Suzuka Gozen

A High School Girl Stroll in Chaldea

Mash: Here, Senpai, I brought you some tea.

Mash: I think this pot turned out better than the one I made yesterday... How is it?

Fujimaru 1: Perfect.

Fujimaru 2: Every pot you make comes out better than the last.

Mash: I'm glad to hear that. Okay, I'll pour myself a cup too–

Mash: ...?

Suzuka Gozen: OMG! I, like, can't even! You're MY Master, Master, so you've gotta, like, do something!

Mash: Suzuka, what's wrong? Here, have some tea first.

Suzuka Gozen: Tea? OMG you're like, so considerate! I'm so touched knowing Mash can really look after people.

Suzuka Gozen: This Jasmine tea is delish! BTW, this tea actually goes really well with Japanese sweets...

Suzuka Gozen: ...AND THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE! The tea is, like, so good though...

Mash: Then...why are you here?

Suzuka Gozen: Why? Do you even have to ask!? Isn't it freakin' obvious? I am literally...

Suzuka Gozen: ...bored AF!!!

Mash: ...Huh?

Suzuka Gozen: I have got, like, nothing but time here. I mean, I'm a high school girl!

Suzuka Gozen: We should like...not ever have entire days in our planners empty!

Mash: I-I see... A teenage girl, huh...

Suzuka Gozen: We can't fall even one day behind! We gotta, like, keep up with the trends and stuff or we'll end up looking like total losers!

Suzuka Gozen: It's how us high school girls gotta live! It's, like, an actual war!

Suzuka Gozen: Now that I'm all, like, materialized, I'm not wasting another second hanging around this boring dump! YFM?

Mash: R-right...

Suzuka Gozen: Hm? Hold up... (Staaare)

Suzuka Gozen: ...You said your name's Mash, right? How old are you again?

Mash: Me? Well, it's sort of complicated in my case...

Suzuka Gozen:

Really!? Aren't you, like, at LEAST high school age!? Such a waste... Oh wait, maybe this is actually, like, perfect?

Suzuka Gozen: 'Cuz, like, you'd be perfect for what high school girls do. You know, like cliques and stuff!

Suzuka Gozen: All right Mash, you come with me. Oh, I guess you can come too, Master.

Mash: Huh? Where are we going?

Suzuka Gozen: Dunno. We don't, like, have to have a destination, do we?

Suzuka Gozen: We can figure that out later. I just wanna get outta here and chat a little and stuff.

Suzuka Gozen: It'd rock if there was someplace we could chill, like a mall, but since there isn't, we'll just have to settle for walking around this Chaldea place.

Suzuka Gozen: I mean, you could even, like, show me around if you wanna. I don't know this place at all.

Mash: Well, I don't mind giving you a tour, but, it doesn't have to be right NOW, does it...?

Mash: Senpai and I were just enjoying a nice, relaxing teatime while we–

Suzuka Gozen: C'mon, let's GO already! We're burning daylight or whatever! (Tug, tug)

Mash: Well...umm...I guess I can't refuse...

Suzuka Gozen: Haha! It's not every day you get to go on a walk with two cute high schoolers hanging all over you. Isn't Fujimaru like the luckiest [♂ guy /♀️ girl] out there?

Mash: I... I'm a staff member of Chaldea, not a student...

Mash: Um, Suzuka, please don't take this the wrong way, but you're not really in high school, right...?

Suzuka Gozen: Hey, don't get hung up on the details, Mash.

Suzuka Gozen: It's like they say, you're only as old as you feel, right? And I am for sure a teenager at heart!

Suzuka Gozen: Now shut up about all that age crap and show me around! Oooh, where's the nearest crêpe stand? Real high school girl walks totes need munchies!

Mash: I'm afraid we don't have any food stands here... But there is a tearoom up ahead.

Mash: See the sign that says “Moonlight”? It used to be an empty storeroom until Dr. Roman fixed it up.

Mash: I'm told it has AV equipment, soundproofed walls, and even a karaoke machine.

Suzuka Gozen: Karaoke! Oh that is just, like, a perfect place to stop for our walk!

Suzuka Gozen: Besides, you've gotta have mad karaoke skills when you go out to mixers and stuff!

Suzuka Gozen: Not gonna lie, I'm pretty good when it comes to music. So good I drew out Takamaru when he was hiding in a cave.

Suzuka Gozen: Oh but to set the record straight, karaoke isn't about who's the best singer.

Suzuka Gozen: The most important part about karaoke is having fun and making sure everyone can enjoy it.

