E-Pal Wars

Tamamo-no-Mae: Master, where are you? Your Caster's looking for you!

Mash: That's... Tamamo, isn't it? What's gotten into her?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh Master, there you are. I've been looking for you.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Let's get going, then! Come on, come on! This way! Come on!

Fujimaru 1: Where are we going?

Fujimaru 2: Um, you're a little too close.

Tamamo-no-Mae: We're going, of course, to our... H O N E Y M O O N♡

Mash: Oh, so that's all it was... What!?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Mmm! Blue skies! Sandy beaches! And a clear blue sea as far as the eye can see!

Tamamo-no-Mae: It's the perfect day for a honeymoon, isn't it Master?

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...That said. (Glance)

Mash: ...(Hmph)

Fou: Fooou...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Well, one or two tag-alongs shouldn't bother us too much.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, how about something to drink? D A R L I N G♪

Dr. Roman: I really don't want to know, but how did this happen?

Dr. Roman: I mean, I really, really don't want to know. Actually, just forget it.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Too bad, here's how it happened! Listen up. Yesterday, I got a message from Kiyohime, my texting buddy.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I just went on a date with my Master, who is also my lover.

Tamamo-no-Mae: A lover's tryst, you could say. A lover's tryst.

Tamamo-no-Mae: "So, how are things with your Master, Tamamo... Oh. (gotcha.) Anyway, I'll text again sometime♪"

Tamamo-no-Mae: Can you believe she sent that!? What the hell was (gotcha.)? What is she saying she got!?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Kids these days... Even Osakabe-hime, who never leaves her room...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Is going on "chat dates!"

Tamamo-no-Mae: At this point, I have no choice but to act!

Tamamo-no-Mae: So I'm sending selfies of me and my Master being lovey-dovey, just to show the two of them who's boss...

Mash: So... It doesn't have to be with Senpai, does it?

Dr. Roman: That's right. She just wants to brag that she's getting along well with her Master.

Fujimaru 1: Caster, you're toying with me?

Fujimaru 2: Caster, let's end our contract...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, no! No! Not at all! It's true that I've sworn my soul to another.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Even though I don't quite remember what that person was like, or even which dimension did I encountered them in.

Tamamo-no-Mae: But that's different!

Tamamo-no-Mae: I respect Fujimaru for making a contract with an Anti-Hero like me, and with no complaints!

Tamamo-no-Mae: I've seduced countless men and committed countless sins. But if I feel this one's the one, I'll serve with my whole spirit—

Tamamo-no-Mae: That is my true nature as Tamamo-no-Mae, the Caster!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Okay, so maybe "honeymoon" was going too far, but maybe you can at least call it a vacation? Maybe? Tee hee hee!

Mash: ...

Dr. Roman: Sorry to interrupt, but we have enemies. Looks like this is a Lamia spawning ground.

Dr. Roman: It looks like you're surrounded? What? Your discussion's more important? Sorry.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Why now, of all times!? Geez, this is just great.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Now I feel awkward, like when you run into an old friend and you find out she's married and has children now...

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...I'm going to take it out on these... What were they? Lamias?

Fujimaru 1: All right, fine. I'll join you!

Fujimaru 2: Yeah, I know how you feel.

Tamamo-no-Mae: That's my Master! I'm even more in love with you now!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Now that we're both on the same page, excuse me while I give a little speech.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I will come to your aid whether you ask for it or not! The reliable Shrine Maiden Fox, Casko-chan, now descends upon the tropical seas!


Tamamo-no-Mae: Wow, it sure is nice to relax in a mountain inn, isn't it, Master?

Fujimaru 1: Sure is.

Fujimaru 2: I want to relax...

Mash: What's going on here...

Dr. Roman: Don't ask me. No idea...

Fou: Fooou...

Tamamo-no-Mae: So Master... Oh who is it, at a time like this...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, a message from Kiyohime? What does it say...

Tamamo-no-Mae: "Today I went shopping with my Master, who is also my husband."

Tamamo-no-Mae: "We went to a famous French clothing store... Oh, what was its name? Anyway, there my Master bought me some Western-style clothes."

Tamamo-no-Mae: "I get so put on the spot by things like this. So Tamamo, do you... Oh. (Gotcha.)"

Tamamo-no-Mae: "Anyway, I'll text again sometime. -from France with love- Your Kiyohime"

Tamamo-no-Mae: This again! I'm asking you, what the hell is this? What the hell is this, this (Gotcha.)?

