The Flaming Luchadora and the Three Deathmatches

Mash: Excuse me, Senpai! I just heard a loud sound!

Quetzalcoatl: Buenos días, Mash! ¿Que pasó? You look so frightened, yes!

Mash: Um...nothing... I should actually be asking you that...

Mash: ...Wait a minute! Senpai and Quetzalcoatl are entangled in a very questionable position!

Mash: Quetzalcoatl's legs are wrapped around Senpai's head... Wh-what is going on!?

Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?

Fujimaru 2: You see...

Quetzalcoatl: This is a lesson, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: This is called an Huracarrana! It is a move where a wrestler cradles the opponent's head with their thighs and flips around using their momentum...

Quetzalcoatl: The goal is to slam the opponent to the mat to get a fall. It's a very popular lucha libre move, yes!

Fujimaru 1: And there you have it!

Fujimaru 2: Yep...help!

Mash: I see. I think I understand the situation now! But please stop, Quetzalcoatl!

Mash: Should you actually use that move on Senpai, [♂ he /♀️ she} will be seeing stars for the rest of the day!

Quetzalcoatl: No problema! I've taught Fujimaru the basics of breaking a fall!

Quetzalcoatl: [♂ He /♀️ She} is likely to bounce off the ring after hitting the mat, but it should be okay as long as [♂ he /♀️ she} grabs the rope at the right moment!

Fujimaru 1: Hahaha, that's impossible, no!

Fujimaru 2: I'm about to lose consciousness already, yes!

Mash: Yes, please stop, Quetzalcoatl! Senpai seems to be trying to talk!

Quetzalcoatl: ...I didn't realize. Lo siento, Master...

Quetzalcoatl: When I heard that preparations for battle were complete, I thought that meant it was time for a match! Soy una mala diosa...

Fujimaru 1: Another second and I'd have fallen into Kur!

Fujimaru 2: I wasn't as careful with my words as I should have been...

Mash: Quetzalcoatl looks a bit down...

Mash: You just told her the simulator was ready, right, Senpai?

Mash: But didn't you have a match recently, Quetzalcoatl?

Mash: I thought you said seeing Medb's flying kicks made you want to face off with a striker...

Quetzalcoatl: She has some nice moves, but the moment it turns into close combat, is not so flashy, no...

Quetzalcoatl: It's basically judo. Once you get caught in a grapple, you can't get away...

Quetzalcoatl: ...But she's not so strong, so I can just toss her around after I slip her hold without even trying...

Quetzalcoatl: And that's no fun...

Quetzalcoatl: I want an aerial throw that sends someone flying, yes! I want lucha that excites an audience! ¡Muy emocionante!

Quetzalcoatl: (Sigh)... I want to fight more! I want to use my wrestling moves on others, and to have them use wrestling moves on me, yes!

Mash: ...I understand. But I'd rather you not crush Senpai's spine or ribs...

Quetzalcoatl: Of course not. I will handle Master as gently as an egg! I haven't hurt you yet, have I?

Fujimaru 1: You're right...it doesn't hurt that much!

Fujimaru 2: Wait... What do you mean “yet”?

Quetzalcoatl: Eh...? Did it hurt? Lo siento... Maybe I overdid it...yes...

Mash: Quetzalcoatl, I think you need to get a better feel for your own strength.

Mash: You are definitely more intellectual and dependable than the other goddess Servants...

Mash: But you also seem to be a lot more...human...

Quetzalcoatl: ¡Ah, entendida!

Quetzalcoatl: Teehee, naughty Mash. You don't like that I'm taking up so much of Master's time!

Quetzalcoatl: Then let's practice lucha moves on Master together! ¡Será divertido!

Mash: I-I... That's not what I meant! But...let's stop doing wrestling moves on Senpai entirely...

Mash: But now that you mention it, I have an idea. Give me some time to prepare. Please stay there...

Mash: Actually, please keep your distance from Master! I've rung the bell! The match is over! Do you hear it!?

Quetzalcoatl: ¡Que linda! She's in such a hurry for me! Mash is always so energetic!

Quetzalcoatl: I do not know what she is going to do, no, but I bet it is safe to say I should look forward to it, sí, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Yep. That's what makes Mash great.

Quetzalcoatl: Yes, yes! She puts so much effort into things she does for other people, rather than her own desires. That is the mark of a great person!

Quetzalcoatl: Sometimes it may be in vain, and it may even be a weakness occasionally, but that is exactly the sort of thing we have been hoping for all this time.

Fujimaru 2: You're cute too, Quetz.

