Osakabehime
Hikikomori Milky Way
Narration:
...
...
Narration:
Dear Ma-chan.
Narration:
I was officially summoned to Chaldea some time ago...or maybe a long time ago.
Narration:
Now that I'm here, I want to live up to what's expected of a Servant.
Narration:
But the thing is...
Shakespeare:
Ah, there truly is something to be said for keeping one's head cool and one's feet warm. I can't remember the last time my quill flowed so freely!
Jaguar Warrior:
Somebody grab me one of those tangerines over there!
Murasaki Shikibu:
...
...Oh, were you talking to me?
Murasaki Shikibu:
I'm so sorry. I didn't realize...
Murasaki Shikibu:
Here you go.
Jaguar Warrior:
Thanks, Purple Shikibu!
Jaguar Warrior:
(Gulp) Mmm, deelish! There's nothing better than tangerines. Fresh or frozen, they're always tasty.
Talk about the fruit of the gods!
Jaguar Warrior:
Oh, wait, I'm the god here, aren't I! Between the tangerines and the kotatsu, I thought I was turning Japanese! I really thought so!
Shakespeare:
Does Japan not have its own share of gods, Jaguar Warrior? Could you not be both a god and Japanese?
Jaguar Warrior:
Hm? (Casual whistling)
Shakespeare:
Oh, never mind!
Mordred:
Yo, let me get in on this!
Turns out it's still kinda early for surfing!
Mordred:
Not that the seasons ever change 'round here!
Osakabehime:
...
...
Narration:
I'm surrounded by so many strangers that I'm not quite sure what to do...
Osakabehime:
(Well, I guess I've met Murasaki Shikibu before, but that writerly aura is still a lot for me to take.)
Osakabehime:
Chotto a minute! Why are all you Servants hanging out in my room again!?
Mordred:
Where else're we s'posed to go?
You've got the only kotatsu in Chaldea!
Jaguar Warrior:
Honestly though, I have to wonder if leaving it out all year is really the best course of action, meow.
Jaguar Warrior:
Then again, I guess I used to do the same thing. There's something to be said for leaving your kotatsu out even in the summer. Something dark, I mean.
Murasaki Shikibu:
I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was intruding...
Osakabehime:
Waaaaaah! How am I supposed to make any progress on my manuscript like this!?
Shakespeare:
Oh come now, I rather doubt you would have made any progress even in our absence.
Osakabehime:
Urk.
Murasaki Shikibu:
It's okay, Lady Osakabehime.
Osakabehime:
Senpai...?
Murasaki Shikibu:
If you just let your hair down and be yourself...
Murasaki Shikibu:
...your story will eventually take wing of its own accord...
Osakabehime:
That only works if you're a genius!
Osakabehime:
Waaaaaah!
Help me, Ma-chaaaaaan!
Fujimaru 1:
...Okay, I'm in Batty's room now, but where's Batty?
Kiyohime:
Ugh.
Kiyohime:
I've lost count of how many times she's gone into hiding at the first sign of trouble. It's a terrible habit of hers, isn't it, Master?
Fujimaru 2:
Guess Batty isn't home...
Kiyohime:
Batty? Not home? That is simply not possible.
Kiyohime:
No, she's definitely in here somewhere.
I'm sure of it.
Kiyohime:
Come on, let's search the room for her.
Huh? How do I know she isn't actually out?
Kiyohime:
Hehehe, oh Master.
Kiyohime:
You saw for yourself how eager Osakabehime was to use Musashi's absence as an excuse to shut herself in, right?
Kiyohime:
There's no way!
Kiyohime:
She would ever leave!
Kiyohime:
We have been friends for a long time, so I know her well enough to say that with one-hundred-percent certainty♡
Kiyohime:
Now come on, let's look for her.
Baaatty! Where aaare yooou!
Kiyohime:
Come out now, while neither Master nor I is upseeet!
Fujimaru 1:
Olly olly oxen free!
Kiyohime:
Oh? Did you just hear something, Master?
Kiyohime:
Hmm. Now where could that voice have come from...
Fujimaru 1:
Under the kotatsu, maybe?
Kiyohime:
Under the kotatsu?
...Ah, yes, I see.
Osakabehime:
Go away!
Fujimaru 2:
It came from over here...
Kiyohime:
So it did. Well done, Master♪
Kiyohime:
Huh... It looks like this kotatsu is connected to an alternate dimension.
Kiyohime:
What do we do now, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
Simple. We dive in headfirst!
Kiyohime:
Understood. Okay, Master, here I go!
Fujimaru 2:
We go get her!
Kiyohime:
Yes, I'm sure Batty is waiting for us to retrieve her.
