Qin Liangyu
Operation: Giant Panda
Fujimaru 1:
(Zzz...)
A：???:
All right, sleepyhead, it's time to wake up and start the day!
Fujimaru 1:
The usual...please...
A：???:
Got it. Then here comes the alarm gong!
Qin Liangyu:
Good morning, Master.
Qin Liangyu:
Today's forecast calls for blizzards as per usual,
but did you at least get a good night's sleep?
Fujimaru 1:
Morning, Liang.
Qin Liangyu:
I'll take that as a yes then. All right,
I'll go wait outside until you're finished changing.
Qin Liangyu:
By the way, you were running low on toothpaste,
so I went ahead and gave you a fresh tube.
Qin Liangyu:
Oh, and you might want to think about changing your toothbrush soon too, as those bristles were looking a little iffy.
Fujimaru 2:
Of course. Like a rock.
Qin Liangyu:
Wonderful. Then I won't have to worry about you falling back asleep.
Qin Liangyu:
All right then, I'll go wait outside until you're finished changing!
Qin Liangyu:
Okay then, let's get to the cafeteria, shall we?
Osakabehime:
...
...
Qin Liangyu:
Good morning, Osakabehime.
...Were you up all night again?
Osakabehime:
Oh, I'm fine, don't worry.
I was just...finishing up my draft...
Qin Liangyu:
Are you sure? You don't look at all fine to me...
Osakabehime:
Ahh, the world looks so bright and cheery now. I feel as though I'm practically prancing through a prairie...
Fujimaru 1:
That's definitely not the usual Batty...
Osakabehime:
Anyway, I'm gonna go hole up in my room now.
Oyasumi...
Qin Liangyu:
...She's gone completely nocturnal, hasn't she?
I hope you never follow her example, Master.
Qin Liangyu:
I-I know there may be Rayshifts where you have no choice but to operate in the middle of the night...
Qin Liangyu:
But I still want you to at least maintain a healthy lifestyle whenever you're here in Chaldea!
Qin Liangyu:
It looks like we have a Japanese-style breakfast and kykeon to choose from this morning.
Qin Liangyu:
Which would you prefer, Master?
Fujimaru 1:
I-I guess I'll go with the Japanese one...
Minamoto-no-Raikou:
Good morning, Master.
Look, Mother made breakfast today.
Minamoto-no-Raikou:
Is mixed miso soup all right?
Okay, here you go.
Minamoto-no-Raikou:
Go on then, eat up♡
Qin Liangyu:
So this is what breakfast is like in Japan...
Minamoto-no-Raikou:
Would you like some too, Liang?
Qin Liangyu:
You know, I think I would.
Qin Liangyu:
Thank you! It looks delicious!
Fujimaru 2:
All right... I'll go for the kykeon!
Circe:
Why do you look like you've just made a choice you might regret, Piglet!?
Circe:
Need I remind you that kykeon is beloved by diners of all ages!?
Circe:
It's healthy, nutritious, good for digestion, and it fills you up without overloading you on calories!
Circe:
Here, I'll give you a little pop quiz!
Circe:
What do you get when you mix Killer taste, Yummy flavor, Keen texture, Excellent health benefits, Overwhelming variety, and No drawbacks whatsoever?
Circe:
You got it!
Kykeon!
Fujimaru 1:
Laying it on kinda thick, aren'tcha?
Circe:
Yes! Maybe! I don't know!
I'm doing my best here, okay!?
Qin Liangyu:
N-now, now, no need to get worked up.
Let me see... Porridge, honey, cheese...
Qin Liangyu:
It certainly does look very nutritious, but would you mind if I tasted it first just to make sure it's safe to eat?
Circe:
What, you can't take my word for it!?
Medea:
(Does she really think she's done anything to earn their trust to that degree?)
Qin Liangyu:
(Chewing)
Qin Liangyu:
Hmm...
Qin Liangyu:
...No hallucinogens, no magical energy reactions, no fever-inducing ingredients, nothing that I can sense...
Qin Liangyu:
Okay, Master, it's safe to eat.
Qin Liangyu:
I can say for certain that its threat level is a perfect zero.
Circe:
So what, now kykeon's some kind of biohazard!? Come on, Master, are you gonna let her get away with–
Fujimaru 1:
It's delicious, Circe.
Circe:
Oh, uh, good. That's all that matters.
Medea:
(And on top of all that, she's so unused to people depending on her that she can't even take a simple compliment...)
Fujimaru 2:
Thanks, Circe. It's really good.