Tamamo-no-Mae: In the first place, I'm sure her partner is being tricked!

Fujimaru 1: Not Kiyohime?

Fujimaru 2: The partner is!?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Yes. It's not polite to say, but unlike me, Kiyohime can get the weirdest ideas in her head.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Tendencies for love at first sight aside, she often creates relationships in her mind without talking to the men involved.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Her imagination when it comes to these things could put virtual reality to shame. Every relationship she imagines already has marriage on the horizon.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Ultimately she traps the guy inside a bell and burns him to death. That's how she is, so I worry about her partner...

Mash: ...Oh, I should've brought us lunches or something.

Fou: Fooou...

Dr. Roman: I hate to interrupt, but I'm picking up something... Yeah. It looks like we're in wyvern territory.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Again? Jeez, I just want to make some memories with my Master. Why do they keep interrupting?

Tamamo-no-Mae: This isn't fair! My texting buddy does this to me every single day!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Her texts always sound so happy! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

Fujimaru 1: Me neither.

Fujimaru 2: ME NEITHER!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Wyverns, flying lizards, I don't know what you are... But how I feel on all those Sundays...

Tamamo-no-Mae: The feeling that I should do something meaningful but ends up on the couch, getting nothing done...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Then after a bath, realizing I'm already getting into bed... That dismal feeling...


Mash: ...I'm actually feeling the same way. Oh, Senpai! I was joking! I-I'll do my best!


Dr. Roman: Well, I'm glad you two had fun yesterday...

Mash: What exactly was all that, anyway?

Fou: Fooouu...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, Master! Trouble! Big trouble!

Fujimaru 1: What is it?

Fujimaru 2: Another text message?

Mash: Now what is it? Did Osakabe-hime ask you on a double date or something?

Tamamo-no-Mae: No, she's, you know, in the middle of a very cute internet romance.

Tamamo-no-Mae: The problem is the active one, Kiyohime. It seems, um... she got–dumped.

Fujimaru 1: Huh?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Yes, apparently she got mad and started setting everything on fire.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I wanted to ignore it, but you know, she's a dear friend.

Tamamo-no-Mae: We'd both promised to enroll in that cooking class held by Benienma from Severed-Tongue Sparrow, you see.

Tamamo-no-Mae: So out of my deep compassion and love, I think Master and I need to stop her!

Tamamo-no-Mae: It's a friend's job to be supportive at times like this, right?

Tamamo-no-Mae: –Though I've never met her in person.

Tamamo-no-Mae: So come on! Come on! Come! Come! With the deep bonds between us,

Tamamo-no-Mae: we shall heal poor Kiyohime's wounded heart! No ulterior motives, of course!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, the shield girl is welcome too, I suppose...

Mash: I'll pass. Senpai, please try to avoid being burned to death, okay?

Nine-tailed Fox

Dr. Roman: The enemy type is a demon! Be careful, the readings are off the chart!

Fou: Fou-foou!

Mash: Roger. Let's go, Master! You be careful too, Tamamo!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Right, right. Sure thing, Shieldy!

Mash: Shieldy!?


Mash: Whew... That was tough.

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...

Mash: ...Is something wrong, Tamamo?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh no, it's nothing! Come on, let's finish off the last of them!

Fujimaru 1: ???


Fou: Fou!

Mash: ...Oh, that's Tamamo. What's she doing in a place like this?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Sigh...

Fujimaru 1: What's wrong?

Fujimaru 2: Why the sigh?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Master... I'm sorry. You've caught me at an embarrassing moment.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Actually... No, I'm sure you've already noticed. It's about my body.

Mash: Your body? W-What does she mean, Senpai!?

Fujimaru 1: C-Calm down!

Fujimaru 2: Deep breaths, deep breaths...

Tamamo-no-Mae: I'm sure even Shieldy's noticed, but lately, I've been slowing you down.

Mash: What did you do, Senpai?! ...Wait, slowing us down? You, Tamamo?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Indeed... You see, for some reason, I cannot fully use my powers.

Mash: It doesn't feel like you're holding back...

Tamamo-no-Mae: No, I can feel that I am. It's my body, after all.

Tamamo-no-Mae: A long time ago, you see, I had nine fluffy tails and would go around...

