Tawara Touta

Slaying the Great Centipede

Mash: Battle complete, Master. Good work.

Dr. Roman: Yeah, good work. Fujimaru and Mash, I see you're both getting the hang of this.

Dr. Roman: While you can't attack outright, you've gotten much better at analyzing and adapting to the situation as it unfolds.

Dr. Roman: After all, your objective in battle is to sustain as little damage as possible. Never forget that.

Mash: Yes. I'm getting more confident on the defensive front.

Mash: When we were in Camelot, and I finally learned that the True Name of the Servant I fused with was Galahad...well, that has helped me so much...

Mash: The way I bear down...and instead of repelling the enemy's attack, it's like I ward them off, or even return the move...

Fujimaru 1: I get it. “Oaks may fall when reeds stand the storm.”

Mash: That's so eloquent, and it embodies the spirit of martial arts. That should be the motto for all Heroic Spirits.

Dr. Roman: No, it's not all about skill. Sometimes a defense must be unyielding as steel.

Fujimaru 2: The long-awaited counterattack...!

Mash: C-counter? Well, I hear Galahad was skilled at such things...

Mash: But I... It's still hard for me to read the enemy's movements...

Dr. Roman: If you're talking about a reversal technique, maybe aikido. Swordsmanship, karate...those types of martial arts all focus on responding to the enemy's moves.

Tawara Touta: Oh hey, Master. I've been looking for you. I wanted to let you know it's almost dinnertime!

Mash: Oh, so you're in charge of dinner today, Touta?

Tawara Touta: Haha. Sorry to disappoint you. But hey, at least my cooking is simple and manly!

Tawara Touta: I'll let the others make varied and exquisite dishes. Nobody can beat me when it comes to sheer quantity!

Mash: Actually, the rice that you cook is delicious, Touta. The grains come out so fluffy.

Tawara Touta: Fluffy, huh? Well, now that puts a smile on my face. You'd make a good wife, Mash.

Tawara Touta: I don't carry around a bag of rice for nothing. White rice is always a source of power!

Tawara Touta: There's nobody who could best me in any dish that pairs with white rice.

Tawara Touta: And you can always come back for more! Salted salmon, seasoned nori... Eat it with whatever!

Fujimaru 1: Gulp...

Fujimaru 2: I'm...getting hungry...

Dr. Roman: Actually, if everyone just ate Touta's rice, it'd be a big help with our operating budget.

Tawara Touta: Yeah, right? Oh, hey... So this is the seemalayter that I've heard so much about.

Tawara Touta: I heard it's a strange contraption, but how does it actually train you?

Dr. Roman: Oh right, you've never used it before. This device can take you anywhere around the world or to any strange land.

Dr. Roman: Since you're famous for killing all kinds of strange things, this device would probably entertain you.

Mash: Legend says that you once defeated a giant centipede, Touta. I'd be very interested to see what it looked like!

Tawara Touta: Heh, cut it out. You're making me blush. I'm not used to so much praise, or talking about myself.

Tawara Touta: But conveniently, there's this contraption that could help us out. I'd be happy to show you what you want to know.

Mash: Are you going to show us how you defeated the giant centipede?

Tawara Touta: I'm always in favor of eating good rice. And no meal tastes better than the one you have after facing a life-or-death experience!

Tawara Touta: Now then, Lord Peach Hair. Give us the biggest centipede you have. I'll show you a proper bug hunt!

Dr. Roman: Is that what you want? The simulator is useful, but unfortunately, we don't have any data on giant centipedes.

Mash: Now that you mention it, we've never fought a giant centipede in any of the Singularities...

Dr. Roman: On top of that, the centipede you're talking about was big enough to have coiled seven and a half times around Mt. Mikami. Recreating something like that would take a while.

Tawara Touta: Shucks. So no giant centipede... Pity, since it was quite the sight.

Dr. Roman: If only we had an abundance of funds. If all we ate was Touta's rice...maybe one day...