Suzuka Gozen: Oh this will totes help me max out my high school girl game! C'mon, what're we still doing here!?

Mash: Okay, let's go pay it a visit. But I don't know much about singing, so I'll probably just stick to listening.

Mash: ...

Mash: (Speaking of which, I remember asking about this karaoke machine...)

Mash: (...Da Vinci was deadly serious when she said it would be better if I don't go near it for a while... I wonder why?)

Mash: Here we are.

Mash: ...? I think I hear something inside... Maybe someone's already using it?

Fujimaru 1: I've got a bad feeling about this.

Fujimaru 2: Oh great, here we go...

Suzuka Gozen: Oh? Is another high school girl in there? C'mon Mash, Fujimaru, let's go meet them!


I am the♪...per... p-p-p-per!


Perfectest emperOR♪ (Bleat)


Bloody, bloody, nice and bloody♪


Hyper Idol ShowTIME♪ (Squawk)

Mash: ...!

Suzuka Gozen: Th-the hell...!

Fujimaru 1: GAAAAAAH!

Fujimaru 2: (Go into shock)

Mash: Senpai!? Hang in there, Senpai! Please, get a hold of yourself!

Nero: Heh, your lovely singing voice gave my goosebumps goosebumps, Lancer! I am reminded once again why you are my rival!

Elisabeth: I'm impressed by your devilish singing too, Saber. I never would've guessed you had an auditory train wreck like that up your sleeve, given your adorable looks.

Elisabeth: That was good. Great, even! So awful it was perfect! And you were so off-key you were like a locked door.

Nero: As in the door to success!? Please, stop! You'll make me blush!

Elisabeth: And I love your Tyrant Burning Shout! It'd be the perfect...for a top idol like me!

Mash: It's...Nero and Elisabeth. They seem to be smiling and glaring at each other simultaneously...

Suzuka Gozen: Wha... What WAS that singing? That was, like, the ACTUAL WORST! My brain is trying to shut off my sense of hearing...

Nero: Hm? And just WHAT do you mean by that?

Nero: You there, Fox Ears! Just because you are a devoted fan lured by the siren song of my beautiful music does not give you the right to simply listen for free!

Elisabeth: Yeah! Where do you get off sighing during our recital!? Beat it, before we start charging admission!

Suzuka Gozen: Yikes... Admission? For karaoke? That is, like, so not funny.

Mash: I'm afraid it's no joke, Suzuka. Hard as it must be to believe, they are both completely serious.

Mash: As far as they're both concerned, singing gives their lives purpose. They would never joke about it.

Suzuka Gozen: Oh... Okay... So that's these chicks' deal, huh...

Suzuka Gozen: ...Chill... I must stay chill... Their songs might've almost knocked me out cold but karaoke isn't about who's the best singer!

Suzuka Gozen: ...Not just me, but EVERYONE has to enjoy karaoke... Yeah...we should be having fun. All right!

Suzuka Gozen: Ahem... What you two think about your singing is like totally not my business, and it's not my place to critique it or anything, y'know?

Suzuka Gozen: Some people might call your singing...unique. But as long as you two are having fun, who cares?

Suzuka Gozen: Anyway, if you're done... I think it's our turn to use this room.

Suzuka Gozen: I'm a high school girl, so I gotta do some serious karaoke training. My social life DEPENDS on it. Now get outta the way!

Nero: Huh? Do not be ridiculous, Fox Ears.

Nero: My performance has only just begun. How can you expect me to step off the stage after only twenty hours?

Elisabeth: And I still have over a hundred songs to get through! Even if most of them are just remixes.

Elisabeth: There's my Halloween standard arrangement, my Halloween demon realm arrangement, my Halloween Goderi arrangement, my Halloween sound arrange–

Suzuka Gozen: ...I see. So you're saying you aren't going anywhere, aren't you?

Mash: Um, Suzuka? What if you sang with them?

Mash: Of course, Master and I just remembered something urgent we have to attend to, so we definitely won't be joining you.

Suzuka Gozen: Uh, what? Are you nuts? I'm not singing with them! I'm trying to improve my skills, not make them worse!

Suzuka Gozen: Besides, I don't wanna sing with just ANYONE! You're the only other high schooler here besides me, Mash!

Suzuka Gozen: There is, like, not enough money in the world for me to sing with Little Red Tone-Deaf Hood and her creepy idol wannabe sidekick.

Mash: Um, as I said before, I may technically be a teenage girl, but–

Nero: What was that!? You dare refer to a great emperor like myself as “Little Red Tone-Deaf Hood”!? I have a most beautiful singing voice!