All right then, let's go!
Fujimaru 1:
Nooooooooo!!!
Kiyohime:
Master. Master! Please, get a hold of yourself!
Kiyohime:
Of all the places I thought the kotatsu could lead, Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle was not one I even considered!
Kiyohime:
I've heard you go on about isekai before,
Batty, but this is ridiculous!
Osakabehime:
Urushaddup! Just go away!
I'm shutting myself in and working on my damn book!
Kiyohime:
Huh? That sounded like it came from...the castle keep?
Osakabehime:
This is MY kotatsu now!
Nobody gets in or out unless I seiso!
Kiyohime:
You said that as if you're just calling dibs, but I'm honestly impressed you made this place its own separate world. You're more skilled than I thought, Batty.
Osakabehime:
Right?
Osakabehime:
I've gotten a lot more used to fighting as a Servant than you'd think!
Osakabehime:
Heh heh heh, and on that note...byeanara,
Ma-chan and Kiyo-yo!
Kiyohime:
Oh my.
Fujimaru 1:
We're back again...
Kiyohime:
I guess Batty must have complete control over that Csejte Pyramid Himeji Castle.
Kiyohime:
I'm not sure what we can do if she can send us back here with just a flick of her finger...
Osakabehime:
Bye now! I'll come back once I'm done with my final draft!
Kiyohime:
...I don't know about this, Master.
Kiyohime:
Batty is lying. I don't think she really means to come back at all...
Kiyohime:
No, that's not it. I think that SHE thinks she can't possibly come back.
Kiyohime:
Hmm, now what are we going to do. I do feel bad that her kotatsu kept getting taken over...
Kiyohime:
...but that doesn't mean she can just run away from her responsibilities as a Servant.
Kiyohime:
And I think Batty knows that better than anyone.
Kiyohime:
Which would mean her lie about coming back after finishing her final draft is actually...
Kiyohime:
Well, Master? What are you going to do?
Fujimaru 1:
What else?
Narration:
...In short, I can live here in peace and tranquility.
Osakabehime:
Kotatsu, kotatsu, I'm so into you, kotatsuuu♪
Osakabehime:
Don't come to get me, 'cause I don't wanna leeeave♪
Osakabehime:
Besides, who'd even want to go out when it's raining? Everyone knows rainy days are the perfect excuse to stay in.
Narration:
...Exactly.
Narration:
I'm not cut out to be a Servant.
Osakabehime:
...No, no. No, no, no.
Narration:
Of course I know that's no excuse. I get it.
Narration:
But just like a Berserker can't help but go berserk,
I can't help the fact that I'm a shut-in at heart.
Osakabehime:
So it shouldn't be a problem if I shut myself in for just a little bit now and then, right?
Narration:
Let's see... I think I should be okay for twenty...thirty...fifty years or so?
Narration:
I'll still be happy to serve Ma-chan even when [♂ he's /♀️ she's} an old [♂ man /♀️ lady}.
Narration:
That wouldn't bother me at all–
Fujimaru 1:
It might not bother you, but it sure as hell would bother me!
Fujimaru 2:
Don't I get a say in this!?
Osakabehime:
Huh?
I... Wha...?
Osakabehime:
Gyaaaaaa!!!
Osakabehime:
Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing here again, Ma-chan!?
Kiyohime:
What do you think, Bats-for-Brains?
Osakabehime:
Where do YOU of all people get off insulting my intelligence, Kiyo-yo!?
Kiyohime:
What do you mean "of all people"? I'll have you know I could demonstrate my own intelligence in any number of ways.
Kiyohime:
...But that is not what is important right now.
Kiyohime:
I guess the fact that you'd casually consider shutting yourself in for fifty years just goes to show how ridiculous your innately inhuman sense of time is.
Kiyohime:
I, on the other hand, acquired my inhumanity later on, so my sense of time is so finely attuned I was able to match my breathing to Master's down to the second. I'm keeping count, so there's no mistake!
Fujimaru 1:
...(World's longest awkward pause) Right!
Kiyohime:
Hmm. I'll have to get to the bottom of what that long silence meant later.
Fujimaru 2:
Are you now. Gee, what a coincidence.
Kiyohime:
(Sniff) You can be so cold sometimes, Master...
But I won't let that bring me down!
Osakabehime:
Hey! What do you think you're doing!?
Kiyohime:
That's just what we came here to ask.
Kiyohime:
As if turning your room into a separate world wasn't bad enough, now you want to shut yourself in it for fifty years!?
Kiyohime:
From one hime to another, I refuse to let you get away with this!
Osakabehime:
Nooo! I don't wanna! I'm too scaaared!