Fujimaru 1: Then let's have dinner.

Tawara Touta: Hm...I would love to do that, but now that we've started this conversation, I'm not in an eating mood...

Mash: I'm terribly sorry. I started all this with my impossible request.

Tawara Touta: No, no. My own immaturity's got me riled up and now I can't calm down.

Tawara Touta: But you know what, Mash, Fujimaru. Even if we don't exactly have what we want, it's just a matter of improvisation.

Tawara Touta: I may have been blessed with many things during my lifetime, but that doesn't mean I had everything.

Tawara Touta: Rather, working around a situation like that is my forte. And, Lord Peachtree, if you don't mind a small request...

Dr. Roman: That could work. That shouldn't take too much resources.

Tawara Touta: Then I ask that you prepare accordingly. Wait right there. I'll bring in the proper actors.

Mash: This is turning into quite the spectacle...

Fujimaru 1: I wonder when we're going to eat...

Dr. Roman: ...And so you're all inside the simulator. I'll try to use what we have to simulate the period in Japan for you...

Dr. Roman: But, you know, if there's anything off, just...let it slide, please!

Tawara Touta: Thanks, Lord Roman. Sorry to rope you into my selfish whims.

Fujimaru 1: So you managed to figure out the giant centipede?

Fujimaru 2: Don't tell me it's going to be Cú Chulainn Alter...

Tawara Touta: Heh. Don't sweat the details. Just sit back and watch. I hope you enjoy it.

Tawara Touta: Now then. Let me tell you the tale of the giant centipede. It was when I journeyed to the province of Shimotsuke.

Tawara Touta: When I arrived at Seta in Oumi, I ran across some civilians who seemed to be distressed.

Mash: Oh, there are people gathered in front of a bridge. Did it collapse?

Tawara Touta: Nope! It was a giant snake about sixty meters long lying on the bridge.

Tawara Touta: It wasn't doing much, really, just sitting on top of the bridge. But the civilians were all terrified and nobody was willing to try getting over or around the snake.

Kiyohime: Hiiisss!!!

Fujimaru 1: Ohhh, so THAT'S the giant snake...

Tawara Touta: But no mere snake could hinder me. I simply ignored the giant snake and crossed the bridge.

Tawara Touta: Hup!

Kiyohime: Did you just step on me? You told me you were only going to step over me during the rehearsal...

Tawara Touta: Uh, well, I just remembered...back then I was quite intoxicated...and so the giant snake and I...well...

Kiyohime: So, you picked a fight with the snake. No one told me about that part.

Kiyohime: Therefore, I, Kiyo...I mean, the giant cute snake atop the bridge will not tolerate such lies!

Tawara Touta: Ha! That's the spirit, Doujouji! You sure know how to liven up an act!

Tawara Touta: This is act one, Fujimaru! Tawara Touta, heading out!


Kiyohime: (Pant, pant)...

Kiyohime: When I lost my temper, I feel I crossed a line unbecoming for a heroine...

Kiyohime: Master? Did you happen to witness my transformation?

Fujimaru 1: I saw nothing.

Fujimaru 2: I totally blacked out the last few minutes. Yep.

Tawara Touta: Yeah. Even Fujimaru says so, so why don't you cheer up?

Tawara Touta: I apologize for messing up the plan. Very sorry.

Fujimaru 1: Even Touta apologized.

Fujimaru 2: Let's go out for a meal once we're all done.

Kiyohime: Well... If you insist, my dear Anchin...

Kiyohime: (Gasp!) (This is my moment in the spotlight. It's time for Kiyohime to shine!)

Kiyohime: (It's time to monopolize Master's burning gaze!)

Kiyohime: Ahem... Your fighting was truly impressive. I'm sorry if it looked like I was testing you.

Kiyohime: Actually, I was here on this bridge because I was waiting for a strong individual like you to come.

Tawara Touta: (Good save.) Oh? And who exactly are you?