Elisabeth: Creepy idol wannabe...sidekick!?

Elisabeth: Heh, hehe, hehehe. Now I get it, Saber.

Elisabeth: This girl must be...jealous of our immense talent!

Nero: Aha, so that is it! She must be a contrarian–a “hater” who despises things that are popular.

Nero: This only serves as proof that my singing is spreading beyond its intended audience!

Nero: Still... Umu, it is sad that we cannot see eye to eye, even after becoming Servants...

Nero: ...but that does not mean I shall be relinquishing this mic anytime soon. All that matters is that I am enjoying myself!

Nero: You there, Fox Ears... Hm? Fox Ears...? For some reason, that appellation fills me with dread, but no matter.


If you wish to claim this mic as your own, you shall have to pry it out of my hands!

Elisabeth: True. In the idol world, everything comes down to power and violence eventually.

Elisabeth: And since I am the top idol, if you're going to try and steal my mic, you'd better be ready for a world of hurt!

Suzuka Gozen: Ha! What are you two talking about? I don't even... Whatevs, if you're hoping for a fight then I'm totes down!

Mash: Oh no. These incredibly powerful Servants are about to fight for an incredibly insignificant reason...!


Nero: Khh... I suppose my performance must have taken a greater toll on me than I realized... (Thud)

Elisabeth: Aw man, if only I hadn't put in those two hours of high touch practice before singing... (Thud)

Suzuka Gozen: Hehe... Teenagers are totes the best at being greedy!

Suzuka Gozen: Now let's get this karaoke party star–Huh?

Mash: It seems our battle ended up destroying the machine...

Fujimaru 1: War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing...

Fujimaru 2: Too bad we didn't get to hear you sing.

Suzuka Gozen: Y-yeah, that sucks. I wish I could've shown you guys what real singing sounds like.

Suzuka Gozen: (Sigh)... Oh well, guess there's nothing we can do now that it's broken.

Suzuka Gozen: But hey, it's not like there aren't a bunch of other things we've still gotta do!

Suzuka Gozen: C'mon, Mash and Master, let's blow this popsicle stand and find somewhere else to go!

Mash: Hold on, let me just finish submitting the damage report and repair request... Okay, done. Although, now that I think about it, we may be better off if the machine is never repaired...


(Standing up) What? The machine is broken? In that case...

Nero: ...we shall now test our singing might free of the confines of musical accompaniment! Lancer, I challenge you to an a cappella contest! La la laaa!


(Standing up) Challenge accepted! A true idol has no problem keeping her fans enthralled with the power of her voice alone! Laaa!

Suzuka Gozen: ...UGH, whatevs. Just get me away from this freak show...


Suzuka Gozen: Hey, Master? Mash? I've said this before, so I'm pretty sure you know what the deal is, but...

Mash: Yes?

Suzuka Gozen: I wanna be the cutest girl ever. That way I'll be gucci when I finally meet “the one.”

Suzuka Gozen: Like...I've got no idea if any other versions of me already met “the one” somewhere, or if I'm gonna meet him myself one day...

Suzuka Gozen: ...but I am totes certain he's out there.

Suzuka Gozen: He's, like, gotta be perfect. Someone I can devote all my love and stuff to. And be a killer hot bae.

Suzuka Gozen: Sooo, if there's any chance I might meet him, I can't just slack off on being awesomely cute, can I?

Mash: I, uh, I see. So that's why you want to, uh...polish your skills.

Suzuka Gozen: Yup! So karaoke is pretty much off the list now...but I can totes hone other skills on our walk!

Suzuka Gozen: ...Besides, the way I see it, a top-tier high school girl's gotta know how to play the game, which means she's gotta be used to hanging out with guys.

Suzuka Gozen: If my future boyfriend gets away 'cause I end up freezing at a crucial moment, that'd just be the worst, right?

Fujimaru 1: I...guess you might be right.

Fujimaru 2: Wouldn't a naive, innocent girl have her own appeal?

Suzuka Gozen: Um, no. Obviously.

Suzuka Gozen: I mean, you HAVE heard about the whole, like, missed connection thing, right? You get ONE shot to say the right thing, and if you blow it, it's all over!

Suzuka Gozen: So I can't just sit in my tower waiting for Prince Charming or whatever! I gotta go on the ATTACK!

Suzuka Gozen: So! My next goal on this walk is to find a certified hottie and chat him up♪

Mash: A, uh, certified hottie, huh... Well, there are a good number of other Servants here.