Quetzalcoatl: Th-that is a sudden change of subject! You're making big sister blush, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: I'm used to being called beautiful, but cute... Well, that tickles me a little!

Quetzalcoatl: So, this is where Mash wanted us to go. Let's see what she has planned.

Martha: So my opponent has finally come. I'd say she's in the heavyweight class, perhaps?

Fujimaru 1: Eh? What's going on?

Mash: I asked for her help.

Mash: Since Quetzalcoatl is so frustrated, I arranged for her to fight three martial artists here.

Mash: It will be a mixed martial arts match, and while I couldn't prepare a proper ring...

Mash: ...I'm sure these matches will satisfy her.

Mash: As presumptuous as it is, I, Mash Kyrielight, shall be the referee for the matches.

Quetzalcoatl: I see. So Señorita Martha is going to be my first opponent.

Quetzalcoatl: I can see that her Spirit Origin is sturdy like iron, yes! I won't need to hold back at all! And a saintly wrestler is such a great personaje!

Martha: I am honored to hear that you consider me a formidable opponent.

Martha: I may possess the great Jacob's fists, but there is definitely still room for me to grow.

Martha: I'd like to see how my fists match up against the great Mayan goddess in this match.

Quetzalcoatl: Oooh, she is up to the challenge, yes... Are you perhaps a ruda, Martha...?

Quetzalcoatl: Well, everything is fine as long as we have fun, yes? I am confident I can take a hit myself!

Quetzalcoatl: Please don't hold back, Martha. Let us both go all-out.

Holmes: By the way, I will serve as commentator.

Holmes: Whose moves will reign supreme...? Will it be fists or twists? These questions have always intrigued me, and have been my life's pursuit for so long now.

Quetzalcoatl: Oh, the professor who's been holed up in the warehouse, yes? A commentator! Mash thought of everything!

Quetzalcoatl: But I'm sorry...I've sealed away my llave moves. After all, jumping moves are what makes Lucha Libre so great.

Martha: ...Are you saying you're not even going to use your signature move? You're not taking me very seriously, are you?

Martha: Fine. I won’t hold back! I'll even use my Tarasque. And if I throw you out, I can use weapons, right?

Holmes: I'm still quite new as far as learning all the other Servants' quirks, but is Miss Martha always like this?

Holmes: For a Ruler, she doesn't seem to be all that concerned with the rules.

Quetzalcoatl: No, no, ringside battles are a highlight of lucha! I knew Martha was a ruda!

Quetzalcoatl: But don't you worry, Master.

Quetzalcoatl: I may not have a shell, but I have wings. No matter who my común is, I won't go down easy, no!


Holmes: This has turned into quite the intense brawl. Miss Martha seems to have landed more punches.

Holmes: And they are no mere jabs. Any ordinary Servant would have gone down in short order.

Holmes: One might say that while she has a rather slender Spirit Origin, she hides the power of a freight train in those arms of hers.

Holmes: And what stamina! Even the rhythm of her breathing sounds like the roaring of a dynamo!

Fujimaru 1: But Quetzalcoatl isn't backing down either.

Holmes: Right you are. Ah, take a look. Miss Martha is finally getting in position.

Martha: All that pounding and I still haven't been able to bring this to an end. Time to use my trump card!

Holmes: That stance... She's readying the fist of justice, inverted thrust...Jacob's Perishing Fist.

Fujimaru 1: Jacob's Perishing Fist!?

Fujimaru 2: What are you talking about, Holmes!?

Holmes: Quiet. The real battle starts now. It would be a shame to miss even a single second!

Holmes: The Jacob's Limbs style is said to be able to defeat even an archangel. It's specialized for use against a target with Divinity...like Quetzalcoatl.

Holmes: And behold that stance, Fujimaru. She's putting everything into that strike, and so leaving herself wide open!

Holmes: Should it hit head-on, there will be consequences. For both parties, that is.

Martha: My stomach's going to be wide-open for you. In exchange–

Martha: I'm going to shoot that jaw of yours all the way to Marseille!

Quetzalcoatl: ¡Olé! I've been waiting for that one hit!

Martha: ...What!? It's not...working!?

Fujimaru 1: Um...she took it straight on the chin...

Holmes: It's an evasive maneuver. The instant that fist touches her face, she turns her head to avoid injury.

Holmes: Of course, it's easier said than done, and it's not something just anyone can do. But, she's managed to pull of that miraculous feat!

Quetzalcoatl: I will not knee your stomach, no! Rather, I'm going to take this extended arm of yours, yes!

Holmes: What a perfect armlock. That should determine our victor here!

Martha: Why...you... Let go...