Circe:
No problem!
Circe:
Well, don't let me stop you! Go on, eat up!
Hehehe.
Qin Liangyu:
Very well then, I think I'll have a bowl myself.
Circe:
By all means, go right ahead♪
There's plenty more kykeon when all's done and said♪
Medea:
(What's with the song? What is she, twelve years old? Actually, that would explain a lot.)
Circe:
(It's the first movement of The Kykeon Song, “Joyful Morning.” And yes, Medea, I've heard all your little comments.)
Medea:
(Now she's talking directly into my mind!?
That damn witch...!)
Qin Liangyu:
This morning, you have Zhuge Liang's lecture on modern magecraft, followed by a training session in the simulator–
Reines:
Oh, Qin Liangyu.
Excellent timing.
Qin Liangyu:
Yes?
Qin Liangyu:
!!!
Qin Liangyu:
B-but I suppose that can wait!
Reines:
Hm?
Hmm?
Reines:
Aha. Now I get it...
Qin Liangyu:
C-come now, Lord Sima Yi! I mean, Lady Reines!
Right this way, please!
Qin Liangyu:
Forgive me, Master, but I'm afraid I have some urgent business to attend to!
Reines:
Hey, quit pulling! I might technically be a Rider,
but I'm much more the strategical thinker tyyyyyype!
Fujimaru 1:
...Now what was that all about...?
Tomoe Gozen:
Oh, hello, Master. What brings you here?
Tomoe Gozen:
Ah, I see.
Tomoe Gozen:
Hmm, Liang does seem very determined not to make any trouble for you whatsoever.
Tomoe Gozen:
By our nature, Masters and Servants depend heavily on one another.
Tomoe Gozen:
A Master is a Servant's anchor to the modern world, which makes them important in a broader sense as well.
Tomoe Gozen:
However, I think there is more to it than that.
Tomoe Gozen:
Good relationships are only possible where there is genuine trust and camaraderie.
Tomoe Gozen:
Besides, um... There wouldn't be any point in a Servant materializing like this if they only saw their Master as an anchor.
Fujimaru 1:
Liang's a good girl, and I do think she trusts me, but...
Tomoe Gozen:
Of course she trusts you. But everyone has a side of themselves they'd rather not show to others.
Tomoe Gozen:
Especially when...
Tomoe Gozen:
Oh, but I shouldn't say any more. I think your best option now is to ask Liang about this directly.
Fujimaru 2:
I hope she doesn't think she's causing me trouble...
Tomoe Gozen:
I'm sure she doesn't, Master. Sometimes, there are sides of us we don't want to show to others precisely because we're close to them.
Tomoe Gozen:
In my case, I know that I would be mortified if Lord Yoshinaka saw how I get when I am playing video games...
Tomoe Gozen:
Er, at any rate, I think your first order of business here is to ask Liang about this directly.
Tomoe Gozen:
Not to worry; I will be right there by your side.
Qin Liangyu:
...
...
Qin Liangyu:
(Siiigh) This isn't going to work, is it...
Nope. It's not working.
Reines:
No, I guess not. We do still have data for cats and dogs and other animals like that...
Reines:
...so I thought we'd be able to bring one of them to life here as well, since this is a simulator and all.
Reines:
But when data wants to bug out, there's not much you can do to stop it. Especially when it got mixed up with some other weird data, like this apparently has.
Reines:
I can't imagine why it would look so different from the real thing otherwise.
Reines:
All right, you imposter, off you go.
Qin Liangyu:
It's all right.
I understand there's nothing you can do.
Reines:
I gotta say though, this was a real heartwarming request. Believe me, I wish I could've made it happen for you.
Reines:
Servant bodies might be super resilient to everything besides external injury, but that resilience comes at the cost of wearing our hearts on our sleeves.
Reines:
So in your case, you use them to keep yourself grounded, huh.
Qin Liangyu:
I understand that they aren't real...
Qin Liangyu:
But there's still something about seeing them alive and in motion that never fails to cheer me up.
Reines:
I could see that. There must have been some living near the village where you grew up, after all.
Reines:
Seeing how some scholars even think they used to be worshipped as Divine Beasts, it's no wonder you might've run into them yourself at some point.
Qin Liangyu:
Yes, I did.
Qin Liangyu:
Their black-and-white fur... Their big, soft, round bodies... The way they roll around so adorably...
Qin Liangyu:
Their sheer cuteness has entranced the people of my land for generations.