Mash: ...While we're on the subject, what sort of things are you looking for in a romantic partner, Suzuka?

Suzuka Gozen: Ooh, you wanna talk about boys?

Suzuka Gozen: Hehehe, I KNEW we were totes on the same page, Mash!

Mash: N-no, I don't think so. I was just asking purely out of curiosity. I'm not–

Suzuka Gozen: Right, yeah, anyways... Hmm, I don't really have a clear picture, you know? I mean, if I did, that'd sure make finding “the one” way easier.

Suzuka Gozen: So I guess I'll know what I'm looking for when I see it.

Mash: ...I see. So you can't say anything for sure until you've actually met him...

Mash: Does that mean you can't tell if it's fate or not until it's actually happening?

Suzuka Gozen: Oh, yeah, totally! That's it exactly! Don't overthink it and all, right?

Suzuka Gozen: If you wanna talk, talk. If not, don't. You just gotta figure it out as you go.

Suzuka Gozen: Now come on! I wanna see what sorta guys this place has!

Diarmuid: Hello Master, Mash. Are you out for a walk? ...May I ask who your new friend is?

Suzuka Gozen: Hmm...nah. He might be handsome, but he looks like he's got hella bad romantic luck. Plus, for some reason I feel like a boar would kick his ass.

Diarmuid: ...!

Gilgamesh: Oho, is the mongrel out for a walk? You must be starved for stimulation. Very well. I am in fine spirits today, so I shall grant you an audience.

Gilgamesh: Just this once, I will permit you to regale me with the tales of your many comedic failures. Be certain to make them entertaining.

Suzuka Gozen: Hmm...nah. It's cool to be an influencer, but he's way too stuck-up for me. I think I'd prefer the kid we saw earlier who looks kinda like him.

Gilgamesh: ...!

Astolfo: Hmm? What's going on? Huh? Huh?

Suzuka Gozen: ...Nah, not really my type. Plus, nobody likes a guy who's cuter than her. Nobody!

Astolfo: ...!

Suzuka Gozen: What. The. Hell!? There are tons of good-looking guys here, so how come all I can do is swipe left? There's just something wrong with all of them!

Suzuka Gozen: Forget finding a boyfriend! There's not even someone worth practicing my flirting on here!

Mash: I feel oddly bad about that...

Fujimaru 1: Maybe you should try changing things up?

Fujimaru 2: Maybe don't limit yourself to handsome young guys?

Suzuka Gozen: Hmm... You might be onto something there. Maybe I should try older guys. Silver foxes are totes a thing.

Mash: Ah. Speaking of which...

Fergus: Hm? If it isn't Mash and Master. I'm glad to see you both in good health.

Fergus: And...I don't believe we've met?

Suzuka Gozen: 'Sup. I'm Suzuka, a Saber. I'm outie five thousand. Peace.

Fergus: Oho, a Saber, you say? What a coincidence! The name's Fergus and I'm a Saber myself.

Fergus: Hmm... (Staaare)

Suzuka Gozen: ...?

Fergus: I must say, Lady Suzuka... You are one fine woman.

Suzuka Gozen:

Eh? A-ahaha, for real? Aw, that's so sweet.

Suzuka Gozen: I guess that super jacked look can work.

Fergus: Haha, I see, I see. In that case, Lady Suzuka...maybe we should have ourselves a little “sparring” session?

Fergus: You seem like you have energy to spare. I would love to have you as my partner.

Suzuka Gozen: Oh... You mean that thing swordsmen like to get up to? Hmm... Yeah, why not? I was getting kinda tired of just strolling around.

Mash: Senpai. Senpai!

Mash: Is it just me, or are the two of them speaking English and still somehow managing to not be speaking the same language?

Fergus: Then you accept? Wonderful.

Suzuka Gozen: So where do you wanna do this thing? I passed a training room earlier if you wanna go at it there.

Fergus: Oho, the training room, you say? I was thinking either your room or mine...but I see you prefer someplace a little...roomier! Very well, I gladly accept.

Fergus: Ahh, I can't wait to get started. Despite your flippant demeanor, I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that you were ripe for the plucking.

Fergus: Between your full, perky breasts, your shapely bottom, and those childbearing hips, I can tell I will truly enjoy some vigorous lovemaking with you! Wahaha!

Suzuka Gozen:

Huh!? W-wait. When you said “partner,” you meant... Wh-what are you, stupid or something!? What the ACTUAL HELL, creeper!?

Mash: ...I knew it.