Mash: Tres! Dos! Uno! Ding ding ding! And the winner is: Quetzalcoatl!

Martha: O Jacob, O Moses...I'm terribly sorry. I have suffered utter defeat...

Quetzalcoatl: Martha, you were a wonderful opponent. Especially that last puñetazo...I thought I was going to pass out.

Quetzalcoatl: I'm sure you wouldn't have stopped even if I kicked your stomach.

Quetzalcoatl: You forced me to use the llave that I had originally sealed off.

Martha: I never imagined you wouldn't try to evade my fist. I'm not making excuses for myself, but I flinched a little.

Quetzalcoatl: And that was the reason for your defeat! A luchadora does not even think of evading!

Quetzalcoatl: A lucha match is all about lifting the opponent up. That's why I took your hit. You just didn't know that.

Quetzalcoatl: If you had known, you would have continued into a clinch hold, yes?

Quetzalcoatl: Had that happened, I don't know how the match would have gone.

Martha: ...I see. Way to go. You completely defeated me.

Martha: We may be from different worlds, but it's clear to me that you are a divine spirit of good. I've not a single ounce of resentment towards you.

Martha: Let's fight in a proper ring next time. I shall study up on lucha a bit more until then.

Quetzalcoatl: ¡De nada! I shall look forward to that time, yes!


Holmes: Miss Quetzalcoatl took the first round. But will she be able to pull it off with her next opponent?

C:???: It looks like it's my turn. Woo, woo!

Quetzalcoatl: Whoa, it's an all-black monster, yes! What happened? Did you stay out in the sun too long and get burnt?

C:???: Yeah, well, I've got my reasons. I'm really not supposed to reveal my True Name all willy-nilly.

C:???: Think of me as...uh, the man of two thousand faces or somethin'... How 'bout you just call me Dos Mil Máscaras?

Fujimaru 1: Um, you've got a bunch of things all jumbled up!

Dos Mil Máscaras: Course I do. I'm that kinda guy. I've even lost count of how many faces I have.

Fujimaru 2: So, from the name, shouldn't you be wearing a mask or something?

Dos Mil Máscaras: Oh, I'm wearing a mask. You just can't see it because I'm silhouetted. You just don't get it, Master.

Mash: I figured he would be able to hold his ground even against Quetzalcoatl's aerial killer move.

Mash: And if we are to follow the tradition of Lucha Libre, we definitely need a rudo.

Quetzalcoatl: I'd actually expected Jaguar to show up as our ruda...

Quetzalcoatl: But fine! Let's do this! That move you just showed, Señor Dos Mil Máscaras...

Quetzalcoatl: I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy a stimulating aerial battle against you!

Dos Mil Máscaras: Well, this is what I was hired to do, so I won't disappoint!

Dos Mil Máscaras: But are you really okay with this? Shouldn't I be the worst sort of opponent for you?

Fujimaru 1: Maybe in terms of class affinity!

Quetzalcoatl: Yes. But what about it?

Quetzalcoatl: Even if she's injured, a luchadora must project grace and power before her fans, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: I won't go down easy, no matter what class you are! I'll prove that right now!

Quetzalcoatl: And know that a luchadora is at her most terrifying on the brink of being knocked down!

Dos Mil Máscaras: Hah! Loving that confidence! Then I'll kick your ass, as requested!

Dos Mil Máscaras: Will you be able to keep up with my awesome moves?


Holmes: Hm. This has turned into quite the aerial battle, but it appears Dos Mil Máscaras has the upper hand.

Fujimaru 1: Are Quetzalcoatl's moves not working?

Holmes: Her moves are pretty flashy and nothing else. An expert martial artist like Dos Mil Máscaras can evade her easily.

Holmes: On the other hand, he's definitely hurting Miss Quetzalcoatl with his moves.

Holmes: Seems he has studied Baritsu. His moves are nimble, and he's definitely hitting the vital spots.

Dos Mil Máscaras: (Hey, hey, hey...I'm hitting all the right spots! So why isn't this lady going down!?)

Dos Mil Máscaras: (Actually, that last move definitely hit her! But she just gets back up. But what's more important...)

Dos Mil Máscaras: (That's insane! Totally insane! The way the air bounces back up is surreal! Is she the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King or what!?)

Dos Mil Máscaras: (She's like a giant mountain! If that muscle monster gets her hands on me, she'll crush my very soul to pieces, to say nothing of my Spirit Origin!)

Quetzalcoatl: You're looking nervous, Máscara. I'll take this opportunity to answer your question.

Quetzalcoatl: Your attacks are effective, efficient, and very painful, yes! But the pain is still tolerable.