Fujimaru 1:
I take it you're talking about pandas?
Qin Liangyu:
That's right! Pandas!
Fujimaru 2:
I'm still not sure what you're talking about...
Qin Liangyu:
Oh come now, really, Master?
I'm talking about pandas, of course!
Qin Liangyu:
Wait.
Qin Liangyu:
...
...
Reines:
What's this now?
Reines:
Our Master, dropping in on a private conversation?
Well aren't you a naughty pupil.
Fujimaru 1:
Got room for one more?
Reines:
By all means!
So, you were saying, Qin Liangyu?
Reines:
Our Master, dropping in on a private girls' talk session?
Well aren't you a naughty pupil.
Fujimaru 1:
I'm sorry...
Reines:
Oh well, what's done is done.
So, you were saying, Qin Liangyu?
Qin Liangyu:
Oh gosh, oh gosh.
This is so embarrassing!
Tomoe Gozen:
I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about.
Qin Liangyu:
Y-you're just being nice.
Qin Liangyu:
We all know it's pathetic for a grown woman to have such a fixation on pandas.
Fujimaru 1:
Like hell it is!
Qin Liangyu:
!!!
Fujimaru 1:
What's not to love about pandas!? They're freaking adorable!
Qin Liangyu:
Right!?
Fujimaru 2:
Who says everyone has to like the same things!?
Qin Liangyu:
G-good point! Thank you, Master!
Tomoe Gozen:
I understand. Photos and videos can only do so much.
And you know, I think pandas are cute, too.
Reines:
Well, now that you're all caught up, my pupil...
Reines:
...do you think you can help us better recreate pandas to help out our dear little Qin Liangyu here?
Fujimaru 1:
Of course!
El-Melloi II:
All right, let's get this first “Operation Panda” meeting underway.
El-Melloi II:
I'm Zhuge Liang, who was brought in to serve as chairperson for reasons I'm still unclear on.
El-Melloi II:
I swear, I haven't been forced to be part of anything this ridiculous since I had to go to the States under the guise of a “famous martial artist”...
El-Melloi II:
Goddammit.
Qin Liangyu:
U-um, Lord Sima Yi, this is turning out to be much more of an ordeal than I had anticipated!
Reines:
I bet. But what's wrong with that? The important thing is that all these people are willing to help.
El-Melloi II:
...(Sigh. I know that look. That's the look she gets when she only cares about getting what she wants.)
El-Melloi II:
Well, no matter. Now that I've been brought in, regardless of how I got here, I'm going to do everything in my power to make this happen.
El-Melloi II:
At present, the sort of giant panda Qin Liangyu is hoping to see is an extremely endangered species.
El-Melloi II:
Part of the Ursidae family, their primary food source is bamboo shoots and there are only eighteen-hundred left in the wild.
El-Melloi II:
That said, the current state of affairs in reality does not pose a significant obstacle for us.
El-Melloi II:
The only problem that need concern us is recreating them in the simulator.
El-Melloi II:
As I trust you all know, the simulator is designed first and foremost for combat training.
El-Melloi II:
As a result, its simulation of flora and fauna has typically been restricted to the bare minimum of texture required to maintain the illusion...
El-Melloi II:
...but in recent years, there have been more Servants who prefer to live their lives inside it.
Tomoe Gozen:
I certainly sometimes use it for recreational purposes, such as whenever I get an urge to visit my homeland.
El-Melloi II:
And while keeping a Servant materialized requires a steady stream of magical energy, while inside the simulator, they require only a bare minimum.
El-Melloi II:
All that is to say that in recent years, the simulator has come to play an increasingly important role.
El-Melloi II:
Not only for combat training,
but also for mental health purposes.
El-Melloi II:
And that, in turn, meant that simulating flora and fauna with a much greater degree of fidelity became increasingly important as well.
El-Melloi II:
Fortunately, Chaldea is blessed with an extensive database on all sorts of plants and animals...
El-Melloi II:
One that should certainly include a wealth of data on giant pandas.
El-Melloi II:
However, in practice–
Qin Liangyu:
Yes. For some reason, the data we used kept changing into Lobo the Wolf King...
El-Melloi II:
It's not just pandas. Data for other large animals–brown bears, lions, Siberian tigers, and so on–has also been bugging out in similar ways.
El-Melloi II:
According to the simulator logs, the lion turned into a chimera, and the Siberian tiger into a Soul Eater.
El-Melloi II:
Of course, these creatures are still only simulations, and therefore completely benign. However...
