William Tell

The Legendary Hunter

Oda Nobunaga: Wahahaha! How do you like them apples!?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Indeed, you have outdone yourself.

Oda Nobunaga: You see this face, Munerin? That's the proud face of a Demon King of the Sixth Heaven employing the Three Line Formation!

Oda Nobunaga: I tell you, even I didn't think I'd be just as badass now as I was when I was alive...

Oda Nobunaga: ...after becoming a Servant AND fighting in a simulator.

Oda Nobunaga: I mean, I guess I always knew it deep down, but yeah, I was definitely a one in a million Warring States falconry prodigy.

Oda Nobunaga: You put up a good fight, Munerin, but you just couldn't quite measure up to my genius.

Oda Nobunaga: But hey, don't feel bad. It can't be helped that you're a daimyo to Takechiyo while I'm a ruler sent by the heavens themselves!

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: (I never knew Lady Nobunaga to be such a keen falconer.)

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: (Though I must say, she does not quite fit the picture my lord described...)

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: (Still, I suppose there is little to be gained from dwelling on it.)

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Heh. Be that as it may, Lady Nobunaga, it would seem we both fall short compared to Lord Tell.

Oda Nobunaga: Don't say it! Don't say another word! La la laaa, I can't heeear yooou!

Oda Nobunaga: Wait, hang on. He's not part of our falconry contest. He's just shooting arrows willy-nilly!

Oda Nobunaga: So I still won where it counts! I definitely didn't lose any kind of hunting battle here! I can't even see the mountain of game he racked up!

Tell: Hehe. Well, I am a hunter by trade, so I can't say it was a fair fight.

Tell: Still, no reason you two couldn't've used bows, too. Not sure why you insisted on sticking to trained falcons.

Tell: I have heard that hunting was a popular pastime among nobility out in my neck of the woods too, but I get the feeling that's not what this was about for you two.

Tell: This is one of those “refinement” things I'm always hearing about, isn't it?

Fujimaru 1: I think so.

Fujimaru 2: It might be wabi-sabi stuff.

Tell: Hmm, gotcha.

Tell: Anyways, it was fun seeing how other people hunt. Educational, too.

Tell: I just hope my own hunting style didn't, uh...get in your way too much.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Worry not. I have long been looking forward to seeing your skills for myself.

Fujimaru 1: Let's not forget this was technically Nobbu's idea.

Oda Nobunaga: No it wasn't! Tell there just happened to show up when I was inviting Munerin on a falconry hunt!

Oda Nobunaga: In fact, now that I think of it, you showing up in front of the simulation room right then seems less and less like a coincidence.

Oda Nobunaga: Ahaaa, now I get it. You basically tricked me into inviting you along, didn't you? Cunning! Veeery cunning!

Oda Nobunaga: Man, if I only had my prized falcon from back when I was alive here, you'd be singing a different tune!

Oda Nobunaga: Now I'll never get a chance to show you what I can really do! Which means this whole contest is invalid!

Tell: Fine by me, of course. Sorry you got dragged into judging for us, Master.

Fujimaru 1: No worries! I had time to kill, anyway.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: By the way, Lord Tell, may I ask you something?

Tell: What's up?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Was this hunt just now truly enough for you?

Tell: Hmm. Saw right through me, huh? Man, you sword guys are something else.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Heh.

Fujimaru 1: What are you guys talking about?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: I merely mean that the techniques and essence of a warrior engaging in falconry differ greatly from those of a hunter.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: So I suspect, Lord Tell, that only a fellow hunter can truly provide you with the competition you seek...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...and as such, our contest here has most likely left you unsatisfied. Would you agree?

Tell: ...You got me.

Tell: Just to be clear, it's not that you guys were pushovers or anything.

Tell: These are all my issues I've got to work through.

Tell: It's a little embarrassing sharing them, but since you've seen through me anyway, what the hell. Mind hearing me out?

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Not at all.

Oda Nobunaga: Well I do!

Oda Nobunaga: This isn't over, dammit! I'll be back as soon as I've raised a new falcon! No, wait. I just realized I could have Da Vinci make me a mechanical one, too!

Oda Nobunaga: I'm pretty sure she used to have something like that perched on her shoulder a while back.

Fujimaru 1: I'll say this for Nobbu: she's nothing if not persistent.

Fujimaru 2: Nobbu aside, I'd be glad to hear what you have to say too, Tell.

Tell: ...Thanks.

Tell: Basically...I guess it all boils down to me being a hunter.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: And you are indeed an exceptional one. Nobody would doubt that.