Quetzalcoatl: Why? Because...!

Quetzalcoatl: The limpio would never let the rudo's attacks defeat them, no! Instead, the more I get hit, the more fired up I get, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: So brace yourself, yes! I'm going to use my ultimate attack: my Xiuhcoatl Driver–

Dos Mil Máscaras: Uh, I'd rather you not do that. I give up! I give up!

Mash: Does that mean you're throwing in the towel?

Dos Mil Máscaras: Yep. This is not worth getting turned into a greasy smear on the floor.

Dos Mil Máscaras: I kinda half-assed taking this job. If it was a life-and-death sort of fight, I'd have asked for a lot more money to do it.

Dos Mil Máscaras: So, you win, since you took everything I had without going down. You good with that, Miss Lucha?

Dos Mil Máscaras: If the opponent admits defeat, that's the end of the match. Isn't that the best bit of pro wrestling?

Quetzalcoatl: That is correct, yes! I feel like you and I will get along fine, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: ...So I am a little disappointed. If we ever get to meet again, I'd like to see the face behind your mask!

Quetzalcoatl: Because if you stick to being shy, you might just lose your heart. ¿Entendido?

Dos Mil Máscaras: Ha. Thanks for that warning. I'd...uh...rather not ever meet you again...

Dos Mil Máscaras: But the world of lucha libre is pretty deep. Maybe it's time I took an interest in a different martial art...


Quetzalcoatl: Whew. Both rounds were fun, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: An orthodox fighter and a flying rudo. I very much enjoyed it. So who is my final opponent?

C:???: Sorry to make you wait. Your final opponent will be me, Mask de Baritsu.

Fujimaru 1: I've never seen that Heroic Spirit...

Fujimaru 2: Okay, just how much is that mask getting passed around?

Quetzalcoatl: Ah, a masked wrestler is also one of the highlights of Lucha Libre! He will be quite a formidable end to this three-round match, yes!

Mask de Baritsu: My observations are complete. I can see that your body is positively riddled with wounds from the previous matches, and that you are running low on stamina.

Mask de Baritsu: While I am a gentleman who prefers to play fair, I am not always able to do so. I only engage in battle when I have a significant advantage over my opponent.

Fujimaru 1: Well, THAT is a terrible thing to say...

Fujimaru 2: Impressive, Baritsu Mask. That's smart.

Mask de Baritsu: Indeed. By the way, my Baritsu is a well-rounded mix of strikes, throws, and holds. It's the ultimate self-defense martial art.

Mask de Baritsu: You have no chance of winning. Would you like to withdraw?

Quetzalcoatl: Your concern is unnecessary, Baritsu Mask.

Quetzalcoatl: Fatigue and injury are everyday things for a luchadora! And actually, I'm in top condition right now, yes!

Mask de Baritsu: I was hoping for that response. Then let us begin our match, Miss Quetzalcoatl.

Mask de Baritsu: But...why are you and Master not calling me by my proper nom de guerre?


Quetzalcoatl: You're open, Baritsu!

Mask de Baritsu: Heh...do you really think so? (And why is she STILL not using my nom de guerre?)

Quetzalcoatl: Guh...

Mask de Baritsu: I have targeted your arm now. Time to surrender. I regret to inform you that victory is now quite beyond your reach as matters stand.

Quetzalcoatl: ...Do you know why there are so many flashy moves in Lucha Libre?

Mask de Baritsu: No...I cannot say I have given it any thought. They are likely just inefficient skills meant for nothing so much as pure showmanship.

Quetzalcoatl: No! They are for the audience, and for your opponent, with whom you share a deep mutual trust!

Quetzalcoatl: If you are seeking efficiency in battle, then you should head to war!

Quetzalcoatl: A battle without cheers or lights...a battlefield that is utterly lonely!

Mask de Baritsu: Cheers? Do those really matter for battle?

Quetzalcoatl: Of course! That's why, Master, I ask you to cheer for me!

Fujimaru 1: ¡Olé! Go, lucha master!

Quetzalcoatl: Mucho mucho! That has given me the strength of a hundred luchadoras! Hiyaaah!

Mask de Baritsu: (She jumped straight up to break my joint lock... What incredible pain tolerance. Or rather, is this the vaunted endurance that every wrestler possesses?)

Mask de Baritsu: This is no time to admire her moves! Ugh, I can't keep my balance! Or my mask!

Quetzalcoatl: Sorry. Any máscara that falls off so easily is no match for me!

Quetzalcoatl: If you are a true wrestler, you need to be more fashion-conscious! And here we go...! La Mística!!!

