An Afternoon in Chaldea with Yu Mei-ren
Yu Mei-ren: Fujimaru, go get me some bread from the shop.
Fujimaru 1: Sure thing.
Yu Mei-ren: ...
Yu Mei-ren: Hey, Fujimaru. Give me that magazine you're reading.
Yu Mei-ren: What? You're still reading it? Why should that be any of my concern?
Fujimaru 1: Now I see. Okay, here you go.
Yu Mei-ren: ...!
Yu Mei-ren: Fujimaru, give me a shoulder rub.
Fujimaru 1: Would you rather I go firmly or gently?
Yu Mei-ren: ...!
Yu Mei-ren: Wh-what's wrong with you!? Don't you have any pride as a Master at all?
Mash: Um, I don't think getting upset like that will do much besides make Senpai feel bad...
Yu Mei-ren: The whole POINT of this is to make [♂ him /♀️ her} feel bad!
Yu Mei-ren: And I'm upset because it isn't working!
Yu Mei-ren: How can you just go along with whatever I say like that?
Fujimaru 1: Well, I can't turn down requests from my own senpai, so...
Fujimaru 2: Gil always says it's good to go along to get along, so...
Yu Mei-ren: Are you too stupid to be humiliated or something!? Is this all just a joke to you!?
Yu Mei-ren: Th-this is exactly why I hate humans! I swear, what are you even thinking!?
Mash: And...off she goes, all angry...
Mash: Yu Mei-ren was always kind of mysterious, even when she went by Akuta Hinako...
Mash: ...but now that she's a Servant, she's become even more... How can I put this...
Mash: She's just as introverted as ever, but now she's much more...aggressive about it?
Fujimaru 1: I think she's still processing everything that happened.
Fujimaru 2: Maybe she's just more easily flustered than she looks?
Yu Mei-ren: Thanks for coming all this way, Prince of Lan Ling.
Prince of Lan Ling: Not at all. Whatever strange circumstances may have led to our reunion at Chaldea, I am delighted to see you again.
Yu Mei-ren: ...Oh, right. Um, what was the last memory you have of me again...?
Prince of Lan Ling: Your presence in the final moments of my life, of course.
Yu Mei-ren: R-right, of course. I knew that, but... Ugh, this Servant thing is so confusing...
Prince of Lan Ling: So what is it you wished to talk to me about?
Yu Mei-ren: Well, it's something I can't discuss with any of the other Heroic Spirits. See...
Prince of Lan Ling: You're not sure how to behave around Master?
Yu Mei-ren: That's right. It's, you know... It's been a long time since I last spent time with humans who are...aware of what I truly am.
Yu Mei-ren: Even now that I've chosen to become a Servant, I never know how to act whenever I'm actually face-to-face with [♂ him /♀️ her}.
Prince of Lan Ling: I see. So that's why you came to me...
Yu Mei-ren: Yes. You were the only other human who knew what I was and still wasn't afraid to be around me.
Prince of Lan Ling: I see. In that case, I would ask that you begin by changing your clothes.
Yu Mei-ren: Huh? My clothes? Were you even listening to me? What do my clothes have to do with any of this?
Prince of Lan Ling: ...Change your clothes. We will talk after that.
Yu Mei-ren: O-okay, okay... (I-I've never seen him be so assertive before...)
Yu Mei-ren: There, I changed. Happy now?
Prince of Lan Ling: Yes, thank you. Forgive my bluntness, but seeing you dressed like that, I could not hear your concerns about acting appropriately as anything but a joke.
Yu Mei-ren: A-a joke!? What's your problem!? [♂ He /♀️ She} knows what I am now, so who cares how I dress!?
Prince of Lan Ling: There. That attitude of yours–the ceaseless, unwarranted indignation–that is the problem.
Prince of Lan Ling: You have always been innocent by nature, like a flower, or the wind.
Prince of Lan Ling: I can scarcely imagine how exhausting it must have been for you to hide who you truly are just to blend in with humanity....
Prince of Lan Ling: ...but as soon as your immortality is revealed...
Prince of Lan Ling: ...you simply begin acting however you please, without the slightest regard for anyone else.
