimaru 1: I didn't want to get in the way of your writing...

Osakabehime: ...Huh? What're you talking about?

Osakabehime: ... ...

Fujimaru 1: Is everything okay?

Fujimaru 2: Maybe you should take a little break...

Osakabehime: Sorry Ma-chan, but would you mind being shizuquiet for a bit!?

Osakabehime: Rrgh, none of this is working! I can't seem to get my thoughts in order!

Fujimaru 1: I, uh, I see.

Osakabehime: Done! It's all done!

Fujimaru 1: Congratulations!

Osakabehime: Now to ride this high and get started on my next book!

Fujimaru 1: Um...

Fujimaru 2: I'm just gonna get going, okay?

Osakabehime: (Humming happily)

Osakabehime: I... I... I...

Osakabehime: I was so focused on my books that I didn't even realize how much of a jerk I was being! I'm so soooooorry!

Kiyohime: ...Well? Is everything better now?

Osakabehime: If by “better” you mean “deeply hazukashii at how badly I treated Master and my completely dumb misreading of the situation”...

Osakabehime: ...then yes, I guess you could say things are better now.

Fujimaru 1: It's okay. I should have said something sooner.

Kiyohime: Ugh. You really need to stop coddling your Servants so much, Master.

Kiyohime: Still, it's obvious that you didn't do this out of malice, Batty.

Kiyohime: So if Master is willing to forgive you, I'll at least hold off on calling in Musashi.

Osakabehime: Okay, would you mind not just going from zero to nightmare scenario like it's no big deal!?

Osakabehime: Whenever Musashi shows up, she's always smiles and positive energy, and she absolutely destroys my entire gloomy shtick!

Osakabehime: But anyway...I'll go back now.

Osakabehime: As long as you're with me, Ma-chan, I can deal with just about anything.

Osakabehime: So, you think you might be willing to come visit me again?

Fujimaru 1: Of course!

Narration: ...And so, my selfish attempt at running away–or running and hiding, in this case–ended just like that.

Narration: Once again, my room became a popular hangout spot...

Narration: ...but thanks to the little pipsque–Ms. Beni-Enma's advice, I decided to make a “Do Not Disturb” sign.

Narration: It turns out people here can be surprisingly respectful of each other's privacy.

Narration: Now, when I need to focus on my books without interruption or intrusion, I just put up the sign.

Narration: And if I feel like having company again, I just take it down and the place becomes lively in no time.

Narration: ... ...

Narration: ...Of course, I told Ma-chan [♂ he /♀️ she} can ignore that sign and come in whenever [♂ he /♀️ she} likes.

Narration: I don't usually notice [♂ him /♀️ her} coming in when I'm focused on my book...

Narration: ...but whenever I turn around and notice [♂ him /♀️ her} sitting nearby, just cheerfully reading manga...

Narration: makes me feel both incredibly happy and incredibly apologetic all at once.

Narration: I'll probably need to come up with a name for this feeling someday...

Narration: ...but for now, I'm content keeping it tucked away inside my kokoro...

Osakabehime: All right, time to put up the “Do Not Disturb” sign and get to work on my–

Osakabehime: Gyaaaaaah! Did I just kick something soft!?

Low Blood Pressure Kunoichi: Zee zee zee... Zee zee zee...

Osakabehime: Are you really asleep? 'Cause you're just saying the letters in “zzz” instead of actually snoring!

Narration: ...Oh well. This sort of thing just comes with the territory now. And for the most part...I'm really enjoying my life here at Chaldea.