Qin Liangyu:
...
...
El-Melloi II:
Just because they're benign doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get to the bottom of this strange bug.
El-Melloi II:
Which is why we're going to tweak the simulator's settings and debug this glitch ourselves.
El-Melloi II:
Once we do that, we should have all the pandas we could ask for.
Reines:
Wow, I'm surprised to see you so gung ho about this, Brother. Does this mean you'll be out there on the front line?
El-Melloi II:
No, debugging a glitch like this requires an expert's touch.
Babbage:
I've been briefed on the situation.
This definitely sounds like a job for me.
Qin Liangyu:
Sir Babbage!
Qin Liangyu:
(Oh man, this ordeal just keeps on getting bigger!)
Babbage:
The problem here is that the simulator is “bugging out.” Nothing else matters.
Babbage:
We should move to fix it immediately, if not sooner. Bugs may be inevitable, but that doesn't make them any less evil.
Fujimaru 1:
Okay, so how exactly do we go about fixing it?
Babbage:
Through battle, of course.
Babbage:
I can use the erratic data generated in combat with these buggy creatures to trace the irregularities causing them back to their source.
Babbage:
Once I repair the irregularity at the battle's conclusion, the animal in question should then regain its true form.
Reines:
(Sigh) Good grief.
Reines:
So you're just going to put your feet up in the Command Room and give us orders while the rest of us are out there getting our hands dirty, are you, Brother?
El-Melloi II:
I know how it may sound, but operations like this really do benefit from someone overseeing things from a distance...
Reines:
Relax. I was just messing with you.
Reines:
Anyway, Qin Liangyu, you're the one who kicked all this off. Care to do the honors?
Qin Liangyu:
Yes, of course I'll be glad to take the lead on this expedition.
Qin Liangyu:
I look forward to working with you on this, Master!
Fujimaru 1:
Same!
El-Melloi II:
Hold on, Master. First, I have to tell you about another important mission just for you.
Fujimaru 1:
Just for me?
El-Melloi II:
Yes. You see, um...
El-Melloi II:
This is a little hard for me to say,
but if things play out as I think they will...
--BATTLE--:
El-Melloi II:
All right, so far so good. Next up,
the giant pandas taking the form of the Wolf King.
El-Melloi II:
Let's try fixing them with a judicious application of violence, see where that gets us.
Qin Liangyu:
Right!
Qin Liangyu:
Hang in there, pandas!
It won't be much longer now!
--BATTLE--:
Babbage:
Hmm.
Babbage:
It would seem that defeating those three “pandas” has brought us no closer to fixing them. This damn bug must go deeper than I thought.
El-Melloi II:
I was afraid of that.
El-Melloi II:
Well, Master, it looks like we're out of options.
Did you have any luck with that matter we discussed?
Fujimaru 1:
I-it wasn't easy, but I managed somehow!
Reines:
Well now, that doesn't sound good. What in the world did you ask my poor pupil to do, Brother?
El-Melloi II:
We may not know why it's happening, but we do know that the giant panda data is being replaced with that of a Servant, Lobo the Wolf King.
El-Melloi II:
In which case, the best way to fix a bug like that–
Babbage:
Is to pit it against the correct data.
Qin Liangyu:
I see. That makes sense.
Qin Liangyu:
...Wait. Hang on. When you say “the correct data,”
do you mean what I think you mean!?
Hessian Lobo:
...
...
Fujimaru 1:
Did I mention it wasn't easy!?
Nursery Rhyme:
...And so on, and so forth.
Nursery Rhyme:
I understand you couldn't possibly care less about this, of course. But you know...
Nursery Rhyme:
It seems to me like having imposters wandering around is a lot like having your territory invaded. Don't you agree?
Hessian Lobo:
...
...
Hessian Lobo:
...
...
Qin Liangyu:
Master, Master. I don't suppose you can tell what Lobo is thinking right now, can you?
Fujimaru 1:
Far as I can tell, he's really, really pissed off.
Qin Liangyu:
I had a feeling that was it!
Reines:
Any word of advice for how to handle this situation, Brother?
El-Melloi II:
...The only advice I can offer you is this:
whatever you do, don't get too close.
El-Melloi II:
I'm pretty sure if you pull up the entry for “maelstrom” in Chaldea's database, you'll find a picture of the Wolf King in a foul mood.
Reines:
Sounds like good advice to me. Okay then,
let's hurry up and take that hostile Lobo–
Hessian Lobo:
...
...