Osakabehime:
Forget it! If you think you can drag me out of here, go ahead and do your worst!
Kiyohime:
Ugh. I'm sorry you had to see my friend behave so disgracefully, Master...
Kiyohime:
Still, she was at least being truthful in what she said.
Kiyohime:
She truly is frightened, and does really want to shut herself away.
Kiyohime:
But she's also determined to put up a fight to make that happen now. She never had that kind of confidence before.
Kiyohime:
To put it simply, Master...
Kiyohime:
...she's just as proud to be your Servant as any of us.
Kiyohime:
Yes, that pride may have led her to be weirdly confident about all the wrong things, but that's just Batty for you.
Kiyohime:
All right, Master, let's make our way straight to the castle keep, shall we?
--BATTLE--:
Fujimaru 1:
Are those the monkeys we saw on the mountain?
Kiyohime:
They must have taken a liking to this place.
Kiyohime:
But I'm afraid they'll just have to move to the Enma-tei, whether they like it or not.
Fujimaru 2:
This place reminds me of Mecha Eli-chan...
Kiyohime:
Oh my! Talking about another woman when you're here with me!?
Kiyohime:
Well I never!
Kiyohime:
At any rate, my nose is telling me we should keep heading up.
Kiyohime:
Unfortunately, there's a limit to what my Stalking Skill can track when I'm not using them on you...
Kiyohime:
But, hehehe, the good news is, I don't need them to know where she's hiding.
Fujimaru 1:
Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's in her room again...
Kiyohime:
Agreed. Now come on, let's head straight up to the top of this castle.
Fujimaru 2:
Haha, maybe the kotatsu in her room here leads to yet another alternate world.
Kiyohime:
So a world inside a world, like a set of Matryoshka dolls? That does sound like an interesting idea.
Kiyohime:
Hehehe. All that aside, we haven't had many chances to be alone lately, Master.
Kiyohime:
We can't let this one go to waste!
Now come on, let's take it niiice and slow.
Kiyohime:
Like, three steps forward, three steps back slow♡
Fujimaru 1:
That's not slow, that's literally going nowhere!
Osakabehime:
Chotto a minute! Are you just using me as an excuse to get your own fun in, Kiyo-yo!?
Kiyohime:
I sure am♪
Osakabehime:
Waaahhh! I thought we were besties!
Have you no kokoro!?
Kiyohime:
Me? Heartless? How rude.
Kiyohime:
I'll have you know there is no Servant in this entire world whose heart burns hotter than mine.
Kiyohime:
Right, Master?
--ARROW--:
Narration:
...All sorts of Servants have started visiting my room.
Narration:
I know it's probably a good thing.
Narration:
I used to be sad and mopey all the time.
Now I think I'm leading a fuller life.
Narration:
Every day here is great. The work, the training, the small talk... It's all so refreshingly straightforward.
Narration:
I have old friends here I can be myself around, and I've made new ones, too.
Narration:
If someone asked whether or not I liked this,
my honest answer would be that I do.
Narration:
But every time I come to that conclusion, I can feel the gears in my heart creaking against the strain.
Narration:
No, no, no.
This isn't who you are.
Narration:
That's when I start to feel bad again. Not at how wrongly I'm behaving, but at how right.
Narration:
...I want to be left alone.
Narration:
It's just as hard now as it was before. Being around people is tiring, all the smiling gives me a cramp, I can't get any work done on my book...
Narration:
But at the same time, I can't pretend to be a proud lone wolf. I still get lonely.
Narration:
Unlike a certain king I could name, I can't really say I'm okay just being all by myself.
Narration:
It sucks. My feelings are all over the place, and I can't put them into words in any kind of way that makes sense.
Narration:
I half-ass everything... I can never choose a side...
I'm a bat, a snake, a castle monster...
Narration:
...I don't know WHAT I am.
Kiyohime:
...Is something wrong, Master?
Kiyohime:
You looked as though you were dreaming even while you were walking.
Fujimaru 1:
Sorry, I guess I spaced out.
Kiyohime:
Hmph. I can't believe you'd space out when you're here with me!
Fujimaru 2:
I think...I just saw one of Osakabehime's dreams...
Kiyohime:
Well, this is Batty–Osakabehime's domain. It's no surprise something like that could happen here.
Kiyohime:
It's nothing as strong as a Reality Marble, of course. It's just a big papier-mâché delusion stretched as far as it'll go.
Kiyohime:
I could burn it all now and this would be over in an instant, but Batty really would shut herself away if I did that.
Kiyohime:
So I'm afraid I'll need you to join me for at least a little while longer, Master.
--BATTLE--:
Kiyohime:
What is this writing?