Yu Mei-ren: I... Well... You know...
Prince of Lan Ling: You have become far too accustomed to killing anyone who saw through your false identity.
Prince of Lan Ling: You may know how to live apart from human society, but if you wish to coexist peacefully with a human for any period of time...
Prince of Lan Ling: ...you must learn a measure of self-control.
Yu Mei-ren: Nnn...
Prince of Lan Ling: ...No matter how frustrating you may find doing so.
Prince of Lan Ling: Our Master may be young, but [♂ he /♀️ she} is both highly virtuous and incredibly understanding.
Prince of Lan Ling: [♂ He /♀️ She} will always accept you as you are. Of that, I have no doubt.
Prince of Lan Ling: But that accommodating nature also means [♂ he /♀️ she} is just as likely to treat you like a lunatic if you simply keep doing whatever you please.
Prince of Lan Ling: If you wish to have a positive relationship with [♂ him /♀️ her}...
Prince of Lan Ling: ...you must show that you are willing to at least try to behave somewhat normally.
Yu Mei-ren: ...You don't get it. I know [♂ he's /♀️ she's} a good person. I'm not about to question that after everything that's happened.
Yu Mei-ren: The problem is that our history is kind of...complicated?
Yu Mei-ren: Ugh, this is such a pain. I can't believe I have to explain all this to you, of all people.
Prince of Lan Ling: What's so complicated about it? Is [♂ he /♀️ she} the descendant of a clan you have history with or something?
Yu Mei-ren: I wish. No, I knew [♂ him /♀️ her} personally, before all this happened.
Prince of Lan Ling: Huh? ...Ah, now I see.
Prince of Lan Ling: Given how long you've lived, I suppose this sort of thing was bound to happen at some point. This IS a tricky problem.
Yu Mei-ren: Say you were summoned as a Servant by an enemy and ordered to fight against the emperor you served when you were alive. How would you feel?
Prince of Lan Ling: Oh! That's... Well, I would certainly do my best to carry out my orders, but...
Yu Mei-ren: That's basically what it's like for me now.
Prince of Lan Ling: Hmm. This problem is more than any human could hope to solve. I am afraid that my own very limited perspective on this may not be of much help...
Prince of Lan Ling: Wait, I know. Chaldea is home to a number of Divine Spirits as well as human Heroic Spirits.
Prince of Lan Ling: They should offer perspectives that transcend human notions of fate. Why not ask them for advice?
Yu Mei-ren: Hmm, maybe... I guess they'd be easier to talk to than a human Heroic Spirit.
Prince of Lan Ling: Then come with me. I'll introduce you to them right now.
Prince of Lan Ling: So the goddesses we asked for advice all said we should talk to you.
Emiya: Oh, for... I wish they'd cut me some slack.
Emiya: I neither run a failed Servant consultation room nor am I a beast-taming café owner...
Yu Mei-ren: Don't be ridiculous. One look at you and it's clear you'd be right at home in an apron, and if you come recommended by multiple Divine Spirits, then you must be the right Servant for the job.
Yu Mei-ren: Apparently, you're one of the few other Heroic Spirits in all of Chaldea who lived in modern times.
Yu Mei-ren: So? Have you ever met anyone as a Servant that you held a grudge against when you were human?
Emiya: ... (Would rather be anywhere but here)
Emiya: Hm? Oh, sorry. I was expecting MUCH more lecturing before you came to the point.
Emiya: So, just to be clear, you're asking if I've ever met someone as both a human and a Servant?
Emiya: Of course not.
Emiya: Even if I had, I would have forgotten all about it when I went back to the Throne.
Emiya: So your question is pretty pointless, really.
Emiya: Even if that did happen, I'm a Servant, so I'd never remember it anyway.
Prince of Lan Ling: Please, humor us. Let's say, for the sake of argument...
Prince of Lan Ling: ...you ran into someone now, in Chaldea, who you absolutely couldn't stand when you were alive.
Prince of Lan Ling: What do you think you would do?
Emiya: ... (Would rather be anywhere but here)
Emiya: Is... Am I being pranked here? Do you have a hidden camera or something?