Tell: The thing is, my story pretty much ends as soon as I shoot the wicked Vogt through the heart.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...I see.

Fujimaru 1: So, you think you could also be an Assassin?

Tell: You got it. I knew you were a sharp one, Master.

Tell: Anyway, yeah, I did shoot Gessler through the heart.

Tell: I might've only did it 'cause I didn't have any other choice...

Tell: ...but I don't doubt that one deed was still enough for me to become known as a hero.

Tell: Still, that doesn't change the fact that I'm a hunter at heart, even if I'm here now as an Archer.

Tell: I can tell myself that Gessler was just more quarry to take down...

Tell: ...but when you get down to it, I'd rather stick to hunting animals than killing people.

Tell: That's not to say this weighs on me all the time, but just like how you don't always notice it's time to sweep up until you see how much dust there is on the floor...

Tell: ...sometimes, you don't realize you need to do something about your situation until you can't ignore it anymore.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: And you are feeling that way now?

Tell: Pretty much. Hell, maybe I wouldn't even be thinking about this now if I hadn't enjoyed our hunting contest so much.

Tell: Basically, what I'm trying to say...

Tell: ...is that I'd like to get back to my roots as a hunter.

Tell: At least until the other aspects of my current manifestation stop bothering me.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Hmm. Now I understand.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: What do you think, Master? If I may offer my own opinion...

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: ...I believe this simulator machine could serve this purpose nicely.

Yagyu Tajima-no-kami: Furthermore, there are other hunters in Chaldea who could provide Lord Tell with the competition he seeks.

Fujimaru 1: Okay, I got it.

Fujimaru 2: Let's go see what Da Vinci thinks!

Tell: Heh, thanks. You're doing me a big favor.


Tell: Phew. That ought to do it.

Tell: I like fowl. Their skin's so soft I never have to worry about my arrows being deflected.

Da Vinci: So I can see from your score. Orion, on the other hand...

Orion: Hey, if this contest had been about who could slay ten lions from this forest (with their bare hands) the fastest, I'd have crushed it, okay?

Orion: Hell, I would've even been okay throwing some Lamia in there too.

Orion: But tracking down and capturing as many tiny wild fowl as possible before a time limit runs out?

Orion: Now that I think about it, I've never done anything like that before.

Tell: I'm surprised. You give off such an intimidating hunter's aura that I could sense it throughout the forest.

Orion: Well, my hunting style basically boils down to “Find animal! Shoot arrow! Done!”

Orion: I never really had to bother with laying out traps or driving animals into dead ends like you did.

Orion: Me being me, I knew I could just fire an arrow from anywhere and it'd find its mark.

Tell: I'm sure. I guess it goes without saying that you're a much better shot with a bow than I am.

Tell: Though that much was probably obvious from the fact I've got to rely on a mechanical crossbow.

Da Vinci: Hmm. Looks like we were dealing with way more different hunting styles than we realized.

Da Vinci: Orion might have the overwhelming edge when it comes to archery skills...

Da Vinci: ...but I guess that doesn't help much when you're trying to track down lots of small animals.

Orion: Yup! The bigger the game, the better, if you ask me! It's a lot easier to hit, and there's more meat to go around.

Orion: Given the choice, I don't think I'd ever intentionally go after a little animal.

Fujimaru 1: You really are wild, aren't you, Orion?

Da Vinci: So your specialty is big game, huh... Maybe this playing field wasn't as level as I thought.

Da Vinci: Sorry about that. I guess you guys didn't get to have a fair contest after all.

Orion: Hey, don't worry about it! Fair or not, a contest's still a contest!

Orion: And I now know without a doubt that your skills are top-notch, Tell.

Orion: I could tell that much just from hunting in the same forest as you. You won this one, fair and square.

Tell: Honestly, I'm kind of reluctant to claim victory here, seeing how you still almost beat me when you were at a disadvantage...

Tell: But either way, getting to hunt alongside you's been a hell of an experience.

Tell: Thanks for doing this, Orion. I haven't been this proud to be a hunter in a long time.

Da Vinci: But you're still not totally satisfied yet, are you?

Tell: Hehe, I guess I'm getting a little greedy. Opportunities like this don't come along every day, after all.

Tell: And hey, as a man of the mountain, I can't help but be a little stingy.

Da Vinci: Don't you worry! Orion's not the only other hunter I called in.

Da Vinci: And I've also got a few other hunting spot simulations ready to go.

Da Vinci: So now that we've come this far, I'm happy to keep going until you're good and satisfied!