Osakabehime:
Ah! That's my–!
Kiyohime:
Oh.
Fujimaru 1:
Is something wrong?
Kiyohime:
...No, everything's fine. Now that its magical energy is gone, it's just a plain old bit of text.
Kiyohime:
I'll just put it in this box over here and leave it by the wall.
Osakabehime:
Phew.
Kiyohime:
You owe me one, Batty.
Osakabehime:
...I'll do my best to make it up to you.
--ARROW--:
Kiyohime:
This hall is very long...but my Stalking Skill is never wrong.
Kiyohime:
And right now, it's telling me it won't be long until we see Batty in person.
Osakabehime:
Grr. So you finally made it, Kiyo-yo and Ma-chan...
Osakabehime:
But I'm daijo... I'm okay. You can leave now. I'm essentially just hiding out in my kotatsu, anyway.
Kiyohime:
You need to go outside sometimes, Batty.
Osakabehime:
No I don't. What's wrong with staying in?
Kiyohime:
You're only being halfway honest about this. You want to go out, but you also don't want to go out.
Osakabehime:
...It doesn't make any sense, does it?
Osakabehime:
I have been enjoying myself here,
thanks to Ma-chan giving me the push I needed.
Osakabehime:
But...it's also so exhausting!
Kiyohime:
I understand. Okay then, let's fight it out.
Osakabehime:
...
...
Osakabehime:
...Uh, why?
Kiyohime:
Master wants to help you,
and you want to turn [♂ him /♀️ her} away.
Kiyohime:
We could talk it out for days and never get anywhere. Violence, on the other hand, is a much faster solution.
Osakabehime:
I think you might be spending too much time with Tomoe these days, Kiyo-yo! You're starting to sound just like her!
Fujimaru 1:
Can we at least try talking this out first?
Osakabehime:
N-no! There's nothing I want to talk about!
Fujimaru 2:
...Are you hiding something, Hime?
Osakabehime:
N-no! Not a damn thing!
Kiyohime:
Now that was just an outright lie.
Kiyohime:
You have something you want to talk about,
and there's something you're hiding.
Kiyohime:
But you're too embarrassed to share.
Osakabehime:
Gnnnh...! You big baka lie detector!
Osakabehime:
Fine then! If that's how you want to play this, then kakatte come on!
Osakabehime:
If that's what I gotta do to maintain my hiko lifestyle for a while, I'll meet violence with violence!
--BATTLE--:
Osakabehime:
Yeooowch! Hot, hot, hot!
Kiyohime:
Mmm, roast bat♪
Osakabehime:
I knew you were a dragon,
but I didn't think you were a demon too!
Osakabehime:
Ugh, fine! You win! I give up!
Kiyohime:
Good. All right, Batty, tell us what's really going on.
Osakabehime:
...
...
Osakabehime:
Gnnn...
Kiyohime:
...(Sigh)
Kiyohime:
Here, Master, I'll give you two some space.
That's two you owe me now, Batty.
Osakabehime:
I know, I know.
Osakabehime:
...I felt us syncing up earlier.
You saw something, didn't you?
Fujimaru 1:
I saw what life in Chaldea has been like for you.
Osakabehime:
Then I shouldn't really need to say anything.
Fujimaru 2:
I saw the same you I always do.
Osakabehime:
...That isn't who I always am.
Osakabehime:
I could never live with myself if it was.
Osakabehime:
Basically, I guess...
Osakabehime:
I've been having a constant stream of visitors in my room lately.
Osakabehime:
They're loud, and annoying, and exasperating...but I don't have the guts to tell them to leave.
Osakabehime:
And even if I hole up on my own like this...
Osakabehime:
...it just doesn't feel like the amazing paradise it used to...
Osakabehime:
I can't make up my mind how I feel.
I don't make any sense.
Osakabehime:
When I'm alone, I want company.
When I have company, I want to be alone.
Osakabehime:
Pretty selfish of me, huh.
Fujimaru 1:
Is it...?
Osakabehime:
Yes! It is!
Fujimaru 2:
I wouldn't really call that selfish.
Osakabehime:
Well it is!
Osakabehime:
...That said, this really isn't that big of a deal. Honestly.
Osakabehime:
I just need to try a little harder.
Osakabehime:
If I'm alone, I can just go hang out with someone.
And if I'm with someone, I can just go be by myself.
Osakabehime:
The only problem is, I can't find the courage to do that. I mean, how could I?
Osakabehime:
The only one who inspires me to be brave like that is...well...
Fujimaru 1:
Who?
Osakabehime:
How can you be such a baka!?
I'm talking about you, of course!