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...causing havoc everywhere. The follies of youth, you understand–

Tamamo-no-Mae: I'll spare you the details, but eventually I became deeply, deeply repentant.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I sealed away eight of my evil tails... and became a weak, one-tailed fox.

Dr. Roman: The famous story of the nine-tailed fox. I've never heard that she lost her tails, though.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I'd like to be stronger so that I can be of use to you, Master, but...

Mash: Is there a problem?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Yes, when I get stronger, I get more tails. But you see...

Tamamo-no-Mae: When I get more tails, I become a very different sort of creature than I am now...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Yes, I kind of... I become a great demon strong enough to destroy the multiverse.

Dr. Roman: Y-You get that strong?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Yes. Understand that this isn't an exaggeration. I become a great demon...

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...that is an avatar of the apocalypse itself.

Fujimaru 1: I see...

Fujimaru 2: But should I care?

Tamamo-no-Mae: The thought of you seeing me like that makes me scared to grow more tails...

Tamamo-no-Mae: But if I can't be useful to you, I'm just a fluffy fox, shrine maiden...

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...and the cause of this Holy Grail War is a threat enough to rival my nine-tail self...

Tamamo-no-Mae: I'm not sure what to do.

Mash: A battle with your past, huh?

Dr. Roman: Sorry guys. I hate to interrupt, but there's another monster... A big one!

Dr. Roman: It's bigger than that demon enemy!

Fou: Fou!

Mash: Senpai, leave this to me and get Tamamo!

Tamamo-no-Mae: If I could get back at least one more tail, that monster would be nothing...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Aah, I hate myself for having so much hidden power!

Fujimaru 1: Even with more tails, aren't you still Tamamo?

Fujimaru 2: Really, it doesn't bother me.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I know, I know... You're just about to get sick of m... MIKON!?

Tamamo-no-Mae: M-Master!? W-What did you say?

Fujimaru 1: Seriously, I don't care.

Fujimaru 2: You'll always be Tamamo.

Tamamo-no-Mae: What!? So Master, even if I get all nine tails back, and even if I think...

Tamamo-no-Mae: “Wow, this is ridiculous,” you'll still treat me like you did before?

Fujimaru 1: Yup.

Fujimaru 2: Yeah.

Tamamo-no-Mae: I can't believe it! I came to this world by pure chance, and to think the Master I've contracted with out of some sense of fate...

Tamamo-no-Mae: ...Would possess such a handsome soul! Oh, but it's not as good as the man I'm destined to be with.

Tamamo-no-Mae: Okay, now I'm really fired up! I'm even more serious about this! Yeah!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Even if something terrible happens, you can quell my negative energy, scold me, and exorcise me!

Mash: ...U-Um, so what exactly are you doing?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Shieldy, I'm sorry for worrying you! From this moment, I am reborn—

Tamamo-no-Mae: A reborn Tamamo-no-Mae! That's right! I am the New Tamamotchi, at your service!

Tamamo-no-Mae: Come, come, come, come, come, Master! Come watch the cute little Casko-chan's big moment on stage!

Tamamo-no-Mae: –Come now! Those afar, hear my sound! Those nearby, be charmed!

Tamamo-no-Mae: I am the guardian of the Mausoleum of the Yellow Emperor, the bearer of luck from the Kunluns!

Tamamo-no-Mae: A mirror of water reflecting the golden sun's rays! Behold the Eightfold Blessing!


Tamamo-no-Mae: Mmm! Tamamo W I N S!I feel so good! So good!

Fujimaru 1: You don't have more tails, do you?

Fujimaru 2: Did you power up somewhere?

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, my tails?That's right... To get another tail back...

Tamamo-no-Mae: I need another 500 billion experience points or so? So I'll just have one for now.

Mash: Huh? Then all that stuff about you growing your tails back...

Tamamo-no-Mae: Oh, I'm just a worrywart, you know?I'm the type who worries about the future.

Tamamo-no-Mae: But I'm okay now.With my Master's trust, I'm invincible.

Dr. Roman: Honestly, I didn't see anything different between that last battle and the one before it...

Mash: That's right... What was all that stuff she was talking about?

Dr. Roman: They do say the mind rules the body, right?

Fou: Fooou?

Tamamo-no-Mae: This fleeting world is but a moment's dream, just as the lives of men are but morning dew...

Tamamo-no-Mae: But my contract with you is firmer than the Sesshouseki. I will serve you with all my soul, Master!