Suzuka Gozen: Forget it! I take back literally everything I said before!

Fergus: Now, now, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Come on. Come on. (Approaching determinedly)

Suzuka Gozen: Wh-why you... Dammit, I knew this place was a freak show! Left swipe. Left swipe! LEFT SWIIIIIIIIPE!


Suzuka Gozen: Ugh, that sucked ass.

Mash: I'm so sorry. Usually, he's a paragon of Sabers, and highly dependable, but he can get...carried away...

Suzuka Gozen: You don't need to apologize! It's that old freak with the drill who's way out of line!

Suzuka Gozen: And where the hell's he get off calling me “ripe”!? Can't he talk about how I'm a cute teenage girl in the prime of my fricking youth!?

Suzuka Gozen: ...It's un-freakin'-believable!

Mash: N-now, now, at least it's all over. There's a break room right over there. How about we rest a bit?


...Hehehehe. I've lost count of how many drinks this is. But who cares? Bottoms up!


Yeah! Wine shared with you is always special wine, Shuten!

Ibaraki-Douji: And the snacks we stole off of the green Archer are sooo deliciously sweet! Mmm...

Ibaraki-Douji: Now, what were we talking about again? Oh, right. So I gave those humans an earful.

Ibaraki-Douji: I said ... from the bottom of my you all must be ...! So there!

Shuten-Douji: My, my, you must have scared them out of their minds, Ibaraki. Your transformations surprise even me sometimes.

Shuten-Douji: Fufu... What could be scarier than a sudden, unexpected, and dramatic transformation...? I don't know WHAT I'd do if I ran into a big oni with a completely blank face...

Ibaraki-Douji: ...Right!? Kind of a masterstroke from me, don't you think? I wish you could've seen the looks on their faces! Ehehehehe...

Fujimaru 1: I'm surprised to find them drinking here.

Fujimaru 2: No wonder the hallway stank of alcohol.

Mash: The two oni? They do seem to be thoroughly intoxicated.

Suzuka Gozen: Tch, it's the oni! And I was already in a bad mood... What gives...!

Suzuka Gozen: ...Mash. Do they do this kinda crap often?

Mash: Yes, I'd say so. I've seen them like this several times before.

Suzuka Gozen: Dammit, this is exactly why–

Suzuka Gozen: Ugh, they're annoying and I just can't with this freakin' stench! Hey! Oni!

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm? Do I know you...?

Suzuka Gozen: Do you, like, not know what a total pain you are being with all this drinking!? Get outta here!

Suzuka Gozen: This is TOTALLY why people always say oni suck, or that they're clueless, or that they just like to attack when you're minding your own business...

Suzuka Gozen: I mean, okay, so, like, that might've led to a couple romantic encounters or something, but that really doesn't matter anymore!

Suzuka Gozen: Just...shape the hell up and quit making trouble for me already, oni!

Ibaraki-Douji: So you say we suck? That we are clueless? Big words from a little fox! ...Wait... You're not actually a fox, are you...?

Shuten-Douji: Well, well... If it isn't that Demon King's princess. I'm deliiighted to meet you.

Ibaraki-Douji: Hm? You know her, Shuten?

Shuten-Douji: It's Suzuka Gozen, daughter of the Demon King of the Fourth Heaven.

Shuten-Douji: She lived in Japan long before I set foot in Ooe, so I haven't had the pleasure, but I've heard aaall about her.

Shuten-Douji: ...Care to join us for a drink? Oni have sooo much in common with the daughters of Demon Kings. We should get along reeeally well. What do you say?

Suzuka Gozen: Tch... So you know who I am. Then I have A LOT more to say to you now.

Suzuka Gozen: Your lazy asses are why I got sent to Japan in the first place. You caused me no end of trouble.

Suzuka Gozen: Japan is just a few tiny islands. You could have turned it into a demon kingdom in a week if you actually cared! But nooo! You failed to do so.

Suzuka Gozen: Easy to believe all you did was get drunk even then! I suspect you only bothered attacking humans when you were bored and felt like it!

Suzuka Gozen: An oni who doesn't know her place is bad, but a lazy oni is just infuriating.

Suzuka Gozen: You've got some nerve showing your lazy side to me. If you cannot be of service, then go take your useless hide somewhere and disappe–

Mash: U-um...Suzuka?

Suzuka Gozen: What?

Shuten-Douji: Oh my, Suzuka. Listen to yooou! It sounds like the reeeal you is starting to show!

Shuten-Douji: I guess seeing an oni must have jolted you back to your true self, hmmm?