Yu Mei-ren: This is not a prank. I'm serious. And so were the goddesses who recommended you.
Emiya: ...(Sigh) All right, fine. We're talking PURELY hypothetical here, right? Just a thought experiment?
Yu Mei-ren: Yes. Besides, I'm sure the goddesses who pointed me your way had a good idea of how you would respond.
Emiya: All right, if you insist...
Emiya: Truth be told...there was someone I had serious issues with back when I was alive.
Emiya: But now that I'm part of the Counter Force, I don't see any point in holding on to things like that.
Emiya: I can't see them changing at all, just like I'm not about to change who I am now.
Emiya: Any disagreements or grudges I might have had in life all stopped when I died.
Emiya: Now that I'm part of the Foundation of Humanity, I can't do anything about them, for good or bad.
Emiya: I'm...not really sure how I arrived at that conclusion, unfortunately, but it's where I am now.
Yu Mei-ren: I see...
Emiya: Still, you can't help feeling how you feel. If you just can't get over it... Hmm...
Emiya: Well, as long as it doesn't cause trouble for anyone else, you could always just fight them.
Emiya: It might not accomplish much, but it should help settle your differences for the moment.
Emiya: After that, you can start to build a new relationship based on where you are now, not where you were before.
Yu Mei-ren: ...So after thinking over Emiya's invaluable advice, Fujimaru...
Yu Mei-ren: ...I really do feel bad about this, but I have decided to fight you.
Fujimaru 1: I almost forgot she knew how to smile...!
Fujimaru 2: Give me a break...
Prince of Lan Ling: Forgive me. I had no idea it would come to this...
Emiya: I was very careful to mention that she shouldn't make trouble for anyone, but I forgot that vampires don't really have the same idea of common sense.
Sion: We blood-sucking types do come in all shapes and sizes, but one thing we have in common is that restraint is not in our vocabulary.
Sion: That said, we do not have the right to stop you, so please, go right ahead.
Sion: I promise you I will do everything in my power to ensure your safety. Also, this mock battle will be great for collecting data!
Mash: Wait, please. Senpai still needs to steel [♂ himself /♀️ herself} for this...
Sion: Exactly. I want to see what being forced to fight in a situation where there is no good reason to do so...
Sion: ...does to Fujimaru's mental state and combat ability.
Sion: We are sure to run into this sort of thing in future Lostbelts.
Sion: So I am not going to miss this chance to sample data from a perfect test case!
Mash: ...I guess there's no getting out of this, then...
Mash: Well, if nothing else, I'll be here beside you, Master! If we're going to do this, let's do it!
Yu Mei-ren: Hey! Hold on! Something's not right!
Sion: Hmm? What do you mean? It looks to me as if you have finally managed to warm up.
Sion: No need to worry. Both of your emotional graphs are crystal clear!
Sion: Keep going and I am sure you will both achieve a mutual understanding, either as close friends or lifelong rivals!
Yu Mei-ren: Do you science types not have even the vaguest notion of how people work!?
Yu Mei-ren: This is only making me angrier!!! What is going on!?
Emiya: How is this suddenly my fault?
Prince of Lan Ling: You have my sympathies. Yu here can be rather, um...difficult, at times...
Mordred: Your whole problem's that you ain't on equal footing.
Jing Ke: That's right. What chance is there at a fair fight between a Servant and a Master? None.
Jing Ke: If you're going to compete with one another, you need to do so in an arena where you are more equal.
Yu Mei-ren: What do you mean by that, Assassin?
Jing Ke: Why not try going up against Fujimaru as a Master yourself again?
Mash: Huh? That's...
Mordred: You were a Master with a Servant of your own back in that Lostbelt, yeah? You could make it a whole Master-on-Master rematch.
Mordred: Seems like that'd be the way to go if you want a knock-down, drag-out fight with Fujimaru here.
Jing Ke: That's why we went around getting that Lostbelt gang back together.
Nezha: This. Quite the strange twist. But I. Have no. Objections. To this plan. When in doubt. Let the fists do. The talking.
Spartacus: Oppression? Is there oppression here?
Red Hare: A race to see which side can wipe the other out first! What fun!
