Kill Me If You Can

Scáthach: ...Now then. Are you ready, Cú Chulainn?

Cú Chulainn: Ready or not. You haven't told me why I was summoned, but... Well, I have some idea.

Scáthach: Hmm, being summoned like this must be fate. First off, I'd like you to try and finish me.

Cú Chulainn: Uh, right. I just need to pierce through your heart or head with impeccable technique and coordination, right?

Mash: No! Wouldn't that just kill her? Um, we'd like you to not try and kill each other!

Cú Chulainn: That's impossible, little girl. At this point, nothing's going to stop her.

Mash: S-Senpai, what should we do...

Fujimaru 1: I'd like the two of you to stop.

Scáthach: No, please don't stop me, Master. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Fujimaru 2: Why do you want to die?

Scáthach: Well, that's because living makes me long for death... A satisfactory death from the ultimate thrust.

Scáthach: I know it's too much too ask for and an annoyance. But this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Scáthach: I have a body which seeks but is denied death, a mere ghost who's burned onto the world.

Scáthach: However, with this world incinerated, the Land of Shadows is no more. That's why I can be summoned as a Heroic Spirit.

Scáthach: To fight as a warrior, to lose my life if defeated— A chance to live like a proper person.

Scáthach: Then it's only natural wanting to try it, no? Assuming there's a warrior greater than me.

Scáthach: Well, Cú Chulainn? Have you improved a bit since that time?

Scáthach: Since I couldn't leave the Land of Shadows, my only way to make sure was through my messengers.

Cú Chulainn: Yes, a bit. Stand back, Fujimaru. A spear tip is more suitable for her than words.

Cú Chulainn: ...Dammit. Sending clueless kids as messengers. What kind of bad joke is that?

Cú Chulainn: You are immortal physically, but your soul is dead. You're wise, but what you are is no different than a hellish fiend.

Cú Chulainn: Now that very soul has materialized in this world, then I guess it's the pupil's job to finish his mentor off.

Scáthach: Yes. Now then, Child of Light. Try to kill me for good this time.

Cú Chulainn: Leave it to me. My spear can reverse causality, and it never misses its prey.

Cú Chulainn: —Here we go, Scáthach. That heart will be mine—!

Scáthach: Well said! My pupil, the moment that red spear pierces my chest–

Scáthach: Oh, I have longed for such a moment... as I was frozen in the depths of eternity!

Cú Chulainn: Sorry. I messed up.

Scáthach: Foolish pupil—! Why did your spear have to miss, now of all times!

Dr. Roman: Amazing... Gáe Bolg's tip flew way off into the horizon...

Mash: Yes, it even seems to have left a contrail. It must have hit Mach speed.

Dr. Roman: I see. Because it couldn't see Scáthach being dead in her fate, so it turned into a wild throw like that.

Scáthach: ...Ah. Is that what it is? So my foolish pupil did not go easy on me then.

Scáthach: Still! Come on, Sétanta! What's with you!?

Scáthach: You've gotten worse since your time in the Land of Shadows! You're like a squirrel! Been slacking off on your training?

Cú Chulainn: Yeah yeah, I know, I know... I am weaker than before.

Cú Chulainn: I mean, half of my strength is missing. I don't really know why, but I am just not in my prime.

Scáthach: What did you say?

Mash: Oh! Maybe... So when Cú Chulainn appeared as a Caster to help us that one time...

Mash: His powers got distributed to every Cú Chulainn that existed in each Servant class.

Cú Chulainn: Ew. I was a Caster somewhere?

Scáthach: I see. Come to think of it, despite being a natural warrior, his skill with runes was needlessly high...

Scáthach: Still, you told me something useful, Mash. There's still a chance.

Scáthach: Cú Chulainn. You will start your training over in that body. Train with a clear mind and you'll regain what you've lost.

Dr. Roman: A clear mind... So basically not to think about anything?

Cú Chulainn: ...Wait, start over my training?

Scáthach: Did you hear it any other way, fool? You have the basics. Now you just need combat experience.

Scáthach: Right, it's decided. Now then, let's start our journey of training.

Cú Chulainn: Huh, like right now? Ow! Don't pull the hair on the back of my head! Hey, Pink Hair! Quit laughing and do something!