D:Mask de Baritsu: (What is this move...!? What is going on!?)

D:Mask de Baritsu: (Spinning...am I spinning? Really? How are we spinning THIS much!?)

D:Mask de Baritsu: (After six full spins, the inner ear simply goes haywire, and it becomes impossible to take an attack. And yet...we're still spinning?)

D:Mask de Baritsu: (Are we in...space? I can see space...I don't recall...taking my medicines...this morning...)

D:Mask de Baritsu: (There's no need for careful examination to know what's happening here! I'm doomed!)

D:Mask de Baritsu: (Tap, tap)

Mash: Holmes has tapped out! Quetzalcoatl, please cancel your drop!

Mash: Quetzalcoatl is the winner!

Quetzalcoatl: Aw. Then there won't be a head-first drop, no...

Mask de Baritsu: ...Whew. Cervical spine annihilation avoided.

Quetzalcoatl: Yes. You were spared because you tapped so early.

Quetzalcoatl: You should be grateful that I am so precise in executing my moves, yes. For any other wrestler, we were beyond the point of no return!

Mask de Baritsu: Probably. I'm surprised I lived. I'm actually more frightened that you have the muscles to stop that move than the muscles needed to do it in the first place.

Quetzalcoatl: Of course. I told you. Luchadoras perform their moves with utmost consideration for their partners!

Quetzalcoatl: Stopping a move midway through is just common courtesy. But I suspect you could have fought more!

Mask de Baritsu: I had every intention of doing so. The spirit is willing, but the body...not so much.

Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?

Mask de Baritsu: The move was surreal. It was so intense, but at the same time, my heart was pounding with excitement.

Mask de Baritsu: Excited that the move was terrible...and intriguing at the same time. The moment I had that thought, my body tapped out quite of its own accord.

Mask de Baritsu: I have the confidence to meet any malevolent attack directly, but it appears my self-defense skills cannot handle moves made with kind intentions.

Quetzalcoatl: Heehee. You speak too highly of it. I just didn't have the strength to make it hurt.

Mask de Baritsu: I withdraw what I said about your moves being just for show. It reminds me of a Japanese sword form called kassatsuken, where one imbues their sword with life and death for their battle.

Mask de Baritsu: One permits their opponent to live, even after defeating them. I had always found this contradictory, but...I understand now.

Mask de Baritsu: Strength is not simply a matter of defeating your opponent.

Quetzalcoatl: Yes, your moves were also very strong, Baritsu Mask. But you seem to be very fragile. You need to eat better so your bones will be sturdy, yes!

Mask de Baritsu: I'll take your word for it.

Mask de Baritsu: ...Your technique is a sort I would never employ, but I would still like to show my respect to you, who has so mastered lucha.

Mask de Baritsu: Adiós, Miss Quetzalcoatl. Should we have the opportunity, I would like to meet again.

Mask de Baritsu: But...why will no one properly use my nom de guerre?

Quetzalcoatl: Whew. So this is the end...

Fujimaru 1: You're all beat up...

Quetzalcoatl: Oh? Are you worried about me? No te preocupes. I'm feeling very good right now, yes.

Quetzalcoatl: I have that pleasant sort of fatigue you get after hard work! Also the satisfaction that I was able to express myself to and understand others through lucha!

Quetzalcoatl: And because I was able to experience that, I am here, smiling with you now.

Quetzalcoatl: I can do that not as the goddess of war who takes life, but as a goddess of wisdom and fertility who looks toward the future.

Fujimaru 1: Yep. I know.

Fujimaru 2: Got it. Let's do this again sometime.

Quetzalcoatl: ...Teehee. Gracias, Master.

Quetzalcoatl: Ahhh! I don't have the strength to even get up, no! Master, please give me your hand!

Mash: Looks like Quetzalcoatl is satisfied. Now Senpai can train in peace this afterno–

Mash: Oh! You shouldn't, Senpai...Quetzalcoatl is still...!

Fujimaru 1: Gaaaaaaaaahhh!?

Fujimaru 2: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!?

Quetzalcoatl: Ah-ha! You fell for it! I am still bursting with energy, yes!

Quetzalcoatl: And llave moves are very profound! Please enjoy the move where, the more you squirm, the more tightly wound up you get♡

Mash: ...If I had known how things would have turned out, I would have asked for five matches. Now I understand why the chains are necessary.

Mash: To restrain Quetzalcoatl, we really do need lots of chains...

Quetzalcoatl: Yes! That is nowhere near enough chains to restrain me!

Quetzalcoatl: Come on, Master. Flail, flail! Mucho, mucho!