Red Hare: Oh, though of course, I expect to be rewarded for my combat prowess. Tamamo said there would be a carrot in this for me! Neigh ha!
Yu Mei-ren: Ugh. Just having all of them in one place is going to give me an ulcer...
Mordred: While we're at it, might as well admit there's no fun in a rematch that just repeats the original, not when we've got this fancy-schmancy simulator.
Mordred: So, let's swap the parties around this time?
Mash: Wh-what do you mean?
Jing Ke: All the Servants Fujimaru commanded back then will fight for Yu Mei-ren this time...
Jing Ke: ...and [♂ he /♀️ she} will command the Prince of Lan Ling in their place.
Nezha: How fascinating. I would. Enjoy seeing. Fujimaru's tactics. From a. Different perspective.
Mash: M-me, fight against Senpai? I... That's...
Mordred: Ah, quit bitchin'. Not like it's a real battle anyway. 'Sides, don'tcha think it'd be fun to mix things up?
Mordred: Who knows? Once you get to experience how much ass Fujimaru kicks firsthand, you might even end up falling for [♂ him /♀️ her} all over again.
Mash: I... Um...
Prince of Lan Ling: So I will be fighting for [♂ Lord /♀️ Lady} Fujimaru as part of this switch...
Prince of Lan Ling: Then, that would mean that I was fighting against [♂ him /♀️ her} in that Lostbelt...
Emiya: Don't worry about it, Prince of Lan Ling. The key to making it as a Servant here is not thinking about that stuff too much.
Emiya: Anyway, I've played my part, right? So I'm gonna get out of here.
Emiya: There's a few bigmouthed goddesses I've still gotta give a piece of my mind.
Yu Mei-ren: Fine. Let's do this, then! A Lostbelt rematch? Bring it on!
Sion: Well, well! It is not every day one gets to see such sloppy tactics!
Yu Mei-ren: When did you get so strong, Prince of Lan Ling!? Were you holding out on me back in the Lostbelt!?
Prince of Lan Ling: I'm afraid I am not sure how to answer that...
Mordred: Oh, unbunch your panties, lady. You just aren't cut out for the Master stuff.
Nezha: It must have been. So hard. For you. Prince of Lan Ling.
Jing Ke: What say we go get a drink later, Prince of Lan Ling? My treat.
Yu Mei-ren: Oh, and now you are all going to gang up on me!? What was wrong with my orders, anyway? I supported you all just fine!
Spartacus: This is more than mere orders or oppression. I cannot fathom your methods, having us all use our Noble Phantasms on an opponent who evaded them so easily...
Yu Mei-ren: That's why I pinned him down! To make sure he wouldn't get away!
Red Hare: I really must say that having our Master put the enemy Servant in a full nelson is more of a hindrance than a help. How could we attack properly with you there? My Noble Phantasm doesn't horse around!
Sion: Hmm. This certainly demonstrates one reason for your success in the Chinese Lostbelt, Fujimaru...
Sion: Something still seems strange, though.
Sion: According to the data I imported from Chaldea, Akuta Hinako on Team A was supposed to be a masterful tactician.
Yu Mei-ren: A-and I am! I'm just a little off my game today, that's–
Mash: Oh right. Holmes went through all of that data and it turned out to be falsified.
Yu Mei-ren: He did what!? Oh, I am going to find him later and rip him limb from gangly limb...
Mordred: Yeah... We actually figured all this out in the Lostbelt.
Mordred: You might be a decentish Servant, Yu Mei-ren, but you suck as a Master.
Jing Ke: It's as if the notion of relying on anyone else is wholly alien to you.
Jing Ke: Don't know how long you lived, but I'm guessing in all that time, you never once fought as part of a team.
Yu Mei-ren: Gnnn...
Mash: I have a whole new level of appreciation for how hard you must have worked to compensate for your Master, Prince of Lan Ling...
Prince of Lan Ling: I wouldn't say that. I can't speak for how I felt at the time, since I have no memory of it, but I think I would have been proud to fight for her.
Yu Mei-ren: ...Huh?
Prince of Lan Ling: Knowing that, in your time of need, you chose me out of other possible Servants, would have been enough.