Fujimaru 2:
Wait. You don't mean me, do you?
Osakabehime:
You're really just starting to wakarunderstand!?
Osakabehime:
Between last winter and this spring the frequency of you visiting me considerably dropped!
Osakabehime:
This is a huge problem, Ma-chan!
Now look me in the eyes and tell me the truth!
Osakabehime:
Did you stop visiting because my kotatsu is too hot?
Have I been getting in your way somehow?
Osakabehime:
(Gyaaaaaah! What am I even saying!?)
Osakabehime:
(Yabe! I can barely believe what I'm saying,
and I'm the one saying it!)
Osakabehime:
(Still, there is no arguing [♂ he /♀️ she} hasn't been coming to my room lately!)
Osakabehime:
(Whatever [♂ he /♀️ she} tells me,
I have to be ready to handle it!)
Osakabehime:
(At least this isn't a normal Holy Grail War,
so I shouldn't have to worry about getting fired!)
Osakabehime:
(Although, I guess [♂ he /♀️ she} could force me to go into my spirit form... Iyaaaaa!)
Fujimaru 1:
I didn't want to get in the way of your writing...
Osakabehime:
...Huh? What're you talking about?
Osakabehime:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
Is everything okay?
Fujimaru 2:
Maybe you should take a little break...
Osakabehime:
Sorry Ma-chan, but would you mind being shizuquiet for a bit!?
Osakabehime:
Rrgh, none of this is working!
I can't seem to get my thoughts in order!
Fujimaru 1:
I, uh, I see.
Osakabehime:
Done! It's all done!
Fujimaru 1:
Congratulations!
Osakabehime:
Now to ride this high and get started on my next book!
Fujimaru 1:
Um...
Fujimaru 2:
I'm just gonna get going, okay?
Osakabehime:
(Humming happily)
Osakabehime:
I... I... I...
Osakabehime:
I was so focused on my books that I didn't even realize how much of a jerk I was being! I'm so soooooorry!
Kiyohime:
...Well? Is everything better now?
Osakabehime:
If by “better” you mean “deeply hazukashii at how badly I treated Master and my completely dumb misreading of the situation”...
Osakabehime:
...then yes, I guess you could say things are better now.
Fujimaru 1:
It's okay. I should have said something sooner.
Kiyohime:
Ugh. You really need to stop coddling your Servants so much, Master.
Kiyohime:
Still, it's obvious that you didn't do this out of malice, Batty.
Kiyohime:
So if Master is willing to forgive you,
I'll at least hold off on calling in Musashi.
Osakabehime:
Okay, would you mind not just going from zero to nightmare scenario like it's no big deal!?
Osakabehime:
Whenever Musashi shows up, she's always smiles and positive energy, and she absolutely destroys my entire gloomy shtick!
Osakabehime:
But anyway...I'll go back now.
Osakabehime:
As long as you're with me, Ma-chan,
I can deal with just about anything.
Osakabehime:
So, um...do you think you might be willing to come visit me again?
Fujimaru 1:
Of course!
Narration:
...And so, my selfish attempt at running away–or running and hiding, in this case–ended just like that.
Narration:
Once again, my room became a popular hangout spot...
Narration:
...but thanks to the little pipsque–Ms. Beni-Enma's advice, I decided to make a “Do Not Disturb” sign.
Narration:
It turns out people here can be surprisingly respectful of each other's privacy.
Narration:
Now, when I need to focus on my books without interruption or intrusion, I just put up the sign.
Narration:
And if I feel like having company again, I just take it down and the place becomes lively in no time.
Narration:
...
...
Narration:
...Of course, I told Ma-chan [♂ he /♀️ she} can ignore that sign and come in whenever [♂ he /♀️ she} likes.
Narration:
I don't usually notice [♂ him /♀️ her} coming in when I'm focused on my book...
Narration:
...but whenever I turn around and notice [♂ him /♀️ her} sitting nearby, just cheerfully reading manga...
Narration:
...it makes me feel both incredibly happy and incredibly apologetic all at once.
Narration:
I'll probably need to come up with a name for this feeling someday...
Narration:
...but for now, I'm content keeping it tucked away inside my kokoro...
Osakabehime:
All right, time to put up the “Do Not Disturb”
sign and get to work on my–
Osakabehime:
Gyaaaaaah!
Did I just kick something soft!?
Low Blood Pressure Kunoichi:
Zee zee zee... Zee zee zee...
Osakabehime:
Are you really asleep? 'Cause you're just saying the letters in “zzz” instead of actually snoring!
Narration:
...Oh well. This sort of thing just comes with the territory now. And for the most part...I'm really enjoying my life here at Chaldea.