Reines:
Sorry.
I mean that imposter down as quickly as we can!
--BATTLE--:
Hessian Lobo:
...!
Qin Liangyu:
(The moment Lobo's jaws clamped down around the imposter's neck, he started slamming it onto the ground so many times I lost count...)
Reines:
(He must have been reeeally unhappy with the idea of another animal going around impersonating him...)
Hessian Lobo:
...
...
El-Melloi II:
Lobo just exited the simulator.
I believe this means he's now satisfied.
Babbage:
Quite so.
Babbage:
Now, at long last, I can set about restoring this giant panda data.
Babbage:
There, that ought to...
Hm?
Qin Liangyu:
Is something wrong?
Babbage:
...
...
Babbage:
Qin Liangyu, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but...
Babbage:
I'm afraid the data needed to simulate the giant panda has ben lost in all of this. It seems this bug must have been around for far longer than the others.
Qin Liangyu:
...
Qin Liangyu:
Nooo!!!
El-Melloi II:
...The staff says they'll do their best to look for another source of giant panda data.
El-Melloi II:
But, if I'm being honest, I wouldn't get your hopes up, since this doesn't have anything to do with Chaldea's larger goals.
Qin Liangyu:
I understand...
Qin Liangyu:
Thank you all for trying to help me with this, everyone. I'm so sorry to have put you out for nothing...
Babbage:
What a disappointment this turned out to be...
Reines:
...Well? What are you waiting for, pupil?
Go see how she's doing, dammit.
Reines:
She's going to need some serious consoling, you know!?
Fujimaru 1:
I was just on my way now!
Qin Liangyu:
(Sigh)...
Qin Liangyu:
All that commotion, all that imposition on Master and the others, and I don't even have anything to show for it...
Qin Liangyu:
I guess today just wasn't my day.
Fujimaru 1:
Are you there, Liang?
Qin Liangyu:
Is that you, Master?
Here, let me get the door for you.
Qin Liangyu:
I'm so sorry for everything that–
Fujimaru 1:
Uh... Here! This is for you!
Qin Liangyu:
You got me a present?
Qin Liangyu:
These...these are the same type of chocolates I made for Valentine's Day! Did you make them yourself this time, Master!?
Fujimaru 1:
I know they can't compare to the real thing, but...
Fujimaru 2:
I figured, hey, a little bit of panda is better than none, right?
Qin Liangyu:
This is amazing... Thank you so much!
Qin Liangyu:
What are these?
Qin Liangyu:
They look like...panda pastries?
I see. So you made them yourself...
Qin Liangyu:
You made them yourself!?
Fujimaru 1:
Don't worry. My mentor signed off on them.
Qin Liangyu:
Mentor? ...Oh, right, Lord Sima Yi–I mean, Lady Reines! Now I get it.
Qin Liangyu:
Well, if these were able to meet her high standards, then they must be delicious.
Qin Liangyu:
What a wonderful surprise.
Thank you so much!
Qin Liangyu:
...
...
Qin Liangyu:
Master, would you like to share these with me? I have some tea I can make that should go with them perfectly.
Qin Liangyu:
Besides...I forgot to tell you something important.
Qin Liangyu:
The main reason I wanted to recreate pandas in the simulator was because I wanted to show you how cute they are.
Qin Liangyu:
And so I could tell you my own fond memories of them while we enjoyed watching them play.
Fujimaru 1:
Maybe you could tell me them now? I'd love to hear about them.
Qin Liangyu:
Gladly!
Qin Liangyu:
I couldn't tell if this panda I'd run into again was really smart or just really, um, eccentric...
Qin Liangyu:
All I know is that he seemed to think he was just as important as the emperor, and the real emperor thought it was so funny he decided to have the panda coronated...
Fujimaru 1:
A panda emperor...!
Artemis:
And so, Fujimaru and Qin Liangyu had a wonderful time trading heartwarming stories. The end.
Artemis:
What's that? Why did I show up out of nowhere like this? Teeheehee.
Artemis:
Well you see, that's because Darling said he wanted to be painted black-and-white so he could be a panda himself...
Artemis:
...so I decided to make him ash gray instead by turning him into actual ash.
Orion:
I'm sooorryyy!
Artemis:
Sorry won't cut it.
Orion:
Gaah! Why do you sound so serious!?
It's genuinely freaking me out!
Orion:
Dammit, why do pandas get all the love!?
I'm just as cuddly as they are!
Orion:
Won't somebody think of the brown bears!?