Fujimaru 1: Then let's get started with Hunting Contest No. Two!

Orion: Hmm. You know, it's been so long since I got to spend time in a forest that I think I'll hang out here a little more somewhere out of your way.

Orion: (I can see it now. By sheer coincidence, I meet-cute a beautiful woman here in the woods. Then, enthralled by my hunting skills, one thing will lead to another, and then... Hehe. Hehehehe!)

Orion: Welp, I'm gonna get going. Good luck to both of us!

Fujimaru 1: Yeah, nothing good's gonna come from this...

Fujimaru 2: You'll be fine, Orion! I'm sure things'll all work out somehow!


Atalante: I see. So that is why you wish to hold a hunting contest with me.

Tell: Looks that way.

Tell: Damn. First it's Orion, now it's another legendary hunter from Greek mythology.

Tell: Almost makes me feel bad asking you to compete against a nobody like me.

Atalante: Do not be so modest. I am told your skills are nothing to sneeze at as well.

Atalante: Also, do not lump me in with that muscle-headed would-be playboy.

Atalante: I may not have his sheer strength, but strength is unnecessary when it comes to the hunt.

Atalante: I swear, who was it that first proclaimed him the best hunter in all of Greece, anyway?

Da Vinci: She's not lying. When it comes to hunting, she might well be an even more formidable opponent than Orion.

Da Vinci: So I'd keep my guard up if I were you.

Tell: I know. Not only is she as good a shot as Orion, she can also see clearly in the dead of night.

Tell: And if that weren't enough...

Tell: ...legend has it that she was a faster runner than any man alive.

Tell: So she's got a hell of a mobility advantage when it comes to the hunt.

Atalante: I do not brute-force my way through a hunt like Orion does, and I am exceptionally skilled at finding small prey.

Atalante: I am also willing and able to use traps if necessary, though it never is, since no quarry can outrun me.

Atalante: Watch, and I will show you what a true hunt–one without an ounce of wasted effort–looks like. Be warned, I could not pull my punches, even if I wished to.

Tell: Heh. Now you're talking.

Tell: I don't have any special tricks or techniques. Everything I know's just perfectly ordinary stuff I picked up over the course of my life.

Tell: But I know I'm real fortunate to have a legend like you taking the time to compete with me, so I'll do my best to give you a good match.

Da Vinci: All right then, go ahead and get started! And remember, safety first!

Atalante: Good, this is all going well.

Atalante: You know, I cannot remember the last simple, ordinary hunt I went on... This is turning out to be a lot of fun.

Atalante: Furthermore, since this is a simulator, I can hunt as much as I like without having to worry about the effects on the local ecosystem.

Atalante: I think I will try picking up the pace a little bit...

Fujimaru 1: Another one! You're doing great!

Tell: ...

Fujimaru 1: ...Aren't you?

Tell: Oh sure. This is easily the fastest I've ever gone on a hunt.

Tell: But I can tell from the overall atmosphere out here that there's less and less quarry for the taking.

Tell: I guess the mythical huntress really is going all out against little old me. I'm honored.

Tell: ...Hm? How'm I gonna fight back?

Tell: Hehe, simple.

Tell: I don't.

Tell: We're the ones out here hunting, and we're already doing the best we can.

Tell: I can't pick up the pace any more than I can decide to grow another foot taller.

Tell: When you get right down to it, hunting was never anything more to me than a way to put food on the table.

Tell: It was never the kind of thing I'd be willing to risk my life on for a contest. I don't have anything more to give to it than what I've already got.

Tell: If I had to give more than what I've got, it wouldn't be hunting anymore.

Da Vinci: (Hmm. That not-strictly-negative but decidedly resigned way of thinking about his own abilities definitely fits his character.)

Da Vinci: (Heck, the way he so fully accepts things as they are almost strikes me as a form of enlightenment.)

Da Vinci: (He doesn't seek out or depend on anything more than what's absolutely necessary.)

Da Vinci: (He even looks at his own abilities as just another variable in the hunt, much like the weather...)

Da Vinci: (You really are a hunter's hunter, Tell. Even more so than Orion or Atalante.)

Tell: All that said, there's still something I haven't done yet.

Fujimaru 1: What's that?

Fujimaru 2: Great! Then let's try it!

Tell: All right... Hmm, this boulder ought to do nicely. Hup.

Fujimaru 1: ???

Tell: Go on, you have a seat, too. You could use a break after all the work you've been putting in.