Mash: ...Th-There they go. What do we do, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Let's follow them.

Fujimaru 2: Let's join them.

Mash: You're right. It's our only option. Let's go!

Scáthach: Okay, we'll start by killing a chimera. Work hard.

Cú Chulainn: All right, I get it! Quit pulling my hair! ...Dammit. What a pain... But I guess I have to go along with it.

Mash: Wait, please!

Scáthach: Oh, you've decided to join our training?

Fujimaru 1: The more of us, the better our chances.

Scáthach: ...I see. You're right, we are Servants.

Scáthach: They say a Servant's power increases more with backup from a Master.

Scáthach: All right, I'll allow you to participate. Try to kill the chimera along with Cú Chulainn.

Mash: Understood! Let's do our best, Cú Chulainn!

Cú Chulainn: You sure love to stick your nose into other people's problems, but thanks. I can't shame myself in front of my mentor a second time.

Cú Chulainn: Let's go, Master!


Scáthach: A life-or-death situation suits you, Cú Chulainn. Both your eyes are burning brightly, aren't they?

Cú Chulainn: That battle was intense, how can I not get excited? My love for a good fight has always been a bad habit of mine since childhood.

Scáthach: Yes. However, your spear lacks precision. Did you hold back and rely on strength alone because the enemy was weak?

Scáthach: Didn't I teach you not to swing your spear with strength alone? Your habit of skipping out on lessons was one thing I couldn't fix...

Scáthach: All right then, we're facing dragons next. Let's go earn you the title of Dragon Slayer... By killing a hundred of them.

Dr. Roman: She's as unreasonable as he is!

Mash: Cú Chulainn, are you alive? ...Which is to say, should we continue?

Cú Chulainn: Of course we continue. My shoulder is all nice and warmed up. All right, bring on the dragon or whatever you've got!

Scáthach: Very well. Let us have at it, my prize pupil!


Cú Chulainn: Last one. Here we go– Gáe Bolg!

Cú Chulainn: Got 'em! Well? Can't complain about that!

Scáthach: ... ...

Cú Chulainn: Hello? Scáthach?

Scáthach: ...No, sorry. I was remembering you from the past.

Cú Chulainn: Stop right there before you embarrass me. So, what do you think?

Scáthach: Hm... I don't know if it's perfect, but it's close. At the very least, not that much different when you were alive.

Cú Chulainn: Good, now we're talking. Well, shall we do this?

Mash: ...

Scáthach: ...Yeah, you're right. To think that kid would be standing before me like this.

Scáthach: Human life is nothing but wonders. Rather than becoming a god, I would have preferred to associate with you as a human–

Scáthach: Heh, heh, that too is merely a luxury.

Cú Chulainn: Something like “He who hunts two hares loses both.”

Scáthach: Exactly. Are you ready, Cú Chulainn?

Cú Chulainn: –Yeah.

Scáthach: Mash, you two should join, too. Then we'll be even.

Mash: Master?

Fujimaru 1: Gotta do it.

Fujimaru 2: Brace yourself.

Mash: Understood. ...Here we go, Scáthach!

Scáthach: –Come at me!


Scáthach: Ugh!

Cú Chulainn: –Gotcha!

Cú Chulainn: Take this as my parting gift! Gáe Bolg!

Scáthach: –Ugh!

Scáthach: That was your last strike, huh? Then here goes... Gáe Bolg Alternative!

Cú Chulainn: Wha...

Scáthach: Huh?

Cú Chulainn: ...Say, Scáthach. Looks like you, too...

Scáthach: Y-Yeah. Looks like...I also have gotten stronger than before.

Scáthach: ...Well, I had a hunch, but it was so fun... At times, killing dragons and giants and monsters...

Cú Chulainn: Are you even more reckless than me!? Don't you want to die!?

Scáthach: I-I can't help it! The stronger an enemy, the more I want to see the essence of its strength.

Scáthach: The stronger they are, the more I respect them, the more I want to cross swords with them!

Scáthach: It's only natural that I'd end up getting stronger! It's not my fault!

Dr. Roman: ...SIGH. Exactly how much does the Queen of the Land of Shadows love to fight?