Suzuka Gozen:

...! I-I was... That was just, like, an accident, 'kay?

Suzuka Gozen: I just, like, could NOT be bothered to say how much you guys suck–though you still totes suck!

Suzuka Gozen: Ugh, I am, like, embarrassed AF. Wait, I I'm not! Being a teenager is totes the best! We're cute, and awesome... We're just the best! Totes!

Mash: S-Suzuka? You seem a little flustered. You're also blushing bright red.

Suzuka Gozen: I slipped... I can't believe I slipped...! Being around those things forced my old self out...

Suzuka Gozen: ...That side of me is old news; this is the real me now... But since I haven't been manifested here for long, I'm still weak and immature... Even though...

Suzuka Gozen: I decided that this time, I was gonna find true love...and stick with the end... (Mumble)

Mash: Sh-she's just facing the wall and mumbling to herself!

Fujimaru 1: I think we should, like, give her some space.

Fujimaru 2: She's, like, freaking me out.

Mash: ...Um, Senpai, I think her speech pattern may have...rubbed off on you a bit?

Suzuka Gozen: ...Hra! There, I'm back! And I am a thousand percent better!

Suzuka Gozen: Which is good, 'cause I'm, like, gonna need all the energy I can get for this next part.

Mash: N-next part? I'm glad to hear you're feeling better now, but...what comes next...?

Suzuka Gozen: Oh come on, even you can totally figure that out, right?

Suzuka Gozen: ...Put the fear of god into these punk-ass oni for sending me on a cruddy trip down memory lane!

Ibaraki-Douji: Mwahahaha. Did you hear that, Shuten? I think the little demon princess is angry at us.

Shuten-Douji: Oh, how annoying. I don't see why she doesn't just join us for a drink.

Mash: Uh-oh... I think we're about to get drawn into another battle. Be careful, Senpai!


Ibaraki-Douji: Tch... I guess they're too tough for us. C'mon, Shuten. Let's go somewhere else.

Shuten-Douji: Hmm, maybe I had a little too much to drink...? A little hair of the dog should help...

Suzuka Gozen: (Sigh)...

Suzuka Gozen: ...Just so you guys know, Master, they were basically right about me.

Suzuka Gozen: I'm the daughter of the Demon King of the Fourth Heaven. I'm just another Servant, just another Saber.

Suzuka Gozen: But...that doesn't change the fact that I'm a high school girl at heart. That's just who I am now. Capisce?

Fujimaru 1: ...Why did you pick that of all things?

Suzuka Gozen: It's not about a choice! It's about being true to myself above all!

Mash: Actually I'm curious about that too. If you don't mind, would you please tell us why?

Fujimaru 2: Got it. All that matters is that you're cute.

Suzuka Gozen: Aha, so you DO get it, Master.

Mash: Still, I'm curious why you chose this of all things to begin with.

Suzuka Gozen: (Sigh)... Look, a lot of real crazy stuff went down while I was alive.

Suzuka Gozen: Then, after I became a Heroic Spirit, I found out what modern high school girls are like, right?

Suzuka Gozen: They're, like, the embodiment of popularity, beauty, and cuteness. It's just, like, super fab.

Suzuka Gozen: Plus, they enjoy life to the fullest! So I thought, this is it. This is what I've been looking for.

Suzuka Gozen: ...Totally makes sense, right?

Suzuka Gozen: So my wish is to find the best boyfriend ever, have the best romance ever, and get the whole happily ever after thing, 'kay?

Suzuka Gozen: So, to do that, I decided to be the best teenage high school girl ever.

Mash: Aha... Now I understand, Suzuka.

Mash: You just really, really...

Mash: ...REALLY want to find romance.

Suzuka Gozen: ...Pretty much.

Mash: ...Hehe.

Suzuka Gozen: Hey, don't you know it's, like, rude to laugh in people's faces!? C'mon, let's go to this damn break room of yours.

Mash: Sure. I'll show you where it is.

Suzuka Gozen: Well, well, now look who's all high and mighty... I think it's, like, truth or dare o'clock.

Suzuka Gozen: So, as a fellow teenage girl, you're gonna tell me the truth about your experiences with boys when we get to the break room! C'mon let's go.

Mash: Huh? Huh!? I...I never agreed to that...!

Suzuka Gozen: Aha, don't bother running! You're not going anywhere! Just, like, resign yourself to your fate!

A Foxy Moron

Note: Translated by /u/squashyVNopen in new window

Will be formatted at a later date.