Kiyohime: I am a dragon deity who has lived in this lake of Oumi for years.

Tawara Touta: I see. I knew you were a metamorphing being, but I didn't expect you to be a dragon deity. I'm glad I didn't kill you.

Kiyohime: Recently, a giant centipede that lives in Mt. Mikami have been wrecking havoc on the neighboring village.

Kiyohime: It would have been ignored had it only hunted down wild beasts, but now it has begun to prey on livestock and even on my own kind.

Kiyohime: That giant centipede is nothing but a headache to us. I ask of you: Would you slay this wicked beast?

Tawara Touta: You may call it a giant, but a centipede is still just a bug. Squashing it should be easy. I'll head over to Mt. Mikami and slay that thing in no time flat.

Tawara Touta: At the request of the dragon deity, I headed to Mt. Mikami right away.

Mash: Really? Right away?

Mash: If I heard the centipede was huge beyond all imagining, I would take time to plan before I went...

Tawara Touta: If one had a cool head, yes, that would have been the logical move. But for some reason, I was riled up.

Tawara Touta: Hm. It must have been because the battle against the dragon deity was so intense. I'd pretty much put all of this at her feet, really!

Tawara Touta: Either way, I had also forgotten that I only had three arrows in my possession.

Mash: So you faced a great monster that overwhelmed even the dragon deity...with just three arrows!?

Mash: Master! Something's coming toward us!

Tawara Touta: It's here! The giant centipede of Mt. Mikami has finally made its appearance!

Fujimaru 1: Crap! The Genji!

Fujimaru 2: Uh...why are they connected like a train?

Tawara Touta: We couldn't replicate a giant centipede, but I wanted to create something that would frighten someone to their core with just a single glance.

Tawara Touta: And, well, those three fit the bill. So, I asked them to consent to being put in the bizarre position of forming a centipede like this.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: ...Yes. We are lined up holding a jump rope, and we are running in unison. We look like a group of children at play, and so it is a bit embarrassing.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: But if Lord Tawara Touta is requesting this, we cannot refuse.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I am a little conflicted about playing a demonic role...but I shall become a centipede for Master!

Ushiwakamaru: And if this be entertainment for Master's enjoyment...then tonight, the three of us shall play the part the very best we can!

Sakata Kintoki: Yeah, it's good for 'ol Raikou to act like a kid sometimes! Can't be a general all the time!

Sakata Kintoki: And so...lemme hear some NOISE for Minamoto Tribe feat. the Golden Genji Power Train! YEEEAH!

Tawara Touta: Hm. I was the one who planned all this, but it's actually still a terrifying sight. We went too far.

Tawara Touta: Lord Raikou is especially...scary. She's not really getting the whole “play” aspect of this.

Tawara Touta: (Don't tell me... Did she not have any friends to play with during her youth...?)

Tawara Touta: (No, no. I should leave that alone. Nothing good would come of it!)

Tawara Touta: Okay! Now let me show you some proper monster slaying! Come on Fujimaru, let's enjoy this!


Tawara Touta: Uh, just to clarify...we agreed that I would “win” the moment my arrow hits Lady Raikou's headpiece, correct?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Of course. That is, IF the arrow manages to get around my sword and hit the target.

Tawara Touta: Hm. This may prove to be more difficult than the actual slaying of the giant centipede! Ha!

Ushiwakamaru: Halt! As long as I'm around, your arrows will never reach Lady Raikou!

Sakata Kintoki: Heh. That's some big talk. But hey, if you have that covered, I'll focus on ATTACKING! Ha!

Mash: Leave the frontline defense to us! Touta, please focus on getting Raikou off our back!

Tawara Touta: I'll just get her from here. Mash, hold your position!

Mash: Eh...but...

Tawara Touta: Right there is fine...the angle and position of your shield are perfect!

Sakata Kintoki: Huh? Where the heck is that Tawara fella aiming at? He's not the one for make-or-break moves–

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh my...