Tell: ...Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

Tell: But the thing is, we just found out more about how the other hunter's doing than we needed to know.

Tell: Whether we try to ignore it or think about it, it's gonna take up space in our minds and lead to us getting frantic.

Tell: The animals out here will pick up on that, making it harder to track 'em down.

Tell: So if trying harder's only gonna slow us down, the best thing we can do now is rest and regain our focus.

Fujimaru 1: I see. Haste makes waste and all that.

Tell: Exactly. Oh, and if you're feeling hungry...

Tell: ...now's a good time to refuel. Let's see... 'Fraid all I got right now is apples, but they're yours if you want one.

Fujimaru 1: I'd love one! (Blushing)

Fujimaru 2: An apple from William Tell? Hell yeah I'll take one! (Excited)

Tell: All right, here you go. Catch.

Fujimaru 1: Aw, I dropped it...

Fujimaru 2: Uh-oh, it's rolling down a slope! I'll go after it!

Tell: Don't worry about it. There's more where that came from.

Tell: Hell, maybe it'll even give these woods an apple tree eventually.

Da Vinci: I'd be very surprised if that ended up happening, seeing as this is a simulation and all...

Atalante: All right, next I will– Hm?

Atalante: Am I seeing things, or is that thing rolling away over there... I knew it!


It IS an apple!

Atalante: Khh... Wait. I must not go after it. Settle down, right arm!

Atalante: That is an ordinary apple, not a golden one. There is no reason for me to be moved by the sight of it. None!

Atalante: ......And yet...

Atalante: (Twitching with the urge to go after it)

Atalante: (No. No, I mustn't. I am in a forest right now. My hunting instincts are surging now that I am on a hunt again. An apple–apple–apple–apple...)

Atalante: (Apple... Contest... Apple... Hunt... No! This cannot end well!)

Atalante: ......

Atalante: (Twitching more strongly than ever)



Tell: Hm? Odd. Now it feels like the powerful hunting aura Atalante was putting out there is fading from the woods...

Tell: Oh well, nothing we need to worry about.

Tell: All right, what do you say we get back to the hunt now? On our own terms, of course.


Atalante: ......

Atalante: (Gasp)


D-death to apple rollers!

Tell: So, what's the final tally?

Da Vinci: Hmm. I'll spare you the details so as not to embarrass her, but it looks like you guys came out on top in the en–

Da Vinci: Wait. Huh? Hang on. What the hell's this signal–

Da Vinci: Wait. Huh? Hang on. What the hell's this signal–

Fujimaru 1: Da Vinci?

B:Staticky Voice: Shit. I think probably... bug in... But why–

B:Staticky Voice: Shit. I think probably... bug in... But why–

Fujimaru 1: I wonder what that was about...

Tell: ...!!!

Tell: Stop! Stay right where you are, Master!


Tell: ...Whatever you do, don't move a muscle. Don't turn around, don't even make a sound.

Fujimaru 1: (What in the world's going on?)

Fujimaru 2: (...!!!)

Tell: (This pressure is intense... That thing's got to be the biggest predator on the mountain or something like it.)

Tell: (Why'd it show up out of nowhere like this? No, never mind that now. It's not important.)

Tell: (What's important is that it's in a real bad spot–way too damn close to Fujimaru!)

Tell: (It's obviously got [♂ him /♀️ her] in its sights. One wrong move, and [♂ he /♀️ she] could easily end up dead.)

Tell: (I can't wait around for it to make a move. It could attack Master at any moment.)

Tell: (I don't have time to move to the best vantage point. If I'm gonna shoot it, it's gotta be now. But...)

Tell: (Ugh, dammit, why'd it have to choose that spot? If I take the shot from here and miss, it'll hit Fujimaru!)

Tell: (I'll just have to risk it. If it's my only option, there's no sense worrying about it...)

Fujimaru 1: (Realize that Tell's decided to make his move, and wait.)

Fujimaru 2: (Trust that Tell knows what he's doing, and wait.)

Tell: Phew! Now's your chance, Master! Quick, get behind me!

Fujimaru 1: Thanks, Tell!

Tell: Don't thank me just yet. All that did was distract it for a moment. It's not down for the count yet.

Tell: As a hunter, I hate to inflict any wounds on my quarry that aren't absolutely necessary...

Tell: But I couldn't aim for a vital spot from that angle.

Tell: Now, it's time to finish it off for good. I'm counting on you to watch my back, Master!


Tell: Sheesh. I'm still cold sweating bullets.

Fujimaru 1: You did great, though.

Fujimaru 2: I knew you could pull it off.