Mash: I-I can't keep up with this inflation. She could at least slow the pace a little...

Cú Chulainn: It's not something that you can do in a short time.

Scáthach: You're right. ...No need to rush, is there?

Scáthach: Cú Chulainn and you, Fujimaru. The day will surely come when you can kill me.

Scáthach: Before you save the world, kill me, if only once.

Scáthach: That is my wish. To that abysmal probability, I devote this body.

Cú Chulainn: Yeah, yeah, I got it. We're stuck together 'till we both die... No, 'till we both kill each other.

Cú Chulainn: There's still a long way to go. Going along with a woman's selfishness is also a requirement to be a top-tier Master, Fujimaru.

Calls from the Land of Shadows

Mash: ...Master. Master. Please wake up. Master.

Fujimaru 1: Huh? What's going on?

Mash: I'm not sure myself. But we're not in Chaldea, nor any recognizable era.

Mash: What I do know—

Fujimaru 2: Where are we...?

Mash: I'm not sure. What I do know—

Mash: I'm detecting a great deal of magical energy here. Besides you and me...

Cú Chulainn: Yo. You guys wandered in here too?

Mash: Cú Chulainn! Does that mean...

Cú Chulainn: Must be Scáthach's doing. We've finally been invited into the Land of Shadows. I apologize on behalf of my mentor, since I'm kind of involved here.

Mash: There's nothing for you to apologize for... Oh, so this is the Land of Shadows?

Cú Chulainn: No, it's slightly different than the place I once visited.

Cú Chulainn: It's not the Isle of Skye. It's like a remnant of the Land of Shadows when it was still connected to the real world, but it's different somehow.

Cú Chulainn: The part where the air is filled with frigid magical energy is about right, though.

Cú Chulainn: ...Which means, we were dragged into my mentor's memory, or something like that.

Mash: Memory?

Cú Chulainn: I'm not sure if this was deliberate or not, though.

Cú Chulainn: Either way, even if this is just a memory, the Land of Shadows isn't somewhere we should linger.

Cú Chulainn: If things go badly, we'll all be swallowed up and die, including Master. The world will end, and we'll all end up in the gutter.

Mash: No...!

Cú Chulainn: Eh, don't worry. This is just carelessness on her part.

Cú Chulainn: It wouldn't have been an issue if it was just me, but I can't let the both of you get sucked into this.

Cú Chulainn: Which means, we need to exterminate that nuisance of a woman. Let's go take her out!

Mash: There are dead spirits floating around everywhere...

Cú Chulainn: The real Land of Shadows was close to the realm of the dead. Don't let them see you. They won't be friendly.

Mash: O-okay.

Fou: Fou!

Mash: ...Fou, you're here too!?

Cú Chulainn: Oh come on, don't shout! ...Oh crap.

Mash: ...They've noticed us.

Cú Chulainn: ...My bad. Well, we'll just call this more training...or something. Yeah.

Cú Chulainn: Missy, don't let them take you down!

Mash: All right! Master, your orders!


Cú Chulainn: Whew. You all right?

Mash: Yes. ...But why would Scáthach lure Master to the Land of Shadows?

Cú Chulainn: Scáthach is pretty well beyond rational understanding or anything like that.

Cú Chulainn: From the looks of it, I don't think it's anything serious. She probably got a bit lonely.

Cú Chulainn: She's been stuck in this land for a few hundred years. There's nobody whom she could fight, let alone hate.

Cú Chulainn: A long time ago, ambitious fighters like me...

Cú Chulainn: Came over to challenge the famed Scáthach to gain fame and glory, but she beat the crap out of every single one of us.

Cú Chulainn: ...Aaand then we all ended up as her disciples...

Cú Chulainn: Well, none of us could live forever. So this situation might be partly our fault.

Mash: What do you mean?

Cú Chulainn: Our mentor trained the crap out of us.

Cú Chulainn: Every one of us loved women and booze more than anything. We were a bunch of barbarians.

Cú Chulainn: Scáthach would kick us around for being so rowdy, but it must have been fun for her.

Cú Chulainn: “The spirits of the dead would miss no chance to infiltrate the real world, but your ruckus has managed to frighten them away.”