Prince of Lan Ling: I'm honored you kept the promise you made so long ago.
Yu Mei-ren: Well, you know... I couldn't exactly summon Lord Xiang Yu, so...
Xiang Yu: Indeed. I could not be a Heroic Spirit without you.
Xiang Yu: I must thank you once again for giving me this chance to serve as a guardian of humanity, my beloved.
Yu Mei-ren: Xia? Xia-Xia-Xia-Xia-Xia...
Xiang Yu: I now understand the point of this simulated battle. But if we are to properly reverse the situation from that time...
Xiang Yu: ...should I not also join Fujimaru's party, and follow [♂ his /♀️ her} orders myself?
Yu Mei-ren: Huh!? No! Wh-wh-wh-what are you saying, Lord Xiang Yu!?
Sion: You know, you make an excellent point. All right, I will update the settings, and we can go another round!
Mordred: Ahahaha! Oh man, I know what's gonna happen but I still can't wait to see it!
Mordred: Try to actually put up a fight this time, will ya, Master!?
Yu Mei-ren: Noooooo!!!
Mordred & Nezha & Mash: ...
Jing Ke & Red Hare & Spartacus: ...
Yu Mei-ren: Fujimaru, you coward!
Yu Mei-ren: Y-y-you know there's no way I could attack Lord Xiang Yu, even in a virtual battle!
Yu Mei-ren: What kind of sick, twisted Master are you!? I hate you! I wish you and the whole world would just die!
Fujimaru 1: Well, that was certainly dramatic...
Xiang Yu: Forgive me, everyone. I should have been more considerate.
Xiang Yu: I thought calculations were unnecessary for battles between brutes, and thus neglected to predict this future...
Xiang Yu: Of course, my beloved is not a brute, but a delicate lady. Given her mild temperament, I should have known this would happen, even without foresight...
Spartacus: (...Delicate lady?)
Red Hare: (...Mild temperament?)
Prince of Lan Ling: [♂ Lord /♀️ Lady} Fujimaru, I, um, I'm not quite sure what to say...
Prince of Lan Ling: As you know, the circumstances of her summoning were somewhat...unusual.
Prince of Lan Ling: I am sure she will continue to behave poorly as a result, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her...
Xiang Yu: Oh, that reminds me, Master. While we are here, let me pay you back for this past week.
Xiang Yu: Four yakisoba bread, three magazines, other miscellaneous expenses... That's two point seven million QP altogether. Here you go.
Prince of Lan Ling: ...Huh?
Fujimaru 1: Thanks, see you next week.
Xiang Yu: No problem at all. I appreciate you setting your prices so generously. Thank you again for being so kind to my beloved.
Xiang Yu: Now then, if you will excuse me.
Prince of Lan Ling: ...Master, I think we need to talk.
Fujimaru 1: Oh, uh, sure...
Prince of Lan Ling: You may be a Master dealing with one of your Servants, but even so...
Prince of Lan Ling: ...if you're going to engage in trade with someone unfamiliar with fair market prices, isn't it only right that you not take advantage of them?
Fujimaru 1: Well, uh, he said he wanted to reward me for my help, so...
Fujimaru 2: He said it was the least he could do, and it sort of spiraled from there...
Fujimaru 1: I'm sorry...
Fujimaru 2: Don't worry, I put all the extra QP aside...
Mash: Oh good. Then that takes care of everything!
Mash: It looks like you still have all the receipts, so we can go over them and return the extra QP to Xiang Yu.
Mordred: Have Yu Mei-ren give it back to him instead. Maybe seeing how much her man's been spending on her will embarrass the bitchiness out of her.
Nezha: I strongly. Discourage that. Course of action. Even if. She did. Cause this situation. Herself. Such a gesture. Would be too. Provocative. She might. Change. Her class to Avenger. As a response. To that.
Jing Ke: Honestly, I'm kind of worried for them now. Just imagine if Caesar or David find out what easy marks they are...
Mash: I know it won't be easy to help Akuta–Yu Mei-ren overcome her distrust of humans.
Mash: We'll have to be patient and let her gradually get used to life as a Chaldean Servant on her own terms.