Sakata Kintoki: Seriously? He ricocheted against Mash's shield and managed to hit Boss's headpiece!

Sakata Kintoki: It's one thing to do it with bullets, but that just ain't how arrows work!

Ushiwakamaru: Rather than reflecting the arrow, he actually corrected the arrow's course... What a fantastic demonstration of his superior skill, even with only a single arrow!

Tawara Touta: Well, Mash also mentioned she was getting the hang of using her shield, so I knew it would work.

Tawara Touta: And that Round Table shield of yours is pretty impressive. To see it just deflect my strongest shot... Man, I might lose confidence in my abilities!

Mash: No, that's not true, Lord Tawara... The sensation of the arrow flying by was like a wave in the air itself!

Mash: And when it hit my shield, well, there was no doubt in my mind that you could shoot down even a god!

Mash: (But...as skilled as it is, how come he usually throws bales of rice?)

Ushiwakamaru: Phew. So the theatrical recreation of the giant centipede battle has ended. It was an honor to have witnessed the Great Hachiman Bodhisattva move there.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Yes. An intentional miss resulting in hitting the target. This is truly what you call a bull's-eye.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Wonderful, Lord Tawara. The stories of your valor I heard in my youth were indeed true.

Tawara Touta: It's nothing. All I did was catch everyone off guard. I would never be able to do that a second time. More importantly, my compliments to the head of the Genji. Now that it's over, I'm trembling.

Tawara Touta: Had I missed, you would have rushed in and lopped my head off in one stroke, am I right?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Oh my. Whatever do you mean, Lord Tawara?

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Even if you were correct, I am sure you would have easily repelled the attack!

Tawara Touta: Uh...yeah, let's go with that, and leave it there!

Tawara Touta: To think even my trembling would get a reenactment... I didn't expect something like that to happen!

Mash: Your body trembling... Was it really that terrifying? Even though you fought so valiantly?

Tawara Touta: Of course I was scared. Even I could be spooked by things that frightening!

Tawara Touta: To realize after the fact that one fought a great demonic insect that would devour even the gods...there's no way one would NOT be scared.

Tawara Touta: But that was the last thing on my mind back then. After all, I was blessed by one like a heavenly maiden.

Tawara Touta: I was so focused and fired up, I could have risen to the heavens. Motivation surpassed any fear I had.

Tawara Touta: After all, adventure and lethal battles are for the young. It was a good experience for me.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Dauntless, yet brisk... I suppose if it wasn't for that kind of characteristic, the dragon deity wouldn't have asked for your help.

Sakata Kintoki: Totally. Ya just gotta wait until god-devouring insects pass by on its own. Yet to get rid of it with just some dinky arrows...

Sakata Kintoki: But as you can see, boss Tawara ain't someone who brags, but you saw that he's a super scary monster killer if he gets serious.

Sakata Kintoki: After all, that Masa...

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Ahem. Kintoki, my dear, I cannot walk. Perhaps it was because I hit my head.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: Would you mind carrying your mother? I hear that the cafeteria has breakfast ready for us.

Minamoto-no-Raikou: I'm sure everyone is hungry after this battle. How about we all head over for a meal?

Fujimaru 1: Yeah, yeah!

Fujimaru 2: Tons of Tawara-brand rice balls, please.

Sakata Kintoki: Sounds good! I love rice balls!

Sakata Kintoki: Let's have a breakfast buffet, Master! Knowing boss Tawara, he'll prepare tons of seafood dishes too!

Ushiwakamaru: I shall accompany you as well. Soup made from fish scraps does indeed sound appetizing.

Tawara Touta: Hahaha! You guys are all too much! Putting in orders already!

Tawara Touta: But that's how it should be. A good meal is better than battle anytime. That's the way of the world!

Tawara Touta: Fujimaru and Mash, that's the end of my giant centipede story.

Tawara Touta: If you're satisfied, then I'm satisfied. Now, let's all eat together!

Mash: Yes! Thank you for the meal, Touta!