Cú Chulainn: That's what Scáthach would always lament.

Cú Chulainn: But we all had a place to go home to. The Land of Shadows was just a stop on our journey.

Cú Chulainn: And so, Scáthach's disciples all died young.

Cú Chulainn: ...As for me, I turned up as a Heroic Spirit.

Cú Chulainn: Come to think of it, I guess there was the option where we could have fought Scáthach in the Land of Shadows for eternity.

Cú Chulainn: But I chose not to. I think she may have resented me for that.

Mash: ...I don't think that's true.

Cú Chulainn: Maybe. I was just rambling. Ignore me.

Cú Chulainn: ...Whoa, whoa. That's a sight. The castle gates are completely different than I remember.

Cú Chulainn: There weren't any knights in plate armor standing as gatekeeper, either. Hey Master, give us your orders!

Mash: Yes, please!


Cú Chulainn: Got 'em!

Cú Chulainn: They're easy compared to the Dragonkin we faced last time. Missy, how're you doing?

Mash: I'm fine!

Cú Chulainn: Okay, then. Hey Scáthach! We're coming in!

Cú Chulainn: We know you're hiding in there! Brace yourself, we're coming in!

Mash: ...There's no answer.

Cú Chulainn: Well, we ARE in a memory... I'm not sure what's going on.

Cú Chulainn: And this might be late in the game, but in the Land of Shadows, the inside of the castle is far more dangerous than outside.

Cú Chulainn: Mostly because fearless and clueless ghosts who want to challenge Scáthach are roaming around.

Cú Chulainn: We have to try to run. But, be prepared to fight. Okay, run!

Mash: Master, you run so magnificently! Fou, hold on tight!

Fou: Fou!

Fujimaru 1: I know!

Fujimaru 2: A bunch of something are behind us!

Mash: There are three up ahead. We can't evade them. We're charging in, Master!


Mash: ...!

Mash: I've detected a strong magical energy reaction. And this sensation... Is this bloodlust?

Cú Chulainn: No. At least it's not her bloodlust.

Cú Chulainn: Then what—

Scáthach: ...So it's you.

Cú Chulainn: Hey, what the heck? Gathering all these spirits in one place, are you planning on forming an army or something?

Scáthach: That's not a bad idea. I wouldn't have to keep my air of being aloof and reckless.

Scáthach: Stand down. Lifeless one.

Cú Chulainn: What the hell? It's not really like you to respond to my heckling, Scáthach.

Scáthach: Is that so? Many months and years have passed while I presided over the gates of this demonic land. I've seen many lives and deaths here.

Scáthach: I thought... I might as well rot.

Scáthach: But this body never decayed. My soul was forever frozen, unchanged.

Scáthach: Yet, my soul was always allow me to plunge into the morass of true evil.

Scáthach: My desires faded, and my senses told only of silence and eternity.

Scáthach: ...And then...

Scáthach: Humanity was incinerated. And with its absence, I gained the chance to end my eternity of monotony...

Scáthach: ...the one in a million chance to finally be embraced by true death.

Scáthach: Yet, I still do not know where my soul goes after death.

Scáthach: Is it to the Throne of Heroes? To the incinerated Land of Shadows? Or—

Cú Chulainn: ...

Scáthach: Either way, I...desire. Through this body of ether, I have flesh and bones. Even a heart.

Scáthach: And though it is temporary, I have “life” as a Servant. So, I find myself wanting to test it.

Scáthach: No matter how much I try to hold back, I cannot contain it.

Scáthach: As a result, I have involved Master and my foolish disciples in this debacle.

Scáthach: I apologize. Though, I know that may not be enough.

Cú Chulainn: What a roundabout way of doing things. ...Fine. Let's give Scáthach her last rites.

Cú Chulainn: Missy, Master. You ready? Scáthach is serious now.

Cú Chulainn: It's a sight rarely seen! Prepare yourself!

Scáthach: Then I shall die. Or perhaps, I shall kill.

Scáthach: Let's do this. I will try not to hold back!


Scáthach: ...That is some fight you put up. You have grown, all of you.

Cú Chulainn: It's over, Scáthach. If you've lost your wits, snap out of it.

Scáthach: I'm still not dead. You all are still alive.