Tell: ...Heh. Honestly, I was pretty damn scared.

Tell: My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, my throat was completely parched...

Tell: All I could think about was how much I didn't want to do this. Pathetic, really.

Tell: Yeah, that's right. It was just like the time I had to shoot an apple off my son's head.

Tell: ...This is a good opportunity to make something clear. As Servants go, I'm pretty damn weak.

Tell: I'm not descended from any gods, nor do I have any legendary weapons or armor.

Tell: I'm just an ordinary guy who barely managed to shoot an evil man dead with the ordinary skills I'd built up over my life.

Tell: I'm an ordinary parent, an ordinary hunter...and I'm just as weak and afraid of death as any other normal person.

Tell: So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Tell: ...it doesn't feel right, having you look up at me with the same admiration you have for actual heroes.

Fujimaru 1: But even with all those human weaknesses,you're still able to make a shot when it really counts.

Fujimaru 2: You might be weak, but coming through when the chipsare down is anything but an ordinary strength.

Fujimaru 1: So you are an actual hero, just as much as any other.

Tell: ...Well damn. Is making me blush a hobby of yours or something? 'Cause you're real good at it.

Da Vinci: Hey! You two okay!? You are? Phew... What a relief.

Da Vinci: Hey! You two okay!? You are? Phew... What a relief.

Da Vinci: I'm so sorry about that. There was some kind of error or bug or something in the system...

Da Vinci: ...and it ended up outputting an enemy that was a whole order of magnitude more dangerous than the high-level boss data I was using for the toughest quarry.

Da Vinci: It's weird, though. I could have sworn I double-checked the code to make sure nothing like this would happen before executing it...

Da Vinci: Hmm. Maybe something wonky made its way into the simulator and threw off my calculations?

Da Vinci: I could see a powerful Divinity's magical energy manipulations having this kind of effect on the system...

Artemis: Oh Daaarliiinnng! I love it when you actually go out hunting!

Artemis: ...Except when you're hunting for girls instead of game.

Orion: Dammit, figures I'd catch just the kind of fish I wasn't out trawling for!

Orion: Why'd it have to be the kind that practically jumps into your net itself!?

E:Artemis: Why do you sound so disappointed, Darling? And why are you running away from me, hmm?

E:Artemis: Teehee, I guess I'll just have to make you tell me what you were up to in here, one way or another!

Orion: That would sound hot coming from anyone else, but from you, I can only imagine it means torture!

E:Artemis: Well of course. After all, you were conspiring to cheat on me, weren't you?

Orion: Conspiring?

Orion: Hang on. Isn't it every fisherman's right to throw back the catches he doesn't need?

Orion: Besides, what's wrong with bringing home a different kind of fish now and then!? Even bears get sick of having nothing but salmon all the time!

E:Artemis: And what about the poor fish who WANT to be eaten!? Did you ever think about them!?


Now feel my love! (Mixed messages)

Orion: Aaarrrggghhh! If only my muscles didn't make for such a broad targeeeeeet!

Da Vinci: Well, anyway, I just upgraded the security on these environments and password-protected them, so this kind of thing should never happen again.

Da Vinci: Again, I am SO sorry about this.

Tell: Hey, don't worry about it. Sure, I was taken aback when that thing showed up out of nowhere, but all that matters is that Master wasn't hurt.

Tell: Besides, while I wouldn't say it's exactly common to go around hunting giant beasts like that...

Tell: I can't deny they're a hell of an opportunity for a hunter to show what they can really do.

Tell: So this ended up being a great way to wrap things up.

Da Vinci: Then, does that mean you're satisfied?

Tell: I am. This was everything I was hoping for.

Tell: I got to remember who I really am... and to show Master what I can really do.

Tell: Sure, there might be more than one way to interpret that, but I got back in touch with my roots, and that's good enough for me.

Tell: ...Though not without my fair share of embarrassment.

Da Vinci: Hmph. Sounds like something big went down while I wasn't around.

Da Vinci: This was the kind of story so epic you want to tell your grandchildren about it one day, wasn't it!? No fair!

Tell: Hey now, cut me some slack. It wasn't all fun and games for me, you know? I had some seriously traumatic flashbacks.

Fujimaru 1: Which is why it's going to remain our little secret.

Fujimaru 2: Sorry Da Vinci, this stays between me and Tell.

Da Vinci: Wait. Don't tell me apples were involved somehow? Nooo faaair!

Da Vinci: Wait. Don't tell me apples were involved somehow? Nooo faaair!