Scáthach: Why do you stop? This fight is not yet over.

Cú Chulainn: There's no point in this, Scáthy-teach.

Cú Chulainn: Killing you in a memory wouldn't make it real. That's just death within a fantasy. It'll only leave a bitter aftertaste.

Cú Chulainn: If you're going to die, do it in the real world. It should be an honorable death in battle, too, right?

Scáthach: ...

Cú Chulainn: Besides, why would you say you would TRY not to hold back!? That's not going all-out at all!

Cú Chulainn: If you really went all-out, you'd bring out a gate or two, not just your spear.

Mash: A gate...

Cú Chulainn: “Gate of Skye.” Have you seen it? It's a move where her enemies are dragged down into the Land of Shadows.

Cú Chulainn: At the bottom of the Land of Shadows, they're as good as dead. All living things simply perish.

Cú Chulainn: But then you don't even use it! If that's not holding back, what is, Scáthach!?

Scáthach: H-hmmmmm...

Cú Chulainn: Looks like I got you there. That's a once in a lifetime sight.

Cú Chulainn: ...Is it because you're summoned as a Servant now? You're showing off a human side of yourself.

Cú Chulainn: But I guess that's partly due to Master's influence. After all, Master's the most human of all humans I know.

Fujimaru 1: What do you mean?

Fujimaru 2: Is that a thing? That doesn't sound like a thing.

Cú Chulainn: It means you always try your best, as much as you're able. And anything you can't do, you still try to find a way.

Cú Chulainn: You borrow wisdom from those came before you, and dream of a future. No matter how dire the situation, and fight as humanly as possible.

Cú Chulainn: At times you may be discouraged. You may look back to the past. But stopping and looking back is only for a moment.

Cú Chulainn: Right? Does that ring a bell?

Scáthach: ...I suppose you have me there. I must have been affected by Master without realizing it.

Cú Chulainn: If not, you wouldn't be so feeble.

Fujimaru 1: Eh?

Fujimaru 2: Scáthach...feeble?

Cú Chulainn: I guess it's her way of life. Her desires aside, it's not like Scáthach to look back.

Mash: I think...I understand that logic.

Mash: Not only were her mannerisms different from the normal Scáthach, but her way of fighting...and everything else.

Cú Chulainn: Oh, Missy is starting to understand the way of the Celts. So there you have it.

Cú Chulainn: Scáthach. For you to desire death is just your way of trying to escape. And that isn't you at all.

Cú Chulainn: Isn't it more like you to dream of a swift yet beautiful death as the reward of a glorious battle?

Scáthach: ...

Scáthach: You really didn't hold back there, Cú Chulainn. But you're right.

Scáthach: For me to renounce everything and seek death at a time like this is nothing more than running from the truth.

Cú Chulainn: Sheesh. Took you long enough.

Scáthach: My apologies. And forget it.

Scáthach: ...(Sigh) I cannot believe it...

Scáthach: To allow you, of all people, to see my doubts. As a mentor, there is no greater disgrace.

Scáthach: Hrm. In order to offset this disgrace, I may need you to die three times.

Cú Chulainn: Now you're just taking it out on us!

Scáthach: Idiot. It's to clear my name. But since I wasn't falsely accused of anything, I simply need to overwrite my disgrace by doing something even more heinous.

Cú Chulainn: Terrible. She really hasn't changed. But then again—

Cú Chulainn: Thanks to Master, I got to see a more human side of her. Let's just say that I had a valuable experience.

Scáthach: —Hmph. You've grown bold, Child of Light.

Cú Chulainn: I've had my fair share of turmoil.

Scáthach: I see. Then you may be the one who will eventually stand before me in battle.

Scáthach: Farewell, Cú Chulainn. It seems it'll be a while before your Gáe Bolg becomes the instrument of my grand end.

Mash: ...Oh look. The dead spirits have disappeared.

Cú Chulainn: Sheesh. She left me with a hell of a demand.

Cú Chulainn: In order to end that woman's life, one would need the skills capable of killing even the gods.

Cú Chulainn: Well anyway, why don't we go ahead and wake up, Master?

Cú Chulainn: Scáthach and my desires aside, you've got a more crucial task up ahead of you.